Space Truckers (1996) Script

Move! I want to see a weapon here and a weapon there.

Sergeant, split the squad.

Set your weapons for close range.

Laser sight interlock engaged.

You ready to seal the room?

Systems armed, sir. Ready on your order.

Prepare to seal the room on my count.

Five, four, three, two, one.

Attention, all personnel.

The room is sealed.

I repeat - the room is sealed.

Patrol two to building commander.

I'm showing an intrusion beyond perimeter three.

Moving to check it out.

Sector perimeter three, scanning.

Sector... I see him.

Opening fire now.

Nabel...

This thing's been spotted and targeted already.

Frankly, I was expecting more.

The Company is expecting much more.

Mr Saggs, sir, if you'll just be patient...

Must have missed.

Holy moly! I'm taking shots here. I'm hit!

Back me up!

AA v-13, do you copy?

We just lost contact with command post three outside the second perimeter.

This is command to chopper four. We lost contact with post three.

Can you drop them some temporary communications gear?

Screw that, command.

You didn't lose contact. You lost them.

Over. We're putting rockets in that area, you hear me? Over.

Check your goddamn screens.

Where is he, Nabel?

Heading this way, Mr Saggs. He's on his way.

Move armoured personnel carriers and half tracks from the east sector to the west.

Keep them moving.

Lost visual sensors.

What the hell is that?

Air four, what the hell is going on out there?

What are those explosions?

How many of these things are there?

One. Repeat. One.

I took a hit...

I got hit. It's bad.

Lost my rear stabiliser.

Jesus!

All right, everybody, stay cool.

Holy shit!

It's right outside!

Stay cool. Stay at your work stations.

Do it! Aim, fire!


Hold your position!

Hold your position. Damn...


Ah! Ooh!

This exercise is concluded. Security stand down.

How many people know about this?

I'm the only one with the complete picture, Mr Saggs.

I split development between divisions, different planets.

That's why it cost so much.

Yeah, it was expensive.

But you know, Nabel, with enough of these we could take over the world.

Which world?

Earth, Nabel.

The government's been hanging by a thread for years.

I mean, with 100 of these...

How many have we got?

5,000.

You astonish me!

A particle weapon.

There's nobody within five years of having anything remotely like it.

Now, this thing turns them on and off.

You want to activate them, you just click here... and give them your objectives.

Here.

I assigned your voice primary command authority.

Nabel, you're a genius!

I'm proud of you.

The Company will be very proud of you.

If circumstances only permitted I would greenlight one great hellacious bonus for you and a promotion right on the spot.

But with our objective on Earth, you can see how that precludes it.

I see.

Well, I knew you would, Nabel. I mean, after all, you are a genius.

Of course, this all has to be... deniable.

From which you can unfortunately infer that you too... have to be deniable.

Destroy Dr Nabel.

No!

No!

♪ 100 cups of coffee, 500 cigarettes

♪ 1,000 miles of highway and I ain't forgot her yet

♪ But I keep on movin'

♪ I keep movin' down the line

♪ There ain't nothin' in my mirror

♪ Just a cloud of dust and smoke

♪ What do you expect when some ole trucker's heart gets broke?

♪ Yeah, truckers' hearts get broke

♪ But them big wheels of rubber gonna rub her off my mind

♪ I'm a highway junkie, I made that old white line. ♪ Hub approach, this is heavy freight Pachyderm Kilo Foxtrot 946 requesting clearance in the Inter Pork docks.

Pachyderm Foxtrot, reduce speed to 1500.

And contact your corporate controller on the designated frequency.

This is John Canyon, inbound from Mars City.

Calling Inter Pork.

I've got 147 trailers of Mars' finest genetically square jacked-up hogs, which naturally I want to dump as soon as possible.

You got a dock open?

Canyon, this is Keller at Inter Pork packers dispatch.

You are two day past due.

You got my regrets, pal.

Do you want those hogs or not, Mr Keller?

You get 'em into C Dock, Canyon.

Park your load and park your mouth.


Bitching Betty, I'm checking on the cargo.

As you wish, freight driver.

Magnetic floor activated.


How are you all doing? Huh?

Mm? You like that don't you? Huh?

Everybody happy?

So where's my beer and when do I get paid?

You can unhook your rig, Canyon.

Stop by the office in half an hour and I'll cut you a cheque.

Mm, I'll... unhook when I got my money, no offence.

You know that's not Company policy.

Yeah, I know that.

That's why it's my policy not to unhook until I'm paid.

You are late, plenty late.

You want me to apologise?

I got the hogs here in good shape.

I did it as quick as I could.

You knew my rig was slow when you hired me for the job.

I've taken that into consideration That's the reason I'm willing to offer you 1,500 credits.

No, no, no. You owe me 6,000.

