Slither (2006) Script

(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

Whippoorwill flies about 27 miles an hour.

BILL: Hmm.

That what you thought it would have been?

Sure.

I'd have thought more like

31 or something.

BILL: Hmm.

32.

Goddamn, that's a pisser.

Normally, I could look at anything, tell you exactly how fast it's going within 2 miles per hour.

That's fascinating.

I'm gonna...

(BILL CLEARING THROAT)


(SAD WORLD PLAYING)


(CAR HONKING)

Get the fuck out of the way, cocksucker!

Morning, Mayor.

Hi. How you all doing?

Easy come, easy go.

(HONKING)

When Darwin said "fittest," he didn't necessarily mean the strongest, or the most intelligent, or any one trait.

He merely meant those organisms most well-suited to their environments.

Now, we humans, we think we're more fit, more evolved, because we're smarter.

But we're neophytes.

We've only been on this Earth two million years, give or take.

The cockroach, that fellow's been around 350 million years.

So, based on that, which of us is the more successful species?

(BELL RINGING)

A lot of folks build houses on unsafe ground.

Mmm-hmm.

The erosion in Cambodia is some of the worst.

My friends wanted to buy a house there, but...

Hey. Come on.

Hey, Grant.

Okay. Later, Hank.

He's teaching environmental studies.

He's gonna borrow one of my lesson plans.

Oh, I know what he wants to borrow, and I ain't lending.

Come on, you little varmint.

GIRL: Cassidy, come.

TREVOR: That's it. GIRL: Hey, can Cassie come over?

Did she say she was gonna be here?

TREVOR: Quit your lollygagging.

Hi, sweetie. See you guys later.

Come on! That's it.

STARLA: Come here, sweetie. So you have a good day today?

GRANT: Very nice. Hop on in there, baby.

STARLA: Baby, when did you go to Jack in the Box?

That's one match I'll never get.

Ain't no mystery.

Starla's raised in them shanties off St. Luc. Dirt poor.

All she ever wanted was to be a lady.

Old Grant Grant, he's always been made of green.

Gold digger, huh? Oh, hell, Margaret.

Starla's mother left her. Her daddy's a drunk.

She's 17 years old.

Old Grant pulls up, big old Cadillac. House on the hill and college tuition.

What would you do?

Blow. Hell, if he had a 'gina, you'd have married him, too. What's a 'gina?

It's a country.

You know, where Ginese people come from.

Learn to eavesdrop better.

Zach. Hell, your mother's waiting over there.

What the hell you doing here? Scoot, scoot.

GRANT: Sugarplum, you coming to bed?

NARRATOR: (ON TV) ...why the crocodile has survived for millennia, when so many similar species have gone extinct.

(PATTING BED)

Oh, yeah.

(LAUGHING)

You know what, baby?

I'm just not really in the mood.

Come on, baby doll. It's been a long time. We both need it.

I know. I'm just...

Baby, come on now. I don't just have some switch.

Sure you do.

Flick, flick.

That's disrespectful. Come on now. I'm just playing with you.

Come on, honey. No, come on, baby.

Why don't you just, you know, work one out for yourself there, darling?

Come on.

(GROANING)

Honey, I'm just not in the mood. Can't you tell?

When the hell are you in the mood anyway?

Dang.

Where you going?

(SIGHING)

Out. For a walk.

Grant. Baby.

I...

(SINGING)

Yeah. Hit me again there, killer.


Megan Montgomery's little sister.

You're kidding me. Nope.

Brenda.

My sister, Megan, she was a big fat old cow, and I'd be thinking, "What does he see in her that ain't in me?"

Shit, come on now.

You couldn't have been more than 10 or 11. Hell, I was game.

(BRENDA AND GRANT LAUGHING)

GRANT: I'll give you a ride, then. BRENDA: All right, come on.

Yee-haw! Giddyup.

(BRENDA LAUGHING)

Come on. Where we going, girl?

Come on, you. Where we going?

Get over here.

What'd I tell you?

I had a crush on you.

Will you look at that? Your initials, "B.M."

