Swamp Shark (2011) Script

Relax, man.

Get over here now.

Come on, man.

It's the gator fest kickoff party, døde.

Calm down, Scott.

I'll kick your ass in the bayou.

Leave it alone, Scott.

Let's go.

You know what? I'm getting sick and tired...

Jack, your daddy's going to hear about this.

Your mama and daddies are going to get some nice fat citations now from all of you.

Okay, Jen c.

Bring it on in.

You read me? Bring it on in.

I can't wait to hear what he's got to say.


Looks like you had a rough night fishing.

Rough ain't the half of it.

Damn thing killed half my crew before I could get it in the tank.

What the hell's in that thing?

You pay me to find exotic animals.

Pay me.

I'm sorry about your men.

Bring it all. Got it.

How the hell you get that thing in there?


Put another strap on. Quick.

Hurry it up. Come on.

Move, move, move!

Come on. Move!

Move it. Move it. Move it!

Hurry! Get it going, now.

Don't say a word about this to anyone.


Get that truck out of here.


What a lousy way to start the summer.


People are out of water. Come on.

I'm coming.

That ain't part of the alligator show they got around here, is it?

So your friends dared you to come and get...

My number?

Who was that?

Oh, come on, babe.

Flirting's part of the job.

You know I'm all yours.

Well, in that case, then flirt away.


I hope you're all having a good time here at the gator shed.

Family owned and operated.

Always has been, always will be.

And everything that we make tonight is to send her sister to college.


She's the one over by the fireplace that's pretending not to know me.

There she is. Hey, krystal.

Okay, it is 6:00... Right this way.

Here at the gator shed, and that means only one thing.

Kill me now.

Who would bus the tables for me?

Enjoy. Thanks.

It is time... To feed the gators!

Let's go!

Who wants to feed some gators?


Come on, now.

Who wants to feed some gators?


All right, that's better.

All righty.

Has a bite strength of over 2,000 pounds per square inch.

Its jaws...

Can literally snap a man in half.

And not no little man like you.

Å big man like me.

Think your brother ever gets scared of doing that?

No, he faced down the scariest creature alive.

What's more dangerous than a gator?

Well, a defensive lineman from the New York giants.


I'll show you.

You think he misses it?

What, being pummeled so many times that he can't walk without a limp again?

Yeah, that's the one.

Yeah, he misses it.

An alligator, he swallows his food whole.

His teeth don't chew.

He grabs on, spins around, takes it down and drowns it, and then swallows it.

Anyways, after graduation, I'm out of here.

30 Miles per hour on land.

Can you run 30 Miles per hour?

Me neither, and I'm pretty fast.

So I don't want to meet one of these things who starts chasing me.


Cut Jackson off. He's wasted.

You got it, boss.

Ah, hey, mystery man.

Let me guess.

Just coffee. Yeah.

You know, you come in here every single day, and you never order food.

I'm starting to take it personally.

I like coffee.

This coffee?

Tastes good to me.

You know, I think I've figured it out.

What's that?

You're a traveling aluminum siding salesman.

No. Okay.

Then I'm just going to have to go with secret agent.

You were closer the first time.

Name's Tommy, by the way.

So you have a name.

I'm Rachel.

I know.

I can feed them gators...

Come on, Jackson. That's it.

Okay, I'm sorry, folks. Here you go.

Come on. Come on, Jackson.

People are trying to have a good time... hey.

All right. I'm sorry.

Come on, Jackson.

Get your hands off of me!

Look at you, Jackson.

I gotta go.

Come on, Jackson.

Swamp thing.

What kind of nature's that anyway?

Aw, come on.

Can't play football... mandling, head over to the gator shed a.S.Å.P.

We got called about a fight.

Copy that. We're on our way.

Come on, Jackson.

Jason! What are you doing?

Man, Jackson, why'd you have to go and do that?

Are you okay?

Did you see that?

Swamp thing just knocked out Jackson.

Oh, boy.

Krystal, shut it down.

Jackson, I'm sorry. You all right?

Yeah, I'm all right. I'm all right.

It's just reaction.

I'm sorry.

Come on, buddy. Let's go; Come on.

Come on, now. Rachel.

You mind stepping over here a sec?

You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police and have an attorney present during questioning.

If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you for questioning.

If you decide to answer questions without an attorney present, you still have the right to stop answering at any time.

Assault and battery, rach. Doesn't look good.

Jackson was looking for trouble.

It's not Jason's fault that he found it.

You think any more about what we talked about?

I have a boyfriend, sheriff.

I know, I know, you got that bartender, Mr. flirty.

You going to let Jason go or what?

Well, that all depends, cupcake.

You going to have dinner with me?

What if I told you I'd think about it?

Really? Yeah.

It might be nice.

Well, then I'd say that...

Maybe what happened here was just...

Å little misunderstanding.

