Scooby-Doo! Music of the Vampire (2012) Script

♪ Gather 'round, you'll hear a sound

♪ Ancient and mysterious

♪ Where banshees cry and goblins sigh ♪ In manners dark and curious

♪ In the swamp where gators swim ♪ There's much to fear, you'll see

♪ But the spirits float adrift ♪ On the bayou breeze

♪ Mission bells and voodoo spells ♪ The sounds of witches shrieking

♪ Listen close, you'll hear a ghost ♪ Or a zombie choir weeping

♪ In the swamp, the spiders bile ♪ It's wild, I guarantee

♪ How the spirits float adrift ♪ On the bayou breeze

♪ In the swamp, them spiders bile ♪ It's wild, I guarantee

♪ How the spirits float adrift ♪ On the bayou breeze

♪ On the bayou breeze. ♪

Well, hello there. Come on. Come, come, come. Have you a seat.

Kick them shoes off you.

Shh. But not too loud, now.

You see, me, I'm fixing to have me some gumbo tonight.

And them catfish can get mighty skittish, yeah.

Whoa. Whoa.

What...? Oh, no, you don't. You get back, you!

Get back, y'all loony lizards!

I'm going to have y'all for my gumbo.

Oh, what...?

Oh, that's a leech.

Oh, you cute little critter. Yeah, yeah, that's right.

You know what that was?

Me neither. Hoo-hoo!

But it could be one of them vampires.

They all around these parts, yeah.

Look here.

That's the jewels of a vampire bride, y'all.

I found them down the bayou.

They're some kind of pretty, eh?

But let me tell y'all, she didn't wanna get married to no vampire, no.

And who can blame her? Who would?

But she was forced to.

And then came a talking dog...

Whoop. I done almost spoiled the ending. Heh.

We got to start at the beginning, cher.

And that, that happened along way from here.

Scooby, Shaggy, you guys spot anything yet?

Uh-uh. Call me crazy, Scooby...

...but don't these pipes look familiar? Kind of.

Didn't we run into that big rat creature down here?

That was two weeks ago, Shaggy, in the New York sewers.

How could you forget?

Wasn't that the glop monster?

The glop monster was on Saturday. Remember?

Rat creature, then glop monster, then snake-osaurus.

They're all starting to merge.

Better get ready for this one, Shaggy, because it's coming.

I know. It's coming our way.

That was on Saturday too.


Hang on. It's huge!

We're coming.

Whatever you do, don't let it eat you before we get there.

Oh, it's just a common cockroach.

There is nothing common about a cockroach.

Is it singing?

Not singing. Signaling.

Signaling to what?

To that cockroach.


Glad I brought a giant roll of flypaper.

Oh... Unh!

There, that's better.

Or not.

Mr. Clapper.

Of course. He was using the cockroach monster... drum up customers for his exterminator company.

Just as I thought, guys. Guys?

Ew! Get it away!

I think we could all use a nice vacation.


No, Daphne. Don't do it. We're begging you.

I'm sorry, guys, but I have to do this.

No! No!

Show tunes make road trips so much better.

The songs do get stuck in your head.

Tell us about it.

Well, I don't hear Velma complaining.

Did you say something?

Oh, are we still listening to show tunes?

You all complain now, but I bet you'll be singing along in no time.

Ha, ha. You hear that, Scoob? Yeah.

So, Velma, you ever gonna reveal our secret vacation destination?

Not till we get there.

You guys are gonna love it.

Just as long as they've got plenty of sunshine.

There is only one thing Scooby-Doo and I are hoping for this vacation.

♪ I don't want no more ghouls ♪ Or nothing scary

♪ No apparitions giving me a fright

♪ Don't want nothing that I need to bury

♪ Or creatures that go bumping in the night

♪ No poltergeists and nothing supernatural

♪ No giant beast ♪ That sneaks up from behind

♪ No ghosts that rattle chains

♪ Or things that eat your brains

♪ No banshee witch ♪ That scares me out of my mind

♪ We're finally on vacation

♪ And going someplace new

♪ Rest and relaxation

♪ Is all we're gonna do

♪ I don't want no zombies or kooks

♪ My friends, we're finally done

♪ With all them goblins and spooks

♪ That kept us on the run

♪ We're gonna be cool as cukes

♪ Our monster days are through

♪ - No demonic beast and nothing ♪ It's time to relax

♪ And that's what we're gonna do

♪ No more frown ♪ We're moving down the road now

♪ Keep that metal pedal to the floor

♪ We haven't got a clue ♪ Where we're headed to

♪ But it's somewhere ♪ That we've never been before

♪ Cruising down the highway

♪ Free without a care

♪ It feels bizarre because ♪ There are no werewolves anywhere

♪ Don't want no dragons or freaks

♪ And no crazy evil sprites

♪ I don't want no phantom that shrieks

♪ Haunting us every night

♪ I don't want no Comic-Con geeks

♪ Walking up out of the blue

♪ Dressed like bats and 7-fool rats

♪ Chasing me down and saying ♪ "How do you do?"

♪ Lift your hand up high ♪ Let it wave goodbye

♪ To them gremlins and monsters galore

♪ Tell them all we're gone ♪ 'Cause we're moving on

♪ And we ain't coming back any more. ♪

Hey, look, our destination.

