Slaughterhouse-Five (1972) Script

Daddy?

Daddy, are you home? Maybe he isn't.

Of course he is. Daddy!

Find him?

Does it look like I found him, Stanley? Well, I just thought...

Dad!

Daddy?

Don't worry about your father, Barbara. I'm sure he's all right.

Oh, I don't know.

Honey, I'm sure... Daddy!

Daddy, are you there?

We shouldn't have left him alone. Honey, he wanted to come here.

Don't get yourself all upset. Daddy?

Honey, what...?

Stanley! OK, I'm coming.

Daddy! I'm coming!

I told you over and over again he should not be left in this house alone.

It's too big for one man in his condition.

Honey, he wanted to be left alone.

You always take his side, don't you? Daddy!

Dad?


Who the fuck are you? Where the fuck are you going?

I don't know. You don't?

How come you don't know? I just moved up.

Let me see your dog tags. Let's see it.

Where are they?

I can't find them. He's a Kraut!

He don't look like one. I'm an American.

Prove it! Prove it?

Who plays third for the Tigers? The Tigers?

The Detroit Tigers.

Who is it? I don't know.

What d'you ask him for? It came into my head.

You guys go on without me. Where's your weapon, soldier?

I don't have one. Everybody's got one!

I'm a chaplain. I'm an assistant chaplain.

What's your name? Pilgrim.

You know why this got three sides on it, Pilgrim?

No. Makes a slit that don't close up.

Gee, that's great.

You stick a GI knife in a guy and it makes a slit, right?

Right. A slit closes up, right?

Right. This makes a three-sided slit.

It kills you, Pilgrim.

What's that? Chaplain's assistant.

No shit! What's your name? His name's Pilgrim.

You know how to pray? Then start praying!

Where the hell are we, Corp? Belgium, stupid.

Don't fuck around. You tell Paul Lazzaro where we are!

We're in the middle of Krauts! You got us here, get us out!

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.

Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily...

Just beyond those trees on the other side there's a farmhouse.

Listen, you guys go on without me. I'll be all right, honest.

I'm gonna scout that farmhouse, you hear?

And if it's clear, I'll fire my carbine three times spaced. You got it?

Got it!

That son of a bitch ditches us, I'll kill him.

We could surrender. What?

We could surrender, couldn't we?

We'd just have to stay here and...

Listen to me!

Me and the corporal and the dago, we're Americans, we don't surrender!

You got that? He's took off.

That corporal.

He'll get back home after the war, he'll be a big hero.

Dames will be climbing all over him.

Couple of years will go by and one day there's gonna be a knock on his door and there'll be this stranger.

"Paul Lazzaro sent me," the stranger will say and then he'll pull out a gun and shoot his pecker off.

Stranger will give him a couple of seconds to think about who Paul Lazzaro is and what life's gonna be like without a pecker, then he'll shoot him once in the guts and walk away.

Yes.

'Billy, you time-tripping again?'

Mm-hm.

I can always tell, you know, when you've been time-tripping.

You were back in the war, weren't you?

Time travel's a bitch for you, isn't it? Particularly the war.

I can't help it.

Well, why don't we see if old Mother Montana can't keep you stuck right here for a while?

How about a little kiss? A little kiss?

Yeah, a little kiss. A little kiss.

A what? A little kiss.

You fucking faggot!

What's the matter? You fucking fairy!

Cut it out!

Cut it out!

What's the matter, faggot? I was thinking of a girl.

He said he wanted to kiss me.

I was imagining things and I was... Just give me the knife.

Come on, will you?

Come on!


Billy, you're wonderful.

Oh, I'm so glad I waited. I'm glad we waited too.

Otherwise, it wouldn't have seemed the same tonight.

No, it wouldn't.

It starts the whole marriage off on the right foot.

Yeah. Yeah.

I know when you were in the war you must have had... experiences.

Well... No, don't tell me about them!

It was wartime.

And anyway, it's different for a man than for a woman.

I understand that.

I'm just so glad we waited.

So am I.

And you know what? I'm gonna lose weight just for you, Billy.

See, before I needed a reason, and now... I have one!

Hey, Billy.

I think we've begun the life of a new hero.

How can you tell? Because I'm a woman.

Huh!

And you know what, Billy?

What?

I never thought anybody would ever marry me.

I did.


Oh, Jesus, Pilgrim! Stay off my feet, will ya?

Oh, walk right, will ya? Gee, I'm sorry.

You step on his feet again, you son of a bitch, and I'll break your ass, you hear me?

Komme her. Schnell. Sofort.


Good. Hold it. Look out here now.

Can you get the sign in? The sign's in good.

OK, smile. Look at the camera and smile.

Looks good. Hold it right there.

Big smile now. Big smile!

'Good. Hold that kiss.'

We got it!

All you dog faces from the 451st over here.

Fall in here.

It's your old colonel, boys. It's Wild Bob.

451st.

You! You from the 451st?

Some of you boys must be from the 451st.

You, soldier, I know you, don't I? What's your name, soldier?

Pilgrim, sir. Pilgrim. Of course! I remember you.

Damn fine rifleman. Fine rifleman, Pilgrim.

One of the best in the 451st.

First in peace, first in war, and first...

Get your hands off me! An officer's place is with his men!

My men need me and I'm staying with 'em!

Don't worry, it's your old colonel, boys. Wild Bob is with you.

No formalities. At ease, at ease.

By God, Wild Bob's proud of you.

There are dead Germans all over the place, wishing to God they'd never...

