Slap Shot (1977) Script

Indian Spring Water

Pure spring water brought right to your door.

The taste you remember from childhood.

Indian Spring Water Call your local Indian Spring man.

He's in the Yellow Pages. It's only a few pennies a day.

Enjoy the winter clearance sale at Howlands.

All prices drastically slashed.

50 percent off on ladies' parkas.

Come on and see it.

53 Market Street at the sign of the winking owl.

WBROL, Charlestown.

Channel 8's 11:00 movie, Richard Anthony in High Risk Devils.

And now back to Jim Carr's Sports Talk.

Hi, Jim Carr again.

Denis, I know that some in our audience don't know the finer points of hockey.

Could you tell them, for example, what is icing?

Icing happen when the puck come down, bang, you know, before the other guys, nobody there.

My arm go comes up, then the game stop, then start up.

I see. What is high-sticking?

High-sticking happen when the guy take the stick, and he go like that.

You don't do that. You don't do that?

Oh, no, never, never. Why not?

Against the rules. You know, you're stupid when you do that.

Just some English pig with no brains, you know.

What is slashing?

Slashing is like that, you know.

And...there's a penalty for that?

Yeah. And for trip also, you know, like that.

And for hook like this. And for spear like that.

All bad.

You do that, you go to the box, you know.

Two minutes by yourself, and you feel shame, you know.

And then you get free.

The Chiefs are at home tonight against Hyannisport at the War Memorial at 8:00.

Good seats are still available.

A look at sports.

I think that went well.

At defense for the Chiefs, number 5, Billy Charlebois!

At center for the Chiefs, number 7, player-coach Reggie Dunlap!

Dunlop, you stink!

At left wing, number 10, Ned Braden!

I hate you, Braden!

Playing right wing, number 14, Jean-Guy Drouin!

Frog pussy!

Ladies and gentlemen, our national anthem.

Go get them, kid. Hey, Denis!

How's it going, Nick? I'm drunk.

Nah! I'm not bullshitting ya. Got shitfaced on the bus.

Louise left me, and that son of a bitch keeps playing me when he knows I'm shitfaced.

Geez, I'm really sorry.

Anybody throws me against the boards, I'm gonna piss all over myself.

Take it down to the other end, Ned.

I thought I'd get Jerry one of those "Great Ideas of the World" sets.

You can look up the ideas alphabetically: arts, mechanics, philosophy.

Yeah. Johnny always says you can just screw so much and drink so much.

He's screening me! Move him out!

We got Charlestown trailing three to nothing with 10:48 left in the first period.

Oops! Correction, folks, that's two to nothing.

We don't want to make it any tougher for the Chiefs than it already is.

That's what you're paid for, Braden!

Try winning a game for a change.

Nice going, kid.

ANNOUNCER.' Number 10, Braden, with his 18th goal of the year.

Assisted by number 7, Dunlop, and number 14, Drouin.

Ned Braden is now the leading scorer in the Federal League.

Tie it up out there, guys!

Come on, defense. Get the puck outta here!

Hit him, Billy, hit him!

With us in the press box is injured Chiefs' defenseman Dave Carlson.

Dave, is it tough sitting up here watching your team lose like this?

Definitely, Jim.

You injured your knee in the Peterboro game.

No. No? I thought you had.

No, I have a cold. The runny nose, sore throat, all that.

I went out in that storm last week to start my car. I didn't have my jacket on.

It may have settled in my kidneys.

We got action here.

Hit him with your purse, ya pussy!

Jesus, look at Brophy. He's plastered!

He told me so!

If anybody boards him, he's gonna piss all over himself.

Piss all over himself.

Faire "pipi," eh? No, no, I okay.

Clear the puck, Billy! Get this guy outta my crease!

Joe McGrath. Oh, yes, miss!

Get off the ice, Nick. You're gonna kill yourself.

They're on the ice right now giving their all. They will be ready.

Ensemble number 32, entitled "Omar Sharif" and modeled by Chiefs' defenseman Billy Charlebois who hails from, if I can read the card, Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.

Notice the padded shoulders, giving the '40s look.

You look nice, real spiffy.

Keep in mind that the perfect accessory for the man in your life is a season ticket to the Chiefs games.

I look like some cocksucking faggot! You seen Reg or Braden?

Joe, enough's enough.

Nowhere in my contract does it say I gotta make a fool outta myself.

Have you seen Dunlop or Braden? I'm gonna flash them, Joe.

I'm gonna walk down that aisle, open this bathrobe and wiggle my dick at them.

You will not. Yes, lam, Joe. You know why?

Because I want you to have a heart attack and die so we never have to do this again.

You and your fucking fashion show! It's good publicity.

You fellas have not been drawing them in the way you have in the past.

I'm gonna wiggle it at them, you cheap bastard. You better be prepared

'cause when I yank it out, everybody in that audience, with the exception of my wife, is gonna be running for the exits.

Ensemble number 8 as we watch Chiefs' defenseman Johnny Upton...

Joe McGrath here. Just checking on Dunlop...

We have two generations of pro hockey with us for you folks to call in and question.

Player-coach Reggie Dunlop and right wing Ned Braden.

Reggie, you represent the old guard, one of the iron men of the Federal League.

You've been playing pro hockey for how many years?

Quite a few, Jim.

Is that right'? And on the other side of the scale, Ned Braden who's a college graduate, and an American citizen!

You went to Princeton and were All-Eastern.

That's what it said in the yearbook, Jim. Okay.

Our lines are open. Anything you folks wanna know about the fascinating world of pro hockey, here we go!

Hi, there. Jim Carr. What's your question?

Dunlop, you old fan', why don't you get outta the game and let...

We... We're gonna spin some music while we're waiting for our next caller.

Jim, I know a lot of kids would enjoy coming to the games to see a great veteran like Reggie Dunlop skate.

While we're waiting for our next caller, we'd like to remind you folks calling in to keep your questions within the boundaries of good taste.

What kind of broad is it who calls up and says something like that?

They're supposed to be our fans.

Just 'cause we're losing... Who cares? It's over.

Idiot McGrath and his shitty P.R. schemes. I hate that cheap bastard.

What are these poor fuckers gonna do when they close the mill?

They ain't closing the mill!

They're just jacking the guys around so they'll feel happy they got jobs.

It's the old tactic, the mind-fuck.

Announced it this morning. April 1, they shut it tight.

Yeah? Yeah!

That's a big surprise.

Ten thousand mill workers have been placed on waivers.

What the hell are they gonna do with them? I don't know.

Every sucker for himself.

Hey, who's she?

Slipped my mind.

Oh, yeah? Maybe your wife'll remember her.

You're the best girl in the whole world. Yes, you are.

Ruby! How's my Ruby? How's my girl, huh?

You're a sweetheart. I missed you. You're a sweetheart.

Are you my girl?

Beginning to like it here, huh? No, I hate it here!

I'm cracking up. You know what I mean? You don't look bad.

I can't figure it out. I'm slipping fast. I think you look fine.

Slow down. You're making her nervous.

Jerry, I'd like to cancel the order. Joe?

And there's another matter that's come up and is kinda important...

Would you hold it a minute?

Joe, what happens to us when the mill closes?

Don't worry about it. The new boys are coming in on the 4:15 bus.

I wanna know what happens...

Who are these guys? I never even heard of them.

Son, just pick them up and take them over to the hotel.

I've done enough shit work.

The fucking fans are calling in with dirty talk.

Nothing in my contract says I gotta... Do you see this quarter?

It used to be a nickel. Now, the golden years are behind you.

One season, maybe two, you'll be hanging up the blades and retiring the ax.

Fuck it. Then you'll remember it was Joe McGrath who trained you for the front office.

I'm sorry, Jerry. Like I say, I'd like to cancel the order.

