Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins (1985) Script

'There's a steal! Knicks try to call for time.

'Mike Cooper fires down court to Kareem.

'He's ahead of the field, lays it in. Lakers by seven.

'This is Marv Albert from the Forum in LA.

'The Knicks in big trouble as they move to the front court.

'Cummings takes the one bounce, a flip for King. It's batted away!

'Magic Johnson on the steal. He goes baseline.

'He's trapped, throws back out to Worthy, 'Worthy with a head fake. Now the jumper. It is good!

'Ten seconds left. Lakers are burying the Knicks.

'The Knicks have come back from the dead before but not tonight...'

'2L-16, Tac2.

'Come in, 2L-16.

'Respond, 2L-16.

'Sgt Larry says you owe him 50 bucks on tonight's game, 'and he'd be happy to take your money on the Knicks any time.'

Come on! Give it to him!

Where is it? Come on!

It's mine and I want it now.

Look at this. Is he crying?


Hands out of your pockets, away from your body.

Suck wall!

Get your feet back and spread 'em!

All right, wider. I said wider!

You ought to be ashamed of yourself, picking on a guy half your size.

Nice shot, kid. Good shot, Joey.

Come on, man.

Hit him!

Don't move.

Don't even breathe.

We have come to mourn and honour not only the passing of a friend but of a fine police officer, an officer who was an example to us all.

Samuel Edward Makin died as he lived, defending the American way.

That is why I feel more pride than sorrow, for Samuel Makin made the ultimate sacrifice.

He did so willingly and no man can hope to do more.

His body may be returned to the earth, but his spirit will live forever.

We, your fellow officers, salute you, Sam.

Your duty done, may you rest in peace.


Aim! Fire!

I was shaving you.

Where am I? Don't worry. Everything will be fine.

That's not me. What the hell have you done to me?

We did some work on you. Just your face.

Thank you, nurse. You better have a good reason.

We did.

You were ugly. Who's "we"?

You've been recruited by an organisation that doesn't exist.

Sam Makin is dead. Some nasty man shoved him into the East River.

I'm a pretty healthy corpse.

The operative word is "corpse".

You've got a new face, new fingerprints, even a new name.

Williams. Remo Williams.

A lot of thought went into it.

We needed someone. You were the best we could find.

Decorated cop, ex-Marine, no family, no commitments.

If I'm the best you can find, you're in deep shit.

Who the hell are you? FBI, CIA, Salvation Army?

Who we are, are the people who've got you by the balls, Remo.

Besides, we need you.

Our cops are corrupt, our judges bought, our politicians up for sale.

Everywhere you look, slime is on the loose.

You'll be the Eleventh Commandment: "Thou shalt not get away with it."

You're the guy that set me up at that warehouse, ain't you?

Nice job.

The name's MacCleary. We'll get to know each other.

Enjoy the fruit... Remo.

Remo? Jesus!

There you go, Mr Mossier. You're gonna be as snug as a little old bug in a rug.

Hey, where the hell you going with my ambulance?

♪ There's a message I'm receiving And it's coming in clear

♪ But it's not the one that I need to hear... ♪ Turn left at the next intersection... Remo.

♪ You better take another look Cos I'm halfway gone

♪ And I'm hardly here

♪ What if, what if... ♪

Don't get any cute ideas, Remo.

National Bank?

Are you opening an account for me?

Let's go.

What do these things do? Keep track of your wardrobe?

I thought they could make those things small.

These are the small ones.

Come in, Mr... Williams. Remo Williams.

Good evening, Mr Williams.

I'm Harold Smith. I'm the head of the organisation that just recruited you.

Dumping me in the river and reshuffling my face is recruitment?

Yeah. It works. Sit down.

Come on, my boy. I know your ribs are hurting.

Sit down and make yourself comfortable. I'll tell you about the way we work.

I've seen how you work.

You run black-bag operations, kidnap people, beat the shit outta them and no one holds you accountable.

Oh, we're accountable, Mr Williams. Let me guess. To the president.

Yep. And five of 'em before him. I've lost track. I don't even vote any more.

Sorry to disappoint you. I'm voting with my feet.

Now you wanna sit down?

I'm only going to say this once.

This is a wonderful country but our legal system doesn't work the way it should.

I'm talking about people who roam the halls of power with impunity, who corrupt and subvert the principles our constitution exists to uphold.

