Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012) Script

Okay, what we're getting now is, yes, they're saying it was, in fact, a fire that erupted inside the external tank of the ship exactly 98 seconds after it entered the asteroid field.

No one is sure what caused the fire which led to the massive explosion killing all 12 crew members and scientists aboard the space shuttle Deliverance, taking with them our last and only hope.

Once again, if you're just tuning in, the CSA space shuttle Deliverance has been destroyed.

The final mission to save mankind has failed.

The 70-mile-wide asteroid known commonly as “Matilda” is set to collide with Earth in exactly three weeks' time, and we'll be bringing you up-to-the-minute coverage of our countdown to the end of days, along with all your classic rock favorites.

This is Q 107. 2

I think we missed the exit.


...they say the damage to the tower has rendered all cellular telephones useless.

No word yet on how long before water and power will be shut off altogether.

But we'll be bringing you all the information you need just as long as we have a live feed.

And be sure to stay tuned at 9:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time for the End of the World Awareness Concert.

The human migration continues...

Sorry, dude! It's okay.

What are you doing?

Hey, up yours, pal!


I'm sorry, sir, that's not covered under your current policy.

I'm afraid the Armageddon package is extra, yes.

Well, that protects you and your family against any sort of apocalyptic disaster.

Asteroids, obviously, plague, famine, locusts...

Drawbacks? Um...

The premiums are high...

I'm sorry... Can you just hold on for one moment? Thank you.

So feel free to wear your casual Friday clothing pretty much any day of the week.

And since Ted in Human Resources is no longer with us,

I thought I'd let you all know of a few positions in upper management that have been made available.

So, if anyone wants to be Chief Financial Officer...

CFO? Anyone?

Life has no meaning.

Anyone?

I really think I'm coming down with something.

On your right!

On your right, buddy.

On your right!


You could have told me that yesterday!

Linda?

Oh, hi, Elsa.

Hi, Mr. Dodge.

Okay, I finish. Okay.

Me estoy volviendo vieja, Mr. Dodge. I getting older.

I didn't mean to rush you off or anything.

Do you have someplace to be?

I mean, if you want, you could...

I don't know, you could watch TV here, or something, whatever you like.

Oh, my kids are waiting.

Oh, right. Of course. You have kids.

Listen, Elsa, you don't have to come next week.

Or, you know, ever, if you don't want to It's okay.

You firing me?

No, no, no. No, l just...

Is this because I don't watch TV with you?

No. No. I, uh...

I just thought considering..

There's just no need to...

Nothing. Forget it. It's fine.

You're out of windose.

More Windose, got it.

See you next week, Mr. Dodge.

Okay.

I regret my entire life.

Okay- Okay-

Bye! Bye, now.

Well, it's no longer just the postal service.

Commercial airlines have discontinued altogether today.

After much delay, the final flight, piloted by Delta Airlines, left Chicago Midway at 3:45 Central Time, touching down in Seattle at 6:15 Pacific.

Private charters have been given military clearance to use intercontinental airspace at their own risk.

And now the traffic report. Amy?

We're fucked, Bob.

Thank you, Amy.

Oh, shit.


...they have yet to make a statement regarding rumors of a classified space launch for high-ranking government officials, religious figureheads, and important contributors to athletics and entertainment.

They have predicted the exact location of impact, but the government is refusing to release this information to the public to avoid creating an even greater sense of panic.


Oh! You're early! Hi.

Aw. Warren told me about Linda.

Oh, yeah...

I am so surprised she didn't do it sooner.

She never really looked happy, especially when she was with you.

That's new information.

Really? Mmm-hmm.

Why do you think she didn't want to have kids?

Karen Amalfi is coming alone tonight.

Don't. Do not.

Do not what?

Please, Warren. Can we just have a few sober moments tonight?

This is the Last Supper, Diane.

You think Jesus was sober for his last supper?

You think he turned water into lemonade?

Dodge, a little help, please.

Uh-uh. No, no, no, no, no. Dodge is my friend.

My friend. Look at this, my friend.

This is a Don Ramon cigar.

This is the hardest cigar in the world...

Can you chop those a little louder, please?

This is the hardest cigar in the world to find.

And tonight, I'm going to share one of my last 13 with you.

How's that sit?

Hi, Danny.

Hey, can I fix you a drink, son?

Quit ruining my life.

Good for you, sweetie. Express yourself.

Go fuck yourself!

I was thinking maybe we should set up Dodge with Karen. Don't you think?

Oh, my God, will you stop it?

What?

He doesn't want to get set up with one of your gross friends.

He needs to meet somebody!

No, he doesn't!

Leave him alone. He is alone, look at him.

I'm fine. No, honey, you're not fine.

You're gonna die alone. Doesn't that bother you?

He's not gonna die alone. Yes, he is.

He's not gonna die alone. He's gonna die with everybody else!

There's just no need to cling to who's closest.

This isn't the fucking Ark, Diane.

This is the Titanic!

And there is not a life raft in sight.

Welcome aboard.

Dodge, you remember Karen Amalfi.

Hello, good to see you.

Hi.

It's everything I never wore.

Ta-da! Mmm!

It's very nice, very shiny.

You're funny.

Hmm.

So...

Well...

