Taxi S5E19 Script

Louie and the Blind Girl (1983)

(theme song playing)


(humming lively tune)

ELAINE: Whoa, whoa, are you in good spirits.

Whoo.

What'd you do today, Louie?

You kick some squirrels into the lake?

Better than that, Reiger.

I just came from a class with Judy at the School for the Blind.

She's been trying to get me to go for months.

If I knew it was gonna be so much fun, I'd have gone a long time ago.

What a girl!

What a day!

Ah!

Hey, Lou, what kind of, what kind of things they teach you at this, uh, School for the Blind?

Oh, it's, it's a class for sighted people to-to-to show them what it's like to be blind.

I mean, we all put on blindfolds and we try to use our other senses to see.

I-I was the best in the class.

They loved me there.

Here, I'll show you.

Now watch this.

Now, all right, one of you, any one of you, step right up here.

Just come on right up.

LOUIE: Come on...

Ah... Aha!

I heard the faint squeak of a sneaker and I detect the not-so-faint smell of mostaccioli.

So, it must be Banta.

Hey. Is it Banta?

Yeah. Hey!

All right, come on, somebody else. Come on, right up here.

Come on, anybody, anybody.

Ah, all right.

(sniffing)

Now, my ears and my nose don't seem to be enough in this case.

So, step closer, O, Unknown One, and allow me to identify you with my sense of touch.

I think he knows it's me.

Was it Nardo?

Surprise, surprise.

Oh, mercy.

We narrowly escaped an embarrassment.

(cackling)

I-I-I'm going next.

Sit down, Iggy.

Amazing.

That must be a trick blindfold.

Huh? No, Jim, Jim, no.

Nothing that I did here couldn't be done without using senses other than the sense of sight.

Ah.

This, however, would be more difficult.

"Weather report.

Fog turning to hazy sunshine."

(cackling)

If that's not a trick blindfold, that's got to be a trick newspaper.

Of course it's a trick blindfold!

It's a trick!

(cackling)

Five bucks in a magic shop and I was the star of the class.

Louie, Louie, I can't believe it.

I mean, you actually went to a class that's supposed to be teaching you the sensitivity to the plight of the blind and you did something like that just to look good?

I mean, how could you do that?

Pride, Reiger. Pride.

You should have seen Judy gushing.

She was... warm.

She was, like, bright. She loved it.

How could you be so insensitive to her?

Insensitive? Yeah.

If I'm so insensitive... why would I have bought her this?

Ooh, a diamond ring? Yeah, yeah.

Ooh. That's right.

A half a carat of girl's best friend.

I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

No.

You're shocked at the idea of me settling down, huh, Reiger?

No, I'm appalled at the prospect of you breeding.

Lighten up, Reiger, I'm in love.

And if she says yes, I'll cherish her for the rest of my life.

I believe you, Louie.

Yeah, so do I.

Yeah, Lou, I do.

Yeah, I guess I believe you, Lou.

Let me see.

Yeah, look at that.


(imitating Humphrey Bogart): Guess who, sweetheart?

You are a great kisser.

Now, quick, get out of here before Louie shows up.

(laughing)

Shut the door, Louie.

All right.

All right, okay, now, come right over here, 'cause I brought you something.

(sniffs)

A rose?

Ooh, she's good.

Here, you can take it.

I had it de-thorned.

Thank you.

And a bottle of champagne.

Ooh.

This is the really good stuff.

You know what they say about champagne...

The better the bottle, the louder the pop, so stand back.

When I uncork this baby, it's gonna explode.

(cork clatters)

(makes a pop) There she blows!

Oh! Oh!

There's foam all over the ceiling.

(laughing) Now give me a rag.

I'll get the glasses.

Oh, boy. Oh... Here you go, Louie.

Uh-huh.

You know, you usually don't come over here with all these gifts.

What's the occasion?

Well... a big surprise.

Well, uh, I've got a big surprise for you, too.

Well, you go first.

No, you go first.

We'll settle this fair, the way we always do.

Okay. All right?

Evens you go first, odds I go first, all right?

Mm-hmm. One, two, three, shoot.

