Scarecrow (1973) Script

[THUNDER]


HOW YOU DOING?

YOU OK?

[SPITS]

HI. I'M FRANCIS.


HEY! HEY!

HEY! GODDAMN IT!

HEY! GOD--

STOP!

HOLD IT! JUST STAY OVER THERE!

HOLD IT! STOP!

[WIND HOWLING]


[CAR APPROACHING]

[HORN BLARES]

UP YOURS, YOU TWO-BIT SON OF A BITCH, YOU!

EAT CANTALOUPE, YOU BARELEGGED RHINOCEROS!

[MAKING APE SOUNDS]

FRANK, WHAT THE HELL'S UP?

I'M OUT HERE NOW, IT'S 5 HOURS.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE SAID.

WELL, YOU TALK TO HIM. WAIT A MINUTE.

I'LL GET HIM ON THE WIRE.

HOLD ON THERE.

GEORGE! HEY.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

I TALKED TO HIM.

I GOT FRANK ON THE WIRE HERE.

YOU WANNA TALK TO HIM?

ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD. TALK.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]


[FOLKSY MUSIC]


OK, BOYS, THIS IS WHERE WE TURN.

[COUGHING]

BYE, JEAN.

Jean: BYE, JIMMY.

[SLOW COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON JUKEBOX]

YOU HEADING EAST, BUDDY?

SORRY, BUDDY.

NO?

CAN I HAVE 2 COFFEES?

[SHIVERS]


WANNA GO INTO BUSINESS?

OK. WHERE?

OH...

PITTSBURGH.

OK.

I GOTTA MAKE A STOP IN DETROIT FIRST.

YEAH, WELL, I GOTTA GO BY DENVER, SEE MY SISTER COLEY.

OK.

OK.

LISTEN, UH...

YOU GOT A, UH...

A MIDDLE NAME?

WHY?

WELL, I--I...

I GOT A LITTLE TROUBLE WITH FRANCIS, YOU KNOW?

LIONEL.

LIONEL.

FRANCIS LIONEL DELBUCCI.

OK, LIONEL...

FROM NOW ON, YOU ARE "LION," OK?

OK.

SOUNDS GOOD.

I'M GONNA HELP YOU OUT HERE, YOUNG LADY.

WE REALLY WANT TO GET OUR COFFEE.

FREEZING OUR ARSE OFF.

I'LL, UH, HAVE SOME OATMEAL.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

UH, SOME CORN FLAKES.

CORN FLAKES WITH A LITTLE MILK.

Jean: OATMEAL?

YEAH, OATMEAL.

AND, UH, SOME SCRAMBLED EGGS.

Jean: ANYTHING ELSE?

BACON.

TOAST.

LET ME GET THAT CREAM.

YOU GOT ANY MONEY?

YEAH. SOME. NOT MUCH.

YEAH? THAT'S OK, BECAUSE, UM...

I GOT ENOUGH TO GET US STARTED, YOU KNOW?

WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS?

[SLURPING] MM.

AHH.

CAR WASH.

HUH?

CAR WASH.

YEAH.

IT'S NOTHING FANCY, BUT, UH, EVERYTHING IS THERE--

AND THE BEST, TOO, YOU KNOW?

AND I GOT THE MONEY TO GET US ROLLING.

IT'LL BE "MAXY'S CAR WASH."

CAR WASH.

YEAH.

OK.

FOR EVERY CAR, THERE IS DIRT.

SO WE'RE PARTNERS. I THINK I GET THIS.

ALL RIGHT.

THIS YOUR FIRST DAY?

YEAH. PARTNERS.

GREAT.

YEAH.

BUT YOU GOTTA WORK, THOUGH.

AIN'T AFRAID OF THAT.

ALL RIGHT.

HEY...

FAIR AND SQUARE, ALL RIGHT?

SURE.

OK.

YOU BEEN DRIFTIN'?

YEAH. I BEEN AT SEA.

YEAH?

5 YEARS.

YOU?

YEAH.

WELL...

NO, I, UH...

I'VE BEEN IN THE JOINT.

JOINT?

YEAH.

I WAS IN QUENTIN.

HOW LONG?

6 YEARS.

WOW.

THAT'S A LONG TIME.

WHY DETROIT?

WELL...

I'LL SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

OPEN THAT UP.

IT'S A LAMP. THAT'S RIGHT.

HEY.

GUY'S CARRYING AROUND A LAMP IN A BOX.

FOR MY KID.

YEAH?

YOU GOT A KID.

YEAH, IN DETROIT.

I NEVER SEEN IT, SO I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S A BOY OR A GIRL.

THAT'S WHY I GOT A LAMP.

YEAH?

I FIGURE A LAMP WOULD DO FINE EITHER WAY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YEAH. YOU NEVER SEEN THE KID, THOUGH, HUH?

NO.

BUT I SEND A LOT OF MONEY TO IT.

MM-HMM.

ALL THE MONEY I EVER EARNED, I SENT.

OH, YEAH?

WASN'T MUCH, BUT...

I KNEW IT HELPED.

YOU GOT KIDS?

MM-MMM.

NO.

LISTEN...

YOU CAN MAKE A LOT OF MONEY IN THE CAR WASH BUSINESS.

YEAH, AND...

YOU'LL DO BETTER THAN YOU EVER HAVE.

I GOT IT ALL DOWN TO-- TO THE PERCENT.

I KNOW EVERY PENNY, INSIDE AND OUT.

IT'S A FOOLPROOF ENTERPRISE.

ABSOLUTELY FOOLPROOF.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S GET STARTED.

HEY, FELLA, YOU GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN LISTEN IN ON OTHER PEOPLE'S CONVERSATIONS?

I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT ME.

I'M, LIKE, THE MEANEST SON OF A BITCH ALIVE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YEAH?

I DON'T TRUST ANYBODY.

I DON'T LOVE ANYBODY.

AND I CAN TEAR THE ASS OUT OF A GODDAMN ELEPHANT, TOO.

HEY, WE'RE GONNA BE PARTNERS, OK?

OK.

ALL RIGHT. COME ON.

RIGHT?

RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. BUT, UM...

YOU GOTTA BE STRAIGHT WITH ME, RIGHT?

SURE.

I MEAN FAIR AND SQUARE.

WE'LL HAVE A REAL GOOD CAR WASH BUSINESS.

OK?

RIGHT.

OTHERWISE, I'LL BREAK YOUR BACK.

SOUNDS FAIR.

HEY.

LIKE THIS.

DAMN.

DON'T BUST MY LAMP, THAT'S ALL.

OH, YEAH.

CAN I HAVE A BOTTLE OF BEER AND A CHOCOLATE DOUGHNUT?

DO YOU THINK THERE'S ANYTHING WE CAN DO AROUND HERE?

YOU MEAN, LIKE, FOR A JOB?

YEAH.

[SHOUTING AND BANGING]

AND STAY OUT!

I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!

SON OF A BITCH, YOU-- COME ON OUT HERE!

GET OUT OF HERE, YOU BUMS!

COME ON OUT HERE!

COME ON OUT HERE!

GO ON!

GET GOING!

HIT THE PAVEMENT!

AAH!

GET OUT OF HERE!

COME ON, COME ON!

YOU'RE CRAZY! GET OUT OF HERE!

HEY, FUCK YOU!

MAN, I DIDN'T START IT. I DIDN'T.

I DID, RIGHT, MAX?

YEAH.

THAT BASTARD.

BASTARD.

BUST HIS GODDAMN ASS FOR HIM.

IF I COULD HAVE GOT AHOLD OF THAT FAT BASTARD OUT IN THE ALLEY, I'D HAVE WHUPPED HIS ASS.

YOU GET IN A LOT OF FIGHTS, DON'T YOU, MAX?

OH, YOU WANNA START WITH ME?

GO AHEAD. PUT 'EM UP.

GUY MUST'VE HAD FALSE TEETH.

FIRST TIME I GOT BUSTED WAS FOR FIGHTING.

I WAS SCREWING THIS CABDRIVER'S WIFE.

HE CAME HOME EARLY.

WE ENDED UP OUT IN THE STREET, AND I WAS NAKED.

THAT'S A BEAUTY.

I REALLY NAILED HIM.

HE WAS KIND OF A NICE GUY, TOO. IT'S A SHAME.

WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIT PEOPLE--

NOT IF YOU MAKE THEM LAUGH.

BULLSHIT.

HEY, MAX, YOU KNOW THE STORY OF THE SCARECROW?

NO.

YOU THINK CROWS ARE SCARED OF A SCARECROW?

YEAH, I THINK THEY'RE SCARED.

YEAH, WHY?

NO, CROWS ARE NOT SCARED, BELIEVE ME.

NO, THE GODDAMN CROWS ARE SCARED.

NO. CROWS ARE LAUGHING.

AW, THAT'S BULLSHIT.

THAT'S RIGHT. CROWS ARE LAUGHING.

LOOK...

THE FARMER PUTS OUT A SCARECROW, RIGHT, WITH A FUNNY HAT ON IT. GOT A FUNNY FACE.

CROWS FLY BY, THEY SEE THAT, STRIKES THEM FUNNY, MAKES THEM LAUGH.

THE GODDAMN CROWS ARE LAUGHING?

THAT'S RIGHT.

THEY'RE LAUGHING THEIR ASSES OFF.

THEN THEY SAY, "WOW, THAT OLD FARMER JONES DOWN THERE, "HE'S A PRETTY GOOD GUY.

