Shoping-tur (2012) Script

Dutyfree Productions presents

Tatyana Kolganova introducing Timofey Yeletsky

a film by Mikhail Brashinsky

SHOPPING TOUR

– Mom, wait!

– Not here! Here, I'm telling you! Push!

C'mon, Mom!

– Yes? Right?

Wow, Mom! Cool!

Let me see. – Here.

Wait!

I am Eminem, I am what I am, I smoke pot and I'm whammed… Shut up! Just smile, will you?

– Very nice! Good boy!

– OK, Mom! Give it back! It's mine!

OK, right, here. You deserve it.

Thanks, Mom! So cool!

I'll be making a movie now!

OK, Tarkovsky!

Shoot the others, not me!

Come on, Mom! I'm the director, and you're my star!

It's a phone, not a camera.

It's for calling, you know...

Dear tourists, we're going to Finland for two days.

Please listen carefully to the information regarding the customs rules and regulations, both Russian and Finnish.

Before the Russian border we'll have one quick stop in Vyborg.

Then we're going to the Russian border, after that we'll stop at the Duty-free, then off to the Finnish border.

Regarding the Russian customs.

10000 US dollars in any currency can be taken along without declaring.

Anything more must be declared.

Now regarding the Finnish customs...

You've already paid here.

Will there be a Change spot along the way?

Sure, there'll be one.

You taking any cigarettes or alcohol? – No.

Here. Rubles OK? – OK, OK, anything's OK.

What's this? Don't photograph me here!

You hear? Stop it! Now!

Sorry. How much did you say?

– 1500 for two.

Don't even think about shooting at the border.

They'll catch you and put you in jail.

And they'll take your phone, too.

Enough already!

Did you pack your swimming suit?

C'mon, Mom! What swimming suit?

Getting smart already? We haven't even left yet.

What swimming suit?

We're going north, no sea there!

First of all, don't be getting smart with me, OK?

You got it?

Second of all, there is a sea there.

What sea?

Same as here, what else!

And thirdly, I don't know... maybe we could swing by an aquapark in Finland...

Really?

So, did you pack it, or not?

I can go in my underwear!

You crazy?

You're too old for that.

Mom, please! You know how long I haven't been to an aqua park.

I don't know. We'll see.

Depending on your behaviour.

You want to play «Cities», then?

What cities, Mom, come on!

I'm not a baby anymore!

You and dad always played «Cities» when you were little, remember?

You layed on the couch together and played.

'Ankara – Addis Ababa.'

Mom, c'mon…

I don't wanna play 'Cities'.

Let's play 'Interview'!

What 'Interview'?

It's like on TV. I ask, you answer.

Then vice versa.

Alright. 'Interview' it is.

I really got myself into trouble with this toy, haven't I?

But honestly! Otherwise, what's the point.

What's your name, please?

C'mon, skip it. Just ask what you want to know.

How old were you when you got pregnant?

What now?

Got pregnant. With me.

What kind of question is that?

Why? It's an honest question.

Well, twenty eight.

Can't you count yourself?

Why so late?

Why not before?

I didn't want to before, I guess.

So, first you didn't want to and then you wanted all of a sudden?

You call this a game?

No, you must answer!

Did you really want this child?

You totally out of your mind?!

Hey, can you be quiet, please?

People are trying to rest here!

Sorry.

You hear?!

Idiot!

Mom! You promised!

Sorry. I didn't mean to...

– For the last time!

I'm hungry. Gimme a hundred rubles.

Please.

– Please.

There's no time. We're about to leave. – I'll be quick! I promise!

I don't want to worry!

I'll be right back!

– Hurry!

Hello! – Hello!

May I have a chewing gum.

Which one?

– Some fruity one.

And a beer.

How old are you?

We almost left you behind, you'd be sorry then!

I told you, I'd be on time.

Where's your food?

– I ate it.

You ate all of it?

I was hoping you'd leave me some...

Ah, sorry, Mom! You want me to...

Get inside! Quick!


Mom, c'mon...

I'm alright.

You said, you wouldn't… I know. It's OK.

You promised.

I know. It's over. Sorry.

Don't cry, please.

I'm alright. I'm not crying anymore.

Everything's fine.

It's OK.

Don't cry.