Like a piece of shit. Oh, shut up.

At least I don't got the same last name as the first.

Oh, you're nothing but a little turd, girl. Oh, stop!

Stop, yourself. Stop.

(BOTH GROANING)

Wait. Wait, wait.

Oh, Grant. Oh, God. You gotta stop.

I can't.

Starla.

She gets real worried about me if I'm out too late.

I'm sorry. I gotta go. I...

Starla. Yeah, shit. Go.

What is it?

I don't know.

(EXCLAIMING)

There's a trail.

(BRENDA EXCLAIMING DISGUSTEDLY)

Oh. Oh, that's gross.

(RATTLING)

Come on. Oh...

Come on. Grant.

Come on. Wait, wait, wait.

(GASPS)

(RATTLING)

What the fuck?

(SCREAMING)

God dog it!

(SCREAMING)

Oh, God.

Grant.

(GRANT GROANING)

Grant?

Grant.

Grant.

(BRENDA SCREAMING)

Grant, are you okay?

Grant.

You okay?

Meat.

(ALARM BUZZING)


(RADIO PLAYING EVERY WOMAN IN THE WORLD)

Good morning, baby.

We haven't heard this song for a while.

I was hoping it could be a peace pipe.

I'm sorry about last night.

I don't mean to push you away.

Or make you feel rejected.

I do want to be a good wife.

You're crying.

Baby.


Baby, what's this?

It's just a little bug bite.

(HUMMING)

What are you so smiley about?

Nothing.

Grant and I had a good morning.

And it's been a while.

Oh, you slut. Janene.

(JANENE LAUGHING)

Quiet.

You're a married woman.

It's Grant.

I don't know, he's like...

It was like he was discovering all these different parts of my body.

You know, like a little boy or something.

I'm telling you, this morning I sensed a real change in Grant.

Meat.

Meat. Meat.

Howdy, Mr. Grant. Oh, hey there, killer.

What can I do you for? Give me a couple of your rib eyes.

How many you need? Eight.

Know what? 10.

No, no, no. You know what?

Give me 14.

Having a party?

Yeah, yeah, something like that. Yeah.

It's a little surprise for the wife.

Grant. What's this lock doing on the door?

Baby, you drilled right into the frame. It's all busted up.

Sugarplum, you really think you should be asking so many questions when it's so close to your birthday? My birthday's not for two months.

That's close. Not really.

Matter of opinion.


(DOG BARKING)

(DOG WHIMPERING)

STARLA: Grant, I'm jumping in the shower. Baby, we need to leave in 40 minutes.

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)


What are you doing?

Nothing. I gotta...

I gotta go to work. I left something at work.

What? Grant, Deer Cheer starts in about an hour, and you promised me.

Gotta go! Gotta go to work. I'll meet you there!

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

I will never understand what joy a grown man gets using a $1,000 weapon to blow the face off a cute little deer.

Yeah.

Surprised you're able to lift a mug, you've been carrying that torch for so long.

Oh, that reminds me of something I want to tell you.

What's that? Fuck you, fat ass.

MAN: (ON TV) Melvin, clean up the toilets. It stinks over here.

Okay, I'll be right there.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Look what you did, you fucking asshole!

Grant.

Damn, girl.

You are chocolate for the eyes.

I thought maybe you was dead after the other night.

I am dead. Don't I look it?

The old half-Mexican around?

At his mama's for the weekend. I'm all alone.

Besides this one.

Hey.

Hi. Scared you?

Hey, Bill.

What you doing? Oh, nothing. Just...

I'm trying to get a buzz on, but I can't.

I'm too buff. Got too much muscle mass.

I don't know what it is. Oh, really?

Congratulations, by the way. Thank you.

Yeah, on the promotion, that's... Thank you.

Chief. Yeah.

Yeah.

Sounds weird, doesn't it? No, it sounds nice.

So where's old Grant?

I don't know. He was supposed to meet me here, but...

It's kind of chilly tonight. Yeah.

BILL: It sure is pretty.

You know... It's probably time for the countdown, almost. Right.

