Superlopez (2018) Script

PLANET: CHITON POLITICAL REGIME: DICTATORSHIP LEADER: ADMIRAL SKORBA POPULATION: 250,000 POPULATION: 250,001

Eureka, it worked!

It worked!

Oh, he's beautiful!

He looks like a normal baby.

It can't be them.

They can't have found out so soon.

We have to hide him, Jan! They'll end up finding him.

So...?

There's only one thing we can do.

They're here.

Good. You'll free us from them.

Some day.

You'll be safe here. It's the planet's most advanced zone.

When you grow up, you'll come back to save us.

Get out of my labs, you rats! Go back to your sewers.

First of all, good morning.

I know everything. Don't waste my time.

He's my son! No, he's an experiment.

Where did you put him? Where you can't find him.

Don't make me push the button and end this once and for all.

I can help.

I've no time for nonsense, Agata.

But Dad, my cousin Sigfred is the same age as me and they let him torture.

Remember when I asked you to find all the pets on this planet to annihilate them...

...and you hid some of them?

I felt sorry for them, but I've changed, I'm matured.

I don't get how you can be my daughter.

You always make me look foolish!

It's...

...a blue planet.

Earth, Planet Earth.

Are you sure? Yes, I saw it. I know where it is.

You can't do anything. That boy will finish you off!

Fine. You want me to be proud of you?

If you want to sit on this throne one day, there's your chance.

Listen to me, Agata. That boy is the ultimate weapon.

I want him alive.

When you capture him, I'll come for you.

Yes, Dad. It'll be soon, I won't let you down.


LOPEZ GARAGE

Here we go, the typical creep on high beam from miles off.

Don't start, Juan. Let him pass. No, I will not.

That hothead isn't overtaking me.

And you'll ruin your timing belt!

You clown!

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yes.

What are you thinking?

I don't know right now. You? That wasn't a car.

Jeez!

I'll strip this heap and make a pile on the parts!

It's a meteorite, Juan.

Or worse, an asteroid, I don't really know the difference.

Sorry, I'm getting nervous.

Juan, I heard something.

Come here. You can hear something.

Maria, don't go near it. Someone's inside. Be quiet.

Look, Juan! Look!

It's a gift from heaven. Like hell it's a gift!

Look at the baby!

We'll keep it.

We can't, he's not ours!

But look at him, he's lovely.

Honey, that's no baby, it's an adult dwarf.

We can't leave him here. That mustache is weird.

What do we know about kids? I know they don't fall from the sky.

If it's a miracle, they do.

I've been praying for months for us to have a child.

Maria, you're crazy.

Hi, Daddy!

Hi, Daddy!

Look, Daddy.

Look, little guy.

He knows who his dad is.

Little guy!


Well, apart from the mustache, he looks normal to me.

Good morning. Good morning.

My car's running wonky. Don't worry, my friend.

We'll leave it like new, we have the latest technology.

I prefer more conventional methods, thanks.


Lopez! Push harder!

You're a weakling! Go, shithead! Harder!

Wuss! Piece of shit!

Come on, here! Here!

Pass it to me! Kick it already!

You loser, kick it! Numbskull goalie!

C'mon, mustache!

Pass it, kid! Loser!

Doofus!

Pass it, you idiot!

Goal!

Hit me!

Goal! No way.

I got a goal. What's wrong?

Let's go!

What's wrong?

Ball hog.

I told you not to do those things in front of people.

But I want to win!

All you'll get is no one wanting to play with you.

That's the way of a cheat.

A coward who won't play right.

It's how I play. That's me. Then hide it, son, hide it.

Keep going and they'll think you're a weirdo and you'll be lonelier than the number one.


Maybe you didn't tell them the right time.

Are you sure you did? Sure I did.

And the address? Did you give them the address?

Is it on the invite? They didn't want to come, Dad.

It's because I do weird stuff, huh?

Not weird, honey, just special.

Then why is it bad?

Because you're in Spain.

Look, son. Anywhere else, in Germany, France, Norway, you'd be highly prized.

The bad thing is that here, tall poppies get cut down.

If you stand out, they grind you down.

Is that why my classmates didn't come?

Because I'm not like them? They'll never be like you.

But if you don't do "your stuff", you can be like them.

Juanito, you don't need to do anything special, nothing special, to go far.

Listen, in this country, to be happy you have to be mediocre.

Come on, son, make a wish.

To be normal.

Juanito, next year I'm making you a cupcake.

20 YEARS LATER

...the best electrical appliances at the best prices.

Take the step.

Naturally, with the guarantee of Chip Technologies.

Yes?

Where are you? Uh... here.

Where? Did you sleep in again? No, no.

In the office, doing the dispatches.

I went by before and didn't see you. I must've been in the bathroom.

After, when? A while ago.

Yes, a while ago...

I was in the bathroom.

I'm coming to see you, to tell you something.

- Okay? No, really,...

I'm tied up with the reports.

Wasn't it the dispatches? The ones that don't match the reports.

Darn it.


Have you seen Lopez? No, I haven't.

Neither have I.

You could've warned me, eh? Look out for the box!

When did you get here? I don't know.

I came in early today, I'm so busy.

Juan, you know I don't want you to see me as a boss.

You and I are friends above everything.

Does something smell weird? You're the weird one.

It's cologne, expensive too.

Since when do you use cologne?

To discuss that, I'll take off my boss hat and put on my friend hat. Work and friendship can't mix.

Technically, you're not my boss.

She's starting today, I hired her after all.

You got that girl the job? It's not like that.

She deserved the job.

Another thing is if something came up in the interviews, a spark, you might say.

You can't use interviews to score.

Everyone knows that job interviews are a bit like dates.

No, they're not.

On a date, what do you talk about? Work, hobbies...

Speaking of hobbies, you won't believe it, but ours are the same: reading and travel.

But everyone likes that!

Help me plan something cool, as a welcome.

We've never welcomed anyone.

I'm putting on my friend hat to tell you that you and I haven't been out partying in ages.

Count me out. I'm getting breakfast.

I knew it. You just got here!

Darn it.


Luisa?

Good morning. Can you tell...

No... Juan?

Luisa? What are you doing here?

I knew in college that you'd go far and look at you, a receptionist.

