Sullivan's Travels (1941) Script

You see? You see the symbolism of it?

Capital and Labor destroy each other.

It teaches a moral lesson. It has social significance.

Who wants to see that kind of stuff? It gives me the creeps.

Tell him how long it played in the Music Hall.

It was held over a fifth week.

Who goes to the Music Hall? Communists!

Communists? This picture's an answer to Communists!

It shows we're awake... and not dunking our heads in the sand like a bunch of ostriches!

I want this picture to be a commentary on modern conditions.

Stark realism. The problems that confront the average man.

But with a little sex. A little, but I don't want to stress it.

I want this picture to be a document.

I want to hold a mirror up to life.

I want this to be a picture of dignity... a true canvas of the suffering of humanity. But with a little sex.

With a little sex in it. How about a nice musical?

How can you talk about musicals at a time like this, with the world committing suicide?

With corpses piling up in the street, with grim death gargling at you from every corner, with people slaughtered like sheep! Maybe they'd like to forget.

Then why did they hold this one over for a fifth week? For the ushers?

It died in Pittsburgh. Like a dog.

What do they know in Pittsburgh? They know what they like.

If they knew what they liked, they wouldn't live in Pittsburgh.

If you pandered to the public, you'd still be in the horse age.

You think we're not? Look at Hopalong Cassidy. You look at him!

We'd still be making Keystone chases, bathing beauties, custard pie...

And a fortune. A fortune.

Of course I'm just a minor employee here, Mr. LeBrand...

He's starting that one again.

I wanted to make you something outstanding... something you could be proud of, something that would realize the potentialities of film... as the sociological and artistic medium that it is.

With a little sex in it. Something like...

Something like Capra. I know. What's the matter with Capra?

- Look, you want to make O Brother, Where Art Thou? Yes.

Now, wait a minute! Then go ahead and make it!

For what you're getting, I can't afford to argue with you.

That's a fine way to start a man out on a million-dollar production.

You want it, you've got it!

I can take it on the chin. I've taken it before.

Not from me you haven't. Not from you, Sully, that's true.

Not with pictures like So Long Sarong, Hey, Hey, In the Hayloft, Ants in Your Plants of 1939...

But they weren't about tramps, lockouts, sweatshops, people eating garbage in alleys and living in piano boxes and ash cans.

And phooey! They're about nice, clean young people... who fell in love... with laughter and music and legs.

Now take that scene in Hey, Hey, In the Hayloft...

But you don't realize conditions have changed.

There isn't any work. There isn't any food.

These are troublous times. What do you know about trouble?

What do I know about trouble? Yes, what do you know about trouble?

What do you mean, what do I know about trouble? Just what I'm saying.

You want to make a picture about garbage cans...

When did you eat your last meal out of one?

What's that got to do with it? He's asking you.

You want an epic about misery... you want to show hungry people sleeping in doorways.

With newspapers around them.

You want to grind 10,000 feet of hard luck, and all I'm asking you is, what do you know about hard luck? Yes!

What do you mean? Don't you think I've... No.

What? You have not.

I sold newspapers till I was 20, then I worked in a shoe store and put myself through law school at night.

Where were you at 20? I was in college.

When I was 13 I supported three sisters, two brothers and a widowed mother.

Where were you at 13? I was in boarding school.

I'm sorry. You don't have to be ashamed of it, Sully.

That's the reason your pictures have been so light, so cheerful, so inspiring.

They don't stink with messages.

That's why I paid you 500 a week when you were 24.

750 at 25. 1,000 when you were 26.

When I was 26, I was getting 18. 2,000 at 27.

- I was getting 25 then. 3,000 after Thanks for Yesterday.

4,000 after Ants in Your Plants.

I suppose you're trying to tell me I don't know what trouble is.

Yes! In a nice way, Sully.

You're absolutely right. I haven't any idea what it is.

People always like what they don't know anything about.

I had a lot of nerve wanting to make a picture about human suffering.

You're a gentleman to admit it, Sully, but then, you are anyway.

How about making Ants in Your Plants of 1941?

You can have Bob Hope, Mary Martin... Maybe Bing Crosby.

The Abbott Dancers. Maybe Jack Benny and Rochester.

A big-name band. What?

Oh, no. I want to make O Brother, Where Art Thou?

But I'll tell you what I'm gonna do first.

I'm going down to wardrobe to get some old clothes, some old shoes, Huh? and I'm gonna start out with ten cents in my pocket. What?

I don't know where I'm going, but I'm not coming back... till I know what trouble is. What?

Don't worry, you can take me off salary.

Who's talking about taking you off salary?

So long. Thanks for the idea. Wait! Don't be so impulsive.

How soon will you be back? I don't know.

Maybe a week, maybe a month, maybe a year.

Don't worry about me. And thanks, Dracula. You gave me a great idea.

I gave you...

Now look what you've done. Yeah... What I've done?

With your lies about selling newspapers!

I sold as many newspapers as you supported a family at 13.

I opened a shooting gallery. With money you borrowed from your uncle.

We better insure him for a million. He's worth more.

The bonehead. Yes, but what a genius.

Get me a copy of that O Brother, Where Art Thou?

I guess I'll have to read it now.

Make that two copies. Why should I suffer alone?

How's this? Isn't that overdoing it, a bit sir?

Why break their hearts?

All right. Let's try that one again.

I think this one's sufficiently seedy, sir.

There's no use overplaying it, is there, sir?

Yes?

Your wife is on one, sir. What does she want?

I suspect it has something to do with today's being the 15th.

Payday. All right, put her on.

You may connect Mrs. Sullivan.

Yes?

You don't happen to remember what day this is, do you, dear?

Yes, I happen to remember what day it is.

No, I haven't forgotten anything. Have you?

Perhaps I could be a little more polite, Mrs. Sullivan, but somehow, when I talk to you I don't feel polite.

I regret it, but that's the way it is.

I don't know whether I signed it or not.

I always close my eyes when I sign your check.

Maybe I signed the blotter.

