INGLEWOOD, CALIFORNIA, 1979 I always loved airplanes, man.
Not just toys, but real ones, too.
We lived right next to the airport.
I remember my mom would put my stroller outside while she hung clothes on the line.
My mom always told me that someday, it would be me gettin' on one of those planes goin' someplace better.
But I guess it didn't exactly work out that way.
Final boarding announcement for Worldwide Airlines Flight 119.
I'm sorry, sir.
Your dog is too big to be on the plane.
You'll have to check him.
Wait. No. I usually just put him in my bag.
He's not that big.
Those are the rules. You'll have to check your dog.
Or consider taking another airline.
Come on, man.
Can I just please-- Russ.
I can't just...
Come on, Dre.
Come on. Don't worry, sir.
We'll take good care of him. Please do.
That's my little boy right there.
See you when I get off.
Excuse me. Thank you. Enjoy your flight.
Our in-flight movie will be Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, starring Sandra Bullock and Ashley Judd.
That's the sound of my gat
This is heat. This album is fire.
Chicken or beef stroganoff?
Chicken, I'll have the chicken.
Thank you. Excuse me.
It smells good, though. Chicken or beef stroganoff?
I'm gonna have the chicken. I like the way that smelled.
That was our last chicken.
I'm afraid I just have stroganoff.
So why would you ask me what I wanted?
What's in that?
That beef strogie. That wasn't half bad.
It was good.
Almost got a little spit on you.
Yes, you did. I'm sorry.
Are you all right, sir?
Where the bathroom?
Straight down. Where?
Fire in the hole.
Come on! Hurry. Get in there!
Damn! Oh, shit!
I got it. That's it. No, it's not.
This is the captain speaking. We hit some turbulence.
We ask that you return to your seats.
We've turned on the "fasten seatbelt" sign.
I didn't know it was gonna be like that.
I can't get out! My ass is stuck!
Come on. God, please, I'm a Christian.
My ass is touchin' the shit.
I don't wanna die like this! Stewardess!
There's a guy locked in the bathroom stuck on the toilet.
Press the main release discharge valve-- that should get him loose.
What the fuck?!
You killed my dog, man. Y'all gonna pay for this!
If I have to go on every talk show in America, y'all gonna pay!
Oprah, Ricki Lake, Dr, Phil bitch!
106th and Park. Showtime At The Apollo.
I swear, they're gonna pay for this.
You don't treat people like this.
And that's what happened.
What exactly is your occupation, Nashawn?
I'm an entrepreneur. I see.
So I guess it's fair to say you don't have a job.
No, I do--
Tell us about some of your businesses.
Any of 'em ever make any money?
So it would be correct to say that you're nothin' more than a deadbeat lookin' for a quick dollar. Right?
No further questions.
Wait! That's not fair.
Your Honor, can I say something, please?
I watched my mom struggle to raise me on next to nothin', workin' for guys like you.
And I always knew that I had to make my own way, no matter what.
I might not have some fancy education or a Fortune 500 business, but...
My mom always told me that you can't be successful until you try.
That's all I'm doin'.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Will the foreman please read the verdict?
Case number 077861.
Nashawn Wade vs. Worldwide Airlines, we find for the plaintiff and award him damages in the amount of $100 million.
We did it, man! We did it! Yes!
What do you mean, "we"?
I didn't see your ass get stuck in no airplane toilet.
Whatever, I say we blow the first 20 mil on Rio, next 20 mil, Bangkok.
I hear they can do this thing--
Muggs, you're my cousin. I'm not gonna forget about you, or the way you looked out for me when we was growin' up.
I'm not gonna let you convince me I'm fuckin' this money away.
You still on that strip club/daycare center thing?
Shit was genius. Come on.
It was genius, Muggsy? To who?
We lost all our damn money in a week.
We gonna do it straight this time, all right?
I wanna do something I can be proud of.
Whatever it is, I'm in.
There he is, Mr. Wade?
How does it feel to be the recipient of such a large reward by the court?
I mean, it feels good, ya know? Justice has been served.
But I tell you what, I'd trade all that money in to get back my dog Dre.
Nashawn, how's the ass?
The ass is fine, It is sittin' on $100 million,
Mr, Wade, can you tell us what you intend to do with all that money?
I'm gonna start my own airline. No further questions.
Muggs, take care of that, please.
What is this-- BET's "How I'm Living"?
I'd like to give a shout-out to all five of my babies' mamas.
High five, Laquifa. I'm comin', girl.
Yes, Lord! Everybody. $100 million!
Relax. Thank you.
Wait a minute. You the only sister.
You can't say nothin'?
What in the hell is taking her so long?
Relax, honey. She has arthritis.
She's, like, 200 years old.
I know. It's great.
Yes. I've got good news and bad news.
The bad news is that your flight 114 to JFK has been canceled.
Oh, for the love of--
But the good news is we've been able to find another airline that can accommodate you this evening.
Would you be interested in another airline?
Even Dad thinks you're cute. Get off me!
You're such a whore. What did you say?
Did I stutter?
There you are.
Four tickets for flight 069 on NWA.
What you're going to want to do is go to Gate One-- that's Terminal X--and we'll send your luggage on down for you.
Thank you for your help. You're quite welcome.
Good luck. Thanks.
Don't get it greasy. It's very expensive.
I know, I bought it.
Now, a gentleman always carries a lady's bags.
So why are you carrying hers? Be kind, son.
If I play my cards right, she'll be your future mother figure.
Ooh, hey, sweetie. Wait a minute.
Don't look back and not say anything.
Excuse me. You got to move, lady.
Baby, come here. Gimme a second.
Girl, you must not know who I am.
Nashawn Wade, baby. I own NWA. The boss.
Where the hell is Terminal X?
Relax, honey. Didn't we just have a great vacation in Crackerland?
No, we didn't-- give me that stupid hat. Leave it!
You know what would've been great? Going to Hawaii alone.
Listen, you know the deal.
I only get to see my kids every other weekend.
Billy, where's your sister?
She's that way.
Heather, you can't just walk away from the family.
If you want to go somewhere, you gotta ask permission first.
Dad, I'm 18 years old.
She's 17. You are 17.
Fine. For a couple more hours. I am 17, and then I'll be 18.
Then I can party and have sex.
Sex?! No, no. Yeah, sex.