Are you drunk?

I'm not drunk at all.

Breathe at me!

OK, now. What did you drink?

When? Where?

I didn't drink anything!

What did you drink?!

Really, I didn't drink anything!

What did you drink?!

Mom, really, I didn't.

Don't lie to me! What did you drink?

Get lost! I'm not talking to you!

What did you drink?!

Beer, OK.

Beer.

Where did you get it?

Back in Vyborg.

This is how you went to grab a bite, huh?

Yeah...

Well, you know!

What? What?

So, I have to buy you alcohol now, too?!

Is it about money?

It's all about money?!

Get the hell away from me!

Let's sit tight, wait for our turn.

I remind you that filming at the border is strictly prohibited!

Mom, you have my passport?

Mom! What are you, not talking to me?

OK, fine! I'll go without a passport then and stay behind.

You go alone, right? Great!

What you wanted all along. Alone abroad!

Nobody's bothering you!

No one to take care of, do as you please, anything goes!

Men, bars, discos, all that fun, right?

Gimme my passport.

Please.

I congratulate you with passing the Russian border successfully!

Now we're aproaching the DutyFree shop.

Please do your purchases fast.

We have the Finnish customs ahead of us.

Please remember the regulations on alcohol and tobacco.

Don't let down either yourselves, or me, so we don't have any problems.

Mom, c'mon, enough already!

Next thing I find out you smoke too, huh?!

I don't smoke!

How do I know?

How can I trust you anymore?

Jesus! Fuck!

Don't curse!

Мom, I drank a can of beer!

I'm not a kid anymore!

That's not the point!

What...

What is the point?

The point...

Sorry!

The point is, you lied to me!

You told me you're going to eat, but instead you secretly, behind my back went and did what you did!

Mom, come on, please!

You understand that you're killing me with your lies?

C'mon, Mom, I'm sorry!

It won't happen again!

What won't happen again?

Beer drinking?

Lying.

You promise?

– Yeah.

If you want a beer, or anything, just ask, OK? You understand?

Yeah.

You want a beer? – No.

We're approaching the Finnish border.

You stay on the bus, I go alone.

If I come back and say, «No luggage, » we take passports, money, insurances and go to the passport control.

That means we got lucky.

If I say, «With luggage, » that means we take all our things from the bus and go to the customs check.

All things means everything.

No food, no water, nothing stays on the bus.

Please remember this!

For now, sit tight, don't worry, everything will be fine.

Haven't you been told not to film here?

Put it away!

I will, Mom, come on! It's too early.

Why did she say, «Don't worry?» What's she talking about?

Have you ever been frisked?

No. You know, I haven't.

Well, that's it. It's never pleasant.

Even if you haven't done anything.

Especially if you haven't done anything.

But I don't think the Finns will check us.

They hardly ever do it.

They are normal people. Polite, cultured.

Europe. Not like us.

Dear tourists, take your stuff and exit, please.

One by one. Nothing stays on the bus.

We're going to the passport control with customs check.

Don't worry, the main thing is to tell the truth.

Hello.

What is it?

How do you mean, what it is?!

He's asking me why I'm bringing juice to Finland!

How'd you like it?

– This is no juice.

– Free country, huh?!

This is no juice.

Cigarettes.

– Yes, cigarettes, so what?!

Quiet, calm down.

Do you know the rules?

Yes, she knows the rules.

– I don't know anything!

I don't know anything!

– Calm down!

There'll be a fine, the tax. Visa kaput, one year.

How long?! – One year. Just one year.

What?!

You must go with him.

I'm not going anywhere!

Are you sick? What are you doing?

Sorry. Just a second. Now, come on, get up!

Shush!

– What are you trying to do here?

Get up! – Scram!

Have you gone totally crazy? Idiot!

– Idiot yourself!

Well. I warned you.

People are so strange sometimes...

OK, let's count who's left here.

Mom, what's gonna happen to her?

Nothing. They'll send her back.

Free of charge, by the way.

So humane, those Finns.

I would've charged her, at least.

...And turn the clock back.

It's one hour earlier in Finland.

We'll have a brief stop at the «Puck» center, you can use the toilet, have a snack and be back in fifteen minutes.

Don't be late, please.

What the fuck is wrong with bringing some smokes?

