Taking Care of Business (1990) Script

* you get up every morning

* from your alarm clock's warning *

* take the 8:15 into the city

* there's a whistle up above

* and people pushin' and people shovin' *

* and the girls who try to look pretty *

* and if your train's on time *

* you can get to work by 9:00

* and start your slaving job to get your pay *

* if you ever get annoyed

* look at me, i'm self-Employed *

* i love to work at nothin' all day *

* and i'll be takin' care of business *

* every day

* takin' care of business

* every way

* i've been takin' care of business *

* it's all mine

* takin' care of business

* and workin' overtime, work out *

* if it were easy as fishin'

* you could be a musician

* if you could make sounds loud or mellow *

* get a second-Hand guitar

* chances are you'll go far

* if you get in with the right bunch of fellows *

* people see you having fun

* just a-Lyin' in the sun

* tell them that you like it this way *

* it's the work that we avoid *

* and we're all self-Employed *

* we love to work at nothin' all day *

* and we be takin' care of business *

* every day

* takin' care of business

* every way

* we be takin' care of business *

* it's all mine

* takin' care of business

* and working overtime

Man: ...the world series, right?

I mean, i grew up in california, So i've always followed the angels, But i was born in chicago, right?

So i don't know who to root for, the angels or the cubs?


If i say angels, my dad'll just kill me.

If i say cubs, my friends will kill me.

Anyway, i just can't wait.

I've got seats behind home plate.

Woman on radio: ...closed at 23 And mkr industries closed up at 48.

It's a warmer 53 october degrees In chicago this morning.

We have early morning low clouds Which should be clearing mid-Day, And we should see a high of 65.

But for now, let's return to early morning classics.

You're like a case study in obsessive behavior.

What? I'm shaving.


Am i messing up your shaving schedule?

Just tell me you are not going to do any work this weekend.

I promise. No work.

I mean, last weekend was an emergency.

This weekend, it's you and me And lake winnebago...

And i can't wait.

You realize how long it's been?

Uh, let's see.

Oh, spencer!


As i recall...


It was very good.


Spencer: elizabeth.

Mmm, oh, my god.


Oh, my god! Yes!

Yes! Oh, my god!

Oh, my god! Yes!


Promise me one more thing.

I won't bring my filofax, i promise.


Radio: the hometown fans need to rally behind our angels, And i'll be down there to greet them And i urge you to join me In welcoming them home tomorrow morning at lax.

Now, for one fan, i have an added incentive.

Mmm. Cream of shit, 7 days a week.

...2 tickets to game 6 sunday at anaheim will be yours.

So, in honor of the cubs, It's what 2 cubs pitched no-Hitters in 1972?

Milt pappas, burt hooton.

Surprise! Surprise!

Jimmy: oh, man! You guys!

What you gonna do when you get out, jimmy?

I'm gonna get arrested.

Ha ha ha!

I wouldn't leave you guys alone here, would i?

Come on, speech!

All: speech! Speech! Speech!

All right.

All right! All right! All right!

Here's to the cubs winning the world series!

And to big tits!

Hey, warden!

How you doing?

Gentlemen, this is an unauthorized festivity.

These guys are just throwing A little kind of going away party.

Nothing big, special.

Yes. Well...it's over.

Pull that banner down.

Dworski, this is a prison, Not a discotheque.

You're my responsibility Until your release time sunday night at 6:00.

That's 60 hours. Understood?

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Before he gets out of here, I'm gonna burn that troublemaker.

Inmate: don't worry about it, jimmy.

Radio: well, we're still looking for a winner For those tickets to game 6.

Come on now. And this morning's question again--

What 2 cubs pitched no-Hitters in 1972?

The number to call-- 555-7720.

Lebradford, They're giving tickets away to the world series.

Yeah? So?


555-7720! 555--

What the hell?


Woman on radio: breathe and stretch.



Heavy g: don't forget my frozen yogurt, baby.

Can i use the phone?

Good-Bye, yolanda.

Bye, honey. Sure thing.

Bye, yolanda! Thank you!


you're on the air!

I'm on the air?

Dj: uh-Huh. What's your name?

Jimmy dworski.

And where you calling from, jimmy?

I'm calling from...my car.

All right. Now, go for the tickets.

What do you think?

Yes. For the tickets? Milt pappas, burt hooton.

Hooton and pappas.

You got a winner!

That's what you got, yes, sir!

Meet me at los angeles airport Tomorrow morning at 9 a.M.

I won! I won! I'm gonna see the cubs!

P.A.: Tech to oncology.

Radiation tech to oncology, please.

Woman on tv: he hopes the sale of the thrifts Will be easier now that they've been widely advertised.


This is such a shock.

Ah, it's part of business, spencer.

Now, listen...

What do you know about the high quality foods account?

Well, i read this morning That sakamoto's japanese syndicate Bought high quality and 86ed the gpg agency.

Yeah. It's a huge account. Huge account.

Spencer, i want it.

I need you to take my place this weekend.

This weekend?

You're going to los angeles.

You're going to pitch our ideas for their new national campaign.

Something dynamic. Something with pretty girls.


Something wrong?

Elizabeth and i were going to wisconsin--

Sakamoto is flying out just to see our campaign.

Ah, well--

They'll be working through the weekend.

You'll meet him at the malibu tennis club.

Sort of a get-To-Know-You kinda game.

And it'll be a strategy review meeting With the president.

Diane connors.

Yeah. She's a nightmare.

But you, you compliment her left and right, You be very nice to her--

You kiss her ass.

My wife and i were going--

If you pull this thing off...

You're looking at a senior vice presidency.

Oh, i'll cancel it, you know.

Good one. That was very good.

Warden, this is the first time in my life That i've ever had good luck.

I only got 2 days left.

Jimmy, jimmy, please.

Besides, if i let you go, i have to let everybody go, And if i let everybody go, this isn't a prison, It's a country club.

Yes. No, i understand. That's a good point.

That's a good point, but it's the cubs in the world series!

It's a dream of mine, sir.

I know, i know, i know. All right.

I'm not gonna stand in the way Of anybody's dream, jimmy.

I'll tell you what. What?

If i sink this putt, you can go.

What do you think of that, hmm?

I think you should keep your head down, Arm straight, drop your shoulder, Concentrate, focus, think of the hole, get the ball in the hole.

Smell the hot dogs now, jimmy.

Crack of the bat, roar of the crowd.

You can order your tickets now, jim.

Oh, shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

Look, i'm sorry. I know i deserved those 36 months.

But i've been good. I haven't hurt anybody.

I've been good in here!

Mostly. A lot.

37 counts of grand theft auto.

Hey, i like cars. You like cars.

People like cars.

You've been in and out of here for 10 years.

Half a day. Just a half a day.

I'll make it up when i come back.

I'll give you 2 weeks.

Ok, i'll give you 2 weeks solitary.

No can do.

Oh, come on! Lighten up, will you?

This game is so important to me.

It really is. This is just a minimum security prison, For christ's sake.

I mean a maximum minimum security prison.

It's a tough prison, though.

Take away his tv privileges.

Oh, come on. You can't take away my tv!

I gotta watch the game!

Come on, please don't be an asshole, all right?

Did you call me an asshole?

Did i say asshole?

I didn't call him an asshole, did i?


Take away everyone's tv privileges And let them know whose fault it is.

No one is going to watch the game!

No, you can't--

No one gets to watch the game, asshole!

That's not what i meant. I meant asswipe!

You're an asswipe!

And you--You look like an asshole!

And you look like another asshole!

Mr. Bentley's address is at the top of the yellow page.

The key to his malibu beach house and instructions For the alarm system are in these clear pouches.

Business notes and itinerary in the blue section.

High quality foods sales information in the red section.

You'll keep the ad art in your suitcase.

I have you on a 5 a.M. Flight.

You'll sleep on the plane.

Limo will pick you up at 8:45.

Tennis meeting at 11:15.

You have drinks with diane connors at 6:30 And you'll spend all day sunday at high quality.

