This is the story... of how I almost lived my entire adult life... in a functional coma... instead of becoming the writer I always dreamed I'd be... like Sylvia Plath, only happy.
To be a writer was my childhood dream... but like my childhood, the dream was sweet... but mostly it was short.
My parents died in a car accident... leaving my sister and me orphans.
My sister acted like a brat at the funeral... setting a life-long pattern... of always doing and saying whatever she felt.
As for me, the next twelve years were very lonely... until...
With this ring, I thee wed.
His name was Harry Turner, and we were in love.
I thought everything was going to be perfect... and it might have been, except for one thing...
Harry was already married to someone else... his family.
Harry joined their medical practice... and although I had his hand in holy matrimony... they had his shingle.
Harry became a brilliant gastroenterologist... who really knew his way around an intestine.
See this part here?
To people on the outside...
I'm sure it looked like we had a happy life together... and for a while, I thought we did, too.
I mean, things weren't exactly... the way I would have liked them... but I learned to make compromises... which is how we achieved a balance in our marriage.
The problem is... somewhere during eight years of balancing...
I stopped thinking of myself as me.
All I was was Harry's wife.
Hi. How are you?
We were one of those couples who did everything together... except communicate.
Good night, dear.
You didn't want to make love, did you?
No, no. That's all right.
Sex wasn't everything, but it was... one of the few things we did without Harry's family.
So when that began to fade, I should have said something... but I didn't know how.
Harry, I thought I'd make... a nice, big pot roast for your family tonight... or turkey.
What do you think?
Harry, can you hear me?
Come on in, Iris.
Your front door was open.
You want some coffee?
I'll need some milk with that.
"We love you loads, Uncle Charles."
The kids made it themselves.
How can they love him loads?
He left for Costa Rica before they were born.
I think they're just proud to have an uncle... that helps so many people.
All doctors help people.
Charles travels all over the world helping people.
I don't think all doctors do that, Harry.
Here you go.
Just like you like it... with one splash.
There's no problem. Low-fat.
Anyway, the kids can't wait to meet him.
I can't, either.
It's so weird having a brother-in-law... that I don't even know.
It's weirder having a brother you don't know.
What's that supposed to mean?
My own brother sends me one letter in fifteen years.
When you're off winning the Nobel Peace Prize... you can't be expected to write a bunch of letters.
Did Charles win a Nobel Peace Prize?
He didn't win. He was just nominated.
Why do you do this?
Do you think he'll like me?
Of course he'll like you. You're Harry's wife.
Here you go. Low-fat.
Too late. Gotta go. Got a C-section at 9:00.
And I've got a polyp at 9:30.
Hiya, doll. How's my sweetheart?
Tired. Haven't seen you in a while, Nick.
You been busy?
Yeah. Busy, busy, busy.
Having lunch with my brother today.
How's the fish fry?
I wouldn't eat it, honey.
I hear the fish fry is no good... but I got a feeling about the meat loaf.
Your landlord called me today.
You haven't paid your rent in four months.
Your landlord says you owe $1,200 back rent.
And I'm going to go over to his office... after this lunch... and pay him part of what I owe him... as a good faith kind of thing.
Good. How much you going to give him?
Where are you going to get the money?
Can you loan me 200 bucks?
No, just until I close this big deal that I'm working on.
All right, Nick, look...
I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I'm going to lend you the whole $1,200.
Oh, no, no. Wilbur, I can't take that much!
Nick, you know I'm up for chief of police.
I know. I can't believe it.
But this kind of thing... could really hurt my chances, Nick.
You know, my brother getting evicted... for not paying his rent.
I'm under a magnifying glass, Nick.
I got to get appointed by the mayor.
You get to meet the mayor?
It's all public. You could blow this for me.
You deserve to be chief of police... and I'm going to do everything I can do to help, and... because we're brothers, and...
I love you.
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you!
Yeah. You wanted to see me, Pat?
Shut the door.
You've been working for me for three months today... and you haven't sold one set of blinds.
Can I sit down here?
Face it, Nick...
You're just not a salesman.
Oh, Pat, don't say that.
You're hurting me.
I gotta let you go.
No, Pat. No. Not yet!
You see, I... I've got an appointment here... and I'm going down now to...
I'm going to the Sheraton.
Yeah. I am going to put an A-1 Acme vertical blind... in every window in every room in that hotel.
But the Sheraton's got drapes.
Hi. What's wrong?
Nothing. I just came by to drop these off.
Because I thought this would be... a real good opportunity for you to think about... going to community college.
What are you, my career counsellor?
No. I'm your sister.
Jeanine, I just think... that you can do better than this.
I like fish.
Of course you like fish, because you don't have to have... a real relationship with a fish.
I think you are very, very unhappy... and I'm glad we're talking about it... because I think you have a lot of feelings bottled up inside.
What are you talking about?
Does Harry go down on you?
I didn't think so.