No, I don't work here.

I work in the company, but in a real job.

Okay, you're kidding me. Amazing meeting like this!

We must catch up. But not now, I'm late.

Could you tell Jaime Gonzalez? Jaime?

You're going to work here? Looks like it. I still can't believe it.

Did you have to do 8 interviews too?

Jaime. Yes?

Luis Lanas is here. Send her in.

Okay.

You're great at it.

You should seriously consider being a receptionist.

Normally with new people we have a welcoming party.

A little drink. Are you into that?

Right, family, look out, we're making an auto-selfie.

I know it's not a selfie, strictly speaking, but you get my drift.

A nice memento of you first day, right, Luisa?

That's what we're like here. A great atmosphere.

Going out and living it up any day of the week.

Where's the bathroom? Through the door, on the right.

How do you know her? From college.

She was a friend's girlfriend. Did you like her?

He wasn't a close friend...

I asked if you liked her. Jaime, no. I didn't.

Sir, if there's nothing else, we'll get going too.

Stay here until I tell you, okay?

Our shift ended two hours ago.

Look. See that gadget?

It's got more commitment to the company than both of you.

I always need my boss hat with those two.

We've had a drink. That's enough, isn't it?

If you all go at once, she'll get suspicious.

I want to order a pizza with lots of black olives.

She loves black olives.

You asked in the interview how she like her pizzas?

When she comes back, go to the corner shop for ice and don't come back.

You know what that's called? Strategy.

The H.R. guy's coming on to me.

I told you he was already in the interviews.

I'll make some excuse and go.

No, wait. Remember Juan, from college?

That's him, with the mustache.

He works here too.

Just as well he's at the party.

Juan! What?

Yes, I'll stick around. Stick around?

Juanito, go get some ice.

We've been knocking it back so much we run out of ice.

Yes, there's ice.

No, there's no ice. Yes.

Where?

Ice.

Where's Luisa?

I don't want to brag, but I think she got scared.

The tension here was too much for her and she chose to go.

A shame, because I was already thinking about my Aunt Clari.

Don't give them that crap about your Aunt Clari.

Juan, they have a right to know too. Don't be racist.

A trick to keep going in bed, and I don't mean sleeping.

I think of three images: my Aunt Clari dancing, a leek pie and beige corduroy pants.

Okay, got it?

I go from one to another in my head. One...

...the other...

...the other.

That way I can spend hours with a woman.

Well, not hours, what a chore.


Psst, Juan!

What are you doing?

I was on my way home. Straight home or out?

I don't know. Are you hungry?

You?

Pizza?

Well, next time.

Hey, maybe I'll make it. You'll make it...

I will. What do you bet? You won't. See you tomorrow.

Excuse me.

Do you like black olives?

How's Rober? What Rober?

What other Rober would there be? From college?

Yes. Are you still together? Juan, please.

We left college 10 years ago.

We weren't even an item. How could I be with Rober?

I don't know, just asking.

If he found out I was here eating with you, he'd freak.

Freak? Why? Rober always, I don't know, thought you were weird. People talk too much.

He'd say: "Don't you think he's hiding something?".

I'd say: "Juan seems really normal to me".

That's what I say.

What do I have to hide?

You wanted to know if I have a boyfriend.

Let's go somewhere else, eh? We'll finish this and go.

Will you keep it down?!

What are you laughing at? Luisa...

You, squirt.

What's so funny? Shut up, you old bat.

Don't get mad, Luisa.

What did you say?

Luisa, we can finish up...

You gonna be the hero, or what? Me, no. I didn't say a thing.

Maybe we'll bust your ass.

You, bust my ass? I didn't say it, it was her.

What if he does? It's illegal to hit a minor.

I'm 18. What's up? Jeez.

It's illegal to hit people in general.

See this finger?

I'll blow you down with my index finger. Two things.

One, that's not your index finger, it's your middle finger.

And two, beyond that detail, you can't floor me with that finger or anything else.

Here, the middle finger.

Loser!

My son, remember these words, if you stand out, they'll grind you down.

Tall poppies get cut down.

Juanito, you don't need to do anything special to go far.

Don't get involved.

No one gave you any cards in this game.

FINAL DESTINATION NEXT TRAIN:

107 to Central, please!

107 to Central!

Help, please!

The breaks aren't responding!

We're a runaway!

107 to Central! The brakes aren't responding!

We're going to crash!

What was that?

IT'S TIME, TAKE THE STEP

IT'S TIME, TAKE THE STEP


Relax. It's all under control.


What are you doing?

I don't known!


CHIT TECHNOLOGIES WORLD HQ You're about to witness the birth of a new technological revolution.

I present a future member of our family:

Chitobot.

Your homes will never be the same again.

Ultimate cleaning: it vacuums, sweeps and mops.

Of course, with the technical service of CHIT.

It's time to take the step.

Agata...

We've found him.

Are you sure?

Someone stopped a subway train in Spain.

Hit the video!

What video?

Spain? What's someone like that doing in Spain?

Last he stopped one of our derailments.

Did some idiot hit the emergency brake?

No, we always deactivate them before causing an accident.

We have the images in the control room.

I don't need them.

None of them show his face?

The whole planet is full of our technology.

He has no way out. There's no time to lose.

Warn my clones there that I'm coming immediately.

And stay alert.

Remember, we're facing the ultimate weapon.

Coffee with cream and a croissant.

The coffee and pastry no, but I can cream you.

Warm or hot?

Sorry, sir.

SUPERHERO?

Everyone's talking about the strange subway event yesterday.

An unknown man leapt onto the tracks causing chaos and astonishment among those present.

We have exclusive images from the security cameras...

He's got a comet on his back. You can't go that fast!

Let's do a bit of work, right?

We get sidetracked by anything here.

You're right, it's no big deal. I didn't say that either.

You stop a speeding subway train...

What? Explain last night, right now.

What happened last night? Don't pretend with me!

I didn't stop a train! What train?

What train? I'm talking about Jaime.

His weird party last night. Oh, okay.

Look what he gave me today. My personal cards.

500 of them.

I don't want to be dirty minded, but it's like he hired me to hit on me.

Luisa, that's the way Jaime is.