Yeah, I think Jack's gonna make a speech or something.

Well, that will be interesting.

Thank you.

I would like to introduce Mayor Jack MacReady.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

JACK: Thank you.

Cheese and crackers.

JACK: Ladies and gentlemen, right after God invented this world of ours, he came unto Adam and he said that man should have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the Earth.

CROWD: Amen! All right! Yeah!

Now, I believe when God said that, he was thinking of deer season in Wheelsy and how much damn fun it is to shoot a buck or two!

Huh? Am I right?

Are you ready?

Yes!

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!

Oh, God, Grant!

Let the hunt begin!

Grant, what is it? No!

(SCREAMING)

(SINGING COUNTRY SONG)

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

(WHOOPING)


(GAGGING)

(MOANING)


Grant?

(SWITCH CLICKING)

Grant, you know about this fuse?

Grant, why didn't you answer your phone?

Grant?

(GASPING)

Oh, my God, baby, what happened to your face?

It's just a bee sting.

I'll be all right.

I have a little reaction, that's all.

Oh, we gotta get you to the hospital. No.

No, no, no, no.

I already saw Dr. Karl.

Gave me a prescription, said it should clear up soon.

Said things like this happen.

Happens to people all the time.

Come on, baby, don't...

Don't look at me like that.

Yes, hi, Dr. Karl. This is Starla Grant.

CARL: Oh, Starla. How are you? STARLA: I'm fine, thank you.

I was calling about... About Grant's condition.

I think that it may be getting worse.

What condition is that, dear?

The one you just saw him about.

Starla, I haven't seen your husband in over a year.


(BRENDA CRYING)

What's the matter?

Come on now, don't cry.

Now, look here. You're doing a good job.

I'm so hungry, I think I'm gonna die.

No, no, no, no. Here. I got something here, help you feel better.

Brought you munchies.

Come on now. Treat yourself.

Yeah, that's my girl.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Hey, Starla. Hey.

Bill. Wally. Howdy.

Grant around, by any chance? Oh, no. He's not home from work yet.

Mr. Grant! He's not home yet, Wally. I just said.

What's going on?

Do you know a Brenda Gutierrez?

Maybe she called the house, or... No.

What's...

Girl disappeared Friday night. Signs of a struggle in the house.

Here in town? Yeah.

The thing is, people saw Grant going into her house, and that's the last anyone's seen of her.

It must've been someone that looks like Grant.

Yeah. Maybe.

But have him give me a call as soon as he gets in.

All right. All right.

Well, thanks.

Night.

Night.


(FLIES BUZZING)

(COUGHING)


(GAGGING)


...1168.

SHELBY: You've reached Chief Pardy. STARLA: No, no, no, no, no.

Please leave a message and your call will be returned promptly.

Bill! It's Starla.

You were just here. And you need to get back here right now. I think...

Grant is sick or something.

(SNARLING)

Why are you running from me, baby? I wasn't gonna hurt you!

I love you, baby. I tried not to change.

No! I'll get it.

I'm too ugly for you now, is that it? You don't wanna hurt me.

You betrayed me.

I can't trust you no more.

Let me go.

Here, I got a little surprise for you. Huh, sugarplum?

(BANGING ON DOOR)

BILL: Starla? Starla, you in there?

(GASPING)

Starla, you all right?

(BILL SHOUTING)

Stop!

(GROWLING)

What the fuck was that?


Whole damn Council's a bunch of fucking morons.

I don't know how any of them got elected. They blame me for it, like it's...

Bill. Bill, we need to talk.

Shit. Morning, Jack.

We need to find this Grant, I mean yesterday.

Town Council lit a Roman candle, stuck it up my ass.

Jack, your leisure activities ain't my business.

Hey, don't you fuck with me, Bill. Your post here as Chief is in dire straits.

Nobody wants to go hunting in a town with a pet-murdering kidnapper in it.

We'll find him, Jack.

Ain't many places he can hide. Looks like a damn squid.

Sea World, maybe. See? She heard you say squid.

She's going to go out and create a goddamn hysteria.

Shelby, you gonna create a hysteria?