See? Show tunes really do help pass the time.

"Petit Chauve Sourie Ville"? Ooh.

Like, it sounds monster-free to me. Hoo-hon!

Yeah, up top.

What does the French translate to?

Oh, it means "Little Bat Town."

Uh-oh. Not to worry, Scoob.

Velma promised us this place would be ghost-, ghoul-, and goblin-free.

What? Whoa!

Hey, I'm stalking here! I'm stalking here!

She didn't say anything about vampires.

Didn't I?

Mm, must've slipped my mind.

Shaggy, Scooby, you can come out.

It was just a kid in a costume.

Like, you sure?

Absolutely. He's probably just here for the vampire festival.


Vampire festival?

Yup, Vampire Palooza.

You brought us to a vampire convention?

To relax?

Not a vampire convention.

It's a celebration of all things vampiric.

Cool. And what better place to experience it than Little Bat Town.

Ooh! Vampires are so romantic. Have you read Silverlight?

Twelve times. I'm hoping the author will be here to sign it.

Are we missing something here?

Like, what's so romantic about undead creatures who sleep in coffins...

...prowl the night in search of victims, steal their blood...

...and turn them into their zombie servants?

Oh, those are old-school vampires.

Modern vampires are fun and super-cool.

Vampires don't sleep in coffins any more.

They sleep in Seattle.

You're not making us feel better. Uh-uh.

Says here this place was founded in the 19th century... Abraham Van Helsing, the famous vampire hunter of Dracula fame.

And it's still owned by one of the Van Helsings' descendants.

So it's like a ghost town.

No, a vampire ghost town.

This is the last time we let you pick the vacation spot.

Yeah. Relax, guys.

There's absolutely nothing to fear.

Hey, Scoob, when have we heard that before?

Every day of our lives.

You guys worry too much.

Well, we're not the only ones.

This fair is an abomination, an affront to all that is good and decent.

Sign the petition to ban vampires?

Like, that's a cause we can support. Mm-hm, mm-hm.

Here there be demons.

Here there also be corn dogs.

Fools. Fools, I say.

Will you allow temptation to lure you into the fangy den of the bloodsucker?

Pretty much. Corn dogs!

Corn dogs, yum.

Hey, Scoob, if the food's this good outside the festival...

...I can't wait to see what they've got inside.

Guys, there's no such thing as real vampires.


No such thing as paying customers either.

Five more complimentary passes. I'll be lucky to break even this year.

Like, not exactly the kind of bite I'm looking for.

We're guests of Vincent Van Helsing.

He owns... Yes, yes.

I'm Lita Rutland, owner of the festival.

I know who Van Helsing is. Unfortunately no one else does.

Imagine a vampire author in these vampire-crazed times...

...who doesn't sell any books.

Maybe he's just having an off day.

Yeah, maybe.

He's still one of the foremost authorities on vampire history.

Perhaps, but the world's moved on from his old-school vampire tales.

Well, I've read all his books.

I think.

Well, you kids enjoy your free lunch. I mean, your time here at Vampire Palooza.

She's friendly.


It's good to see a familiar face.

And this must be the rest of the famous mystery-hunting crew.

Guys, I'd like you to meet our host...

...the world's foremost expert on vampires...

...Vincent Van Helsing.

A pleasure. You know, I'm also an author.

Perhaps you've read my books?

My vampire tales are fact-based.

And not that lusty teen tripe that's all the rage these days.

Yeah, that modern stuff is way lame.

Hey, did you guys know Mr. Van Helsing... the great-great-great-grandson of Abraham Van Helsing?

Wow, a direct descendant...

...of the famous vampire hunter for real? It's true.

My family has been in the vampire business for a long time.

That's why I became a vampirologist.

A vampire-what-igist?

Uh, vampirology is the academic study of the vampire from A to Z.

Come, I'll show you.

My collection of vampire artifacts...

...go back to the very dawn of the vampire.

This stuff is fang-tastic.

Heh. Get it? I used the word "fang" instead of "fan."

We get it.

Wow, the ancient book of vampire.

I thought only one copy of this existed in the world.

You're looking at it.

Check out these awesome stakes.

Steaks? Where? Yummy.

Oh, those kinds of stakes. Aw.

Look at these vampire jewels. Gorgeous.

Those belonged to an actual Vampire's bride... ancient Walachia.

Looks like she scored a wealthy vampire husband.

They're quite priceless.

But those stones don't compare to the real jewel of my collection.

A face to launch 100 million fears.

I bring you the dreaded vampire Lord Valdronya.

Entombed in glass for nigh a thousand years.

Oh, my gosh. Wow!


Looks fake to me. Me too.

The vampire lives!

Guys, don't be ridiculous.

His eyes were glowing! Mm-hm.

You'll have to excuse them. They tend to be slightly excitable.

Perfectly understandable.

Lord Valdronya was quite the fearsome fellow in his day.

We're lucky he's sealed under glass now.

This glass is so murky.

Ah, Velma, always the skeptic. Eh, it's my thing.

Even if the vampire were alive, he wouldn't get anywhere.

This glass is 6 inches thick.

If only Valdronya would wake...

...I'd have tourists filling this place like back in the day.

And I wouldn't have to rent my property... Lita Rutland's traveling vampire festival just to get by.