You don't seem to get it.

I've only offered you the 1,500 out of impulsive generosity.

I think it's time for you to leave. You are upsetting my pigs.

All right, Jackie.

Go get him, Jackie.

My pleasure.

No, no, no, Jackie. That's not the way to throw a punch in zero gravity.

See, this is the recommended technique.

Agh!

Shit!

What the hell do you think you're doing? Kill him.

You are going to depressurise the area and kill us all.

Canyon, these hogs are Company property.

They belong to me until you pay me.

Now get the hell off my rig.

I'm gonna get a court order, you hear me?

You'll forfeit your right to any payment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

You hear me?

♪ Just another purty face...

♪ That's how you look at me...

♪ That's all you ever see

♪ Not the man that I may be

♪ Just another purty face")

- I' I got feelings too... a' Excuse me.

♪ Indeed I do

♪ And a heart you just don't find every day... A'

Hey, Cindy, hi.

Hi, John.

Gone only four weeks this time, huh?

Yeah, I got lucky. I picked up a load of square pigs on Mars.

Who is this?

The name is Mike Pucci.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

You are a space trucker, kid? Not yet.

He's taking a solo today.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, Habib! Give me a synthburger well done and a side of sham fries.

What kind of rig you're driving?

Pachyderm 2000.

Pachyderm? Right.

So you've been driving for a while, I guess.

It's hard to beat that old iron, kid.

Student Mike Pucci, report to area T.

Well, that's me.

Wish me luck, Cindy.

Good luck, Mike.

See ya. Bye.

Who's the kid? To you I mean.

A customer, like you.

I didn't always used to be just a customer, huh?

Hey!

Sorry, new rules. They're recycling all leftovers, OK?

Of all the cheap bullshit!

I don't like it any better than you do but I can't afford to get fired, especially now.

What's going on?

Well, you know my mother's on Earth right?

Maybe you mentioned it, yeah.

She's gotta have an operation and it's really serious.

And I promised I'd be there with her.

That's rough, I'm sorry. So when are you leaving?

Leaving? You know what a ticket costs.

I'd have to pull double shifts here for over a year to earn my way outta here.

Let me ask around, see what I can come up with.

You're a good man, John, but you're not a Company man.

They only give Earth events to Company people and not one of them has the balls to risk taking me.

God! What I wouldn't give.

You know what I want.

Yeah.

How many times have I proposed to you? Three?

I think you left out a few. Last couple of times you were pretty loaded.

I'll tell you what.

You agree to marry me...

...I'll get you to Earth.

Cindy! Yeah, right.

It's a deal then?

John“.

You get me to Earth, and if you still want to marry me when we get there, I'll do it.

All right, all right.

I'm gonna get back to work, OK?

Right.

Sonic pick.

Cool, man.

Yeah! Sh!

Get the tow truck ready. I'll unhook the load and meet you there.

OK.

Hey, John.

Oh, hi.

Still working independent, John?

I still own my own rig, pick my own loads and don't sell ad space on my tits, if that's what you're talking about.

You back for Kev's funeral?

No, I didn't hear.

He and his load got into this scum cluster.

Not much of either came out.

Oh...

Hijackers killed him, huh? And then some.

Who do you think got him?

Word is that Captain Macanudo stumbled on him.

The guy's a damn depraved animal.

Captured Kev and his load.

All they sent back was his dick.

Using a tennis ball can for a coffin.

Cremation would've had more dignity, if you ask me.

Anyways, John, we're planning on having a wake after the service.

Hey, John...

You haul Inter Pork hogs?

Yeah, they are my hogs until I get paid for them.

Would you look at that?

Some piece of garbage wrapped in human skin is trying to jack my load.

Yeah?

You wanted to see me, Mr Keller?

Yeah, I understand you just graduated from space truck school.

Yeah.

I need someone to push a shipment of square hogs to Little Chicago on Titan.

Square pigs?

Isn't that John Canyon's load?

It's an Inter Pork load.

I fired Canyon yesterday.

You got a feeling about that one way or the other?

No.

No, I barely know the guy.

Good.

Cos there's about 1,500 out-of-work freight pushers here who want that job.

Yeah, well, I'm the best.

Your potential is frightening.

You want the job? I'll take it.

Pick up your pink probationary coveralls from Amos in supply.

See you keep 'em clean.

Pink, huh?

They're pink.

Hey, Mike, congratulations! Thanks.

Yeah. John, Mike got himself a new job.

Well, normally...

...we'd have some kind of blowout for that.

But I see from your pyjamas who you're working for.

Which is nothing to celebrate.

John, not everyone can be independent.

Not everyone can drive their own rig, babe.

John, I'm sorry about you losing yourjob.

This is my only shot.

