Swiped (2018) Script

♪ I BETTER TELL YOU

♪ BEFORE YOU GET CLOSE

♪ I'M A SPECIAL CASE

♪ I'M NOT LIKE THE OTHER ONES

♪ THERE IS A REASON

♪ WHY I'M STILL ALONE

♪ IF YOU WANT TO STICK AROUND

♪ YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF

♪ ARE YOU ENOUGH OF A MAN?

♪ CAN YOU TAKE ME AS I AM?

♪ YOU THINK YOU MAY BE SPECIAL, BABE ♪

♪ BUT I'LL NEVER CHANGE FOR SOMEONE ELSE ♪

♪ IS YOUR HEART STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE ME? ♪

♪ YOU MAY BE SPECIAL, BABE

♪ BUT I LIKE MY WHISKY ON THE ROCKS ♪

♪ YOU BETTER KNOW

♪ WHAT YOU'RE DEALING WITH

♪ IT WON'T BE EASY TO WIN MY HEART, BABE ♪

♪ YOU BETTER BE READY

♪ IF YOU WANT ME

♪ YOU BETTER KNOW THAT YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE, BOY ♪

♪ ARE YOU ENOUGH OF A MAN?

♪ CAN YOU TAKE ME AS I AM?

♪ YOU THINK YOU MAY BE SPECIAL, BABE ♪

♪ BUT I'LL NEVER CHANGE FOR SOMEONE ELSE ♪

♪ IS YOUR HEART STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE ME? ♪

♪ YOU MAY BE SPECIAL, BABE

♪ BUT I LIKE MY WHISKY ON THE ROCKS ♪ LOOK, IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THIS, IN TECH AND IN LIFE:

IF YOU'RE NOT DISRUPTING, YOU'RE NOT INNOVATING.

YOU HAVEN'T SAID A WORD IN TWO HOURS.

OH, SORRY, I WAS WATCHING SIMON LANG.

I... SIMON LANG?

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA INTERACT WITH REAL PEOPLE WHO ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU?

YOU KNOW, THE GREAT THING ABOUT COLLEGE IS IT'S THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE FRIENDSHIPS THAT LAST A LIFETIME.

[MOTHER] DO YOU KNOW WHO YOUR ROOMMATE'S GONNA BE?

A GUY NAMED LANCE BLACK.

I BET HE'S LOVELY.

DID YOU CALL TO INTRODUCE YOURSELF?

I DID, I DID. I LEFT HIM A VOICEMAIL.

NEVER CALLED BACK. WELL, DID YOU SOUND LIKE A NERD?

SORRY. SOUNDED LIKE MYSELF.

YEAH, THAT'S WHY HE DIDN'T CALL BACK.

[SIGHS] OH, ASHLEY. GUYS, PLEASE.

ENTREZ-NOUS. OKAY.

HERE WE GO.

OH, IT'S, UM...

IT'S A LITTLE SMALLER THAN IT LOOKED IN THE BROCHURE.

I THINK IT'S BIG ENOUGH FOR TWO PEOPLE.

WHAT IF YOU WANT TO HAVE FRIENDS OVER?

LET'S GET REAL, MOM. THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

JAMES, PLEASE DON'T LET THE COMPUTER BE YOUR ONLY FRIEND.

JAMES: IT'S NOT.

[SCOFFS]

IT'S HOPELESS.

OKAY.

ONE DAY, I WILL CODE AN APP THAT WILL REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

JAMES, I KNOW IT'S NOT PRINCETON OR M.I.T.

NO, MOM, DON'T DO THAT. IT'S OKAY.

[SIGHS] I JUST REALLY HOPE MY ROOMMATE'S, LIKE, AT LEAST A LITTLE SMART.

MOM, LET'S GO.

I'VE GOT A PARTY TO GET TO TONIGHT.

OKAY. AAH.

THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU.

OOH, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.

OKAY, JAMES... HAVE FUN.

BYE, JAMES. BYE, JAMES.

BE GOOD. NO, DON'T BE GOOD.

BE ROTTEN, BUT EAT GOOD, AND HAVE FUN, AND... MOM, LET'S GO.

I'M SURE YOUR ROOMMATE WILL BE LOVELY.

[SIGHS]


JAMES: OH.

HI. YOU MUST BE LANCE.

YEAH. YOU MUST BE MY SOON-TO-BE-TRANSFERRED- TO-ANOTHER-COLLEGE ROOMMATE.

OH, OKAY. UM...

SO THIS IS YOUR SIDE OF THE ROOM.

I HAVE LEFT IT COMPLETELY UNTOUCHED.

DO YOU NEED HELP BRINGING ANYTHING IN?

NO, I GOT IT COVERED. THANKS, THOUGH.

HEY, DO YOU WANT TO GRAB SOMETHING TO EAT?

ACTUALLY, YEAH, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO.

YEAH. OKAY, COOL.

I'LL SEE YOU, MAN.

UH, OKAY, NO, YEAH.

THAT'S... THAT'S COOL. I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO.

I WAS GONNA FINISH UP ON SOME WORK THAT I WAS DOING, SO MAYBE WE COULD CHAT ABOUT IT LATER OVER SOME CHAI TEA, OR... OKAY.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

HERE YOU GO, MAN. HAVE A NICE NIGHT.

WOMAN: ORDER NUMBER SEVEN IS READY!

GOD, I JUST WANT TO KISS YOU.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME.

OH, IT'S... UH, IT'S ROB.

ROB. WHAT'S YOUR LAST NAME, ROB?

[CHUCKLES] WHY DO YOU NEED SO MUCH INFORMATION?

YOUR LAST NAME IS "SO MUCH INFORMATION"?

WELL, YEAH.

LOOK, YOU SEE THIS?

WHAT? IT'S A PHONE.

NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT A PHONE.

THIS IS A 24/7 PORTAL TO ALL THE SEX THAT I COULD EVER DREAM ABOUT.

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS CLICK.

SO...?

SO, I MEAN, YOU'RE OBSOLETE.

OKAY, LIKE, I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU WHAT MY LAST NAME IS, AND I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU WHERE I'M FROM OR WHERE I GO TO SCHOOL OR WHAT I DO AT SCHOOL, OKAY?

AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST PART IS?

I DON'T HAVE TO, OKAY?

HEY, HEY, WESLEY, MAN. WAIT UP, MAN.

WESLEY.

HE WAS CUTE.

I GUESS. WHY'D HE LEAVE?

HE WOULDN'T EVEN TELL ME HIS LAST NAME.

SO?

SO I'M GOING HOME.

HEY, WAIT.

MIND IF I HOOK UP WITH HIM?

WHATEVER, RACHEL.

HEY, WAIT UP. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR NAME IS, FIRST OR LAST.

HANNAH?

YOU GO TO SCHOOL HERE? YEP.

ME, TOO. OKAY, COOL.

I MEAN, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE...

SINCE PROM NIGHT IN MAY.

YEAH, JAMES, LET'S PLEASE NOT TALK ABOUT IT.

LOOK, I WAS JUST TRYING TO IMPRESS YOU.

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT IT. LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID SO WRONG.

I MEAN, I... WAS MY VOICE THAT BAD?

NO, YOUR VOICE WAS GREAT.

THEN WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

JAMES.

YOU KNOW HOW SHY I AM.

WHEN YOU PICKED UP THAT MICROPHONE AND ANNOUNCED MY NAME IN FRONT OF A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE, 400 PAIRS OF EYES TURNED TO FACE ME.

I WAS MORTIFIED. I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WANTED TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS TO ME, BUT THERE'S A WAY BETTER WAY OF DOING THAT THAN HUMILIATING ME.

HANNAH, I'M REALLY SORRY. SERIOUSLY, MY INTENTIONS WERE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THE RESULTS, AND I WAS JUST TRYING TO SHOW YOU THAT I LIKED YOU BEFORE WE GRADUATED AND WENT OFF TO COLLEGE, AND I TRIED FOR FOUR YEARS AND NOTHING WORKED.

PLEASE JUST WALK ME TO MY DORM AND THEN LEAVE ME ALONE.

I'M JUST NEVER GONNA SING AGAIN.

NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT, AND YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT FOR ME.

I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, HANNAH.

THEN PLEASE, LEAVE ME ALONE IN MY QUIET SPACE WITH MY BOOKS.

IF YOU WANT TO READ, I'LL WATCH THE GROUND SO YOU DON'T TRIP ON ANYTHING ELSE.

OKAY.

AT LEAST TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE READING.

"SENSE AND SENSIBILITY" BY JANE AUSTEN. JANE AUSTEN.

HAVE YOU READ HER WORK?

I LOVE JANE AUSTEN, YEAH.

ME, TOO. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT HER?

SHE WRITES COMPLEX, STRONG FEMALE CHARACTERS.

HER CHARACTERS ARE SO EXTRAVAGANT.

THEIR NAMES ARE SO PRECISE, KINDA LIKE IP ADDRESSES.

YEAH, I MEAN, YOU CAN TELL SO MUCH ABOUT A PERSON BY THEIR NAME.

WELL...

HEY, UM, I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT...

THERE'S A CHASM BETWEEN MY INTENTIONS AND MY RESULTS.

I KNOW YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

I'LL SEE YOU IN CS.

ELEVATOR: FLOOR NUMBER FIVE. YES, YEAH.

I'LL SEE YOU AS WELL. ELEVATOR: GOING UP.

( DOOR HANDLE JAMMING )

[LANCE] WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! JUST COME BACK TOMORROW, ALL RIGHT?

I GOT COMPANY.

WHAT? WHY? WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP?

[LANCE] NOT HERE.

JUST FIGURE IT OUT, MAN.

YEAH, JUST ATE DINNER, TUCKED IN FOR BED NOW.

[WASHING MACHINE WHIRRING]

REALLY COMFORTABLE, ACTUALLY.

UH, YEAH, THE SHEETS YOU GOT ME, THEY'RE REALLY SOFT.

USING THEM A LOT.

LANCE SEEMS...

PRETTY ACCEPTING OF ME.

[WASHING MACHINE BEEPS]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[MAN] HEY!

OH! GET DRESSED, GET DRESSED!

YOU PROMISED ME COFFEE AND BAGELS.

YEAH, I KNOW. I'LL SEND YOU THE GIFT CARD VIA THE EMAIL FOR BAGEL BROS, BUT RIGHT NOW YOU GOTTA GET DRESSED, YOU'RE GOING OUT THE WINDOW. EXCUSE ME?

YEAH, YOU'RE EXITING VIA WINDOW.

ARE YOU CRAZY?

IT'S LITERALLY JUST THE GROUND FLOOR, YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.

ALL THOSE NICE THINGS I SAID ABOUT YOU LAST NIGHT, I TAKE THEM ALL BACK.

[MAN] HEY, HEY, HEY! YOU IN THERE?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! I'M COMING, POPS!

I'M JUST... UM... PUTTING ON SOME PANTS.

[DOOR RATTLING] WHAT'S YOUR DAD DOING HERE?

I THINK HE'S JUST BRINGING ME MY STUFF, ALL RIGHT?

BUT IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO, COME ON.

[GIRL] I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS.

HEY! BIMBO FLYING! SOMEBODY CATCH HER!

[SCREAMS]

HEY!

DUDE...

I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA HAVE TO CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.

[LAUGHTER] COME HERE.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN.

THANKS FOR COMING OUT.

WOW!

YOU HAD A GOOD TRIP UP?

YEAH, GREAT TRIP! WOW!

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. WOW!

WELL, THIS IS THE SPOT.

AWESOME, BRO, THIS IS AWESOME.

DESK, BED... [CHUCKLES]

HEY, THIS IS INGA. INGA?

[INGA] HI. INGA?

WHAT HAPPENED TO FABIOLA?

INGA HAPPENED TO FABIOLA. OH.

[CHUCKLES] ALL GOOD, ALL GOOD.

OKAY. HEY, INGA, UNPACK EVERYTHING, AND THEN KINDA PUT IT ALL AWAY NICE AND ORGANIZED.

SURE. I'MA TAKE THE BIG GUY OUT TO BREAKFAST.

SURE. IS THAT GREAT?

BAGELS AND COFFEE.

[PROFESSOR] WHICH WOULD MAKE THAT...

SORRY I'M LATE, PROFESSOR, I WAS JUST, UM...

READING THAT BOOK IN YOUR SYLLABUS.

SO LATENESS WILL PUT YOU ON THE FAST TRACK TO GETTING AN F IN MY CLASS.

TAKE A SEAT.

AND WIPE THE GIRL OFF YOUR FACE, PLEASE.

[CLEARS THROAT] ALL RIGHT, SO, YOUR ASSIGNMENT WAS TO CREATE TRUTH TABLES BASED ON THE READING.

SO, WHO AMONG YOU DID THE ASSIGNMENT?

UM, I COMPLETED THE ASSIGNMENT, PROFESSOR BARNES.

I'M SORRY, TODAY'S THE FIRST DAY OF CLASS, WHEN DID YOU ASSIGN THIS?

IT WAS IN YOUR SYLLABUS I SENT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU OVER TWO WEEKS AGO.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

UH, JAMES SINGER.

ALL RIGHT, JAMES, SINCE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO APPARENTLY READ THE SYLLABUS, OR COMPLETED THE ASSIGNMENT, WOULD YOU CARE TO STAND UP AND EXPLAIN IT TO THE CLASS?

UH, YEAH, OF COURSE, YEAH.

THAT, MY FRIEND, PUTS YOU ON THE FAST TRACK TO GETTING AN A, OKAY?

UH...

ACTUALLY, I DIDN'T DO IT, IT WAS A DIFFERENT ONE.

I DIDN'T COMPLETE IT AT ALL, ACTUALLY.

[PROFESSOR] UH-HUH.

GOD, I MISS NEW HAVEN.

LISTEN... [CLEARS THROAT]

...THIS CLASS IS YOUR DOORWAY TO EVERY OTHER COMPUTER SCIENCE COURSE IN THIS ENTIRE COLLEGE.

IT IS A REQUIREMENT THAT I MAKE IT TOUGH.

WHY IS THAT A REQUIREMENT?

TO WEED OUT THE UNWORTHY.

