Taxi S4E24 Script

The Road Not Taken: Part 2 (1982)

(theme song playing)

So, whatever happened to Heather?

Interesting you should bring that up.

I ran into her not long ago.

I almost walked right by her.

I wouldn't have recognized her in a million years, except for one little thing that never changes.

What's that?

My name.

She yelled, "Hey, Jim!"

Jim, Jim, Jim.


You-you were in college? Uh-huh.

You had the education. You had the wealth.

You had the opportunities, and you threw that all away.

Now, you have nothing.

I have peace of mind.

Yeah, a very small piece.

Maybe one sixteenth.

Hey, uh, Elaine, have these stories helped you any?

Uh, yeah, a little bit.

Yeah, but you know what's really gonna help is that my kids are coming here after school.

I mean, they're an important part of this decision, and I've got to hear what they think.

Yeah. JIM: Good idea, Elaine.

We gain from experience, but we lose the wisdom that comes from childlike simplicity.

Right, Latka?

Why-why are you asking me?

There are three other people here.

I thought I'd ask the wisest.

Oh... oh. (snorting)

All right, wise guy. That does it. You say good-bye to your...

Whoa, whoa, whoa! No, no, no, no, Latka!

Come on. No. Latka, come on.

Don't you have some kind of turning point story?

I bet you do. Come on, I bet you can tell me a good one.

It'll really help me a lot.

Yes, I do, as a matter of fact, and it will tear your heart out.

(wind whistling)

(speaking native language)


Eh, dong ding, dong ding.

Dong ding.

Dong ding.

Dong ding?

(speaking in native language)

Ding dong.

Oh! Ding dong.

Ding dong, ding dong.

Dong ding.



(speaking native language)

Latka, Latka...










Oh, Mama... Mama.

Bye-bye, Mama.

(Latka and Jim sobbing)

I-I-I miss Mama so much.

Latka, I'm sorry I called you simple and childlike.

Oh, it's okay, sponge brain.

LOUIE: Halt!

What do you kids want?

We're looking for Mommy.

Oh, Mommy, how cute. Give me a buck.

(Elaine laughs)

Come on, you guys, don't look.

You remember Alex and Tony, don't you?

Oh, hi, Alex. Hi, guys. Jennifer. Hey, Tony.

Sit down.

So, what's the big emergency?

Oh, well, it's not an emergency exactly.

It's that, um... well, I've been offered a new job, and the man wants to know about it right away, so I thought I'd ask you guys and what you thought before I told him anything.

Take it. Yeah, take it.

Well, wait a minute.

We've got some things to consider here.

Like what? Leaving all this behind?

Yeah, all this?

Jennifer, don't you have a mind of your own?

No, she doesn't. No, I don't.

Jennifer, stop that.

She's just being cute.

(Alex chuckles)

Okay, all right, we're going to move to Seattle.

Wait a minute. What's this about Seattle?

Oh, well-well, that's where the job is.

Oh, it's on, it's on the Pacific Ocean, and there's plenty of fresh air and sunshine and wide open spaces, and you kids will have a lot of nice kids to play with.

How's the money?

The money's good.

How's the TV reception?

Good, I suppose.

Take it. Yeah, take it.

Are you sure?

Mommy, we love you and trust you and know you'll make the right decisions.

Oh... Yeah!

Guess whose birthday is coming up?

Mommy, can we go now? The carpool is waiting.

Sure. Yeah, you know how snarky those people get.

Come here, give me a hug.

A big hug.

All right.

Mm! Okay... bye.

Guess we'd better go. I know.

Bye-bye. I'll see you later. Bye!

Bye. JASON: See you, Alex.

Bye, Tony.



The kids are leaving it up to me.


So, it's my decision. (sighs)

Well, I guess that moving to Seattle would be best for them.

What about you?

Well, I don't want to go, but no, no, it wouldn't be horrible for me either.

I mean, it's really a very good opportunity.

And if I don't take it, ugh, I could spend the rest of my life here like, uh...