Mind your own business and don't mess with mine.

No, Finns are alright.

Our guys would've beaten the shit out of her, and then some.

These guys

– no, they're cool, they sniff around, but they don't bite...

Here you are! And I'm looking for you.

Go to the bus, go on!

Attention, dear passengers.

Our program has slightly changed.

What happened?

Don't worry, for the better, you'll like it.

We'll stop now for an hour, an hour and a half, rest a little, sleep a bit, and then we're going to a big new store, it's opened just recently, and tonight they will open it just for us.

Tax-free, full house, everything, just the way you like it.

So our shopping tour becomes stronger by an extra stop.

Happy?

Great!

Thank you, thank you, I knew it.

Mom, she said, «shopping tour»...

– So?

Мom.

What?

– What shopping tour, Mom?

It's a shopping tour, so what?

What's wrong with shopping, I don't get it.

You mean, they're gonna take us around to different stores?

So? What's wrong with that?

– You didn't mention any shopping tour!

What's the difference?

Shopping, no shopping. It's still Finland, no?

Mom, are you dumb or what?!

Why didn't you tell me?!

Stop screaming at me!

Have you lost your mind? I'm sick and tired of it!

I thought, you wanted to make me a present, and you!

What?

You did it all for yourself!

You just wanted to go shopping, and were afraid to admit it!

Are you crazy?

What? No? Say it! Am I wrong?!

Stop yelling at me!

Listen, I just went to a travel agency.

They told me about this trip, that it's good value.

So I bought it and off we went.

What's wrong with that?

That you're thinking only about yourself, that's what! Yourself only!

And not just that!

You're also too scared to admit it, so you pretend it's all for me... about me!

Why are you screaming at me?!

What right do you have to scream at me?!

What have I done to you?

What have you done?!

You're like a vampire – sucking, sucking!

You've sucked all my blood out of me!

This past month, especially!

How dare you?!

Yeah, sure! I'm supposed to be ashamed!

You see, even now you're putting the blame on me!

But this is not about me, it's about you! If Dad was alive, he'd never...


OK, good morning, time to wake up.

We've rested a bit, everybody's happy, cheery, we're going shopping!

Let's all do what we have to do, and off we go, no further delays.


So, my dears, they are waiting for us, as I promised.

Let's go in an orderly fashion, you can leave your things on the bus, nothing will happen to them.

We'll park at a distance, as we've been asked to, not to draw any attention to us at this time of night.

So. Let's set the time. Is one hour enough?

No! – Yes! – Of course!

OK, let's say, an hour and a half.

This should be plenty, my dears, don't you worry!

With no other customers there, it's all yours, take all you want.

So, don't make me run around, looking for you.

Meet you at the bus at 5 o'clock.

Yeah! Sure!


The boy keeps on filming.

Yes, very good quality.

Stocking up for winter.

Sorry.

Damn! Watch it!

Watch it!

Sorry! Excuse me, please!


What the hell!

Mom! Mom, didn't you hear me?

I don't want to have anything to do with you.

After all you've said to me back there.

Mom, later about that!

Something's wrong with this supermarket!

Leave me alone.

If I'd known what kind of person you are I'd never go anywhere with you!

What kind of person am I?

You're a mean, heartless person...

And put away this stupid telephone!

I'm not mean at all!

You don't love me at all.

I don't want to talk to you!

Mom, I'm serious!

This woman, the blonde one, she locked the door. We can't leave now.

Think up something more interesting.

You gonna tail me like this now?

You're not a dog! Stay!

Mom!

What now?

Come here! Quick!

Why? – Come, I'm telling you!

I'm not going anywhere.

C'mon, hurry! – What do you want from me? What?

Look!

What's that?

Blood!

So what? Must be the butcher, the meat must have dripped.

What butcher, Mom! They don't sell food here!

What are you saying?

– I mean it, Mom, she locked the door.

Let's go see!

– You crazy? We can't go in there!

Why not?

– It's a service area. No customers allowed!

Then I'll go alone!

– Right! You're not going anywhere! No!


Sir? Excuse me...

Mom, try him, is he alive?

– No. I'm too scared.

Would you stop shooting? At least, now!

No, Mom! Now particularly

– no! If I don't film it, no one will know!