He already gave me the Gettysburg Address.

Has he? Here's another one.

"Guard, protect and cherish your land, "for there is no afterlife for a place that started out as heaven."

Charles M. Russell, Montana, 1926.

1926? That's ancient history, Dad.

Computer said you were a smart ass. Heard of computer error?

Not this one.

Take a look at that innocent little box, my boy.

It's hooked to all those computers you saw downstairs.

Every scrap of processed information in the United States comes through here.

If it's out there, I can find it. Helps us keep track of the bad guys.

I can find out the temperature of your ass in that chair if I really want to know.

But it won't do everything.

That's why we've got you. You're gonna help remove some of the filth in there.

I like that. That's nice.

It's a whole lot nicer than kill, destroy or terminate with extreme prejudice.

That's what you're really talking about. He's got it, Mr Smith.

That's exactly what we're talking about.

Well, suppose I say no.

Then you're a dead son of a bitch.

And we already got a coffin.

How big is this organisation?

Just the three of us.

Mac here will get you cleaned up and briefed.

You start work Monday night, Mr Williams.

Here we are.

Nice pad, huh, Remo?

First hit?

No big deal. You'll get used to it.

Nothing like throwing in a man at the deep end.

What's this guy done that's so special?

Come on, Remo. We run on a need-to-know basis. You know that.

Don't take any chances. This guy's a killer.

Remember. In, out, like a duck mating.

Where are you gonna be? Right behind you.

Hey, how do you open this?

Speakee English?

Does a nightingale sing?

Yeah, well... How do you get outta here?

The same way you came in.

No good. There's a guy outside who wants me to knock off your boss.

I am here alone.

There is no one upstairs.

Oh, look. Let's not make any trouble for each other.

All I want to do is get outta here.

It is too late for that.

Hold it! I'll kill you if I have to.

I'll show you chopsocky, you sawed-off little runt.

Well, Chiun? What do you think?

He's very slow.

His reflexes are pitiful, poorly co-ordinated.

He's in wretched physical condition, impetuous, and clumsy.

He move like a baboon with two club feet.

However, there is a feeble glint of promise in his eyes.

I think I can do something with him.


'George S. Grove, born Albany, New York, May 10, 1933.

'BA Electrical Engineering, Clarkson College.

'Served two tours, Fly Sergeant, Korean conflict.

'In 1962, founded Grove Industries Advanced Weapons Technology.

'Current projects: CD-18 surface-to-air missile.

'HARP: High Altitude Reconnaissance Probe, 'prototype for the Star Wars programme.'

'Investigation, corporate tax evasion, 1979.

'No charges filed.

'1981, suspected bribery, procurement defence contracts.

'After the disappearance of investigating officer Murray Benton, 'no charges filed.'

'There were three witnesses alleged to have seen the murder of Benton.

'No charges were filed for lack of evidence.

'They disappeared too.

'If the company can't get anything on Grove, then you know he's good.'

You'll have terror for breakfast, pressure for lunch and aggravation for sleep.

Your vacations will be two minutes when not looking over your shoulder, and if you live to draw a pension, it'll be a miracle.

Are there any disadvantages?

Hell, I'm lucky I've lasted this long.

Tell me something. Can you dodge bullets?

Nowadays only if they come real slow.

Do I really have to live with him? Chiun's not crazy about the idea either.

He says you smell like hamburgers.

Top floor. See you.

Hey, MacCleary.

If this is another set-up, you won't live to collect that pension. I guarantee it.

Didn't I tell you? We don't use that bang-bang stuff.

Your mind and your body become your weapon.

That's what your new pal Chiun is gonna teach you.

OK, so you caught me with a couple of lucky shots.

But I gotta hand it to you, that bullet-dodging number wasn't bad.

And I like the little thing you did with the gun.

You move like a pregnant yak.



Breathe? Come on, you've got...

Silence! A fool chatters, whilst the wise man listens.


Wait. Is this the kind of training where we sit around for ten years until I break a brick with my toe?

You have come into the care of Chiun, Master of Sinanju.

Sinanju is a village in Korea where all the fighting arts were born.

Kung fu, karate, ninjutsu.

They are all but shadows. Sinanju is the sun.

Most intelligent people know this already, but it is apparent to me that you know less than nothing.

Pay attention.

You did not ask to be white, so perhaps that is not your fault.

You did not ask to be here, perhaps that is not your fault either.

