Rumor Has It... (2005) Script

I was just off the 16th green in two, and he was buried in the bunker.

Ginny's been working so hard on the Junior League Charity Ball.

How marvelous. You've got to help with the committee.

Of course I will. You gonna be at the Goldwater rally?

You bet. I wouldn't miss it.

We went to Spain last summer, and it's like an entirely different country.

You see what Jackie Kennedy was wearing?

Yes, I did. Wasn't it beautiful?

Okay, everyone, 1963 is right around the corner.

Grab that special someone you love.

It all started on New Year's Eve, 1962... in my hometown of Pasadena, California... when this man and this woman slept together.

He was 21, she was 42.

Six months later, the affair ended... when the man slept with someone else.

Not just any someone else, the woman's only daughter.

As if things needed to get more complicated... three days later, the daughter married a different guy.

No one was aware of the bride's little fling.

No one, that is, except her mother.

That could have been the end of the story, but it wasn't.

The following spring, a book was published.

The author was a classmate of the young man.

Not the groom, the other one.

You know, the one who slept with mother and the daughter?

Names were changed... but that didn't stop all of Pasadena from doing what it does best: gossip.

And with the Lindus boy too. Her best friend's son.

No, I... I heard it was Mary Beth... with that Bianchi boy.

But Mary Beth doesn't have a daughter.

No, but she has a homosexual son.

Without any prime suspects, however, interest in the scandal quickly faded.

Guess who showed up stewed last week at the Hunt Club.

I don't feel the conservative cause has been hurt. Twenty-five....

It was, after all, only a book.

Once again'this could have been the end of the story.

But then, in 1967, the movie came out.

For God's sake, Mrs. Robinson... here we are, you got me into your house, give me a drink... you put on music, now you start opening up your personal life to me... tell me your husband won't be home.

So? Mrs. Robinson... you're trying to seduce me.

Aren't you?

Well, no, I hadn't thought of it. I feel very flattered....

And that's how the deepest, darkest secret of one Pasadena family... became immortalized.

Ever since, people in town have wondered... who is the real Benjamin Braddock and who is the real Mrs. Robinson.

All this happened over 30 years ago.

So, what does this have to do with me?

To answer that, you'd have to know who I was.

Which, in the winter of 1997... is something I myself was struggling with.

Truth be known, I'd been struggling with that my whole life.


Yoo-hoo, Sarah. Yeah?

You okay? Yeah. I'm fine.

You don't seem fine. Oh, no. I'm fine. I am.

Okay, fine.

What was that? Turbulence.

That wasn't turbulence. That felt mechanical.

That was textbook turbulence. L... Okay.

You are not a pilot. You do not know that.

Since when did you become afraid of flying?

I'm not afraid of flying. I love to fly.

It's crashing that I hate. I hate crashing.

Baby, where...? Where is your engagement ring?

That's... It's in my... It's in my purse.

What's it doing in there?

Well, you know... how on planes your... Your fingers get all swollen.

Oh, really? I never heard that.

Really? Yeah, they do. They get swollen.

And fat.

But don't they sort of unswell when you land?

Yes. They do.

But I wasn't finished. Okay.

I was also thinking... this is Annie's wedding weekend, you know?

I don't think we should announce our engagement and steal her thunder.

Why does it keep doing that? Because we're in an airplane.

Oh, God. You really need to calm down, honey.

Wanna have sex in the bathroom?

I was thinking more like a hot cup of tea.

I'm serious. Baby, it's so cramped in there.

They got harsh lighting... Come on. It's gonna be good.

Okay, just wait. Wait a little bit.

Come, knock three times. This is gonna be great.

Sarah. This is gonna be fun.

I said, knock three times.

Want me to go out and do it again? No. No.



I'm sorry, you're squishing my arm. Sorry.

Shit. Let me just move over here, hold on.

My arm... Damn it.

What? What? My shoe fell off. It's okay.

I'll get it later. Okay.

You all right? Okay, let's... Let's try again.

Wait, now your knee's in my...

Why don't you just turn. Turn a little bit.

Sorry. No.

Oh, no. No, no.

Is that better?

Faucet. Okay.

Is that better?

What? You're not into this.

What? I'm into it. You are so not into this.

I'm into it.

Okay. Okay.


Whoa, Jesus.

What, are you...? Okay, no, no, no. I'm being sucked.

And not in a good way. God. Sorry.

Oh, God. I'm sorry.

It's not that bad. I just... Did I get any of that blue water on me?

I've never even met the guy.

What? What guy? Annie's fiance.

What kind of a maid of honor am l?

What kind of a big sister am l?

It's not like we have a mother who helped her pick out her wedding dress.

And got her something old and something new and something...

That blue thing.

I don't think Annie is expecting you to take the place of your mother.

I don't know. I don't know.

Listen, I hate to say this... but you always get like this just before you're going home to see your family.

I do?

I do.

Because I don't fit in with them.

I don't fit with anybody.

You fit with me.

Come here.

Come on.

You okay?

I can go tell the pilot to turn the plane around.

So are we...?

Are we through here?

Yeah. Okay, I got a plan.

Okay. You leave...

I'll wait here a few seconds, maybe tidy up a little bit... then I'll slip out very discreetly... and pretend like I'm looking for some more almonds.

Okay. Okay?

Okay. Okay.

Okay. You got it?

Yes. Okay. All right.

Hey, how you doing? I'm okay.

I was just.... You know. Yeah.

Probably should go now. Yeah.

I tell you about the tunnels? The tunnels?

There are tunnels near Dodger Stadium.

Ever since we were little, we, d hold our breath as we drove through them.

Now, my dad still thinks that this is tremendous fun... and he will unquestionably try to involve you in it.

Yes. You don't have to... certainly not for me.

You know, I urge you not to, because my dad drives like such an old lady... getting through the tunnel, you'll pass out.

Got it. Okay, now, tennis... always a safe subject, always safe.

Wine, good. You know, any travel anecdotes... especially Europe, really good.

Don't bring up guns or the death penalty... and whatever you do, do not bring up Vietnam.

Why would I bring up Vietnam?

