[Beeping, vehicle engine running]
[Air brakes hiss]
[Glass clinks, metal thuds]
[ Footsteps ]
-[ Farts ] -[ Gasps ]
HOBO: Shit! MAN: Drop that bottle!
[ Rapid footsteps]
Give me that bottle back!
You son of a bitch!
That's my bottle! HOBO: Come on, Ray.
RAY: Come back here! HOBO: You can do better than that.
RAY: I'll kill you, you little bastard! HOBO: Come on.
HOBO: [Laughs] RAY: I'll get you.
HOBO: [Continues laughing]
RAY: I'll kill you. HOBO: Chomp on this, chump.
[Vehicle horn honks]
Son of a bitch! Come back here, you little bastard!
Give me that goddamn -- Hey!
GRAY-HAIRED MAN: [Laughs] You owe Bronson.
HOBO: Asshole. Ha ha! - I'll kick your ass if I get you!
BROWN-HAIRED MAN: [Laughs]
-[ Farts ] You little piece of shit, ya.
What the fuck?!
GRAY-HAIRED MAN: [Laughs]
Now where you gonna run, you stinking little dirt bag?
Give my money. Look, guys, it's not my fault.
You got collision, right?
I want my money now!
Now I want my money.
[Siren wailing continues]
-[ Glass shatters] Get out of there!
Get back. WOMAN: [Screaming]
Oh, shit, the building's on fire.
Look at -- It is! Look.
WOMAN: Oh, my God! Aah!
Shit! WOMAN: [Continues screaming]
Fire! Fire! Building's on fire!
WOMAN: Aah! Don't take anything!
Just run for it! Go! Go!
MAN IN BLUE SHIRT: Look! There he is!
GRAY-HAIRED MAN: Where's my goddamn money?!
Bronson wants his money right now!
I'm sorry to re-- tell you, but they took my money this afternoon while I was collecting it.
It's those damn kids from the collision yard.
They grabbed me, took my money, then ran away.
WOMAN: [Whimpers] - I'll rip the liver out of his ass!
You take the northern quarter, and you find that infiltrating son of a bitch!
Ride 'im, baby.
Filthy down here, just like upstairs.
Nothing of value whatsoever. Just a bunch of crap.
[Grunts, glass clinks]
Look at this. Oh.
This is a goddamn mess.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
This stuff is about 60 years old.
Get a buck a bottle for that easily.
Can't wait to see my elegant clientele start drooling over this rotgut.
You're a nice guy.
ED: Hey, Fred. Early bird gets the worm, huh?
Ah, you just want my one-eyed wonder worm, Eddie.
ED: That one-eyed wonder worm has been dead for 20 years.
Yeah. How's your daughter? ED: Ah, you'll never know.
Place looks cleaner than usual. ED: Yeah, I swept it out once.
Ah. So, what you got for me today?
Today? Tenafly Viper. One buck.
Buck? Not bad.
I thought you Jews usually try to make more money than that.
Oh, you fuckin' bastard. [ Chuckles ]
Hey, Steve. Steve, watch out for that, will ya?
Hey! Oh, Christ.
Every time you come into this fuckin' place, you wreck it.
FRED: Gotta go, Ed. ED: Hey, Fred, what about the wine?
FRED: Eh, forgot my wallet.
Your clientele really is getting quite shabby.
ED: Hey, come on. Get -- Get up!
Come on. Get up.
Right near the good stuff. Get up!
[Vehicle engine idling, indistinct talking]
WOMAN: I don't want you near my fucking car!
Get out of here!
Asshole, get off of my car! All of you!
Clean. Look at the window. It's clean.
No, I don't want you to spit on it. Get away!
Shit! Get away!
Honey, hurry up. Let's make the light.
You know how much I hate this neighborhood.
Honey, here comes one.
Oh, look! Look what he's doing to the car.
Don't worry about it.
Everyone's got to make a living, you know.
MAN: Oh, give that up, will ya? I'm only gonna...
Hi, how you doing there? Vet, huh?
He's touching the car.
Look, I'll handle it. It's okay, all right?
WOMAN: Look what he's doing to the car!
MAN: Let me take care of it. WOMAN: He's touching the car!
-[ Engine revs] MAN: Let me handle it, okay?
Look what he's doing to the car.
How you doing?
You know, I'm a G3 at Fort Swansworth on weekends.
[Whispering] Get him away from the car.
You know, and they -- they let me shoot one of those M12 machine guns.
You know, those ones you guys had in 'Nam?
Can you get this spot here? Get him away from the car!
Just this spot -- BRONSON: Make up your fuckin' mind!
BRONSON: Weekend warrior.
Oh, shit, that's fuckin' Bronson over there, man.
Hey, where are you going? What about this?
FRED: Hey, Paulie. PAULIE: [Groans]
Sorry about this morning, man, but your money's gone.
Lost it in a garbage scoop.
PAULIE: If you hadn't got it, Wizzy and Bronson would have got it.
FRED: Why don't you get a death squad to wipe out Bronson?
I just saw my son, you know.
Is that right?
I hate to see him pissing his life away on them goddamn computers.
[Chuckles] He wouldn't even buy me a drink!
Told you before, man, those computer guys are all junkies.
[Clears throat ] Ah, Freddie, I -- I need your advice.
Uh, I, uh, I haven't had a decent bowel movement in a month.
That's probably why your breath stinks so fuckin' bad, you walking AIDS factory.
Here's what you do.
Get some fiber, mix it in with your hooch.
Raisins are good. Anything with raisins.
Drink that down, it'll clear you right out.
All right? Yeah.
Good idea, Freddie. Thank you. Thanks a lot.
I'm not kidding. PAULIE: I'll see ya.
[ Blows raspberry]
Where's the fuckin' money?
[Laughs ] You dopey prick.
-[ Laughing] FRED: [Groans]
[Vehicle door opens, closes]
WOMAN: [Growling softly]
[Bed springs squeak]
-[ Barks ] Freddie! Freddie!
I'm sorry. Must have been having a nightmare.
Yeah. I was.
