Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007) Script

I have sailed the world, beheld its wonders From the Dardanelles to the mountains of Peru, But there's no place like London No, there's no place like London.

Mr. Todd-?

You are young.

Life has been kind to you.

You will learn.

There's a hole in the world like a great black pit And the vermin of the world Inhabit it And its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit And it goes by the name of London.

At the top of the hole sit the privileged few Making mock of the vermin in the lower zoo, turning beauty into filth and greed.

I too have sailed the world, and seen its wonders For the cruelty of men is as wondrous as Peru, but there's no place like London!

Is everything all right, Mr. Todd?

I beg your indulgence, Anthony...

My mind is far from easy.

In these once familiar streets I feel shadows Shadows...?

Ghosts.

There was a barber and his wife, and she was beautiful.

A foolish barber and his wife, she was his reason and his life, and she was beautiful, and she was virtuous.

And he was... Naive.

There was another man who saw that she was beautiful, A pious vulture of the law, who with a gesture of his claw removed the barber from his plate.

Then there was nothing but to wait and she would fall, So soft, So young, So lost, and oh, so beautiful!

And the lady, sir... did she succumb?

Oh, that was many years ago...

I doubt if anyone would know.

I'd like to thank you, Anthony.

If you hadn't spotted me, I'd be lost on the ocean still...

Will I see you again?

You might find me, if you like,

around Fleet Street.

Until then, my friend.

There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and it's filled with people who are filled with shit And the vermin of the world inhabit it...


A customer!

Wait! What's your rush? What's your hurry?

You gave me such a- Fright. I thought you was a ghost.

Half a minute, can't you? Sit!

Sit ye down! Sit!

All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks.

Did you come here for a pie, sir?

Do forgive me if me head's a little vague- Ugh!

What is that? But you'd think we had the plague-

From the way that people-

Keep avoiding-

No, you don't!

These are probably the worst pies in London.

But there's no one comes in even to inhale-

Right you are, sir. Would you like a drop of ale?

Mind you, I can't hardly blame them-

These are probably the worst pies in London.

I know why nobody cares to take them-

I should know, I make them.

But good? No, the worst pies in London-

Even that's polite.

The worst pies in London-

If you doubt it, take a bite.

Is that just disgusting?

You have to concede it.

It's nothing but crusting-

Here, drink this, you'll need it-

The worst pies in London.

And no wonder with the price of meat. What it is-

When you get it. Never.

Thought I'd live to see the day men'd think it was a treat Finding poor animals wot are dying in the street.

Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop, Does a business, but I noticed something weird-

Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared.

Have to hand it to her- Wot I calls enterprise, Popping pussies into pies.

Wouldn't do in my shop-

Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick.

And I'm telling you them pussy cats is quick.

No denying times is hard, sir -

Even harder than the worst pies in London.

Only lard and nothing more-

Is that just revolting?

All greasy and gritty, it looks like it's molting, And tastes like- Well, pity a woman alone with limited wind and the worst pies in London!

Ah sir, times is hard. Times is hard.

Trust me, dearie, it's going to take more than ale to wash that taste out.

Come with me and we'll get you a nice tumbler of gin.

Isn't this homey now?

Me cheery wallpaper was a real bargain too, it being only partly singed when the chapel burnt down...

There's a good boy, now you sit down and warm your bones, Isn't that a room over the shop? If times are so hard, why don't you rent it out?

Up there? Oh, no one will go near it...

People think it's haunted.

Haunted?

And who's to say they're wrong?...

You see, years ago, something happened up there.

Something not very nice...

There was a barber and his wife, and he was beautiful, a proper artist with a knife, but they transported him for life.

And he was beautiful...

Barker, his name was - Benjamin Barker.

Transported? What was his crime?

Foolishness.

He had this wife, you see, pretty little thing, silly little nit.

Had her chance for the moon on a string-

Poor thing. Poor thing.

There was this Judge, you see, wanted her like mad.

Every day heíd send her a flower, but did she come down from her tower?

Sat up there and sobbed by the hour, Poor fool.

Ah, but there was worse yet to come, poor thing.

The Beadle calls on her, all polite, poor thing, poor thing.

The Judge, he tells her, is all controlled, he blames himself for her dreadful plight She must come straight to his house tonight!

Poor thing, poor thing.