"HE MADE US LAUGH, SO WE WON'T BOTHER HIM ANYMORE."

THE GODDAMN CROWS ARE LAUGHING.

OH, THEY LAUGH. WHOO-HOO!

I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING.

THAT'S THE MOST HAREBRAINED IDEA I'VE EVER HEARD.

WELL, IT'S TRUE.

LAUGHING THEIR ASSES OFF.

[CHUCKLES]

THE CROWS ARE LAUGHING AT IT, HUH?

YEAH.

YEAH, MAN.

I GUESS THE FISH ARE RECITING POETRY, HUH?

I GUESS SO.

UH-HUH.

AND THE PIGS ARE PLAYING BANJO?

AND THE DOGS...

LET'S SEE, THE DOGS WOULD BE, UH, PLAYING HOCKEY, RIGHT?

AND THE, UH...

AND THE, UH...

CROWS ARE LAUGHING.

CROWS ARE LAUGHING. RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, IN THE JOINT, I HEARD SOME TALES.

OH, BOY HOWDY.

I HEARD SOME TALL TALES.

YEAH?

BUT AT LEAST THOSE GUYS IN THERE, THEY HAD THE DECENCY TO ADMIT THAT THAT WAS JUST BULLSHIT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? IT WAS JUST BULLSHIT.

THEY ACTUALLY, UH...

THEY TOOK PRIDE...

PRIDE IN IT--

THAT IT WAS BULLSHIT.

BUT THE CROWS ARE LAUGHING, HUH?

OH, BROTHER.

WHEE.

AHH.

I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT PLAYING WITH A FULL DECK, MAN.

YOU GOT ONE FOOT IN THE GREAT BEYOND.

HEY, MAX, WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN IT'S COLD?

I PUT ON MORE CLOTHES.

OHH. I'M A COLD-BLOODED BASTARD.

I CAN NEVER GET WARM ENOUGH.

AHH.

GOTTA TAKE A LITTLE NAP AFTER EVERY FIGHT.

WHAT'S WITH THE SHOE?

WHAT'S WITH MINDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS?

BOY, SOME PARTNER I PICKED.

YOU DIDN'T PICK ME. I PICKED YOU.

WHY?

'CAUSE YOU GAVE ME YOUR LAST MATCH.

[CHUCKLES]

YOU MADE ME LAUGH.

THE DAMN CROWS ARE LAUGHING.

[SIGHS]

I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I WAS IN CATHOLIC SCHOOL.

A NUN CALLED ME UP IN FRONT OF THE CLASS, SAYS, "FRANCIS, STICK OUT YOUR HAND."

SO I STICK OUT MY HAND.

SHE WHACKS IT WITH A STICK.

I SAID, "WHAT DID I DO?"

SHE SAID, "YOU WERE TALKING."

I SAID, "NO, I WASN'T."

SHE SAYS, "YES, YOU WERE. YOU WERE TALKING."

I SAID, "HOW COULD I BE TALKING?"

"I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY IN THE CLASS.

THIS IS MY FIRST DAY IN SCHOOL."

THIS IS AS FAR AS WE CAN TAKE YOU.

HEY, CHIEF, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA TAKE US TO A TOWN.

THIS IS OUR TOWN.

OHH...

NO WONDER THEY LOST THE WAR.

NOBODY CAN UNDERSTAND THEM.

[TRAIN-CROSSING BELLS RINGING]

Max: BEEN EATING RICE FOR A YEAR, HUH?

Woman: YEAH. WE ALL HAVE.

HMM.

MY SYSTEM COULDN'T HANDLE THAT.

NO, IT'S REALLY GOOD FOR YOUR SYSTEM.

LOOK AT MY BABY.

YEAH.

[CRYING]

HE'S HEALTHY AND PURE.

YEAH. RIGHT.

HEY, HE LIKES YOU, MAX.

[CRYING LOUDLY]

Lion: HE LIKES YOU, MAX.

YEAH. UH-HUH.

I THINK YOUR...

WELL, THIS IS IT.

THIS IS OUR SPOT.

Man: ARE YOU SURE?

YEAH, RIGHT HERE.

YEAH. THIS IS WHERE WE WERE GOING.

RIGHT HERE.

Man: SURE WE CAN'T TAKE YOU ANYWHERE?

NO, THIS IS FINE, MAN.

Man: YOU GUYS TAKE IT EASY.

[TRAIN RUMBLING BY]

THANKS FOR THE LIFT.

Man: ALL RIGHT.

OK, I'LL CLOSE IT.

Woman: HAVE A NICE DAY.

ALL RIGHT.

BYE.

HOPE HE FEELS BETTER.

GIVE ME HALF AN HOUR WITH THOSE KIDS, I'D GET THEM STRAIGHTENED OUT.

WHAT HAPPENED?

AH, CAN YOU IMAGINE?

THE KID UNLOADED ON ME, AND THAT BROAD HAS THE NERVE TO SAY, "HAVE A NICE DAY."

HA HA.

LET'S GET A DRINK.

OK.

HEY.

HOW COME YOU DIDN'T POUND THAT OLD LADY IN THE MOUTH?

OLD LADY? WHAT OLD LADY?

THE ONE THAT HIT YOU IN THE PALMS WITH THE STICK?

SHE WAS A NUN.

[ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYING]

Woman: HEY, SHUT THE DOOR, YOU BIG DOPE.

YOU'RE LETTING ALL THE SMOKE OUT.

LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT ONE.

HOW YOU DOING, OLD-TIMER?

Bartender: WHAT'LL YOU HAVE, FELLAS?

BETTER CHECK THE BIG ONE'S I.D., CHARLIE.

IF HE CAN GET IT OUT OF HIS PANTS.

[WOMEN CHUCKLE]

AW, DON'T BOTHER ABOUT HER.

THAT'S JUST DARLENE. WHAT'LL YOU HAVE?

GIVE ME A BOTTLE OF BEER.

BOURBON HERE.

HEY, MAX...

THESE 2 GUYS GO INTO A BAR, RIGHT?

AND ONE GUY SAYS TO THE BARTENDER, "2 MUGS."

BARTENDER SAYS, "I KNOW THAT.

WHAT'LL YOU HAVE?"

HA. BAD.

BETTER MAKE THAT A DOUBLE.

OH, HEY.

DON'T GO GETTING DANGEROUS ON US, SUPERMAN.

[WOMEN LAUGH]

HERE YOU ARE.

OK.

HEY, MAX.

I'M THE TALLEST MAN IN THIS BAR.

MM-HMM.

SCARECROW, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WHEN YOUR OLD LADY KICKS YOU DOWN THE STAIRS--

ALONG WITH YOUR LAMP-- WHEN YOU GET TO DETROIT?

I THINK I'LL MAKE HER LAUGH FIRST.

OH, YOU'RE GONNA MAKE HER LAUGH FIRST?

THAT'S RIGHT. CAN I HAVE A GLASS?

WHERE'S THE CAN?

OVER THERE.

PEOPLE CAN'T STAY MAD AT YOU, MAX, IF YOU MAKE THEM LAUGH.

OK, YOU KEEP 'EM LAUGHING.

OK.

HEY, YOU. BIG MOUTH.

Darlene: HE ACTS LIKE THE CHIEF OF POLICE.

HEY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST UNPLUG IT, HUH?

DON'T YOU POINT AT ME, YOU RUDE SON OF A BITCH.

DARLENE...

GET OUT OF HERE.

Woman: COME ON, COOL IT.

STUPID BROAD.

WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?

I SAID, "STUPID BROAD."

GET OUT OF HERE.

I'LL PUT YOU INTO THE GODDAMN WALL.

YOU ARE REAL TOUGH.

I'LL HAVE A HEART ATTACK RIGHT ON THE FLOOR.

YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT-- NOT WITH THOSE.

YEAH? WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GO IN THERE AND EMPTY YOUR LITTLE LIZARD?

Lion: HEY, MAX!

HEY, MAX!

Darlene: I AM TALKING TO YOU!

Lion: GET OVER HERE! MAX!

LOOK!

[LAUGHTER]

[DROPS SUITCASE]

[CHUCKLES]

COME OVER HERE, YOU.

[CHUCKLING]

OH, GODDAMN.

DAMN.

HEY.

Darlene: COME ON. COME ON.

WE CAN'T.

COME ON, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

GET YOUR SHOES OFF.

[CHUCKLES]

AAH. HA HA.

I HURT YOU?

NO. NO.

YOU GOT YOUR BOOTS ON?

[LAUGHING]

LET ME GIVE YOU A HAND.

THE BOOTS.

[LAUGHING]

WHY YOU WORRYING ABOUT THOSE--

ABOUT THEM BOOTS?

WHERE ARE YOU--HA HA.

WAIT. I CAN'T SEE YOU.

JUST BE PATIENT.

DON'T BREAK MY GLASSES.

'CAUSE I WON'T BE ABLE TO SEE ANYTHING IF YOU DO.

[LAUGHING]

OHH.

OH, WATER.

I'VE GOTTA WASH YOUR HANDS FIRST.

Darlene: ARE YOU NUTS?

WHAT?

GOTTA WASH YOUR HANDS FIRST.

Max: MMM!

Darlene: OH, MAN.

Max: MMPH.

COME ON, MAX.

Darlene: WHO IS THIS GUY?

WHAT A SCHMUCK, THIS GUY.

AHH! BULL'S-EYE!

HEY, MAX!

YEAH?