I'm out of money. I'm out of credit.

Somebody's gotta get these pigs to Titan.

You took a fearless moral inventory, kid.

And then you took my job?

If you can live with that, great.

But I don't have to.

Now you hump yourself down at the other end of the bar.

Look, I treat you with respect. I'm asking you to do the same here.

Keller's here.

Ah!

Hey! Look, kid!

Your boss brought the circus with him.

We've come to pay our respects.

The circus! A pair of trained turds right here.

He's just blowing steam, Mr Keller. This Kev thing's got people upset.

Slam your teeth, Delia.

I want you off this hub, Canyon.

I'd like to oblige you.

If you'd paid me I'd be gone by now.

We've fuelled your rig. Now move your ass down there and off this station.

I don't work for you.

OK.

What? Somebody say something?

Huh?

Huh?

You don't mess with me, Canyon.

And you never ever mess with the Company.

Now hold on, Mr Keller. The man's within his rights here.

Step off, kid.

The kid's a real space lawyer.

Get the hell away from me, Canyon.

Jackie, do something!

Jackie, do something!

Warning - atmosphere breach. Decompression occurring. Evacuate the area.

My God! Somebody help me!

Help me, please!

Jack, come on, man!

Ooh! Agh!

Grab him! Cindy, get out of here!

Cindy, get back!

Save her.

Come on.

Come on!

It's the wrong door.

Get in now! John, it's the wrong door.

Agh! Get out!

What are you doing?

John, close that... Get out! This is occupied!

Nice lady. Come on in the cubicle, both of you.

All right, check the stalls.

Get out! What are you doing?

Get out! This is occupied!

This wouldn't be strictly a social call, would it?

It's always a pleasure to see you, Mr Zesty.

I need to get off the hub.

I need a load.

It's problematic, John.

Problematic.

There are people who'd like to see you put down like a diseased dog.

Powerful people.

How about I recite all the times that I helped you out?

This and that.

Here and there.

An appeal to my sentimental side?

Yeah.

I shall open my heart at once.

I do have something.

Something unpleasant, I fear.

We'll take it.

I'm his partner.

Says who?

What? You're saying I'm not?

I lost one job because of you. You owe me.

If I stay here, they are gonna mount my ass on a board.

You're a passenger, not a partner.

So what've you got, Mr Zesty?

It's a rush shipment to Earth.

Two-day schedule.

Containers to be left in high orbit on arrival.

He said Earth.

We'll do it.

What's the cargo?

The manifest states...

"Extruded polymer sexual surrogates."

Sex dolls?

They're paying five times the going rate.

And providing all the paperwork, forged of course.

But undetectable.

I said... done.

I hesitate to caution a man of your experience but the consigners of this cargo were most emphatic that their delivery schedule be adhered to.

And...

Don't tamper with those containers.

Is this gonna take long? There's troopers all over the place.

No, I'm almost done. D'you see her coming?

No, you think the law grabbed her?

No, she'll make it.

I like her.

She's friendly.

Yeah, she's got a kindly nature.

You mind if I ask you what the deal is with Cindy?

I don't get you.

I think she likes me.

I'd like to pursue it further.

I'd like to know if you're involved.

If I get your drift, and I do get your drift...

I must tell you that a gentleman, Mike...

A gentleman doesn't answer a question like that.

That's a no?

Sorry, I'm late. I had to give them 30 seconds' notice.

Here, help me out.

Oh!

It's all right.

Oh, God! Jeez, my underwear!

I haven't seen this before.

This a friend of yours?

Actually, it's my mother Carol. It was taken before I was born.

I can see where you got your good looks from.

Thanks.

Wouldn't have minded meeting her backthen.

Yeah? Yeah.

Here we go.


There.

Jeez, I've never seen trailers like these before.

They look...

Creepy-

They look like they've come a long ways already.

What do you think is in them, John?

I don't.

Something very creepy.

At maximum velocity we'll still be 60 hours the wrong side of delivery time.

If we stay in the shipping lanes.

John, you wanna fill me in on your plans here?

I don't ask you yours.

Look“.

We're all in this together, OK?

I think you owe me and Cindy the courtesy of an answer.

All systems functional. Pressure within acceptable ranges.

Electronic sub-systems testing.

John, look, the minute we pull outta here the transport troopers are gonna be all over us. Do you get that?

Now you're just going to have to learn to live with your fear.

If it gets too bad, breathe into a paper bag or something.

Shut up.

Collar yourself.

You'd better power down, Canyon.

I'm sorry, boys. I got a priority load of perishable goods here.

It's not a request.

We've got questions about Keller.

Last time I saw him he was being sucked arse first into the outer darkness.

John, I think these guys are getting serious. We'd better stop.

Yeah.

Not while I still have an option open.