I was about five years old, and -- and there were these two dogs on the front lawn, humping.
I would do whatever my brother Freddie said.
So, Freddie goes, "Run!" So I ran.
Next thing you know, the dogs are humping me.
[ Laughs ] Oh, how terrible.
Yeah, I can see how terrible you think it is.
Oh, no, really, I think it's terrible, but I -- I can't help laughing.
Funny thing is I still trust him.
WENDY: Well, how often does he do things like that?
Not too often. I guess that's why.
You had a house when you were little?
Yeah, with trees and grass and a real street you could play in.
So, what brought the two of you to this?
MAN: [over P.A. ] Wendy! Where the fuck's lunch?!
If 300 pounds of cellulite could talk, it's got to sound like that, right?
[ Smooches ]
MAN: [over P.A. ] Wendy! Where the fuck are you?!
[Car door closes]
What the fuck is this?!
I'm not paying you to babysit!
This must be some kind of feminist, motherly bullshit tactic!
[Vehicle engines running]
Her ass belongs in a seat in my fuckin' office, doin' work in my fuckin' business!
That's right, Mr. Schnizer, my ass belongs in a chair, not in your lap, which is where you keep trying to put it, which I don't appreciate one little bit.
Hey, I never force no woman to do nothing she wasn't dying to do in the first place.
But that ain't the problem here.
The problem is that nursery you got in my yard on my time!
They don't do nothing to you.
And what are you gonna do, have 'em dragged off by the police?
You wouldn't do something that lousy.
Don't change channels, honey, 'cause I'm gonna take this finger and put it on that dial and do it!
No, you're not, 'cause you can't afford to lose me right now.
I'm running the place.
You wouldn't know what to do without me.
Hey, you wouldn't walk out on no $150-a-week job.
Hey, Frank, I'd do better on unemployment.
Stay tuned, 'cause you're about to get your last good look at my ass as I walk out of here!
-[ Telephone ringing] SCHNIZER: Hey...
What's with you and those kids?
-[ Ringing continues] I feel sorry for 'em, that's all.
Don't you have a heart under there somewhere?
Why should I? They're all bums!
They'll be bums if someone don't care for 'em.
My two sons went to trade school -- one in restaurant management, the other is a custodial engineer at the IBM building, and they ain't bums, so how come?
Maybe they didn't have a father as wonderful as you.
Ha ha. Hey, Frank, isn't a custodian engineer a janitor?
Not at the IBM building, you asshole!
Shut the fuck up!
You want to be Florence Nightingale, you do it on your own time.
You want to come back on Sunday and read 'em bedtime stories, that's fine, but not now!
[Door opens, closes]
[ Footsteps approaching]
Freddie, you dead, boy? Wake up.
-[ Laughs] Ah, shit, Burt.
Get that fuckin' thing off, man.
Ain't good for the image, Fred.
You looked too goddamn comfortable.
People ain't gonna pity you no more.
Hell, I had to wake you up.
I don't know how I managed to look comfortable.
Fuckin' Wizzy planted his foot halfway up my ass.
Oh, well, he was just plantin' corn.
You get it? Corn! His foot...in your ass!
-[ Laughs] -[ Laughs sarcastically]
Oh, where your sense of humor, boy?
FRED: I lost it when Wizzy kicked me in the ass.
Aw, and he got my fuckin' bottle of Viper, man!
Wait, he didn't get it.
Paulie got it.
I hope he used it for mouthwash.
Maybe I can get another bottle.
Ed's a sucker.
They're on sale, too.
[Hinges creak, bell jingles]
Put another bottle aside for me a little later.
I put nothing aside for you.
You...You think I got it easy?
I think you got it cheap.
I ain't talkin' about the wine, pal. Not the wine.
Life! I'm talkin' about life!
What the hell are you talkin' about?
Just get your booze and get out of here.
HOBO: Wait a minute. I'm gonna tell you something.
And when I tell you, then you'll understand, and then you'll see that I'm right.
Sure, sure, sure. What are you talkin' about?
What are you talkin' about?
HOBO: You think I got it easy and you got it tough?
See, that's what you think.
You think that's what you think.
When you think right, then you'll understand, and when I tell you, then you're thinking, ain't gonna be so right.
Take your stuff, get out.
I think you're ready. I think the anvil's hot.
And I'm gonna tell it to you.
And when you know the truth, you're on your own, pal.
So tell me.
In 1965, I bet it all.
Everything I had.
It was a long shot, but there was nothing surer.
I bet everything!
My wife, my kids.
You're telling me.
I got married in this.
Ah, shit, pal!
Get a fuckin' job.
ED: Out. Out. Out!
HOBO: Who the fuck is running this place?
A real asshole. Asshole!
WOMAN: I told him not to go down that street!
Oh, God, he was just hanging there through the window in his bow tie!
There was -- There was just so much blood.
Hey, you. Come here.
You got ears, asshole?
You hang around that junkyard on the Queens border?
Yeah, I'm a member of the Flatbush Foot Brigade out on unofficial business.
Flatbush Foot Brigade?
We got a killin' here.
Somebody got iced, and it was probably your shithead boss who did it.
Did you see him?
No! You got to take my word! I really wasn't lookin'!
That ain't good enough. Aah!
I can't do a $5 investigation on 5 cents worth of shit.
But Bronson“ find out'.!
Hey, listen. Bronson don't scare me.
He's lower than dog shit.
You better get me something.
I'm gonna be here tomorrow, and I'm gonna be here the next day, and I...know...you.
Take a fuckin' drink once in a while. So what?
I got mugged, I got held up, I got beaten, I got thrown down a flight of fuckin' steps -- couldn't find a cop.
I spit on a sidewalk, the whole police department came down.
These fuckin' assholes.
Fuck those cops. Fuck them.
Why do they got to be a -- Who wants to be a cop?
Fuck it. I got my own place. A condominium.
Nobody bothers me here.
I don't bother nobody. They don't bother me.
Beautiful. Beautiful. Beauti----
Hey, pussy. Pussy, pussy, pussy.
Hey. Hiya, pal. -[ Lid unscrewing]
Hey, look what I got here.