YOU EVER SEE DAWN FROM A SHIP?

MM.

HUH?

EVER SEE DAWN FROM A SHIP?

NO.

OH, MAN.

ALWAYS THE SAME, NO MATTER WHAT PART OF THE WORLD I WAS IN.

ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL LIKE A KID.

AHH.

YOU ARE A KID.

AHH.

FEEL BETTER?

YEAH.

I'M TELLING YOU, GETTIN' LAID IS SURE GOOD FOR MY REGULARITY.

HEY, MAX, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU.

YEAH?

IN THE JOINT...

YEAH?

NO WOMEN, RIGHT?

NO.

SO HOW'D YOU GET LAID?

HEY, I'M GONNA HAVE THAT CAR WASH.

YEAH.

AND A DEEP FREEZER FULL OF STEAKS.

AND ASS, BUDDY!

I MEAN ASS!

YOU SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL WHERE YOU DROP YOUR DRAWERS.

SOME SCORPION WILL PUT A LIP-LOCK ON YOUR BIG ASS.

UH-HUH.

WELL, IT'LL BE HIS FUNERAL.

HEY, YOU EVER EAT IN A HOBO JUNGLE?

NO.

WELL, COLEY AND ME, WE USED TO HIT IT ONCE IN A WHILE WHEN WE WERE DRIFTIN'.

I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE IN ABOUT 9 YEARS.

WE'LL HAVE BREAKFAST THERE TOMORROW MORNING, OK?

YEAH.

[LOUD MACHINE NOISE]

Max: THAT'S IT.

DAMN IT. THAT'S WHERE IT WAS.

THEY MUST'VE CHASED ALL THE HOBOES OUT INTO THE DESERT OR...

PUT THEM IN THE JAIL.

WELL, LOOKS LIKE WE BUY OUR BREAKFAST.

WELL, HOW IN THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THEY TORE THE GODDAMN JUNGLE DOWN?

COLEY AND ME, WE USED TO EAT THERE WITH OLD-TIMERS ALL THE TIME.

JESUS CHRIST.

IT'S LIKE I'VE BEEN ASLEEP FOR 9 YEARS.

SH...

9 YEARS.

MAX, SO WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SO WHAT?

I DIDN'T PLAN, GODDAMN IT!

THAT'S SO WHAT.

LOOK.

THIS IS 9 YEARS OF PLANNING.

RIGHT THERE.

RIGHT THERE. 9 YEARS OF PLANNING.

INITIAL BANK SAVINGS-- SO AND SO.

ACCUMULATED BANK INTEREST--

SO AND SO.

EXPECTED SALARY WHILE I WAS IN THE PENITENTIARY--

SO AND SO.

TOTAL--$2,648...

AND 73 CENTS.

THAT'S PLANNING AHEAD.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

BY THE WAY, THAT'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T DO.

MAX, JUST 'CAUSE THE WORLD GOES ON CHANGING, YOU KNOW...

IT CHANGES. THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

SPEAKING OF CHANGING, IT'S BEEN 5 YEARS!

YOUR WIFE MIGHT BE MARRIED.

SHE MIGHT'VE MOVED AWAY! WHY DON'T YOU CALL HER?

WHAT ARE YOU SHOUTING AT, MAX?

LOOK, I WANNA SEE MY KID, RIGHT?

WHAT AM I GONNA DO, SHOVE THE LAMP THROUGH THE PHONE?

DETROIT'S A LONG WAYS FROM PITTSBURGH.

JUST CALL HER. PLAN AHEAD.

THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING. I'M PLANNING.

LOOK, IF I GO BACK, RIGHT, AND I CALL HER, SHE COULD TELL ME TO BUZZ OFF.

AND THAT'S IT.

BUT IF I GO THERE, AND I SEE HER, DON'T MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS TO ME THEN, BECAUSE I SEE MY KID.

SEE, THAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN.

I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

ALL THOSE OLD-TIMERS.

THIS IS ALL BUSTED UP.

HELL.

WONDER WHAT COLEY WOULD SAY.


HEY.

THERE IT IS. THAT'S COLEY'S HOUSE.

I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO LOOK AT THE NUMBER.

FLOWER HOUSE.

IT'S A FLOWER HOUSE. HA. RIGHT.

HEY, COLEY!

COME ON.

[RINGS DOORBELL]

[RINGS DOORBELL]

COMING!

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

MAX!

OH!

GODDAMN IT, MAX!

JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY!

MAX, YOU LOOK LIKE UNCLE BERT!

HEY! DON'T SAY THAT.

IT'S TRUE, THOUGH, YOU DO.

DON'T SAY IT, THOUGH.

HUH?

JESUS CHRIST.

MAX.

OH, GODDAMN IT.

SHIT!

[LAUGHING]

HEY.

LET ME LOOK AT THAT MUG THERE.

THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

MAX.

GODDAMN IT.

HEY, LOOK AT THAT MUG, WOULD YA?

IS THAT BEAUTIFUL, LION?

THIS IS MY FRIEND AND BUSINESS PARTNER.

HI.

HI--OH!

OOH!

OH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? DID YOU HURT YOURSELF?

I'M OK.

YOU SURE?

HI, COLEY.

MAX HAS TOLD ME NOTHING ABOUT YOU.

COME ON INSIDE.

GOD, MAX. COME ON.

COME ON.

COME ON.

[RINGS]

MAX!

GODDAMN IT.

HEY. MMM.

MM-AH!

PUT YOUR STUFF DOWN.

OK.

WHAT IS ALL THIS?

OH, WE WENT INTO THE JUNK BUSINESS.

WE?

YEP.

HEY, UH, YOU STILL MARRIED TO THAT GUY, UH...

HOWARD? NO, SIR.

I GOT ME A BUSINESS PARTNER.

NAME'S FRENCHY. SHE'S DYING TO MEET YOU.

HEY, MAX, THIS IS FOR YOU.

HEY, MAX, LET'S SEE IF YOU'RE STILL ANY GOOD.

COME ON, MAX. PUT 'EM UP.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW I'M THE TOUGHEST, RIGHT?

HUH, HUH? HA HA!

COME ON, COME ON.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON. HEY.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

HI.

HEY, HEY...

OH, HE'S JUST LIKE YOU SAID.

JUST LIKE I THOUGHT HE WOULD BE.

HE'S MAX.

YEAH, I'M MAX...

YOU CUTE LITTLE MOTOR SCOOTER, YOU.

MAX, THIS IS A LIE DETECTOR, AND IT REALLY WORKS, IT'S A GIFT TO YOU FROM COLEY'S JUNKETTES.

A LIE DETECTOR?

YOU KNOW I JUST GOT OUT OF THE JOINT, COLEY.

WHAT DO I NEED A LIE DETECTOR FOR?

UH, PUT THEM ON HIM.

COME ON.

YEAH, PUT THEM ON ME.

♪♪ PUT 'EM ON ME ♪♪

[FRENCHY GIGGLES]

OK.

HELLO, COLEY.

NICE OF YOU TO CALL.

NOW, LION, YOU HAVE TO CONCENTRATE.

OK. IT'S GONNA BE HARD.

DID YOU TURN ME ON?

YOU'RE TURNED ON.

BZZT! BZZT!

OH, STOP.

MAX...

HOW COME YOU WEAR ALL THESE CLOTHES?

KEEP ME WARM.

Coley: OK, LET'S SEE...

UH, ASK ME...

IF I LIKE YOU.

OK. DO YOU LIKE ME?

YES, I LIKE YOU.

WELL, IT SAYS THAT'S TRUE.

Coley: HERE, LET'S SEE. UH...

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

FRANCIS LIONEL DELBUCCI.

THAT'S TRUE.

THAT'S TRUE.

WHERE YOU HEADED?

UH, PITTSBURGH.

WHERE?

OOH.

DETROIT...

THEN PITTSBURGH.

Coley: AND IS THAT YOUR HOME--DETROIT?

Lion: MM-HMM.

[CHUCKLES]

WHAT DID YOU MISS MOST WHEN YOU WERE IN PRISON?

HOME COOKING.

COLEY...

I'M GONNA COOK TONIGHT.

Coley: TERRIFIC.

[SIZZLING]

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

HI THERE.

HI.

[HUMMING]

OH, NO.

THIS CAN'T HAPPEN TO ME.

WHAT IS IT?

OH, NO.

WHAT IS IT?!

A LITTLE PERSON'S GOT MY FINGERS.

LET GO! COME ON, GET YOUR HANDS OFF!

OH!

YOU'RE CRAZY.

HONESTLY.

[GIGGLES]

WHAT IS IT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

MAKING PIE.

PIE?

WHAT KIND?

CHOCOLATE.

[MARACA-LIKE NOISES]

Lion: KEEP IT UP.

Max: HEY, LION !

Max: HEY, LION !

♪♪ DA DUM DA ♪♪ WHAT?

Max: WHERE'S MY BEER?

THE BEER, IT'S COMING!

OH, LISTEN, I'LL BRING THE BEER OUT MYSELF IN JUST A MINUTE, OK?

OK.

NO BEER?

SHE WANTS TO BRING IT OUT.

OH, YEAH? THAT'S GOOD.

GIVE ME A HAND HERE, WILL YOU?

ALL RIGHT, GO.

HEY...

THAT FRENCHY HAS SOME SET OF JUGS, DOESN'T SHE?

REAL EYE-POPPERS.

HA HA!

LET'S PUT THIS OVER HERE BY THE FENCE.