We decided that we would use this time to be with family.

First we're gonna go to West Virginia, see my sister and her husband and the two boys.

Even though we just saw them.

We just saw them.

And then Lacey wants to go to her stepfather's in Aspen so that she can tell him to fuck off.

And also ski!

And ski.

Great! Yeah.

Karen?

Oh.

Um... Hmm.

Okay, well, I think I'm finally gonna take that pottery class.

And... Well, I'm gonna eat whatever I want, and totally not even care. Just...

Go, girl.

And maybe I'll, um, be spending a little time with someone special.

Yeah.

Oh, me? Let's see...

What was the question?

Qué sera, sera!

We're gonna ski first, and then she's gonna tell...

Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

Fight through the burn, fight through the burn! Fight through the burn!

Yes!

Yes!

Winner's wine!

Hey, Dodge! Hey, Roache.

Dodger! I'm gonna miss you, man. Gonna miss you...

Oh, boy. It's the fucking Wild West, you know?

Is it? Come on.

Single guys like us, I mean, we gotta grab this thing, you know?

Because it is a different world now.

It's a different world.

Okay. We gotta... You know?

No, I don't. I don't...

I don't... You don't? Dude, the sky is falling.

The sky is falling.

And it's raining pussy!

It's raining pussy Dude, ever since Deliverance, man, I've been with a different girl every day.

And they don't care about getting pregnant.

They don't care about diseases, or are you gonna call them back, or can you provide for them, or do you have a small dick, or are you related. All right?

And it's like the apocalypse...

The apocalypse has leveled the field, man.

Oh, my God. Do you want to double-stuff that cookie?

Do you want to double-stuff that cookie with me?

Two chefs in the kitchen We're double-stuffing the cookie Dodge and Roache You guys, look! Sarah and Dave brought heroin.

It's time. Bucket list! Bucket list!

Wait, where's Lacey? Let Lacey do it, she's a dental assistant.

I'll do it. Yeah, you do it, Lace.

Here we go.

Oh, don't grab, Roache.

Let's watch her, let's everyone watch her do it.

Put some Radiohead on.

I want to do heroin to Radiohead.

Yeah! Yeah!

This is dynamite! Everybody, run!

I'm kidding! It's not.

It can't hurt you unless you get about this close to it.

Are you hiding?

Yes.

You don't have to do heroin if you don't want to, sweetie.

Look, I tried.

I just can't spend the last month of my life getting to know someone.

It's ridiculous.

You don't like Karen?

I couldn't possibly give a shit.

I'm not gonna sit across from someone and hear all their stories, even if she was someone I could be interested in, because I just...

I'm not sure that the month between my wife leaving me and the end of the world sounds like good timing Do you?

What... Hey... What are you doing? What are you doing?

What?

What? What?

You're Warren's.

No, I'm not.

Nobody's anybody's anything anymore.

Why did Linda get to disappear?

Why does everybody else get to do what they want?

I don't know what I want.

You can't run from this, Dodge.


Hello?

You okay?

No.

How could I be so stupid?

I don't know. I don't know you very well.

I'm never gonna see my family again.

I missed the planes, all of them.

I mean, God, it's the end of the world and I'm still 15 minutes late.

I can hear my father say it now. I can hear him say, "Flaky and irresponsible," and he's right.

How could I do this? I put my energy in the wrong places, I give my time to the wrong people.

I mean, when I think of all the...

All the holidays I didn't spend with my mum and dad to be with some guy I used to know.

Would you like to come in?

I won't steal anything if you don't rape me.

Agreed.

My name's Penny.

I'm Dodge.

How long have you lived here?

Three years. You?

I just broke up with someone.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, I mean...

You know, it was building to this.

He's just taking the night to clear out his stuff.

I mean, it's always better to sleep on the fire escape than have pity sex, I always say.

Mmm.

What's that?

What? Oh, that is cough syrup with codeine.

Splash of vodka. Can I have a sip?

Actually, I'm feeling a little...

Mmm.

You want some weed?

Hmm?

Oh, no, thank you.

It's the only thing that sends me to sleep and the only thing that wakes me up again.

I mean, seriously, I've got a wicked case of hypersomnia.

I mean, I could sleep through the apocalypse.

Who's the girl? Who?

Oh. That's Olivia.

Is she the one that got away?

Well, they all got away, but she was the first, yeah.

Are you gonna go and get her back?

I'm sure she has enough on her plate.

And what is it about the end of the world that brings them all out of the woodwork?


...there he's got it.

Yeah. He changed his mind, as he...

...doing a terrific job of cutting him off.

Now coming from behind, he's got him around the shoulders, and down goes...


Oh.

I'm ready to go downstairs now.

Oh?

Wait here a tick.

Okay.

He's gone. Took my Pet Sounds with him. I should've seen that coming.

Mmm.

So...

So...

What are you doing with the rest of your life?

Oh, um...

Little of this, little of that.

Probably catching up on some "me" time.

Find God.

Maybe move around some chairs.

Well, maybe I'll run into you at a support group or an orgy or something.

Yeah, that sounds nice.

Uh...

What's that?

That's your mail.

Why do you have it?

Oh, you know how the mailman would sometimes put the mail in the wrong box? Uh-huh.