THE CODING FIELD IS OVERCROWDED WITH DABBLERS, AND I FOR ONE... EXCUSE ME, TAKE THOSE OFF!

THANK YOU.

AND STOP LOOKING AT YOUR NAILS, THANK YOU.

SO, IF YOU WANT TO TAKE ANY OTHER COMPUTER SCIENCE COURSES AT THIS COLLEGE, OR YOU WANT A CAREER IN IT, YOU HAVE TO TAKE MY CLASS, AND IN ORDER TO PASS MY CLASS, YOU HAVE TO WORK...

VERY HARD.

CLASS DISMISSED.

[MUTTERING]

WHAT'S UP? HEY, SQUARE.

LISTEN, ME AND THE OTHER STUDENTS, WE KINDA... WE'VE COME UP WITH A PLAN.

FOR WHAT?

TO PASS CS.

UH, WHAT'S THE PLAN?

[SNORTS] BRO, ARE YOU GONNA SLEEP WITH PROFESSOR BARNES?

NO, I'M NOT GONNA SLEEP WITH PROFESSOR BARNES. THAT'S GNARLY.

DON'T DO IT.

SHE WOULD PROBABLY FALL INTO A DEPRESSION, EVEN THOUGH SHE DIGS ME.

THE THING IS I WOULD GET EXPELLED AND WE DON'T WANT THAT, SO WE HAVE TO DO THIS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT.

HERE'S WHAT I'M THINKING, SHE CAN'T FAIL ALL OF US AT ONCE, OKAY?

SO WE EITHER SINK TOGETHER OR WE DROWN TOGETHER.

ISN'T THAT THE SAME THING? I THINK IT'S THE SAME THING.

YEAH, I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S THE POINT.

I... I KNOW.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU IF AND WHEN WE DO THE ASSIGNMENTS, OKAY?

HOW ARE YOU GONNA LEARN?

[SNORTING] WHAT?

HOW ARE WE GONNA LEARN? BRO, WE DON'T WANNA LEARN.

WE JUST WANNA PASS THE CS REQUIREMENTS.

NO, SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, WESLEY.

SORRY, I HATE HIM. I WANT TO LEARN.

SEE, HE WANTS TO LEARN.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE PLAN OR NOT?

HE WANTS TO... DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?

I UNDERSTAND. GOOD.

WE'LL BE IN CONTACT.

TILL THEN, DO YOU, BOO-BOO.

COME ON GUYS, LET'S GO.

SEE YOU LATER, ALLIGATOR. OKAY, OKAY.

REMEMBER THAT. LOVE YOU.

WHAT?

ALL RIGHT, NOW GUYS, WHAT DATING APP WOULD YOU RECOMMEND?

NONE OF 'EM, MAN, DATING IS FOR PUTZES.

WHY WOULD I WASTE MY MONEY ON A MOVIE?

OR DINNER? OR FLOWERS?

YOU KNOW, I NEVER GAVE A GIRL FLOWERS.

HEY, DON'T DISS FLOWERS, MY DAD GIVES MY MOM FLOWERS ALL THE TIME AND IT ALWAYS MAKES HER HAPPY.

THAT WENT OUT WITH THE 20TH CENTURY.

I'M GONNA FALL.

IT'S A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S A NUMBERS GAME.

SEE, THE MARKET IS SATURATED IN SINGLE, SLUTTY GIRLS, AND IT'S A BUYER'S MARKET.

HEY, LANCE, DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE?

ACTUALLY NO, WE'RE IN A BOARD MEETING, IT'S KINDA PRIVATE. OH, YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME?

WELL, DO I KNOW YOU?

UH, YEAH, WE SLEPT TOGETHER.

UM... YOU NEVER CALLED.

[CHUCKLES] I WILL CALL YOU.

I PROMISE, I WILL CALL YOU.

OKAY?

BYE.

HE IS NOT GONNA CALL YOU.

SO WHAT WOULD YOU GUYS SAY IS THE BEST HOOK-UP APP?

UM...

WELL, I GUESS THE PERFECT APP HASN'T EVEN BEEN CREATED YET.

WHOA. HELLO.

YEAH, BUT WHAT FEATURES DO YOU THINK WE NEED?

YOU KNOW, IT WOULD HAVE A GIRL AIRLIFTED OUT OF MY BED THE SECOND I'M FINISHED WITH HER. OOH!

YIKES, I DON'T THINK TELEPORTATION EXISTS YET, LANCE, SO...

I WAS BEING THEORETICAL.

YEAH, THEORETICAL.

YOU KNOW, IT WOULD HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT A GIRL COULDN'T FIND ME AFTER, YOU KNOW?

OR EVEN IF SHE WANTED TO FIND ME SHE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO BECAUSE THE INFORMATION WOULD GET LOST OR MAYBE IT WOULD JUST MORPH MY ACCOUNT INTO SOME OTHER ACCOUNT.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, NO, NO, I GET WHAT YOU MEAN, LIKE, YOU COULD MIX UP OUR IDENTITY OR SOMETHING.

YEAH, IT'S PRETTY MUCH EXACTLY WHAT I JUST SAID.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

WHY DON'T WE JUST CREATE AN APP LIKE THAT.

OH, YOU KNOW HOW TO CODE?

BUT WE'RE TAKING A COMPUTER SCIENCE CLASS, WE CAN LEARN.

NO, WE CAN'T. NOT TO DO SOMETHING THAT SOPHISTICATED.

WE DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE BOOK.

YEAH, WE CAN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE SYLLABUS.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

DISRUPTION IS NOT AN APP.

DISRUPTION IS NOT GADGET.

DISRUPTION IS NOT A BUSINESS MODEL.

DISRUPTION IS CATACLYSMIC CHANGE IN HUMAN BEHAVIOR BROUGHT ON BY CONSENSUS.

I'M NOT DOING THE HOMEWORK, I'M JUST READING THE BOOK.

YOU DIDN'T SAY I COULDN'T READ THE BOOK, IS THAT OKAY?

RELAX. WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE BOOK?

IT'S ON THE SYLLABUS.

IT'S "PROGRAMMING SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT PLATFORMS."

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YOU'RE KIDDING. I NEVER KID.

WELL, I THINK THAT MIGHT BE A PROBLEM, JAMES.

HEY, THAT'S MINE. WELL, IT'S A NICE PHONE CASE.

THANK YOU. IT'S BIRDS.

MM-HMM. IS THE BOOK HARD?

I'VE READ IT BEFORE.

I MEAN THE ORIGINAL EDITION.

WHAT, IN THE PAST TWO WEEKS?

NO, WHEN I WAS IN SIXTH GRADE.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN CODING FOR?

SINCE I WAS SEVEN. HMM.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, YOU'VE BEEN PROMOTED.

YOU'RE INVITED TO MY BOARD MEETING.

COME ON, GRAB YOUR STUFF.

GRAB A CHAIR.

WHOA, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, UH, DANIEL, WESLEY, YOU REMEMBER JAMES.

JAMES, THIS IS DANIEL AND WESLEY.

WHAT'S UP? HOW'S IT GOING, BUDDY?

OKAY, IF THIS IS ABOUT COMPUTER SCIENCE, I'M JUST GONNA SAY, MAYBE WE SHOULD ALL DO THE HOMEWORK, I'M JUST SAYING.

UH, YOU HAVEN'T QUITE GOTTEN TO VOTING STATUS YET, SO FOR RIGHT NOW YOU'RE JUST CONSULTANT, OKAY?

OF COURSE, YEAH.

SO, I HAVE AN IDEA. WHOA!

HEY. WE HAVE AN IDEA, AND WE WOULD LIKE TO HIRE YOU.

TO DO WHAT?

TO BUILD AN APP.

WE NEED TO INTERVIEW HIM FIRST BEFORE WE GIVE HIM ANY JOB.

TRUE, TRUE.

HAVE YOU EVER BUILT AN APP BEFORE?

YES.

OKAY, WELL, TELL US ABOUT IT.

WHICH ONE? WHOA, WHOA! WHICH ONE?

LIKE THERE'S MULTIPLE APPS THAT YOU'VE MADE?

UH, WELL, YEAH, I'VE BUILT 17 FOR IOS, AND 12 FOR ANDROID.

OKAY, SO WHAT DO THEY DO?

UH, OKAY, WELL, ONE OF THEM LEAD HOMELESS PEOPLE TO SHELTERS, ANOTHER ONE ASSISTED THE BLIND, UH, ONE PUBLIC THOROUGH FARES, ANOTHER ONE HOSTED LOCAL FOOD DRIVES, UM...

OKAY, WELL, IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO DO SOMETHING THAT'S IMPORTANT.

HEY, CAN YOU GUYS BELIEVE THAT THIS GENIUS IS MY ROOMMATE?

I MEAN, HOW PERFECT IS THAT?

OOH-HOO-HOO-HOO! THIS IS PERFECT.

MM-HMM, I LOVE IT.

JAMES, YOU ARE GOING TO BUILD ONE MORE APP, AND THIS APP WILL TAKE THE WORLD BY STORM.

WELL, WHAT'S IT GONNA DO?

JAMES, IT'S QUITE SIMPLE.

WE TAKE MEN AND WOMEN AND WE PUT THEM TOGETHER SO THEY CAN MEET UP.

SO, A DATING APP. NOT A DATING APP.

[CHUCKLES] HOOK-UPS.

THERE'S ALREADY HOOK-UP APPS OUT THERE.

NO, BUT NOT LIKE THIS ONE.

WHAT'S SO DIFFERENT ABOUT THIS ONE?

THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT TO BE ON THIS APP, YOU HAVE TO AGREE TO CERTAIN TERMS AND CONDITIONS THAT WILL MAKE SURE THAT YOU, ONE, DO NOT ASK FOR NAMES, TWO, YOU WILL NOT ASK TO SEE THE PERSON AGAIN, AND, THREE, BY NO MEANS, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, WILL YOU DATE ANYBODY ON THE APP.

AND THAT MEANS THAT ALL THE GUYS ARE GONNA BE ON IT.

AND ALL THE GIRLS ARE GONNA HAVE TO BE ON IT IF THEY WANT TO BE WITH ANYONE. MM-HMM.

OKAY, WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH A GIRL KNOWING YOUR NAME, OR EVEN WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE?

[LAUGHTER] WHAT'S SO BAD?

WELL, I GUESS THAT'S FOR ME TO KNOW AND YOU TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO CODE.

DO YOU THINK...

ALL THE GIRLS WILL BE ON THE APP?

OH, OKAY. SO HE DOES LIKE GIRLS.

PAY UP.

DUDE, I'M NOT GAY.

I DO... I LIKE ONE GIRL.

I'M NOT SAYING WHO IT IS.

STICK AROUND, OKAY? LISTEN TO ME, AND SHE'LL BE EATING OUT OF THE PALM OF YOUR HAND.

WHOA, WHOA, JAMES, JAMES, COME ON.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING? COME BACK.

I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

SO IT'S A MAYBE.

OKAY, FINE, WELL, YOU WON FAIR AND SQUARE.

PAY UP.

[JAMES] SO, HOW WAS THE HONEYMOON?

[PHIL] IT WAS THE BEST ONE YET.

IT WAS ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS, JAMES.

I TOLD HER, "JUST BRING A PASSPORT."

YOU KNOW, AN ANNUAL HONEYMOON WOULD SAVE ANY MARRIAGE.

I WISH YOU AND LEAH WOULD HAVE TRIED IT, HONEY.

[SCOFFS] THANKS FOR THE EARLY WARNING, MOM.

UH, JAMES, HAVE YOU MET ANYONE YET?

YEAH, I'VE MET A LOT OF PEOPLE.

ANY GIRLS?

NO, DAD, I'M TRYING TO FOCUS ON MY STUDIES.

I'M GONNA ASK FOR A PATERNITY TEST.

HEY, I SHOULD ASK FOR A PATERNITY TEST.

OUCH! VERY FAMILIAR WITH THE GARDENER.

OH, PHIL. DAD, I WAS ONLY KIDDING.

ME TOO, ME TOO.

JAMES, IF YOU WANT ANY ADVICE ABOUT THE FAIRER SEX, YOU SHOULD ASK YOUR GRANDFATHER.

THEY DON'T ACT MUCH FAIRER.

YOU'RE NOT BECOMING AN ANTI-FEMINIST, ARE YOU JAMES?

I DON'T KNOW GRANDPA, I'M STILL STUDYING THE SITUATION.

DAD, I DON'T THINK YOUR ROMANTIC ADVICE PERTAINS TO JAMES' GENERATION.

THEY'RE DOING EVERYTHING ON THEIR PHONE NOW.

THAT I'D LIKE TO SEE.

I MEAN, THAT'S HOW THEY MEET EACH OTHER.

AND HOOK-UP WITH EACH OTHER AND BREAK-UP WITH EACH OTHER.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, WOMEN AND MEN HAVE NOT CHANGED FOR 10,000 YEARS.

PHIL... [CLEARS THROAT]

...I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT THAT.

HMM, MAYBE A LITTLE BIT.

[ATM BEEPS]

WHAT? IS THE WELL DRY?

NO, I JUST HAVE TO WAIT FOR MY DAD'S CHECK TO CLEAR.

YOU THINK ABOUT MY OFFER?

TO MAKE THE HOOK-UP APP? MM-HMM.

YEAH, AND THE ANSWER IS NO, OKAY?

THAT'S THE LAST THING THAT I WANT TO DO.

MAYBE YOU'RE NOT THE RIGHT GUY FOR IT ANYWAY.

I MEAN, IF YOU WERE SO SMART, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED TO PRINCETON OR M.I.T., OR MAYBE EVEN HARVARD, RIGHT?

I GOT INTO PRINCETON, M.I.T., HARVARD, AND STANFORD.

OH, YEAH, THEN WHY AREN'T YOU THERE?

BECAUSE...

MY PARENTS DON'T HAVE THE MONEY.

YEAH, WELL IF YOU WERE SO SMART, I'M SURE YOU'D HAVE A SCHOLARSHIP, RIGHT?

THE IVYS DON'T GIVE ACADEMIC SCHOLARSHIPS AND WITH MY FAMILY'S BUSINESS, IT JUST...

YOU KNOW WHAT? NEVER MIND.