On the other hand, he loves talking about the Civil War...

Antietam and Shiloh.

Relax, it's gonna be fine.

I know. I'm saying, in case you get stuck.

I'm not gonna get stuck. I'm a lawyer, I talk for a living.

You're a very good lawyer. If you get stuck, as a last resort...

... talk about the Rams leaving L.A. Thank you very much.

Here they are. Here they are. Daddy. Hi.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi. How are you? Great.

Daddy, this is Jeff.

The guy you've been hiding? Earl Huttinger.

Nice to meet you. What are your intentions with Sarah?

I know one thing, I'd take her to a Rams game if they were still in L.A.

Oh, don't get me started on that.

How can a professional league... not have a team in the country's second-largest market?

The St. Louis Rams? What is that?

I can't even say it.

Dad, you are allowed to go the speed limit.

Here they come.

The tunnels. You heard about them?

Dad, can we please not...? On three. One, two....

All right, that's... You guys can stop now.

Oh, come on, you guys. What are you, like, 5 years old?

Jeff? First time in Pasadena?

Yes, sir, it is. There's an old saying:

"Nobody comes from L.A., everybody comes to L.A.

But if you do come from Los Angeles, then you probably come from Pasadena."

Case in point, yours truly. Not to mention my wife and, of course, Sarah.

There's where Sarah first learned how to ride a bike.

There's the alley that Bobby Miller told me I was ugly.

Jeff. Jeff. Yeah.

You fly-fish? No, I've never got a chance to do that.

"Face like a butt" I believe, is how he put it.

This summer, I think I'm gonna go to Idaho and fish the Big Wood River.

Sounds great. You wanna come with me?

Both you guys? There's the hedge I ran away to once.

Wait. You ran away to a hedge?

Yeah, I was 12. That's as far as I got.

She convinced herself she was adopted.

I hear the trout up there are as big as Buicks.

Oh, you're here, you're here, you're here!

I'm here.

Annie, this is Jeff, my boyfriend.


You're cute. He's cute. So are you.

He is cute. My God, I'm getting married tomorrow!

To him. Baby, they're asking if we should... have a second bar out on the patio?

Daddy? Yeah, I'll take care of it.

You don't wanna kill me before you get paid.

Scott, this is my sister Sarah.

Hi, Scott. And her cute boyfriend Jeff.

How you doing? Good to meet you.

We can't get Sterling roses for the centerpieces. What about pink or white?

Scott, you pick this one.

Pink. Let's go with white.

White it is.

So when are you guys getting married?

We haven't... We haven't really talked about that yet.

But you're such a great couple. Aren't they?

Great couple. I need two strong men out here.


Annie. How...? Gosh, how are you feeling?

Great, great. Yeah? Scared?

Scared? Of what? I mean, if I was scared, why would I be getting married?

Well, I mean, people get scared... Look at you!

Okay, do you want the bow clip on the top or the ribbon on the bottom?

Bow clip, ribbon....

Bow clip. Bow clip. Definitely bow clip, yeah. No, ribbon. Ribbon.

Wow, I don't know how you do all this. It's fun.

Hey, I have a great idea. Mixed doubles.

I forgot my racket, and Jeff doesn't really...

Come watch us play. We will when we settle in a bit.

No, sooner. Okay.

My sister. She bounces.

So, what was that all about? What?

You told your sister we've never even talked about getting married.

We agreed to announce after the wedding.

Yeah, announce. You make it sound like I'm your fishing buddy.

I'm sorry. Just don't listen to anything...

I say for the next couple of days. I get crazy around my family.


Are you getting cold feet?

Because if you are, you can tell me. No, no, I'm not getting cold feet.

I have perfectly warm feet.

Just warm?

All right, they're hot. I have very hot feet.

Yes, you do have very hot feet.

Except for that freaky little baby toe of yours.

All right, I'm in here. Oh, but you're down the hall to the left.

Is that a joke? It's a Pasadena thing.

What, they don't have sex in Pasadena?

A journalist. Wouldn't your mother be proud.

Well, actually, I write the... The wedding announcements... and the obituaries.

How divine.

You know, there's an old saying:

"Nobody comes from Los Angeles... they come to Los Angeles."

"But if you do come from Los Angeles, then chances are you come from..."

Pasadena? What, you heard it?

Hey. You're here, you're here, you're here!

You're gorgeous. Oh, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah.

This is Nikki, she's a bridesmaid too. Hi.

I'm so excited. Aren't you excited? I'm so excited I could scream.

Go ahead.

Okay, that's enough.

All limestone. I know I may be in for a heartbreak... but I just can't stand tumbled marble.

Vodka, rocks, please.

I'm sorry, but we've been asked to tell guests...

... to refrain from smoking in the house. Screw you.


I told you never to call me that in public.

Oh, it's so good to see you.

You look sensational, kid.

On the hard stuff, huh? Oh, yeah. Well, you know:

"When in Pasadena...." Good point.

Get me an ashtray while you're at it. Yes, ma, am.

So how's the journalistic career?


... it's... You know, I still pick up... the paper every day to read your obituaries. I'm thrilled I'm not in it yet.

It's nice to know I still have loyal readers out there.

Lawyer boy? Is it working out?

That's... It's okay.

We're... Yeah, we're okay. I guess it's...

It's okay. That good, huh?

No. It's good, it's good. We're good. It's....

It's just... Come on, everybody. Dinner's ready.

Come on. You'll tell me everything after dinner.

We'll be drunk then, so I'll expect dirt.

Like how he proposed to me last week and I said yes... and my head has been in a fog ever since?

Outside. Now.

I have been to Pasadena before. I was stationed here during the war... at an interment camp just down the block.

Oh, gosh. You know, don't get me wrong, Jeff is an amazing guy.

It's just, when he asked me to marry him...

I didn't feel what I think you're supposed to feel.

I just felt....

What? Terrified.

That's why you said yes? I don't know why.

No, I mean, I do know. l...

He's smart and he's funny and he's...

He's the best boyfriend I ever had.

That sounds awful. No wonder you're so terrified.

No, it's me. It's me, it's all me. And... And that.

