Scary Story Slumber Party (2017) Script

I'm so glad we got to spend time together outside of work.

Me too, with all those assholes at work telling us to shut up all the time.

Yeah.

It's nice to finally get to talk to you some.

You too.

Well, I can't tell you everything.

And why is that?

Well, there's just some things that girls can't tell guys.

I'm not a typical guy.

True.

But I'm definitely not gonna talk to you about it if you're gonna gossip about it.

I actually only gossip to you.

I'm generally a pretty quiet person, but, Really?

You bring it out of me.

That's sweet.

That makes me feel special.

It should.

There is something that I've been meaning to talk to you about.

Oh yeah?

What's that?

I think I have a crush on you.

Really?

Yeah.

I don't know what it is about you.

I think about you all the time, and...

I feel like a high school girl again.

You have feelings for me?

Yeah.

I know, I shouldn't.

I mean, considering that we work together and all, but, you're just different than all the other guys at work, and you're different than all of the other scum bags that I've known in my life.

And you're 20,000 times better than all the douche bags that I've dated.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm kind of into you.

This is kind of sudden.

I know.

I mean, I'm sorry, I don't mean to annoy you or anything.

No I just kinda, kinda feel bad.

Oh no, you have a girlfriend or something?

Not exactly.

Wait, you're married?

Because if you are, then I'll never have a shot at you.

Well, ha, I'm not married but to be honest with you you still have very little shot at me.

What?

I mean, I don't mean to be conceited or anything, um, but, I think I look pretty good.

What's wrong with me?

There's nothing wrong with you.

To be honest, it all has to do with me.

Well what are you trying to say?

Kristen, we're good friends and everything you know, uh...

I'm gay.

Wait, you're gay?

Yeah, I thought you knew.

You're gay.

I'm gay.

Are you sure?

Pretty sure.

Ugh, this just blows my mind.

Sorry that you had to find out this way.

I just, I don't understand.

I like boys, what do you not understand?

You gonna be okay?

I'll be fine.


Wakey wakey, silly.

What's going on here?

What do you mean?

What do you mean, what do I mean?

Why am I tied up here?

Well, I didn't want you to wake up and run away.

What do you want from me?

I want you to stop asking questions and accept my love.

Get off me you crazy bitch.

Language.

You're not gonna get in my pants with that kind of attitude.

Did you not hear me earlier?

I'm gay.

I don't ever plan on getting in your pants.

Aw, you're such a gentleman.

What are you talking about?

Thinking of my feelings.

It's so sweet.

I hate you right now, let me go.

Oh, you want me to let you go?

No, I'd like to be stayed here tied up.

What the fuck do you think?

I think you're being sarcastic.

Ha ha ha, ya think?

That's it, I don't wanna resort to this.

Resort to what? I didn't have to.

Ooh, what're you gonna do with that?

Oh, what am I gonna do with this?

Yes, you stupid bitch.

This!

Fucking whore.

If you don't let me go, I'm going to..

Oh, what're you gonna do?

I'm gonna kill you.

Evan!

Evan get back here.

I'm sorry, are you okay?

Get off. I'm sorry.

Get off me.

Baby, we can work it out.

I'm not your baby and I never will be.

Are you, are you saying what I think you're saying?

Uh, if you're saying that you think we'll never be together, then yes.

Well you know what they say, then.

If I can't have you, no one can.

Bitch.

That movie was so lame.

It wasn't even scary.

Yeah, I know.

That ending was so weak.

Why do people make the blood look so fake.

I think that movie needed some serious help.

We coulda come up with a better story.

Wait, I got a great idea.

Let's tell our own scary stories.

That's your great idea?

Yeah, why not?

Why don't we just make popcorn and play truth or dare?

Truth or dare is so lame.

Scary stories, so much more fun.

I don't think they are.

Yeah, I vote for sleep.

Are you scared?

No.

I just don't feel like telling scary stories.

I don't think you can come up with one.

I can too.

Prove it.

Okay sure.

Um...

My story is about a girl who learns a harsh lesson when she messes with one of her girlfriends.

In fact, it's called Backstabber.