All units converge.

(Sam!

Whaa!

Abandon pursuit.

Repeat, do not pursue.

We can get them, damn it!

The orders are to abandon pursuit.

I love taking orders.

Looks like we lost them.

More like they stopped chasing us.

That was some of the best driving I've ever seen.

Thank you.

Just put the pedal to the metal and play footsie with fate, son.

Breakfast is ready.

Turn your cortexes on up there, food's ready.

Mike... Cindy...

Come on.

Are we on time?

We will be.

We left the space lanes?

About six hours ago.

Ugh!

What is this?

Saliva activated cappuccino and eggs.

Don't you like it?

What the hell is that?

Some kind of floating junkyard?

Welcome to the scum cluster.

WOW!

What the hell happened to them?

Asteroids got some of them. Asteroids? Where are they?

Where are they? Yeah, where are they?

Warning, density ten asteroid field.

Freight driver, you're approaching too fast for evasive manoeuvres.

Don't make me turn you off, Betty.

John, this shows a big cluster coming straight ahead.

I don't see anything It's got to be a malfunction, right?

It's black rock! What?

Strap yourselves in.


Phew! I think we are clear.

I've never been so afraid in my life.

Look out!

OK. Cindy?

Yeah.

Everybody? Mike? Yeah.

I'm going for some light.

How bad do you think it is?

It felt bad. Sure did.

Betty, confirm what I'm seeing here.

Freight driver, main and secondary engines are down due to pressure constriction of components in direction control...

Thanks, Betty.

And internal coolant system has also shut down.

You're welcome, freight driver.

No chance of a fix?

Sure.

After a five-hour cool-down.

We'll roast in here before then.

It's getting hot in here.

I figure we got about two hours before we burn up.

Escape pod's no good.

Too far away from the nearest colony to make it.

Anyway, it only holds two.

So what does that mean? We're gonna die?

There's always a chance that our emergency locator beacons will draw somebody before that happens.

Somebody? What do you mean, somebody?

John.

Sure.

There's always a chance, baby.

Always a chance.

We got a little juice left in the parking rockets.

If we can cut the load loose...

...we should be able to put ourselves in the shadow of one of them asteroids.

Yeah, that'd give us enough time to fix the main engines. Let's go.

It's a one-man job.

Be careful.

You were born on Earth, weren't you, Cindy?

Yeah, New York City.

That's technically a part of Earth.

Earth!

I've always dreamed about going to that place.

It's great.

You know... birds, trees...

Those things that live in rivers.

Yeah, fish.

Yeah.

Yeah. My mother took me to see them a couple of times.

Earth is an amazing place.

It's so hot.

Yeah.

Do you mind? Oh, no.

I'll do the same.


That feels so much better.

Ooh!

John, how are you doing out there, buddy?

Some kind of automatic seal deal here.

I'm going to have to try cracking it off.

All right, you do that. Let me know if I can help you out, OK?


Mike, we gotta stop.

Wait...wait.

Stuff like this happens all the time.

We've got to realise one thing.

I'm engaged.

What?

Look, it started out as a joke.

John asked me to marry him and I said, "Sure, if you take me to Earth."

It's total bullshit.

A promise is a promise, OK?

John's a good man. I don't have to justify myself to you or to anybody...

OK, stop.

Sorry.


This here is not gonna work.

It's awfully warm in here.

It's awfully hot in here, isn't it?

So let's take your clothes off, be more comfortable.

Huh? Right? Yeah.

Would that have been your idea?

It was my idea. So what?

I think it's a pretty cheesy way to get a look at my fiancée's tits.

Knock it off, John.

That's not what's going on here, John, at all.

I got to hand it to you, Mike. King of the smooth dogs.

"Oh, it's hot in here. Your husband is outside..."

We're not married, all right? You know what I think of a guy who forces a girl to marry him in exchange for a lift?

I'd like to know... Hey, hey, stop it! All right, stop it!

Stop fighting over a girl who's gonna be two scoops of ash in about two hours.

We're going to die here, OK?

Why don't try for a little dignity for a change?

I can't unhook the load.

There's some kind of...

...auto defence mechanism on the containers.

Whatever's in them, it ain't no sex dolls.

A plastic date doesn't need that kind of protection.

Yeah, tell me about it.

So what do we do now?

Why don't we divert the coolant from the refrigerator through the inside plumbing?

That's a great idea. It'd give us something to do, anyways.

Pachyderm 2000 rig...

It don't have a refrigerator.

Why the hell not?

Because it's an option.

I don't buy options, you know?

Like pseudo suede seats or half-tinted foreport or... silent suck toilets.

I don't buy options.

Great.

But I did bring this.

Suck a Zux.

At least we got some notice.

Gives us time to prepare ourselves for the end.

