Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators S3E2 Script

See Thyself, Devil! (2020)

Oh... nice.

♪ You, I just sigh ♪

♪ In a cruel sky ♪

♪ Leave us to sigh... ♪ Ho, ho, ho!

I was feeling that, man. I was feeling that power.

Alright there, Tony?

Yeah, I was just, um...

Uh, yeah I was looking for Grace, have you seen her?

No, not today.

Alright, yeah.


No, stop!

No, stop!

There are other radio stations you know.

The CIA use pop music to make people confess. Did you know that?

Why is it so dark in here?


Oh, yes. Hello. You have a client.


Sorry about that.

Just trying to keep away from the windows. You know, in case I'm recognised.


Recognised as who?

It's him.

Yeah, course it's him.

Him who?

You're Tony King.

Shh, shh, keep it down.

The Tony King!


So just, um...

Shall we say, just for argument's sake that I didn't know who that was... I'm a musician.

Not just any musician.

He's the frontman with Caliban's Claw!

Only the hardest rocking band to come out the West Midlands!

Ah, you're too kind, man. Too kind.

♪ Sharper than a serpent's tooth ♪

What a record!

You know, I wore out my twelve inch by the time I was sixteen.

You were a god!

Still am, man. Still am. I'm on the come-back trail.

No way! Claws are out again!

No, Tony King is on the come-back trail... the voice of Caliban's Claw without all that other baggage, you know what I mean?

I've been writing.


I've been talking about a few record deals.

So, sorry...

Sorry to interrupt you. Fascinating as it is, um... but what can we do for you today, Mr...

Mr... King!

Oh, yeah.

I think something's trying to kill me.

Cheers mate.


What's in this?

Earl Grey. What's it do, man?

It's just... it's just tea.


So, when you say that something is trying to kill you?

That's just it. Isn't it, man? I mean...

I don't even know if it w-w-was a man!

Why don't you tell us what you do know.

Right, I was in my tractor up at the farm... So, there you were in your tractor.

No, I'd just got out of it.

And then... it started up again.

And it made straight for me.

What are you doing? It was the devil!

He's come for me!

You left the shutter lever forward!

It's not the devil, Dad, it's you! No!

You're wrong!

It's the Dark Lord, Grace.

Here for his bargain!

Sorry, did you just say "the devil"?

Horned, goat-faced it was.

With a... with a dark... purple eyes... and a... and a purple mane and a... and a... this dark purple snout.

Were you wearing those sunglasses when you saw it?

So when you say, "Here for his bargain".

We wrote up a contract... in blood, a deal with the devil.

Sold our souls for fame and fortune and then right when we were at the very top... he came to cash 'em in.


Sounds like you need a priest rather than a private investigator. It's...

I know what happened. I know what I saw.

I just need someone else to see it to prove that I'm right.

The devil has come for me.

Bet you're really missing your long hair now.

Caliban's Claw was the single most important rock band of my youth.

Yeah you said, you wore out your seven inch.

Twelve inch. If you say so.

You don't really believe all this devil stuff, do you?

You know, just as the group hit the big time the drummer died in this terrible accident.

The band fell apart.

If Tony brought the music back... maybe he brought something else with it.

Do I have to remind you, we are not the Ghostbusters?

Do I have to remind you that money is money?

And without clients we don't get any.

Don't worry, I've done it all.

Good. Hey!

Nice T-shirt.

♪ Let us not be mad! Be mad! ♪

♪ Sweet heaven, leave me in temper! ♪ Here you go.

The bargain.

Just got all your signatures on it?

Eew, yeah, is that them in blood?

It's Me. It's Earl Albany, he was guitar.

It's dear old Ricky Cornwall.


At the time, we all just thought he was a bit of a joke, you know.

I mean...

We had this roadie, he sorted us out...

Oh, come on keep up!

Oh... Yeah, right.

He could get us anything. He got me a baby crocodile once.

He used to go on and on about all this black magic stuff and in the end, we just thought, "Hey, why not?"

And then...

Ricky died.

Ah, that all got a bit too real. We all fell apart, and...

Earl got religious, the devil frightened him as much as it did me.

I went into a clinic... for a long time.

Yeah... that was a long, long time.

Hi, yeah, I'm... I was just checking if you'd found time for that interview.

Yeah, with, um, Tony King from Caliban's Claw?

Come in, grab a pew.

That's Michelle. She does my PR.

Thank you, nanny.

Yeah, OK, I'll look forward to your call.

This is, um...

Lu Shakespeare. Frank Hathaway.

They want to ask some questions.

What an interview? Print? Radio?

