Rock of Ages (2012) Script

CROWD [CHANTlNG]: Stacee! Stacee! Stacee!

MAN [ON MlC]: Ladies and Gentlemen, are you ready to rock?

Welcome to the famous Bourbon Room on the Sunset Strip:

Stacee Jaxx and Arsenal!

STACEE: Hey, Los Angeles!

[CROWD CHEERING]

This is a little song called "Paradise City."

[SlNGlNG] Oh!

[BAND PLAYlNG "PARADlSE ClTY"]

Just an urchin livin' under the street I'm a hard case that's tough to beat I'm your charity case So buy me something to eat I'll pay you at another time Take it to the end of the line Take me down to the paradise city Where the grass is green And the girls are pretty Take me home Yeah, yeah Take me down to the paradise city Where the grass is green

["PARADlSE ClTY" PLAYlNG OVER HEADPHONES]


[SlNGlNG] Sister ChriStian Oh, the time has come And you know that you're the only one To say Okay

Where you going? What you looking for?

You know those boys Don't want to play no more With you It's true Yeah ALL: You're motoring What's your price for flight?

In finding Mr. Right You'll be all right tonight


This must be just like livin' in paradise And l don't wanna go home

This must be just like livin' in paradise And l don't wanna go home Hey, hey!

[SlREN WAlLlNG]

[SlNGlNG] Yeah, yeah, yeah Girl, you've been meant for this Since you were born Since she was born No problem now The coast is clear It's just the calm before the storm This must be just like livin' in paradise

[MAN WHlSTLlNG]

Paradise And l don't wanna go home Whoa Not a dime, l can't pay my rent I can barely make it through the week Saturday night I'd like to meet my girl But right now l can't make ends meet I'm always workin' Slavin' every day Gotta get a break From the same old same old I need a chance just to get away If you could hear me think This is what I'd say Don't need nothin' but a good time How can l resist?

Ain't lookin' for nothin' But a good time And it don't get better than this

LONNY: Come on, son. Up you get!

Whoa!

Go to rehab!

Yo, Lonny, how come you never take out the trash?

I leave that to you. You're a musician, so it's important that you suffer.

I'm talentless, so suffering's wasted on me.

-When was the last time you suffered? -Six o'clock this evening...

...when l got up for work.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[SlNGlNG] Say I spend my money On women and wine But I couldn't tell you where I spent last night I'm really sorry about the shape I'm in I just-a like my fun every now and then I'm always workin' Slavin' every day Gotta get a break From the same old same old I need a chance just to get away If you could hear me think This is what I'd say ALL [SlNGING]: Don't need nothin' but a good time How can l resist?

Ain't lookin' for nothin' but a good time And it don't get better than this ALL: Dennis! Dennis!

[SlNGlNG] You see, I raise a toast to all of us Who are breakin' our backs every day If wantin' the good life is such a crime A-Lord, then put me away Here's to ya Ow!

ALL: Don't need nothin' but a good time -Oh, yeah, yeah Hey, baby, come on, give me a kiss.

-Drew! -Come on, give me a kiss! Hey!

-Come on! BETH: Drew!

-Get him out! DRUNK: Come on.

-I've had enough of this! Tell Dennis l quit! -Beth! Come on!

[SlNGlNG] Livin' in paradise And l don't wanna go home DRUNK: I love her, man! Come on!

PROTESTER: You're all gonna go to hell!

MAN: Hey.

-Where you from? -Oklahoma.

Well, welcome to Hollywood.

-Thanks. -Give me that!

-Let go! Come on! Let me have it! -No! No!

-Hey! MAN: Give me it!

SHERRIE: Stop it! DREW: Leave her alone!

SHERRIE: Wait! Oh, stop! Please! Somebody!

DREW: Ugh.... SHERRIE: No. No. No.

Are you okay?

Shit.

-Did he take your money? -He took my records.

Oh, my God.

Look, l'm sorry this happened. lt sucks.

I'm Drew.

Sherrie.

"The Bourbon Room"?

-You work at The Bourbon Room? -Yeah. l'm a barback.

One of these days, my name's gonna be up there.

-You're in a band? -I'm a singer.

Get out! Me too.

Oh, my God. The Bourbon Room. I have, like, 10 albums that were recorded there.

More like "had"?

Had.

Yep.

Well, thank you.

Thanks.

Again.

WOMAN 1 : Don't go in there, it's filth!

[PROTESTERS CHATTERlNG]

-Hey. WOMAN 2: Don't join them!

Do you need a job? I could talk to Dennis Dupree, my boss.

WOMAN 3: Pray you'll be saved!

Are you serious?

Just whatever you do, don't tell him you're a singer.

[CROWD CHEERING]

DENNIS: Jimmy!

I told you 10,000 times. Girls drink free, dudes pay full freight.

They are dudes.

Look, l haven't charged a girl since '73.

For a minute, I thought that Kate Jackson from Charlie's AngelS...

-...had walked into my club. -More like Michael Jackson.

-Doesn't he look pale to you? -He does a bit.

Dennis! Meet Sherrie. She needs a job, man.

No, I don't think so. She's a singer.

No, she just came in from out of town.

DENNIS: Oh, okay, now, if I may.

-You sang in the church choir every Sunday. -Lutheran.

Senior year, you had the third lead in your high school musical.

-Sound of Music. DENNIS: And then somebody...

...your adorable Aunt Betty, told you you had real talent.

-It was actually my Aunt Doris. DENNIS: Uh-huh.

And like a flaming dipshit you believed her, dumped your jock boyfriend...

...ditched town and moved to Hollywood to have a crack at fame and fortune.

Am l missing anything?

I....

Yeah, okay.

SHERRIE: Actually, my boyfriend wasn't really athletic.

And look. I'm a waitress.

Come on. She's practically got mike burns on her lips.

I'm not interested, sweetheart. I need you two to get back to work.

-Please, Mr. Dupree. l'm a hard worker. -You seem like a really nice kid.

I just got mugged.

I have $17 to my name and I'm probably gonna be starving in the next 48 hours.

-And Beth just quit. -Beth just quit?

Okay, fine. You're hired.

Oh, my God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

What are you thanking me for? l ruined your life. You start training tomorrow.

This place is turning into a war zone. It's Arsenal's last show.

Arsenal? Oh, my God, l love Stacee Jaxx.

It's your lucky day. He's going solo.

Hey, want to go celebrate? I'm coming up on my break.

Yeah. Sure.

[CROWD APPLAUDlNG]

A year ago....

A year ago, people asked whose campaign...

...I would throw my financial support behind...

...and I knew there was only one man on the ticket...

...that could restore the city to its original glory.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mayor Mike Whitmore.

MIKE: Thank you. Couldn't have done it without you, Doug.

Ahh.

Thank you, Los Angeles.

[MlC FEEDBACKS]

You know, Doug Flintlock here...

...well, he just leaned into my ear and he said:

"Mike, l have kids. Teenagers.

And these days, l'm scared for them.

We need to clean up this city."

Well, I can tell you that...

...I, for one, am not scared for our city's children.

And that's because I have a secret weapon.

My rock.

My soul mate.

And the best darn wife any man could hope to have.

Please welcome my wife:

The beautiful Patricia Whitmore!

[CROWD APPLAUDlNG]

Oh.

Come on up here, Patty-cake!

We did it!

Oh. Thank you.

Today, the city of Los Angeles gets a twofer!

Not only the best mayor this city has ever had...

...but also me.

A mother.

So tomorrow, as part of my "Clean Up The Strip" initiative...

...we start to make this city safe again for our young people.

She looks familiar to me, this woman. She looks eerily familiar.

You've probably popped something on your ass that resembles her.

I shouldn't have thought so. That's all cleared up nicely, thank you very much.

Rock 'n' roll is a disease. But it is a disease with a cure.

DENNIS: You don't know her.

Man, back then, her husband, Mayor Whitmore...

...used to be one of my best customers.

Wow. Now look at him.

Married to a woman who looks like she's been hibernating...

...in Margaret Thatcher's bumhole.

--off our streets and knock the sucker back....

What happens to people?

Don't know, Den.

Suppose they get corrupted and seduced by the Man...

...get old and bitter and run for mayor.