Not today, Bill. What's this?

I thought we could use that like a police sketch, Chief.

You know, take it door to door, see if anybody recognizes him.

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

Y'all show some respect right now!

And you! You don't know what was in there. You said it was dark!

You don't know what the hell you saw. His arm was all bendy, Mayor.

Well, it's obvious the bastard's got Lyme disease.

What? Lyme disease.

You touch some deer feces and then you eat a sandwich without washing your hands, you got your Lyme disease.

And that makes you look like a squid?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Well, fuck you all for laughing.

Chief, another attack.

Over at the Castavets'. What?

Grant's been stealing animals off farms, edge of town.

Oh, Jesus Christ. All right, folks, let's go.

Don't forget your guns. We don't want any Lyme disease popping out at us.

Oh, ho, ho, ho. Ha, ha, fucking ha.

BILL: I reckon Grant ain't got one of them puppy calendars on his desk.

He just don't strike me as a real dog lover, is all.

Hey, look!

Knocked this one's head clear on over here.

Put that down, numb nuts.

He drug the cow through here.

How can one man do that?

Slay all them dogs by hisself?

Well, he's gotta be in the forest. All three ranches run alongside it.

You think we should get up a posse?

Head in there?

It's 100,000 acres. Be finding a needle in a fuckstack.

Gather some folks together. I think I know where Dr. Dolittle's gonna strike next.

BILL: Right after Grant ran off, a calf went missing from here, Raglan's ranch.

Two nights ago, a mare was stolen from this property owned by Fitzgibbon.

That rancher with the cleft palate?

Yeah. I know that guy. He looks like a chipmunk.

Your mama weren't too proud when you came out neither, Wally.

And then we got the Castavets right here.

That's where last night's shit storm took place.

And if he keeps to that pattern, next he's gonna end up here, owned by a family called the Strutemyers.

I know you're all tired. You've barely seen your families.

But we're gonna have to go there tonight, lie low and wait.

Well, let's go and get that son of a bitch, Chief!

Yeah. Yeah.

WALLY: All right, boys.

Where's my little darling? There she is.

(WHOOPING)

Hey, Bill, we got this grenade we confiscated from them jokers who wanted to use it to fish for trout.

No. We should be all right with what we got.

All right.

(GUN COCKING)

I didn't know the Russkis were invading.

You seen this guy, you'd have wished they was.

Give me... Just give me one second.

Bill, I heard you're going to get Grant.

Yeah. We... I think I should go with you.

What? Go... Honey, no. No.

Bill, you need to let me help.

Look, I ain't well-read on police procedure, but I'm sure there's a heap of regulations...

No, this is my fault. ...against taking a civilian on a stakeout.

I should've seen it coming. This is my fault. It ain't your fault!

He tried to kill you. He had all those physical symptoms.

He was acting peculiar... Starla. Thank you.

I was just trying to pretend that it wasn't happening, Bill.

Thank you, Starla. I appreciate the offer, but I can't.

If that girl's still out there, how are you gonna find her?

How, unless you bring Grant back alive?

Your best... Your only chance of doing that is with me.

She's got a point.

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

Hey, hey, hey. Come on.

You all done, honey? Thank you.

(LAUGHING)

Hey, come on now.

Kylie, what did you do to your fingers? Kiri Goshimi done them.

She's Japanese. Yeah?

Looks more like that Pokeyman's done them, to me.

Foreign stuff is classy, if you knew something.

OTIS: Oh.

There's Jack.

Now, I want you all to stay inside tonight. You hear?

Hey, Otis!

This turns out to be a mountain lion, we're gonna look like a bunch of damn idiots.

Oh, yeah?

Thanks.

(CAR LOCK BEEPS)


Be a good night to chase some pussy, wouldn't it?

How about that Deputy Margaret?

You have a little deputy thing going on, you two?

Margaret packs a box lunch.

No shit.

Hey, Starla.

You remember that time we were kids and you came knocking on my window in the middle of the night?

So Starla here, 12.

I guess I was 14.

I said, "Starla, what the hell are you doing out there?"