OK.

IF YOU'LL WORK-- YOU GOTTA WORK, YOU KNOW?

COLEY... COLEY, SHE WORKS, RIGHT?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW SHE KEEPS EVERYTHING IN SUCH A MESS.

WHEN WE GET THE CAR WASH, EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE IN ORDER, RIGHT?

SQUARED AWAY.

SQUARED AWAY. AND THAT'S GONNA BE MAXY'S JOB.

KEEPING THINGS IN ORDER, WASHING THOSE CARS, AND WALKING OVER TO THE BANK.

WHAT DO I DO?

WHAT'S MY SPECIALTY?

I THINK YOUR SPECIALTY IS GOING TO BE WAXING.

WAXING? NO.

NO, AND, UM...

KEEPING THE CUSTOMERS HAPPY.

THAT'S IT. THAT'S MY SPECIALTY.

♪♪ KEEP THEM HAPPY, KEEP THEM HAPPY ♪♪

♪♪ KEEP THEM HAPPY ♪♪ LOOK AT THIS RUSTY PIECE OF SHIT HERE.

I COULD HAVE SWORN THEY WERE OUT HERE.

[METAL SCRAPES]

AAH! OH! [GIGGLES]

THERE YOU ARE!

[GIGGLING]

HERE YOU ARE. JUST AS PROMISED.

THANK YOU.

HERE.

THANK YOU.

HOW'S YOUR CAKE COMING?

OK. IT'S A PIE.

AHH...

[BELCHES]

GOOD HEAVENS! [GIGGLES]

THERE AIN'T NO BETTER SOUND ON EARTH.

WELL, MAYBE...

A COUPLE OF OTHER THINGS.

[CHUCKLES]

I'LL GO GET YOU ANOTHER ONE.

NO, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

WAIT'LL AFTER I MOVE THIS DRYER HERE.

CAN YOU JUST...

YOU...

SHOW ME WHERE TO PUT IT?

OH.

OH, UH...

COULD YOU--

WHY DON'T YOU GO THERE AND--AND, UH...

FIX THE DOORS LIKE WE TALKED ABOUT BEFORE?

FIX THE DOORS?

YEAH. JU--

I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT IT, REALLY.

UM...

JUST ANYPLACE.

COLEY USUALLY DOES THAT.

NO. NO, THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

YOU SEE...

EVERYTHING HAS ITS OWN PLACE...

RIGHT?

I MEAN, YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PLACE.

Lion: HEY, MAX. MAYBE I SHOULD MOVE 'EM, HUH?

RIGHT?

RIGHT.

HUH?

Lion: MAYBE I SHOULD MOVE THEM.

YEAH.

THAT OLD DRYER THERE, IT HAS TO HAVE ITS PLACE, TOO.

RIGHT.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'M RIGHT.

WELL, LET'S SEE.

JUST LEAVE IT THERE. THAT'S ITS PLACE.

THAT'S REAL GOOD.

[CRASH] Lion: OHH.

YOU AND COLEY HIT IT OFF PRETTY GOOD, DON'T YOU?

OH, YEAH. SHE'S MY VERY BEST FRIEND.

OHH. EXCUSE ME. I HAVE TO GET THROUGH HERE.

YOU GOTTA WORK...HUH?

[CLANK]

THERE WE GO.

[LOUD CRASH]

DAMN KID DIDN'T DO ANYTHING THE FIRST 2 HOURS WE WERE OUT HERE.

[GIGGLES]

[LION BANGING]

UM...

WHY DO THEY CALL YOU FRENCHY?

Lion: WHOA! [BANG]

OH, UM... I DON'T KNOW WHY.

I MEAN, IT STARTED BACK WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

KIDS JUST STARTED CALLING ME FRENCHY.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

AAH!

[GLASS BREAKS]

WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

OH, SHIT!

Coley: I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE THAN 11 .

NO, 10, BECAUSE MAX WAS 16. THAT'S RIGHT.

I WAS PICKING FRUIT ALL DAY, AND HE WAS WORKING IN THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE.

WAS DRAINING BLOOD OUT OF PIGS FOR 7 MONTHS.

TILL THE BASTARDS FOUND OUT HOW OLD I WAS AND CANNED ME.

SON OF A BITCH.

REMEMBER WE GOT A JOB IN THAT FISHERY?

OH, YEAH. AND THAT FOREMAN--

HE TRIED TO CHEAT YOU OUT OF YOUR--

TRIED TO CHEAT HER OUT OF HER PAY.

HE GRABBED HER ON THE ASS, TOO.

I HIT THAT SON OF A BITCH WITH A ROCK RIGHT IN THE CHOPS.

GODDAMN...BASTARD.

JESUS.

I REALLY GAVE IT TO HIM, YOU KNOW?

YOU SURE DID. WOW!

SCREW THE WORLD, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

FEED 'EM FISH HEADS.

RIGHT, COLEY? HUH?

RIGHT.

AM I RIGHT?

ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

GODDAMN IT, DID WE FIGHT OUR WAY THROUGH IT OR NOT?

YEAH, WE SURE DID.

GODDAMN IT, WE FOUGHT OUR WAY THROUGH!

OK.

WELL, SHIT.

TAKE IT EASY, MAX.

YOU HAVE A WHOLE HALF A LIFE TO GO.

I'M GONNA SPEND IT WASHING CARS.

I GOT MY OWN PLACE.

NOBODY GONNA LAY DOWN THE LAW ON ME, GODDAMN IT!

SON OF A BITCH. THAT'S MY OWN INVESTMENT.

PLASTIC PIPE FOR DURABILITY.

$600.

Lion: GOTCHA.

PURE HAIR HAND BRUSHES.

200 SMACKERS, RIGHT?

Max: OK.

THE FINEST MEDITERRANEAN SPONGES.

300 BUCKS.

WOW.

300 BUCKS FOR THE SPONGES.

PURE FLANNEL FOR POLISHING AND DRYING.

Lion: OH, MAX, I GOT AN IDEA HOW TO SAVE MONEY.

Max: HOW?

JUST PUT ALL YOUR CLOTHES ON AND ROLL OVER THE CARS.

OK. UP YOURS, BUDDY.

[LAUGHTER]

WAX BUFFERS... WAX BUFFERS, $600.

NO, NO, NO.

WAX BUFFERS ARE $300. $300 FOR WAX BUFFERS.

BUCKETS--ONE HUNDRED. BIG ONES.

BIG ONES. YOU GOTTA HAVE A LOTTA BUCKETS, MAN.

GOTTA HAVE A LOT OF BUCKETS. AND A RADIO.

Lion: YOU GOT IT.

OHH, YOU GOTTA HAVE A RADIO.

AND...

OH, LET'S SEE, YOU GOTTA HAVE...

YOU KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING, DON'T YOU?

HA HA HA HA!

GOTTA HAVE A-- AND YOU AND ME, BUDDY, SCRUBBING AWAY, RAIN OR SHINE, AND MAKING THAT DOUGH.

[BELCHING] YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

Lion: RAKING IT IN.

BRINGING IT IN-- [LAUGHS]

GO RIGHT BACK THERE. THAT'S RIGHT.

BRING IT IN-- [LAUGHS]

AND--AND DRINKING SPIKED COFFEE, MAN, AND LISTENING TO THE HIT PARADE.

Lion: YOU GOT IT.

HEY...

DO THEY STILL HAVE THE HIT PARADE?

I DON'T KNOW.

WILL YOU FIND OUT FOR ME?

OLD WAXY MAXY, HE KNOWS. HE'S GOT IT ALL DOWN.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

Coley: WANT SOME MORE COFFEE, LION?

HEY...

HMM?

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TIME YOU INVITED ME TO YOUR HOUSE?

GEE, I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK ME.

OH, WELL, OK.

WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.

NO. [BELCHES] OK.

[EVERYONE LAUGHING]

Max: OK.

COME ON, THEN, MY LITTLE DARLING.

YOU GET YOUR LITTLE SELF RIGHT THERE.

HEY...

YOU STUDY THEM PRICES, AND YOU LOOK AT THAT CATALOG, RIGHT?

AND YOU JUST REMEMBER, UP THEIRS!

THAT'S ANYBODY'S!

ANYBODY'S.

ABOUT A WEEK AGO, I WALK INTO THIS SHOP TO GET A PRESENT FOR MY KID.

AND THE SALESGIRL SAYS, "HOW OLD'S THE KID?"

I SAY 5.

SHE SAYS, "BOY OR GIRL?"

"I DON'T KNOW."

SEE, I SAY, "IT NEVER MADE ANY DIFFERENCE BEFORE,"

BUT SHE SAYS, "5... NOW IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE."

I GUESS THAT'S WHEN I GREW UP, BECAUSE THAT WAS IT.

I KNEW I HAD TO GO BACK, SEE MY KID, FACE ANNIE.

WHAT ABOUT ANNIE?

I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA FIND OUT.

AND I'M GLAD OF IT, TOO, BECAUSE...

I'M HEADED FOR SOMETHING.

YOU KNOW?

YEAH.

AND IT'S GONNA BE BIG. I CAN FEEL IT.

[LAUGHS]

'CAUSE I'M CHANGING.

I WISH MAX WAS HEADED FOR SOMETHING.

MAX.

MAX.

MAX. [LAUGHS]

HE IS. PITTSBURGH.

WITH ME.

LISTEN, LION, MAX IS VERY PRACTICAL, BUT HE'S VERY DUMB.

