Sideways (2004) Script

Welcome. I am Paul Giamatti.

I'm Thomas Haden Church.

And we're here to invite you into a little motion picture called Sideways... and offer you insights and laughter.

Sidebars of hilarity... and poignance. Good times.

Excellent times, Paul.

I think that's where we're headed. These are the ones we'll look back on.

Alrighty. Here we go. Okay.


Which is, in fact, the day of the week that Saturn was discovered.

Like I said, good times.

Now, we were... I'm just trying to remember where we were.

And you determined for me that we were... lensing this scene in Santa Barbara, but it's meant to be San Diego.

Up the coast a little ways from San Diego.

Fair... A fair piece.

Here... a magnificent sequence of stunt driving... from my counterpart, Paul Giamatti.

Why, I thank you.

Virginia Madsen.

She'll be appearing in this picture, much to the delight of all of America.

Here we go. There's me running.

Oh, using vulgarity.

Now, I was...

Somebody was saying to me recently, isn't it interesting that the first thing you see me doing is lying in this picture?

And it's a picture about lying, isn't it?

It is, in fact, a picture laden with canards... as the great Samuel Beckett would've proclaimed.

Well done.

There's an interesting shot coming up here... where I'm completely naked... but cleverly hiding my genitals behind a thick, green stripe.

Which you luxuriously soaped up, as I recall... takes one through 10.

"Croissant." Yep.

Always loved that. A little English on the ball.

Rolfe Kent. Provided the poppy jazz we're hearing.

This took a long time to get this shot... because you'll see the airplane. There it is.

See? There's a couple of those shots in the movie... where we tried to time it with the airplane, and I put my life in grave risk... to get that shot down.

Because I'm all about the movie being as good as it could possibly be.

Now, many journalists have noted that Miles...

Paul's character, is so confident doing...

The New York Times crossword puzzle that he used a pen.

And, you know, here's what a completely oblivious idiot I am.

I never even realized. I never thought of that. "I was using a pen."

I just took whatever prop they handed me and did what I was told.

Well... But you're absolutely right.

He's... You embraced la pluma.

Indeed, indeed.

But it's that kind of character detail that makes this...

That they forced... That the Props Department forced upon you.

Exactly. Thank God for the prop people.

Now, then. Now we're in...

This woman is... I can't remember her name... because I've done far too many drugs in my brief, young life.

She was absolutely elegant. Very.

She's Armenia's premiere stage actress.

She is? Yes, she is, actually.

She's the great purveyor of culture to the Armenian people.

Now, in their homeland?

Or in America? In the homeland of Armenia.

But now she's in America.

And she's spreading...

There I am in my...

Who's that handsome fella in the background?

That's what I wanna know. In my thickened...

My thickened, middle-aged...

Craggy, leathery. Exactly.

Hey, I'm in my...

In my fertile crescent of middle-aged doughiness.


You're the young Lee Marvin here, I like to think. Look at you.

Uh, my head.

The width of my head is only surpassed by the girth of my belly.

Oh, I think I got you beat in the belly department.

Witnessed some cake going down here.

Now... And here we have... one of the first metaphorical tidbits. Yeah.

Is that right? There's a metaphor coming up?

"I prefer the..." Oh, yes, right. You're right.

Let the audience enjoy this. Okay. Let's back up for a minute... and open it up. Oh, but I...

Good. I like non-fiction. There is so much to know about this world.

I think you read something somebody just invented it, waste of time.

Love that guy. He was great.

I also love your head in this scene. Yeah.

Round and with a forehead like a sperm whale.

Well, it's... Here we go.

See? "I prefer the dark." "I prefer the dark."

Ominous. An ominous line... foreshadowing the dark events to come.

I think... the clouds are gathering on the horizon for Jack and Miles.

There she is. Look at her. She's 12 inches taller than her forebears.

Beautiful girl, though. Very.

A lot of bad language in this picture for the kids.

Get the kids out of the room. Okay, is it...?

Look at that. Look at the gestural... Yeah.

In the profile, what is it, my fleshy "probisis"?

How do you...? Proboscis?

Proboscis? Yeah.


I know it was a mistake to try for a big word with you around.

No, never. Listen, I...

I have no idea what I'm talking about.

You can always rely on that. Yes, sir?

You know what I've noticed? What?

Well, it's kind of already gone by now. Yeah.

How many times I scratch my face.

I mean... Really? I hadn't noticed that.

I'll watch for it next time.

Like physical, facial Tourette's.

Yeah. I never noticed that.

When I first get in the car, I'm just constantly rubbing.

Rubbing your flesh. Like a rash the camera didn't pick up.

If I was you, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off me either.

I'd be fondling my craggy features.

Look at him. Yeah. Here we go.

What were we drinking? Were we really drinking?

This is for real. Champagne.

Oh, yeah. It took a while to get the thing open.

It wasn't bad.

As I recall, it was warm... but tasty. But effervescent.

Yeah, right. There was a lot of trying to get corked bottles open in this movie.

That was a big pain in the neck. And I had the...

What was our favorite prop girl?

Denise. Sweet, sweet Denise. Denise.

Oh, Denise. "Proppy." "Proppy."

She was putting the glasses and the bottles in the same box.

Oh, right. And I was fumbling.

Right. I think to... the maddening depths of Alexander's patience...

I was fumbling with the box. Well, especially champagne too.

You have to twist all that crap.

This is good. Oh, I love this.

There's some good comedy coming up. Look at you. Look at you.

Look at you. Immediately.

You're the devil...

You're the Underwood deviled-ham guy of incredulity in this scene.

Absolutely right. I just need a tiny pitchfork, you're right.

I am the Underwood... All you need is a trident.

I look like the Underwood deviled-ham man.

Now, you just do a great deadpan thing there. But...

But again, I have to point out... the motif of self-deceit and mutual deceit... going on between us. Nice.

This place was amazing. Now, this, I believe, was...

Paul, correct me if I am mistaken, but wasn't this Santa Maria, California?

I think you are dead-on, sir. Once again... we're deceiving the audience. Some amazing driving.

Wait, they... The movie proclaims it to be Oxnard, California... when it is, in fact, Santa Maria.

So the movie itself... in a meta-filmic way... is lying to you, the viewer.

So... And now we are...

Now we're doing this, which took me a good 15 takes to get right.

Nothing makes me more nervous than having to lick an envelope on film.

But that gets a... Well, it gets a very big laugh.

Indeed, indeed. When you just kind of...

Hastily. Exactly.

Just this desultory scrawling of...

Now here's the great Marylouise Burke.

Am I correct? Oh, yeah.

Tremendous. Look at her. Oh, just amazing.

Pretty much just showed up and threw the bathrobe on.

A venerable stage actress.

A venerable stage actress in New York City.

She's really... She was great.

Look at her.

Oh, God. Again, deceit.

I'd also like to point out the beautiful interior.

The production design is just... Oh, yeah.

The wonderful Jane Ann Stewart. Indeed, who did amazing.

Yeoman's work. Look at...

Even Marylouise's robe.

Oh, everything. The stuff on the walls. Yes.

Look at you. Yeah, leaning back to...

Look at that.

I know. It's good stuff.

Look how I'm dressed.

I gotta run and put my face on. You look fabulous, Mrs. Raymond.

Oh, stop it!

I love her. She was amazing.

Look at that. Like, on the wall.

What is that? A banjo? It's a wire banjo.

It's a banjo. Yeah.

Jane Ann Stewart. I know.

All of the details in this. I love that.

Oh, yeah. That's just great.

At that National Board of Review Q & A...

Alexander said it was pure coincidence... that the only historical leaders were Adolf Hitler and George Bush.

Yeah, it's like, "This is gold here."

This stuff, I think what we were eating here gave us gave us food poisoning... if I remember. Yes.

I was coughing in the toilet for...

We got... Right? Didn't we?

I had 104 fever the next day. Right.

And thank God it was a Saturday. Yes, indeed.

Because we shot...

We shot this entire scene on a Friday night, and it was freezing.

Freezing and... We had to put ice in our mouths.

Right, to keep the... Yeah. You couldn't see our breath.

I love you in this. I love you in this scene.

But it's an interesting scene. Somebody was saying about... how oblique the approach a lot of the time is in this movie.

Nobody even knows who the hell we're talking about a lot of the time.

It adds to all the detail. Look at her.

You're just frozen with fear, really.

That's an interesting sequence here.

This was something I think they were gonna cut.

It was much debated whether I'd steal. Really?

I think so, yeah. I remember you saying to me, you said:

"We are so...

We immediately establish ourselves as these wholly unforgivable characters."

And this was, for you... kind of the whatever...

The pinnacle and/or the nadir of your unlikability.

Well done, sir.

"Pinnacle and/or nadir"?

I love that kind of weird detail with that thing.

Yeah, no, it's true. And I guess they thought:

"Well, is it too unappealing?" or whatever.

I always thought it was sort of funny. Oh, yeah.

People love this scene. She knows I'm stealing.

It's something we do to each other. "Something we do to each other."

She drives to San Diego and lifts cash from your Kansas City roll... in the sock drawer. In my fake Lysol can.

Now, here we go. In your...

In your merkin drawer.

Oh, that's my high school graduation picture.

And that is your... That is indeed my old man.

Your real father. My dad.

Bartlett Giamatti. Correct, sir.

Angelo Bartlett Giamatti. That was a faked wedding picture.

That's not, in fact, her head.

Oh, it's not? It's not Jessica Hecht's head.

That was a real wedding picture? No, it was a faked one... but it was some other comely lass who took the picture with me.

Then they put... I don't know who it was, no.

"Spray 'n Wash.".

I remember the girl that was in it. She was something.

I just remember you jogging.

Dark times.

I just... All of the different...

All the different...

I wanted to go a little Ebonic on that.

You did go... "My main man."

You did occasionally go Ebonic on it.

And, yeah, it's an interesting thing you raise, though... that we can discuss the sort of humor in the movie and...

We were discussing how great Alexander is at calibrating humor in things.

And you were saying how this scene goes from funny... to suddenly not funny in a way that works really well... and how good he is at doing that.

Well, it starts off...

You know, I'm so kind of...

The whole thing is so repellent to me.

I mean, Jack only perceives this as an endurance contest with your mother.

And... Good one. Good shot.

The open-mouth snore.

Now, you do an amazing piece of physical movement here.

And he's up.

You got a good shelf of hair working. That gets a big laugh.

Oh, it's funny.

But, no, the whole sequence at the mother's house is...