She says that she's gonna run away to Hollywood and be a big star.

(WALLY LAUGHING)

And she knew I was in the ROTC, so she says she needs a bodyguard and invites me to come along.

And I said, "Starla, if there's anyone who can take care of herself, "I think it's you. I'm gonna have to decline."

How far did you get?

About the bus stop.

(WALLY LAUGHING)

Because Ranger Rick here called my dad.

Damn. A cop from the get-go. You son of a bitch!

You fucked up our fame and fortune there, Bill Pardy.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess maybe I did.

You said squid.

It got worse.

He looks like something that fell off my dick during the war.

Hey. Hey.

(COW MOOING)

Grant?

Holy shit.

(COW MOANING)

What are we gonna do now, Bill?

Cuffs won't even fit on him.

Starla, where are you...

Go, go.

Come on.

Grant.

It's okay, Grant.

You're just sick, is all.

You're just sick.

We're just here to take you to get some help.

Right now.

And I'm gonna stay by you.

Just like I swore I would.

For better or worse.

Much fucking worse.

(SNARLS)

Grant.

Marriage is a sacred bond.

Right, baby?

(MUMBLING INCOHERENTLY)

It's gonna be all right, Grant.

Just come with us.

(SNARLING)

You stop right there, you son of a bitch.

Now, I don't care what kind of leprosy you got.

We need to find that girl.

Now you can make this peaceful or you can make it hard.

No! Fire!

Fire!

Move! Grant!

Get him! Get him!

BILL: Wally, on my tail! Do not lose him in the woods!

That fucking...

JACK: Get the fuck out of the way!

BILL: I don't want to lose anybody! Stay together!

MAN: Wait for me. Wait for me.

Come on out, you cocksucker!

What are you, some little pussy?

You afraid?

Psychology.

Over there!

TREVOR: Where did he go?

MARGARET: Now we ain't never gonna find that girl.

BILL: Starla, get the hell out of here.


(ALL COUGHING)

TREVOR: What's that smell?

Something dead.

It's coming from in there, ain't it? Do you think he's inside?

(MAN COUGHS)

Oh!

(BRENDA CRYING)

(FLIES BUZZING)

(WHISPERS) One, two, three.

You suck.

Margaret, get over here.

BILL: Oh, God.

(BRENDA SOBBING)

Something's wrong with me.

Yeah.

Oh, Jesus! God!

Brenda.

Oh, I didn't want no one seeing me like this.

(ALL GASPING)

Shit.

How's my boy, Bill?

BRENDA: Is he all right?

Boy's fine, Brenda.

So what's going on here exactly?

I'm so fucking hungry, Bill. I'm so hungry.

BRENDA: I never knew anyone could be so hungry.

(BRENDA SOBS)

Do you mind handing me a piece of that possum over there?

Just a little bit.

(COUGHS)

I think we best get you to a hospital right quick.

What the fuck they gonna do with her in a hospital, Bill?

Shut up.

Jesus! Why is she doing that?

Her tumors is moving. Relax.

Somebody get her to stop doing that shit! It hurts, bitch!

Jesus.

(SCREAMING)

BRENDA: Please help me! STARLA: Bill.

Oh, the little fuckers are tearing me apart!

(BRENDA SCREAMING)

Oh, the bastard led us here.

MAN: Christ, look out, everybody!

(SCREAMING)

Fuck!

Wally!

Margaret, cover your mouth! Don't let them in your mouth!


God dang.

Tried to get in my mouth.

What kind of thing wants you to eat it?

(SPITS)

(SQUEAKING)


(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

WOMAN: Kylie, honey, you're gonna turn into a plum in there.

Prune, Mama. Plums turn into prunes.

I know what turns into what.

So I want you to finish up in there and get yourself into bed, you hear?

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Time to turn in, ladies. Just a couple more pages, Mom.

No.

Besides, you know what day tomorrow is.

Family fun day. Family fun day.

That is correct.

So good night.

Sleep tight.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

JENNA: Night, night. EMILY: Night, Mom.

Night.

