Tank Girl (1995) Script

Listen up, 'cause I'm only tellin' you this once.

I'm not a bedtime story lady, so pay attention.

It's 2033.

The world is screwed now.

You see, a while ago, this humongous comet came crashing into the Earth.

Bam! Total devastation.

End of the world as we know it.

No celebrities, no cable TV, no water.

It hasn't rained in 11 years.

Now, 20 people gotta squeeze inside the same bathtub.

So, it ain't all bad.

That's me... the one in the mask.

No, the other one in the mask.

Today's my boyfriend's birthday.

So, I'm out shopping for that perfect gift... whatever I can scrounge up.

Uh-oh, Ripper leftovers.

The Rippers are a demonic army of bloodthirsty, human eating, purse snatching, mutant creatures.

Witness exhibit A.

Uchh!, you are so dead.

They're led by the infamous Johnny Prophet.

They spend most of their time raidin' the WP.

That's short for Water and Power.

They control most of the water and got all the power.

Oh, wait, one last thing.

My friends and me, we do not suck up to Water and Power.

Yeah, we steal water, but as long as they don't find out, who gives a shit?

Ah, there it is... home sweet home.

A thing of beauty.

I'm gonna go water the vegetables.

Hey, Town, you fixed the pump, right? I'm going down.

Yeah, go for it.


You've been stealing water.

What gave you that idea?

Take off your clothes.

Ohh, agh!

Now! Shit.

Right, right, right, right...


Did I tell you to stop?



Salute me.

I'm not too good under pressure.

Well, you'll learn then, won't you?

Gross out.

Come on, they're being weird again.

Let's get outta here.

Let go.


Hah, I was just gettin' into that one.

Give me that.

Hey, Sam.

I thought you was working on my Doris Day bust.

I didn't trade you my specially autographed Doris picture just for whatever this is.

I know, but the wood talks to me.

It said, "Ripper. "

How would you know what one looks like?

No one's ever seen a Ripper.

No one's ever seen your peanut dick either.

I'm tellin'. Go ahead.

Rebecca, don't forget guard duty.


Adam was dust until God injected him with life.

And do you know what was in that injection?


Water is life.

Water is power.

Well done.

You've all done a masterful job.

Ninety-five percent of the desert and all the water it contains now belongs to Water and Power.

Well, I think that deserves a little toast.

To Captain Derouche for securing most of the desert.

Captain Derouche.

Captain Derouche.

I can promise you, sir, the Rippers will only be a minor setback.


Once I take care of them, that final crack of land will be ours.

This crack of land, Captain?

Hm, hm, well, just a small crack.

Doesn't matter, we'll let that go.


Oh, my.

Now look what's happened.

We lost the Feta Plains.

And the Tenelson Ridge.

And so on!

There are three million liters of water underneath the Blue Dunes.

And you will retrieve it.

Do I make myself clear, gentlemen?

Yes, sir.


Remove your boots, Captain.

Now, come here.

The fool.

It was foolish not to carry out my order.

And it was foolish to walk across a floor full of glass.

If I were you, I wouldn't have done it.

I would have killed me first.

But you lack that courage, don't you, Captain?

Come closer.




Sergeant Small, it's your show now.

Please, try not to let me down.

Yes, sir.


I take guard duty very seriously.

Elvis, Elvis, come out and play.

Hey, baby, what do you say, me and you, Vegas?






Rebecca? Rebecca!

Ha ha, got you.

You butt smear.

What'd I tell you? Don't say butt smear.

It's not becoming. Say... asshole.

Or dickwad.

Trade you. What?

I'll sneak you some food for that danger ball you found.

I don't know. You know how to work it?

Mm-hm. If you don't... you're steak tartare.

All right.

First, go get me my food.

Happy birthday.

I knew you couldn't resist me.

Snip snip.

Don't come any closer.

You gotta stay there.

And watch.

Okay, you can come a little bit closer.

But you can't touch.


Lose the scissors.


Water and Power, hands in the air!

Over here, over here!

It's the troopers.

Confirmed, they've been siphoning water.