So let us make this pact.

I will train you for your first service, and then I will return to my country.

Pressure, nerve ends. Sinanju.

Technique developed since the birth of time by the most gifted race on earth.

Do you always talk like a Chinese fortune cookie?

Chinese? The Korean is the most perfect creature ever to sanctify the earth with the imprint of his foot.

Now we will breathe. Breathe.

Breathe out.


Do not gulp.

If you do not breathe correctly, you do not move correctly.


I can see the deadly hamburger has done its evil work.

We must sweat the poison from your body and rebuild from the inside.

Now we will proceed to lesson number two.

Follow, please.

What are you waiting for? Applause?

Midtown. 44th Street.

You are afraid.

Fear is nothing more than a feeling.

You feel hot, you feel hungry, you feel angry, you feel afraid.

Fear can never kill you.

Purge your mind of fear and believe in yourself.

Without that belief, I can do nothing with you.

Now we will do it again, but faster.

'Grove High Altitude Reconnaissance Probe.

'Originally projected $758 million.

'Final assembly of prototype, $986 million.

'Estimated cost at time of commission, $1.22 billion.

'These figures are in 1983 dollars. The prototype...'

'Currently, our friend Grove is playing the DC charity circuit.

'Big donor. He's also big with the Star Wars crowd, and he ought to be.

'Half of 'em are on his payroll.

'He's good. Real good.'

No more Boy Scouts. Yes, George.

That's interesting.

Someone's trying enter one of the circuits I had marked for special surveillance.

I wonder who the intruder is.

Oh! What's the matter?

I can't get what I'm looking for. I hate to hear you say that.

Why should the HARP DBA Cost 62 be restricted?

Maybe you've got cold hands.

Allow me.


Do I sense frustration?

I'll bet you've had a lot of experience at that.

If I continue to stroke these little keys...

You might stunt your growth. No, I'll seek satisfaction elsewhere.

Come in!

Major Fleming. General, I have a problem.

The computer's classifying cost overruns within the HARP database.

You know what I think about computers. It's not a malfunction.

Maybe it hasn't been entered yet. It has, access has been denied.

General, I'm the senior WCA on this post, I should have access to that information, there's no reason for it to be withheld.

Right. We do have a problem. Let me have a full report.

You'll have it tonight. I'd appreciate action by the time I return from Fort Baxter.

Fort Baxter? The AR-60 test.

The Grove infantry assault rifle.

Of course, the AR-60. You have a job to do.

But let me give you a word of advice. Never feel you have to overdo it.

It makes no difference to me that you're a woman.

That's good news, sir.

If it's any reassurance, it makes no difference to me that you're a man.

What have you done with the food?

A Korean fingerboard.

What are you staring at? You can't see.

I can see. What are you wearing those for?

I wear glasses so that I may see more.

A Korean fingerboard.

Begin tapping your fingers, slowly at first, and then increasing the force.

With time, your nails will become hard and your fingers strong.

They will be able to do more than carry food to your face.

They will become a trained weapon. Trained to kill?

Not kill. A truck kill.

Meat of cow kill.

American assassins kill, like butchers.

Masters of Sinanju, since the dawn of time, have killed to promote harmony and to bring about a more peaceful humour to the entire community.

We have done this throughout history.

For example, Genghis Khan.

The Persian boy, Alexander.

Robin Hood. Robin Hood?

A bandit. Louis XIII. Napoleon.

Come on. Napoleon died in his bed.


All of them... perfect assassinations.

You make it sound like a public service.

Professional assassination is the highest form of public service.

So I will persevere.

I have taken the Emperor Smith's gold, and a Korean's word is his bond.

Place your hands behind your head.

I did not say keep them there.

Your reflexes are pitiful. The seasons move faster.

A result of all that filthy poison you have been stuffing into your belly.

You know why Americans call it fast food?

Because it speeds them on the way to the grave.

As I feared, you have no sense of humour.

From now on, you will eat rice.

Eat rice and play with my fingerboard. Great.

Keep it near you. Hang it on a wall.


Find a nail.

'Good morning, Jim.' 'Hi, Doc.'

'How are you feeling?' 'Never better.'

'Coach Jenkins came by last night. They're saving my place on the team.

'When I'm out of here in two weeks, I'm going back on that squad.'

'What's the matter, Doc?'

'I'm sorry, Jim. I've got to level with you.

