Teen Titans Go! S2E20 Script

Boys vs. Girls (2014)

Go

[OPENING THEME PLAYING]

T-E-E-N

T-I-T-A-N-S

Teen Titans, let's go

Teen Titans, go

Yay! You guys see that sporting event last night?

You know I did! My team scored all the points!

[CROWD CHEERING]

Hey, hey! What about that race car we saw yesterday, huh?

It was all like... [IMITATING CAR]

No, bro, it was like... [SCREAMING]

[CHUCKLES] Oh, man.

Guys, hold up! Shh!

[LAUGHING]

Oh man, that one stunk! Speak too, Cyborg.

This is so annoying.

[CYBORG BELCHES] [GRUNTS]

Ooh! They are giving me the aches of the head.

We're being such boys right now and I love it!

Boys! Boys! Boys! Boys!

[BEATBOXING] B... b... b... Boys.

B... b... b... Boys.

Boys.

B... b... b... Boys.

B... b... b... Boys, in your face!

Quiet!

Uh, what's her problem?

I'll tell you her problem. She's a "her", you know, a girl.

That's right. She wishes she could be a boy...

[ALL BURP] But she can't.

Why would we wish to be the boys?

Because of one simple fact.

Boys are better than girls!

[SEAL BARKING]

How can one say one gender is superior to the other?

Well, Starfire, [CLEARS THROAT] if you ever took the knowledge train down town to the corner of Science and Fact, you'd know girls can never compete with boys, because they're too busy lying around, thinking about how they look and being emotional.

[SOBBING]

Uh, lying around?

You're the ones who are lazy!

And you spend much more time on your hair appearance than do we.

And if you're going to bring up emotional...

Stop yelling at us!

[BOTH SOBBING]

Oh, my self-esteem.

Still think boys are better?

Of course they are! In fact, I could go on and on about all the reasons girls are worse than boys, but I'm going to sum it up in just one word...

Cooties!

[ALL GASP]

You're crawling with them!

We don't want your cooties!

As you can see from this chart, created by a boy, science tells us that there is no evidence in girls of sugar, spice or anything nice.

What there is, is cooties!

Oh, gross!

Gross indeed, Beast Boy.

I rest my case.

[GASPS] I have the cooties?

No, you don't. Cooties aren't real.

If boys are so much better, then prove it.

We challenge you to a contest, Boys vs. Girls.

[WHISPERING]

Very well.

Okay, 10 laps around the island.

I wish you the luck that is good, Beast Boy.

You're going down, girl! It's cheetah time!

On your mark, get set...

[PANTING]

What took you the so long?

First one to solve this complex math equation wins.

You're going down!

[MUMBLING] Don't forget the factor...

RAVEN: Done!

[TITANS STRUGGLING]

Dig deep!

Be the future! Be the future!

[YELLING] [GRUNTING]

The pull!

Come on, Star, we got this.

[BEAST BOY CHUCKLES]

[BOYS SCREAMING]

Well, girls win.

Dude, you lied to us! Girls are better than boys!

Yeah, boys are terrible.

From now on, we're girls!

Yeah!

[STAMMERING] Whoa! But what about the cooties?

Don't worry, girls, he lied about that too.

You look cootie free to me.

So, girls, you see that sporting event...

Uh, I mean, um, did you guys... Argh... What...

What exactly do you two do anyway?

Yeah, come to think of it, what do you girls do?

Well, you know, I read from my spell book...

While fighting an evil demon!

[CHUCKLES] You get 'em, girl!

Oh, man! Epic! Get 'em, that's my girl!

What about you, Star?

Well, I make glordnorb pudding, with the saliva of a giant klatar!

Oh-ho-ho!

I love giant klatars!

RAVEN: That's how we roll.

Cootie free! We'll see about that.


All right, you dirty cooties, do your thing!

[EVIL LAUGHTER]

CYBORG: Hey! I'm trying to sleep!

Sorry.

[CONTINUES LAUGHING]

CYBORG: I can still hear you.

Still? Yes.

A boy!

Ew! He smells.

So, you boys enjoying being girls?

It's the best! Girls rule!

Girls! Girls! Girls! Girls!

Are you done?

[BEATBOXING] G... g... g... g... Girls!

Girls! Girls!

G... g... g... g... Girls! G... g... g... g... Girls!

Something wrong?

I do not feel alone in my clothes.

Yeah, my skin is crawling.

Ooh, tsk-tsk-tsk. Hmm, you know what that sounds like.

[YELPS]

Cooties? [BOTH SCREAMING]

They're real! They're real!

We do not have the cooties!

Oh! It's true, girls have cooties!

We want to be boys again!

You did this to us!

Yes! And I can undo it, with this!

It's a cootie catcher.

Oh, please, give us the catcher of the cooties!

I'll be happy to, if you admit that boys are better than girls.

Never!

Then you're stuck with cooties!

You know, all we have to do is touch you and you'll have cooties too!

Ahhh, cooties!

But, Starfire touching me...

Ahhh, cooties!

Or the start of a beautiful relationship.

Ahhh, cooties! Run!

[PANTING]

Think we lost them?

Impossible! [ALL GASP]

We have more of the endurance.

Psst...

[ALL SCREAM]

Follow me, I know a place they'll never find us.

BEAST BOY: Shh! We'll be safe in here.

CYBORG: Ugh, safe, you know, 'cause we're in one.

RAVEN: We're smarter too! [ALL SCREAM]

[CRASHING]

And we are the stronger.

[SCREAMING]

Now everyone is having the cootie.

So, you've got no choice but to use the cootie catcher.

You win. Again!

And now the cooties are caught.

[GULPING]

[SIGHS] I am alone in my clothes once more.

Let's face it guys, the girls are better than us.

They're stronger, faster, smarter.

They're our superiors in every way.

We shouldn't let a day go by without thanking them for even noticing that we're alive.

On behalf of all boys, I want to apologize for our actions.

Thank you, Robin. It's cool.

But you know what, Robin?

Only a boy can make such an amazing speech!

Boys rule!

B... b... b... Boys!

Please stop!

[CLOSING THEME PLAYING]