Robot Ninja (1989) Script

Curses! Get 'em, boys!

Who are you?

I am the Robot Ninja... and remember, kids, drugs are not cool!

Oh Robot Ninja, you're my hero!

Courageous citizens like you are the real heroes...

I did not thee, little sprite.

Dost thou know the form that thee just took?

Boy, this was the best deal I ever made letting NBC pick up the domestic rights to market this character as a television show!

And to think that Lennie Miller was so opposed to having the show be a campy one like the Batman show in the '60s!

Lennie Miller's just an uptight artist.

He hates the fact that everybody's pegging Robot Ninja as the new Batman.

Look...lookit that!

If only I could see you without your mask...


I wonder what Lennie thinks about this week's episode...

Will the Robot Ninja escape the evil clutches of the Weeping Forest??

Find out next week on TV 5... same Ninja-time, same Ninja-channel!

Man, this show's better than the old Batman!

I hear ya bud, I hear ya!

Is Russ in the editing suite?

Has anybody seen Russ?

Where's Russ?

Good evening, Mister Miller...

Give me a wipe... hey, who pays you?

Do I pay you or does this bozo pay you?

Lennie! Lennie, how you doin'?

I'm glad you-- eh--made it!!

Cut the shit, Rip. Get to the point.

What's the deal with the television show?

Uh, uh, Lennie, uh, I want you to meet the show's director... uh...uh, Joey McHeister... and this is the show's producer over here, this is Greg Lange...

Yeah, yeah, kid, it's good to meet ya.

Man, gimme the wipe. The wipe. THE WIPE!

Thank you.

Uh, so, uh Rip tells me you got a little problem here so why don't you cut the crap and let's get rig ht to it.

Uh, Lennie, c'mon, jump in!

Uh, tell these quacks what you think about all this... tell 'em yer side of it!

C'mon, Rip... you're supposed to be the agent here...

I'm the comic-book artist, remember?

Now look, McHeister, we think that you should be a little more--

No, you look. Amsco Comics contracted us to create this wonder show. Right Greg?

Yea h, whatever.

Right. Now look, we saw a lot of potential with this character.

Right. - I mean it works great in the comics... and Lennie's the hottest artist since this clown who invented that Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles crap.

But this Robot Ninja... it ain't reality! Rig ht Greg??

Yeah, whatever. - You guys don't give a shit about this character... not one of you bastards.

Now listen, Miller... our contract allows us a certain amount of creative leeway with your character.

Rip, tell your boy here, we've got the hottest TV show since Batman on our hands here!

Well I think that-- -This is bullshit... all of this!

Do what you want with Robot Ninja... fuckin'cut out his guts for television. See if I care.

I'll show you what the Robot Ninja is really about.

Do what you wanna do in your funny book, Miller!

Your publisher loves Robot Ninja our way!


We'll do lunch.

Um, great show, Mister Miller.

Can I get you anything else?

No thank you. It was very good.

Well... ready to go?

Are you kidding? I've been waiting for this night for a year now.

Let's go!

Be right back... gotta pay the bill.

I'll be here.

Thank you for dinner.

Now for the dessert!


Get 'er Revelle... teach that slut!

You ain't much of a man, man...

Leave him alone, you animal...

What he's gettin'ain't nothin' compared to what I'm gonna do to you!


Let's see what kind of fun I can have with you, sweetie...

Goddamn it, not again!

What the fuck, Sculley?

It's Revelle's fuckin' radiator repair again!

Watch it, fucker! I'm gonna pile drive your ass!

I told you I ain't no fuckin' Mister Goodwrench!

Alright, cut the shit.

Sculley, get out and fix the fucker and let's get the fuck home.



Hello, yes, I want to report a possible assault...

So that's the way it's done, eh, babe?

What the fuck? Who the hell is that?

Let's get these two outside...c'mon!

Hey, where you guys takin'them? I'm almost through--

Take a look over there, ass-wipe!

Aw, shit.

Stop it!

Go fuck yourself, asshole!

Sculley, let's fix the van and get outta here...

Don't do it... don't do it, hero-man...

Leave her alone, you son of a bitch...


Run, Susan, run!!

C'mere, ya son of a bitch...


Son of a bitch!!

I showed that fuckhead...

Yeah, I got our hero-boy, too...

Let's go boy, we've had our fun!

Move it, boy, the pigs're comin'!


No, dammit...

Dispatch, this is Hickox.

I've got three bodies... two dead, one male, one female.

One alive, male.

Send an ambulance.

You are very lucky you didn't get much more than just some bumps and bruises, Leonard Miller.

Now...what the hell possessed you to help those poor people?