Oh, you're not bloggers, are you?

No, we're private investigators.

You're what?

We're looking into the potential attempt on Tony's life.

Oh, what, that satanic tractor business?

Yeah, did you see anything? 'Shell, you got any...

Who are these guys?


What, cops? No, not cops.

This is Cliff.

He's the best drummer of his generation and he's my techie.

He helped me set up the studio, here.

Uh, and were you in the studio yesterday, when the accident happened?

It's not them!

It's the devil.

Yeah, we're just trying to find out who saw what, you know?

I was doing bikram yoga in the bathroom.

I was rehearing. Don't hassle the talent!

You're looking for the Dark Lord himself. So... go and look.

OK. Well, I'll start by putting some cameras up.

Yes, and I'll... sprinkle some holy water or something.

Don't know, sorry, no...


Look what I found.

On the lane to the orchard.

Might be the devil's!


'Cos why else would you find a scrap of old fur in the countryside?

It's a bit woolly, isn't it, Frank? Ooh.

Did you like that? "Woolly".

Excuse me, hello.

Can I help you? Hi, you must be Grace.

Um, you saved your dad didn't you, from an accident yesterday?


You're the detectives.

I thought I talked him out of that.

Well, he's taking it seriously, even if nobody else is.

Yeah, he says you were first on the scene.

He says lots of things.

Sees lots of things too.

Like the devil?

He's hallucinating.

And now he's wasting money on you guys.

Ha, brilliant!

See? It's not just me that thinks all this devil stuff is a shaggy old dog's tale.

Or shaggy goat tale.

Tony, the press aren't interested unless it's the band.

It's your job to make 'em interested!

You should talk to Earl.

Oh, he knows where to find me!

So Earl's still around then?

Yeah, only now he wears a clerical collar instead of a leather studded one.

Hymns instead of headbanging.

Well, I mean if anyone's gonna know about the devil it's the vicar, isn't it? I'll pay him a visit. You can tidy up.

What? I...



I've put four or five cameras up around the place.

So if you are visited again, hopefully we'll get it on tape.

Oh, and I, uh...

I found this on the lane.

Listen, apart from you, Earl and Ricky... was your old roadie the only other person that knew about the contract?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

"Bushy" we called him, you know.

Cos he was always bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

He did this ritual with us, you know?

Lots of spells and stuff like that and then at the end we all signed it.

He told us it'd make us bigger than Zeppelin and all we had to do was just to promise our souls when we was done with them.

Do you know where he is now?

Oh, I dunno. I mean...

After I come out of rehab I just couldn't afford to have "friends" like that hanging around.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, nobody really needed him.

Ah, don't worry about her, mate.

She's always in a mood.

No love lost there then, eh?

I reckon she wishes she'd never stopped that tractor.

Kids, eh?

Hi. Hi.

Anything? Sort of.

Just as I was coming up to Earl's church guess who I saw coming out?

Who? Grace with Gloria!

Our Gloria? Yeah.

I lost Earl and I lost Gloria, but I followed Grace.

She visited a couple of pubs, I think just for business.

Then she went into a solicitors. Which one?

Philemon and Marshal.

Uh, then she picked up some shopping and came home.

Do you seriously enjoy that racket?

I'm telling you, that kid is really talented.

I don't think that was a rehearsal.

I just started work on some lyrics... and then I looked up...

...and it was a demon and he threw the fork straight at me!

If I hadn't have looked up when I did, I'd have been kebabbed, man!

I told ya!

It's the demon, and the Dark Lord has come for me!

We need to check the cameras.

Black and white... and...

That's all? It's two of them.

How many face paints do you want?

It's a children's party. They're going to want pirates and princesses not a sad little panda over and over again.

Well, you could always do a badger, of course.

Oh... Oh, hiya.

Hello. Please tell me you have a spare palette hanging around. Something pink... Oh...


Could you just give us some time alone?

Mm, well, I admire your flair for the dramatic.

Very well. Toodle pip. Thanks, bye.


Mm... It's nice.

How do you know Grace Regan?

Mm-hm. She said her dad had hired someone.


We know about you and Grace going to see Earl... Earl Albany.

It's a local church.

Lots of people visit.

Someone might be trying to kill Tony King.

I don't like being snooped on.

Oh, look, Gloria I'm here as your friend.

And the police are already involved.

We can protect you, we will.

"Friend"? This is detective work, you're looking for dirt.

Well, I won't give you anything on Grace.

I said I'd keep things secret and I keep my word.

But Earl and Tony...

Do you know who Ricky Cornwall was?

Yeah, but he was their drummer, wasn't he? Died in an accident.