Sounds rough.

Lita's threatened to pull out next year if things don't pick up.

I'm afraid I may not be able to save my family's legacy.

Then again, you never know what will happen.

Maybe my latest book will become a best seller.

You write books? That's fu... Ow.

Don't we have a show to see? Ah, yes. We'd better get going.

The vampires await.

Wait for us!

Our tickets are being held in the box office. Wait here.

I'll be right back.



I've heard of them.

They're supposed to be the most amazing vampire-themed theater troupe ever.

Here, Scoob. Wear this garlic for protection.

Vampires hate it. Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't bring garlic in here.

"No wooden stakes, garlic or flash photography."

Huh. Well, I hate to let perfectly good food go to waste.

No garlic on us.

Ugh. Gross. Just go inside.



Ew, someone's wearing some stanky perfume.

I don't smell it. Do you, Scoob? Nope.

According to the program...

...the members of Fangenschanz are so dedicated to the vampire lifestyle...

...they perform only at night.

Method actors.

Ladies and gentle mortals, it's feeding time.

♪ What's that you hear?

♪ The sound of fear

♪ Because they're here

♪ Vampires roaming the night

♪ What's that you say?

♪ Can't be, no way

♪ They're fake? ♪ Okay

♪ Believe whatever you might

♪ But when the moon is full ♪ On a starlit night

♪ You best all lock your doors up light

♪ Because, my friend ♪ The vampires start to dance

♪ And they're all around you

♪ Everybody's coming to play

♪ Oh, yes, they found you

♪ And now they're gonna lake you away

♪ So watch out, lake care

♪ Be smart, beware

♪ Because out there

♪ Something's waiting for you

♪ When midnight comes, it's time to hide

♪ Say good night and run inside

♪ Because that, my friend, is when ♪ They all come out again

♪ Oh, yes, right now is when ♪ The vampires dance

♪ The vampires dance. ♪ Boo!


What? I'm just showing my appreciation.

We welcome you, friends and potential blood donors.

And while we are mere performers, be warned.

If you fear the sight of a real living vampire, please, leave now.

That's our cue.

Too late.

And now for the first time on any stage, we shall attempt the unheard of:

The Vampire's return from the grave.

Wow, he's very good.

Don't you guys think he's good? Like, good?


Behold the ancient talisman of the immortal blood-drinkers.

Take heed, for the mortal world shall soon be invaded.

Blackest rose, wolf and bane Bats and crows.

That spell is from the ancient book of vampire.

These jokers are playing with supernatural fire.

What the...?

It's working?

Uh... Uh...

This is bad. This is very bad.

That's not Henry.

Oh, no.


Next year, we're going to Miami. Yeah.

I was getting ready before the show when I was attacked by that vampire.

Are you sure?

Unless you know someone else with massive fangs and glowing green eyes.

I guess he put me under some sort of spell and I passed out.

That resurrection chant was from the ancient book of vampire.

Where on earth did you learn it?

Um, the Internet.

Well, I am afraid you may have unleashed an unholy terror upon us all.

Maybe we shouldn't jump to conclusions just yet.

Yeah, I'm sure this nice young man...

Uh, I didn't get your name. Oh.

Bram. And you are?

Bram. I mean, Daphne.

I'm not Bram, you are. Ha-ha-ha.

Oh. What were we talking about?

We were saying we don't know for sure that Valdronya escaped from his tomb.

Oh. Uh, we should check that out.

You kids go ahead.

I'll stick around here to have a word with the actors.

You guys can't hide forever.

Care to try us? No. Let's go.

Careful. Unh.

He's been bitten. Hmm. Maybe. Or...

We've got bigger problems.

Unh. This lid is still sealed tight.

Well, that vampire couldn't have just walked through the glass.

The vampire queen's jewels are gone.



No, bat!

Such beauty and innocence...

...with the countenance of a queen.

My queen.

Your queen?

I don't think so.

Yeah, there's no such thing as real vampires, until now.

There's a beast on the loose, a spawn of the netherworld.

I say it's time we shut this foul fair down for the good of the community.

Uh, set it up over there by that rabble rouser.

Hello, Kelly Smith from KDTV Action 10 News.

Looks like someone spilled the beans about our escaped vampire.

The audience thought it was all part of the show.

Hope you're not implying my performers- I leaked it.

You? But..

This could be just the thing we need to boost attendance.

Ah. They do say there's no such thing as bad publicity.

That's the spirit. Now, which would you say is my good side?

I am so relieved that none of you kids were hurt last night.

Not physically, but the mental wounds run deep.

Yeah, run deep.

Those foolish actors have no idea the monster they've set loose.

We can't be certain this is their doing.

Or that we've got a real vampire on our hands.

Did you check the museum's security system?

Yep, the cameras recorded nothing.

System's on the fritz, but I just can't afford to fix it right now.

Let's say it is a real vampire.

How did he escape that sealed tomb?

A living vampire can transform into mist.

All it would need is a tiny gap in the glass.

This could all be a diversion to steal those jewels. Just saying.

Oh, what a night.

Thanks for letting me sleep here, boss.

No problem, Daniel. I hope you're feeling better.

Neck's a little sore, but other than that...

The bite of the beast.

He could turn batty any second.