What are you all looking at? It's nothing.

Let me see. It's nothing!

What is it? Luisa, it's nothing.

Oh, that crap.

You can see a mile off that it's a publicity stunt.

A guy with superpowers in Spain?

Shut up, it's pathetic.

Not really pathetic, eh? Juan...

A superhero turns up and he's Spanish, the crappiest you can get.

A superhero has to be American, or English or Japanese.

What, was he born in Arguijuela de Todos los Santos, Province of Caceres? No, Juan.

Luisa...

...imagine, not you and me, no, but if there were someone totally altruistic, capable of risking his life to save the lives of lots of people...

No, Juan. Some things don't fit. Superhero and Spanish, no.

German, maybe. He could be German.

But Spanish? Don't make me laugh.

Who's the villain: Punctuality?

Maybe he's not a superhero.

Maybe he's someone special. You're irritating today.

Keep it up, and I won't have dinner with you tonight.

Dinner, the two of us? What's wrong?

What are you talking about? Nothing, work.

Then you haven't found out.

Agata Muller has come to Spain.

The vacuum cleaner lady?

Well, the technological guru, I like to call her.

But yes, basically she sells vacuum cleaners.

You look nice today, Luisa.

News of the day is about the visit to our country of possibly the world's most famous businesswoman.

Our people are already with the multimillionaire Agata Muller, who's about to make a statement.

We go live.

I've always wanted to meet someone like this.

We're used to pursuing those who commit crimes.

It's also important to find those who stand out for doing things right.

So I wish to send him this message.

I know that he's listening.

Whoever you are, I want you to know that I've come to help you and thank you for being that hero.

And to tell you that you and I can do great things together.

Like I said, publicity.

CHIT TECHNOLOGIES BARCELONA OFFICE It's time to go home.

It's time to go home.

It's time to go home.

First of all, good morning. Dad, it's me, Agata.

Yeah, great. What do you want?

Jan's son, I've found him at last.

I didn't even think you were still looking.

I told you I wouldn't let you down.

Yes, but it's been 30 years. Don't expect me to applaud.

If you knew all the things I've had to do...

But now you can come and get me.

Have you found him or got him? I'm very close.

He has no way out. Only the easy part's left.

Another 20 years? When you find out what I've done, you'll be so proud of me.

My technology has spread to every corner of the planet and it controls everything.

Anyone else would've razed the planet and been back in two days.

You said you wanted him alive.

Come for me and we'll raze the planet together.

If you don't have him when I arrive, I will raze it... with you on it.

Gentleman, you have the big prize.

So get on it immediately.

Sure, boss.

Still, we'll have to stop the search the day after tomorrow, it's the patron saint's day festival.

I'm the only patron here.

And no one's stopping until we trap Jan's son.

Understood? Yes.

Hi, Luisa. You're there already? Yes, half an hour ago.

I knew it. I'm on the bus.

I'm 3, 4 minutes away.

For being late, you're buying. Okay.

Relax, Dumbass. It's alright.

Jan's son, only you can hear me.

Please, can you turn the radio down?

Radio? I don't have a radio.

If you can hear this, you're who I'm looking for.

Who are you?

Me? I'm Pedro Luis. Don't get involved.

Can't you see the state he's in?

Don't be scared. I'm your friend.

Please, could you stop the bus? I need to get off here.

Please, you're scaring the dog.

Can't you see?!

Driver, let him off, he's crazy!

I have to tell you two things.

God, turn it down, my head's going to explode!

First, don't talk to me, I can't hear you.

Oh, forget it, forget it.

Second, you have to come see me.

I am Agata Muller.

Let's talk face to face.

With your super-hearing it'll be easy for you to detect the origin of my voice.

You must have many questions. But relax, I'm here to explain everything. Just shut up!

I don't get why it took you so many years to take the step.

Yes, I'm coming!

You have nothing to fear.

I know your secret and I've come to help you.

Welcome to Chit Technologies.

We were expecting you.

Hello?

Sorry, but I'm in kind of a hurry.

You don't know how many years I've waited for this moment.

You're the vacuum lady. 30 years.

A whole life hoping to find you.

Sit down, please. We have a lot to celebrate.

What do we have to celebrate? I don't know you at all.

Well, I know you from the TV, I've got one of your blenders.

What you did in the subway the other night was spectacular.

Stop, stop...

I had absolutely nothing to do with what happened in the subway. Alright?

You don't need to pretend with me.

I'm like you. Yeah, sure. Like me.

A thou a month and on contract. And you a millionaire. Just the same!

We're from the same place.

From Masnou? Much farther.

We can't spend all our lives on the planet pretending we're like them.

Know what I mean? No. I don't.

Say it like that and it's like I was an alien.

That's just what I mean. Yeah, right, hilarious.

When you get back to Planet X, give ET, Alf and Zoltar a hug for me.

People can't melt things with their eyes or run at that speed!

People can't stop a subway train!

Look, two things. One, I don't do that stuff.

And two, how do you know?

I can take you to a place where you can be normal.

We'll go back home with my father.

Yeah, sure, in a UFO. Right.

I'm not the person you're after.

Besides, I'm late for dinner. Wait.

That's why!

You want to stay for her... Who's that girl?

You read my mind?

I tried to convince you the easy way.

The easy way? You're staying here until my father arrives. Get off!

Get off!

Man, look at my clothes!

Sorry, but look what you did to my clothes.

I knew it. I knew you were Jan's son!


What's all this about?

Finish him off!

Guys, this is a misunderstanding, I was going to...

Sorry.

You dropped...

Sorry.


Agata, stop this!

Stop this!

Get him, get him! Get him!

Where is he? Where is he?

There! Who's got him?

He's escaping, that way!

You can escape from here, but not from who you are.

And you stop bugging me with that buzzing thing.

It's really unpleasant.

We won't let him out of the building. It won't do any good.

Besides, I know his weak spot now.

Her name's Luisa Lanas. I want her DNA.


EXPLORING SAMPLE LOCATED TYPE: DNA, SUBJECT: LUISA LANAS

DNA ANALYSIS


Shitty gadget!

No, not a shitty gadget. Small to medium appliance.

Or as I like to say, good old household goods.

Hey, take it easy, okay!