Well, keep going.

We're just gettin' to the good stuff.

Ooh, yeah.



Drop something? Huh?

Ha ha.

Aww, shit.

Rebecca, help! Rebecca!

Sam! Rebecca!



Come on!


We got her!

You've been stealing water.

Not smart. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We could have a lot of fun with this one.

Well, well.

Don't you know you shouldn't own animals?

There's a water shortage.

There's your water.


Hey, you.

Look at me when I'm talkin' to ya.

That cut looks painful.

I like pain.

And what else do you like?

Hot oil.

Vacuum attachments.



Hey, which of you gorgeous guys would like an oil change, hm?

Don't be stupid, she's gonna bite it off.

The moment I feel teeth, you feel lead.

Well, what are you waiting for?

I'm gonna need a microscope and tweezers.

It's like, uh...

You know, you're gonna have to stop this.

You're really gettin' me hot.



Ah, ah.

She's all yours, sir.

Just how many of my men did you kill?


Eight, sir.

Eight, eight, the burning eight.

Between Sunday and Monday hangs a day so dark, it will devastate.

Excuse me.


Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Look, you want to torture me, spank me, lick me? Do it.

But if this poetry shit continues, just shoot me now please?

What, and waste all that talent?

I'm offering you the chance of a lifetime.

The honor of working for me.

Not interested.

Not yet.

Put her to work.

Dig or die!

You people are pathetic!

Come on, get back to work!

These water pipes should have been dug yesterday!

Hey, just stand still.

Hey, this scum's got a knife.

Enjoying yourself?


Hey, what time is it?

I don't want to miss Bay Watch.

Hey, Jess, how's the jet, Jet?

I asked you a question!

There are stress cracks in the main engine turbine blades.

And the manifold pressure sensor's leaking like a sieve.

I'm doing a full teardown.

I'll have her back together by Wednesday.

You'll have her back together by morning.

I don't care if you have to work all night.

That is, of course, unless you want to make me change my mind.


I'll have it fixed by morning.

Failure to recycle body fluids is a violation.

Number four... Hoarding water rations is a violation.

Number five... syphoning body fluids from another prisoner is a violation.

Number six... Tampering with no smoking devices is a violation.

What is your problem?

I have gone out of my way to be nice to you!

If it wasn't for me, you would just be another whore around here.

Now, all I'm askin' for is just a little bit in return.

Quit pickin' on my girlfriend.



Uh, God, that is...


It worked.

What worked?

Mm, oh, my God.

End of shift.

All prisoners return to cells.

End of shift. All prisoners return to cells.


Heh, heh, heh.

I'm in love.



Systems check, stand by.

Check, check, check, check, check.

Please enter security signature.

My mom and your mom were hangin' out clothes.

Security signature invalid. Shit.

You have ten seconds before cyanide gas is injected into the chamber.

Go, go! Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

Oh, no.

You know the security code to this thing?

Yeah, yeah.

Good, then get me outta here.

Go, do it.

Get to cranking.

They're hijacking a tank.

Sir, if you want my opinion...

No, I don't.

Places to wreck, people to do.

This tank, it isn't... isn't, isn't... isn't... What?

Come on, just one little adjective, we'll have a whole sentence here.

The tank isn't... Glad.



Um... Lonely.

It isn't op... op... operational.

How do I know you're not lyin'?

Because, if I was lying, your lungs would be full of cyanide gas.

Cool, so we get a new tank.

Wait, wait.

Look, um, nobody gets out of here without a clearance.

We're all prisoners here.

And if... if they catch you...

Then they'll, don't tell me, they'll take away my TV privileges.

I'll live with it.

My, my.

She'll be fun to break.

How's your lover?


Yeah, I wouldn't get too attached.

She's not going to be around much longer.

Well, I bet you just can't wait to take this baby for a test run, huh?

That's too bad.

'Cause you just lost your flying privileges.

And, uh, the whole hangar is off limits too.

You happy?

Miss me?

What... what are you doing?

Oh, I was just thinking about leaving this place.