Have you made out the Panther Woman's check yet?

You better get it down to her before she comes up here with the sheriff.

She has a very peculiar sense of humor.

Good morning, sir.

Good morning, Burrows. How do you like it?

I don't like it at all, sir. Fancy dress, I take it?

What's the matter with it? I have never been sympathetic... to the caricaturing of the poor and needy, sir. Who's caricaturing?

Burrows doesn't know about the expedition, sir.

I'm going out on the road to find out what it's like to be poor and needy, and then I'm going to make a picture about it.

If you'll permit me to say so, sir, the subject is not an interesting one.

The poor know all about poverty... and only the morbid rich would find the topic glamorous.

But I'm doing it for the poor. Don't you understand?

I doubt if they would appreciate it, sir.

They rather resent the invasion of their privacy, I believe quite properly, sir.

Also, such excursions can be extremely dangerous, sir.

I worked for a gentleman once who likewise, with two friends, accoutered themselves as you have, sir, and then went out for a lark.

They have not been heard from since.

That was some time ago? 1912, sir.

- Huh. You see, sir, rich people... and theorists... who are usually rich people... think of poverty in the negative, as the lack of riches... as disease might be called the lack of health.

But it isn't, sir. Poverty is not the lack of anything, but a positive plague, virulent in itself, contagious as cholera, with filth, criminality, vice and despair as only a few of its symptoms.

It is to be stayed away from, even for purposes of study.

It is to be shunned.

You seem to have made quite a study of it.

Quite unwillingly, sir. Will that be all, sir?

Thanks. Very good, sir.

He gets a little bit gruesome every once in a while.

Yeah. Always reading books, sir.

Oh. As a matter of fact, sir, I don't like the idea of a gentleman of your inexperience... leaving with only ten cents in his pockets, so I took the extreme liberty, sir, of having a studio identification card... sewed into the sole of each of your boots.

You'd think I was a child. The whole purpose of this expedition...

All right, all right, all right.

Before you all get started, I just want to tell you one thing...

My mind is made up. Nobody's here to argue, Sully.

I know. You know that your slightest wish...

We talked it all over, and there's something to the idea.

There's a great deal to it. Stupendous.

Cassy has it all worked out. It's safe as a church, big as a cathedral.

Bigger! It's the story of the year.

It'll make the front page of every newspaper in the country.

I'm sending five of my boys... With me in charge.

An advance agent in front and a follow-up behind.

A cook and a still man. I want lots of 8x10's.

Now, listen... I'm revamping that lovely land yacht... that Demille used in Northwest Mounted.

It follows at a discreet dis... Hot coffee, sandwiches, and a bar in back.

It's connected to the studio by shortwave, and it also carries...

A hot shower and a secretary. And a physician.

Look, I'm trying to find trouble, but I won't find it with six acts of vaudeville on my tail... at least, not the kind I'm looking for.

Be reasonable, Sully. I'm reupholstering it from stem to stern.

Wait till you see. I tell you, I've made up my mind.

Definitely? Definitely.

In that case, there's nothing else to do... You said it. but to serve you with this summons to appear and show cause... why you should not be restrained from jeopardizing your unique and extraordinary services... by willfully, recklessly and unnecessarily... Will you please wait a minute!

We have all day, Sully, but you must realize... we also have minds, also made up.

Thus begins this remarkable expedition... into the valley of the shadow of adversity. The shadow of the what?

The valley of the shadow of adversity.

It's what you call a paraphrase. Alone and unattended...

With eight stooges. I'll write the story, if it's just the same to you.

Prey to passing prowlers, poverty and policemen, How poetic. with only ten cents in his pocket, I wish I had what he's got in the bank. John Lloyd Sullivan, the Caliph of Comedy...

Departed Hollywood at 4:00 this morning. You said it.

Can I sell you another stack, Doctor? Get me some bicarbonate of soda, and don't call me "Doctor. "

He was talking to me, I think. No, thank you.

You say don't want some bicarbonate of soda, Doctor? Don't call me "Doctor"!

No, I don't want any bicarbonate of soda. I thought you said you did.

Well, he don't!

This place is very depressing. So was the breakfast.

Why doesn't he read a book if he wants to learn something?

Who, the cook? He could learn plenty. No, Sullivan.

Maybe he don't know how to read. The cook?

No, the...

This is gonna be a great trip. Sorry. I must have the wrong number.

That was the lighthouse keeper on San Clemente Island.

Ask him what his daughter's doing.

I said the lighthouse keeper on San Clemente Island.

How about a little gin rummy? I don't drink, thank you. Never touch it.

How about a lift, Bud? If you don't mind going fast.

I'm studying to be a whippet tanker.

Go to it, Lieutenant! You're there, General.


Can a whippet tank make a sharp turn? What?

Can a whippet tank go up a side road?

A whippet tank can go anywhere. Hang on!


Thank you, Major.

This is where I get out. She's some tank, ain't she?

In a class by herself. I never felt anything like it.

Well, I guess I better be getting to school now, anyway.

Yeah, I guess you better had. Drive carefully.

You know me. By the way, how old are you?

Thirteen. So long. So long.

What a future.

What were you chasing, a jackrabbit?

Felt more like a kangaroo. There he is!

Well, how'd you like it? That was a dirty trick, boss.

Look, that was just a rough idea, unless you play ball with me.

You know I can't do what I started out to do with you guys chasing me around, so I'll make you a fair proposition.

You can go on wherever you like and take it easy for a couple of weeks, and I'll join you then or sooner.

If the boss wants to talk to me, I'm just up ahead, mooching a lunch from a farmer's wife.

Now, is that a square proposition or isn't it?

Well, I always wanted to go to Boulder Dam. You're there.

Yeah, well, if you think I'm going to look at Boulder Dam...

How about National Yellow Park?

That goes double for National Yellow Park.

If you'd said Las Vegas... What do they do in Las Vegas?

Everything, Doctor. It's an education.

All right. I'll meet you in Las Vegas, on or about the first.

And thanks, kids. Thanks sincerely.