Your filofax is all set So it should be smooth sailing.

Thanks, brenda.

I canceled your vacation.

Elizabeth is going to kill me.

Shall i send flowers again?



Lots of balloons.

Spencer: elizabeth! No, don't! You love balloons!

I had no choice. What would you have said? No?

All right, maybe you would have said no, But don't you see? This could mean a senior vice presidency.

He's been dangling that senior vice presidency At you for years.

Well, this is different.


Don't you see?

He could have chosen clay or chris or richard, But he didn't, he chose me.

Elizabeth, where are you going?

I've worked hard to work this hard.

Elizabeth, i'll go to l.A., I'll get this account, And then the day i get back, we'll leave for hawaii.

I'll ask walter for the whole week off.

I promise.

Elizabeth--All right.

Where will you be?

A hotel.

What hotel?

Man, let's get another one.

Man: let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Man: throw the long ball, dude!

Lebradford: i hate that son of a bitch!

That warden's a son of a bitch!

And i hate him!

Aw, jimmy, man, outta sight!

I can't believe he isn't gonna let us watch the game.

He do that golfing shit with you?


I hate that shit.

We can't let him push us around.

There's hundreds of us, ain't but one of him.

Yeah. Let's kill him.


J.B., You are such an eloquent spokesman For the minimum-Security system.

Hey, shut the fuck up, hamilton!

We don't need violence.

What we need is organization.

A work stoppage maybe, hmm?

Ahh. Come on.

Man: outta here!

Whoo! Oh, jimmy, beautiful!

Hamilton: nice one, james.

Man: hey, don't hit those new guys.

Heads up!

Guard: let's go.

Hamilton's right.


I'm going to the world series.


Man, you break out, You'll get 16 months mid-Security.

I'm going to the world series Where the chicago cubs Are gonna beat the california angels.

They'll search your ass down, man.

You won't even get to the game.

Not if they don't know i'm gone.


Not if we strike. You guys want to help me out?

Yeah! Yeah!

Watch the game, party all weekend, or what?

All right! We strike!

The cubs are gonna win the world series!

And i'm gonna be there!

We're gonna win!

Stewardess: you're down the aisle and to the left.

Man: oh, ok. Thanks.

Hi. Hello. I'm fine. Here you go.

Man: which way am i going?

Straight ahead, sir.

Nice filofax.

Oh, thank you. Thanks a lot.

Debbie: spencer barnes?!

Spencer barnes?!

Debbie lipton! Ashcroft high!

Oh. How are you?

Oh, god.

Oh, my god! It's good to see you.

You look good.

You used to cheat off me in history.

That's right! That's right!

You got me into chicago community college!

You did! Thank you!

So how-- Are you two together?

No? Because my seat's right over there.

Why don't we switch so spencer and i can reminisce?

Oh, i-- Oh, great!

Ok. I got a lot of work.

Oh, it's ok. I'll help you.

Come on, this is an event!

No problem. I'm happy to.

Do you mind? I don't mind.

You never know when you're gonna Bump into people, huh?

No. It's amazing.

Oh, god, great. I love the window.

So how are you?

Oh, i'm--

You know i'm in makeup?

I was in chicago for a moisturizer convention.

Oh, yeah?

What have you been up to for the last 25 years?

Oh, i-- What?

They've barricaded themselves inside.

What the hell do they want?

They want to watch the world series.

The what?!

They've taken jimmy dworski as a hostage.

They won't let him go until after they've seen the game.

Dworski? Come on, they love dworski!

Not since you took away their tv, sir.

Aw, shit.

Watch the game, huh? All right.

All right, this is the warden!

This is the warden!

Hey, it's the warden! It's the warden!

Shh! Quiet down!

What the hell's going on?

Warden? Is that you?

Yeah, this is me.

Well, this is j.B., And we got a list of demands for you!

First, we want a refrigerator in every cell!

And oatmeal cookies every tuesday and thursday!

J.B.: We want a laptop computer for hamilton!


And we're gonna watch the world series game And if you come in here, we're gonna kill dworski!

Jimmy: help me, man! Help me!

They got me tied up, man! They're gonna kill me!

I don't want to die, man! I don't want to die!

I'm scared! Help!

Man: you hear that?

And we're not gonna surrender, warden, Until after the game!

Strike! Strike! Strike!

* take me out to the ball game *

* take me out to the crowd

Then i got divorced again last year, But everyone saw that one coming.

Alan worked for nasa, But he was no rocket scientist, If you know what i mean.

So now i'm on the prowl.

It's hard to find a good man, spencer.

Yeah! Yeah!

Ha ha ha ha!

I got to shop here more often.


Debbie: do you have a favorite designer?

Spencer: no.

Oh, you should have a favorite designer.

Mine's karl lagerfeld. I love him. He's great.

Oh, it's the angels! oh, my god!

Oh, i love baseball players.

They're so big.

And here you go, jimmy.

And congratulations. Really enjoy the game.

Thank you, stu.

Any words to the angel fans out here, jimmy?

Uh, yeah, stu.

Cubs are gonna kick butt! Yeah!

Spencer: where is he?

Need a ride, spencer?

Oh, no, thanks. I'm being met.

I think there was a reason We were on that flight together, spencer.

Yeah. We were both going to l.A.

I'm talking about karma, spencer.

About infinite possibility.

About us.

Now, i understand from what you told me About this natalie person--


All i'm saying is i think you're on the rebound.

No, debbie, really, i'm happily married. Honestly.

All i'm saying is...

I'm your friend in l.A.

I want you to have my number.


Don't be afraid to call me.

Ok. Thanks a lot. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Ok. Ok. Ok.

I appreciate it. Thanks very much.

Bye. Be good. Bye.

Oh, no.

P.A.: The white zone Is for the immediate loading and unloading Of passengers only.

No parking.

Man: how long you planning to stay?

Elizabeth: you have reached the barnes residence.

Please leave a message at the tone.

Elizabeth, uh...

I--I just want to say i love you, And i--I miss you already, And i'm really sorry.

I'm just in the terminal, And i--I love you very much.

I'll be--I'll just try to be better.

I love you. I love you very much, And i'll talk to you soon.

Brenda: hello?

Brenda. Brenda, listen, my luggage is lost, And the car's not here.

Listen, i can't be late for these meetings.

Spencer, you're lucky you caught me.

I'm on my way out for the weekend, but hold on.

I have to get the limo number from the other room.

Spencer: wait! Wait a minute. I see him.

Wait. I'll talk to you later.

Driver! Chauffeur driver!

Barnes! Barnes!

Officer: i'll take the outside.

Yeah, baby, yeah.

No, baby. No, no, i swear.

I swear i wasn't cheating on you.

No, no, it was just a friend.

$1,000 reward?

Huh. A thousand bucks.

Man: what the hell's wrong with you?

Man: hey, we're not getting any younger, you know?

What a mess.


Walter: uh, spencer.

Walter, how are you feeling?


When you're playing tennis with sakamoto, lose.

He's really competitive, And your losing will show respect.

Absolutely. well, that's great, Because i am going to be tested... for a bypass.

Oh, walter. A bypass.

Wait. Now, don't worry. Don't worry, spencer.

You get the account, and i'll live.

Consider it done.


Walter: good-Bye.

You seen my filofax? Nope.

Oh, my god! My life was in there!


Meet me at the terminal!

I can't. I've got an important pickup in 45 minutes.



This guy's loaded.



Have a nice day.

Well, if the cubs win, it'll be a great day.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

The flintstones must live here.

Big lake.

Yes, sir!

Surf's up!

Whoo! Yeah! Yeah!

Whoo! Yeah! Ha!



Ok, thank you.

Membership has its privileges, mr. Barnes.


They okayed your credit even without your card.

Great, great.

Ooh, mr. Barnes. What?

Today's not your day, is it?


It's the world series weekend, And we're all out of cars.

Oh, no. No, no, no. I must have a car.

You don't understand. In 20 minutes, I have the most important business meeting of my life.

I must have a car.

