Stage Fright (2014) Script

♪ No ♪


♪ Must this be my sacrifice? ♪

♪ My dream's come true, but at what price? ♪ Stand by, electrics 120.

Go.

Stand by, mist.

Look at your mother.

She's got great pipes and she's fierce.

So fierce, I'm enchanted.

Electrics 130, go. One-forty, go.

♪ Take all I ever had, all I ever knew ♪

♪ All I ever dreamed of came true ♪

♪ Now I'm forever haunted ♪ Bravo!

Mommy, you were so good! Give me kisses.

You're all sweaty. Then you get sweaty kisses.

Ew! Be nice to your mother; she's a big star now.

Your autograph, please, Ms. Swanson?

Anything for my biggest fan.

♪ All of life's a song to sing ♪

♪ So sing with all your heart ♪

Guess who finally made it tonight?

The Times?

Lawrence Gibbs is absolutely in love with you.

That's great! That's great.

Congratulations, Mr. Producer.

You should get ready now, my love.

OK. Tonight, we celebrate.

Should I take the twins? Sure.

OK, you go with Mr. McCall.

See you later.

Watch where you're goin', little girl.


Hello?

Ah!

Very funny.

Where'd you get that?

You know you can't be in here, right?

Better put that mask back, or they'll have your head.

Oh, honey, we can't do this now.

I have to get dressed.

♪ All of life's a song to sing ♪

♪ So sing with all your heart ♪ Mmm. Oh.

Oh. Not now.

Ah.

Oh!


♪ All of life's a song to sing ♪


♪ We're here, we're here, we're finally here ♪

♪ The place where we can be ourselves at least for once a year ♪

♪ The place where we can dance and feel allowed to sing a song ♪

♪ Performing is our fantasy, we're here where we belong! ♪

♪ Hey, it's you ♪ ♪ Long time no see ♪

♪ What was your year like? ♪

♪ I got beaten up a dozen times ♪

♪ For singing Stephen Sondheim's rhymes ♪

♪ Those school bullies sound awfully bad ♪

♪ What school bullies? ♪

♪ That was my dad ♪ Aw!

♪ But thankfully that's in the past ♪

♪ It's time to go sign up for classes ♪

♪ Finally we're back where we belong! ♪

♪ We've got costuming and light design ♪

♪ And classes that help you refine techniques ♪

♪ So you'll be sure to find your true artistic voice ♪

♪ Whatever your abilities, we've got the best facilities ♪

♪ Maintained by local hillbillies who didn't have a choice ♪

♪ So many options, so much to choose from ♪

♪ What to sign up for? So much to improve on ♪

♪ Tho many thingth I'm working on I've even made a litht ♪

♪ Diaphragm projecthion breathing audienth connecthion theeking ♪

♪ If I wanna be a thtar I gotta take more rithkth ♪

♪ Explore my inner narthithith, emothional catharthith ♪

♪ To expreth mythelf more clearly ♪

♪ I'm working on my lithp ♪ Hm. Yeah, sure. OK.

♪ We're here, we're here ♪

♪ We're here at Center Stage ♪

♪ The place where we can be ourselves and no one calls us names ♪

♪ They call me weirdo ♪ ♪ They call me freakshow ♪ They call me sissy, puthy, mushy mushy, homo ♪

♪ They call me very flitty, fairy, fruity, flaming, bitchy, Liberace ♪

♪ Floozy ♪ ♪ And a slew of other low-blows ♪

♪ All of us have heard these names of hate, but let me get one thing straight ♪

♪ I'm gay, I'm gay, but not in that way ♪

♪ Musicals move me and touch me in ways I can't say ♪

♪ He's gay but not in that way ♪

♪ I sleep with women ♪

♪ But musicals make me feel gay ♪

♪ I'm gay, I'm actually gay ♪

♪ I don't get hard when I see T and A ♪

♪ Could be my DNA ♪

♪ Or how I was raised ♪

♪ We don't distinguish here at Center Stage ♪

♪ We're all gay, we're gay in all kinds of ways ♪

♪ Some in the bedroom ♪

♪ And some 'cause of musical plays ♪ Ow, Sam, you're hurting me! Don't touch my hair!