Of course, when she goes there, poor thing, poor thing, they're having this ball all in masks.

There's no one she knows there, poor dear, poor thing.

She wanders tormented, and drinks, poor thing.

The Judge has repented, she thinks, poor thing.

Oh, where is Judge Turpin? She asks.

He was there, all right-

Only not so contrite!

She wasnít no match for such craft, you see, And everyone thought it so droll.

They figured she had to be daft, you see, So all of Ďem stood there and laughed, you see, Poor soul! Poor thing!

...NOOOOOO!

Would no one have mercy on her?

So it is you - Benjamin Barker.

Where's Lucy?! Whereís my wife?!

She poisoned herself.

Arsenic from the apothecary on the corner.

I tried to stop her but she wouldn't listen to me.

And he's got your daughter.

He? Judge Turpin?

Adopted her like his own.

Fifteen years of sweating in a living hell on a false charge.

Fifteen years dreaming that I might come home to find a loving wife and child...

Well, I can't say the years have been particularly kind to you, Mr. Barker, but you still-

No, not Barker. That man is dead.

It's Todd now. Sweeney Todd...

And he will have his revenge.


Come in! Nothing to be afraid of, love.


When they came for the girl, I hid 'em.

I hid just some of 'em.

Those handles is chased silver, ain't they?

Silver, yes...

These are my friends, see how they glisten.

See this one shine, how he smiles in the light.

My friend, my faithful friend.

Speak to me friend, Whisper, I'll listen.

I know, I know-

You've been locked out of sight all these years-

Like me, my friend.

Well, I've come home To find you waiting.

Home, and we're together, and we'll do wonders,

won't we?

You there, my friend, I'm your friend too, Mr. Todd, come, let me hold you. If you only knew, Mr. Todd.

Now, with a sigh Oh, Mr. Todd, you're warm in my hand, My friend, You've come home.

My clever friend. Always had a fondness for you, i did.

Rest now, my friends. Never you fear, Mr. Todd, Soon I'll unfold you. you can move in here, Mr. Todd.

Soon you'll know splendors you never have dreamed all your days... will be yours. My lucky friends.

I'm your friend too. Till now your shine I think they shine beautiful. was merely silver.

Silver's good enough for me, Mr. Todd. Friends, you shall drip rubies, You'll soon drip precious rubies...

Leave me...

At last my arm is complete again.


Green finch and linnet bird, nightingale, blackbird, how is it you sing?

How can you jubilate, sitting in cages, never taking wing?

Outside the sky waits, beckoning, beckoning, just beyond the bars.

How can you remain, staring at the rain, maddened by the stars?

How is it you sing anything?

How is it you sing?

My cage has many rooms, damask and dark.

Nothing there sings, not even my lark.

Larks never will, you know, when they're captive.

Teach me to be more adaptive.

Green finch and linnet bird, nightingale, blackbird, Teach me how to sing.

If I cannot fly, let me sing.


Alms!... Alms!...

For a miserable woman on a miserable chilly morning...

Thank you, sir, thank you.

Maíam, could tell me whose house this is?

Thatís the great Judge Turpinís house, that is.

And the young lady who resides there?

Thatís Johanna, his pretty little ward.

Keeps her snug, he does, all locked up...

So donít you go trespassing there or itís a good whipping for you or any other young man with mischief on his mind...

Alms!... Alms!... For a desperate woman...

I feel you, Johanna.

I feel you.

I was half convinced I'd waken, Satisfied enough to dream you.

Happily I was mistaken, Johanna!

I'll steal you, Johanna.

I'll steal you...

Come in, lad. Come in...

...you were looking for Hyde Park, you say?

Yes, it's terribly large on the map but I keep getting lost...

Sit down, lad, sit down.

It's embarrassing for a sailor to lose his bearings, but, well, there you are.

A sailor, eh?

Yes, sir. The "Bountiful" out of Plymouth.

A sailor must know the ways of the world, yes?

Must be practiced in the ways of the world...

Would you say you are practiced, boy?

Sir?

Oh, yes... such practices... the geishas of Japan... the concubines of Siam, the catamites of Greece, the harlots of India...

I have them all here... Drawings of them.

All the vile things you've done with your whores.

Would you like to see?

I think there's been some mistake-

Oh, I think not.