Missionary, doggie-style, rockin' the baby, gettin' tea-bagged, playin' the trombone while I'm tossin' his salad, hand jobs, ear jobs, blow jobs.
Gettin' a pearl necklace, ridin' the bologna pony... sucking-- That's enough!
Did she say bologna? I don't know.
...whenever I want, and best of all, I won't have to listen to you.
Can you believe that?
What came after getting tea-bagged?
Something about the trombone.
Okay, everybody, congratulations!
You guys have been punk'd!
There's cameras everywhere, right, son?
We'll be back in five minutes with the release forms.
Oh, shit! Awesome!
Terminal Malcolm X? Yeah.
Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. Usually you gotta go to two places, but there you get the one-- This is a terminal?
It's great, 99 cents. Everything.
Oh, check out the car.
This place has every-- there's a basketball court.
In your face!
Get your short ass on, you leprechaun.
Look like my ex-- short and stupid.
I don't know about all that, but if Denzel walked his fine sexy ass in here right now, I'm takin' the rest of the day off and gettin' straight down with the get down.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Girl, let me tell you, Denzel is nice, but I like the young thugs.
I love me some 50 Cent, baby.
Ooh, Shaniece. Go, Shaniece!
It's your birthday.
We gonna party like it's your birthday.
Sip Bacardi like it's my birthday.
And you know we don't give a fuck it's not my birthday!
Look at this little nigga here.
Look more like five cent.
Nigga, can't you read?
The sign says put all metal objects in the container.
Take your ass off. Get on back there!
Get your ass back there.
Shit goin' off 'cause that shit cheap. That's why it's goin' off.
My flow, my show bought me the dough that bought me all my fancy things.
My cribs, my cars, my pools, my jewels.
Nigga, I done came up and I ain't changed.
You keep fuckin' up on my rhymes.
Move it along, nickel.
You wanna say somethin'?!
I ain't slapped a bitch in two weeks.
Yeah, I got a whole lot of strength in the slap-a-bitch arm.
They had a whole bunch of dirty magazines--bathing suit issues.
Damn! So you like that, huh? You gonna love this.
Hold those for me, I won't be needing those on this flight.
Girl, what you got me--
The sweet smell of Alizé.
Hunkee? Elvis Hunkee? Yeah.
Karl Malone? I used to play basketball with you in high school.
That's right. We used to call you "The Paperboy."
Yeah, that was then. I'm "The Mailman" now.
My dad's a mailman, too. Government jobs pay very well.
You don't understand, I play for the Lakers now.
Right, Karl. I don't think you understand.
I used to play with you, man. You can't shoot, remember?
That's why we never passed you the ball.
I thought it was because I was the only brother.
No, Karl. It's 'cause you sucked!
Oh, I sucked?
What are you gonna do-- go all "postal" on me, Mr. Mailman?
My man, what's goin' on, baby?
Ah, that's nice. That's real nice.
I'd like to be them jeans. Make no sense.
Excuse me. How you doin', man?
Can I get through here, sweetie?
What's goin' on, fellas? My man.
When the buzzer pop, nigga, you stop!
Do y'all know who I am?
We don't give a damn about who you are.
Let your little ass take one more step...
...we'll bury your ass in them fake-ass iguana shoes you're wearin'.
Ladies, it's me. It's Nashawn Wade, owner of this airline.
Come on, remember. I hired y'all.
It's him. There ya go.
That's a little more like it. Thought you had amnesia.
Yes, it is him!
You that little nigga got his ass caught in a toilet seat.
All right, little player, go on, take your little cute rich ass on through.
Go ahead, little player.
Bet that ass still tight, ain't it?
Shit, bitch. I hope we don't lose our benefits over this.
We sorry, Mr. Wade!
My tooth is hurtin'.
And it's fuckin' with your breath, girl.
Upsettin' all my insides here.
Don't you say shit else for a year.
You done melted the whole side--
That's what you get for fuckin' us up.
I'll tell ya, I knew I shoulda got the new Aerostar.
Check out the safety rating.
I'm a little nervous.
I heard someone say this is the first flight for this airline.
It has five cup holders.
Honey, the FAA, they're very strict about who they let fly an airline.
It's gonna be okay, believe me.
Yeah, I know, but I think we're the only white people on the plane.
Girlfriend, like your bag.
Honey, no, we're not.
You ain't gonna pick me up?!
Maybe it's a coincidence, you know, like a family reunion?
Million Man March?
Hey, what are you... Hey, stop that!
Yeah, what up, son?
Yeah, yeah. You know I'm like that.
I'm like that.
Damn. What up?
Here's your card, Dad. I think I melted the sucka.
Put everything on it but an Escalade.
I'm a holler at the shorty I saw at the basketball courts.
One love, dawg.
Where's my son?
How you doin'? I'm good.
You doin' good? You feel wonderful.
Yeah. All right. Hey. whoa! That's my zipper!
And that's too loud for a zipper.
I don't know what you got in there, but we gonna find out.
I got a plane to catch. Come with me.
Did you hear me, boy?!
I bet you ain't never seen a chocolate super-deluxe woman like me before.
No, I got a plane to catch. I gotta go!
Where do you think you're goin', player?
I'm gonna get on--
We feds now, which means I can violate every last one of your civil rights.
Now drop them drawers... Denzel.
Denzel? Look, lady. I just want--
Drop them drawers!
Show me that ass, nigga!
Now turn around.
Girl, there was duct tape and peanut butter everywhere.
I told him, I don't care if you are a diplomat.
I don't bend into that position.
Girl, I ain't no circus freak. This ain't Cirque du Soleil.
He's a fool.
Mi vida, you did the right thing.
Mi primo tried that once.
The doctors still can't find his left nut.
They say it's up there somewhere.
Give me his address. I'll find it.
Flame, not now.
Where's the pilots you hired, man?
Come on, dawg-- It's not come on now.
We're supposed to take off in 20 minutes.
Calm down, Little Bow-Wow.
He'll be here, all right?
There he go right there. Who, him?
Yeah, him. Right there?
Right there. Him?
Him right there? Yeah, him right there.
I told you to hire a black pilot, not no black baggage handler. What is that?
I did what you asked me to, okay?
There ain't but two black pilots around, and one of 'em flyin' for Puffy.
How'd Puffy get that one?