Bad goods!

No, no, no.

Okay, okay! No, no!

Relax, eh?

Whoah! Whoah!

Back!

Get back, you bug!

Sit! Sit! Whoah!

Hey, you! Come help me, it's gone mad!

This robot wants to kill me!

Come on!

What are you doing there? Come and smash it!

Come on!

Hit it, go!

Go on!

Not a word of this to anyone. Not the hug either.

DNA SENT

Come on, Luisa, answer!

Answer, please, answer. Juan.

Luisa, where were you? Where was I?

Where were you? Looking like that...

I went to the restaurant, but you weren't there.

Yeah, and wait another hour for you.

If you didn't want dinner with me, you could've said.

Not want dinner with you?

Of course I did, very much, but something crazy happened to me.

Crazier than standing me up? Yes.

What? I don't quite know yet.

Luisa, what are you doing?

If I drink a bit more, maybe I'll believe you.

Look.

Jaime again. Don't answer it!

Why not? Just in case.

In case of what? Well...

Shit, bad signal!

This... Luisa, look...

I know what I'm going to tell you sounds weird, so I'll say it straight out.

I just caught a smart vacuum robot with 6 legs sending your DNA to someone.

Please, when you hear my message, call me, I'm coming over with this beast so you'll believe me.

I know your address from your resume.

I haven't seen any emails, or Facebook or anything.

Don't be suspicious of me, like your friend Laurita86.

Shit.

Go on, apologize. Really, Luisa.

I'd love to tell you, but I need a few days to take it all in.

If I say it straight out, you'll think it's crazy.

But not "crazy" crazy, no. Crazy as in "sick".

Okay, better tell me now while I'm wasted.

This wine cost a fortune and I have to finish it.

Luisa, I can't tell you anything.

Why?

Because I have to go and talk to my parents.

Your parents? Yes.

How old are you, 12? Yes. No.

Cut the crap, Juan.

We both know what's going on.

You know, I know, and so did Rober.

Years have gone by, but we still like each other.

Always have.

So cut the crap and come up with me.

If girl like you asks me to come upstairs, I'm up there like a buffalo.

I would, but no one's ever asked me before.

But if I let something happen between us tonight, it'd make me the worst person in the world.

What are you doing, leaving?

Hey! Hey!

Fine, then go.

Go get your parents to make you a cup of cocoa!

What more do I need to get a snog out of you?!

You're a little kid! Go back to kindergarten, coward!


I really am smashed.

Where do you think you're going with that?

Hell of a technical service.

What is it with you all and that girl?

She's not that great.

If you help me, Luisa can be yours.


I knew it. When I saw the news, I knew it.

Get inside.

What did you want me to do? Stand by with my arms crossed?

I told your mother no, you're not a dickhead.

Okay, I got a bit overexcited.

It's no big deal if I stop a train every 30 years.

No? You should've acted like a normal person.

But I'm not normal, Dad.

You and Mom knew that. Son!

What do you want? To know the truth.

No, do you want fried eggs and bacon for breakfast or pork scratching. You look thin, son.

I don't want anything. Well, one thing.

I want you to answer a very simple question.

Go on. Go on.

Tell me, please, that you're my parents.

Don't shut me out!

Speak up, the tension's choking me!

Tension, no, it's the trip, you're just tired.

Come on, relax.

Of course we're your parents. What's this about?

Let's talk about the day I was born.

Mom, how long were you in labor?

I don't remember now. What are you saying?

I'm an only child!

Your mother and I don't have the mind for such things, it was a long time ago. What's wrong with you?

I met someone.

A girl? No.

Someone who told me some very strange things.

Well, a girl too, but that's another issue.

She told me she wants to take me home.

But not this home, no. Way out to another galaxy!

And don't say it's the weed, that was a long time ago and not that much.

So tell me, please, if I'm from another galaxy or not.

If you hadn't stopped that train...

So, yes. This is goddamn incredible!

I'll tell you one thing. I think it's terrible that you didn't tell me anything.

Son, to me you're just like any other boy.

Yes, but with one slight detail. I'm an alien!

Nobody needs to know.

They tried to kidnap me, Dad!

Who says they won't again?

Now you do have to eat more, you're too thin to face the forces of the universe.

Maria, please. Enough of the movie stuff.

It's time you saw it.

Juan, we said no, whatever happened.

See what? You're scaring me.

Come here. Go in, son.

Ready?

Does it ring a bell?

Tell me that's not what I think it is.

You came inside this, son, we don't know from where.

This doesn't exactly come from Martorell.

What did you want us to do?

I wanted to call the police. She was the one who...

The police. Great, really.

You're goddamn model parents. Congratulations.

Thank you. Be quiet.

Hello, son.

Watch out. - If you're watching this, things got complicated and we had to send you far away from Chiton.

But thanks to your extraordinary, amazing abilities, I guess you activated this mechanism at the age of 3 or 4.

Hey, I already had an inkling.

But this is hard to explain, so I'll used these two puppets.

This is Skorba. I'm Skorba!

I'm very bad and have all of Chiton's inhabitants under submission.

And this is me, your father.

I won't allow it! With my science I'll create the perfect weapon to defeat you!

I hope you're starting to understand who you are.

Yes, I understand perfectly.

You won't defeat me with any weapon!

It's not any weapon, it's the ultimate weapon.

When my son is born, wind will come from his mouth, fire from his eyes. He'll be quick as a flash.

And flying through the galaxy he'll destroy your empire.

Did he say I'll fly?

Skorba will be looking for you. Where did your son go?

Left or right?

Left, right.

Go on, tell him.

Son, this is an interactive hologram.

You have to answer: left or right.

Until say which one, the "phonogram" can't go on.

The fight. Good, you said right.

That means you're too little and didn't understand a thing.

It's about misleading Skorba, not giving yourself away.

But never mind, you have to grow up to reach the intellectual level of an adult.

Don't worry, one day you'll be ready.

And when that day comes, just get in the rocket and it'll take you back to Chiton to save us, son.

You're our only hope.

Well, this message must be from ages ago.

They must've found a way to sort out their stuff.

And not a word to anyone about this.

Especially to Uncle Toni­n, three shots and he blabs everything.