It's just the emotional detritus... of the son and the mother.

Right. And I'm just this...

The other guy's caught in the middle. I'm this trapped passenger.

And, you know... Hijacked, really. Yeah.

You worked... I gotta say...

Oh, here we go. Oh, boy.

You... Attractive young lady.

Very comely lass. Local girl.

You're working some good hair in this picture.

Look at that. Foamy crest of hair. Look at him.

Like the... Wow.

She's a kid, for God's sake.

We ate a lot of...

It's a great thing. We're always eating.

Yeah. We're always in diners, eating just...

I got sick that day too. Did you really?

Well, remember, you warned me, "Tom, don't keep forking... the mouthfuls of eggs and turkey."

And they were giving me, like, sliced, prepared turkey.

Right. I remember, yeah. You warned me.

Well, I'm not... It doesn't... I'm tucking in pretty heavily myself.

I mean, I'm shoveling it in.

I love that. I love that raised eyebrow.

It's a great, you know...

Right away, this is a good scene. You just see the antagonism... but the love between the two gentlemen.

You still seeing that shrink? I saw him on Monday.

Big laugh. That's a real detail from Jim Taylor.

Yeah. I remember. Cowriter of the script.

I remember that. He spends his time... at his shrink's helping the guy with...

Alexander described me as being...

Having, what was it, a craggy, goofy handsomeness?

Did he really? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I'm like, whoo. There's something to that.

It doesn't get more broadband, backhanded than that.

There's something to that. Craggy, goofy handsomeness.

I wouldn't say that you're...

You are craggily handsome, sir. The goofiness comes from within.

It's a special something you bring, sir. Thank you.

Wait a minute. This was a great shot.

Some great shots.

Now we can comment on Mr. Phedon Papamichael's fine work in this picture... who is the cinematographer. Look at that.

The perfect number of camera flares.

That's a shot from that Italian movie.

Right. I forgot about that.

That's from that movie The Good Life?

Is that what it was called? Was it The Good Life?

I think that's what it's called.

However you say that in Italian. Vittorio Gassman.

Yeah. And Jean-Louis Trintignant.

And it's... But I remember, Alexander... that shot, he loves...

The flares. Yeah, the camera flares.

He wanted it to look documentary-like. Like that, right there.

He wanted a documentary feel.

There was a camera very precariously placed... on a bad little wooden platform on the back of the car.

It was the cheapest thing I've ever seen.

It had, like, little grocery-cart wheels on it.

And I was, like...

The Camera Department was waiting for us to lose... a $165,000 camera. I would hear Phedon.

He would just scream at me, "Slow down! Slow down! Slow down!"

He was just rattling... Our Greco-Germanic...

Is that what he is? He's Greek and German, isn't he?

What a weird combo. I thought so.

No, you're right. It's something like that.

Now, this is real vino here.

This was at the great Sanford Winery. Nice recall.

I couldn't remember what it was called. This is one of the... fine organic vineyards, right?

Yes, I believe you're right.

Hopefully, that's not product placement.

We certainly show enough wine labels. Oh, God.

That's true.

I don't think they'd object. I love this.

How many times did I get wine up my nose?

Hold on. Wait a minute. Hold on.

Your face, it just sells the whole thing.

A "soupçon." "Soupçon."

There's a lot of French. It didn't all end up in there.

And I threw out one, "sans." That's all I...

Nicely done. I got cracked for it.

Did you? Alexander was like:

"I don't know if that's really in character for Jack."

But he left it in. Yeah, that's good.

I tell you, it's hard spinning wine like that.

I did it the wimpy way, by putting it on the table.

You're really supposed to keep it off the table, I think.

This is... Are we...?

My gasp of refreshment.

How would you rate this one, Miles?

Usually they start you on wines with learning disabilities.

I really went with the sculpted facial hair.

Chris. Chris. There's Chris.

The great... The great pourer Chris.

You know, Chris... sent me two cases of wine. Did he really?

Very nice folks up there. For the godparents of my daughter.

Oh, to the godparents of your daughter?

I thought you said Chris was... I requested it, and he sent two cases.

It'd be extreme to make Chris your child's godfather.

I worked with him one day and asked him to be the godfather of my child.

That's Pea Soup Andersen's we just passed there.

This is Buellton, right?

Buellton, California. Yes, sir.

And we really shot there. We did.

Although I know they considered St. Paul, Minnesota, as a stand-in.

As a location stand-in for Buellton.

And here we are. Here we go.

I always find it... Something that was always touching to me... about the fact that we change for dinner.

You know? Oh, yeah.

There's something sweet about the fact that these guys change for dinner.

You know, it's like... It's a very kind of sweetly formal thing.

I love how Phedon... filtered either... I don't know if it's a polarizing lens.

But if you look at the way the headlights are kind of softened and flared.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that.

Look at that.

I'm working on a pair of perky man-breasts, aren't I?

You do have man-cans of the first order... that America is enjoying, as we speak.

It's my gift to America, frankly.

Notice I never tuck my shirt in. Never.

And somebody commented on your...

Why? On my billowing flesh.

Look at us. But there's something really...

I love those rear... Those reverse shots. Yeah, it's funny.

Look at us. Eager to get to the trough.

Now, this man... Oh, yeah.

Patrick Gallagher. Patrick Gallagher, sir.

Everybody that I know who's seen this movie comments on this guy... and says, "Now, come on, that guy is amazing. He seems like the bartender."

You know why? And I think part of it...

And we have to tip the old casting cap to Sandra Oh... because they were college schoolmates.

Something like that, yes.

She... I believe they went to school together in Canada.

Acting school, yeah. But he, to me...

I think part of what makes him so vivid is that he is of...

What is he, Samoan descent? I'm not sure.

He's half... But he's kind of uncharacteristic...

Yes, right. For what is a pretty...

Caucasoid community up there.

Pretty homogenous place, for the most part.

You're right. I think he's, like, half Japanese, half Russian... or something. Yeah, he's actually got a lot of Russian blood.

You can see a hint of the Mongolian steppe lands in his face.

And so I think he's something like that.

I would have gone with Serbo-Croat, but Mongolian steppe lands...

Yes, sir.

Here we have the first glimpse of la Madsen.

Yes. Let's just swim.

In the creamy flesh.

There's great paintings on the walls in this place.

It was all this kind of garish... Western.

Kind of surreal cowboy stuff. Yeah.

I always said the movie's kind of a Western. Remember this?

Yeah, yeah. It's like the two guys ride into town... and the gal's in town and they belly up to the bar... and all that kind of stuff.

You swear a lot in this picture. Oh, boy, drop an F-bomb.

Another F-bomb on the floor. You got a filthy mouth.

Yet another stab at the MPAA rating.

I love that. When you're like, "Calm down."

I mean, it's just futile. Ridiculous.

I love how the flames go shooting up as she comes walking over to me.

Now, I make a very pointed, downward glan... Watch.

I will stare directly at her breasts.

I never noticed. Directly.

It's a very... I get monocular at that moment.

The old orbits just settle in for a good long drink of that.

Look at that. Look at that.

Look at Virginia. So lovely. Lovely. Lovely.

So lovely.

And there, going even farther south of the border.

Well done, sir. Well done, sir. South of the...

Look at you. I must say, you're startlingly handsome in your blue blouse.

Brings out the aqua tints in my eyes.

My blue... I think I wear blue... the entire movie. The whole movie.

Except I have a red shirt on at the end.

And I'm wearing a... The costumes are great.

Just the right level... of badness in both of our...

You were very specific about your costumes.

Well, I... Because the guy is an actor.

Yeah, no. You know? And I thought... the untucked shirt because he doesn't want any whatever...

Very well done. Outdated fan to see... his bulging... Jesus.

His bulging panza.

Now, I love the painting behind us there. See, it's the Western thing.

Yeah. There she is.

Lovely. Beautifully shot, this picture. But that horse painting...

I never noticed it. We're not gonna see it. She moved.

Damn her.

There's a lot of good little details in this scene.

See? Deceits. Yet another tendril of obfuscation.


Like an octopus. Like a serpent... coiling around Jack's black, withered little heart.

I like the way you say that. Very good.

It's good stuff here.

This was my favorite stuff when I first read the script.

Look at you. Looking at her... while trying to make significant eye contact, but failing miserably.

My favorite thing is... your eyes kind of glaze over a little bit when you do it.

It's very funny. You go slightly dead inside when you do it.

Oh, completely. Like you just can't quite...

Like you're a machine.

Look at you. Look at you. It's just, like...

Completely bemused. Yeah.

I've heard this how many times?

But Virginia kept laughing every take. Well, it was funny in the take.

I go, "It can't still be funny." She goes, "No."

She goes, "The look in your eyes is killing me."

This is a great look too.

Both of us. It's a good... It's funny. But you...

You go slightly dead, like a windup toy, when you do it.


Oh, boy.

I'm riding low with my pants there.

Look at that.

On the man, you can't tell where his ass begins and his lower spine starts.

Look at that. Jesus.

It's just the north face of K2, on your back to your buttocks.


Oh, man. At any moment...

Uninterrupted, smooth connection from spine to gluteus.

But at any moment, gnomes will rappel down your backside.

And nestle in the warm, downy hair.

Unbelievable. That sits atop your French scoops.

Oh, your fleshy French scoops.

Okay, now this was Solvang. This is Solvang.

The Danish town of Solvang. There's a guy making aebelskivers.

Look at that guy. Aebelskiver. Right?

Isn't that what they were called? Exactly. Absolutely.

This place was great. Windmills. There's windmills everywhere.

I don't know if I'm giving anything away, but there's a motif.

I love your presentation here.

Very pleased with myself. You're so excited.

But you're just...

There are chill winds blowing from across the table.

I love the indicating digit. Boom. I love it.

Just frosty.

But did you notice, though, that you hold your finger up... and then I give you a thumb back?

You're looking somewhat like Michael Landon in this scene.

Oh, word. Word.

Word, my brother.

Look at him. Look at me. That's a hell of a shirt too.

You're like an Aztec god.

I remember the teamster captain, Jeff?

Was it Jeff? Yeah, the little guy?

He had that shirt. No, the kind of big guy.

He had that shirt, and he wore it a lot.

He liked it so much from this scene, he bought one from Wardrobe.

It's a hell of a shirt. No, no.

No, no. It's designed for ugliness.

In the background, it's Pinocchio, right?

There's a portrait of us. It's supposed to be us.

It was a caricature. There's Pinocchio... and the other kid with... We both have wooden noses.