In fact, I've got some equipment I'd like to sell.

Skate sharpener, massage table, jacuzzi, our bus.

Transways Express Flyer, number 83 for Pittsburgh, Cleveland...

Hey! Hey!

Hey! You guys the Hanson's?

Fucking machine took my quarter. Who are you?

Reggie Dunlop, the coach. Grab your frigging gear and let's get going.

Okay. C'mon, Steve. Let's go. Took my quarter!

You think they show Speed Racer here?

Hey, guys! Hey! Wait up. Hold up.

Look what I got!

You guys triplets or something?

No, I'm in the middle. Steve's 20, Jeff's 18.

Where are you from? Iron League.

The Iron League, huh? Lotta fights? Nah.

Hey, I want a soda!

We paid for you here for a week, then you gotta find a room of your own.

Okay, coach. Gimme a grape or an orange. None of that root beer!

We go on the road tomorrow...

We're on the road in the morning. I don't want any...

The bus leaves the War Memorial at 8:00 A.M.

I gave you a quarter at the bus station.

Well, will you give me another dime?

I'm saving the dime to call Mom.

Jesus Christ.

You cheap son of a bitch! Are you crazy? Those guys are retards!

I got a good deal on those boys.

The scout said they showed a lot of promise.

They brought their fucking toys with them!

I'd rather have them playing with their toys than playing with themselves.

They're too dumb to play with themselves!

Every piece of garbage that comes on the market, you gotta buy it!

Reg, that reminds me.

I was coaching in Omaha in 1948, and Eddie Shore sends me this guy who's a terrible masturbator.

Couldn't control himself.

He would get deliberate penalties so he could get into the penalty box all by himself, and damned if he wouldn't, you know.

Oh, Joe, Jesus.

What was his name?

Move back. There you go. Number three.

No one can take your place if you get hurt If you get hurt

"To see the three Chiefs make a scoring rush, "the bright colors of their jerseys

"flashing against the milky ice was to see a work of art in motion."

That's good writing, Dickie.

I was trying to capture the spirit of the thing.

Oh, you did.

Want a beer to go along with that?

It's ridiculous for us to be here.

We stick out like a couple of sore thumbs.

I'm doing what I like. It's making you crazy too.

You're turning into a zombie. You told me so.

I don't wanna have a fight again.

"Rookie goalie Denis Lemieux

"continuing his brilliant first season with the Chiefs..."

My father'd give you a job. Your father'd give you a job.

I'm all for that. Always good to have choices.

I just wanna get out of this goddamn dump!

You take the van. I'll keep the dog.

Hey, Lily! Come on... What's the matter with her?

You're bullshit! You're really bullshit! You're drunk!

You're right, he's bullshit.

Yeah'? Well, he and I are the only decent items in here.

Why should she give a shit what other people think of her?

She's just scrapping!

My heart goes out to her.

You guys gotta stop losing. Get the power play together.

We're working on it.

Is he nice to her?

Yes. He love her! He tell me, "I love her!"

God, maybe Braden's a faggot. Ever think of that?

You crazy! He has a big cock like a horse!

You think that lady in the red dress will go home with me?

No, she's not your type. How much?

Five dollars she don't even look at your face.

Aha, ha, aha You've got a cute way of talking You've got the better of me

Just snap your fingers and I'm walking Francine, you look terrific. You're right.

You've been had. That's his wife.

So, how's your money holding out?

There's a beer in the fridge if you want one.

Is that a new dress? Sort of.

Looks good. Kinda tight.

I think I'm gaining a little weight.

I don't know. Maybe it's better tight. Maybe.

Is that the first time you wore that dress?

Been going out? Getting around?

Been seeing somebody in that dress?

Making out?

That's none of your business anymore.

Jesus Christ, Francine. I think about you all the time.

Nothing is ever over.

If I wasn't so goddamn busy, I'd see more of you.

I was gonna come down the other night and ask if you wanted to go to the Aces.

But, I don't know, something came up.


You need dough?

Save your money, Reggie. You're gonna need it.

Who me?

The minute they close the mill, the Chiefs are gonna fold.

That's bullshit.

These people are gonna be broke.

They're not gonna be going to hockey games.

And you're not getting any younger.

I've got nothing to worry about.

I coach. I got experience. You're no good at it.

Every player on that team thinks I'm the greatest.


You're a losing coach. You can't make them win.

Ah, geez.

I was thinking about you the other day.

I was trying to imagine you when you were through with hockey, and I couldn't.

There was nobody there. What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna come back to you!

Too little too late.

Hey, Charlie!

Ned? Ned!

I underlined the fuck scenes for ya.

Get back in the van. You're gonna catch pneumonia.

Go on back to the van 'cause you're gorgeous and you're gonna catch pneumonia!

Go get her, Billy.

Back in the old iron lung.

She underlines the fuck scenes for ya?

She underlines the fuck scenes, she must worship the ground you walk on.

They teach you how to underline in college.

Not the fuck scenes, they don't.

Braden, you gotta learn to put out more. You know what I mean?

Holy Mother of God! Ned, are you seeing what I'm seeing?

Hey, Billy.

Jesus, it's finally happened.

Hi, guys. How ya doing?

They're horrible looking!

Don't look at me. It's McGrath's doing, not mine.

What'd the old man trade for these assholes? A used puck bag?

I think it's a fucking disgrace.

Watch Braden. He's gonna do something. Hi.

Are you guys brothers?

Are you guys brothers? What a life!

Bets on the trip.

Walter's entrusted me with our E.T.A. to Lancaster. $5 limit.

I'm ready to take estimates from the membership.

Walter's the leading contender... Hey, Reg.

...for the outdoor record Charlestown to Lancaster.

All aboard, son. Let's go, Walt.

Where are the new boys? Oh, son. There are your brothers.

Why is the fucking old man making this trip?

I don't know.

McGRATH: We're expecting great things from you boys.

Walt, you didn't tell me you were holding out on your old bookmaker.

I'm gonna have to give them odds!

Ooh, and it's all right And it's coming on We gotta get right back To where we started from Love is good, love is strong On the stick. Let's go, Denis. Two dollars.

Two bucks. I'll call.


Let's see it. Two and sixes.

That's nice! I'm out.

Kings over!

Fuck! I lose my blouse. Shirt. Shirt.


If you sign your contract over to me, I'll prorate your losses.

Jesus Christ, Braden! You would, wouldn't you?

My ambition is to win all your contracts.

Become the owner of this fucking club, run it my way.

I'd make a fortune.

Compulsory fashion shows every afternoon.

Radiothons twice a week.

Recycled jock straps.

Who owns the club anyway?

I don't know. You don't know?

What do you mean? A corporation owns it.

Who cares? You get your check.

That's the spirit, Reg. Hey, pot's light.

Who's in? Not for long.

What's the game? Same game. Jacks or better.

With nothing wild, right?

...for two to gorgeous Honolulu!

Oh, my God! You'll be staying at the all-new...

Hey, Drouin, change the channel!

"Changez la canal. "

Jean-Guy, leave it.

Shittiest rink in the fucking league! Ice is a goddamn disgrace.

You oughta put some fucking Downy in these jerseys.

Hey, guys. Wow, we're in trouble.

What? Oh, shit, he's here!

Who? Ogilthorpe.

Oggie Ogilthorpe?

"Ogiltorp"? Ogilthorpe.

They oughta throw this fucking guy in San Quentin.

He is a criminal element.

The worst goon in hockey today. A real cement head.

Big Afro. Twenty-one, twenty-two. Watch out for him.

He's not playing. He's suspended.

That's Oggie! All right, guys!

Big crowd out there. Let's really try to win this one, hey, boys?

Gotta hand it to the old bastard. He's highly original.

That man traveled 15 hours by bus to say that?

That felt good.