Little bit.

Thank you, sheriff.

Thank you.


Let him go.

Yeah. Come on.

Get these things off me.

Come on. How'd you do that?

What'd you say?

Hey, hey. What up?

Sorry, guys. We're closed.

Let's just get the beers and head to the boat.

Well, if it's closed, you're not working, then, right?

Um, I'm... i have to help clean up.

That's too bad.

Maybe she can hang out with us this weekend.

Oh, that'd be nice, actually. Yeah.

I can't. My sister would kill me.

Come on, man.

We're going to rent a boat and go out to the lake where the cops can't find us.

Does that sound like fun?

Well, my sister would kill me and then stomp on my grave, so...

Well, you know what?

If you survive, give my boy scout a call right there.

Yeah, what's your name?

Krystal. Krystal, nice.

Wear that. Wear that, okay?


Totally, døde.


We'll see how the gator shed does with no gators.

Come to papa.

Come and get it.

Oh, shoot.

Gotcha. Gotcha.





It's a real mess, rach.

Tell me about it.

What the hell happened?

Gators are gone.

Gone? How?

Something ate them.

What could possibly eat a gator?


Um... Don't.

Tell me what?

Looked like a...Shark.

Å shark.

Come on, rach.

Did you have a little too much Tequila after I left last night?

I know it sounds crazy, but that is what I saw.

You saw a shark in the swamp.


Å swamp shark.

Come on.

Go to hell.

You know, just 'cause it isn't likely doesn't mean it's impossible.

It is impossible.

Sharks live in salt water, buddy.

Actually, not all sharks live in salt water.

Medulla, pygmy, ragner.

And just 'cause a shark is predominantly salt water doesn't mean it can't swim in fresh.

Bull sharks can live up to three weeks in freshwater.

How do you know all this stuff?

He's a genius.

Not really. I just watch a lot of cable.

Oh, great.

We don't need your help, sheriff.

Is that any way to greet your future husband, Rachel?

You know my presence out here isn't optional.

I got a report of a gunshot fired at 5:00 in the morning.

You know I got to check it out.

Mandling out here?


What the heck is that?

Looks like Jackson came back out here for some kind of payback.

You want to tell me about it?

I... i don't know what you're talking about.

I bet your brother does.

I've seen a lot of crazy things down here.

I'm not saying it's impossible.

I'm going to need to bring you in for questioning.

I ain't did nothing.

I'm not saying you did, swampy.

Well, what's the charge?

He's not being charged yet.

I just got to get to the bottom of what happened out here last night.

I already told you I ain't did nothing.

Hey, sheriff!

What the hell is that?

Oh, God.

I think it's Jackson.

Oh, hell, no.

What'd you do, chop him up and feed him to your gators?

He wouldn't do that.

I didn't even see Jackson after he left yesterday, and that's the truth.

So unless you got some evidence that shows otherwise, why don't you just leave us alone and go find out what really happened?

I know what happened.

Well, are you going to tell me, or are you going to keep it a secret?

It was the shark.

Å what?

I saw a shark last night.

I came out here, and the gator pen was all torn up, and I saw it, I shot at it, and it swam away...

It must have been coming in here to eat our gators, and maybe Jackson got in the way.

I heard it all.

You're telling me that there's a shark in the swamp.

Actually, medulla... Shut up.

Now, you listen to me.

I'm going to call judge Masterson, and I'm going to tell him to shut this circus down till we can figure out what's happening around here.

You can't do that. Watch me.

Sheriff Watson, this is headquarters. Over.

This is the sheriff.

Sheriff, we have a 398 in progress.

I'm on the way.

I'll be back, cupcake.

He can't do this.

We got a 398 over on... looks like drop 17.

He's not going to be gone long.

What are we going to do?

Look for new jobs?

He wanted to shut us down before his deputy got mangled.

Do whatever you want. I'm going hunting.

For what? For whatever I saw.

That thing ripped our gators to shreds.

Whatever it is, it probably killed Jackson too.

I say we hunt it, we kill it, we bring it back to sheriff Watson, clear our names, and save the business.

Rach, listen to yourself. It's just a restaurant.

491/2 years, we've owned this restaurant, okay?

It's all we have.

I'd rather burn in hell than be the one that didn't bring us to 50.

We don't even know what it is.

How do you hunt something you know nothing about?

I may not know what it is, but I know how to find it.

The insurance company made me get them.

I didn't think I'd ever have to use them.

Wait a second; There are tracking chips in all of the gators?


Password? Whodat, one word.

So if your loch ness monster ate these gators, then the tracking devices are in its stomach?

Along with the rest of the gator.


According to the website, every ten minutes, it uploads its location to the satellite.

If it's moving, we should get a history...

Look at that.

Looks like they're having a town meeting.

Or that thing ate every last piece of them.

Even if we do catch it, how does that prove anything?