Yoo-hoo!

Yes, ma'am? Don't get too tired.

Yes, ma'am.

First day's work. You don't suppose you're overworking him, do you?

Oh, but I doubt it. He seems very strong. Did you notice his torso?

I notice that you noticed it. Don't be vindictive, dear.

Some people are just naturally more sensitive to some things in life than some people.

Some are blind to beauty, while others...

Even as a little girl, you were more of acid type, dear, while I, if you remember...

I remember better than you do. Well, forget it.

And furthermore, I have never done anything that I was ashamed of, Ursula.

Neither have I. Yes, but nobody ever asked you to.

Why, Zeffie Kornhauser! Now that you've had your attack for the day, let's endeavor to recapture our good humor and remember our breeding.

Baloney. Yes. I do hope he likes it here.

It's so hard to keep a man. Do you know what I need?

Yes! I need a permanent.

I was thinking of taking in a picture show, which brings up the problem of clothes for the young man.

It certainly does. Do you think... dear Joseph would mind if we gave him... some of the clothes he has so little need for now?

He's never minded before.


Sleep tight. Yes, ma'am.

And don't let the skeeters bite. Yes, ma'am.

You're sure you have everything you want? Yes, ma'am.

Absolutely sure? Positive.

But your bed isn't open. That's all right. I'll take care of that.

Oh, nonsense. That's woman's work.

? For men must work and women must weep?

Or however it goes. Ahh!

There. Would you like a hot water bottle? No, ma'am.

You haven't any pajamas. I never use them.

Joseph wore a nightgown. Is that a fact?

Oh, yes.

Well, I guess there's nothing else. No, I guess not.

I'll let you know as soon as the bathroom is free.

It's community. Ah.

Well, uh...

Good night. Good night.

Do you think he'll stay? I do, do hope so.


Who is it?


Say, could you give me a lift? I'm freezing to death.

What did you fall into? Everything there was.

Okay. Hop in the back. Here. Drape this around you.

Thanks a million, buddy. Okay.

Come on, Buddy, wake up. This is as far as I go.

Huh? What? Who are you? Come on, wake up.

I don't want the boss to see you. We ain't supposed to give lifts.

Sure. Thanks a lot.

Hey, what city is this? That's Hollywood.

Hollywood? You get a chance to see the moving picture stars.

Well, so long.

Good morning. Morning.

Give me a cup of coffee and a donut, if that's enough for it.

You want it plain or with powdered sugar? With a little cream.

The sinker? Any kind, or some rolls. I don't care.

Yes, sir.

Give him some ham and eggs.

Yes, ma'am.

That's very kind of you sister, but I'm not hungry.

A cup of coffee and a sinker will fix me up fine.

Don't be a sucker. Give him some ham and eggs.

The way I'm fixed, 35 cents isn't going to make any difference.

Here. Thanks.

Things a little tough, huh?

I wouldn't be sitting in an owl wagon for local color.

They locked me out of my room.

That's too bad. Well, things are tough everywhere.

War in Europe, strikes over here... There's no work.

There's no food. Drink your coffee while it's hot.

What did they lock you out of your room for? Did I ask you any questions?

I'm sorry. It's all right.

You been in Hollywood long? Long enough.

Trying to crash the movies or something? Something like that.

I guess that's pretty hard to do, huh? I guess so.

I never got close enough to find out.

Oh. Sorry. Say, who's being sorry for who?

Am I buying you the eggs or are you buying me the eggs?

I'd just like to repay you. All right, give me a letter of introduction to Lubitsch.

I might be able to do that. Who's Lubitsch? Drink your coffee.

Can you act? What did you say?

I said, can you act? Sure, I can act.

Would you like me to give you a recitation? Go ahead.

Skip it. My next act will be an impersonation... of a young lady going home... on the thumb.

In that outfit? What about your own outfit?

I mean, haven't you got a car? No. Have you?

No, but... Then don't get ritzy.

And I'll tell you some other things I haven't got.

I haven't got a yacht, or a pearl necklace, or a fur coat, or a country seat, or even a winter seat.

I could use a new girdle, too.

I wish I could give you some of the things you need.

You wouldn't be trying to lead me astray, would you?

You know, the nice thing about buying food for a man... is that you don't have to laugh at his jokes.

Just think... if you were some big shot, like a casting director, I'd be staring into your bridgework saying, "Yes, Mr. Smearkase. No, Mr. Smearkase.

"Not really, Mr. Smearkase.

Oh, Mr. Smearkase, that's my knee. "

Give Mr. Smearkase another cup of coffee. Make it two.

Want a piece of pie? No thanks, kid.

Why, Mr. smearkase, aren't you getting a little familiar?

Look...

Thanks.

Look, if you wanted to stay in Hollywood a little longer...

I don't want to stay in Hollywood a little longer.

I've used up all my money, all my going-home money.

I was just gonna say, I have a friend that's out of town... and you might be able to stay at his place for a couple of weeks... and maybe by then things will break a little better for you.

He might even be able to help you a little. No, thanks.

There's no strings to this, kid.

I know you don't know who I am, but I used to know a few people around here.

And this guy's really out of town.

And you know a way in through the window. No, thanks.

No. I'm pretty sure that in this case... I'm going home, big boy.

I can get a ride out of here in a little while.

I don't like to think of you asking a bunch of thugs for lifts along the highway.

Then don't think about it. You mean you'd just get in any car that comes along?

Anything but a Stanley Steamer. My uncle blew up in one. That's terrible.

You can't tell what kind of a heel is apt to be behind the wheel.

All heels are pretty much the same.

Look. Yes, Mr. Smearkase?

This friend of mine... the guy I was telling you about that's out of town...

I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I borrowed his car.

What is it, a street car? It's a car. Just wait here.

You're just going to get yourself in trouble.

I'm not going to get myself in trouble. I'm going to repay you.

That isn't necessary, big boy.

Someday, when your ship comes in, you can buy somebody that's hungry some ham and eggs and be all square.

That's fine. Just wait here and I'll be back before you can say...