♪ We're here, we're here ♪ Yes! We're finally here ♪

♪ The place where we can be ourselves at least for once a year ♪

♪ The place where we can dance and feel allowed to sing a song ♪

♪ Where everyone is just like me, that's where I belong! ♪

♪ All of life's a song to sing ♪

♪ So sing with all your heart ♪

Little Mermaid, less singing, more cooking.

It's time to feed the freaks.

Can't wait to get the hell out of here for good.

And do what? Make lots of money.

Start our own restaurant.

It's time to start thinking about this stuff.

"I don't wanna think about it." Stop it.

"I want to live here my whole life."

Stop it. Get away. Stop it!

What's going on here?

I got it.

I got it!

Did you make this mess?

What's the show this year?

Aha. It's gonna be a knockout.

Broadway agents, Broadway scouts.

We're gonna be back in New York before you know it.

What is it?

Your mother... God bless her... would be proud.

You're good.

Break a leg.

♪ Many years ago, 10, to be exact ♪

♪ I dreamed of a camp where kids could come to learn to sing and act ♪

♪ No one thought it was possible, they laughed behind my back ♪

♪ But it wouldn't be long we'd prove them wrong ♪

♪ We're 10 years strong in fact ♪

♪ Once I made the decision to follow my ambition ♪

♪ And make a training ground for dance and song ♪

♪ There were hardships and obstructions ♪

♪ Those are part of all productions ♪

♪ Still the show must carry on! ♪ Woo!

Woo!

Campers and counsellors, I believe that you will agree with me that after last summer's bold musical re-imagining of The Vagina Monologues, this young man has established himself as the next Hal Prince. Here he is now, the director of this summer's Limelight showcase, Artie Getz!

Artie will be announcing this summer's Limelight production.


Haunting Of The Opera!

I think he thinks it could help his career.

What career? He hasn't produced anything in 10 years.

Well, if doing the play again can help him get back to New York, that's a good thing.

For all of us. You always seem to forget: he's not our father.

Maybe I could even audition.

You actually wanna compete with those theatre geeks?

Those kids aren't normal, Cam. Look at them.

The entire musical theatre canon is just begging... begging!... for its themes to be exploded outwards.

Watch, I bet he casts himself as Alfonso.

Uh, for those of you wondering, yes, I will be playing Alfonso.

Yep.

It's probably 'cause he wants you to play Opera Ghost.

Or 'cause he wants to make out with me again.

Which is the very essence of post-structuralism in theatre today, and that's why our production of Haunting... will take place... in feudal Japan.

I'm not hearing anything. Itth brilliant.

Woo!

They're not gonna let a cook steal a role from a camper who pays to go here.

♪ We're here, we're here, we're finally here ♪

♪ The place where we can be ourselves at least for once a year ♪

♪ We're here, we're here ♪

♪ I'm here ♪

♪ And I know you are here ♪

♪ Every time I sing ♪

♪ I feel you near ♪

♪ Now I have my song to sing ♪

♪ I'll sing with all my heart ♪

♪ I will sing just like you ♪

♪ I will get the part ♪

♪ Once I made the decision to follow my ambition ♪

♪ And make a training ground for dance and song ♪

♪ There were hardships and obstructions ♪

♪ Those are part of all productions ♪

♪ Still the show must carry on! ♪

♪ I will get the part ♪


Shut your fucking face!

♪ Alfonso ♪

♪ So tender, so strong, so Alfonso ♪

♪ Do you not hear what I say ♪

♪ Sofia will star in the play ♪


What's that say?

Sofia.

Bunk 23?

Bunk 23? Ah!

Bunk 23.

Nice try.

Oh, uh, they haven't updated the list yet. Save it.

I know you're one of the cooks.

I just want to audition.

Can't let you do that. I could get into trouble.

No, no, you won't get into trouble.

I'll tell them that I just snuck by you and you didn't notice.

Yeah, like I wouldn't notice a girl like you.

What's your name?

Joel Hopton. Listen, Joel... if you do me this favour...

I'll... I'll owe you one.

Ms. Silver. Mr. Martin.

