Teen Titans Go! S2E18 Script

Serious Business (2014)

Go

[OPENING THEME PLAYING]

T-E-E-N

T-I-T-A-N-S

Teen Titans, let's go

Teen Titans, go

[WHINING] Do you mind hurrying up in there?

Seriously, what is taking so long? Did you fall in?

I need to go. Come on, come on, come on!

Yo Rob, what's up?

Oh! Doing the pee-pee dance, bro?

Nice, I love that dance.

Doing the pee-pee dance?

I invented the pee-pee dance.

Oh, yeah!

Oh! I too wish to participate in the dance of the pee-pee.

[SOBBING] But I do not know how!

It's quite simple, girl. I'll show you.

Step to the left, now, step to the right

Put your knees together and squeeze 'em tight

Keep your arms moving side to side

Try to hold it in till it's time to ride

Knock, knock Let me in Knock, knock

Let me in, I gotta go, uh Knock, knock

Let me in Knock, knock

Let me in I gotta go

Keep moving now Don't you stop

Hold it in till it's time to drop

Let me in before I pop

Too late Gotta grab the mop

Knock, knock Let me in Knock, knock

Let me in, I gotta go, uh Knock, knock

Let me in, knock, knock Let me in, I gotta go

[FLUSHING]

Aw! Don't tell me I missed the pee-pee dance.

Titans, it's time we had a bathroom meeting.

A bathroom meeting?

Yes, you guys are spending way too much time in there.

As Titans, we spend on average three percent of our time fighting crime, seven percent dancing, 18 percent doing food related activities and the rest of the Titans' time is spent in the bathroom.

This cannot go on.

Ah, can you repeat all that stuff you just said?

I was in the bathroom.

[GRUNTING] [SHRIEKING]

As of this moment, I'm instituting bathroom rationing.

No lavatory visit will last more than five minutes.

[GASPS]

You can't do that to us.

[GASPS] That time frame will not be sufficient.

There's so much stuff we need to do in there, bro!

And, what exactly is that?

It's where I tap dance.

CYBORG: It's where I go to sing.

[SCATTING]

BEAST BOY: It's where I do my steam painting, the most temporary of art forms.

Perfection!

Aw!

STARFIRE: It is where I create my favorite recipes.

This will be the most delicious pot of the chili.

[MUNCHING]

That is not what the bathroom is for.

It is a place of serious business.

In and out. Nothing in there should take more than five minutes.

Ten second hand-washes, one minute showers, four minute shaves.

It takes you four minutes, to shave what?

I have very thick facial hair.

Oh, yes. This is coming in very nicely.

That, my friend, is a moustache.

Don't you understand? The bathroom is a special place for us.

It's a place of magic.

Magic? Pfft. Please.

It is true, Robin.

Humankind did not advance into the modern age until they encountered the first bathroom.

Where it came from, nobody knows.

I do. We built them, with pipes and tile.

And, just to prove everything you can possibly do in a bathroom can be accomplished in under five minutes...

Observe!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[ALARM BLARING]

[ALL SCREAM]

See, five minutes.

Why did the bathroom explode?

Well, that's what happens when the timer hits zero.

What, you've never seen a timer hit zero, before?

The whole room is on the fire.

Yes, it is. Now, that I've demonstrated what's possible, I'll be holding you all to the same standard.

Oh, why the explosion? Remember, five minutes.

I will be watching.

[TIMER BEEPING]

Done. [ALARM BLARING]

[SNIFFING]

[BEEPING] [DOG WHINES]

[ALARM BLARING]

[WHIMPERING]

[TIMER BEEPING]

[ALARM BLARING]

It's bubble time, baby.

[TIMER BEEPING]

[ALARM BLARING]

Titans, great news!

Bathroom usage is down 90 percent.

[GROANS]

What has happened? Your hygiene!

Your five minute standard killed the magic for us.

We don't even bother to go into the bathroom now.

I haven't tap danced in weeks.

You can tap dance anywhere.

The bathroom is where you go to wash your filthy bodies, and do other unspeakable acts.

Titans, go. Clean yourselves up.

I mean, come on.

[ALL GROANING]

I don't understand what makes the bathroom so special for you guys.

Then, please come with us, Robin.

And we'll show you the magic.

[GAGS]

Fine, if it'll restore your strawberry scent.

All right. Show me why you need more than five minutes in the bathroom.

We will, bro. But first, take this microphone.

That's a toothbrush.

[SCOFFS] You have so much to learn.

If you want to sing

Sing on, sing on, sing everything

If you want to dream

Dream of, dream of, be everything you are

[LAUGHING]

[CLAPPING]

[GURGLING]

Ah! So good.

Guys, you were right. This place is absolutely magical.

The five minutes standard is hereby abolished.

Ya! Booyacity!

[CHEERING] Hurray! Hurray!

If you don't mind, I'd like a moment alone with the bathroom.

We understand. Take your time.

[OWL HOOTING] [CROWING]

Oh! Those water burritos are not sitting right.

What's going on? Robin's been in there all morning.

ROBIN: Correction. I never left.

Dude, what are you doing in there?

Just enjoying the magic.

[VIDEO GAME SOUNDS]

Whoo-hoo! Yipee!

Ha, ha, ha!

We never stayed in there, this long.

Robin is abusing the bathroom magic.

I want some magic too.

I say we go in.

Sorry. But, this bathroom is occupied.

Robin, one way or another, we're getting you out of here.

Never.

[YELLING]

[GRUNTS]

[ROARING]

If you want this bathroom, you'll have to take it from me.

VOICE: Enough!

Who said that?

It is I, Bathroom.

You may call me John.

[GASPING] You can talk?

How is that even possible? What's up, John?

As you have always sensed, I and all of the bathrooms come from a place of magic, you see.

Where's that, John?

We are survivors of a distant world, destroyed long ago.

We thought we had found a home here, you see.

A world that appreciated us as much as we did it.

But, you ruined it all.

Sorry, John.

Stuff your sorrys in a sack.

[GRUNTS]

You have turned a place of magical fun into one of strife.

Now I, and all my kind shall leave this world, forever.

[GROANING]

[CHICKEN SQUAWKING]

Magical.

Where are they going?

They're going home, Beast Boy. They're going home.

I believe John said their home was destroyed.

Then, I don't know.


So, what do we do now?

Yeah. I mean, I really gotta go.

[PEE-PEE DANCE SONG PLAYING]

[CLOSING THEME PLAYING]