One drink from this and fuck skim milk.
Here's to you, pussy. [Laughs]
[ Meows ]
[Groaning and retching]
[ Dog barking, cat meows]
[ Indistinct conversations]
HOBO: [Screaming and gurgling]
OFFICER: Holy shit!
OFFICER: Hey! Hey! Hold it. Hold it. Hey.
My God! Jack!
OFFICER: Give me some breathing room.
Get the fuck back.
Get backup and an ambulance.
Who saw it? I did. I--
OFFICER: Where did it happen? Two blocks down.
OFFICER: Stop crowding.
Officer, he's in tremendous pain. Can't you do something?
Lady, I can only save one person at a time.
Why? Because he's a male?
Did anybody throw anything?
No, it just suddenly happened. Suddenly --
MAN: [Groaning] Can I talk now?
Why don't you do something for this man and stop following the rules?
Lady, what's the difference between you and a tape recorder except that I can't shut...you...off?
You know, you're the type of cop that would use a traffic violation as a ruse to pull me over and rape me.
Baby, I ain't sure you don't got a cock.
Yo, man, you told that bitch, man.
BRONSON: Who's the man? Talk to me.
WOMAN: [Moaning ] Oh. Oh, yeah.
BRONSON: The only one, right? Yeah.
I'm the only one. Yeah.
That's right. You got that fuckin' right.
You got that right.
WOMAN: Give me a kiss. You'll see.
BRONSON: Get down there. Get down. Get down.
Yeah, come on, baby. Come on. Yeah, yeah.
Come on, show the troops what you're made of.
Come on, baby.
Now, that's it. -[ Moans ]
Give it to me. Come on. You're the king.
That's right. -[ Jet engines roaring]
WOMAN: I'm just a prisoner.
Come on. Yeah.
WOMAN: I want you to fuck me. Come on.
[Continues moaning] Come on.
[Whining] Kiss my mouth, baby. Come on.
You dirty bastard!
BRONSON: I'm number one, right?
-[ Glass shatters] Who's the king?
[Chuckles] You were hungry!
How much did Mario give ya?
YOUNG MAN: Five bucks.
WENDY: Really? That's not bad.
So, I notice you don't snore when you sleep.
YOUNG MAN: Is that unusual? WENDY: I think so.
Frank snores when he's awake.
Fat Frank. -[ Laughs]
You fucking asshole!
I know you just want to fuck that prissy-chick cunt!
You can't even fuck me anymore, you bastard!
Don't you ever...ever bitch at me in front of the men again!
Do you hear me?
I'll fart in your ugly face.
Bitch! -[ Groans ]
I used to make women like you parade around the village bare-pussy!
I don't know why you take as much shit as you do from her.
Get her out of here. Why is she here anyway?
[ Laughs, gagging]
She handles my business affairs.
I didn't know she meant that much to you.
So she ain't no bathing beauty.
She's better than most of the pussy running around here.
That's certainly true. [ Laughs ]
FRED: Hey, Wendy, stay away from my younger brother.
He don't need no upside-down pussy.
YOUNG MAN: Christ, Freddie.
FRED: It's just gonna confuse him.
Freddie, do you have to?
FRED: Somebody's got to look after you.
Yeah? Well, maybe I could look after myself.
Hey... Where the fuck did you get this?
Mario. I was helping him with a car before.
You know, he's a pretty cool dude, man.
Maybe he can get your ass a job.
Shit, no, man.
Uh, why don't I take, uh, three of these little scoots and, uh, run us up a good meal, huh?
[Chuckles] Good luck, Burt, but I don't know what you're gonna get us for three bucks.
Well, that's 'cause you boys haven't learned to shop frugal.
Which means he flips the butcher the three bucks to fillet an alley cat.
Just you watch, Fred. Tonight we gonna barbecue chicken.
I'll watch, but I don't think I'll want to eat it.
[Vehicle engine idling]
Can't deal with reality, Kevin.
I go all the way down the fuckin' block to steal a bottle from Ed, and then Paulie steals it from me.
Wizzy plants his foot halfway up my ass.
And I lose $3 in a goddamn garbage crusher.
My only thrill of the day was coppin' a cheap feel off some bimbo in a Spanish hotel.
[Groans ] Shit.
Sounds like fun, Fred.
How come you didn't ask me to go?
Nah, you're much better off staring up that gook whore's skirt all day.
I can tell you're upset, Fred, but I can't tell why.
No, you can't tell why!
'Cause you missed it when Dad came home from 'Nam so fucked up we couldn't even watch "Godzilla" movies without him screaming "Gook alert."
Dad really didn't let you watch "Godzilla“ movies?
You were doing the backstroke in his balls.
Don't you remember?
Ohh! MAN: And a bottle of cognac.
BURT: How the hell do they think somebody gonna come here and shop?
Shit, they got all these... [Muttering indistinctly]
Well, what you starin' at, bitch?
You're robbing the store, young man, and I'm telling the manager!
[ Scoffs ]
Yeah, you do that!
Old, wrinkled, honky motherfucker.
WOMAN: Oh, how dare you? Shit.
Tellin' on me.
Well, what she think this is, junior high?
Oh, hell, yeah. Shit.
Excuse me, sir.
Well, hey, what do you say, brother?
Uh, hey, look, uh, can you tell me when this here product expires?
I'd like to know what you're doing with all that chicken in your pants.
You heard me.
Well, yeah, I heard you, but I don't understand, because it's clear to me that what I'm doing is shoppin'.
MANAGER: This lady said that you were taking food out of the display cases and stuffing it down your pants, and that certainly seems to be the case to me.
Are you planning on paying for this food?
No, I ain't plannin' to pay for it, 'cause I already purchased it!
This is all dog food on this list, and that's chicken coming out of your pants.
Say what? Let me -- Let me see that.
[ Muzak playing]
I don't see no dog food.
That's what the abbreviations stand for.
Well, shit, that ain't my problem, brother.
Can't help it if your cashier see dog food for chicken.
Look, why don't you come with me?
And we'll get to the bottom of this situation.
Come with you?
What you mean?