Amy, you scared the crap out of me for shit!

Good, I'm trying to teach you a lesson.

Texting will be the death of you.

Shut up.

I'm serious.

You're gonna be like that girl that fell in the fountain at the mall.

Life over.

Forever immortalized on YouTube as a dork.

Do you really want that?

Yeah, whatever.

Oh, so did you hear Tina yelling at Jen the other day?

I know!

I would kill that bitch if she slept with my boyfriend.

Right?

I'd never do that to you.

Tell me about it.

Who was that?

Nobody.

And I mean we've been friends for forever, I would never lie to you.

You better not.

Hang on, I have to go to the bathroom.

Okay.

Hey, you forgot your..

What the fuck?

I'm back, did you miss me?

Always.

So what're you gonna be for Halloween this year?

I think I'll be a psycho serial killer.

So you're going as yourself, huh?

Ha ha, very funny.

I'm guessing you're going as a comedian?

Well aren't you Miss Popular?

Who's that?

Nobody.

Here, let me get that for you.

It's okay, I got it.

Do you want something to drink?

Maybe.

I'll try to, um, I mean now's not really a good time, maybe in 30 minutes.

All right well I gotta go.

Telemarketers!

Did you want something else?

I could use some hot tea.

So how did you find out that Jen was backstabbing Tina by sleeping with her boyfriend?

I thought you told me.

I mean, you're usually the first to know everything, right?

Most of the time.

Oh, now I have to go to the bathroom.

Don't fall in like last time.

It was an accident!

Your brother left the seat up.

Yeah, a funny one.

Always a comedian.


Is everything okay?

Wait, you're going through my text messages?

Amy, it's not what you think!

Backstabbing bitch!

Guys, happy, birthday?

So be careful who you stab in the back next time.

That was pretty good I admit.

Anyone else have one they wanna share?

I've got one for you all.

A ghost story, to be exact.

It's about a group of sorority girls who decide to play a prank on one of the pledges, but instead, things don't exactly go the way they planned.

It's called The Pledge.

Are you two ready for tonight?

Do we really have to go through with this?

Oh, is someone having second thoughts?

I knew she was gonna be a baby about this whole thing.

Mmhmm.

I just think that we should, you know, cool it with the whole scare.

Jenna, Jenna, Jenna.

Maybe I was wrong about you.

Wrong about what?

Maybe you aren't Delta Zeta Pi material after all.

I wasn't wrong about her.

I knew she wasn't Delta Zeta Pi.

Why?

Because I don't wanna scare the new pledge senseless?

She'll be fine, especially if she wants to be in our sorority.

You never did this with any of the other pledges.

I know.

But this one's special.

So, there's this girl named Amanda Thompson, and she's engaged to this guy named Kevin Gardner.

Well on their wedding day, Kevin calls her and calls the whole thing off.

The marriage, wedding, everything.

Well obviously she's like, super-devastated, right?

So what does she do?

She runs into her house, goes up to her room, locks the door and hangs herself.

Her parents found her five hours later.

People say if you walk by this house at night, you can see her still hanging in the window.

That window right there.

Yeah?

So?

So, this is your task.

You're gonna take that candle up to her room and stand in the window where we can see you.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

This is what I have to do to be Delta Zeta Pi?

If you do this, you're in.

Fine.

Gimme the candle.

There you go.

Good girl.

I can't believe we're doing this to this poor girl.

Huh, we did worse to you, remember?

I know.

But even this is borderline evil.

Oh my God, she'll live.

But you won't if you don't shut up and chill out.

Seriously, Jenna.

If you don't wanna be a part of this you should just turn in your pin now.

Seriously.

Lisa, are you ready?

This is going to be amazing!

Oh my God, I cannot wait.

What did she ever do to you guys?

That's the beauty of it.

Nothing.

She just, looks different than us.

And that's more than enough of a reason to not like her already.

You two are evil.

I don't want any part of this.

Good, we don't want you to be part of this anyway.

Right Melissa?

Right.

Go pack up and move out.

We'll have to find ourselves a new pledge next week.