JAMES, I AM YOUR SAVING GRACE.

I MEAN, IF YOU DO THIS APP, I WILL GIVE YOU ALL THE MONEY TO GO TO WHEREVER YOU WANT TO GO FOR SCHOOLING.

THINK ABOUT IT.

YOU'LL BE LIKE STEVE JOBS OR STEVE WOZNIAK.

BILL GATES AND PAUL ALLEN.

MATT DAMON AND BEN AFFLECK.

LET ME KNOW. OKAY?

SO, UH, WHAT TIME IS YOUR NEXT CLASS?

AN HOUR.

YEAH?

I NEED MY DESK AND MY CHAIR.

WELL, THIS ISN'T GONNA TAKE LONG, RIGHT? IT'S QUICK.

WELL I NEED IT NOW IF YOU WANT MY HELP.

WAIT, HOLD ON, YOU DECIDED TO DO IT?

WELL, THERE ARE CONDITIONS.

LIKE, NO GIRLS, NO PARTIES, NO STAYING UP UNTIL 3:00 AM WITH FRIENDS.

THIS WILL BECOME A CODING SANCTUARY.

OH, NO, NO, NO. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST CODE IN THE STUDY ROOM DOWN THE HALL?

NO. WELL, I NEED MY ROOM, DUDE.

WELL, I NEED MY ROOM.

OKAY, WAIT! YES, YES, YEAH, YEAH, YOU CAN CODE IN HERE.

WILL YOU ALSO MAKE ME BREAKFAST?

NO, I WILL NOT MAKE YOU BREAKFAST, JAMES.

BUT SHE SERIOUSLY DOES HAVE TO GO.

YEAH, OKAY, YOU HEARD THE MAN.

TIME TO SKEDADDLE, GET OUT.

WILL YOU CALL ME LATER? PROBABLY NOT.

HE WON'T.

OKAY, I'LL COME BY AFTER CLASS.

NO, NO, NO, JAMES AND I HAVE VERY IMPORTANT WORK TO DO AND WE NEED PEACE AND QUIET, BUT, THANK YOU.

SERIOUSLY.

I HAVE ONE MORE CONDITION.

I ALREADY TOLD YOU, I'M NOT MAKING BREAKFAST FOR YOU IN BED.

IT'S NOT THAT. I WANT TO DO THIS ANONYMOUSLY.

WELL, THEN WHO IS GONNA TAKE THE CREDIT FOR DEVELOPING THE APP?

WELL, CONSIDERING I HAVE NOT BEEN ACCORDED VOTING RIGHTS, STILL.

I WOULD SAY, YOU WOULD TAKE THE CREDIT.

WHO? ME?

YEAH, YOU. WHY?

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW I'M A PART OF THIS.

WHAT PEOPLE DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE A PART OF THIS APP?

MY MOTHER, FOR ONE.

OH! [LAUGHS]

WAIT, WE CAN'T TELL MOMMY? WHY NOT?

OKAY, DO YOU WANT MY HELP OR NOT?

YEAH, NO, YEAH, OBVIOUSLY.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

LET'S GET STARTED.

[LAUGHTER]

I FELT LIKE IT WAS A BAPTISM.

[LAUGHTER]

HEY, WHERE'VE YOU GUYS BEEN?

OH, UH... WE'VE BEEN STUDYING.

FOR REAL?

UH-HUH. YEAH, WE'RE ACTUALLY CODING A NEW BREAKTHROUGH PROJECT.

MM-HMM, AND IT'LL BE OUT SOON, LADIES, SO DON'T FRET.

THAT SOUNDS COOL, WHAT IS IT?

OH, NO, IT'S... WE HAVEN'T MADE IT PUBLIC YET.

[SCOFFS] WHAT LANGUAGE IS IT IN?

[LAUGHS] WHAT... TELL HER.

ENGLISH. YEAH, ENGLISH.

SHE MEANT WHAT PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE.

YEAH, WE KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT, WE'RE NOT GONNA TELL YOU THAT, OKAY? IT'S PRIVATE.

WE'RE GONNA KEEP IT UNDER WRAPS FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

UH, JAMES... WHAT IS THIS?

YOU WERE LATE FOR OUR MEETING.

WHERE IS THE TV? IT'S IN THE CLOSET.

WHAT ABOUT MY FUTON? DEFLATED, FOLDED NEATLY, AND TUCKED UNDER THE BED. WHAT? NO, DUDE!

I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MY FUTON.

AND I CAN'T CODE ANONYMOUSLY EXCEPT FOR IN THIS ROOM, AND I CAN'T CODE AT ALL UNLESS THIS IS MY SANCTUARY.

[SIGHS] OKAY, THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO HERE?

I'D LIKE A TURKEY AND SWISS ON RYE WITH LETTUCE, TOMATO, AND MAYONNAISE, PLEASE.

OH, AND BY THE WAY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO DO WITH THIS.

THAT'S PERFECT RIGHT THERE, AND I AM NOT GONNA BE YOUR WAITER.

DUDE. WAIT... OKAY, FINE!

UNLESS IT KEEPS YOU FROM CODING, SIT DOWN.

DO YOUR THING.

[SHARP EXHALE] UH, AND WHAT LANGUAGE ARE WE DOING THIS IN?

ENGLISH.

NO, I MEANT LIKE THE PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT. OH, WAS IT A JOKE?

WAS IT FUNNY? NO.

DON'T TRY IT AGAIN, 'CAUSE FUNNY STUFF DOESN'T WORK FOR YOU, OKAY?

OKAY, I'M SORRY, I WON'T DO IT AGAIN.

DUDE, WHAT'S THE PROGRAMMING? I NEED TO BE ABLE TO TELL PEOPLE WHAT WE'RE DOING IN HERE.

C, JAVA, HTML, AND RUBY.

[COUGHS AND SNEEZES]

OH, DON'T YOU DARE EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING SICK ON ME, OKAY?

OKAY. JUST PUT THAT ON.

WHEN AM I GETTING PAID?

IN TIME FOR YOU TO ENROLL AT M.I.T.

THE DEADLINE IS FEBRUARY FIRST.

I GUESS YOU BETTER GET STARTED.

ALL RIGHT GUYS, SO, UH, I THINK IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE POP QUIZ JUST TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE CAUGHT UP IN ALL YOUR READING.

HEY, UH, TEACH. YEAH, I'D LIKE TO BE EXEMPT FROM SAID POP QUIZ. [PROFESSOR] ON WHAT GROUNDS?

ON THE GROUNDS THAT I'M DEVELOPING A REAL APP THAT NEEDS MY TIME.

I MEAN, I THINK THAT YOU'D FIND THAT IT MORE THAN FULFILLS THE COURSE REQUIREMENTS.

[PROFESSOR] COME OVER HERE, LANCE.

COME ON, I WON'T BITE YA, COME ON.

I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST SHARE WITH THE CLASS DETAILS ABOUT YOUR PROJECT, HM?

YOU KNOW, I WOULD... OH.

I REALLY WOULD, BUT MY CONTRACT WITH NASA PROHIBITS ME FROM SAYING ANYTHING.

GOSH, YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY GOOD FRIENDS WITH THE DIRECTOR OF NASA.

ARE YOU? MM-HMM.

OH, YEAH! WELL, WE'RE WORKING WITH, UH, DNA. YEAH.

[PROFESSOR] YOU'RE WORKING ON DNA?

NO, NO, NO. WE'RE WORKING ON A CODING PROJECT.

OH, SO SIGNED A NON DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT, AN NDA.

YEAH, AN NDA, A NON DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT.

[PROFESSOR] RIGHT. A STANDARD ONE TOO.

[PROFESSOR] OH, A STANDARD. I APOLOGIZE FOR THEM.

[PROFESSOR] A STANDARD ONE, OKAY, GREAT.

YEAH, SO THAT MEANS, YOU KNOW, IF WE WERE EVER TO SAY ANYTHING, WE WOULD BE... [FEIGNS CHOKING]

DEAD, KILLED IN OUR SLEEP.

AND WHO WOULD WANT THAT? NOT ME.

ALL RIGHT, BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU CAN SHARE WITH THE CLASS WHAT LANGUAGE YOU'RE WORKING IN.

OH... WOULD THAT BE ENGLISH, LANCE?

OH, YEAH? WOULD THAT BE ENGLISH, LANCE?

NAH, NO. THAT WOULD NOT BE ENGLISH.

ACTUALLY, WE'RE WORKING IN C, JAVA, HTML, AND RUBY, SO...

[PROFESSOR] DOES THIS PROJECT HAVE A NAME?

DOES THIS PROJECT HAVE A NAME, YES, IT HAS A NAME. IT'S CALLED "JUNGLE."

ALL RIGHT, LANCE, I'LL EXPECT A SUMMARY WITH ALL PROPRIETARY INFORMATION REDACTED, OF COURSE, UH, BY THE NEXT CLASS, AND IF I APPROVE, THEN, FINE, YOU CAN MISS OUT ON A FEW QUIZZES.

THANK YOU. OKAY, AS FOR THE REST OF YOU, YOU WILL FIND THE QUIZ IF YOU PRESS ENTER.

HONEY, IT'S THIS BUTTON.

OKAY. GOOD BOY.

...JAVA, HTML, RUBY, C, JAVA, HTML...

HOW'S IT GOING?

THE ARCHITECTURE'S STARTING TO FLOW.

BY THE WAY, YOU GOTTA COME UP WITH, UM, A FULL SUMMARY OF THE PROJECT FOR PROFESSOR BARNES. I GOTTA GIVE HER ONE.

OKAY, I'LL WORK ON THAT TOMORROW.

[COUGHS]

HEY, HEY! COULD YOU HOLD IT DOWN?

PLEASE, I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER ALL THESE TERMS.

I THINK I'M GETTING SICK.

I'M GOING TO BED NOW.

ALL RIGHT, BUT JUST, YOU KNOW, MAKE SURE YOU GET RIGHT BACK TO WORK IN THE MORNING.

HOY! COME ON, TIME TO GET UP.

LET'S GO.

COME ON.

I CAN'T, I CAN'T. I'VE GOT A BAD COLD.

OH, NO, NO, NO. HOW LONG IS THAT GONNA SET US BACK?

[SIGHS] LET'S SEE...

IF IT'S JUST A COLD, A COUPLE DAYS.

IF IT'S A SINUS INFECTION, IT COULD BE A COUPLE WEEKS.

WELL... OKAY, WHAT... OKAY THEN, WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO TO MAKE SURE IT DOESN'T TURN INTO THE INFECTION THING?

UH, WELL, MY MOM WOULD USUALLY MAKE ME A POT OF HOT TEA, ALTERNATING WITH SOME ORANGE JUICE, WITH 6,000 GRAMS OF VITAMIN C CRYSTALS.

OH, AND SOME CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP, OF COURSE.

I'M NOT YOUR MOM, JAMES.

OKAY.

SHOULD LAST NO MORE THAN A MONTH.

[SIGHS]

HEY!

[LAUGHTER]

LANCE! LANCE!

UH, YEAH?

UH, LISTEN, I JUST FINISHED READING YOUR PROPOSAL.

I'M REALLY IMPRESSED.

YOU EXEMPLIFY EVERYTHING I AM TRYING TO CULTIVATE IN THIS CLASS. I'M BLOWN AWAY BECAUSE AT FIRST I THOUGHT, UGH! BUT YOU'VE SURPRISED ME.

SO I THINK I CAN AGREE TO YOUR TERMS.

OF COURSE, PENDING THE SUBMISSION OF YOUR CODED PROGRAM.

OF COURSE, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

NICE COSTUME. [WESLEY] I LIKE YOURS.

[SCREAMS, LAUGHS]

YOU'RE A GENIUS, MAN! THEY ARE GOING TO BUILD A SHRINE TO MY GREATNESS!

HEY!

[JAMES] I'M WORKING, COME BACK TOMORROW.

YES, YES, HE'S WORKING ON GETTING "JUNGLE" RIGHT NOW, I HAVE EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL.

[JAMES] OKAY.

I THINK "JUNGLE" IS OFFICIALLY READY FOR BETA ROLL OUT.

WHAT? REALLY? YEAH.

[LANCE] AH, DUDE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS, DUDE.

THERE COULD BE A SLIGHT PROBLEM, THOUGH.

WHAT PROBLEM? WHAT IS IT?

UM, I MEAN THERE'S NO LOGICAL INCENTIVE FOR THE USERS OF OTHER HOOK-UP APPS TO TRANSFER OVER TO JUNGLE, YOU KNOW? I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT.

YEAH. I MEAN, THERE'S GOTTA BE A MATHEMATICAL THEOREM TO CONVINCE THEM.

ALL RIGHT, LADIES. MY BOY LANCE RIGHT NOW IS GONNA BREAK IT DOWN FOR Y'ALL RIGHT NOW.

LISTEN UP, Y'ALL. WE GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT.

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO, IS GET OFF OF ALL OF THE OTHER MATING APPS AND GET ONTO JUNGLE.

MY BOY DANIEL HERE, HE DID ALL THE MATHEMATICS, HE'S GONNA BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU.

IT'S ALL HERE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

I HAVE COME UP WITH A SIMPLISTIC YET INTUITIVE MATHEMATICAL FORMULA THAT WORKS 10 OUT OF 10 TIMES, AND IT'S QUITE EASY.

ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS DITCH THE OTHER HOOK-UP APPS AND SWITCH TO "JUNGLE" AND THE RESULTS WILL ASTOUND YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THEY WILL ASTOUND YOU. OH!

AND THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. MM-HMM.

WE DON'T HAVE THE TIME... NOPE.

...TO KNOW A GIRL'S NAME. NOPE.

WE DON'T THE TIME FOR THEM TO KNOW OUR NAMES!

WHO DOES? WE GOT SCHOOL!

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO PAY FOR A MOVIE?

[ALL] NO! OR FLOWERS?

[ALL] NO!

I'M GONNA SAY THE C-WORD, I KNOW WE DON'T LIKE TO SAY IT, ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. DON'T DO IT TO 'EM.