Anything, anything. Please.

Well, there is one.

I'll take it.

But it's due for major body work--

That's all right. I'll take it.

Please, let me have it. Please.

"Spencer barnes."

Credit cards...

More credit cards.

Lots of credit cards.

Phone numbers.

"Power words."

"First rate.





"Alarm instructions."


Ha! Ah.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

All right.




I'm on fuckin' dynasty!


All right!






That's a weird couch.



Bet the chicks dig this place, huh?

Tv anchor: and now let's go to andrew amador At the milton k. Prochek correctional facility For a live update on the world series strike.

No violence has yet been reported.

Still, this minimum security prison World series strike Could be the most unique human interest story... aah!

To get a better assessment of that idea...

Jimmy: hey!

Andrew: mr. Frank toole here At the milton k. Prochek correctional facility.

Mr. Prochek, let me get your appraisal Of what's going on here.

Frank: this is not a very serious situation.

It does not call for violence.

We're men of good will, And we're currently talking, So there's no reason for violence.

It's not that kind of situation.

Oh, yeah.

This is relaxing.

Frank: no, not at all.

No. It's indicative...

Jimmy: oh, man.

...and the situation will be under control Within a few hours.

Yo, i don't think so.

Small, small demands.

Small concessions.

Andrew: and you're certain that the situation Can be handled without violence?

Don't move.


Uh, airline. I got your luggage.

My luggage?

You're spencer barnes?

Yeah, that's me.

Great. Hey.

That's me. Nice place.

No shit.

Woman: i seen you!

I'm going to call the police on y'all!

Come on, come on.

Spencer: excuse me.

Pardon me!

Excuse me!

Could you direct me to the san diego freeway?

* the best rap that your lips can say *

Yeah. Go 2 blocks down And take a right.

2 blocks down and take a right?


Thanks a lot. Right.

I appreciate it. Thanks a lot.

* yo, baby, yo, baby, yo, baby, yo, baby, yo *

Thug: no money?

I lost my filofax. I lost all my money.

He's clean, man.

I lost-- No money?

No money. Aw.


What? No! No!

I don't hav--Aah!


No! No! Aah!

No! No! No!


Woman on tv: so, basically, i have all this...

Oh, man.

Pent up anger and aggression.

I need to get one of these in my cell.

Sometimes he's the most loving guy in the world.

Sometimes he's completely inconsiderate of my feelings.

Talk to him, but tell him That you really would like to have, Like, a straightforward talk.


Dr. Ruth: see what the result is going to be.

Woman: i tried. I really tried.

He's a very hard person to talk to.

I mean, i really love him...

Ditch him. Find a better guy.

Confront him in an honest way.

Be straightforward and talk.

By ignoring your situation, You are lying to yourself.

If this really matters to you, Get it clear in your head What you want to say.

Then tell him. Don't play games.

Not bad.

Woman: you know, i think you're right.

Maybe i just haven't been honest.

And this guy is worth it...

Ah! Spencer barnes, where are you?

Woman: i'm gonna write him a letter...

Spencer barnes.

Hi. Ted bradford, Junior vp, high quality foods.


Mike stewart, Assistant to the president.

It's a pleasure.

So, you ready for the big game?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I won 2 tickets.

Ha ha ha!

Walter wanted to get these over to you As soon as possible.


Hey! She's cute!

I think there's a high-Quality girl In there somewhere.

Yeah. These are high-Quality girls, all right.

Wow! Check this one out!

Nice, huh?

Of course, sakamoto wants to choose the girl himself, But i'm sure he's curious to hear you dimensionalize Once you meet them.

Me, spencer barnes.

I get to meet these girls, right?

You get to meet all of them.

I got a great fuckin' job, guys, don't i?

Listen, we ought to get going.

I'm sure you know how important punctuality is To mr. Sakamoto.

Yeah, if we're gonna make it, You really should put on your togs.


This is gonna be fun, guys.

Don't go away.

Jimmy: togs. What the hell are togs?!

Togs. Togs.

Where the hell are my togs?


Oh, my god.


We're very happy with the new plan.

Oh, yeah. And with the expanded exposure, We're confident that we can increase our net net by 30%.

Yeah, man. Whatever.

Say, what do you think about the new slogans?

First rate. Phenomenal.


Superlative, because diane is very anxious to hear them, And so is big sak.

Big mac?

No. Mr. Sakamoto.



Hey, what's up?

Very glad to meet you, mr. Barnes.

Yes. Yeah.

So, where are the girls?

Um, you know, i mean, I thought maybe we could meet the girls now And play ball later.

Tennis now, business later.

Ha ha ha!

Yeah, but, you know, i haven't checked out This tennis game in quite a while.

Modesty--An admirable quality! Ha ha ha!

I can't play worth a shit.

That's good, that's good.

Remember, this is client tennis.

Spencer, you ready for a little action?


You bet your ass i am.

Uh, spencer. We're on this side.

Tennis relaxes the nerves, Prepares us for better business!

May the best man win!

Good catch, mr. Sakamoto!

Slippery handle.

Nice catch.

Ok. I got it, ok? Just give me a second.

I got it.

Ok, i'm up to bat.

Need any talc?

Ok. Ok. Shoot.

Defective shot!

All right! Let's play ball!

This is a disaster!

Everything was in my filofax--

My schedule, my sales charts.

I don't even have walter's number. He's unlisted.

My money, my credit cards.

Spencer, i knew you'd call.

I got home, i looked at the phone, And said, "ring," and it did.

When the operator said, "Collect call from spencer barnes,"

My face lit up.

And i can't call walter. If he hears how i screwed up, He'll have another heart attack.

Then imagine the guilt.

Spencer, california's so romantic!

Do you want to go for a walk on the beach?

Debbie, i've got a meeting to go to.

I've got to face these people empty-Handed.

I can't even remember the slogans!


I used to have a crush on you.

Aah! Aah!

Learn how to drive!

Sorry. Um...

I don't know. Sometimes, i...

I lose control of myself.

You know, i've been going through A rough period lately, spencer.

My dog maybelline died recently.

She was so outgoing and--And...


You know, she was--

I've got this picture. She was a capricorn.

Debbie: isn't she sweet?

She doesn't even look sick.

Yeah, well, that's an old picture.

Come on, let me cook dinner for you tonight.

It'll be a blast. Come on. Really.

Come on. Debbie.


This is not a good time.

Oh, why?

Do you know how to get to malibu?


I got it, i got it, i got it!


D'oh! I'm bad, i'm bad. I'm really, really bad.

Don't you think we ought to lose?

Lose? Why?

Because sakamoto wants to win.

Ha! So do i, mike!

Come on. I'm bad.

Triple set point.

What happened?

We won.

We won?

We won?

Mike: well played, sir.

Good match, mr. Barnes.

Thank you.

Until this afternoon.

What's with mr. Attitude?

What, has he never lost before?

Not to an employee.

Man: call for spencer barnes.

Mr. Spencer barnes?

Me. Telephone.

Oh! Phone. Yes. Phone, guys.

No. What?

Telephone, huh?

I wonder who it could be?

Yeah, what's up?

Colleague: spencer, thank god i found you!

Walter's under anaesthetic And we have an emergency on our hands.

You see, honeynut bakery needs their new slogan immediately.

Now, i know walter had something in mind, But, listen, i'm sorry, i just can't remember what it was.

Mike! Ted! Check out those buns!

Colleague: great. Thanks!


Spencer: oh, careful! Aah!

Thanks a lot, debbie. I really appreciate it.

Sure you're not free for dinner?

I'm sure.

Well, have a good day.

Thanks a lot. Yeah. Have fun.

Thanks--Thanks a lot.

Sorry! I'm sorry!

Hey, watch it!

I almost lost this baby.

We have children in this house.

Broken glass is not as much a threat to our children...

Excuse me. Excuse me. Could you help me?

Oh. Of course i can.

Here's a dollar.

There might be some leftovers Behind the club restaurant.

Leftovers? No, no, no, no, no.