I'm staying with my men.

All right, all right. God bless you, boys.

Bless you, boys.

By God, boy, you're a good soldier.

You'll come through this all right.

And when you get to Cody, Wyoming, just ask for Wild Bob.

We'll have one hell of a reunion.

God bless you, boys!

Bless you, boys!

A fag frolic in Wyoming.

I'll be there, Pilgrim, waiting for you.

This ain't so bad.

I been in a lot worse spots than this.

Troy, winter of '37.

Cold? I'll tell you!

Or take the time Watkins and me decked the yard bull at White River junction.

Had us in the pen for three weeks in our skivvies.

Would have had pneumonia if we hadn't jumped the place.

They took us up to Burlington to check us out.

Last I heard, Joe was somewheres on the Allagash.

You try that sometime, pal.

You try that sometime in February in 1934, then see if you think this is so bad.

There are plenty of worse places.

Plenty of worse places, believe me.

He was at the top of his class in optometry school when this happened.

I don't doubt it, Mrs Pilgrim.

The doctor says it's nervous exhaustion.

I'm sure that's all it is.

I think it's the war.

That certainly could have a lot to do with it.

But he had some awful experiences.

He was in Dresden when it was bombed.

His closest friend was killed there.

Dreadful, dreadful.

And, of course, his father passed on, you know, while Billy was in training.

But I knew God would send Billy home safe to me.

I prayed every night, Mr Rosewater.

Even though we don't belong to a church of our choice.

We're all in God's hands, dear.

Billy! Billy, Mama's here.

You can come out now.

He's engaged to a very rich girl.

Her name's Valencia, Valencia Merble.

Her father's Lionel Merble. Oh, of course.

He owns the Ilium School of Optometry where Billy was going.

He's also building a brand-new home for them on the lake for a wedding present.

It's a surprise.

Billy. Billy, sweetheart.

The war is over. You can come out now.

Pilgrim!

You killed me, Pilgrim.

You son of a bitch.

You call my mom and dad in Pittsburgh, see.

You tell them I died and that you killed me!

Weary.

This is Paul Lazzaro, Weary.

I'll get revenge for you.

Lazzaro. Yeah.

Hey, did I ever tell you what happened to the dog?

It's hot.

Son of a bitch dog bit me so I got some steak.

And I got me the spring out of a clock and I cut that spring up into little pieces and I stuck it into the steak, way inside.

And I went to where they had that dog tied up and I said, "Hey, boy.

"I'm not mad. Let's be friends."

And I threw him the steak, and I waited for around ten minutes.

And he started crying and the blood spilled out of his mouth.

He tried to chew out his own insides, and I said, "Hey, boy.

"That's me inside there with those knives."

Anybody ask you the sweetest thing in the world, it's revenge.

Weary's dead, Pilgrim.

The patient here has been suffering from trauma which we think can be successfully treated by electric shock.

Hello, Billy. Hello.

We've prescribed a series of 12 and we're up to number seven.

The patient was a prisoner of war in Dresden when it was bombed.

He claims that well over 100,000 people were burned to death in the fire.

Worse than Hiroshima.

And since Billy was actually there, it's natural enough to assume that this has had a contributing effect on his present condition.

He's ready, Doctor.

You're going to sleep now, Billy.


Schnell!


Name? Paul Lazzaro.

That's two Zs.

Parents?

I don't got no family. I said two Zs.

To whom we send the number in case of death?

Send it to him.

This is your tag. Don't forget it.

Jawohl.

Name?

Parents?

You want it now, Pilgrim, or would you like it in the morning?

What do you want?

Hey, hey! Why me?

Oh, you're on my list, pal.

A ufstehen...

Gear it down there, fella. These Germans can be awfully mean.

Oh, yeah? Well, they don't know Paul Lazzaro.

Listen, we Americans have got to stick together.

Who are you, Pop? I'm Edgar Derby.

Yeah? Well, I got something for you to stick, Derby.

All right, all right.

Hey, you fucking goon! All right!

I'm taking 'em off! Leave me alone, I'll take 'em off!

A ufstehen your ass! I'm warning ya, pal.

All right, son. Over here.

Here we go, Billy boy. I'll take you out.

Time to sink or swim! That's the way to do it, Mr Pilgrim.

Best thing in the world for him. Here we go, boy.

By God, Pilgrim. You're really going to do it.

You bet your boots I'm going to do it.

His mama's not gonna keep him all of his life.

My old man did the same to me. I'll never forget it.

Done me a world of good. Oh, you betcha! It's the only way.

Well, this is it, Billy boy. It's sink or swim!

And don't...

Billy?

Billy?

Billy!


Who are they? They're Russian prisoners.

♪ Hail, hail, the Yanks are here

♪ Join the men from Dover till the war is over

♪ We bid you welcome here

♪ With a little food and cheer, you're welcome here

♪ To share our food

♪ And cheer ♪

Evening. Come along inside.

We've organized a little welcome for you in here.

We were lucky we had a couple of days' notice of your arrival.

That gave us an opportunity to prepare.

Hear you had a beastly time in the Ardennes.

Jerry put on quite a show there, I hear.

It can't last forever, can it?

Just take it easy, pal.

Where'd you get all this? Red Cross. Clerical error.

They've been sending us 500 parcels a month instead of 50.

Three years now. We've got rather a lot, actually.

Shouldn't you tell 'em?

I mean, shouldn't you give it back?

Oh, Yank, you haven't been in the fight for very long, have you?