You gandered at my ward, Johanna. You gandered at her.

Yes, sir, you gandered.

I meant no harm-

Your meaning is immaterial.

Mark me: if I see your face again on this street, you'll rue the day you were born.

Hyde Park is that way, young sir...

A right and then a left, then straight on, you see?

...Over there.

You heard Judge Turpin, little man.

Next time it'll be your pretty brains all over the pavement.


I'll steal you, Johanna.

I'll steal you!

Do they think that walls can hide you?

Even now I'm at your window.

I am in the dark beside you, buried sweetly in your yellow hair.

I feel you, Johanna,

and one day I'll steal you.

Till I'm with you then, I'm with you there, sweetly buried in your yellow hair...


He's here every Thursday. Italian. All the rage he is.


Ladies and gentlemen! May I have your attention, please?

Do you wake every morning in shame and despair to discover your pillow is covered with hair wot ought not to be there?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, from now on you can waken at ease.

You need never again have a worry or care, I will show you a miracle marvelous rare, Gentlemen, you are about to see something rot rose from the dead!

On the top of my head.

'Twas Pirelli's Miracle Elixir, That's wot did the trick, sir, True, sir, true.

Was it quick, sir? Did it in a tick, sir?

Just like an elixir ought to do!

How about a bottle, mister?

Only costs a penny, guaranteed.

Does Pirelli's stimulate the growth, sir?

You can have my oath, sir, 'Tis unique.

Rub a minute, Stimulatin', i'n it?

Soon you'll have to thin it once a week!

Pardon me, ma'am, what's that awful stench?

Are we standing near an open trench? Must be standing near an open trench!

Buy Pirelli's Miracle Elixir:

Anything wot's slick, sir, soon sprouts curls.

Try Pirelli's! When they see how thick, sir, you can have your pick, sir, of the girls!

Want to buy a bottle, missus?

What is this? What is this?

Smells like piss. Smells like - phew!

Looks like piss.

This is piss. Piss with ink.

Let Pirelli's activate your roots, sir-

Keep it off your boots, sir- Eats right through.

Yes, get Pirelliís! Usable in all ways.

Ladies seem to love it-

Flies do too!

I am Adolfo Pirelli, Da king of da barbers, da barber of kings, E buon giorno, good day, I blow you a kiss!

And I, da so-famous Pirelli, I wish-a to know-a Who has-a da nerve-a to say My elixir is piss!

Who says this?!

I do.

I am Mr. Sweeney Todd of Fleet Street.

I have opened a bottle of Pirelli's elixir, and I say to you that it is nothing but an arrant fraud, concocted from piss and ink.

And furthermore, "signor" -

I have serviced no kings, yet I wager I can shave a cheek with ten times more dexterity that any street mountebank.

You see these razors?

I lay them against five pounds you are no match, sir.

Either accept my challenge or reveal yourself as a sham.

You hear zis foolish man?

Now, please, you will see how he will regret his folly!

Toby!

Who's for a free shave?


Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?

Glad, as always, to oblige my friends and neighbors.

Ready?

Ready!

Ready.

The fastest, smoothest shave is the winner.


Now, signorini, signori, We mix-a da lather But first-a you gather around, signorini, signori, you looking a man who have had-a da glory to shave-a da Pope.

Mr. Sweeney-so-smart-

Oh, I beg-a you pardon - 'll call me a lie, was-a only a cardinal-

Nope! It was-a da Pope!

To shave-a da face, To cut-a da hair, Require da grace Require da flair, For if-a you slip, You nick da skin, You clip-a da chin, You rip-a da lip a bit Beyond-a repair!

To shave-a da face Or even a part Without it-a smart Require da heart.

Not just-a da flash, it take-a panache, it take-a da passion for da art.

To shave-a da face, To trim-a da beard, To make-a da bristle clean like a whistle, Dis is from early infancy da talent give to me by God!

It take-a da skill, It take-a da brains, It take-a da will to take-a da pains, It take-a da pace, it take-a da graaaaaace...

The winner is Todd.

Sir, I bow to a skill far greater than my own.

The five pounds.

May the good Lord smile on you... until we meet again.

Come, boy.

Suppose it's just me gentle heart, but I do hate to see a boy treated like that.

Congratulations, Mr. Todd.

May I ask you, sir, do you have an own establishment?