HE'S BEEN PUTTING MONEY INTO THAT STUPID BANK IN PITTSBURGH FOR YEARS.

I DON'T SEE WHY IT HAS TO BE PITTSBURGH.

WHY CAN'T YOU OPEN A CAR WASH RIGHT HERE?

YEAH.

SURE.

WELL, MAYBE WE COULD COME BACK.

REALLY?

SURE.

MAYBE WE CAN COME BACK FROM PITTSBURGH.

I TELL YOU, THAT FRENCHY IS 160-WEIGHT OF MEAN WOMAN!

SHE DID THINGS I DIDN'T THINK YOU COULD DO LESS'N YOU WERE A SNAKE. GOD ALMIGHTY.

GOTTA ADMIRE HER TALENT.

OH, YEAH. AND PATIENT!

I WAS SO DRUNK, I KEPT FALLING OFF THE BED.

SHE JUST REACHED DOWN AND PULLED ME RIGHT BACK UP AGAIN.

[CHUCKLES]

THAT IS SOMETHING.

HELL OF A WOMAN.

YEAH.

HELL OF A WOMAN.

AHH.

HEY, MAX?

WHAT?

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINKING.

MAYBE WE OUGHT TO COME BACK AFTER PITTSBURGH.

NOW, LISTEN--

I KNOW. I KNOW. DOWN TO THE PENNY.

I KNOW ALL THAT.

WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH PITTSBURGH?

THAT'S WHERE MY MONEY IS.

YOU GOT A SPECIAL DEAL WITH THE BANK PRESIDENT?

YOU GONNA WASH CARS IN HIS VAULT?

LOOK, I MAKE PLANS, I STICK WITH THEM, MAN.

YEAH, ALL RIGHT...

[HONKING]

WE GOT JUST ENOUGH MONEY TO GET US TO PITTSBURGH.

INCLUDING A STOP-OFF IN DETROIT TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CRAP.

WE'RE LEAVING TOMORROW.

TOMORROW?

YEAH, TOMORROW.

LET'S GO GET COLEY'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

THESE ARE NICE.

LISTEN...

WHEN I YAWN LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU GET THE GIRL'S ATTENTION AT THE CASH REGISTER.

JUST LIKE THAT. [YAWNS]

GET HER ATTENTION.

WHY?

TAKE A WALK.

[YAWNS]


Max: I TOLD YOU TO GET HER ATTENTION, NOT MINE.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO LOOK.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I DIDN'T HAVE TO LOOK, FOR CHRISSAKES?

A MADMAN GOES CRAZY IN A DEPARTMENT STORE, AND I'M NOT GONNA LOOK?

THIS ROUND'S ON THE HOUSE. COLEY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Coley: OH...

THIS IS FOR YOU.

ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU GO.

EVERYTHING'S OK?

I NEED A LITTLE HELP.

SOMEBODY SPRUNG A LITTLE FOR A FREE DRINK.

OH, THAT'S REALLY VERY NICE.

ALL I HAVE TO SAY...

IT'S MIGHTY DECENT OF YOU GIRLS TO SPRING FOR THIS GOOD-BYE DINNER.

OH, NO. NO.

COME ON.

FOR A GOOD-BYE DINNER? NO.

THE NEXT TIME WE MEET, WE BUY, RIGHT?

IN THE MEANTIME, YOU'VE GOT TO SAVE YOUR MONEY.

'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU MAKE IT.

AND THAT'S THE WAY YOU HOLD ON TO IT.

AND THAT'S MONEY.

Coley: TRUE. THAT'S TRUE.

WHEN I GOT OUT OF THE JOINT, THEY PAID ME $291 , AND I KEPT $10 FOR MYSELF AND I PUT EVERY GODDAMN PENNY IN THE BANK!

JUST DON'T GET UPSET.

YOU GOTTA WATCH OUT FOR YOUR DIGESTION.

I'M NOT UPSET.

Coley: FRENCHY AND I ARE ONLY TOO HAPPY TO PAY FOR A NICE GOOD-BYE DINNER.

RIGHT, FRENCHY?

WE GOT THAT NOW, OK?

ARE YOU EVER COMING BACK?

YEAH, WE'RE COMING BACK.

SOMEDAY.

[SOFTLY] Jesus Christ.

HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION HAS ITS PROM HERE EVERY YEAR.

THEY EVEN HAVE POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCES ON THE JUKEBOX.

THAT'S REAL GOOD, HON.

YOU JUST KEEP FEEDING THAT INFORMATION IN HERE.

Coley: MAX?

DID YOU GET YOUR LIE DETECTOR?

MAX?

MAX? MAX?

YOUR LIE DETECTOR, HAVE YOU GOT IT?

Lion: MAX, GOT YOUR MILK OF MAGNESIA, RIGHT?

GONNA NEED IT.

WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT?

Coley: NOTHING.

MAX SLEEPS WITH HIS SHOE UNDER HIS PILLOW.

HEY, I SAID NEVER MIND.

HEY, MAX, I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.

WHAT'S IT FEEL LIKE DOWN THERE?

IS IT A TIGHTENING--

JUST DROP IT, WILL YA?

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, AND I HAVE MY PLANS.

RIGHT. HE'S GOT HIS PLANS.

FOR EVERY CAR, THERE'S DIRT.

RIGHT. YOU KNOW, WE HAVE CARS IN DENVER.

WE REALLY DO, MAX, AND WE HAVE DIRT, TOO.

Lion: THAT'S RIGHT. SORT OF A STOPPED-UP FEELING?

COME ON.

BOUND UP?

Lion: A LOCKED-UP FEELING?

WE'RE GONNA DANCE, OK?

WANT TO DANCE?

LET'S DO IT.

♪♪ BEFORE THE DAY I MET YOU ♪♪

♪♪ LIFE WAS SO UNKIND ♪♪

♪♪ YOU'RE THE KEY TO MY PEACE OF MIND... ♪♪ WHERE YOU BEEN? I WAS TRYING TO CALL YOU.

I'VE BEEN WORKING.

WORKING, MY ASS. I'VE BEEN CALLING ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT.

HEY, MOTORMOUTH, YOU TALKING TO THIS LADY?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU BETTER GET THAT THING FIXED.

[SHOUTING]

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

LET'S GO.

[DISHES CRASHING]

♪♪ I DIDN'T KNOW JUST WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME ♪♪

♪♪ TILL YOUR KISS HELPED ME NAME IT... ♪♪ WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING?

♪♪ NOW I'M NO LONGER DOUBTFUL ♪♪

♪♪ OF WHAT I'M LIVING FOR ♪♪

♪♪ AND IF I MAKE YOU HAPPY, I DON'T NEED TO DO MORE ♪♪

♪♪ 'CAUSE YOU MAKE ME FEEL... ♪♪ GUESS YOU KNOW ABOUT EVERYBODY AROUND HERE.

NOT THE WAY I KNOW YOU.

♪♪ ...A NATURAL WOMAN ♪♪

♪♪ WOMAN ♪♪

♪♪ OH, BABY, WHAT YOU DONE TO ME ♪♪

♪♪ WHAT YOU DONE TO ME ♪♪

♪♪ MADE ME FEEL SO GOOD INSIDE... ♪♪ Max: HEY.

WHAT?

YOU WANT TO LOAN ME PLANE FARE TO PITTSBURGH?

SURE.

OK. I'M GONNA FLY OUT OF HERE TOMORROW TO PITTSBURGH.

YOU GO TO DETROIT AND GIVE THE GODDAMN LAMP TO YOUR KID.

BY THE TIME YOU GET BACK, I'M GONNA HAVE THINGS ROLLING!

I'M GONNA HAVE THEM ROLLING, BOY!

DRINKS ON THE HOUSE FOR EVERYBODY!

[CHEERING]

WE'LL WASH ANY CAR.

YOU NAME IT, WE'LL WASH IT!

[CHEERING]

MAX, WE'RE FINISHED. LOOK!

[CHEERING]

THERE'S GONNA BE...

LADIES' NIGHT EVERY MONDAY NIGHT OF THE WEEK!

AND WE WILL HAVE...

UH...UH...UH...

FREE BALLOONS.

FREE BALLOONS!

AND WE WILL HAVE...

LOLLIPOPS!

LOLLIPOPS!

AND FREE ALKA-SELTZER FOR THE DRUNKS!

AND A LOAF OF BREAD AND A HEAD OF LETTUCE!

YAY!

[POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE PLAYS ON JUKEBOX]


WHOO!


[YELLING]

[CHEERING]

[FRENCHY SCREAMING]

YOU BASTARD!

GET HIM!

[SIREN]

GODDAMN IT!


Guard: YOU THREE IN HERE.


JESUS CHRIST.

MAN, I WAS OUT... AND HOME FREE, AFTER 6 YEARS, AND I LISTEN TO YOU ONE GODDAMN TIME, I'M RIGHT BACK IN AGAIN.

I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU FOR A WHOLE MONTH.

MAX, YOU WERE THE GUY WHO PUNCHED HIM, NOT ME.

CAN I HELP YOU?

HEY...

YOU TAKE A BUNK ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DORMITORY.

COME ON, MAX.

WE'RE GONNA BE HERE A MONTH.

WHY DON'T YOU THINK OF IT THIS WAY, MAX?

WE'RE SHIPMATES, AND WE'RE ON A CRUISE TOGETHER.

COME ON. IT AIN'T SO BAD.

MAX, REALLY, IT ISN'T.