Please do not talk to me like this.
I bet you've never come even once in your life.
You just... Get back here, young lady.
Listen to me.
This is why you don't have a relationship!
This... that... because you are so forward.
I'm not forward. I'm honest.
Is that what you call it?
Is that why you're single, making minimum wage?
I don't want a relationship. I'm independent.
And as a matter of fact...
I have had quite a few relationships.
No. To qualify as a relationship... it has to last longer than 24 hours!
At least I didn't marry the first guy who felt me up.
He isn't the first guy who... I had some...
Could you grab those, please?
Do you love Harry?
Yes, I love Harry. He is my husband.
Why don't you like him?
I like him.
It's just that his whole family treats me like street scum.
They have never used that exact term.
Ever since you met this guy... your life got wrapped up into this neat little package.
You even stopped writing. You used to love to write.
That was a long time ago.
And I never was a real writer.
You wrote short stories.
Those weren't short stories. Those were novels.
I just never finished them.
You started them a lot, and since you got married... you stopped even starting them.
This is ridiculous.
I know you were a virgin when you got married.
Don't you ever wonder if Harry's doing it right?
Harry is doing it fine!
And even if he weren't, it's none of your business.
You know what you should do? You should have an affair.
Then at least you'd have some frame of reference.
Do you know something?
I have spent most of my life... pretending like you are retarded... just so I can stand being related to you!
You dented your cheese.
Is this checkout line closed?
No. The cashier just went to get my credit card approved.
She's going to let you use a credit card to buy just that?
No. I'm buying one of those fruit baskets over there.
This goes with that.
What do you think?
People really like those kind of things?
I don't know. I suppose so.
Would you like it?
I don't know! Sorry.
You could use your anger in a more productive way.
You could help me write this card.
It might calm you down.
What's the present for?
But I'm having second thoughts about going.
OK. Everything's ready. Your order's in.
Let's see... I got the address.
They're making up your basket in the back... and we'll send it out as soon as it's done.
You done with that card yet?
Not yet. I was just getting some help.
What do you say?
So then you don't really want to go to this party?
No, not really.
I feel obligated, but...
Tell them to start without you.
That way, you know...
You could go late, if you wanted to.
Chardonnay. Bourbon and soda.
Why were you so angry?
I was just upset.
Somebody upset me... my sister.
You shouldn't let her bother you.
She thinks that I need to... improve myself.
You shouldn't pay so much attention to your family.
Anyone can see that you don't need improvement.
You don't know me.
Not that I don't appreciate... that you think that I don't need any.
I like you much better this way.
You're in a good mood now.
I think you put me in a good mood.
How'd I do that?
I don't know.
I guess it's nice to just, you know... be able to just be myself.
Instead of what I'm supposed to be.
You know, good. Oops!
Oh... I'm Sorry.
What does that mean... Good?
Sometimes people just think... that you're always supposed to act one certain way.
And that can just get sort of tiring.
You're being good now?
I don't even know you...
And I never talk to strangers.
Are you always good?
Yeah, pretty much. I try to be.
Did you ever try not to be?
I don't think anybody would recognize me.
I don't think people would really like it if... if I wasn't being... the person that they think I am.
So you're protecting everyone from this other side you have.
Must be a pretty dangerous side.
You been hiding yourself for a long time?
As long as I can remember.
I bet it would be real nice to let the real you out.
I don't even know if I know how to do that.
My, my, my Aunt Jemimah!
This is delightful.
Oh, my god, you are truly gifted!
What is that you're doing?
That's good! That's very good.
This is very pleasurable!
Are you a jogger?
I can't take any more.
God! Whoa, whoa!
Just take me...
This is so...
I can't take it anymore.
Yes, I can. I can.
Just give it to me. OK, just...
Oh, god, rock and roll!
Is this all the mail from yesterday?
Yes. I believe that'll be it.
I'll take care of it.
Hi, Don. How's it going?
Mr. Diamond doesn't want vertical blinds, Nick.
Mr. Diamond hasn't seen my vertical blinds.
And because you and I are old friends from high school...
I thought that I'd give your boss... first peek at the new line... before I brought them across town to the Hyatt.
There's no way, Nick.
There is a way, Donnie.
If I can hang them in one of the rooms... if Mr. Diamond can see what they do for a window... they sell themselves.
They sell themselves.
I think I just made up for the last eight years.
I don't know your name... and you don't know my name, and that's good... because this can never happen again.
I hope it does... but with my husband, not you.
I never had an...
I always knew that I had it in me.
You just made me feel so...
Whatever you did was just so...
We've got to get up.
I have to go.
You going to wake up, sleepy head?
Come on. Get up.
This is my fault. I'm sorry.
I'll get that.
I'm sorry. I'm fine.
I don't believe this happened.
Look, here's your...
Here's your... things.
Thank you very much. I'm sorry.
I can't believe this day!
Got to give it to Donnie.
Wait a minute.