What are you guys doing?

Putting on the foil! Every game.

You want some?


Jesus fucking Christ. They don't leave the bench.


McGRATH: Come on now. The Chiefs are a terrific organization!

But the mill is closing, and next year I'd be interested in a good front-office job.

Al, that's why made the trip!

I wanted to talk to you fellas face-to-face.

Excuse me just a minute.

Push that pelvis way up there.

Way, way up there.

Let's pay it smart out there tonight.

I wanna see a lot of work from you guys.

Use your heads on the ice out there, will ya?

Christ, we all know how to play hockey. Just play it smart.

Get out there and stick them!

Fuck them. Christ, pop them!

Let's get our share! Let's go! Come on!

Let's go now!

We need this win. We got a lot of losses...

Yeah, we got a lot of them!

Go to the top! That's what we're here for. To win!

Play heads-up out there. Let's be smart.

Man for man, we're better than any fucking club if we just put our minds to it.

Come on, Braden. Our line starts.

Come on! Let's go!

It's fucking embarrassing.

Come on, guys! We can get it back! What for? We're history.

What are you talking about? What does that mean?

McGrath's in there trying to get himself anotherjob. Fucking team's folding.

I knew there was a reason he made the trip. Nobody told me anything.

The fucker was holding onto the news until he could scrounge another job.

Jesus Christ. Cover his wrinkled old ass.

Fucking Chrysler Plant, here I come.

The team, fini, kaput. Fini?

Gears' goal scored by number 5.

Time of goal 8:04.

This is the last season. It'll be announced tomorrow.

I'm too old to be traded again. A one in a million chance.

I'm gonna be calling my brother-in-law in the fucking Chrysler plant.

Operator? Operator?

Bernard, they close it.

Yeah. I want to ├ęchanger.

Bernard, call Detroit. Tell them bullshit!

Yeah. Yeah, something. No, wait a minute.

Ned, what's ├ęchanger in English? Trade me right fucking now.

Trade me right fucking now!

And hang up.


Wait a minute. Reg?


Yeah? Hey!

If I had to do it again, I would've gotten an education.

You know what I mean? Look at Ned. He doesn't have to depend on hockey.

What are you doing here?

Where's Hanrahan?

I know a good bar here. The Palm Isle.

Fucked the barmaid last trip.

I mean, I walked into the place, she comes up to me without even saying hello, and just rubs against me... Come on, Mo. Jesus. What?

She had her jugs up against my suit.

Nipples as hard as little rocks. Right, Morris.

Yeah. What's the address?

Any of you guys know the Palm Isle in this town?

Yeah, don't move.

Before Larry has his one chance at our jackpot bowl, is there anyone you'd like to say hello to back home?

Ten bucks he says "all the guys at work." Wife and kids!

Look into the camera and say hello to anybody.

I'd like to say hi to all the guys at work if I can.

Put my fucking car back on the track!

One more lap! Hi, coach. Hi.

Two nothing. Two nothing. Brought your cars with you, huh?

We're on the road. All set to go.

Tell us when.

Oh, I'm shuffling lines around.

I'll let you know when I get it straightened out.

Okay, coach. See you later, coach.

Five nothing.

The thing's not working! I quit. I don't wanna play no more.

You broke the darn car. How am I supposed to play?

You are the first man I've slept with since I left Hanrahan.

Oh, Suzanne, a beautiful woman like you?

I've been sleeping with women.

Are you shocked?


Did you ever want to sleep with a man? No.



I don't blame you though. I mean, women's bodies are beautiful.

But men's bodies, I see them everywhere.

In the locker rooms, cocks all over the place.

Do you wanna know how it happened? No. That's okay.

No, that's all right, 'cause I have to tell it in court anyway.

Every time Hanrahan went out on the road, I would go over to this wife's house and we would get drunk.

We would talk about how depressed and lonely we were without the guys.

Every week...

Then, one night we were talking about how we hated the life, and how we had never done much of anything ourselves.

I don't know why, really.

We were like kids. We started playing with one another.

We were drunk as usual.

And the next week we did it sober, and it was terrific!

At the end of the day, I think about women, about women's bodies.

Maybe all that will change. Maybe I'll wind up sleeping with old goalies.

Things being what they are, who knows?

When Hanrahan found out about it, he went crazy!

He said if I was a dyke, that made him a queer.

And he started slapping me around. I ended up in the hospital.

Jesus! Yeah. I'm on the lam. I'm hiding out.

We play him next week, you know.

Oh, God. I got so sick of those games. They seem so childish.

The Chiefs are folding.

The mill's closing and the economy and stuff.

I just found out about it. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Christ, a handsome man like you, Reggie?

It ain't easy.

I don't see myself in one of those bullshit 9:00 to 5:00 jobs.

You could get traded. Suzanne, I ain't a rookie anymore.

So far as the coaching goes, the Chiefs are...

Hey, use your imagination. That's what I've been doing.

Look at me!

Here I am a no-good, runaway hockey wife.

A dyke?


Turn it off! I hate it!

I hate it. Turn it off! Don't touch that television set!

I'm sorry about the Chiefs, Reg.

I'm doing a tribute to the team on Sunday.

"Chiefs fold. A sad commentary." Somewhat along those lines.

Dickie? Huh?

Something's afloat. On the Q.T., I think they're gonna sell us.

It's hush-hush and I can't name names, but let's say that there's a senior citizens' community in the market for a hockey team.

The Chiefs?

Actually, it's Florida.

They're getting a bunch of old geezers from the northeast.

And what do you think those old geezers really miss in Florida?

I think there are a lot of shysters in Florida.

Hockey. Their own team. A Saturday night game.

Hell, those poor old people, they gotta have something to root for.

You're a pussy!

Daddy, he called me a pussy, and then he changed the station.

Don't bother your daddy now. Work it out amongst yourselves.

So, now...let me get this straight.

A retirement community has bought the Chiefs.

Oh, no! No. I said negotiating.

That's not much to go on!

Dickie, they've already built the rink!

They've dumped a lot of capital into this.

What they're really looking for is a cheap deal on a team.

And since we ain't exactly the Boston Bruins...

How could anybody in his right mind buy a fifth-place team?

That situation is gonna be changed, I guarantee you.

Come on, watch your wing!

Hey, Hanrahan!


Cover the point! Goddamn it, cover the point.

Come on, Mo! Give it to them!

It's along the boards. Nail him! Nail him!

Hanrahan, Suzanne sucks pussy!

Get him the fuck outta there, will ya?

Behind the net!

Hanrahan, she's a dyke! I know! I know!

Take it out!

She's a lesbian!

Son of a bitch! I'll kill you!

You're nuts, Hanrahan!

He wouldn't dare pull anything like that on Johnny.

It's all over, it's all over. That's it.

That's it, that's all, that's it.

Go! What the fuck?

He's the fucking one who started it.

Son of a bitch! Jesus Christ!

Son of a bitch, I'll kill you!

We got one!

Good job, guys. That's the way! Two points, that's it!

My allergy to those fucking fans, you know, has returned.

That ends the longest fucking losing streak.

What'd he say to Hanrahan? Two points, eh?

Hey, Reg? Reg, what'd you say to him?

I told him his wife was a dyke. No!

Yeah! Fuck.

Jesus Christ! No wonder he flipped his lid.

Anybody who'd call my old lady a dyke, I'd go fucking bananas.

His wife is a dyke!

Jesus Christ. Poor fucking guy. Does that make him a fag?

Fuck him! Hanrahan's an ape. I knew it'd piss the shit outta of him.

She's a fantastic gal.

I mean, fantastic! I knew it'd drive him berserk.

You nailed him, coach.

You nailed him in the fucking head. Nailed him in his mind.

He deserved it! Yeah, yeah!

That was wrestling shit out there.