Doubtful. If he had been bitten by a vampire, could he survive this?

Sunlight makes a vampire explode.

Wow, gorgeous day outside.

Huh? He didn't crumble to dust.

He could be one of the rare few with an antibody resistant to vampire venom.

Or he wasn't bitten at all.

Those look more like blisters than bites.

When you were attacked, did it feel like...

...oh, I don't know, a thousand volts of electricity?

Uh, actually, yeah. How'd you know?

I volunteer at the police academy on weekends.

If there's one thing I know, it's Taser burns.

That tickles.

Pretty good detective work, pal. Thanks.

Well, we also found your Taser lying on the ground next to you.

I must've tripped and zapped myself. Huh.

Weird. I'd better go put that in my report.

That explains the bite marks, but how do you explain the vampire?

So many questions. It's quite the conundrum.

A real whodunit.

We'll need to put our heads together on this one.


I know where this is going.

Yep, I'd say we've got a real live boney fide mystery on our hands.

Eyewitness accounts aside...

...we've had no confirmation of the supposed vampires' existence...

...from anyone associated with the fair.

You want confirmation?

No one is safe.

I'm here to tell you from firsthand experience...

...that vampires bite.

So much for keeping this on the down-low.

♪ Gather 'round, hear me now ♪ Listen up, 'cause I vow

♪ There's a vampire roaming the night

♪ He had wings and a snout ♪ With these fangs hanging out

♪ That can rip and can tear when they bite

♪ He flew down from the skies ♪ With those red glowing eyes

♪ And he smiled and I knew in a sec

♪ He had come there for me ♪ 'Cause he leaped up in glee

♪ Then he pounced ♪ And he bit me on the neck

♪ Yes, I screamed and cried out ♪ "It's a vampire!"

♪ I escaped and ran into the light

♪ I held up one of these ♪ And we all saw him freeze

♪ Then he shrieked in the night ♪ And flew off out of sight

♪ Be advised and be scared ♪ Be alert, be prepared

♪ Buy this garlic we have here on sale

♪ Gel a charm for your neck

♪ We lake cash, we lake check

♪ And ship free, COD through the mail

♪ How 'bout this vampire spray? ♪ It keeps dandruff away

♪ Sold in tonic and lotion or mist

♪ Here, these potions we make ♪ And this big wooden stake

♪ At a price that you just can't resist

♪ We lake MasterCard, Visa and Chase ♪ Not Discover

♪ We're open till 9 every night ♪ Not on Sunday

♪ In bulk, any size ♪ Then our discount applies

♪ So invest in the best ♪ Bring ID or a check

♪ And buy one of each ♪ Maybe two, what the heck

♪ You can't be loo safe ♪ When protecting your neck

♪ From the vamp

♪ The vampire's bile ♪

Looks like Lita's little press conference was good for business.

Aah! Vampire!

Where? Where?

Fred, don't tell me you're buying into the hype.

Of course not.

Want a bite of this garlic pizza?

It has magical protective powers.

Having a vampire on the loose is the best thing that's ever happened to this festival.

Hasn't boosted my book sales.

It just did. Why, thank you, Lita.

You want it signed?

Sure, make it out to "receptacle."

Trash receptacle.

Huh? Ha-ha-ha!


It's getting so you can't find a safe place to hide anywhere.

Vampires are all around us, people. Now, keep alert.

You hear that, Scoob? Let's move, move, move.

Hey, Poubelle, I told you to get off the property.

You're scaring away the customers.

I'm here with Jesper Poubelle from the Society for Moral and Wholesome Living.

Jesper, how can people slay safe from vampire attacks?

They can join in our crusade of moral righteousness against supernatural evil.

Together we can stamp out the vampire scourge.

I've heard enough.

That guy is becoming quite the media star.

More like milking the situation for everything it's worth.

I think it's time we pay Mr. Poubelle a visit.

That's right. This is a certifiable, undeniable crisis, people.

It is high time we institute a dusk-to-dawn curfew.

I'll keep Poubelle occupied. You guys see what you can dig up.


But ignore this warning and you'll be knocking on the doors to...

Shaggy, you and Scooby stand watch. If anyone comes, tap on the door.

We're in.

Wow, what a wreck.

They may be moral and wholesome, but they're not very clean.

We've got hundreds of reports of vampire sightings.

Couldn't people be imagining these things because you're causing them to panic?

I didn't create the evil.

Maybe not, but you sure seem to be eager to take advantage of it.

Young lady, your questions were not cleared with my staff.

Someone check her credentials.

Uh, I think I left them in the car.

Fred, I found something.

Ew, I hope it's not more spiders.

"Poubelle for mayor"?

What are you two doing back here?

Um, uh... Uh... Uh...

We're, uh... We're door inspectors.

Stand back. This one might explode.

Doors don't explo...

Why'd you signal?

Stay right where you are.

Run away!

Get in!

Hey, stop that thing! Stop!

Poubelle is running for office.

That explains a lot.

He's using the vampire to get attention for his movement...

...and boost his upcoming campaign.

Still, it isn't proof he's behind the vampire attacks.

He's just using them to his advantage.

This fog is like soup.

Maybe you should let me drive.

I'm good. Sort of enjoying it.

Daphne, look out!

Brace yourselves!

That opening is too tight. We won't make it.