OK. Fine. We need to tell somebody!

Where is the staff?

They'd call an ambulance, maybe there's a chance...

– No fucking chance!

Don't swear!

– I'm not.

OK. We need to tell the staff.

First we have to see how he died.

Are you out of your mind? I forbid you!

He was killed, Mom. It's obvious.

– By whom? – I don't know.

Neither do I! Maybe he just slipped and fell and hit his head.

Uh, right. And who dragged him here?

We must tell the staff.

– Mom, we need to see how he died.

How will you see?

– We have to look.

Who is gonna look? You? I know, I won't!

OK, hold it.

I must've pushed the wrong button, I don't get it… – OK, Mom, enough.

Just be carefull, sweetie, OK?

What?

Nothing.

You sure, he is not sleeping?

I'm sure, I'm sure… Maybe he had a heart attack.

Where did the blood come from, then?

How do I know!

OK, let's say, he fell, hit his head, and the Finns pulled him over here.

To protect their reputation, their image, you know.

And after we leave, they will...

How will we leave without him?

He's one of ours. She counts everybody.

Alright. We need to find her.

Let her sort this out. She's the boss.

After all, she gets paid for this. Let's go!

For this?

Very funny!

Mom, come on!

...And in an hour we'll take off for Helsinki. No delays.

Yes. Yes. Take care.

What's wrong?

Sorry. A passenger is sick over there.

How do you mean, sick?

Let's go, I'll show you. Come on.

Stas! Hurry up!

Fuck, there's no blood anymore!

Mom, wait, there was blood over here!

My God, I don't understand.

There was a man here. Stas, tell her.

Yes. He was dead.

Dead? – Yeah.

Who?

– I don't know. One of our passengers.

We checked. He wasn't breathing.

So, where did he go?

I don't know...

You know what!… We're leaving soon, you should be buying stuff instead of wasting my time!

Better cut down on your drinking.

Wait!

Did you see that?

What was it?

Mom, don't!

Run!

Mom! Here!

We can't stay here Mom. We need to leave.

Leave where?

– I dunno.

The doors're locked, you said it yourself.

Our drivers are here...

I dunno. There must be some other exit here.

Loading, service area, something...

Right... Just give me a sec... – We have to leave!

Just a sec, sweetie, just a sec!

Mom, wait. I'll be right back!

We need some weapon!

I'll get a knife! I'll be quick!

– No, Stas, no!


Mom! Help me!

Run! We can't stay here!

Fuck!

Don't swear! Here!

Here!

Hold it, Mom!

What's going on there?

Wait…

The Finns... they're beating our guys...

What? – It's like everybody gone mad over there.

They're killing and biting...

Biting? – You think I'm lying to you?

What's this?

– I dunno... I grabbed it on the run.

Where's the knife?

– I dunno, Mom.

You went for a knife. – I dunno. There was a knife...

Quiet, Mom! Come on!

So, what are we gonna do now?

How do I know!

Getting smart again? – Why do you ask, then?

I'm not talking to you at all, remember?

Mom, are you really out of your mind, or what?

Do you understand what's going on here?

Don't yell at me.

What do you mean, don't yell?

Do you understand, what's going on, or not?

They are going to kill us, Mom!

Everybody's already dead there, and she's making scenes to me here!

Don't yell at me.

Stop saying it like a parrot! Think, Mom!

If we start fighting now...

Don't yell at me.

Wait a minute!

What about the phone? We can make a call, right?!

Call whom?

I dunno… Police?

You know the number?

Shit!

What can we do?

Wait. I can call Katie, and she can look up the local police number on the net.

Well, try it.

Hello?

Hello, Кatie, can you hear me?

Who's this?

Katie, it's Stas Polansky. Can you hear me?

Stas, is it you? What time is it?

Katie, it's early.

Five thirty. You crazy calling me at this hour?

Sorry, Katie! – What's this number?

I got a new phone. Doesn't matter. My Mom gave it to me.

“Doesn't matter!” Want to give it back?

– Quiet, Mom!

Listen, Katie... I'm sorry...

Why are you calling me?

First you disappear for a month, then you call out of nowhere...

Katie, later with this… I got a real problem! Please!

What kinda problem? Where are you, Stas?

Finland.

Finland? Why?