It's been swell, but the swelling's gone down.

What do you reckon? We go to New York, see Cats.

You... you don't understand.

The... the better you behave, the more they leave you alone.

And the more they leave you alone, the better off you are.

Well, that's a bore.

There's nuttin' to be scared of.

You just gotta think about it like the first time you got laid.

You just gotta go, "Daddy, are you sure this is right?"

Oh, you're sick.

How come you always do that?

How come you always cover your mouth when you smile?

You got bad teeth or somethin'?

Mm, I don't know. Come on.

What do you say we bolt?


You know, I'm really startin' to like it here.

People are nice, food's great, and I love my job.

I can see why you want to hang around.


It's really hard for me to play with myself in this thing.

That's a shame.

Look, you want to play, I'll play.

And I'll win.

No, not if it's Monopoly, 'cause I really kick ass at that game.

But, I get to be the shoe.

I'm going to ask you just one more time.

Do you want to work for Water and Power?

Oh, yeah, that sounds groovy.

I get to wear a cute little outfit like yours?

The pipe.

You're gonna really love this one.

Goes down 40 meters.

You'll get smaller and smaller the deeper you go.

Sounds wicked.

Can I go first?

I hope you're not claustrophobic.

Drop her.





Don't go.



Full metal.

They didn't even have a chance to squeeze off a round.

Another outpost lost to those Rippers.

At this rate, we'll lose all our water.

Rippers must have come up from some underground sub gate.

Well then, I know just the young lady to help us find it.

Absolutely, sir.


Hmm, well, I'm so glad you see things my way now.

You know what I see?



This big honkin' booger hangin' outta your left nostril.

If I was you, I'd use this finger to pick it out.


I win.


Lucky you.

And just wait till you see what you've won.

Excuse me. Ow!

Relax, it's only a locator.

This is your pulse.

Now I'll always be close to your heart.

Your job is to penetrate this sub gate we found, which could be the entrance to the Ripper's base.

Most of these are booby-trapped, so if we hear a loud bang...


If not, congratulations, you just found the Ripper's hideout.

Either way, I win.

Like a piece of cheese at the end of a fishing hook.

That's you.


Move. Uh!



Condor Control, Condor zero five, I'm detecting Ripper activity.


Oh, my God.

That's what you get for messin' with me.


Well, what do you know?

Am I close to your heart now, Kesslee?

What happened to the rest of you?




Don't shoot, don't shoot!

I thought the Rippers got you.

Hell, no.

Come on, let's go.

I ain't goin' back there.

Your gonna have to kill me first.

No, I'm not.

'Cause I'm not gonna go back there either.

We're free.

Oh, no.

We better go before they come back for us.

You take the tank.

Are you sure?

Go, go, all right.


Don't leave.

No! Rebecca, come on!

Rebecca, turn the engine off!

Kill the engine!

You're crazy!

Are you okay?

Sorry about the bonker on the head.

I think I need to go practice some more.

No! Yes. Take that!

No, no! Yes.


You didn't have to rough me up so bad, Becky.


Look, no hands.

You could do that for a living.

Look out!

You're face has been gutted, Mr. Kesslee, sir.

To be honest, your chances of seeing again are as likely as your arm growing back.

However, I can make you comfortable.


No pain killers.

Do I make myself clear, Doctor?

Yes, sir.


Now, what is the prognosis?

Not good, sir.

Not good.

Excuse me.

Sir, this is Mr. Che'tsai. What? What?

He... uh, Che'tsai.

He, uh, specializes in cybergenic reconstructive surgery.

Oh. Go ahead.

All the king's horses and all the king's men wish they had the technology I have.

If you want my services... the fee will be 100,000 liters.

Doctor, come here.

You see the glass half empty.

I prefer to see it half full.

Don't you agree, Sergeant? I don't understand.


We can't be in here. We're trespassing.

What if somebody catches us?

Jet, there she blow, matey.

Do- do-do, do-do-do.

Put it down, it's not funny.

What is it?

Raise your hands to the sky gods.

The rains are coming.