I'm telling you, Poubelle, you can't come in here.

You're scaring off my customers.

And I'm telling you, I've got a special dispensation from the sheriff himself.

That's right, Ms. Rutland.

By order of the court, I have recruited these gentlemen.

We are hereby deputized vampire hunters.

Vampire hunters, ho!

All right. Let's go.

Who would actually fall for that scaremonger's rantings?

They say there's a fraidycat born every minute.

Ah, there you are. I got us all neck protectors, just to be safe.

I see your point, Velma.

Hey, where are Scooby and Shaggy?

They went to the food court to calm their nerves.

Heh. Those guys are so jumpy.

Yaah! A vampire!

The food court should be right here behind the theater.

Unless the map is upside down.

Careful. Damage anything and we're as good as dead.

What are you doing back here? This is a restricted area.

We're just looking for the food court.


We can't let them go. What if they tell someone...

...what they've seen? You're right.

Uh, what have we seen?

Scooby, I think we're in...

Hey, look, a Hollywood talent scout.

I think we lost them.


We better find that food court, Scoob Your tummy's grumbling.

Not mine.

Well, it isn't mine.

Stay back or I'll be forced to use this.

Maybe later!

I've been bitten by a vampire!

Look, Mama, a real vampire.


Phew. He's gone, Scoob. And I'm a goner.

I've been bitten by a vampire.

I'll probably sprout fangs any second and...

Is this ketchup?



That one shape-shifted into a dog.


I think they mean us. Get them!

Appears we lost them crafty shape-shifters.

I guess we best head back before our torches burn out.

Yeah. All right.

Oh, well. Maybe next time.

Ah. Phew. We're safe, Scoob. Except for the fact we're lost in a swamp.

And I could turn into a vampire at any moment.

Check out my bite. Is it bad?

Don't sugarcoat it. I know I'm done for.

You should get out of here before I turn all bat-ified.

Uh-uh. I'm not going.

Once the vampire venom takes hold of my system...

...there's no guarantee I won't sink my fangs into you.

We have to split up, Scoob.

No, Shaggy. No.

It's the only way to save yourself.

Just turn away from me and don't look back.

I can't.

I guess I'll have to do this myself.


Goodbye, old friend.

I hope one day you'll see that this is best for both of us.


One foot in front of the other.

Don't look back. Don't ever look...

I looked back.

Shaggy. Promise you'll never leave me, Scoob.


Wha...? What are you doing?

Checking for vampire symptoms. Say "ah."


Scoob, you're the best pal a guy could have.

A real friend to the end.

♪ Whenever I'm down ♪ Right there on the ground

♪ Lying out flat on my face

♪Who is the pup ♪ Picking me up

♪ And gelling me back in the race?

♪ Who'll be around and watching my back ♪ Guide me along and keep me on track?

♪ Forever he's there ♪ We're a pair

♪ Scooby and me

♪ When the going gels tough

♪ - And things can gel ♪ - Rough

♪ - You're the one on whom I depend ♪ - Who, me?

♪ - I'll give you the proof, I'll' climb up on the-- ♪ - Roof

♪ And shout to the world ♪ "You're my friend!"

♪ And when I'm a vampire ♪ Roaming the night

♪ Because you're my pal ♪ I'll just lake a small bile

♪ You're one of the greats ♪ And we're males

♪ Scooby and me

♪ Oh, Scooby and me

♪ We're gonna be together for good ♪ That buddy of mine

♪ If you're ever in doubt ♪ Need me helping you out

♪ You know that would if I got time

♪ If you're ever in jail ♪ And you're needing some bail

♪ Or a friend to set you free

♪ You can always count on me

♪ 'Cause tell me where would I be

♪ Without you by my side ♪ My friend and my guide

♪ Helping to carry me through

♪ People go by ♪ If I live or I die

♪ They wouldn't care, but not you

♪ You are the one who keeps me at ease

♪ - Giving me love and occasional fleas ♪ - Sorry

♪ No matter what comes ♪ We are chums

♪ Scooby and me ♪ Yep.

In the interest of public safety, I am hereby issuing a dusk-to-dawn curfew.

No one is to be out past dark. Yes!

Now that is more like it.

This extreme measure is seen as a victory for local anti-vampire crusader...

...and now mayoral candidate, Jesper Poubelle.

♪Closing us down ♪But that isn't fair

♪ I'm warning you all ♪ You belle! Beware

♪ You're messing with me ♪ And you'll see

♪ You're all gonna pay

♪ Oh, I'm broke, I'm ruined ♪ What will I do?

♪ Oh, what happens ♪ When the rent is due?

♪Oh, watch out, my friends ♪ There's vampires on the loose

♪ And that's why I brought the noose

♪ You just kif fed the golden goose ♪

- Oh, got a show to do - Vampires here.

- Curtain up - Run them out of town.

Hey, Scooby-Doo.

- Opening night revue - Bad show.

- Don't give up - It's time to shut them down.

What would! do?

They're to blame, it's true.

Poubelle, shame on you.

We're not the same as you.

Where would I be without you?

Scooby and me We always will be.

- Together forever as friends. Gel out, don't want vampires.

- You are the one, second to none. Leave us because.

- The pal on which a buddy depends. We know the show goes on.