I was mugged. I'm spencer barnes.

I'm with bentley advertising.

I'm here for a tennis date.

Your party just left.


Might there be a problem?

Yes, there might be a problem.

I'm spencer barnes.

Oh, really? You're spencer barnes?

Yes, really. I'm spencer barnes.

Some very important materials And a suitcase were sent To mr. Bentley's house.

I know he's a member here.

I must have his address.

Man: i'm not authorized--

You're not authorized! This is very urgent!

Touch the rolodex and i'll break your arm.

You'll break my arm?! You'll break my arm?!

That's right! And for your information, Spencer barnes was just here and he just left.

Well, for your information, Spencer barnes is still here

'Cause i'm spencer barnes!

Oh, is that right?

That's right! That's right!

Man: take it outside, spence!

So, anyway, i get home And harold is just sitting in his chair, Not saying a word.

He's sitting there watching tv, Sitting like a turtle.

So i say to him, "harold, hello.

Hello, harold." He doesn't answer.

Finally i say to him, "look, harold, It's been this way for a month, you know."

So he says to me finally, "tuna fish."

Tuna fish!

He's talking about my damn tuna fish!


Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Holy shit!





Oh, you must be spencer.

Spencer? That's what they call me.

Hi. I'm jewel. I'm walter's daughter.

I just got off the phone with my father.

He's looking for you.

Me? Well...i'm here.

Yeah. There you are.

Well, i'm just gonna swim a little bit, So don't mind me.

No. I don't mind you.

Thank you, god.


Wow! This feels great!

Ehh! Water, you know.

Want to join me?




Yah! Aah!


Hi. Can i help you?

You know, i've never seen this office before.

I just want to say hello. I'm walter bentley.

Oh. Ira breen, club accountant.

Hello, ira. A pleasure to meet you.


So you're the one who sends me the bills.

Oh! That's me!

That's a beauty.

Yeah. This is the nec powermate 2.

286 cpu, 2 8-Bit full-Size slots?

40 megabyte internal tape drive backup?

40 meg hard drive?



Ha ha ha! Ira: wow!

You really know your stuff.


You mind? Can i just, uh, take a look?

No, not at all.

I love a good database.

This is a real treat.

It's a real treat for me.

Ha. Heh heh heh.

No one ever comes in here.


Boy, we got a lot of members. here i am!

Excuse me.

Ira breen.

Club accountant.

Oh, yes.

Can i ask you something?




What do you think about my father?

Uh, i don't know.

I never really think of him.

This heart attack thing Has really made me think, you know?

Just about the big picture, About how superficial our relationship is.

You know, he's so involved in his work.

It's like he doesn't even know who i am.

And--And if i ever sound unhappy, He sends me a check.

A check?

Well. Well.

Why don't you try talking to him?

No one talks to my father.

Well, you know that.

Yeah, i know.

He sits and does all the talking.

Try confronting him in an honest way.

Be straightforward and true. with walter bentley?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, man, by ignoring your own situation, You're only lying to yourself.

I mean, if it really matters to you, Get it clear in your head What you want to say and say it.

Don't play games.

You think?

there is something Very different about you, spencer.

Yeah, there is.

I don't know what it is, But you're definitely not the typical anal yuppie I guess i was expecting.

Definitely not.

I've never been one of those.

What are you doing for dinner?


Oh, you've got plans?

For dinner? Plans? No, no way, no.

I--I don't even have one plan.

I, uh, i'm, uh, available.


So, pick me up at 8:00?

8:00 would be great.



Hi. Is spencer there?

Sure, yeah, hang on a second.

Spencer? Spencer!

I'm busy.

Uh, he's in the jacuzzi right now.

Can he call you back later?

What's he doing in a jacuzzi--

Listen, would you tell him it's elizabeth, And, uh, i'm returning his call, And i would like to speak to him now.

Um, hang on.

Spencer! It's elizabeth.

Tell her i'll call her back.

Uh, he's gonna have to call you back.

Tell him not to bother.

You have no idea how grateful i am. No idea.

I'm so grateful. Thank you very much.

Oh, spencer, you know, I was just leaving the house, About to close the door, And i thought of you.

Just then, the phone rang.

I'm telling you, spencer, it's karma.

Woman on tv: this is an unbelievable offer.

An unbelievable offer of quality and craftsmanship For you and your family.

Are you ready? Yeah.

Just $999.

Grab the credit cards.


Can you believe what i just said?

If you've got a credit card, You'd be crazy not to call now.

And, for a limited time, We'll call it our world series special--

We'll deliver almost anywhere in just 24 hours.

It's perfect--

Yes, hello.

For all kinds of tv watching.

Yeah, i'd like to buy that big-Screen tv.

And can that be delivered?

Yes, to the california county jail, Care of lebradford brown, please.

Uh-Huh. American express.

Number 3-7-1-2



Thank you.

Lebradford'll love this.

Jimmy: holy shit!

Tv: you can't pass--


God, i love running on sand.

Hey! How you doin'?

How's it goin', man?


Boy, you guys look benevolent.

Oh, thanks. Thanks.

Is that yours? Yeah.

Boy, that's beautiful.

Come on, let's go for a beer.

Uh, spencer, we-- We can't, really.

We don't have time. Shall we?

Shall we what?

We've got a meeting, spencer.

Oh, this is getting complicated, huh?

You know, i think you ought to put your suit on.

Diane's pretty compulsive about her time.


Well, i'd love to go, guys, but i got a date.

I got a hot date.

A date?

Yeah, with a chick.

Uh, s-Spencer, we understand You do things a little differently.

In fact, ted and i kind of like it.

But if you miss this meeting, It's business suicide.

I'm gonna be in deep shit?


I get to ride in that? Yeah.

All right, homies. I'll be back in a second.


Yes, sir.


Mmm, no.

Mmm, no.


Ah, yes. oh.

No, no, no, no, yes.


Spencer barnes...

You look...

First rate.



And benevolent.

Fuckin'-A, man.



Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot, debbie.

Ok. Sure you're not free for din-Din?

No, uh, i really-- I really am.

But next time, i promise.

Well, j-Just-- If you change your mind, Just remember that i--

I work at the cosmetic counter at i. Magnin.

Debbie: i take lunch between 1:00 and 2:00 Uh, bye, good-Bye!

Yeah, ask for susan. Susan'll come get me.


Wait, wait, wait!

I'm here! Come back!

Come back! I'm here! Come back!

Spencer: oh, no.







I'll kill him. I'll kill him.




Walter: spencer. Spencer?


I told you to lose to sakamoto.

I heard that you beat him in 3 straight sets.

No, walter, that wasn't me.

What do you mean, it wasn't you?

Take responsibility.

Walter, it was somebody else!

Yes, and he's been screwing up, spen--

Ohh, oh, i'm getting chest pains. spencer, Go out and get that account, damn it!

Walter, let me explain. aah...

Freeze! Aaah!

Hey, man, i don't know.

What's the matter, spencer?

You're nervous?

Well, yeah, kind of.

Ah, don't worry about diane.

Relax. Be yourself.

Like us.

Diane: marty? Diane.

Is phillip there, please?

This? Here?

No, no, over here. Over here.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Jimmy: this one?

I don't want excuses, phillip. I want results.

I want you to finish that report--

Can i get you a drink?

Uh, yeah, i'll have a gimlet.

Yeah, the same.

Yes, sir.

Do you have the tequila with the worms in 'em?


Uh, then i'll have a... gimlet, roger.

Very good, sir.

I'll be in touch.

I told you to proofread this twice.

There are 2 spelling errors, the columns are off, And the staple is vertical, not horizontal.


Spencer barnes?

Diane connors.

I've heard good things.

All right!

I like your strategy, barnes.

Beating the owner of the company in tennis.

Smart way to get attention.

Oh, i wasn't trying to get attention.

I was just... trying to win.

Exactly. We're all trying to win.

Listen. When i heard you beat sakamoto, I knew i was gonna like you.

Maitre d': here we are, sir.

Mr. Sakamoto!