That it?

No! Um... me.


♪ I've been dreaming, wanting this moment ♪

♪ Now it's real, I'm here at last ♪

♪ Everything just like I imagined ♪

♪ But how did it happen so fast? ♪

♪ I've been dreaming, wanting to be here ♪

♪ I've been dreaming, wanting to meet her ♪

♪ Watching from far all of this time ♪

♪ Now it's real but I mustn't lose her ♪

♪ I must make sure she'll be mine ♪

♪ This is all I ever wanted ♪

♪ Now I'm forever haunted ♪

♪ This is all I ever wanted ♪

♪ Now I'm forever haunted ♪

♪ How could I have ♪

♪ Known that you would ♪

♪ Take all I ever had, all I ever knew ♪

♪ All I ever dreamed of came true ♪

♪ Now I'm forever haunted ♪

That girl!

Camilla!

What are you doing here? Let's go, dinner's at 5.

Hey, Rog, a word? Hey.

Who's directing this show, huh? We had a deal.

Full creative control.

OK. Shh, shh, shh. That's what we talked about.

OK, OK, shh.

Camilla, you know camp policy.

I can't start making exceptions... I know, I know.

And you never have, but this... is different.

Your mother's role? You said yourself she would be proud.

I will allow the audition.

But she will be treated like every other camper. There is a process.

This is bullshit!


Let me see! Move!

You two, I knew you were gonna get them. I knew it!


That is her. She's one of the cooks.

Buddy! Congratulations.

Hey.

Who's gonna cover your shifts when you're in rehearsal?

You are.

Roger took her and her twin brother in after their mom was killed.

The night thee originated the role of Thofia.

What? That's impossible. No, it'th true.

Ten yearth ago thith thummer. Thuper cool, right?

I'm surprised. I didn't know you actually wanted to hang out with those... Those what?

Mom was a theatre geek.

Kylie Swanson slept with so many people on Broadway they called her The Great White Lay.

They live in a fantasy world.

I don't want you to get sucked in.

I'm not getting sucked in.


You people make me sick!

♪ Sound off ♪ ♪ One, two ♪

♪ Sound off ♪ ♪ Three, four ♪

♪ When you come to Center Stage, the show... ♪

Mom, being in an enthemble ith really thtrething me out.

Forty-Second Street Productions. Uh, Victor Brady, please.

Please hold.

What is this regarding?

It's about the showcase at the camp.

This weekend. The showcase at the wha...?

Camp. Did you say camp?

Yes.

He's gonna have to return. Thank you.

Fuck me in the...

Never mind.

Congrats.

Thanks.

So, I guess now you owe me one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Welcome to Limelight!

For those of you who are new, I'm your stage manager, David Martin.

I'm here to make sure that the show goes on no matter what, and I will do whatever it takes.

Well, except go on stage... I don't do that.

Hello, stage fright.

But backstage, make no mistake: I run the space and you will feel my wrath.

J/K, I love you guys.

Oh, my god! But there is a process, and without further ado, Herr Director.

Woo!

Woo!

What is at the heart of Haunting?

A love thtory about... It's about covering.

Covering up who you really are.

And isn't that the scariest thing of all? That's why I'm going to reinvent this entire production and cover it with a postmodern face. Now, who can tell me... what Japanese tradition involves covering... your face all in white?

Bukkake.

Kabuki?

And that is why my version of Opera Ghost will wear not just any mask, but a kabuki mask.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the new face of Opera Ghost. Whitney?

OK, everybody. That's it. Remember: off-book by Thursday.

Camilla, do you have a second?

I want to show you something.


Have a seat.

That was some performance yesterday.

I'm just curious... do you already know who's gonna do which show?

The Broadway agents come on... opening night, right?

Tension.

And release.

Cheers.

What?

Nothing.

Well, we have to kiss in the show, right?

Yeah.

I don't want to take away from the magic of the moment.

So, are you gonna tell me who gets to go up opening night?

I'm just curious about the process.

Well, I don't want to take away from the magic of the moment.


♪ We work, we slave ♪

♪ Preparing for opening night ♪

♪ Rehearse all day ♪

♪ It all must be perfectly right ♪

♪ Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah ♪ I gotta run.