They are the ones They're evil and bad.

Watch out for them They're crazy and mad.

What do you do when there's vampires Where there shouldn't be?

- Listen to me. You can't do this to me.

Doesn't anyone see?

Why'd this happen to me?

It's always going to be Scooby and me

Scooby, I think we've got company.

But critics call the move shortsighted and a slinging blow to the local economy.

It's an assault on capitalism. Disgusting.

This is the last time I bring my fair to this Podunk town.

Without the income from Lita's festival, there's no way I can keep this place afloat.

I'm ruined.

We'll try to solve this mystery before Lita packs up for good.

Thank you, Velma.

I'm really lucky to have you kids here.

Hey, guys.

I'm worried about Shaggy and Scooby.

I haven't seen them since last night.

They probably got spooked by their own shadows and hid out all night.

I just hope the vampire didn't get them.

I highly doubt we're dealing with a real vampire.

Show him, Daphne.

I found this in the Mystery Machine. It's a piece of the Vampire's cloak.

I must've torn it loose when he attacked us.

What's an old piece of fabric gonna prove?

It's not old.

It's clearly poly-krillion, a synthetic material first produced in 1997.

Girlfriend knows her fabrics.

So the vampire, or whatever it was, probably isn't a thousand years old.

Oh, what a relief.

I mean, not that I thought we were dealing with a real vampire.

That would be dumb to think that.

Actually I must confess...

...the outfit Valdronya was wearing in his tomb was new.

How? You said he was sealed in his tomb for a thousand years.

Yes, but his clothing had disintegrated overtime.

We unsealed him briefly for authentication and in the name of modesty.

Valdronya's clothing had disintegrated, but he didn't. That's odd.

A vampire is a living being, even in a state of slumber.

This is what's left of his original garments.

Antique Asian silk.

Spun gold markings. The thick hand weave.

Fabric like this hasn't been made for 500 years.

Valdronya is still out there.

Think I'll just grab these things.

I'm afraid those actors unleashed an unholy terror upon us all.

Yes, the actors.

Ooh. I'll go check them out.

I bet you will.

Freddy, do I detect a little twinge of jealousy?

Me, jealous of some vitamin D-deprived, historical vampire reenactment nuts?

Maybe I should go with you.

No, thanks. I'm well prepared to handle Bram.

Uh... I mean, the actors. Bye.


Hello? Anyone in here?

Strange place for a laser projector.

Bram. Don't sneak up on a girl like that.

I wasn't the one sneaking.

You looking for something or someone?

Actually, I... Do you sleep up there?

To know the vampire, you must become the vampire.

Hm. You're really committed.

It's the role I was meant for.

So do you lurk around darkened theaters often?

More than you know.

Well, there's something we have in common...

...right off the bat. Cute.

Grab on. I'll teach you to fly.

I don't know. Promise not to drop me?

Only a fool would drop a girl like you.


Wow, this is amazing.

It's fate that brought you here.

Destiny. A cosmic occurrence.

A vision foretold.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Bram, I think you're very interesting, but you're one cliché from my limit.


♪ From the moment you'd first seen us

♪ Did you ever in your life think ♪ You'd be standing here with me?

♪ With this thing we have between us

♪ I could tell that it was fate ♪ And it was always meant to be

♪ Yes, you and! were meant for glory

♪ And something greater ♪ Than this drab little world that we see

♪ And who'd have thought that later

♪ You and! would have this dale

♪ A dale with destiny

♪ I can't believe you think I'd buy that

♪ Come on, I've heard this all before ♪ It's just a line, I'm not naive

♪ I really can't believe you'd try that

♪ I've gotta say you must be nuts ♪ To think that's something I'd believe

♪ You lay it on there kind of heavy

♪ With all this talk of something special ♪ So, what could it be?

♪ What if I say I know a way ♪ To immortality? ♪ Really?

♪ You and! could live forever

♪ You mean our lives would never end?

♪ That's right

♪ And we won't be aging ever?

♪ You'd be Bram's immortal friend

♪ - For real? ♪ - That's the deal

♪ - Can't you feel, it's so exciting? ♪ - Everlasting life eternal

♪ You've been chosen for this honor ♪ You'll have wealth and you'll have fame

♪ I gotta write this in my journal

♪ Just wail and see ♪ Everyone will know your name

♪ - Will I slay cute? ♪ - Absolute

♪ We'll be going down in history

♪ We'll be known throughout the world

♪ Eternity for you and me

♪ Let's live forever and ever

♪ Yes, never to sever

♪ Together forever, we'll be

♪ You and me ♪

I'm gonna have to say thanks, but no.

Points for trying though.

This makes us very unhappy.

Well, I'm sorry, but... Us?

Seize the Vampire's bride.

The what?

Where are we?

No clue, Scoob. Not that it matters.

This swamp is as good a home as any for a vampire and his canine pal.

Except for the leeches. Leeches?

But, hey, we won't let a few little leeches spoil things, will we, Scoob?

No way.




Snakes and gators and crawdads. Oh, my.

I think we need a new life plan, Scooby-Don.

Shaggy, look.

A tin shack. It's a dream come true.

Remember, Scoob, don't say anything about me being a vampire.


Company? Come on in, cher. Hoo-hon! Whoa!

Sit you down a spell while I put on that gumbo.