That's Pasadena. That's what happens when you give people everything...

... and leave them alone for 100 years. I just want my life to be full.

I want some adventure, you know? And...

How did you feel before Grandpa asked you to marry him?

I threw up.

Probably because I was pregnant with your mother.

You were pregnant?

Is that why you married him?

Listen, kiddo...

I am clearly not an expert on love.

And I didn't exactly love your grandfather, God rest his pickled soul.

But we had something. And I can tell you this... if you love the guy, that's something to hang onto.

I don't know, I guess I feel that when you... If you get married, that's it.

You know? You just have a bunch of kids and....

You make it sound like a death sentence.

Well, it was for my mom. No, it wasn't.

Your mother did not get sick from her wedding vows.

I don't know, I just, you know....

I just....

You want more out of life. Yes.

Get in line, kid.

Hey, Mr. H. Seen Sarah?


What you doing? I make a toast.

A little nervous, you know. Oh, you'll be fine.

I wish the girls, mother was here. She always put me at ease.

What would she do? Just give me a hug.

What the hell are you doing?

In fact, I think it's normal for you to feel horrible... at a time like this. Your mother did the same thing.

Before she married your father, she was just....

In fact, she went MIA a week before the wedding.

She did?

I should never drink this stuff without a mixer.

Come on, introduce me to the lucky guy.

I'm freezing my nuts off out here. Wait. Mom went missing?

Well, she just took off to think.

Took off where? I don't remember.

Cabo San Lucas, maybe. Cabo. Why would she go to Cabo?

You don't think there was somebody else?

No. She just went away.

For your father's sake, we never discussed this at family dinners.

The point is, you shouldn't let yourself worry about this thing.

If you don't wanna marry the guy, don't. If you do, do.

If the marriage implodes, divorce.

You haven't lived till you've been through one of those.

Well, thank you, Grandma. Happy to help.

Oh, Jeff. This is my...

Katharine, my mother's mother.

Hello. You don't look like a lawyer.

Thanks. You don't look like a grandmother.

You are a lawyer. Full of shit.

Playing the trombone.

There are certain moments in time... that stick with you forever, no matter how senile you get.

For me, there's...

June 25th, 1963.

The day I married Jocelyn.

And, of course, the birth of both my daughters.

Then there's the day that Annie accidentally ate a bug in one....

Well, your parents didn't waste much time.

What? They were married June 25th, 1963... you were born March 3rd, '64.

They didn't waste much time getting pregnant.

You never did the math?

You were born eight months and a week after they got married... which means either you arrived early or... somebody slipped one past the goalie, you know what I mean?

That's my Annie. One smile, and the whole world melts.

I have to admit.... I don't... I don't think so. it was the, 60s. It was the early, 60s.

Your mom probably didn't even know she was pregnant till after the honeymoon.

Okay, you've gotta tell me. What?

Did Mom sleep with someone before marrying Dad?

What? You've got to tell me.

What's the matter with you? The Caldwells are hearing.

Did Mom have an affair in Cabo or not?

How could I possibly know? Because you know everything.

I would like to make a toast to the happy couple.

To Annie and Scott.

Life is short... but marriage is long.

So drink up... and it'll make it go a hell of a lot faster.

Hi. I hope you're not thinking... of breaking the Pasadena no-sex rule.

Can I get in? You can always get in.

What are you doing? Going over the indemnity provision... of this asset-transfer agreement, and I was kind of getting turned on... so lucky for me, a hot, single girl showed up.

I just know that she did it. Did what? Whom?

My mom had an affair before her marriage.

No, what if it's true? If she had a fling and got pregnant... it explains everything. Why I have nothing in common with my family... why I hate tennis, why I'm not blonder.

Am I overthinking this? You're not underthinking it.

God, I'm losing my mind. No, baby, you're not losing your mind.

You're just having a pre-midlife crisis.

It's actually kind of cute. It's charming.

God, I wonder if my dad knows. Please...

I can't ask him. If he doesn't know, it would kill him.

Please, Sarah.

I bet my Aunt Mitsy knows.

There's an Aunt Mitsy? Yeah. She was my mom's best friend.

I should go see her. You should.

First we should break the house rules.

Tomorrow I'm gonna go see my Aunt Mitsy.

Hair of the dog.

So, Aunt Mitsy, apparently Mom disappeared... a week before the wedding to think.

Gosh, I don't remember that.

Do you remember any men she may have been associated with then?

You make this sound like a police investigation.

"No, officer. The only man your mom ever had eyes for was your father."

And Beau Burroughs.


Beau Burroughs.

He was a year ahead of us in prep.

Your mother and l were just gaga for him.

You wanna see a picture?

That's your mom and me in Our Town.

Or The Importance of Being Earnest. I can't tell.

She was a good actress. Shame she gave it up.

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy.

No man does. That's his."

So Beau Burroughs? Oh, right.

There he is.

Look at that face.

Did she go out with him?

Dated a little. Beau was not the steady-boyfriend type.

He had lots of girlfriends.


After college'very casually.

I invited him to your mom's wedding, but your grandmother pooh-pooled it.

Said an ex-beau at a wedding was bad luck.


There he is with Charlie Webb. I forgot those two were friends.

My drink needs freshening.

Yours? No. I'm... I'm driving.

Charlie Webb. Why...? Why does that name sound familiar?

He was the big celebrity from that class.

You know. He wrote that book that caused all that flap.



When did Katharine say your mom...?

Right before the wedding.

Did she say she went to Mexico?


Charles Webb. Charles Webb.

Wait. Aunt Mitsy, what book did you say that he wrong...?

Hello. Hi. I need you to do something for me.

Where are you? Everyone's ready to go to the church.

I need you to go to the video store and get me a copy of The Graduate.

What? The Graduate.

That movie with Dustin Hoffman in it. Why?

Sarah, what is going on? Well, honey, I can't explain right now.

Everyone's waiting in the limbo. I can't go down there and ask...

Please just do it. Please. I'll meet you at the church.

Oh, sorry. My bad, my bad.

Sarah. Yeah. Come in.

Here it is. Thank you.