What was that big director's name? Lubitsch.

Lubitsch.

Say, this is some car.

Yes. Now, where would you like to go?

Could you drop me off at, uh... Or maybe that'd be too far.

That depends entirely on where it is. Would Chicago be too far?

Chicago? You mean Chicago, Illinois? Yes.

I wasn't actually thinking of driving as far as Chicago.

That's all right. You can drop me anywhere.

I just happened to think of Chicago because... that's a little better than halfway and I can easily hitch a ride out of there.

Where do you live, Bermuda? You don't have to get funny.

I didn't ask you for a ride. You can drop me anywhere.

Wait a minute. How's this?

Suppose you drop me off somewhere and you go leisurely home... and I'll pick up the car later.

That's what you call an idea.

You don't happen to operate out of a booby hatch, do you?

You better drop me at the next corner and take this bus back where you stole it from.

Don't talk nonsense. I left a note saying I was taking the car...

Or did I? It would be nice if you could remember.

Would be funny, though, if they arrested me for taking it.

A panic. Who does it belong to?

Belongs to a picture director... a guy named Sullivan. Oh.

You never heard of him? No.

He's made quite a few pictures.

Ants In Your Plants of 1939.

Did he do that? Yeah. Did you see it?

Yes. Well? Well, did you like it?

Not much. Some people thought it was pretty good.

I don't care for musicals. They hurt my ears.

I see. Well, did you like Hey, Hey, in the Hayloft?

Oh, I was crazy about that. I thought that would just about fit.

You remember the scene where the two are in the hayloft? Perfectly.

And she made him close his eyes and count three before kissing her.

Yes, yes. And then the pig came out and he kissed the pig instead.

It was on a very high plane.

Then he fell through a hole and sneezed at a horse.

And the horse sneezed back at him.

Oh, that was a wonderful scene.

Of course it was stupid, but it was wonderful. Who directed that picture?

Don't you think with the world in its present condition, with death snarling at you from every street corner, that people are a little allergic to comedies?

No. Perhaps I didn't make myself clear.

Say, how come you know a picture director well enough to borrow his car?

As a matter of fact, I used to know most of those boys, but naturally I don't like to mention it in a suit like this.

As a matter of fact, I used to be a picture director.

Why, you poor kid. Don't get emotional. I'll be all right.

What kind of pictures did you make?

More along educational lines. Oh, no wonder.

There's nothing like a deep-dish movie to drive you out in the open.

What are you talking about?

Film's the greatest educational medium the world has ever known.

- You take a picture like Hold Back Tomorrow. You hold it.

Did you ever meet Lubitsch? Yes.

Gee, I bet he wouldn't even speak to you now.

He spoke to me day before yesterday. Isn't that swell.

Funny, isn't it... to meet your first picture director... on the day you're leaving Hollywood, all washed up... even a washed-up director.

Don't get sympathetic. I might make a comeback, you know.

That's what they all say. Man that had my room ahead of me... he was always going to make a comeback.

He was a picture director too. Then one day he shot himself instead.

They had to re-paper the room.

You wouldn't ever do anything like that would you, big boy?

Not on your wallpaper.

What do you suppose that is?

Whatever it is, there's absolutely nothing they can do.

Remember that.

What did you say? I said there's absolutely nothing they can do.

All right, you. All right yourself. Don't give it a thought.

Well?

Oh, good morning, sir.

I'm so sorry. Good morning, sir.

Ever seen this man before? That is Mr. Sullivan, sir, the owner of the alleged hot car. Then what's all the hullabaloo?

That's what I'd like to know.

- You John L. Sullivan? What about it?

What's your occupation? Motion picture director.

That right? Yes, sir.

Let me see your driver's license.

I haven't got it. Did you bring it? No, sir.

Driving without a license, huh? Yes, isn't that terrible?

I suppose that calls for a dollar fine and ten minutes in jail.

You sure this is Sullivan? Oh, quite, sir.

What are you doing in those clothes? I just paid my income tax.

All right, but you don't drive that car without a license. Okay.

Let the girl out too. She's getting bored in there.

How does a girl fit in this picture?

There's always a girl in the picture.

Haven't you ever been to the movies?

Where's he taking us now? Whose car is this?

The same guy. Sullivan. Where's he taking us?

Down to the depot to buy you a ticket and send you home. Stop fooling around.

Who's buying me a ticket? Sullivan.

What did I ever do for him? You bought him some eggs.

Oh. So you're the washed-up director.

I'm afraid I exaggerated that part of it a little bit.

What are you doing in those clothes?

I just pulled that one down at the police station. Huh?

I made up a joke. Look, I'm not sore at you.

I'm sore at those cops for dragging me all the way back here.

No matter where I start out for, I always end up right back here in Hollywood.

You're a very nice girl, as a matter of fact, and I'm glad to have met you.

If there's ever anything I can do for you, I'd be delighted. Honestly.

You mean that? Sincerely.

Then buy me some ham and eggs before I bite you.

Home.

Where's the swimming pool?

You must have a swimming pool.

Right out here.

Outside dining room, barbecue... Hmm.

Pretty, isn't it?

Yeah.

There's the tennis court up there, grape arbor there, and a grove there.

I guess that's about all.

What are you looking at me that way for?

Hey, you big fathead! What's the big idea?

That's for your swimming pools and your tennis courts... and your limousines and your barbecues.

That's for making fun of a poor girl who only tried to help you, you big faker! Who made fun of you?

You did, with your stories of being a washed-up director, you big clunk.

Oh, I did, did I?

Breakfast is served, sir.

You might have shaved. I need these whiskers for my experiment.

Yes, the noble experiment. You don't have to make any cracks.

I don't suffer and starve because I like it, you know.

Neither does anybody else.

I'm sorry. It's all right.

I'm sorry I pushed you in the water too. I probably needed it.

You certainly did. Did I?

I didn't mind you. As a matter of fact, I had kind of a yen for you.

You have? Not in that thing.

I liked you better as a tramp.