Now, this old honky, skim milk, snitchy-ass motherfucker tell you somethin', and you say, "Come with me."
Now, you takin' her word over mine.
Now, that's discrimination.
Now, why don't you just pull down your pants so we can all see the lily-white paint on your Haitian black ass?
Look, either you come with me now or I get the security.
Hey, now you're talkin', bro.
I'm gonna report you to your superiors.
Fuckin' jelly-ass nigger take a senile granny bitch's word over mine.
Well, we gonna see what the gendarmes think of this.
Watch this one, now.
Whoo! WOMAN #2: Did you see that?
OFFICER: So, there's three now. Sounds like a serial killer.
This guy went straight down the toilet.
Don't have a cause of death, but I'll have it.
Maybe I'll get something for you.
What causes this shit? Could it be that fire jelly from 'Nam?
Nah, napalm don't work like this.
JIMMY: Hey, Bill.
JIMMY: How you doing?
What's up, Roman?
ROMAN: How are you? Good.
What the hell is going on here?
Man, what the hell is this shit?
BILL: You got the post.
Who do I talk to? I need a canary.
Well, this is the guy you can't talk to.
But the big guy is Bronson.
BILL: That name again. Yeah. He's the man.
BILL: Well, I guess I'm gonna have to get down to the inevitable --
Check out Mr. Bronson.
The guy is a psycho.
He was a hit man over in 'Nam, and he was selling dope over there, too.
Finally he was dishonorably discharged, Section 8.
He's got a -- got a knife made out of human femur bone.
Sounds like my kind of guy. JIMMY: [Chuckles]
BILL: I don't care what degree of scum he is, I want him.
Yeah, well, maybe we ought to pay him a visit.
You're a mind reader.
How about yesterday?
Well, I'm working pussy posse tonight, so...
Cut the crap, guys.
Look at my masterpiece.
[Groans] What the hell is that?
Jesus, Roman. Oh, man.
If it had a smile, it'd be a Mona Lisa.
That's a good point.
Well, normally the skels start terrorizing the street and we go in and kick ass, but Bronson, he's been keeping things real secret.
We haven't had any real complaints yet, so...we're stuck.
Tell you what.
You go in with me tomorrow, and I'll help you with your spiked heels tonight.
Maybe we'll get some shit from them.
All right. You're on.
Now, don't go in there by yourself.
I'm warning you, all right? You wait for me.
BRONSON: 17th parallel.
Rations are scarce.
Republic of Vietnam.
These boys were pinned down by a typewriter, a fucking firefight at the LZ...
[chuckles] and a goddamn fag wonderboy.
I, uh... bumped it in the day before.
BRONSON: [Speaks indistinctly] Up at Hon Gai.
The Air Force, the, uh...B-52, the dogfight.
Out of a hospital, man, with 300 doctors and patients.
It was a war atrocity!
It was a fucking war atrocity.
Civilians. Women and children!
WOMAN: [Continues humming]
BRONSON: The squad called on me.
Go to Bronson!"
I jumped into the bush.
Double-timed Charlie back with my flash suppressor running through the back of his skull.
[ Cackles ]
Slope shish kebab.
Out-fucking-standing chow, man!
BURT: Here, Fred. Slide some of this down them pearly gates.
Good for whatever ails you.
Protects you from tetanus, whooping cough, and VD.
FRED: I'm sorry, Dr. Burt, but I don't drink anything I can't identify.
What do you call this stuff, anyway?
KEVIN: Let me try some. Sneaky Pete.
My own personal stock.
That stuffs been aging for about five years.
Gulped that whiskey, son, since I was living on 7th and 48th.
Shit, now I remember where I seen that son of a bitch!
FRED: What son of a bitch? Who?
That big cop that's been hanging around here lately.
FRED: Oh, big guy, blond hair, looks like he escaped...
-...from Muscle Beach? KEVIN: Yeah.
Yeah. Hell, he must have busted me 50, 60 times at least.
You know, they had better food uptown.
So, how in the hell I end up here?
Hey, what the hell is he doing down here, is what I'd like to know.
Well, the way I get it, now, he got taken down about a year ago in one of them gunfights with some of them Rastafararians.
Now, from what I hear tell, they took him off the front line, sending him here.
Kind of a desk job, you know.
I get the feeling he don't take that too kindly, either.
Well, fuck him, Burt.
He tried to sweet-talk me this morning, but I smelled the bacon through his act.
[Sighs] Let's give this a try.
Just desperate enough to get a buzz off.
[ Up-tempo music plays on radio ]
[Spits] Jesus! Did you piss in this or something?
-[ Coughs ] Just a little.
Thin it out, you know. -[ Coughing]
BURT: Time to boogie off these gourmet vittles, boys.
Where'd he get that Walkman?
He subscribe to "Time" magazine or something?
BURT: Look out, James Brown!
[ Scoffs ] Jeez.
[ Whispering in Vietnamese ]
[ Metal scraping ]
[ Gunfire ]
[ Heart beating ]
[ Screeching and hissing ]
[ Whispering resumes ]
[ Hissing continues ]
WOMAN: [ Screaming ]
[ Gunfire ]
[ Beating continues ]
[ Gunfire continues ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Bombs falling ]
[ Explosions ]
[ Gunfire ]
Who was on watch?! Who had fucking watch?!
Who had fucking watch?! Who was on watch?!
Number fucking 11! General Order, number 11.
"To be especially watchful at night and during the time for challenging, to challenge all persons on or near my post..."
Hey, Ed, you in there?
[ Indistinct talking on radio ]
Nicky...I'm not feeling too good.
No kidding. WOMAN: Nicky.
Nicky, let's go home. I feel so horny.
Oh, don't get that on me.
I want you all the way in me. You do?
Say, I can't feel any underwear down there.
I could really get into that.
Nicky, I want you all the way in me, okay?
Oh, man, don't get your puke on me. -[ Coughing]
FRED: Right over there.
Oh, you like that, huh?
Let's get laid. Ooh, let's.
Yeah, let's. [Chuckles]
You like that stuff, huh?
Let's fuck now.