He was my fiancé.

Proposed to me that night, in fact.

I was on that bus.

Earl and Tony were arguing about who really led the band and it was getting out of hand... and Ricky got up to intervene...

He went straight through the window.

Died instantly.

I remember them both... in the headlights...

Over the wheeling, I could hear them arguing, who was more to blame.

No thought for their friend... and no thought for what I'd lost.

I suppose they were lucky no one else was killed in the crash.

I am so sorry, Gloria. I had no idea.

It's a life-time ago.

I'm... glad now I don't seem to remember much of it at all.

Do you remember anything about a contract that Ricky signed?

Something to do with a deal with the devil.

That was just some kind of mumbo jumbo that their dealer cooked up.

Ricky died in a crash... and Bushy died from an overdose.

It's life, not black magic.

Bushy died? Mm.

Yeah, passed on long after.

Are you sure?

Yes, he used to import stuff for me when I was younger.


Did you know that Tony is trying to get another record deal?

Yeah, I heard.

It was the only thing he was really any good at.

He's got the ego for it, for sure.

Always thought the great tragedy of the band that they wouldn't have got anywhere if it wasn't for him... and that they could have been so successful if it wasn't for him.


Urgh! Soft light!

What's all this, then?

Arranged a little intimate gig.

Show off the new material, get the fan base excited again.

I thought you were struggling to get interest.

Word-of-mouth campaign. Just takes a little bit of time.

You know, Caliban's Claw, they don't just have fans, you know.

They're like disciples.

Hey, I've told you, it is not the Claw, it's Tony King!

Why don't you just speak to Earl?

I'm sure if you do that then... I spoke to him.

He came round last night.

And what did he say? Uh... some stuff about the old days about jamming together.

You don't need him, man. He walked away.

You're all messing with my headspace now.

Go on, clear off!

All of ya, go on!

Lu, what have you got?


Anyone there?

Yeah, but it's all doom and gloom and misery. Who wants to listen to that?

It's energising, life affirming.

Heavy metal is not scary. The devil!

The devil!

He just came running out, frightened for his life.

Didn't see the bus.

Frightened of what?

He screamed, "The devil".

What? Dying words.

More likely he said, "What the devil are you two gawking at?"

No. I know what I heard.

Alright, did you see anyone? Anything?

No but... The church is empty.

It'd be really helpful if you two stopped going on about dark lords.

You know how this is gonna look in the report?

A man has died! Yeah, by a freakish... and admittedly messy accident.

There's no signs of foul play.

Act of God, more like.

Not Earl, man, no.

Not him now, as well.

I'm sorry.

Well, there you have it, eh?

The diabolical bargain. And I am the last one standing.

Merciful fate.

He wanted to bury the hatchet, you know.

I know, man. He was trying to hitch his wagon, dude.

I should have asked him to stay.

Were there any press there, at the church?

Not that I saw, no.

Have you been here all the time?

Um... Michelle Oswald.

I don't know if you've heard the tragic, tragic news.


Earl Albany. What about you?

Why don't you go and check your spy cameras, Narc.

I was just doing that, and funnily enough, some of them are pointing the wrong way now.

Don't look at me. He was my friend, you know?


See what all your agro's doing to him?

You're bringing him down.

We need to find a fresh angle on those two.

I hope you've got something contemporary in there.

Just set everything up near the wall over there, right? Thanks.

Hello? I am Yorick.

Yorick Anuheim. I am from Hot Steel magazine.

Hot Steel? - Ja. I have flown from Kronborg this morning to make the profile of Tony King and Caliban's Claw.

I'm Michelle Oswald. I represent Tony.


I have heard much of tragedy and even this morning, Earl is crushed by the bus.

This is der curse of der band, ja?


You know, it's terribly upsetting.

Look, why don't... why don't you come in. Maybe you could do a... do an interview or something with Tony. - Ja.

Thought you should know... the detectives your dad hired... know me.

They've been here.

What did you say?

Oh, don't worry. She kept your secret.

Haven't you bothered me enough?

Earl's dead.

Dear God!

Oh, no. How?

Oh, well, something frightened him so much that he ran out in front of a bus.


We need to know what's gone on between you all.

You think we had something to do with his death?

I've known Earl for years. All the band.

We were all friends once, I would never...

We think she's trying to take the farm off her dad.

Who told you?

I saw you going into the solicitors.

Philemon and Marshal.

And they specialise in property law, so...

It's got nothing to do with Earl's death.

Convince us.

Gloria, like she says... she's known them for years.

She knew my mum and...

she's been like an aunt.

What happened with your mum?