I had to go to two different stores.

There it is! "Based on the novel by Charles Webb."

You should be out there. You've seen this?

Yes, a few times. Do you think there's a TV here?

Are priests allowed to watch TV? Sarah.

Okay. You know, everyone has always said... that this is based on a real thing in Pasadena.

That someone in town, some family, were the real Robin sons.

It's my family, Jeff. We are the Robin sons.

Are you listening to yourself? Webb went to prep with my mom... he was best friends with Beau Burroughs... who I think she ran off with.

Beau Burroughs? Yes. And...

Dustin Hoffman's character in The Graduate was Benjamin Brad dock.

Benjamin Brad dock, Beau Burroughs. "B.B." Get it?

Benjamin Braddock, Beau Burroughs: B.B.

I got it. Oh, my God. I mean, my mom... ran off with this guy, got pregnant...

... and then came back to marry my dad. Maybe got pregnant.

I mean, was she in love with this guy?

And if she was, why would she come back?

And why has no one ever told me about this?

Most of all You have to hide it from the kids...

What are you two talking about in here?

The wedding is about to begin. You're Anne Bancroft, aren't you?

You're Mrs. Robinson.


Go play with your dick. I can do that.

Are you?

Mom liked Beau Burroughs, you seduced him... then she ran off with him a week before the wedding.

Don't believe everything you see in the movies.

Is that a yes?

For what it's worth, I thought that Mrs. Robinson... was the most interesting character in the film.

Did that seduction scene really play like that in real life, or was that a...?

You, don't talk.

Dearly beloved, we have come together in the presence of God... and before this company of friends... to witness and bless the joining together... of Annie and Scott in holy matrimony.

The union of husband and wife in body, mind and spirit... is intended by God for their mutual joy... for help and comfort given one another in adversity and prosperity... and with the sense of responsibility for this fragile Earth... our island home.

Pasadena, the number for a Beau Burroughs.

Baby, a guy like that wouldn't still be living in Pasadena.

No. That... Beau Burroughs. That's two R's.

Jesus. Could you have done any more shopping while we were here?

Okay. Well, could you try Los Angeles, please?

I'll be waiting in the car.

All right. Thank you.

Hey, there you are.

Scott's taking me to brunch at the Hunt Club, so I just wanted to say goodbye.

Mom always had the softest hands.

Yeah. Yeah, she was beautiful.

She was.

She really was.

I can't believe I'm married.

I can't believe you're married either. I really can't believe it.

It was the strangest thing. I woke up and I looked over at Scott... and it was like... Like I was looking at somebody else.

Well, how...? How did that make you feel?

Well, I just realized that, you know, I'm...

Now I'm Mrs. Somebody Else. Isn't that cool?

Honey? I'll be right there.

Oh, I love you so much. I love you too.

Okay. Bye. Bye.

Oh, I'm married, I'm married, I'm married.

Even if we get an expansion team, it's still not the Rams.

Besides, it takes at least three years to even be competitive.

With free agency the way it is today... you can buy a contender out of the gate.

Before you know it, you'll kick the Rams, butts.

I like the way you think. Hang onto this one. He's a keeper.

Are you okay? You've been awfully quiet.

Yeah. I'm just tired. It's a long weekend.

But a great weekend. Yeah.

Okay, guys. Fly safe. We will.

Earl. Call me from New York.

I will. Thank you. Okay.

Bye. Bye, Dad.

Can I borrow your phone? Find anything?

No, they were closed. I wanna try again.

Hi. Hi, my name is Sarah Huttinger.

I'm an alumna of the class of, 82. Hi.

Yes. I'm looking for an address or a phone number... of a member of the class of, 59, a Beau Burroughs.

So he's speaking at this conference in San Francisco tonight.

You're unbelievable. How did you find all that out?

I called his office and they told me. Genius.

So you're gonna just walk up to him and ask him point-blank?

I guess I could walk in and yell "Hey, Dad," see if he turns around.


Am I crazy to do this? A little. Want me to come?

You can't come. You've got that meeting.

Believe it or not, Chase Manhattan will continue to exist with or without me.

No, if I'm gonna do this, I have to do this on my own.

You know, I never told you this, but they based a movie on my family.

Seriously. Titanic. They changed it a little. There's no boat, nothing sank... but I did pose naked for a portrait once.

Okay, here. Take this.

Use that from San Francisco.

You sure you don't want me to...?


Go find him. Stop being confused.

Remember, I don't care who gives you away.

Oh, Jeff. I have your phone.

Okay."Well, hello, Mr. Burroughs.

I think you might be my dad."

We've heard a lot today about revolution.

The coming information revolution.

The coming Internet revolution.

You know, Che Guevara, he used to...

He used to describe revolution as a turn of the heart.

He'd tap his rebels on the chest....

Oh, I'm sorry.

This conference is only for registered participants and the press.

Oh, I am press. I'm the press.

Che, as you know, was trained as a doctor.

And when a man of science speaks in such figurative terms... one wonders exactly what he has in mind.

As something of a dilettante Che biographer, I have my own theory.

I think he was talking about something he'd seen... perhaps many, many times in his life:

The mystery of recovery.

That moment when a patient decides, despite everything, to live.

To overcome his suffering and will himself back to health.

That was a revolution to Che.

A willing of the unimaginable into existence.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Internet revolution, it isn't coming.

It has arrived.

But once it's in the computer, it's....

We just secured the domain name

Virally, you could market it in stealth mode, or you can do both.

I got this from very high up. AOL and Time Warner are talking merger.

It's gonna change the world.

Caleus Tech is the third multibillion-dollar company... that you've created, taken public and sold in less than 10 years.

Do you have a problem with commitment?

Well, there's two schools of thought on that one, John.

I mean, first, some people think that my attention span's too short... for a day-to-day manager, that I'm only interested in the launch, the action.

And the second school of thought is....

What was the question?

So, what's next?

What's.... Ms. Huttinger, how are things in New York?

Always happy to have the Gray Lady represented. Any questions?

Not just yet. Beau, I need you for a minute.

Will it wait? Afraid not.

I apologize.