But it hasn't rained since the comet.

I need metal to complete my ark.

I'll be taking your tank.

No, see, you won't be taking the tank.

The Rippers are waiting.

I must save them from the floods.

Tell me the security code.


Ha ha. Oh!

All right, listen, rain lady, where'd you get this?

I made it.

Liar. She's lying.

How do you know?

Well, it's a little something I designed.

It's a spectrum analyzer which recognizes voice pattern stress modulations.

It detects lies.

But I only speak the truth.


All right, all right, I, uh, I caught it in my fish pond on a stick.


All right, all right, all right, all right.

They were selling a girl's stuff after they had taken her prisoner.

I bought it.

It was sad, really.

What'd they do with the girl?

First, tell me what Water and Power want with her.

We're not Water and Power. We're escaped prisoners.

Oh, in that case.

Oh, it was terrible.

They put her to work in town at Liquid Silver.

Come on, Jet, we gotta go get her.

To the bat tank.

Wait, wait, we can't go into town with those Water and Power vehicles.

Oh, oh, oh, you can fix them up here in my garage.

Ha ha.

Da- da-da-da-da...




Hey, Jet.

Nice work.

They took the bait, sir, and they're on their way to Liquid Silver for the girl.

Make sure I get the girl first, Sergeant.

Yes, sir.

I'm outta here.

What you got there, little boy?

No, I don't need none of that today, thank you.

Nice hats.

Rebecca, do you know what kind of place this is?

Yeah, come on, let's split up and find Sam.

Hi, how many would you like?

I got a guy here who wants the school girl thing.

For real.

Introduce him to Sam.

She's just a girl.

Not for long.

Dancers, welcome to Liquid Silver.

I could get you out.

First, we are going to create your look.

Girls, please step up to the glamour port in front of you.

Your dressing room is equipped with the latest Liquid Silver fashions.

We will start by shaving all inappropriate hair.

If your ears are not pierced, you'll find an ear puncher before you.

The crop top.

The anklets and the mules.

The spiraling arm cuff.

And now, the wrap skirt.

You have now finished creating your look.

If you have followed instructions properly, you should appear as so.

Lock up your sons.

Now, you stop this childish behavior this instant.

Do you want me to tell your mother how naughty you've been?

Do you?

Don't take my silver, it's all the money I've got.

Silver, I'll have that.


The clapper.

That's what you get for being a perv.

Hey, you're gonna get fired if you keep treatin' the guests like that.


There she is!

Uh-oh. And the little girl!

Sam, come on. Get them!

Hey! Guards!


Kill her.

Kill them both.

Not a good idea.

Now, everybody drop your guns, or I scrape off all her makeup.

This might take me a really long time.

Ha ha.

Sam, is this the lady that put you in a room with that scumbag?


A ten-year-old girl.

She has to learn sometime.

Look, you got two choices...

Either I improve that lovely hairdo...

Ooh! or you sing for us.



All right, what do you want me to sing?

"Let's do it. "

Cole Porter, 1928.


I hate that song.

I'll cut it off.


I can't hear you.


Come on, you too!

What the hell is that?

Sounds like Cole Porter to me, sir.

End it!

Yes, sir.

Move, come on, let's go, let's go now!


Jet, Jet, Jet, where's Sam?

Sam! Sam!



Let go!



Sam! You let her go!

Sam! Sam, Sam!



Don't worry, your friends'll be along shortly to save you, my little princess.

The Rippers? Are you kidding?

You don't know what they're like.

Are you out of your mind?

Listen to me, you haven't seen these things.

They're not human. They're demons from hell.

I'm telling you.

Look, if we're gonna rescue Sam, we're gonna need an army.

They're an army.

Yeah, but...

Rebecca, we've been combing the desert all night.

We'll never find the Ripper's sub gate.

Look, rain lady said the Ripper's sub gate was around here somewhere.

Near two rocks.

I can't believe we're doing this.

Rebecca? Rebecca?

Rebecca, where are you?

What's going on? Rebecca?




Jet, what took you so long?




See hell, go to hell.


