Teen Titans Go! S2E9 Script

Knowledge (2014)

Go

[OPENING THEME PLAYING]

T-E-E-N

T-I-T-A-N-S

Teen Titans, let's go

Teen Titans, go

Temperature at 82 degrees.

Wind gusting from the southwest at 10 knots.

Clear skies.

The conditions are perfect for a...

Beach Day!

Sand castle!

Surfin'!

Water!

Seashells!

[ALL GASPING]

What?

Quarantine! Quarantine!

[ALARM BUZZING]

What did I do?

You yawned, girl!

Don't you know that yawns are contagious?

I have never heard that, no.

Everyone knows yawns cause sleep. Except for Starfire, I guess.

Anyway, it's okay. I think we caught it in time.

That was close.

[ALL SCREAMING]

Ah!

It's... It's not what you think.

Let's hit the beach, come on.

I'm sorry, old friend. It has to be this way.

[ALARM BUZZING] No!

[SNORING]

I'll never forget you, buddy.

[ALARM BUZZING] Oh, man! [SNORING]

Well, Raven, looks like it's just you...

[ALARM BUZZING] [GROANS]

These naps will not be taken in vain.

[GRUNTING]

Must not yawn.

Must show off beach bod.

[ALARM BUZZING] [SNORING]

[ALL GROANING]

[SIGHS]

[ALARM BEEPS] Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no.

We slept through the most perfect beach day we'll see for the next...

One, two, then carry the four, add the leap year...

Twenty four years? [SIGHS]

I am sorry, fellow Titans.

I did not know about the yawns.

It's all right.

No, friend Cyborg, it is the all wrong.

This is not the first time my ignorance of Earth culture has ruined the merriment.

[TRAP MUSIC PLAYING] This new stereo is the bomb!

The bomb?

MAN: ♪ It's time to break dance

[LOUD SPLASH]

I will forever be the celebration ruiner.

Star, we love you just the way you are.

Besides, the more you know, the bigger bummer you are.

Like Raven.

Whoa! I'm not a bummer.

You're a total bummer, Raven.

Look at this chart and you'll see there's a direct correlation between knowledge and being a bummer.

Here's Beast Boy and Cyborg.

Together they know virtually nothing and everybody loves them.

Thanks, man. Aw!

ROBIN: Here is me.

I don't know too much or too little, leaving people not feeling very strongly about me in one way or another.

Hmm.

And here's you, Raven. You know a lot and you bum everyone out.

I do not wish to be the bummer.

[GROANS]

[STARFIRE SOBBING]

You okay, Star?

[CONTINUES SOBBING]

No, it has happened again.

What? A misunderstanding.

Beast Boy asked me to set him up on the blind date.

My eyes! My eyes! [SCREAMING]

Why did you burn my eyes?

[SIZZLING] Ow!

[SOBBING]

BEAST BOY: Ah!

I am the sorry!

[SIGHS] And the hopeless.

[WHIMPERING]

Okay, wow. Do you want me to teach you some stuff?

[SNIFFLES] But will that make me the bum?

No way! Knowledge is power, girlfriend.

I'll give you a crash course in all things Earth.

I would prefer a course without the crashing.

Which brings me to lesson one.

Common expressions. You don't have to take everything literally.

[PIANO PLAYING] You see, Star, it's all about adding a little style into what you're trying to say.

Here's how you do it.

Don't say what you mean

But mean what you say

It sounds complicated but it's easy in every way

Don't say you're goin' to sleep, nuh-uh

Instead you're catching Z's

Never say that things were easy, no

Just say that they were a breeze

Instead of saying watch how you spend

Say money don't grow on trees

You see you say what you got to say every day

With style, that's the key

Don't say what you mean

But mean what you say

It's not that complicated, no

It's easy in every way Uh-huh.

You got this.

You got it? I believe I understand.

Your song was so kitten, dude.

Kitten?

