That '70s Show S2E8 Script

Sleepover (1999)

You know, Donna, I'm not surprised you're in my bed.

I knew you couldn't resist me any longer.

No, I couldn't.

I want you.

I need you.

Well, I never turn down a woman in need.

You know, being here, in your bed, on your... Spider-Man sheets,

makes me feel so ready, so willing.

Then call me Able.

Wait, wait.

A little mood music.

j& I like dreamin' j& 'Cause dreamin' can make you mine j& I like dreamin' j& Dreamin'

Damn.

What's wrong?

Ah!

I mean...

Hey, baby.

j& Hangin' out j& Down the street j& The same old thing j& We did last week j& Not a thing to do j& But talk to you j& We're all all right j& We're all all right j&

Hello, Wisconsin!

I can't believe you're in my bed.

I can't believe you came through my window.

I know. Well, I was just sitting at home thinking about you, and I thought, why don't I crawl up the side of his house and say hello.

So... Hello.

Hello.

Did anyone see you?

Uh, just Hyde.

Excuse me.

I heard a noise downstairs, and it scared me.

Man, you're ruining what could be the most important night of my life here.

Well, duh.

This is so...

I can't believe this.

You've never been in my bed before.

I know.

I'm in your bed.

You're in my bed.

You're in my bed.

You're in my bed.

Okay, um, because the bed squeaks.

Because the walls are thin.

Because Red has the ears of a wolf.

Reasons my parents might hear us if we do it.

Right! Okay.

Okay. Uh, "Gee, Mom, it was hot, "so we took off our clothes...

"And then we got cold, "so we got under the covers, "and things just started bouncing around."

Things I might say if my folks catch us doing it.

Yes! Okay. Um, uh, Fonda, Ford, the eighth...

Famous Henrys.

Yes! Okay, uh...

Because there's a girl in your bed.

Because there's a girl in your bed.

Because there's a girl in your bed, damn it!

Reasons to go for it!

Yes!

So, I, uh...

So she's gonna be out the whole week?

Well, you don't drink and go ice fishing.

That is just common sense.

No, no, no. It's fine.

I'll be happy to pick up her shifts.

Okay. Uh-huh. Bye.

Oh, jeez, Kitty, you work so hard as it is.

I don't want you working double shifts.

Well, Red, we need the money.

It's not every week that Charlene's gonna get septicemia from a rusty hook.

We have gotta take advantage of that.

Well, I don't like it.

Oh, you know...

If I'm gonna be working nights, I'd better put some meals together for you and the boys.

Oh, come on, Kitty.

I'm not helpless.

I think I can get these guys some dinner.

Okay. Yeah. Um...

I'm sure you'll be great.

Fire extinguisher's in the garage.

So money's a little tight, huh?

No, no, Steven.

Everything's fine. We're great.

Good morning.

And I am not just saying that.

Listen, your mother's working double shifts, so I'll be cooking.

You know the fire extinguisher's in the garage, right?

Yeah.

I know.

I'm gonna have cereal.

Oh, you'll be having a lot of cereal.

So, where's Donna, man?

Donna?

Donna? Oh, you mean that girl who spent last night in my bed?

Yeah. Yeah, that's the one.

She went home this morning.

So?

Heh? Heh?

So?

So let's just say she went home a very happy woman.

All right, man, you finally did it.

Yeah.

You know, "it" can mean a lot of things.

No. "It" means one thing, and you either did it or you didn't.

Okay, then we didn't, but we did plenty of good stuff.

New stuff.

Plenty of good, new stuff.

God, man, you're bumming me out.

Couldn't you have at least just lied to me?

Uh, okay. We did it.

Liar.

So, do you like photos, man?

Yeah, man. Sure.

Okay. You got the job, man.

Just like that?

You don't have to interview anybody else?

Nobody else showed up, man.

So, what do I do here, anyway?

Well, I don't expect a lot, man.

Pretty much, if the hut doesn't burn down, it's been a good day.

And even if it burnt down, man, it's cool, 'cause I got three or four more of these little huts somewhere.

Hey, listen, if you see one of these huts, would you give me a call, man?

Or even better, I could take a picture.

Whoa.

A picture of a photo hut.

Hey, that'd be like art or something, huh?

Hey, listen, man, I hope you don't mind if I pay you in cash.

I don't like Big Brother getting into my business, you dig?

Man, keeping the government out of it, I'm so with you.

No. My big brother, man.

He's always hitting me up for money.

Oh. 'Cause you're the responsible one?

Yeah. It's my curse, man.

Hey, listen...

I gotta go, uh...

Do a thing at, uh... A place.

Yeah, man. I hear that.

So you want me to lock up when I'm done?

Lock up.

Wow. That's a great idea, man.

Hey, you're one of those idea men, aren't you, man?

Yeah. Maybe someday you'll be working for me, huh?

Really?

Aw, that'd be cool, man.

Hey, but can I have Saturday night off?

Cool.

So, you know what?

What?

Oh, I can't tell you.

Oh, my God. Now you have to tell me.

Even if it's not about me, I want to hear it.

I was really bad last night.

Did you shoplift? I knew it.

No.

I slept with Eric last night.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Was it great?

Yeah. I was asleep.

Ew! No.

No, Jackie, we were both asleep.

So nothing happened?

Well, you know, some things happened.

But we mostly slept.

You mean you were in his bed and he didn't whine and beg for, like, two hours until you're so sick of hearing his stupid voice that you just gave in so he would shut up?