He certainly does.

Sweeney Todd's Tonsorial Parlor - above my meat pie emporium in Fleet Street.

I thank you, sir.

You are a paragon of integrity.

Well, I try to do my best for my friends and neighbors...

Your establishment is in Fleet Street, you say?

Yes, sir.

Then, Mr. Todd, you will surely see me there before the week is out.

You will be welcome, Beadle Bamford, and I can guarantee to give you without a penny's charge, the closest shave you will ever know.

Come on, off...

...Like to give me a coronary right there!


...It's not much of a chair, but it'll do.

Was me poor Albert's chair.

Sat in it all day long he did, after his leg give out with the gout.

Why doesn't the Beadle come?

"Before the week is out," that's what he said.

And who says the week's out? It's only Tuesday.

Easy now.

Hush, love, hush.

Donít distress yourself, Whatís your rush?

Keep your thoughts nice and lush.

Wait.

Hush, love, hush.

Think it through.

Once it bubbles, then whatís to do?

Watch it close. Let it brew.

Wait.

Iíve been thinking, flowers-

Maybe daisies- To brighten up the room.

Donít you think some flowers, pretty daisies, might relieve the gloom?

Ah, wait, love, wait.

And the Judge? When will we get to him?

Can't you think of nothing else?

Always broodin' away on yer wrongs what happened heaven knows how many years ago...

Come on.

Slow, love, slow.

Time's so fast.

Now goes quickly, see Now it's past!

Soon will come, soon will last.

Wait.

Donít you know, silly man, half the fun is to plan the plan?

All good things come to those who can wait.

Gillyflowers, maybe, 'stead of daisies...

I donít know, though...

What do you think?

Oh, I'm sorry, excuse me...

Mrs. Lovett, sir.

A pleasure, ma'am -

Mr. Todd, there's a girl who needs my help, such a sad girl and lonely, and beautiful too and-

Slow down, slow down.

Yes, I'm sorry...

This girl has a guardian who he keeps her locked away.

But then this morning she dropped this...

It's surely a sign that Johanna wants me to help her that's her name, Johanna - and Turpin that of her guardian. A judge of some sort...

Once he goes to court, Iím going to slip into the house and release her and beg her to come away with me. Tonight.

Oh, this is very romantic.

Yes, but- I don't know anyone in London, you see.

And I need somewhere safe to bring her till I've hired a coach to take us away.

If I could keep her here, just for an hour or two, I would forever be in your debt.

Bring her here, love.

Thank you, ma'am...

...Mr. Todd?

Thank you, my friend.

Seems like the fates are favoring you at last, Mr. T.

What is it, love?

You'll have her back before the day is out.

What about him?

Oh, him? Let him bring her here and then, since you're so hot for a little - that's the throat to slit, my dear.

Poor little Johanna.

All those years without a scrap of motherly affection.

Well, we'll soon see to that...

Keep the boy downstairs.

Signora, is Mr. Todd at home?

Plying his trade upstairs...

Would you look at it, now!

You wouldn't mind if I gave him a nice juicy meat pie, would yer?

Yes, yes, whatever you like.

Come with me now. Your teeth is strong, I hope?

Sit down,

Come in.

Mr. Todd.

Signor Pirelli.

Call me Danny. Daniel Higgins' the Daniel Higgins' the name when it's not professional...

I'd like me five quid back, if' n ya don't mind.

Why?

Because you entered into our little wager on false pretenses, me friend...

And so you might remember to be more forthright in the future,

you'll be handing over half your profits to me, share and share alike...

...Mr. Benjamin Barker.

Here you are, tuck in.

Like to see a man with a healthy appetite.

Reminds me of my dear Albert, like to gorge himself to bloatation, he did.

He didn't have your nice full head though-

To tell the truth - it gets awful hot.

...yes, this will do very nicely...

You don't remember me. Well, why should you?

I was just a down and out Irish pug you hired for a couple of weeks sweeping up hair -

But I remember these -

And how could I ever forget you, Mr. Barker?

I used to sit right there, and dream of the day I could be a proper barber meself...

You might say you was an inspiration to me.

So, do we have a deal, or should I run down the street for me old pal Beadle Bamford?

What do you say to that now, Mr. Sweeney T-?


My my my, always work to be done.

Spic-and-span, that's my motto.