We'll do the same thing, until we find the one that can handle us.

Now run along.

Run along.

You two are bitches!

Heh, whatever.

I never wanted her in the sorority in the first place.

Do you think Kate will be able to handle this?

Hell no.

When she sees Lisa pretending to hang herself she's going to freak the hell out.

Can't wait to see that.


Get a hold of yourself, Kate.

It's just stairs.

Is this some sort of sorority prank you guys are playing?

It's not funny if it is.

Guys?


Come on, Kate, you're almost there.

Then you'll be Delta Zeta for sure.


She's gonna be so pissed when she finds out it was just Lisa.

It's gonna be so beautiful, I wish we were there.

I think the look on her face when she runs outta the house screaming will be enough.

What the hell's going on?


What's taking them so long?

Oh my God, I don't know.

Let's go check.

Okay.

And they were never seen again.

That's a retarded ghost story.

Doesn't mean it isn't true.

And we, dare you, to go up there.

Oh, so those girls can pop out and scare me?

No thanks.

Fine.

That's fine, but it is a ritual at Delta Zeta Pi.

Right Kate?

That's right, Girls.

Dare you to try it.

Give her the candle.

If you think it's just a story, go ahead.

And I hear, the sorority's doing the same ritual but with a different leader each year from now on.

I like the sorority girls.

I thought they were pretty entertaining.

What?

What about you, Danielle?

Do you have a scary story?

A scary but true one.

Oh, scary but true, huh?

My story's about how imagination plays evil tricks on us.

My story's called Imaginary Fiend.


What's going on?

Well rise and shine, sleepyhead.

What's going on, what are you doing here?

Aw, looks like somebody got a bump on her poor widdle head!

Looks like somebody needs to be more careful going down the stairs, now doesn't she?

You're not real, go away.

Oh, I'm real all right.

Real as I can be!

What is Jeff doing on the floor?

What did you do to him?

What did I do to him?

Nothing.

He did this to himself.

At least that's what we'll say if the cops stop by.

Let me go, let me out of here now!

I don't think so.

You and I, have some unsettled business to solve.

You're not real.

You're not real, go away.

You're not real.

Look at me, Kristen!

Look at me!

You made me the person that I am.

I would be nothing without you.

And then, you went, and you forgot about me!

You've moved on with your life, completely moved on.

Without me!

You left me all alone.

How could you do that to me, Kristen?

How could you leave me here to rot all by myself?

Why, Kristen?

Why?

I'm sorry, I grew up.

I couldn't help it.

Imaginary friends, you have 'em when you're younger.

And things change and they go away.

I'm not any ordinary imaginary friend.

You knew that, Kristen.

I told you what I could do.

How I could be anyone.

I wasn't joking, was I?

You now know that's true, don't you?

Just go away, leave us alone!

You don't fucking get it, do you?

You just don't fucking understand exactly what I've been through.

The hell of disappearing without a friend in the world.

Being completely fucking miserable!

Well now I'm going to make you completely fucking miserable.

Starting with Jeff.

Leave him alone!

Time to wake up, Jeff, come on.

Stop it, leave him alone!

You are not in any position to be barking orders at me!

I'll do whatever you want, just leave us alone.

Too late, Kristen.

Too fucking late!

We could've the best of best friends, in the whole wide world.

Do you remember that day on the playground?

When one of your friends asked you who you were talking to and you said, "Nobody."

Do you know how badly that hurt?

Do you have any fucking inkling how fucking painful that was for me?

Do you wanna know how badly that hurt, Kristen?

It hurt like this!

Hurts, doesn't it?

Oh, Mister Sleepy Face is finally waking up.

Bet you're excited to explain to him, aren't you?

Kristen what, what happened?

Jeff run, call the cops.

Guess what Kristen?

He can't see me.

I'm still imaginary to everyone but you.

I thought you were real.

Well you thought wrong.

Then how did you stab me and handcuff me?

That's the best part.

I didn't!

That's what you get for growing up, Bitch.

You said scary but true.

How the hell is that true?

It could happen.

She didn't actually exist, she was just part of her figment of imagination.

That's so lame.