Or they run a club, live the rock 'n' roll dream...

...and get old and bitter that way. Here's to rock 'n' roll.

To rock 'n' roll.

And let's reclaim the Strip for the God-fearing citizens of Los Angeles!

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING INDlSTlNCTLY OVER SPEAKERS]

I cannot believe that I'm working at The Bourbon.

Thank you so much.

Don't even mention it.

Oh, my God. Arsenal Live at The Bourbon.

-Hands down, favorite record ever. -Me too.

I would've killed to be at that concert. That record really changed my life.

I decided if I couldn't see Stacee Jaxx...

...I was gonna be Stacee Jaxx.

[SlNGlNG] Bought a beat-up six string In a secondhand store Didn't know how to play it But I knew for sure That one guitar Felt good in my hands Didn't take long To understand Just one guitar Slung way down low Was a one-way ticket Only one way to go

-So l started rockin' -Rockin'

Ain't never gonna stop No

-Gotta keep on rockin' -Rockin'

Someday l'm gonna make it to the top And sing I love rock 'n' roll So put another dime in the jukebox, baby I love rock 'n' roll So come and take your time And dance with me In a town with no name In a heavy downpour Thought l passed my own shadow By the backstage door Like a trip through the past To that day in the rain And that one guitar Made my whole life change And we'll be movin' on and singin' That same old song Yeah, with me Singin'

And be a jukebox hero So put another dime in the jukebox, baby I'm a jukebox hero So come and take your time And dance with me

-Just-a one guitar CHORUS: Jukebox hero DREW & SHERRIE: Got stars in my eyes

-I'm just a jukebox hero -Ah, ah, ah

-Jukebox hero CHORUS: Stars, stars I love rock 'n' roll

-Jukebox hero CHORUS: Stars, stars So come and take your time And dance with me DREW & SHERRIE: Stars in our eyes I love rock 'n' roll

Whoa.

SHERRIE: Whew.

The problem is, I think l'll only ever be good on a jukebox.

What do you mean?

I get stage fright.

You've gotta be kidding me.

No.

You've gotta breathe.

I think I got that part down.

No, I'm serious, you've gotta breathe. Like, takes away the nerves.

Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.

Do it a couple times. You'll be fine.

Maybe you should help me practice.

Are you asking me out on a date?

Yeah.

Then yes.

Cool.

Okay, well, l should probably check into my motel and grab my stuff, so....

Gotta get back to work.

-Okay, well, bye. Oh. -Bye.

Bye. Oh. Ha-ha.

Sorry.

SECRETARY: Well, good night.

See you tomorrow, Mrs. Whitmore.

Mr. Whitmore. Call me.

PATRICIA: Mm.

-Mike? -Mm.

-Why so jumpy? -Oh.

Well, it's just that Doug Flintlock.

He wants the Strip, Patty-cake, and we have to deliver.

Of course we will, sweetheart.

How?

-We'll go after the head of the snake. -Ooh.

-The Bourbon. -Oh, right.

If we cut off the head, the Strip will die.

The Bourbon could be a Benetton by the end of the month.

[BOTH LAUGHlNG]

Now listen: Me and the ladies are going after all the church groups...

...to make this happen.

We're even talking to the Health Department.

We should review all their paperwork for violations.

Oh, trust me...

...if we find so much as a hair in a cocktail olive...

...we're shutting them down.

Hey, boss, we found some hairs in the cocktail olives again.

Then rinse them off.

Okay.

No!

Nobody puts Donkey in the corner!

-That game's too bloody surreal anyway. -Ugh!

Dennis, did you just sigh audibly? Why?

Taxes. They're so un-rock 'n' roll.

Cheer up, mate. You still got the twisted sisters of piety outside...

...all flustered and worked up, so we must be doing something right, eh?

Well, at least we have the Arsenal show coming up.

But that means our whole existence is riding on Stacee Jaxx.

Stacee Jaxx, the most unreliable man in the music industry?

A man who blew off the halftime show at the Super Bowl...

...to attend a satanic ritual to sew up Debbie Harry's vagina?

Please stop.

-The Satanists wouldn't even do that. -You're not helping.

Why would the devil close vaginas? No one's qualified to do that.

Hand me the phone.

Let's do a telethon, because this might work better than your Stacee Jaxx idea.

Shut it!

I'm calling Stacee's manager, Paul Gill.

[PHONE RINGS]

-Ahem. Speak. DENNIS: Hello, Paul? lt's Dennis Dupree.

Dennis. What's up, brother man?

Oh, I was just calling to check in and see if we're still on for Friday.

Of course we are. Arsenal's last show.

We're kicking off Stacee's solo press tour there.

Rolling Stone just confirmed.

They would like to interview him on the premises, okay?

-What did he say? -He told me to turn off the radio.

-So turn it off. -The radio in his head!

-Calm down! -Oh, God.

Paul?

-Paul? -Oh, crap. Yeah, sorry, man.

Yeah. ls Stacee okay?

PAUL: Stacee?

He's fantastic. I'm looking at him right now. He's waving hello.

Yes, l'm talking to Dennis. Oh-ho. He just flipped me off.

Same old Stacee. Right? Okay, l gotta dash.

I'll talk to you Friday, babe, okay?

CROWD [CHANTlNG] Stacee! Stacee! Stacee!

Put something on, man.

[MONKEY GIBBERING]

-Banzai. [GUNSHOT]

Jesus.

Stacee?

[MOANS]

I didn't know you had a twin.

I don't.

Stacee.

You need to go on stage, man.

I am on stage, Paul.

Shit.

PATRICIA: Take a good look, ladies.

Take a hard...

...good, long...

...hard...

...look.

This man, this man is responsible for so much filth.

WOMAN: He's Satan. MIKE: She is an extraordinary woman.

Such a beacon of courage.

He's like a machine that spews out three things:

-Sex... WOMEN: Oh!

-...hateful music... -Yes.

...and...

...sex!

Can you come take some dictation for me in the parish office, Ms. Hoyt?

Of course, sir.

My son ate the head of my neighbor's horse because of Stacee Jaxx.

Ugh. Well, his filthy little hateful music...

...sex ride is over.

-Gotta stop! WOMAN: Yes.

And we're the ones who are gonna do it.

[ALL CHEER]

[SlNGlNG] Well, you're a real tough cookie With a long history Of breaking little hearts Like the one in me That's okay Let's see how you do it Put up your dukes Let's get down to it

Hit me with your best shot Why don't you hit me With your best shot?

Hit me with your best shot Fire away You come on with a come-on You don't fight fair That's okay See if l care Knock me down It's all in vain I'll get right back on my feet again Hit me with your best shot Why don't you hit me With your best shot?

Hit me with your best shot Fire away

WOMEN: Pow! Pow!

Pow!

Well, you're a real tough cookie With a long history Of breaking little hearts Like the one in me Before I put another notch In my lipstick case You better make sure You put me in my place Hit me with your best shot Come on! Hit me with your best shot Hit me with your best shot Fire away Hit me with your best shot Why don't you hit me With your best shot?

Hit me with your best shot Fire away

[WOMEN CHATTERlNG]

Hah!


-Ai! Jesus. -No, Chico. Jesus is my brother.

Oye, Dennis told me to tell you to come in early tomorrow.

Yeah, sure. Whatever, man.

I need to go get ready. l have a big date tonight with Sherrie. Wish me luck.

[SPEAKS lN SPANlSH]

Yeah, whatever that means. Okay, bye.

[SlNGlNG] So long I've been looking too hard I've been waiting too long Sometimes l don't know What I will find I only know it's a matter of time When you love someone

[SlNGlNG] It feelS So right So warm and true I need to know if you feel it too Maybe I'm wrong Won't you tell me If l'm coming on too strong?

This heart of mine has been hurt before This time l wanna be sure Hey, girl.

I've been waitin' for a girl like you To come into my life I've been waitin' for a girl like you A love that will survive l've been waitin' for someone new To make me feel alive Yeah, waitin' for a girl like you To come into my life

-Won't you come into my life? -Won't you come into my life?

SHERRIE: Wow. lt's like a giant velvet blanket covered in diamonds.

DREW: Yeah, it's beautiful, isn't it?

SHERRIE: Yeah, it's a little different than Tulsa, Oklahoma.