You should have seen them, Goodknight... it was the worst thing I've ever seen.

Ah, yes, so Officer Hickox told me.

You're very lucky to be alive, no?

It scared the shit out of me, doc.

I should hope so. Now get in.

Dumkauf artists.

This is gonna be the one, doc.

I'm gonna use this thing as the new Robot Ninja story.

That sounds very good, Leonard.

Yeah, I'll show those boneheads at the network how to make Robot Ninja work.

I'm sure you will, Leonard. I'm sure you will.

"Don't do it..."

"don't do it, hero-man..."

"Run, Susan, run!!"

"Leave her alone!"

"Let's go boy, we've had our fun...!"

Well, Mister Coleslaw...

This, uh, Bayou-Man comic book certainly is an interesting concept.

You really think so? It took me hours to get it this good!

Mmm.Well, it certainly looks like it.

Yeah, it's, uh, it's not bad.

But you see, Marty... the problem is, our star artist, Leonard Miller... has a character called Bog-Thing.

And uh, I really hate to tell you this, but...

I'm afraid he's going to have to take priority over you--

No, no dammit!

Everywhere I go it's Leonard Miller this! Leonard Miller that!

Leonard Miller can suck sheep shit through a Crazy Straw for all I care!

Do you see these hands?

These hands are insured for ten -- count it -- ten thousand dollars and I will not--

Mister Coleslaw, are you alright?

I'm fine... and I'm leaving!!

Here's the proofs for the new issue of Lizard Boy comics, Mister Kane...

Thank you.

Have you seen these?

Robot Ninja, huh?

It doesn't look like the TV show!

That's the problem.

Miss Barbeau, would you please call Leonard Miller on the phone... right away.

You got it, chief!

Holy shemp, I wish I had.

What the hell is this boy thinking?


Mister Kane...Lennie Miller on line one.

Thank you, Miss Barbeau.

Hello Lennie!

How are things in Ridgway?

Just fine, Stanley, what's the problem?

Did you get the new pages of the Robot Ninja comic?

Yes, Leonard. That is the problem.

I thought we'd agreed to do the new series as an adaptation of the television show.

It's getting great press, y'know?

"Yeah, well I had a talk about that the other night with my agent and the show's director and producer."

We...didn't see eye-to-eye on the show's concept.

I told them that you both can fuck up the show as much as you want but the comic's still my baby. That's our contract, remember?

"Yes, Lennie, of course..."

Look... how about if we release this new story as a graphic novel.

It'll sell more copies and I-- "Bullshitsky, Stan."

You're not rakin' me over the coals this time.

You're printin'this damned story or I fuckin'quit.

You got that?

Yes...yes, Len, I'll print it.

But I guarantee you, when your damned contract expires this May we're going to have a serious talk.

Why, I had an artist in here ten minutes ago just as talented as you and he wants to do a new creature-in-the-swamp series and I--

Damned artists.

Robot Ninja...

Damn publishers.

"...small village of Ridgway this day."

Late last night, a witness saw what appeared to be two men brutalize and rape a young woman at the Ridgway Plaza

"...on the corner of Cleveland and Mogadore Roads."

The police have no leads on this... the fifth such brutal crime in Ridgway this month.

Next we'll have Dan with weather

"and then The Bud will recap the Browns' loss at the stadium..."



What is it, Leonard?

Can't you see I'm playing "Lords of the Rising Sun"?

I've almost got this Ninja beat!

Ha-ha! I got through it!

What is it now, Leonard?

You've gotta help me, doc.

I just got this great idea today!

I want you to build me a suit... a real one, not some Halloween costume!

Robot Ninja? What the hell for?

I just need it. It's gotta be built like a tank... padding, plating, the whole nine yards!

You want to be the Robot Ninja?

Who better to fight the thugs that killed that couple?

Especially that bitch that kicked my ass.

I figure the costume alone could kinda freak 'em out.

And if I catch 'em off guard with this outfit maybe I can corral 'em long enough to get the police there.

How the hell do you think Batman got started?

Yes, well, but Batman was a rich man in his alter-ego if I remember correctly.

Don't worry about that, Good knight.

Buy whatever you want.

I just got paid last week from royalties on that idiot TV show.

I'm an inventor, not a costume maker.

Just like this?

Alright, Lennie.

For you, I'll do it.

Thanks, man.

I knew I could count on you.

Crazy little man.


Late last night a witness saw what appeared to be two men brutalize and rape a young woman at the Ridgway Plaza on the corner of Cleveland and Mogadore Roads.

The police have no leads on this, the fifth such brutal crime in Ridgway this month.

Well, Leonard? ls there a problem?

Almost there!

Here I come!