Come along.

I keep forgetting wars have always been fought by children.

Where did you get this absurd garment?

They gave it to me. Who?

The Germans.

They didn't give you a coat, they gave you an insult.

Hey, son. Over here.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Jerry tried to humiliate you.

Now you must wear that coat as if you were proud of it.

Teach him a lesson.

It's terribly important that you understand that.

It's been almost four years since I was taken prisoner.

True of most of us here.

We haven't seen a woman or a child in all of that time.

Think about that for a minute.

Do you want to know how we survived?

Well, I'll tell you.

The day that I was captured, I made a promise to myself.

I vowed that each day I would brush my teeth, shave my beard, wash my hands before each meal and evacuate my bowels with as much regularity as circumstances would permit.

And do you know why?

Because the war consists of continual petty humiliations.

And I for one was going to treat myself with self-respect and survive.

Do you think you can do it?

♪ Johnny Fedora met Alice Blue Bonnet

♪ In the window of a department store

♪ It was love at first sight

♪ And they promised one night

♪ They'd be sweethearts forevermore ♪ Billy. Lunchtime, hon.

♪ Johnny would serenade Alice... OK, I'll be right in.

♪ Too-ra-lei, too-ra-lie, too-ra-loo...

Spot, sit. Sit! ♪ He sang of a beautiful palace

♪ Of a beautiful hatbox of blue... Heel. That's right.

Billy!

♪ But Johnny Fedora lost Alice Blue Bonnet...

Want a little snack, hon? Be right in.

♪ To a patron of the department store

♪ Her beauty was sought by the girl she was bought by

♪ For $23.94 ♪

Come on, Spot. You can do it.

Come on, boy! Come on, Spot.

Come on!

Come on, boy! Come on, jump in.

Come on, boy. Come on, jump!

Attaboy!

Good dog, Spot.

Good boy.

That's good.

Billy!

Billy!

Yeah?

Suppertime, hon.

Be right in.

Spot, sit up. That's it.

You think so? Come on. Look at that. Just look!

Oh... Now...

Roll over, Spot. Attaboy! Isn't he great?

Where's Daddy? That's right.

Where's Mommy?

Where's Mommy? Where's...? Where's Mommy?

That's right. Hi, Spot.

Spot!

Billy, get that goddamn mutt out of here.

Get him out of here. Out!

Poor Bobby. Oh, I can't stand that animal!

He's ruined three carpets, two pairs of shoes. He drives me crazy.

♪ For true love will come smiling through ♪

You're OK, Spot.

You're OK.

You make a little mistake now and then, but you're OK.

You got heart.

Yeah.

Old Spot.


'Pilgrim.'

'Pilgrim.'

Pilgrim!

Can ya hear me, Pilgrim?

Huh? Can ya hear me, Pilgrim?

When do you want it, huh? When do you want it, Pilgrim?

You'll never know when it's gonna happen.

Maybe years, maybe not. All right, son.

This pork chop killed a friend of mine.

I didn't. I just... This man is sick.

Yeah? Well, he's gonna be dead. Out.

You wanna make the list? Outside, Lazzarino.

Lazzaro! L-A-Z... Out!

You threaten this man again, I'll break you in half.

Are you all right? Don't ever answer the door, Pop.

You tell him what happens. Nobody fucks around with Paul Lazzaro.

You tell him!

Boy's all twisted up inside.

Feeling better?

Yes, thank you.

What's he got against you?

He's got this crazy idea that I caused his friend's death.

I didn't. I bumped into him... I'm sure you didn't.

I'll talk some turkey to that boy.

What happened to me? You passed out back there and I brought you in here.

Here. Try some of this.

This will fix you up.

Kinda hot.

Thank you.

Attaboy. Taste pretty good?

Uh-huh.

You don't have to stay.

What the heck. I might as well.

I got some food when I was back there.

I don't mean to be impolite, but how come you're in the army?

I couldn't stay out, not with the Nazis and the Japanese threatening to conquer the world.

As a matter of fact, I got a boy your age seeing action in the South Pacific.

Hey, that's really something. Yeah.

I used to tell my students there's a monster loose in the world.

One day I got tired of telling 'em and I said goodbye and I joined up.

I thought you were a teacher. Oh, come on.

You have that confidence and a very good way with words.

I'll tell you one thing.

We don't mince phraseologies at Boston Trade and Industrial.

Oh, boy.

I wonder, if my father were still alive, if, uh...

I don't think he would have.

Don't you ever sell him short, son.

Mom would never have let him.

You couldn't blame her, could you?

But then I'm lucky, I guess.

Margaret's a very understanding woman.

We were childhood sweethearts.

Hey, that's nice.

You got a girl back home?

No one special.

Margaret's the only woman I've ever known.

There's Margaret.

Aw, she looks awful nice.

She's just about everything a man could ask for.

Oh, oh. What's this?

That's my mom in our backyard.

Oh, you have a very nice-looking mother.

Yeah, she is. Very nice.

That's a nice house too. That's the back.

It's a nice yard.

Nice.

When did you enlist?

It wasn't quite like that, see? I was drafted.

Oh?

It's not that I didn't wanna go, I just wanted to finish school first.

Where were you in school? The Ilium School of Optometry.

An optometrist? That's a very good field.

Yes, it is, 'cause you're doing things for people and there'll always be a need for optometrists.

Boy, what you just said is a very good philosophical way of life.

What? About filling a need and helping people.

Why, that's self-determination and free enterprise backing itself up all the way.