Well, overtime, say like... Well, three years, I mean, it...

God, it really adds up, doesn't it?

Isn't it funny? I mean, how we've lived so close and we've never said hi.

Oh, but I did meet your roommate a few times.

My roommate? You mean Linda?

Linda. Linda, right. And her boyfriend, what was his name?

Oh, God, they seemed so happy together. What was his name?

I haven't seen them in awhile. Are they all right?

What was his name again?

I forget.


$8.50.


Come on.


Give it to me! I'll hit it!

Fuck, yeah! Hit it!


What started as a few individuals acting out has quickly escalated into a massive riot sweeping through the streets of downtown If we could show the live footage, Dory?

Dory?

You see people using every available weapon, looting, smashing windows, setting fires, and in some cases, attacking one another.

With the lack of police presence, we are seeing people with nothing left to lose.

They appear to be moving off Main Street and heading to wards Division Avenue, where residences and businesses are more at risk.

And perhaps it's only a matter of time before the city is too dangerous to inhabit.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Okay. Okay.

Oh, Sorry. Okay. Good, Sorry. Here we go.

Come on.

Penny?

Penny! Penny?

Penny! Who the fuck are you?

Oh, shit! I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm Dodge, I live upstairs.

I've never seen you before.

We've run into each other a few times, but that's not...

I'm pretty good with faces.

Anyway... Obviously, there's a riot going on.

Maybe you heard the screaming, smelled the burning.

If you could just wake up Penny I think we should get out of the building as soon as possible.

Jesus.

You're fucking her, aren't you?

What? No... What? No, I'm...

No. I'm not.

Oh, I knew it!

I knew it.

Fuck! I knew it!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Shit!

Okay, all right.

Penny! Come on, here we go. Wake up.

There you go.

Hey! I decide when Penny wakes up!

This isn't what it looks like.

I broke my hand, baby.

I hope you're happy. It's my guitar hand.

Aren't they both your guitar hands?

Penny, there's a small riot brewing and we need to go, right now!

She's not going anywhere with you...

Would you please just stop?

We all need to go! Come on! Here we go! Here we go, guys! Come on!

My hand! My gift. Will you just look at it? I broke it.

This is the guy?

I can't believe you want this creep instead of me.

Hey! Hey! I'm not kidding! Let's do it!

Oh, he's old!

He's not even good-looking. What, do you have a job?

Mister Job? Owen!

I told you there wasn't anybody else Oh, shit, my records.

So you broke up with me for nobody?

Do you not see how that's worse?

We don't have time for this.

Scott Walker, Wilco... John Cale!

Hey, that's my Cale.

We don't have time for any of this, guys!

Goodbye, friends!

Come on.

Give me that Cale.

Okay, here we go.

I'll drive.

All right, all right. Hey!

Watch out for my hand.

Here we go.

I can't believe you're breaking up with me now.

It's the worst timing for me, ever!

We didn't get back together.

What do you call last night? Nothing happened!

Since when is snuggling nothing?

Shit. I thought it was right there.

You don't remember where you parked?

No, it was... It was on...

It was on 1st and 9th. Fuck, maybe it was 10th and 2nd?

This way. It could have been 3rd...

It was definitely one of those combinations.

I'm the asshole, right? Everything's my fault?

Can we just concentrate on finding the car?

No, Owen, it's not about that.

I'm just saying that we're not a match.

I mean, isn't it better we find out now, rather than later?

No!

What do you mean, not soul mates?

I love you. I want to take care of you.

Just get...

Penny, let's go, come on!

Owen? Come on!

You okay? Come on! Go for the car.

There it is!

Is this because you pay my rent?

Because I had to swallow a lot of pride to let you do that.

Get in the car, Owen.

I'm not leaving the city.

Well, it's my car.

Oh, that's right, I don't have a car.

Throw that in my face while you're at it.

They're right on top of us!

"They're right on top of us!"

Would you get out and help? I'll do it!

No, no, no. No, no, no. I'll do it.

Just...

Oh, God, there's a guy. There's a guy right there!

Cut the wheel! Cut it!

What are you doing? Cut the wheel!

I'm... Cut the wheel!

Fire! Fire! There's fire!

You're not cutting at all!

Are you freaking blind?

God, here they come!

What is wrong with you?

Hey! Hey! I know a guy with a plane.

If you drive me to where I need to go, I can get you to your family.

Hello? Cut the wheel!

That's it. Now come forward a little bit.

Ah, he'll be fine!

Hey!

So tell me about this plane.

You know, hybrid cars don't need as much gas.

Yes. They still need a little gas, don't they?

No, I'm just saying, you don't have to fill them up as much.

Does this mean we're not going to the plane?

Look, maybe you should just forget about the plane.

I left Owen in the middle of a riot.

He used you as a human shield, Penny.

You don't even know him.

Look, you're the one who woke me up in the middle of the night dragged me out of bed... You're right.

I don't know why I bothered saving your life, after you ruined mine.

What is that supposed to mean?

What? What is that?

Well, you know how sometimes the mailman would put the mail in the wrong box?

Well, sometimes, the girl that you never got over sends you a letter.

That's from the girl? My God.

Oh, my God! That's great, right?

Yeah, it's pretty good.