Don't worry. You're right, I'm just nervous.
I got his resumé right there. My dawg, what's up, baby?
What's goin' on, Muggs? How you been?
What's up, man?
How are you, man? Ain't nothin' to it but do it.
Nashawn, Captain Mack. Captain Mack, Nashawn.
My pleasure, brother.
Hey. You're late, man.
Don't worry about me bein' late.
I'm gonna take this hooptie of yours up another 1,000 feet, catch me a slipstream, and we gonna be there five minutes early.
Real slick like hair grease, but with less mess.
Can you dig it? Hell, yeah, I can dig it.
You really gonna do that?
No, I'm just fuckin' with ya.
Y'all two know each other? He was fuckin' with me.
Muggs, I'm really not playin' right now.
I'm not, Muggs.
I was lookin' at your resumé, man.
I see that you flew in Desert Storm.
That's pretty impressive. Actually, that's a typo.
I drew over in Desert Storm.
I'm sorry. I didn't.. what you say?
I was the nigga that drew the little sayings on the bombs:
"Fuck Iraq." "Saddam, eat a dick." That was me.
Matter of fact, I ain't even 'posed to be talkin' about that.
What the fuck?! Do you even know how to fly a plane, man?
I got my wings when I got out.
Got your wings when you got out?
You right. Plus I ain't really got another choice right now.
Where's your uniform?
You lookin' at it.
The Mackin' is crackin'. This is how I come.
I don't wear no square suits.
I'm a player. We ride spinners.
Ride spinners and you write on bombs.
I'm gonna tell you what.
Get us there safe. Can you do that?
You somethin' else, Muggs. Drew on bombs.
Excuse me, man, Yes, sir.
That's about a bitch.
Where the cockpit at? You got that bong?
Whole bag of it, Preach.
I gotta go. Do I pay you to talk on the phone?
Look at the captain. He is too cute.
At ease, ladies. Hi, fly boy.
I just love the look of a man in uniform.
'Course, I like the look of a man out of uniform even better.
This is some cool shit fit for a real nigga.
Hey, what's poppin', my aeronautical hustlers?
Captain Mack, reporting to duty.
How you doin'. Captain? I'm Riggs. your flight engineer.
Have you ever met Gaeman?
I just seen one of them fruity motherfuckers in the hallway.
Nigga was eyeballin' me.
It's Gaeman, I am Leslie Gaeman, your copilot.
It's a very prestigious African name-- not like "gay man," two men fucking together, naked, in a bedroom. Not me. Whatever, homey.
I like pussy like you.
I can dig it. Yeah, you can dig it.
Everybody will be pregnant by the end of this flight.
First class. Right this way, big daddy.
Welcome to NWA.
Hi. How's everybody?
Good. Wow, this is great!
Oh, y'all are in low class.
What? Low class, straight back.
This is nice, too.
Dad, this actually isn't that bad.
What kind of UPN operation is this?
It's not so bad.
All right, here we are.
Row 1 7 Chrysler. Honey, you sit here.
Do I have to sit... How you doin'?
You're gonna have to, okay? Thank you.
Let's please put the divider down.
Do you have an "off" switch? You need to lower the volume.
Man, you give a black man some money, this is how the airline's gonna look--plush, laid.
It's makin' me feel sexy already.
This is a sexy plane.
They got it chromed out with the white leather.
I think this is alligator butt.
Yeah, this is nice.
Little treat for you before the plane takes off, daddy, 'cause you treat me so right.
Can I help you, sir?
Everything's okay, I'm just trying to find my seat,
Boy, this a nice plane.
Nice cushion they got on these new planes.
This must be one of them 777's.
Where my seat? 777.
The president should fly on this plane.
Hello, sir. Hey, baby, how you doin'?
I'm gonna show you to your seat. That's nice of you, cutie pie.
Here we are. Let me shake your hand.
Come here. Oh, boy! That's nice. Look at that.
Boy, I can just hear everything.
It's so beautiful in here. Wait a minute.
Somebody got some nice perfume on.
Is that Victoria Don't Tell Nobody?
No. Is that Boujeronee?
Not Boujeronee either.
I like the people that don't talk back.
Hard to get, I like that.
Howdy do. Where are you, baby?
There you are.
Get me a quadruple cognac and a cola back.
You know, I'm scared to fly. I'm used to ridin' buses.
My little nephew sent me on first class, because I'm a player.
You smell good, too.
I'm gonna have me some fun on this plane here.
Okey-dokey. So you're gonna be in...
You're gonna go ahead to low class, okay.
He tasted like chocolate. No way.
My God, what's going on?
Get the fuck out!
What is he doing? Watch him.
Y'all better get his ass!
You ain't goin' nowhere without us, Osama.
If you gots to go to the bathroom, we goin' with you.
She holdin' and I'm shakin', player.
That's right. It's cool, y'all. We got this.
We security up in here. Look straight.
This first class is incredible.
Girl, this plane is off the hook. Have you seen the owner?
He's young, black, and from the pictures I've seen, he looks so good.
I'm sure he's great.
- And he's paid. Please direct your attention to the screen in front of you for a safety video.
What is this?
Now that you got on our plane and you be listenin'
You better just do as we say or you'll be missin'
Better put your seatbelt on or you'll be dyin'
If the plane goes crazy, then you will not be flyin'
Now we direct you to the nearest locations Where you might desire to exit your vacations If we lose the pressure, you'll be chokin'
Or if there's a fire, then you'll be smokin'
The oxygen we will be providin'
This some black shit here.
You're a survivor Here we go. There we go.
You're a survivor, you'll keep on flyin'
You're a survivor, you don't go down there Honey, what is this?
You're a survivor, you not be dyin'
You're a survivor, you'll keep on flyin'
You're a survivor, you don't go down there You're a survivor, you got your fair share You're a survivor Whoo, you're a survivor
There's the owner right there.
Hello, everybody. Welcome to NWA Airlines.
Here at NWA, safety is a very important part of flying, but let's be real.
If something goes wrong, we're all going down, right?
Is that supposed to be funny?
I'm just kiddin'--I'm playin'.
That's why it's our policy that fun comes first.
So please, sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight.
You're a survivor.
Come on, now, stop it.
You got a brother feelin' like the president.
God bless America.
I gotta get outta here.
Giselle, can you wait a minute, please?
