Samurai Jack S3E3 Script

Episode XXIX (2002)

AKU: Long ago, in a distant land, I, Aku, the shape-shifting master of darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil.

But a foolish samurai warrior, wielding a magic sword, stepped forth to oppose me.

(SWORDS CLAN KING)

Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future, where my evil is law.

Now the fool seeks to return to the past and undo the future that is Aku.

Gotta get back

Back to the past, Samurai Jack

Watch out

Gotta get back

Back to the past, Samurai Jack

Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack

Gotta get back

Back to the past, Samurai Jack

Watch out

Gotta get back

Back to the past, Samurai Jack

Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack

Gotta get back

Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack

Watch, watch out

Gotta get back

Jack, Jack, Jack

Samurai Jack

Jack, Jack, Jack

Watch, watch out


(CREATURES LOWING)


(DOOR CREAKS)

(DOOR CREAKS)

(WHIMPERS)

(THUDDING)

(DOOR CREAKS)

I thought I told you bums to stay out of here.

Unless you want some more, huh?

Are you the proprietor of this establishment?

That would be me.

I am Sam... I know who you are!

A man could get rich selling your skin, boy.

(PANTING)

Perhaps you can get rich selling something to me instead.

(COINS JINGLING)

Sell you what, exactly?

Information.

Eh, how much money you say you had there, my friend?

(CHUCKLES) A pleasure doing business with you.

Huh?

Wait!

I know why you're here. You seek the samurai, yes?

You aim to collect the bounty on him, eh?

I would like to help you, Señor Clench, but he has already left.

He took the train to Cordoba.

You... You still might catch him if you hurry.

(WIND WHOOSHING)

(SIGHS) Oy.

(THUD)

Hey, look, we're closed, all right?

'Cause I just had a really tough... day!

I'm sorry, were you closin'?

(RINGING)

No, no, come on in! Sit down! What can I get you?

I'd love an ice-cold ginger ale, if you've got one.

Actually, I'm very curious about the conversation you had with the big, tall gentlemen that just left.

Oh. I guess you like them big, tall types, eh?

Well, I ought to. I used to be married to one.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

(BELL CLANGING)

Stand clear!

Yes, in fact, it's boarding right now.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(BELL CLANGING)

Halt!

(GUNFIRE)

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

CONDUCTOR: Tickets! Tickets, please!

Tickets!

MRS. CLENCH: Here you are.

(COINS JINGLING)

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)

(GUNFIRE)

Drive!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(TIRES SCREECH)


CONDUCTOR: Your tea, sir.

Your tea, sir.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Thank you.


Josephine!

What in tarnation are you doin' here?

Well, it's nice to see you, too, Zekey.

Aw, shoot. There ain't never been nothin' nice about you, woman.

Now, now. Let's not get nasty, darlin'.

Don't call me "darlin'."

Well, then, don't act like a fool.

I know what you're up to. You're after the bounty on that samurai.

What business is it of yours?

I want in! (SCOFFS) No.

You need me!

He's better than you!

Ain't nobody better than me, woman.

You ought to know that.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)

Besides, the court says you ain't even supposed to come within 150 feet of me, so back off!

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHNG)

Looking for a seat?

Yup. Yours.

I'm gonna make a lot of money cashin' in on your hide.

I hear that often, but only from poor men.

Hmm. Well, I got bills to pay and I done already addressed the envelopes.

(SIGHS)

I hope you have yet to stamp the postage on your parcels, for you...

Consider 'em stamped.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

(CLUCKING) Whoa! My chickens!

Oh! Ouch!

(CLUCKING) (YELLS)

Oh!

(GROANS)

(GROWLS)


(CHUCKLES)

Just like my pa used to say on a cold mornin', let's get to work, boy, 'cause the heat's in the tools!


EZEKIEL: Oh, see now, you know how I like it. Just the way I showed you!

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)

(GROWLS)

(GRUNTING)

Huh? (CHUCKLES)

Huh?

Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

Gol-dang dirty... (SCREAMING)

(CLUCKING)

(METALLIC CLANG)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

MRS. CLENCH: Excuse me.