However you do that.


Attention, freight driver.

We've been approached by an oligarch class passenger liner.

Passenger liner, we're being saved.

There's likely gonna be some conditions attached to that.

Liner identified as former vessel alpha seven nixon 843, vanished 10-24-92.

It didn't vanish. It was jacked.

These are the jackers, man.

If it's who I think it is, boy, are you lucky you're not wearing those Company pyjamas.

Agh! Agh!

Move out. Come on, let's go!

Come on, hurry up. Get that hatch open. Come on!

John, how many guns you got?

I'm not even sure this one works. They'll be here in a minute.

If you're not gonna use it give it to me. I'll use it.

You're gonna make one of them desperate last stands?

Setting aside what these scum might have in mind for us, what do you think they're gonna do to her?

Mike, there's not a lot we can do.

We just hope our cooperative attitudes and our sunny dispositions see us clear.

What did you have in mind, Mike? We'll hold them off as long as we can and then... What?

I'll save two shots for both of us.

Oh! Great!

Can you put that thing away someplace safe, OK?

We're not gonna let them take us. Give me the gun.

Mike, I've got to go to Earth, OK, so if I've got to wade through neck-deep crap I'm still going.

Everybody, come on, move! Come on!

We don't work for the Company, remember that.

We're friendly, friendly. Drop it.

We don't work for the Company.

Over to the control panel. Move it, now!

We're going, we're going.

You're all prisoners of the Regalia, if anyone's curious.

If you try to escape you will be killed.

If you resist, you will be killed.

If you fail to obey orders, you will be killed.

Oh, what the hell!

We'll probably kill you anyway.

All right, get them out of here.

Come on. Move it. Come on, get out.

Come on. Get your hands off me.

Move them out! OK, don't act up.

All right. Come on.

We don't work for the Company.

Come on.

Just stay with me.

Local guide, huh?

Salvage specialist.

Shut up. What are you hauling?

We don't know.

We don't know?!

I'm telling you that we don't know, never cared.

It's a mistake to give up caring.

That's too much.

Macanudo wouldn't like it.

You leave the Captain to me.

My pleasure.

(Butt, man.

The manifest says what they're carrying is sex dolls.

Sex dolls?

What do you think they're really carrying?

Gotta be something hot. Drugs maybe.

You like drugs or guns best, Lou?

Drugs, man.

I like guns better. Scummy...

Yeah?

Hook them up.

This way.

Where's the Captain's equipment?

Over here.


Manifest says they're carrying sex dolls.

Thank you for apprising me, Mr Cutt.

I do know how you love to be apprised, sir.


You have been perspiring.

It's about 170 in the cab.

Mm. I compliment you, my dear.

You have a strong, distinctive and not altogether unpleasant body odour.

It's gratifyingly approachable.

Captain, we want to thank you for saving us.

We're grateful about it, Captain. Thank you.

I didn't save you, you Company scumbag. I jacked your load.

Whatever, we appreciate it.

I think it's important that you understand we do not work for the Company.

I want to know what your cargo is.

Who's the shipper and who's the consignee?

We don't know none of that.

You're gonna kick yourself later.

Because if you had troubled to inform yourself...

Mm-mm.

...I wouldn't have to slice off your manly process.

Is he talking about my dick?

Captain, we're just independent contract haulers.

We're trying to make a living. We don't ask a lot of questions.

What we do know... is whatever's in those cars is not something to mess with.

Do I look like someone to mess with?

No, sir.

Like I have the IQ of an egg timer?

No.

Those are high security double-duty containers you're hauling.

I say the pair of you are Company butt boys.

Wrong.

If you're gonna hack off my dick do it.

And I'll change my name to Terry or Lee or something neutral.

That ain't gonna change what I know.

Your dick?

Is this your dick?

Huh?

Huh? No.

That one's mine.

OK, I'm going to run the proof of Fermat's last theorem in my head.

That takes between 8 and 17 seconds.

And then we'll begin again.

Captain's a genius.

Yeah.

I was head of Company Research and Development.

Top man.

Slotted for the big job.

But I was betrayed by that bastard E J Saggs.

Fat-arsed fool thought he'd killed me.

Made the mistake of having it done in my laboratory.

I was able to save myself.

Recreate my body.

You are a very attractive woman.

In the normal course of human affairs you probably wouldn't look twice at me.

Captain, where are we going with this?

I am drawn to beauty like other men.

But beauty...

Beauty gives me a wide berth in life's halls, so to speak.

Were you not chained to a major support beam of my ship, I wouldn't stand a chance of having sex with someone so...alluring as you.

Leave her alone, you half electric asshole!

He didn't mean that. He respects the brave way you confront your disability.

Kill him.

Wait! Mr Cutt.