Like, man, our luck has changed, Scoob.

My name's Tulie.

That's not my real name, no.

But that's what it say on the shack, so I go with that. Hoo-hon!

Hon! Look at that right there. Now we cooking some kind of yeah.

How come you live way out here in the middle of nowhere?

Well, if you must know, I'm on the run.

From what? Vampires!

Ooh, I hate them, me.

And if I ever catch me one, I'm going to grind his bones for stew.

Maybe we should be going.

Stay right there.

It's gumbo time.


Well, I wasn't always a crazy old hermit.

I used to be a handsome inventor of fantastical devices.

Oh, yeah? What'd you invent?

Gadgets, whatchamacallits, thingamajigs. Stuff that go:

Buzz, buzz, hoppity-hoppity, hoop!

I had me a little shop over there at Petit Chauve Sourie Ville...

...where I sold things...

...the most popular item being a hat with two cup holders and along straw... you could have two soda pops while you're watching that ball game.

Like, wow, ha, ha, you invented the drinky hat?

No, but I sold them in the store.

Ain't nobody ever bought my inventions because, like I said, they mostly just went.

Bleep, bleep, bloop, bloop, hoop, hoop.

But then I created the greatest invention ever:

Flying shoes.

They're based on the same principle as a hover boat.

But the fans be pointed down to lift you off the ground.

Whoo-whoo-whoo! There you go.

And I was all set to show them to a big shoe company...

...when a vampire attacked me and stole the prototypes.

Well, I filed me an insurance claim.

But it turns out they don't cover vampire attacks.


That's awful.

More, please.

Me too.

I was ruined, y'all.

I've been living out here in the swamp ever since.

And that is why I hates me them vampires.

Like, how long ago did this happen?

I don't know, long as I've been growing these here whiskers.

Maybe two, three weeks now.

Oh, well, that's life.

You know, sometime you lose everything on account of vampires...

...sometime you don't. Ha, ha.

How y'all like the gumbo?


Amazing. Mm-mm-mm.


That's because of my special ingredient. Heh.

Leeches. I likes to put them leech in the gumbo.

Leech gumbo. Yum. That's good, yeah.

Thanks for everything.

Y'all come back anytime!

Look at this. The stolen jewels are part of some sort of vampire wedding ceremony.

The vampire bonding ritual.

According to legend, if the vampire takes the soul of his mortal bride...

...he'll gain unbridled power.

The ceremony must take place upon the third moon...

...following the Vampire's release from captivity.

That's tonight.

If Valdronya succeeds, he'll be unstoppable.

Unstoppable? Not if I can help it.

Maybe vampires were tough to catch back in the day, but times have changed.

There's a new breed of vampire hunter me.

Vampire hunting is serious business, Fred.

You must be prepared for anything.

Oh, I'm prepared, all right.

Gotta watch that hair trigger.

Not so fast.

The vampire has the jewels...

...but he still needs one thing a bride.

Not just any bride.

A mortal beauty, pure of heart.

That could take a while to find.

Hey, it's a text from Daphne.

"Been kidnapped by vampire actors. Help!."

A mortal beauty, pure of heart.

Daphne. Jinkies.

I knew those actors were involved somehow.

According to the book...

...those who offer up the Vampire's bride will be rewarded with immortality.

That's a heck of a finder's fee. Any idea where they'll take her?

I saw a star chart in here pointing out the precise coordinates of the ceremony.

We could make a copy.

Or that. Let's move.

If the wedding takes place, Daphne will become the bride of the vampire.

You know, I'm pure of heart.

Does anyone ever think of kidnapping me? No.

Uh, Velma, focus.


Tonight we give Valdronya the king his queen.

And we shall be rewarded with eternal life as real vampires.

All hail Valdronya!

Relax, Daphne.

It's just your soul you're giving up.

Easy for you to say. You obviously never had one.

We're close.

Stop. Did you hear that? In the trees.

Must have been my imagination.

Hang on. Save yourselves.


I got something. Come on.

Shaggy? Nice shooting, Fred.

Scooby, what are you guys doing in the swamp?

Yeah, don't you know it's dangerous out here?

Clearly. Yeah.

The calibration is still off.

Let's get you down from there.

Don't get too close, Velma. I've been bitten by a vampire.

I could turn bloodsucker any second.

That's no bite. It's a splinter.

So I'm not gonna turn into a bloodsucking weirdo?

Bloodsucker? No. Weirdo? We're too late for that.

Fire in the hole.

Still off.

Maybe it's best if you set that thing to net mode from now on.

The appointed hour is near, my friends.

And soon our efforts will be repaid with immortality.

A jewel for a jewel.

You're such the charmer.

You are so lucky to be chosen.

I'm sure you'll find an evil vampire king of your own one day.

Let the wedding ceremony begin!

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah

♪ Dearly beloved We're gathered today

♪ To praise the one called Daphne And give her away

♪ Linked and joined forever She'll be by your side

♪ Valdronya, we present you Your vampire bride ♪ Looks like we're in time for the wedding. Wedding?

I wish someone had told us. We don't even have a gift.

I've got a gift right here.

Huh? I don't get it.

He means we're gonna stop the wedding from happening.

My way sounded cooler.

