That's Not Me (2017) Script

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Wow, I feel so incredibly special.

I don't even know where to start, if you told me five years ago I'd be standing up here, winning an Oscar?

I mean, this is unbelievable.

I genuinely didn't expect this and I haven't even prepared anything.

There are so many incredible, inspiring people that have contributed to this.

I wanna say a huge thank you to my parents, Mom and Dad, you encouraged something in me that I might not have discovered otherwise.

Oh, I really didn't wanna be one of those people, and I'm sure they're gonna start playing that music any second now, so, I wanna thank the entire cast and crew, this belongs to you as much as it does me, but I'm gonna take it home.

Meryl, you're the reason I started acting in the first place.

Cate, our Cate, what can I say?

But I wanna dedicate this award to my twin sister, Amy, who's actually also an actor.

Ames, I know this industry can be tough, trust me.

But if you keep at it,

if you keep at it, aw, fuck.

Excuse me, do you stock that organic brand of tampons?

I think the packing is green, or purple...

Yeah, yeah, we should do.

I'm sorry, but aren't you that girl from the KFC commercial?

No, sorry.

Yes you are, what the KFC, dude?

That's not the line, no, it's actually my twin sister, Amy.

Your twin sister?

Yeah, it's funny, I'm actually an actor too, but I don't really do commercials.

Okay.

I've actually got a callback for this HBO show with Jared Leto.

I'm kind of running late for a meeting with my agent.

Cool.

These ones?

Super, thank you.

You know, you don't have to pretend that you've got a twin sister.

I wasn't gonna ask you for your autograph, or anything.

No seriously, that's my sister, Amy.

It's just a KFC commercial, most people wouldn't even recognize you.

I'm not making it up.

I can call her right now.

Okay, go on.

Okay.

Thanks for your help.

Good news, Polly darling, your dry spell is over.

Summer Street want you for a six-week guestie.

You're kidding?

I didn't even do an audition.

They specifically asked for you.

Far out.

Did they see me in The Crucible?

Oh, aren't you gorgeous?

No, they more or less cast you from your head shot.

My head shot?

Yeah, so your character is somewhat albino, you'll be wearing red contact lenses, maybe go a bit blonder, stay out of the sun, is...

I'm sorry, albino?

Albee-no, albino, yes.

It's actually quite a meaty role.

Don't you think it's a bit offensive?

Offensive?

To actual albino people.

How so?

Well, I'm sure there's actual albino actors out there, and I'd be taking work away from them.

You're joking, right?

It's like blacking up.

Blacking up?

Would you rather albinos weren't represented on TV at all?

You'd be giving them a voice.

Look, I just don't wanna be known as that albino actor when I'm not an albino.

Don't you think that's a bit offensive to albinos?

Look, I'm just not comfortable with it, and Cate Blanchett never had to white up for Summer Street, so why should I?

No, she was too busy doing Tim Tam commercials.

Honestly Polly, I don't know why I bother with you sometimes, your sister is nowhere near this difficult to deal with.

Well, give it to her then.

I don't really wanna do soap operas anyway.

I wanna save myself for that HBO thing with Jared Leto, have you heard about the callback?

I haven't, but I'll let you know when I do.

I do want the work, Trish.

I just wanna make sure I'm making the right choices.

Is this how you're going to auditions?

What do you mean?

Your hair's all ratty, you're not wearing any makeup, and you're dressed like a grandma.

I am wearing makeup.

You and your Fitzroy friends might think this vintage crap is really cool, Polly, but casting directors aren't 20-something hipsters.

Some of them are.

Clean and commercial, Polly, that's what they want.

Off you pop.

[Woman] Excuse me?

Hello?

You gave us tickets to the wrong film, we were supposed to be seeing Fading Spring, and we were in another film.

Can I see your tickets?

They do say The Fading Spring in Cinema 2.

But you sent us in the wrong cinema.

I'm pretty sure I didn't At first I thought it was a trailer, but then it went on for a very long time.

Well, what would you like me to do to fix things?

Well, actually I quite enjoyed the film.

Me too.

I guess we'll just have to come back and see A Fading Spring next week.

You'll get us back again.

Well, how about next week's on me, ladies?

Oh, thank you.

That's so nice, thank you, young lady.

You're welcome, have a nice day.

Did you just give those two old ducks comps?

Yeah.

Why?

They, I sent them into the wrong cinema.

Jeez, Polly.

[Polly] Sorry.

Comps don't grow on trees, you know.