What would be great is if l could call her from a regular phone, or I could just hop on a train to wherever, or not die in the outer suburbs.

But instead, I am on the scenic route to the guillotine with you, and you.

She could be at the fucking pyramids by now.

She could have blown her head off, and I wouldn't know, because I didn't get this three annoying months ago!

Oh.

Now I feel bad.

Fuck. Look, guilt isn't a feeling that I'm comfortable with.

Well, fortunately you won't have long to live with it.

What are you doing?

Penny, this really doesn't involve you.

I said I was gonna get you there, I'm gonna get you there, so...

Where was the last place you saw her?

Where was she 18 years ago?

Look, you don't need to spend the last few days of your life with a total stranger.

You're not a total stranger, and these aren't my last days.

Oh, you're a survivalist.

No, I'm not a survivalist. I'm an optimist.

Hello! You having some trouble?

Do you know where the nearest gas station is?

Yeah, but diesel is all they got left. Where you headed?

Where we headed, Dodge?

Somerset.

Somerset. Wherever that is.

I think Huntsville might be as far as I'm going.

Great! Thank you!

So, what's your pilgrimage?

Because everybody's headed somewhere.

Well, I'm going to see my family, and he's...

He's looking for someone.

Who is it you're looking for?

His high school sweetheart.

Is that right?

Well, there's no greater search than that of lost love, I'll give you that.

You married? No, darling, I never did walk the plank There was a special lady.

My Rita passed seven years back.

You know, it's all about who you lay down with when the lights go out.

Takes longer than it should to figure that part.

Truth is, it's nice to have some company for a change.

Even strangers.

Why don't you tell us your life story?

Then we won't be strangers anymore.

Yeah?

Well, sure. Let's see I was born in...

Wait a minute. I should probably tell Daddy's life story first, so there's some context. Okay.

Uptime? Groovy!

Yeah. Daddy was born in Skokie, Illinois.

And his dad was born in Okie. Used to catch bass.

So they run a bunch of tests and they all come back with the same bad news.

Doctors give me six months to live.

Then I go home, turn on the TV, and they say three weeks.

If you ask me, a man is not supposed to know when his time is up, it's not natural.

That's when you find yourself renting a gun and buying a bullet.

But that ain't no way into heaven.

Isn't that right, Dodge?

Hmm?

No, I guess not.

I'm gonna go drain the snake.

You wanna join me?

No, thanks, I'm good.

Okay, what a fucking weirdo.

I think he's soulful.

Who drives around with shovels? I don't trust him.

Glen? What? He told us his life story.

Yes, and thank you for that, by the way.

Do you know, if you actually listened, you might learn something.

Sorry needs to go out.

I'll go. I will take him.

I'm gonna take him for a sniff. Don't go anywhere.

I knew it as soon as I saw you.

That detached look in your eyes. That vague way about you.

You almost had me fooled with that line about your high school girlfriend.

I'm sorry, I don't...

Don't be sorry, son.

Just kill me quickly.

What?

Well, l thought we could do it in that nice field, but if you're gonna shoot me in the back, then let's get it over with.

Shoot you? I don't... Are we still speaking metaphorically?

Well, what's it gonna be, then? Knife? Piano wire?

Okay, you know what? She's gonna be back any second.

Don't tell me they sent a girl to do a man's job.

I specifically requested a male!

Unless you're some sort of team! Is that how this works?

Okay, you know what? I don't think I am who you think I am.

Well, that's a relief.

Because I was afraid I could fight you off!

You know, Dodge, when a man...

Dodge? Glen?

Oh, my God.

Glen's dead.

Are you okay? Did you get the plates?

"When a man..."

"When a man..." What do you think he was trying to say?

I don't know, Penny.

"When a man..."

Loves a woman?

"When a man..." ls a trucker?

The man...

The man committed suicide via homicide two weeks before the apocalypse.

I'm not really concerned with any Road Warrior wisdom I may have missed out on. Okay?

All right.

I'll drive. Do you have the keys?

Oh...

Okay.

Okay.

You'd think a lifetime of waiting for the worst to happen would have prepared me for this.

How could anyone prepare for this?

I always knew. I always knew it'd be over too soon.

I never saw myself as an old man.

Really?

I thought I was gonna live forever. Was totally gonna peak at 40.

Well, I hear 30 is the new 40.

Luckily, I'm getting my mid-life crisis in just under the wire.

She must be really special, huh? Olivia?

To want to find her after so much time.

She was, yeah.

So why did you break up?

We were young. We were not fully formed beings yet.

Life just took us in different directions.

She dumped you?

Yes.

What about you?

What about me?

Who's the one that got away?

I am, thank God.

I don't mean I'm anything special, l just...

I'm glad that part of my life's over with, you know? Relationships.

I thought you weren't cynical.

I'm not cynical. I'm...

I'm clinical.

I am a recovering serial monogamist.

Sounds very serious.

Very serious.

I went to this therapist who told me that I had problems being alone.

But then, I mean, she wanted to see me five times a week, so you tell me who had the real problem.

You know, if the end of the world has taught me anything it's that I'm finally getting my...

Oh, my God.

Is that a Friendsy's?

I would kill for a pint.