Nicky, let's not wait. Let's do it now.
Right here on the ground? Nicky, let's now.
Let's do it right now.
FRED: You know, I'd hate to start you bleeding on the street instead.
WOMAN: Nicky? [ Laughs]
It's all right. She had a bit too much of the good stuff.
Nicky thought I should take her home.
I want you all the way up in my womb, okay?
Nicky... FRED: Yeah?
WOMAN: Let's get laid.
[ Italian music playing ]
MAN: Get Duran.
Thanks a lot. Can you believe him?
What a loser!
Hey, Barbie and Ken...
[Scoffs ] Look at this cocksucker. He's eating chicken.
He's supposed to be watching the fucking door.
Hi, Mr. Duran. It's good to see you.
"How are you, Mr. Duran?"
Mr. Duran my ass.
Did you see somebody leave the alley with that lady I was with?
I didn't see anything. I just came out for some air, you know.
It was a little crowded inside. I came out, I saw some guy in there.
He was going through the garbage. Some...Some stink bomb, you know?
Real bad odor.
He was poking around. He was stinking up the place.
He smelled like my grandmother's hamper.
I didn't want to make the business bad for you here.
I wouldn't lie. I swear to God.
I swear to Joseph, Jesus, and Mary on the cross.
Why would I lie to you?
You know -- You know you're a big man around here.
You saw her with me a hundred fucking times.
Why didn't you come in and call me, you fucking imbecile?
You fucked up. You know that, don't you?
Take a walk. I'm sorry.
God bless you.
You're a real asshole.
[ Italian music continues ]
FRED: [Laughs] Look, the doorman.
FRED: He's so tired. He shouldn't be sleeping.
FRED: What do you want? Come on, baby. Just keep walking.
WOMAN: What's that? -[ Fire crackling]
Let's go play, Nicky! Let's go. Okay.
He's got a girl with him!
FRED: Would you like that?
Nicky, look at all the cars!
So many cars! [ Chuckles ]
Is this your brother's dealership?
Sure is. Anything you wanton the lot is yours.
Let's take one. Let's -- Let's take all of them.
This is fun, Nicky.
WOMAN: [Speaking indistinctly]
Oh, okay, okay, okay. Where are we? [Laughs]
Uh, we're gonna get into some vaginal products.
WOMAN: Nicky, come on!
[Chuckles] Come here.
What'? Come here!
[ Indistinct conversations]
WOMAN: Whoa! [Laughs]
Kiss. I want a kiss. No.
Yes. N o.
I want a kiss. Ow.
-[ Laughs] Sorry. That's all right.
Okay, then, let's fuck if we can't kiss.
Yeah, let's fuck. Yes!
Wait, I want to kiss you.
FRED: No, stop. Come here.
Freddie, what the hell are you doing?
Get out of here!
This isn't any place for a boy.
Get out of here, you fucking little voyeur.
WOMAN: Some kiss! KEVIN: Very tactful.
Wait. Close the door!
WOMAN: I like to do it like, first start by 69, and then --
FRED: 69? I can't count that high.
WOMAN: And then -- How about 68?
You blow me, and I owe you one.
And then -- Whoa.
Come on, come on.
Were you born stupid or did you study?
I like it when you do that rough stuff.
Like, a total turn-on.
WIZZY: Ah! Whoo!
Holy! Get back in the saddle.
Shut up, baby. You love it and you know it.
Oh! FRED: Yeah!
-[ Laughs] Oh, man!
The bed fell!
No fucking kidding.
The bed fell.
Get the fuck away from me.
FRED: I got mine. You get yours. Okay, kiss now.
-[ Laughs] -[ Crowd shouting indistinctly]
WIZZY: Let's rip this thing to the ground!
WOMAN: Okay. Again.
[Sobs ] Stop! Stop!
Nicky! No! No! Stop!
You're hurting me! Stop!
MAN: Save some for me, boys!
Leave me alone!
[Laughs] Let's hit him up!
Let's hit him up! Why, you -- Get out of here!
Hey! Hey, hey, hey! This guy's fighting back!
Throw a little gas on your ass, asshole!
How do you like fire, pops?
Hey, man, do you know how to spell scum?
Yeah, gasoline will make you clean, asshole.
We got to go, man!
Ya lousy fucking hippies!
[Dog barking, indistinct talking]
They tried to kill me, old man.
What are you guys doing?
God Almighty, this is beautiful.
Man, I must be in heaven.
WOMAN: Who let the cockroach in here?!
Get him out of here. WIZZY: No problem, ladies.
I haven't showered in a couple of months.
[All shouting indistinctly]
Get this smelly motherfucker from under my nose!
Who do you want, William B. Williams, lady?
Billy Dee Williams, asshole!
Billy Dee Williams.
Jimmy, why don't you take this piece of shit to your place, huh?
Jeez. WOMAN: Yeah, get him out of here!
Get him out of here!
JIMMY: Why don't you dream about your next blow job, huh?
BILL: You shut the hell up.
Shut the fuck up!
If you can come up with the money, honey, I'll throw the nose clips in for nothing.
If that's the case, I'll take it out of my next paycheck.
Show me what you got, honey.
I got -- I got my prized life's possessions here.
Could be for us...us.
Picked up a couple of your buddies. They were in terrible shape.
What about it?
They were fucking melted.
Melted? [ Laughs]
Melted! Hey, I think this guy needs a shower.
Shower, yeah. He's gonna give me a shower.
I need some information.
Okay, what do you need?
What do you need? I'll tell you whatever you want.
Oh, you know the man.
Bronson. I don't want any showers. I don't want to know any of this shit.
Now just leave me alone!
He's pissin'! -[ Women scream]
What do you think this is, a piss house on wheels?
Shower. WIZZY: No!
Not a shower!
[Vehicle engine running]
WENDY: Mr. Schnizer, get off of me!
SCHNIZER: Oh, come on. Give me a kiss.
Jesus Christ. What am I, poison?
No, you're dead weight!
Now get off of me before my tits come out my back!
Oh, I can't stand it!
I'm reporting you to the Better Business Bureau!