I can't help what kind of people you like.

It's funny. I suppose I ought to be very happy for you, as if you'd just struck oil or something.

Instead of that, I'm sore.

Don't frown. You're making lines on your face.

You've taken all the joy out of life.

I was all through with this kind of stuff.

I knew I'd never have it, but there was no envy in my heart.

I'd found a friend who swiped a car to take me home.

Now I'm right back where I started... just an extra girl having breakfast with a director, only I didn't used to have breakfast with them.

Maybe that was my trouble. Did they ever ask you to?

- No. Then don't pat yourself on the back.

Take me with you. What?

On your experiment. I don't want to be sent home.

Don't be childish. I'll tell you what I'll do.

You can stay here for a couple of weeks like I told you in the owl wagon, and when I get back, I'll see what I can do for you.

I don't want to start all that stuff again.

Take me with you.

When you get as far as you're going, we can say good-bye... and I'll go the rest of the way alone.

It'll make a nice ending, and we'll finish what we started this morning.

It's absolutely out of the question.

Please. You don't know anything about anything.

You don't know how to get a meal, how to keep a secret, and you can't even stay out of town. Thanks.

I know 50 times as much about trouble as you ever will.

Besides, you owe it to me.

You sort of belong to me. When you were a hobo, I found you.

Piffle. Please.

It's absolutely out of the question. I'll throw you in the water.

You'd take my mind off my work.

The big director that has all the girls panting for him.

I tell you... I'll follow you.

I'll tell everybody who you are, like a kid sister.

You'll follow me?

Yes, I'll follow you, and I'll holler, " This guy's a phony.

"This is Sullivan, the big director from Hollywood... a phonus-balonus, a faker, a heel... "

If I may join in the controversy, sir, I think the young lady's suggestion an excellent one.

- You may not join in the controversy. I will, I will, I will!

I'm going with you! You'll do nothing of the kind.

Would you get me some tramp clothes, Mr. Burrows?

Certainly, Miss. Certainly. Go down to the station and get me a ticket to...

Where do you live? I won't tell you. I won't be sent home.

You stop that! Now, stop that! Grab her feet!

Oh! Yes, sir, yes, sir. Certainly, sir.

Now, miss... Now, miss... Stop it, please, miss! I won't be sent home!

Let go of me! Oh, my!

Mr. Burrows... This way, Mr. Burrows.

There we are. Now, one, two, three... Pull hard!

Hello, Information? Have you any freight trains... going east this afternoon or early this evening?

5:48? Thank you very much, sir.

Oh, and could you tell me, does that train carry tramps, and if so, where do they get on?

What? It's on page two.

What did you say? Tramps.

How would you like to take a flying... Wise guy.

Yes, sir?

What was that again?

I said I wonder if you'd be kind enough to settle a bet for us.

Just a few of us here at the club.

If a tramp were to board your 5:48 this afternoon, from where would he board it?

I see. I see. Yes... but not within the yard limits.

I think that gives me the complete picture.

Thank you very much for your trouble.

Oh, and by the way, I win.

Good day.

A different approach to the same problem.

I think this is it, sir.

Why don't you go back with the car.

You look about as much like a boy as Mae West.

All right, they'll think I'm your frail.

I believe it's called a "beazel," miss, if memory serves.

Good-bye, Burrows. See you in a couple of weeks. - Good-bye.

May I close, sir, by warning you against the entire expedition, which I envision with deep apprehension... and gloomy foreboding. Thanks. Same to you.

Come on.


Jump!

Come on. Here.

I'll help you.

Let me up! I've got you!

We made it! Yeah.

Amateurs.

Phew!

Oh. How do you do?

Beautiful weather. If it doesn't rain.

How do you feel about the labor situation?

Where are you going?

I hope we didn't disturb you.

Very interesting couple. Yeah.

Do you smell anything? I certainly do.

What does it smell like to you? Hogs.

That's what I was afraid of. I'm getting hungry.

How can you possibly be hungry when you just ate?

I'm not a scientist. All I know is I'm hungry.

You'd better tell the porter to close the window.

I didn't ask you to come along in the first place. Now that you're...

Don't start baking wise cracks.

- Dough, sir. Blasted draft in here, at that.

Where is this train going? I don't know.

How long does it take to get there? I didn't ask you to come along.

I think that's a perfectly reasonable question.

Haven't you got enough imagination to pretend we're broke, hungry, homeless, drifting in despair?

Let's just sit here and try to feel like a couple of tramps.


Cold? I'll be all right.

It's the desert. I'll be all right.

As soon as this blasted thing comes to a town someplace, I'll send for a car and have you taken home.

This is a lot of "hokey-palokey. "

This is a terrible way to travel, with a girl.

It's better with a girl than without one. You would have frozen to death.

If I go back, will you go back with me?

- Dodsense. Then I won't go back, either.

You're so simple, you're apt to get into trouble. Why do you think I'm here?

Gee, I like that about you.

You're like those knights of old, who used to ride around looking for trouble.

- Who was it who rode on a pure white horse? Lady Godiva.

She must have been a nut. I bet her husband was sore. Are you jealous?

Why don't you shut up and try to get some sleep.

Will you go to sleep too? I'll try.

Why don't you try counting the hogs jumping over a hedge?

Listen, short britches...


What's that? Nothing. Just me.

What? I sneezed.

You what? I...

I sneezed. Oh, you poor darling.

Have you got hay fever? I think it's hog fever.

Oh, you poor lamb.

It'll be alright as soon as the sun gets a little warmer.

Are you hungry? You got me doing it.

Have we got any eating money? Ten cents.

Can we spend it for breakfast, or are you saving it for something?

Look, I've already told you, I'll send for a car for you and...

I can't help it if I'm good-natured.

I like to be with you, and it puts me in a good humor.

You take lots of girls and made them sleep in a hog sty all night, and then didn't tell them where their breakfast was coming from... the next morning, they wouldn't take it lying down.

We'll find some breakfast somewhere.

- In some swill pail, I suppose. What do the other bubs do?