They didn't have a backup goalie. It was a garbage goal.

No. You gotta twist them and fuck with them.

It was a garbage win.

Hey! Hey, Lily!

Lil, where're you going?

Hey, Lily!

Hey, Lily.



Jesus, Lily, there's been three rapes and two murders in this park in one year.

I didn't do it.

We're gonna freeze. If you leave, you won't have that problem.

What's the story on that dog? What?

What's the story on that dog?

That's the dog that saved Charlestown from the 1938 flood.

Well, fuck him.

He's just gonna shock her with his views on life.

If you were to come up to my apartment right now, I'd fix you something hot to drink, I'd rub your back.

Maybe we could find a good game on TV. Great.

I'd even fix you something to eat. Tell you some stories.

By the time pneumonia set in, you'd be sound asleep.

I'll see you around.

He's been so kind to me.

He comes in every day.

He doesn't want to rush your progress now.

I'll invite him out to the summerhouse tonight so we can talk about you more.

I wish I could put my arms around you.

When you get out of this jacket, you can.

Hi, guys. Hi, coach.


I sold your car.

My 2602? Yes.

But that was my car!

Alex, don't you remember?

When you had the amnesia, you gave me power of attorney.

I'd forgotten.

That cunt is no good. Nice talk.

I've botched up everything, haven't I?

She do that on purpose to make him crazy so he don't know what he's doing.

Cynthia Pierce is having an affair with Carl Barton.

She's lying to him.

Oh, Alex, you mustn't be weak.

I don't believe this. I don't frigging believe this!

Hey. you guys, listen.

"Chiefs Sought by Florida Retirement Communities."

Come on, Dave! Listen, Johnny. It's right here.

J.G., Jimmy, come over here. Listen to this.

"Unidentified but reliable sources have informed the Times Herald

"that a St. Petersburg, Florida retirement community

"is negotiating with the Charlestown Hockey Corporation

"for the purchase of the Charlestown Chiefs."

It's right there. Look!

I don't believe that. Dickie Dunn wrote this.

It's gotta be true. That's fantastic!


What sucker would buy the Chiefs? Jealous, big guy?

Your mother should've bought you skates!

Cut off my balls I'll be skating in Florida We're gonna miss you guys. Here's to the sap that would buy the Chiefs.

Hell! Here's to the Sunshine State!

Here's to all that gorgeous snatch in F-L-A.

Guess who?

What's wrong, Reg?

Oh, nothing.

You got an expression of sadness on your face.

I guess this is my last season.

No, it's not. We're being bought.

You get to be my age, you gotta think about retiring.

I know all the other teams laugh at me.

That's not true. They do. I hear them every game.

They're just saying that to get you upset. it doesn't mean anything.

Thanks, kid. Maybe you're right.

Drouin, open your fucking eyes!

Tough news, Barclay. Sorry. What fucking news?

Minnesota dropped ya. It's in Hockey News. I'll save it for ya.

I got a contract!

C'mon, let's go! Let's go!

You know what your problem is? You're too fucking old to play this game.

Take that sentence back!

Too much too soon.

Guys, hold it! Hold it!

That's it. Hold it! Let's go!

Dave, hold it steady. You're making me miss.

You got him, Dave!

That's crap. Did you hear what he said? He shouldn't have said what he said.

You don't say stuff like that when you're on the ice.

Let's win the frigging game.

We are winning the frigging game! You goon!

You wanna say some more? Yeah, yeah! You ugly bastard.

Yeah! Yeah! Get him!

We were there. We saw it with our own eyes!

Dave. Damn lard-ass.

Barclay Donaldson jumped us. Sure did.

Gloves off, stick down, no warning. He challenged the Chiefs!

Called us names! He called us names!

But Dave was there. Dave's a killer!

Dave's a mess.

Okay, but Dave's out.

Who's gonna take his place? ls the answer Jesus?

Okay, guys, show us what you got.

God save us.

Kill the bastard!

I do not believe my frigging eyes.

These guys are a fucking disgrace.

I'm telling you, Broom County is visibly upset by this display.

Come on down. Bring the kids! We got entertainment for the whole family.

There goes Jeff Hanson into the corner. I think it's Jeff. No, it's Jack.

It's 17. I'll check that later.

He puts a crushing check on him on the boards.

Things are really going on out there now.

Steve is in front of the net. I think that's Steve. Yeah, it is Steve.

I think that was Jack. Well, it was Jeff or Jack.

These brothers are stomping all over the...

Hold it!

You, out! What?

You, out! What for?

You, out! No, no! We're fucking robbed!

Get your eyes examined, you idiot!

What were you doing anyway? They're all gone!

No, no. It's self-defense, for Chrissake.

How much do you expect a man to take?

Don't come near me!

What are you running here? A goddamn dance floor?

Open it.


Joe, who own the Chiefs? Owns! Owns!

Owns! Owns!

I don't know.



What? He don't know.

How'd you ask him? I say, "Who own the Chiefs?"

What'd he say? For Chrissake! Owns! Owns!

I don't care who own the Chiefs. I hate it here.

Make me sick, my allergy. Puke every time.

Like that. Puke!

You're a goalie. You're supposed to be like that.

Somebody own the Chiefs. We go to Florida, and I get the money!

That's nice.

I don't like the way they cover theirjugs all up with the feathers.

They are so beautiful.

They oughta cut the costume a little higher in the thigh so you can see more ass.

You make me sick when you speak, Morris.

This isn't art. This is sex!

Ogilthorpe fucked her, you know.

Yeah, it's true! I heard it from a couple of guys.

Ogilthorpe fucked the last girl on the pinwheel of the Ice Stravaganza.

That's her there.

Jesus Christ.

Get your butt in gear, for the love of Mike!

Slow down the main line. Going too fast.

You gals like skating, huh? Sure.

I mean, dressed as bluebirds with all them feathers on, racing around the ice!

You should talk. Well, I just asked outta curiosity.

I like to see how the other half lives.

Renee, I like to skate too, but the "hair" is rotten here.

Hair? Yeah, the hair.

Air! It make me sick.

Your face is a mess. I got cut in a fight, see.

It looks sort of cute.

Are you a fighter? Nah, I'm a lover.

Is your team any good?

No. In fact we're so bad that we're disbanding.

What about Florida, eh,Reg?

We gotta win.

We won three games in a row. Yeah, we're on a roll!

We're gonna win.

How's Oggie Ogilthorpe? Who?

Oggie Ogilthorpe. You know old Oggie.

Oggie. AHERN: Think he's all he's cracked up to be?

Is he a nice guy?

I'll be right back.

Reg, you're really doing great! You got them going!

Yeah, you betcha!

Hey, coach! How ya doing there?

Son of a bitch!

Where the hell did all this beer come from?

From the owner. The owner?

Yeah. How's his family, Reg?

He told me to tell you he's really glad that we're winning.

It's gonna make it easier to close that Florida deal.

You find the guy's name? Oh, yeah.

He's a neat guy. Looking to get us bonuses.

That's good news, eh? Yeah!

What? Beats me.

What the fuck is that?


Where? Oh, yeah!

Hey, I think you're wonderful!

We thought it'd be a big surprise. It's wonderful!

You look like my mother! You're beautiful!

Yea, Billy!

Hey, Eddie! It's me, Reg. How are you?

Oh, Jesus, we're kicking the shit out of everybody.

We're unbeatable! Listen, I got a favor to ask ya.

Yeah. Remember Francine?

All together in one room! Why not?

My ex-wife.

Yeah, the pretty one. Has she been in there?

Four to a room! We're the Chiefs!

It's against our policy. Bullshit!

A couple tickets in it for ya. Which bar?

Wait a minute. Hold it. Everybody's gone bananas in here.

They convicted Ogilthorpe.