Easy, they can cut it open and identify the gators by their tracking chip.

How do we prove what happened to Jackson?

They can take a mold of its teeth and then match it to the bite marks on the arm.


Catch a shark, save the restaurant.

Who's in?

Damn it.

♪ 'Cause I'm a little sick of it ♪

♪ don't care what the doctor said ♪

♪ sure miss your company ♪

♪ so blow your nose and stomp with me ♪ Are you kidding me?

I'll talk to 'em.

What the hell is this?

What? The Dukes, the cooler.

This is a hunting trip, not a picnic.

Well, I'm wearing the shorts 'cause they're easy to move in, and what's in the cooler ain't no picnic.

Well, the cooler can come, but you gotta stay.

Mom and død would have let me go.

Mom and død ain't here, are they?

Rachel and me are, and we're not letting you go.

It's not fair.

Look, I know you guys really want to go, but if anything happened to you out there, I couldn't live with myself, okay?

We understand.

Look, I have an app that's running that'll track the shark for you.

Just be careful.

Thanks, Martin.

What are you doing here? Coming with you.

But you don't know where we're going.

Shark hunting. Small town.

We've got plenty of people.

Did you hear me?


Dude definitely comes along.

Who is this guy?

I still don't think it's a good idea.

He's a stranger.

But he's been coming to the shed for a while now.

So what? That doesn't mean you can trust him.

Why not?

Just... i don't like him. Something about him.

I think you're jealous.

Of him? Yeah.


That's ridiculous.


You're not really going to call those guys, are you?

Why? What do you care?

They were nice.

"Nice." More like in heat.

Yeah, well, it's not a crime for a guy to like me, you know.

I... i just... you just what?


Hey, stop the boat!

The transmitters say we're here, but the tags haven't moved for over an hour.

That's weird.

I found one.


Look, there's more.

Either our gators disintegrated, or that thing took a huge... watch out!


Did you freaking see that shark?

You were right, rach. Yeah.

We gotta get out of here!

We came here to hunt that thing.

I thought you wanted to help.

That was when I thought you were seeing things.

We gotta call the sheriff now.

Kill it and go home.

Yo, look!

I got this.

Are you crazy?

Oh, my God.

Didn't even flinch!

Got it!

It's trying to sink us.

I said stop it. Get off the wheel.

You want to get eaten?

Where are we going, Tyler?

What are you doing, Tyler?

Getting us out of here.

Give me the wheel. No, I got it.

Tyler, we're smokin' real bad.

You got to slow down, man.

Come on!

You're going to burn this thing out.

Oh, my knee!

♪ What up? What up? What up? What up? ♪

♪ what up? What up? What up? ♪

♪ get your hands in the air ♪

♪ get your hands in the air ♪

Dude, that was classic.

Damn it, Scott! Are you all right?

What is your problem? Are you serious?

Like, you are absolutely... are you all right? I'm fine.

That was hilarious.

Damn it. They're going to hear us.

You guys are... they don't even know where they are, let alone where we are.

I know.

But can't we go somewhere a little more private?

I hate you, and I hate that you're...

You know, I did see a little boat tied up at the dock.

What you think?

Want to take it for a spin?

Whose is it?

Hell if I know.


It's going to a noble cause.

Come on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll go in that water...

You go.

I ain't getting in...

Hey, guys. Where you going?

Oh, uh, we'll be back.

Yeah, don't worry about waiting up for us.

We might be a while.

Oh, so you're not going to have sex, then.

What... what happened out there?

Grab the rope.

Can you make it up the stairs?

Oh, my... i can't believe it.

Martin, help me get him up the stairs.

Leave it.

All right, put him on the chair right over there.

What a mess.

My dad's boat.

I'll see what I can do.


What happened?

There it is.

Come on.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Oh, my God, Marcus, I swear, if we get attacked by gators, I will never forgive you.

Fair enough.

Oh, my God.

You're so paranoid.

Don't be scared.


Yeah, let's do it.

What is that?


How's this?

Is this private enough for you?


I think this is perfect...

As long as we don't fall in.

Well, I guess we'll just have to be careful.

Hold that pose.


Here we go.



What? Let me see.

Damn, I look hot.



It looks like at... What is that?

You know what?

Maybe it's nothing.

Maybe... oh, God.

Maybe it was just your hair.

Marcus, take me back. Take me back.


Seriously, Marcus. Take me back now!

Take me back now. I'm serious.

All right.

You owe me.

Get me back to shore, and you can have whatever you want.

Would you go?



That is a shark, Marcus.

That is a shark, Marcus. Get us out of here.

God. Help!

Help! Noah! Scott!


Oh, my God. Paddle faster, Marcus!

I'm going as fast as...

Marcus, paddle faster!


Amber, help me.

Help me.





Get him something to bite on.

All right, hold him down.