Sakamoto: oh, good evening, miss connors.

Jimmy: hey, big sak!

What's up, man?

I've never had such a competitive opponent.

You play an unusual game of tennis.

Unusual, but effective.

Well, hey, you're not so bad yourself, you know.

You got to choke up on that racket.

Let's get down to business, shall we?

Now, bentley is in first place To take over our national ad campaign.

Now, here's the deal, spencer.

Friday's close was at 56, One of the most active stocks traded.


Oh, i don't smoke, But a couple of my friends do.

Do you mind if i take some?

You mind?

Thank you.

My point is this.

As well as we're doing, we want to do better.

The bottom line, after all, is money. i'd like to propose a toast.

To international business, To good commercial relations between all countries, To the healthy future of high quality foods Thanks to sakamoto enterprises, And to bentley advertising.

Hear, hear. Yeah.

A toast...

To competitiveness, Good management, profit, and honesty.


Spencer. A toast. Spencer.



Uh, a toast.

To the cubs winning the world series...

And big tits!

Spencer, i'm sure you're familiar With our last campaign.

Um, yes. Um...

* high quality foods, the best there is *

Oh, yeah. I watch tv all the time.

I got the commercials memorized.

We've been using that for years.

We are looking for a new image, And we love what bentley did for kerry's cookies.

Honesty is the key to success.

I want an honest campaign, spencer.

Honesty, huh? That's good.

Are you familiar With high quality's products?

Oh, yeah. I eat the stuff every day.

And what is your opinion?


Well, i think your oatmeal sucks.

Nobody likes it.

I mean, it tastes like dirt.

Chewy dirt.

And your bologna tastes like rubber.

You gotta smother it with mustard So you don't even taste it.

But not your mustard, 'Cause your mustard tastes like shit.

Um, your frosted flakes...

It's got half the sugar That tony the tiger's does.

And your bread just rips apart.

I mean, just try Spreading peanut butter on it.

Whaah--Right in your hands.

But not your peanut butter, 'Cause your peanut butter sucks.

Spencer, i don't think this is really--

Why did he ask me, then?

Ms. Connors, what do you think About what he is saying?

I think it's outrageous.

Mr. Barnes, if this is your idea of a joke, I don't find it very funny.

No! No, i'm just being honest.

Well, you've been honest enough.

No, no, please, spencer. Go on.

Tell me, mr. Barnes, is there anything About high quality foods that you like?

Oh, your potato chips are pretty good.

But, then again, i like really greasy food.

And, uh...

It's not so bad that you sell cheap stuff.

I mean, not everybody can afford

3 bucks for a box of fruit loops.

But you shouldn't call it "high quality foods"

'Cause it just isn't.

I mean, big sak, if you want to be honest, You should call it "low quality foods."

But you don't want to do that, i know.

Why don't you try calling it Something like, um--

How 'bout "affordable foods"?

Or, you know what?

Change the "best there is" thing To "high quality food...

Because you can afford it."

Or make your food really great, And then you can say, "Eat this because everybody deserves High quality foods."

How dare you insult our product.

Mr. Sakamoto, i am so sorry--

No, no, no.

This is ridiculous.

I've never seen anything So unprofessional.

Well, you know what, maybe i just, uh--

I'm just not good at these kind of meetings.

All right?

I gotta hot date. I'm outta here.

Nice tits.

Heh heh.

I am out of here also. Nice titty. We go.

I've got the nurses' station.

Get me walter bentley on the phone. Now.

Jimmy: mmm.




Hey, chico.

Take care of her.


I'll take care of her.

I haven't robbed anyone.

I've been robbed! Look at me!

Do you think i dress this way?

I'm an executive!


I'd sue for false arrest, But i'd probably end up In the electric chair.

Officer: one comb.

Listen, i need a ride.

Officer: one pair of shoelaces.

Hello? Earth to little abner.

I need a ride.

We're not a taxi service.

One piece of paper.

Oh, god.

God, debbie, i'm so sorry.

I'm really so sorry.

Oh, don't be silly.

It was good to hear your voice again.

I gotta cancel my credit cards.

I gotta call high quality foods.

I gotta call elizabeth.

I just need to go back to walter's in malibu.

So if you'd just please take me there.

First i'm making us dinner.

Oh, debbie, debbie, no.

I have to get back there right now.


Spencer, i am not moving until you say yes.

Yes! Ye-Yes! Yes. Yes.

Jewel: so then, mitch tells me that he's married.

Whoa. Uh!

He obviously was not the man for me.

No way.

No, i mean he thought he could control me.

I felt like...

Like i was in prison.

Oh. Man, i know that feeling.

Yeah? Oh, yeah.

Trapped, lonely, and frustrated.

You know, you're stuck inside.

You don't know how you got there, But you're there.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, i was in a relationship Like that recently.

Really? Yeah.

It lasted about 3 years.


Controlled by one person Who could be so cruel.



You know, all you want to do is, Experience the things that you can't reach.

You know, like a baseball game Or a--Or a dinner with a pretty girl.


Well, i'm--I'm shy.

You wouldn't know it.

Somehow i--I feel free.

I feel open.

I feel sexy.


Uh, check, please.

Tv reporter: but for now, as we await The sixth and possibly final game Of the world series, Unless authorities change their minds And decide to forcibly remove the inmates From their barricaded prison cells.

And tomorrow, while you're sitting at home Watching the game, you won't...

Debbie: these pants used to fit Before my cauliflower and radish diet.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

I was a fashion disaster.

I lost 70 pounds.

Gained back 20, lost 10.

You know, i used to be on an avocado diet Before i found out that avocados were fattening.

Did you know avocados were fattening?


You know, it's amazing. You see them In health food stores, you never think Of them as being bad for you, But they're very, very fattening.

So then i started Working as a beauty consultant.

You're so tense.

Take a deep breath.

Come on, come on.

Take a real deep breath.

Yeah. Isn't that good? Feel better?

Yeah. Yeah, good.

You know, it's amazing What a little bit of makeup can do.


It can make anybody look beautiful.

Yeah. i guess i'm a people person.

Yeah. oh, that's the oven.

Stay. Huh?

Damn it, elizabeth. Where are you?



I hope you don't feel uncomfortable, My being walter's daughter.

No. No, no.



Well, you're the first man i've gone out with That hasn't just tried to jump on me.

I am?


Where is everybody?

A little burnt, but edible, i think.

We can't put the phone down For a minute, can we?

Jewel: oh! Jimmy: what?

You should get that. No.

No, no, no. It could be my father. your father? Where?

No, no, the phone. The phone.


The phone, the phone. Your father.

The phone. Hello?

Hello? Who's this?

Uh, who do you wanna speak to?


Uh, yeah. This is spencer.

Spencer who?

Spencer barnes. Who am i speaking to?

He's there!

Debbie, debbie, i need you To drive me to walter's.

Oh, spencer, you'll feel better After you've eaten.

Debbie, he's there!

But spencer-- He's there!

We were just starting to get...funky.

Debbie, i need you to drive me To walter's r-R-Right away.

How 'bout after dinner?

No, no, no, no! I've gotta go immediately!

Oh, spencer! Debbie.

Spencer, y-Y-You know, you know, All you've done since i've met you Was complain. Ohh.

I mean, you know, I-I-I can't take it anymore.


I've been your-- Your chauffeur, An-An-And your cook, an-And your shrink.

Debbie, really.

No, no! I really-- I mean, i don't know What's happened to you since high school, But you--You-- You've become this--

This selfish, materialistic creep!

Ohh...debbie, i need a ride!

Get out! No! What?

Get out! Why? Debbie!

I never wanna see you again!

Get out! Go!

Debbie: and after you've dry-Cleaned those pants, I want them back! Perma-Press!

Oh, my god.

It's raining. Yeah.

Well, i guess...

I had a fabulous time.

You had a fabulous time.

Best safe sex i've ever had.

Ha ha.

Well, i had a fabulous time, too.


I haven't had that much fun in...