What do we possibly have to talk about?
Wow, I mean, you look great.
How you been?
I've been fine. Just fine.
Is that all?
Actually, no, I mean. I was doin' some thinkin'. and I wanna talk to you.
Can I at least talk to you?
Giselle, where you gonna go? The door is closed.
Someone stepped up, Nashawn.
Hey, baby. It's not a good time right now.
There's no easy way for me... for me to say this...
This isn't workin' for me anymore.
What's not workin'?
This is gettin' way too serious. What are you talkin' about?
I can't do this anymore.
I can't. No.
You got change of a 50, man?
Not right now, Muggs. Not now?
What's his problem, man?
Hey, hey, there, Blanca.
I was wondering if I could trouble you for a drink.
Ain't no drink down there.
Hell there ain't.
I don't know if I ever told you this, but I speak a little Espańol.
Testicles, one, two.
Hey, y'all, what's crackalackin'?
This is your soul plane chauffeur, Captain Antoine Mack speaking.
He sounds nice.
Welcome aboard NWA flight 069 from the 310 to the 212.
It's time to bust this corner, y'all.
In a hot second, I'll be hittin' them switches and gettin' this bitch pumpin' and jumpin'.
So screw your shit on tight and enjoy the flight.
What did he say?
He was just saying that we'll be leaving in a couple of seconds, so put your seatbelt on, make sure they're tight.
Why didn't he say so? Exactly.
Yo, Gaeman, why don't you go secure the cockpit, homey?
Yes. Right away.
This motherfucker is locked.
Fred G. Sanford, my nigga.
And the "G" is for goin' places. Can you dig it?
Now we ready to roll.
Nigga got switches in this motherfucker.
Shit. And they work.
This motherfucker hot, cuz.
Oh, my God! Bounce with me.
This motherfucker's fucked up.
Like a elephant. Yeah.
I have the perfect music for this.
Yes, I have it right here.
Hey, man, hold on, man.
Hold the fuck on. Like elephant.
No, man, you gotta turn that bullshit off.
We can't be ridin' to that bullshit, man.
Don't insult my music.
We ridin' to some gangsta shit. Pop that in, man.
Captain don't wanna hear that Zimbabwe ah-wah-wah shit.
Get that shit out. Get it the fuck outta here.
I'm the captain of this motherfuckin' ship.
Captain, what the hell is wrong with you?
Man, I'm afraid of heights.
Afraid of heights?!
Hit her with a bat, hit her with a bat Hit her with a whoo-whoo
Easy, Kobe. She's 17. Dad, I'm 18.
Honey, I'm gonna excuse myself and go to the restroom. Okay.
I think I'm gonna go check out the plane.
Is that all right?
Why are you so nice to me? Stay for a while.
Oh, my sweet black Jesus!
Hey, good evenin'.
I didn't know anybody was in here.
I'll come back later. Why? I'm still gonna be here.
I tell you what.
You take care of your business, I take care of mine.
I just don't feel comfortable, I'll just hold it.
You don't want to do that.
That stuff back up on you, top of your head fly clean off.
Sit down, make yourself at home.
We don't get that many of y'all on the plane.
For those with no junk in their trunk.
That is a nice vest.
I ain't seen one of them since Lionel and the Jeffersons.
What ever happened to Lionel? I thought he was--
Would you mind?
Oh, I'm sorry. Little fella kinda shy?
I guess you can't have lightnin' without the thunder.
Somebody still likes that pork, I see.
I think this was a false alarm. I'm gonna go back to my seat.
The paint is peeling.
That must be a big one.
Yeah, it's big.
I've got just the thing.
I can't believe that this is you.
So you subscribe to "Black & Proud"?
This is the first time I've picked it up.
Yeah, it was freezin' that day.
Really? You could never tell that from the picture.
Why, thank you.
Usually, the problem is, I'm hangin' out the bottom of my boxers.
Oh, my goodness.
I think you're in my seat.
Oh, hi, honey. This is Jerome.
Jerome was telling me about how he hangs out the bottom of his boxers.
They're about to serve dinner, so you might want to go back to your chair.
Oh, yeah. You're right.
It was nice meetin' you.
It was nice meeting you, too, Barbara.
Nice meeting you, too, Jerome.
Hangin' out the bottom of his boxers--
My God, is that him?!
That thing has a face on it, No, but it's gonna.
Are you all right, sir?
Course, I'm all right, I'm a G, ain't I?
I will make the announcement.
No, you won't. Give me this motherfucker.
I'm makin' the announcement. I'm the captain.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached our cruising altitude of 33,000 feet, 33,000 feet?!
Oh, shit, man. We fuckin' higher than Redman at the Source awards.
Shit don't make no motherfuckin' sense to be this high, cuz.
Man, I feel sick. Oh, fuck.
Ain't this some shit?
What the hell's goin' on here?
This nigga's afraid of heights.
How you gonna be afraid of heights if you the captain?
I ain't never been off the ground before.
We've flown computer simulators.
You told me you got your wings when you got out the Air Force.
No, I didn't.
I told you I got my wings when I got out.
When I got out of Pelican Bay State Corrections Facility.
It was either get a GED or take a pilot class.
You learned how to fly in the prison?
Hey, man, don't get mad 'cause I spent your money to get a good education.
Shit, me and my homeboys passed the class with flying colors.
Let me see.
I miss them niggas, man. Those are his niggas.
I'm gonna tell you what.
Y'all better fix it. Gay-man, Captain Mack--
I don't give a damn. Fix it.
I'm no bitch, you understand? It's Gaeman.
You gonna be a gay man. Fix it.
Put this shit on autopilot.
I'm goin' to the lavatory. I got to boo-boo.
What ya doin'? I'm countin' my tips.
Tips from where? Back there,
...low class motherfucker.
Hey, nigga! Oh, boss man.
Hey, man, you mind if I get in here?
Hold on. Got a new shooter.
One shot, baby, you in? No.
Nigga, is ya in? What?
You said I could run business class, right? Yeah, I did.
So I'm runnin' this motherfucker like Vegas on fight night.
We got a cockfight we settin' up in ten minutes.
Cockfight?! I'm in.
No. Let me tell you over here.
I don't even want everybody in my business.
Hold me down.
What's up, cuz? You know what?
I'm not even gonna make a scene in here.