Can't you just be late? It's unprofessional.

OK, good, let's take a break, and let Oleg do his thing.

Mm-hmm.

♪ It's Alfonso ♪

♪ But it's not meant to be ♪

♪ My destiny brings me here ♪

♪ To take my vow ♪

♪ Master, you may take me now! ♪ No, stop. Hold! Hold!

Like you mean it. Ar-Ar-Artie, I'm attracted to women, OK?

Sure, Sam. But... but in this scene, Opera Ghost is yearning for his love.

And when he touches her, yeah?

♪ Master, you may take me now! ♪

Amateurs!

Artie?

Why don't you show him on me?


OK, OK. I get it!

Let me try now. Liz, why don't you take a little break?

What? I'm fine. Let's just go again.

I said take five.

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ This is all I ever wanted ♪

♪ I'm forever haunted ♪

Hey, Camilla.

Bunk 10's doing an all-drag Stephen Schwartz revue for evening activity tonight.

Wanna... go with me?

Thanks, but I-I... I can't.

Artie! Right.

Wait up!

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪ Camilla, can I have your autograph?

She doesn't even go here. Ugh! What am I even talking to you?

You're not going to understand. You're just an alto.

If that slut gets opening night, my mother is going to kill me.

Aghhhh!

Whoa. What?

I just...

I just don't think we should, um...

I see.

♪ This is all I ever wanted ♪

♪ Now I'm forever haunted ♪

♪ How could ♪ ♪ How could ♪

♪ Take all I ever had, all I ever knew ♪

♪ All I ever dreamed of came true ♪

♪ Known that you would ♪

♪ This is all I ever wanted ♪ So, Mr. Getz, how's my show?

♪ I'm forever haunted ♪ Genius.

I'm a genius.

Which Sofia are you gonna use?

You leave the directing to me, OK, Rog?

What about your Broadway friend, the one we're supposed to impress?

Victor Brady. He's already, uh, reserved his seats for opening night.

You leave the producing to me.

Forty Second Street Productions. Victor Brady, please.

What is this regarding? It's about the, uh...

I'm sorry, he's going to have to return.

♪ How could I have ♪

♪ Known that you would ♪

♪ This is all I ever wanted ♪

♪ Now I'm forever haunted ♪

♪ Must this be my sacrifice? ♪

♪ Look how she wants it ♪

♪ Look how she flaunts it ♪

♪ My dreams come true ♪

♪ But at what price? ♪

♪ Look at the woman she's trying to be ♪

♪ Look how she wants him ♪

♪ Look how he wants her ♪

♪ I will never let him steal her from me ♪

♪ Take all I ever had, all I ever knew ♪

♪ All I ever dreamed of came true ♪

♪ Now I'm forever haunted ♪

Not bad.

OK, people! See you tomorrow.

Check with David for your call times, OK?

Hey.

So, have you decided yet?

Artie, stop. I...

I want to. I just...

I'm waiting for the right night.

Like when the show gets picked up.

To Broadway.

And then we'll have something to celebrate.

Oh, sweetheart.

I was beginning to think that maybe you didn't have what it takes to be the lead.

Now I know for sure.

You don't.

Wait!


What?

Are you going to be mad if I go back to my bunk now?

Are you gonna be mad if I put Liz onstage tomorrow night?

Disgusting. Ugh.

No, but really, it's a tough call.

Screw you!

I'll lock up! Psh.

Cam?

Cam, is that you?

Cam?

Artieeeeee.

Is that you?

Artieeeeee.


Ah!

Break a leg! Ahhh!

♪ Hallelujah ♪


Yeahhhhhhh!


There has been an accident. I heard a light fell on him.

Cam. Camilla.

I heard his foot was ripped off.

What happened?

Bunk 8 campers found Artie Getz in pieces on the stage this morning.

Roger's calling it an accident, but Sam's costume is missing.

Cam, do you think this is connected to your mom?

What?

Maybe this show is cursed.

McCall tries to produce this 10 years ago and his starlet is killed on opening night.

He tries again, and the director gets killed.