No.

I love him.

He just, like, held me all night.

Oh, my God! That's so sweet.

Michael's just after me all the time.

I mean, I understand 'cause I'm sexy and all, but still.

Like, okay, he always, says, "Why cuddle when we can do it?"

Well, was he always like that?

No. No, I guess things kind of changed after we did it.

But in a good way.

I love it when Eric holds me.

Yeah. I love it when Michael buys me stuff.

Well, guys, I'm a little ashamed to admit this, but I got a job.

Yeah. I'm thinking about getting a job at a chip factory.

I gotta know how they do this.

Yeah. Red won't let me get a job.

He says if I don't study hard and get into college, once I turn 18, he's gonna kill me.

I think he's serious, man.

Hyde, did you ever stop to think how you working would make me go to the mall alone today?

You didn't think, did you?

No. Sorry.

Hey, guys, check this out, man.

Forman had Donna in his bed last night, and he didn't even do it.

What's up?

You're a bonehead, man.

I'm not a bonehead.

We did other stuff, and we cuddled.

It was great.

Sometimes when I'm alone, I just love to cuddle.

Forman, look, she climbed up the trellis of your house, through your window, to get into bed with you and cuddle?

Sorry, man. I never read that letter in Penthouse.

Those stories are true, you know.

Why would you just cuddle with her when you could do it?

I mean, Forman, doing it is "it."

That's why they call it "it".

"It!"

Guys, it was just one night.

There are gonna be lots of other nights.

Eric, opportunity does not knock and then ring the doorbell and then knock again, and then leave a note that says, "Sorry I missed you".

And then call you on the phone...

Yeah, yeah. We get it, Fez.

I mean, we get it.

What my foreign friend here is trying to say, Forman, is that you blew it, man.

And you blew it, man.

I'm losing my patience with you, man.

You gotta get with her.

There's nothing more beautiful than when two people fit together perfectly like...

Well, like two of these potato...

How do they do this?

Hey.

Yeah.

You wanna eat this?

No.

Well, it's in there if you change your mind.

I loved being here with you the other night.

Great. 'Cause I love that you came over.

It didn't, like, bother you that I was sleeping with you in your little single bed?

No, it bothered me, but in a really good way.

Good.

Good. Um, so...

You wanna come over tonight?

Yeah, cool. I'd love to.

Great.

'Cause I'm, like, wide open here.

Cool. So I'll see you tonight?

Okay.


Jeez. You didn't eat that fish, did you?

'Cause I was just kidding.

No.

All right, then.

Stop acting weird.


Hello, Mr. Forman.

How are you doing today?

Damn!

That pot's no good.

That pot would not have boiled over had you put some salad oil in the water.

So you know how to boil water.

Don't you have someplace you need to be?

Not really. If I go home too early, my host parents make me read Scripture.

Well, why don't you, uh...

Go sit in the basement? All right.

Well, what do you know?

Haji had it right.

Hey, man.

So this is where you work, huh?

Yeah, that's what they say.

Hey, won't you get in trouble if the boss shows up?

Oh, no. Is the boss here?

Hey, wait. I'm the boss.

You know, maybe third time's the charm.

Maybe this time it'll be really, really super.

Ta-da!

Oh, my gosh, Red.

Fried chicken and mashed potatoes.

Coleslaw.

Oh, and a little half an ear of corn.

Oh. I forgot the biscuits.

Nice, huh?

Oh, it's really nice!

Where'd you hide the bucket, Red?

Here.

Have a Wet-Nap.

All right. The Colonel.

Oh, um, there you go.

Well, now what is this?

Look, I got a job, all right?

And I don't wanna hear anything about "We're fine."

Because I know money's tight around here and you won't let Forman work, so just take the money and drop it.

Oh, he's a keeper.

I'm gonna take that money and open him a savings account.

Well, that's nice, Red.

Or blow it all on booze.

I still haven't made up my mind.

Ah, it's my good friend Eric.

So, what will it be?

Gilligan's Island?

Pinball? Stratego?

You decide.

Well, actually, Fez, Donna's coming over tonight, so I'm just here to get my Barry White album.

Otherwise, I would just love...

Blah, blah, blah. Just go.

Oh, baby. I am ready for love.

Why...

Hello. I've been expecting you.

Yawn. So, okay. You ready for bed?

Sure. Okay.

What, no Spider-Man sheets?

Well, I just use those on wash day.

Eric.

Can we, like, slow down for a second?

Sure.

Well...

Remember the other night, when we just, like, cuddled all night?

I really liked that.

Right. Yeah.

But I was thinking, why cuddle when we could do it?

Okay. You've been talking to those idiots in the basement again.

No.

Yes.

Look, Eric, I know it's a long drive, and... And we're gonna get there.

We're gonna get there.

But, I don't know, I wanna see some trees along the way.

Okay.

But I'll be driving?

You'll be driving, yes.

You swear to God?

I do. I swear to God.

Okay. Okay, good.

Because I do love you.

But I'm not gonna take my pants off.

Okay. Okay.

Would you be more comfortable if I put mine back on?

Mmm, might sleep better.

Will do.


Hey, what are you doin', man?

You turn that thing off and get ready for work!

I'm not working today, man.

I got an earache.

Earache, my eye! How'd you like a buttache?

Now get your little fanny perpendicular and open the hut!

You got it?

What a hard-ass, man.