I'm not saying a word, but I think they're waiting for you on that planet.

Yeah, right, now the invasion of this tyrant is my fault.

They must've done something too. I'd have to hear the other side.

It's so easy to judge people from other galaxies.

Mom, leave that, don't touch anything!

Finally a Lopez can do something important.

I once fixed Sito Pons' motorbike, I know that's nothing, but...

This month's very bad for me.

I'm doing the dispatches, the mortgage...

Are they going to do my quarterly sales tax for me?

The oppressed citizens of Chiton, Chiton, whatever it's called?

So every man for himself. No, son, no!

They said you're their last hope.

Yes, their last hope, my ass!

Watch your mouth!

How can I go to outer space without insurance or anything?

Besides, Dad, you always told me not to stand out.

Sure, but now we know who you are, you can't act like you're not who you are.

First, talk properly, you're unintelligible.

And second, I'm outta here.

Juanito, son. Just in case, I'll make you a suit from this, it looks like good fabric. I'm not putting on anything.

A superhero can't go around tearing ordinary clothes.

Superheroes don't exist! What do we know, son?

Look. I'll just make it and you can try it on.

I'm so excited... I'm not putting on any suit, period!

Aren't you going to say anything?

It looks so bad on you, I can't even laugh.

It's a nice, standard-issue supersuit.

With a wig, he's a dead ringer for the Queen of the Mardi Gras.

I'm taking it off, it's over. No, come here, hold on.

Maybe if i put a bit of a dart here... or some shoulder pads... No, shoulder pads, no way!

He look like a junkie in a tracksuit.

He just needs the flute, the dog and the chocolate pastry.

Look at Dad. Say something.

A couple of washes will shrink it to fit.

Besides, you're a growing boy.

Yeah, a growing boy...

Look, I copied this from the supermen movies.

If you get cold, put it here, it makes a nice shawl.

No, it's meant to be a cape.

It's for flying. So you can really fly?

Apparently.

That man from the spaceship mentioned fire and flying.

That man from the spaceship is my father, he has a name.

What name? I don't know right now.

I'm your father too, my name's Juan Antonio Lopez and I'm telling you you have to learn how to fly.

You may need it one day, you never know.

Yeah, sure, learn how to fly. How do you do that?

Someone from town is going to see me like this!

C'mon, today's the day. Try to fly!

Sure, try to fly. Like it was so easy!

Flap like a magpie, and watch out for the trees!

That's it, go on. Let him concentrate.

Flap wider!

Like this. Not so bunched up. More!

There. Nothing.

What's he doing with his fist? That's it, there!

Try that! Go on!

Nothing, it doesn't work.

I think you'd better jump.

Yeah, sure, jump. I'll bust my goddamn head!

Maybe this flying thing is activated in the air.

Trust in yourself as we trust in you, son!

That's it. I know you'll fly!

Move, that way.

God, he sure hit the dirt. Son, everything alright?

Look how well you get up.

That's great. Does anything hurt?

It's my fault for listening to you. But son...

You'll get it next time. Yes, next time.

Next time you jump off!

No, I said there was no basis to this.

You're just a little imprecise.

You need to get it right, that's all.

Freak, you're a freak.

Watch it, you're talking to the hope of another galaxy.

The galaxy of the tacky, huh? You're wearing panties!

They're not panties, you brat!

Maybe I'll beat you up and you'll see who the ultimate weapon is.

You gonna hit us with your handbag? Is the "S" for sissy?

Or subnormal. Or sausage-sucker.

What? You're not laughing so hard now, eh?

Run. Run,run!

Holy guacamole!

Juan, look! Look, Juan!

He's not flying, but he is levitating! Holy shit!

Saint Teresa! The Calcutta one?

No, Avila. This is a miracle!

No way your saint does that. Where did he go?


Do you know where I am? Sa Cala de Marbres.

Where? In Mallorca.

Mallorca?

Bucks' party got out of hand, eh?

Damn!

Look, you take Txatxarramendi road, past Legorreta and Kastelleta and at Amorebieta you take the A-8 and straight on.

Careful, if the first town you see is Yiurreta, you're screwed, kid, you're in a jam.

You turn the fuck around back to Ibaneta, take the shortcut from Goitzueta to Txoritokieta and then get the fucking A-8 just past Guantxoritzketa.

A hell of a way around.

Got it, or do I explain again?

Yes, yes, absolutely clear.

Holy crap!


Mom, it's so obvious, this is ridiculous.

You don't notice the bump. No, not at all...

And you can wear it all year, it won't give you a hump.

You'll see the sweat when spring comes.

No! Don't be tedious, son.

If you get into a galactic tussle, just rip you clothes off like this, that's always imposing.

Like I'd tear my clothes, with what they cost.

No, I'm not wearing it. Listen, Juanito...

Does Juan live here? No.

Are you sure? Jaime told me he lives here.

Luisa?

What are you doing here?

I found out everything. How could I not come?

Relax, she's from this galaxy. Ah.

Something to eat?

You're skin and bone. Mom, please.

Forgive us, we're kind of nervous.

It's the first time Juan's brought a girl home.

That's just the info we needed.

I didn't mean you're an item, eh?

I didn't mean... Dad, please!

We know what "being friends" means these days.

Like something cool?

Get them some lemonade, Maria. You get it.

Why didn't you tell me last night? I don't know.

I was afraid I'd look weird... But this is beautiful, Juan.

This is incredible. How did you find out...?

Are you alright, Luisa? Your eye...

My eye? Your eye.

It's the excitement. I know everything and it's beautiful.

They said they want to help you get back to your true home.

You met the vacuum lady? Yes.

She's really worried about you.

Stop, maybe she didn't tell you she tried to kidnap me.

Yes. She's as nervous as you about all this.

About having found you and... she asked me to apologize to you for being so brusque.

What, don't you believe me?

I'm Luisa, why would I deceive you? Luisa, you're acting strange.

What about last night? Last night? What?

Yes, last night. Last night?

Last night. Yes?

I think it's as important or more that all this.

Sure. Last night... lots of things happened.

I don't know what you mean exactly.

Ask him if it's more or less important than betraying a friend.

Ask him. Ask him!

What's he saying? What happened last night?