This is rape!
SCHNIZER: Rape? [Shouts indistinctly]
SCHNIZER: Oh, come on. WENDY: Get off of me!
And I'll give you a $5 bonus.
$5? Is that all you think I'm worth?!
WENDY: [Screams] SCHNIZER: [ Laughing, growling]
Schnizer, get the hell off of me!
Hey, don't drop dead on me!
-[ Telephone rings] They'll never find me!
Oh, God, please don't stop. [ Grunts ]
Well, if you don't want me to stop, I won't stop.
Oh, you fuck! You miserable, lousy fuck!
How do you know? We ain't even done it yet.
Oh, you scared the shit out of me!
I thought you had a heart attack and I was stuck here!
[Chuckles] Well, you could have chewed your way out.
-[ Laughs] -[ Screams]
Oh, stop it.
Ow! What'd you do that for?
To get you off of me, you pig!
Hey, I was only wanting to do a little dictation.
Mr. Schnizer, I'm warning you. Stay away.
Hey, well, you was laughin'. How about a 10-buck raise?
Take a shower! Walk your dog!
What the fuck is this, anyway?
I'm runnin' a salvage yard, not a day-care center.
I got a million-dollar operation here.
She's playing patty-cake with some underage jerks.
Don't do that!
Who the fuck are you?
Get out of my yard, you bum!
I don't need this.
I already got trouble with my kids, my wife, my business, my secretary, the bums, the runaways, the roaches, prickly heat, and a homo dog.
This just ain't my day.
♪ If I could be with you ♪
♪ One hour tonight ♪
♪ If I was free to do ♪
♪ The things I might ♪
♪ Yabba-dabba-doo ♪
Scare, bad, bad. Scare, boy.
Come on. [Screams]
[ Growls ]
BRONSON: Dead end, dirtbag.
-[ Screams] Not gonna get away this time.
You owe me money, sucka!
[ Scoffs ]
[ Growls ]
-[ Chuckles] -[ Growls]
Huh? -[ Gasps ]
Useless ass shit!
-[ Whimpering] BRONSON: Here. Suck on this.
MAN: Toss the dick!
INJURED MAN: Holy fucking shit!
Give me back my property!
Oh, no! No! MAN #2: There she goes!
For God's sakes, get it on ice!
Get the fuckin' thing on ice!
Over here. Over here.
[ Screams, sobs]
MAN #3: Ah, shit!
Shit! Take it to the free clinic on 4th Street and --
[Continues laughing, stops]
INJURED MAN: [Screaming]
I got it! I got it!
No fuckin' way!
WOMAN: Yeah, Frank?
I'm in fuckin' jail.
I need some money. You got to come and get me now.
And I'm not making any money in here.
YOUNG MAN: Get off my goddamn arms, you fuckin' porkers!
Get him the fuck out of here right now!
YOUNG MAN: Get off me, you stupid dicks!
Anything new on the burn victim?
Nope, but we found a floater in a collision-yard creek.
Female, brunette, Caucasian.
She belong there? Not from the manicure.
Looks like it's Nick Duran's girlfriend.
That's all we need now.
Who found her? -It's on the chart.
Hey, come on. I read like old people fuck.
The doorman saw a young bearded derelict taking her away.
Who lD'ed her?
Duran. He's in there now.
Yeah, keep starin' at me, kid.
This fuckin' guy wasn't here with a gun, you know how long you'd last?
[ Chuckles ] Not two seconds you wouldn't last.
What a fuckin' mistake, the day I hired this rat.
I should have killed you that day. I knew you were no fuckin' good.
How are you? How am I?
Yeah, what do you want?
I'm Bill James, and it went down in my district.
Look, man, I know it's a terrible thing, and my heart bleeds for you, but don't take it out on the street.
Let me do my job.
Hey, what are you talkin' about? I'm not a violent guy.
You know me. I wouldn't do nothing like that.
DOORMAN: [Chuckles] Don't listen to him.
Yesterday, him and a cook were waiting for me to get off of work.
They were gonna make me tomorrow's veal chops.
You know what I mean? Look at this fuckin' rat.
He's got diarrhea of the mouth again.
Hey, listen. I always kept my mouth shut.
I don't want no trouble.
The time you put car wax on a roast duck 'cause you ran out of glaze?
Cigarette butts in the stew?
Health hazards? You know what I'm talking about?
I never said nothing. But last night, that's it.
I hurt my arm on the door.
Let me tell you something. You see this fuckin' rat?
On account of him, my girl is dead.
You know where he was when my girl got murdered?
When that degenerate dirtbag took her out of the alleyway and killed her?
The only fuckin' thing I ever loved in my life, and now she's gone on account of this stool pigeon.
DOORMAN: Yeah, you love her, huh?
How come she was in the alley for 20 minutes throwing up?
The stink of vomit's what attracted the wino --
BILL: Calm down. Fuckin' rat. I'd like to choke you.
I'm gonna say this again.
Hey, don't point your fuckin' hand in my face.
I'm gonna say this again! Take a walk.
And not so nice! Say what you want to say.
Don't step on my toes. Is that clear?
Yeah. It's clear.
DOORMAN: Hey, Duran. You wrinkled my collar.
Mm-hmm. Some 'gob.
I should have known better than to get involved with Italians.
Everybody's a hotheaded gangster. Everybody's Mr. Mafia.
Ha, the don. The don of douche bags. That's what you are.
BILL: Hey, kid. - I'll tell you something, Nick.
"Nick the dick" -- That's what they call you behind your back, you know.
Hey, kid. You and your restaurant.
Your stinkin' restaurant.
He thinks he's in the mafia. Wears white shoes, right?
Hey, kid. Thinks he's a big shot.
Hey, kid. Huh?
What are you trying to do? I can't protect you 24 hours a day.
No, they got a witness protection program where you enroll and...
No, it's like I -- I turn in evidence for you.
You know what I mean?
Hold on to Duran as long as you can.
What is it, a federal thing or something or...
Is it federal?
You're a fuckin' dead man, you fuckin' rat.
Do you know what a fuckin' dead man is?