Island of lost boys, or whatever, when they grow the ass' ears, right?

Yes. But don't we also have wooden noses?

Yeah, one of us has a... Yeah, we both have noses growing.

And there's a wine... Spill of wine behind us as well.

That's a little inside... I love this music here, though.

Is this the montage thing? Yeah.

I love this. Here we go.

I didn't know this was even gonna be in the film.

Oh, there's... I love this.

I like the music here very much. I do too.

I have to say, I thought Rolfe Kent did an absolutely superior job.

I mean, just superb. Indeed.

So many of the cues, they're just so dead-on for whatever...

No matter how false the emotions may be on-screen, you know...

Yeah, yeah. There's a buoyant cue.

At moments, it's kind of a counterpoint. A lot of the time, it's...

You're right, it's counterpointed. Like that, I'm taking you to task... for standing in my way, and he comes up with this really kind of boppy thing.

The thing when I dump the wine down my throat... it's this very kind of poppy, fun music.

Look, there's the steer. There's the steer that I...

We just missed it, but the steer that Sandra and Alexander... were raising at their house.

Yes. It's an orphan steer.

Bless his heart. Alexander at one point asked... if I would like to have that steer shipped to Texas... to be on my ranch. You being a cattle baron.

Yeah. Yeah.

I recommended they slice him up into hamburgers and enjoy.

This stuff's great. I mean, I love this.

Because seeing the actual process of it, and all those guys, it's just great, man.

How they... The corking process.

Beautiful second-unit work done, I would say.

Here we are. Look at her.

Now the temperature's rising.

The Korean-Canadian beauty. I'm breaking out in a sweat of lust.

From north of the 55th parallel. Canada's own.

Ms. Oh.

She captures perfectly... the kind of... The tart, fruity...

Yeah. Yeah.

But she's got that thing that those pourers do up there. That real kind of...

Look at her. Look at her. Kind of warily eyeing Jack.

Well, and why not?

It's kind of a hollow, flabby, overripe...

I don't know, tastes pretty good to me. So do you live around here, Stephanie?

I just trump you. Not good, as per norm.

We're just over in Buellton.

We get a lot of mileage out of the windmill.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, I know Maya.

Yeah? No shit.

We had a drink with her last night. Miles knows her.


What a rack.

This is good.

Saucy. Saucy. Look at that.

You are a bad, bad girl, Stephanie.

Look at me trying so hard to be seductive.

You were winning me over.

And then she... This is a funny cut.

The cut to this is very funny.

It's good stuff. Good sight gag. As I'm lumbering out here.

This was a whole thing. I had to reach into your pocket, near your genitals... to fish the keys out. Made me uncomfortable.

Or so you say. No, actually it was your back pocket.

Big debate about would he actually ever have his keys in his back pocket?

Look at the... Beautiful shot, though.

Oh, yeah. That was a beautiful area.

Now, that was Kalyra. Is it product placement?

I don't think it is. All right.

They're wineries. This is the oldest.

Yes. Yes, the oldest rootstock.

Rootstock from the early '60s. Thank you, sir. Correct.

I believe the...

You're rootstock from the early '60s yourself.

I am rootstock from the early '60s. Yes, lam.

Here we go.

Beautiful. Lovely place, it really is. This is the Firestone Vineyard.

Firestone. And you lived... I lived in a home.

I was housed on a... On campus.

Correct, sir. On the Firestone campus.

Correct, sir. A lot of wildlife. A lot of terrifying wildlife up there.

At night, deer would nibble. All alone. Oh, that was the least of it.

Look at that. I love that.

I love your hand gestures. I really do.

I'm like a Marcel Marceau. Look at you.

Yeah, drinking it in. You've got a bit... of the Wallace Beery working right there.

Yeah? Gotcha.

You're right. Got some Wally Beery going on.

I got a little dash of Wally Beery in with the...

Oh, God, look at the size of that schnoz.

Dueling giant noses. Look at that.

That's pretty intensely close.

Look at me. I am just a... Oh, dear.

It's like a... What is it?

It's a Vesuvian tent on the plain of my face.

A Vesuvian...

The subterranean, yeah.

No. Sulky. I love that.

Sulky. Look at you.

The put-upon ingénue. Yeah.

Look at you. Boy.

Oh, come on. Yeah, really. Like a young boy.

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?"

Like a young castra... With a cracking voice like a castrati.

A castrati. Nice. Thank you.


Look at those teeth.

Holding their breath to see if I get drunk and make a scene.

There's some good stunt work coming from the two of us.

I'm sorry, you've been talking...?

Oops. There he is.

Testy guy. Whoops.

Hang on. Bites, oh, like a pirate.

Cork... Cork spitting!

Now this was... There were stunt guys.

It was much steeper than it looks, actually.

But he never uses the stunt guys.

Well, we filmed it. Yeah.

And they were actually just too good at it, kind of.

Where they found my stunt guy, I'll never know.

We had the perfect balance of clumsiness.

Yeah, and, uh... And, uh...

I don't know. And doughiness.

I'm gonna keep going back to that.

Look at it. Here we go.

That was a great... Remember how long it...? They had a huge tracking shot.

Yes, indeed. It took a lot of time. But look at that. Brilliantly used.

It was. Perfectly used.

Love that shot right there. Yeah, very nice.

Looks like you're sniffing my butt there.

This is nice. I like the... I do too.

The use of the grape as... You know, calms me down.

Sort of calms you down. You fondle them and...

Like the...

Like Pan's flute.

To the tormented shape of your soul. Wow.

Wait, tormented goats of your soul.

There you go. Nicely done. He would calm goats, right? Pan?

I guess. A goatherd? Wasn't he half goat, half man?

Look at the grapefruit-sized bald spot. Oh, boy.

Is this...? Look at me.

"Lantern-jawed" leaps to mind. No.

I'm telling you, the young Lee Marvin.

I like these. I like this too.

These are some of my favorite things... when we're just lying in the bed, not speaking.

The feet. Look at that.

Look at that.

And by the way, white socks and black socks.

Is that right? Yeah.

Well done. Look at the wine, already...

The room is... This room is amazing, the light in there.

Oh, that's very funny.

Another metaphor for just missing.

Every screening, people sigh. When he misses.

In disappointment. Really?

Every screening I've sat in. That's funny.

People are always, "Oh."

There's a lot of... This is genius. Was that your idea?

What was that? Yeah, well, with the socks on, or...?

No, the whole thing. No, that was in the script.

Oh, was it? Look at that. Wait a second.


Like King David. Look at that.

I think I'm... I think I'm pining...

Schwarzeneggerian climates with that physique.

Damn straight. Bronze. Smooth and bronzed.

There's a lot of us passing out and falling asleep... and waking up constantly in this movie too.

So here's a phone conversation with the fiancee, right?

Hey, honey. Yeah, I was just calling to check in.


Creepy look.

Creepy. It's a creepy look you throw over there.

Ooh. Uh-oh.

Now, there's good stuff. This is actually...

That was in Los Olivos. That is indeed Los Olivos, and...

I enjoyed this.

This was a fun sequence here. It was fun.

Look at the bad belt on the back of my... I got a belted corduroy jacket on.

It was terrible. This is... Now I...

Dude, I love it.

We really chew each other out a lot in this movie, don't we?

We have to. Uh-oh, whoa.

Oh, come on. Really.

Yeah, good stuff.

A glistening moment of comedic timing from Mr. Giamatti.

Glistening. Glistening like...

Lookit. I love that. You never actually see me take...

You did the little maraca. The little flamenco thing.

You never see me take any of those things in this movie.

No. That was a point of controversy... with myself and Herr Direktor.

The reason he didn't want... I can't remember why... but you never actually see me take them.

This place is a lovely establishment. It's pretty much remained as is.

I don't remember the name of it.

Was it Los Olivos Café? Yes, I think that's exactly what it was.

Nothing but wine along the walls. Beautiful.

Yeah, great. And there they are.

Lovely, lovely.

You look gorgeous. You both do.

Lookit, she's got the Egyptian goddess thing... on her upper arm there.

A lot of this was improvised. Am I correct, sir?

Correct. Absolutely. And remembering it?

And Alexander has taken great pride... in the fact that there was a fluidity... to our improvisation.

Well, it was... Aligned with the characters.

Look at Virginia, looking lovely, gazing at you. Sandra.

The only sane person in the movie, Virginia.

Oh, yeah. You know? The only...

Sane. The calm eye of the storm sort of thing.

Now, we were drinking real wine here, correct?

I think we were. Yep.

Look at you, lustfully eyeing the goblet.

Now, this a beautifully shot sequence and beautifully edited.

And I think we should now raise a glass to Dr. Kevin Tent.

Doctor of the editing arts.

Really beautiful, and I love the music cue right here.

Now, there's also an interesting factoid to present here.

Now, wait a minute, she's...

I love the music cue, though. Love this music.

The fleuron. A fleuron. That's where she throws out the fleuron.

There was a sequence coming up that was cut out.

An elaborate dream sequence coming up.

And I foreshadow that with, "Do not go to the dark side"... in that exterior. You say, "Do not go to the dark side."

And then as I get more inebriated... Indeed.

I indeed depart for the dark side.

It's something Alexander's tried to do. Somebody said... or maybe it was Alexander who said it, that he's tried to do a similar thing... in every movie he's done, this sort of dream sequence.

And what happened was, everything went black behind me... and it went into a scene where it's literally supertitled, "The Dark Side."

Right. And you saw me on a boat... with a bunch of... With the dead being ferried across the River Styx.

With Stygian refugees.

Nicely done.

Stygian refugees.

Boating... Punting across the River Styx.

But it didn't make it into the film.

I love the music throughout this sequence.

These are all real wines.

And I got a little tipsy.

Did you? In real life? Got a little tipsy, little bit.

During one of the days we did this, I don't remember which... but I got a little, I mean, you know...

I'm like a small schoolgirl, constitutionally.

I remember. Got a little tipsy, I think.

Significant looks. I don't wanna get ahead of us...

Well, actually, because they removed... the sequence when you cross to the dark side... there was, when you're staggering from the table back...

I just wanna note that on... I believe, on a number of takes...

Paul Giamatti operated the camera.

Oh, that's right. Because they wanted your POV.

I forgot about that. I was indeed...

I rather enjoyed that that night. I did enjoy that. I forgot about that.

I did. It was a hand-held camera.

I just enjoyed watching you operate the camera.