Hi, welcome to Friendsy's, where everyone's your friend!

Hi! Hi!

Two for dinner? Yeah!

Look at this little guy.

Is this okay?

Oh, yeah! Everyone's welcome, yeah.

Dude brought in a wolf last week. It's crazy!

Come on in!

Okay.

Taquitos!

Yeah, three orders.

I can't believe you guys are still open.

Yeah, we thought about closing up shop, but then we realized this is really our family, you know?

In fact, the tragedy has brought us closer. Some of us too close.

That's impossible.

And under new management, it's a lot less corporate.

Right, Steven?

Right. I hope a booth is okay.

Yeah, it's...

We burned all the chairs in a bonfire.

I'm gonna pass you off to Katie, okay?

You're in warm hands with her. My skin feels great!

Thanks, Darcy. Isn't he incredible?

Hi, I'm Katie.

Can you slide over, please?

Yeah.

Can I touch your hair? Yeah.

Oh, it's so soft. Thank you.

Can I get you guys something to wet your whistle?

Everything's awesome!

How are your mudslides? Fucking awesome!

Can we get two mudslides? Yes.

Thank you.

Do you guys wanna know the specials?

Because these guys are getting really creative.

No, just the mudslides.

Okay! Gotcha. Guys, I'm rolling pretty hard right now, but if you two keep it super positive, I will bring you those M-slides.

And maybe an order of spin-dip for the table.

That is amazing! And you know what, it's his birthday today.

Why didn't you tell me that? Happy birthday!

Thank you.

Wow.

I really hope you're having a good time.

Yeah, I am having fun.

I think that this place is some sort of cult and we probably shouldn't eat anything.

Oh, you're crazy. This is amazing.

Look, people are sitting down together, everybody's happy. Hey!

There's a conga line. Just like...

This is a piece of American history. It's a human landmark.

It's a shout-out to the man upstairs to say... Oh!

I smell weed. Excuse me! I smell weed.

Yeah, it's right this way Conga your way to a great time!

Is it good?

This bun is a donut.

It's exactly what you think a burger with a donut bun would taste like.

Mmm!

What did you do?

When?

You know, before, like, as a living.

I sold insurance.

That's...

Oh. Oh!

Oh, you're serious. Yes, I am.

Oh. Oh!

Okay. How does... How does somebody get into that field?

You dare to dream, Penny.

I don't know, you...

I guess you start with all of your childhood fantasies of being a fireman or an athlete or whatever.

And then eventually reality hits, and you realize that, really, all you want is to have a desk somewhere with your name on it.

But why insurance?

I didn't like law, and the economy was headed in one direction.

I'm the type of person, I just...

I feel more comfortable with a safety net.

Whoops. Mmm-hmm.

Yeah.

So, go on. How do you know a man with a plane?

I don't know him. I said I knew him.

I know, I know. I'm not getting my hopes up. I'm just...

I'm just really excited.

Obviously.

...with the Friendsy's family It's your very last birthday Happy birthday!

There?! never be another So tell all your sisters and brothers It's your very last birthday Happy birthday! Ooh!

Oh!

Okay...

That's... All right.

Hi, buddy. Hi, there.

Can I join in?

Look, I don't wanna be rude, but...

Oh, God!

Yeah, we should go. We should go.

Okay. Sorry.

Here's some money.

Oh! All right. Come on, let's go.

All right, see you soon! Okay, have a good night.

Let's get these off.

They were...

Oh, God.

Dodge, I want you to be my last.

That's a lot of pressure.

Listen, I...

Sorry, you go first.

I wasn't saying anything.

It's just...

I think I got a little carried away before with the mudslides and the orgy, and, you know, obviously, things are very complicated right now.

What are you doing?

I just want you to know that I..

I wasn't trying to take advantage.

Obviously, you're very young. What are you, like 30? 31?

Twenty-eight. Oh, God. Oh!

God, you try to be a good person...

Relax, Dodge. It was...

It was end-of-the-world sex. It was creature comfort.

Well... If anything, it was my fault.

You didn't do anything.

I think I did some things.

It isn't gonna happen again, I promise.

You've got Olivia, I've got my family.

You know, we both have more important places to be.

Just... A little sex. It was bound to happen, let's not make a big deal out of it.

I dated someone from Camden.

Listen, Penny, it...

I don't understand.

What is he doing?

I guess he's... Is he trying to pull us over?

Oh, come on. He can't be serious.

How fast are you going?

Who gives a shit?

Why aren't you slowing down?

I think we can take him.

Oh. Hey! Hey! Hey! Slow down!

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Slow down! Pull the car over. Come on.

Don't you think that he must have better things to do?

Penny, pull the car over.

Jesus, what's he gonna do, shoot us?

There's a very real possibility he could shoot us, yes!

All right! All right! Let's pull it over.

All right! God, but...

But I should warn you, my dad's ex-military and he says I have a really serious problem with authority.

Put that away, please. Give that. Mmm, mmm.

No, it's all I've got left and I'm trying to ration it. Come on.

What do I do with it?

Oh, just... Just put it in your mouth.

That was still lit.

Hello, Officer, what seems to be the problem?

Well, for starters, you're driving about 15 miles an hour over the speed limit.

Really? Huh.