Your... door's open.
I see you put up the sign. Thanks, Harry.
Where have you been?
I've been... I've been with my... my sister.
What were you doing with your sister?
You've got a dinner to cook.
I know that!
I have to take a shower.
Isn't your sister coming to help you?
No. Yes, she's coming.
Of course she's coming. Why wouldn't she come?
I'm a sinner!
I'm a killer sinner.
I'm a sinful killer!
Oh, god! Forgive me, please!
I'd like to make an anonymous report.
Is that OK?
I just thought you should know... that there is a dead man in room 402... at the Summit Bluff Sheraton.
Did you get all that?
Yeah, I got it.
Summit Bluff Sheraton. May I help you?
This is Officer Rodriguez with the Summit Bluff police.
Let me talk to hotel security.
Mr. Diamond, the elegant choice for the Nineties.
Anybody in there?
Don't open the door!
Sorry. I'm just getting undressed.
Hotel security. Everything OK in there?
Yes. Everything's fine.
I'm here alone, and nothing's wrong.
I got a call about some trouble in this room.
I didn't call. Haven't used the phone, so...
There's no trouble here.
Sorry to bother you.
Don't worry about it.
Darn it, bracket!
Oh, my god! I'm sorry!
I didn't know you were asleep.
Oh! Oh, boy!
You've been hurt!
All right. All right. Just relax! Relax.
Oh, my god. Oh, my god!
Oh... oh, My g...
Pulse. Pulse. Come on!
He's definitely dead.
This isn't good.
This definitely isn't good.
What am I going to do?
I'll call the...
No, I guess I'll go to the desk and tell them that...
I can't believe it!
Wait. Donnie won't like this. Donnie won't like this.
I'll call... I'll call...
I don't know who to call.
I remember this day.
I tried so hard not to cry.
I was so proud of our new little Dr. Charles.
Charles Junior was a very fine-looking young man!
I never realized how much he looks like me.
Look at me. Was I ever really that cute?
You must have been. Look at you now.
Why wasn't I in this picture?
I think you were sick. You were always getting sick.
It's not me.
It's never me.
Honey, why don't you tell them about your urethra.
I had to dilate a urethra today...
Here's your radishes.
May I speak to Marjorie Turner, please?
This is she.
Yes. You don't know me, but I have some bad news... about your husband.
Your husband has had an accident.
Hello? Hello? Hello?
Who was that?
Mrs. Turner... your husband's had an accident in his hotel room.
Who is this?
Mrs. Turner, he's had a very severe accident.
You have the wrong number.
No, I don't.
Who was it? A breather?
Mrs. Turner, this isn't a joke.
So please don't hang up on me.
How do you know my name?
And where did you get this phone number?
I found your wallet here in the hallway... and I have it in the hotel.
Thank you so much.
Let me just go check. I'll be right with you.
You are correct.
I think your husband is dead.
Listen to me. I need that wallet.
What about your husband?
Listen to me. Just stay put.
I will meet you there in 20 minutes.
And don't call anyone until I get there.
Who was that?
I have to go out a minute.
Somebody found my wallet.
They're at the grocery store waiting to pick it...
Would you get that, please?
You can't go now!
I have to!
It's got my license in it. It has all my credit cards.
It has everything, and they want me to come.
What about dinner?
I don't cook. I reheat.
Oh, god. All right, I'll start.
You get over here.
This is chicken. Here is the recipe.
We are making veal marsala.
Chicken! Chicken marsala!
Take a piece of chicken like this.
Slice, slice, slice, slice.
This afternoon, I cut out half of a lower intestine.
It seemed like it was a quarter of a mile long!
Where is Charles Junior?
He's late. He said he'd be here at 7:00.
It's only 8:00.
Excuse me for a few minutes.
Where are you going?
Where's she going?
To... out. I'm going to the grocery store.
I left my wallet there... and the people that work there... would very much like me to come and get it.
Can't your sister go and pick it up...
I have to sign for it, of course... to prove that it's mine.
Can't you just wait until my brother gets here?
I would like to make a good impression.
I would like the whole family here to greet him.
Who's going to cook dinner?
Let's go out to eat.
Marjorie! Your sister can't cook.
Yes, she can. I just taught her. It's just chicken, Harry.
If you'd just sign here, please.
I'll bet this is from the polypectomy...
I did this morning.
The young lady seemed very grateful.
Oh, it's lovely.
What does she say?
This is typical. It's from Charles.
Charles sent fruit. Isn't that sweet?
It's an hour late. This isn't fruit.
This is a total lack of consideration.
It looks like fruit to me.
What does the card say?
"Start without me."
He's going to be late.
All right, Mrs. Turner, do you remember me?
I just wanted to tell you that I didn't mean any of this... and I know you must be just...
But I just feel so terrible.
Do you have my wallet?
I'm in the vertical blinds business, right?
And I was doing an installation here.
I'll show you.