They had a lot of guts giving me a camera. I could've dropped it.

I don't know. Do you actually see any of it?

I don't think we ever do see your POV. I love that shot.

Yeah, no, all this stuff with the phone... But look at the red.

Yeah. And you see my... Good close-up look... of my pitted nose.

Look at him. Perfectly balanced... between blurry...

Perfectly balanced between blurry incontinence and...

And passive-aggressive I don't know what.

I love this, though. The use of the phone... all this stuff was great. It was, again, really well-shot.

They just shot it beautifully. The blurry background and everything.

But shooting on a long lens with you in stark...

Indeed. It's just brilliant.

I mean, but with you in, like, this really sharp focus in the foreground.

But drifting in and out of focus. It's a beautifully shot thing.

Really beautifully shot.

And I love... I don't remember. Did Phe...? Do you remember... was the lighting particularly red?

Maybe that's just the way they... The walls were red... and I think they... It looks like they did it on purpose, though.

They may have color-timed it. To get a real fiery tone.

Yeah, I mean, they may have.

To further enhance my ruddy complexion.

Look at you. Yeah, oh, brother. Ken.


That's Jessica Hecht, the actual actress on the other end of the phone.

I believe Alexander was actually doing the lines when we shot the scene.

Putting on a high, girlish voice.

And being my ex-wife.

I love that, though. That's completely in a long lens.

Yeah, no, it's amazing. With everything just completely...

Just washed-out back there. It's cool.

So you're much more conversant with the cameras.

Well, because I directed a movie, and I picked the lenses.

Correct. Thomas Haden Church has helmed a motion picture.

Rolling Kansas. Is that a product placement?

Well, it's on DVD. There we go.

But, no, my director of photography... made me aware of lenses... and how you incorporate them in the composition of a shot.

They had an interesting sort of thing on the front of the camera... that would bump into me, so I was bumping the camera a lot of the time.

Look at that. Here's a moment...

Yes, sir. Where you actually slipped... but they never really... He didn't leave it on-screen.

Because we all react to...

Yeah, you don't see me hit the chair the same way. You're right.

Look at that tawny belly. Taut.

A taut, tawny stretch of leonine skin.

Hello. Whoops. Whoops. Oh, boy.

Yet another... Laying into me.

Yet another verbal spanking.

It's a great way the way we switch off.

We pass the parental baton in this thing. You know what I mean?

You become... You become the authority figure.

Avuncular. Yeah, avuncular. Nicely done.

I mean, you are blowing a great opportunity here with Maya.

Not really an F-word there.

No, but I like the kind of... Just the lightly aspirated F.

And what was that 10-minute lecture on, what, Vouvrays?

Are you kidding me? Who gives a fuck?


You and I brought this back in. The thing, remember?

Did we? Were we supposed to not have this?

Remember Alexander, at one point, wanted to take this out... and you and I liked it.

There were more references to me screwing around on my wife.

Most of them are gone, which I think is great that it's only once that...

But I like it. Yeah, I do too.

I mean, you spark back. It's an important point to make.

Yeah, and it's a good point to make, and...

It also doesn't make Victoria the bad guy.

It doesn't. You're right.

It puts more of the blame on me. But of course...

Oh, brother. Oh, no.

That's... Outrageous.

That was... I remember that. Outrageous.

There was a sequence of us...

He basically just let the camera go on you there.

And just kept telling me to react. Jesus.

There must have been 52 different reactions.

I don't know how he picked one.

You know what, he told me that they... There's comedy.

There we go. Yes? I didn't mean to...

No, no, no. He...

I'm just so exasperated. Yeah, you're frozen with exasperation.

With your hoofy reluctance.

Now, here's a place again... if I may be so bold as to comment on the production design.

Although, they actually improved this house.

Oh, they sure did. I mean, it was...

It was like the Spahn Ranch out there.

It was hairy, yeah.

At any moment. At any moment.

I mean, the level of detail in this house, in the physical environment...

And I think there were many Squeaky Fromme references that night.

I think there were quite a few. Quite a few.

Yeah, Charlie and the girls.

I like what Virginia does here, when she pulls out...

No, no, no. When she... Watch.

She's like a 6-year-old on Christmas morning.

Look at her. Look at her. "Yee!"

Good stuff.

A Richebourg. We mention a Richebourg there.

Alexander said they drank that Richebourg, and it was...

That night? It was middling, he said.

I think it was too old.

Andrew Murray. An Andrew Murray Pinot was selected.

Andrew Murray, also a winery that we shot at.

Correct, sir.

I think mostly second unit, right? Did we ever shoot first unit there?

I don't know. I'm trying to remember which one that was.

I remember being particularly fond of Andrew Murray wines.

I remember that as well.

I remember picking up the thing I do where I stick my finger in my ear... when I'm tasting the wines. He would do that.

Oh, he's the one. I saw him do that... so I cleverly lifted it, and...

I don't know why he did that, but I guess... too much of the bouquet was escaping... through the holes on the sides of his head.

Through his eustachian tubes. Nicely done, doctor.

Look at you. You look handsome there. Thank you, sir.

Look at you. Rakish.

Rakish. Yeah. Like a Renaissance prince.

That sculpted beard. Look at that sculpted beard.

Absolutely. Yes, sir.

This was real wine. We were drinking the real deal here.

And I remember Virginia saying in several Q & A's that...

Now, did you shoot this scene before the big scene or...?

We shot this whole thing in sequence. In sequence?

Because I remember her saying in a Q & A... that she very much wanted to have a little bit of a mellow kind of a...

Like a real mellow thing going.

Yeah. Look at her.

I think Virginia's tremendous in this scene.

In the whole sequence, but I love... Because she completely... She...

She badmintons... Wow!

I've got it, I'm following you.

Yes. She's just... the amateur Vintner's palette right back at you.

She's got the... She keeps the birdie aloft.

Well, she keeps you honest...

Nice. In the scene.

Because you kind of play it off in a politic way.

Correct. She plays it for real.

Yeah. You're absolutely right.

You're right. You don't wanna insult...

Stephanie's meager trappings.

Yeah, well, I'm just hemmed in by my... Yeah, whatever.

Hemmed in by my doughy flesh.

Here we go. She's saucy.

She draws me further into the lair.

Lair of the white grape. Exactly.

Well, they... It was a deep couch.

I had a little trouble getting up again.

Settling in with the golden-tressed Maya.


She's... Yeah. I love this scene.

No, it's great. She's...


Look at Virginia. Look at you.

I know. I look like a different species.

I love this. Boy.

I look like I could use a good night's sleep.

The grape not agreeing with you, sir?

Not sitting easy in the old...

Yeah, I mean, right, but it's more...

That was a tricky thing, trying to think of a title for the book.

There were different titles. I can't remember them.

The Day After Yesterday. Yeah, or something.

I love this.

I remember doing this, I would... For some reason, I would lose the lines... and so it started sounding more and more convoluted, the novel.

Because I was sort of actually losing the thread of the lines.

Of sanity. Of sanity.

Pushed to the edge of sanity, Tom.

I love that. That gets a very good laugh. Well, sure.

The Robbe-Grillet. What the hell?

Truly, it's the height of ostentation.

Nothing could be more pretentious. What a jackass.

A paper, huh?

I like this. I love that reaction right there. Nice.

Yeah, well, now she's cool. Now I like her more because she's...

I love that. Good-looking and brainy.

"Bejugged." Bejugged and brainy.

Bejugged. Virginia's gonna backhand me for that.

She's gonna love that. She's gonna backhand me for... well, she talks about them, though. She never stops talking about them.

I really love this right here.

And she gets kind of girlishly self-conscious right there.

Oh, for God's sake, it's...

The woman just needs to... All she has to do is just sit there... and make him bathe in her bejugged beauty.

Look at your...

Oh, boy. Boyish. Jowly.

Boyish and enthusiastic.

Boyishly jowly. Ready.

Ready to lose your virginity for the second time.

You are... Oh, man.

Miles hasn't slept with another woman since his wife, and she was his first.

Oh, sad. Look at you.

You really look like... I look like...

Like the junior varsity of the Musketeers.

I look like Fernando Rey.

That's the guy who's in The French Connection.

Sure. Yeah, if only I had...

No, I gotta go with Musketeers JV.

I like it. Yeah. A cut-rate Musketeer.

Look at that. Swathed in wide-wale corduroy.

Nice lighting here.


Wow. Yeah, thank you.

There we go. It's a... Nice monologues here.

They're very nicely written.

Very appealing.

I guess mine is from the novel. Hers, those guys wrote themselves.

I smell an Emmy nomination for you, my friend.

Fingers crossed, Tom.

I smell a Grammy in the offing.

At the very least.


Man, oh, man.

Really and truly, it is my favorite scene.

Well, it's nice. I mean, you know, you don't get to...

Here we go.

Somebody stop him. Somebody stop me talking.

I like that right there. Look at her.

Lovely. Like a Grecian goddess.

Thank you.


Look at her. Even she's amused by "prosaic."



He had this big, sort of show-off cellar, you know.

But then, I discovered that I had a really sharp palate.

And the more I drank, the more I liked what it made me think about.

Like what?

Like what a fraud he was.

No, I like to think about the life of wine. Yeah.

How it's a living thing.

I like to think about what was going on the year the grapes were growing.

It's like she's floating. I know. It's true.

Like a mask. A golden mask.

I like to think about all the people who tended and picked the grapes.

And if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now.

I like how wine continues to evolve.

Like, if I opened a bottle today...

Slow push-in on our man Miles.

Look at him.

He's in over his head.

Look at her, though. Oh, yeah. No, it's ridiculous.


"Like your '61."

Was Miles born in 1961? I think that was...

Was that the thing? I think so.

That's the idea.

Dropping in the F-bomb.

Oh. Oh.

Green light.

Flashing. Like a... But he's, you know...

Over her. Yep.

And then I look like a...

Like what? Like a stuck pig.

Just checking outside for... Yeah, and I love that look.

That look past her, like, just in case the neighbors or...

Yeah, I guess so.

Oh, boy.

You're just... You look to make sure there's not a dead body on the lawn.

"I love Rieslings."

I feel like I just crapped myself. Here we go.

There's a cool shot coming up here in this...

This is a neat shot that they did here.

When we actually shot the stuff that's coming up here... we had two cameras going.

Like, the camera that follows me out the door here... and there was another camera in the kitchen that actually shot.

So I moved from here into the kitchen, but they never used the other.

I liked this right here. It's a cool way to shoot it.