Yes, Katie. Listen! Don't interrupt me, please!

Just listen and do what I ask you!

What's wrong? I'm still sleeping...

– Katie, please!

OK, OK.

Though it's kinda weird.

First you disappear, then you got a problem, all of a sudden...

My dad died, Katie.

What?!

Yeah, almost a month ago. Right after the exams… Wow! He was… Stas, sweetie!…

– It's ok, Katie. Thank you. Later, please… Stas, poor thing! It's so unfair!

Later, Katie, please! Can you get online and look up the phone of the local police?

Well, I dunno... I'm still kinda sleeping, really… What police? Where?

Just a moment. Mom, where are we?

How do I know?!

Somewhere between the border and Helsinki.

Shit! Katie, I'll call you back… Shit, shit, shit!

Shit! Even if she found a number, what would we tell them?


Mom! Help me!

What are they saying? – I don't know!

What should we do? – I don't know, Stas! I'm scared!

You think, they know we're here?

– I don't know!


Gone?

– I think so.

What are we gonna do?

I don't know.

Should we sit it out in here, maybe?

They must eventually go away somewhere, to lunch, I don't know...

We are their lunch, Mom! Don't you get it?

Who are they, Jesus?!

What's the difference? They're Finns, that's all...

No, staying sucks. I'll go mad in here.

We need to get out.

Get your things.

What the hell are you doing?!

Wait.


Clear, I guess...

Ready? Go!

Stas, get back!

Get back! Run!

Enough! Stas! Enough! Drop it! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Let's run! It's enough!

Mom! Mom!

Mom! Mom!

Mom, shit!

Calm down! Quiet! You calm?

OK, get up! Let's go!

Stas!

What?

What's going on, huh?

I dunno, Mom.

No, really. What are they – vampires?

Vampires don't exist, Mom.

And vampires don't eat flesh.

That means they're cannibals.

Savages, you know. Who eat people.

I know who cannibals are.

Cannibals exist.

Where can cannibals come from in Finland?

Cannibals live in the jungle, in the Amazon rainforrests.

Where there's no civics, you know.

Civilization, you mean.

Civilization, OK.

Though I meant to say 'civics'.

Anyway, where there is Christianity there can be no cannibalism, you understand?

Yeah, I understand.

Do you know that according to a UNESCO survey Finland is the best country in the world?

Standards of living, you know, education, all that.

What cannibals here?

Wow! Shit!

Mom!

Mom, why do peas make people fart?

Let's keep quiet for a moment, OK?

What would you do if they ate me?

Would you get remarried?

No.

I don't know.

I really don't get it, how can people get married again, if their husband or wife died...

What do you know about relationships?

You think, you know everything about everything, right?

You think, you know what I feel?

Sure, you're so smart, you can see right through me, huh?!

You don't know anything, OK? Nothing!

To know something one must live a life, get it?

And you? How can you know anyting?

You haven't experienced anything in your life yet!

Nothing!

How can you know anything?!


Thank God! Normal people, I think...

Hello! How can I help you?

Sorry, do you speak English?

Yes. How could I help you?

Thank God!

We need police. Can you call the police?

What happened?

Our car broke down on the road.

We are going to Helsinki. Our things...

I don't want to leave them there.

Are you alright?

Yes! Yes! It's just the car.

Can you call the police?

Yes, sure. Just a moment.

Thank you.

Hello, police?

This is Merja Haikkonen from the gas station, the one on the highway.

My sausage got burnt yesterday at the feast, so I had to borrow some from the neighbors, and then my brother got so drunk he puked all over the car, and then the bed, we had to carry him outside to sleep along with his bed... >sheets, it reeked so badly inside Yes? Good.

Very well. I'll be here. Byebye.

They said they can leave in 10 minutes, so they'll be here in 15.

Thank you! Thank you so much!

We'll wait. – OK.

Oh, I guess, we'll look around meanwhile, OK?

Yes, take your time.

OK.

This too? Won't your insides stick together with sugar?

– No.

Can you help me?

Of course.

Where are we?

Can you show me?

We are… here.

No, no… here.

No, no. Wait a minute. I will show for you.

This?

Mom!

Mom! Wait, Mom!

Stas!

She bit me!

– What?

– She bit me!