What happened? I know.

No need to make a big issue out of it, Juan.

It was a couple of crappy kisses in a doorway.

Crappy? What's this about?

Maybe you think snogging in a doorway means we're an item.

Now you're off to Raticuli­n or whatever galaxy you're from.

What do we do? One weekend in your constellation and one in mine?

No! You're a bad kisser, let me say it again.

But I'm telling you I don't want to go!

Now I'm taking off my possible girlfriend hat and putting on my citizen-of-this-planet hat.

Do you really think you can keep living here, doing weird stuff?

It's not weird, they're superpowers.

Back it up a bit.

Don't call them superpowers, just super-sight and super-hearing.

And X-rays in my eyes.

Okay, you've got super-sight, super-hearing and X-rays.

And I fly. You fly as well?

And super-strength. Well, you know what?

Jaime has a superpower too.

He's super-smart.

And he figured us out because it reeks from miles off.

Or at least sensed it. He's HR head for some reason.

Because he knows people. I know.

Plus, he was your friend. And you know he liked me a lot.

And he has his clique, you might say.

Do you think I don't care? I didn't look like it in the doorway.

Now you know what's going on with me, you'll understand that it's always been hard for me to make friends.

And Jaime always tells me he's my boss and my friend.

And well, technically he's not my boss, but...

...he's always been my friend.

And you're right, Luisa.

I have to talk to him first.

I love Jaime a lot.

And he's my only friend.

Don't you dare believe this shit.

Very well. We'll get him my way.

It seems you didn't understand anything I said...

Oh, you're into that, eh?

I'm not much, but I haven't really done it.

But because I haven't tried it, maybe if we do and it's cool...

Juanito!

Juanito!

Son, what happened? What's wrong?

Oh, my boy. Are you alright?

You argued? You're starting early!

What's up with her?

That girl's no good for you. Out of the way.

That's not a girl.

See, Dad, it's not that easy!

Here, my nails are better. Get off!

Look at her! She's coming, go!

Here comes the oddball.

Get your pants off. Pull that way.

Stop, or I'll never learn to do it by myself!

Come on, son, show her who you are!

And who am I? I don't know!

Get your pants off! Pull!

She's coming! She's coming.

Move, stay over there. I'll take care of her.


Wait, wait. Maria, be careful.

What did you do to my son? Tart, oddball, bitch!

Hurting my son? Don't you touch him!

Woman to woman, come on!

Woman to woman!

Let go of my wife!

Don't bring my mother into this!

Jaime, we're going to need the real Luisa.

No, no. I did my part. You don't need me now.

Besides, I'm going now, I remembered I left my whites on to wash.

Yes. By the way, your washing machine's great.

Totally reliable. Hats off.

Jaime, you saw that I can't bring him here by force.

He has to come himself. And for this I need bait.

Help me find the real one. That wasn't the deal.

You're wrong.

You don't need me here. You're protecting him now?

You really believed that drivel? Of course I didn't!

But it was kind of the truth.

One moment...

Juan, I forgive you. And love you.

How could I not forgive you? You're my only friend too.

But the main thing now is that Luisa's in danger.

Agata Muller wants to kidnap her!

Yeah, it's wild. The lady on TV!

Sorry... I think they're reading my mind.

You really think you can go now? Yes.

That wasn't a question. Ah, no.

Oh, Jaime, Jaime, Jaime...

I'm so sorry. This hurts me more than it does you.

No, actually I think it'll hurt you a little more, unless you help.

Agata! This isn't the way to do things! Not like this!

Do we have the trap ready?

It's almost ready. Almost ready is no good to me.

My father's almost here.

So where's your real girlfriend? She's not my girlfriend! Cut it out!

Call her what you like!

But she's in danger because of you. Thanks for the analysis, Mom.

If you don't want to save your planet, it's up to you.

But at least save her.

Hello? Luisa? Where are you?

Juan? I can barely hear you.

Yes, well, it's the signal.

Where are you? I'll come get you. On my way home.

I can meet you there. No, no! Not your place!

Stay where you are, there are people.

I'm at the Arco de Triunfo. Really?

You won't believe it. Me too! I'll be right there.

Luisa?

What's up with you? Me? What's up with you?

When did we meet?

What's your favorite drink?

Do you like black olives on your pizzas?

Juan, you're being an idiot. Okay, you're Luisa. No doubt.

Tell me what's going on.

Luisa, I'm not normal.

I got that. You have some things... Some things, sure...

Like I can melt ice with a look.

Or I can see through walls.

Or maybe I sneeze and knock down a partition.

Apart from all that, yes, I'm run-of-the-mill.

Fine. Is this when I laugh?

I stopped the subway train.

I can fly too, but I found that out today.

I've been given some dumb excuses for dumping me, but this is the worst. It's not an excuse!

I'll tell you something. We weren't even going out.

So there's no need to lie. It's not a lie!

I'm telling you the truth, Luisa. Please, Juan.

All you left out is that you're an alien.

What?

Just what I needed.

Don't go too far away. How about this:

If it's all true, show me!

Don't talk crap. Don't you say you can fly?

Then go on, fly. Do something. Yeah, fly...

How can I fly here? They'll find us!

Who? Agata Muller!

She's an alien too, from the same planet.

Your planet? Chiton.

What?

If you make up a planet, don't make it sound like a village outside of Albacete!

What?

You made a suit and everything? My mother made it.

You mother made you a suit to dump me?

Really, Luisa. It's...

You're making me do this... in front of everyone!

But it's always the same with you. Always the same!

You're no help at all.

See that? The Arco de Triunfo?

I'll loop through it and be right back.

I've never been dumped in such an original way before.

Hey, smartass, where do you think you're going?

If you want to work this area, pretty boy, you have to get permission from Jeferson Noruega, like everyone!

Sorry, I think there's been a mistake.

I'm the real thing. That's a lie.

I know the real one: Osvaldo.

And he does Robocop Saturdays on Las Ramblas.

We're all very confused.

This isn't a costume. Yeah, right.

You're in your pajamas, man!

Jef, we keep up the quality so this dude can screw it up.

You...

Two things. One, these are not pajamas.

And two, I really save people.

Luisa...

Luisa?