So, ah, how did you end up with that dreadful italian?

Got me from the workhouse. Been there since I was born.

Oh God! He's got an appointment with his tailor-

If he's late, he'll blame me-!

Wait-!

Signor, you got an appointment...

Signor Pirelli has been called away. You better run after him.

Oh no, sir. I better wait for him here or it'll be a lashing.

He's a great one for the lashings.

So, hmmm, Mrs. Lovett gave you a pie, did she?

She's a real lady.

That she is...

But if I know a growing boy, there's still room for some more pie, eh?

Yes, sir.

Then why don't you wait for your master downstairs?

There'll be another pie in it for you, I'm sure...

No, I should stay here.

I tell you what...

Why don't you tell Mrs. Lovett I said to give you a nice big tot of gin?

Thank you, sir!


This is the second time, sir, that you have been brought before this bench.

Though it is my earnest wish to ever temper justice with mercy, your persistent dedication to a life of crime is an abomination before God and man.

I therefore sentence you to hang by the neck until you are dead and may the Lord have mercy on your soul.

This court is adjourned.

Thank you, your Honor. Just the sentence we wanted.

Was he guilty?

Well, if he didn't do it, he's surely done something to warrant a hanging.

What man has not?

Sir?

No matter -

Come, walk home with me.

I have news for you, my friend.

In order to shield her from the evils of this world, I have decided to marry my dear Johanna.

Ah, sir, happy news indeed.

Strange, though, when I offered myself to her she showed a certain... reluctance.

Excuse me, my lord, May I request, my lord, Permission, my lord, to speak?

Forgive me if I suggest, my lord, You're looking less than your best, my lord, There's powder upon your vest, my lord.

And stubble upon your cheek,

And ladies, my lord, are weak.

Stubble, you say?

Perhaps at times I am a little overhasty with my morning ablutions...

Fret not though, my lord, I know a place, my lord, A barber, my lord, of skill.

Thus armed with a shaven face, my lord, Some eau de cologne to brace my lord And musk to enhance the chase, my lord, You'll dazzle the girl until she bows to your every will.

A barber, eh? Take me to him.

His name is Todd, my lord.

And he is the very last word in barberin'.

You ought to slow down a bit, lad.

It'll go to your head.

They used to give it to us at the workhouse, so's we could sleep.

Not that you'd ever want to sleep in that place, ma'am.

Not with the things that happen in the dark.

That's nice, dear...

I think I'll just pop in on Mr. Todd for a tick.

You'll be all right here?

Leave the bottle.

Gawd, the lad is drinking me out of house and home, how long until Pirelli gets back?

He won't be back.

Mr. T., you didn't!

You're barking mad!

Killing a man wot done you no harm!

He recognized me from the old days.

He tried to blackmail me - half me earnings.

Oh well, that's a different matter!

For a moment there I thought you'd lost your marbles!

Ooooh! All that blood!

Poor bugger. Oh, well.

Well, waste not, want not...

So...

What are we going to do about the boy then?

Send him up.

Oh, we don't need to worry about him, he's a simple thing.

Send him up.

Now, Mr. T., surely one's enough for today.

'Sides, I was thinking about hiring a lad to help around the shop, me poor knees not being what they used to be.

All right.

'Course we'll have to stock up on the gin, the boy drinks like a Barbary sailor -

The Judge.

Get out.

Get out!

Mr. Todd?

At your service...

An honor to receive your patronage, my lord.

You know me, sir?

Who in this wide world does not know the great Judge Turpin?

These premises are hardly prepossessing and yet the Beadle tells me you are the most accomplished of all the barbers in the city.

That is gracious of him, sir...

And what may I do for you today, sir?

A stylish trimming of the hair? A soothing skin massage?

Sit, sir. Sit.

You see, sir, a man infatuate with love, her ardent and eager slave.

So fetch the pomade and pumice stone and lend me a more seductive tone, a sprinkling perhaps of French cologne, But first, sir, I think - a shave.

The closest I ever gave.

You're in a merry mood today, Mr. Todd.

'Tis your delight, sir, catching fire from one man to the next.

'Tis true, sir, love can still inspire the blood to pound, the heart leap higher.

What more, what more can man require-

Than love, sir?

More than love, sir.

What, sir?

Women.

Ah yes, women.

Pretty women.