Help me. Get the manager. Somebody, help me.

Eddie, listen, this guy she was with, what'd he look like?

It's their rink, it's their ice and it's their fucking town.

But tonight we got our fans with us!

They spent their own dough to get here, and they came here to see us!

All right, let's show them what we got, guys!

Get out there on the ice and let them know you're there.

Get that fucking stick in their side. Let them know you're there!

Get that lumber in his teeth. Let them know you're there!

Bleed all over them. Let them know you're there.

Give them a good warm-up, Denis. Come on, fellas!

Good game tonight, guys. Let's go.

The Peterboro Patriots versus the Charlestown Chiefs.

Brought to you by Sheehan's Rustproofing.

The Chiefs have just come out on the ice for a warm-up period.

They're about to try for their fifth consecutive win.

They're getting a good round of applause from their own booster club who have traveled from Charlestown to be here in Peterboro tonight.

There's no one to stop it because there are no officials on the ice.

What has come over the Charlestown Chiefs?

And the rockets' red glare The bombs bursting in air Gave proof through the night That our flag was still there Got my eye on the three of you.

You pull one thing, you're outta this game.

I run a clean game here. I have any trouble, I'll suspend ya!

I'm listening to the fucking song!

Yet wave O'er the land of the free No, no, no.

To Mrs. Reggie Dunlop from Reggie Dunlop.


Well, make it station to... Operator, I'll pay for the call here.

Hey, Walt! What are you doing?

Making it look mean!

Atta boy, Walt.

Honey? We won last night!

Yeah, we won. I got a good winning streak go...

Who is this?



Met a little girl Her name was June A little bit south of Saskatoon Me and Junie Mae we got on fine Till I had to move on down the line Gin.


Hey, Reg? Yeah?

I think I'm gonna change my name.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. "Killer."

That's got a nice ring to it.


I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna goon it up for ya.



I'll bench ya.

I'll take my chances.

Pick up the boosters!

Pull over, Walt.

Let the girls in here with us. Come on, Walt, pull over.


My husband'll kill me if he finds out.

Their bus is coming up the street! They're coming!

We don't need you here!

There's no room in sports for people like you!

Get outta town!

We're at seven, one. There's the face-off.

Charlestown Chiefs seem to be coming down ice with the puck!

Kill those Hanson creeps!

You goons can't skate!

We like to see an old-fashioned brand of hockey played here.

You're a bunch of animals, you Hanson apes!

Come on!

Get outta town, four-eyes!

Is this the guy? Yeah, that's him!

No, he's over there!

Look at that! You can't see. I'm on radio.

No, not him! That's the one!

Go fuck a moose, Froggy!

Think we should get into this? Just a thought.

It wasn't me!

No, Jeff, it's the other guy!

Do you think the old folks in Florida are gonna like these guys?

I don't believe a word of that Florida shit.

Fans are standing up to them. Security guards are standing up to them.

The peanut vendors are standing up to them!

And, by God, if I could get down there, I 'd be standing up to them!

What hit ya? An object right in the face!

I know, but what was it? I don't know.

Key chain. You know, car keys, house keys.

Keys to the camper?

Hi, guys. The Hansons.

Hey, guys?

Put the fucking bus in gear. The cops have come for the Hansons.

The cops?

How many are out there?

The Hansons.

I throw up my hands.

I can't control them anymore. They gotta be punished.

Will you do me a favor and put them behind bars?

They're looking for you guys. There's gotta be some misunderstanding.

Tell them to come and get us. They don't wanna risk it.

Look at his lip.

Somebody threw a fucking tire chain. Hit him in the mouth!

Scratches, made by human fingernails!

This kid has taken a savage beating.

Fellas, there are six of them out there for us!

They're gonna put you in the same jail with Ogilthorpe.

Come on, you guys.

They'll let you make one phone call.

They book you and then give you a dime, and they let you make one phone call.

Call the pizza man!

Why don't you call a massage parlor?

Guys, we'll see you later. Bye.

Save me a piece of pizza.

Don't eat my watermelon sticks. They're all mine.

Don't admit to nothing, you guys!

Dickie, it's me, Reg.

They're putting the Hansons away on a trumped-up charge.

Someone threw a monkey wrench. Hit Jeff in the face.

No, they were defending the honor of Charlestown at the time.

The boosters are behind us a hundred percent.

Dickie, have you seen Francine?

Sergeant, you will never meet a greater champion of the pure sport of hockey than me.

Sergeant, I knew Eddie Shore and Toe Blake... You guys back there?

Peterboro lost tonight, so as of right now we're in the play-offs!

I would like to see the bail just a little more reasonable.

Joe, hurry it up. I wanna go home. Sergeant, when is the trial?

You can't leave those guys in there. They're folk heroes!

They're criminals. Most folk heroes started out as criminals.

You're asking an exorbitant sum. Joe, I got it here.

How much these goons gonna cost? $250 for each.

This young fella is in a hurry because he's got the prettiest wife waiting at home.

But she ain't happy. Sam, let them out.

I want a receipt.

Hey, hey, there!

Hey, coach. We got to keep our bracelets!

Thanks a lot, Sarge.

Let's get on the bus.

Look at that.

The boys and I want you to have this as a little memento.

It's a Chiefs' key ring. You can't buy these in stores.

Guys, we'll party in there!

Aren't those Hansons something?

They're sort of funny looking. Real funny looking.

They're probably real good guys.

Underneath. They couldn't be as dumb as they look.

Yes, they could. They're just goons.

Johnny doesn't care for the fighting. He told me so.

That's bullshit.

If we weren't so far below sea level, the radio reception here would be much better.

I'm getting tipsy! I've been shitfaced for the past week.

I only drink in the afternoon.

Or before a game... or when Johnny's away.

Me too.

If I'm not tight, I can't stand it. That's terrible!

It's sad, so sad So sad It's a sad, sad situation And it's gettin' more and more absurd

It's sad, so sad So sad Why can't we talk it over?

Oh, it seems to me That sorry seems to be the hardest word

How ya doing, Lil? Hey, Johnny.

Hey... Lil? Lil!

Hiya! Let's go someplace. Ya know the Aces?

Bully! Can the heavy stuff.

Let's start something. Get the fuck out, I'm going home!

Oh, yeah? Where's Braden going?

I got a better idea. Let's die in bed. You're nuts.

Jesus. You really married a weirdo. He don't run with the traffic.

Speaking of weirdos! Me? I'm normal.

Yeah? Well, then normal is fucked.

How come you talk dirty?

'Cause my family has money.

Leave him.

My wife left me. I was driving her crazy!

All she could do was drink and cry like you.

Every time she sees me, it drives me nuts

'cause I know she's asking herself, "How'd I get mixed up with a bum like him?"

Good question! Oh, yeah?

Next year you'll be asking yourself the same question about Braden!

He treats you like shit.

He told me the only reason you paid attention to me was to make him crazy so he'd fight.

Yeah! That's part of it.

But mainly it's because I think you're a champ.

Only you gotta stop killing yourself.

My place. That's a coincidence.

Get out!

Hey, you gotta roll with it, kid.

Use your imagination. That's what I've been doing.

I can get ya straight. Beat it.

Well, I'll see you later.

Hi, guys. I'm proud of ya. They're talking about you in the streets!

Coach, you want a white avenger? Nah. Gimme a cup of coffee.

That was a nice tribute to the guys, Dickie.

I tried to capture the spirit of the thing. Yeah.

Hey, guys. This is Dickie Dunn. He wrote the article on ya.

Hi, guys. Nice to meet ya.

I was trying to capture the spirit of the thing.


Hi, coach.

Hey, come out and see the game tonight. Compliments of the Chiefs.

Thanks, Reggie. You too.

Free tickets! Sure, spread them around, guys.

