Taxi S1E21 Script

Hollywood Calling (1979)

Hey, you know, if we don't get out of here soon, we're gonna miss the first race.

Don't worry about it.

Hey, you hear anything from John yet?

What am I, an information booth?

I was just asking.

I mean, He should have been in by now.

He should have been in?

I should have been rich.

You should have had a better nose.

Life is cruel.

Hey, get away from that cage, Bobby.

We're not insured if he breaks out.

Okay, let's see, in the fifth.

( Phone rings )

Hey, if that's the gallery, tell them I'm on my way.

Oh, you guys are going to the track, huh?

Yes, we are.

Alex picked some big winners here.

Man, we're gonna clean up.


Ah, give me the aspirin!

That crumb!

He's worse than crabs.

That miserable little loaf.

Who? Who's he talking about?

John. You can go to the track without him.

That crumb had a wreck.


How'd it happen?

Was it serious? Is he hurt?

He's fine till I get my hands on him and my feet.

Hey, Louie! The guy's had an accident.

Don't walk all over him.

He's probably in a lot of trouble right now himself.

He was driving 804.



Louie, are you sure?

I checked him out myself.

Where's the aspirin?


Man, that's impossible.

I just drove her yesterday.

I swear, I'm going to kill him.

Louie, I know you're upset.

We all are.

But you can't blame John.

Hey, we can't blame John, can we?

He never should have wrecked that cab.

Man, 804... another month, she would have set a record.

No cab ever went a half a million miles before.

ALEX: Hey, Louie, what's the damage?

Won't know till we see her.

But once you get a tow hook in your fender, you're on short time.

With that donkey, figure the worst.

I can't believe it.

There'll never be another one like her.

You guys go on.

I'm going to stay here and see what happens Hey, I couldn't leave now.

I mean, we can go to the races anytime.

Hey, I ain't ashamed to say it.

I loved that cab.

We all loved it, Tony.

There'll never be another cab 804.

What a cab.

You put her into low, and you know what she'd do?

She'd go into low.

It's like she knew you trusted her.


All the cabs we got here, why did he have to wreck 804?

You know what's ironic?

I first met John in cab 804.

I was cruising around Grand Central about 11:00.

MAN: Taxi!

( Whistles )

Over here, taxi.


It's okay.

I can manage.

That's good.

Would you like the address?


( louder: ) Would you like the address?

Sure. Why not?

222 East 64th street.


( louder:) 222 East 64th street.

Hey, what's this thing?

Safety shield.

What do you need it for?

To protect me from muggers.


( tires squealing )

I should have known then.

Gee, that cab was like a good luck charm to me.

I was in 804 the night I got held up.

That was lucky?

I lived.

That was when all those robberies were going on, you know?

Remember when I started carrying that big gun around for protection?

( Whistling )

Oh, uh... sorry.

I forgot to lock that door.

You're going to have to sit in the back.

Or the front.


I just want your fare money, son. No games.

Uh, I can't.

See, it's locked in a strongbox, and we don't have the keys.

Hey, don't play with me, man.

It's in the cigar box under the seat.

You've done this before.

The money.

Okay, drop it!


You heard me. I said drop it.

Drop it?

Yeah, drop it.

Come on, drop it. I said drop it.

Now drop it.

No, man.

You drop yours.

I drew first.

My gun's bigger.

You should drop yours.

Man, just give me the money so I can go.

You give me your money.

See, man, you don't understand.

I do this for a living.

You don't understand.

You're not getting a dime from this cab.

Nobody really expects for you to defend yourself against this.

You know? I mean, what you got, a lousy 50, 60 bucks?

It's just a Tuesday night take, man.

Use your head.

You're not getting the money.

And I ain't leaving here without it.

Yeah? Well, it's your life, mister

'cause nobody holds me up.

Uh, what is it?

You get embarrassed if you got robbed?

Man, nowadays, everybody gets robbed.

I don't mean nothing personal.

I don't mean this as a putdown or nothing, man, but... why you giving me such a hard time?

I mean, you can see my point, can't you?

Now I really believe that we could...