They steal chickigs... chickens. and they roast them over campfires... with baked potatoes and green corn on the cob... with melted butter... Shut up!

Where do they get the butter? They steal it.

Well, they don't. It isn't as easy as all that.

There's a lot of suffering in this world... that ordinary people don't know anything about.

- Now what's the matter? I'm hungry.

Well...

Hey, there's a town up ahead.

Let's get off and see what happens.

What town is it? I don't know. I suppose it's Hollywood.

Look, there's a lunch stand.

Come on.

Come on. I can't keep running along here all day.

Here I come. Just a minute.

Well, come on.

Did I hurt you any? Well, you didn't do me any good.

Come on.


A cup of coffee and sinker for one.

I never eat till noon. It gives me indigestion.

Just make that two coffees. That'll be ten cents.

That's all right.

It's right here someplace.

- Holy Boses. What's the matter?

I must have spent id at that owl wagon.

I'll never get rich. Oh, gee.

You're a little richer than you were.

Hundreds of miles from everything, cut off from the world, a taste of human kindness.

I'll never forget it as long as I live. What town is this?

- Las Vegas, Nevada. Las Vegas, Devada. This is the busy...

Las Vegas! You mean Las Vegas? What about it?

Is there a land yacht waiting here?

Land yacht? You mean that thing?

That's perfectly wonderful, Mr. Sullivan.

I rejoice in your experience.

And where does this gentleman live? Just up there by the tracks.

- Give him $100. Never mind who from. That's swell.

A great human-interest story. It'll probably ruin him.

He'll give turkey dinners to every slug that comes in... and never hit the jackpot again.

All right, all right. Buy the kid here a few clothes, and meet me in Kansas City, someplace near the station.

I'm going the hard way. So long, gang.

Just a minute, please. Sit down!

But listen, Doc! You listen.

It's three days in bed, minimum.

This is just a cold shot. You won't even feel it. Yow!

I haven't time to spend three days in bed. You'll take the time.

You'll get to Kansas City just as soon, and you can imagine... that you went there on your cow snatcher, or whatever you used.

What have you got an imagination for?

Here's something for you. What's that?

It's Christmas. So long.

Come in!

Here's a wrapper for you and some slippers.

What? A wrapper.

Oh, thanks.

There's some makeup in the medicine cabinet.

Thanks. I can use it. You sure can.

Yes, sir, Mr. LeBrand, he's in the next room taking a little snooze.

He looks great. This whole thing is doing him a power of good.


Come in. Hello. Feel better?

No, I'm sore. There's nothing the matter with me but a little fever.

Even if I did get sick, they could've sent me to some free hospital.

Wherever they send you. It would have been very interesting.

They give you a nice free burial too, at Potter's Field.

"Free burial. " Why does everybody exaggerate everything so much?

I've got a little cold in my head.

You take a dose of salts, and there you are.

It's because you're a very valuable man. Bushwah.

You make very lovely pictures. Phooey.

Well, you do. It's a funny thing, how everything... keeps shoving me back to Hollywood or Beverly Hills...

Or this monstrosity we're riding in... almost like gravity.

As if some force were saying, "Get back where you belong.

You don't belong out here in real life, you phony, you. "

You're a little feverish.

Maybe there's a universal law that says, " Stay put.

As you are, so shall you remain. "

Maybe that's why tramps are always in trouble.

They don't vote. They don't pay taxes.

They violate the law of nature.

You look very pretty in that outfit.

Maybe that's why they don't want trailer colonies.

Or am I getting a bit profound? You're getting a bit hot.

Your hand is very cool.

But nothing is going stop me...

I'm going to find out how it feels to be in trouble, without friends, without credit, without checkbook, without name... alone.

And I'll go with you. How can I be alone if you're with me?


Yes, sir, Mr. LeBrand. It's all finished. the greatest expedition of modern times, almost the greatest sacrifice ever made by human man.

Good morning, Joseph. Yes, ma'am.

Good morning. Good morning.

He's all washed up, except tonight he's going through for a quick tour.

He's taking $1,000 in $5.00 bills... and he's going to hand them out to these tramps in gratitude for what they done for him.

Now is that a story? Does that give you a lump in your throat, or does that give you a lump in your throat?

Hello. Hello. Tired?

No, no. I was just thinking.

Well, here we are at the end of the adventure.

I'll go down tonight and give them a little money, and that winds it up.

Now, what do you want to do?

Do you want to go home or take another crack at Hollywood?

Well, I... with a nice, fat letter to Lubitsch?

I'd sort of like to... go where you go.

I mean, I'd sort of hoped that you'd...

Well, I mean, that you'd want us to go on together a little longer, now that we kind of got used to each other.

Of course I would, if I wasn't married. Who's married?

Didn't you know that? I thought everyone had heard of my misfortune.

Of course I didn't. What do you mean?

As if I'd snatched you away from your loving grandmother.

Are you in love with her? That vulture?

Then why did you marry her? Income tax.

Income tax? It was supposed to save me $24,000 a year.

It's what's called a joint return. It's California law.

Each one pays half, and the total is less than the aggregate surtax, so the surtax is less than the something or other.

It was an idea of my business manager's.

I think it's disgusting. It wasn't supposed to be romantic.

It was supposed to save me $12,000 a year, but it didn't.

Turned out she couldn't live on $12,000 a year. Good.

Lovely. She had to have $24,000. Good.

Don't keep saying "good" all the time, or I'll poke you in the nose.

Good. Now, listen.

So I demanded the divorce she'd promised me.

And she told you to go fry an egg.

She said it would break her mother's heart.

Some fine advice your business manager gave you.

I found out why. He was getting half.

And you really can't get a divorce ever? Never.

You can't get a divorce without collusion, and she won't collude.

I guess I ought to go home, then.

You could still have that letter to Lubitsch.

Could I still come and push you in the pool sometimes?

Of course you could. I guess that's better than nothing.

There, there, there. My gracious.

Here are the $5.00 bills, Mr. Sullivan.

Hello, Johnnie.