'The leg has got to come off.' 'No.


'I was gonna be an All-American.'

'Well, now you can... you can be an All-American for courage.'

'Doctor, does Linda know?'

'There's something else I've got to tell you, Jim...'

What are you watching?

You country's one and only contribution to the art.

It concern family, love, honour and courage, all that is noblest in the human spirit.

It's a soap opera, for chrissakes! Shh. You'll spoil it.

It's pre-spoiled. It's 8:00 and I haven't eaten all day.

One minute to eight. The trained mind does not need a watch.

Watches are a confidence trick invented by the Swiss.

You would be better employed developing your pitiful skills than whining about your belly.

Remember: perfection is a road, not a destination.

Oh, I love it when you talk like that.

I would love it if you would kindly concentrate on your practice.

Keep the weight off your toes.


Every man is occasionally blessed with luck.

Now... down.

My pleasure.

Down is easy.

Hey, what happened?

You rely on what you know, not what you see.

What is your problem?



Come on, it's only water. It won't bite you.

Move it!

I said, move it!

Everything OK, Jerry? Yeah, sure.

That's it, Damico. Hide behind a leaf. No one'll find you there.

Don't just stand there! Get in there and help Johnson!

Finnerty! Radio the base and get an ambulance out here on the double!

Yes, sir.

Hoffa, what the hell are you doing? Break out the first aid kit. Now!

About this new weapon, sir, I wanna tell you something!

It's useless, sir! You're out of line, soldier.

Sergeant, assemble the company. I want a weapons check right away.

I want your report on my desk by 1600.

Sir, we got over 120 AR-60s in this company.

You heard what I said. Get to it.


General Watson.

Morning, General. We've got a problem, George.

I'm sure you can handle it, General.

A soldier's been killed by your new AR-60.

That's what they get paid for.

It blew up in his face, George. I've got the report here on my desk.

'There'll have to be an inquiry.'

Scott. Scott, I suggest you lose that report.

I can't do that.

Listen to me.

Uncle Sam gave you your uniform. Everything else you got from me.

'Bury that report.'

Thank you, General.

Too many idiots like him on the payroll.


Use the air.

Do not waste it.

Relax. Relax...

Will you hang there all day or may we continue the exercise, please?


Concentrate! This is no time for prayer.

You are not here to sightsee!

That's it, kids. Lady Luck's watching you. She's got her eyes on you.

She hasn't got all day. She's late for a crap game in Bensonhurst.

Seven hoops a dollar, every one a winner.

Hey, sir. You want to make your grandchildren happy?

Drop a hoop on a bottle, win a prize, and you're gonna see their little faces light up.

And your money back, Gramps, if you can tell me where you can buy one of these genuine handmade Taiwanese beauties.

Just remember, I won it. He's mine.

'If you'll excuse me, Dr Hastings, 'I must get to the theatre and scrub up.'

'But it's a dangerous operation. It's never been tried before.'

'I promised that boy he's going to walk, and he's going to walk.'

'If you fail, it could mean a malpractice suit.

'Think of your professional reputation.'

'That boy means more to me than all my professional awards combined.

'There's only one thing that worries me.

'Whether his stepmother will permit the operation.

'You see, she's my... ex-wife.'

'Where's Jim?' 'You shouldn't be here.'

'I said, where's Jim?' 'I'm sorry, you will have to leave.'

'Nobody will stop me from seeing my fiancé.'

'What did you say?' 'Jim and I are engaged.'

'Tune in at the same time tomorrow

'for our continuing saga of Beyond the Night, 'brought to you by Continental Airlines, a new tradition in flying.'

Jim is leaving the hospital. Great.

He's going to his mother's funeral. Oh, that's tough.

But I think the nurse likes him. Good.

There seems to be some complication with his stepmother.

It would be better for you to eat this can than what is inside of it.

Why must everything in this country be covered with monosid... monoso...?

Monosodium glutamate. You can't even say it.

I can say "rat droppings". Does not mean I want to eat them.

Tomorrow, if you work well, you may have a teaspoon of honey in your rice.

But I make no promises.

You heard the sound of my flexor tendons as I squeezed the trigger.

And I saw the flutter of your metacarpals. Not bad, huh?

That's two bullets. Child's play.

When you can avoid six bullets, then you will have accomplished something.

No rice. No rice?

You forgot the rice.

Maybe we could grow some.