We can break through the racial barriers and come to a genuine understanding here, man.

You're not getting the money.

You pasty-faced, vanilla, lily-white towhead.

( Cat meows )

What time is it, man?

I'm not telling you.

There's probably a clock around here somewhere.

Wh-what's so funny?

You got a ticket.

While we were sitting here we fogged up the windows so much a cop came by, gave us a ticket and didn't even spot us.

Now, that's funny.

What a sensational night.

Why don't you give me the money?

You're not getting the money.


Come on, man.

Tell me what time it is.

I bet it's 1:00.

Shank of the evening.

You don't even know what you doing.

Look at your hand.

It's all throbbing from holding that big gun.

You can't make it, man.

You at the end of the line.

Hey, you're just as tired as I am.

Huh, I sure am.

Okay, I got an idea.

Let's give each other a break and switch guns to the other hand.



Okay. Now, we switch on the count of three.

Yeah, but no funny stuff, man. I'll count.

I'll come in if you get stuck.


One... two... three!

Hey, man.

Hey, you did that on purpose.

You got my gun and I got yours.

Let's switch.


Why not?

Mine wasn't loaded.

Well, m-mine isn't either.

Oh, yes, it is, man.

I saw the cartridges.

Now come on, man, it's all over with now.

Come on, just give me the money.

Come on.

Hey, man, what the...?

They're stuck.

Hey, man, you're nuts.

Aw, that's it, man.

Man, I... you ain't no fun to stick up, man.

That's it.

I'm getting out of here.

Hey, not so fast.

You owe me 38 bucks.

For what?

The meter was running.

No, no, no... You make it 48.

I forgot about the ticket.

Now, stop.

Now, I mean it.

'Cause I-I'll hit you.

Come on, come on.

Seven... eight.

All right.

I hope you're satisfied now.

Hey, now I don't have enough for cab fare home.

What's your address?

447 West 23rd street.

You take me there?

No, I just want to tell the cops where you live.

Good night.

That's incredible, Bobby, the way you stood up to him.

Did he get arrested?

Oh, yeah.

I got a little commendation for it and a little piece in the paper... nothing to write home about.


"Heroic Cabby Cracks Down On Crime."

Third page, 14 paragraphs, small photo.

I'd almost forgotten about it.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, I saved a guy's life once in 804.

No kidding?

Saved a guy's life?

How'd you do that?

You didn't save anybody's life.

Sure, I did.

You did not.

It was no big thing.

I mean, the guy whose life I saved he wasn't so hot.

Hey, you're not kidding are you?

Well, what happened?

See, well...

I picked this guy up by the train station around Queen's Plaza and Northern Boulevard.

MAN: Taxi!


Where to?

I don't know yet.

Just drive, okay?


TONY: So, I'm tooling around Queens for about 20 minutes and the next thing I know, I'm on the 59th Street Bridge.

Excuse me, would you stop here, please?

What are you, crazy?

This is a bridge.

I know. I'm going to jump off and kill myself.

Hey, don't do that!


( Horn honking )

MAN: Thanks.

TONY: It's okay.

That's all there was to it?


He has the nerve to compare that story with mine.

At least I didn't take an hour to tell it.

Oh, it's a lousy story. It is not.

Hey, you guys, will you knock it off.

It's not important.

It doesn't matter whose story is better.

What matters is, they both happened in 804.

I got a great story.

ALEX: Oh, come on Louie, not now will ya?

I had a guy in this cab once when I was hacking...

A real shrewdie, you know what I mean?

I mean, this guy was one tough cookie.

Get over!

( Tires screech )

Get over, you bum you!

Piece of dirt.

MAN: Taxi!

MAN: All right, get in.

Driver, I want you to take him to the Walden School, this address.

Now, here's your luggage, and don't lose it.

And don't sell it.

Yeah, yeah.

Here you go.

$20 ought to cover it.

All right, now, remember: this $600 is for food, books, and necessities.

It's not for gambling.

It's not for pornography.

It's not to purchase weapons.

Yeah, yeah.

You a father?

I don't think so.

Don't be.

All right, we'll see you for Thanksgiving.