Ms. Huttinger. I'm sorry.

This is huge. It's the search engine to end all search engines.

I've been dealing with Ken Patterson on this. I've been pounding him.

And? And he's agreed to give up 30 percent... of the company for 100 million.

Both Goldman and Morgan Stanley are drooling to take this public.

Ms. Huttinger.

Excuse me.

When you have a moment, could I speak to you?

Of course. Beau.

I'm not interested, Roger.

How can I help you?

I have a question I would like to ask you.

Beau, your 100 will be 2 billion in 18 months.

Sarah Huttinger, Roger McManus.

Roger's one of the most powerful men in this conversation which has just ended.

Roger, I'm out.


Excuse me. Sorry.

Drink, sir? Yeah.

Okay. Thank you.

So, Ms. Huttinger, is this on the record or off?

Off. Oh, off, off. Yeah, I'm not here in a professional capacity.

Good. No. No, no.


My mother was Jocelyn Richelieu.

You're Jocy's daughter.


I mean, you've....

Hey, I'm real sorry about your mom.

You must have been... very young.

Yeah, I was 9.

She was a good lady.

So you're a journalist now.

In a... In a manner of speaking.

But I do have questions that I would like to ask you.


About what happened back then.

Between your mother and me?

And you and my grandmother.

I also know about the book.

And the movie.

You have anywhere you need to be right now?

So you've read the book... seen the movie.

Pretty much how it was.

They did take some creative liberties, though.

I didn't exactly graduate from college... but I suppose The Dropout would've made a lousy title.

And the ending, obviously I did not run off with your mother.

Your purse is ringing.

Do you mind if l...? No.

Hello. Hello.

Hi. I have your phone.

Yes, I realized that when I called myself and you answered.

So I just landed. Where are you?

I'm here. Yes.

With him.

Listen, hey, if you need... If you need my phone... it's still in the charger in my apartment. I just...

Wait, wait, wait. You're there with him right now?

Yes. Did you ask him?

Not yet. No, I'm kind of leading up to that.

Why? Don't be scared. Whatever happens, it's gonna be fine.

Will you please call me when you find out?

Okay, I will.


Sorry about that.

Did you sleep with my mother?

In Mexico, Cabo, the week before the wedding?


Did you wear a condom?

Did l...? Why...? Why would you possibly wanna...?

Oh, no.

I was born March 3rd, 1964... just shy of nine months after my parents, wedding.

So it's a coin toss between you and my father.

And I don't look like him, I don't vote like him...

I don't drive like him. And I think that maybe...

Sarah, Sarah, I'm sorry that this didn't occur to me before... that you might be thinking this.

No, it's possible. Even if you used one, it is possible.

No, it's not. Of course it is.

It's not possible. Condoms break all the time.

They slip right off. Especially if you... Sarah, it's impossible... for me to father children.

What...? Are you sterile?

Great speech, Beau. Yeah, nice job.

Very inspirational. Thank you.


But maybe not 30 years ago.

Thirty-nine, to be exact.

Well, how do you...? How do you know that?

Blunt testicular trauma. What?

My junior year at prep, I was goalie on our soccer team.

We're in the city finals, tie score, this guy comes in all alone.

I go out to break up the play, and just as his leg swung back, I dove.

And let's just say that... he kicked the wrong ball.

Blunt testicular...

Trauma. ... trauma.

And that made you sterile.

I'm afraid so.

Sarah, I'm... I'm sorry, I can't be your father.


Thank you.

It was nice to meet you, Mr. Burroughs.

It was nice meeting you, Ms. Huttinger.


Blunt testicular trauma.

Are you okay? Yeah.

Yeah, no, I'm good.

Everything... Everything's very clear to me now.

You know, I came up here looking for answers, and I got them.

I have nothing in common with my family... and yet they are my family, which is great.

This is good.

My mom ran off to Cabo and had a fling a week before she was married... and then went back into a loveless marriage, which was...

That's her choice. It's fine. It's fine.

Now I just... Now I gotta deal with the fact... that I am in a career that is going absolutely nowhere.

And a guy who is terrific, and he wants to marry me... and I, theoretically, want to marry him.

So yeah.

It's good.

It's pretty good, right?

God, this... God, you know, it's just a great city, huh?


Sarah... I'm so sorry.

No, no. Oh, no, no. No, that... That... Hey, that's okay.

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do... That's okay. That's... Look...

I don't even know you.... Hey, it's gonna be all right.

It's gonna be all right. Okay?


God! Come on.

Let's... Let's cheer you up, okay?

Cheer you up?

Hey, is that an actual elephant's tusk? Yeah, as a matter of fact, it is.

See all those little etchings? Yeah.

You know how they say elephants never forget?

Right. Not true. They have it all written down.

Smart elephant. Hey, hey, wait!

Sarah, I have an idea. You go with me?

Okay. A little longer?


You know, Sarah, you're not the first person... to harbor anxieties about their future.

I was literally the poster boy for that sort of thing.

Well, how did you figure yourself out? Well, I screwed up a lot.

Lived abroad a while.

Did an enormous amount of drugs.

Joined an ashram.

Doodled Grandma.

Then someone told me the most profound two words I'd ever heard:

"Be present."

So now all I ever worry about is my immediate universe... which presently consists of you, me... and the deafening silence coming from that jukebox.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege to introduce to you... the president of the United States, william Jefferson Clinton.

Thank you very much.

Do you know him?

You know, I'm not sure anyone really knows him.

I've spent time with him.

Where are we going?

Can I ask you a question?

What happened that weekend with Mom?

Skipping all the intimate details, of course... but what happened that weekend in Cabo?

My parents had a house down there.

I'm staying by myself, pretty much loafing the summer away... when Jocelyn...

When your mom just showed up.

We had a little history together back in high school.

For three days, all we did was swim and laugh... and I taught her how to surf.

Then one morning I woke up and she was gone.

Back to Pasadena to get married. l...

I didn't even know that she was engaged.

Those were probably the three happiest days of my life.

It's the only time I can remember ever feeling really... peaceful.

Well, why do you think that she went back?