So, what did your mom think about the big move to L.A.?

She thought it was stupid.

My dad just totally didn't get it.

His advice:

"You're gonna fail anyway, so why not fail closer to home?"

Okay. Total optimist.

What about your folks? What did they think of the big move?

Um....

Not a whole lot really.

I was raised by my grandma.

Yeah, she, by the way, was all for me getting out of Oklahoma.

-Really? -Mm.

Yeah, she said to me: "Honey, there ain't nothing for you here...

...and the last thing that I want you to do is wind up stuck here like me."

Man, l adore her.

You're a nice guy, aren't you?

I try to be.

Why?

She wanted to know.

Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm actually here.

I'm so happy.

[CHUCKLES]


[SlNGlNG] You're so good When we make love It's understood It's more than a touch A word we say Only in dreams could it be this way When you love someone, yeah

[SlNGlNG] Really love someone Now I know it's right From the moment I wake up Till deep in the night

There's nowhere on earth That I'd rather be Than holding you tenderly

-I've been waitin' for a girl like you -I've been waitin' for a boy like you

-To come into my life -To come into my life

-I've been waitin' for a girl like you -I've been waitin' for a boy like you

-A love that will survive -A love that will survive

-I've been waitin' -I've been waitin'

-For someone new -For someone new

-To make me feel alive -To make me feel alive

-Yeah, waitin' for a girl like you -Yeah, waitin' for a boy like you

-To come into my -To come into my

-Life -Life

Wait.

-What? -You're gonna sing me a song.

-Oh, no. Oh, no, no, l can't. -Ha, ha.

DREW: Sherrie.

SHERRIE: You are gonna sing whether you like it or not.

-Now, breathe! -Hey.

Don't be nervous.

[CHUCKLES]

Okay, uh....

This is something l kind of started working on after we met last night.

[GUlTAR STRUMS]

DREW [SlNGlNG]: Just a small-town girl Livin' in a lonely world She took the midnight train goin' Anywhere A singer in a smoky room The smell of wine and cheap perfume For a smile they can share the night And it goes on and on and on.

Heh. I love it.

It's so beautiful. I can't believe you wrote that.

How'd it feel?

Uh....

The breathing really helps.

[SlNGlNG] Just a small town girl Mmm, lonely world She took the midnight train Going anywhere It was actually a bus...

...but l think train sounds better.

What sounds better is you singing it.

Really?

You like me singing?

It's one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard.

[SHERRlE CHUCKLES]

[PLAYING ROCK MUSlC AS CROWD CHEERS]

DREW: There you go!

[LAUGHlNG]

SHERRIE: Come on! DREW: No, no, no.

[ALL CHEERING]

You have to go back to work.

Oh, like, now. Okay.

Right, right. Yep. You got that?

[SlGHS]

[BOTH LAUGHlNG]

WOMAN: God hates rock 'n' roll!

MAN 1 : Go back to church! MAN 2: Get off the Strip already!

Okay. Okay. Okay.

-Shit. Our opener just dropped out. -Concrete Ballz?

-In rehab. There are six. -Both of them?

-Jesus, that band's got a lot of balls. -Betty Ford has a group rate.

-Think they'll do therapy in pairs? -Knock it off.

Look, we have to find an opener in the next two hours.

Don't stress, man. We'll work this out together.

-What about you? -Yeah, right.

-Why not? -Not gonna happen.

-Are you kidding me? -Sherrie!

What about Drew?

Drool are very expensive.

Not Drool. Drew.

What?

Drew? That Drew? Our Drew?

-He's better than Concrete Ballz. LONNY: Good point.

-Concrete Ballz are very heavy. -And he'll do it for free.

DENNIS: Baby, baby, baby.

Come on, nobody cares about the opening act anyway.

-No offense. -None taken.

Dennis, come on. What do you say?

Okay.

Call your band.

Guys! Guys! We're opening up for Arsenal.

[ALL CHEER]

Doesn't anyone just wanna work in the bar industry anymore?

DREW: Dennis. Thank you. -You're welcome.

-We're gonna blow you away. -You're gonna blow me, all right.

Three songs. No covers. l need you guys to be amazing tonight so start drinking...

...now.

-I love you-- -Shh!

Just go up there and kill it. You're gonna be amazing. Go!

Go! Go.

Go on!

WAlTRESS: Well, kiss him goodbye.

SHERRIE: What do you mean?

The spotlight doesn't just light them up.

It makes us disappear.

You'll see.

[SlNGlNG] Sayin' "I love you"

Is not the words I want to hear from you It's not that l want you Not to say, but if you only knew How easy It would be to show me how you feel More than words Is all you'd have to do To make it real Then you wouldn't have to say That you love me

'Cause I'd already know

SHERRIE: Hey, I'm gonna take my break. -Okay.

Excuse me, sunshine.

[COUGHS]

Testing. Testing.

I have an adequately sized, uncircumcised penis.

Penis. Penis.

-And smashing set of balls. -Okay, I think--

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Say again, whoa!

What are you doing?

The mike's not prepped yet.

Right. Now it's ready.

Thanks.

Cowboys.

[FEEDBACK]

Sorry, guys.

Drew...

...I can see you're nervous.

Pretend like nobody's watching you.

You know? Connect with something powerful and emotive deep down.

In my case, that's Little Lonny.

In your case, it might be something different.

Just imagine yourself completely alone with something that you love.

Okay.

[SlNGlNG] How l love the way you move And the sparkle in your eyes There's a color deep inside them Like a blue suburban sky I don't need to be the king of the world As long as I'm the hero

-Of this little girl -Ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah

-Heaven isn't too far away -Heaven isn't too far away

-Closer to it every day -Closer to it every day No matter what your friends say

-I know we're gonna find a way -More than words

-Is all you have to do to make it real -You have to do to make it real

-Then you wouldn't have to say -Then you wouldn't have to say

-Heaven isn't too far away -Heaven isn't too far away Heaven isn't too far away More than words Yeah, heaven isn't too far away SHERRIE: More than words

'Cause I'd already Know DREW: Sayin' "I love you"

You beautiful bastard.

[CROWD CLAMORlNG]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD CHEERING LOUDER]

WOMAN: Stacee!

Stacee!

[SlGHS]

Everybody, listen up!

This place is about to become a sea of sweat, ear-shattering music and puke.

So let's get moving.

Paul! Ha-ha.

You're early.

Actually, I told him the gig was last night, so technically he's a day late. Don't tell him.

[PHONE RINGlNG]

Work, work, work.

Yes, you're on the air.

[FANS SHOUTlNG]

Hey, Stacee, you made it.

Hey Man.

Yeah. Hey, man.

No, this...

...is Hey Man.

DENNIS: Oh. Uh....

Right.

Hey Man.

Whoa! Whoa!

Thank you so much for doing this....

You and me.

Uh-huh.

You and me.

We're sole survivors.

Even the cockroaches got burned by the fallout, but not us.

It's great to see your face-bone again.

-Now let's burn this place to the ground. -Yes.

Right on, brother. Rock 'n' roll.

No. When l'm done, we literally need to burn this place to the ground.

Otherwise the fire phoenix gets trapped.

Yes, l suppose so.

Ha-ha. It's a joke. I'm kidding, man.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I mean, of course, you're not really gonna burn the place down to the ground, right?

No.

You can't trap a fire phoenix.

I mean, that'd be crazy, right?

It would be. Yeah.

I mean, seriously...

...tonight, l am gonna light this place on fire...

...for you...

...my rock 'n' roll brother.

SHERRIE: Uhn. -Sherrie!

Sherrie. Sherrie.

-You okay? -Ow.

-What happened? -You passed out.

I saw Stacee Jaxx. Oh, my God. I'm so embarrassed. Oh, my Go--

It's okay. l'm sure girls faint around him all the time.

They're gonna be fainting around you too in no time.

[CROWD SHOUTlNG]

[SlREN WAlLlNG]

[PROTESTERS & FANS SHOUTING]

Here we go.

Hey, Stacee. l got someone I'd like you to meet, man.

This is Constance Sack. Rolling Stone.

Stace?

[MONKEY GIBBERING]

You in there, man? Ha-ha-ha.

Say, superstar, rise and shine.