All right, let me hold him.

You ready, bro?

Ready as I'm going to be.


One, two...


Man, I haven't had to do that in a while.

It could have been worse.

You ready to go again? Yeah.

Are you psycho?

Did you not see that thing?

I mean, look at your knee, man.

Just give up. Give up?

Friend, you obviously never played football.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to fix this engine.

For what?

I'm going back out there.

Do you have any large Crescent wrenches?

Yeah, on the deck.

Are you insane?

That thing has tasted people, and apparently we taste good.

Now it's going to keep on killing until somebody puts it down.

You can't stop it.

If it breathes, it can be killed.

What makes you think you can stop it?

Hey, don't worry about it.

I can handle it. We don't need you.

I see the way you look at her.

What did you say?

Stay away from my girlfriend, man!

All right, that's enough. Not now.

Now is not the time.

You're acting like an idiot.

Are you seriously defending him?

I'm not defending anybody.

See, this is the problem.

You defend him instead of me.

Oh, give me a break.

I could have any girl I want.

You realize that, right?

You know, I think... wow.


How you like me now?

Do something. How you like me now?

Don't make me hurt you.

Come on!


You going to chill?

You going to chill?

I'm cool, man!


I have already. That's... but that's the problem.

I've already said it once, and now I've got to repeat myself.

It's irritating.

Don't just say... just tell me what you want me to do.

Okay, all right.

I really don't like...

I should probably go.

No, no, no, it was Tyler's malfunction.


No, you're going to need a bigger band-aid.

One second.

You were really cool in there.

Oh, I don't know about that.


She your girl?


Krystal and me.


No, no, no, no way.

You don't like her?

I... i do like her. Å lot.

It's the friend curse.

I'm her buddy, so she's never going to notice me.

Seize the moment.


Take a shot.


Something Martin and I were discussing.

Seize the moment.




Wait, hold on.


Hey, how's your shoulder?

Any permanent damage?

Oh, no, it's... you know, I think it's all right thanks to nurse krystal.

I'm not sure about old Tyler, though.

I'm sorry about all that.

You know what? It's a crazy day.

Emotions are running high.

I'm sure everything will be better tomorrow.

Yeah, well, it better be, because I plan on going back out there to finish this thing.

There's not a lot of quit in you, is there?

Do you want to help me, uh...

Keep hunting?


I guess I should get going.

Yeah. Uh, get some sleep and stuff.

I will.

And don't disappear on me, 'cause I'm going to need you.

All right.

Oh. I got to lock up.

Get any sleep?


You going to open the restaurant today?

Until I see a court order, it's business as usual.

You mean other than shark hunting.

That's right.

So what do we got here?

I'm still trying to identify that shark.

Can't find anything that looks like the one you described.

That armor stuff has to be some sort of exoskeleton that's been growing for, like, 100 years.

But, I mean, sharks don't live that long.


Check this out.

There was a shark attack three weeks ago in the Gulf of Mexico, about 100 Miles from here.

The attack happened a few minutes after this probe was retrieved by marine biologists.

It's a probe that had been crawling along in deep ocean trenches...

I mean, deeper than we've ever been before.

Wait, so you think this shark is our shark?

I don't know.

Well, it would explain why you can't determine its species and why there's 100 years of gunk on it.

You're missing the point, 'cause the water pressure at the bottom of the ocean can turn a car into a soda can.

Anything that can survive at that depth is... indestructible.


Tell me what else this article says about where it's been.

That's the whole thing.

The people working the probe were the shark attack victims.

They radioed for help, but by the time the police boats and the recuse workers got there, there was nothing left.

Why in the hell is it in our swamp?

You got me.

Now that Jackson got his self killed, I don't have a driver I can trust.

Well, you've got to haul this thing out of here.

No kidding.

Not like I can run it through the department.

Figure it out. This is your mess.

You're the middleman, and things got screwed up on your shift.

No more excuses.

I know. I know. I'll figure it out.

You better.

Now, how are you going to make this right?

Brazilian macaws.

Å bird.

Not just a bird.

This is on the endangered species list, almost impossible to find in the states.

I can have 20 of them on a plane tomorrow.

Now, you can grab about 10 grand each, easy.

200,000 is a really nice haul.

Best thing come along since them pandas.

Now all I need is a little up-front money.

How much?

10 grand.

And 10 grand for the custom agents at the port.

Get them to me in one piece, and I'll throw another 20 grand your way.

I like that.

Make up for this little shark fiasco we have here.


You know, I've been thinking about staying in town for the delivery.

You don't mind, do you?

Knock yourself out.


I've always wanted to see this gator fest for myself anyway.

I tell you, it's a real blast.

You'll have such a good time, you'll wet yourself.

Get that freaking thing out of here.

I'll see you at the fest.