I'm goin' back to the front of the plane.
When I get back here, I want this to be business class.
Okay. You got it, man. You can do that for me?
My man. Thank you, Muggs.
Would you like champagne or wine?
We'll have champagne.
Would you like Moet or Cristal?
I know you have a drinking problem, so please drink slow.
That's for you. And sir, please don't swallow your ice.
That's all I can afford to give you.
Hello. Would you like Colt .45 or Alizé?
Maybe you could explain to us what those are.
My pleasure, sir.
Colt .45 tastes like liquored-up beer, and it sneaks up on you all of a sudden.
And Alizé--oh, that's my favorite. It's from France.
It's a cog-nac, it's very fruity, and it'll make you wanna do the hucklebuck, then pass out in your own juices.
Guess I'll have that.
Yo, player, you got a little somethin'-somethin' for me?
Yeah, I have a shorty 40.
No, no. Do you have any whole milk?
Sir, that is nasty.
I do have a Puerto Rican lady who's lactatin', I'll see what I can do.
Tonight, we're serving a plate of gourmet soul food with your choice of lobster and filet mignon or crisp duck confit, I'll have the filet,
And for you, sir?
I ordered a special Kosher meal... yag-weh.
That's fried chicken in hot sauce.
Lobster, filet mignon or duck?
I'll take the fee-lan.
All right, I need you to take a breast or a leg and a wing and pass it back. Exactly.
You guys, share your napkins with your neighbor.
One for every two people. Sharing is caring.
Don't get greedy. One piece.
Hi. Would you like some dessert?
Boss man, low class is outta liquor, so I thought I would come in here and...
Someone is strollin' down memory lane.
No, I'm just, you know, checkin' on things, makin' sure they okay, that's all.
Yeah, right. I know that look.
I had that same look of regret after I ran into Lee-- my little Asian butterfly.
We had a whirlwind romance that ended in heartbreak... and stomach pumpin'.
When I saw him again, I tried to apologize, but I couldn't.
I just felt so bad leaving him in that hospital all bloated and distended.
Did you just grind on me?
What does that sick-ass story have to do with me?
I've never left nobody in the hospital filled with nothin'.
It means, Mr. Righteous, that if you have a chance to make things right again, you should take it.
Who knows what could've happened?
Lee had plenty ancient secret to show me.
Thank you. Flame. Okay?
Now, how much Colt .45 to Sierra Mist do you mix to get bubbly? Probably half and half.
You mind if I sit down?
It's your plane.
It really doesn't have to be like this.
How is it supposed to be?
So who's this guy?
Let's just let it go, okay?
I just came over here to talk to you.
You just disappeared. I didn't even hear from you.
Giselle, you were 3,000 miles away. I tried to get in touch with you.
Let's just let it go.
I don't know what smells better-- this meal or your delightful perfume.
Thank you. You're too kind.
You know, a lot of smart women find blind men sexy.
You know why? No.
But I'm sure you're about to tell me.
When you lose one sense, it makes your other senses stronger, I have more of a sensitive touch than the average man, Please!
Let me tell you about this love I had, She was on the trampoline, landed right in my lap.
Bang! She stayed there for 1 5 years.
People crazy about me. People love me.
You don't say. Don't say?
I do say it. That's what I'm talkin' about.
People love me. See these fingers here?
These fingers got eyes on 'em just like 20/20 vision.
You know what I mean?
They... wait a minute.
Move that other leg out the way.
Move that dress up, girl.
Oh, boy, moist. You just as tender as you can be.
You a little frisky thing. You got a little puddle here.
Oh, you big, too. You ain't no baby.
This is wonderful. I love freaky stuff like this.
Just let yourself go. I'm gonna let myself go, too.
I'm feelin' something, too.
This ain't like me. I don't usually go this quick.
I'm goin' now.
Let me tell you. Where my yack?
I'm a player... player!
Hey, now. Oh, excuse me, No, it's cool, I'm the attendant, You can sit this one out, my brother.
I'm just gonna wash my hands.
Got me a wild woman sittin' next to me and look what I got. Bang! Stinky pinky.
Stinky pinky, here you go.
Hey, brother. I ain't washin' that one, I'm washin' this one.
She usin' cilantro. I love that freaky shit.
The only way you got stinky pinky is if you was sittin' next to Miss Potato Head.
There's always some dude who's a player hater
'cause he ain't gettin' none.
Just 'cause you blind don't mean I won't whip your ass.
Lookin' like a disco lemon. Son of a bitch!
All right, you suit-and-tie-wearin' motherfuckers.
A little green gets you in between.
The more dough, the more they show.
Now, a true player is a payer, am I right?
That's what's up.
We don't park collars at NWA--we park dollars.
You heard me?
If you can afford business class, you can afford some business ass.
Hey, Muggs, what's goin' on?
Here. What is this? It's all good up in here, baby.
We got Asian persuasion, butter pecan freakin', chocolate deluxe.
I got it all in my little shopping mall.
What is it you're not gettin'?
First gamblin', now this? It's illegal, man.
You with the FAA, nigga?
No. What are you talkin' about? Ain't no rules in the air.
Listen to me. That's not the point, man.
It's a family airline. You got ladies up in here?
I sure do!
Listen to me. We not in the 'hood no more.
Hey! What's this about?
The girls just wanted to show their appreciation for everything you've done.
If you stick around for a minute.
I'm sure it'd make the ladies very, very happy.
Start with this.
Just like that?
You're so sexy.
Whoa! Slow down!
Oh, my God! Hey, move, devil.
Get it together and get it fast.
You got to get off the pole.
Hey, baby, watch your step. Hey.
I guess there are some things you can commit to.
You talkin' 'bout this?
I'm just doin' my job, that's all.
Yeah, it looks like you're a workaholic.
And here I was thinkin' I was too hard on you before.
Guess you're the man now.
What the fuck am I doin'?!
You ready for this?
Yeah. You ready?
Oh, yeah, daddy.
You sure? Wait.
Don't fight the feelin', baby.
What the hell is you doin' in here?
That's the problem with you young cats. You talk too much.
A woman like that... You do talk a lot.
...wants a man of action.
I was wonderin' if you can help my friend Ben here.
He needs you to take him back to his seat.
Yeah, Ben, I believe I know where this cat is sittin'.