Constance Sack. Rolling Stone.

STACEE: Stones.

-Good. STACEE: The Rolling Stones?

Where's Mick?

[PAUL LAUGHS]

No. The magazine.

She's a reporter.

She's here to do the big story about you going solo, brother.

-Paul, I-- -Okay.

-Look, Paul, I-- -Hey, hey.

Be yourself.

Superstar, right? Okay, you know what?

I'm gonna leave you two alone, go return some phone calls.

Play nice!

It's a pleasure to finally meet you.

[FAN SCREAMS]

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I love you, Stacee Jaxx!


No! I love you! I love you!

STACEE: Okay.

-Five minutes. -Fi--?

Oh, God. Okay.

Five minutes and go.

Okay. Stacee Jaxx, back at The Bourbon--

No, no, no. No.

Now go.

Uh-- At The Bourbon, where it all started.

Your first album Stick Meat gave birth to some of rock's greatest anthems.

And now a solo career. Why now?

Well, ahem...

...I think....

I think due to the changing nature of the music industry...

...the change in cultural trends...

...and when you think of blah-blah-blah and blah-blah-blah.

--you make sure that you wanna take in blah-blah-blah. Ha-ha.

-Okay. -Four minutes.

[LAUGHS]

You know, some people have said that you've become quite difficult to work with.

That you're constantly late, you're reclusive, sometimes even nonsensical.

I wanna ask you this:

Have these people even met themselves?

Well, I'm talking about your band.

Let me tell you something.

I know me better than anyone...

...because l live in here.

-Eight minutes. -You just said four.

-Three. -But it--

Do you think that it's possible...

...that you've shut out or alienated so many people...

...that you had no other option but to go solo?

You gotta be true to the muse. Hey Man.

Scotch me, little buddy.

And who is your muse? Ahem.

Right.

Fine.

-Born Steven Jackson in Detroit, Michigan. -Are we out?

Raised by a single mom, Doris, now deceased.

Dropped out of Woodrow Wilson High in 11th grade.

Your first concert was Aerosmith.

When you were 17, you hitchhiked to L.A. with your high school sweetheart.

Remember her?

No comment?

Hmm?

Two minutes.

Did l hit a nerve?

Aerosmith? Detroit?

High school sweetheart?

Jenny Anderson. Your first love.

And your last hit single, "l'm gonna rock you in your mouth," it was written about her.

Record sold 100 million copies.

And that record was produced about eight years ago.

Some people say you've sold out since then.

I sell out all right. Every seat, every stadium l ever play.

Yeah, and yet, creatively, you've come to a standstill.

You've been in and out of the studio for the past, what? Two years?

And no results. Nothing.

Time.

You know, you're not so weird.

You're just another lonely man with many regrets.

I said time. You can go now.

Final question.

What happens when you realize you can't get rid of Stacee Jaxx?

You have no idea what it's like to be me.

Well, then here's your chance.

What's it like to be the Stacee Jaxx?

[SlNGlNG] It's all the same Only the names will change Every day it seems we're wastin' away Another place Where the faces are so cold I drive all night just to get back home I'm a cowboy On a steel horse l ride I'm wanted Dead or alive Wanted Dead or alive

Sometimes I sleep Sometimes it's not for days The people l meet Always go their separate ways Sometimes you tell the day By the bottle that you drink And times when you're alone All you do is think Dalai Lama.

I'm a cowboy On a steel horse l ride I'm wanted BOTH [SINGlNG]: Wanted STACEE: Dead or alive Wanted ALL: Wanted Dead or alive

[CLEARS THROAT]

CROWD [CHANTlNG]: Stacee! Stacee! Stacee! Stacee! Stacee!

Oh, and I ride CROWD [CHANTlNG]: Stacee! Stacee! Stacee!

[ALL CHEERING]

Oh, when I walk these streets A loaded six string on my back I play for keeps

'Cause I might not make it back I've been everywhere Still standing tall l've seen a million faces And I've rocked them all I'm a cowboy On a steel horse l ride I'm wanted Wanted Dead or alive Well, I'm a cowboy I got the night on my side I'm wanted Wanted Dead or alive And I ride Dead or alive I still drive

-Dead or alive -Dead or alive

I'm Stacee.

Sherrie.

When my hamster died...

...your music really helped me through.

[SHERRlE GASPS]

You have such a perky...

...heart.

Thank you.

[SNIFFS]

Do me a favor.

Sure.

There's a cut-glass bottle of Scotch in the limo.

Bring it to my dressing room?

Right away.

DREW: Sherrie.

-Where were you? -I just met Stacee again.

And I didn't even faint.

Wait, wait. Where are you going?

I gotta go grab something for Stacee.

Wait. l want you to be here when l go on.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Now, Patricia, this is the third night in a row that you've been here.

-Why so passionate? -Well, Mitch, this has to end.

We're calling on anyone with children to join forces with us...

...and show up here every night...

...until the doors of these places are closed for good.

Stacee Jaxx can wreck his own life.

But when it comes to raping...

...the ears of our children with this poison...

-...we have to fight! -Well, they--

Rock 'n' roll is the only freedom we have.

Stacee Jaxx is God!

Rock 'n' roll forever! Waah!

Sniff the mike. Whoo!

I'm walking here! Whoo!

PAUL: Okay, great interview. I hope you got everything.

-You're not a cowboy. -Why don't you tell me what l am?

-You're a man-child stuck in a rut. -I love it when you talk dirty.

You used to be great. But whatever made you that way, it's gone.

That's right. Give it to me rough.

You're another rocker asleep at the wheel...

-...singing songs you wrote 1 0 years ago. -Okay, lady.

As long as you've got this manager keeping you on the road...

...and doping you up with girls and booze and million-dollar record deals...

...he's gonna keep you asleep and drive your career off a cliff.

-Line crossed. Let's go, sweetheart. -Don't touch me.

You used to write great songs. Where are they now?

PAUL: You know what? l'm calling your editor. Close friend of mine, by the way.

WOMAN [OVER PHONE]: Rolling Stone magazine. -Jann Wenner's office.

Get out.

My words exactly. This interview is over.

No, no, no. Not her.

You.

All of you.

Copy that. Everybody out.

No, no, no.

Not you too, Hey Man.

We'll do the next one together, all right?

All right?

Come on, don't be like that. We'll do the next one together.

I promise. Okay?

[DOOR CLOSES]

You know, I think you get this sense of entitlement...

...due to the fact that you're a rock god.

But it's not real.

It's not love.

No.

It's not love.

Then what is it?

Off the record?

Sex.

[CONSTANCE GASPS]

And other people's projections of what they want me to be.

Of what you and all your readers want me to be.

Sex.

And it keeps me from going out...

...and getting the one thing that could save me.

But l can't have that now.

I'm a slave to rock 'n' roll.

I am searching for the perfect song...

...the perfect sound that will make you wanna live forever.

Like l said:

I know me better than anyone because l live in here.

And no one else can.

I can.

[SlNGlNG] I gotta take a little time A little time to think things over

I better read between the lines In case l need it when I'm older

[SlNGlNG] Ooh, ahh, ahh In my life There's been heartache and pain I don't know If l can face it again Can't stop now l've traveled so far To change this lonely life

-I wanna know what love is -I wanna know what love is

-I want you to show me -I want you to show me

-l wanna feel what love is -l wanna feel what love is

-I know you can show me -I know you can show me

[MOANlNG]

I'm gonna take a little time A little time to look around me CONSTANCE: I've got nowhere left to hide It looks like love has finally found me In my life There's been heartache and pain I don't know If l can face it again I can't stop now Hey, man, have you seen Sherrie? Blon--?

LONNY: Drew? Hey, Drew, showtime.

Come on. Stop fannying around.

Let's talk about love I wanna know what love is Love that you feel inside I want you to show me l'm feelin' so much love l wanna feel what love is No You just cannot hide I know you can show me Yeah Ooh, ooh, ooh I wanna know what love is Let's talk about love I want you to show me l wanna feel it too

-l wanna feel what love is -l wanna feel it too And I know, and l know

-I want you to show me -And I know, and l know And I know Oh, oh, oh Oh, yeah.

[CONSTANCE SQUEALS]

[CROWD SHOUTlNG]

Okay.