Maybe you will spare me your feeble attempts at humour and save them for the shopkeeper at the corner. He has excellent Chungju rice.

You used the other four yesterday.

I reloaded.

'With all due respect to the Major, 'at this point in time, Ms Fleming, cost overruns are immaterial.

'The Air force cannot evaluate HARP until HARP flies.'

'Exactly my point. Mr Chairman...'

If I may be permitted to ask Mr Grove a question...

When can we expect to see the HARP, Mr Grove?

I can't believe what I'm hearing here today.

I've devoted my life to developing better ways to defend this great country.

I never raised the subject of your patriotism.

I should damn well hope not. To get back to the question...

What about the CD-18? Three months ahead of schedule and under budget.

Ready for testing next week.

Mount Promise, I know. General Watson and I will be there.

'I'm impressed. This girl has guts.' 'Who?'

Major Fleming. She's the one who tried to tap into the Grove circuit.

If she's not careful, she'll wind up with her ass in a sling.

Ah! She's coming into New York, Mac. Maybe you better slow her down a bit.

'Every time she mentions HARP, our man Grove begins to get an itch.

'I wonder why.'

I want that bitch put on a very short leash.

Should be right up your alley, eh, Stone?

Pick up your feet.



Congratulations, Chiun.

Bearing in mind that nature snubbed him cruelly by denying him Korean birth, I am not entirely dissatisfied.

Good. When will he be ready? Ahead of time.

Excellent. That means...

15 years. 15 years?

If I cut a few corners, 14 and a half.

Chiun, I need to borrow him for a while.

'Emily, Jim's your son.' 'I'm only his stepmother.

'Margaret told me something before she died.'

'What's that?' 'Jim's your son, too.'

Is it painful?

I was singing old Korean love song.

The race must be practically extinct.

Chiun, you mind if I ask you something?

Two more minutes.

No, I mean... How old are you? You are old, aren't you?

For an apricot, yes. For head of lettuce, even more so.

But for a mountain, I am not even begun in years.

For a man, I am just right.

Well, now I know, don't I?


You ever been married?

I am the Master of Sinanju.

No women, vows of celibacy, eunuchs, that sort of stuff, huh?

You are trying to say something?

No, no. Just, er...

I've been cooped up in this rat hole for a month and...

Sex. Yeah, sex. Now you're cooking.

Maybe it's the breathing and the rice... Lesson 36.


The 20 steps designed to bring a woman to sexual ecstasy.

Though I personally have rarely found it necessary to go beyond seven to achieve bliss.

Go on, I'm listening.

With the left hand, you locate the woman's pulse.

Then, with the middle finger, and tapping in time with the pulse...

Then what?

Then you may put the rice in a bowl and we may eat.

What was the number of the lesson this morning? It wasn't 36, I know that.

You would call it four. I would call it embarrassing.

You know, Chiun, there are times when I really like you.

Of course. I am Chiun.

And there are times when I could really kill you.

Good. We will practise that after dinner.

Major Fleming?

Colonel Gayber's expecting you.

Major Fleming, sir.

Hello, Major. I have the documents you requested.

I don't believe this. Oh, Jesus!




That's a nice uniform.

Great buttons.


Taxi! Taxi!

Oh, hell.

You can never get one when you want one. Taxi!

Let me do this. You've got your hands full.

Thanks very much for your help, but I... think I'll walk.

You got a problem, buddy? Get out of the way.

Am I keeping you from something?

If you're in a hurry, pal, just say so.

People in New York have manners. They don't lean on their horns.

Jesus. Who's your dentist, Tiffany's?

What are you doing to that boy?

Unnecessary use of the horn, officer.

I'll be "unnecessary use of my nightstick on your thick skull" if you don't let him go.

Whatever happened to police courtesy?

We save that bullshit for the Upper East Side.

I'll kick your white ass if you don't stop kung-fuing that man's throat. Move it!

Yes, sir, ma'am, anything you say. You're just doing your duty.

I'm just a law-abiding citizen.

I said move it.

I don't like it, George.

Have you seen these photos that Stone took?

We've got one phoney-bird colonel playing footsies with one little Miss Know-it-all who's dodging tails with one faceless wonder who's so anonymous he doesn't even have any record or fingerprints.

They're throwing a secret fraud squad at us and we're fishing in the dark.

Obviously. Before I can shut them down, I need to know who they are.