Look, I've got to get to Earth. I've got to see my mother.

All right? So keep the load and give us the rig and...

...I'll have sex with you.

Really?

Yeah.

Right there on the floor, if that's what you want.

I think we should repair to my quarters, my dear.

Scummy.

John, we've got to do something.

What are we going to do? Just sit here?

Don't co-opt the right to be indignant, kid. She's my fiancée.


What would make you more comfortable, my dear?

I have seven different forms of sedation.

Alcohol.

The usual pharmacology.

Let's not fool ourselves, Captain, all right? I just want to get this over with.

I can accept that.

However, I'm confident that I can make you a favourable impression.

I rebuilt my own mind.

So you got a homemade brain!


I rebuilt everything.

Every organ.

I emit a low-amp electrical Wang pulse, designed to drive women wild with pleasure.

Ugh! Stop! You're gonna make me puke.

Quit talking or the deal's off, OK?

I pray you allow me a few moments to coordinate my seldom used reproductive sequences.

Yeah, sure.

This casing's made out of some exotic alloy.

See these security seals, man? They're something new.

I wouldn't mess with that load.

It's bad. It'll eat you alive.

Ooh! My heart is racing, Mr Truck Man!

OK, Sam.

Hit it.

You all right?

That's a diamond blade just shattered. What the hell does that?

One of those things.

We're gonna try something else, Lou.

Yeah.

What the hell is that?

Oh!


Sam!

Sam...

Sam, are you all right? Sam!

What's cooking, man? Something's cooking.

What are you talking about?

Smells like somebody been making hamburgers.

Goddamn, Sam.

It's you.

It is?

Sam!

What did I tell you?

Shut up!

I got to tell the Captain.

John, we've got to do something.

What do you think they're doing to her up there?

It's not the first time, kid, and she's doing it for the team.

We're 100% operational, my dear.

You wanna lose the manly jewellery? You're going to give me nosebleed.

It's a good luck charm. I never take it off Just close your eyes and think of Brooklyn.

Ugh!

Ugh!

Bitch! Nothing personal.

You just made the biggest mistake of your life.

Speak tough for a guy who can't get off his back.

You'll never get off this ship.

Oh yeah? Watch me.

Mr Cut“.!

There you are, Captain.

Lou just went looking for you, the load...

You want me to leave.

All right, Captain, OK.

Back awfully quick, aren't you, Captain?

She ride you out?

Kill them, huh?

What? What?

Oh, you want to kill them! Absolutely! Touch down.

You want me to cut them down?

You don't mind if I tenderise them a little bit first?

Scummy!

You overblown cretin.

Well, aren't you a regular Mr Fix It?

I'm sorry you couldn't find it in your heart to give me a chance.

You could've been my beloved concubine.

And shared my position here.

Well, I guess it wasn't in my fortune cookie.

Now all you'll share is my crew.

312 of them in random order.

But first...

...you can watch me kill your friends.

Or if you prefer you can scrunch up your cute little nose and turn the other way.

Do it.

Captain, did it occur to you that a load with that kind of protection ought to be checked out first thing?


After you, Mr Cutt.

Yes, sir.

Right behind you, Lou. Come on, get in there.

WOW!

Whoa, man!

Holy shit!

What the hell is all this junk?

These“.

...are my babies.

Whoo! It's the Captain.

State-of-the-art disintegrators, boys.

This baby will vape a man in 500 milliseconds and leave his watch and small change lying on the deck.

Just... Just what have we got here, sir?

We've got Saggs, boys-

We've got E J Saggs...

...right by his shrivelled little scrotum.

A little reprogramming and the Company is mine.

Ours, if you will.

And then I'll feed Saggs' liver to the ship's rats.

Hey! Look at this. This one is missing.

What?

Damn!

What's that do, Captain?

Quiet.

It's coming!

Kill it! Kill it!

Kill it! Kill it!


Ash! Agh!

What the hell is going on here?

I don't know but I bet we get blamed.

Let's get out of here.


Agh!

Bite a deathnut, arsehole!


Get ready. Let's go.


Five minutes to complete cool down.

We ain't got five minutes.

Fire it up will you, Mike?


We made it!

I can't believe we got out of there.

I gotta say I'm very, very happy to be here.

Goddamn I am.

Me too.

Of course you always feel that way after a near miss.

It wears off Attention, freight driver.

There's a breach in the exterior hull of container one.

Pressure and oxygen loss is total.

If we got a vacuumed container, too bad, you know.

If the load's perishable it's already perished.

Yeah, so forget it.

Wait a second. Does somebody hear something back there that sounds like there's something back there?

I do.

Bitching Betty, take over.

Mike, suit up.

Cindy... Yeah.

Move over here.

Sit here. Right.

You watch these gauges.