I thought I was making better time than that.

And you know, you got a tail light out.

No. Yeah.

Also, your plates expired about a month ago.

Goon.

Um, that's it. That's everything.

Those three things.

Well, why don't you write us out any number of expensive, time-sensitive tickets, and we'll be on our way?

I need some identification.

Of course. My name is Penny, and this is Dodge.

Hi.

Okay. License and registration.

Well, you see, that's where we've got a problem, because I didn't get a chance to retrieve my identification before fleeing my home during a deadly riot.

However, we were fortunate enough to hitch a ride with a very nice trucker, who, turns out, had hired a hit man to assist him in a suicide, thus bestowing us with this...

This beautiful mode of transportation.

So, the answer is no, no license or registration here.

However, given the current situation with the...

Couldn't you find it in your heart to set aside the law just this once and let us on our way so that I can give my friend here a fighting chance of being with the one he loves before we all reach our untimely conclusion?

No.

All right.

Oh, excuse me, do we get a phone call?

No, phones are dead.

Okay.

Have fun.

Oh! Hello? What are you in for?

Disturbing the peace.

Brilliant.

Well, might as well get comfortable.

This is as good a place to die as any.

I ruined your life.

No, you didn't.

Oh, yes, I did.

I ruined my life, and I took you down with me.

I was a terrible neighbor, and I'm a...

I'm an awful daughter.

Hey. Hey.

Shh.

Look at him.

Sound asleep in his sandwich board. You know why?

'Cause he always knew the end was near.

And he's currently not surprised.

You are looking at a vindicated man.

How come you're not with your family?

I don't really have any.

What do you mean?

My mother passed away, and my father drove away a long time ago.

My wife recently ran away, as fast as any human woman could.

It only took Armageddon to give her the courage.

Which is ironic, because

being afraid of dying alone is why I got married in the first place.

Your roommate was your wife.

My wife was my roommate.

Should have listened to my mother.

Even after she got sick, she always made the most sense.

You would have liked her.

She would have liked you, too.

You think so?

She died alone.

Guess it doesn't matter now.

How long since you've seen your dad?

Um...

Twenty-five years?

Twenty-five years? Wow.

Well, don't you have anything to say to him?

Nothing good.

Well, what about Olivia?

We were together on and off for ten years.

She wanted to get married. I didn't pull the trigger.

Somebody else did.

And then I met Linda, and the rest is almost history.

What did she say, Olivia, in her letter?

She said she and her husband had gotten divorced, and that she had a 6-year-old son named Marcus, and she asked about my parents, and she said she missed me.

You know, garden-variety "end of the world" mumbo jumbo.

I did ruin your life.

No, you didn't.

I had a really long head start.

Oh, man, I don't feel good.

Is that the weed kicking in?

What does it feel like?

Feels like I'm falling off a cliff with a bomb strapped to my chest.

Well, that could be anything.


Damn it, Wally!

There you go. Look who's here. Look who's here.

Hey, hey, hey. Come here.

There you go.

Well, sorry, folks, but Wally's been taking the quota pretty serious these days, and I'm afraid that...

Well, your truck was impounded.

Is there some place I can drop you folks?

Uh, Delaware.

Yeah... No.

How far is it to Camden?

No matter where the impact occurs, it will create a firestorm that will wipe out all life.

Thank you!

So how long were you with this guy?

Total?

Nine months, plus six more.

How do you know he's going to be here?

He's always here.

There he is.

Penny.

Hey, Speck.

Oh, my goodness.

I knew you'd come back.

No, I'm not back. I...

We were just in the neighborhood.

I haven't seen this girl in 12 months and she's just in the neighborhood.

Lance Corporal James Speck.

Speck, this is Dodge...

Lieutenant Colonel Dodge Petersen.

Look, we're in a bit of a pickle, and I was hoping that you could help us out.

Helping you out of a pickle should be my middle name.

Na-hah!

Come on. Bring your little amigo.

You have to leave the dog up top.

Mom just vacuumed the bomb shelter.

Come on, I'll show you the digs.

Fellas.

Hey.

That's Entertainment.

Sports and Recreation.

And if nature calls...

Hey.

Wow.

As you can see, we have enough rations to live down here comfortably for a good six months.

These walls are 12 inches of pure titanium.

Yeah, I was going to say 11.

Resurfacing won't be that easy.

The world will need a strong leader.

Is that a satellite phone?

It is. You want to call your folks?

What?

Yeah, I was talking to your dad the other day.

What time is it across the pond, 1600?

I don't know.

Mum?

It's me.

Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. I'm fine. We got out.

Uh, me and a friend.

Yeah, he is.

Hi, Dad.

I miss you like crazy.

Tell me everything. How's the garden? ls everyone there?

Is that Benny? Yeah, yeah. Put him on.

Oh, you twat.

No. You're mental.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I hear the baby.

Is that my niece?

Yeah.

She sounds beautiful.

What did you name her?

You have a lot of guns and a lot of potato chips.

Yeah, gotta be safe.

So how long you known our Penny?

About a week.

Give or take.

So what's your pitch?

My pitch?

'Cause let me tell you something about that girl.

She may be a romantic on the outside, but on the inside she's all survivor.