Well, how do I look?

And there's one more feature here that I've added.

There. Now try to speak.

Go ahead.

Hello, Good knight... shit, this is great!

Hold it you thugs, stop there!

It's a vocal disguiser that one of the computer companies wanted me to design.

It's just a prototype, but I think it will suffice for your needs.

This is fantastic, Good knight!

How can I possibly lose with all this shit on my side?

I feel invincible!

Yes, well, let's hope so.

Well, Leonard, be careful.

I'm going to bed, it has been a long day.

Yeah, I guess it's time for me to get out on the prowl.

You mean to tell me you're going out tonight?

Sure! The longer I wait the less chance I have of catching those creeps in the act.

Please be careful.

I really think you should get some sleep before you do this.

Naw, I'll be fine.

I'm used to no sleep!

Well, alright. Good night, then.

Good night, Goodknight.

Very funny.

I'll just get my stuff and go!


Let's go, clerk... all your bread.


Sculley, go start up the escape pod.


Just do it!

Hurry up, Christopher.

Take the tapes back in and let's get back home.

Don't snap at me, Christine... it's not my fault mom forgot to take these movies back today.

Just go, alright. I have to get back.

George is supposed to be calling me any minute now.

All right...

Cameron, in reference to the Miller case... check Video World across from the Ridgway Plaza.

I saw a black van as I drove by matching the description of the one involved in that incident.

I'm tied up with this code four down on Nine-Mile and Middlevale.

Ten-four, I've got an accident report to finish here and I'll be right there. E.T.A. is ten minutes.

This is great, I cracked a nail!

Thanks, man...

I knew there was somethin' I liked about Video World!

And we are outta here!

What is that dumb kid doin' now?

Oh shit!!

Sculley, what the fuck are you doing?

Who in the fuck?

No false heroics, man!

Oh, man...

Heh...I'm gonna have some fun with her tonight, man!

C'mon, baby, let's see them big knockers!

I wouldn't if I were you, man!

You got some kinda death wish, man?

I am the Robot Ninja, and I kick ass...

Like hell!



You son-of-a-bitch fucker!

Get the hell out of!

Christopher, wake up! Christopher!

I did it!

I did it!

What the hell is this, Leonard?

Good morning, Goodknight.

You killed that boy!

He was just a punk kid... he deserved it.

No, no, not the punk... that little boy!!

Oh God.

Dead is Buddy Revelle, age 23 and Christopher Curtis, age 13.

Ridgway Police are actively pursuing this masked vigilante's arrest and conviction in connection with these deaths.

I didn't kill him... I saved him!

It was that female thug, she tossed him to the ground!

That's not how I see it... and neither do the cops.

And why did you take a bunch of drugs from my medicine cabinet??

I had to stay awake...

I had to get those guys!

Well no more... where's the uniform?

No, you're not taking it! I have to get the girl!

Get the girl... get her like you got Christopher Curtis?

I don't think so, Leonard...

No, you're not taking it... not until I'm done.

You are done.

No, you should have seen me, I was great!!

Oh, I'm sure, now where's the suit?

Goodknight ht, I'm sorry.


Go tell it to the cops.

Fuck you too.

[pulsing music)

Quiet night.

Yeah... a little too quiet.

C'mere, you son of a bitch!

You're going to end up like your friend...

Not tonight, Ninja-man... it's our turn to slice and dice tonight.

Kill that fucker!!

Tear his fucking heart out!

Teach him the way it is!!

This is for Revelle, you Ninja bastard!

You're a dead mother fucker now...



What kind of Robot Ninja screams in pain??

Yeah...maybe he ain't like on the TV show, eh boss?

Yeah...maybe he ain't.

Let's see if robots bleed.

Well...what have we here?

It don't look like no robot to me.

Sure don't. Hold him.

You got it, babe!

Hold still...I'm tryin' some surgery here!

Hold still, fucker!

Fucker! Fucker! Fucker!

C'mon, let's take him home and kill him! nuts!

He's getting away!

Forget it, I'll get him!

Oh, shit! Not the cops again!

Get up, Sculley... ya big dickhead.

Hold it!

Don't move!

Dispatch, this is Cameron.

Please send assistance to the corner of Cleveland and Mogadore.

Two men fleeing in black van... license number North- Eastern-Quadrant 549.


Well, let's see where hero-man goes, eh?



We gonna tag him now?

No no, let him get rested up.

I don't feel like any more shit tonight.

We'll come back in the morning.

Doctor Hubert Good knight, eh?

We'll have to pay a visit to the doctor tomorrow... try and catch the fucker out of his little playsuit.

"...and, no surprise, there's more trouble in Ridgway tonight."