IT WAS ALL JUST A JOKE.

I HOPE I'M NOT INTERRUPTING.

MAYBE--MAYBE I CAN BE OF SOME HELP.

RILEY'S THE NAME. JACK RILEY.

HEY. I'M FRANCIS.

FRANCIS.

AND MAX.

WE ALL GET ALONG PRETTY GOOD.

I GUESS YOU JUST GOTTA KNOW WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE.

BUZZ OFF, FRIEND.

UNPLEASANTNESS?

Lion: HE'S A LITTLE UPSET. DON'T GET MAD.

Riley: I'M NOT MAD.

I JUST THOUGHT I COULD BE OF SOME HELP.

Lion: GOOD.

YOU'RE OPEN. I LIKE THAT.

I THINK WE'RE GONNA GET ALONG ALL RIGHT.

DID YOU HEAR THAT, MAX?

LISTEN. I DON'T WANT TO TALK.

I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE. BOTH OF YOU, BEAT IT.

FRIEND, I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND.

I'M KIND OF THE TRUSTEE OF THIS UNIT.

I MAKE UP THE WORK ASSIGNMENTS.

TAKE YOUR WORK ASSIGNMENTS AND STICK THEM UP YOUR ASS.

WITH THAT ATTITUDE, YOU COULD END UP ON THE HOG FARM UP TO YOUR ASS IN PIG SHIT.

HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT. HE'S JUST UPSET.

MAX ALWAYS TAKES A NAP WHEN HE'S UPSET.

LOOK, WHY DON'T WE GO FIND THIS FRIEND OF MINE, MICKEY?

I'LL SEE IF I CAN GET YOU SET UP.

COME ON.

MAX?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM. I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU.

DON'T WORRY. COME ON.

MAX?

WALK AWAY.

Riley: FRANCIS.

OK. YOU WANT IT THAT WAY...

I'M GONNA GO, THEN.


[SIGHS]

FRANCIS, YOU LIGHT THIS FOR ME?

I'LL GIVE YOU A MATCH.

SEE ALL THAT DOUGH I COLLECTED BACK THERE?

YEAH.

MY LOTTERY. YOU WANT IN?

I RUN IT.

I WOULD, BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.

I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE OPENING UP SOME SORT OF A BUSINESS.

WE ARE, BUT THE MONEY'S IN PITTSBURGH.

HERE YOU GO.

PITTSBURGH, HUH?

THAT'S WHERE WE WERE HEADED WHEN WE WERE PICKED UP.

WANT ONE?

EH...

HEY, YOU WANT ONE?

OK.

PITTSBURGH.

HE'S PROBABLY GOING TO BE OVER AT THE DAIRY.

WHAT'S HE DOING THERE, MILKING COWS?

MICKEY?

YEAH.

HE'S THE WARDEN'S SON-IN-LAW.

COME ON, FRANCIS.

WHEW!

[MOOING]

BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU.

I WANT YOU TO MEET A FRIEND OF MINE.

HOW COME YOU BEEN LOOKING FOR ME?

BUSINESS, WHAT ELSE?

MICKEY GREENWOOD, FRANCIS DELBUCCI.

HI. NICE TO KNOW YOU.

FRANCIS, I HAVE TO TALK TO MICKEY FOR A MINUTE.

YEAH.

LOOK, UH...

ITEM ONE--I GOT A FISH UP ON NUMBER 4 I'D LIKE TO SEE ON THE HOG FARM. IS THAT POSSIBLE?

HUH?

ALL RIGHT.

ITEM 2--THE LOTTERY'S ALL IN. HERE'S YOURS.

SO HOW'S NANCY, HUH?

GIVE HER MY MESSAGE?

YEAH. SURE.

GIVE YOU A GOOD BALL?

YEAH, WELL, SHE'S...

Riley: RIGHT. YOU'RE GETTING A LITTLE TIRED OF HER STYLE.

YOU WANT TO BE BALLIN' SOMETHING STRANGE, RIGHT?

BUT I'LL GIVE YOU A MESSAGE, YOU TAKE IT INTO DENVER, SHE'LL FIX IT ALL UP FOR YOU.

MEANWHILE, CAN YOU DO SOMETHING FOR MY FRIEND?

SOMETHING EASY?

I DON'T KNOW. WHAT'S HE WANT TO DO?

HEY, FRANCIS, WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS ARE YOU GOING INTO?

CAR WASH.

HEY, WANT ME TO WASH THAT TIRE?

NO.

MAX!

I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE GETTING INTO GAMBLING.

SHUT UP. YOU'LL BRING THE HEAT DOWN ON ME.

I COULD GET THE MAXIMUM.

YOU COULD ALSO GO OUT ON THE HOG FARM INSTEAD OF SITTING ON YOUR ASS ALL DAY.

SHOW COORDINATOR IS A PRETTY EASY JOB.

OK. OK.

WHERE'S THE BASEBALL SCORES?

WHY DON'T YOU FINISH YOUR DINNER?

YEAH. I'LL BE BACK.

HI, BUDDY.

HEY, MAX, I DIDN'T ASK FOR THAT JOB.

BELIEVE ME. I WOULDN'T WASH CARS WITHOUT YOU.

HEY, FRANCIS.

HEY, WANT A CIGAR?

I GOT ONE FOR YOU. GO AHEAD.

YOU LOOK TIRED, YOU KNOW THAT, BUDDY?

THEY WORKING YOU HARD?

I'LL BE BACK.

KEEPING WARM, HUH?

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO BE REAL SORRY WHEN YOU FIND OUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, MAX.

THAT IT WASN'T MY FAULT.

Riley: FRANCIS!

REAL SORRY.

GO AHEAD. HAVE A GOOD LUNCH.

IF I DON'T SEE YOU AGAIN, HELLO.

[SIGHS]

YOU KNOW, I, UH...

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING.

YEAH.

I THINK YOU'D MAKE A PRETTY GOOD ASSISTANT DIRECTOR FOR MY TALENT SHOW. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

IT'S BETTER THAN WASHING CARS.

A TALENT SHOW?

A TALENT SHOW.

WHAT WOULD I DO?

YOU'D...KINDA HELP GET THE GUYS TOGETHER, YOU KNOW, YOU'D REHEARSE THE SHOW.

I NEED A LITTLE EXTRA TIME TO TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS.

HMM?

IT'S EASY.

OK.

HEY...

THERE'S THE HOG FARM.

THERE'S MAX.

CAN WE PULL OVER, DO YOU THINK?

MICKEY, LET'S GO OVER TO PIGVILLE.

Lion: WHOO!

HEY, FELLA, CAN YOU WRAP ME 2 POUNDS TO GO?

I DON'T HAVE TOO MUCH TIME.

GUESS WHAT.

I'M THE DIRECTOR OF THE TALENT SHOW.

WANT ME TO MAKE YOU A STAR?

YOUR NAME IN LIGHTS?

YOU CAN BRING YOUR FRIENDS ALONG IF YOU WANT.

Riley: LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

US SHOW PEOPLE SURE DO ENVY YOU SIMPLE MEN OF THE LAND.

HAVE A NICE LIFE.

WHOO!

[LAUGHING]

OH, SHIT.

SO HE STANDS UP THERE, RIGHT, AND HE SAYS, "NO MORE JOKES...

NO MORE JOKES UNTIL THE END OF THE SHOW."

OH, I GOTTA PEE.

YOUR FRIEND MAX IS OUT THERE.

MAX IS GONNA BE MAD AT ME, TOO, 'CAUSE I'M GETTING DRUNK AND HE'S NOT.

YOU'RE A FRIEND OF MINE. MAX ISN'T.

MAX IS OUT THERE WITH ALL HIS FRIENDS.

[LAUGHING]

YOU SAID IT!

AND YOU'RE IN HERE HAVING A GOOD TIME.

I TOLD YOU IT PAYS TO BE A FRIEND OF JACK RILEY'S.

[URINATING]

IT SURE DOES, JACK.

HEY, FRANCIS?

[TOILET FLUSHES]

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I'M DOING?

OH, GOODNESS GRACIOUS.

JUST PUT THESE TOGETHER...

[MUMBLES] ON THE HAND.

I SAY, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I'M DOING?

NO. HOW MUCH TIME ARE YOU DOING?

18 MONTHS.

OOH.

THAT'S A LONG TIME.

YEAH.

THAT'S A LONG TIME.

THAT'S A LOT OF SUNDAYS, I'LL TELL YOU THAT.

[CHUCKLES]

HEY, HOW ABOUT IT, HUH?

OHH...

HEY, FRANCIS?

HOW ABOUT IT?

MM-HMM.

HOW ABOUT IT.

HOW ABOUT WHAT?

YEAH, HOW ABOUT IT?

HOW ABOUT, YOU KNOW...

GIVING OLD RILEY A LITTLE RELIEF, HUH?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

RELIEF FOR WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

HEY, HEY, HEY!

HA!

OOH...

IGOR, YOU CRAZY MONSTER.

[BRITISH ACCENT] GET OUT. GO BACK.

DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME.

I'M NOT MAKING FUN OF YOU. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M KIND OF SENSITIVE. I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I'M DOING.

OH.

RILEY...

WHAT?

COME ON.

COME ON.

[LAUGHS]

-HA! -HEY!

[LAUGHS]

WHOO!

COME ON.

COME ON!

JUST A LITTLE, HUH?

I'LL BITE IT OFF, YOU FUCK.

OH, COME ON.

UNH!