I was like this, working on the window... and I didn't see him sleeping.
Yeah. I was having trouble with this bracket... which is not normally the case with this particular model... but I had to use force, and I jammed up in there.
This got caught... and I was pulling and pulling and pulling... and then it came loose and... Oh, jeez!
Just about like that.
It came down right on him.
It stabbed him, really, right in the left temple.
At least he went in his sleep.
It was quick. I doubt if he felt any pain.
Are you all right?
Do you want any... Do you want any water?
No, thank you.
I guess I should just call the hospital.
No, you can't do that! You can't call the hospital.
Because I can't bring him to the hospital.
Why is that?
Because he's not my husband.
No... now, Mrs. Turner, let's face the facts.
Your husband is a doctor.
Yes, he is, but...
No. I found his wallet, and I looked in the I.D.
So I know he's your husband... Dr. Charles Turner.
No. That is my... This is...
He's my brother-in-law.
Let's stick with reality.
You both have the same last name.
That's how we both have the same last name.
I didn't know he was my brother-in-law.
I had never met him... until this afternoon.
I guess you two just hit it off, then.
Yeah, we really did.
But my husband doesn't know about this... and I would be ever so grateful... if you could be here when the police arrive.
Yeah, and you know what?
They wouldn't even have to know that I was here today... if you didn't want to tell them.
No, we can't call the police.
What I mean is, you can call the police, but I can't.
I can't even be here when the police arrive.
I just can't.
What are we going to do about him?
Maybe if I call the hospital.
No, you can't call the hospital, either... because if you call the hospital... they will notify the police.
That's standard procedure. I know that.
What about your family? Can't you call anybody?
No! I can't call my family! They would tell my husband... and he would find out that I... Oh, god!
What are we going to do?
I don't know. I don't know what we're doing! God!
All right. This is a definite tragedy... but it's also an accident... and I think we ought to not lose sight of that.
I think we ought to not lose sight of that!
Let's stay calm.
How am I supposed to stay calm?
All right, I'll tell you what.
I think we should probably just...
I think we should get rid of the body.
Did you say...
Get rid of the body?
Yeah. It's in both of our best interest.
Get rid of the body.
Do you have a better idea?
No. I'm not real good with stuff like this.
I don't want to be involved. I really don't.
I don't think I should be involved in this.
Because I can't. I can't! God! Lord!
If you run out on me now, you're going to force me... to call your real husband.
If you call my husband...
I'm calling the police!
Yes, I will!
Yes... I will.
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
All right. All right...
I know there's got to be a solution.
Lady, don't think like that.
There's got to be a better way out.
Not me! Him.
He's going to...
Know what we can use?
21. Go ahead.
We got an emergency call reporting a fatality... only there's no victim at the recorded address.
What's the cause of death?
Caller didn't say. I thought you might want to... check out the origin of the call.
The lady seemed pretty upset.
I'll check it out. What's the address?
28 Oak Tree Road.
Excuse me, miss. I'm Captain Meany... with the Summit Bluff police.
I knocked on your front door. You must not have heard me.
I'm checking out an emergency call.
It came from your address about 6:45 tonight.
Do you live here?
No. My sister and her husband do.
Are they at home?
No. They just left.
But my sister should be back soon.
Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?
Only take a couple of minutes.
Let me see if I've got everything.
You came over at approximately 6:30 p. m... to help your sister cook for a dinner party... and shortly thereafter, everyone decided to eat out.
Are you sure it's a woman who made the phone call?
Because it definitely wasn't my sister's in-laws.
That family receives crank calls.
They don't make them.
That leaves you and your sister.
I know I didn't make any crank call.
And I know my sister would never make a crank call... believe you me.
But I know you probably can't just take my word for it.
I like to be thorough.
But I'll tell you...
Sometimes I go on instinct alone.
I believe in instinct, too.
It's always right, isn't it?
100% of the time.
Thanks for the coffee.
What? You're kidding. This is tea?
Son of a gun, it is tea!
Usually I hate tea, but this is good.
I used two bags.
That's your trick.
I don't usually cook.
I don't have the time because I have this career.
That's understandable. Thanks for the...
What do you do?
I work at Carl's Fish Fair.
I've been there.
I never saw you there.
Probably because the day I was there, you weren't there.
Because I'd have remembered you.
I gotta go.
You want to make sure you lock this after I go.
Good night, captain.
"My darkness descends deeper than I knew it could.
"Enveloped in the blackness, I search for some light.
"Maybe now... Maybe this time."
You really think so?
I was really touched. I really believed it.
I hope everybody else believes it.
They definitely will.
Do you think anyone might recognize the handwriting?
No. I wrote like a doctor.
Where did you get all of these?
From my husband, the doctor.
He's a doctor?
The whole family... they're all doctors.
They get these samples of drugs... from these drug companies, free of charge.
I've got a lot of blue ones in there now... and a lot of the red ones.