Police report that the vigilante posing as the Robot Ninja television character-- we told you about that story last night-- is now responsible for four more deaths.

"We go live to Russ Mazzola at the scene of this tragedy."

Melanie, it's massacre central down here at Ridgway Plaza where the Robot Ninja vigilante has claimed at least two more victims.

We've got two more over here! - Two more deaths are being blamed on resistance of arrest.

The police say there is going to be a citywide manhunt for this vigilante tonight.

We have an eyewitness to the entire massacre, his name is Bert Ralston.

Bert, tell us what happened tonight. - Huh?

Tell us what happened, in your own words. - Oh. Okay.

Well this guy comes up, see... he's about six, six-one, uh, blond hair... wore this kind of like metal uh, uh, mask, across his face with a visor in the, in the, over the eyes... it was kind of silver, kind of like a bondage-style welder's mask and he had a black outfit with this, uh... kind of like a pajama outifit with a... a red sash, and those Chinese slippers on his feet--

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what happened, Bert?

Well I don't know, I didn't see much.

This is Russ Mazzola, Live Action-Cam 5 in Ridgway.

Back to you at the studio, Melanie.

Hello. Goodknight here.

I'm out of town until tomorrow morning.

Leave a message at the tone.

"I lost... I should have won."

Who the hell?



Hiya, doc... have a nice fall!

C'mon, we got us a Robot Ninja to disarm.

Let's do it.

Hey Sanchez... check this.

Y'know the doc's given us no end of trouble 'cause of this here suit.

Y'know, I think you're right.

I think the doc deserves some punishment for the hassles he's given us.

Now you got the idea.

Lookit that... the doc's ready to play.

We about killed you last night... we would've if it weren't for the pigs gettin' in the way.

We're killin'you tonight, though... and you'll end your stint as Robot Ninja.

No, no, it's not me. I'm not the Robot Ninja!

Oh no? Then why did we follow him here last night? Huh?

I just-- built it for a friend...


If that's true, then where is he?



Never... go to hell!

I already been there... and I didn't like the weather.

Sculley... gun!

Well, I gotta go.

But let me not be so rude as to just kill and go.

I should really say goodbye.

Good night, Goodknight!

Nobody fucks with Gody Sanchez!


Let's get rid of him.

It's time... to play.

"Good knight?"





Come in Hickox, this is Cameron.

Go ahead.

Yeah, uh, a man reported a sighting of the suspect vehicle about half an hour ago heading toward the old junkyard on the edge of town.

Uh, the man said something about a couple of punk kids harassing some of the students down at the, uh, high school dance.


Good God!!

I was gonna take a run down to the junkyard area and check things out.

Sound okay?

Hickox, do you copy?

Uh, Hickox, does that sound okay, sir?

Yes, Cameron, yes!

Get to the junkyard now, I'll meet you there!

I'm not going to lose... please...

So... I get to have the pleasure of killing you.

Well that's too bad.

I wanted Sanchez to have that fun.

Oh well.

I am the Robot Ninja...

Not for long you ain't...


Ya fucking cut me, man!

...and I kick ass...

Sculley?? SCULLEY!!

Die, Copper!

Shit... what an idiot move!

No fuckin'around this time, Robot Ninja...

I agree...

You son of a bitch...

We'll meet again, Robot Ninja...

Just... like...

I planned...


Open the door, it's Officer Hickox!


Copy, Mister Buckshot.

Uh, thank you.

Well, son, how's it look?

Oh, just fine, chief, just fine!

Good work, son. Let's get this ready to go so you can go back to this month's issue of Bayou-Man, huh?

Good work, boy.

Yes sir, Mister Hammarstrom.

We'll be shipping you those new Robot Ninja books next week.

Yes, that's true. These will be the last ones.

Uh-huh.Thank you.

Another request for the collector's edition.

We've already prebooked more copies than DC's Dark Knight series!

I wonder what kind of sales these bookstores are going to have that they've ordered so many!

Don't worry. Lennie's always been a big draw!

Hey, you gonna buy that?

Yeah, I think so.

You better, Bobby, it's gonna be worth some money soon.

Ah, managed to get yourself one of these, eh?

Yeah, what's the big deal with those anyway?

The artist, Lennie Miller, killed himself about a month ago.

Shot himself in the head.

Didn't stop the publisher from crankin'it out real quick, though, did it?

These are the most violently graphic comics ever released.

They're only printing a few thousand of them.

Funny, most of it's not very realistic.

Not very graphic, either.

Okay, thanks.

Have fun.

Wow, this guy's cool.

Sure wish I could be him.

Not me... look at the ending!

What a way to end a comic book!