Maybe there's somebody out there that really doesn't want him to put on this play.

Like I said before, the sheriff is on his way.

I can make you this promise: that whatever that accident was, it will not occur again.

Hey.

You OK?

I told you not to get involved with their crowd in the first place. What does that have to do with anything?

Nothing! I'm just saying, this summer, ever since you decided to be in their show...

I just thought I should try it.

I think about Mom a lot, and when I got my chance and I was up there, singing her songs, for the first time in my life I thought, "Maybe this is what I'm supposed to do".

I don't expect you to know what I'm talking about.

I do.

I saw you rehearse.

You were good.

You think so?

Yeah.

Really good.

Right now I just want to leave.

This camp, the play, everything.

So let's go.

No. No, no, no. David, control them.

I gotta call the sheriff. I gotta call the sheriff!

Fuck. Fuck!

Ah! Oh.

Center Stage. Roger McCall, please.

Who am I speaking with?

Victor Brady, 42nd Street Productions. Who am I speaking with?

Oh, Mr. Brady. This is Roger McCall. Thank you so much.

I don't know if you remember me or not...

Yes, I do recall.

So, tell me about this showcase you have planned.

We're reviving Haunting.

It is set in feudal Japan, it is kabuki...

Did you say kabuki?

Uh...

Oh, that's a riot.

Yes, sir, what a riot!

But, sir, you'll be blown away by this cast.

I need to talk to you.

Is that so? Who's your Sofia?

I mean, I hate to stoke the fires, but...

I always felt that if Kylie Swanson hadn't been killed that night, the show would've run a lot longer than it did.

Of course.

I agree.

But we have the perfect successor: her daughter, Camilla.

Tonight at eight?

My assistant has the address?

Yes, sir. Of course, sir. See you then.

Camilla, I think you need to get some rest before your big performance tonight.

Buddy and I are moving out.

Do you know who was on that phone?

That was Victor Brady, 42nd Street Productions, and he's coming tonight to see you.

Well, he's just gonna have to see Liz instead.

I know you're still shaken about the accident...

No, it's not that. I just...

I've just realized that this whole thing is not for me.

Camilla, what about everything you've worked so hard on?

What about Artie?

What about him?

He wanted you to play Sofia.

He always did. He told me so.

No, he didn't.

He did.

He told me... he'd seen you transform on that stage as if you were meant to be Sofia.

But, of course... you get it from your mother.

Take tonight.

Give Sofia one last chance.

I'm calling my mom back!

No, no, please. No, no, no, no.

If I don't call my dad, he is going to kill me!

Get them down and get them to shut up. Quiet!

Quiet!

Thank you.

So, is Limelight cancelled?

You have a decision to make: if you go in and use that phone, the show's over, camp's over, and you go home... to your parents.

Unless!

Unless we wait.

One day.

Just one more day.

And we do the show, as planned, tonight.

But... isn't it wrong to sing and dance when someone just died? Yeah.

Isn't that illegal? What about the sheriff?

Do you remember the first time you ever saw a musical play?

Do you remember the first time that you ever got swept away?

No matter what bad stuff happened that day, when that show was over, you probably felt OK.

That's why theatre has been around so long.

That's why we need musical songs.

♪ Sing a song, sing a song when you're in pain ♪

♪ Musicals help you feel high once again ♪

♪ Sing a song when things are wrong, don't you fret ♪

♪ Melody's the remedy to help you forget ♪

♪ From the ancient Greek stage to today's modern age ♪

♪ Musicals mute out the wars that we wage ♪

♪ When they made gunpowder, we just sung louder ♪

♪ From Gilbert & Sullivan to Rodgers & Hammerstein ♪

♪ Show tunes have shown up to drown out the battle cries ♪

♪ And when the terrorists get suicidal, we'll ♪

♪ Be just fine 'cause we have our own bible ♪

♪ We'll dig up our archives and find a revival ♪

♪ We'll always need singing and dancing ♪

♪ And whether it's Kander and Ebb or Andrew Lloyd Webber ♪

♪ These musical treasures will help us to weather

♪ The horrors of war, the more that goes wrong ♪

♪ The more that we need for the show to carry on ♪

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting tonight's leading lady, Camilla Swanson!