(SQUEAKING)


What the fuck?

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

(CREATURE SQUEALING)


Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

EMILY AND JENNA: Help! KYLIE: Emily! Jenna!

Jenna, open the door!

(EMILY AND JENNA SCREAMING)


(SCREAMS)


(CREATURES SQUEALING)


BILL: Shelby, come in.

11-41. I need paramedics out here right away. I got four men down.

Shelby, are you there?

Shelby, we got an emergency here. This is Bill.

Oh, crud.

Shelby.

This is no time for a break, Shelby. I mean it.

BILL: Shelby? MARGARET: They alive?

Shelby, I need your help now.

Praise Jesus.

Praise Jesus? That's fucking pushing it.

This shit's about as far from God as shit can get.

Either of you ever seen anything like that?

You ever heard of anything like that?

Huh?

Me neither.

And I watch Animal Planet all the fucking time.

I got no reception out here.

I'm gonna run back to the car, try to call the paramedics from there.

That's a long way with those worms out there.

Yeah, well, nice change of pace from shooting them deer.

All right, you three, get these folks out of the barn.

All the rot and stench can't be doing them any good.

You take this. I got my Colt.

Be careful. Yeah, there's a thought.

(CREATURE SQUEALING)

(DEER CRIES)

JACK: You know what this is? Huh?

You know what this is?

It's goddamn biological weapons, that's what it is.

Government's testing them on Wheelsy. You know why?

Because I don't take no shit from nobody at those State hearings.

They wanna put a cock in Jack MacReady, they can kiss my ass.

If this shit is contagious, I turn into a fucking mollusk, I'm gonna sue those bastards, I swear to God!

And you can sue right alongside of me. I don't care if you're a lesbo.

You don't deserve this shit.

It's like... Oh!

Oh, man, it smells like rotten mayonnaise in here.


Hi, sugarplum.

Marriage. It's a sacred bond.

Just like you said.

What? I'm sorry for trying to strangle you and all.

I lost my head.

I didn't mean to do none of them things I done.

Not kill them pets.

Not make Brenda a worm.

But it's my nature, ain't it?

How can you blame someone for acting according to his own nature?

I wanted to tell you what was going on, but I was afraid you wouldn't love me no more.

I never knew love, Starla...

Wally?

You all right?

Maybe you better set back down. You don't look so good.

JACK: Hey.


Kylie, honey, you okay?

Hi, Kylie, it's me.

Kylie, open the door, jellybean.

Come on, Kylie.

Open the door.

We love you, sweetheart. Come on out now. Open the door.

Get away!

You all get away.

Kylie. Kylie, there's no excuse. No excuse not to be with your family.

This is family fun day, isn't it, Kylie?

Y'all better just set back down. You need to get some rest.

You're sick! Meat.

MARGARET: Hey! STARLA: Let her go!

(GUN CLICKS)

Y'all just take a step back now, all right?

There you go, sugarplum.

Why you choosing camps before you hear both sides of the story? Both sides of the story.

Why are you talking like Grant? 'Cause I am Grant.

I'm your husband. I'm your husband.

You swore to honor and obey me. Obey me.

So put that goddamn gun down. So put that goddamn gun down.

Oh, shit.

Get away from her!

It burns. What the...

(SCREAMING)

Get away from her! Meat.

Get away from her! I am gonna shoot you, I swear to God!

You ain't gonna shoot me, Starla.

I told you, you always needed me to protect you!

You for damn sure ain't got the balls to...

(CREATURES SQUEALING)

Christ on a cross.

(CLICKS)

Go. Go, go, go.

Uncle Grant's gonna show you a good time, girlie.

Get out!

Open this door, you little whore!

Don't mess with me, you little slut.

Kylie.

This is your last chance.

Open this door now!

JENNA: Come on, you spoiled brat!

No!

No!

WOMAN: You little bitch! BILL: Hey!

BILL: What's going on? What the hell are you doing?

Hey, hey, easy, easy, easy.

What the hell happened to you, Otis?

Poison ivy out back, maybe?

We're itchy. We're itchy.