That's why we're in Europe stopping Hitler.

My name's Edgar Derby, son. What's yours?

Billy Pilgrim. Billy, it's nice to have you aboard.

Thank you. You had enough of that?

Yes, I did. Thank you.

The English gave me these boots for ya.

Don't mind the silver paint. They did that for a skit about Cinderella.

It was darn funny.

It was a lot of singing and dancing and crazy stuff.

Yeah, I admire the English, you know.

They have a great philosophical way of life.

Keep themselves going, you know, putting on shows, Gilbert and Sullivan.

What's this?

♪ She's his sweetheart

♪ He's her vow... Happy anniversary.

♪ He's her Billy

♪ She's his Val... Oh, Billy!

♪ They were married... Your diamond! Why did you do it?

♪ Never to part ♪ When I go on this diet just for you, I'm going to be so sexy. I'll make you so happy.

Just wait and see.

Look. Isn't it divine?

Goodness!

This diamond has a story to it.

Billy actually found it in Germany during the war.

Billy, tell them about it. Oh, go ahead, darling, tell them.

Billy's too modest so I'll tell you.

When he was a prisoner in this... Good boy, Billy.

Thanks.

They gave him an awful coat to wear.

Congrats, Billy.

What was his name, hon?

Who? The one that was killed in Dresden.

Edgar Derby. Oh, that's right.

Poor old Edgar Derby. Oh, that was really awful.

They shot him for, uh... What was it, Billy?

Well, anyway, before that they found this diamond right in the pocket of Billy's coat.

Lord knows how it got there and why somebody didn't find it before.

It probably came from some poor Jew they'd taken it away from.

So many of them had their money in diamonds.

Jesus, Dad! I'm on the john.

My, God, Robert. There's a party going on downstairs.

Why don't you lock the door?

'Cause Mom broke the lock last time I locked it, that's why.

Can't I have any privacy? What have you got there?

Where? There.

You shouldn't be reading that kind of junk, Robert.

Jesus!

Lads. Lads.

Hey, Billy! Billy. Over here.

Can I have your attention?

Please, please, please.

You're being transferred to a camp in Dresden.

You're going to be leaving for there this afternoon.

Actually, I'm quite envious of you.

Dresden is a beautiful city.

Paid a visit there myself before the war.

Besides being quite lovely, it's quite safe.

It's an open city without war industries or troop concentrations.

It's by far the safest place to be until we get this all over with.

Now, then, you must elect a leader.

He's going to be in charge of all this group.

You'll all be under his direct orders and he will be your line of communication with the Germans.

Nominations are now open.

You need a leader.

I nominate Paul Lazzaro.

Lazzaro. Right.

Anyone else?

Well, then... I nominate Edgar Derby.

Anyone else?

You'll be responsible, all of you, to this man you elect, and he'll be responsible to the Germans.

So, if you mess him up, he's the one they're gonna be after.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, Pop, you want it so bad, you got it.

I un-nominate Lazzaro.

'I don't think it will come as a surprise to anyone' when I introduce our Lions Club president for the coming year.

Our own Billy Pilgrim.

The floor's all yours. Good luck.

Oh, shut up, will ya?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Mr Walters, Fellow Lions.

I want you to know that I'll do my best to live up to the...

...confidence you showed by "chosing"... choos... by having chose me here today.

Uh, and I know that my first responsibility...

...is to see each and every one of you gets through this safely and are reunited with your loved ones.

I'd like to ask you...

I know we're all of different faiths, but we're all Americans...

Oh, God.

...to bow our heads together for a moment and pray.

Oh, go take a flying fuck, will you?

If that isn't the most obscene, vulgar... Oh!

'Is my bath ready, Silvio?'

'Yes, Mistress.'

'My robe, Silvio.'

Honestly!

To show this kind of junk at a family drive-in, it's disgraceful!

'Why do you avert your eyes from me, Silvio?'

Why you wanted to take the children to it is beyond me.

'Massalina can give you salvation...' Oh, Robert!

You shouldn't see that!

Mom!

'Do you find Massalina unattractive?'

Oh, gross! Wow!

That's it, that's enough! Jesus, Mom!

They show more than that in health class.

Billy, take us home. I don't want to hear another word.

Shit!

I will not tolerate that kind of language in front of me, goddamn it!

I am not going to subject myself to that filth out there or allow my children to be subjected to it.

That is the end of that.

Billy, I am talking to you! 'Come on.'

'Silvio. Silvio.' Billy!

Billy.

Billy! Come here.

See how you like this one.

"Dear Meg, "We're on our way to Dresden to do some work for the Germans.

"It won't be war work because the Geneva Convention prohibits that, "and besides, there isn't any war production in Dresden.

"Dresden is the town where our porcelain dancing figure came from.

"Remember the one that Johnny knocked off the table and broke?

"Dresden's never been bombed because it isn't a military target

"so we'll be safe there.

"Please write to Johnny and give him all my love

"and tell him I know we'll all be back together again soon.

"Tell him how proud I am of him."

Where is he? Your boy's in the car, Mr Pilgrim.

He's the only one we actually caught.

They knocked over 14 gravestones, all told.

I just can't understand why he'd do such a thing.

Has he said anything about Catholics?

I mean, has he anything against them?

No. We've got a lot of Catholic friends.

What will the McNalleys think? What are we going to say to them?

Mr Pilgrim, if I could see you up here for a moment.

My, God! Why did he do it?

Look, I don't want to take the boy down to the station.