RILEY?

I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

AAH!

AAH! AAH!

MAMA'S BOY LIKES TO PLAY, BUT DOESN'T PAY--

OH!

UNH!

AAH! STOP IT! STOP IT!

[CRASH]

Lion: MAX?

MAX?

[CLATTER]

JUST COOL IT.

JESUS CHRIST.

WHO DID...

OH, JESUS CHRIST, MAN.

RILEY TRIED TO FUCK ME, SO I HAD TO KICK THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, YOU KNOW?

OHH, JESUS CHRIST.

GOTTA KEEP THE WEIGHT ON THE BALLS OF YOUR FEET.

OTHERWISE, YOU SLIP DOWN ON YOUR HEELS, AND YOU SKID RIGHT INTO THE PIG SHIT.

ON THE BALLS?

YEAH. RIGHT ON THE BALLS.

IF YOU'D BEEN OUT HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN ALL THAT.

I HAD MY LAUGHS.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

WELL, I HAD MY LAUGHS.

OH, YEAH.

I KNOW SOMEBODY'S NOT LAUGHING.

[CHUCKLES]

HE WANTED TO BE IN SHOW BUSINESS.

[LAUGHS]

SHOW BUSINESS.

HEY, COME HERE.

Max: SOMETHING I DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOU KNOW?

I JUST WANT TO ASK YOU...

HOW YOU PEOPLE IN SHOW BUSINESS STAY IN ACTION WHEN YOU GIVE IT AWAY LIKE THAT.

WHAT DID I GIVE AWAY?

YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE BUSINESS.

YOU KNOW. THE WHOLE SHOW BUSINESS.

YOU GAVE IT TO MY PARTNER LION, DIDN'T YOU?

HUH?

DIDN'T YOU, RILEY? DIDN'T YOU GIVE IT TO HIM?

DIDN'T YOU GIVE IT TO HIM, RILEY?

WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK OFF?


SEE THAT?

I SAVED THAT.

[CHUCKLES]

HEY. I WAS THINKING ABOUT DETROIT.

[SPITS]

LET'S SKIP IT.

IT DON'T FEEL GOOD.

WHAT DO I DO WITH MY LAMP?

YOU MAIL IT.

[CAR PASSES]

IT'S NOT THE LAMP.

[CAR PASSES]

IT'S ANNIE, MAX.

THAT'S WHY I GOTTA GO BACK.

I OWE ANNIE.

DO ME ONE FAVOR, THOUGH, HUH?

LET'S MAKE IT FAST.

[BELL CLANGING]

STAY ON HERE TILL WE GET TO ST. LOUIS.

THEN WE'LL GET OFF AND CATCH SOMETHING ELSE TO GET UP TO DETROIT.

I COULD USE A DRINK.

EYE-TO-EYE WITH ME, THE GUY TELLS ME WHAT FREIGHT TRAIN TO CATCH.

I'LL BE DAMNED.

THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS.

SEE, HE SAW THE HUMOR IN IT.

AH, I SEE.

HUMOR.

HUMOR.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MAX?

YOU USED TO LOOK SCARY AND RIDICULOUS.

NOW YOU JUST LOOK RIDICULOUS.

WELL, ANYWAY, IT'S BECAUSE I'M BECOMING A SCARECROW.

THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'RE A SCARECROW.

I'M A SCARECROW.

YOU'RE ALSO AN ASSHOLE.

HEY.

YOU'RE ALSO A SCARECROW, TOO.

OK. BUT I'M LIKE YOU, HUH?

SURE. I'M A SCARECROW. THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

LISTEN. HAVE YOU TAKEN A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR MUG LATELY?

HAVE YOU EYEBALLED IT?

IF THAT'S WHAT BEING A SCARECROW IS, I DON'T WANT ANY PART OF THAT.

SCARECROWS ARE BEAUTIFUL.

[CHUCKLES]

SCARECROWS ARE BEAUTIFUL!

HEY, MISS. CAN WE HAVE SOME COFFEE DOWN HERE FOR, UH, MR. SCARECROW?

[BANGS COUNTER] SCARECROWS ARE BEAUTIFUL!

I'M FEELING GOOD. I REALLY FEEL GOOD.

THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE LEARNING, YOU KNOW?

YOU'RE LEARNING HOW TO LAUGH.

AND GUESS WHAT. I TAUGHT YOU.

I'M YOUR WHAT-DO-YOU-CALL-IT?

MY TAUGHTER.

-TAUGHTER. -RIGHT?

YOU'RE MY TEACHER, BUDDY, AND IT'S REALLY COMFORTING.

WILL YOU FUCK OFF. JESUS CHRIST.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE A SCARECROW. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

DIDN'T YOU LEARN ANYTHING?

WELL...

YOU SHOW ME HOW TO HANDLE A DRUNK, THEN.

OK, I'LL SHOW YOU.

[DRUNK COUGHING]

HERE.

HUH?

[MUMBLING]

[MUMBLING]

[MUMBLING]

Max: NO, NO, NO.

[MUMBLING]

YOU'RE LOSING HIM.

I'M NOT LOSING HIM. LOOK AT HIM.

[MUMBLING]

YOU'RE LOSING HIM.

I'M NOT--

Man: HEY. HEY.

THAT'S MY UNCLE YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF.

WELL, THIS IS MY WIFE HERE. WE WERE JUST--

HEY, HEY--

OK, DOWN, DOWN.

OK, ALL RIGHT.

NO, MAX.

JUST ONE WAY. GET OUTTA HERE.

[GLASS BREAKS]

Max: YOU OK?

I'M OK. THAT'S IT.

NO, NO--

THAT'S IT. GO AHEAD. HAVE A TIME.

BUT I--

GO ON. HAVE A TIME.

HEY...

HAVE FUN.

COME ON. HEY...

HEY!

COME BACK!

[WHISTLES]

[LAUGHTER]

BRRINNGG!

HELLO, LION?

MAX WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

[PEOPLE LAUGHING]

LOOK AT THIS. I'M AN OLD SCARECROW.

COME ON.

COME ON BACK HERE.

COME ON.

HEY. HUP!

[PEOPLE LAUGHING]

Max: HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT, HUH?

I'M GONNA HELP.

Max: SHAKE HANDS.

HE DON'T WANT TO FIGHT.

Man: WATCH IT, GODDAMN IT. WATCH OUT.

YOU OK, OLD-TIMER?

[THE STRIPPER PLAYS ON JUKEBOX]

HOLD THAT FOR ME.

COME ON! TAKE IT OFF! BRAVO!

TAKE IT OFF!

[CHEERING AND WHISTLING]


HE'S SOMETHING ELSE.

Man: BRING ON THE GIRLS!

[UNINTELLIGIBLE DIALOGUE]


[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]

I HAD 'EM LAUGHING, DIDN'T I, HUH?

YOU'RE GOING PLACES, MAX.

[CHUCKLES]

HEY...

YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA HAVE OUT IN FRONT OF OUR CAR WASH?

NO. WHAT?

A SCARECROW. THAT'S WHAT.

A SCARECROW.

GOOD NIGHT, WORLD!

GOOD NIGHT, WORLD!

YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]


I'M GLAD YOU WORE YOUR SWEATER, 'CAUSE IT'S COLD, YOU KNOW.

YEAH.

WHERE'S YOUR HOUSE?

IT'S RIGHT IN THERE.

IS THAT IT?

GO AHEAD.

NO, I THINK I SHOULD CALL FIRST.

YOU KNOW...

IT DON'T FEEL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, CALL.

THERE'S A PHONE OVER THERE.

JUST CALL THEM.

HERE, MAN.

HEY.

YEAH.

JUST REMEMBER, ALL RIGHT, THAT YOU'RE A PERSON.

YOU'RE A PERSON, RIGHT?

AND YOU WERE A KID BEFORE, AND YOU'VE MADE MISTAKES, SO YOU RAN. THAT'S ALL.

YOU SENT A LOT OF MONEY, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

RIGHT, AND YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS GONNA MAKE IT OK?

BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT, DOES IT?

NO.

OK. NOW YOU'RE A MAN, AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA STRAIGHTEN IT ALL OUT.

MAX, LET ME MAKE THE CALL.

GONNA STRAIGHTEN IT ALL OUT.

RIGHT.


[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYING]

[RING]

MAMA!

[RING]

[RING]

JOEY THE BANANA KING.

JOEY THE BANANA KING. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

FRANCIS.

WHERE ARE YOU?

WHY?

TALK?

WHAT ARE YOU-- ARE YOU STAYING?

NO.

UM...

WHAT'S THIS, UH, JOEY THE BANANA KING?

JOEY GLEASON?

YEAH. I'M MARRIED TO HIM.

DID YOU HEAR ME, FRANCIS?

YEAH. JOEY GLEASON.

GOD.

SO THEN YOU'RE OK.

YOU'RE MARRIED, AND YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

SO WHAT ARE YOU NOW-- MRS. BANANA KING?

DO YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY, YOU SON OF A BITCH?

HOW LONG--UH, WHEN DID YOU MARRY HIM?

A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO.

HEY, UH...

THANKS FOR THE MONEY...

YOU BASTARD.

WE USED YOUR ALLOTMENTS TO SET UP HIS BUSINESS.

WHAT, YOU...

WHY'D YOU LEAVE ME?

YEAH, I GOT IT. I TOLD YOU I GOT IT.

THANKS FOR A BIG FAT NOTHING.