What about you?

Why don't you tell us another scary story, Karissa?

Me?

You can't handle another one of my stories.

Ooh, I smell a challenge.

No, that's just your bad breath.

Ha, ha.

Go ahead, Karissa, tell us another one.

Okay.

You want me to tell you another story?

How about one called Event Invitation?


Yeah?

Hey, Becca, what you up to?

Chem homework, contemplating suicide.

Ugh, take a break and check out your Event Invitations.

Really, Joan?

I'm kind of busy.

Trust me, you're not gonna wanna miss this.

Fine, but if it's some frat party bullshit...

Eric Nelson's Coming Home Party?

Yeah, remember Eric from middle school?

That creepy kid that used to follow you home like every day?

Yeah, kid was a creeper.

Yeah.

But it looks like his aunt that he was living with was loaded.

Anyway, she kicked the bucket, he got the loot, and now he's coming home to throw a huge party in Rockton.

Sounds to me like he's trying to buy friends.

Pft.

Well of course he's trying to buy friends, the kid's a spastic.

Anyway, read the event description, it sounds pretty tight.

It says here he's willing to offer limo rides to anyone that accepts.

Sounds a bit much to me, don't you think?

Hell, if he wants to waste his money, let him.

If he is that rich, maybe I'll throw him a bone and see what I can milk out of him.

God, Joan, that's awful.

Uh, no, that's smart actually.

If you look up smart in the Urban Dictionary, banging a rich guy for his money is the third definition down.

So you coming or what?

Yeah, I'm in.

Sweet tits.

See you later.

Later.

Becca, get in here, Bitch.

Becca, you're looking good tonight.

Thanks, Brad, I appreciate it.

So Steve, how've you been?

I've been fine, Becks.

'Kay.

Just fine?

Why is this taking so long?

Ah, that's 'cause you haven't had enough to drink.

Sweet tits!

Keep it up.

Yeah, this party's gonna be off the chain.

It's gonna be a killer party, Sir.

I don't know, this guy is freaking creepy.

Oh hey, we're here.

Don't help me out or anything.

So this is the place?

Yeah, it looks like.

Do you guys not think it's really weird?

There's no other cars here.

Nah, Moneybags said he was bringing limos to everybody.

Come on, let's go.


Okay, this is a little creepy.

What do you expect?

Eric's a creeper.

Oh come on, let's go.

What the hell?

Where is everybody?

Guys, this is too weird, I'm out of here.


No, wait, don't go in there!

It's the only open door.

I know, but it's probably a trap and we're gonna die.

If we stay out here we're gonna die.

We're trapped.

Just relax, everything is gonna be fine.

Fuck!

What are you doing?

I'm gonna jump.

What?

Look, we're only on the second floor.

I'll be fine.

Once I'm down, you jump down and I'll catch you.

I can't, I'm scared.

I know, I'm scared too.

But if we wanna live we have to do this.

Told you it was a trap.

Settle down, I'm coming.

You were right, he jumped.

Awesome, I was kinda hoping he'd be that stupid.

We gotta get the fuck outta here.

Yeah, I suppose you're right.

We are in the middle of nowhere, but somebody might'a heard.

Best not take chances.

You clean up and I'll call the limo service.

You spooked me.

Sorry.

Thanks for your help.

Oh Baby, it was nothing.

Those kids were so mean to you, they got what they deserved.

I know.

Don't look so surprised.

You were a bitch to me, too.

For years.

Did you think screwing me a couple of times was gonna make all that go away?


And how was the party tonight?

Perfect.

Then where we going?

The airport, please.

Very good.

That was creepy.

Worth the wait though, wasn't it?

I got another one for you all.

Oh yeah?

Another ghost story.

My story is about when a group of girls get together for a slumber party and actually play truth or dare.

Okay, now this could be scary.

My story is called The Dare.

Truth or dare?

Come on, Girls, we don't have all night.

I don't wanna play this stupid game.

Are you getting chicken on us?

I think she's scared of you, Holly.

Well she should be scared of me.

Can we just play cards or something?

Get the fuck outta here.

Are you serious?