Compliments of the Chiefs. Thanks, Reggie.

You really taught that guy a lesson last night. He was sensational!

I guess that was a big fight. Are you in pain?

No, it hurt like hell! Oh, you poor thing.

Look, I'll make you a double dose of this stuff and you won't feel anything. Good.

What happened to you? He got that in the fight last night.

That is a very deep cut.

Will you be at the game?

If I see you in the stands, it make me feel better... a little.

Hey, Killer! Get them tonight!

Fucking wearing me out.

Reggie! Hiya, honey! How are ya?

You look a thousand years old.

It was along bus ride.

Did you listen to the game last night? Of course not.

We got a whole new attitude. It's bringing us success!

Any fool can fight.

No, I swear to ya.

The Chiefs are gonna be sitting pretty in Florida when this town's a stinking memory.

I've personally been talking to the owner, which is why I've been too busy to call you.

Every waking hour, I'm on the phone making deals...

Reggie, I'm moving. What?

To Long Island.

A gal who works in a shop there has a space open.

Business here is just dead.

Are you really going?

You know, we have to get divorced one of these days.

I mean, I could meet somebody. You could meet somebody.


Well, don't look so sad.

It's gonna be a big one! See those guys...

Reggie, look, I'm late. I'll write you when I get settled.

Hey, I'll try to call you before you go.

It sucks! No, son, it looks nice and it sells hockey.

It ain't mean enough. Put some blood in there.

Show somebody getting hurt. A groin injury!

Put the map of Florida in the background. Get some tits in there.

Put a "for sale" sign on the bottom.

I don't want any tits and I don't want any "for sale" sign.


Remember that great Peterboro game in '68?

Yeah. What about it?

Jacky St. Pierre's wife left him.

It was snowing like hell before we even got to the motel.


Jacky had a whole keg sent in.

Poor Jacky. He had a future. I told him to watch that drunk driving!

My God, Joe, did we ever get shitfaced!

And Jacky was running around telling everybody he was gonna get Jill back even if he had to beg her.

I told him not to do that.

Oh, I think he should've. She was a dynamite broad.

God did we get shitfaced. I liked Jacky.

Yeah, he could've been great. Yeah.

Remember I went to your room afterwards and you were dressed in chick's clothes?

Yeah, you had on this black bra with tassels.

You were dancing in front of a mirror with this zebra-skinned jock strap.

Remember how I screamed at you when you started coming on to me?

I said, "Jesus, stop it. I'm ashamed of ya." Damn you.

I wanted to tell you I forgot the whole thing.

Years have passed now. I'm sexually liberated.

I don't care who's a fag no more.

I mean, who cares? It's natural. It's all around us!

Who's the owner, Joe?

He's probably calling Florida.

See how the sale is going.

I was in Florida once on a southern tour where I met this little redhead who's an underwater specialist.

And the first thing she says to me was, "Come on out by the pool."

So I went out, and she comes leaping out of this cabana, wearing nothing but this little see-through wet suit.

Reg, I want a chair by the pool!

I want some snatch by the pool.

Reg, you want a coke?

No, I can't. I'm taping an interview at the station.

They're playing it at 4:00. Don't miss it.

That was some road trip.

Six straight wins and a whole new rash of penalty minutes.

We got a whole new attitude.

What about the Hanson brothers? What about 'em?

They're not just bullies?

What do you mean, "just bullies"?

They scare the bejesus outta everybody.


I'd like the folks to come down and watch us cream them punks from Syracuse.

Anything new on the sale of the Chiefs?

I think the negotiations are, you know, going pretty good.

I have a personal announcement.

I'm placing a personal bounty on the head of Tim McCracken.

He's the coach and chief punk on that Syracuse team.

A bounty? Yeah.

A hundred bucks of my own money for the first of my men that nails that creep.

That's 8:00 at the War Memorial.

The Syracuse and the all-new Charlestown Chiefs.

Thanks, Reg. Not to worry, kid.

I'm placing a personal bounty on the head of Tim McCracken.

He's the coach and chief punk on that Syracuse team.

A bounty? Yeah.

A hundred bucks of my own money for the first of my men that really nails...

Yeah? Are you nuts?

Bullshit. A bounty?

We could all end in the clinker for this! Big deal, Joe.

You can't put a bounty on a man's head! I just did.


Reg, it's Killer. Oh, hi, Killer.

I want that $100. Well, you gotta earn it, Killer.

My attitude's right. Okay, kid.

In-fucking-credible! Who is it?


Hi! Oh, hi.

What's up? Oh, Jesus.

Come on in.

Well, I did it. You bet you did. You did, you bet.

The wedding presents my side gave. Fifty-fifty, right?

Can you get my clothes? Yeah, sure.

Jesus, did you write him a note?

Oh, do you think I should've? I don't know.

He's gonna think the worst.

Hey, Lily, we're gonna have a ball! We are?

Except right now I gotta take a nap.

I put a bounty on this guy's head. If I don't get some shut...

If I don't get some shut-eye, I'm gonna get murdered out there on the ice.

Otherwise, you know, I would've given you a night on the town.

We could've gone to the Aces.

She won't mind. She's great to sleep with.

Ned sleeps with her before every game.

Her breathing makes him feel more secure.

Reg, I'm gonna get a grip on myself, start using my imagination, go with the traffic.

I've been going about this all wrong! I probably am terrific.

You want some spaghetti?


Run the siren. What?

Run the goddamn siren. I'm paying for it.

Let 'em know there's gonna be blood in there.

I can circle, but it's gonna cost you more. For Chrissake!


Don't ever play Lady of Spain again!

Jesus Christ.

Hey, McCracken!

Dunlop, you suck cock. All I can get.

One hundred dollar bounty on the head of famed Syracuse stickman, Tim McCracken.

McCracken, also known as Dr. Hook for his scalp-like prowess with the stick, has been known to carve a man's eye out with the flick of the wrist.

There's a carnival-like atmosphere here tonight.

The crowd has gathered. You can feel it. There's an air of expectancy.

Syracuse skating out now.

We're looking forward to a real contest tonight.

We'll be ready to face off at the middle circle.

The referee is ready to go. The linesmen for tonight...

Go, Chiefs, go! Go, Chiefs, go!

A hundred bucks says you're gonna crack my skull, huh?

I wouldn't crack your knuckles for a hundred bucks.

So he's bluffing?

Somebody's gonna kill you, you dumb son of a bitch.

But it's not gonna be me.

Good pass!

Come on, Ned, hit him! What's the matter with you? You're a Chief!

Come on!

You son of a bitch! Get over here!

You chicken-shit, yellow-belly... I just scored a goal!

They don't want you to score goals.

They want blood. They're booing you.

Go get 'em, Killer!

Come on, you son of a bitch! Come on!

Come on, Killer. We win 'cause I score goals.

Kiss my ass! We win 'cause I make 'em crazy!

Come on, nail him!

You don't make me crazy. I will, 'cause you're benched!

You want ice time, tell me when you want to play it my way.

You're the biggest pussy in the league. That's right! I like pussy!

Yeah? That's not what I hear from your wife. I hear...

Go get him, Killer!

Real old-fashioned guts for Dave "Killer" Carlson to jump into that fight with Tim "Dr. Hook" McCracken.

Ned Braden's come into the booth.

I noticed a discussion with Reg Dun/op.

Have you been benched? Yes, a first in my professional career.

Why is that? I won't fight.

You could play if you fought. Let's just say I'm chicken-shit.

Ned, tell me. Why would someone with your family background and education still be playing hockey? I hate my father.

I'm also having a lot of problems at home.

You are? I just said I was, didn't I?

They're sexual problems. I'm perverse.

I come here to get away from my wife! Holy shit!

This is Jim Carr...

We fight day and night. She wants me to quit hockey.