No, it's just that it's like a staging area for you.

And I like that you wipe off your eyes with your coat sleeves like that.

Thank you. So that's cool, though.

It's just interesting, in the editing, they had...

Where was the other camera? It was in the kitchen... shooting straight on to us.

So that you had, like, a two-shot of us... from the kitchen, but it's cool to just leave it like this.

Because he doesn't want...

It has become impersonal, and now there's distance.

Thank you. Well...

Thank you, Pauline Kael.

Well, well, well. He's high and dry.

Once again, you've fallen on your...

Limp member.

I was gonna... You've fallen on your own flaccid sword.

Nicely done. Much better. Much better.

Freezing out when we did this. Really?

Indeed. And she's barelegged.

I had a nice time tonight, Miles. I really did.

Yes, out in the middle of nowhere.

I think Virginia told me she was free-bunning also.

Was she really? No panties on.

Free-bunning. She told you that?

No, I dreamt it.

Her unfettered buttocks.

Jesus. Look at him.

I love that reaction. So genuine.

Oh, yeah.

But sort of sadly sympathetic.

A side gag here, coming up.

Oh, wow. Well, I hope you like it.

And feel free to stop reading at any time.

I will not be offended.

Somebody asked me if Miles is a good writer.

I said, "No, I don't think he's probably any good."

I said, "He's probably..." If he was really bad... he could just write, like, Harlequin Romances or something.

If he was really good, he'd be fine, so he's really just mediocre.

I remember I... Yes?

I either drove out that night or I left.

Oh, yeah, were you there that evening?

This is very funny. You waking up. This is almost like waking up stuff.

We're constantly just falling asleep. Very funny.

We had to have been really hammered that night before. We drank a lot.

Almost drank ourselves into sobriety, I suppose.

The light. Look at the light creeping through.

And that was natural.

I think it was. Yeah, I remember.

A lot of the stuff in there we did fairly natural.

Look at that. Look at that shot there. No, I know.


Scratching your beard over there? Was I? Can you hear that?

Whoops. Oh, God.

Look out.

Oh, here it comes.

Now, is the bottle of wine meant to indicate...?

That I've been drinking on my own in there?

No, that after you got back, you continued...?

The bottle of wine is sitting there the whole time.

I mean, there's always an open bottle of wine in the room.

Yeah, I mean, presumably these guys are pretty much just drinking all the time.

Look at that stiff leg.

I like this reaction there. When you walk out, when you look.

Yeah, well, it's the really, like, trapped... Whoops.

Oh, God. Right here.

Making sure nobody's looking. Yeah, look her off, yeah.

Look at you, I didn't notice you did a tuck and zip there.

Very nice, very nice.

We're about to be treated... to the broad, bronze pectorals again, I think, aren't we?

God, I hope not.

Like enormous, fleshy flagstones.

Here we are.

Oh, I see.

Now, do you call me a numbnuts or something here?

Dumb fuck.

You didn't want to. I don't like that.

I like it. You do?

Yeah, absolutely.

I remember you didn't like it. I didn't like it.

There's the finger bob. A nice finger twitch.

Alexander likes that. The finger twitch?

Yeah. Oh, it's great.

But when you call me a dumb F...

I think it's great. I don't think you...

Now I think it's... it's one of those things.

It works totally, yeah. Every now and then, I...

You know how it is.

I think it works because I'm so exasperated at that moment.

I like this scene. I always liked this scene because we're both just...

I remember in the action it was:

"Jack attempts to concoct the big lie."

Right, yeah. You focus in. Really going deep inside.

An awkward conversation. Two people who have nothing to say to each other.

Yeah, and Sandra's... After she gets past the Maya part of the conversation... she's got nothing. Look at her, look at her.

Two people...

No connection whatsoever.

She got awfully handy with that motorcycle.

She had no idea how to drive one, right?

Sandra practiced a tremendous amount, then she and I practiced quite a bit...

Yes, sir. With the stunt guy.

And there's Jack.

Used up all the condoms in his arsenal.

Now he's looking for phallic ordinance elsewhere.

Look at you.

Disappointed again.

Alexander told me, even though... But Alexander told me... one of his favorite little ad-libs is... when I'm running back to her, I go, "Here I am."

Like, it's just... You really just couldn't be more...

I'm there to reward someone with my presence.

You're right. I love this.

Yeah. Yeah, I love this.

Yeah, this is good. Look at that.

Nice 180 camera sweep.

You don't get a good look at the newspaper I have... spread out under my toes.

Here's a good... Yeah, I love those.

Here's an attractive T-shirt.

Yeah, but I just love that when you wander in... look at how abused this coffee and doughnut area looks.

Oh, it was horrible. It was horrible. It just looks abused.

In one take, I ate one of those little cake things.

This is a good one with "no." "No."

"No." With the librarian half-lenses on.

Yep, always. Always. "No."

I go frequently bare-chested with my...

Displaying my...

Like a young bear cub.

This place was amazing. An albino bear cub.

Look at that. This place was great.

That was in Santa Maria.

Now, here's a little... Oh, look at this.

Watch the absolutely unconvincing, "Whoops. Oh, shit."

And did you see the little spray of dirt? I had to learn.

I had never touched a golf club in my life.

But the little spray of dirt is brilliant. I know.

I was meant to actually be good at golf. Miles even attempts to...

Wait a second.

That's more like it. Oh, man.

Oh, they're something.

The cottage-cheesy backside of Haden Church.

Like two enormous Glad bags filled with ricotta cheese.

What did I say? Like dueling pillowcases full of milk.

Lapping against... Oh, brother.

Being vigorously thrust together.

Clenched in amorous...

Wow. Oh, brother.

I was not present for... That was a closed set. Correct?

And maybe if you saw the crew guys sprinting away after rehearsal...

My God, look at your hair here again.

Bronzed and...

Look at it, though.

No, looks good. You've got hair, look at me.

Looks like... Looks like lint.

Looks like I rubbed my head in the corner... picked up some lint.

I enjoy you in this scene, sir. I can't believe you're not with me...

I know. In my pursuit.

Did you see the incredulity in my face? Absolutely.

I can't believe you're not my wingman. I know, it's just so betrayed.

So deeply betrayed. Oh, yeah.

Look at me, and now I'm scrambling. Thoughtfully, yeah.

Look at him. You're really pathetic in this scene.

Nicely... Nice with the pathetic dodging.

I mean, this is really... This scene where the badinage deepens...

Yep, yep, yep. To the darker climates.


I have to be sure I'm doing the right thing before taking such a big step.

You know, that's not just for my sake.

I'm looking out for Christine's feelings too.

I remember we rehearsed this the night before we shot it.

We did. I don't think I ever...

Long scene. Did it better than that rehearsal.

Nonsense, nonsense. It's a long scene.

It is along scene. A lot of dialogue.

Oh, for God's sake.

Oh, here it is, watch.

I like your reaction.

You know, it's...

Watch. Watch you.

You jerkoff. It's so scornful.

But that dimple.

I know, it's strange. That dimple curls scornfully.

I've discovered another dimple on my face.


That styling, very nicely done.

Come on. And you're gonna give up everything.


You and me, we move up here, we buy a vineyard.

It's not a bad idea, actually. That's the thing.

It's actually not a bad idea.

I think Jack plants the seed for Miles to go back.

No, I think you absolutely do. It's not a bad idea at all, actually.

All I know is that I'm an actor.

Look at him.

Yep, Yep.

There she is. Washed and fresh.


I wasn't gonna go that far.

No, no. I leave it to you. This woman was great.

Look at Sandra, though. Damn it, what the...?

What was her name?

Look at her.

And she's drinking beer. She's great. Drinking beer.

Look at you. Just like my worst nightmare.

I just... I remember watching you guys, and it was killing me how Sandra... ls shoving food in her mouth. Sandra's over there grazing on fries.

Yeah, I know, she's just kind of... Hilarious.

And drinking her mom's beer. I like that too.

I like that. I like that. "No." Too polite. Always polite.

Look at you, right there, though. You're dead inside.

Yeah, I'm dead inside. But always polite.

You're a George Romero confection right there.

Bye, Siena. Bye.

You completely are. You're right, man.

He's like... You can't... I mean, it's not even... abandoning you anymore. No, it's unbelievable.

I mean, it's just become absurd. The level of it is just...

No, it's not anymore. You've actually taken on...

It's like we live in two different universes now.

Bowling. Bowling once again.

This gentleman working the cash register actually owns this establishment.

Did he own it? Yeah, Alexander was always saying... he likes to have people who...

The actual person who does that job. He'd rather have the real person... rather than the actor. Sure.

And here we go. Here we go. A little...

Pre-masturbatory curtain call. A little self-love.

Too bad you can't read the... Pre-masturbatory curtain call.

Good night, friends.

Here, this I timed. This timed out in a way that we could never do it again.

It worked that way. Love that.

How it happened at all... The Nubian barely legals... awaken you from your...

This was exciting to shoot. I was really in the shower with...

Naked? I was not completely naked.

But semi-clad. But with the cameraman in the shower. It was amazing.

Look at him. Yeah.

Ready. The Hitching Post.

Ready to do battle, sir. Ready for action, sir.

The Hitching Post, no kidding.

That's a funny shot, the bull. A little comedy there.

Lovely restaurant. Very lovely restaurant.

The ostrich steak. Outstanding.

Again, fetching in your short-sleeve, blue... it's actually... I guess that is blue. Looks blue.

Usually they're not rowdy, but tonight something was going on.

Full moon or something. What can I get you'?

Patrick Gallagher.

You got it.

Say, is Maya working?

A sturdily built man. Very sturdily built.

Not to be trifled with.

Firm of haunch.

Look at Patrick.

What a good guy. Very good guy.

Also a satyr role in Master and Commander.

Also indeed, sir. Look at him.

Hang on.

"I'm good." Oh, dear. Whoops.

Took forever to shoot that, actually. "I'm good."

Took forever to get the focus right. Give us that line reading.

I don't... "I'm good." Something like that.

"I'm good." Well, there you go.

Right to... Whoa. Whoops. Whoops.

The only time he wanted me to be visibly drunk.

The only time...

He wanted me to be visibly drunk in this scene.

And you were literally drunken. Watch this. Watch the...

Watch this. Manly swing.

Bam. Bam.

Unbelievable. Amazing.

So I figured because I was so bad at golf, Miles has recently taken it up.

Hence, you being even more sort of instructional all the time.

Right. I just couldn't have been worse at golf.