Dig this here. You don't need a lot of space.
Superman changed in a phone booth.
Hey, don't be... man, don't be touchin'...
Tidy Bowl man.
We gonna need this right here.
Ready for this? Oh, yeah.
Hey, what the hell is this?
I seen this on an episode of "Real Sex".
You sure about this? Trust me.
All you gotta do is have a safety word.
You got one?
Yeah, when I say. "Get off me, you crazy bitch", you stop chokin' me.
Actually, I wish you'd stop smackin' me.
You like it.
It's tight. It's supposed to be tight.
That's why you buy me the good shit.
The belt is too damn tight!
Stop your bitch-ass complainin' and give me what you promised.
I can't feel my toes!
I can't feel your dick, but I ain't complainin'.
D.J., please, don't stop. Five more seconds.
Cheese, eggs, grits, chilies, yams, sunflower seeds.
Man, this is not the way it happened on "Real Sex".
This is some real bullshit.
It was probably the turbulence and all the excituration of the moment, 'cause I used--
You see that, David. Did you see that, David?
Why you always got to go--
I need to spank you with the bad...
I'm gonna punish him.
This motherfuckin' autopilot shit is cool as hell, man.
Just kick back and ride and glide.
Relax, motherfucker. I should be captain of this plane.
Ten years with Chuku Airlines.
Chuku Airlines, where we treat you with a lot of respect.
Now I'm here with this nigga.
Nigga, shut the fuck up with that African mumbo-jumbo bullshit.
I hear you over there with that Chuku Airlines shit.
You with NWA Airlines, I'm the captain.
I don't care. Real niggas drive real shit.
I should kill you.
We have a birthday girl, Captain.
This is Heather Hunkee.
She wanted to see our cockpit.
How old are you, Heather?
I just turned 18.
Is that right? Oh, boy.
Attention, all players.
The upper deck will be open for your enjoyment.
We have a passenger who just turned 18 years old.
Her name is Heather Hunkee.
She is one cute little hottie with a whole lotta body.
She'll be upstairs, so all players come up and keep her company.
Hey, Virgie, how are you? Good to see you.
Yeah, I know. It's hot, right?
This is hot.
Let me take you to the bar. Give me your jacket, girl.
All my pimps, players, and hustlers-- y'all ready to set this motherfucker off, West Coast style?
As you see, we up in the clouds.
Got a gang of lovely ladies out there on the dance floor ready to go ahead and shake that ass and get they freak on.
To my fellas out there who ain't got no game-- yeah, I'm talkin' to you.
Don't even trip on it, 'cause we ain't goin' nowhere.
We locked in this bitch for four more hours till we touch down, so you might as well go ahead and get your swerve on.
Marshall, good to see you. It's good to see you.
This is Heather. She's turnin' 18 today.
Thank you. Captain Mack is buyin' her her first drink.
What can I get for you?
I got just what you need.
Girl, he is cute!
I know. He's a looker.
He'll hook you up.
Cool! All right, have a good time. I gotta go back downstairs.
Keep an eye on her.
Oh, I will.
Not that kind of eye.
It's Big Boy.
What's goin' down, y'all?
We gonna keep this motherfucker crackin' until everybody in here pass the fuck out.
Yeah, this is my joint right here.
Who'd you come here with? Don't worry about that.
Please, Captain, I just-- Hey, nigga!
What part of "you ain't flyin' this motherfuckin' plane" don't you understand?
Sit back and enjoy the ride, Idi Amin.
What are you doing? You fool!
Any motherfuckin' dry ass mushrooms of yours ain't gettin' me high no motherfuckin' way.
You need to fuck with the white boys. They shit potent.
White boys, American shit.
This is African mushrooms, very dangerous.
They can kill you!
You ate 15 of them! These are topical, for the skin.
I crush them up, and I put them...
... for my itching.
Motherfucker, you got crabs?!
This man got crabs. You ain't sittin' in the pilot's seat for sure.
Ha ha, keep laughing. It's not funny.
African crab is very aggressive.
They hunt us.
They can kill you.
That motherfucker is crazy as fuck, man.
They dangerous, and they kill you.
Motherfucker, did you just touch me?
Yeah, I wanna get up in the club.
You on the list? What list?
The goddamn guest list.
Are you on it? I don't know.
You don't know? What's your name?
I wouldn't even have wrote no shit down like that, homey.
Maybe it's under The King, 'cause my friends, they call me "The King".
It's my nickname.
I ain't your friend, and you ain't no king, motherfucker.
Move! I'm talkin' to you.
What's up? Go right in.
All right, put 'em up.
It's go time.
It's definitely go time, motherfucker.
You about to get the best damn ass-whippin'.
I hope the little bitch you're lookin' for is worth dyin' for.
She is, 'cause that little bitch is my daughter.
Why didn't you say that shit, man?
I got five daughters, man.
The little one, Trina, every time I see her. she just runs into my arms, like, "Daddy. Daddy!"
We have little tea parties and shit.
The little cups, and I put the little hat on.
Little table, man. It was so beautiful.
My heart would, like, explode.
Yeah, I need to go upstairs.
I miss my babies. I miss mine, too. She's upstairs.
I never see them. I'm always busy securin' shit.
Honest living. I never see 'em, dawg.
Secure your shit.
Secure your shit. Go get your girl, man.
Go get your little girl.
Take care of your family, man!
Who's on the list?
Yo, Captain. I got to go drain the monster.
What the hell's taking Gay-man so long?
I don't know, I ain't his mama.
Matter of fact, why don't you page him and tell him to bring his bitch ass up here 911.
Attention, Gay-man, I have to go drain the monster.
Return to the cockpit immediately.
Man, I wouldn't answer that shit if I was you, homey.
Shake it up real fast then stop
Shake it up real fast then drop
Shawty crunk on the floor wide open Skeet so much, they call her Billy Ocean Roll like a 18-wheeler That... fine, but this... killer Leakin', she soakin' wet
Muggsy, what are you doin'? Cut!
Who the hell said cut?
Yeah. Who the hell said cut? The director says cut. Damn!
Look, Nashawn. I already know, dawg.
Come here. Is that the Ying Yang Twins?
Watch out. Ying Yang Twins!
What's up, baby?
Don't drink gasoline. We got a bar.
I had a gold tooth. I shoulda kept it for this.