[CONSTANCE GASPS]

That....

CONSTANCE: That....

STACEE: That...

...can be on the record.

CONSTANCE: Oh, my God.

This was a mistake.

STACEE: Wait.

Hey, wait.

CROWD [CHANTlNG lN DlSTANCE]: Stacee! Stacee! Stacee!

Can't wait to see the article.

[CONSTANCE SIGHS]

[THUD]

[SHERRlE GASPS]

Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. l'm so sorry.

-I didn't mean to do that. -It's okay.

Just leave it.

[CROWD SHOUTlNG]

Please.

Quieten down, please, you hot fecund soup of estrogen and testosterone.

I need you to manage your expectations...

...and please welcome to the stage for their debut here at The Bourbon Rooms...

...the brilliant--

FAN 1 : Bring on the rock!

Drew. What's the name of your band, mate?

Wolfgang Von Colt.

FAN 2: Come on, Arsenal, let's go!

-And you're sticking with that, are you? -Yeah.

FAN 3: Come on!

Please welcome to the stage the very poorly titled...

...Wolfgang Van Colt!

-Von Colt! -It's not an improvement.

Wolfgang Von Colt.

SHERRIE: I can't believe that just happened.

Thank you. Thanks.

No, no, no. Thank you.

FAN 4: Come on!

LONNY: Psst. Drew.

Drew.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...please resurrect your enthusiasm...

...one final time for...

...Wolfgang Von Colt!

Drew! Oi, Drew!

FAN 5: We want Arsenal!

I wanna rock!

I said:

[SlNGlNG] I wanna rock Rock

I wanna rock Rock

-I want to rock -Rock

Turn it down, you say All I gotta say to you Is time and time again I say no Oh, no, no, no, no, no Tell me not to play All I gotta say to you When you tell me not to play I say no Oh, no, no, no, no, no So if you ask me why I like the way l play it There's only one thing l can say to you

-I wanna rock CROWD: Rock Go, Drew! You rock!

-I wanna rock CROWD: Rock

-I want to rock CROWD: Rock Oh, yeah

-I wanna rock CROWD: Rock!

I want to rock

[CROWD CHEERING]

Yeah!

Spring break!

I wanna rock CROWD: Rock, rock -Rock, rock I wanna rock CROWD: Rock, rock -Rock, rock I want to rock

[CROWD CHEERING]

CROWD [CHANTlNG]: Drew! Drew! Drew!

LONNY: Go, Drew!

Whoo! Drew, baby, that was unbelievable! You were amazing, they totally loved you.

The crowd was totally on their feet. They loved it.

Drew?

Drew.

Can l help you?

What's wrong?

Why are you mad at me?

I'm not mad.

I'm celebrating a great gig.

Okay. Well, can you at least look at me?

Why should l?

Huh?

I don't need you.

There are hundreds of "yous" out there. And tonight?

They were all looking at me.

The spotlight.

She was right.

Tell Dennis I quit.

DREW: Sherrie!

I wouldn't do that if l were you.

Hey. Paul Gill.

I'm Stacee Jaxx's manager.

-You were fantastic tonight, man. -Thank you, man. Thank you.

Let her go.

Let me ask you something:

What do Keith Richards, Jimmy Page...

...and Stacee Jaxx all have in common?

Broken hearts and very, very long careers.

Now, you want love? Go after her.

You might even find it. Heh, heh.

But l can guarantee you something much more rare...

...and a lot more fun, man.

LONNY: Stacee Jaxx and Arsenal!

What is that?

[CROWD CHEERING]

Fame.

[SlNGlNG] Love is like a bomb

Bomb Love is like a bomb

[CROWD CHEERING]

Huh! Hey!

Huh! Hey-hey!

Huh! Hey!

Huh! Hey! Huh!

Love is like a bomb, baby Come and get it on Livin' like a lover with a radar phone Lookin' like a tramp Like a video vamp Demolition woman Can I be your man?

Be your man Huh!

Razzle 'n' a dazzle 'n' a flash a little light Television lover, baby, go all night Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet Little Miss lnnocent, sugar me Yeah

-Yeah -Aah!

C'mon Take a bottle Shake it up Break the bubble Break it up CROWD [SlNGlNG]: Pour some sugar on me ln the name of love CROWD: Pour some sugar on me C'mon, fire me up Pour your sugar on me I can't get enough I'm hot, sticky sweet Sherrie quit.

And I quit too!

Okay.

Why is everybody quitting today?

Who cares? This is the greatest night of my life!

You got the peaches I got the cream Sweet to taste Saccharine

'Cause I'm hot, say what Sticky sweet From my head My head to my feet Do you take sugar One lump or two ARSENAL: Take a bottle STACEE: Take a bottle ARSENAL: Shake it up STACEE: Shake it up ARSENAL: Break the bubble -Break it up ARSENAL: Break it up ARSENAL & CROWD: Pour some sugar on me Ooh ln the name of love Hey, man.

Did you give my offer some thought?

STACEE: C'mon, fire me up ARSENAL & CROWD: Pour your sugar on me We got a deal.

Pour some sugar on me Ha-ha. That's my man!

ARSENAL & CROWD: Pour some sugar on me Get it Come get it ARSENAL & CROWD: Pour your sugar on me Ooh ARSENAL & CROWD: Pour some sugar on me

[SCREAMS]

Sugar me

[CROWD CHEERING]

[FANS SHOUTlNG]

Thirty-one thousand, two hundred and three dollars.

Crisis averted.

Thank you, Stacee Jaxx.

And Stacee Jaxx thanks you.

-Well, hello, Paul. -Well, hello, Dennis. Lonny.

Now, hold on just a second.

We got 90 percent of the house, 20 percent of the bar...

...1 00 percent of the merch.

That means that Stacee's take works out to about....

Wait, wait, wait. "Stacee's take"?

Hold on. Add a zero. Add three.

[CLlCKlNG TONGUE]

Thirty-one thousand, two hundred and nine. Correct?

-Yeah. -Crap.

Crap. We got a problem.

-What problem? -Well, you owe me six bucks.

Ha-ha-ha. But screw it. Keep it. I get fussy about singles anyway.

Paul, you told me this was a freebie.

Stacee Jaxx does not take a dump for free. He took a huge pay cut on this.

You are cutting my throat here!

Don't be so pessimistic. Stacee just put you guys back on the map!

No, no. l put him on the map.

[GROWLS]

I beg your pardon.

I gave him his first gig.

And I gave him his first million.

Anyway. Awesome doing business with you, ciao!

Didn't know Paul spoke ltalian.

[THUNDER CRACKING]

[SlNGlNG] Cryin' on the corner Waitin' in the rain I swear l'll never, ever wait again You gave me your word But words for you are lies Darlin', in my wildest dreams I never thought I'd go But it's time to let you know I'm gonna harden my heart I'm gonna swallow my tears I'm gonna turn and leave you here

All of my life l've been waitin' in the rain I've been waiting for a feeling That never, ever came lt feels so close But always disappears MAN: Watch it.

[SOBS]

WOMAN [SINGlNG]: Oh, oh, oh Mm, mm, ah, ah Oh Darlin', in your wildest dreams You never had a clue But it's time you got the news I'm gonna harden my heart Harden your heart I'm gonna swallow my tears Swallow your tears, girl

-I'm gonna turn -Turn

-And leave you here -Leave you here

[PEOPLE CHATTERlNG & LAUGHlNG]

[DEF LEPPARD'S "BRlNGIN' ON THE HEARTBREAK" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[OVER SPEAKERS] Oh, like a candle Cognac, brandy.

-Oh, no, l don't mix my drinks. -No, no, no.

This is Cognac.

-She's getting you a brandy. COGNAC: Here you go, Justice.

-Thank you. -Now you drink up and dry off.

But remember:

This is just a rest stop.

I need a job.

Do you dance?

You got the best of me I'm a better singer.

I don't need a singer.

And you're a pretty girl. You wanna make some real money, you gotta dance.

You also have to be tough too. And you don't look too tough to me.

I'm tough.

It's not right for everyone, honey.

Hey there.

I can wait tables. I'm good.

Are you sure?

You're bringin' on the heartache Can't you see Okay. You start tomorrow.