Get me two tickets on the midnight plane.

Two tickets? Oh, two tickets! Yes, indeed, Mr. Sullivan.

They're pretty, aren't they? Uh-huh.

Do you want one? Yes.

Here. You can have two of them.


Did you cancel the plane tickets?

They cancel themselves. I'm gonna give him just 15 minutes more, and then...

I'm sure he's all right.

He probably got interested in a revival meeting or something and...

Hello? Yes, Doc.

Not in the hospitals, huh?

Sure. I guess that's all you can do.

Anyway, he didn't have an accident.

Oh?

He isn't, huh?

Val has covered the police stations.

- Okay. I guess you can come back now.

I should have gone with him. I knew he'd get into trouble without me.

I told him that... I'll gonna give him just 12 minutes more, Then I'm gonna lay it in LeBrand's lap and let him figure it out.

Sully'll be awfully sore if you... Let him be sore.

I got a job too, you know. If LeBrand ever found out...

He came back the last time. He didn't have reservations on a plane or people waiting.

You don't know him like I know him. Is that so?

I guess I know him better than...

Yeah? Say, I'm down here to the morgue.

They got a guy in a basket. You can't tell who he is.

Did the boss have any identification?

Did he have any identification that you know of?

Well, he had... I think he said he had... Who is that?

Have they found him? Take it easy. We gotta check everywhere.

What identification did he have? In the soles of his shoes...

I think there was a card between the soles of his shoes.

Look in the soles of his shoes, between the leather.

He's coming now. I can hear his footsteps.

There's a card here. It's kind of hard to read. It's all splattered.

He's dead? What do you mean, he's dead? What do you think it means?

What do you send him on jobs like this for? I've got a good mind to sue you.

Do you think I like it any better than you do? I will sue you!

I'll teach you to... Operator? Operator, I was talking with Kansas City.

She's gonna sue me.

I suppose I ought to fire the whole bunch of you.

Somehow I don't feel like firing anybody.

Well, there's no use your hanging around here!

Get your things together and leave this afternoon!

I'll fly back. Yes, sir! Uh...


I'd like you to come with us, my dear.

Jones has explained to me.

You were his last discovery... his last gift to the world.

We'll take care of you always.

She didn't hear you.


What's the idea, riding into the yard? Huh?

I said, what's the idea, riding into the freight yard?

Lay off, will you? I've got a good mind to run you in for trespassing.

Shut up, you dumb cluck. Can't you see I'm sick?

Come on, get out of here, you dirty rat!

Go on, go on! Don't do that again.

That's telling him, 'bo. Don't do what again?

Come on. Come on, get going!

Trespass. Resisting arrest.

- Atrocious assault and battery with intent to kill. Huh? What?

What did he say? We object, Your Honor.

My client had been injured and denies all knowledge. Objection overruled.

- Trespass and resisting arrest. Object, your honor.

The man was a railroad employee, not an officer of the law.

- Sustained. Trespass and atrocious assault.

- Objection, Your Honor. Objection overruled.

Get down to business. Prisoner at the bar.

Prisoner at the bar!

Answer when you're spoken to. Huh?

- Do you plead guilty or not guilty? Huh?

Guilty or not guilty to trespass and atrocious assault... with a rock upon the person of the employee of the railroad.

I guess I hit him, all right, the way my hand feels.

I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you.

I'll pay any damages you like. Sorry.

So you still refuse to give your name?

It'll come back to me in a minute.

I have such an awful headache. I'm all mixed up.

We plead guilty, Your Honor, with extenuating circumstances... due to temporary insanity, and throw ourselves on the mercy of the court.

Huh? What? What did he say?

Stand up. Stand up!

Stand up.

Prisoner at the bar, these are parlous times, and we have no desire to be severe.

- Just a minute. I... Silence!

When confronted with violence and hoodlumism, the court has no alternative.

Since you still refuse to remember your name... but have pleaded guilty to trespass and atrocious assault, I will be as lenient as my conscience permits... and not impose upon you the maximum penalty your crimes ordinarily permit.

Richard Roe, I sentence you to six years at hard labor... as prescribed by the laws of our sovereign state.

Six years? What's he talking about?

You got off easy. Wait a minute. I gotta get to a phone.

I have to send a... Come on.

Wait a minute. I'm all mixed up! Come on, come on!

Mister, new man.

Hello, Charlie. Hi, Jake.

Put him in 13. Just a minute, boys. I want to...

You speak when you're spoken to around here. Hold up your arm and wait.

Listen, you... You say "Mister" when you're talking to me.

Put him in 13 and find him a bunk. Come on.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Them cost me $16.50.

Another Richard Roe, eh? There seems to be a lot of them.

How's everything at the house, Charlie? Fine, Jake.

Give my regards to the missus. I'll do that little thing.

I gotta get out of here. Take it easy, boy.

I'm John L. Sullivan, a Hollywood director.

Somebody slugged me. I gotta get out of here. A Hollywood what?

Take it easy, will you? You're gonna lose your privilege.

No letters, no smokes, no writing. You don't want that.

I want a lawyer. You get me to a telephone.

There's a telephone right down there.

They can't do things like this to people. Put 'em in a pigsty.

Pipe down, will you, please, before he hears.

I want a lawyer. I demand my right to have a lawyer!

Did you hear that? He demands a lawyer.

You starting in again?

You're gonna be here a long time, see?

And you gotta learn, and learn quick.

Chain him in.

No privilege, fresh guy.


We're going to the picture show Sunday.

Good news. You want to see the picture show Sunday?

We're going to the picture show.

We're going to the picture show Sunday. They asked us over again.

When can I write a letter? When you get your privilege back.

How long will that take?

That all depends on the Mister.

He's all right if you take it nice and quiet.

How long does it take him to make up his mind?

Take it easy, will you, or you'll never get it.

Look out!

Who gave you leave to read the paper? You won't learn, huh?

It's about me. I just happened to see it. Shut up!

Turn around. Turn around!

Put your hands behind you.

Put him in the sweat box. For how long, Mister?