♪ Well, last night, you done went too far ♪

♪ can't go back out to the bar ♪

Morning, ladies.

Good morning.

♪ ...Way too fast ♪

♪ take it easy, boy ♪

It's about time you got here.


Had a late night last night.

What the hell we supposed to be doing, anyway?

The sheriff told us to keep our eyes open for anything unusual.

What the hell's that supposed to mean?

Well, you tell me.

Might have something to do with that shark.

Heard he turned a cage full of gators into toothpicks and sloppy Joes.

There ain't no damn shark.

The sheriff done said so.

Now, just get your ass out there, and keep your eyes open.

For something unusual.


That ain't a shark.

Just get.

I'm just getting.

Damn idiot.

This is Cooper to mandling.

Yeah, go for mandling.

Everything looks good on the dock.

There ain't no shark here.

Yeah, copy that, Coop.

Come on.

Okay, let's go.

Excuse me, officer.



Come on. Come and catch me.

Where you going now?

Here we go.


There... there was a gator.

Over there?

Big ol' gator.

Why don't you just shoot him?

I got to call this in.

Charlene, you there?


Oh, my...

come on, babe.

Krystal, answer the phone!

Gator shed. This is krystal.



It's me, Scott. We met yesterday.

Oh! Hi.

I mean, what's up?

You didn't call. That's what's up.

Uh, yeah, it's been super busy.

Well, forget about that.

You ready to join the party?

Well, I totally would, but... two of our friends ditched us.

So lame.

So now you have to come.

Uh, well, maybe I could stop by for a little bit.

All right, we're camped down at cypress cove about a mile west of whiskey river.

Do you know where that is?

Of course. Sweet.

We'll wait for you here.

Make sure you save my number.

I already did.

I knew I liked you.

Don't be a flake.

♪ My soul is on trial with a public defender ♪ Boom! That's what's up.

Hey, she's coming.

No way. Of course she's coming.


Don't throw it.

What... you don't even know how to read it.


Come... no, don't... man!

Careful, careful.

Careful with it.

What's this?

Well, that is a map that Martin made.

So now we have a map of all the places the shark tried to eat us.

Actually, we can use it to extrapolate where the shark is going next.


Extrap... never mind.

Sharks move in concentric circles when marking new territory.

It's how they hunt.

The center point is where Rachel first saw it, so you can see that it's been moving outward since.

So you can figure out where the shark is going.

I already have.

So where's it headed?

You guys aren't going to like it.

Where is this thing going?


Whiskey river?

The gator fest.

♪ All the girls I've known before ♪

♪ have left me hungry, left me poor ♪

♪ women come, and then they go ♪

♪ why they leave, well, I just don't know ♪

♪ another one just walked out the door ♪ Scott?

Scott! Hi.

Whoa, krystal, you made it.

This is awesome.

Yeah, uh, listen.

Don't pull out on the water today.

Don't go to gator fest.

There's something dangerous out there.

You know, I've heard a lot of excuses not to party, but this one... it's not an excuse. I'm serious.

Okay, everyone's waiting. Come on.

Wait. Come on.

♪ Jenny turned out to be a man ♪

♪ and kitty took off with my van ♪

What's going on? Join the party.

There's a shark in the water, and my brother tried to shoot it, and it totally didn't flinch.

My point is that it's deadly and we have to get out of here before it comes back.


We're on a boat. We'll be fine.

I have another bikini if you don't want any tan lines.

Take yours off and give her that bikini right there.

Here you go. Try this.

It makes all your troubles go away.

Well, I... i don't think you understand.

It's not just going to go away.

Chill, baby. We're going to have a blast.

♪ I ain't got no damn luck ♪

♪ baby, that's for sure ♪ Whoo!

♪ Margarita in LA chiquita ♪

♪ si, un chiquita ♪

♪ si, si, para mi ♪

What are you doing?

We have to get off of the water.

We're not on the water; We're in a boat.

Stop the boat. No.

Well... Jesus.

What, are you crazy?

Give that back!

I'm not 21. I'm not... give it back! I need that.

No. Stop it.

Ah! Man, you know what? You suck.


Really? Yeah.

Dude, relax. You are out of control.

I'm sorry.

Look, when we get back, I'll get you a new phone, okay?

What about the shark?


We'll stay out of the water, and we'll keep it mellow, okay?

I promise. Let's go have some fun.

Just stay close to the shore.

All right. No problem.

♪ Whiskey bottle ♪

♪ give me a kiss ♪

♪ and let me take a sip of your love ♪

Gator shed.

Yeah, is Rachel there?

Yeah, one second.

Rachel! Phone!


I got something you need to see.

What? Meet me at the hospital.

Uh, when?

As soon as you can.

Yeah, ten minutes. All right.

Paging Dr. Calvin...

Back so soon, agent brysler?

Just want to take another quick look, if you don't mind.