This is our last night together and you wanna play fucking cards?

You can fucking leave.

It was just a suggestion.

Okay, well stop making suggestions and pick.

Truth, or dare?

Dare.

Excellent.

I dare you to call Mrs. Monroe.

That's it?

That's easy.

Um, no, let me finish.

I want you to call Mrs. Monroe, and I want you to say that Eric sucked in bed.

What?

Yeah, and, except for, I want you to use the line, "He sucked in bed for a dead kid."

I can't do that.

I didn't ask you to do it.

I told you to do it.

Wait, that's just cruel Holly.

Um, Paige...

If I wanted you to say something, I would've snapped my fingers and said, "Speak."

Got it?

Well, you shouldn't have told Coral to do that.

It's not right.

Jenny, um, do you hear something?

Yeah, it sounds like it's coming from the peanut gallery.

Um, yeah.

All of you girls are in my house, and you're under my roof, so that means you will play by my rules or we are not gonna play at all, got it?

So Coral, you in?

Just give me the phone.

That's my girl.

Here, use my phone.

Mrs. Monroe is number five on my speed dial.

And uh, make sure you star 67 it so it shows up restricted.

This is gonna fucking kick ass...

Hi Mrs. Monroe?

Um, you don't know me but, I knew your son Eric.

And I just wanted to say,

that he,

really sucked in bed for a dead kid.

I can't believe I just said that, that's horrible!

That was classic.

Okay, you know, we really should not have done that.

Oh come on.

We've done way worse.

No, that's like, that's like fucking with spirits, okay?

And you know what, my sister's a Wiccan.

I just know we shouldn't do that kinda stuff.

Your sister's a pathetic loser.

Just like you.

You know, she told me all about the dark powers.

And the spirits.

What the fuck?

Oh my God...

That was perfect timing.

A little too perfect.

That was a coincidence.

Was it, because I'm really freaked out.

What are you guys scared about?

I mean..

What was...

What was that?

Oh like we're falling for that one again.

No seriously guys, there's something in the kitchen.

Why don't you go look?

Why don't you go take a look?

Are you fucking chicken?

No.

I'm not a fucking chicken.


Holly?

Are you okay?

I knew we shouldn't have done this.

This was gonna happen.

Relax, nothing actually happened, she's just messing with us.

Right Holly?

Holly?


And no one in the group ever played truth or dare again.

I like that one.

Yeah, that little boy was freaky.

Good job.

Hey when's the pizza getting here, I'm hungry.

Hungry enough to tell another story?

I guess.

Okay.

My next one is called Unlucky Night.

As good as uh, what was that guy's name?

Hang on a minute, hang on.

Unavailable?

I'm not taking that call.

One more beer.

I think you've had enough.

And I think you're thinking too much about stuff that's not getting me another beer.

All right, look, this'll be the last time, Brad.

After that I'm calling you a cab.

Then I'm, calling you, stupid 'cause you're stupid, and acting stupid.

Thank you.

See, that wasn't so hard, was it?

Mark, you want us to bounce this guy outta here?

No, it's okay Jack.

Thank you Jack, for your patronage.

Jack's friend.


Hello.

Hi.

I'm..

Drunk.

No, not drunk.

I'm, I'm Brad.

We're, we're, We're.. At a bar.

And that's what you do at a bar, you drunk.

Right?

Heh, you mean drink?

Drink.

Mmhmm.

Um, can I please get a drink?

Can I get a pineapple vodka?

Coming right up, Darling.

Thank you.

Is there a reason you keep staring at me?

You keep staring at me.

You're pretty!

Has anyone ever told you that?

You're pretty.

Yeah.

Um, all the time.

Thank you.

♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance

♪ Dance on Thur Key

♪ The rhythm's in me

♪ Jump, jump, jump, jump

♪ Just jump to till lucky

♪ Then you better move your feet ♪ Hey.

If you pay for the hotel, I'll pay for the cab ride.

Yes!

Yes!

If this was Deal or No Deal, I'm taking that deal.

That is a good deal.

See, this never happens when I'm sober.