♪ When the enemy's on its way ♪

♪ The show must carry on ♪

♪ When they yell, "Bombs away!" ♪

♪ The show must carry on ♪

♪ We lose soldiers every day, what's a camper from the play? ♪

♪ The show must carry on! ♪

♪ When we made the decision to follow our ambition ♪

♪ And come to Center Stage for dance and song ♪

♪ We knew there'd be obstructions ♪

♪ Those are part of all productions ♪

♪ Still the show must carry on! ♪

♪ When we made the decision ♪

♪ To follow our ambition ♪

♪ We knew there'd be obstructions ♪

♪ Those are part of all productions ♪

♪ Still the show must carry on! ♪

♪ Shut your fucking face ♪

♪ Your musicals are full of shit ♪

♪ Every single day ♪

♪ You people make me sick ♪

♪ You sound so lame, stuck inside your stupid dream ♪

♪ You don't know pain ♪

♪ Now I'm gonna make you scream! ♪

♪ You're gonna fucking scream! ♪

♪ Shut your fucking face ♪ ♪ Sing a song ♪

♪ Your musicals are full of shit ♪

♪ Every single day you people make me sick ♪

♪ And the show must carry on ♪ ♪ Your musicals are full of shit! ♪

♪ Every single day ♪

♪ You people make me sick! ♪

♪ Tonight! Tonight! Opening night ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

You sure about this?

I'm still gonna move out with you... don't worry.

Is the prima donna ready?

I found ginger and lemon, but no honey.

Oh, I got us covered. Come on.

Where's the stage manager? Right here, sir.

This is a real opportunity for you to step it up.

We're all counting on you.

You take this show all the way to the curtain call, got it?

You got it.


David Martin to Joel.

Where are you, Joel?

Joel?

I wanna make sure you know how to be your best, so: throat coat. Performers' secret.

Before all your big solos, for sure.

Honey. Just eat the whole thing. Mmm.

Hey! You can't do the show tonight.

Get out, Joel, we're warming up.

Cam, come on, you have to listen to me OK?

There is a killer at this camp.

Zeeeaaaayyyyy, ahhhh... Would you shut up?!

You're not listening.

Artie was killed.

Get out, Joel.

Warming up is, like, really important!

Now, my vocal coach taught me this trick. You steam up the whole room, and then you can come in here at any point in the show and just, like, moisten your vocal cords.

Joel?

Last call for Joel Hopton. Is anyone using these things?

Hello?

Nice!

Oh, awesome work, Whitney. It's good as new. OK, you can't be here during the show.

I have a quick-change and I need this area clear.

So, just do your janitor thing somewhere else, all right?

OK, you're being really creepy.


So... haven't heard from you in a while.

What's been happening at camp this summer?

Tell me something.

Places, people. Places!

Ready to be scary and fabulous?

Fabulous.

Places! Places, people!

Excuse me.

Oh, Mr. Brady.

Mr. Brady, so glad you could make it.

Thank you for having me. Follow me.

Again, thanks for coming.

Thank you. Thank you. Enjoy, enjoy!

Maestro to the pit, Maestro to the pit.

You gotta talk to me sometime. Shh.


♪ We work, we slave, preparing for opening night ♪

♪ Rehearse all day, it all must be perfectly right ♪

♪ 'Cause Teatro Firenze is the greatest of opera stages ♪

♪ They spare no expenses ♪

♪ Except for our wages ♪

♪ The Ghost of the Opera! ♪

♪ He nearly killed me! ♪

♪ Behold! ♪

♪ Do you not hear what I say? ♪

♪ Sofia will star in the play ♪

♪ All will obey my instructions ♪

♪ Or fall prey to repercussions ♪

♪ Yah pum da pim de pom, yah pum da pim de pie ♪

♪ Hiyah! ♪

See? You nailed it!