They kinda do, they're made of paper.

Did you clean cinema 2?

Yeah, hey, can I go now?

You still got three minutes left.

You serious?

Yeah, I'm serious.

Also, I would like to have a chat to you before you knock off.

You've been working here a while, now.

And I thought you might benefit from some additional responsibility.

What kind of responsibility?

Assistant manager, full-time, yeah.

Wow.

Um, yeah, I don't know.

It's a good opportunity, it's more money.

Who knows, one day you might even have my job.

God no.

I mean, no, thank you so much for thinking of me, but I really shouldn't.

I need to focus all my energy on my acting career right now.

I really appreciate the offer, though.

Okay.

Seriously, I totally get that this is your job and this is what you wanna do, but I just don't see myself doing this kinda work for the rest of my life.

And you think I did?

You think this is my dream come true?

When I was a kid, I wanted to work with animals, be a vet.

But we don't always get what we want, Polly.

Life can be disappointing.

Can I go now?

Yeah.

Can I have a Choc-top?

No.

Jesus Christ.


♪ I play to win, I wanna have it all, I play to win.

♪ I'm gonna reach the stars, I play to win, I play to win

♪ I play to win...

Fucking hell, Ariel.

Ariel, why do you always have to be oddjob?

It's the most annoying, obnoxious thing that you could do, you know that?

[Ariel] Well, suck shit Simon.

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing tomorrow?

I think I have to work, why, what's happening?

Well, I was thinking about going to the station and choosing a train at random and...

[Simon] Don't listen to her, Polly!

And going all the way to the end of the line, you wanna come?

Why?

I don't know, don't you wanna go on an adventure?

To Frankston?

Don't you also have a job?

It's baker's delight, man.

Who gives a shit?

Baker's delight probably give a shit.

Oh, come on.


Pa, ka, da, you know you need, unique, New York, but does unique, New York, need you.

Hey Papa.

[Dad] Oh hi sweetie, did you get the money?

I did, thank you, I'll pay you back next week when I get paid.

Oh, only if you can, there's no rush.

No, I want to, I swear.

How's Mom?

She's good, she made the short list for Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

But she'll tell you about that in a minute.

[Polly] That's great.

And, how are you?

[Polly] I'm fine.

Have you spoken to your sister?

Did she tell you about Summer Street?

Yeah, I knew about that.

[Dad] Isn't it fantastic?

Yeah, I suppose.

[Dad] My daughter, on Summer Street, with John Davidson and Dr. Tim.

[Polly] It's just a guest spot, and she has to play an albino.

Don't worry, sweetie.

You'll get your turn too.

I'm not worried, Dad.

I wouldn't have taken the role if they offered it to me anyway.

[Dad] Don't be silly, of course you would have.

No, I wouldn't.

I've got that callback for the HBO show with Jared Leto.

Oh yeah, I've forgotten about that.

[Mom] What?

I'm just talking to Polly about her big audition with Jared Leto.

Well, I doubt he's gonna be there.

Now, this Summer Street thing, it's a big deal for Amy, so you need to be happy for her.

She's worked so hard.

I work hard too, and I am happy for her.

And anyway, it's not a competition.

[Dad] I know, sweetie, I wasn't saying that.

And I know it must be hard, with her getting big roles.

I've actually gotta go dad, I've got an important industry networking function to get to.

[Dad] Okay, bye.


Ah, that's my beer.

Hello.

Um, hello.

Yeah sorry, that's my beer.

Oh, sorry, I didn't realize.

Where are you from?

Berlin.

I have always wanted to go there.

Nah, I'm just fuckin' with you.

Oh, asshole.

Oliver.

Polly.

[Oliver] Smoke?

Yeah, sure.

So what would I have seen you in?

Last year I did two features.

Did you see Diggers, or The Shearer?

With Russell Crowe, wow.

No, I don't really watch Australian films, but that's amazing, congratulations.

It's not a big deal.

To be honest, I'd really like to focus more on directing theater.

I'm opening a play next month, actually.

I don't know, if I wanted to really go for it, acting-wise, I'd go straight to LA for pilot season.

Yeah, I know a lot of actors who've done that.

I've actually been thinking about doing it, myself.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I mean, I'm sure my agent could fix up some meetings for me, and I could stay with a girlfriend who lives over there.

Do you know Zoe Cooper?

The chick from that David Lynch film?

Yeah.

She's a babe.

Yeah.

How do you know her?