Oh, my God, it's the elephant man.

Hey, Quasimodo guy, we're hungry in here!

How 'bout some food.

Ah! Now, you've done it.

[coughing We're dead.

So, like... what are your names?

Give me the gas. And like, what are you doing here?

Is it true what they say about guys with big shoes?

Ooh. Yeah.

He asked you a question. Answer it!

Hey, I have two words for you.

Brush your teeth!

They're spies.

They got Water and Power logos all over 'em.

Yeah, I was thinkin' that, right?

But then, I was also thinkin' that if they are Water and Power, No, no, no, don't you. why would they come here advertising it?

Check it out.


Give me that.

I wonder where else they got 'em.

I don't think those are tattoos.

I mean, like, who would want some alphabet soup?

I'd rather have a dragon or some... somethin' more Aquarian related, you dig?

They're prisoner stamps.

Mine. Prisoner, my ass.

That's exactly what they want us to think.

Or better yet, that isn't what they want us to think.

That way, we'll think what they think we might think.

But actually...

Booga. Huh?

Try not to speak.

How much did they pay you to spy on us?


Shut up!

You should go easy on the truth serum.

It might send 'em off.


On second thought, that could be to our advantage.

That's good, I'm tired of asking them questions anyway.

I say we kill 'em. I say we hump 'em.

I say we get crumpets and tea.

Tasty. Crumpets and tea.

All in favor of crumpets and tea, say "aye. "


Shut up! Ain't gonna be no crumpets and tea.

We're gonna take 'em outside right now and waste 'em.

I think they're nice. I... I say we let 'em go.

Let 'em go? They're spies! I'm gonna kill 'em myself.

Wait. Whoa!

Now, I don't remember anybody puttin' you in charge, T-Saint.

Yeah, he's right.

We're a committee now. We'll vote on it.

Dig, all in favor of killin' 'em, raise your tail.

And all those in favor of not killin' 'em...

Gentlemen, it's a tie. Coin toss time.

This is pathetic.

Hey, no cheating.

Ready, one, two...

I've got you.

Hi. Hi.

Do you suppose me and Jet could go to the bathroom?

Uh, it's totally negatory.

Hi. Hi.

You know, me and Jet can make it worth your while.

Put a little smile on that kangaroo face.

You got baseball cards?

Oh, but... no.

But, um, I... I know where I could get you some.

She does.

It's totally negatory.

No, wait, wait, wait, uh, uh... come on.

Now, you don't want to be like those other manimals in there.

We're not manimals.

What are you?

The army wanted to build the ultimate soldier, so they messed with, uh, kangaroo NDA and...

You mean DNA.


And they created us.

And then the war ended and they told Johnny to poison us.

Johnny Prophet?



Because he was the one that made us.

But then he didn't do it because he decided that he liked us too much.

I have this great idea.

You, me, and Jet go for a visit with Johnny Prophet.

Well, when he get's back, yeah.

Uh, well, maybe.

Where did he go?

To, uh, uh, New Zealand for a little while to, uh, help some scientist guy who's makin' sea water so you could drink it.

Does she need to know that?

Did they need to know that?

Uh, I was just... Get your ass outta here!


Go ahead WP-2.

Hey, you guys, hey!

We have a shipment coming tonight from Red Sands, over.

Water and Power's gettin' some kind of shipment in.

What kind of shipment?

I don't know, all I know it's coming in from Red Sands.

When? Tonight.

What if it's a arms shipment?

It's a trap.

What if they want us to think it's a trap, but it's really not?

That way, when we get there, it could still be one.

Or better yet, what if...

Booga! Huh?

Why don't you make yourself useful and go and choke on something.

Oh, that's cold, man.

Okay, we're gonna give you chicks a chance to prove yourself.

Call it an initiation.

You fail, you die.

Yeah, but first you gotta strip.

That's not in the plan.

Why not?

Ha ha ha.

Hold on, cats.

All right.

All you have to do is confirm the shipment.


You're gonna use this.

But you have to be really careful with it.

Let me see. Because I designed it with a...