[SlNGlNG] You said, "Oh, girl It's a cold world When you keep it all to yourself" l said, "You can't hide On the inside All the pain you've ever felt"

You better ransom your heart And, baby, don't look back

'Cause we got nobody else We're running with the shadows Of the night So, baby, take my hand It'll be all right Surrender all your dreams to me tonight They'll come true in the end

I'm gonna harden my heart

-Harden your heart, girl SHERRIE: I'm gonna Swallow my tears Swallow your tears I'm gonna turn and leave you Darlin', in my wildest dreams I never thought I'd go But it's time to let you know Oh, l'm gonna harden my heart I'm gonna swallow my tears I'm gonna turn and leave you here

PATRICIA: Whitty.

What if I told you The Bourbon Room hadn't paid taxes in over a year?

-Why do you ask? -Because it's true.

They're broke. l am so excited.

I'm gonna call the press.

[PATRlClA SIGHS]

-Patty-cakes? -Mm-hm.

I think this whole "Cleaning up the Strip" thing...

...is gonna be great for the city and for us.

But you seem to have this issue with Stacee Jaxx.

I mean, it seems to be really intense.

Well....

-The short answer? -Mm-hm.

When I was a naive undergrad at UCLA, I had a roommate.

-Let's just call her Vivian. -Oh.

One night she was partying innocently at The Bourbon Room...

...when that two-headed monster spotted her...

...and lured her into his suite at the Park Hyatt.

-What? -For the first time...

...she felt like a woman.

Sure, a handcuffed woman covered in Cool Whip and Wild Turkey, but still...

...a woman.

Yeah. A woman.

-Well, you can guess what happened next. -Oh.

His tour bus left L.A., taking Stacee Jaxx with it.

And I swore in her honor...

...that I would see him...

...and his sick satanic legacy gone for good.

That's the short answer?

Yeah.

[SlNGlNG] I don't know where l'm going But I sure know where I've been Hanging on the promises In the songs of yesterday And I've made up my mind I ain't wasting no more time But here I go again

Here I go again

Though I keep searching for an answer I never seem to find what I'm looking for Oh, Lord, l pray You give me strength to carry on

'Cause I know what it means To walk along the lonely street of dreams And here I go again on my own Going down the only road I've ever known Like a drifter, I was born to walk alone

And I've made up my mind I ain't wasting no more time

I'm just another heart in need of rescue Waitin' on love's sweet charity And l'm gonna hold on For the rest of my days

'Cause I know what it means To walk along the lonely street of dreams And here I go again on my own Going down the only road I've ever known

Like a drifter, I was born to walk alone

And I've made up my mind

[PAUL LAUGHS]

I ain't wasting no more time But here I go again JUSTICE: Oh, here I go Here I go again JUSTICE: Here I go Here I go again JUSTICE: Here I go Here I go Here I go JUSTICE: Here I go


[DENNlS SIGHS]

Hey. Come on, big fella. We can sort this out.

What part of "We're screwed" don't you understand?

What part of "Rock 'n' roll is forever" don't you understand?

This monument to decadence...

...can't be brought down by a few plastic bureaucrats in bowler hats.

It's eternal.

I just feel like l've let everyone down.

Not everyone.

What do you mean?

[SlNGlNG] I can't fight this feeling any longer And yet l'm still afraid to let it flow What started out as friendship Has grown stronger I only wish I had the strength To let it show I tell myself that I can't hold out forever You're not fucking with me, are you?

I said there is no reason for my fear This is a dream come true.

'Cause I feel so secure When we're together You give my life direction You make everything so clear And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight You're a candle in the window On a cold, dark winter's night

-And l'm getting closer -And l'm getting closer

-Than I ever thought I might -Than I ever thought I might

-And l can't fight this feeling anymore -And l can't fight this feeling anymore

-I've forgotten what I started fighting for -I've forgotten what I started fighting for It's time to bring this ship into the shore And throw away the oars forever

-'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore -'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

-I've forgotten what I started fighting for -I've forgotten what I started fighting for

-And if l have to crawl upon the floor -And if l have to crawl upon the floor Come crashing through your door

-Baby, l can't fight this feelin' anymore -Baby, l can't fight this feelin' anymore

Hey, boss.

What is it, Chico?

The beer guy is here.

DENNIS: Tell him l'm busy.

Busy falling in love.

[SPEAKS lN SPANlSH]

MAN: Let's go, Donny, SHERRIE: Hey, you okay?

Oh, that? Don't sweat him. That's just my ex, Donny.

Anyway, how you holding up, baby?

I'd say men are pigs but that'd be totally unfair to pigs, so....

I gave up a long time ago trying make men respectable.

There's only one place you're gonna get respect in this joint.

You got to take that stage over there.

That stage is a pedestal.

And when you're up there, you're untouchable.

And when you're up there, you can have it....

[SlNGlNG] Any way you want it That's the way you need it Any way you want it Take Destiny.

She loves to laugh She loves to sing She does everything And Sapphire.

She loves to move She loves to groove She loves the lovin' things All night Oh, every night There's one motto here.

So hold tight

-Hold tight CHORUS: Baby, hold tight When it comes to the customer....

She said, "Any way you want it That's the way you need it Any way you want it"

She said, "Any way you want it That's the way you need it Any way you want it"

PAUL: Gentlemen, I bring you your next star.

Paul, you know l love you, but it's a pass.

PAUL: Shh.

Rock is dead, but the pop thing's hot.

[SlNGlNG] Hold on Hold on Does he rap?

[SlNGlNG] Any way you want it That's the way you need it Any way you want it JUSTICE [SlNGING]: Any way CHORUS: Any way you want it That's the way you need it Any way you want it Oh, she said, "Any way you want it That's the way you need it Any way you want it"

-Any way you want it -That's the way you need it Any way you want it Any way CHORUS: Any way you want it That's the way you need it Any way you want it Any way CHORUS: Any way you want it That's the way you need it Any way you want it That's the way you need it Any way you want it Any way CHORUS & JUSTlCE: Any way you want it That's the way you need it Any way you want it SHERRIE: Any way CHORUS & JUSTlCE: Any way you want it That's the way you need it Any way you want it Oh, she said, "Any way you want it That's the way you need it Any way you want it"

MAN: Mark. And play back.

[MACHlNE BEEPING]

[SlNGlNG] You got silky sheets Baby, put me underneath I'm your undercover love Oh, oh, oh, oh

-I'm your undercover love -Paul!

STEFANO: Cut! Cut! Cut!

This is the stupidest thing I've ever done. l can't do it.

What's your name, Joshy-Z? I'm trying to make you look cool.

I want you to look funky fresh. But you have to not suck the next take.

Back to one, everyone!

-I think we should take five, you know? STEFANO: First good idea l've had all day.

Take five, everyone!

DREW: This feels all wrong, Paul.

PAUL: I'm telling you, this pop-band shit is where everything is headed.

Just trust me. You're working with top, classy talent here.

Paul, I am Wolfgang Von Colt.

Not Joshy-Z, nor the Z-Guyz.

No, you are not the Z-Guyz either. You are the Z-Guyeezz.

Double the E, double the Z, double the flavor.

-The "flavor"? -Yes.

What does Z even stand for?

Nothing. You're over-thinking it.

Names that end in Z are very popular with the 14-to-21 year olds.

We did a whole focus group on this. Numbers don't lie.

I don't want to do it, man.

I have had it up to here with your negativity, Joshy-Z.

-And you know, Donny-Z and Kevy-Z and-- -Joey.

--Joey-Z, they're not too thrilled either. Think about them, huh?

Don't you think at least we should do a gig before we shoot a music video?

-You want a gig? Mm. -Yeah.

Watch this. Brat.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[PHONE RINGS]

-Bourbon. PAUL: Oh, Dennis. Paul Gill.

Paul, you got a lot of nerve calling me.

Okay, okay, okay.

I was a douche. l get it. But listen close. I'm gonna make it up to you.

I'm listening.

I need The Bourbon tonight. I will pack the place.

I will get the whole town to come out for it.

Who's playing?

Stacee Jaxx.

His first solo gig. And l've got a new act that you are gonna love.

And this time, every cent goes to the house.

-Every cent. -Every last penny...