♪ My master summons me ♪

♪ To dine with him tonight ♪

♪ He plans to ask my hand in marriage ♪

♪ And he has every right ♪

♪ He's given me everything ♪

♪ He's given me oh so very much ♪

♪ But when I think of who I truly love ♪

♪ I'm reminded of the touch of Alfonso ♪

♪ So tender, so strong, so Alfonso ♪

♪ I pretend not to long for Alfonso ♪


♪ The touch of Alfonso ♪

♪ So tender, so strong, so Alfonso ♪

♪ I pretend not to long for Alfonso ♪

♪ Though I know what's best ♪

♪ I need the caress ♪

♪ Of Alfonso ♪

Whitney? This is a quick- change for me, remember?

Ah, still can't see very well in this thing.

Ah, thanks. Hey, did you hear the crowd out there?

They were, like, all over me. You know, David said that I...

Jeez. Whitney, that thing is so wrong.

Nailed it!

How's that for a quick change?

♪ Alfonso! ♪

♪ Pressed on his chest, he's undressing my dress ♪

♪ With his breath on my breasts ♪

♪ It's Alfonso ♪

♪ But it's not meant to be my destiny ♪

♪ Master, you may take me now ♪

♪ Take me now! ♪ Sam Brownstein to the stage.

I need Sam Brownstein to the stage, now!


Maestro.

Maestro!

Play something!

Play anything!


Sam!

Sam, where are you?

It's our scene.

Whitney? Hello?

Help!

Camilla?

Where are you?

There's a killer in the theatre.

There's a killer in the theatre.

Camilla, where are you?

I need you to the stage now!

There's a killer in the theatre!

Yes, that is your line. Now go say it onstage!


You have to stop the show. No!


I gotcha.

Sam, what the hell are you doing?

Ahh! Let me help you warm up!

♪ Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Da, da, da! Da-da-da ♪


Ah!


♪ You tried to run, but you never could hide ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ There's no escape now, it's a knife for an eye ♪

♪ Hey, where you going, fat man? Give you some slack ♪

♪ But you know I'll just pull you right back, man ♪

♪ You've gone too far, you never learn ♪

♪ You pushed me past the point of no return ♪ Come here!

♪ Dum-dum, duh-de-dum-dum, duh- de-dum-dum, duh-de-dum-dum-dum ♪

♪ Dum-dum, duh-de-dum-dum, duh- de-dum-dum, duh-de-dum-dum-dum ♪

♪ Dum-dum, de-de-dum-dum, duh- de-um-dum, dum-dum-dum-dum-dum ♪ Sit down!

Ugh!

♪ Dum-dum, duh-de-dum-dum, duh- de-dum-dum, duh-de-dum-dum-dum ♪

♪ Yeahhhhhhh! ♪

♪ Yeah! Yeah! ♪

Stop!


Get out of here!

It's me! It's Cam.

I tried to keep you out of it, Cam.

But you wouldn't listen.

It's OK.

"It's gonna be great! You'll see."

You wanted to do the show.

Well, this is the show!

Buddy.

Buddy, stop!

Buddy! Buddy, stop!

Buddy.

Buddy, please stop it!

He killed Mommy. Did you know that?

Camilla, don't listen to him! Why would I do such a thing?

Because she was cheating on you!

Guess who finally made it tonight.

The Times?

Lawrence Gibbs is absolutely in love with you.

How do you know?

Just spoke with him.

Congratulations, Mr. Producer.

Ah, Camilla, that's... not... true.

It's true. Yeah, it's true.

You went onto the stage, but I saw what you did!

Oh. Ah.

Larry, we can't.

He was just here; he's gonna catch us.

I already caught you.

Roger?

Shhhh.

Camilla, he's lying! Stop him!

How could you never tell me... this whole time?

I was scared. You shouldn't be here, Buddy.

I told you not to come in here, but you didn't listen and your mother had an accident because you didn't listen!

Shh!

It's OK. It's OK.

I'll take care of it.

I'll clean it all.

Shh!

You behave!

I was scared this whole time.

Then good old Rog comes in and announces the revival.

And you wanted to dress up and be just like Mommy, didn't you?

Well, me too!

I even got myself a costume.

That's when I realized it was my fault.

Right, Rog?

I'm always making a mess.

Well, guess what, Rog?

I made a mess.

I made a big mess tonight!