Why y'all stop rollin'?
'Cause you came in.
No, don't stop on account of me, I'm the owner.
Nashawn Wade--that's me. I'm the boss of this.
Hey, roll camera! Who said roll camera?
I say roll camera.
That's my job. That's his job.
Chris, I'm tellin' ya, we need more sexy in this video.
Let's go, Tamika. Get in there.
Yes, sir. Tamika, let's get in there.
Get on in there, girl.
Yo, Chris, I'm tellin' ya, man.
We need more ass in this video, and it'd be off the hook.
Yo, Muggsy, who is this kid?
Here you are, sir. Thank you.
Lil' John back there. Shake it like a salt shaker!
Can I get a glass of Hypno with some ice, please?
Coming right up. What you doin' by yourself?
Go have a good time. No, thanks.
You okay? No.
So what's goin' on?
My son Billy--he doesn't want to be anything like me.
He says I got no flavor.
My daughter Heather-- she's growin' up so fast.
It seems like yesterday I was teachin' her to ride a bike.
Now she's out there...
Hey, what is tea-bagging?
That's the shit!
That's where you take your balls and dip 'em in a freak mouth. you keep goin' up and down like...
Then you dip, right. I got it. Thank you.
I got a little carried away.
Gettin' back on the subject-- you raise your kids right, eventually they gonna wanna move on and find they own path.
You're probably right. You're a lucky man, Nashawn.
I wouldn't say that.
It took me gettin' everything I ever wanted to realize I lost the best thing I ever had.
What was her name?
Giselle. That's a beautiful name.
Bet she's beautiful.
Still love her?
Course I do.
Then go do somethin' about it.
Listen, when I met my Barbara.
I knew that moment I'd move heaven and earth to be with her.
I knew that she was worth it.
So you happy now?
Last time I saw her, she was with this tall model type.
A real handsome black guy?
Sittin' in low class?
Got a dick like a fire hose?
Yeah, you lost her.
Can he get another one? Double.
Have you talked to her?
She can't talk. She must have vocal cord damage.
I can believe it.
Man, if my baby mama page me one more time, I swear to God...
What she want?
This motherfuckin' bitch wants some more child support money
'cause she heard I got this job.
I can't believe these hos nowadays.
She extortin' you? That's messed up, man.
But you know what?
If I crash this motherfucker into a mountain right now, the bitch can't get shit from me.
Shit, my nigga! Oh, shit! Hold on, cuz!
Oh, shit! Here we go.
That shit was funny as hell.
I know they trippin' off this shit in the back.
You fuckin' high, dawg. You startin' to scare me now.
Here ya go.
I'm gonna bounce before Gay-dude and Riggs come back.
All right, my nigga.
I'm put this bitch on autopilot so I can enjoy myself.
Captain Mack need to kick back and enjoy this motherfuckin' situation.
Oh, shit. Last mushroom.
Might as well go on and take this to the head.
Dry-ass mushroom, African motherfucker.
Here you are, sir.
Oh, hey, that's my dad. I need to talk to him.
Happy birthday, Heather.
You mad at me?
No, Actually, I'm just glad to hear you call me daddy for a change, It's been a while, Usually it's shithead or asshole or something, I'm sorry. It's just I hate that you're with Boobra.
Barbara... and I are not together anymore.
I'm still upset that you and Mom aren't together.
I'm sorry about that, honey.
But your mom's with Dorothy now.
I'd like to be with your mom.
Hell, I'd love to be with your mom and Dorothy.
But that's not important.
What's important is that you know that I'm your dad, and whether you're 18 or 48 or 88, I'm gonna still protect you because I love you.
I love you, too, Daddy.
I'll always be your little girl.
What about all that stuff tonight?
Oh, don't worry. I didn't do anything.
I was just saying stuff to get you mad.
I don't even know what half that stuff is.
What's tea-bagging anyway?
That's when you get down on top...
Apparently, it's the shit. Come here.
So can I have another blow job?
It's a drink.
Look, baby. I'm sorry, and I wants to make it up to you.
Don't get it started because you know you're not gonna finish.
Why you bringin' up old shit? Let me see them tits!
Okay, okay! What's the plan?
Hold on one second. I'm fixin' to be right back.
Good evening, Cap. Is it cool if I come in?
This is tight up in here, dawg.
I'm not gonna beat around the bush, man.
I'll get straight to the point.
Me and my girl--we overly ambitious members of the mile-high club.
I was wondering if you would let us come in here, and, we could, like, do it.
All right, cool.
I'm fixin' to get her.
You probably gonna see her titties and everything, man.
I'll be right back, dawg.
Hey, this is my girl.
I know you got stuff to do, so we just gonna do our thing, man.
Yeah, it's cool.
No, no. Ain't that my game.
Ooh, yeah. I like the way you doin' that.
Ooh, work it, daddy.
I'm tryin', but it's like a sauna down here, It's like a fire,,, How's that? Oh, it's good, daddy.
You the king.
Tastes like chocolate puddin'.
Gots to have you right now.
Got to have you right now, girl! Nasty fool!
Oh, shit. That nigga dead! He dead!
Get your ass off me!
He's dead! This nigga's dead!
This nigga's dead!
The captain is dead!
Pork chop grease.
I'll take care of it. The captain's dead!
That's our motto: we fly, we party, we land.
That's what we tryin' to do, man.
Nashawn, we gotta talk.
I want to talk to you, too.
The captain is dead.
Wait a minute. Are we talkin' Tupac dead.
Iike maybe he is or maybe he isn't, or Wilt Chamberlain dead, like he ain't checkin' back in the game?
Dead like he can't fly this plane, dead.
People are freakin' out.
It's Muggsy hirin' these prison pilots.
You know what. That's what we got a copilot for.
All we gotta do is find Gaeman, because I hired him.
He's a professional, and we should be cool.
Yes, counterclockwise. Move your ass, baby.
Don't forget to squeeze my nipple like a cow.
Would you like to see my African walking stick?
Hey, hey, Gaeman.
Oh, my God. Move over! How are you, sir?
I was taking a bath, I was dirty. You are clean now, ladies.
I got an emergency, I need you to fly the plane.
Me? Fly the plane? Yes.
Oh, my God! I get to fly.
They will have a parade!
Go, Gaeman! Move out the way!