Get in! Drive!

Luisa!

Luisa! Wait a moment.

You're not leaving until you tell us where you got it.

I don't want any trouble, okay? Oh, no?

It's me again, son of Jan.

I don't want to hurt Luisa, so don't make me waste my time.

Don't you dare! No?

Get outta here, you clown!

What do you want from me? Get outta here!

The sword!

Accept it, you're not the others.

Fuck, you idiot! Sorry, man!

You tore my suit! It was already torn.

Like hell it was!

My father will be here soon. Join us and together we'll rule these pathetic creatures.

I'll wait for you here. Where are you?

Where's Luisa? You know where to find me.


Excuse me, Agata Muller's office?


Juan, help us! Where were you?

Help us, look at us! Get us out of here!

Use your power! And tell me what's happening!

Careful, it's a trap. Where were you?

It you speak at the same time, I can't understand you.

Don't get out of the elevator, it's a trap.

Juan, what's going on? I told you, Luisa.

He has powers, I've seen it!

People don't have 'powers'. Juanito, she doesn't believe it.

Go on, fly. How can I fly?

We're inside. I'll bang myself silly!

Then super-strength or super-vision. It's super-sight!

Supervision is something else, that's supervising!

You don't have to correct me in front of her, eh, Juanito?

You guys are terrible!

Your underwear.

You're wearing a black bra... with a bit of padding.

You actually wear panties... and they're from another set.

You have a tattoo? Wow, that's hot.

It says 'Rober'?

Didn't you tell me you were half going out?

Don't talk about Rober now! I see something too.

Yes, you have a mole. Just there, above the...

You don't see a thing! And untie me!

Juan!

What's wrong with you?

Juan!

- I hear a noise. What noise?

A noise. Suffer, suffer...

The noise!

It must be the speakers.

Luisa, we have to buck him up so he gets strong.

Juan, I forgive you.

I know you were after Luisa, but I'm getting over it.

Why bring that up now?

So you wangled me the job. Luisa, are we doing what we're doing or not here?

Tell him you like him too. You'd tattoo his name on your thigh.

I'm serious! Say something nice!

Juan, this...

You're, you're...

really sweet.

What's that shit? You almost finished him off!

Tell him something epic! Yes,yes...

Juan, when... when I said a Spanish superhero was pathetic, it's because I didn't know that you were one.

Actually, I still think it's pathetic.

As for the suit, don't worry, we can do something, alright?

So gather strength from somewhere and get us out of here now!

It's not working. It never fails in the movies.

What a shitty superhero!

What did you say? Sorry, but look what he's like with just some buzzing.

No, repeat what you said. What a shitty superhero!

Look at him lying there. Pathetic!

You failure. Insult him more.

Shitty superhero!

It's working.

Insulting him works.

It's time to go home.

Loser! Useless!

Superhero, sure Supershithead, that's you!

Idiot! Incompetent!

Unpunctual! You're a flop, a mediocre superhero!

You're embarrassing to me. Second rate!

Your English is crap, intermediate level.

And your Powerpoint is awful!

You kiss real shitty! Really?

I knew it.

How could he kiss right with that cop mustache?

Dad!

First of all, good morning. I was looking forward to seeing you.

And I'm looking forward to seeing Jan's son!

He's in my power. Let's see if that's true.

You're making a fool of yourself.

Not any fool, no. The biggest fool in the galaxy!

These people know lots of planets.

They'll laugh at you in all of the constellations.

You know where Andromeda is? Well, way beyond that they'll laugh at how pathetic you are!


If you can fly, I don't get why you're late for work every day.

Now you know I'm a superhero, don't tell anyone at the office. Some people really gossip.

Well, you being a superhero, we'll see about that.

Shall I let go of you? No, no!

I believe you. Alright.

Where do we go now?

Where all 30-year-olds go when they're in a spot.

No, no... It can't be!

He can't have done this.

Dad... I want to make on thing clear.

Not for a moment did I believe that you'd found him.

He was here.

I look at you and I want to push the button and send all this to shit!

You're shame your family.

At your age, your grandma Ursula had subjugated a whole galaxy!

Your cousin Virguis is just 18 and he's already done two genocides on Alpha Centauri!

And look at you!

How have you let this planet go on like this?

Alive! So alive it's disgusting!

Where's the lava, the chaos!

I want volcanoes everywhere!

The whole planet's under my control, although they don't know it.

What good is it if they don't know it?!

You're like a useless pet, like a...

I don't know what you are, Agata, but I wish you weren't my daughter!

Where's your mettle to be leader of Chiton?

Where's your character?

Where's your mettle to do important things?

Right here.

At last, my girl.

Now, yes. I am proud of you.

Any objections?

Then move it. I have a planet to raze.

Are you sure? Look, Luisa.

I may have all the superpowers, but understanding you isn't one of them yet.

Me? Yes, you.

A few days ago, you thought being a superhero was pathetic.

Now you won't burn the suit, just in case.

Agata will keep looking for you and you'll need to defend yourself.

If I stop being a superhero, maybe she'll stop looking.

I shouldn't have stopped that darn subway train.

That's when the problems started. Oh, really?

Were you really doing so great before this?

Burning the suit won't make you normal.

You know what really makes me mad?

Precisely these days I couldn't be normal.

If I had been, we wouldn't be arguing now.

Or we'd be arguing over whether to go out to dinner or not.

Or if we'd meet up again, which, by the way, I want to.

But you can't choose to be like everyone else because you're not like everyone else.

I can choose. Look.

Tell them this is going to stick.

Give them some time, I know Juan.

You're his parents, but I'm his boss and his friend.

And you're not his parents, parents. So listen to me.

I saw this coming!

Tell Juanito to hide! What are you doing, Juan?

These scum will see who his father is!

When I find the cartridges, I'll show 'em.

What's going on here?

That's going on.

It's not burning! Yes it is.

It just needs catch fire.

Of course it'll burn.

It wouldn't be the weirdest thing we've seen lately.

Now everything that happens here has to be weird!

Let's stop being so paranoid.

Juanito!

Juanito, look! The aliens are invading!

She couldn't be a bigger pain in the ass.

What's the suit doing there?

I'm not wearing it anymore, Mom! Why not?