Shake some trees, see who falls out. I've done that and come up empty.

Of course. Because you haven't played hardball, like we did in Tennessee.

Let's give them a body, see who claims it.

Start with him.

Couldn't we skip this lesson and move on a bit?

Say, to lesson number 36?

Silence! The Emperor Smith is disgusted with your progress.

He's not an emperor.

Enough. You are using only a fraction of the power in your body and your brain.

Sinanju uses it all.

That is its sole secret, its only strength.

You are here to conquer your childish fear of heights.

When you have done so, we shall meet below and start another exercise.

27, 28, 29, 30.

You got it, mister. No problem. Like falling off a log.

I'll take mine now, Frankie. Come on, give it to me.

What are you guys, crazy?

You got no right, up here. Authorised personnel only.

That's to prevent accidents. Suicide, that kind of thing.

OK, look. I'm coming down, all right?

Yeah, you sure are. The short way.

End of the line, pal.

He's coming your way! I got him.

Come on, get him now.

I rather enjoyed that.

Eight and a half gainer with a full twist.

Your people did a good job.

All right, let's get out of here.

OK, guys, it's Miller time.

I tried to grab him. He must've slipped. Whee!

I saw that.

I'd buy that, Frank. He's falling down.

Terrible. Tragic.

What the hell's going on?


He's behind you.

Go away!

Get him.

All right, man. I didn't do nothing.

You can't come over here. Look out, buddy.

No! That's new cement, man.

Wait! Hey! Hey, buddy!

Mac, I could tell you what George Grove had for lunch every day this month.

But I can't find out a goddamn thing about HARP.

How did he manage that little trick?

Good. I'm glad you're both here. We're gonna sort something out.

I was just chased around the Statue of Liberty by a bunch of goons.

What were you doing on the Statue of Liberty?

Chasing pigeons! Those guys are trying to kill me.

Who? Our friend with the Tiffany tooth.

Will somebody tell me what's going on?

If he's on to Remo, he's on to us. Who's he?

Why don't we take him out before he gets any closer?

No. I can't do that, Mac. I need more to go on.

Those guys tried to kill me.

Mr Williams, CURE is not interested in your personal problems.

CURE sucks, whatever CURE is.

Mr Williams, what we can't do here is embarrass the president.

Now, a man named Grove has discovered your existence.

But before CURE becomes visible, we must all disappear without a trace.

How do you plan to do that?


Harold W. Smith, assistant research manager, found dead in his office.

Massive coronary.

I keep this pill in my pocket.

Another man is found in the stockroom of a men's haberdashery, his head blown off.

Where does that leave me?

It leaves you with your slant-eyed little buddy, Chiun.

He's got your number.

It should be fast and painless.

Hey, boys, we're not there yet.

But we'd better have a look at the HARP and come up with something soon, or we will have to vacate this office.

So you and I are going to visit Mr Grave's plant.

Allegheny, 10 o'clock, gate 23.

Don't be late.

There is something you wish to ask?

The answer is yes.

If the Emperor Smith so ordered it, I would have to kill you.

It is in the contract.

Cliff wants you.

Chiun teach you that? No.

Anti-personnel mine. Korea.

See you back at the fence.

What lesson number was dogs, Chiun?

Try to get up here, you sons of bitches.

You're not your average sons of bitches.

Try that, you mother.


What happened? Oh, man, I blew it.

Don't worry. I think I got what we need here. Come on.

Grab that dozer.

Move it!


Get this to Smith.

He won't be with us for much longer.

Has he talked yet?

Get Stone.


The so-called cornerstone of defence for this nation for the next decade.

What about it?

What about it? There is none. It doesn't exist.

But I saw the damn thing, It blew up in my face.

I know.

What you saw was a fake, it was window-dressing. It doesn't exist.

Before you got close enough to figure it out, poof. Self-destruct.

Blew our only hard piece of evidence right out of court.

Hell, I bet this guy's filing for his fire insurance claims right now.

I gotta take my hat off to this Mr Grove, Remo.

He'll get his appropriations for HARP 2 and HARP 3, and in six months' time nobody will even ask him what happened to HARP 1.

You think it's funny?

Mac gives his life to get that stuff so you can nail the bastard, but he's gonna get away with it and we can't stop him?

You can stop him, son.

Just tell me where he is.

Mount Promise.

But it's got to look like one of Chiun's perfect accidents.