...brother, of which there will be millions!

[WHlSPERS] Do we trust him?

[WHlSPERS] Yes.

[lN NORMAL VOICE] Okay, deal.

PAUL: You're one lucky son of a gun.

See you tonight.

[PAUL LAUGHS]

-Louise, call the PR department. -Paul, I need--

Shush. l'm rolling here.

Call the PR department and tell them l need to buy all the advertising blocks...

...on every drive-time radio station this afternoon.

Stacee's Rolling Stone cover. It hit the newsstands an hour ago.

How bad is it?

Stacee Jaxx.

On the phone?

Oh, my God.

[DOOR OPENS]

[GROWLS]

Hey.

[GROWLS]

Hey Man.

[SCREECHES]

Man.

Stace. Seriously--Oh!

Can you please ask Hey Man to just chill for a second or two, man?

Yes, l'm on that. Don't worry about it.

I just tore the editors a new one. You should've heard me, man. Ho, ho, ho.

-Shit! -Page 68, second paragraph.

-Read. -Okay.

[HEY MAN SNARLS]

[OBJECT CRASHES]

[PAUL SIGHS]

Okay.

Ah....

Uh....

"Stacee Jaxx will tell you he's a cowboy...

...but lately he seems more like a...

...'boy-cow' who's gotten lost in the herd.

But the biggest danger is the man who seems to be calling the shots...

...his manager Paul Gill, a man so oily...

...Exxon might want to reconsider buying stock in him."

Okay, well, you know, that could also mean that l'm real slick.

Because l am. There's no such thing as bad publicity.

[HEY MAN SCREECHES]

[GlBBERlNG]

Ha-ha-ha. Okay. That was funny.

"Even the legendary Bourbon Room isn't sacred.

This reporter learned that Stacee Jaxx and Paul Gill...

...walked away with virtually all of the night's proceeds."

STACEE: Whoa.

That part.

Is that true?

It's not not true.

It's more more true...

...than l would perhaps prefer.

[HEY MAN SCREECHES]

Okay, yes, l'll be clearer about that.

No more bullshit. No more bullshit.

I wish that the true part were falser.

[STACEE SlGHS]

You know what, man? Let's start all over again.

Let's turn that frown the right way around.

What do you say, sad clown?

I got something for you. One-of-a-kind. Ha-ha.

One hundred and fifty years old.

Priceless.

Look, so what if some...

...hack journalist took some potshots at you?

All your life, you have wanted to be number one.

You still are number one. Let's toast to that.

And I'm telling you, I'm gonna get that reporter fired...

...so please don't dump that on my head.

I would never do that.

[OPENS ZIPPER]

[URlNATING]

[SNORTS THEN MAKES KISSlNG SOUND]

STACEE: Mm.

1 50-year-old Scotch.

[ZlPS UP]

It's priceless.

[CONTlNUES ZlPPING UP]

Mm-hm.

You're fired, Paul.

Hey Man.

[HEY MAN GROWLlNG]

PATRICIA [OVER TV]: It just goes to Show that sin doesn't sell anymore.

And if Dennis Dupree can't pay by midnight, well....

MIKE: Then it looks like Los Angeles will be able to reclaim the real estate.

Drew?

Sherrie. What are you doing here?

Sorry. l didn't realize you owned the place.

DREW: Wait, wait, wait.

How are you?

I'm great. Quitting The Bourbon was the best thing that could've happened.

Yeah.

Me too.

What are you wearing?

Oh, uh.... This is kind of my new look...

...for the band l'm in.

The Z-Guyeezz.

-Yeah, l've heard of them. -No.

Not them.

The Z-Guyeezz.

Double the E, double the Z, double the flavor.

And we're playing The Bourbon tonight.

Huh.

How about you? You singing?

No...

...I'm dancing.

Aerobics. I teach aerobics.

[SlGHS]

Ever see Stacee again?

-What do you mean? -After your big fling.

-Wait, you think he and l--? -I don't think.

I saw you.

-What did you see? -The night I played.

You were walking out of his dressing room, he was zipping up his pants.

You think I slept with Stacee Jaxx?

You didn't?

I was in love with you.

Drew....

L.A. really isn't working out for me.

It's time to go home.

-Sherrie.... -What?

Sherrie, can we please just start over?

-Pretend nothing-- -I'm a stripper at the Venus Club.

I'm in a boy band.

You win.

No, wait.

Here.

This is something Wayne, Ziff and I recorded last week.

That song l was writing.

The one about us.

Please...

...listen to it.

Sure.

[SINGING] We both lie silently still In the dead of the night Although we both lie close together We feel miles apart inside DREW [SlNGlNG]: waS it something I said Or something l did?

Did my words not come out right?

Though I tried not to hurt you Though I tried

-But I guess that's why they say -But I guess that's why they say

-Every rose has its thorn -Every rose has its thorn Just like every night has its dawn Just like every cowboy Sings his sad, sad song Every rose has its thorn Yeah, it does Though it's been a while now I can still feel so much pain Like a knife that cuts you The wound heals But the scar That scar remains Yes, it does


I know l could have saved our love That night If l'd known what to say DREW & SHERRIE: Instead of making love We both made our separate ways SHERRIE & JUSTICE: And now l hear you've found Somebody new And that I never meant That much to you To hear that tears me up inside And to see you cuts me like a knife Oh, every Every rose has its thorn Oh, oh SHERRIE, JUSTICE & DREW: Just like every night has its dawn Just like every cowboy Sings his sad, sad song Yeah Every rose has its thorn Oh, yeah Every rose has its thorn

[CAR HORN HONKS]

DRlVER: Asshole!

[OVER SPEAKERS] Swingin' so hard, Forgot to lock the door In walks her daddy, Standin' six foot four He said, "You ain't gonna swing With my daughter no more"

STACEE: Justice.

JUSTICE: Stacee Jaxx. lt's been too long.

--a sweet surprise Tastes so good, make a grown man cry So you see anything you like?

She's my cherry pie Put a smile on your face 1 0 miles wide Looks so good, bring a tear to your eye Sweet cherry pie Sweet cherry pie

How much to make my pain go away?

I just dance.

STACEE: I like to dance.

Ten thousand.

Why not?


[SlNGlNG] It's early morning, the sun comes out Last night was shaking and pretty loud My cat is purring and scratches my skin So what is wrong with another sin?

[SlNGlNG] The bitch is hungry, she needs to tell So give her inches and feed her well More days to come, new places to go I've got to leave, it's time for the show

-Here I am, rock you like a hurricane -Here I am, rock you like a hurricane

My body is burning, It starts to shout Desire is coming, it breaks out loud Lust is in cages still storm breaks loose I just have to make it with someone l choose

-The night is calling, I have to go -The night is calling, I have to go SHERRIE: The wolf is hungry

-He runs the show -He runs the show He's licking his lips, he's ready to win

-On the hunt tonight for love at first sting -On the hunt tonight for love at first sting

-Here I am, rock you like a hurricane -Here I am, rock you like a hurricane Are you ready, baby?

-Here I am, rock you like a hurricane -Here I am, rock you like a hurricane Rock you like a hurricane

-Here I am, rock you like a hurricane -Here I am, rock you like a hurricane Come on, come on, come on, come on!

-Here I am, rock you like a hurricane -Here I am, rock you like a hurricane

-Here I am! -Here I am!


We don't really want this.


Sherrie? What's wrong, honey?

I'm fine, I'm just a little...

...ruined.

I never should've come to L.A.

You ain't ruined, baby. But you will be if you stay here.

It's not fame and fortune you came looking for, Sherrie.

It's love.

And love left this place a long time ago.

WOMAN: Sherrie?

Someone dropped this off for you.

SHERRIE: "Sometimes things that are lost can be found again.

Don't stop believing. Love, Drew."

[PHONE RINGS]

Rolling Stone. Also, we're closed.

STACEE: Put Cinderella on the phone.

Are you talking about the fake person with the stepmother?

She stuck her tongue in my ear.

She blew my world up.

Are you messing with me right now?

Is it someone that is trying to really freak me out? Because it's working.

This goddess...

...she put a mirror up to Stacee Jaxx.

You're talking about Constance...

...not Cinderella, which-- I guess they sound similar.