COMMITMENT. [ALL SHOUTING]

IF YOU WANT TO HAVE GIRLS IN YOUR APARTMENTS, IN YOUR DORMS, ON A DAILY BASIS, LINE UP RIGHT NOW AND GET THESE DIRECTIONS.

[DANIEL] ORDERLY FASHION, GENTLEMEN.

THIS HAS NO AGE RESTRICTION.

GIVE IT TO YOUR FIVE-YEAR-OLD COUSIN, IF YOU NEED TO.

OH, HAND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FRIEND'S FRIEND.

I GOT ANOTHER ONE! GIVE IT TO YOUR FRATERNITIES, GIVE IT TO YOUR BROTHERS, GIVE IT TO YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FRIENDS' FRIENDS, YOUR COUSINS, YOUR UNCLES, ALL OF 'EM! YOU NEPHEWS, ALL OF 'EM!

'CAUSE EVERYBODY SHOULD BE ON JUNGLE.

WHOO! SPREAD THE WORD, Y'ALL.

TELL HIM ABOUT THE TIME... HEY!

WHOA. WE GOT A QUESTION FOR THE DUDE THAT DEVELOPED THE "JUNGLE" APP.

YEAH. YO, SO, YOU TELLING ME THESE GIRLS, INSTEAD OF NAMES, THEY JUST SEND A PHOTO OF THEMSELVES IN THEIR UNDERWEAR?

NO EXCEPTIONS?

I MEAN, THAT'S THE PLATFORM.

OOH! HEY, MAN, I JUST WANTED TO SAY, YOU ROCK! THAT'S PRETTY SWEET.

YOU ROCK, MAN.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

SO FAR I'VE GOTTEN FOUR SWIPES.

I'VE GOTTEN 19.

I'VE GOTTEN TWO, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

LET ME SEE YOUR PROFILE PICTURE?

IT'S OBVIOUS, YOU NEED TO STAND OUT.

HOW DO YOU STAND OUT IN YOUR UNDERWEAR?

WITHOUT THEM, OF COURSE.

[LAUGHS]

WELL, I DIDN'T HAVE TO, BUT...

HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE, HANNAH?

[HANNAH] ZERO.

OH, HANNAH.

DO YOU NEED US TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR PROFILE PHOTO?

NO. [SCOFFS]

I'M NOT GONNA PLAY WITH THAT APP.

MORE GUYS FOR US.

I JUST DON'T SEE HOW IT BENEFITS US.

HANNAH, DO YOU WANT TO BE ALONE FOREVER?

NO. THEN YOU NEED TO GET ON BOARD AND GET WITH THE APPS. THAT'S WHERE THE GUYS ARE.

THAT'S TRUE.

SO, WHO HAVE YOU MET?

WELL, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO CALL IT MEETING ANYONE.

BECAUSE YOU JUST HOOK-UP WITH THEM ONE TIME.

UNLESS THE GUY HITS A CERTAIN BUTTON THAT BRINGS YOU BACK A SECOND TIME.

BUT YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY HIS NAME.

OR TELL HIM YOURS. OR ASK HIM ANY QUESTIONS.

OR THEY'LL KICK YOU OFF THE PLATFORM, AND YOU HAVE TO WAIT TWO WEEKS FOR A RE-TRAINING PERIOD.

OKAY, THAT SOUNDS VERY LIBERATING, GIRLS, BUT I'M GONNA GO STUDY.

I WORRY ABOUT HANNAH.

SHE JUST DOESN'T GET IT, SHE'S SO 20TH CENTURY.

I THINK SHE'S LIKE A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN OR SOMETHING.

THAT EXPLAINS IT.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

THESE KIDS HAVE NO IDEA HOW EASY THIS IS.

"JUNGLE" HAS JUST MOVED IT UP A WHOLE 'NOTHER LEVEL.

I THINK YOU MEAN DOWN A WHOLE NEW LEVEL.

NO. HEY, GUYS, GUYS, HOW'D YOU GUYS LEARN ABOUT "JUNGLE?"

UH, MY DENTIST. MY ACCOUNTANT.

GOSH! DID YOU JUST HEAR THAT?

"JUNGLE" IS NOW OUT OF THE CAMPUS AND OUT INTO THE REAL WORLD, MY FRIEND.

OH, WHOO-HOO-HOO. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

GET READY FOR SOME MAJOR BANK.

INSANE. YOU GUYS, SERIOUSLY, YOU SHOULD, HOP ON "JUNGLE" 'CAUSE I WOULD LOVE TO SWIPE YOU.

OH!

WHO'S GOT LOW SELF-ESTEEM? THIS GUY, LET'S GO.

[LAUGHS]

SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY, LET'S SWIPE SOME TIME.

I'M SENSING DISRUPTION FORM A NEW HOOK-UP APP CALLED "JUNGLE."

BUT I'M NOT GONNA WEIGH IN ON IT YET.

FIRST, I'M GONNA EVALUATE THE AUTHENTICITY.

FAKE NEWS...

[SIGHS]

[GIRL] SHE CALLED ME COMPLETELY HYSTERICAL.

[GIRL 2] LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY HAD A GOOD TIME ON "JUNGLE."

THIS DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A GOOD GUY!

YEAH, MELODY, THIS GUY WAS A FREAK.

WELL, THE CUTE FREAKS ARE ON THE APP, SO...

I THINK WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.

[CRYING]

DO YOU GUYS THINK LANCE MADE THE APP?

YEAH, WHY NOT?

'CAUSE HE'S HORRIBLE AT CODING.

YEAH, WELL, SOMEONE'S HELPING HIM.

LOOK, ALL I KNOW IS, WHOEVER MADE THIS APP IS A HORRIBLE PERSON.

THANK YOU GUYS FOR COME GETTING ME.

OF COURSE. WE'RE SORRY, RACHEL.

YOU ARE A SMART AND INTELLIGENT AND KIND AND FUNNY HUMAN BEING.

YOU NEED TO BE ON THIS APP.

THIS IS NOT WORTH IT. THANK YOU.

'CAUSE YOU'RE THE BEST.

[SNIFFLES]

[CHATTER]

MERRY CHRISTMAS, FEMALE SPECIMENS!

HOW ARE YOU?

I KNOW!

WELL, HAPPY HANUKAH, HAPPY KWANZA.

I'LL SEE YOU GUYS, UM, AFTER... CHRISTMAS.

PRETTY IMPRESSIVE, HUH?

UH, YEAH, I REALLY LIKED YOUR BOOK.

NO, I WAS TALKING ABOUT "JUNGLE."

UH, YEAH. I MEAN, LANCE IS THE MAN.

YOU KNOW?

JAMES, IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME?

UM.. MERRY CHRISTMAS, PROFESSOR BARNES.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, JAMES.

[SIGHS]

SO HOW DO YOU LIKE LIVING WITH GRANDMA AND GRANDPA?

GOOD.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ON BREAK?

SOME CODING, MAYBE SOME STUDYING.

NO VISITING, PARTYING, SOCIALIZING, WOMANIZING?

I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED TO BE DOING ON VACATION.

YEAH, DAD, I'LL DEFINITELY DO SOME OF THAT.

I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO MISS OUT ON ANYTHING.

WELL, LOOK, I GOTTA GET BACK TO THE OFFICE.

I'LL SEE YA ON CHRISTMAS DAY.

GOOD.

LOOKING FORWARD TO A NICE FAMILY CHRISTMAS, DAD.

YEAH. I LOVE YOU, JAMES.

[GIRL 1] SO, LOOK AT THIS NEW BLUSH I JUST GOT.

[GIRL 2] ISN'T IT SO PRETTY? [GIRL 3] SO PRETTY.

[GIRL 1] IT'S CALLED BERRY. [GIRL 2] SO COOL.

[GIRL 1] I KNOW, I LOVE IT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?

IT'S MY HOME OFFICE NOW.

WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON? MYSELF.

ANYWAY, HOW WAS YOUR FIRST SEMESTER?

UH, INTERESTING.

DID YOU MAKE ANY FRIENDS?

I THINK I DID.

INVITED TO ANY HOLIDAY PARTIES?

NO. I THINK YOU DIDN'T.

OH, YEAH. DON'T TRY TO MOVE BACK INTO YOUR BEDROOM.

AS YOU CAN TELL, IT'S MY HOME OFFICE.

SO, I'M GUESSING YOU CAN SLEEP ON THE COUCH IN THE DEN.

[SIGHS] WHERE'S MOM?

SHE'S AT A HOLIDAY LUNCH WITH HER FRIENDS.

DOES IT LOOK GOOD?

[GIRL 2] IT LOOKS SO PRETTY. YAY!

CHECK OUT THIS LIP GLOSS, IT HAS A LIGHT IN IT.

SHOW OFF! CAN I BORROW? [GIRL 2] OF COURSE.

THANK YOU.

I LOVE IT. [WOMAN] YOU ARE SO GOOD!

YOU NEED TO HAVE YOUR WORK IN A GALLERY.

OH, WELL, I'M WORKING ON IT.

OKAY, IT'S, UH, JAMES' M.I.T. FUND.

GALE, ARE YOU STILL PLANNING ON LETTING YOUR EX BRING HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND TO CHRISTMAS DINNER?

SURE.

WELL, I'M LETTING MY EX COME TO CHRISTMAS DINNER.

YEAH, BUT NOT WITH GIRLFRIEND. NO.

WAIT, IS JUSTIN SEEING SOMEONE ALREADY?

ALREADY? IT'S BEEN 10 MONTHS SINCE LEAH'S DIVORCE.

HE'S PROBABLY HAD LIKE FIVE GIRLFRIENDS.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

I WANT TO KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HIS DATING HISTORY.

OH, THAT'S JUST BECAUSE OF THE RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST YOU.

OH, OKAY, IT WAS NOT A RESTRAINING ORDER, IT WAS A... A COUNSELOR'S EVALUATION.

A COUNSELOR'S EVALUATION TO STOP BREAKING INTO JUSTIN'S NEW APARTMENT.

I WANT MY CHINA BACK. [LAUGHS]

WE NEED TO BE A LITTLE BIT MORE SUPPORTIVE AND GIVE HER SOME CREDIT.

SHE HASN'T BROKEN INTO JUSTIN'S APARTMENT SINCE SHE STARTED THE MEDICATION.

I JUST CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE JUSTIN WITH A GIRLFRIEND.

JUST SAYING THE WORDS, "JUSTIN'S GIRLFRIEND," BLEGH.

I THINK IT'S GOOD THAT WE HAVE THE EXES AT THE HOLIDAY DINNER.

I MEAN, WE'RE ALL STILL A FAMILY.

BUT YOU'RE DIVORCED. YOU'RE NOT A FAMILY ANYMORE.

YES WE ARE. I MEAN, TECHNICALLY WE'RE FAMILY, RIGHT?

AT LEAST, THE KIDS, AND I DO LIVE WITH HIS PARENTS.

[LAUGHTER]

WELL, YOU KNOW, MAYBE IT'S TIME THAT YOU FIND SOMEBODY NEW AND MOVE ON.

GUYS THAT ARE SINGLE ARE EITHER TOO YOUNG OR TOO OLD.

OKAY, SO WHERE ARE THE AGE-APPROPRIATE MEN IN THEIR 40S AND 50S?

THEY HAVEN'T HAD THEIR DIVORCES YET.

I HAVE FOUND A NEW WAY TO MEET PEOPLE.

OOH, SHARE.

IT'S CALLED "JUNGLE."

[GASPS] I'VE HEARD OF "JUNGLE."

YEAH, MY HAIRDRESSER WAS TELLING ME ALL ABOUT IT.

SHE SAYS THAT'S WHERE ALL THE GUYS ARE.

YEAH, BUT I HEAR THERE ARE, LIKE, WEIRD CONDITIONS.

YEAH, AND THE CONDITIONS ONLY POP UP ON YOUR PHONE IN TINY PRINT WHEN YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO YOUR DATE.

UH-UH, NOT A DATE.

BUT THEY SHOW UP WHEN IT'S TOO LATE.

YOU KNOW, A REAL PIECE OF WORK MUST HAVE MADE THAT "JUNGLE."

YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK YOU SHOULD GO FOR IT.

YOU DESERVE TO MEET SOMEBODY ELSE.

YEAH. TO "JUNGLE."

TO "JUNGLE."

...TO EVERYONE, FOR CHRISTMAS.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I THINK I HEAR DAD.

OH, I'LL GET HIS GIFT.

HEY, HEY, HEY! THERE SHE IS!

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! [SMOOCHES]

MERRY CHRISTMAS, BABY.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU, TOO.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! SHE'S KINDA YOUNG.

OH, SWEET JESUS.

OH, ASHLEY, THIS IS TIFFANY.

IS THERE A POWDER ROOM I CAN USE?

I JUST WANNA CHECK MY FACE BEFORE I... OH, YEAH, SURE, SURE, SURE.

IT'S RIGHT DOWN THE HALL OVER THERE TO THE RIGHT.

UM, DAD? OH, YEAH.

I DON'T THINK IS MOM IS GONNA BE OKAY WITH... THAT.

OH, COME ON, SHE'LL BE FINE.

LISTEN, YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE THE BEST OF FRIENDS.

MOM AND I HAD A COOL DIVORCE.

OKAY. [LEAH] HELLO, HELLO.

MERRY CHRISTMAS. HI!

HERE. OH, THANK YOU.

YOU CAN OPEN IT NOW OR LATER.

HEY, THANKS FOR COMING.

IT MEANS A LOT TO THE KIDS, AND TO YOUR PARENTS.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU FOR THIS, UH, WE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU TOO.

OOH. [CHUCKLES]

YEAH, OKAY.

LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT SETTLED IN TO MY PARENTS HOUSE HERE.

WE HAD TO SETTLE SOMEWHERE AFTER YOU BLEW THROUGH YOUR INHERITANCE AND FORECLOSED ON OUR HOUSE.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

IT'S IN THE PAST.

YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S JUST HAVE A LOVELY HOLIDAY.

I AM FOR THAT.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

UH. THIS IS SPECIAL CHOCOLATE FROM SWEDEN.

SWITZERLAND.

UM, ARE YOU ASHLEY'S FRIEND?

NO, I'M... NO, NO, THIS IS TIFFANY.