Let me see, Mom.

Does it hurt?

I don't know. I don't feel anything.

What if they are vampires?

What if she infected me?!

I don't think so, Mom. It's all fairy tales...

Look, Mom. – What?

I grabbed her phone back there.

What for?

I dunno...

She didn't call any police, Mom!

Last time she called was yesterday. Some Kari!

Bitch!

How are you, Mom?

– I'm OK. Come on.

Police! Hurry up!

Hello!

Excuse me. We were attacked.

They wanted to kill us!

Freeze! You're under arrest!

What are you doing?!

You don't understand! We're tourists, from Russia!

Maybe we can? Just a little bit...

No, what did I tell you? We have to wait for Tuivisto.

Too many people saw them.

And after all, it's better to share with one captain than with the bunch of deadbeats who are only good for picking their noses.

You're right, Lamminen!

Why go for water across the river.

My Laura must be right when she says you're smarter than me!

What were they saying, Mom?

I don't know.

I don't feel so good.

I'll lie down here for a little bit, OK?

Mom? Mom, what's wrong?! Wake up! Mom!

Fuck! What should I do?! Mom!

Mom! Come back! Mom! Wake up, please!

Help! Help, please! Somebody's sick here! Help!

Assholes! Bastards! I'll kill you all! Let us out!

Open up! Somebody's sick here! Let us out!

Stas! Stas!

Mom? You alive?

You OK?

Аre you?

I'm fine.

What're you doing?

Nothing.

Why are you standing over there?

No reason.

I'm scared.

Mom, come on!

Don't come any closer!

Why?

What if I want to bite you?

Mom, you crazy?

There are no vampires, Mom!

You were just bitten by a crazy woman.

How do you know that?

Mom, you're kidding, right?

Hey! Hey, people!

Hello?

Where are you from?

Russia.

I'm from Pakistan...

My name is Ahmet.

Did you get caught?

Yes. I mean, no.

We came here ourselves.

We thought they would help us...

No, they will not help you...

What's going on?

Do you not know?

...And burn fires all through the night and run around naked.

Did you not see?

It's called Juhannus, St.John's night, Midsummer, you know.

And the next day, that is, today, Finns have to eat aliens, foreigners, you know.

Each at least one, if possible.

What?! Why?

It is a tradition. Very, very old.

I live here for 23 years already, you know.

My wife is Finnish.

She protected me, all those years.

We agreed with her, that she will not eat me.

Otherwise, what kind of husband would I be for her?

But this year, she died.

And they arrested me yesterday, right away.

Now it is all finished for us...

Hey! Are you there?

Why didn't they eat you right away?

They are waiting for their boss.

Afraid to start without him.

They want to make present for him.

And he is sleeping after the holiday.

They have very particular office relations here in Finland.

Everybody licks ass of their boss.

Jesus! What should we do?

What should we do?

Nothing. Nothing can be done.

Only if we wait until dark.

After sunset the feast will be totally over and they will become normal people again.

Mostly they are vegetarians, by the way...

There is one more way out, of course.

But not for us.

It's like this if you eat a Finn first, they will not be able to touch you.

It is a law.

But then you will become like them.

But it is not important for us anymore...

If you're watching this, we are most probably dead.

Mom, will you calm down, or what?

Quit pacing like a caged animal!

Sit! Calm down!

I'm not afraid of you, OK?

If you're watching this video, we are most probably dead.

I would like to say hello to Katie, to Lena, to Andrey and to Porcupine, and to everyone in my class.

Porky, I'm sorry I called you that, I didn't really mean it.

I would also like to say hello to all our teachers, especially English and math,

for...

For just for treating us right, I guess...

Andrey!

You're an asshole, that's who you are...

I've never told you that, but you're my best friend.

Sorry, if I...

I really love you and will never forget you.

Katie,

I like you...

Liked, I mean.

That's it.

Mom, you wanna say something?

Say it, if you want to.

Stas! My baby! Listen to me! – Mommie, don't!

I will always be with you! You hear?

– Don't, Mommie, please!

Mommie, don't! Do something!

And you will always be with me! We will always be together! Whatever happens!

Please, Mommie! Do something!


Where are you taking us?

Give it to me!

You don't need it anymore!

Hey, look! The camera is working!