Constance Sack.

Constance?

Put her on.

She's not here. She's at The Bourbon...

...in Los Angeles, and she's covering Stacee Jaxx's first solo gig.

So you can go there and weird her out.

I have a gig?

Are you Stacee Jaxx?

Hello?

Great. That's not gonna make me feel like l'm gonna get killed tonight.

LONNY: People! We must obey petty bureaucracy.

It's what separates us from the beasts.

Just remember the moves, right? Remember the attitude.

And make sure that those head mikes are turned off.

God forbid anyone hears your actual voices.

Oh! Nice of you to show.

I don't understand why we can't sing.

It's better this way. Less chance to screw up, right?

Wait. We're not singing?

All we gotta do is mouth the words.

-So we're lip-synching? -Just relax.

It's done all the time. Pretty soon everyone will do it.

Does Dennis know?

Don't worry your pretty little head about Dennis. l'm saving his ass tonight.

All right, fellas? Come on. Let's go.

Everybody in.

[CHATTERING lNDlSTINCTLY]

As you can see, this club is totally out of control.

But, Mitch, this ends tonight.

It's time we wiped the filth off the streets of this great city.

The people of Los Angeles are not gonna take it anymore.

-Powerful words from Patricia Whitmore. LONNY: You! Mrs. Mayor!

Why are you so uptight?

You lot need to feel the wind of change. Blow the cobwebs out of your gussets.

We built this city on rock 'n' roll.

-Right? -Yeah, we did!

[SlNGlNG] We built this city My grandfather's father built this city!

We built this city on rock 'n' roll FANS [SlNGING]: Built this city How dare you!

We built this city on rock 'n' roll Who counts the money Underneath the bar?

Who rides the wrecking ball Into our guitars?

Don't tell us you need us

'Cause we're the ship of fools Lookin' for America Crawlin' through your schools PROTESTERS: We're not gonna take it We built this city No, we ain't gonna take it We built this city We're not gonna take it anymore We built this city on rock 'n' roll

-We're not gonna take it -We built this city

-No, we ain't gonna take it -We built this city We're not gonna take it anymore We built this city on rock 'n' roll

[CROWD CHEERING]

MITCH: Stacee Jaxx has just arrived...

...for his first solo show!

It seems history is no doubt about to be made again at The Bourbon Room tonight!

PATRICIA: Hey!

No! No, no!

Where is the police when you need them?

Hey, you! Hey, policeman! You can't let him in there!

LONNY: Here, hold this.

Stacee, excited about the show?

Thank you.

PATRICIA: Are you listening to me?

[MlTCH GRUNTlNG]

PATRICIA: What are you doing?

He can't go in there!

Oh, God!

PATRICIA: You stay away from me.

[PROTESTERS GASP]

[PATRlClA MOANS SOFTLY]

Patty.

Your tits have held up well.

[MOANlNG]

Oh, my God!

[FANS SHOUTlNG]

[PANTlNG]

[PROTESTERS MURMURlNG]

Mitch, this is breaking news. I have in my hand an album.

It's Arsenal 1977 Live at The Bourbon. Great album, incidentally.

If l could just draw your attention to the inside sleeve.

This photograph here of a nymph...

...apparently about to gargle Stacee Jaxx's body porridge...

...is none other than Patricia Whitmore, the mayor's wife!

SECRETARY: Ooh! LONNY: This is our Watergate!

Rock lives on!

MITCH: You saw it here live.

The mayor's wife appears to be an ex-groupie of none other than Stacee Jaxx!

Sweet baby Jesus.

Stop! You cut that!

[FANS SCREAMING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERlNG]

MAN: Hey, look. lt's Stacee Jaxx.

I'm telling you, it's Stacee Jaxx.

I'm telling you.

WOMAN 1 : Sure? -Oh, my God.

WOMAN 2: Oh, my God!

WOMAN 3: Oh, my God! Stacee!

Yeah.

[WOMAN MOANS]

[THUMP]

I'm sorry about the article.

Open your mouth.

[GASPlNG]

Uh, uh, uh....

[CROWD MURMURlNG]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Ladies and gentlemen...

...you foul and pestilent congregation of vapors...

...we're gonna have a fantastic evening tonight!

Later, performing on this stage, we'll see Stacee Jaxx!

But before that...

...we will have the less important...

...but somehow worthwhile...

...making their debut here on The Bourbon stage, the....

"Z-Guyeezz."

Give it a whirl, l suppose.

MAN 1 : Rock 'n' roll!

DREW: So may l introduce to you...

...the guys you've known for all these days:

The Z-Guyeezz.

-Donny-Z. -Kevy-Z.

Me, Joey-Z.

And Joshy-Z.

[LIP-SYNCHlNG] You Me One day we can have a baby Is that Drew?

I'm afraid it is, yes.

Oh, my God, I just threw up.

Where?

In my pants.

Out of my ass.

MAN 2: Hey, they're lip-synching!

Z-GUYEEZZ: Baby girl, I wanna still be

-Who is this? -The Z-Guyeezz.

Great, right?

Where is Stacee?

Really sick.

[CROWD BOOING]

Hush Hush Baby, we've been talking too much I just wanna stare at your.... Shh

[SONG CONTINUES PLAYING] Put my hands around it Squeeze, touch

[MOUTHS] Thank you.

Don't rush Hey! Ho, ho, ho! What the hell are you doing?

Sherrie, I'm so sorry.

-Drew, stop! Shh. -I should have trusted you.

It's okay. lt's okay.

You can't go home.

Your new band sucks.

And, yeah, this? This has gotta go. Heh. Whoo.

You got L-O-V Baby, I could be the E Hey, Joshy-Z, if all these people want refunds, my club is closed.

Oh, oh Yeah Wait.

Just wait right here.

Hi.

MAN 3: I want my money back!

Oh, Hey Man.

Oh, my God.

"l owe you this.

Your rock brother, Stacee."

God! That Stacee Jaxx.

He gives until it hurts.

[GRUNTING AND MOANlNG]

[CROWD BOOING]

Whoa.

MAN 4: That's right, get him off!

[BOOING CONTINUES]

Hey!

You little shit.

You just destroyed your one shot.

I didn't destroy anything, Paul. I took a stand.

Really? For what?

Rock 'n' roll, baby.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, rock is over, pal.

Rock is dead!

Ha-ha-ha. That's right, Hey Man, rock will never die.

[ALL CHEERING]

KEVY-Z: Aah!

[GROWLS]

SHERRIE: All right! Well, now that that's over...

...are you guys ready to rock?

[ALL CHEERING]

This is a very special song, written by a very special person.

[SlNGlNG] Just a small-town girl Livin' in a lonely world She took the midnight train Goin' anywhere

Just a city boy Born and raised in South Detroit He took the midnight train Goin' anywhere

[CHUCKLES]

[CROWD CHEERING]

A singer in a smoky room The smell of wine And cheap perfume For a smile they can share the night It goes on and on and on and on

-Strangers waitin' -Strangers waitin'

-Up and down the boulevard -Up and down the boulevard

-Their shadows searching in the night -Their shadows searching in the night

-Streetlights, people -Streetlights, people

-Livin' just to find emotion -Livin' just to find emotion

-Hidin' somewhere in the night -Hidin' somewhere in the night

[CROWD CHEERING]

[SlNGlNG] Workin' hard to get my fill Everybody wants a thrill Payin' anything to roll the dice Just one more time Some will win Some will lose

-Some were born to sing the blues -Some were born to sing the blues Oh, the movie never ends It goes on and on and on and on Hey, put your hands together, Los Angeles, for the man who wrote this song...

...and my very special friends...

...Von Colt!

-Strangers waitin' -Strangers waitin'

-Up and down the boulevard -Up and down the boulevard

-Their shadows searching in the night -Their shadows searching in the night

-Streetlights, people -Streetlights, people

-Livin' just to find emotion -Livin' just to find emotion

-Hidin' somewhere in the night -Hidin' somewhere in the night

Don't stop believin'

Yeah, hold on to that feelin'

Streetlights, people Don't stop believin'

Hold on to that feelin'

Streetlights, people

Don't stop believin'

Oh, hold on Hold on to that feelin'

Streetlights, people Don't stop


[English - US - SDH]