It's evens. You go first.

Okay.

Well, I didn't want to tell you this until I was sure about it.

Louie, I may be able to see again.

What?

Isn't that fantastic?

My doctor says there's been some improvement in the surgical technique and he wants to operate again.

He thinks that, this time, there's a real good chance that it will succeed.

When's he... when's he want to operate?

Tomorrow.

With any luck at all, in 24 hours, I'll be able to see your sweet, beautiful face.

Isn't that wonderful?

Yeah.

Isn't that the best news you've ever heard?

I haven't been able to think about anything else all day.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I almost forgot.

What was the surprise you had for me?

Well, uh...

Well, now that you've... you've told me that, it-it-it hardly seems like the time to, uh...

Oh, come on, Louie.

Let me be the judge of that.

Well, uh, I bought something today that... would've never occurred to me before I met you.

Well, what is it, Louie?

Foot deodorant.

(laughing)

Oh, Louie, you always know how to make me laugh.

Hey, Lou, how'd the, uh, proposal go?

(mutters)

Uh, as a man of the cloth, I would be honored to perform the marriage ceremony.

I'd rather have a baboon do it.

I don't blame you.

I've seen that.

It's lovely.

Louie, what happened?

Look, it's none of your business.

If you guys are smart, you'll just stay away from me.

Yay!

Louie, I'm so happy that you and Judy are getting married.

Oh, this is a time of great happiness...

and joy.

Well, go ahead, Latka, don't be chicken.

All right.

Chicken.

Okay, Louie, we brought you some of the traditional engagement gifts from our country.

Yeah.

First is... a piece of candy to make the marriage sweet.

Ooh.

All right, uh, next is a flower because love is so fragile.

Yeah.

(loud bang)

That was a big hit.

All right, come on, let's get out of here.

Banta, 411.

Thompson, 426.

Iggy, 301.

Nardo, 218.

Hill, 802.

Lupus, 567.

Hey, Louie, you forgot to call me.

I didn't forget, Reiger.

I want to talk to you.

Oh, I was afraid of that.

Look, Louie, whatever happened last night, whatever happened...

Whether you got cold feet, whether she said no, look, it's happened to millions of guys before you, all right?

Now, if you want to talk about this later on, okay, but listen, I got to make a living, so I'd like a cab now, please.

Yeah, here, 618.

Okay, thanks.

Judy had an operation today.

She may be able to see again.

That got your interest, didn't it?

I'm supposed to be over there right now.

They're taking the bandages off at this moment.

She wants me, the man she loves, to be the first person that she sees.

Life stinks, huh, Reiger?

She told me about it last night.

After that, I mean, I didn't see any point in asking her to marry me.

Wait a minute. What is it, Louie?

You're afraid she's not gonna like your looks?

No, my tie, Reiger.

I'm afraid she won't like the way I knot it.

Do you love her?

More than anything.

Well, if she loves you, then that operation isn't gonna change a thing.

It's gonna change everything!

You know, Louie, you are really much too insecure about your appearance.

I mean, you're a... interesting-looking guy.

I mean, uh, you, uh, in your better moods, you-you-you've a somewhat puckish quality, you know?

I mean, some people might even think you're cute.

Let's not talk hypothetical here, Reiger.

You think I'm cute?

It's a matter of taste, Lou.

It's, uh, some people like Golden Retrievers, right?

And some people like, uh, pit bulls.

But I'm sure the people who like pit bulls think that pit bulls are cute.

Cute? They're adorable!

Well, my work is done here.

I think I'm needed elsewhere.

No, no, no, no, you're not done yet, Batman.

What do you want from me?

I'm not going to that hospital.

You're comparing me to a pet!

A lot of people like grotesque pets.

Some people keep tarantulas.

That doesn't mean they're gonna marry one.

Lou, do you know how ridiculous you sound right now?

Oh, sure, sure, it sounds ridiculous to you, Reiger, because you've never gotten that look.

What look?

The look I got on blind dates... when I used to go on blind dates.

I got the same one every time, Reiger.

Walk up there, dressed real nice, carrying a present or some flowers.