I, uh... I especially built it with a visual send processor.

It's a little invention that I invented myself, I might add.


Oh, and these are so you can hear us.

This one's for you.

And this one I made especially for you.

Hmm. Let me help you put it on because it's kind of tricky to... Oh, I'm sorry, how clumsy of me.

Ohh. What?

Get off. It was hard to clip on.


Okay, so, we can hear you.

But how are you gonna hear us?

Just speak facin' West.

We'll hear you all right.

The code will be, "On the road. " Yeah.

He's Jack Kerouac incarnated.

Uh, we... we're all reincarnated.

That means you're not really dead or you just think you're dead...

Who'd you used to be?

A cop.


I used to be Ted Smith, assistant manager at Chief Auto Parts in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Oh, fascinating. Oh, thank you.

I was a dog, but because I was really good, they, uh, moved me up to human being status.

Uh, sort of.



North, wait... South, West.

Mr. Kerouac, I'm sending you an image.

Oh, he... here it comes.

This is the south side of the warehouse.

Hey, hey, hey. That's gotta be it.

Let's move! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

All I see is a couple of workers unloading some crates.

For all you know, that could be toilet paper.

I don't see no Water and Power vehicles out there.

Tell you the truth, I don't see jack shit.

We need more proof.

Yeah, I'll give you more proof.

I've got your proof.

Whoops, there it is. Oh, my.


Damn it.

We gotta get in closer if we're gonna take pictures of those weapons.

What are you doing?

Those guys'll mangle you.

Jet, they're men.

Move it or lose it.

Whoop! Ooh!

Becca. Mm, mm, mm, mm.

What's this for?

Work with me, girl.

What do you mean, work with you?

What are you doing?

Uh, fabulous.

I have died and gone to hard body heaven.

Shaniqua, don't dally.

You are giving me realness.

Delfrieda, darling, be a good little girl and let's get set up.

Over there by the crates.

Take off your shirt.

What are you doing here? This is a restricted area.

I know you're not talking to me like this.

Obviously, you didn't get the memo. What memo?

Darling, we are doing a men of Water and Power calendar.

Oh. And I think you would be the perfect supermodel cover.


You mean, we get to be calendar guys?

Can I be December?

Baby, you can be any month you want.


LeJeanne, have we left ourselves in our purse?

Shoot the men near the crates. Uh!

It's more... manly.


Come on, get up, get up, come on.

All right, here we go, okay. Oh, my goodness.

You are so beautiful, you're making me sick.

Smile for me.



What's this?

I don't know.

Let me see you... open your shirt.

Quick, quick, all right, now smile, let me see those teeth.

Come on, okay, yes, yes, yes, I like that.

Those are definitely weapons in those crates.

We better move.

No way, the whole thing is so convenient, man.

If they wanna be down with us, tell 'em to hijack the shipment themself.

If they pull it off, then we'll think about it.

Fine, I'll have the goods to you in an hour.



The glamour has left the building.

There's no magic, there's no sparkle, there's no je ne sais quoi.

Come, Jetina.

Hold your chest, come on, brilliant, that's great.

Jetina, come.

Oh, God, that's great!

Yes, you're so brilliant, you're a supermodel...

The super has left the model, girl.

Come on.

So, when's the calendar comin' out?

Mmm, let's go!

Turbo boosters.


What the hell?

Suck on this, dirtbag!

And keep your ass out of the fast lane!


Jet, what are you wearin' tonight?

Jetness, remember me?

Hijacking shipment, me, you.

Jet, hello.

Shit, I've got a malfunction.

Well fix it fast and get your narrow little butt over here.

I wouldn't want you to miss all this fun.

Do you mind? I'm tryin' to have a little lunch.

Oh, now you're workin' my tits.

You guys can't shoot worth a shit.

Uh! Ha, hey oh, ha, ha, ha!

Damn, where is she?

Road kill.

I'm too young for this shit.

Hey, I guess we got rid of her, huh?


Uh, uh! Hi.

Ha, ha. Feeling a little inadequate?