See, that's why you get one more, you get one more, and you get that, when you get one more.

Hey, consider it your lucky night, okay?

I so will.

I'm gonna call a cab, okay?

So you be patient, okay?

Okay.

Awesome.

Man, she's so pretty.

Are you sure this is a good idea, Brad?

Are you kidding me?

Of course it's a good idea, look at that.

What about that is not a good idea?

Well, you're drunk as shit.

What if you wake up in the motel room in a tub filled with ice, with your kidneys removed?

That is an urban legend, My Friend.

Plus, she's pretty!

All right, well as long as you know what you're doing.

Yeah, I know what I'm doing.

I'm doing her in like, 15 minutes, ha ha!

With my hind parts.

It's gonna be amazing.

God help you.

God will help me.

He will help me hit that.

How much do I owe you?

Uh, $4.95.

Well, cab'll be here any minute.

Keep the change.

Wow, a whole nickel.

You know I'm gonna be rich.

Yeah.

Where we going?

Hey, just come on.

You ready to rock?

Yeah.

I'm gonna, rock that thing.

Let's go rock.

Ooh, it's dark in here.


What the fuck?

Where the fuck am I?

Oh, nice of you to wake up.

Who the fuck are you?

Oh, you don't remember me?

No, what the...

What the fuck, why am I tied up?

Oh, well that's a shame because, I remember you.

I had a good time last night.

Untie me, whatever, whatever you want I'll give it to you, just fucking untie me.

Oh, you can't give me what I'm after.

So let's start at the beginning, shall we?

My name's Rachel St. James.

Is that supposed to mean something to me?

Do you remember a girl named, hm, Rebecca St. James?

No.

So, you don't remember a girl you had a one-night stand about a year ago?

Seriously?

Really, Sweetheart, you want me to recall every one-night stand I've ever had?

There's been a little bit more than one, all right?

And some were a little more memorable than others.

Oh, my, my, my, aren't you a ladies man?

Does this conversation have a point?

Yeah!

You don't remember any girl named Rebecca St. James.

No, I don't.

Well guess what, she remembers you.

And you know why?

'Cause you knocked her up.

Is that what this is about?

Some stupid whore doesn't make me wear a condom?

Oh!

She wants child support or something?

You know what, go fuck yourself!

You know what, you tell her it's her own damn fault.

No, yeah, I wish I could, but she's fucking dead!

Sorry to hear that.

Yeah, well she was my sister.

You know she was my closest friend.

She was the only friend I had.

And then you knocked her up, and when she tried contacting you, all the sudden you mysteriously vanished.

You had a fake new number.

You were a tough guy to find.

Mmhmm.

But guess what?

I found you.

Look, I'm sorry to hear about your sister, but how is that my fault?

Because a few months before the baby was born, she had a miscarriage.

And guess what?

She fucking had a miscarriage and bled to death.

She wouldn't have been pregnant if it wasn't for you!

How is that my fault?

I did not cause her to miscarry.

Yeah but you got her pregnant, motherfucker!

Well then she shoulda known to keep her fucking legs closed.

Now fucking untie me.

Did you just fucking say what I thought you just said?

Who the fuck knows what you're thinking?

You crazy bitch, come on.

You know, I was gonna let you go.

I was.

I was gonna scare you a bit, maybe hurt you a little bit, but I was gonna let you go without a trace.

But now, hm, I don't think I'm so sure anymore...

No, I don't.

The truth of the matter is, you haven't learned your lesson, have you?

'Cause you're probably gonna go out there, fuck some other girl, and end up with her, and get her pregnant, and guess what?

The whole cycle will repeat itself, right?

Yeah, it's gonna repeat itself.

You have not learned your lesson.

Do you know why parents spank their children?

I don't see what that has to do with anything.

Because then they realize what they did was wrong.

So you're gonna do what, spank me?

Oh.

No, silly.

You're not a child anymore, are you?

I'm gonna have to do something a bit more drastic, aren't I?

Like what?

Like cut your balls off.

What the fuck?

God damn it, all right, quit fucking around.

No, this is bullshit.

Oh, so you're Mr. Tough Guy, but now you're scared.