YOU JUST LEFT.

HAPPY?

SURE.

SURE, I'M HAPPY. I'M MRS. JOEY BANANA KING, AND I LOOK LIKE AN OLD LADY.

YOU LEFT. YOU JUST--

OH, YOU STINKIN' SHIT.

YOU COWARD.

SURE, SURE. SEND THE MONEY AND SEE THE WORLD.

LEAVE ANNIE HERE.

LEAVE ME HERE IN THIS GODDAMN STINKING SLUM, YOU BASTARD, YOU!

PLEASE, ANNIE.

LOOK, A--

ANNIE, PLEASE. LOOK, LET ME COME OVER.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU.

YOU JUST GET AWAY. YOU JUST STAY AWAY AND GET...OUT.

[SOBBING] OH, GOD.

FRANCIS.

YOU DIDN'T ASK ABOUT THE KID, FRANCIS.

I WAS GOING TO.

SO WHAT IS IT, A BOY OR A GIRL?

DEAD.

IT'S DEAD.

NEVER EVEN GOT BORN, FRANCIS, 'CAUSE I WAS LEFT ALONE.

DID YOU HEAR ME, FRANCIS?

EIGHTH MONTH. YOU KNOW, I, UH...

I SLIPPED ON THE FRONT STEPS IN THE SNOW.

I FELL DOWN THEM.

THERE WAS NO ONE THERE TO HELP ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I LOST THE KID.

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A BOY, FRANCIS.

NEVER EVEN GOT BORN.

NEVER GOT BAPTIZED. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

THAT SOUL CANNOT GO TO HEAVEN, FRANCIS.

THAT'S WHAT YOU DID FOR YOUR SON'S SOUL, YOU BASTARD.

YOU SENT IT INTO LIMBO.

THAT SOUL CANNOT GO TO HEAVEN.

FRANCIS?

FRANCIS?


HEY.

WHAT?

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S A BOY!

THAT'S GREAT.

THAT'S GREAT. GREAT.

AND WHAT ABOUT ANNIE, HUH?

ANNIE GOT MARRIED. SHE'S GOT A HUSBAND.

I DON'T FEEL I SHOULD GO OVER THERE.

YOU KNOW, WITH THE KID. I'LL MESS THINGS UP.

ALL RIGHT, GOOD. THAT'S GREAT.

HEY.

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

THAT'S GREAT.

IT'S ALL OVER NOW, RIGHT?

ALL OVER.

OK, YOU'RE A MAN NOW.

I MEAN, GODDAMN IT, YOU'RE A MAN.

LET'S CELEBRATE.

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL CELEBRATE.

WE'LL MAKE IT FAST, OK?

I KNOW A PLACE ACROSS THE RIVER.

IT'S CALLED BELL ISLAND. ME AND ANNIE USED TO GO THERE.

OK. WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT FAST, HUH?

[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING]

AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

OK, OK, COME ON!

GONNA READ YOUR FORTUNES. HANDS OUT.

WHO'S FIRST? WHO'S SECOND?

WHO'S THIRD? WHO'S FOURTH?

OK, UH, FIRST YOU.

WHOA!

SEE WHAT THIS THING SAYS?

YOU'RE GONNA OPEN A BUTTON FACTORY.

AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA GO CRAZY AND EAT ALL THE BUTTONS.

BUT THAT'LL BE OK BECAUSE YOU WON'T HAVE TO BUY ANY FOOD

'CAUSE YOU'RE SO FULL WITH THE BUTTONS.

Boy: HE'LL BE A BUTTON MAN.

I KNOW WHAT TO DO TO KEEP YOUR HANDS WARM.

STICK 'EM UP. STICK 'EM UP.

GIVE ME A BUTTON.

Second boy: I'M THE BUTTON MAN, ALL RIGHT.

Boy: STICK UP YOUR HANDS. COME HERE.

PUT A PEANUT UP YOUR NOSE.

Lion: PUT A PEANUT UP YOUR NOSE.

[CHILDREN LAUGH]

AFTER YOU FIND THE MISSING TREASURE, YOU'RE GOING TO...

SPROUT WINGS AND FLY.

READ MY PALM!

HEY, WANT TO SEE TREASURE ISLAND?

HEY, MAX.

COME ON, MAX.

COME OVER HERE. WE'LL DO A BIT TOGETHER.

WANT TO SEE TREASURE ISLAND?

YEAH.

COME ON, MAX.

I'LL BE LONG JOHN. YOU BE LITTLE JIM.

COME ON. WANT TO SEE IT?

I'M LONG JOHN.

[PIRATE VOICE] AYE-AYE.

AYE, MATEY.

THE WIND LOOKS A BIT TO RUFFLE OUR SAILS, EH?

I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

WHATEVER YOU DO, JIM BOY, KEEP YOUR BLOODY HANDS OFF ME BIRD.

ARGUE WITH ME, YOU BIG DUMMY?

AYE, AYE.

I'M GONNA CUT ME SOME YOUNG LADS.

WHERE'S ME CUTLASS?

WHERE BE ME CUTLASS?

WHERE BE ME CUTLASS?

Boy: HE'S IN THERE.

HE'S IN THERE!

HE'S IN THERE.

Lion: HEY, GOTTA LOVE LONG JOHN.

HOW ABOUT LONG JOHN?

YOU'RE LONG JOHN? GOTTA LOVE LONG JOHN.

[PIRATE VOICE] GOTTA LOVE LONG JOHN.

GOTTA LOVE LONG JOHN.

NO!

[CHILDREN SHOUTING]

Boy: UH-OH.

LET HIM GO! QUIT IT!

Woman: MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT THE HELL YOU--

GIVE ME THE BOY.

GIVE ME THE BOY.

GIVE ME THE BOY.

NO, NO!

GOTTA LOVE LONG JOHN!

GOTTA LOVE LONG JOHN!

GET OUT OF THERE!

GET OUT OF THERE.

COME ON, COME ON.

GET OFF THERE.

COME ON.

COME ON! GET OFF THERE!

COME ON.

COME ON!

COME ON.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

HEY!

I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM!

I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM!

I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

GET SOME HELP!


WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?

YOUR FRIEND HAS SERIOUS TROUBLE.

YEAH, WELL, WHAT--

HE'S CATATONIC.

HOW'D HE CATCH THAT?

WELL, IT'S NOTHING YOU CATCH.

THERE'S AN AMBULANCE ON THE WAY FROM LAGUNA HEIGHTS.

WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT I'VE GOT HIM SEDATED?

WHAT PLACE IS THAT?

STATE HOSPITAL.

HOW LONG'S HE GOT TO BE IN THERE NOW?

THERE'S NO TELLING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THERE'S NO TELLING?

ARE YOU A DOCTOR? DO YOU KNOW OR NOT?

KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN. THIS IS A HOSPITAL.

I KNOW IT'S A HOSPITAL. KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.

OH, LOOK, UH...

I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF HIM.

I GOT THE MONEY.

THAT'S PART OF IT.

HE'S JUST FOOLING AROUND.

HE'S FOOLING AROUND.


UH, CHRIST, THEY GOT YOU ALL STRAPPED UP.

LOOK AT THAT.

JESUS CHRIST. WHAT THEY--

WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?

JESUS.

THIS MUST BE ME DREAMING, RIGHT?

HEY, DAMN IT!

LOOK, YOU SKINNY LITTLE BASTARD, WILL YOU WAKE UP.

HEY!

WAKE UP!

GET THESE GODDAMN STRAPS OFF OF YOU.

HEY, LOOK.

LOOK AT ME.

LISTEN.

NO GODDAMN WAY IN THE WORLD I CAN OPEN UP THAT CAR WASH WITH YOU LOCKED UP.

HEY!

WHO AM I GONNA TRUST, HUH?

WHO AM I GONNA TRUST?

WE'RE GOING BACK TO THE PHONE BOOTH.

I'M GONNA TAKE YOU BACK TO THAT PHONE BOOTH, AND I'M GONNA FIND OUT WHAT SHE SAID TO YOU.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

HEY.

YOU AND ME, WE THINK ALIKE, DON'T WE?

HUH?

WE THINK ALIKE, RIGHT?

WE CAN MAKE IT WORK, CAN'T WE?

HEY!

CAN WE MAKE IT WORK?

YEAH, 'CAUSE-- GODDAMN IT.

I JUST CAN'T MAKE IT ALONE ANYMORE.

COME ON, WAKE UP!

YOU LISTEN TO ME!

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.

I CAN'T MAKE IT ALONE ANYMORE.

COME ON. LET'S GO. COME ON.

I CAN'T DO IT ALONE.

COME ON, WAKE UP!

HE'S GOING TO BE HELPED.

I'VE GOT THE MONEY. LION.

I'VE GOT IT RIGHT HERE.

LOOK. WAIT A MINUTE.

SEE, I GOT IT.

$2,648.73 RIGHT THERE.

RIGHT THERE IT IS. LION.

I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOU, LION.

GOT IT RIGHT THERE.

THAT'S 5.45.

THANK YOU.

PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA, PLEASE.

ROUND TRIP?

YEAH, ROUND TRIP.

THAT'S 27.95.

ALL RIGHT.

27.95.

CHICAGO.

ROUND TRIP?

YES, PLEASE.

$12.95.

WHAT GATE?

THAT'S GATE 11 .


15, 25, 26, 27, 28.

[BANGING SHOE]

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

[FOLKSY MUSIC]


[FOLKSY MUSIC CONTINUES]