UH, SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND. HE FOUND ME ON "JUNGLE."

I THINK I'LL GO KISS MY MOTHER NOW.

HI.

THE DRESS IS A LITTLE HIGHER THAN IN YOUR DAY AND MY DAY.

I DON'T MIND IT. OH, MY GOD.

I MEAN, I'M NOT SAYING THAT IT'S PROPER IN OUR DAY, BUT IT'S PROPER IN THEIR DAY.

WHAT IS HE THINKING?

I, UM...

I DIDN'T KNOW JUSTIN HAD A GIRLFRIEND.

WE'RE KEEPING IT UNDER THE RADAR SINCE YOUR LAST BREAK-IN, BUT...

[GIGGLES] ...NOW THAT I'M MOVING IN, IT'S KIND OF PUBLIC. MOVING IN?

YEAH! AND I WOULD LIKE TO COMPLIMENT YOU ON YOUR TASTE IN CHINA. MY CHINA.

MM-HMM. THE PLATE SETTINGS THAT JUSTIN HAS AT HIS APARTMENT.

YEAH, YEAH, THE LENNOX WITH THE LITTLE PINK FLOWERS.

AND DON'T WORRY, I ONLY BROKE ONE DINNER PLATE, BUT I'M GONNA BE SUPER CAREFUL FROM NOW ON.

THAT'S THE CHINA MY GRANDMOTHER GOT US ON OUR WEDDING DAY.

WELL, I THINK SHE'S VERY ATTRACTIVE.

SHE'S LIKE 12 YEARS OLD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

YEAH, IT'S PERFECT. I'M GONNA DECORATE THE WHOLE APARTMENT AROUND THE COLOR SCHEME, SO, THANK YOU!

[KISSES]

YOU'RE WELCOME, YOU'RE WELCOME.

I MEAN, YOU'RE NAKED, BUT...

[CHUCKLES] ...YOU'RE WELCOME.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

NICE TO MEET YOU, TIFFANY. HI, NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.

ARE YOU ONE OF ASHLEY'S FRIENDS?

OH, NO. NO, MOM, THAT'S MY TIFFANY.

[TIFFANY] EVERYONE KEEPS ASKING ME THAT.

CAN I GET ANYBODY A DRINK? WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK?

MAYBE SOME, LIKE... CHOCOLATE MILK.

UM, YOU GUYS GOING TO A CLUB AFTER DINNER?

I HOPE SO.

I LOVE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THE ROOM, JAMES.

UM, AREN'T YOU TAKING ANY TIME OFF FOR CHRISTMAS?

I'M TRYING TO CATCH UP ON SOME WORK.

ALL RIGHT. I DON'T THINK YOU CAN.

CAN WHAT?

WELL, I DON'T THINK YOU CAN CATCH UP WITH WHATEVER YOU'RE LOOKING FOR WHEN YOU'RE LOOKING AT A COMPUTER AND A PHONE ALL DAY.

WHAT AM I LOOKING FOR?

WELL, I'M NOT SURE, BUT I AM SURE THAT YOU HAVE TO FACE PEOPLE FACE TO FACE TO FIND IT.

COME ON.

NAH-AH-AH.

MERRY CHRISTMAS. MERRY CHRISTMAS, JAMES.

I HAVE A FAVOR TO ASK.

I WANT YOU TO HELP ME FACE THE FAMILY.

LET'S GO DOWN THERE AND YOU TELL AUNT GILDA THAT YOU CAN'T SEE THAT SHE HAD ANY BAD PLASTIC SURGERY.

THE RUMOR IS A DEER SHOT HER.

[SUNNY WHISPERING] SWEETHEART, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE A TOAST?

A SHORT ONE, A SHORT TOAST.

OKAY, UM... A TOAST.

I'VE... WHILE WE'RE TOGETHER I'D LIKE TO HAVE A DINNER, [PHONES CHIMING AND BEEPING]

THAT REALLY MEANS A LOT MORE THAN JUST EATING.

THESE TWO PEOPLE, JACK AND KAREN HAVE BEEN, REALLY, MY EXAMPLE THAT I'VE LIVED BY.

[EXCESSIVE PHONE CHIMING CONTINUES]

THEY'VE GONE THROUGH SO MUCH TOGETHER, AND THE IDEA THAT YOU'RE HERE AND THAT WE'RE STILL TOGETHER, IT'S THOSE THINGS THAT REALLY MEAN SOMETHING IN OUR LIFE, THAT LASTS, THAT NOT THE THINGS THAT ARE MOMENTARY.

I'VE KNOWN MANY, I'VE LIKED A FEW, LOVED ONE, AND HERE'S TO YOU.

AWW. [WOMAN] AWW.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, SWEETHEART.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE.

[ASHLEY] MERRY CHRISTMAS!

AWW, MERRY CHRISTMAS... AWW, THANK YOU.

THAT WAS SWEET, DAD. THAT WAS SO SWEET.

LET'S UH, EMBARGO THE PHONES FOR DINNER, HUH?

SO, EVERYBODY JUST GIVE ME YOUR PHONE.

I'LL TAKE YOUR PHONE.

THAT'S A GREAT PICTURE. UH, THIS...

GIMME... JAMES, JAMES...

I NEED YOUR PHONE, WE'RE EMBARGOING THE PHONES.

PLEASE ASHLEY, YOU CAN TALK LATER.

UM, YOU'D ONLY TEXT ANYWAY. [LAUGHS]

UH, BILLY...

PUT IT UP. NOT BAD, NOT BAD.

I CAN'T SEE MY FACE.

[SLURPS]

I CAN'T SEE MY FACE.

HOW DO I...

HEY, MOM! CAN I...

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M... [LAUGHS]

I'M TAKING A PICTURE, BUT ARMS AREN'T LONG ENOUGH, SO I NEED YOU TO TAKE IT FOR ME.

UM, WHAT IS IT FOR?

OH, DON'T TAKE THAT, TAKE THAT.

IT'S FOR MY COLLECTION.

OKAY, I'M NOT DOING IT UNLESS YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

I AM SCARED. DON'T BE SCARED, THERE'S NO NEED TO BE AFRAID, IT'S ALL GOOD IN THE HOOD.

[SNORTS, LAUGHS]

IT'S JUST A PICTURE. READY?

[ASHLEY] READY? ONE, TWO, THREE, WINE.

[PHONE CAMERA SNAPS]

OKAY, LET ME SEE.

IT'S GOOD.

CAN YOU PHOTOSHOP OUT ABOUT FIVE POUNDS?

IS THERE AN APP FOR THAT?

MOM, THERE'S AN APP FOR EVERYTHING.

OH, DOWNLOAD IT.

OKAY, WE DON'T HAVE TO... DOWNLOADING!

WAITING FOR THE BLUE LINE.

MOM, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT.

NO. YOU TAKE THIS.

OKAY. I'LL BE TAKING THIS.

OKEY-DOKE.

GOOD NIGHT, HONEY.

GOOD NIGHT.

I'LL SEE YOU MAÑANA.

I WILL SEE YOU...

[THUD]

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

WHAT'S UP, YOU BIG LOSERS? NO PLANS TONIGHT?

NO, I'M STILL TIRED FROM YESTERDAY.

I NEED A SPA VACATION AFTER AN EVENING TALKING TO AUNT GILDA.

I'M STILL STUDYING FOR NEXT SEMESTER.

ONLY A PSYCHO DOES THE WORK A SEMESTER AHEAD OF TIME.

[SIGHS]

MOM, ARE YOU GOING OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS?

UM, A NEW FRIEND. WHO?

I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT WE'RE MEETING AT A CAFE.

UH, WHERE DID YOU MEET HIM?

WELL, WE HAVEN'T ACTUALLY MET.

I DON'T THINK I CAN SAY MEET.

I'M SORRY, THERE'S A LOT OF FUNNY CONDITIONS.

CONDITIONS TO WHAT?

TO WHAT I CAN SAY. [CHUCKLES]

ALL I KNOW IS HE REALLY LIKED MY PHOTO PROFILE.

OKAY, WHAT PHOTO?

MOM! NO!

IT'S OKAY, HONEY, REALLY, EVERYONE IS DOING IT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT OUT LOUD.

OKAY, MOM, I DO NOT APPROVE.

OKAY, WELL, IT IS NOT FOR YOU TO APPROVE OR DISAPPROVE, ALL RIGHT? I'M GOING AND I WILL BE BACK LATER.

OKAY, WELL AT LEAST TELL ME WHERE YOU MET THIS GUY SO I CAN DO SOME RESEARCH.

FINE, IT'S CALLED "JUNGLE," OKAY?

LOVE YOU BOTH! BYE!

WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING FOLLOWING MOM ON HER DATE?

IT'S NOT A DATE. YOU CAN TRUST ME ON THAT.

I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL THAT YOUR MOTHER'S SEEING PEOPLE.

SHE NEEDS TO GET OUT MORE.

I JUST FLORENCE. I WANT TO MOVE THERE AND JUST IMMERSE MYSELF IN THE CULTURE AND THE ART, JUST THE SHAPES AND THE COLOR.

ALL RIGHT, SO WE BOTH LOVE ITALY.

YOU LOVE ITALY, TOO?

YEAH, YEAH, I CAN EAT PIZZA ALL DAY LONG.

LISTEN, I THINK WE KNOW EACH OTHER WELL ENOUGH, LET'S GO.

ARE WE GOING TO EAT PIZZA?

NO, I'VE INVESTED MORE TIME THAN I WAS PLANNING, I'M NOT GONNA SPEND MONEY ON YOU.

I CAN BUY PIZZA.

APARTMENT 754, JUST FOLLOW ME, OKAY?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME? THAT'S AGAINST THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS.

ARE YOU COMING?

NO, NO, I'M NOT. [SCOFFS] I GOTTA GO.

MY NEXT APPOINTMENT'S WAITING FOR ME.

BUT LISTEN, DON'T PLAY SO HARD TO GET, LADY!

[SCOFFS]

YOU OKAY? NO, IT WAS AWFUL, I WANT TO GO HOME.

NO, NO, NO, LEAH, DON'T YOU DARE GIVE UP.

I WANT TO GO HOME. YOU JUST HAVEN'T MET THE RIGHT ONE YET, OKAY?

HE'S OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. HERE, GIVE ME THIS.

GIVE ME THIS, LET'S SEE.

OOH, YOU GOT SOME NEW SWIPES.

THAT'S A GOOD SIGN, HONEY. NO, NO.

OKAY, LET'S SEE, LET'S LOOK AT THESE OPTION...

OH! SIGH, INTERESTING.

OH, MY EX-HUSBAND, OKAY.

OH, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? OH, HE'S CUTE.

YEAH! GUYS, THAT'S JUSTIN'S COUSIN, BILL.

YOUR MOTHER'S LEAVING THE CAFE.

SHE'S ALONE. BAD SIGN. GOOD SIGN.

OUR WORK IS DONE. IT'S JUST BEGUN.

CAN WE TAKE THEM HOME NOW SO WE CAN GO OUT?

OUT? IT'S 1:00 AM.

THAT'S WHEN THE CLUBS OPEN.

JAMES.

JAMES.

JAMES.

HONEY, GO TO BED.

WHERE'D YOU GO? OUT.

NO, I MEAN, AFTER THE CAFE.

YOU LEFT THE CAFE HOURS AGO.

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE I WAS AND WHAT TIME I LEFT?

NEW APP.

OH.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT MEETING PEOPLE?

OH, WELL...

I GUESS I'M GONNA HAVE TO WRAP MY HEAD AROUND HOW THINGS ARE, AND, UM...

I DON'T KNOW, GET USED TO IT.

I LOVE YOU, JAMES.

GOOD NIGHT.

♪ I NEED TO FIND OUT SO I CAN SLEEP TIGHT ♪

♪ MAYBE I'M OKAY

♪ WITH NOT SO PERFECT TODAY ♪

♪ NOT SO PERFECT TODAY...

WHAT DID YOU DO? GET OUT OF MY ROOM.

IT'S MY ROOM NOW.

IF YOU COME IN THIS ROOM AGAIN WHILE I'M HOME OR WHILE I'M AWAY, I'LL SEND OUT A MESSAGE AND IT'LL GO VIRAL THAT YOU HAVE AN STD.

OKAY, WELL, THAT'S A LIE.

I HAVEN'T EVEN... EVEN BETTER, A VIRGIN.

ABSTINENCE IS FAR WORSE STIGMA IN PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL.

NOTHING WILL RUIN YOUR SOCIAL STANDING FASTER.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOUR REAL PARENTS ARE?

BECAUSE I CAN'T SEEM TO FIGURE IT OUT.

I SEE NOW THAT I'M A SOLDIER STANDING IN A BATTLEFIELD ENGAGED IN A WAR FAR WORSE THAN ANY 18-YEAR-OLD COULD EVEN FATHOM.

OKAY, STOP THE SOLILOQUY, I GET IT!

YOU WANT YOUR ROOM BACK, FINE!

BUT YOU'RE GONNA TURN INTO A CYBORG.

YOUR HAND AND THE KEYBOARD ARE GOING TO FUSE AND YOU'RE GONNA BE MORE EMBARRASSING THAN YOU ALREADY ARE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I MEAN, NOT THAT I CARE, BUT IN CASE MOM ASKS.

I HAVE SOME RESEARCH TO DO.

OKAY, UM, I'LL TELL HER YOU WENT TO THE MALL, JUST TO GIVE HER A LITTLE HOPE YOU'RE WITHIN THE BELL CURVE.

I'M NOT GETTING PERSONAL, BUT YOU KNOW I LIKE TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

[LAUGHS] JAMES!

HI, SWEETHEART.

HEY. HI, GRANDMA.

YOU ALL KNOW JAMES, HE'S HOME FOR HOLIDAY BREAK.

[GROUP] HI, JAMES.

JAMES IS DOING RESEARCH ON RELATIONSHIPS, AND HE WOULD TO HAVE OUR INPUT.

UM, YEAH, SO I HAVE SOME QUESTIONNAIRES HERE THAT I'M JUST GONNA PASS OUT REALLY QUICK.

YEAH. OKAY, THANK YOU.