Like... Like me?

Well, no offense, Alex, but I'm a little bit more ambitious than you are.

Oh, it's no big deal.

My shorts are more ambitious than I am.

It wasn't always like that, Elaine, you know.

(chuckles) Sure, Alex.

No, it wasn't.

Let me just tell you a little story about, uh, ambition and Alex Reiger.

(horns honking)

Mr. Ambrose will see you now.

Oh, God.

Uh, Alex? Huh?

Why don't you relax?

I'm sure you got the promotion.

Boy, that'd be something, huh?

Me, regional manager.


Hi, Mr. Ambrose. Nice to see you again.

Hey, y-y-you want a drink?

Uh, thank you, Mr. Ambrose.

Yes, I would. I see.

Excuse me, was that because I accepted a drink?

Yeah, as a matter of fact, it was.

Don't, don't let it bother you.

Here, sit down. Thank you.

Uh, it says here you're a pretty industrious guy.

It says you're taking six credits at night school, your efficiency reports are all top-notch, you support a wife and child.

It says you even drive a cab on the weekends.

Yeah, and if this doesn't work out, I'll be driving a cab full time. (chuckles)

(sighs) Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Yeah, right.

Well, all right, tell me something about yourself, Alex.

Just be informal.

Well, I think I'd be a great regional manager.

No, no, no, I want to know something about you.

Oh, oh, you mean, you want to know something personal about me? Exactly. Oh.

Okay, uh, well, something personal is, uh... well, I guess you might say that I'm kind of a private type of person and, uh, with all due respect, Mr. Ambrose, I don't see what this has to do with the job.

Uh, in case you haven't noticed, Mr. Reiger, I intend to bust your butt a little in this interview, you know, like they did in the service.

Oh, I see you don't know.

I know because I was there.

Mr. Ambrose, I begged to go.

I had a medical problem. I was eight years old.

Sense of humor.

It's a plus, Mr. Reiger; I'm crediting you with that.

You can stop now.

Oh, well, thank goodness.

My next words were gonna be "knock, knock".

Not another quip, I swear it.

Right, there's something I have to bring up here.

I have a report here that says you punched somebody else's timecard.

What? There's a report on that?

Yes, there is.

Holy cow, I mean, I-I didn't think it was a big deal.

I mean, uh, Mrs. Callan had to leave five minutes early because she had to take her child to a doctor's appointment, and I just punched her timecard.

So, it's true, then?

You stole from the company.

No, no, I wouldn't say that.

I mean, it was just five minutes, I mean...

That's a rather extreme way of putting it, Mr. Ambrose.

Well, how would you put it, then, Mr. Reiger?

Well, I'm not sure.

Why don't you put it this way?

"I was wrong, I'm very sorry, and it will never happen again."

Mr. Ambrose, if you look at my performance record...

I know about your performance record.

The words I want to hear are: "I was wrong, I'm very sorry, and it will never happen again."

Mr. Ambrose, uh, please forgive me, but, uh, I still can't understand why this has become such a big issue.

You're a very strong-willed, independent, young man, Mr. Reiger.

These are not bad qualities, but to succeed with this company, you're going to have to be able to defer to authority.

Now, I don't think you can.

"I was wrong.

I'm very sorry.

It will never happen again."

Well, okay, uh...

I knew there was a rule about it, and I'm sure there was a better way to handle it than I did, and I really want this job.

And I'll be... I'll, I'll do this company real proud if I get it, I swear it.

You know, you have a real compulsion to put things your own way, don't you?

Uh, I'll look over the information.

I'll let you know.

Thank you for coming in.

Hmm? Right, thank you.


I was wrong, I'm very sorry, and it will never happen again.

You miserable, stupid, rotten jack-ass!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Boy, you really have to watch out what you say in this place! Sorry.

Reiger, you may have missed a chance at a successful career, but you gained one thing.

Me and death cab 412.

It's waiting for you here, sap.

Oh, my God, that's the man who offered me the job.