No, they're not my parents.

They're trying to trick you.

(SHUSHING)

Hey. The worms are in their brains.

All right, look, y'all stay right there on the spot.

I'm gonna call the paramedics to come help you.

And Kylie's gonna come with me.

Hey there, killer.

Starla's my woman, you prick.

(SCREAMS)

(BOTH SCREAM)

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

(ZOMBIES PANTING)

Come on.

(CAR LOCK BEEPING)

BILL: Damn it! OTIS: Come on, Kylie.

Hey, come on, come on.

WOMAN: Don't mess with me, little girl!

Hear me, girl?

(YELLS)

What's with the spitting?

Margaret, come in. Margaret? Margaret, are you there?

Chief, go! They're gonna get in. Go!

My friends are still out there... Trevor?

What the heck is going on?

My easygoing nature is getting sorely fucking tested.

(STARLA SCREAMING)

Bitch is hard-core.

BILL: Get in the car. Get in the car!

All right, yeah.

Go, go.

Go! Go! Go!

Starla!

Starla! Starla! Starla! Starla!

ALL: Starla!

BILL: So, how's everybody's evening? Good?

Good.

Thanks.

Shelby?

Shelby, you there?

SHELBY: Hey, Chief, how you doing? Did you find that...

(EXCLAIMS)

There's a skeeter in here driving me bonkers.

Shelby, you seen any of these...

I don't know what to call them.

They're like big slugs, only they're fast.

Uh-uh.

No slugs.

But your mama called. She said, "The toilet's all backed up again.

"Why don't you come over soon as you're finished there?"

All right, sweetheart, listen.

I need you to listen to me just for a second, okay?

She said it's what you done in there on Sunday what caused the backup.

All right, listen. I need you to...

I need you to get the CDC on the horn for me, okay?

Shelby, are you nodding?

Oh, yeah, sorry. I'll get you right back.

There's a big tree in her front yard and the roots got in the pipes and it messes with the whole system on the way to the main.

She uses lots of paper.

Where is the Mr. Pibb?

I told your secretary to pack Mr. Pibb. It's the only Coke I like.

Goddamn Brenda exploding like a water balloon and worms driving my friends around like they're goddamn skin-cars.

People are spitting acid at me, turning you into cottage cheese, and now there's no fucking goddamn Mr. Pibb!

Jesus Christ, Jack. Let me get right on it.

It was me.

I became it... Him.

Part of him. Who?

Who?

Mrs. Grant's husband.

But it wasn't always him.

He came from...

He's a goddamn Martian? Martians is from Mars, Jack.

Or it's a general term meaning "outer space fucker."

No, it isn't. Look it up, cocksucker.

Enough.

STARLA: Kylie.

Honey.

Honey, what do you mean?

His real face looks like a needle.

But he's always got another.

He goes from place to place, worlds, planets, killing them.

Some he gets pregnant, others he just takes over with his worms.

And the rest he eats till they're gone.

Now he's here.

BILL: Are you saying these worms...

These worms in their brains, you saying they're all connected?

It's like they're all one deal?

An animal that doesn't procreate. It spreads, grows, absorbing the minds and bodies of the organisms around it.

It's a conscious disease.

If I weren't about to shit my pants, I'd be fucking fascinated.

We're back. Everything's gonna be okay.

Shelby, did you get the CDC for me? We're at the city limits.

SHELBY: Welcome back, killer.

Got a little surprise for the lot of you, just right around the corner.

(GROANS)

(ZOMBIES CHATTERING)

ALL: Starla!

Starla. Starla! Let her go!

Jesus.

(ZOMBIES HOWLING)

WOMAN: Meat.

Meat.

Chief! Come on, come here.

Stay here. Stay here. Jack, wake up.

Wake up! Hurry!

Jack!

ALL: Meat.

Meat.

(BELL RINGING)

Stay here.

Worms beat us here.

Okay. All right.

There's a grenade in that station.

Now, if I use that to destroy Grant... He's the center of the whole system, right?

Does that mean the whole thing will be destroyed?

Maybe. Maybe.

Okay.