Hey, give me a holler if you need my help.

Thanks, Larry. Agent?

U.S. fish and wildlife.

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you.

I've been undercover for a while now.

All this time, you didn't say anything.

I couldn't.

Besides, your place is my little place to get away and... and what?

And it was a good spot to... what, you were investigating us?

No, no, no, no, I've been trying to make this animal smuggling case forever, but I didn't have the goods.

Now with this new evidence and your testimony... wait, that's great, but you could have told me that on the phone.

Yeah, but then I couldn't show you this.

Oh, God.

Do you know him?

I found what's left of him in the channel this morning.

You all right?


You...Brought me here why?

You see this?

Multiple rows of teeth.

Gators don't have that, but sharks do.

Three rows.

That proves I was right.

Now I'm going to nail these guys for murder along with animal smuggling.

You were right. You were right all the time.

In the meantime, that thing's still out there.

Then let's go hunt it down.

Hey, this is krystal.

I'm not here right now, so please leave a message, and I'll call you back.


Wow, you guys look like you're busy.

We've been waiting on you.

Well, I'm just going to say good-bye to krystal, and then we'll be on our way.

I thought she was with you.


I haven't seen her all morning.

We gotta find her.

All right, well, maybe she went for a walk or something.

Uh, Martin! What's up?

Where is krystal?

I don't know.

Okay, well, maybe... all right, she met some guys yesterday, some college guys here, and they asked her to go to a party with them.

All right, college guys, party.

It's not great, but it's not the end of the world.

No, the party's on a boat.

Part of a gator fest thing.

They go up and down the river.

Oh, no. We've got to find her.

Where would we even look?

There's a thousand Miles of swamp out there.

We need help, rach. Got to call the sheriff.

I hate to agree with Tyler, but he's right.

No, that's not an option. No.

It's serious.

I hate the guy more than you do, but this is krystal we're talking about.

We've no other choice. Yeah, we have to call.

No, you can't. You can't.

Tommy's a federal agent.

He's going to call a fish and wildlife SWAT team, and they're going to comb this lake and bring krystal home.

Give me sheriff Watson.

Tell him special agent brysler's calling and it's urgent.

Special agent brysler, fish and game.

Sheriff here?

Excuse me. Can we help you?


So you're a fed, huh?

That's right.

Stanley. Yes, sheriff.

See if these nice people would like something to drink.

Nah, it's all right... get y'all anything? No, we're fine.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Well, fish and wildlife or not, this is still my jurisdiction.

I think we both know those are navigable federal waterways.

You want to have a pissing contest about this?

Come on, sheriff.

You're a little out of your league here.

Out of my league?

Every year, we get a bunch of renegade gators going around attacking tourists.

Now, that's not nice, but there's nothing special about it.

We've been to the morgue, and the bite marks on those kids prove they were killed by a shark.

You expect me to believe that there's a shark floating around this bayou?

We all saw it, and now we got hard evidence.

Those kids were not killed by any gator.

Then what was that big green thing that almost ripped my deputy's leg off today?

I don't know about that, but look, I've got enough right now to call the governor, get him to shut down the whiskey river recreational area indefinitely.

What's wrong with you?

People are hurting around here since that oil spill.

Now, the gator fest begins tonight.

You want to spoil the one thing that still brings money to this town?

That's where the shark is headed.

I got deputies all around this bayou, okay, looking for gators and snakes.

If some kind of shark pops its head up... and that's a mighty big if... they can handle it.

This isn't a normal shark.

You can say that again.

It's some kind of hallucination.


You know I can have you all arrested?


I could call the governor myself.

You know we grew up together?

You didn't know that, did you?

Tell him you and your federal agent friend are making a mess of things down here.

All right, I'll tell you what I'm going to do, sheriff.

What? Help us kill this shark.

And I'll do everything in my power to get the prosecution to go easy on you.

Prosecution of what?

Exotic animal smuggling, bribing state and local officials, multiple violations of the interstate commerce code to start.

So you can lock us up, but you can't shut us up.

We'll see about that, cupcake.

You're just going to arrest them, right?

I mean, I... i only work at the restaurant, so...

Stanley? Yes, sheriff.

Get all these people out of here now, or put them in the jail.

Go on. Get out. Get 'em out of here!

Is that a taser?

That's an x26... hey!


Go on; Get out of here!

Stanley. Swamp!

Stanley, on your feet. Now!

Come on; Get in.

Wait. His boat.

Come on!

Back it up! Hold on!

Get back here!

I'm gonna shoot!

I'm gonna... I'm gonna shoot!

What? You like that? Sucker!

Ha-ha! Did you see that?

Sucker, sheriff. Whoo!

I don't like that we left Jason behind.

First we save krystal.

Then we come back with the cavalry and bust swamp thing out, I promise.

You three best turn my boat around right now.

Bring it back.