It turned out so nice, and the stitching I had to do!

How can you be so tiresome?

Where are going with a UFO right here in town?

You must be really dumb. I don't want any trouble!

First of all, good morning. I'm not going to your planet!

You didn't persuade me! I don't have to persuade you.

I'm going to raze this planet, starting with your family.

Now you're razing the planet. With what, a giant toaster?

Have you looked at yourself?


The suit!

The suit! The suit!

Come on. The stick!

Be careful. Here, Juan.

Come on! Come here.

Tell me you're not scared. I'm not scared!

Even you don't believe that.

Jaime, if she tells me not to be scared, I say I'm not.

But sure I'm scared. Look at that monstrosity!

Two days in the same underpants! It keeps growing!

Come on.

It's hot, it's hot! Alright...

Put a foot in here, in here!

If my mom helps me put on the suit, I'll never have charisma.

It's almost on us, Juan!

Go!

Leave me alone with her!

How can we go? Get out of here!

Go! Go!

What?

Whatever you say, he's my son.

By the Great Hornspoon!

Leave my family alone!

This is between you and me! Family...

Family is overrated.

My shotgun!

Hold on, Dad! I can't, son!

It looks like I can't!

Hold on, Juan! Hold on!

I'm sorry.

I think it's time to stand out! Of course, son!

Show the universe what the Lopezes are worth!

Dad!

Relax, son! I've got it all under control!

He's been sucked up!

Isn't that the loser? Be quiet.

This is going straight to YouTube. Transformer vs. Sissy.

She's going to kill him!

Juanito!

Here she comes...

Look out, danger. The ball on the right side.

It'll reach Leo Messi, Leo...

Ball to the goalie, but look out, there's a field-crasher.

Who's that?

Someone's down on the pitch, but not a player, a field-crasher.

What a shitty field-crasher!

He's not even naked!

He confronts the referee and tells him it's a penalty.

We can't believe it.

What's this guy doing? Get him off the field!

Throw him off the field, ref!

He's going to fuck up the final.

It's incredible. Look at the players' faces.

He's grabbing the net. Someone get this guy off!

Guys, look.


What are you doing here? Don't ask.

What have you done with my parents? I told you, they're not your parents.

No, no, no!

Jaime.

Jaime, help me. You have to distract her.

I'm sorry, the robot?

You're crazy. She's going to destroy him!

But we can't do anything. Of course we can!

Distract her somehow! Wait, wait.

I have a better man.

You and I go down to the basement and stay there a couple of days.

What? Are you trying something with me, Jaime?

But I was very subtle.

Shit, shit! Shit!

This is the famous ultimate weapon.

Okay. I'd keep playing, but I have a planet to destroy.

Hey, Agata!

Here, read my mind!

I'm thinking you should follow me!

Grab something. It's too soft in here.

Up! I can't, Juan.

Up!

I almost distracted her.

What...? Juan, you're useless!

Piece of shit!

Hey, insult my son again and you're screwed!

I know it sounds weird, but it works.

Juan, you're ugly! Real ugly!

We all pull together or the planet's screwed!

Juan!

Juan!

Juan, get up!

Juanito, an adopted child isn't loved like a real one.

You're getting beaten by a girl! Get up, Juan!

Help! Wake up!

Juan, I'm here!


Fine. Let's end this. I agree!

Like on our first date, Juan!

Blow her down in one!

My mother!

Luisa grabbed my ass a while ago! Your mom's grabbing it now!


I can blow you down in one. Don't play the hero, Lopez.

It's not your thing.

My name is Superlopez.


Did he say Superlopez? I liked Sissy more.

Help! Juan...

Are you alright?

Get me out of here!

Are you alright? No, I'm not.

That's it. How awful.

You're welcome, Juanito. Second time I've saved you.

Son. Son.

I almost got killed!

Son, your father almost drowned.

It was terrible.

It's alright.

You've left me with no hats.

Well...

You saw what I did, right!?

Maybe you are a bit of a superhero.

Maybe, yes. What do we do now?

And landing in that pose. Yes, it wasn't on purpose.

I don't know if you'll get used to it.

What choice is there?

Just thinking about it gives me a knot in my gullet.

But your real parents on Chiton are waiting for you to save them.

Don't worry, Mom.

I've got it all under control.

My son, it's been so long.

Thanks to you, son, Chiton will finally be a free planet.

Son, we've missed you so much.

We knew you'd come back!

Come, son. Give me a kiss.

PLANET: CHITON LEADER: ADMIRAL SKORBA LEADER: JEFERSON NORUEGA


Good morning. We awake today with the news of the emergence of this strange superhero.

Images of him have gone viral.

City Hall is raising taxes to pay for the destruction in the city.

And we have to add another headaches to this.

Indeed, there's the stoppage on Line 1 due to the accident and protests by fans at the suspension of the Cup Final.

Lots of listener messages on our answering machine.

This country, Spain, has had real superheroes, like Don Pelayo, like El Cid, we don't deserve some guy flying around in a leotard.

I think this superhero is a smokescreen so we don't talk about what really matters.

I'm 86, a widow for 40 years.

I've fantasized about making love to all the superheroes in alphabetical order.

Can you believe that this Spanish superhero arouses no desire in me?

He looks so skinny, so scrawny, so ugly, with that ridiculous name... What is it? What's he called?


Don't start.

You always do this to me, Juan! What do you want me to do?

I saw a column of smoke and my body said: save humanity.

Now it's fires too.

When it's not a fire, it's a robbery, or that boat the other day.

Luisa, it was a cruise ship and it was sinking.

Sorry, whatever. Now it's smoke! There are firemen!

When I see someone in imminent danger, naturally I save them. If I don't, I think that's terrible.

So what do I have to do to get you to come on time?

Set fire to the restaurant?

I've been late twice.

15 minutes to save the planet and look how you get.

Look, Juan, I'll tell you. As of now, you're going to have to combine your superhero life with life in a couple.

I'll tell you: if there's a catastrophe and I do nothing, it's your fault!

Fine. Fine.

Get the bill, go on.

Waiter, check, please. The man at the bar is buying.

You owe me one, Superlopez.


Translation: Lindsay Moxham Subtitles: LASERFILM