And yet...

And yet I chipped that one good shot off. Right?

Abdomen. Oh, fuck.

I like the repetition of "abdomen." Look at that, I just...

Look at that. Kind of lamely chop at it.

And I think I throw in a "nice." An emphatic...

Definitely. Definitely. You had some good ad-libs.

An emphatic accolade. Really?

Positive, always upbeat.

You're very positive and upbeat through this whole scene.

Here comes one of your favorite lines. Which was...

Oh, yeah. Right here.

Get it reviewed. Get it in libraries. Let the public decide.

It's just said so seriously-.

That is the hallmark of publishing success, is to have your book... in a library. You should really get it in libraries.

Get people to check your book out. Absolutely.

That's funny. That is funny. Get it in the card catalog.

Oh, boy. Oh, come on. Oh, take it easy.

I know you're a little frustrated with your life right now...

Hot that day. You can see how hazy it is.

Oh, remember... Brutally hot.

The fires were in the mountains. Big fires, that's right.

That's why it was that hazy. That's smoke.

Look at that. Choreographed. Yeah, how did we do that?

Choreographed. Uncanny.

Choreographed dismay. Yeah.

"That's not cool."

"Asshole." Yeah.

I like this. Look at the gleam in your eye.

Now, this shot that you're... The actual hit, which I would...

Well, actually, it's completely believable... but it was actually hit by Rex Pickett, the author of the... The novelist.

Watch. "Look out."

The novelist who penned Sideways itself.

But you just toss off the country-club salutation.

"Look out." This is good stuff here.

Like Thurston Howell IV. You just become a Viking.

Don't give up on Maya. Cool chicks like that require persistence.

Thirty-two takes on this? How many takes on this?

No, was it that many? Twenty-six?

Twenty-seven? Pretty close to one of those numbers.

Why this took forever was a timing issue, right?

It was a tracking shot. Wait a second.

The great Phil Reeves. The great Phil Reeves.

The principal in... In Election.

The landmark film... nugget of profundity, Election. Alexander's second feature film.

And he was also in About Schmidt. Doesn't he play the priest?

He is in Schmidt. He's fantastic, though.

I mean, I think I've never been so excited to meet somebody in my life.

Now a police officer in Burbank, California.

Correct. Packing heat in Burbank. Kicking ass.

He was compelled by the 9/11 tragedy. The events of 9/11.

To become an officer of the law.

You see that little look you shoot me? Yeah.

Nice cue here. Very.

Here we go. Los Olivos Garage.

The girls pile in.

Good times. Shooting past the horse whisperer's...

That's right. Farm right there.

Can't remember the guy's name.

It's a good example of how hard it is to drive and do dialogue at the same time.

I kept...

I think I was really driving, wasn't I, in this scene?

I don't remember. Yeah.

Nice cue. I like this cue.

Again... Nice music.

Camera flares. Camera flares. Good music. Good times.

Excellent times, Paul. Good memories, great times.

Those are the ones, those are the golden days. The salad days, Tom.

The salad days.

Oh, now we land.

Fire... That's actually Firestone. I actually...

Oh, it is? Yes, it is.

I actually modeled my beard on this gentleman's beard.

When I met him, I thought, "I should have the same beard he has."

"He's my hero." Whoever he is. Leslie Brough... is the name of the character. And the great Peter Dennis.

Yes, sir. The great Peter... The voice of Vinnie...

Winnie the Pooh. Vinnie.

The Italian Winnie the Pooh, Vinnie the Pooh.

Vincenzo the Pooh.

Yeah, he's the official voice of Winnie the Pooh.

Nice man. Very. Englishman.

A Brit. A man of the gentry.

A man... British style.

Now, this was also at Firestone.

Or was this at Fess Parker?

I don't remember. Where was this?

It was an amazing place. I love this moment.

Somebody, by accident, tapped one of those casks or something... and we got in trouble. That was Virginia Madsen.

Yes, la Madsen. She opened a cask.

She was given a vinologist's demerit. Nicely done, sir.

Never to be a sommelier.

Here goes the sunset. He said, "At that point the sun goes down..."

"...and the movie becomes dark." Dark.

Oh, boy. Smoking grass.

Smoking tea in front of her daughter. Gage, Mary Jane.

Uncle Jack. Then lets a relatively strange man...

Yep. Relatively? Put his meat hooks on her daughter.

Continues smoking pot. She goes right back to smoking weed.

Right back to the weed. Not even a moment's hesitation.

Back to the smoke. Oh, no, but romance.

Wait a second. Hang on.

The flared dragon's nostrils of car lights.

He's... Well...

And as we pull focus to me, I... Rack focus.

He's semi-tumescent. He's got a Hollywood love.

Look at that.

Semihard. Here we go up the stairs.

The Hugh Hefnerian gleaming.

Yeah, really, a very saucy gleam.

And here we go with a... Here, Maya takes matters into...

Ah, yes. Look at her.

Diving right in. Glark.

Glark? Glark.

Glark. Glark.

Here we go. Big score for... Very nice.

This is a nice little transition. A beautiful time lapse.

Indeed. Now, how did they do...? This took some doing.

This is, I think, a massive... What they call a frame dissolve.

Yeah. From the dark to the light. From one shot to the other.

Yes, from one shot to the other. It took a long time to get that shot... because of something about the panning-over thing. Yeah.

They might have locked it off.

We shot that, actually, many, many times.

Which is all the better for me as I got to taste la Madsen's lips over and over.

We have elliptically moved past the knee-knocking.

Indeed. The boot-knocking.

And Alexander said he'd never want to show lovemaking on camera.

Unless it was awkward and unpleasant.

Awkward. Ah, there he is.

Look at him. Every lady's dream.

A nude pirate in her bed.

A nude pirate. This is a lovely little montage.

This is in Lompoc. We went to an actual...

I mean, this is all essentially a documentary sequence here... because we just went and filmed it. Little girls singing.

These are probably holiday tunes, right? I don't remember what was going on.

It was Halloween. Oh, it was Halloween.

Yeah, it was Halloween. They were singing...

The old traditional... A warlock's chant.

Halloween ballads. Yeah.

A coven. The autumn solstice chant... for winter fertility.

No, what would it be? The equinox.

Is that right? The autumn equinox, correct.

Again with a pen. Oh, with the pen.

This was a walnut grove.

Right outside of Lompoc. Right as you were driving into Lompoc.

Charlie Manson resides in Lompoc these days.

He does. Yeah, he's in the maximum security...

Federal penitentiary. Thank you.

I love that you, like, drop the bag.

Figuratively and literally drop... Yeah.

The bag full of fruit.

And breakfast materials.

How he adores Siena.

How he wants to get a place with them... and commute when he has to.

I'm sure he believed every word of it.

A screed. Taking me down a peg or two.

A screed.

Wow. Ooh.

Wait a second. Now, hang on. No, I didn't.

Oh, wait, I did. I know.

Well, yes. First, yes.

Yes, of course, first. Well...

How could I tell you... First things first.

And then expect to make love?

How could I tell you Jack was getting married and then expect to make love?

Come on. Yeah. Here we go now.

I would've been logically in retrograde at that point.

I would've been screwing myself out of a fair night's tumble.

Tender moment.

A knee-knocking.

That's for sure. Very emphatic.

That's for sure.

Oh. A little betrayal of Jack, in a sense.

Letting go of him right there.

See you.

Goodbye, fair Maya.

There she goes. Well, that's that.

What if Miles just pathetically pursued her?

Sure goes through his head. Here we go.

Here I am.

Again. Ebonics.

"Your daddy." You're like a large sheepdog... in this scene.

The rubbing the cheeks is... There we go.

You're like a huge... Like a Saint Bernard in this scene.

Awfully close for comfort. There we go.

Look at the shorts I got on. Jesus.

This was the last day, the very last thing we shot.

The very last day. Correct.

Just make up whatever you want, and that's what happened, okay?

Write out my gay confession, and I'll sign it, okay?

Oh, a little improvisation from our man Giamatti.

That's award-winning stuff.

Look at you, incredulous, again, that somebody would take offense at:

"You're a homo."

It's the statement of fact that I love about that.

Look, I'm convinced I've nailed the problem.

The problem is erectile dysfunction. E.D.

It's gotta be. How could you ever turn away from Maya?

Yeah. Uh-huh.

It's Christine.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Let me call you right back.

Miles and I are kind of in the middle of something.

Diving into a fetal pose. Again.

Here we go. Always. Again, I put your head on a pike.

This is good stuff. What did Alexander say?

They would only give him a piece of The Grind from 1996.

This was...

After it outlived it's syndication value... they gave us a clip.

There's a missing sequence here that I miss, where we go... and buy me a pair of sneakers. You model.

There's nothing particularly... But it was funny.

What was the sport? I can't remember the name of it.

I can't either. I can't remember the name.

The guy, Sporty-something. Sporty, the guy selling me the shoes... was very funny. So here's the big industrial wine place.

Yeah, look at him.

Windham Hill-ish. A lot of good details.

Plucking his guitar. Windham Hill-ish.

Good details in this place. This was at Fess Parker's.

This was, but they changed what it looked like inside.

We should give a little background on Frass Canyon.

Sure, take it away. Frass Canyon. "Frass"... being just another vocabulary word on the commentary here.

"Frass" was a word that Alexander picked up from his exterminator... who came to the home that he was living in, in Los Olivos.

Santa Ynez. Santa Ynez.

And he informed Alexander that... general insect feces is known as frass.

So and hence, Frass Canyon. Bug excrement.

Bug-doody canyon.

Caterpillar doo-doo. Nicely done.

Frass. But they didn't want it to be Caterpillar Doo-doo Canyon.

Tipping your hand a little with that. Tipping the hand.

Look at the belly here. Taut.

Voice of one of my agents. Is that right'?

Toni Howard of the great International Creative Management agency.

Nicely done. Now, that's a product placement.

Walking away from camera... his hopes and dreams about to be dashed on the rocky shoals of... reality.

Oh. Oh.

But it's great the way he lets things play out in big old shots like that.

Rejected by the 17th publisher.

Yeah, rejected by Conundrum.

A tiny little publishing company.

Really confused as to what they wanna publish.

And certainly not... Hence, Conundrum.

Not even sure if they wanna publish books.

Here we go, there he is trapped in the... industrial commercial machine of America. See that?

Oh, here you go. There you see me take some pills. There we go.

Popping. Here we go. Marching in purposefully.

Popping. Popping fresh Valium.