Till I tell you. Are you gonna start now? No. Yes. I mean no, sir.

Then get moving!

Get back to your work. What do you think this is, a vaudeville show?

Tastes good, don't it?

I'll try to get him to let you off early.

I ain't supposed to do this.


Water. You'll be all right.

You got to learn, that's all. It ain't so easy at first, but after a while you don't mind.

We ain't so bad off. He ain't bad, according to his lights.

He has to deal with some pretty tough hombres.

He got us chicken last Thanksgiving... and some turkey once for Christmas.

And there ain't another Mister takes his gang to the picture show.

Maybe... Maybe if I ask him, he'll let you go the picture show Sunday.

Wouldn't that be something? Huh?

All right, Charlie.

Let it down easy, Charlie.

Charlie's a little anxious.

Brothers and sisters, once again we're gonna have a little entertainment.

I don't have to tell you what it is.

The sheet kind of gives it away.

And once again, brothers and sisters, we're going to share our pleasure... with some neighbors less fortunate than ourselves.

Won't you please clear the first three pews so they may have seats.

And when they get here, I'm gonna ask you once more, neither by word, nor by action, nor by look... to make our guests feel unwelcome.

Don't draw away from them or act high-toned.

For we is all equal in the sight of God. Amen!

And He said, "Let him who is without sin...

" cast the first stone.

"The chains shall be struck from them!

"The lame shall leap.

"The blind shall see!

And glory in the coming of the Lord. "

Let's give our guests a little welcome.

? When Israel was in Egypt land?

? Let my people go?

? Oppressed so hard?

? They could not stand?

? Let my people?

? Go?

? Go down?

? Moses?

? W ay down?

? In Egypt land?

? T ell old?

? Pharaoh?

? T o let my?

? People?

? Go?

? T hen Israel out?

? Of Egypt came?

? L et my people go?

? And left the proud?

? Oppressor's land?

? Let my people go?

? Go down?

? Moses?

? Way down?

? In Egypt land?

? Tell old?

? Pharaoh?

? To let my?

? People?

? Go?

Will those nearest to the lights kindly rise and dim them, please.

How do?


Hey. Huh?

Am I laughing?


You don't suppose this is a gag, do you?

He'd have to be a Houdini to get out of that one.

Well, I wouldn't put it past him.

Don't you understand?

They think I'm dead, and I'm not dead.

Well, that's fine.

Just think what a nice surprise they'll have when you get out.

I haven't time to spend six years.

But you were sentenced. I know that, but I still haven't time.

Well, you'll have to find the time.

Look they don't sentence picture directors to a place like this... for a little disagreement with a yard bull.

Don't they? No.

Oh.

Well, then, maybe you ain't a movie director. Huh?

Maybe that idea just come to you... when you got hit on the head, maybe. Now, look...

We used to have a fella here once that thought he was Lindbergh.

He used to fly away every night... but he was always back in the morning.

Don't I look like a picture director?

'Course I never seen one.

You look more like a soda jerk, or maybe a plasterer, maybe.

But...

If ever a plot need a twist, this one does. Huh?

I gotta get my picture in the paper. That would be swell.

Then you could paste it over your bunk.

What kind of people get their pictures in the paper?

Ball players?

Girls? They take 'em with their legs crossed.

I cut one out once. She had a... She was sitting... No?

When you die, if you was important enough.

I've had that.

Murderers?

There was a swell picture of a friend of mine.

He was a lodge brother.

They called him "the blowtorch killer. "

That's it. That's it!

You tell the Mister I'm ready to make a full confession.

Now, wait a minute. Come on.

Now, take it easy. There isn't a moment to lose.

Now, look... I'm... My conscience has got me.

You're gonna get... I want to confess to the murder of John L. Sullivan.

Wait a minute! I killed John L. Sullivan!

I killed John L. Sullivan! I'm telling you, you're doing the wrong thing.

I'm a murderer! Will you listen to me before somebody...

I killed John L. Sullivan!


I'm so happy. So am I!

I said, I'm so happy! What?

Your wife got married last week.

Who got buried last week?

She got married last week!

My wife? You say they buried her?

No, she got married. She married your business manager.

She married him? Yes!

He married her? Yes!

But how? Because you were dead.

Dead? Dead.

Do you suppose she'll give you a divorce? Give it to me?

She'll beg me for it. Don't you understand? She's got to give it to me.

Otherwise it's bigamy, unfaithfulness, alienation of affection, corpus delicti.

And then you'll be free. Then I'll be free.

But not for long, I hope.

Just a moment, gentlemen!

Sully, I just want to tell you that O Brother, Where Art Thou? is gonna be the greatest tragedy ever made.

Well, I... The world will weep! Humanity will sob.

It'll put Shakespeare back with the shipping news.

Quiet! Your personal courage, your sacrifice... the lengths to which you went to sample the bitter dregs of vicissitude... will make O Brother, Where Art Thou? positively...

I'm sorry to disappoint you. You're sorry to disappoint me?

Yes, and I say it with some embarrassment, but I don't want to make O Brother, Where Art Thou?

You don't want to make O Brother, Where Art Thou?

No. I say it with some embarrassment. I want to make a comedy.

You say it with some embarrassment?

He doesn't want to make O Brother, Where Art Thou? He wants to make a comedy.

He don't mean that, boss. He's still a little stir crazy.

Oh, yes, I do. Oh, no I'm not! You're joking, aren't you?

It's in bad taste, but it's a joke? No.

But it's had more publicity than the Johnstown flood.

- What are we gonna do? Oh, brother.

Why don't you want to make O Brother, Where Art Thou, Sully?

In the first place, I'm too happy to make O Brother, Where Art Thou?

In the second place, I haven't suffered enough to make O Brother, Where Art Thou?

You haven't suffered enough? He hasn't suffered enough?

But Sully! I'll tell you something else.

There's a lot to be said for making people laugh.

Did you know that's all some people have?

It isn't much, but it's better than nothing in this cockeyed caravan.

Boy.