Security, maybe. I don't know. She never said.

You know, I can see a lot of her in you.

She was a very beautiful woman.

So are you.

I have to pee.





Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry. I can't believe I just did that.

So inappropriate. I didn't... I mean, I re...

Good morning.


Best hangover remedy I know.

Five minutes with your feet over your head... followed by a three-mile jog, then a quick swim.

It's better than coffee and aspirin. Wanna try?

You want coffee and aspirin.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Good coffee.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Where are we?

We are in Half Moon Bay. It's about a hour south of the city.

San Francisco.

Anything else I can get you? No.

Sure? Eggs? Orange juice? Paramedics? Yeah.

Well, I guess I'd better go.

It was really nice to meet you, Mr. Burroughs.

It was very nice meeting you, Ms. Huttinger.

Well. Okay.


I don't have a car here, do l?


Would you...? Would you mind giving me a...?

Sure. But let's... Let's grab a bite to eat first.

I need to say something to you.

What you told me last night about your life in New York... your job, the guy... suggested that it wasn't anything to rush back to.

Well, I wouldn't necessarily say....

Look, I realize it's a bit awkward, given, well, everything.

But last night, it was....

Last night was pretty spectacular for me.

What I'm saying, Sarah... What I'm trying to say, Sarah... is that I like you. Very much, I suspect.

And I'd like you to stay if you felt like you could.


Yeah, as in not go.

You don't like the idea. Well, l...

I don't... I just sort of....

I thought we were going to eat. We are.

Good morning, Mr. Burroughs. Good morning.

It's just a quick trip up to the Wine Country and back.

Well, do I even have a choice in the matter?

So, what do you think?

I think I would feel safer if that guy was sitting up here instead of me.

You think I'm too old for you, don't you?



You've... You've slept with my mother and my grandmother.

What's your point? My point... I mean, l...

This is not normal. I mean, you know...

You know what, you are too old for me.

I mean, obviously I am very confused right now... and last night was some sort of, I don't know, rite of passage.

Maybe every girl in my family has to sleep with you.

Well, I don't know if they have to, but they certainly have.

Beau Burroughs, office. Hi, this is Jeff Daly again.

I'm sorry, who am I talking to? Candace.

Hi, Candace. Listen, can you tell me where he is?

I really need to reach him.

I'm sorry. I can't give out that information.

I know, Candace. You told me that before... but this is kind of an emergency.

I'm looking for my fiancee. She's supposed to be with him.

I haven't heard from her. I'm starting to feel like something happened to her.

At some point I have to get back.

I know. I gotta get back myself. I got this ball to go to.

A ball? People still go to balls?

They do to this one. It's the biggest charity event of the year.

It's Casablanca Night.

Why don't you come with me.

No. l... No, I can't. I can't. Why?

Why? No, sorry.

I've got work. I've gotta go back.

You know, I can't have people dying anonymously... while I'm off dancing at some fabulous, exciting ball.

All right. Let me make a proposal. Oh, boy.

Why don't you come with me tonight.

After the party, I'll fly you home.

Really. I have to be on the East Coast anyway.

I can just stop and drop you off in New York.

It'd be no hassle, and you'll be there by morning.

I know this must seem nuts to you, but life should be a little nuts.

Otherwise, it's just a bunch of Thursdays, you know, strung together.

You look beautiful. Thank you.

Okay, who else?


You see that guy with the combover?

The one talking to the woman with the back cleavage?

Yeah. He owns half of downtown San Francisco... and the guy next to him, he owns the other half.

Okay, how about the guy with the George Hamilton tan?

That's George Hamilton.

No, no, you're not gonna get me there. I don't go to the movies anymore.

It's all special effects. All they do is blow things up.

I know. They used to make movies about real things, about people.

Not anymore. Like Chinatown.

Yes. Chinatown.

Now, that's a movie. Oh, I loved that movie.

I didn't understand a thing that happened, but I loved it.

"My sister. My mother. My sister."

How about Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid?

Is that a movie? Katharine Ross. I was in love with her.

You wanna talk about Katharine Ross?

The Graduate.

Was she drop-dead gorgeous or what? Hey, hey.

Let me tell you something about The Graduate that very few people know.

It was Richard Dreyfuss, first movie.

He had one line:

"Shall I get the cops? I'll get the cops."

Yes, that's right! He said it to Norman Fell...

... the guy from Three's Company. That's right!

In the boarding house, right?

Come on, folks, all money goes to charity.

Winner, eight the hard way.

Hey, Beau. Patterson's here.

If you go over and talk to him, you could close this thing in three minutes.

You remember Sarah Huttinger. Yes, hi.

Nice to see you. I'm really not interested.

Three minutes. All right, three minutes. It's 49 percent for 75 mil.

Any chance we can get controlling interest?

No, that's a deal breaker.

We'll see. I'm sorry... Go, go, go. Go. Go.

I'll be right back. It's fine.

What's up?


This your first Casablanca Night?



Is that your real hair color?

What? No, it's good.

I mean, you know, it's silky and shiny. You could be a good hair model.

Thank you. Sure.

Wanna have sex? Excuse me?

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I was looking for my father.

This is supposed to be his table, but I don't see him anywhere.

So if he comes by, tell him that Blake was here for me, would you?

Well, who is your dad?

Beau Burroughs.

What? Wait... Wait just one... So, what...? What are you...? What are you saying?

That Beau... That you're... That he's... You're... That you're...

You're babbling.

I thought he didn't have any children.

He had at least one.

Champagne guy.

Okay. Okay.

Just because he's not sterile... does not mean that I just had sex with my father.

Oh, God.

No, God!

Oh, God! Hey, I'll bite.

What was that?

Are you okay?

Hey, Pops.

Blake. What...?

Welcome back. I thought you were coming home next week.

No, today. I came home today.

Sarah, this is Blake. He's my... This is your son.

Right. He's in from Africa. No, it was Asia. I was in Asia, Dad.

Asia, right.

We need to talk. I know.

Alone. I know.

We need to talk alone right now. Okay.

God! Blunt testicular trauma?

Come on.

You have a child! You have a son. You are a sick man.