You think I ought to...
There's some more white ones.
Yeah, use them all.
Just stuff them down there.
There they are.
All right. I think that about does it.
Good. You have that done, and I have this, and...
Were you absolutely sure that you got all these deals?
How many were used?
He had been out of the country for a very, very long time.
We found four so far.
Oh, rats! Did you check the shower?
Yes, I already got the one in the shower.
Already got the shower. OK, we were...
Do you have any idea... where that fifth one might have been applied?
Did you check out here on the balcony?
No, you got that one already.
Yeah, I already got that one. Let me see...
What? He's still wearing it?
Go ahead. Just...
I'm not taking it off.
You certainly can't expect me to take it off.
You ought to do something... because that's not a very appropriate thing... for a suicide.
I'm just absolutely not taking it off.
You are more familiar with him than I am.
Yes, but you have done this before.
I mean, this kind of thing you have done.
Haven't you sort of done this?
I've taken them off me personally... but I've never taken them off another man.
Why don't you pretend like he's you?
No. This is where I draw the line.
All right. Fine. I will do it myself.
God, it's no big deal!
I sort of think you're acting like a little bit of a baby.
It's just a body.
A body is just a house God gives us to live in.
That's all our body is.
And then we go away to a different place... and we don't live in our house anymore.
Now, see? There. Was that any big deal?
What are you doing here?
I just thought I'd stop by and say hello.
Yeah. I really need something to drink.
And maybe we could have a little talk.
Good. Because I really need to talk.
You need to talk? You never need to talk.
I'm always the one that needs to talk.
Do you got one of those "not really beers" in here?
It's on the door.
I've earned this tonight.
I met a woman tonight.
So did I, only I can't really date this one.
We're sort of in a business deal together... because of a certain event.
I don't know what she sees in me, but... we talked for over an hour.
She made me feel important.
The woman I met tonight.
Yeah? I think you're important.
You think I'm important... because I'm always getting you out of trouble.
She doesn't want anything from me.
I don't want anything from you.
Just sit down.
One of the reasons why I came over here tonight... was I wanted to find out about... tea!
You're drinking tea.
Yeah. Tea's good.
This girl is younger than me, but in a lot of ways... she's more independent than I am.
She really understands me.
I understand you.
And I like who I am when I'm with her.
Wilbur, about this chief-of-police thing...
What if something... minor happened?
What's the most minor thing that could happen... and you'd still be OK?
Are you in trouble again?
No, no! I was just wondering.
Her name is Jeanine.
I gotta call her.
No, I was just wondering if...
I was wondering how much... accidental manslaughter will hurt your chances.
When did you find out?
We got the call this morning.
Someone from the hotel housekeeping staff found him.
Why was he staying in a hotel, anyway?
He was supposed to stay with us.
I spent over $900... on new slipcovers for the guest room.
Maybe he was too depressed to be with anybody.
How would she know?
Marjorie gets depressed sometimes.
Yeah. Every now and then, I get a little blue.
What on God's earth did Charles have to be depressed about?
Charles is gone. I can't believe he's gone!
Why did he do it?
He left this note.
"My darkness descends deeper than I knew it could."
"Enveloped in the blackness, I search for some light."
"Maybe now... Maybe this time."
What a beautiful note!
Did you really like the note?
Of course we like the note.
What kind of a question is that?
A very insensitive one!
He should have been here, where he belonged... with his family at his coming-home party.
Maybe he didn't want to be here.
I have never seen you this talkative before!
Children, I'm afraid there are still... certain details to discuss.
Before we get into that, I was thinking about...
The organ donation centre...
You know what I was thinking?
I was thinking that Charles would have liked it... if we donated his organs to science.
Iris, that's an excellent idea!
Do you really think that's necessary?
Yes, I think it's appropriate.
Otherwise, I wouldn't have suggested it.
Yes. My Charles would have liked that.
Thank you, Iris.
I met this guy. I think I really like him.
You always think you like them for 24 hours.
You always do this.
Whenever something good happens... you have to find something bad to say about me.
That's not true.
Then try being happy for me for once, OK?
So, tell me about him.
He's not like the men I usually date.
He has a job?
Yeah. And we haven't known each other that long... but we talked all night on the phone.
And get this... he loves fish.
Not only that, but he has a tank.
It's small, but he says he wants to get a bigger one.
He sounds really committed to his fish.
It's more than just fish, though.
We're getting to know each other.
He told me about his two old girlfriends.
I'm telling him about my past relationships.
The weirdest thing is, I owe it all to you.
What do you mean?
I met him at your place last night... and I'm nuts about him.
Yeah. After you all left... he came around investigating a crank call.
Does he work for the telephone company?
Nope. He's a cop.
Cop? A policeman?
There was a policeman in my house last night?
Yep. And I am going to be at his house tonight.
Why didn't you tell me this?
Does Harry know?