Look you crazy bitch, put the fucking knife down.

I'm gonna chop your balls off..

Look you crazy bitch..

And everything's gonna be okay.

Okay?

Just, just, just, just..

Put the fucking knife down.

Shut up.

Put the fucking knife down.

I didn't tell you to talk.

But look, look, look.

I'm just gonna, like this.

Are you scared?

You're scared of it, but guess what?

I don't care.

Fuck!

What the fuck..

I don't think you'll be knocking up anybody any time soon, isn't that right Mark?

That's right, Sis.

Motherfucker!

You were in on this?

Oh, where you gonna go, you gonna fucking leave me here!

I'm gonna kill both you bitches!

You forgot my kidneys, motherfucker!

The end.

So did they come back for the kidneys, or not?

That really wasn't the point.

I know, but it woulda been cooler if they did.

I guess.

I got a better story than that.

It's called Valentine's Prey.


Jeez.

Oh, another one?

Can't they just stop?

I'm just a delivery guy.

Thanks.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Bitch.

More flowers from your secret admirer?

Yep.

And this is number?

Seven.

One for every day of the week.

Heh, that's sweet in a creepy kind of way.

Are you doing this?

I don't think I'm that desperate for your attention.

Who the hell is doing it?

I don't know.

What?

Is this real blood?

That's a pretty fucked up joke.

Are you expecting someone?

No.

Maybe it's your secret admirer.

You get it.

Why, are you scared?

No.

Just go answer the door!

Okay, fine.

Lindy, your secret admirer's here!

You're gonna wanna see this.

Ha ha, somebody's having some fun today.

You're a dick.

Hey, you know, April Fool's is coming up in a couple of months.

So I gotta get some practice somewhere.

All right, this is starting to piss me off.

Happy Valentine's Day, motherfucker.

Oh my God.

Huh, you know I sent all the flowers and cards, right?

Leave.

Or I'll call the cops.

Well, not the first one, this guy did.

Get out of my house, or I'll scream.

You scream and I'll kill you.

Why did you send me all those flowers?

Well, the first time I delivered to you, I fell in love with you.

But you looked at me like I'm some kind of freak delivery guy.

You are a freak delivery guy.

That's the wrong answer.


Go away, I called the cops!

Oh, you fucking...


Eat your heart out, Bitch!

They say Jeep is still out there, murdering and stalking innocent people.

Yeah, he's the guy from the flower shop that's always following Danielle home.

Ew, he is so gross.

Well, I got another one for you all.

My story is called, Capture and Kill.

Where did they come from?

There's a goddamn arrow in my stomach!

Something's wrong with the car.

No no, no, no, no, no, no!

Oh God, oh God.

I'll just stay here, then!

Okay, okay.

Anything? No, nothing.

I can't get a signal.

Okay, okay, okay.

Are they coming?

I can't see them.

You know, there are good days, and then there are bad days.

Which one you think I'm having?

Look, I need to pull that out.

No you don't.

No, no, no, no.

Jennifer!

No, no, no.

Grab some ice from the cooler.

Jennifer, I'm not behind this more pain for me idea.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I don't like this idea.

Just yank it out?

How do I look?

Everything you just did?

Wrong.

Oh God.

We have to go, right now.

This I understand.

Who do you think they were?

Very bad people with arrows.

Okay, we should get off the road.

Okay.

You think they followed us?

I don't know.

Thank you.

If you all hadn't brought me with you, I'd...

Thank you.

Oh, fuck.

My name's Dwight, and I'm a party planner.

We shouldn't have left him.

You gonna come to my party!

You gonna come to my party.

What were we supposed to do?

They were watching us the whole time.

But this is wrong.

This is really wrong!

We can't just leave him back there to be, whatever they're gonna do to him!

Don't you feel like this is wrong?

I feel alive, and if we keep traveling that way we will stay alive!

Oh, man.

It's Kyle's birthday.

I don't have a problem with that.

My name is Dwight Williams.

I'm a party planner; I planned this party.

Look, see?

It's a party.

Please.

Come with me.

I made the party!