This isn't The Graduate, this is Dliverance!

Calm down. There is a simple explanation.

Is he adopted?

No. Then you are a sick man.

I am a sick woman. We have done a very sick, sick thing!

Blake is not my biological son.

My God, I'm gonna need so much therapy.

What did you just say? I said that Blake... is not my biological son, nor is he adopted.

My first wife, Cynthia, wanted to have children of her own.

I, of course, could not do that for her, so we used an alternative method.

A donor. A donor?

A donor. So technically Blake is not my son... but we chose never to tell him that.

I would appreciate if you would do the same.

Of course I won't.

But you're still sterile, right?

No, l... I lied. I made up this whole story... just so that I could have sex with my own daughter.

All right. What kind of guy do you think I am?

Okay, you...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I called you a sick man.

You're not a sick man, you're a very nice man.

Thank you.

And very charming.

And generous.

And smart.

And accomplished.

And a good pilot.

Very handsome.

Apology accepted.

I hope that's not your father.

Jeff, what are you doing here?

I don't know. I thought something might have happened to you... but apparently something happened to me.

No, Jeff, wait. Jeff, wait.

Jeff! Jeff, please wait. Jeff!

What? What? Okay, okay. That... That wasn't...

That wasn't... I didn't kiss him. He kissed me.

Did you sleep with him?

I didn't mean to. I know. God, Jeff. I was so drunk.

I don't remember anything. That's not an excuse, but it's kind of an excuse.

Jeff, I love you. No! Don't say that.

Don't you say that. Now, I don't know what game we're playing... but obviously this engagement that you and I have entered into... has absolutely no meaning to you.

Jeff, I'm so scared.

I'm tired of scared.

No, Jeff, please. Just please listen to me!

What? I know that you hate me right now.

I hate me right now. I'm... I'm insane.

It's like I'm possessed by this person who's terrified and just screwed up.

I know we're good together. You're the only person I can be myself with.

Even if I don't know who the hell that is.

Then marry me, Sarah, right now.

Wrong answer.

Thanks. Thank you.

Sarah. I found Beau Burroughs.

I didn't know where else to go.

Come in, I'll put on a pot of bourbon.

And I just stood there. I just stood there and I let Jeff walk away.

I mean, why? Why couldn't I say yes?

Grandma, what is wrong with me? There is nothing wrong with you.

And don't call me Grandma. Oh, I'm such a mess.

You are not a mess. You are a human being.

And you made a mistake. People make mistakes.

Sometimes life is just... Beau Burroughs!

What the hell were you thinking?

What were you thinking? I wasn't thinking!

Well, I wasn't thinking either! What was he thinking?

We know what he was thinking. It's not his fault.

It is always his fault. Of course it is.

He is nothing but a horny bastard. Oh, it's me, Grandma, it's me.

Don't say that! Why not? It's the truth.

I'll say it again. It's me. It is not the truth. Hello.

I have happiness staring me right in the face, and what do I do?

I stare right back at it.

Katharine, I need some help. Annie's hysterical.

Annie? Why? What happened? She had an anxiety attack on the plane.

And you know why? I don't know, why?

What? Are you talking to me? I'm talking to Sarah.

Because I am my mother's daughter.

Sarah's there? Sarah's there?

Sarah's here. She wasn't happy.

Your mother was happy. She was not happy!

She found out she was pregnant and left the love of her life...

... to come back and have me. The love of her life?

This is my fault. I wanna talk to Sarah!

She wants to talk to Sarah. It's not your fault!

Yes, it is my fault. It is not. it is not!

Katharine. It is. I stole my mother's happiness.

Katharine! You did not!

I did, I did, I did, I did! Katharine!

Am I the only sane one here?

I wanna see Sarah. She wants to see Sarah.

Annie wants to see Sarah. Annie?

Sweetheart, maybe Grandma... I only wanna talk to Sarah!

She only wants to talk to Sarah! She wants to talk to Sarah!

She wants to talk to me?

Hi. Annie okay? No. She's upstairs.

We're making her favorite soup, tomato with crackers. Want some?

No, I'm okay. I thought she was in New York.

She had a fight with Jeff and she never got on the plane.

Two days ago I thought I had two happy daughters.

Things are never what they seem with the women in this family.


It's me.

Annie. Honey.

How well did you know Mom?


I can't remember her.

I was only 4.

Was she happy?

I don't know.

She always looked so happy in pictures.

She married so young.

I always thought that, you know, if she was happy... then maybe I would be.

Honey, what happened on the plane?

I just stopped breathing.

We were over the Gulf of Mexico on the way to Belize... and I just stopped.

I kept thinking that I've ruined my life... that I've married someone I like to play tennis with, and that's all I'll do.

And I couldn't breathe.

I know the feeling.

Oh, God.

Annie, let me ask you a question.

When you and Scott play tennis...

... do you guys have fun? Yeah.

When you guys go out to dinner?

Yeah. When you watch TV?

We like The Nanny. Nanny's funny.

Honey, sometimes I just think it's more important... who we're with than what we're doing.

And if you're gonna marry someone, it may as well be your best friend.

Yeah, like you are with Jeff?



Oh, I'm such a mess.

I'm the most screwed-up person in the world.

You're not even the most screwed-up person in this room.

Oh, really?

I spent the first night of my honeymoon in the Houston airport under sedation.

Oh, yeah?

Well, did you sleep with a man who also slept with Mom and Grandma Katharine?


You slept with Dad? Dad slept with Grandma Katharine?

Oh, God. No, God, come on, even I'm not that twisted.

All right. From the beginning. And don't leave out a thing.

No, the Xanax is for my other granddaughter.

We're talking about Sarah here, the one from New York.

Well, she broke up with her boyfriend. She needs something stronger.

Fine. I'll hold.

Here. You're on hold.

Son of a bitch.

Oh, Jesus.

Hello, Katharine.

You're looking well.

Go shit in your shoes.

Mrs. Richelieu, are you trying to seduce me?

You weren't that good the first time.

How dare you? Sarah?

You couldn't stop with Jocelyn, could you?

You almost ruined my daughter's life.