2 years, 11 months, 3 weeks, and 5 days.

I would stay, but i feel uncomfortable Sleeping in my dad's bed.

I don't.

He's got so many pillows.

Are you sure i can take your rolls?

Oh, yeah. It's just a loaner.

Ok. Well, then, i guess i'd better go.

Yeah. Ok.


Hey! Wait! Wait! Wait!

Um, you think you'd like to, uh, Go to the world series with me tomorrow maybe?

I'd love to!

Yeah? Yes!

You wanna go?

I'd love to go.

All right. That's--That's great.

I think, uh...i think i'm getting wet.

Yeah, i-I-I think. Yeah.

You--I think you're getting wet.

You better go inside.

So i'll meet you here about 12:00?

All right. All right.

12:00. Right around here, All right? Yes.

All right. You come here.





I'll kill you!


Jimmy: what the hell's the matter with you?

Hey, man, i was doin' you a favor.

I busted my ass for you.

All because of this little thing.

Give me that! Take it!

Just give me my reward and i'm out of here.

Reward? Are you crazy?

I should sue you for everything you've got!

I'd like to see that. I got nothin'. excuse me.


Ted: hello, spencer. It's me. It's ted.

It's for you.


Ted: spencer? Yes?

It's ted. Hi, ted.

Look, i'm sure it's no surprise to you, But diane's officially turned down your agency.


Mike and i are sorry it didn't work out.

We really liked you.

Get me diane!

Well, after that meeting, She won't take your calls. Ever.

Damn it!

You said you were me!

You beat sakamoto at tennis!

Yo u blew it with diane connors!

Oh, that chick's a witch.

I'll kill you! Aah!

Uhh! Ohh!

You look like shit. Aah!

That hurt.

Uhh! I didn't lose Your filofax! You did! i'll kill you!



Now just calm down.

You ruined my life.

Hey, i've been lookin' after you.

And you keep yellin' at me.

Well, just give me my world series tickets back And i'm out of here.

World series tickets?

Yeah, they're in your book.


Give me my tickets, man.

These are the tickets? Yes.

Oh, these are the tickets!

You must be a big baseball fan.

Yes, i am.

Can't wait to go to the world series.

That's right. Uh-Huh!

Listen to me. You're coming with me And telling everyone who you are, And who i am!

Now, spencer, i'd really like to help you out.

I would. It's just that i got this date With this beautiful girl I'm taking to the world series, ok?

I don't think so...

Uh, uh, ah, ah, ah!

Don't bite the seat number!

Mm-Mmm. Mmm!

Eat! All of it.

Spencer: i can taste the excitement!

Stop biting my tickets, all right?

All right.

Jimmy: this is a lotus!

You know what this thing does?

This thing goes 160 miles an hour.

Over that!

This is a nice set of wheels.

Great. No keys.

Who needs keys?

Where can i get a pair of pants like that?

Do they come in different colors?

Jimmy: i hope this doesn't take long.

I can't miss the national anthem.

Shut up.

Who are you, anyway?

I'm a car thief.

Very funny.

No, really.

I'm an escaped convict.

I broke out of prison To see the cubs in the world series.

I'm serious. Shut up.



Sakamoto will be here any moment.

No unsolicited comments--

Diane connors?

Uh, that's her.

What are you doing here?

Watch it. She bites.

What the hell is going on here?

Didn't you get the message That we are not interested In you or your agency?

Tell her who you are.

I'm, uh, jimmy.

Receptionist: ms. Connors, Walter bentley's on teleconference.

Put him through.

I'm curious to hear what he has to say.

Spencer: oh, good. I can explain everything.

Hello, diane. You're looking good.

Look here, i want to apologize for--


Walter. Thank-- Thank god--

What the hell are you doing there?

You look awful.

Like a bum at a costume party.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Like he looks great.

And how the hell could you come up with This honey nut bakery slogan?

They've already printed the billboards.

"Check out those buns"!

What buns?

These buns!

Jimmy: i like that.

Walter, i don't think Your corporate and personal problems Are any concern of ours.

You have screwed up in every possible way.

Walter, it--It wasn't me!

That's not spencer, walter.

I'm disappointed in you, spencer.

What's happening?

Ted: beats the hell out of me.

Walter: if you think That you are getting that promotion, forget it.

You failed.



Hey, all he did was lose his book.

I'm the one that screwed up.

Who--Who is this guy?

I'm jimmy.

You know what? It's true.

All you do is talk. Push people around.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Well, you know what?

It really pisses us off.

Spencer, i want you back here in 12 hours.

Walter, this is a mistake.

Walter: well, listen to me.

You're the mistake.

I'm the mistake?

Spencer: walter.

In the last 2 days, i-I've been mugged, I've been thrown into garbage, I've been put in jail, My wife has left me...

All because of this account.

I've been obsessed, walter, Just the same way i've been obsessed With every account I've ever gotten for you.

All i do is work.

Work, work. Weekends, holidays.

When i'm not working, I don't know who i am.

I don't even know what to do.

I don't even know what to think.

I hate my life.

It stinks.

I've made my wife miserable, I've made myself miserable.

I don't want to end up like you, walter.

I really...

I can't do this anymore.

I just...

The hell with all th--I quit.


Me, too.

I quit--Hey, hey.

I'll see you later sometime, huh?

I'll see you again.

Hey, big sak. Work on your game.

Don't lose that broom, witch.

Walter: diane, i wanna apologize--

Walter, your firm has exhibited Gross incompetency.

I am taking you out of my filofax.


Oh, mr. Sakamoto.

Bentley isn't the only agency.

I never had a good feeling About them anyway.

Julie, get me The bellflower august agency.

Mm, no need...

Unless you're looking for a job.

Heh, i'm not looking--


I came to the united states Not just to approve a new ad campaign, But to see you in action.

I've had complaints.

What exactly are you saying?

What i am saying exactly, ms. Connors, Is that you are unprofessional, rude, And clearly incapable of running my company.

And, ms. Connors, What i am saying is that you are terminated.



Game time.


Jimmy: yo, spencer!


You forgot this!

Hey, you were great back there, you know that?

Yeah, great. I have nothing!

You have your book.

Shut up. Leave me alone.

Ah, baby, baby, baby with the "shut up."

You know, if it wasn't for me, You wouldn't realize your life was so rotten.

You wanna go to the game?


Come on! What are you gonna do?

You don't have to be at work tomorrow.

That's true.

Yep. Wait, don't move.

Hey, come on.

Let's kick some butt, huh?

You could use a little fun.

Fun? Yeah.

My life is over.

No, it's not. It's just beginning.

Cubbies. It's the chicago cubs.

And you know you and i are both from chicago?

Now that's exciting.

It is exciting!

It's the--It's--It's a statistic.

It's a coincidence.

It's a divine right that you and i Should be here together While the cubs are in the world series.

We have to be there.

We have to be at the cubs.

They need us. They need us.

Come on, in the car.

Come on. One leg over the other.

Come on. And there we go. In we go.

It's that easy. Come on, let's go! Ho!

You really are an escaped convict, aren't you?

Yes, sir. 37 counts of grand theft auto.

And you really did break out of prison To go to the world series.


That's the dumbest thing i've ever heard.

Huh. You wanna hear dumb?

I'm about to break a date With the most beautiful girl I've seen in 5 years.

That's dumb, spencer barnes.

And it's all because of you, 'Cause we're going to the cubs game.

Here we go! Hep. In the car.

Hot dogs, hamburgers, Cokes, popcorn, cotton candy.

Get in there. All right, spence.

You tightass. Way to go.

Baseball player: ...last trip to anaheim.

Hopefully, things'll work out...


Hey, jewel, it's me.

Spencer! Where are you? Are you ok?

Hey, listen, i'm really sorry, But i have to cancel our date.

I need to spend some time with a friend.

He really needs me.

Tch. Oh, god, spencer. You're so sensitive.

Well, what are you doing tonight?

How about tonight? Are you busy?

Well, i got some plans for tonight, But i'm free tomorrow.