May I? Yes, of course.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)

Nice day, isn't it? Yes.

A bit hot, though.

Uh, yes, it is.

Do you know where the best seat in the house is?

No, where?

On the roof.

Really?

Sure. It's got plenty of fresh air, 360 degree views, and it's very private.

Well...

I think I'm gonna go up on the roof.

Yes, okay, it was nice speaking to you, ma'am.

Er, you're not just gonna let a lady go up on the roof unescorted, are you?

Of course not.

(SIGHS) Isn't it beautiful?

Yes, it is.

I wanted to thank you for saving us all from that awful, terrible, ugly old bandit earlier.

You were so brave.

Thank you.

Ooh, and so strong, too.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Ha! Y'all look so cute up here on the verandah.

I figured I'd fix you up some lemonade.

Fresh squeezed! (CHUCKLES)

(YELLS)

Stand back, ma'am.

Once again, this bandit has reared his ugly head.

Well, I guess love is blind, 'cause that ugly head didn't keep me from marrying him.

Who you callin' ugly?

Ooh!

(BOTH GRUNT)

(SNARLING)

(COUGHS)

Look like we'll have to stick this here jackrabbit like we did that old boy back in Kansas City.

Yes, darlin'. I see your point.


Ha!

We ain't the most notorious man-catchers for nothin', you know.

(YELPS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

He's gettin' away!

Don't worry, woman, I'm on it.

Don't let him get to his sword, you idiot!

(SIGHS) A woman's work is never done.

Dagnabbit! Can't you shoot straight?

Don't get uppity, woman.

I don't see you makin' no daylight in the broadside.

He went over the side. Come on, we got him now.

Get on up here where's I can shoot you, you little chipmunk.

(GROANS) Consarn it, I can't get a bead on him.

(SCREAMING)

Hey, Quick Draw, I think someone is breaking out the fights on the train.

Now hold on there, Baba Looey!

Ain't nobody gonna do no kind of fightin' on this here train, on account of you and me...

Hey! Who turned out the lights?

Is it sleepy-time already?

(GRUNTS)

Hmm?

Hey, fool! Don't shoot up the engine, elsewise we'll be stuck out here in the desert!

EZEKIEL: Huh? Oh, yeah.


EZEKIEL: Good mornin'.

You're just in time.

I's fixin' to make me some flap-Jack.

(LAUGHING)

Huh?

The South shall rise again!

(GRUNTS)

MRS. CLENCH: Well, now, ain't that a pretty little package tied up with a bow?

Yep. Hog-tied, just like that pig we caught back in Gower Gulch.

(GIGGLES) Yes, sirree.

There ain't a polecat around who can slip through the grip of the Clenches.

I reckon we're just a pair of aces, ain't we?

Yup. Just like old times, Josie.

Just like old times.

You know, Zeke, all this excitement has got me to wonderin', Why'd we ever split up?

Workin' together again stirs up all them good old feelings.

Well, Josie, you know I was always powerful sweet on you, but...

MRS. CLENCH: Oh, but nothin', Zeke.

I loved watchin' the way you handled that cagey old samurai.

You're just so brave, and so strong, you make a girl feel all a-flutter.

Don't you see, Zeke?

It's just like Kansas City all over again.

And what with this huge bounty we're about to collect, I could end up twice as rich! (LAUGHS)

EZEKIEL: Dagburn it, Josie!

You con sarn, cramalammin', wham-danglin', ratsnakin', sheep's-wool-over-my-eyes, trick-up-her-sleeve woo-hoo, whip-jack woman!

(LAUGHING) Whoa!

Whoa!

Uh... Zeke?

Sugarplum?

Maybe I was a mite hasty.

Court says 150 feet, woman.

150 feet!

Watch out, Gotta get back

Back to the past, Samurai Jack

Watch, watch out

Gotta get back

Back to the past, Samurai Jack

Watch out

Gotta get back

Back to the past, Samurai Jack

Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack

Gotta get back

Back to the past, Samurai Jack

Watch out

Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack

Watch, watch out

Gotta get back

Jack, Jack, Jack

Samurai Jack

Jack, Jack, Jack

Watch, watch out