It'll be my pleasure.

Major, nice to see you again.

I feel I owe you an apology.

I get annoyed when someone tells me how to run my business.

But you're just doing your job, and pretty darned well, by the looks of it.

The important thing is that we're both working for the same side, right?

Yes, Mr Grove. Speaking of work, I have a lot to do.

Carry on, Major.

Actually, General, there was one point I wanted to clear up with the Major.

What have you got there? Just a small matter of national security.

Who are you working for?

Let me explain something to you, Mr Grove. A: I don't like being spied on.

B: you have no right to make accusations that you cannot prove.

And C: I have no idea who these men are or who they work for.

So if you'll excuse me, General, I have things to attend to.

Hi. Er... Remember me?

Oh, yes. I remember you, all right.

You just set my career back a decade.

I'm supposed to be your accomplice. Who the hell are you?

I could march you into that building now. But you won't.

Who are you to give me orders? Army Intelligence?

You are Army Intelligence?

It's the AR-60, isn't it?

No wonder I've been having trouble getting information.

We've been working on the same thing. I'm sorry.

I don't know your name or rank. Do I salute you?

You salute me.

Major Fleming, hi, I'm Jim Wilson, Grove Industries.

General Watson asked me to contact you.

He tells me you're concerned about our AR-60s.

Damn right. It's time this problem was taken seriously.

That's why I'm here. I've got one set up on C range. I can run you down there.

I'd appreciate that, Mr Wilson. Let's go.

What are you waiting for, soldier? A presidential invitation?

The only thing our guys could figure out was that the retaining ring hadn't been bolted down correctly.

It doesn't click on like a bayonet joint.

If some dumb dogface doesn't follow specs and tries to force it, it'll malfunction.

Malfunction? When a piece of metal blows someone's head off, that isn't malfunction, it's defective manufacture.

It means that your company allowed a design error to creep in.

Did you run the 310 test and the 480 sequence?

No. I think we're gonna find blowback. Blowback?

If that retaining ring is misaligned, a bullet could jam in the barrel.

At 20 rounds a second at full automatic, the results would be catastrophic.

Catastrophic is not the word.

I must tell you that the army has long suspected Grove Industries of...

What the hell is going on?

Give it five minutes. Don't forget to unlock the safety catches.

Got to look like a nice little accident.

That's for my friends at the statue.

This one's for me.

So listen to this, George. Four putts. Four putts, mind you!

I thought he'd have a stroke. And I'd have claimed it.

Sir, there's been a serious incident at the gas testing area. Fatal, I'm afraid.

That's terrible. What happened?

One of your assistants, Mr Grove.

The first thing I'm gonna do is file a 1611.

If that doesn't work, I'm gonna nail him with a 1098.

Who were those bastards?

Wilson's gonna wish he'd never been born by the time I've finished.

What the hell was he was doing?

Thank you.

By the way, I guess I should also thank you for getting me out of there.

I remember passing out and then...

I think we'd better keep moving.

Hey, hey! That's not the way. The camp is up there.

I know. That's why we're going this way.

I've got to report this to General Watson. Those people tried to kill us.

Major Fleming... Rayner.

I hate to pull rank, but I want Grove Industries as bad as you do, right?

Let's do it my way. Neat and tidy. All wrapped up in one package.

How does that sound? Sounds good to me. Sir.

Gentlemen, as of now this base is on Alpha One alert.

This is not an exercise. I repeat, this is not an exercise.

Military secrets have been stolen and Major Fleming is missing.

Our infrared heat sensors indicate two targets moving west toward the perimeter of the camp.

They must be intercepted and detained.

Sir, if there's resistance, do we return fire?

The security of the United States is at risk. What do you think?

Gentlemen, you have your orders.

I haven't eaten this good in weeks.

How are you feeling? Fine.

Sure? Sure.

We're gonna be down at the lake.

You are deaf.

I have been stomping around here for ten minutes, while you talk nonsense with this... woman.

It's a pleasure to meet you, too.

Even worse, you and the woman gorge yourself on sweets.

I do have a name.

Women should stay home and make babies.

Preferably man child.

I see you both went to the same charm school.

He always talks like that. He's Korean.

I see. That's why he lives in a forest.

No, he's here for a special purpose. To kill me.

Not so. I am here to see that you do not bring shame to the house of Sinanju.

If I do, then you kill me.