Oh, we did some acting classes together, years ago, but we stayed in touch, and I'm sure it'd be fine to crash with her for a bit.

I fuckin' love Blue Velvet, it's probably one of my favorite films, ever.

What's your all-time favorite film?

It's gonna sound really cheesy.

Tell me.

It's a Wonderful Life, you know, with Jimmy Stewart?

Frank Capra, no, that's adorable, it's a beautiful film.

You have such beautiful fair skin.

You look really familiar, too.

Are you sure I wouldn't have seen you in something?

My twin sister's an actor too, you might have seen her in some ads or something.

Twin?

Yeah, um...

As in identical?

Yeah.

I mean, when you get to know us, like our family and friends can tell the difference, but yes, technically we're identical.

And you're both actors?

So are you guys like, the Olsen twins, or something?

It's not really like that.

Although, I did meet John Stamos in a shopping center once.

But yeah, we don't really hang out that much.

Who, you and John Stamos?

No, me and Amy.

Oh, right, why?

Just twin stuff.

Hey, did you know that Scarlett Johansson has a twin brother?

Yep, Vin Diesel too, and Kiefer Sutherland.

Yeah, Donald.

Danny DeVito, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I think that was just a movie.

Yeah, but it was based on a true story.

Really?

Actually, I have an amazing twin story.

So, there was this girl I met in New York, her and her twin sister were both ballerinas, and hot like, hot ballerinas.

So, they both auditioned for Julliard or some shit, and get this, out of the hundreds of applicants, they both make it down to the final two.

So their mom tells them not to do the final audition, you know, it'll ruin them.

They both insist they'll be happy for whoever gets in, so they do it, and they do all the routines like tests and shit, but they can't separate them.

So finally, it comes down to them laying flat against the ground, with their legs spread out, and checking who has the least amount of room between their thighs and the floor.

And the adjudicator can fit one pinky finger underneath one of the twin's thighs,

so they choose her sister.

One finger, and she's out.

So the good one goes on to Julliard and becomes like, a famous ballerina, and her sister puts on 25 kilos and ends up working as a nurse.

How fucking sad is that?

Yeah, I mean maybe she's happy though, right?

It'd be a lot of pressure, being a ballerina.

Yeah, I don't know.

I just thought it was kind of sad that she got fat.

Everyone has a twin story.

I didn't mean that's what'll happen to you and your sister, like that she'll get fat, or whatever.

I just think, wait, so you think I'd be the ballerina?

Sure, why not?

Oh, shit.

I can't, I'm at that time of the month.

Oh, I see.

No, I really am.

I totally would, but I can't.

Oh, right.

Do you think, maybe you could?

Oh, right.

This one's an interview I did for Film Press, and here's where I was on the set of Gatsby, I did an attachment, Leo was such a genuine guy.

Oh my God, you met him?

[Oliver] Nah, not really.

So is this your place?

My mom's, she's out of town till tomorrow.

Actually, she's coming home quite early, though, so it might be kind of best if you don't stay over.

Yeah, sure.

Just because I recently broke up with someone, and hadn't told her, and I just don't want to get into that whole explanation thing, and then have to introduce you.

It's not a problem, seriously.

I mean, it's almost morning, anyway.

Yeah, totally.

Cool.

Cool party, though.

Yeah.

You got my number, right?

Yeah.

It's a nice top.

Thanks.

Ready?

Yep Cool.

[Man] So, hot date, John, yeah?

I don't know, I don't think I'm ready to date again.

You know, Pippa's only been dead three months.

[Ariel] I have to say, I do kind of find John Davidson attractive.

For an old dude.

[Simon] Fuck off.

What?

The man's got charisma, there's no denying it.

Shut up.

In the meantime, no problem seeing other people.

Speaking of, oh gentlemen, look out.

I don't know, Len, his wife just died.

I don't think he needs another ghost in his life right now.

Are you waiting on someone?

Yeah, yeah, just waiting on a friend.

John?

How do we?

Chantelle, you don't recognize me from my profile photo?

Oh wow, yeah, yeah, I didn't realize you're uh.

An albino.

No, no, I just, your photo's black and white, so I think I wasn't quite expecting An albino.

No, no, I didn't even notice.

I just.

It's fine, I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have done this.

You just seemed really nice online.

I should go.

No, no, please, please.

Stay.

Can I get you a drink?

Sure.

♪ Spread your wings and fly away to a place we call home

Wow, that was,

that much better than I thought it was gonna be.