That's a negatory, sheriff.

Your boat's just so cute.

Real fast too, and handles nice.

Listen, chum-for-brains, you bring that boat in now.

Okay, hotshot, we'll see... that's enough of that.

Come on; Let's get our game faces on, all right?

Can anybody read me?

This is krystal broussard. I need help.

Oh! Krystal!

Krystal, can you hear me?

Rachel! They won't let me off the boat.

What... what boat? Where?

We're in the swamp. They won't listen.

I think we're headed for whiskey river.

Okay, we're going to come get you.

Uh, where are you exactly?

We're about... no! No! What are you doing?




I'm trying to help you.

What is your problem?

She's telling on us, man.

Would you please shut the hell up so the rest of us... did it ever occur to you that they might charge us for that?

Well, get daddy to pay for it.

No, my dad's not going to pay for everything.

He's already paid for this trip.

Now, stop laughing. The whole trip?

Scott is such a jerk.

You want a drink?

Don't touch me, døde.

No, I don't want a drink.

Relax, man.


You're going to hit the tree.

Calm down. Calm down?

Does anyone want a drink?

Great. This is perfect.

This damn rain.


Got to go now.

She could be anywhere in the swamp.

She said she was heading to the whiskey river, okay?

We head over there and see if we can find her.

I thought you said that was where the shark was headed.

So going there is suicide.

No, no, it's called saving my sister.

What, do you think the cops are going to save us?

Hang on.

♪ And I'm slowly going to pieces ♪

♪ but it's too... ♪

You okay?

Coop, come in, please.

Cooper, we got a 31-20.

Coop, can you read me?

Coop, can you come in, please?

Listen, I got a 31-20, Coop.

Come on in, please.

I'm going to go down to the gator fest.

You keep an eye on Shrek here.

Yes, sheriff.

Since everyone's so interested in me catching the shark, I'm going to go find some bait.

Oh, man.

Dude, you broke the prop.

No, I didn't.

I told you we shouldn't have gone.

Would you please shut up?

Dude, chill. All we got to do is call for help.

My phone doesn't have any bars here.

That's what a radio's for.

All right, short straw goes to see what the trouble is.

You ain't special, krystal.

You got to play too.

No one should go in the water.

It's safer to stay here until we get help.

I'm getting sick and tired of baby-sitting you...

I'll take hers.

All right.

You're lucky Noah is such a gentleman.

Well, let's show 'em.

Looks like you win, døde.

You guys suck.

Yeah, man, it's definitely clogged.

Well, go unclog it, genius.

All right, hand me the pliers from the toolbox.

If I'm not back in two minutes, just wait longer.

Shut up. Hurry.

I can't get at it.

Dude, you didn't even try.

Go down there, and spend a little more time than two seconds, man.

You're hilarious.

What's going on?

Scott! Scott!


Oh, my God, where is he?

Oh, my God! Shark!

Scott! Scott!

Shark! Shark!

Come on! Come on!

Come here!

Faster! Faster!


Hold on. I got it.

Baby, hold on.

I gotcha. I got it.

Cut it!


Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Look at me. No, no, no, look at me.


That's got to be krystal.

Listen to me, baby. I got you, baby, okay?

Stay with me.

Tell her to stay calm.

No, no, no, it's okay. It's okay.

I got you, okay? Tell her to stay calm.

How can you stay calm like this?

We have to get out of here!

Well, we're still stuck on something, unless you feel like going for a swim to get us loose.

Watch her!

Here. Here!

Go. Keep pressure on that.

I think I got a way out of this.

Damn it.


I could swear it came from over here.

Krystal. No, it's Rachel.

We're still trying to find her before the shark does.

Crap! Oh, hey, listen.

I've been thinking of ways you could kill it.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Can you get to the sheriff's station?

Sure. Why?

I need you to help me break Jason out of jail.



Get there as fast as you can.

I've got to make another call.

Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So is it true you used to play for the NFL?

I played a little ball myself.

Went all the way to state my senior year.

I wasn't a starter or anything; I was a backup.

But I was ready every game for four years.

That's right.

The team really relied on me.

You know, the bench, they support the team.

Hello. Deputy Stanley speaking.

Yes, ma'am.

Hold on just a second.

It's your sister.

Hello. Rachel?

Did he hand you the phone off his desk?

Yeah. Okay, good. Listen.


O-okay. All right.

Uh, deputy?

Yeah. I'm through.

All right.

Hey, give me the phone.

Unlock the cell, or I'll pop your head off.



How'd you get out?

Oh, don't worry about that.

Hey, come on. Move over.

You know we got to go back to the restaurant.

We ain't got time for that.

Now, move over. Come on.

I'll show you how to drive this thing.

Come on. Come on. Move over.

Move over.

I'll show you how to drive this thing.

Just be gentle with it, all right?

Hang on, baby. All right?