♪ Hear us now, Valdronya

♪ And come to our side

♪ The time has come for claiming Your vampire bride

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

Behold, the king has heard our call.

This is it. Here he comes.

Bow down before your king.

Excellent work, my little vampire-lings.

♪ Close your eyes ♪ And come to me

♪ When you wake ♪ Then you shall be

♪ Alive for all eternity ♪ With me

♪ Dark of the moon and beauty so bright

♪ Spirits arise and call to the night

♪ From Earth to the stars And all that's between

♪ Beware and behold the vampire queen ♪ A mortal beauty.

Your queen.

Hold it.

Hi. Uh, mind if I get a picture of the happy couple?

That one's for the memory book.

Ha, ha. Yikes!

Daphne, you okay?

Ha, ha. Velma, you came to my wedding.

Oh, don't cry, Velma. You won't always be a bridesmaid.

I'm not crying.

Valdronya's using gas to hypnotize everyone.

Whatever you've gotta tell yourself. Ha, ha.

Like, that is one unhappy groom.

Come on. I must have gotten water in the compressor.

Keep him busy while I fix this thing.

Aah! Dead end!


In more ways than one!


Ha-ha-ha. Hm?

Ahem. Here's your stupid amulet.

Nice shot.

He-yah! Unh!

Actually, Velma, I kind of wanted to keep that.


I'll make you all my vampire servants.

I'd say you're looking at a net loss.

I think I'll raise the stakes.

Let's see who's under that mask.

Like I've been saying all along, there's no such thing as real vampires.

Right, Mr. Van Helsing?

Van Helsing?

But why?

He was trying to save Petit Chauve Souris Ville... staging a series of real live vampire events.

Events tied to his latest book, The Bride of the Vampire...

...which I actually read. It's not bad.

You really liked it?

I said it's not bad. Don't push it.

So by creating a real vampire legend, he'd get tourists year-round.

And sell books.

It's true.

I wanted to put the Van Helsing name back on the map.

I thought once word spread of the ceremony...

...tourists would flock here to see the place...

...where a real live vampire wedding ritual had happened.

Then I would no longer need Lita Rutland...

...and her schlocky Vampire Palooza to make ends meet.

And what about the actors?

Merely pawns in his game.

They were so devoted to the vampire way of life, they were easily duped.

When Valdronya first appeared, they really thought their ritual had conjured him up.

Van Helsing used their intense belief in vampires against them.

But Van Helsing was in the audience when Valdronya materialized in the theater.

He used a laser projector for that.

I'd wager he planted similar projectors in the museum... give the illusion of the vampire in the glass coffin.

Security cameras rewired for special effects would explain a lot...

...including why there was no surveillance footage of Valdronya's supposed escape.

When Daphne tore off a piece of modern fabric from Valdronya's cloak...

...Mr. Van Helsing must've feared the threads of his plot were unraveling... to speak.

Looking at it now...

...I suspect he passed off ancient fabric from his museum as a cover-up.

He staged his own demise in the swamp using this.

Aah! Vampires!

No, a simple mechanical device he planted in the marsh.

Probably a prop from the theater.

So when he was kicking and flailing...

He was actually triggering it.

But, like, how did he hypnotize everyone?

Knockout gas.

No one knew what hit them.

But when they awoke, they remembered seeing Valdronya...

...and thought he'd mesmerized them.

By gassing everyone at the wedding, he'd slip away...

...but leave eyewitnesses to tell the tale of Valdronya and his bride.

The actors already lived like vampires, so they could just go on like that...

...thinking they were actually immortal.

You've really thought of everything.

Eh, it's what we do.

Daphne, I... I'm sorry for putting you through all this.

Well, it's not every day a girl is kidnapped to be an ancient Vampire's bride.

In a strange way, I'm flattered.

Really? Maybe after I get out of prison, we could grab a coffee and...

Heh. Not on your life, bat boy.

I don't date actors.

Move along, fella.

Like, there's one thing about this whole plan I don't get.

Why'd Van Helsing need us?

You were my credible witnesses.

It's one thing to have a bunch of weirdo vampire-reenactment nuts...

...spreading my tale.

Quite another when the story is recounted... respected monster hunters such as yourselves.

We're respected?

My family's legacy would have been restored.

Not to mention, you would have sold loads of books.

That too.

Wow, like, that is one elaborate plan.

And I would have gotten away with it, if not for you meddling...

Let's go, Van Helsing.

Well, gang, it looks like another mystery is solved.

♪ I don't want no more ghouls ♪ Or nothing scary

♪ No vampire creatures giving me a fright

♪ No ghosts that rattle chains

♪ Or things that eat your brains

♪ Or monsters that go flying ♪ Through the night

♪ We're going on vacation

♪ And heading somewhere new

♪ Rest and relaxation

♪ Is all we're gonna do

♪ Want no more actors or kooks

♪ Van Helsing's scheme is done ♪ With all his vampire spooks

♪ And now it's time to run

♪ We're gonna be cool as cukes

♪ Our monster days are through

♪ No demonic beast

♪ And nothing deceased

♪ It's time to relax ♪ And that's what we're gonna do ♪

♪ There is only one thing Scooby-Doo and I are hoping for this vacation.

Ladies and gentle mortals, it's feeding time.




Gel out, don't want vampires.

Leave us because.