Wait a minute, Katharine. Get down.

Hold on, Katharine.

Ruin her life?

What movie are you living in now, Katharine?

I didn't pursue Jocelyn, I don't recall inviting her to Cabo.

And I didn't pursue your granddaughter. She managed to come 500 miles... up to San Francisco on her own looking for me.

And we both know that I sure as hell did not pursue you.

I know.

I know.

How come we've never talked like this before?

I don't know.

I've always wanted to.

Me too.

I love you, Annie. I love you too.

Oh, my God. What?

It's him. Who him?

"Him" him! "Him" him?

Just stop. I mean, this isn't about Sarah. And it isn't about Jocelyn, is it?

This is about you. You're goddamn right it is.

You dropped me. You dropped me for a newer model.

Do you know how old that made me feel?

And you realize, when you did that... that I was 13 years younger than you are now.

I don't know, Katharine. I haven't done the math.

I suppose everyone needs someone in their life... to let them know when youth has come to an end.

And here she is.

It's your turn.

Are you okay? She's fine.

Is she happy to see me too?

Beau, you should not have come down here.

Why not? He's been everywhere else.

So, what's going on out here? Lawn party?

Earl. Daddy...

This is... This is Beau Burroughs. He was a schoolmate of Jocelyn, s.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know you. Beau Burroughs.

I've never forgiven you. Okay, Dad...

No, no. This man haunts my dreams.

City soccer final, playing Pasadena Prep, tie score.

I make it around the last defender, I'm flying down the field... to kick the winning goal. All of a sudden, this maniac...

That was you? You broke my heart.

But I gotta give it to you, hell of a save.

You were injured, weren't you? Yeah.

What are we standing here for? You wanna come in the house?

No, thanks. I was... I just stopped by.

Sarah, could I have a word with you out at the car?

it was nice seeing you, Katharine. Oh, yeah.

It's wonderful catching up on old times.


Hell of a save.

Why did you come down here, Beau?

Well, for one thing, you left last night without saying goodbye.

I know. I'm sorry. I know, I did that.

No, no. I didn't come for an apology.

Obviously your life's more complicated than you've let on.

I don't know... I don't know what, s going on in your relationship, Sarah... and I'm not even gonna ask.

I just... I came down here because I wanted to tell you something.

When I saw you walk away last night, when I watched, it...

It might as well have been Cabo 30 years ago.

I didn't tell you the truth before. I was awake when your mother left.

I watched her drive away in this old wood-paneled station wagon.

It looked like she was crying.

I'm not my mother, Beau.

I know.

You know what I realized as I was coming back down here?

I am... I'm a year older than she was when she died.

I mean, you have no idea how strange that feels.

And I have spent so much of my life trying to figure out who I am...

I don't think I realized I was just trying to find her.

You know, but that's just chasing a ghost, you know?

Maybe we're both just chasing ghosts.

You know?

You're not gonna say, "This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship"?

Wrong movie.



It was nice meeting you, Mr. Burroughs.

It was nice meeting you, Ms. Huttinger.



Let's go. You're gonna miss the plane. Coming.

Oh, did you remember to pack the binoculars, honey?

We might see monkeys.

They're still in the bag with all your shoes.

Hey. You're gonna have a great time.

Yeah. Just remember to keep breathing.

Yeah. You too. You are such a lucky girl.

Most people wait 10 years for a second honeymoon.

I know. You sure you don't wanna come?

I think I'm just gonna stay here. Well, cheer up.

You'll find another man to screw things up with in no time.

Thank you, Grandma.

Do you think Scott and Annie are gonna make it to Belize this time?

I certainly hope so.

So... what are we gonna do with you?

Dad, can I ask you a question?

Before you and Mom got married... do you remember if Mom...

... sort of took off for a few days? You mean when she went to Mexico?

Yeah. With Beau Burroughs?


You knew about that?

Daddy, why didn't you just say something?

What for? I got your mom, he didn't.

Did she ever tell you why she came back?

Because she loved me.

She said that, while being with Beau was an adventure... she knew that she could build a life with me.

She apologized, she offered to tell me everything that happened... and I didn't need to know.

As long as she was back.

Come here.

Now, this may not be the sort of thing... that you wanna know about your parents... but the night that she came back is the night we conceived you.

Lucky for us we were married the next week, so nobody noticed.

Oh, Daddy, I don't understand.

Why are we so different?

I mean, I don't like tennis.

I drive like a crazy person... and you always drive so slow.

I only drive slow, sweetheart, because you're in the car with me.

Oh, Dad.

Take me to the airport. You gonna get on the plane this time?

I promise. Come on.

Thank you. Nice seeing you again, Sarah.

If you shut the door, I understand, but I really hope that you don't.

I know there's nothing that I can say that will take away...

Then don't try.

I never told you, when I was a kid...

I was in a car accident when I was 10.

And I smashed my head on the dashboard and cracked my skull... split it open from here to here, 17 stitches.

And I never thought that I would long for that day until now.

It didn't mean anything.

It meant something to me.

Words mean something to me.

"Engaged" means something to me.

It doesn't mean "maybe I'll get married."

It doesn't mean "I'll see how I feel, I don't know, I'm not sure."

It doesn't mean "I'm gonna test the waters... and see if there's somebody else out there that I like better."

It means you've fallen in love with the person... that you wanna spend your life with... and that you actually want to marry them.

I wanna marry you.

I'll marry you next month, I'll marry you this week.

I'll walk out of this apartment right now and I will marry you.

It doesn't work that way, okay? You can't just walk in here now... and tell me that you can't live without me and expect...

What am I supposed to do with that? I'm supposed to make it all right for you?

I can't anymore.

I don't want you to.

I love you.

I didn't come here to tell you that I can't live without you.

I can live without you.

I just don't want to.

One condition.

If we have a daughter...

Burroughs doesn't come within 1000 miles of her.

It stops with me.

On a cold January night in the city of New York... this man and this woman slept together.

The also slept together the next night and the next night... and the next night and the next night.

In the name of God, I pronounce you husband and wife.


You're gonna have to stop doing that.