Roller Coaster Rabbit (1990) Script

(UPBEAT THEME PLAYING)

MAN 1: Hurry, hurry, hurry, step right up and see Egyptia!

MAN 2: She walks, talks, and crawls on her belly like a snake!

MAN 3: The most death-defying ride in the world.

Jeepers, I sure do love fairs, especially going on all the rides.

No, no, no. Baby Herman is much too little to go on the rides and I...

Oh, look, a psychic.

Roger, I'm going to have my palm read, so you stay here and watch Baby Herman.

Huh? No, no, not that. Anything but that.

(CLOTH RIPS)

Please, don't let...

Roger, you'll stay here with Baby, or it's rabbit stew for dinner.

Okay, okay, anything you say, Mama, dearest.

Why, you know me, I just love watching Baby.

Why, I'm a regular super-sitter.

Boy, that was close.

Let Uncle Roger tie your balloon up and that way you'll never lose it.

(CRYING)

Don't cry, Baby Herman! Uncle Roger's gonna get you a new balloon.

Now, you stay here and be a good boy and don't get into any trouble.

Promise? (COOS)

Oh!

Red balloon.

(BABBLING)

Ta-da! Hey!

Where'd he go? Is he down here?

Ah!

Baby Herman, where are you? Speak to me.

(LAUGHS)

(SCREAMS)

(BABBLING)

Don't poke yourself, Baby Herman. Whee!

Oh! Hey, what's happening to my head?

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) I've got a headache, but it's just a little one.

(COOING)

Jeepers, hold your fire, hold your fire!

Phew!

Okay, fellows, fire away.

Whee! (LAUGHS)

Oh!

(COUGHS)

Huh?

Balloon.

Baby Herman, you're too little to go on the rides!

(MACHINERY SPEEDS UP)

Uh-oh!

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

(SPUTTERING)

(SPUTTERING)

(BABBLING)

Baby, got you.

(BABBLING)

Hey, it's dark in here and it smells bad, too.

ROGER: Ew! (BABBLING)

(LAUGHING)

Baby Herman, is that you?

Come on, let's get out of here before we get into trouble.

(SNORTS)

Pee-ew!

No more corn dogs for you today.

(GROWLING) Hey, you're not Baby Herman.

(BABBLING)

Ah!

Hey, what are you doing down there?

(LAUGHS) Baby, no!

(SCREAMS)

I hate bullfights! I never eat beef! I'm a vegetarian!

I don't even wear shoes.

(ROGER GROANING IN PAIN)

(ROGER SCREAMS)

That was bracing.

Oh!

Balloon.

Don't move, Baby Herman!

Jeepers, that was close and I caught you just in (SCREAMING) time!

HERMAN: Whee!

(ROGER SCREAMS)

Stop!

(ROGER SCREAMS)

HERMAN: Whoo-hoo!

Whoo! Jeepers.

Oh, no!

Save me, save me.

What? Save me!

(ROGER SCREAMING)

Curses. Foiled again.

Ah!

(LAUGHS)

Stop!

(ROGER SCREAMING) (HERMAN LAUGHING)

ROGER: Whoa!

MAN: Fire on the set! Fire on the set!

(MAN'S VOICE) Get me down!

MAN: Gangway, gangway! Get the firemen over here!

Yikes!

(CHUCKLES)

(COUGHS)

WOMAN: Excuse me, I don't see a scene with fire.

My first film, my masterpiece is ruined.

You clumsy idiot.

But you don't understand.

You call yourself an actor. It's not my fault!

Now, you go back and do this entire scene again.

Not this hare, cue ball.

(WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

HERMAN: It's always the same old thing. You never pay me enough money.

You wanna pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

I can't take much more of this.

I get the same junk from that rabbit every time we do something.

He's making me crazy. Mr. Herman, Mr. Herman?

You forgot something.

Oh! (LAUGHS)

What's the matter, toots, afraid of a little bang?