Move, you bitches! I have to fly the plane.
What's wrong with you?
He fell hard.
What the hell am l supposed to do now?
You're gonna find some way to land this plane.
Meet me in the cockpit, okay?
Meet you? In the cockpit.
I got one more left.
Here you go. You gotta pull one of these damn cords.
I don't want this shit, man.
I'm responsible for these people.
I gotta try something.
Fuck them. What are you, sick?
I know you, all right? You can't even ride a bike.
How do you expect to land this thing?
It don't even--
It don't even matter.
I'm not runnin' out like I always do.
I'm gonna face this shit. If you wanna go, go.
If you goin', go. You gotta pull this one.
Hey, don't be grabbin' my cord.
You gonna make my chute ejaculate prematurely,
Baby, watch your head. Don't let that touch you.
I got a dead pilot, man. Just go. God damn!
Oh, my God! Not like this.
Listen, Giselle... in case something happens, there's something I need to get off my chest.
That night when you and I broke up.
I was on your porch.
I overheard you and your father arguing about college.
What do you mean, you're not goin' away to college?
It's too far, I want to stay here where Nashawn is.
You gotta go, I been waitin' 18 years for this day to have the house to myself.
I'm not going.
You always dreamed of going to NYU.
Now they're offering you a full scholarship.
You tellin' me you're not goin' because of some little poop butt ass nigga who can't even keep a job!
Dad, I'm sorry, but I can't leave Nashawn.
I love him and he loves me.
You are going to college. You're not messin' up my plans.
I didn't want you to throw all that away because of me.
I can get $200 a month for that room.
I just want you to know that I'm sorry, Giselle.
- Hey, baby. I'm so sorry for hurting you.
Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life.
For what it's worth...
I never stopped loving you.
You better get in there. You got a plane to land.
Cool. I'm cool. I got it. I got it right now.
I said SOS.
Come down, selecta.
Are you gonna cut a demo or radio in?
I don't know what to say.
I got something. Hello? This is Nashawn Wade, owner of NWA Airlines.
Yes, sir, the black one.
No, don't hang up. Hello?
Can you please help us? We got a situation here.
My pilot died, and I got people on the back of my plane asking for help and--hello?
They put me on hold.
Due to the high number of calls, your estimated wait time
- is 45 minutes. What are you doing here?
We family, man.
We was in this from the beginning, we gonna ride this out to the end.
That's my nigga, man.
Look at my watch. What's up, G?
Excuse me. I represent three of the four white people on board.
I want to tell you fellas we are behind you 100%.
What? Hunkee, please.
I'm just here to find the little black box so I can wrap my big, black ass around it.
If I have to ride that tiny, indestructible motherfucker
30,000 feet to safety, trust you'll hear bitch screamin'. "Hi ho, Silver".
Where's the box?
I really want to thank y'all for giving me all this confidence.
I really feel it, I do. You're welcome.
Somebody knows how to land this plane, this would be the time to speak.
I saw a show on the Discovery channel, but that was about motorcycles.
Take control of the plane.
You have to disengage the autopilot.
How do you know that?
I used to date this pilot, and we would make love in the cockpit.
You haven't had an orgasm until you've had it during descent.
Bitch, can you land this plane?
Show me where it is, Blanca. What is it?
I don't remember.
That's what I told you...
I need you to go to the back then.
No, hold on.
Last time I was here...
There it is. Push it.
Somebody help her.
Okay, I gotta grab it.
Guess I had a little control right away.
I'm flyin', y'all.
Okay, what's next, Blanca?
Yes, the flaps!
The flaps! Adjusting the flaps.
I think it was... the trim.
I cannot hear her.
I got it. I see what you're sayin'.
I don't know. This is where he usually pops the cork.
We are so fucked!
Don't panic, please. You're gonna be okay.
You can't use that phone while we're on the plane.
Girl, please, they say that to rip you off.
They want you to use their phone.
I am calling for some help. No, I'm telling you.
Don't be hardheaded. Don't use that phone.
Okay. All right. We back on track right now.
What next, Blanca?
Muggsy, pull the wheels down.
Grab the wheel and do it slow.
I feel it comin' down, y'all,
Oh, D.J., this is it! It's gonna happen this time, baby.
We about to die, you got me tied up down here.
Damn it, I don't give a fuck.
We goin' to heaven with one last nut.
Nigga, stay focused!
Yeah! I'm doin' it!
I told you it was the turbulence. You don't want none of this.
Here we go.
We gonna land.
New York, here we go! This is it right here.
That's the ground!
We made it. We gonna live.
I did it. We down.
You did it! That's just what you do, cousin.
Exactly what I do!
You see what I'm sayin'? I was so scared.
You crazy bitch! Fuck this airline!
You know what, she was on the way out anyway.
Forget her, baby. You did it. I did.
Yeah, I can do that.
All right, y'all with the mushy stuff.
I'm a go check on the passengers.
Y'all just too cute. My boy.
Maybe we should go, too. We should check on 'em, too.
All right. Come on.
What a day.
Wait a minute. Hold that, sugar dumplin'.
I don't know what smells better-- the New York air or your magnificent perfume.
Why, thank you. That's very kind of you.
Wait a minute.
That's an Adam's apple.
I'm a player, but I don't play that way. Floor walker!
Hey, Muggs. Yo, cousin.
That's what I'm talkin' about. We made it!
What kind of shit-- this is Central Park.
Where is Central Park? It's in New York, ain't it?
You got JFK, LaGuardia, Newark--
What you need an airport for, you got all this grass?
Ain't this a bitch? This nigga is pissin' on the plane!
That's your problem. You always thinkin' on the nega--
Hell, no, I know they didn't just steal my damn rims.
That's what your punk ass get.
You know how hard it is to get 84-inch rims?
That's a big-ass tire for a little-ass plane and a short-ass nigga.
Why don't you go put a doughnut in your mouth?
I am going to sue your ass, I am gonna sue the airline...
That's all you do is complain.
It doesn't matter, I'm not gonna let you spoil this for me.
I tell you what, Muggs, take everybody upstairs.
Drinks on me. Let's party!
And we did party.
Just like I told y'all-- we fly, we party and we land.
Pop, where'd you get the moves from?
Where do ya think you got 'em from, son?
Wow! This is the bomb!
What? What did I say? Let's dance!