Okay.

You wait here. All right? Stay hid.

I'll be back.


Okay. All right.

Easy.


This is Chief Pardy.

I can't...

(SLURPING)

Fuck me.

(DEER SNARLS)

(BILL GRUNTING)

BILL: No!

(SCREAMING)

Get... Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!

Hey. Motherfucker.

Thank you. Come on, come on.

We gotta go. Once one sees us, they all see us.

Okay. Take this. Here.

(DOOR OPENS)

MAN: Starla.


(MAN SCREAMING)

Oh, God!

Sweetie, don't look. Don't look.

What are we gonna do now?

Probably turn into a couple of these fucked-up things.

That's kind of negative. Well, it's been that sort of day.

Thank you for saving my ass back there. You're welcome.

Of course, when I tell that story, it's gonna be the other way around.

What do you mean? Like I saved you.

Yeah, if we live. Right.

Now, they're dragging these bodies due north.

Do you think that will lead us to Ms. Grant?

You like her, don't you?

Come on.


MAN: Starla, don't you be fooling, girl.

ZOMBIES: Come on down!

(SLURPING)

Who's there?

Bill?

Bill?

Starla?

Hello?

Don't you look at me like that!

Don't you judge me!

You got no idea what it's like to be this hungry!

I just ate pig and I still want more.

Oh, God damn! Don't you dare judge me!

Are you trying to judge me? Damn Republican.

We'll run all you Republicans out of town.


ZOMBIES: Starla, I hear you in there.

MAN: Come on down and fulfill your wifely duties, you hear me?

(EVERY WOMAN IN THE WORLD PLAYING)


Starla. Starla.


You said for better or worse!

You lied!

Bitch!

Slut!

Whore!

BILL: There's the worm heads.

That's where they're bringing the bodies.

KYLIE: Probably new breeders feeding inside.

Oh, my God, that's Grant.

That's where they're joining together.

Well, now, that is some fucked-up shit.

There's Starla.

Okay. Okay.

All right. All right.

You stay here. No, I ain't staying here by myself.

All right, come on.

You tried to kill me and run off with Pardy.

You just wanna fuck him now, cause he's so good-looking.

It's all over, Starla.

And I'll keep growing till I'm everywhere.

Till I'm all that is!

(SCREAMS)

Then you'll know what it feels like to be betrayed.

Won't you, sugarplum?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I just thought you were trying to kill me.

And you can't expect me not to go through some adjustments after all these changes.

STARLA: You did a real nice job decorating, baby.

You like these memories?

Yeah.

I know you don't wanna hurt me, Grant.

Yeah.

You like being called Grant, don't you?

I can do that.

I can call you that.

'Cause you're lonely. Right?

You've been alone so long I can't even imagine, I bet.

(WHIMPERS)

You don't have to be alone anymore.

'Cause you and I, we could be together.

I never had much use for this world, anyway.

And I can stay with you while you do what you need to do.

'Cause it's your nature, and I see that now.

I'm here for you.

(SCREAMS)


(SHRIEKS)

(GUN FIRES)

Pardy!

Kill me, Pardy, please!

You Podunk whore! I've been around a billion years.

You think you can fuck with me?

Yep.

Shit!


(SCREAMING)

Shoot him.

BILL: Shoot him!


(OBJECT CREAKING)


Bill.

Bill.

Bill.

Bill.

Oh, that... That really hurt.

Are you all right?

You need both of them things in you to get all wormy.

Oh, that's awesome. Yeah.


Bet you regret not running off with me to Hollywood now, hey, Bill?

Oh, hell, Starla, I always regretted that.

Now, Bishopville's just a few miles down the 10.

They got that hospital there with the big green steeple thingy up top.

Hey, Kylie, why don't you tell Ms. Grant that story about how I saved you from that deer?

Oh, yeah.

Bill saved me from a deer.

Oh, yeah?

(GROANS)

(BABY I LOVE YOU PLAYING)


(THE NEW KID PLAYING)


(CAT MEOWING)

(RATTLING)

(LASHING)

(CAT SCREECHES)