I'm out of here. Go!

Hey, girl, glad you could join me.

I'm in the semi and I got the goods.

Rebecca, can you hear me?

There's a big cliff coming up on you.

Now, hit the breaks.

Hit the brakes!

Oh, brakes aren't working girl, plan B.

Get out of there quick. Jump!

Aw, shit!



Grab on.

I came as fast as I could.

I know you probably didn't need help.

But I got here as fast as I could.

I had it all under control, Booga.

That squash is really good.

A toast to our newest members.

May their energies enhance the spirit of our circle.

Yeah. Here, here.

Ahhh, great. Now, let's check out the weapons.

After the ceremony, the weapons'll be disposed of.

Why? After all that?

Uh, we don't use guns.


You don't use guns?

No, Prophet taught us to fight without the corruption of guns.

Yeah. Let us all hold hands.

Oh, great.


I'd like to recite a poem that I've written.

Oh, cool.

Laugh, you butterfly that dances in the mud.

Laugh, you piece of dental floss.

You burn me toast. Yeah.

Laugh, you pig that flies in the sky with rainbow Twinkie fluid and three liters of high-octane petrol.

Oh, yeah.

Whew. Yeah, heh, heh.

Bravo. Yes, sir.

Hit it again.

Thank you.

Now, let's pray.

Uh! Uh!

Come on, Jet.

Here we go...

What are you doing?

We're praying to the spirit of freedom.

Prophet taught us religion.


Damn right.

Come on. Oh, no, I can't, I'm not good at...

It's okay, I have condoms.

Yay, Jet!

Booga, where'd you learn to dance?

Oh, wow.

It's one of Johnny Prophet's dreams.

See how the people are all free and the water just comes down from the sky and it don't cost nothin'.

With flowers and rainbows.

It's beautiful.

This is just like Christmas, isn't it?

Mm-hm. I love opening things.

Especially when you don't know what's inside.

I remember the first Christmas I got to open something.

Mm-hm. It was a book.

I didn't know what the title was 'cause the cover was ripped off.

But it had these really cool pictures...

Booga! Okay, okay, I'm done.

Let's get this one.

Two, three.

It's dirt. This is bullshit.

We've been had.

Good job.

Come on, help me open this one over here.

One, two, three.

Jesus Christ.

Johnny Prophet.

Motherfucker Kesslee killed Prophet!

Okay guys, here's the plan.

Water and Power has mines all the way from here to here.

No, there's no way through 'em.

How 'bout we go over 'em?

Yeah, that's great.

How you plan on sneakin' over the top?

Fly? Yep.

We've got the stolen flyer.

All we have to do is paint it back the way it was and pow.

What happens when they ask for a security code?

Then what, huh? Yeah, then what?

Well, uh, maybe we could, uh, wait till another flyer does a routine scout.

We capture his ID code and we're in.

Brilliant. Okay, I will meet you there.

Wait, what do you mean meet us there?

I'm not goin' in without my tank.

Gentlemen. Let's go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

We're listenin' to her now?

I thought we were committee. We gotta vote.


Everybody for that pathetic plan, raise your paw.

Majority, let's go.

All right, let's hit it.


Condor zero four, respond when airborne.

Okay, okay, I got us an ID code.

Cool. You are just too cool.

All right, now, try to sound relaxed.

And whatever you do, only repeat what I tell you.

Got it? Yeah.


Condor Control, this is Condor zero four, over.

What did she say? Okay.

Condor Control, Condo, um, I mean, um, Condor four, come in, over.

Condor four, we just sent you out.

You must have a stabilizer in your left modifier.

Okay. Come on, go ahead.

Must be a, um, stabilizer in the left, in the modifier.

Condor four, why aren't you using your assigned frequency?

Must be a short haircut. What?

No! Ow.

Uhhh. Short circuit.


Whoa! Aah!

Get 'em!

Just repeat what she tells you.

You're blowing it!

Say again, zero four.

You're blowing it, Donner, just listen to me okay?

No! We're dead.

We're dead.

Condor zero four, you said you're dead?