Tomorrow's fine.

Is spencer barnes here?

No. No, i'm afraid he's not here right now.

Can i help you?

I'm not sure.

You are... i'm his wife.

His what?

* o'er the ramparts we watched *

* were so gallantly streaming *

* and the rockets' red glare

* the bombs bursting in air

* gave proof through the night *

* that our flag was still there *

* oh, say, does that star-Spangled *

* banner yet wave

* o'er the land

* of the free

* and the home of the brave Go cubs! Kick some ass!

Let's go! Here's your hat.

Let's go!

Announcer: ...welcome to anaheim stadium, Home of your california angels.

Play ball!

All right! Play ball!

Then he took me downtown.

We went to a blues club.

Then we came back here--

Blues club? Spencer?

Spencer hates blues.

What do you mean, he hates blues?

We had--

The--The guy that you're describing, He sounds like a totally different person.

I--To be honest with you, i mean, You don't look like the kind of woman That would be married to a man With a tattoo.

A what?


Hello. Is spencer there?

No, spencer's not here.

Who is this?

It's debbie.


Let me have it. Who's debbie?

Debbie? Debbie: yes?

What do you want?

Well, tell spencer i'm sorry about last night And...i shouldn't have kicked him out.

And tell him he can keep the pants.



Come on, get your world series souvenirs here.

I got you a coke, i got you a dog.


Oh, man, i love this game.

What's wrong with you?


I-I-I screwed up with everything.

And i--And i never got what i wanted.

What did you want?

Yeah, right.

Tell him to sell.

I don't know.

You know what you want?

I want the cubs to win the world series!

Yeah! Nice hit!

Yeah, you better get to your car now.

You don't want to get stuck in traffic.

Ha ha ha!

So what happened with your wife?

Did you get caught cheating?

You bangin' the baby-Sitter?

We don't even have any kids.

How come?

We never thought there'd be enough time To raise 'em right.

Well, you got plenty of time now, spencer.

Heh heh heh.


Here. Call her.

Here, give me that.

Go ahead, call her.

She probably misses you.

My wife thinks i'm a single-Minded, Obsessive jerk.

Well, you are a single-Minded, Obsessive jerk.

But you don't have to be if you don't want to.

You sure?

No. I'm not sure.

Hey, that's my dad's phone!

He's a scout. He's callin' the bullpen.


What a play!

Did you see that? Did you see that?

Let's get that guy up here for an interview.

Ok, i'll get him.

Ahh! I got it!

I got it! Did you see that?

I just reached out.

I snagged it, spencer.

Home run ball, Mark grace of the cubs, In the world series.

Did you see that spectacular catch?


Y-Y-You didn't see it? Why?

I was on the phone.

Oh, you should've seen it.

I was just reachin' out there, just grabbin' it.

It was the catch of the day.

You told me to call home.

I know, but you could've waited.

You could've put 'em on hold.

It was a great catch.

Elizabeth wasn't there.

Elizabeth wasn't there? She wasn't there?

She didn't see it, either!

Elizabeth is your wife?


Oh, she called for you yesterday.

She called yesterday?

What did she say? Did she say anything?

She apologized For kicking him out last night.

And said he could keep--

For kicking him out last night?

I was with him last night.

That can't be right. What is she talking about?

This isn't getting any easier.

Oh, my god!

Look! It's spencer!

Elizabeth: that's not spencer.

Jewel: of course it's spencer.

Well, what's he doing on television?

That's not spencer.

That's spencer.

Jewel: that?

That's not spencer.

Where did he get that shirt?


My elizabeth called yesterday?

What did she say?

Oh, man. They must've seen me on tv.

Spencer: what did she say?

Spencer, i gotta go.

It was fun being you. Take it easy.

What did she say? Wait a minute!

What did she say?

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Wait! Wait a minute! Wait!




Spencer: what's happening?

Why are we doing this?

Jimmy: the cops!

They must've seen me on tv.

When were you on tv?

When i made that catch you missed.

Th-Th-The cops w-Wouldn't shoot us, Would they?

No, i don't think so.

You don't think so?

Jimmy, what did elizabeth say?

Oh, i'm missing the game!

What did she say, jimmy? What? What?

What? What are you followin' me for?

We get busted, man, you're gonna get In trouble. Get out of here!

Well, i can't get arrested Running with an escaped con, can i?



He's not down there.

He's probably up the ramp.

Jimmy. Did elizabeth say to tell me anything?

Where did--Where did she call from?

Oh, i don't know, man.

I didn't talk to her.

You didn't talk to her?

No. Well--

No, don't pitch to him! Walk him!

Damn it, he got a hit.

The angels are gonna score.

Well, who talked to her?

Uh, jewel talked to her.

Walter's jewel?

Yeah, walter's jewel.

Hey, she's one hot lady, you know that?

Last night we did it.

Come on.

Wh--Wait! You mean, I slept with walter's daughter?


Well, how was i?

You were great!

I knew i could be great in bed.

Ha ha! Ha!

Hey! That's him!

Come on, let's get out of here.

Guard: hey, guys, stop!

Second guard: come back, damn it!

Hey, you got a credit card?

Yeah. Give it to me.

Ah, sweet. Ahh!

damn it!

I can't--I can't believe it.

I can escape out of jail, But i can't escape out of a damn ball park.

Oh, i guess i'll just go back to jail.

That's all.

I'll just go back.

Announcer: ...number 19, right fielder, dante bichette.

Guard: man, we know you in there.

Come on, man! Unlock the door.

Come up here and hold onto me Before i change my mind.

Jimmy: go ahead, change your mind, Change your mind.

Spencer: come on!

Come on, come on!

I'm coming!

I always got as in gym, But this could be ridiculous.

It is ridiculous!

Spencer: this is a mistake!

Aah! Yes, it is!


Jimmy: uhh! Yeah!

That was different, spencer.

Ho! Ho! Ha ha ha!

Hey, you all right?

Yeah. That was-- That was batman!

Jimmy: yeah.

Jimmy: hey, we can still hear the game On the radio.

Come on, man, let's get in the car.

Sportscaster: and it's strike 3!

And the cubs have won it!

Sportscaster: the 1990 world champions are the...

They did it! They won!

Second sportscaster: all i can say is Holy cow, joe, holy cow.

Joe: i mean, you're witnessing history.

The first time since 1908 The cubs have won the world series.

I repeat, the cubs have won the world--

Why are you turning it off?

They won. It's over.

The weekend's over.

P.A.: ...new world champions!

Was it so bad being me?

God, no.

No, i liked it.

Everybody listened to me.

They took me seriously.

Jewel, too. She took me seriously.

I like her.

She was nice.

Yeah, i dug her.

I just wonder if she'll like me as jimmy dworski.

Oh, yeah. Yeah?

Well, you know, if the cubs can win the world series, Anything's possible, right?

Yeah, that's right.

All right. Now i just gotta think How to break back into prison.

Break back into prison?

Why would you wanna do that?

I got to. I escaped, Now i gotta break back in so i can be released.

I found it! It was in my filofax.

Let's try them.

They should be in their car by now.

Let me ask you something.

How the hell are you gonna Get back into that prison With all the photographers And reporters there?

I can't believe i never thought of that.

Why didn't i think of that?


All right, spencer.

Jewel and i want to know What the hell is going on.

Elizabeth! Where are you?

I'm at walter's. Where?

Answer me. What is going on?

Elizabeth, i lost my filofax.

You what?

And i quit my job.

Spencer, are you serious?



I miss you so much.

I-I-I have so many things to tell you.

But mo--The most important thing is, I love you. I love you.


Spen--I love you, too.

Would you ask my spencer If we're still on for tomorrow?

Spencer, jewel wants to know If she and the spencer who caught the ball Are still on for tomorrow.

Are you and jewel on for tomorrow?

Oh, jeez. I don't know. I don't know.

Spencer, how am i gonna break back into prison?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Oh, my god. Yes!

Yes! They are on for tomorrow. Yes.

Yes, you're on. You're on.