You know, get ready... strike a pose, so I'll look my best.

And then the door would open, and there'd be a girl there and she'd give me that look.

I got it every time, Reiger.

Sure, oh, sometimes they'd show a little class, you know?

They went out with me anyway.

But most of the time they came up with these brilliant excuses like, "Oh, you must be here for Wanda.

Well, she's sick."

This, coming from a girl with a "W" embroidered on her sweater.

I got that look every time, Reiger.

And today, when they, when they take those bandages off of Judy, it's gonna be like that door opening again.

I'm gonna get that look from somebody I already love. I ca...

Hey, look, Louie...

I can't tell you what's gonna happen when they take the bandages off and she's able to see you, but, uh, I do know this: if you don't go there and see for yourself, you're never gonna forgive yourself.

Yeah... yeah, I guess you're right, Reiger.

But... I...

I don't know, I wish that I, I wish I had more hair.

I wish I had dimples, you know?

I wish, I wish...

I wish, I wish I was, uh... What, Louie?

Taller?

Louie, you've been having a romance with this girl for months.

I think she knows your height!

You're right, Reiger.

Sure... she knows it... but... she's never seen it, Reiger.

I'll go with you.


Excuse me, is one, is one of you, uh, Louie De Palma?

Yeah, I'm Louie.

Hello. I'm Judy's doctor.

The operation went very well, Mr. De Palma.

I'm gonna be removing Judy's bandages now.

You?

Uh, well, look, if it's any trouble, I could do that.

No trouble.

Louie... Reiger, Reiger...

I think you'd better go in there right now.

Come on.

Yeah, you're right, you're right.

You know...

Even if it means getting that look...

I hope the operation worked.

Me, too. Good luck.

Yeah. I'm gonna go in there.

This is me.

This is my body.

This is my face.

If she loves me, she'll love this.

ALEX: Right.

You got a tweezer, Reiger?

Tweezer? What for?

I want to pluck my eyebrows.

Oh, what?

No, just the hair right in the middle here.

Louie, come on.

You don't need it!

Well, it couldn't hurt.

(grunts)

Ah!

Louie, is that you?

Yeah.

Oh, thank goodness you got here in time.

I want your face to be the first thing I see.

Come hold my hand.

Your palms are so sweaty.

You're as nervous as I am.

Yeah.

Oh... Louie, what if I still can't see?

You'll still have me.

All right now, Judy, I'm going to take off the last of those bandages.

Wait, wait! Don't!

I'm scared!

I'm afraid to find out if it worked.

Yeah, Doc, what's the rush?

I mean, give her a couple of months to figure this out, to get used to it.

Oh, Louie, I'm so glad you're here.

You're right, I'm acting silly.

Go ahead, Dr. Gordon, take them off.

Wait, wait a minute, wait a minute.


Judy...

I'm not the best-looking guy in the world.

Go ahead, Doc.

Now remember, it's gonna be just a little bit blurry at first.

So don't be afraid.

I can see!

It's blurry, but I can see.

It's okay. Just take a minute.

Oh! Oh, Louie, you're beautiful!

It's still blurry.

No, you're exactly the way I pictured you.

I am?

Yes, yes, yes!

I can see! I can see!

And...

I'm, I'm exactly the way you pictured me?

Yes!

Except I thought you had a little more hair between your eyebrows.

It grows back!

Ha-ha! Yippee!

Ya-ha-ha-ha!

I take it you didn't get that look?

No, Reiger, Reiger, she can see, and she loves me!

She thinks I'm beautiful, Reiger!

And now she's resting, so I gotta go buy suits.

What is that, hospital policy?

No, no, no, Reiger. Everything's changed.

I got to adapt.

I mean, no more bragging about my extensive wardrobe when I only own one suit.

Uh-huh.

From now on, I got to buy her greeting cards that fit the occasion.

Reiger, it's a brave new world!

Reiger! Reiger! All right, all right, all right!

Let's go get you those suits!

Oh, one more thing... What?

I'm gonna have to buy her a real diamond.

(theme song playing)


WOMAN: Good night, Mr. Walters!

(man grumbling)