Teen Titans Go! S1E22 Script

Artful Dodgers (2013)

(EXPLOSION)

(WHISTLING)

Return the Eye of Hamashabi to the museum, Jinx, and we'll go easy on you.

-(ALL GROWLING)

-(CLANKING)

You can try and take it from us.

Or you can save everyone in the museum which we've rigged to blow.

(BEEPS)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, little guy!

Why would you go and do something like that?

That's dangerous.

Because now you're gonna have to choose!

Us, or them!

(EXPLOSION)

That doesn't seem very fair, if you ask me.

It's not supposed to be fair!

It's a diversion.

So we can, you know, get away.

Well, you should be ashamed!

Your actions are quite underhanded.

Yeah! That's why we did it!

To be underhanded!

Gizmo, cloak us.

Titans, go!

(WHIRS)

(WHIRS)

-(BEEPS)

-(SHATTERS)

(ALL CHEERING)

Explosives disarmed.

Priceless artifact retrieved!

Bad guys captured.

Basically, we win. Again.

And you know why?

Because cheaters never prosper.

Never ever.

Great win out there!

This, of course, is no time to rest on our laurels.

We have bigger fish to fry.

You mean...

What else could I mean?

Defending our title as Dodge Ball Champions?

All right! Ah!

Yay! Yeah, boy!

That's right.

League starts up again in a few days and we've got to be ready.

Perhaps this is the year you will let Raven and I participate in the dodging of balls.

Yeah.

It's a complex game, Star.

I wouldn't wanna put you out there until you're ready.

"Complex".

You hit someone in the face with a ball, and you hit someone else in the face with the ball.

I know!

Is there a more perfect game?

Hey! Who wants to see the new uniform?

-Ooh!

-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Ooh!

Team Titans is gonna be looking sharp, yo!

"Team Titans"?

What a super, super name!

Who came up with that again?

That would be me.

Wow. You replaced

"teen" with "team".

-Mind blown.

-(EXPLOSION)

Looking good out there is gonna take more than fancy uniforms.

We'd better practice...

ALL: Our victory dance!

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

Yeah, boy!

Oh, yeah! (CHUCKLES)

(CLEARS THROAT) Uh, shouldn't we be practicing the actual game?

Psst! Practice?

She talking about practice?

Yeah, we got this.

Reigning champs, baby!

Nobody can stop us.

(MILITARY MUSIC PLAYING)

Yep. Looks like easy pickings again this year.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

(ALL GRUNT)

Oh! Then why can't you let Starfire and me play?

You know exactly why, Raven.

I'll consume your souls for that, mortal swine!

(ALL SCREAMING)

But I have never eaten any of our opponents.

Maybe not the opponents.

(CHOMPING)

Look, we know you're not happy sitting on the bench.

But trust us, we've got a plan for you two.

Oh, really?

You'll be our secret weapons.

I always wanted to be a secret weapon!

We might come up against a team that we won't be able to beat.

And then, just when they least expect it, we'll unleash you two.

CYBORG: Boom!

You have no intention of playing us, do you?

-Uh-uh.

-No. You ate someone, remember?

But you can help us with the Team Titans' theme song when they introduce us!

ANNOUNCER: And now, -Team Titans!

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

? When there's dodge ball you know who to call

? Team Titans

? That thing flying at your face, a ball

? Team Titans ?

(SINGING)

(SINGING)

? We're the guys and girls who know how to throw

? Team Titans, go!

? One, two, three, four

? Throw ?

BOTH: Team Titans!

(WHOOPING)

Great job on the Team Titans' "go" part!

No one sings the same words over and over like you guys.

No, they don't.

-ANNOUNCER: And now!

-What's that?

Your starting lineup for the Hive Fivers!

(GASPS) The Hive!

ANNOUNCER:

Weighing in at 2,500 pounds, he's a hulk with the most bulk.

He's big, he's strong, he looks like King Kong!

Here's Mammoth!

Standing only 3'2'', but packing one genius IQ.

He may be short, but he's a killer on the court!

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a dwarf with a jet pack.

Here's Gizmo!

You can't run, you can't duck, from the lady of bad luck!

She's the Duchess of Dodge, the Hive's very own.

Jinx!

Also warming the bench, Seemore, and Villain Humorous.

-How did they...

-Get those fireworks?

Yeah, that's where I was going with that.

Fireworks. Not how did they break out of prison, or even how did they join the Dodge Ball league?

How did they get those fireworks? Sure.

Nice uniforms, losers!

Losers? You're the ones about to get taken down...

(ALL IN UNISON)

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

-(ALL GRUNTING)

-(AUDIENCE GASPS)

Oh!

-Why are we benched again?

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

What just happened?

I think we lost.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Even their victory dance is better.

-(BELL RINGING)

-(EXPLOSION)

Our biggest haul yet.

ROBIN: Hold it right there!

If it's a fight you want...

Actually, it's a rematch that we would like to have with you, right now.

So, you're not here to take us to jail?

We won't take you down until we take you down...

(ALL IN UNISON)

So, this really isn't about robbing the bank?

Will you get it through your thick evil skull?

We just wanna play some dodge ball!

A rematch? Okay, sure.

-(BONES CRACKING)

-Can we--?

Sit on the bench and cheer us on?

Of course you can!

Now, off you go.

-(ALL GRUNT)

-(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

-(MAMMOTH GRUNTS)

-(CLANGS)

(MAMMOTH GRUNTS)

-(SCREAMS)

-(THUDS)

How could anyone beat us?

Twice!

The league's championship game is coming up and we don't have a chance!

Not a chance!

Did it ever occur to you to practice the actual game and not just your stupid victory dance?

(BELL DINGS)

Practice...the game?

Why, this could change everything!

You know, I don't really feel like practicing.

-Me either.

-Yeah, that does sound like a lot of work.

Then there's only one way to win.

We cheat!

-(ALL GASP)

-We use our powers!

We poke them in the eye!

We take any advantage we can!

This is dodge ball!

We win by any means necessary.

But, Robin!

We are heroes, and heroes never cheat!

This isn't cool.

Would it be cool if we let you play?

BOTH: We're in.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

-(EXPLOSION)

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

You guys may rule out there.

But in here, we are the heroes!

We'll see about that!

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You guys are cheating!

No fair!

-Somebody better call the wah-mbulance.

-(SIREN WAILING)

(BABY CRYING)

(MIMICS WHINING)

You guys are about to go down...

(ALL IN UNISON)

(ALL GRUNT)

-(SCREAMS)

-(THUDS)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(AUDIENCE JEERING)

I can't believe we lost!

Oh, for the third time, man!

We're not licked yet, guys.

(DIALING)

(SIREN WAILING)

We won!

By default, baby!

ALL: Victory dance!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)