We can put it out on the net!

Yeah, we can do a reality show!

Yeah! 'Cops: A Dangerous Business'!

'Cops: A Holiday Business'!

Captain Tuivisto!

Great timing!

I wonder where is Timmonen?

Usually he comes out to greet us...

Happy holiday!

Happy holiday!


Asshole! He should have started the sauna first!

How could he have started it, if he hanged himself in it?

What kind of holiday is it without a sauna?

The statistics is well known that every year more and more Finns commit suicide on Midsummer night.

I am here to certify that for our country this is a rather positive factor.

These people kill themselves out of sheer happiness.

Their joy is so great that it is unbearable.

Just listen to what Timmonen writes in his suicide note.

'This holiday is the brightest, happiest thing that I had in all my life.

I can't live, knowing that I will never be so happy again.

The table is ready. Enjoy the rest of the holiday.

Timmonen.'

This very man could have been run over by a car tomorrow.

Or drown in a lake.

Most certainly every third, well, let's face it, every second of the Midsummer suicides would have died of alcoholism.

And all of them would have died unhappy.

You will say, there is only 5 million of you, you cannot afford suicide!

And I will reply to that:

A hedgehog cannot be whittled, as we say here!

You can't teach an old dog how to sit.

We are a small nation.

But we want to die happy!

As they say, better a bright and happy death than a grim and dark life!

Super, boss! Great speech!

Good job, Lamminen!

I think, you and Malmsten deserve to join us at the holiday table!

What do you think, gentlemen?

With good guests the hosts will eat well too, no?

Sure! We don't mind a good meal either!

A good cop is a welcome guest at any table!

Ahh, tasty Russians!

Well, then, shall we?

Nature is calling! Personally, I'm starving!

A shot for the human rights' sake…

Salt, Mom!

Stas, run!

Run!

Mom, hurry up!

Hello.

Stas, is this you?

Yeah.

Why don't you call me back, like you promised?

Not now, Katie...

I wake up and you haven't called. What's up?

Katie, I love you!

Over there!

What if they're there also...

You see the parking is empty!

That means it's closed.

They're all in the woods, celebrating.

It's safer here.


What a great idea to take us shopping when all the shops are closed.

Jesus, why is it always like that in our Shitland? Through the ass!

What's wrong, Mom? Come on.

We'll find a hiding place.

The guy said, it's only till sunset.

Let's go.

Sit down, Mom. We've got another five hours to kill.

So, you're not afraid to bite me anymore?

I don't feel like it.

Show me your neck.

It's not very deep.

We'll have to do a blood test back at home.

Just in case.

Will do.

Do you mind?

I feel like I'm forgetting him already. You know?

How he looked, how he laughed.

I just remember his voice so clear. And the smell.

And how he sneezed. So loud and scary!

Your dad was handsome.

Before you were born, especially.

Later he grew a belly, you know, a bald spot...

But in the beginning he was so thin,

so serious.

And his eyebrows, they were so black, so straight, like painted almost.

Do I look like him? Just a little bit?

You look like your mother.

Boys always look like their mothers.

Mom! Wake up! Hurry! – What?

Are you Finns or strangers?

What is she saying?

I don't speak Finnish, remember?!

Getting smart again?!

Do you speak English?

Don't be afraid.

What, my sweetie?


Written & directed by MIKHAIL BRASHINSKY Producer GENNADY MIRGORODSKY Producer MIKHAIL BRASHINSKY

Line Producer ALEXEY LVOVICH Director of Photography ALEXANDER SIMONOV Costume Designer MARK LEE Make-Up TAMARA FRID NATALYA GAPONOVA Sound ANTONINA BALASHOVA Editing MIKHAIL BRASHINSKY, OLEG MALYGIN with collaboration by IVAN LEBEDEV a DUTYFREE PRODUCTIONS presentation a film by MIKHAIL BRASHINSKY SHOPPING TOUR TATYANA KOLGANOVA TIMOFEY YELETSKY TATYANA RYABOKON YELENA BELSKAYA SATU PAAVOLA NANNA MÄKINEN VLADIMIR NEKRASSOV VELI PEKKA TEPONOJA JUHANI VAINIO

CoProducers ZAUR BOLOTAYEV PYOTR GUDKOV