You may have noticed, she's the only good-looking piece of ass in Charlestown.

She also has a drinking problem.

At this moment, I have no idea where she is.

Gimme that goddamn mike! Why do you wear that rug?

It's sensationally ugly! You're going bald!

Can't you face up to that? At least I'm not chicken-shit like you!

What you're hearing is the truth. Jim Carr got angry!

Joe McGrath here. The boys like to horse around.

Chicken-shit bastard. Sawed-off old fart!

I may be bald, but I'm not chicken-shit. I wanna talk about violence.

Chick, chick, chick! Gimme that!

Son! Son! Son!

Hey. Billy!

Well, you're gonna be set, Lily.

Taking your destiny by the throat. You're in the driver's seat.

You're not having second thoughts about this, are you?

Sometimes I think I get it, and sometimes I think it's horseshit!

To doubt is human. You stick with Reg. I'm on a roll.

Bye, Francine. Come back and see us. I will. Thank you.

You're gonna need another 10 or 15 minutes.

Hiya! Hi.

This is Lily Braden, Ned Braden's wife.

Actually, she's on waivers.

She's in the market for a perm.

I said, "There's no one better than 0l' Francine."

Well, I don't think... The works! I'm buying.

I'll pay you back tomorrow. No, that's not the problem.

See, the problem is...

I never laid a hand on her. She's just a kid.

It's a pathetic story. It's pathetic.

You look terrific.

Be careful, girls.

There's TV Radio Mirror or Modern Screen. You were married to him?

For about a hundred years, but it's all over.

He's completely off his rocker.

I left my husband, too. Really?

I'm only halfway out the revolving door. You know what I mean?

Oh, it's lousy at first.

You think you're dying, but then it's fabulous!

You become a new woman! Yeah.

Reggie told me you'd gotten terrific since you left him.

He said that?

Well, you know what you have to do for yourself?

You have to get out there and circulate.

You can't sink into it. You have to get out there on the firing line.

Oh, my God! No, no, no. Really. It's not bad.

Look. If you did your cheekbones better, you could look like Cher.

Take this in the house. Can you handle it?

Hello there.

I'm Reggie Dunlop of the Chiefs. I came to see your husband.

Yes? I'm Anita McCambridge. How do you do?

Think you can help with these? Yeah.

Mom, I'm late. I gotta go.

Michael, you're gonna stay in the yard, put your jacket on, and carry one of these in.

Where's your husband? He's in puppy heaven.

I own the Chiefs.

This way.

What can I get you to drink? Canadian Club and water.

Nice place you've got here. Thanks.

To tell the truth, Mrs. McCambridge... Anita.

Yeah, Anita.

You know, we all read about the possibility of a Florida.

And the guys are getting anxious to find out what's going on.

I guess I'm their representative.

We've been doing real good. My accountant is certainly pleased.

Oh. How is the sale going?


Oh. Good.

You think you're gonna like Florida? Yeah.

Oh, you are very clever. What?

It's been so much fun waiting to see what you're gonna do next.

The articles in the paper are very funny. That sportswriter?

Dickie Dunn? Dickie Dunn.

You've certainly got his number.

The radio interviews are fantastic.

And the Hanson brothers? Oh, my God!

Well, attendance has quadrupled.

Yes. lam in the black for the first time in four years.

That's great.

I guess I owe that to you. Thank you.

You're welcome. So you can sell us real easy then, huh?

I could probably get some interest, yes. Oh, boy!

That's great! That's just great, Anita!

You know, for five months I've been trying to prove to you, without ever really knowing who you were, that you were wrong and we could get somebody interested in the Chiefs.

We could sew that thing up tonight, you know.

We oughta cream those guys. That's terrific.

But you have to understand that I couldn't make enough of a profit to have a sale be worthwhile.

My accountant tells me I'm better off folding the team, taking a tax loss.

You mean you could sell us, but you won't?

I could probably sell you, but I can't.


You know... We're human beings, you know.

I have to confess I've never let the children watch a hockey game.

I have a theory that children imitate what they see on a TV screen.

If they see violence, they'll become violent.

If they see someone stick up a bank, they'll stick up a bank.

Heroin. You name it.

You're fucked! What?

You are totally fucked!

You're garbage for letting us go down the drain.

Are you serious?

You could sell us. We're hot.

People go nuts for us. You could find a buyer.

I don't think you understand finance.

You know, your son looks like a fag to me.

You better get married again, 'cause he's gonna wind up with somebody's cock in his mouth before you can say Jack Robinson. How dare you!

How dare you!

Our listeners will be surprised to learn that you're a very soft-spoken young man, Killer.

Yes, I am.

I was watching kids play hockey the other day.

Five and six-year-olds, little mites. One said, "I'm Killer Carlson."

He picked up his little stick and creamed that other kid.

How do you feel about that?

The way I see it, the kid probably would've done it anyway.

A bad upbringing in the home or whatever.

That's interesting, Dave.

Could I be serious for a minute?

By all means.

I'd like to say that no matter how the game turns out tonight, I owe all that I am to our coach, Reg Dun/op.

He's had the greatest influence on me, aside, of course, from the Swami Baha, whose positive thinking records have been a tremendous help.

Positive thinking records? Yeah, that's right.

You can get them at any religious record store.

I know that thousands of people in Charlestown have lost jobs with the mill closing and all.

I see 'em walking around the streets depressed all the time.

I want to say to all you unemployed folks, you can get a whole new lease on life with these records, nothing will bother you anymore.

You can just go out and clobber the next guy in your business life.

That's very inspirational, Dave. Thanks.

Take care of yourself.

Jesus Christ, what a fucking nightmare.





Hey, come on back!

You don't have to fight. You can do whatever you want. It's up to you!

You know, I've had it with this show business crap too.

I don't know what hit me.

I'm driving up and I say to myself, "Who cares about Florida?

"Screw the sale. It's probably a bunch of crap anyway."

No, that's bullshit.


The team's history, kid. There ain't no next year.

I'm tits up after this game, no matter what happens.

But I'll tell you one thing.

We're gonna win that fucking championship tonight.

But we're gonna win it fair and square.

Old-time hockey. None of this wrestling shit.

You know, what the hell? It's my last game.

I'm gonna go out with style. Play it straight.

I'd like to have you there with me.

Oh, you know, Lily's been staying at my place.

She's a terrific gal.

We've been having a hell of a time.

Hey, Reg!

Yeah, what do you want? Want me to circle, run in with stretchers?

Get out of here, you goddamn parasite!

Get 'em, baby! Get 'em!

This is Jim Carr. Jeff Hanson, I can't tell you what you've done for all of us, the pleasure you've given us. I'd like to ask you one question.

Win, lose or draw, this is the Chiefs' last game before you leave Charlestown...

We're gonna kill 'em tonight.

What do you mean, Flood City?

Never mind, Jeff. I guess that's before your time.

Hey, Reg Dunlop. How about a statement?

Good game, fella. Good luck tonight. Get outta here.

Reg Dunlop has asked us to come back...

Come on, girls! Get out of here!

Come on.

No hit.

The Chiefs are history, guys. There ain't no Florida deal.

Come on, Reg. What are you talking about?

I just made that shit up. We're deader than this stinking town.

Hey! Dead history!

I conned you guys. I just lied to you.

We were never anything but a rich broads tax write-off.

It's never made a fuck's bit of difference whether we won or lost.

Nail 'em! Kill 'em!

We ain't been hockey players. We've been clowns.

We've been goons!

We've been freaks in a fucking sideshow.

We're a bunch of criminals. We oughta be in jail. That's all there is to it.

I'm ashamed.

Not you, coach. Yeah. I'm really ashamed of myself.

See, Ned was right.

Violence is killing this sport.

It's dragging it through the mud.