SO, THESE QUESTIONS I'VE PREPARED ARE BASED ON THE MORAYS OF THE '50S AND '60S, SO, THEY'RE PRETTY SELF-EXPLANATORY.

OKAY, COME ON, LET'S SIT DOWN, SWEETHEART.

LET'S SEE WHAT JAMES IS RESEARCHING.

"HOW OLD WERE YOU WERE YOU WHEN YOU FIRST HAD SEX?"

[CHUCKLES] OKAY.

LET ME THINK, UM...

18.

"HOW MANY PEOPLE DID YOU SLEEP WITH BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED?"

OH. [CLEARS THROAT]

THIS IS AWFULLY PERSONAL, JAMES.

GRANDPA, I REALLY NEED TO KNOW.

YEAH, ME TOO.

WELL...

[LAUGHS]

NONE.

YOUR GRANDMOTHER WAS MY HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART, MY FIRST...

MY LAST...

MY ONLY.

AWW. [ALL] AWW.

[CHUCKLES]

"DID YOU PERSONALLY KNOW ANY GIRLS THAT GOT PREGNANT IN HIGH SCHOOL?"

ONLY ONE.

AH HERE'S ONE, "WHAT MADE A GIRL ATTRACTIVE?"

[CHUCKLES] WELL, THAT'S EASY.

BIG, UH... EYES.

[MAN] YOU CHICKEN!

I'M A ROMANTIC, I LOVE BIG EYES, THEY'RE THE WINDOWS OF THE SOUL.

WELL, I LOVE THESE APPETIZERS.

THANK YOU, THANKS, JOHN.

PUT THAT ON MY LIST OF WHAT MAKES A GIRL ATTRACTIVE.

MY TURN!

"DID MEN EXPECT WOMEN TO SLEEP WITH THEM ON THE FIRST DATE?"

WHEN YOU'RE ENGAGED, IT'S KIND OF EXPECTED.

KAREN, IT WASN'T EXPECTED IN OUR DAY.

YOU WERE JUST THE TOWN SLUT.

UH, WOULD YOU BRING SOME MORE OF THOSE POTATO CHIPS?

THEY'RE JUST GREAT.

SO, ARE YOU SAYING IT WASN'T A CUSTOMARY THING FOR A GIRL TO BE PROMISCUOUS?

NO, NO, NO, IT WASN'T CUSTOMARY FOR WOMEN TO BE PROMISCUOUS, I MEAN, YEAH, YOU KIDS REALLY HAVE IT MADE TODAY.

JOHN! IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT SEX, YOU KNOW.

SORRY, SWEETHEART.

"HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN A MAN LEAVES YOU RIGHT AFTER SEX?"

ARE YOU GOING SOMEWHERE? NO.

I WANNA KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

NOWHERE!

UH, JAMES, LET'S YOU AND I HAVE A LITTLE TALK.

COME OVER HERE JUST A SECOND.

LEAVE THE COMPUTER.

WELL, UM, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE LAYS POTATO CHIPS, CAROLYN?

JAMES, WHAT'S WITH ALL THESE QUESTIONS?

I'M JUST DOING SOME RESEARCH.

MY SEX LIFE IS INTEGRAL TO THIS PROCESS?

I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT RELATIONSHIPS.

WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE ONE WITH A WHOLE HUMAN BEING.

THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW ANOTHER APP IS THE ANSWER.

I WASN'T PLANNING ON MAKING ANOTHER APP, BUT...

WHAT OTHER APP?

I DON'T MY SEX LIFE ON SNACK-CHAT, OR ONE OF THOSE...

WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT?

WHY WOULD I WANT GRANDMOTHER ON SNACK-CHAT?

OH. I HAVE AN IDEA.

OH, NO. OH, NO.

[LEAH] HEY, HONEY!

WHAT WERE YOU AND GRANDPA TALKING ABOUT?

OH, I GET IT, BOY'S CLUB STUFF.

OKAY, WELL, THERE IS CHILI IN THE KITCHEN IF YOU'RE HUNGRY.

ARE YOU EATING? NO, I'M GOING OUT.

WHERE? UM, I DON'T KNOW, I'M WAITING FOR A SWIPE.

MOM, I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

[PHONE CHIMES] OH! I GOT A SWIPE!

NO, MOM, DON'T TOUCH YOUR PHONE, DON'T GO OUT TONIGHT, OKAY?

HONEY, YOU'RE GOING BACK TO SCHOOL, I HAVE TO MEET PEOPLE, I...

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

ANYWAYS, SHE'S CRAZY.

HEY, BUT BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING, WE ARE PLANNING TO RELEASE A FULL BLOWN...

PUN INTENDED... [LAUGHS]

VERSION OF THE APP IN THE SPRING, OKAY?

AND WE ARE ACTUALLY EXPECTED TO BE VALUED AT AROUND, I DON'T KNOW, $250,000,000.

WHOO, AND THAT IS WHEN WE'RE GONNA TAKE IT PUBLIC, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN.

♪ YOU COULD BE MY LOVE

♪ STANDING IN THE LIGHT

♪ WAVING TO THE PEOPLE TO SAVE OUR LIFE ♪

♪ I REMEMBER WHEN SHE WOULD ALWAYS SAY ♪ YOU MAY WANT TO CALL AN EXTERMINATOR FIRST, DUDE.

THE APP HAS SOME BUGS NO, NO, THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE, ACTUALLY.

NO, MM-MM.

THE APP IS DOWN, MAN, CHECK IT OUT.

HEY, JAMES!

CAN YOU COME SEE IF YOU CAN FIX THIS?

[JAMES] FIX WHAT?

MY PHONE ISN'T WORKING.

I WAS ABOUT TO GET THE ADDRESS OF WHERE I WAS GONNA MEET UP AND THEN IT JUST... IT'S GONE.

UH... [CHUCKLES]

...ACTUALLY, NO, NO, THE APP IS NOT DOWN.

WE'RE JUST WORKING ON AN UPDATE, SOME BACK-END SHIT.

IT'LL BE UP REAL SOON. A COUPLE OF DAYS AT THE MOST.

PROGRAM MUST BE DOWN.

WELL, I'LL JUST GO ON ONE OF THE OTHER APPS, RIGHT?

I'LL JUST USE SOME OF THE OTHER APPS.

THE OTHER APPS.

YEAH, EXCEPT THEY'RE DOWN TOO.

WHAT'S WRONG.

THE APP. THE APP'S NOT WORKING.

NO. IT'S NOT?

NO, IS YOURS?

HEY, UH, DID ANY OF OUR GUYS TAKE DOWN ALL THE HOOK-UP APPS, BY CHANCE?

MY PLANS FOR THE NIGHT TOTALLY RUINED.

THAT WOULD BE SOME SERIOUS DISRUPTION.

JAMES, HONEY, IT IS THE DARNDEST THING.

LIKE, I TOUCH IT, AND IT DOES NOTHING.

IT JUST DOES NOTHING.

COULD YOU PLEASE FIX THIS?

MOM, I'M FIXING IT, TRUST ME, OKAY?

I'M FIXING EVERYTHING.

CALL JAMES RIGHT NOW! PRONTO!

YEAH, I WILL! I NEED YOU TO STOP STRESSING.

WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS. I'M SORRY.

EVERYTHING IS FINE, YOU CAN RELAX.

DID YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THIS?

YEAH. I'M CALLING HIM. JAMES...

MOM, UH...

LOOK, I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING FOR ME AND ASHLEY.

TRYING TO BE FRIENDS WITH DAD SO THAT WE DON'T FEEL LIKE WE'VE LOST OUR FAMILY, BUT I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT IT'S OKAY IF YOU WANT TO BE MAD AT HIM, AND IT'S OKAY IF YOU WANT TO START A NEW LIFE.

NOTHING'LL CHANGE BETWEEN US.

THANKS, GUYS.

I NEEDED TO HEAR THAT. OH! WAIT!

I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW I'M MOVING BACK IN TO YOUR BEDROOM. VIRGIN.

OCD. BUT I MIGHT MISS YOU A LITTLE.

HERE IT IS. IT'S TEA.

VERY SPECIAL CHINESE HERBAL TEA.

IT WILL HELP YOU RELAX, AND IT'LL HELP YOU GET A GREAT NIGHT'S SLEEP.

TAKE IT. BUT DON'T TAKE TOO MUCH.

I MEAN, IT'S ALL-NATURAL, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG IT IS.

BYE, SWEETIE.

[PHONE RINGING]

WHO'S CALLING YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

MUST BE IMPORTANT, IT'S RINGING NON-STOP.

UH, YEAH. YEAH, IT IS.

YO! HEY!

[POUNDING ON DOOR] [LANCE] "JUNGLE" IS STILL DOWN, DUDE!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

YOU ARE NOT GONNA GET PAID TO GET INTO M.I.T.

UNLESS IT'S UP IN AN HOUR.

COME ON, JAMES, THIS IS KIND OF AN EMERGENCY.

[POUNDING ON DOOR] [WESLEY] YEAH, THE OTHER HOOK-UP APPS ARE STILL DOWN.

[DANIEL] HEY, WE'RE GONNA TIE YOU TO THE DESK UNTIL YOU FIX THIS, BRO!

WELL, I CAN UNLOCK IT WITH THIS.

HOW THE HELL DID YOU LEARN HOW TO LOCK PICK?

MY CELLMATE TAUGHT ME.

OH, THERE WE GO! WHOA-HO-HO!

CELLMATE? WHAT?

[POLICE SIRENS WAILING]

HANNAH! HANNAH!

JAMES, WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?

I'M TRYING TO RUN FROM MY ROOMMATE AND I NEED A PLACE TO STAY, PLEASE.

LANCE? YES.

OKAY, YOU BET I'M HELPING YOU WITH THIS.

FOLLOW ME. OKAY.

WAIT, HANNAH, HANNAH.

UM, ONE DAY I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING THAT'LL EARN YOUR TRUST BACK.

JAMES, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

I'M OKAY WITH HELPING YOU. WHY?

WHY AM I OKAY WITH HELPING YOU?

NO, WHY ARE YOU SO SHY?

IT'S OKAY. YOU CAN TELL ME.

JAMES, I HAD A REALLY BAD STUTTER, AND WHEN I GET NERVOUS AND I TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF A LOT OF PEOPLE SOMETIMES IT COMES BACK, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP IT.

IS THAT WHY YOU DON'T TALK MUCH IN CLASS EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS?

YEAH.

HI. HI.

WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING TOGETHER?

OKAY, LOOK, JAMES NEEDS A PLACE TO HIDE.

ONLY FOR A FEW HOURS, HOPEFULLY.

MAYBE HE CAN HELP US STUDY?

HAVE A BETTER IDEA, IF YOU MAKE US AN APP, LIKE, "JUNGLE FOR GIRLS"

I JUST MIGHT LET YOU STAY HERE.

IT'S A GOOD IDEA.

"JUNGLE" REALLY MESSED ME UP.

GUYS, WE KNOW THAT LANCE MADE "JUNGLE"

AND WE'RE GONNA MAKE HIM REGRET IT.

YES, AND I'M KIND OF RETIRING FROM APPS FOR NOW.

OKAY, SO THE ANSWER IS NO.

I MEAN, RIGHT AFTER I MAKE YOUR APP.

I THOUGHT HE WAS FIXING "JUNGLE."

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT HE SAID HE WAS DOING, MAN.

WHERE IS HE, LANCE? THIS IS KIND OF AN EMERGENCY.

YEAH, THE OTHER HOOK-UP APPS ARE STILL DOWN.

OH, THIS IS BAD, THIS IS REALLY BAD.

SHOULD WE CALL 9-1-1?

THIS IS COMPLICATED SHIT. HOLY CRAP!

ARE YOU GONNA EAT THAT? YEAH.

WELL, THERE'S MOLD ON IT SO BE CAREFUL, BUD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M JUST THINKING OF MAYBE WE DO SOME WAY TO ORGANIZE ALL OF THIS INFORMATION.

MAYBE REBUILD, OR... YOU'RE GONNA REBUILD THE APP?

I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE I'LL HIRE SOMEONE TO DO IT, MAN. YEAH.

[LAUGHS]

COME ON, MAN! IT'S MY CONCEPT, THIS IS FREAKING APP, IT'S JUST...

ALL RIGHT, LADIES, SO JAMES IS HERE BECAUSE HE HAS AGREED TO CREATE A RELATIONSHIP APP FOR YOU GUYS, SO...

OKAY.

OKAY. UM...

GIRLS, HOW YOU DOING? ARE YOU HAPPY?

I MEAN, I LIKED MY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS.

I MEAN, ARE YOU SATISFIED WITH LIFE?

I HAVE TO STUDY FOR A TEST. SORRY.

HOW'S YOUR LOVE LIFE?

BY LOVE, I MEAN LOVE.

NOT SEX.

HONESTLY? NOT TOO GOOD.

MINE'S GREAT. I'M NEVER LONELY.

INVITED OUT EVERY NIGHT.

HE SAID LOVE, NOT SEX. ZIP IT, HOOK.

DO YOU FEEL LIKE GUYS ARE USING YOU AS JUST A PIECE OF MEAT?

THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. ARE YOU A PSYCH MAJOR?

DO YOU WANT A GUY TO PURSUE YOU FOR MORE THAN JUST A SWIPE OF HIS FINGER?

[TOGETHER] YEAH.

ARE YOU SELLING SOME SPECIAL MAKEUP OR SOMETHING?

OR UNDERWEAR?

NO, I'M NOT SELLING A SPECIAL KIND OF MAKEUP OR UNDERWEAR.

I'M TRYING TO TURN THINGS AROUND.

GIRLS, I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU GET YOUR POWER BACK.

WHAT KIND OF POWER IS HE TALKING ABOUT?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT MAYBE HE'S ONTO SOMETHING.

LOOK, MY SPECIALTY IS ALGORITHMS.

NOW, I KNOW THAT MAY NOT SOUND LIKE MUCH, BUT IN FACT ALGORITHMS AND BIOLOGY WORK HAND IN HAND.

I HAVE THIS APP AND I'D LIKE TO GIVE IT TO YOU.

I KNEW HE WAS SELLING SOMETHING.

NO, I'M NOT SELLING ANYTHING. I'M HERE TO GIVE, NOT SELL.