You see a red light come on, you shout at me on the radio, OK?

All right.

I will need you to elaborate on your instructions.

Bitching Betty, you hold a course toward Earth.

You'd better keep this, OK?

It's an SOS.

Yeah, and it can also be a trap.


Light me.

There's a flame in my pocket.

Maybe I should get the first aid kit.

Forget it.

I cauterised the main arteries but I don't have much time left.

What happened back there at the Regalia?

Soldier, warrior.

Activated, did what it's programmed to do.

What about our cars here? You know what's in them?

An army.

What?

I made them for the Company.

Genetically engineered biochemical super warriors.

My babies.

You can't stop them.

There's got to be some way to shut those bastards off.

We're doomed.

I'm afraid.

If I had an anus...

I'd probably soil myself.

You got to tell us how to stop these things.

They activate in waves.

One, two, four, eight.

This thing here locks them up.

You boys got a use for this?

He's gone. Yeah.

For a son-of-a-bitch gimp rapist murderer...

...he died OK. Come on.

John!

John!

Do it!

WOW!

I should go check it out in there.

We need some light in here.

I got a flashlight.

It ain't exactly made for space.

It's made for reading under the blankets, isn't it?

Ha ha U)

Damn!


This thing doesn't work until they're all grown up.

Let's...get back outside and wait for them.

Yeah.

Come on.

Come on, come on.

Here.

John!

Is everything OK back there?

We don't know yet.

I can't see anything.

Isn't there supposed to be four of them?

Yeah.

Where's the other two?

Cindy, put your spacesuit on.

They are headed toward the cab.


Do it, John.

Freeze them.

Do not interfere with, do not damage or destroy your means of transport to Earth.

Do not destroy your means...

It's programming. They can't wreck the truck.

John, it's got a Swiss army knife.

Shit, I made it mad!


Yam Cooking time estimated 45 seconds.

Ah!

Next time there's gonna be eight.

We're in quick decaying Earth orbit so when I cut the load loose it'll drop into the atmosphere and incinerate those mutant guys.

I want the two of you to get in the escape pod and get out of here.

No, we'll go with you.

You ain't being asked.

Mike, you drive the pod.

So what's the plan, John?

Well...

...I'm gonna try to free the coupling.

Blow it if I have to.

Then I'm gonna ride the rig down.

Look, John, that goddamn rig will never make it through the atmosphere.

Get serious.

Kid, this is a Pachyderm 2000 rig.

It was mine before you were born. I know what it'll do.

Now I got something I wanna say to both of you.

Cindy, I'm releasing you of all your obligations to marry me right now.

All right? And I want to apologise for the way I done it.

It weren't right.

And, you know, I guess I've been jealous since I saw the way you two behaved with each other together, all right?

John, you don't have to apologise really.

I don't do it so well anyway.

Probably cos you never done it before.

My advice to you is you take this woman to the church at the first exit off the freeway and you get hitched.

You are a lucky man.

OK? All right, partner, kick butt.

We're about ready here, John. How is it going buddy?

It's hanging by a thread.

I'll have it cut in no time.

I can practically kick it apart.

No sign of any genetic deal so go on, get out of here.

John, I figure we'll try for the Palmdale Spaceport.

You can bring the rig in there.

Yeah, it sounds good. I'll see you there.


Agh!


Oh!


Betty, how much time before we hit the atmosphere?

32 seconds, freight driver.

Entering atmosphere.

Hot enough for you?

Wow, man!

There he is!

Look, Mike, is that smoke?

It's bound to be smoke. The shielding will be burning off.

Come on, John. Come on, baby.

Come on. Come on.

He's getting closer. He's gonna make it.

He's gonna make it, Cindy. Here he comes.

My God!

My God, Mike.

Hey! Hey!

Hey, look here!

Hey!

Hey! You married yet?!

Good to see you.

We interrupt this programme for a special news update.

Two space truckers and a waitress have saved the Earth from an invasion from outer space.

The three discovered they were carrying an army of robotic warriors sent by persons unknown to conquer our planet.

Mum.

I have Mike and John here with me.

Oh, just a second.

Would you like us to come back when you're a little more recovered?

No, I'll be right with you.

Come on, sit down.

Can we get you anything, Mrs Welch?

Get this, Mike. Call me Carol.

Mum.

Mum.

This is Mike.

Oh, Mike, yeah. Welcome to the family.

This is John.

Oh yeah.

You're Carol Welch?

Cindy is your daughter? This Cindy?

What? Do I look weird or something?

You look great.

And beautiful like a picture I saw of you.

But that picture was taken 20 years back.

Could somebody tell me what's going on here?

You see when I got sick they offered me a choice.

Die or get frozen.

Anyway, I got the deep freeze.