If things keep up the way they are, hockey players will be nothing but actors, punks.

I'm not playing my last game that way.

Last game? Yeah.

It's my last game, and I wanna play it straight.

No more "nail 'em!" No more "fuck with 'em!" That's finished.

I want to win that championship tonight, but I wanna win it clean.

Old-time hockey, like when I got started. You know?

Toe Blake, Dit Clapper, Eddie Shore. Those guys were the greats.

I don't know what to say. It's up to you.

Reg is our coach. Sure, old-time hockey.

Like Eddie Shore. Yeah!

Coach, our line starts? Sure.

We got a game to win.

This is the big one, guys!

Evening, boys.

Wimpy, how are ya? Crash, how are you? Scotty.

Better than Philadelphia this time.

You're gonna get an eyeball of the new Charlestown Chiefs.

Ladies and gentlemen, this has all the earmarks of a hockey classic.

The championship confrontation between the Syracuse Bulldogs and the...

Here they come now! The rags-to-riches Cinderella contenders of the Federal League, the Charlestown Chiefs!

Let's go, Chiefs! Let's go, Chiefs!

Let's go, Chiefs! Let's go, Chiefs!

Let's go, Chiefs! Let's go, Chiefs!

Ladies and gentlemen, I can't explain this delay.

I don't know why Syracuse has elected to miss the warm-up.

The Chiefs have already skated over to their bench.

It might be Syracuse is afraid to come out and face the Chiefs.

Oh, thanks, Bill.

Good heavens!

I've just been handed the Syracuse roster, and it appears the Syracuse Bulldog management is real thirsty for a big grudge-match type victory here tonight.

They've brought back for this one contest...

Here they come now, led by someone we all know very well, Tim "Dr. Hook" McCracken!

And here's a name from the past. Ross "Mad Dog" Madison.

Ross, as you know, never travels anywhere without his longtime friend and attorney, Sam "Small Print" Lyman.

And here's a name for you nostalgia fans.

Clarence "Screaming Buffalo" Swamptown!

I'll never forget an exclusive interview I did with him many years ago when Buffalo revealed that he liked to call his hockey stick The Big Tomahawk.

He usually refers to the opposing players as The Little Scalps.

I thought he'd been suspended forever.

Andre' "Poodle" Lussier, defense.

Andre' has been living in semi-seclusion in northern Quebec since the unfortunate Denny Pratt tragedy.

Not Poodle!

And from Mile Forty, Saskatchewan, where he now runs a doughnut shop, number 15, former penalty-minute record holder of the Federal League for the years 1960 to 1968 inclusive, Gilmore Tuttle.

Gilmore Tuttle.

Oh, gee. Hold the phone.

This is an unscheduled surprise.

It's him!

This young man has had a very trying rookie season what with the litigation, the notoriety, his subsequent deportation to Canada and that country's refusal to accept him, that's more than most 21-year-olds could handle.

Ogilthorp. Oggie Ogilthorpe.

Hi, Oggie.

Buy you a soda after the game!

Hi. You know Toe Blake? No?

We'll straighten you out, you little prick.


They don't call me Dr. Hook for nothing. How ya doing?

All right, no high-sticking, no tripping, no slashing...

Major surgery. Open heart.

I'm waiting for quiet. Yeah, you'll have quiet.

Give 'em hell!

Give 'em the old-time hockey!

Good crowd.


Teamwork! Teamwork! Teamwork!

Eddie Shore! Come on, get up!

One with the universe. One with the universe. Nothing matters.

This reporter is stunned!

The Charlestown Chiefs are not fighting back.

Keep the guys off me! Come on!

The Chiefs' performance tonight has got to be a bitter disappointment to these 4,000 Charlestown fans who have packed this War Memorial, paying good money to witness this fiasco.

Get Oggie! Move away, Wanchuk.

You're screening me! You're screening me! Move away!

Give 'em some of that back!

Don't let 'em push you like that.


Get off your ass!

I don't know what's wrong!

You bums! You're no damn good!

Get up off your ass!

Okay, you guys. Let's get some speed out there.

Cement heads.

Keep your eyes open. Better passing.

We got a big three coming up out there.

Try to come back with the wingers maybe.

Tonight's the night.

Who wants an ice pack? Over here, Charlie.

We need some more coordination out there.

Keep your eyes open. Better passing.

I'm coming!

It's all right.

Mother of God. REGGIE: I want a big rally this period.

We're losing! More teamwork, guys.

They're burying us alive!

Eddie Shore? Piss on Eddie Shore.

Old-time hockey? Piss on old-time hockey!

You're blowing it! Boys!

Every scout in the NHL is out there tonight with contracts in their pockets, and they're looking for talent.

For winners!

All my years of publicity, all the fashion shows and radiothons for nothing!

They come here tonight to scout the Chiefs!

The toughest team in the Federal League!

Not this bunch of...pussies!


This is more like it.

It makes me feel glad to see the Chiefs on the warpath again, to coin a phrase.

God, it's been a long time since this place saw my shadow.

What am I doing here? You look fabulous. Now, come on.

God, I'd forgotten.

Everybody is on their feet screaming, "Kill! Kill!" This is hockey!

Kill! Kill! Kill! Let's go, Chiefs!

All right! Kill 'em!

They're pummeling each other.

Wait a minute. Ned Braden is skating out on the ice.

He's not fighting. No. He's...

Ned Braden is starting to take off articles of his uniform.

Way to go, Ned.

I don't want any youngsters out there to get the idea this is the way to play hockey.

Stop that! That's disgusting.

I protest! Protest? Protest my...

I'm certainly glad Mrs. Carr isn't here tonight because this is a lascivious display...

Take it off!

Make him stop or we're leaving!

Get your paws off me, Scarf ace!

Stop him! This is a serious game, not a freak show.

What are you talking about? This is hockey!

You're afraid of these goons, aren't ya? Watch out, punk!

Get that pervert off! Get your hands off me or forfeit this game!

Forfeit, my ass! Look at that!

All right, that's it. That's the game. You lose. Out! Lose?

What the hell are you talking about'?

Come on, dummy. You won the game. Pick up your trophy.

Here ya go, ya bum.

The Chiefs have won the championship of the Federal League!

He's gonna catch his death out there!

I said some bad things about the boy, but we can explain that to the exuberance and excitement of youth, because he's certainly changed his ways now.

My boy!

Hi, Francine! Francine!

Come on, honey. You got all the room in the world.

You ain't gonna hit anything. Come on!

I got good news. I'm paying by the hour for this thing.

The Minnesota Night Hawks. I'm coaching. The Big Apple.

Somebody's playing a joke on you.

No! I've got a contract back there in the car!

The Chiefs are history.

But the minute I get up to Minnesota, I'm gonna bring my guys up there.

We're a solid act, honey. We're starting out with something big.

Oh, Jesus! What?

You don't have my number.

If you want to get in touch with me, do it through the team, the Minnesota Night Hawks.

You're gonna need money or something.

Or maybe things won't work out the way you expect.

Geez, we've got a lot of years between us, Francine.

Some hard miles, you know? I know.

Shut up, you goddamn meathead!

Honey, I gotta go.

If things don't work out, get in touch with me in Minneapolis.

Bye. Reggie.

I could make a goddamn fortune.

Is she coming to Minnesota? Oh, for sure!

Ooh and it's all right And it's comm' along We gotta get right back To where we started from Love is good Love can be strong We gotta get right back To where we started from

Do you remember the day That shiny day When you first came my way I said no one could take your place

And if you get hurt If you get hurt By the little things I say I can put that smile back on your face Ooh and it's all right And it's coming on We gotta get right back To where we started from Love is good Love can be strong We gotta get right back To where we started from And it's all right And it's comm' along We gotta get right back To where we started from Love is good Love can be strong We gotta get right back