That's what you are -- a fuckin' dead man.
Well, I'll tell you something.
I'd rather be dead than wear this fuckin' monkey suit.
I look like Bullwinkle.
Your wish is gonna come true.
Don't worry about it. Yeah?
My mother weeps when I go home 'cause I work for you.
I hope she's got a black dress, 'cause she's gonna need it.
Think you can do two things at once?
I think so. Yeah.
Well, say your prayers now.
'Cause I got a little present for you.
From the guy whose girl you stole last night.
FRED: Fuck you, douche bag!
Hey, the hit's on for the broad-in-the-creek's killer.
No fucking kidding!
You have a permit for that?
Wouldn't you rather die in combat than rot in jail?
Fuck it. Why not?
-[ Grunts] -[ Groans]
HIT MAN: [Groans]
[ Retches ]
BILL: Keep your hands off the local talent, kid.
You're in trouble as it is.
We'll go drinkin'.
Who was that guy?
Is this about the dead girl?
Hey, what the fuck's going on?!
There were layers of semen inside her body.
It was the scum from the junkyard.
But we'll be back tonight to clean them out.
Hey, can you tell whose semen is whose?
Yeah, but they won't.
But the third from the last had syphilis.
Well, if, uh, I can do anything, Officer, you let me know.
Come down by the station in about an hour.
Bring your yardmen. We'll take statements then.
BRONSON: [Laughing in the distance]
[Car engine turns over]
What the fuck do you want?
Thanks for complying with the law.
Here's a reward for you.
That's what's left of your messenger boy.
Let me tell you something, asshole.
You fucked up this time. You're out of your league.
That's right, you, asshole. You're out of your league.
You should have never got involved in this.
You understand what I'm telling you?
Maybe you made your last mistake.
Let's get this shit over right...
Hey, let's get out of here. Come on. Drive the fuckin' car.
KEVIN: Come on, man, who was it?
Oh, nothing, just the Good Humor man.
Wanted to know if I wanted a Fudgsicle Twist.
Hey, what the fuck do you care what I do on my time?
I care. I'm your brother. All right?
Kevin, your purpose in life isn't taking care of me, all right?
I have enough problems without having to put up with your prepubescent, crybaby fits!
So, why don't you buy a subscription to "Nippon Knots" magazine and get the fuck off my back?!
That's another thing, Freddie. Why don't you lay the fuck off her?
You talk about wanting a roof over your head.
You get caught fucking Schnizer's babe, and we're both gonna be out of here!
I know where you're at with that, kid. You're just going Oedipal.
You want to fuck your mother. I think it's real disgusting!
Will you get off that?
You bring it up all the time, and I'm sick of it!
I brought it up three times, and it's true!
What's wrong? We used to really hit it off.
Now we just don't communicate anymore.
Freddie, our lives are getting screwed up, and you're getting a big kick out of it.
Well, you know what you've done, Kevin?
You've given me a meaning in life. You've given me a goal.
And that's to get you the fuck away from me!
[Car door opens, closes]
Where am I supposed to go?
-[ Gasps] -[ Laughing]
-[Screaming] ya !
[Groaning and grunting]
BRONSON: [Whistling "Taps" ]
Give me a bottle of booze. Here's my dollar.
Suck my dick!
Here's your booze.
Suck your own dick, you schmuck!
All right, look, Ed, I'm gonna level with you, all right?
I had a shitty day. I don't care.
My brother's giving me shit. Brother's giving you shit...
A cop's on my ass. Cop is on your ass...
And a hit man tried to kill me, o-fucking-kay?
Yeah, o-fucking-kay. O-fucking-kay.
You been drinking too much of this shit, you lunatic.
Why don't you get the fuck out of here?
Go fuck your dog, Ed.
ED: Very pleasant.
Very witty, prick-lips.
You can go fuck my dog.
No wonder they pulled this poison off the market.
There must have been some shit in this stuff.
Gotta tell Ed.
That Wizzy, what a homo!
"I: Laughs] "Hmm?
Wizzy's an asshole, and Wizzy's a schmuck.
Wizzy's a bum. WIZZY: [Growling]
Ha! What do you got to say now, you turd?
You gonna kick me in the face, motherfucker?
Yeah, uh-huh, that's right.
You just behave yourself, you asshole.
And I'll hold on to this for Freddie.
Freddie, Freddie, you all right, man? Say something to me.
[Whispering] Give him back the bottle.
What'? Give him back the bottle.
Give him back the bottle, Burt, you asshole.
Give it back to him. Give it back! BURT: What are you talking about?
FRED: Give him back the bottle. Give it back to him.
BURT: No way. Really? Give him back the bottle.
Burt, look out!
Here we go.
Look at this shit.
Wizzy, don't drink it.
Look, it's been days since I've had a drink, man.
I'm sick. I'm shittin' in my pants, Wizzy!
Look, do what you want to Burt.
He's black. No one's gonna give a shit about him.
There's enough of them as it is already.
But...don't drink my Viper!
You want your Viper, huh?
You got to learn to respect the Wiz, you piece of shit.
Now watch this disappear.
You're lucky I didn't kill you, you bastard.
-[ Stomach rumbles] -[ Laughing]
Wizzy, you homo!
[ Retching ]
-[ Bottle clinks] -[ Continues screaming]
[Gurgling and murmuring]
[Continues gurgling and murmuring]
I love ya, but I gotta go. -[ Groans]
Gotta go tell Ed.
BURT: Wait. Bring me back a pint, man.
Wizzy just melted all over the place!
It's from the Viper.
Don't drip on me, Ed!
Don't drip on me, man!
Don't drip on me!
What the fuck?!
I'll carve you into steaks, you little bastard!
Get outta here!
[ Gunfire ]
[ Sobbing ]
I remember one time we went to Coney Island, and I had a runny nose, and someone hit me so hard in the bumper cars that I swallowed all my snots.
You know what I mean?
Scared the shit out of me.
Thank you for sharing that with me.
I almost forgot about that.
I think you should forget about that.
You greedy, scum bastard!
You never share the goods! Never!
Well, I want some!