And she knows her best chance of survival is sitting right here, and I'm talking about me.

Can we restart civilization without her?

Sure.

But she deserves to be one of the top quality females in contention.

There's no room for you, dude.

That's okay.

Got a pretty good lead on a school desk.

There she is.

Uh, we should go.

I thought you were staying.

I promised I'd take him somewhere. Can we...

Can we borrow one from the fleet?

Are you sure you don't want a fallout tablet for the road?

That's okay, thanks.

The car's a loan, Penny.

I want to see it back here with you in it.

Thank you.

For everything.

I should have married you.

When?

When you would've said yes.

Dodgy-Dodge.

Keep her out of trouble.

You okay?

They sounded good.

They sounded really good.


My dry cleaner.

Meatball subs at Zuzu's. Mmm.

Mmm... Mmm-hmm. Uh...

Ducks pond in the summertime.

Mmm, riding the subway.

Oh, you lost me there. Nobody misses the subway.

No, I did some of my best people-watching on the subway.

Huh.

How about things that we are not going to miss?

Like going to the dentist.

Oh! Dr. Hoberman.

Oh, my God. Oh.

Dr. Hoberman.


That's it. Wow.

I cannot tell you how many hours I spent out here obsessing over that window.

Which window?

Right there.

That's a good window.

I don't think anybody's home.

Oh, come on, we have to try.

I'll be right here if you need me..


Nobody's home.

Try the knob.

You know what, she's definitely not here.

Well, we've driven all this way and it has definitely not been in vain.

You know what? l think there's a hide-a-key.

Okay, here we...

Go.

You are insane.

Come on.

Looks the same. Smells the same.

So what are we looking for?

Something with an address, I guess.

Oh. my God!

What? What?

We have exactly the same wallpaper in our kitchen!

Don't do that, please.

Isn't that wild?

Aw!

Oh! Wow. Okay.

Oh. Oh, I love this house.

Wow. And I can make something with this.

I'll go check the bedrooms.

Yeah, we used to break into people's houses when we were kids, me and my brothers.

I mean, we wouldn't steal anything.

We'd just eat their ice cream and watch cable.

Then this one time, Benny, who must've been about, like, seven, he took off all his clothes and he got onto this old man's exercise bike...

Um, Penny?


Oh, wow. How long was I out?

Couple of hours. Think you needed it.

Well, I've lost a third of my life to sleep, what's another couple of hours?

Can you grab the wine?

Yeah.

Okay, so explain this to me. Mmm-hmm.

You picked the tomatoes, you made the sauce.

You went out and harvested the wheat.

Yes, I harvested the wheat.

That was actually good.

I don't know. It was the best I could do, but just imagine a big juicy ham instead of the canned beets.

Mmm. Perfect.

Aw.

How could anyone abandon this face?

Look at that little face.

Look, look, he's got bits of gray in his beard.

Highlights.

What'd you do? Before.

I think you could say that I dabbled.

How did you learn to cook like this?

Mmm.

I watched everything my mum did and did the exact opposite.

My dad had the real talent, and my mum was sort of a cheerleader.

You've never seen two people more in love.

I think that's the reason I can never settle for anything less than amazing.

You know? They made it look so easy.

There's a reason that opposites are supposed to attract.

I'm the result of two romantics getting together.

I'm totally screwed.

Mmm. I love this song.

I can't believe I nearly never heard it again.

You know, this was the first record lever got.

I stole it from my dad's collection. Pretended that he didn't know, and then I'd hear him whistling it the whole time.

Just to torture me.

Is that how you got into records?

Yeah, he started it, but...

I don't know, l just... I love records.

I mean, they're not for everyone, you know?

You really have to take care of vinyl.

It's very delicate, it can get wrecked so easily.

You really have to love it.

Do you hear how full it sounds?

Now, what you want to buy is a thicker record. They're more stable.

The grooves in them are sort of deeper and wider.

You get more detail.

I mean, they're harder to carry around 'cause they're heavier, but they're worth it.

You know, my parents have this...

It's an amazing turntable. It's vintage, cherry wood Victor 45.

Oh! Perfect tone. All the original parts.

I can't wait to hear it again.

So, what else are you going to do when you go home?

I'm going to...

I'm going to listen to my mum play piano.

I'm gonna sit in my dad's garden.

He grows the most ridiculous sunflowers. They're like 10 feet tall.

I'm going to hang out with my brothers.

I'm gonna play with my niece and my nephews.

I'm gonna do all the things I missed out on for so long.

That sounds great.

It is.

I'm not gonna waste my time on the wrong person.

I'm not gonna waste my parents' time introducing them to some future stranger.

And no more days spent picking out what you're gonna wear for nights that don't mean anything.

No more wondering whether you're with the right person, or if this is the guy that you're meant to have kids with.

All those ridiculous questions.

It's liberating. That's what it is.

Maybe you just haven't met the right guy.

You're a really nice person.

You are an awful judge of character.

I'm gonna fix that.

Okay.

What do you think Sorry would like to do?

I don't know. Lay in the sun somewhere.

We could look for a Frisbee.

Or I could set up a squirrel hunt.

Do you think he's horny?

Oh, yes, I think he is definitely girl-crazy.

Maybe he wants to find his owner.