I figured it might be embarrassing to you.

Maybe we could handle it in some other way.

Thank you very much, Officer.

If you get the damages from the church, I'd be happy to pay for that.

I'll see what I can do about that, Mr Pilgrim.

And I'd like to show my appreciation by giving this to the policeman's fund.

You don't have to do that, Mr Pilgrim, but it's very generous of you.

I'll call you after we've been able to determine the extent of the damages.

What's the matter, Billy?

You must be the greatest father in the world.

I love my son, Billy.

Guess that's all it takes.

Hey, you guys. We're there.

It's beautiful.

I never saw anything like it. It's lovely.

It's the Land of Oz.


Ich bin the American Kommandant.

These men... Ich bin the American...

Guess you'd better go across.

OK, men. Everybody on the other side.

Ich bin the American Kommandant.

Perhaps you understand English.

Back at the camp the men chose me... Go back in line.

I was told to take charge.

OK, fellas. Move out. Move out.


Don't you be fooling around with any oo-la-las in Montreal, Billy.

How can I cheat with your old man around?

That won't be so hard. We just make an agreement.

You don't talk and I don't talk. Daddy, shame on you!

Hey, come on, Billy. We're on our way.

Bye-bye, Barb. Bye, Val.

Have a good time.

Bye, sweetheart. Bye, hon.

Have a good time. OK.

Bye!

Bye.

I know there's gonna be meetings, a little business, but I really mostly wanna see you enjoy yourself.

By God, you deserve it. You really do.

You want me to tell you a secret, huh?

Well, I wouldn't tell anybody this, of course, but... when Valencia brought you home and wanted to marry you, to tell you the honest-to-God truth, I thought she'd brought home a first-class loser!

I'm not kidding. I really thought that.

But you proved me wrong, Billy.

I'm the first to admit it. You proved old Lionel wrong.

Dad?


The plane's gonna crash. Oh, come on, Billy boy!

In 25 minutes the whole thing cracks up.

You can't get out of your seat!

Stop the plane. It's gonna crash. No one's allowed in the cockpit, sir.

I organized this. I'm responsible... Do you want to be removed?

But you don't understand! We've got clearance for take-off.

Everything's going to be all right. Buckle in and leave the driving to us.

Lousy, drunk son of a bitch!

God, I hate these charter flights.

♪ Oh, there's a change in the weather, there's a change in the scene

♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom

♪ So from now on there'll be a change in me

♪ My walk will be different, my talk and my name

♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom... ♪ Are you sure you feel all right?

That sure was a lousy joke you pulled back there, about the plane crashing.

I'm sorry, Dad. Forget it.

Hey, Stewardess, bring this young fella another drink!

♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom

♪ There'll be some changes made today ♪

Billy!


Schlachthof fünf. This is Schlachthof fünf.

Fünf is English five.

Schlacht is slaughter. Hof is house.

Schlachthof fünf: Slaughterhouse-Five.

Your house.

The rules of the Geneva Convention...

You must learn the address for your own well-being.

In event of emergency, you will say Schlachthof fünf.

Say it, please.

- Schlacht. Schlacht.

- Hof. Hof.

- Fünf! Fünf.

Schlachthof fünf.

Schlachthof fünf.

Schlachthof fünf.

Fünf.

Schlachthof...

...fünf.

Schlachthof fünf.

Schlachthof fünf.

...hof fünf.

Schlachthof fünf.

I'm coming, Billy! I'm coming!

I'm coming to you!


For God's sakes, lady! Why'd you jam on your brakes?

Look what you've done! My Billy fell out of a plane!

You all right? I was on my way to the hospital!

I missed my entrance! I'll drive you.

It's in Vermont, stupid!

Billy.

Hey, let me see your license! I haven't got time!

You can't leave the scene of an accident, lady!

Your exhaust is shot to hell! Damn it, lady!

You're going the wrong way!

Get out of the way!

Goddamn! Get outta the way!

First she backed into me.

Then she went up the ramp the wrong way and...

Oh, my God, here she comes again.


I'm coming to you, Billy. I'm coming!

Sweetheart? Honey?

What? Wake up, wake up.

What? What? Wake up!

Here. What is this?

Billy! What is this?

Follow it and find out.

Billy! Oh, Billy. Come on.

You're always up to something.

You're wonderful. Thank you. Beautiful!

But did you make this bow? Never mind the bow.

Follow the yellow brick road. It's beautiful.

Follow the yellow brick road!

Follow the yellow brick road! Oh, Billy! Come on, follow it.

Billy!

Come on, Mama! Follow.

Follow the yellow brick road!

Did you really make this bow? Mom! Come on down, Mom.

Never mind. Mom! Hurry!

Just follow the yellow brick road. I'm coming.

Robert!

Mom, hurry.

Billy, I can't go out like this. Of course you can.

Follow the golden thread.

A Cadillac! Oh, Billy!

Happy birthday, hon. Happy birthday, Mom!

A Cadillac! A white Cadillac! It's what I've always wanted!

Come on, Robert!

I've always wanted a white Cadillac!

Oh, Billy. Oh, sweetheart. And now you got it.

Oh, it's a little tight. You can adjust the seat with this, see?

Oh, no, no! That's too tight! Or backward.

You can make it go up... Oh, no, it's squishing me!

Or down. It's wonderful!

I'm gonna lose weight! Oh, I'm really gonna lose weight, Billy.

I love you. I love you.

Get the stretcher! Quick!