Just for you! Ha! Ha! Ha! Buddy!

Ah!


What else could I...

I gave you a...

Buddy! Stop...

Ugh!


No!

Buddy!

I'll clean this up. I'll clean this up.

No!

Someone help me!

Help! Somebody!


Someone help me!

Is it over? Come on, let's go.

Liz Silver?

Ew! Oh.

You just needed to be in the show, didn't you?

Well, go ahead, then. Sing.

Sing the damn aria!

Do it!

♪ Must this be my sacrifice? ♪ It's still going on. Oh, there's more.

♪ My dream come true ♪ Get on! Sing louder!

♪ This is all I ever wanted ♪

♪ Now I'm forever haunted ♪

♪ This is all I ever wanted ♪

♪ Now I'm forever haunted ♪ Ah. Ah!

Help!

Help! Help me!

♪ Ever wanted ♪

♪ Known that you would ♪

♪ Take all I ever had, all I ever knew ♪

♪ All I ever dreamed of came true ♪

Now, now, now, now, now, now.

Everything's OK. There. You OK?

You OK? You OK now?

You OK now? Yeah.

Ahhhhh.

That a girl.

There you go. There you go.

Oh-ho-ho. Oh, Cammy, don't be silly. Put that down. No!

Put that down. I'm not gonna hurt my little star.

I'm not gonna hurt my sweet little Broadway star.

No!

My Sofia.

You give me that.

Why won't you give me that?

You are just like your goddamn mother!

Ha! Ha! Haaaaaa!

♪ Known that you would ♪

♪ Take all I ever had, all I ever knew ♪

♪ All I ever dreamed of came true ♪ Bitch. ♪ Now I'm forever haunted ♪


Oh!

It's genius!

Wooo!


We are here for the opening night of the Broadway revival of The Haunting of the Opera and curtain is about to go up.

Now, it's been a year since the Center Stage massacre.

What can you tell us?

Well, it's like I've said to Camilla since day one: you can't change the past.

As much as you may want to, you can't.

But what you can do, to move forward, is to do just this: a musical.

And if you don't do it, someone else will.

Knock, knock!

Hey guess what?

The Times showed up, and the President of the NYDCC.

Hey. You all right?

I'll be fine.

Atta girl.

Don't forget, the party's tonight, OK?

We're gonna celebrate.

Sweetheart, you're gonna be great. I know it.


Places!

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Dum-dum, duh-de-dum-dum, duh- de-dum-dum, duh-de-dum-dum-dum ♪

♪ Dum-dum, duh-de-dum-dum, duh- de-dum-dum, duh-de-dum-dum-dum ♪

♪ Dum-dum, duh-de-dum-dum, duh- de-dum-dum, duh-de-dum-dum-dum ♪

♪ Dum-dum, duh-de-dum-dum, duh-de-oh! ♪

♪ I'm gay, I'm gay, but not in that way ♪

♪ Musicals move me and touch me in ways I can't say ♪

♪ He's gay but not in that way ♪

♪ I sleep with women but musicals make me feel gay ♪

♪ We're gay, we're all kinds of gay ♪

♪ Write gay music for bedrooms and musical plays ♪

♪ All of life's a song to sing ♪

♪ So sing with all your heart ♪

♪ All of life's a song to sing ♪

♪ So sing with all your heart ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ When the enemy's on his way ♪

♪ The show must carry on ♪

♪ When they yell, "Bombs away!" ♪

♪ The show must carry on ♪

♪ We lose soldiers every day, what's a camper from the play? ♪

♪ The show must carry on! ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na-na, na-na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ The show must carry on ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ Thank you for watching the credits ♪

♪ Thank you for staying this long ♪

♪ Now you can turn on your phone and go back to your... ♪

♪ Wait, are you already home? ♪

♪ How are you seeing this movie? ♪

♪ How are you hearing this sound? ♪

♪ I hope you're not pirating, pirating movies is stealing ♪

♪ And stealing is wrong, it's just wrong ♪

♪ But it feels so right ♪

♪ I'm gonna pirate so much hardcore shit tonight ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a pirate ♪

♪ Pirate ♪