Hold my feet. Hold my feet.

No, don't go in.

You have to get to a hospital, Sarah.

All right.

Hold on.

It's coming loose. I got it.

Come on!

It's coming.

Come on.

It's coming.

Hold on.

Don't go. Don't go in.

I almost got it. Hold on.




Krystal, where are you?


She's over there.

Krystal! Krystal!

Look, the problem is that the shark comes from one of the harshest biospheres in the world.

It has to be built like a tank just to swim around the block.

So what's your plan for killing it?

Well, even tanks have soft spots if we can get the hatch open.

You mean its mouth? That's right.

We got to get this thing from the inside.

I like it. Yes!

Hang on!



Rachel! Rachel, I'm over here!

Look, there she is.

This should work for a can opener.


You see anything that'll give it some indigestion?

Uh, that should do it.

Grab it.

Now all we need is a ride.

Come on; Let's go.

You think they'll let us borrow the boat too?

We'll ask 'em later.

Okay, yeah. Wait, what?

Come on. Just get in!

Okay, I'm... no, me.

Come on. I'm coming.

Help. Okay.

Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot!

We'll bring it back later!

Come back with my boat!

Come back with my boat!

Come back!


What are you doing?


Why are you stopping? Get in there.

Hey, we can't get stuck in there like she did.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'll never sneak out again.

We'll talk about that later.

Grab a rope.

I'm so sorry.


I'll never sneak out again.

I'm so sorry.

You gotta jump.

No, no, no, I have to get Sarah first.



I got it. I got it.

You're going to let Mr. secret agent man get all the glory?

Just get krystal.

Come on.



Tyler! Tyler!

Oh, no. Tyler, grab my hand!

Grab my hand!

Tyler! Tyler!


No! No!




Oh, my God!

I'm going to kill that mother... we can't stop it.

We don't have the right equipment.

No, we don't, but Martin does.

Head for shore. Come on.

Somebody help me over here.

She's really hurt.

We need this. Here, clean one.

Come on!

All right.

You son of a bitch, I got a surprise for you.

Yeah? What?

Rachel, Rachel.

No, I can barely hear you.

What? Huh?

Yeah, okay. Yeah, okay, we'll be right over.


We got to go to gator fest.

Get your funnel cakes here.

♪ Every time you get aggravated ♪

♪ I get shoved back ♪

♪ hold on to your anchor ♪

♪ you're gonna push too hard ♪

♪ I've been looking for a cure, little girl ♪ Come on, Jeanette; You can do better than that.

♪ You're gonna push too hard ♪

♪ I've been playing every single night ♪

♪ for every wrong of your day ♪

♪ you can beat an old dog so much ♪

♪ before he runs away ♪

♪ I've been playing every single night ♪

♪ for every wrong of your day ♪

♪ you can beat an old dog so much ♪

♪ before he runs away ♪

♪ jam up now ♪

How's it going?

The usual.

Some drunks, some parking tickets, a couple of pickpockets.

Ain't no sign of a shark, though.

Let's hope it stays that way.

Never seen anything like this.

Oh, what's going on?

Where the hell'd they go?

You see where they went?


It's our damn boat.

Yeah, it's about time you brought that boat back.

Tie it up first.

Get a paramedic right away!

Get e.M.T.!

Hey, sheriff!

What the hell is going on around here?

She's lost a lot of blood.

Trauma dressing.

Sheriff, who's going to pay for these damages?

Not now, Lassie. I've got bigger fish to fry.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Okay, tie it up.

Go, go, go, go.

He's coming.

Sheriff, you need to get everybody out of the water.

There's a shark coming.


Sheriff, shark!


Right there. You see it?

Get them kids out of the water.

Get them kids out of the water now.

Boys! Out of the water!


Whatever you got going, now's the time.

Jason, go!

Swamp thing, go!


Fourth and long.

Time for the hail Mary.

Coming through.


Come on. Take the bait.

Shoot it now!

Get down.


That was never going to work.

Fire up the airboat.

Come on, baby. Come on.

Stay here.

Come on, you son of a bitch.

Martin, you're going to have to hold this!

I don't know how! Just get up there!

I'll tell you what to do! Come on!

Just hold the gas! Hit the gas when I tell you to!

Which is the gas?

Hit the gas! Where's the gas?

Come on! Come on!


Boy, that shark's no match for the broussard family.


What's he doing?


Federal agent. You're under arrest.


Get your hands off me.

Not a chance. Grab the pole.

I want to see my lawyer.

Yeah, I bet you do.

Incarcerate this gentleman.


I guess I'm in charge now, huh?

Come on.

You have a right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

You have the right to an attorney.

Looks like you got your man.

Now what are you going to do?

I could use a cup of coffee.

You know any good restaurants around here?

Yeah, I know one.

Coffee sucks, but the waitresses are nice.