We only had four shirts, I think. So we only had four goes at this.

This guy was wonderful. Joe Marinelli.

Wonderful. See how he daintily... Yeah. He makes sure that he...

A dainty dollop. Yep.

Look, and this one, even greater caution.

Yeah, even more, you're right.

Fine Italian-American actor.

Look at him.

Stop shooting it like it's tequila.

See, the music is, like, completely and sort of...

We have a little bit of a fight.

A little violence in the movie. And you narrowly... missed giving him some chin music. Did I really, with the bottle? Jesus.

Uh-oh. Whoops.

Oh, no. Wow.

That was, in fact, wine and spit.

It was indeed. Everybody... Every extra got to spit in the bucket.

And, uh... And I... Yeah.

I know, that was that horrible fake wine, which we drank a lot of.

I love that shot. It's a beautiful shot.

And the marine layer rolling in...

The marine layer. As we were shooting.

It is a beautiful shot. Again, a beautiful shot.

Now, that was at a state park that I believe was south of Santa Barbara.

No. South of Santa Ynez.

That's right, between Buellton and Santa Barbara.

Just north of Santa Barbara. Really amazing, those trestles.

We got a couple of shots of trains going over. A couple of takes...

I think a train went over, didn't it? But freezing.

Freezing. Wasn't it just unbelievably cold?

Miserable, cold. My hands were mitts of ice.

You're gonna make it.

Very tender encouragement.

A little tender encouragement.

I just, you know... I love this.

It's a tossup who's really the more sane person here.

Between these two guys. You know what I mean?

And this scene kind of lays out...

"A smudge of excrement...

"...surging out to sea." Yeah.

I could never write that.

Yep, that was great. "Surging."

"Surging out to sea." Well, no, that whole thing you did... the "smudge of excrement," that was all your ad-libbing.

Was it? Yes. Yes, indeed, it was.

I like "surging." The whole thing, you came up with.

I believe. I believe, sir. No.

No, no. Now, now.

Oh, here we go. Ominous. Now, then.

The raven-tressed Sandra Oh. Winding up.

Portends of... things to come. She-bang!


Oh. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Oh, God. Ow.

Alexander... Watch.

"I do!" Yeah, that was funny. That was funny.

Ineffectually... Just an exclaimed, "I do." I do!

Me ineffectually blocking my body with a bag with shoes in it.

Whoops. Here we go.

"Me?" That was your ad-lib.

Everybody just... I guess so. This is good stuff here.

I think we mentioned it to him the first night.

Did "we" mention it?

Lying. Always badly lying.

Keep it elevated.

Watch. "Just keep it elevated."

Good stuff. Good stuff. It was fun to do.

That is a brilliant cut. "His 9 Pleasure Triggers."

Look, I'm vaguely interested, though. Repelled and interested.

Just all the physical stuff. The guy behind you.

The woman in the wheelchair, amazing.

But the guy behind you, early stages of dementia.


You were telling me something about the dissolve that they use here.

Alexander says it's... Explain. Take it away.

A 300-frame dissolve.

Now, that's really long, right? Quite long.

Quite long. Twenty-four frames per second, do the math.

Do the math. Many seconds of frame dissolve.

Oh, dear. Good stuff.

He did tell me that, though, 300-frame dissolve.

It's striking how long you see it. I think there's a certain Jungian duality.

That he's... There's an on-screen departure from the... deceitful, lying Miles...

Very good. Very good. Very good. To the present Miles.

I like the scornful look at the woman.

I just look at the woman. Like she's responsible.

Random hatred. Just, you know, don't laugh.

You look... Something about this thing on your face.

What did you tell me, raccoon-like? You suddenly look like a real...

That's thoughtful. Yeah.

Look at these two guys. Remember how hot it was that day?

Very. Here we go. I couldn't breathe.

This is the one that captures the ladies' hearts.

Look at that. Oh, yeah.

Two manatees floating in formaldehyde.

Two sea cows... You said it.

Trapped in a Floridian sewer. Slope-shouldered. Look at this.

Oh, my God.

Manatees. Correct, sir.

Look at me. I love the just...

I gotta stop saying, "Look at me." It feels disingenuous. Look at him.

But still not sold. Still piecing it together.

I love it. The brain chemistry's been slowed down slightly by the blow... to the head, but... Oh, God.

There we go. Look at him.

Now we've got Grapes of Wrath. The great Henry Fonda.

Grapes of Wrath. Voicing our thoughts.

Grapes of Wrath.

A little visual and oral pun.

Okay. I think that may be the only... tight close-up of me in the movie. No, on the contrary... there's more coming up. Look at those things, gleaming.

Now, this is...

Missy... Missy Doty. The great Missy Doty.

Now, I always cleaned my cutlery in every restaurant.

This is the only time you ever see me do it.

A little character detail.

The great Giamatti. Going deep.

Finding... Exactly. Finding the...

Finding the organic plankings. The subtle... That make Miles... the vibrant living character. I love you...

You kind of... I just swivel around.

Get such satisfaction looking at my food.

Look at you. Watch you, watch you. Just disgusted by the proceedings.

She's great, this girl. Look at you. Look at you.

Yeah, just wanna be left alone.

Also... Wait, there's a good...

"Did you ever...?" As if he's a real guy.

That's what I love, "Did you ever know...'?"

Wait, wait. Wait a minute. Longer hair.

As a doctor, I love that. He has longer hair.

Something about that thing makes you look so much more... wolf-like or something. It really emphasizes something about your eyes.

Yeah, it's right over there, past the buffalo.

Yeah, crimson and predatory, my eyes.

Yes, much more so.

Yeah, Jesus. And also the shirt, I think.

Yeah, yeah, you're right. Look at that.

This place was a trip. They didn't do anything to that place.

Men. Men. Look at the hooves. This place was just as is.

I think they moved that buffalo, didn't they?

No, everything's exactly where it was supposed to be.

I remember there was a big bear. Yeah, it was a polar bear.

Somewhere in there. It was like the fifth largest bear... ever riddled with bullets. Right, right. The fifth one.

You're right. Filled with grapeshot.

The fifth largest bear ass to receive grapeshot.

It took a 40 mm howitzer to bag this one.

But we got him. And here he is.

At A.J. Spurs. Who would have thought?

He was hibernating when we took him.

Alexander always told me he loved this scene.

It's funny, it's good. But you're very...

You have the cold eyes of a killer in this scene.

And you're almost tearfully beseeching me.

Well, yeah, at this point the insanity, it's gotten way too black.

The whirlpool of madness.

But you definitely have a cold-eyed... The eyes of...

The eyes of a killer.

The icy eyes of a madman.

The one final head shake. Oh, no, sir.

They don't understand.

Now, I draw your attention to something that you chose to do here... that I was thinking the other day was key to selling a lot of the humor of this.

You didn't have to be naked. You were genuinely naked.

Well, in the script, I had my underwear on.

And I remember a lengthy debate about, "wouldn't I have left my underwear?"

But it's just great that you're completely naked.

It's much better than if you'd been wearing your underwear.

Oh, yeah, just another... Flopping my sticky fruits... at every opportunity in a roomful of men.

Gripping your sticky fruits.


It was a great scene, this scene, I think. It's one of my... favorites in the movie.

Ran. Twisted my ankle too.

That's five klicks, Jackson.

Fucking-A right it's five klicks.

"That's five klicks, Jackson."

You go Vietnam-speak.

I really do. I really do. "Jackson." "Five klicks, Jackson."


I remember you wound into that.

I look like Trotsky here.

Yes, you do, my friend. I do. Selling the Trotsky thing here.

What? That's good stuff here, though.

Big deal. Don't worry about it. We'll call now and cancel your cards.

No, you don't understand.

The wedding rings. The wedding rings are in my wallet.

Fine. They're in your wallet.

And you left it in some bar. Christine will understand.

No, she had to order them special. It took forever.

They've got this design of dolphins and our names engraved in Sanskrit.

We gotta go back, man. Christine will fucking crucify me.

No way, no way.


Your wallet was stolen in a bar. It happens...

Making a leap from pathos to bathos.

But this is a great scene where it switches from humor to not funny.

But it's, you know...

Oh, God.

I just can't. I can't lose Christine.

I know I fucked up. I know I did a bad thing, all right?

Look at that. But your...

Your recognition there. I've seen the guy be like this.

That's really, yeah, very, very sad.


I just am...

Nicely played, sir.

Jarring. Jarring.

But, you know... A glimpse into the darkness.

It's an interesting point, though, that Alexander...

The first time I saw that scene, he... It was considerably longer.

And I think that by cutting it back, you don't force the audience... to feel a certain way. That's true.

Dissolving out of it, he lets the audience make their own choice...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. About whether... How ingenuous... or disingenuous Jack is. How much... Which is great.

And it allows that weird tone that he's always able to capture... something that's sad and also funny. I love that moment...

But that moment of recognition on your part, on Miles' part.

It was, like, "Wow. My buddy..." Right. "Oh, jeez." Yeah. "Oh, jeez."

"Because of my ankle."

This is good stuff here.

"Balling." "Balling."

Yeah, just like that. That's good. For chrissake.

Oh, fuck it. I'll go!

The music is just hilarious.

That's just like... It's just ridiculous.

Notice I don't try that hard to get out of the car.

No, you make a big gesture towards the door.

I love this. This is just good stuff here.

This is all, like... Now this place was...

It was cold again. Oh, yeah.

Now, where was this? Is this Lompoc? That was in Lompoc.

This was an interesting neighborhood. This was... The only thing...

This was a new door on this place... because the police had kicked the door down two weeks before... because it was a...

Like a meth lab. It was a meth lab, this place.

So I don't think they did a hell of a lot to this place.

They wanted to maintain the meth lab mystique.

Yeah, yeah.

I got a... The music that's playing is...

Character thing here once again. What's that?

Our man Giamatti... our operative in the field. Is he...? The details.

To conceal his own fingerprints... Correct, sir.

He pulls his sleeves down. Correct, leaving no trace behind.

Now, this place was... Yeah. Spooky.

It was spooky. They didn't do a whole heck of a lot to this place, I don't think.

No, Jane Ann Stewart told me that when they scouted it... they decided that it was ready to shoot.

Yeah. It's got the spackle on the walls, and the...

A little Pat Travers. Pat Travers.

"Smoking whiskey and drinking cocaine." Is that...?

Is that right? That's the...

That's the... The "tuneage" of choice.

That's the deep reach back from you. You know it. Alexander...

