Kicking a Ball and Pretending to Be Hurt (2015)
♪ Go ♪
[OPENING THEME PLAYING]
♪ T-E-E-N ♪
♪ T-I-T-A-N-S ♪
♪ Teen Titans, let's go ♪
♪ Teen Titans, go ♪
Titans, as you all know, today is [ALL COUGHING]
Sports Day! [FANFARE PLAYING]
I did not know that. I didn't know either, brah.
You guys know it's Sports Day, right?
No. What are you talking about?
Allow me to bring you all up to speed.
Today is Sports Day!
[YELLING] Sports Day!
Why do I even bother printing up flyers?
Today, we will be playing the world's most popular sport...
Football? I love football!
I didn't say we're playing "football."
Uh, pretty sure you did, bro.
Uh, no, bro, I said we're playing "futbol."
Football? I love football!
And he's going to the 50... And he's going to the 40...
No, we are not playing football!
Uh, I'm so confused, bro.
We are playing futbol.
Also known as soccer.
Don't nobody care about soccer!
It is the most tedious of athletic events.
It's just people kicking a ball and then pretending to be hurt.
I don't like "sock-her" either.
I prefer "sock-him!"
Ow! [GROANS] [CHUCKLING]
You get it? Ha! I do get it. That's good.
Around the world, futbol ignites the passions of the soul.
It can bring a nation together or tear it apart.
Most importantly, it is a metaphor for the miracle of life.
Are we still talking about soccer?
Stop calling it soccer! It's futbol!
You know, I've always thought there was something sinister about the sport.
How can people get so worked up over a ball?
It does seem unlikely a dull game could inspire such intense emotions, Robin.
What about that time when Cyborg played duck, duck, goose?
The duck, the duck... [CYBORG GIGGLING]
I am the goose! [HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]
I'm coming for ya! [STARFIRE SCREAMING]
No one escapes the goose!
Futbol is a beautiful game.
Now, say it, and let it live in your hearts.
Football? No, "futbol."
Futbol. With passion!
That's starting to sound international.
Sock-him. BEAST BOY: Ow!
Great energy! Now let's take the field!
We look like the athletics professionals.
Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. I gots me some shin pads, yo.
Kick me as hard as you can. Seems like a bad idea.
Come on, I won't feel a thing. It's shin armor, brah.
[GRUNTS] [YELLS] Ow, my shin!
You broke my shin!
I too wish to test the shin armor. [GRUNTS]
[YELPS IN PAIN] [SOBBING]
They're not guarding anything!
Not a thing! [WAILING]
Oh, you guys playing sock-him, too?
[BEAST BOY GRUNTING]
[BEAST BOY SHRIEKS] [WHISTLE BLOWS]
All right, enough horseplay, guys. Let's get to the basics.
Because no one plays soccer in our country, I've had this ball shipped to us from halfway around the world.
ALL: Ooh. [INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYING]
What a good-looking ball!
Ooh, a collection of pentagons and hexagons forming a sphere.
It's made out of science, yo!
It is true. The futbol is the most stylish piece of equipment in all of sports.
Now, this is an easy game to learn.
You just have to put the ball in the goal.
No problem! [GRUNTS]
Swish! Two points.
[BLOWS WHISTLE] No points.
You can't use your hands. What?
Things just got super weird!
But how does one manipulate the ball without using the hands?
[CAR ENGINE SLOWLY STARTING]
Oh, dudes, we use our foots.
But I don't have feet. Yes, you do.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, yeah, I forgot about those.
Now, pay attention as I demonstrate a proper futbol kick.
There, I've scored a goal in the appropriate futbol style.
Now let's celebrate by saying "goal" as long as possible.
Goal. What is this, baseball?
The go... [SINGING OPERA]
BEAST BOY: [YELLING] Goooooooooooooal! [DOG HOWLS]
Not long enough. [DOG WHIMPERS]
That's what I'm talking about!
Now, let's fut this bol!
How could you do me like that?
[GROANING] Coach, I can't go on. [WHIMPERS]
Wow! Futbol isn't boring at all. [INSPIRING MUSIC PLAYING]
In fact, I feel like I'm standing on the precipice of greatness! [EAGLE CAWS]
I am a pillar of light in a world of darkness!
We're taking our first steps into a new life, bro!
The futbol life!
[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY] [WHIMPERING]
Why are we feeling such intense of the emotions?
These feelings, they don't make sense.
Of course they do.
This beautiful, ha, magical ball, ooh, was the key to unlocking our passions.
Still, something about this feels unnatural...
But I can't argue with my feelings!
[CONTINUES SAYING "GOAL"]
[RAVEN LOSES BREATH]
Hey, Rave, could you pass the milk? Sure thing.
Excuse me, bro. Whoa!
[SNICKERING] The pain!
[BLOWING WHISTLE RHYTHMICALLY]
A red card? You've got to be kidding me!
I barely touched him.
I don't wanna hear it. You're out of here!
You need to get your eyes checked!
I never want to stop the running!
I feel so invigorated.
We've never lived our lives with such emotion.
We've all been invigorated by this magical, little futbol. [CHUCKLES]
[ALL GASPING] What?
You're using your hands, bro!
Whoa. What happened?
Were we liking the soccer?
What is that?
Hello! [ALL SCREAMING]
ROBIN: Who are you? I'm a soccer troll!
My people are magical beings that evoke intense passion for the game of soccer.
So, you guys use magic to make people like soccer?
Our King Goal, Ruler of Soccer, commands it.
So, soccer really is boring. Of course.
Watching people kick a ball and pretend to be hurt is the most boring thing in the world.
Yeah, that's what I said.
King Goal knew the only way to create interest in his dull sport was to use magic.
No wonder the game stirs such proud but unearned emotions.
What a monstrous sport!
It's time people see soccer for what it really is.
Take us to your leader.
Well done, Titans.
You've uncovered my centuries-old plot to make soccer interesting.
Give it up, Goal. No more magic-ing people into liking soccer.
I must or the sport would never survive.
It's just people kicking a ball and pretending to be hurt.
Who would watch that? One way or another, we're going to settle this.
[CHUCKLES] Then how about on the field?
And if we win, you call back all the soccer trolls.
And if we lose?
I said "sudden death," didn't I? Thought I said "sudden death."
[YELLING] Sudden death!
[WHISTLES] He is really good.
You lose, Titans.
Time to die.
You're forgetting one thing, Goal.
The Titans are sore losers!
In the face!
[SHUDDERING] Okay! Okay! Okay! You win.
I'll call back my soccer trolls.
[ALL GRUNTING] [GOAL GROANING]
I said, "you win."
So boring. Ugh.
Hey, who wants to go bowling?
[ALL CHEERING] ROBIN: Yeah, bowling, I can do that.
BEAST BOY: Yeah, bowling!
[GASPS] Who are you?
I'm a magical bowling turkey.
[CLOSING THEME PLAYING]