SO WHAT'S THE CATCH? THE CATCH IS...

THAT IF I GIVE THIS APP TO YOU AND EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW IT WORKS, THEN IT'S UP TO YOU TO LET IT WORK.

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

SEE, IT MEANS THAT WHEN YOU'RE DATING A GUY...

SWEETHEART, LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.

NONE OF US HAVE BEEN ON A DATE.

WELL, SINCE WHEN? SINCE EVER.

NONE OF YOU?

GUYS NOWADAYS DON'T DATE YOU.

THEY JUST SLEEP WITH YOU. THEN LET'S CHANGE THAT.

HOW? WITH MY APP AND WITH YOUR COOPERATION.

AND THE COOPERATION OF YOUR SISTERS ON EVERY COLLEGE CAMPUS.

HANNAH? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE IDEA?

DO YOU LIKE IT?

HONESTLY, NO, I DON'T.

I DON'T THINK THAT AN APP IS THE PROPER SOLUTION FOR RELATIONSHIPS.

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I WAS JUST BORN IN THE WRONG CENTURY.

[WOMAN] I AGREE.

[WOMAN 2] NO WONDER YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON.

[DANIEL] OH, THERE HE IS.

HEY, GUYS. WHERE YOU BEEN, MAN?

UH, MEETING.

HEY, YOU'RE GROUNDED UNTIL "JUNGLE" IS FIXED WHAT? YEP.

I'M TRYING TO GET IT BACK UP, GUYS.

I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

WHILE YOU'RE HAVING A HARD TIME, I'M GETTING DEATH THREATS FOR TAKING DOWN THE HOOKUP APPS.

PEOPLE THINK I DID IT AS A PUBLICITY STUNT.

THEY THINK THAT HE BUILT THE APP

'CAUSE HE DIDN'T. THAT'S WHY IT'S FUNNY.

THEY THINK THAT I BUILT "JUNGLE."

THEY THINK THAT I CAN TAKE DOWN THE HOOKUP APPS.

YEAH, YOU DIDN'T BUILD "JUNGLE," THOUGH.

NO, I CREATED IT. IT WAS MY IDEA.

SHH.

JAMES, YOU NEED TO GET "JUNGLE" BACK UP RIGHT NOW.

OUR LIVES ARE ON THE LINE RIGHT NOW, OKAY?

AND ANOTHER THING. DON'T JUDGE ME.

I'M STRESS EATING. IT'S A REAL DISORDER.

GOOGLE IT.

OKAY, CALM DOWN.

WE'RE JUST GONNA TAKE A CHILL PILL.

GUYS, IF YOU WANT ME TO DO THIS, I'M GONNA NEED MY ROOM BACK.

NO, WE ARE GOING TO SIT RIGHT HERE AND WATCH YOU UNTIL YOU GET THIS DONE.

OKAY, IF YOU WANNA GET PAID FOR M.I.T., THEN YOU BETTER GET THIS THING BACK UP AND RUNNING, STAT.

NO, I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS.

YOU'RE GONNA SIT RIGHT THERE AND YOU'RE GONNA WORK.

[IMITATES WHIP CRACK]

RIGHT NOW. GO AHEAD.

VAMOS. OH, NO, I'LL TAKE THAT.

ALL RIGHT, GET TO WORK.

NO, STOP IT. SPIT IT OUT.

YOU HAVE ANY MORE? AH. GOSH, YOU'RE SO WEIRD.

LANCE? YES.

I'D LIKE SOME TEA PLEASE. WITH HONEY.

YEAH, OKAY.

I MAKE HIM TEA AND HONEY SO THAT HE CAN WORK.

YOU KNOW? HE'S SICK, SO I DON'T WANT HIM TO...

THAT'S CUTE. I'D DO IT FOR YOU GUYS.

I'D LIKE THIS ONE, PLEASE.

MY MOM GAVE IT TO ME SO I CAN STAY UP LATE AT NIGHT.

IT KEEPS ME UP SO I CAN STUDY.

ALL RIGHT. OH, DOUBLE STRENGTH, PLEASE.

YOU KNOW. I WANNA GET THIS DONE TONIGHT.

OKAY.

LANCE. I'LL TAKE ONE, TOO.

JUST SO I CAN STAY UP, BE ALERT, READY TO POUNCE.

[SNAPS FINGERS] ACTUALLY, SIGN ME UP, TOO.

I WANT ONE. AND SOME COFFEE. AND SOME DONUTS.

RIGHT. YOU WANT ME TO THROW ON AN APRON AND A STRING OF PEARLS, TOO?

AS LONG AS THE APRON SAYS "HOME, SWEET HOME."

YEAH? YEAH.

YOU GUYS ARE RIDICULOUS. JUST WATCH HIM, OKAY? [DANIEL] YEAH.


[PASSES GAS]

OH, SHIT. HEY, WESLEY.

HE'S GONE. WESLEY!

[MUMBLES]

HE'S GONE.

HUH? HE'S GONE.

WAKE UP! OH, WHAT?

HE GOT OUT! COME ON, DUDE!

HEY. LOOK. IT LOOKS LIKE I'M GONNA HAVE TO STAY THE NIGHT.

WHAT DID I TELL YOU? WHAT?

WE HAD A BET ON HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE FOR YOU TO TRY TO SLEEP WITH ONE OF US, ESPECIALLY AFTER YOUR PHONY SPEECH AND ALL.

WHAT? NO, THE SPEECH, THE APP, IT WAS ALL REAL.

WHAT DO YOU WANT? I JUST NEED A PLACE TO STAY FOR THE NIGHT.

SO, WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU DON'T WANNA SLEEP WITH ME?

NO, I NEVER... NO, I DON'T... I REALLY...

I TOLD YOU HE WAS GAY.

I'M NOT GAY. WHY DOES EVERYBODY HERE THINK THAT?

YOU LIKE GIRLS? YES, I LIKE...

I LIKE HANNAH.

HEY, IT'S ALL SETTLED.

HE CAN STAY.

COME ON. THANK YOU.

SERIOUSLY, LOOK, I DON'T TAKE UP MUCH SPACE.

I JUST NEED MAYBE A CLOSET OR SOMETHING.

IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL.

NO, THERE'S A GUEST ROOM UPSTAIRS.

SERIOUSLY?

IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, AND I DO MEAN ANYTHING, HANNAH WILL HELP YOU.

LOOK, AND IF ANYONE COMES LOOKING FOR ME, DON'T LET THEM IN.

I WON'T LET ANYONE IN.

GOOD NIGHT, HANNAH.

GOOD NIGHT, JAMES.

OH, UH, HANNAH.

I'M... JAMES WILSON SINGER.

JAMES WILSON SINGER.

I LIKE THAT.

GOOD. WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?

I'M HANNAH GRACE MARTIN.

THAT FITS YOU.

KIND OF EMBODIES YOUR EYES AND YOUR HAIR AND YOUR HANDS ALL IN ONE SENTENCE.

IT'S... I DON'T KNOW, LIKE A SONG.

GOOD NIGHT, JAMES.

GOOD NIGHT. THANK YOU.

SO WHY CAN'T WE LET THEM IN?

BECAUSE THEY WANT TO KILL HIM.

YEAH, WE GOTTA KEEP HIM ALIVE SO HE CAN HELP US FINISH THE APP AND TEACH US HOW TO TAKE OUR POWER BACK.

WELL, I GUESS HE CAN SHOW US HOW TO MAKE GUYS TALK TO US LIKE HE DID TO YOU.

YOU KNOW, THIS SORORITY IS FINALLY TAKING ON A WORTHWHILE PROJECT, AND I FOR ONE AM EXCITED.

STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP!

THERE HE IS, RIGHT THERE IN THE WINDOW.

COME ON. LET'S GO.

GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!

[GRUNTING]

LET US IN.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WE WANT JAMES.

BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM.

CAN YOU JUST LET US INTO THE HOUSE? PLEASE?

NO, I CAN'T AND IF YOU DON'T LEAVE, I'M GONNA CALL CAMPUS SECURITY.

OH, REALLY? WELL, WE HAVE A KEY TO THIS SORORITY.

ONE OF YOU BIMBOS GAVE IT TO ME, IF YOU DON'T REMEMBER.

WELL, THEN COME RIGHT IN, SWEETHEART.

[WESLEY WHIMPERING]

YOU WANT HIM, COME AND GET HIM.

YOU KNOW WHAT? W-WE GOT THIS THING WITH THE STUFF.

SO WE'RE GONNA JUST HEAD OUT, BUT IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT? IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GIRLS COULD USE YOUR BEAUTY SLEEP ANYWAY.

SO WE'RE JUST GONNA...

YOU LOOK... YOU LOOK GOOD.

WESLEY! [SCREAMS]

OKAY, LADIES, HOW ABOUT WE JUST TALK THIS OUT OVER BREAKFAST TOMORROW ON ME.

COFFEE AND BAGELS, LANCE?

HOW ABOUT A GIFT CARD TO BAGEL BOYS.

[LANCE] THEY'RE INSANE. RUN!

[SCREAMING] DANIEL: DON'T TOUCH ME!

COFFEE AND BAGELS.

WHAT DID YOU SHOCK ME LIKE THAT FOR?

INTERNAL BLEEDING.

LANCE, THOSE FEMALES HATE YOU.

THEY HATE US. NOT ME. WHAT IS THAT?

OKAY, WHAT THE EFF HAPPENED BACK THERE?

I MEAN, WHAT WAS THAT? WHAT WERE THEY DOING?

I DON'T KNOW. WHY YOU LOOKING AT ME?

I DON'T KNOW.

I KNOW.

WHAT... WHAT? HOW DO YOU KNOW?

BRO, IT'S OBVIOUS. OKAY?

ONE, ALL THE HOOKUP APPS ARE DOWN.

TWO, JAMES IS NOW LIVING IN A SORORITY HOUSE.

JUST PUT THEM TOGETHER.

YOU THINK THOSE ARE ACTUALLY CONNECTED HERE?

OF COURSE.

OH, YEAH, THERE'S A CONNECTION.

HE'S GOT ALL THE CHICKS, AND WE DON'T.

WHAT IF HE'S JUST, YOU KNOW, WORKING ON SOMETHING FOR US.

HE'S A GENIUS. THIS COULD BE SOMETHING BIGGER AND BETTER FOR ALL OF US.

THAT'S STUPID, LANCE. STUPID.

HE WANTS ALL THE GIRLS TO HIMSELF.

HE'S GREEDY LIKE THAT.

OH, MY GOD. THEY, LIKE, LOVE HIM.

I KNOW. DID YOU SEE THE WAY THAT THEY THREW THOSE WEAPONS OUT JUST TO DEFEND HIM?

BRO, THOSE WEAPONS WERE TO KILL US.

THAT HAIR BRUSH WAS TO BEAT US, MAIM US.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, I THINK THOSE ARE THE SAME THING.

OKAY, LOOK. WE NEED A NEW PLAN, OBVIOUSLY.

FIGURE ONE OUT... SHH.

NO. NO, NO, NO, YOU'RE DONE WITH THAT, OKAY?

JAMES IS NOW LIVING IN THE SORORITY HOUSE.

WE CALL THEM SORORITY SISTERS.

THEY'RE ALL OF THE TEAM CAPTAINS.

ALL BY HIMSELF.

HE'S IN THERE WITH ALL OF THEM BY HIMSELF.

AND GUESS WHERE WE ARE? WE'RE OUT HERE.

AS A RESULT OF YOUR PLAN, LANCE, WE'RE IN ICE. FRIGID COLD. OKAY?

WE WILL MAKE A NEW PLAN, OKAY?

FINE. GOT IT.

I HAVE AN IDEA. LET'S GO.

IT'S GONNA INVOLVE TWO CATS, A PARACHUTE, AND A PLANE.

[LANCE] GOD, MELODY HASN'T TEXTED ME BACK SINCE...

[WESLEY] NO ONE CARES. JUST STOP.

HEY, RACHEL.

SO WE STILL DOWN FOR TONIGHT?

IF YOU WANNA SEE ME, WESLEY, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO ASK ME OUT ONE WEEK IN ADVANCE AND TAKE ME OUT TO DINNER SO WE CAN TALK AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER.

WHAT?! LAUREN, WE STILL ON FOR TONIGHT?

FOR WHAT? FOR WHAT? YOU KNOW FOR WHAT. COME ON NOW.

THE FRIENDS-WITH-BENEFITS PROGRAM HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN DISCONTINUED.

TRY FLATTERY. THAT'S ON WOMEN SINCE EVE.

YOU LOOK SO NICE, RACHEL.

WHAT DID I TELL YOU, LAUREN. BOTOX HELPS.

NOW I SEE YOU FINALLY LOST THOSE FIVE POUNDS YOU WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT, MELODY.

WHAT? IT'S A COMPLEMENT.

NO, IT WASN'T. MINE WAS.

WE JUST... WE NEED TO FORGET ABOUT WOMEN FOR A WHILE BECAUSE MY GRADE IN CS DEPENDS HIGHLY ON THIS APP.

OKAY, JUST TELL THEM THAT YOU'RE WORKING ON AN UPDATE.

"JUNGLE" 2.0.

OKAY.

NICE, JAMES. GOOD.

HEY, LANCE, WHAT'S GOING ON WITH "JUNGLE"?

UM, UH...

WE'RE WORKING ON AN UPDATE RIGHT NOW, AND THE NEW AND IMPROVED VERSION OF "JUNGLE"

WILL BE RELEASED AS SOON AS IT'S DONE.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHARE WITH THE CLASS THE WORKFLOW PROCESS IT TAKES TO DEBUG AND DEVELOP AN UPDATE?

THE ONLY THING IS THAT...

SPEAK UP, LANCE.

THE REST OF THE CLASS WANTS TO TAKE DETAILED NOTES.

WELL, THAT WOULD BE IN VIOLATION OF THE NDA THAT WE AGREED.

I EXPECT BY THE END OF TODAY TO HAVE A FULL-PAGE OUTLINE OF YOUR WORKFLOW PROCESS. ALL RIGHT?

WAIT, AND SORRY. I FORGET.

DID YOU TELL ME THAT NASA COMMISSIONED "JUNGLE"?