They thawed me. They cured me. Here I am.

They froze you?

Well, there's a lot of fancy names for it but...yeah.

I don't look freezer burnt, do I?

Not from what I can see.

Special agent Rigid. I'm taking charge here.

What do you want?

Pat 'em down.

What?

I'm head of presidential security.

We're securing this room for a presidential visit.

The president? The president of the world is coming here? Yeah?

Mr President, I... OK, Rigid, move along.

Shoo!

I'm President Saggs.

And I'm here to express the gratitude of my administration.

And my constituents.

All the people of the system.

Saggs? E J Saggs?

I thought the president's name was Dobey.

Dobey is the former president. He resigned last week.

The government's been privatised. High time.

We know who you are Saggs, OK?

You sent those things to Earth and you cost us a good rig and you almost got us killed about 50 times.

Take it easy!

You are talking to the president here.

I'll grant you there have been mistakes made and there have been lies told.

But I assure you whatever you've been told, I was not aware and I was not involved.

You were not aware, right.

Could it be that some individual in the Company just overreached himself?

He sent these things to Earth as a kind of insurance policy in case the merger talks broke down.

But I wouldn't like these sort of rumours to be circulating during the first crucial days of my administration.

Or... ever.

No problem.

Now, just so happens there's a new rig ready to take off.

And it's waiting for you there on Gantry F.

What do you think you can do? Buy us like a tuna fish sandwich?

I've also arranged to have your mother's hospital bill taken care of.

Hold on a second... For your other troubles...

Maybe this will compensate to some small degree.

We didn't do what we did for money and money doesn't fix anything, all right?

You have our cooperation and our silence sir.

Good. Good.

Well, I must... I must run.

Remember now, hush-hush.

Yes, sir. Thanks for everything.

Mr Independent. What was that about?

You're gonna keep this? No, we're not gonna keep it.

We don't want no part of that money.

You guys could really use that money, getting married and all.

We don't want that kind of money.

You two don't get it, do you?

If you don't take this money and shut up about what happened, they're gonna come after you and you'll disappear.

Now you got to take it.

We got to take the money.

We got to take this and become Company butt boys for the rest of our lives.

I want to make sure that you understand the facts.

You're gonna take it, John? Are you gonna take it?

No, but I don't want you to end up like me.

God forbid!


Somebody flagged Saggs.

You know, I think it was us.

Oh, my God!

We'd better get out of here.

Yeah. Come on.

Too bad Saggs blew himself up.

We've never got to thank him for the new rig.

All right, here we go.

I've never done this before.

Any chance I'll lose my lunch?

You'll be fine.

We have ignition.

Whoo!


♪ 100 cups of coffee, 500 cigarettes

♪ 1,000 miles of highway and I ain't forgot her yet

♪ But I keep on movin'

♪ I keep movin' down the line

♪ There ain't nothin' in my mirror

♪ Just a cloud of dust and smoke

♪ What do you expect when some ole trucker's heart gets broke?

♪ Yeah, truckers' hearts get broke

♪ But them big wheels of rubber gonna rub her off my mind

♪ I'm a highway junkie, I made that old white line

♪ Ten miles outta' Nashville I was doin' 101

♪ State boy pulled me over, he said where's the fire son?

♪ Said where's the fire son?

♪ I said man there ain't no fire, I'm just runnin' from a flame

♪ Go on and write your ticket but I ain't the one to blame

♪ That county judge tried to rob me blind

♪ But them big wheels of rubber gonna rub her off my mind

♪ I'm a highway junkie, I made that old white line...


♪ So I rolled on down to Memphis, I had nothin' left to lose

♪ I wanted to hear some rock 'n' roll but all they played was blues

♪ I didn't wanna hear no blues

♪ So I went to call up Elvis but Roger Miller grabbed the phone

♪ He said drive that 18-wheeler, boy, you're the king of the road

♪ Said I was the king of the road

♪ Them big wheels of rubber gonna rub her off my mind

♪ I'm a highway junkie, I made that old white line

♪ I'm a highway junkie, lord, I made that old white line. ♪

♪ If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe

♪ I'd have been married long time ago

♪ Where did you come from? Where did you go?

♪ Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe?

♪ If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe

♪ I'd have been married long time ago

♪ Where did you come from? Where did you go?

♪ Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe?


♪ He came to town like a midwinter storm

♪ He rode through the fields so handsome and strong

♪ His eyes was his tools and his smile was his gun

♪ But all he had come for was having some fun...


♪ He brought disaster wherever he went

♪ The hearts of the girls was to hell broken sent

♪ They all ran away so nobody would know

♪ And left only men cos of Cotton-Eye Joe

♪ If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe

♪ I'd have been married long time ago

♪ Where did you come from? Where did you go?

♪ Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe?.. A'