I couldn't remember the guy's name.

I wondered what that was. I remember the title of the song.

Drawn by the sounds of lovemaking. Just can't resist it.

Little peek at the copulation going on.

The rutting, indigenous species. Yeah.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

The great MC Gainey throwing it home. Oh, going at Missy Doty.

Throwing it home. This was a... Here we go.

The great touch is the hat. He's got his hat on.

And I think he's got his dog tags on. Yeah.

Does he have his dog tags on? I think so.

He had something on. Here you go.

It's well-calibrated. Here we go.

The fan? It builds nicely here.

Then you get a nice shoot-in. There you go.

Oh, look, a pointer. Look at him.

Oh, there he goes, that's funny. Up like a pointer.

Oh, look at him. Like a cat. Look at that.

Here we go. Now MC was playing this... Pretty nimble on the pursuit.

Unbelievably nimble for a big man. Here it comes.

For a big man, barefooted.

He got real close to me. Look at him.

Shit. Now, of course...

Now, he... Wow, there's a lot of... Boy. Boy.

He did shatter the window once. Yeah.

Correct? Was it the first take?

No, second take. Or second take?

He shattered the window with his prodigious junk.

Oh, here it is. Softly, here he is, like a baby.

Gazing. Lovingly.

My boy.

The journey home begins.

Windmills, windmills, lots of... Lots of windmills.

So is that Quixote and Sancho Panza? I believe that's a Quixotian reference.

Love this. What?

Look at this. It's just...

Not the right... Not the right...

Scornful. We're so scornful of each other all the time.

I have a red shirt on. You'll notice the burgundy-red shirt for the first time...

I believe. A splash of color.

Put on your seat belt, okay?

I was about to. What's the problem?


What are you doing, Jack? Hey!

Whoops. Oh, God.

Now, that was an impressive tree. The only tree for miles around.

Yeah. Now, wasn't that tree... some sort of historical landmark? You're right.

I don't remember exactly what it was... but there was some... It was the, you know...

Some Indian chief was hung, or something like that, from it.

I don't... Something horrible happened around it.

Watered with the blood of pioneers.


Whatever. "Whatever. Sorry."

Some derelict. Now, I just...

Coming up here is an interesting fact about how this was done... with the stunt driver driving the car.

They're gonna... You'll see.

Crumble movie magic here. You'll see.

On the left...

You know what? You can actually sort of tell.

See how he jiggled? Yeah. There's a guy dressed as a chair.

A guy dressed as a car seat... actually steering the vehicle. Yeah. With an actual... incredibly detailed, painfully detailed and accurate facsimile... of a car seat that he was wearing.

Which gave Tom and I no end of mirth at this guy's expense.

Gleeful howling. Yeah. Boy, he didn't appreciate that.

His name was Tom. That's right.

He's a nice guy. Yes, indeed. He was...

And he did outstanding work.

Well-built and freckly. Indeed, sir.

Was he? Yeah.

Coming up an awkward moment of masculine... There we go.

Masculine affection.

That's the best we could muster. Yeah, yeah, I know.

It's kind of all over for these two. It's sad, actually.

Yeah. "Nicely done." Like that moment.

No, yeah, no. "Nicely done."

You say it like you're saying goodbye to me.

Oh, kind of over for these two guys. People say to me:

"What's gonna happen? What's gonna happen to the two guys?"

I have no idea.

I don't think they're gonna be hanging out too much.

I like the slow push-in.

There she is.

You know what I love about this? I like when Alexander pushes it.

And it's just dialing in the sadness... and kind of the detachment. Yeah, I guess it's sort of...

From a family. I mean, Jack is... You're surrounded by a family now.

As much as it's not a good idea for you to marry into that family.

No kidding.

But it is, like, you know... Beheaded by an Armenian lord.

Yeah, really.

Saturday again. Full circle, Tom. Yep.

Now, this was remarkable. This was a real Armenian church... in Los Angeles, right? Montebello, California.

Correct, sir. Correct, sir.

Just outside of Los Angeles.

A rather... This was all...

No, go ahead. No, please. No, proceed.

I was gonna say a large Armenian and Chinese community.

Correct. The...

But it was at a... Yeah.

This is a... It's the real service and everything.

Oh, yeah. These people were very... I love that.

Look at my brother. I love the father. Looks exactly like you.

This guy was great. They were all incredibly nice people.

I mean, you know, I just love the...

There it is. I remember he didn't know... that part of the ceremony involved you guys putting your heads together.

He wanted us to have some kind of look, so we came up with this shot... because we didn't quite know what we were gonna do. That's a nice shot.

You said you feel like it's kind of the last moment of mischievous connection... between these two. It's kind of...

Yeah, the mischievous denouement. Nicely done.

The apotheosis of mischief.

Somebody commented to me just yesterday... about how you're watching me. Just kind of...

Well, this is actually kind of a frightening shot.

You're just totally sucked into another world now.


Why-A wry regard.

Ken Cortland. And...

And this is Jessica. Jessica Hecht.

A fine actress from New York named Jessica Hecht.

Again, friend of Sandra Oh's, I believe. Again, a friend of Sandra Oh's.

Fine, fine actress.

Ken Cortland.

It was great meeting you, Miles. Ken.

You know, just nonplussed.

I thought he overplayed that horribly.

No, I'm kidding. I'm really kidding.

Could be better, could be worse.

So, what's happening with your book?

Universally rejected. Strike three.

Extras are great. I mean, everybody just looks...

It was really the congregation of this church.

It was? Yeah, it was really...

This man here. Right there. An Armenian... Outstanding.

Did not speak English. I don't think...

Only spoke to me in Armenian. A lot of those people spoke English.

But he was so just... They were incredibly generous about...

Yeah, he was so kind of magnanimous that we were there at the church.

No, they were really nice. They were great.

Very nice man. Yeah, the whole... The whole... It was...

All those people were really great.

Yeah, the church was amazing.

Yeah. Love this right here.

You quit drinking? Really?

I'm pregnant.

Love this.

Paul. Brilliant. It really is a brilliant reaction. Brilliant.

He gave me a... Alexander's very smart.

He gave me a useful piece of direction, which was, "Try... Don't stop smiling."

Right. He said, "Just keep trying to smile." it's one amazing... He's really good about that stuff.

Amazing. You know, he's...

He was always, yeah, very detailed about stuff like that.

Unbelievable right there.


The penny drops. Yeah.

A lot of people say they think I'm gonna go off myself.

For people who haven't seen the movie, I probably just ruined it... because you wanted me to off myself.

America wanted to see me blow my brains out.

He breaks ranks. Nice little visual thing there.

That car is just great. Zooms off.

The car is like another character to me. Yeah. Oh, bigtime.

Now this, I took my life in my hands many times here... trying to get this shot because I would stop on the shoulder of the 5.

Oh, God. And have to pull out into traffic.

And that was in San Diego. That's right outside of San Diego.

Love this.

Yeah, like, I mean... Hearkens back.

Indeed, indeed, sir. A small gathering in a closet.

Nicely done, I hadn't even thought of that.

I guess people think I'm going to get a...

Yeah. You know, a Luger out of there.

And do myself in. A Walther.

A Walther. A PPK. A Walther PK.

This place was great. Now, that was also in Santa Maria.

Was it? I don't remember. Look at how blue...

But I love this. Look at the blue windows.

I love this.

Pretension has been abandoned.

Pretension, all of the self-delusion has been dropped, and he's...

The urinophilic ramparts have been... Stormed.

Have been... Have fallen. They've been laid siege to.

Are forsooth. Nicely done, sir.

And there we go.

I look like I should be in Fiddler on the Roof, though, a little bit, don't I?

The white shirt thing. I love that.

Yes, you are Topol-like.

Topol, oh, God. If only, Tom, if only.

Here we are, and what we're reading here is...

We're reading A Separate Peace. Yeah.

Which Alexander claims was a random choice.

But I can't believe that it was. Yeah.

Because it has such a... Oh, the passages.

Very specifically applicable.

And the story of A Separate Peace is the two friends.

The one guy kills the other guy.

Yeah. And...

But there's the introverted guy.

And there's the more extroverted guy. And I mean, it all sort of... fits perfectly. But that might just be my literal-minded take on things.

Sporting a nice tweed sport coat there.

And a worn canvas book bag.

The interior of this apartment was great.

Oh, yeah.

It actually always occurred to me that this is pretty hip. It's like it's kind of...

A little bit. Yeah, it's actually kind of a cool bohemian thing.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

There's something kind of cool about it. I mean, the art.

No, you're right. You're right. It's a good...

What are they, like, rattan shades?

Got a nice use of rattan.

This was actually... the very first thing we shot.

I remember. The absolute end of the movie... was the very first thing we shot, which was...

A little foreshadowing, perhaps.

No, the carved Oscar-like icon in the left corner of the screen.

With breasts on that one, though.

She's gripping herself.

With delights. Holding her sides with... An Academy tradition.


I love this stuff. It was nerve-racking.

I don't think I'd ever had to do that.

Shooting the very end of something, it was the very first thing we did.

And so I'm sitting there thinking:

"Well, it can only go up from here."

And again the dissolve.

But not a 300-frame one. That was a quicker one.

Let me know. I would say stop by the restaurant, but...

I'm not sure how much longer I'll be there. Because I'm gonna graduate soon.

Sexy, husky-voiced Maya. Beckoning.

Yes, indeed, a siren song drawing me in.

In we go. Well, I have very cheerful orange shirt on.

I look like a flamenco dancer.

Blousy. Blousy. Yep.

Like a buccaneer leaping up and...

Now... Capturing his lady fair.

Alexander says that... Right there.

She doesn't live there anymore.

Alexander's take is, the door opens and it's... some 72-year-old woman in a wheelchair. Yeah.

Well. Well, Tom, it's...

Paul, you... Once again, Tom, we...

There's the cast. Joe Marinelli, Toni Howard.

Rob Trow, "Obnoxious Golfer." Khoren Babouchian.

Rob Trow was the obnoxious...

Jaren Coler, the Windham Hill-ish guitarist.

Acoustic guitar. George Parra. Nice.

Nick Satriano. And Ginger Sledge.

Everybody doing Dondi Bastone. Yeah.

Glad we got Frank Gaeta on sound design.

Tracy Boyd. Our friend.

Yes, indeed, a fine man. Everybody, every last, every man Jack of them.

I'm Thomas Haden Church. And I'm Paul Giamatti.

And thanks for watching. Thank you.

Good night. Good night.