MM-HMM, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOUR NEXT ASSIGNMENT WILL PROBABLY BE WHAT, STUDYING THE MATING RITUALS ON MARS?

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY, CLASS. HAVE A GOOD ONE.

THERE THEY ARE.

I THINK WE SHOULD CALL A PRESS CONFERENCE.

WHAT? YEAH.

TELL THE WORLD WHO REALLY CREATED "JUNGLE."

SMART. SMART.

HEY. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, POPS, WHAT'S THE NUMBER TO YOUR PUBLICIST?

I GOT SOME ROCKIN' NEWS I WANNA TELL THEM.

YEAH, OKAY, PRE-MED'S FINE. THANKS FOR ASKING.

ALL RIGHT. I LOVE YOU. JUST TEXT ME THE NUMBER. YEAH. BYE.

HE HAS TO TAKE ME TO MY FAVORITE RESTAURANT.

AND NOT ASK ME FOR MY CREDIT CARD SO I CAN PAY FOR IT.

AND NOT ASK THE WAITRESS FOR HER NUMBER IN FRONT OF ME.

SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA CALL THE APP, JAMES?

WHAT DO YOU GIRLS THINK OF "EVE"?

EVE. THE FIRST WOMAN.

HANNAH, WHAT DOES A GUY HAVE TO DO TO EARN YOUR TRUST?

A GUY SHOULD BE HONEST.

IF HE'S A LIAR, THAT'S A DEAL BREAKER.

HE SHOULD TELL ME THE TRUTH REGARDLESS OF WHETHER IT WILL HURT MY FEELINGS OR NOT.

ISN'T THAT A LITTLE UNREALISTIC, THOUGH, HANNAH?

OKAY, CLEARLY WE UNDERESTIMATED JAMES HERE, LIKE, BIG TIME.

NO, IT'S CLEAR THAT JAMES IS A DICK AND A BACKSTABBER.

WHAT DO YOU THINK MAKES HIM TICK?

UM, THAT NERDY CHICK, FOUR-EYES... HANNAH.

YEAH, YEAH, HANNAH.

WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT HER?

WELL, HER FULL NAME'S HANNAH MARTIN, AND SHE KEEPS A LOW PROFILE.

NO, SHE KEEPS A "NO" PROFILE.

SHE'S NOT ON ANY OF THE DATING APPS.

NO, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT IMPOSSIBLE.

IT'S VERY POSSIBLE.

SHE'S OFF THE GRID.

[PHONE CHIRPING]

OKAY, LADIES, EVERYONE TURN OFF THEIR CELL PHONES, THEIR TABLETS, AND THEIR LAPTOPS.

WE'RE GONNA TRY OUR VERY BEST TO CONCENTRATE...

[PHONE DINGS] ...ON JAMES BECAUSE HE HAS SOMETHING'S VERY IMPORTANT TO TELL US.

HE'S BEEN STUDYING US AND LISTENING TO WHAT WE WANT FROM MEN, AND HE'S ABOUT TO REVEAL TO US TO ULTIMATE APP.

WHERE'S HANNAH?

SHE SAID SHE'S GONNA BE LATE, SO WE CAN GO AHEAD AND START WITHOUT HER.

OKAY.

LADIES, IT'S BEEN A REAL EYE-OPENER LIVING WITH YOU ALL THESE DAYS.

AND I THINK IF FINALLY DISCOVERED THE ULTIMATE DATING APP, AND I'D LIKE TO PRESENT IT TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

NEWS FLASH, THE HOOKUP APPS ARE BACK UP.

GET OFF OF ME. YOU'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO HAVE YOUR PHONE ON.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

WE'RE GONNA LISTEN TO JAMES AND DECIDE WHICH APP IS BETTER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU ARE THE APP.

LOOK, I KNOW ALGORITHMS. I KNOW BIOLOGY.

BUT THERE'S NOTHING THAT I CAN CODE, INVENT, OR CREATE THAT EQUALS WHAT GOD HAS ALREADY CREATED INSIDE OF YOU.

JAMES, THE GUYS DECIDE WHICH APPS RULE.

NO, SEE, THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG.

YOU DECIDE.

IF NONE OF THE GIRLS ARE ON THE APPS, WHERE ARE THE GUYS GONNA GO?

GIRLS, YOU HAVE THE POWER.

DON'T GIVE THAT UP.

IT'S LIKE FIFTH-WAVE FEMINISM.

I LIKE IT.

[JUSTIN] TIFFANY MOVED OUT.

I ASKED HER TO MOVE OUT.

MAN, SEEING YOU ON THAT DATE, IT JUST... IT JUST DID SOMETHING TO ME.

OKAY, YOU SPIED ON ME?

I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

YEAH, LISTEN. CAN'T WE START FRESH?

[MAN ON RADIO] NOW FOR SOME NEWS FROM OUR TECH BUREAU....

TAKE YOU ON A SECOND HONEYMOON.

I PROMISE YOU I WILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU THE REST OF MY LIFE.

YEAH, YOU WILL. ...COLLEGE FRESHMAN NAMED JAMES SINGER.

THE REPORT ALSO STATES THAT JAMES SINGER...

WHAT IS THAT? IS THAT YOUR RADIO?

WHAT, "JUNGLE"? WHAT THE...

[MAN ON RADIO] ...I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU REALLY HURT MY SOCIAL LIFE TOO.

I KNEW HE WAS MY BOY. WHO NEEDS A PATERNITY TEST?

IN BASKETBALL, THE COURTS WERE BUSY LAST NIGHT...

DID YOU SEE THAT?

WAIT A MINUTE. I'M CONFUSED.

DID JAMES MAKE THE APP?

OR DID HE TAKE DOWN THE APPS?

BOTH. HE'S A GENIUS.

THEY SAY THAT GENIUS MANIFESTS ITSELF EVERY OTHER GENERATION.

WHAT?

YOUR BROTHER INVENTED "JUNGLE"?

HE'S WAY COOL.

I KNOW.

JAMES SINGER.

I KNEW IT.

IS HE THE CRAZY KID WHO KEPT CALLING ME?

[WOMAN] WAY TO GO, JAMES.

THINK WE NEED TO MAKE A DETOUR TO SEE THIS GUY.

HEY, HANNAH, YOU GOT A SECOND?

NO, ROB, I'M LATE TO A MEETING.

WE NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT. WHAT?

IT'S ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND. I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

DID YOU EVER SET UP AN ACCOUNT ON "JUNGLE"?

NO. WHY NOT?

BECAUSE IT'S DISGUSTING.

OH, I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU.

A REAL PERV MUST'VE DREAMT THAT UP.

YEAH, LANCE DREAMT IT UP.

WHOA, OKAY, YOU ACTUALLY THINK THAT I HAVE THE SKILLS TO CREATE AN APP LIKE JUNGLE?

I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE THE SKILLS TO OPEN A BAG OF POTATO CHIPS WITHOUT FRICK AND FRACK HERE ASSISTING YOU.

HONEY.

IT'S HANNAH.

HANNAH, JAMES DEVELOPED "JUNGLE."

NO, HE DIDN'T.

EXCEPT THAT HE DID.

SO... WHATEVER.

COME ON. PEACE.

[WOMAN] COME ON, HANNAH. JAMES IS EXPLAINING THE APP.

HANNAH, WHAT'S WRONG?

JAMES, ARE YOU THE CREATOR OF "JUNGLE"?

NO. I'M SO RELIEVED.

I'M THE CODER OF "JUNGLE."

WHAT? THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU'VE BEEN STAYING AT OUR PLACE!

YOU HELPED LANCE MAKE "JUNGLE"?

HANNAH, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WHO CARES, GUYS? HE'S HELPING US NOW.

THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. [WOMAN] I AGREE.

I'M GONNA HELP YOU BUILD AN APP BASED ON EVERYTHING YOU GUYS TOLD ME YOU WANTED.

JAMES, I JUST STARTED TO TRUST YOU AGAIN.

AND THEN YOU LIE TO ME? I DID IT BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE WITH SOMEONE.

YEAH, I CALL FOUL. THIS IS NOT COOL, JAMES.

SOMEONE CONVINCED ME THAT IF ALL THE GUYS WERE ON THE APP, THEN ALL THE GIRLS WOULD HAVE TO BE, TOO, BUT...

[WOMAN] BUT WHAT?

THE GIRL I REALLY, REALLY LIKE DIDN'T GO ON IT.

IS THAT WHY YOU SHUT IT DOWN?

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHUT IT DOWN, RIGHT?

YES, I TOOK IT DOWN, BUT I TOOK IT DOWN

'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT MY MOTHER USING IT.

YOUR MOM?

WHAT?

TURNS OUT...

CONNECTING ISN'T JUST HARD FOR US.

IT'S HARD FOR EVERYONE.

SO YOU MADE "JUNGLE" FOR LOVE.

I MADE "JUNGLE" BECAUSE SOMEONE PROMISED MY WAY TO M.I.T.

AND, YES...

BECAUSE I LOVE HANNAH.

IF YOU DON'T KISS HIM RIGHT NOW, I'M GONNA ASK HIM TO MARRY ME. I'LL BEAT YOU TO IT.

COME ON, HANNAH. HE JUST SAID HE LOVES YOU IN FRONT OF ALL THESE GIRLS.

I'M NOT GONNA SING IT TO YOU.

JAMES, I...


OH, GOOD NIGHT, TEACH. GOOD NIGHT, GUYS.

OH, HEY, LANCE. I FORGOT.

I NEED TO SEE YOU AT 4:00 TOMORROW TO GO OVER NEXT TERM.

WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "NEXT TERM"?

YEAH, YOU'RE REPEATING MY CLASS.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

LOOKS LIKE YOUR PLAN BACKFIRED, BRO.

AS MUCH AS I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING HER EVERY SINGLE DAY NEXT SEMESTER, I THINK I MIGHT ACTUALLY CHANGE MY MAJOR TO BUSINESS.

REALLY?

YEAH, "JUNGLE" WENT REALLY WELL.

IT ALSO DIED.

YEAH, WELL, WE KILLED IT FOR A SECOND THERE.

I MEANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.

YEAH, MAN, WHAT'S UP?

WOULD YOU MIND TAKING STEPS BACK FROM RACHEL FOR ME?

I THINK I REALLY LIKE HER.

LIES. BLATANT LIES. LOOK AT THOSE EYES, MAN.

SEE, THIS GUY'S IN LOVE, MAN.

HE'S HEAD OVER HEALS. SERIOUSLY.

WOULD YOU... WOULD YOU MIND?

FOR YOU? HELL YEAH. TOTALLY.

THANKS, BROTHER. [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

PLOT TWIST, HE DOES HAVE A SOUL.

OH, SHUT UP, YOU GUYS.

SEE YOU LATER.

JUST WALK IN THERE...

AND TALK TO HER.

UH, HEY, RACHEL.

YOU GOT A SECOND? CAN I TALK TO YOU?

ASK YOU A QUESTION?

I'M LATE FOR CLASS.

OKAY, WELL, HOW ABOUT I WALK YOU?

I GUESS SO.

HERE, LET ME TAKE YOUR BOOKS.

I KNOW YOU'RE NOT USED TO THEM.

SO, WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION?

UM, I WAS WONDERING IF MAYBE YOU'D WANNA GO TO DINNER WITH ME ON FRIDAY?

[RACHEL CHUCKLES]

IS THAT A YES? A NO?

MAYBE? POSSIBLY? KINDA? NOT REALLY?

IT'S A MAYBE. OKAY.

OKAY, I CAN TAKE A MAYBE. I'LL TAKE A MAYBE.

WHY DON'T WE, UH...

WE CAN GET MARRIED ON THE ROOF RIGHT THERE.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

TOO FAST... OR YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHT... TOO FAST? OKAY.

OKAY, WE'LL TAKE IT BACK...

♪ I DON'T WANNA SAY THAT I'M BREAKING AGAIN ♪

[VOCALIZING]

♪ I WISH I COULD CHANGE THAT 'CAUSE I CAN'T FORGET ♪

♪ GIRL, I'M FEELIN' WASTED

♪ BUT I'M NOT DRUNK YET

♪ AND, GIRL, YOU MAKE ME NERVOUS ♪

♪ JUST HOLDING MY BREATH

[VOCALIZING]

♪ MOST NIGHTS I'M LYING AWAKE

♪ I'M SCARED TO FIND OUT

♪ THAT YOU FOUND ANOTHER MAN

♪ I'LL FIGHT FOR YOU TILL THE VERY END ♪

♪ MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER ♪

♪ MY HANDS AND MY TWO FEET

♪ ARE SLOWLY CREEPING BACK

♪ MY LOVE

♪ MY HANDS AND MY TWO FEET

♪ ARE SLOWLY CREEPING BACK

♪ YOU KNOW IT'S HARD TO SEE MY FUTURE ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE ALL I WANNA SEE

♪ SO, BABY

♪ MY HANDS AND MY TWO FEET

♪ ARE SLOWLY CREEPING BACK

♪ MY LOVE

♪ 'CAUSE IT'S NOT OVER

[VOCALIZING]

[VOCALIZING]

♪ EVERY NIGHT I PRAY

♪ THAT I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN

♪ AND I WISH I COULD TAKE BACK THE THINGS THAT I SAID ♪

♪ AND, GIRL, I'M FEELING WASTED ♪

♪ BUT I'M NOT DRUNK YET

♪ JUST LET ME LOVE YOU

♪ AND LOVE YOU UP UNTIL THE END ♪

[VOCALIZING]

♪ MOST NIGHTS I'M LYING AWAKE ♪

♪ I'M SCARED TO FIND OUT

♪ THAT YOU FOUND ANOTHER MAN

♪ I'LL FIGHT FOR YOU TILL THE VERY END ♪

♪ MY HEART BREAKS OUT INTO THE OPEN ♪

♪ MY HANDS AND MY TWO FEET

♪ ARE SLOWLY CREEPING BACK

♪ OH, SLOWLY

♪ SLOWLY CREEPING BACK

♪ SLOWLY

♪ SLOWLY CREEPING BACK

♪ LET ME LOVE YOU

♪ LOVE YOU UP UNTIL THE END.