Was he alert in the ER? No, not very.

His right eye was dilating and his blood pressure was up.

He seemed pretty drowsy.

He's shaved and prepped, Doctor.

Let's get the pressure off.

Are the instruments ready? Yes, Doctor.

Better get in as quickly as you can. His right pupil no longer reacts to light.

Scalpel.

'Cautery.'

Electric burr.

Let me have some saline.

'Each day you will recite your number' so we'll know how many men are here.

There'll be no talking to Germans unless talked to.

When the war is over, we'll talk.

Let's make another burr hole right here.

Each day you will be given a working assignment for factory, cleaning or mail.

But there is not going to be any talking to Germans.

When you talk, you talk to your guards only.

Blood pressure is falling off.

'Eins, zwei!'

Eins, zwei! Eins, zwei!


What are you giving him now?

I'm still giving him D5W.


The pressure's coming up now.

Let's see how we do in the next five or ten minutes.

Mrs Shaw? I'm Doctor Ellenbogen.

Your father's gonna be all right.

It was very difficult, but he came through in good shape.

Stanley, he's gonna be all right!

That's wonderful.

Did you find Mother?

Well, it... it's crazy, Barbara. I... I don't understand.

What's crazy, Stanley? Where's Mama?

Come on, honey. L-let's sit down.

Listen, I think we'll take care of your father till he's able to take care of himself.

What do you mean? What are you talking about?

Well, I looked all over for your mom and then I asked one of the nurses.

And they said that... that she died about three hours ago.

So I had to find out if it was the right one.

And it was. She was.

How?

I don't know, uh...

She had some kind of accident with the car and got carbon monoxide poisoning.

But she drives a Cadillac!

Honey, I don't know. That's what they told me.

Oh, God.

I know. I know.

Darling, how you feeling? Dirty sons of bitches.

What's the matter? Bureaucratic bastards.

They have the audacity to put me in a room with a basket case.

They just don't have a private room. Well, I don't know.

Goddamn it, Lily!

I'm gonna pepper your Radcliffe ass with buckshot if I ever catch you smoking again!

You better stay in condition to keep up with B.C. Rumfoord.

You guys go on without me. I'll be all right.

Christ. All he does in his sleep is quit and surrender and apologize.

Shoot! I could carve a better man out of a banana.

Did you bring me those books from Widener?

The boys at the Harvard Crimson have a beautiful bit about you, honey.

They call you the Red Baron of military history and want you to get well soon.

Those little bastards!

The Truman statement about Hiroshima is in here, and those eight Army Air Force documents.

Oh, yeah.

And the Irving book on Dresden.

I was there.

Honey, why did they keep Dresden a secret for so long?

Oh, hell. For fear a lot of bleeding hearts would say bombing it was a chickenshit thing to do.

My book's gonna lay it on the line, sweetheart.

Nobody's gonna weep and wail over Dresden after they read my book.

I was there.

What's he saying? He said he was there.

Says he was where?

Dresden.

At Dresden, B.C.!

The hell with him. Let him write his own book.


'Schlachthof fünf. '

'What the hell is he saying now?'

'Ich bin amerikanischer Soldat.'

Dresden.

- Schlachthof fünf. You wanna know something?

We didn't start the last war, the Nazis did.

And 135,000 people dying in Dresden does not seem so very much when put against over five million Allies who had to die!

And you just might remember that when we were bombing Dresden

'the Germans were sending V-1 and V-2 rockets into London, 'killing men, women and children.'

'Don't get so uptight.' 'Jesus!

'It gives me a pain, weeping over Dresden

'and not giving a damn about our own losses!

'Hey, what about Coventry? What about Rotterdam?'

What about the extermination camps the Germans ran, gassing millions?


I want your attention.

Attention, please. You are having a visitor.

Howard Campbell Jr.

I have just come from the Russian Front so I'll make it short.

I don't wanna take up your time. I know how hungry you are.

Food's not much though, is it? Food's almost as neat as your outfit!

Men, I have a proposition for you.

How would you like to come back to America after this war as heroes?

Great, as long as I could wear that fag outfit!

Since you're so interested in my outfit, I'll tell you what it's about.

Blue is for the American sky.

White is for the race that pioneered that continent, cleared the forests, drained the swamps, built the roads and the bridges.

And the red is for the blood of fine American boys that's been shed in defense of your freedom.

I don't see you shedding any blood, Campbell.

You all know that Communism is out to enslave the world.

And who's out there trying to stop them?

The Germans!

They're not your enemies, they're your allies!

Communism is the enemy of all of us!

I want volunteers for the Free American Corps, men who are willing to stand up to these commies.

Sit down, Lazzaro!

I didn't vote for you, Derby. Good. Who's next?

If we don't stop them now...

Everybody moves to the air shelter.

There'll be no bombs. Churchill's nephew lives in Dresden.


Don't worry, soldier.

Well, men, do I have only one volunteer?

Listen, pal, I only stood up back there to tell you that one day your doorbell's gonna ring, see, and there's gonna be this guy in a trench coat...

We'll eat German craw for so long because we have to, but we'd rather die than eat your dung, which is sick and lousy and foul!

History will prove you an ass.

Oh, shit.

No bombs, eh, Campbell?

You can't trust the Jews.


Daddy, you should really stay with us.

And you shouldn't talk about Mama or the accident or even the war.

I just wanna go home. But we want you with us!

I'll be fine. Just for one night?

No. Oh, Daddy. Honestly!

Daddy, you should consider yourself lucky.