And I'll tell your mother you're sorry you made her cry.

BOY: Yeah, yeah.

( Groans )

This is De Palma in 804.

Taking a fare to the Walden School...

Central Park West.

DISPATCHER: Bully for you, De Palma.

Two fares in five hours.

A good day.

Yeah, yeah.

Who's he?

My dispatcher.

All dispatchers are scum.

Remember that.

Hey, I'll give you another 20 if you let me drive.

What, do you think I'm crazy?

You'd kill somebody.

I'd lose my license.



Fork it over.

Get in there.

I don't need this pillow.

You sure you know how to do this?

You don't steal cars without knowing how to drive them.

Keep it over.

Who's driving, you or me?

Nice jacket you're wearing.

It ought to be.

It's tailor-made.

150 bucks.


My whole outfit cost me 75.

That includes 65 for the transistor radio.

What's it like being rich?

What's it like being poor?

Don't be a wise guy.

I asked you a real question, trying to make polite conversation.

What's your mother look like?

Like that.

Ooh... very nice.

You don't mind if I say your mother's a very attractive woman?

Very nice bagonzas, if you know what I mean.

What are bagonzas?

How old are you?


Bagonzas are feet.

Red light.

Do you really have $600 in here?


Hey, you want to make a bet?

What sort of bet?


I don't know.

All right.

I bet you I can say all 50 states in less than a minute.

All 50 states in less than a minute?


How much?

A hundred.

I can't bet a hundred bucks with a kid.

A rich kid?

Good point.

You're on.

Let me see your hundred first.

All right.

I'll bet you you can't say all 50 states in less than a minute.

And I'll time you.

I'll tell you when to go.

All right... go.

All 50 states.

I can't believe you fell for that old trick.

Man, what a stiff.

I can't believe it either.

Hey, you want a chance to get even?

I don't know.

What's the bet?

All right.

I'll bet you another hundred that I can tell you the score between tonight's game between the Knicks and the Celtics before it starts.

Hmm... You're going to bet me that you can tell me the actual score of the game that's going to be played tonight between the New York Knickerbockers and the Boston Celtics?

You can tell me that score before it starts?


You're on.


Boy, I wish this was a longer trip.

But, unfortunately, we're here.

Hey, you want another chance to get even?

No, thanks.

No more tricks.

No, no, this isn't a trick.

It's a simple contest between two men.

We'll see who can hold their breath the longest.

No tricks, huh?

Strictly on the level.

You sure?

I'm sure.

For how much?

The whole 800.

Do you smoke?

Camels, unfiltered.

You're on.

Four, five, six, seven, eight.

All right.

I'll say "One, two, three" and then we'll start.

All right?

One... two... three... Go.

Hey, you okay?!

You breathed!

Hey, come on, don't cry.

That money was supposed to last me all year.

Now I don't know what I'm going to do.

Aw, come, come here... aw, there, there, aw... easy... easy.

You're not such a bad little tyke after all.

Losing this money really puts you in a spot, doesn't it?

It sure does.

Okay, okay. There, there, there.

All right, all right.

I'll tell you what.

Have you learned your lesson?

You bet I have.

Well, then... here.

Here's $20.

You take $600 from a child?

You call that a great story?

He was a monster.

And I don't care if it was an old lady's life savings.

600 bucks is a great story.

Hey, maybe we're all getting upset for nothing.

I mean, we don't know for sure that 804 is totaled.

Maybe it was just a fender bender.

Hi, everybody.

I'm fine.

Hey, everything's all right.

I'm fine.

Next week, more memories of Cab 804.

Stop the cab! What for?

We've skipped phase two. We're too late.

We're too late?

Oh, my gosh, she's having the baby.

She's still contracting.

This is it, this is the baby.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, listen...

This is cab 804.

I'm going to be a little late.

I have an out-of-town fare.

LOUIE: Good. How late will you be?

Don't wait up.

804'S about to go under the wrench.

I can fix it.

So, would you spend the night with me tonight?

What about her?

You'll have to take over.



I quit.

( Theme music playing )

WOMAN: Night, Mr. Walters.

( Grunts )