Yes, the kittens are good and so your song was good.

Am I not meaning what I say?

Ugh. Clearly a song is not gonna do it.

[SOBBING]

Oh, it is the okay.

My ignorance will always hold me back.

Okay, okay. Lesson number two.

Azarath Metrion Zinthos!

Wear this magic relic tonight and in the morning you'll know everything.

Oh, thank you, Raven.

So, I checked the weather and today has all of the perfect conditions for a Lake Day!

Jet Skis!

Fishing!

Water!

Pollution!

Yeah, 46% of lakes are too polluted for recreational activities.

Ugh! Why are we talking about numbers on Lake Day?

Because numbers reveal undeniable facts, Beast Boy.

Like 1.2 trillion gallons of sewage are dumped into lakes each year.

Sewage? Ugh!

Make her stop, Robin. These facts are bumming me out.

What's gotten into you, Starfire?

Knowledge, Robin, that's what.

Raven, did you have something to do with this?

I may have taught her a few things.

I was just trying to help.

This is what I wanted, Robin.

Now you won't have to deal with me ruining another occasion.

You just ruined Lake Day!

Knowledge is power, Robin.

This will only make her stronger.

Or a total bummer.

That book is so overrated.

I'll save you some time. Everyone dies in the end.

BOYS: [SCREAMING] Bummer!

Meditation can cause problems ranging from muscle spasms to hallucinations.

BOYS: [SCREAMING] Bummer!

You do know those toys are for babies.

BOYS: [SCREAMING] Bummer!

Okay, you were right.

She is kind of a bummer now.

But I still say it was an improvement.

You guys want to know where hamburger meat comes from?

[BOYS SCREAMING]

What happened to Starfire?

Her brain is huge! That is just wrong!

Raven!

[SIGHS] Okay, this is all my fault.

I used dark magic to give Starfire all human knowledge.

Apparently it's expanding too rapidly.

If we don't go inside and destroy it, her head will explode.

Azarath Metrion Zinthos!

Oh, look at all that knowledge.

It's unnatural and it's growing at an alarming rate.

Then let's nuke some neurons!

Fact attack! Fact attack!

It's not working. They're growing back, dudes.

This is worse than I thought.

We're gonna have to take it out at the source.

ROBIN: This must be it.

Indeed! I am the source.

I am knowledge, facts and trivia!

So you're the one who made her a bummer!

Yes, I am.

And when I'm finished, she'll be...

[KEYS BEEPING]

One hundred percent bummer!

Not on my watch.

Titans, go!

Seventy five percent of missiles never reach their intended targets.

How did she know that?

Fire lasers!

Laser technology is not advanced enough yet to inflict any real damage.

She's using facts and figures to deflect our attacks!

Allow me to teach you another lesson.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]

[ALL SCREAMING]

[GROANS] Her knowledge is too powerful.

We don't stand a chance.

[LAUGHING]

This is like shooting fish in a barrel.

The only way to fight knowledge is with ignorance.

RAVEN: But I do not see the fish or the barrels anywhere.

[GROANS]

It is an expression, fools!

I mean destroying you will be a piece of cake!

I like the cake.

[ECHOING] May I have the strawberry flavor?

[GROANING]

[GRUNTS]

I'm just trying to put a little style into what I say.

Defeating you will be a breeze.

Breeze? Do you need the coat?

[SCREAMING]

It's working. She's weakened!

Fire away, Robin!

I've got one last fact for you!

The Titans win 100% of the time!

Wait, is that true? [SCREAMS]

How do you feel, Star?

I feel as if a thousand glinkglats are dancing on my glipnorp.

She's back! Oh, yeah!

Yes!

I'm sorry, Star.

I shouldn't have used magic to cure your ignorance.

I should have taken the time to teach you the old-fashioned way, with books and calculators and protractors and more books...

BOYS: [SCREAMING] Bummer!

[CLOSING THEME PLAYING]