No. I was going to call you guys and tell you... only Wilbur called... that's his name, Wilbur... and we talked all night, so I thought I'd tell you today.
This is just like you!
It's no big deal.
Only he still needs to talk to you.
There was this crank call made... and he said they traced it back to your house.
What do you mean by a crank call?
A 911 call.
Don't worry. I told him it was a mistake.
Did he believe you?
Of course! Why wouldn't he?
I just knew something like this was going to happen.
Wilbur needs to talk to you about this crank call... on account of he's up for police chief... and he wants to cover all his bases.
Only I don't want you to say anything bad about me, OK?
I really like this guy. All right?
Marjorie, are you OK?
Yes. I'm just a little emotional.
I missed choir practice this morning... and I just hate myself!
I hate to sound like a broken record... but I know how to cure you of these moods of yours.
I don't think so.
You should get rid of Harry and have an affair.
As soon as you and Harry clear things up... then you won't be so jealous of me.
I am not jealous of you!
Oh, yeah? Then why are you crying?
I am crying because Harry's brother died.
Oh, please! You didn't even know Charles.
I knew him!
Right. You knew of him, but you didn't really know him.
I really knew him.
I killed him!
Marjorie, do you have your period?
Are you listening to me, god damn it?
You never curse!
Oh, Lord, forgive me.
Now I have two things to confess in church this week.
What are you talking about?
I knew him in the biblical sense.
I met him, and we did it!
You had sex with your brother-in-law?
It was not sex. It was good!
And, Jeanine... I had one.
I don't believe this!
You said you killed him. How'd you kill him?
I had an affair because you told me to!
Excuse me. Excuse me. I'm saying excuse me!
Marjorie, this is so bizarre.
I know. I must have been too powerful for him.
He had himself a heart attack!
While you were...
I think it was after. I hope it was after.
Howie, is that you?
Iris. And Harry.
Just checking in.
You two shouldn't be in here. This is highly irregular.
Calm down, Plotner.
Just going to make sure our brother is in good hands.
Yeah, but you shouldn't be in here. It's unethical.
The chest cavity appears to be within normal limits.
Do you want to do this?
This is a funny thing.
Must be one of those pills he took.
There's a whole clump of them in his oesophagus.
They didn't get digested.
None of these got digested.
What are you doing? Get out of there!
Look at this.
Looks like an eraser.
From a pencil.
It's an eraser from a pencil.
Your brother was a weird guy.
Plotner, you got a second?
Take a look at this. I don't understand it.
Charles was an excellent doctor.
Why would he try and kill himself... with a thousand milligrams of stool softener?
He tried to kill himself with a laxative?
That and 800 milligrams... of a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory.
That's for menstrual cramps.
Antihistamines, aspirins, muscle relaxants... vitamin tablets... all in small dosages.
I don't get it.
Your brother... wasn't he doing immunization work in South America?
He was brilliant.
Then he would have had access to some very lethal medications.
I know. So why would he take that stuff?
It's like he raided somebody's medicine chest.
You might as well know.
I don't think that Charles committed suicide.
Harry, why do you say that?
For one thing, there was scar tissue on the heart.
That usually indicates a heart attack.
Also, there were some signs of sexual activity.
What about the suicide note?
That's the only thing I can't understand... because the lab reports came back... and the drugs that Charles took are all highly suspect.
What's wrong with the drugs he took?
Can't they kill you?
They'll give you the runs, numb your ovaries... and give you a very relaxed take on your situation... but they won't kill you.
I don't see why you have to turn this into a police case.
Charles is dead.
Why don't you just let it be and bury the man?
I can't, Marjorie. I can't bury him... until I find out what happened.
Hi. How you doing?
Good. Come on in.
I brought you something.
You didn't have to bring anything.
I made a whole dinner.
No, it's not food. It's a scavenger.
Take care of any algae problems.
Where's your tank?
Right over there. It's a bowl, actually.
A scavenger, huh?
That's great, because sometimes I get a little algae.
That's very sweet of you.
This guy's going to have a good time tonight.
I'm just going to float him.
Let him get used to the temperature.
Where's your brother?
I don't know. I don't even know if he's coming.
But dinner's all ready. Maybe we should just eat.
Relax. He's just a little late.
Besides, I like it when we're alone together.
I wanted you to meet my brother up front.
Here, sit down.
I didn't want you to think... that I was keeping anything from you.
What would you be keeping from me?
What's wrong with him?
Nothing. It's just that... sometimes he has a hard time holding onto a job... or paying a bill.
I love spaghetti.
It's my specialty.
It's not that my brother is lazy.
It's just that he isn't...
Isn't as accomplished as you?
That's not it.
Actually, I wish he was more like you.
Do you know that... you're the most independent woman I've ever met... that liked me back.
I know what it's like... to be following in someone's footsteps... who is always doing the right thing... and constantly being judged by their standards.
Maybe I am judging him by my standards.
I'm sure your brother would love to be like you... but it doesn't sound like he is.