I'm sorry.

Holy shit!

Oh, that's nice.

To be continued.

So wrong that they have a cliffhanger like that.

I wanted to see what was gonna happen to them.

Guess you'll have to find out some other night.

All right, well how 'bout I tell you one that doesn't leave you hanging?

This one is called Noise Complaint.


What's the matter, Emma?

Yeah, you look pissed.

Are you mad about something?

Gee, ya think?

Well what's wrong?

Erin's here.

He broke up with you two months ago, I really think you should let it go.

Not that Aaron.

Erin, his new girlfriend.

Sorry.

Okay, it just, I think it's kinda funny, she has the same name as him.

Dude seriously, if they got married they'd have the exact same name!

God, you guys are a couple of stupid bitches.

I'll second that.

And you're an idiot.

God, fuck all of you.

Why do we let her talk to us like that?

What are we, the fucking sidekicks?

I'm nobody's sidekick.

But you're my sidekick!

Oh, you're my sidekick too.

Yay!

She's obviously not.

Yeah, definitely.

They don't even know, assholes.

I don't know why we even came to this damn party.

I knew it was gonna be lame.

You told me you would at least last an hour.

An hour's gonna be pushing it.

Definitely with Queen Bitch leering over our shoulders.

Don't look now, her jackass boyfriend's walking over here.

Oh my God, I just wanna knock his fucking ass out right now.

Who invited you losers over here.

Jordan, if I were you, you better just walk away before you get hurt.

Did you just say before I get hurt?

What are you gonna do to me?

They're not worth your time, Jordan.

And I don't remember their names being on the guest list, either.

Actually I'm pretty sure they're trespassing, what do you think, Babe?

I think we should call the cops.

Wow, they're quick.

I'm Detective Morris of the Echo Lake Police.

Turn that damn music off.

Can I help you, Officer?

Detective.

I'm sorry, can I help you Detective?

Is this your residence?

No, it's my parents but they're out of town.

How convenient.

And do they know you're throwing this little soiree?

No, they don't.

And I'm pretty sure they'd be mad if they found out.

Yes, I'm sure they probably, can I help you Offic, Detective?

We got a noise complaint about this address.

Some neighbors complained, heard some loud music.

Even louder kids.

You wouldn't know anything about that, now, would you?

I'm sorry, Sir, we'll keep it down.

Is that okay?

I've heard that one before lots of times.

The funny thing is, usually nothing changes unless the party has broken up.

Now, I see you're all too young to be drinking, and I see lots of red cups here, probably filled with alcohol.

So, if you kids don't wanna take a trip down to the county lockup, I suggest everyone leave as soon as your little legs can carry you.

Wait a minute, you can't break up my party.

Emma, he's a cop, he can do whatever the fuck he wants.

You have a smart friend there.

I'd listen to her, if I were you.

No, you can't just do whatever the fuck you want.

It's not fair.

I'll tell you what.

If they don't promise to keep the noise down, I'll just take you down to the station instead, does that sound fair?

What?

Do you all promise to keep the music down at a reasonable level and no yelling and screaming down the street?

I guess the crowd has spoken.

Turn around and put your hands behind your back.

No.

Don't make me ask you twice.

Hey, you can't do that to her.

Son, do you wanna go too?

Do you love her that much?

'Cause if I were you I'd shut your mouth and use that small brain of yours to think of a way to bail her out.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

You have the right to an attorney.

Have you guys seen Emma?

Yeah, where'd she go?

I thought you'd have a cop car?

I'm undercover, get in the back seat.

Where's your badge?

Shut up and get in the back s...

Oh, shit, I forgot my gun, get in now.

I don't..

I'll be right back.

Hey!

What the fuck?

Let me out of here!

Fuck.

Get out.

What?

You're free to go back to the house.

What, did you have a change of heart or something?

You could say that.

Just make sure you respect your authority figures from now on.

Yes Sir, I will.

I...

Wow, all these things could never really happen to us in real life.

I think that's the point of these type of stories.

They're just there to try and scare you.

Most of them are lame.

That'll be $20.99.

Come on in, let me grab my purse.