Practically every optometrist in Ilium was wiped out.

Stanley's been working night and day for you.

Stinking old dog.

Hello, Spot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Daddy, honestly!

Won't you please change your mind and come stay with us?

You'll be in this empty house with that old dog.

I'll be all right. But, Daddy, be a little realistic.

You just turned middle-aged. You've got your whole life ahead of you.

Good night, dear.


You pigs! You damned pigs!


Mama!

Mama!

Dad? Papa!

Dad?

Dad?

Robert?

Hiya, Dad. Hi, Spot.

How did you get here?

Well, they... They gave me leave to visit Mom.

But you know that... Sure, Dad. I know.

That's why I'm here.

And to see you.

How are you, Dad?

I'm fine.

God, Dad, to think that you lived.

It's a miracle.

Like one time when a chopper got hit by Charlie just outside our camp.

It came down like a stone.

But the door gunner walked away.

Dad?

Dad, I did the right thing, joining up.

I'm sure you did, son.

Everybody knows it's a lousy war but sooner or later it's gonna be us or the Communists.

We've gotta stand up to them somewhere.

Dad?

Dad?

I know you and Mom worried about me a lot.

I guess I haven't been the best of sons.

You've been just fine, Robert. No, I...

I know I was pretty wild and I wanna make up for it.

Remember that stuff in the cemetery? Jeez!

I'm so ashamed of that now. Really, I am.

But I've changed a lot, Dad.

I just hope I can make you real proud of me from now on.

You already have, Robert.

Dad, will you come to Mom's grave with me?

I'm not ready yet.

I know how you feel, Dad.

I'm just not ready.

OK, Dad.


What's happened?

Where am I?

'Welcome to the planet Tralfamadore, Mr Pilgrim.'

Tralfam...

Tralfama... 'Tralfamadore.'

Oh.

How did I get here? 'There is no how, Mr Pilgrim.

'There is no why. The moment simply is.'

I don't understand.

Where are you? 'Oh, you can't see us, Mr Pilgrim.

'We live in the fourth dimension.

'But we can see you, 'and there are many important Tralfamadorians here to welcome you.'

Oh. Well, uh...

How do you do?

'We hope that you'll find your accommodations here suitable.'

I have to stay here?

'I'm afraid so.'

You mean, I can't leave of my own free will?

'Mr Pilgrim, 'we have visited 31 inhabited planets in the universe.

'We have studied reports on a hundred more.

'And only on Earth is there any talk of free will.'

Well, what'll I do?

You will aid in the removal of the bodies.

Those that are identifiable will be tagged.

Their personal effects will be tagged and given to an officer.

There will be a classification according to the degree that the victim can be identified.

Any looting or stealing will be dealt with by a firing squad.

Follow me.


'It looked like the end of the world.'

'What looked like the end of the world, Mr Pilgrim?'

'Dresden, after the bombing.'

'Don't be so egocentric, Mr Pilgrim.

'We know how the world ends, and it has nothing to do with Earth, 'except that it gets wiped out too.'

'Really? How does it end?'

'While we're experimenting with new fuels, 'a Tralfamadorian test pilot panics, presses the wrong button

'and the whole universe disappears.'

'But you have to stop him!

'If you know this, can't you keep the pilot from pressing...?

'He has always pressed it

'and he always will.

'We always let him and we always will let him.

'The moment is structured that way.'


'Mr Pilgrim, a pleasant way to spend eternity

'is to ignore the bad times and concentrate on the good.'

It's... It's all right!

It's all right!

Will you be quiet, please? Will you please be quiet?

Can't you see you're frightening her?

Who are you?

Who are you?

My name's Pilgrim. What's this scene?

Where are we?

We're on a distant planet. 'Are you mating now?'

What?

'Have you mated?'

Who are you?

'I'm a Tralfamadorian, Miss Wildhack.'

A what?

'You're on the planet Tralfamadore, Miss Wildhack, '423 billion miles from Earth.

Oh, Jesus.

Hey, hey.

Hey.

You're OK? Yes, thank you.

When were you born? What month?

What month? What month?

July.

July. What day?

The fourth. The fourth of July.

You're practical with a belief in others based on your own integrity and an almost compulsive honesty.

You're a moon child!

Oh, you're a moon child.

I'm a what? A moon child.

That's your sign.

Were you born in the morning or the afternoon?

It doesn't matter. I don't have my charts.

Miss Wildhack? Would you like something to wear?

Oh, yes. Thank you very much.

I was, uh...

I was down in Palm Springs at a home of a producer friend of mine, sunning myself by the pool.

That's why I'm like this. I don't want halter marks.

Naturally.

And all of a sudden, it was like a... a ray.

This is all I can offer. Thank you.

And... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.

That's all there is. And the next thing, I was...

I was here. What's it like up here?

Well, I don't know because we can't leave the dome.

'The atmosphere of Tralfamadore is cyanide.

'It would be fatal to you if you left the dome.'

This is it? I'm afraid so.

How long will they keep us here? I don't know.

'You are here, you have always been here, 'and you will always be here.'

Is he trying to blow my mind?

No, no, no. It all makes sense in a way.

You see, in Tralfamadore... 'Would you please mate now?'

Look, we're not going to put on a show for you. That's one thing.

Another is, I demand you get Miss Wildhack some clothing.

'If she's cold, we can always regulate the temperature.'

Now, you get down to Earth and get Miss Wildhack a complete wardrobe, and one that fits!

What's your size? I take a ten.