That's it. For years, I've hated feeling... like I had to take care of him.
Don't take care of him. Just be his brother.
You're right. That's what I've got to do.
You don't really need to meet my brother.
Just like you don't really have to meet my sister.
You want sausage, or do you want meatballs?
You got it.
Wilbur... what's your feeling on this prank call?
Your gut feeling?
It's nothing, I guess.
Wilbur, go with your gut. Remember how often it's right.
Yeah. I'm sorry to wake you, but I'm in jail.
I've turned myself in.
I killed a man.
It was by accident, but he's dead.
What? What is it?
Did you say that you...
I was in a hotel room doing an installation... and things went bad.
Oh, my god. The hotel room.
That's my prank call!
The man's name was Charles Turner.
I didn't even know him.
Oh, my god! You? That was you?
I need a lawyer, if you know any.
I hate to keep leaning on you... but I don't know how I'm going to find one from in here.
Yeah, yeah. I'll take care of it.
Will, I'm sorry. When I get out of here... after I've served my time...
I'm going to be the greatest salesman ever... and I'm going to pay you back all the money I owe you.
I love you, Will.
I know who killed Charles.
This is very difficult.
Look, Wilbur, this has nothing to do with us. Really.
I know you're nothing like your brother... just like I'm nothing like my sister. Nothing at all.
I know, but it was an accident.
There's a lot at stake here, Wilbur.
How do you know? You don't even know Nick.
My brother. He killed Charles.
It was an accident. He turned himself in.
That's why he didn't show up for dinner.
He's in jail. My little brother's in jail.
Wait a minute, now. Just calm down, Wilbur.
I got to get a lawyer and get him out.
He can't stay in jail. He's not streetwise.
He could get killed in there.
How did you know it was an accident?
I don't know. I just thought...
I don't know. You said that it was.
I got to find a lawyer.
What about you?
What about becoming chief of police?
Five minutes ago, I wanted to be chief of police... more than anything else in the world.
All the times that he needed help...
I helped him because I felt I had to.
Now I want to!
I don't care if he did it or not.
He's my brother. Screw the job.
Honey, where have you been all night?
At the lab, and then at the police station.
What were you doing at the police station?
Is there any coffee?
What are they doing here?
I've called a family meeting.
Your front door was open.
Do you want coffee?
Don't move. I'll make it.
This isn't going to take long, I hope.
I've got two back-to-back pap smears at 9:00.
No, it's not. I just want to wait... until mother and dad get here to explain.
I don't want to have to say it twice.
Your front door is open.
Iris left it open.
What's the big news?
I've been working with the police... on Charles' case, as you all probably know, and...
We've found a murder suspect.
Who was it?
What kind of a salesman would kill Charles?
A blinds salesman.
How could a blind salesman...
No, he sold blinds, dad... and he dropped them on Charles' head.
He claims it was an accident.
How do you know all this?
He turned himself in, confessed. He even apologized.
What about the suicide?
This guy said he panicked... and set it up to look like Charles killed himself.
Oh, my lord! He said that?
Harry said he confessed. That's what confessed means.
I knew it.
I knew my Charles would never take his own life.
Marjorie, I've got to talk to you alone!
Jeanine, not now.
My boyfriend's brother is in jail.
Jeanine, I said not now!
He is in jail for killing Charles!
Wait. What are you saying?
That your boyfriend's brother killed my brother?
Wait a minute. Your boyfriend is Nick's brother?
Nick? I didn't say his name.
How do you know his name? How do you know Nick?
I always thought she was too sweet... not to be hiding something.
Wilbur was up for chief of police, OK?
That's why Nick couldn't go to the police.
How do you know Nick?
Nick is in jail. He could be there for years.
Obviously where he belongs.
Marjorie, you got to help me. Wilbur's a wreck.
I can't stand to see him like this.
You love him, don't you?
Yeah, I do.
I really think that you should leave.
Harry, I have something to tell you... privately.
What is it?
Harry, I need to talk to you alone.
If you have something to say, just say it now.
Harry, I need to talk to you by yourself!
Just tell me!
There should be no secrets in this family!
God damn it, what is it?
I had an affair!
Harry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry from the bottom of my soul.
Sorry is just not good enough for my brother!
I knew it... from the day he brought her home.
Harry... I wish I could take it away.
I know how much this hurts you.
Who was it?
I only slept with him once.
It apparently made quite an impact on him.
You were right about her.
Throw her out, Harry.
You don't have to put up with this!
God damn it, Marjorie! I'll kill him!
If I were you, Harry, I'd kill both of them!
Let her go, son. She's not worth it!
Who is he?
Harry, can't we talk about this alone?
No! Who is he?
Who is he?
What does she mean "was"?
Are you telling me it's over? Is that it?
He's out of your life now?
She'll do it again.
If they do it once, they always do it a second time.
That god damn son of a bitch! Who is he? Who is he?