That I would do reluctantly because you have been a good pupil, for a white man.

I see. So that makes everything OK, does it?

You are very skinny.

Why don't you try tightening the pinion nuts first?

If I do that, I won't be able to line up the splines, dummy.

Sure don't make 'em like they used to.

I'll tell Lee lacocca you said that.

Damn, what'd you do?

The brakes!

Jesus! Jump.

You all right? I'm fine.

You all right, Chiun?

Oh! Oh, Christ.

Oh, God. Chiun.

In Korea, door handles do not break.


Chiun, are you all right?

Are you hurt? No.

When you approach middle age, there is a tendency towards bruising, my son.

What? What did you call me?

I call you a clumsy oaf.

You drive like a monkey in heat!

Oh, my God. Are you all right?

And why should I not be?

What are we gonna do now?

You're gonna stay with Chiun. He'll probably teach you to breathe.

I have a job to finish. Remo!

Do not embarrass us.

I won't.

Little father.

This is ridiculous. Do you know what he's doing?

They'll arrest him and court-martial him. Silence.

They'll lock him up for good and you just stand there. Why don't you help him?

Lesson 22. Blessed silence.

'This is Pine Tree Command.

'Gentlemen, I hope we're in for some good hunting today.

'Prepare to copy your sector priorities.

'That includes you and your little buddies down there, Liebowitz.'

Go ahead, Pine Tree. 'All stations to Situ One.

'That means pull your fingers outta your ears. We're live this morning.'

'Pine Tree, this is Mistletoe.' 'Come in, Mistletoe.'

Bearing 1-2-0. We have contact.

'Targets heading west.' 'Range?'

'3.6 and closing.'

'That's a rog. Thank you, Mistletoe. Pine Tree, all stations go to Situ 2.

'Go to Situ 2. This is not an exercise. We are live.'

This is Redwood. We have triangulation.

Alpha, seven, one, two, Zulu, zero, zero, nine.

Target entering carpet area.

'This is Bandit Chief. Go to Situ 3. Lock and load.'

'On your command, Bandit Chief.' Prime.

Red Four live. Red Five live.

'Pine Tree Command. We show two in the green.

'All sectors secure. Over to you, Bandit Chief.'

Commence pattern.

'This is Pine Tree Command. Good work.

'Prepare to stand down sectors Redwood, Douglas, Cedar, and Mistletoe.

'Mop up command search party to Red Four and report.'

'Roger, Pine Tree. Will comply.'

They better take the Bat Jet. You're not gonna believe this, Pine Tree.

My system indicates human presence 50 metres above the ground.

This sucker must've grown wings!

This is Bandit Chief. I say again, this is Bandit Chief.

Stop your goddamn chattering and give me radio silence and map co-ordinates.

'Coming right up, sir.'

'You are proceeding in a northerly direction.'

Not us, you jackass. The target!

'Yes, sir. Foxtrot, four, six, four.

'Zulu, five, zero, five, heading toward the lake.'


All right, soldier. Nail that commie son of a bitch.

Get him.

That guy's going nowhere, sir.

Oh, no!

Shit. Are you out of your mind, George?

It's your ass too, Scott.

Damn. Get me more ammo! He's getting away, George.

I can see that. What are you waiting for?

'Pine Tree Command. Come in, Bandit Chief. Over.'

Stop right there!

I used to be interested in who you work for. Now I don't give a damn.

You're a dangerous liability, my friend.

You'll be dead in about 15 seconds.

They'll probably give me a medal for shooting you.

Who are you?

Remo Williams.

'Also found in the wreckage of this tragic accident

'was George S. Grove, chairman of Grove Industries, 'many times recipient of the presidential medal for excellence

'and well known for his contributions to charity.

'Also killed was Brigadier General Scott...'

Where's Chiun? He went to look for you.

First squad, take a right flank.

Be careful, they may be armed.

Watch the Major. She's a woman and she's on our side.

There he is.

Careful, men. Hold your fire.

You must run very fast.

Who are you?

Would you believe we're the good guys?

Are you all right, Major?

Oh, yes. Fine.

Everything's fine.


Sometimes you're a real pain in the ass.

That is because it is the shortest route to your brain!

But we must hurry. What's the rush?

We must return in time to see if Jim is truly going to walk.


Or has the doctor merely told him so, because he hopes to get a new wing for the hospital from his stepmother?

Chiun, you're incredible.