We are? Oh, great! Ah! Yes!

How about you and me going to hawaii?

Oh, if we leave tonight.

We will.

Why, for the first time, Do i really believe you?

Because, like my pal here says, I got a lot of free time.

My calendar is blank.

In fact, i don't even have a calendar.

We leave tonight.

But first, there's something i have to do.


Spencer: debbie?

I'm sorry. spencer!

Oh, spencer!

Oh, hi, there. Oh. Oh.

Thank you.

Spencer: the warden's expecting us.

Just pull over there in front of that guard.

I'll call the warden.

Father barnes.

That's quite a car.

It was a very kind donation to the parish.

A red lotus.

Do you pray, my son?

Not as much as i should, father.

I can see it in your face.

What is your given name?

Oh, captain toolman.

I hope you can help us.

Well, i'm not alone.

No, i-I understand.

No, i mean i brought someone with me.

Jimmy dworski's mother.

Ehh! Ehh! Oh.

Spencer: mrs. Dworski, captain toolman. oh, sir.

I hope you can help me.

I'm so worried about my poor jimmy.

Jimmy: what are you gonna do?

Well, uh, we'll send for somebody.


Lebradford: where in the hell is jimmy at?

We can't keep this up all night.

Warden, over bullhorn: all right, gentlemen, Listen up. Now, this is the warden.

Now, we have a professional mediator here Who'd like to talk to you.

A mediator?

He's with jimmy's mother.

Lebradford: jimmy's mother?

Bad news.

All right, father. She's all yours.

Spencer, over bullhorn: hello, prisoners.

This is father barnes.

I'm here with jimmy's mother, Mrs. Dworski.

This must end!

We want to come in and talk to you.

J.B., Over bullhorn: no way.

We're not lettin' anyone in.

Inmate: that's right!

Especially a mother!

If you let us in, The warden will promise complete forgiveness.

No punishment.


better food.

Better food.

Better what? What? What does--

"Cast ye loaves across the water And they will return to the shore."

And i promise you better food.

Yeah, all right. What--What the hell.

Maybe we should let 'em in.

Hey! What about jimmy?

No, no, we can't give up.

Jimmy's a homey.

Inmates: yeah, yeah.

Forget it! Y'all try to come in here, We'll kill him dead!

Jimmy's voice: help me!

I don't wanna die!

help me, man!

I'm scared, man! Help!

I say we use the tear gas And flush 'em out of there.


What was that?

They say they have a color tv For lebradford brown.

Is that part of the strategy?

Home shopping club. I used your credit card.

Yes, yes. We did. We ordered that.

Captain. What? What now?

The governor's mediators are here.

Warden: h-How many mediators Do they think we need? shit.

You have no idea...

How much i understand...

What you're going through.

Oh, look at her, man.

She look like the missing link.

I think she's kinda cute.

Hamilton: yeah, you would.

Forget it! No one's coming in!

Warden toolman, We're from the governor's office.

How do you do, gentlemen?

Agent jackson.

Pay attention, boys...

Captain, we were Specifically instructed Not to make any promises To the inmates.

We've been told to interrupt the proceedings And take over the situation.

Let me in, goddamn it.

What the hell is she doing?

She's signaling.

Well, how she know our signals?

She ain't no homey.

Lebradford: steal home?

Hamilton: intentional walk?

Go home?

Jimmy: let me in.

Lebradford: that ain't no missing link.

That's jimmy!

Jimmy! Yeah!

It is jimmy!

Father, what is she doing?

She is doing a special prayer That i taught her. Excuse me.

We're going to go in. no, look.

Ok. Uh, they can come in.

But only the mother and the father.

Jimmy, woman's voice: close it. Close it!

Oh, where's my jimmy? Where's my jimmy?

Right this way, mrs. Dworski.

Ohh... did you see that catch i made?

Oh, these heels are killin' me.

James, what took you so long?

Oh, i was at the hairdresser Or i'd been here earlier.

Hey! No hair jokes.

Oh, this is for you, heavy g.

God, get me out of these clothes!

It's so hard to be a woman.

All right, shut up.

Shut up.

I'm gonna keep the nails.

Yeah! Yeah!

Should i keep the nails?

Yeah! They're you.

Hey, spencer! Come here.

Hey, guys, this is Spencer barnes, my friend.

Hey, man. Good work.

You got us in. You know, That debbie's a talented girl.

Yeah, she is.

Oh, she gave me her number.

She wanted to make sure you had it. Here.

Yeah, she--She's a nice lady.

Yeah, she's good, isn't she?

Well, you take care of yourself And try to stay out of trouble.

Oh, really, man. And thanks.

Look me up when you get out.

Ok. I get out in about 20 minutes.

In that case, forget it.

Forget it! I don't want to see him.

Good luck, jimmy. All right.

But--Oh, here. Out like this.

There you go, spencer barnes.

Have a good trip.

Bye, jimmy. All right, man.

I'm free!

I'm free! Oh, warden, I never thought i'd get out.

I didn't know i'd get out of that horrible place!

I thought i'd be there forever.

You're wearing lipstick.

My mom gave me a big kiss.

Where is your mom?

Oh! I smell perfume.

Don't be stupid. The press is watching.

Thank you, everybody!

You're welcome, jim.

Jimmy: he's the greatest warden a guy could have.

Warden: it's just my job, jim.

Will i still be released today?

Well... will i?

Of course you'll be released today, jim.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Oh, warden, you're the best!

All right.

Don't do that again, please.


Guard: get out of here, man.

I hope i never see you again.

Ok. Take it easy.

What are you doing here?

I figured you'd need a ride.


Thanks a lot, man.

And i needed someone to start the car.

Now, tha t i can do.


Sakamoto: spencer barnes, please.

Oh, mr. Sakamoto.

I'm glad i found you.

Well, nice to hear your voice, too.

Is the other spencer there with you?

Ye-Yes, he is here.

Good. You two impressed me.

Well, we enjoyed meeting you as well.

I want you both to come work for me.

You wanna hire us both?

You make a good team.

A team?

Well, how much did you have in mind?

I was thinking 25 a month.



Yes, you would head My american advertising operations.

A year? A month.

A month!

Well, of course we're flattered...

Yes. Take it. Take it.

But we're gonna need a little time To think that over.

No time. No time.

I know. Make it. Take it. Take it!

We'll get back to you shortly.

Take your time. You need a vacation.

Thank you. Bye.

What are you, nuts?

Business lesson number one.

Never take the first offer.

Yeah, right. That's just like baseball.

Don't swing at your first pitch.

Wait a second.

Just one quick second.

I don't know where the tv came from, sir--

Ok, partner. Let's go.

Captioning made possible by buena vista television Captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.

* and i'll be takin' care of business *

* every day

* takin' care of business *

* every way

* i've been takin' care of business *

* it's all mine

* takin' care of business *

* and workin' overtime

* work out

* you get up every mornin'

* from your alarm clock's warnin' *

* take the 8:15 into the city *

* there's a whistle up above

* and people pushin' and people shovin' *

* and the girls who try to look pretty *

* and if your train's on time *

* you can get to work by 9:00

* and start your slavin' job to get your pay *

* if you ever get annoyed

* look at me, i'm self-Employed *

* i love to work at nothin' all day *

* and i'll be takin' care of business *

* every day

* takin' care of business *

* every way

* i've been takin' care of business *

* it's all mine

* takin' care of business *

* and workin' overtime

* work out

* if it were easy as fishin' *

* you could be a musician

* if you could make sounds loud or mellow *

* get a second-Hand guitar

* chances are you'll go far

* if you get in with the right bunch of fellows *

* people see you havin' fun

* just a-Lyin' in the sun

* tell them that you like it this way *

* it's the work that we avoid *

* and we're all self-Employed *

* we love to work at nothin' all day *

* and we be takin' care of business *

* every day

* takin' care of business *

* every way

* i've been takin' care of business *

* it's all mine

* takin' care of business *

* and workin' overtime


All right! Ow!


* take good care