You know, abandonment issues?

You know what? Maybe we're enough for him.

I don't know, he seems comfortable.

What is it?

It has a return address.

Is it close?

Yeah, it's pretty close.

That's great.

So, uh...

We'll go first thing tomorrow.

Okay.

Okay.


Uh, should I, um...

Should I disappear?

No, stay here in the car.


What happened?

What's happening?

Was she home?

Yeah, I think so.

Did you knock? Why are we driving away?

I wrote her a letter. I put it on her door. She should get it soon.

You wrote her a letter? Well, what did it say?

It just... It doesn't matter.

I don't understand. Why don't you want to see her? What's happened?

We really can't talk about this, Penny.

Why not?

Because I don't want it to change anything.

Change what?

You have somewhere you need to be.

And what about you? What's changed?

Dodge!


You're not taking this very seriously.

No, it's very good.

Wait. Keep practicing.

Hey!


Where are we?

Come on.

Who's there?

Frank?

Hi, Frank.

Dodge.

Is it a bad time?

Why, no. No, of course not. Come in. Please, come in.

Thank you.

Dodger!

I can't believe it. You're here, you're really here. Who's your friend?

This is Penny.

Penny, this is Frank. Hi.

Hi. I'm his father.

Oh! Oh, it's lovely to meet you.

You, too!

Welcome. Well, you must be hungry or something.

Actually, I was hoping that I could talk to you for a minute.

Sure. Uh, go right in there. Go ahead.

Is there a restroom?

Yeah, right at the top of the stairs. Here.

There you are. Thank you.

Top of the steps on your left. There you go.

What's the dog's name? Sorry.

What? Sorry?

She your girlfriend?

I don't know.

She should be.

Did we get old or what?

So you're here to tell me all the things I did wrong?

No, you know all the things you did wrong.

I came here to ask you something.

I know I could have handled things differently.

I don't want to talk about it.

You know, your mother didn't make it any easier...

Don't. Don't say another word about her.

We were so young when you were born...

And now you're not, and neither am I.

And we had our whole lives to figure it out.

I'm just trying to say I'm sorry.

Well, just say it, then.

I'm sorry.

Now what?

I don't know. You were the one with the question.

I guess l just couldn't believe you didn't wanna see your old man again.

Your mother wouldn't take my calls, she ripped up all my cards and letters to you, but, you know, I figured when you got older...

Not that it was on you, no, no.

No, I did that.

I know I lost all my privileges when I left.

You know, when you were a baby, she used to hold you so tight sometimes, l thought you couldn't breathe.

Um...

Maybe that was just me.

I really am sorry.

It doesn't matter anymore.

We're in the same place now.

Well, I know l wasn't there for you back then.

It's not too late.


May I propose a toast?

Please.

To the beginning of the world.

To the beginning of the world.

It's a good one, that.

Such a good cheap wine.


You are the love of my life.


Elsa, what are you doing here?

It is Thursday.

Are you shitting me, Elsa? Seriously?

Go home. Just be with your family, or do anything else.

I'm serious. You... Leave. Please.

lt's just that... You don't... It's not...

I'm sorry. I just... I'm not trying...

Never mind.

See you next week, Mr. Dodge?

Okay.

Ah!

Bye, Elsa.

More Windose!

More Windose.

...once again, CSA's latest report reveals Matilda will be arriving one week ahead of schedule.

The point of contact is 16 hours, 26 minutes away, so be sure to mark your calendars.

Also, a friendly reminder to set your clocks ahead for daylight savings time.

Spring forward. That's one hour ahead.

On a personal note, this is my final broadcast.

Our final broadcast.

On behalf of myself, producer Bruce Hammond, and everyone here at the network, we bid you all a fond farewell.

It has been my pleasure to bring you the news for the past 27 years.

Tonight, I'll be sitting across the dinner table from my wife, Helen, and we'll be talking about our sons, Henry and Paul.

And we'll be saying our prayers for each and every one of you.

Good night, good luck, and God bless.


Hey, what is it?

How could you let me go?

I don't know. It was so stupid.

Iwoke up.

I made him turn around.

I don't want to fall asleep, okay?

Don't let me fall asleep. Promise.

I promise.

What about your parents?

They're romantics, they understand.

Besides, they've got each other.

I just want to be with you.

And I want to be with you.

I couldn't live without you. No matter how long.

What do we do now?

I just want to lay here with you. Just want to talk to you.

What are we gonna talk about?

Where'd you grow up?

Well, I was born in Surrey.

I know.

My whole family are from there.

Mmm.

My mum was a journalist before she married my dad.

They never fought. Or at least we never heard them fight.

Charlie's the oldest, then Benny, then me.

We had a sister, but she died when she was born.

I still think about her.

Oh, God!

What was her name? What was your sister's name?

Um... Patricia.

Patricia Hope Lockhart.

That's beautiful. That's a beautiful name.

I wish I'd met you a long time ago.

When we were kids.

It couldn't have happened any other way. It had to happen now.

But it isn't enough time.

It never would have been.

I'm scared. I...

Am madly in love with you, Penny.

You're my favorite, favorite thing.

I thought that somehow we'd save each other.

We did.

Penny...

I'm really glad I got to know you.