She traded Dad in for another rocker in LA.

I wanted to finish school here.

She never seemed that bothered about me following her out there so I never did. Her loss.

And then the farm became my priority.

Trying to expand the business and actually build something with it.

You know, Dad's been dragging it down for years.

He spent the last of his money on those new studios of his.

We've barely been keeping afloat.

You wanted to take ownership behind your dad's back.

He thinks this comeback will bring in the money he needs but it won't.

Especially if he won't use the band's name.

I need a long-term fix.

I need my dad to leave the business to me.

We asked Earl... to talk to Tony, but when he got there, Tony was freaked out by a pitch fork.

Sent him away.

Earl said... he'd try again, but...

Him dying kinda squashed that idea.

I thought this devil stuff was all in his head.

He's been blaming everything on this curse for ages.

Do you think my dad really is in danger?

Do you believe that the band is cursed?

Ricky Cornwall. Now Earl Albany. How do you explain these terrible tragedies?

Oh, my God.

Sorry, did we...

Sorry. Tony...

Darling, you really have to do something about these two.

What's the problem?

Well, all they do is mess with you.

They are the ones ruining your comeback.

And they haven't even found anything out.

What is the problem?

Who are these two people?

Look, I understand you wanting to be tourists to see into the world of a creative genius and rock superstar but... It's not like that.

You're wearing a T-shirt with his face on it!

That's true.

She's got a point there.

You two turned anything up yet?

No... Grace wants to take over the farm.


Ungrateful... We're going to lose the farm!

Our home! Sneaky and underhand...

You don't listen to anyone, Dad. You wouldn't listen to Earl...

What? You went to see him?

Is that why he came to see me?

He was your friend.

You're just like your mother.

Get out.


Well, we don't know she wasn't behind all the accidents.

Mind you... with her off the grounds, it might make our job easier.

So, Michelle really is making the most of...

You can stop with the funny voice thing now.

Yeah, but it is good.

Thank you. She's really making the most of the feud, the curse, Earl's death.

She won't shut up about it, and it's brought in a lot of attention.

What about Cliff?

Bit of a fairy-tale. He's obsessed with music and says he's been hanging out with bands since he was a baby.

Tony gets him in to fix some electronics at his old studio, and before you know it... he's hired him as a drummer and had him modernise the entire studio space.

One might almost say he, "lay his goatish disposition to the charge of a star".


Um, what about the cameras?

Cliff did pay a lot of attention to where I put the cameras when I put them up and then somebody moved them.

Yes, I might have an answer on all that.

Oh! Hi.

Do you mind?

See you found a blind spot.

You two old pervs wanted a movie, did ya?

I'm not old!

Wouldn't have pegged you as a couple.

Well, I've gotta get some perks out of this retched job.

Nothing wrong with a bit of experience.

Doesn't make us murdering devils though, does it?


There must be someone we haven't considered.

Stop it!

Right, let's go over what we know so far.

If someone really did want to bump Tony off and they weren't the actual, literal devil...

They'd have a flair for the theatrical.

Yes. They'd wanna make a statement and they'd also want Earl dead too.

Well, everyone, everyone on the contract.

There must be something we've missed.

Yeah, I know what you mean, I keep going back to the night of the accident.

It's just... something Gloria said.

Yes, ah!

Ultra-rare, Japanese import of "Die Upon A Kiss".

Oh, this must be worth hundreds to the right record collector.

You know we're supposed to be looking for clues, right?

Who says this isn't one?

Now, the thing about this record if you play it backwards, it's supposed to have a secret satanic message.


That sounds like...

♪ Goat's head! ♪

♪ Demon man! ♪ Sounded like...

♪ Toasted cheese and ham! ♪


Andy, here.

I'm gonna do my solo intro.

My tribute to the fallen...

Ricky, Earl...

That's a great idea. Yeah.

I'm thinking of calling it...

"Instruments to Melancholy Bells"

It's beautiful. Yeah, I dunno. Any hold up, then?

Then you lads come on, alright Tony, and we just take it from there, yeah?

Uh, sorry to interrupt, but there's a lot of traffic out on the lane.

Have you got a permit for any of this?

A permit?

Rock is a force of nature!

It's a beast, you... you don't get a permit for a... volcano!

You don't get a permit for the T-Rex.

You would need a DWI licence for a T-Rex... well, for any dinosaur I think.

Your devil, did he look like that?

That's him! That's... some... w-w-what's that mean, then, man?

Well, who arranged this photograph?

We all did. This was just stuff that was lying around.

What happened to it all?

I don't know. Just... probably still, you know, boxed up in this shed somewhere here, most likely.