Mr. Thompson, hi.


What are you doing here?

Well, I was on my way to the airport and I, well, it began to bother me that I was going back without finding out if you want the job or not.

I have to know now.

Wait, when you say now, you don't mean right now, do you?

Of course, I do.

You mean immediately?

Are you a little slow today?

Uh, no. I think I'm making myself perfectly clear.

Yeah, uh, well, could I have just a minute?

(sighing): Yes, I suppose so.

Uh, I'll wait over here.

Okay, thanks.

Alex, what am I gonna tell him?

I mean, what am I gonna do?

This man wants a decision right this minute, and he's giving me one minute to think about it.

What am I gonna tell him?

Tell him you wet your bed.


Jim, I'm... I'm not trying to get out of the army.

I'm trying to decide whether or not to take a desk job.

Tell him you wet your desk.

Elaine... What am I gonna do?

What am I gonna tell him?

I can't make a decision like, just like that.

Elaine, Elaine, you're a strong woman who makes decisions all the time.

Not decisions where I could end up in Seattle in the rain screaming "Why?!".

Well, then it's simple.

Stay here where the big news is that Mario's is trying out a new tomato paste.

I mean, that man is standing there waiting for a mature, adult decision.

Elaine, look, I, I don't know how to help you, but, uh, I don't think you need my help because deep down, I think you know what the right answer is, and all you gotta do is open your mouth and it's gonna come right out.

Now, trust it.

The right answer will come out.

Mr. Thompson?

Um, I've given this a lot of thought, and, uh, my decision is just not coming to me.

Mr. Thompson, this decision is very important, you know.

I mean, this is not the kind of thing... Yes.

It, it, it requires a lot of time to think, you know, and I-I-I feel very pressured right now and I feel very nervous and, and it's making it a lot more difficult than it should be, you know, and, uh, and I've asked my friends for advice but their advice has just confused me more.

I love New York!

I love New York, so I... But Seattle sounds great.

It really does, and the job sounds wonderful, and I know Elaine... it's a very good opportunity and I don't want to really blow it.

You see, my children's, my children will be affected by this, too, an-and if I didn't have to think about them, if I only had to think about myself, then my decision would be just as difficult because of the pressure that you're putting on me.

I mean, what kind of person are you that you could do this to somebody else?

I mean, just because you have a stupid plane to catch doesn't mean that I have to make the most important decision of my life so quickly!


Elaine, get a hold of yourself. Huh? I...


You're right. I'm sorry.

You're right.

You're entitled to a decision.

I want that job, Mr. Thompson.


Oh, I feel so much better.

Oh, God, that was easier than I thought.

So, when do I start?

Start what? Shock treatments?

Elaine, you're much too emotionally high-strung for this job. I'm sorry, but...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

After all that, you're not gonna give me the job?

Well, I don't think there's any cause for that sort of thing, Miss Nardo.

And you're not only not gonna give me the job, Now, just a minute!

You also called me emotionally high-strung. Now, wait a minute!

You know, it's difficult to make a decision in two seconds!


I just hit that man.

I just hit him! I know.

He's turning red! Elaine...

As your employment counselor, I have a few things that I would like to talk over with you. Alex, Alex, tell me I didn't really want that job, otherwise I wouldn't have done something that stupid.

I mean, tell me I... Say something because you're not saying anything to make me feel better.

You didn't kill him.

Oh, Mr. Thompson, I... (stammering)

If you change your mind, will you call me?

I don't think he'll call me.

You know, Elaine, I think you lucked out.

As far as I'm concerned, you got the best job you ever had, being Elaine Nardo.

Oh, Alex, that's so sweet.

Aw, you like me, that's sweet.

Come on. Oh...

We didn't want to tell you, but you would've felt terrible without us.

Oh, I know.

I love you guys so much.

I mean, that's the real reason why I didn't take this job.


I'm gonna go tell my kids.


She did take the job!


(theme song playing)

WOMAN: Good night, Mr. Walters!

(man grumbling)