Charles is the man I slept with.
My brother Charles?
She slept with my Charles?
I don't believe it.
I thought you told me Charles was dead.
He is dead!
He died when we were doing...
I don't think we should be hearing this.
Yes. Yes, we should.
But the note.
Charles left that beautiful note.
I wrote the note.
Because I didn't want Harry to find out.
Because the second I did it...
I knew I'd made a horrible mistake... and I didn't want to lose him.
Of course you'd lose him, you... slut!
Shut up, Iris! Just shut up!
All of you! This is between me and my wife!
You're one of us, son! She isn't.
This concerns all of us, Harry.
She isn't. She's never been one of us.
Shut up. Shut up!
Now get the hell out of my house!
Are you asking us to leave your house?
I don't want to be here.
We're due at the hospital... where we're wanted.
Marjorie, I'm so sorry.
Are you going to be OK?
I'll call you later.
Harry... can't you forgive me?
How many others were there besides my brother?
And the first guy who comes along... you do it to him to death?
Eight years of marriage, I have been faithful.
How did you think... How could you possibly think... that you could keep this hidden from me?
Were you waiting for some special opportunity to tell me?
Like my birthday?
Do you think I haven't had opportunities?
Because, boy, have I had...
There have been women I've never even told you about.
They're everywhere. The way they look at me... in my waiting room, outside the E.R.
Two years ago, at the colon convention in Atlanta... a blonde haematologist put her room key in my hand.
Suite 1404. And I gave it back!
Was I stupid!
What are you doing?
What? You think you're going to leave me?
I'm not going to let you leave me.
I'm leaving you!
Harry did leave me.
The truth is, it didn't matter who left whom.
I was alone, and I was scared.
My sister suggested I see a doctor.
Maybe you ought to go see a doctor, huh?
That was really the wrong thing to say.
I was desperate to talk to Harry... to tell him the truth about what I did and why I did it... and how sorry I really was and that I loved him.
I found myself in a full-blown depression.
I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat.
I couldn't stop thinking about Harry.
I didn't know where he was.
Harry hadn't just disappeared from my life... but with a few deft turns of a screwdriver... he disappeared from his family's life, too.
I used to worry a lot about Nick, but I didn't have to.
His dream came true... in the same room where his nightmare began.
Mr. Diamond, I'm sorry.
But we haven't been able to rent 402... since this scandal started.
Of course you haven't. Would you want to sleep... in a bed where a stiff slept?
No. It's god damn creepy.
Get the god damn door open, you fool.
What the hell is going on here?
Who the hell is that?
I don't know, Mr. Diamond.
Just what do you think you're doing up there?
I was just getting my blinds...
Put up here.
I heard there was a tragedy in the room... and I thought that it might freshen it up a bit.
What do you think?
You sold the Sheraton?
I told you I'd do it if you gave me enough time.
You're having lunch with me!
Nick really did turn out to be a top-notch salesman... and I've got a house full of blinds to prove it.
Wilbur became chief of police.
My sister found herself in a relationship... that lasted way more than 24 hours.
I knew it was serious... when she moved her 10-gallon tank into his house.
As for me, I couldn't control my feelings anymore.
So I tried to contain them on paper...
After I figured out how to use a typewriter.
Six months passed before I realized I hadn't lost my mind.
I never thought I would be able to be alone and be OK... but I was.
I am good!
When I finished writing, I let Jeanine read it.
She loved it.
I love it! This is so good!
She really loved it.
I wasn't sure anyone else would like it the way she did... but Jeanine was positive it could get published... so I just let her take care of the details.
The tables had really turned... because now she was giving me career advice.
I waited patiently for some response to my work.
Finally, I got my first call.
It's me. Harry.
Wow! You sound different.
I'm older. I had a birthday.
Yeah. I got you a card.
I didn't get it.
I didn't mail it.
Listen, I read your thing.
You know..."Still Life in Summit Bluff."
How did you get ahold of...
Jeanine thought I should read it.
That little bitch.
You never swore.
I'm doing a lot of things that I never did before.
I am, too.
By the way, I finally took your advice.
You opened your own practice?
In Sausalito. I'm even making house calls now.
What did you think of my story?
I loved it.
Yeah, I did, especially that part... where the idiot doctor neglected his wife... and drove her into the arms of his cousin.
I mean, that part...
I owe you an apology.
You owe me?
Harry, I betrayed you. I had the affair.
I wasn't much of a husband.
I know, but I could have said something.
I probably wouldn't have heard you.
I guess it's just lucky you finally wrote it.
Yeah. It's getting terrific response.
I'm not surprised.
Who have you heard from?
Marjorie, do you think... that maybe we could get together... and talk about things?
I guess so.
Can I call you?
Yeah, sure, if you want to.
OK, then... I'll call you.
You said I could call.
I like your beard.
You look like you did in school.
So do you.
Can I come in?
How's your heart?