Hang on...

Are you telling me that this is not the devil?

Eh? That it's just some man?

If this mask is yours, it's someone close. You could be in trouble.

I thought I was going mad, you know? I mean...

Why would anyone wanna do this?

You need to call the show off.


I'm just getting back in the spotlight.

I can't let everyone down!

You could be in danger.


I hired you to find the devil, you want paying... find him!

Come on.

Spotlight, there's just...

There's something about this... What?

I dunno.

You look for the mask, I'm just gonna do something.

Hurry up, we haven't got much time!

I know who it is!

Ladies and gentlemen, the legend Tony King!

I'm back and I'm glad as hell!

Lu! Round the back!

What's going on?

Look, look, Tony, look!

Tony, look!


Don't! Don't move!

What the devil's going on, man?

He wasn't practising the drums when the tractor went wild or when you got kebabbed.

He put a speaker by the door and was playing old practice tapes.


Doesn't make sense. Cliff, he wants this just as much as I do.


You. Do you remember the accident?

When Gloria was telling me about it she said that she saw you all lit up in the headlights, but that can't be true.

Because all the headlights on the bus were smashed.

And then you said, didn't you, that you heard wailing?

That's right, yeah, yeah! It was horrible wailing.

Right, but you just... you were arguing with Earl and who says "wailing" rather than shouting or crying or...

Babies wail.

You said you'd been hanging out with bands since you were a baby.

No one else was killed in that accident.

And all the newspapers talked about was Ricky's death and the band breaking up.

We've overlooked someone.

There was another car.

Headlights on.

Baby on the backseat.

Yeah, he had his kid with him, didn't he? Bushy.

What was his name?

His real name?


I can't remember.

All he ever did for you.

Driving here and there.

Getting you what you want and you can't even remember his name!

Bushy was your dad, wasn't he?

You didn't want him on that bus cos he was such a joke to you.

You made him drive about on his own going everywhere you went, treating him like dirt.

I thought he liked it, you know.

I thought he was my mate. Oh, yeah. Such a mate... that while you get sent off to rehab my dad's left behind... thinking he's why Ricky died.

Thinking... thinking he conjured the devil... killed the band!

By the time I was six, he was mad. He was off his rocker!

By the time I was ten... he was dead.

Why Earl?

I was gonna leave him alone.

Dad always said he was never as bad as Tony.

No, Tony's the real ego.

The monster.

But then he came to visit, trying to talk his way back in so...

I... I tried to scare him off.

Keep him away.

But you killed him.

I just tried to frighten him.

But Cliff, you wanted this.

Just as much as I did! The comeback, eh?

I mean, you got me to spend all that money in the studio.

I thought about just bashing your head in.

But that wasn't enough.

No, I wanted you to feel fear... and madness... and loss...

I wanted to put you through what you did to my dad.

I loved him, man.

My dad loved you, he trusted you... and you can't even remember his name!

I, uh... thought you might like this.

Stop playing the goat!

If you need any help getting your story across... interview, maybe a book?

You call me.


It's publicity for Tony.

You heard Grace, they need the help.

How very considerate of you.

It's a great story.

Yeah, no, it is actually. Especially that bit where you sleep with a murderer.

Are you hurt?

What did he do to you?

Killed my only friend left in the world.

Showed me what a monster I've been.

I'm sorry I went behind your back, Dad.

If I'd been honest with you, maybe none of this would have happened.

Nah, don't worry about it.

I mean, if you had told me, I'd have just made even more of a mess of it.

You know what I'm like.

You were never a farmer.

Do you still want it?

To run the place properly?

I do.

A family business.

And I think you're wrong, Dad.

I don't think Earl was your only friend in the world.

Hey, what about the comeback?

The best thing about rock and roll was my mates.

So I think I'll start there.

See how I get on, eh?

Right, well I don't know about the rest of you... but I could use a drink.

Well, come on then.

Ah! Oh...


Remember Amsterdam?

I don't think they want to hear about Amsterdam.

Oh, I think we really want to hear about Amsterdam.

It's not funny.

I'd get arrested if I ever went back.

Do you remember that Thin Lizzy song?

"Jail Break". No way, Auntie G!

I deny everything.

You know I'm gonna remember all of this, right?

I don't think you will.


Before I forget.

I want to show my appreciation.

You two... you have done more for me... than I think you realise.

They're just momentos... but I feel like replacing some old memories with some new ones.

Me? Oh!

Thank you, that's...

And for you... Oh...

I bought these forty years ago.

Just before our first gig.

They cost me two quid.

I don't know what to say.