BRONSON: You bitch!
You never defile me like that in front of the men!
Your troops have deserted you, scumbag!
[ Growls ]
What the fuck is happening?!
Frank and the boys are gone.
We got an hour...at least.
I'll find ya.
[ Growls ]
Oh, shit. Fuck!
Baby-faced thief fucker.
I'm gonna take you out!
Fuckin' little street traa-a-a-sh!
-[ Groans] BRONSON: [Grunts]
KEVIN: Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Freddie. Look out, Kevin. I got some ammo.
Come on, pick on someone half your size!
[ Grunts, glass shatters]
What the fuck did you throw at me?
I'll squash you into wet flesh, you little fuck-worm!
Dead maggot shit.
Dead maggot shit!
[Shouting indistinctly] Stop it!
BRONSON: Fuck. -[ Screams]
Wendy! BRONSON: Meet your ancestors.
[ "We Do Things My Way" plays on radio ]
DOORMAN: You know, Mr. Duran, uh, that stuff I said about the roast duck and the glaze with car wax, that was --
I was just kidding around. It looked like you needed a laugh.
We all needed a laugh that night, huh?
And, uh, I mean, that's a fine dish. I eat it all the time on my breaks.
I mean, that night your girlfriend got raped and murdered I had a piece.
You saw me in front of the restaurant.
You're a nice kid.
Now it's no more "Nick the click," huh?
Remember this afternoon at the police station?
Look at me when I talk to you.
This afternoon at the police station, Nick the dick.
Who's Nick the dick?
DURAN: Huh? I don't know the difference between chicken and duck?
You're making me out a real fuckin' imbecile, that's what you're trying to do.
No, no, I was just a little nervous, that's all.
You know that cop, the bull, wanted to wire me up, wanted me to come in there and rat on you guys.
And one more thing. What “you guys“?
Look at me when I talk to you.
I'm lookin' at you.
DURAN: My girlfriend's smell is what brought the fuckin' bum over, huh?
You misunderstood what I was saying.
I -- I said she stinks, but I mean she stinks of...beauty.
She wasn't a nice lady when she was alive, you know, but, uh...
I've had enough of you, you fuckin' cocksucker.
I wouldn't lie. You dirtbag.
I wouldn't lie to you. Hold this fuckin' thing.
I hit you with the cane, huh?
You know what I'm gonna do with this cane?
I'm gonna shove it down your throat until it comes out of your fuckin' asshole, you big-mouthed bastard.
What's this? What is this?
Oh, pay attention. What is this?
Mr. Duran, you know, I look up to you. You look --
You know, I look at you, I see an Adonis, you know what I mean?
Look at this. He's drinking on my fuckin' job.
I told you to search this prick before you brought him up.
Suppose this was a piece. DOORMAN: [Mumbles]
Drinkin' on the fuckin' job and eatin' my chicken.
You ain't gonna be satisfied until you're me and I'm you, that's what you're waiting for, huh?
You're cute, boy, you're cute.
DOORMAN: [ Mumbling] I love you, I love you.
Shut up, you cocksucker. You talk too much.
Shut up. DOORMAN: [Grunting]
Wait a minute. Let me kiss the ring. Let me kiss your ring.
You know what you're gonna kiss? You're gonna kiss my prick.
You fuckin' rat.
Nicky, Louie, we got the stool pigeon.
Nobody can stop us, huh?
This is to you, you rat. Alla salute.
MAN ON RADIO: ♪ We do things my... ♪
[Coughing] Oh, Jesus, you fuck, you!
-[ Screaming] What's the matter, boss?
Hey, uh, you're not lookin' too well, boss.
DURAN: Kill the rat! Holy shit, he's drippin'.
DURAN: [Coughs] Oh!
Oh, get a mop! DURAN: What the fuck is happening?
DOORMAN: Oh, look at that stuff spew!
Whoo, man! DURAN: You fuckin' bastard!
What's the matter, you can't hold your liquor, huh?
DURAN: You cocksucker! Oh, shit!
What's -- What the fuck?! Where's my balls?!
Kiss your prick?
-It's drippin' down the stairs! DURAN: You fuck!
Hey, you know what? I'm the new don. DURAN: Louie, Nicky, kill 'im!
What'd you put in that? Hey, I'm the new don now! Come on!
Hey, untie me, will you, fellas? 'Cause I think I'm gonna take his cane.
Get that ring before it gets all mussed up, will ya?
DURAN: Turn around, you prick, you!
I'll bite your heart!
[ "We Do Things My Way" plays]
♪ You call me Mr. Duran ♪
♪ And listen to everything I say ♪
♪ Listen, 'cause I am the man ♪
♪ And we do everything my way ♪
♪ If you didn't know it before ♪
♪ I'm sure you're gonna know it now ♪
♪ You better hear what I say ♪
♪ We do things my way, you rat, you ♪
♪ Kiss my ring, hey, do the right thing ♪
♪ Shut your face, you little scumbag ♪
♪ Listen good, I'll tell you one thing, kid ♪
♪ You're gonna be sleepin' with the fish, you little fuck ♪
♪ And this ain't no gag ♪
♪ So, big mouth, what else could go wrong ♪
♪ For a real nice kid like you ♪
♪ Do you believe me now when I say ♪
♪ We do things my way ♪
♪ And now the last laugh is on you, my friend ♪
♪ So you can stop the bullshit ♪
♪ 'Cause this is the end ♪
♪ So give me a drink of your booze ♪ J" Let's toast to your hasty departure 'cuz ♪
♪ Oh, what's this? ♪
♪ I'm startin' to ooze ♪
♪ You little creep ♪
♪ What's this fuckin' shit? ♪
♪ What are you tryin' to start here? ♪
♪ Your face, I'm gonna reshape ♪
♪ I'm gonna eat your fuckin' eyeballs like grapes ♪
♪ Oh, God, oh -- oh -- oh, Christ ♪
♪ 'Til this fuckin' day ♪
♪ We did things... ♪
[Coughs] ♪ My -- ♪
[Coughs] ♪ My way ♪
[Coughs] You fuck!