All right, that's it.

Turn this boat around or you're gonna get us all killed.

Now! Do it now!

No! We're going in!

You are gonna listen to me.

For once, you're gonna shut your deformed face and you're gonna let me do my stuff!

Have you got that?

All right.

Home plate, this is Condor four.

We have pirate interference.

Obviously, a Ripper ploy to confuse you.

Now, here's the situation...

This bird has got no electrical and in about two minutes, we're gonna be kissing gravel.

So, listen to me, you spam sucker.

Either you get off your butt and clear us for landing, or I'm going to fly this rocket right up your socket!

Uh, roger, zero four, you're cleared for hangar A.

Cool. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

'Bout time.



Start the water.

Shoving a small, innocent child down the pipe and then slowly letting her drown.

Is that wrong?

Move out!

Looks all clear.

Let's go, daddy-o.

Did you hear that? What? I don't hear anything.

Shh! Must be 150 of them.

Hundred and sixty-three. We're toast.

Actually, 164.



Are you okay?


Okay, come on, come on.

Go on.

Go, go, go, go.


You see that light down there?

Light is not our bag.

Yeah, we're much better in the dark like Count Chocula.

Dracula, fool.

Count Chocula is the guy on the laundry detergent box.


If I asked you something... No, he is... he's right.

Shut up.

Thank you.

Could we just figure out what we're gonna do, please?

Well, there are power boxes down at the end of this aisle.

If only we could get to them.

Later, cats.


Sir, we've got action.

Let's get this over with quickly, Sergeant.

There he is!


Hang on a second, we've lost power.

What the hell happened to the lights?

Guard! Watch our back.

Oh, no, Deet? Deetee, come on, man.


Hold on, man, hold on.


Oh, my God.


I'll see you cats at that big jam in the sky.

Oh, no, no.



Rebecca, help.

Hang on, I hear you!

Can't breathe.

Please, help me.

I can't breathe.

Please help me.

Heh, heh, heh, heh.

If you're looking for Sam, she's in the pipe!

What, again? Piece of shit.

Now, there's something about you that's different.

I think it...

I'll tell you what's different. I've lost my patience.

And you've lost the fight.

Oh, I played you.

I played you like an old fiddle.

Well, uh, maybe we could, uh, wait till another flyer does a routine scout.

We capture his ID code and we're in.



She's been workin' for you this whole time.

No, you were.

You're a walking, talking, living microphone.

I had them planted all over your body.

Thank you for serving up the Rippers.


They'll make great shoe leather for my soldiers.


Need a hand?

Come on, get up.

What happened? Oh, I'm so pretty.

I'm gonna hit you so hard you're children will be born bruised.

Get up!

P- p-p-p-p-pow.


Marvelous, isn't it?

State of the art holographic technology.


You know what it means?

It means I can hurt you, but you can't hurt me.

I won and you know it.

Come on. Say it, say it.

Just say I won.

I won. No! No!

Say I won!

I won.

Hmm, say it.

And the little girl lives.

I'd rather her die than live as your slave.


What took you so long?

Well, well, well.

I win.

What's the matter with you?

Finish him!

Aw, shit. Don't tell me you're out of ammo.

Don't move a muscle.

I hate wastin' good beer for nothin'.


Get her!

Screw this, man.




Higher, higher!

Come on!

One for the road.


I'm melting, I'm melting.

Is that the best you can do?

Try this close to your heart, asshole!

Did I hurt you yet?

It's not over... over.

It's not over... It's not... It's not... It's not... It's not...


Hang on, I hear you!

Help, help.

Hold on. Rebecca.

Fuck me.

How many times do I have to tell you?

I don't want to.

It's over.

Don't move!


See ya in the next world.


General, uh, we have taken out the airfields and now have control of the bridge.

Awaiting your next command, sir.

I, uh, I took the bullets out of their guns.

Real smart, huh?

Booga, that was very smart.




What do you say we blow this joint?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


Rebecca, hit the brakes!

Waterfall ahead!

Shut up, you'll ruin the surprise.