But then I have to take it in here and let it out a little here so they'll have to bring a needle and thread.

Did you hear that? And remember, Miss Wildhack is used to the best.

Thanks, uh...

Billy.

Billy.

Now we would like the night canopy.

'Why do you wish the night canopy?'

Because we want it!

'Will you mate?' We hardly know each other!

Do you mind if we take time to get better acquainted?

'You are acting very unnaturally.'

We would like the night canopy.

'Oh, very well.'

Would you like to sit on the couch?

Where is it?

Here. Just take my hand.

Ooh! Ooh. Uh, sorry.

Um, that's all right.

Careful.

Get away, Spot.

He's not bothering me. I like dogs.

Come here, Spot. Come on.

It's pretty comfortable. It's fine.

They got everything from Sears and Roebuck.

I appreciate what you said to them about me.

Thank you, Miss Wildhack. Montana.

Montana.

I don't meet many gentlemen in the entertainment business.

I'm an optometrist. Oh.

Would you like to kiss me?

Yes.

You kiss nicely.

Thank you.

Oh! Did I hurt you? Oh, no!

'Mr Pilgrim?

'Miss Wildhack?

'Are you mating now?'

Billy!

Billy, look at this!

Look at this! Perfect.

There's not a chip on it.

It's exactly like the one we had at home.

The one your son Johnny broke? Yeah!

How'd you know about that? The letter you wrote home.

Of course. It's a miracle, isn't it?

This little dancer survived all this destruction.

Wait till I bring it home.

Can you imagine how Meg's eyes will light up?

Get back to work!

You! What have you got there?

Oh, uh...

Look at this.

I found this down there. There's not a chip on it. Pretty, isn't it?

We had one exactly like it.

Used to sit on the living... Hey, what's the matter?

Feuer!

Stop!

Stop!

Billy.

Billy?

Billy?

Where were you, honey?

Billy, do you like this?

It's nice. It's, uh, not too tight?

A little, maybe.

I'm so big here.

I like it.

That's 'cause you're a man.

I'm gonna have to let it out.

I really think it looks just... Give me something to do.

Oh. You like it too, Spot, huh?

He always growled at my wife.

Do you miss her?

She died.

Somebody smacked into the rear of her car and the exhaust fell off.

She died of carbon monoxide poisoning.

Wow. Like what they have out there?

No, that's cyanide. That's worse.

Oh, wow.

What did you love most about her?

Her pancakes.

If we had a real stove, Billy, I'd make you an out-of-sight macrobiotic soufflé.

I'd like that.

And then... we could think about having your baby.

Could we have the night canopy, please?

'Oh, Daddy! There is no such planet as Trilaflamaduke!'

Dad, I think what Barbara and I would really like to know...

Would you be willing to see a psychiatrist?

Listen, I have a friend who's not only a doctor but he's interested in outer space.

Why don't the three of us have lunch together today?

I'm not going to commit myself to an institution.

Dad, I wasn't... If it weren't for Tralfamadore, I might have needed an institution.

I don't need a doctor, Stanley.

On Tralfamadore you learn that the world is just a collection of moments, all strung together in beautiful, random order.

And if we're going to survive, it's up to us to concentrate on the good moments and ignore the bad.

Besides, I'm in love up there. You know, Dad, I'd really like to have lunch with you today.

I'll be very busy.

Montana's pregnant.

What's her name?

Montana Wildhack.

That's the Hollywood starlet who disappeared, isn't it?

Oh, my God.

Dad!

Hey, wait a minute, Dad.

Dad, listen.

If you go back and forth in time, do you go into the future too?

Mm-hm. Frequently.

Well, I mean, how far do you go?

Do you actually go...?

All the way to my death.

I've seen it many times.

I died in Philadelphia where I was giving a speech on the subject of Tralfamadore.

You see, in Tralfamadore, where I presently dwell, life has no beginning, no middle and no end.

For example, many years ago a man promised to have me killed.

He's an old man now, living not far from here.

He's read all of the publicity associated with my appearance.

He's insane, and tonight he'll keep his promise.

If you protest, if you think that death is a terrible thing, then you have not understood what I have said.

You see, it's time for you to go home to your wives and children.

It's time for me to be dead for a little while and then live again.

I give you the Tralfamadorian greeting.

Hello.

Farewell.

Hello.

Farewell.

Eternally connected.

Eternally embracing.

Hello.

Farewell.

Nobody fucks around with Paul Lazzaro!

Do you hear me, Pilgrim?

Pilgrim?

Pilgrim?

Hey, Pilgrim! You hear me?

Pilgrim, get your ass over here and give me a hand!

What are you gonna do with that? I'm gonna make a fortune!

Are you kidding?

Haven't you got enough stuff? What if we get caught?

We ain't gonna get caught. The Krauts have all left.

If we don't steal it, the Russians will.

Let's get the fuck outta here!

Hey, wait!

Wait! Wait!

I surrender! I surrender!

I surrender!

I surrender!

I don't know. I don't know.

'Billy?

'Billy?

'We just had a baby!'

Billy, we've just had a baby boy!

Look at him!

Isn't he beautiful?

Ah, yes. Isn't he incredibly beautiful?

He's perfect, every bit of him.

What shall we call him? Billy, of course.

Anyway, even if he doesn't look too much like you, he's got your name.

Hello.

Are you hungry? I think he's hungry now.

Mm-hm.

You hungry? Huh?

Here, here. There it is.

Take it, take it, take it. Ouch!