Are you serious?

You would have done it better, yeah, but, she was really pretty good.

Yeah, she wasn't bad at all, and I fuckin' hate Summer Street.

[Simon] You watch this show all the time.

[Ariel] Um, no I don't, Simon.

I watch Home and Away.

[Simon] 'Cause there's such a huge difference between those two shows.

I'm sorry, you guys actually thought that was good television?

I don't know, I mean, I like that she was willing to get a bit down and dirty with her image.

Down and dirty?

Because she was an albino?

Seriously, how often do you see albinos on TV?

And a hot one at that, you know, she wasn't a freak show or anything like that, that was really respectful.

You know, Summer Street have been giving voices to a lot of minority groups lately.

Good for them, good for her.

Whoa.

No, I mean it, good on her.

I've got a callback for that HBO show filming in Sydney, so, it's all about choices.

Ah, with Jared Leto?

Mhmm.

My friend has one too, I think, Dakota.

You remember her, the Billabong model with the gigantic rack, yes.

I didn't know she was an actor.

[Ariel] She isn't.

[Simon] Well, neither is Polly.

Oh, fuck off.

The point is, it's just Summer Street, it doesn't mean shit.

HBO want Amy.

What?

I told you to do Summer Street, Polly.

These things always lead to bigger things.

What about my callback?

They didn't do any.

They just saw Amy in Summer Street and got her in for a meeting.

I can see why, she has such an unusual look.

It's difficult to articulate, but they just said there's something about her.

She's just got "it".

That's me.

Regardless, I think this could open doors for you too, Polly.

Worked for the Hemsworth boys.

They're not identical twins, they're not even twins.

And anyway, I wanna get there on my own merits, not ride her coattails.

Well, you should be thanking her, it's already working in your favor.

Some feature film in Adelaide asked to see you.

It's a good script, it's a leading role.

Oh, okay.

Wow, that is something.

Just remember what we discussed about the hair, and this.

Well, thanks for coming in, in such short notice, and we'll just get straight into it, I guess.

This is Corrie, our writer-director.

Hi.

This is Evan, our casting director.

And I'm Nick, I'm producing this film.

Really lovely to meet you.

I love the script, it's beautifully written.

Oh, wow, that's so lovely.

Thank you.

Great, well, why don't you start by telling us a little bit about yourself?

Yeah, well, I'm 27, I'm an actor, obviously, I trained in Sydney, and I moved back to Melbourne a couple of years ago.

I've been doing a lot of independent theater, short films, workshops.

I'm going to LA for pilot season, later this year.

Oh, great.

Yeah, that's great.

Yeah, we've been hearing great things.

Wow, thank you.

[Corrie] So, have you got any questions about the scene?

No, it seems pretty straightforward.

[Corrie] Okay.

[Nick] Oh, tell us a little bit about that HBO show, can you talk about it?

[Corrie] Oh, yeah, it must be amazing working with Jared Leto.

Ah, no, that's my sister, Amy.

Sorry?

My twin sister, Amy she's the one filming the HBO show, I'm Polly, Polly Cuthbert.

Oh, she has a twin.

I had no idea, I'm so sorry, it's completely my fault.

Just a bit of bad luck, I mean what's?

[Corrie] Well, who's this one, then?

[Evan] I don't know who this is.

I can still start, if you like?

No, that's okay, I mean, we don't want to waste your time, so...

Thanks so much for coming in, Amy's sister.

I'd love to show you what I can do.

No, no, look it's fine, see, we're only interested in your sister at this stage, so.

I'm a better actor.

She actually failed year 11 drama, I topped the class.

Okay, look, Amy.

Polly.

Polly, I'm so sorry.

We just don't think that you're the right actor for the role.

But we look exactly the same.

And like I said, I'm the better actor.

[Nick] Penny,...

Polly.

Penny, please don't take this the wrong way, it's just that Amy has a profile.

She, a star on the rise.

Yeah, and we really do have a lot of people to see today.

Although, one less than we thought we would.

[Evan] I'm so sorry, Corrie.

[Corrie] That's fine.

Please?

Could I just read?

I know I'm perfect for the role.

Please.

Just let her read.

[Nick] Okay.

Thank you, thank you so much.

You won't regret this.

Are we filming this one?

Ah, sure.

Yeah?

Why don't you, yeah.

And, rolling.

When you're ready.


A jug of the sangria, thanks.

And a nachos.

Steven, I just don't think you should be getting the nachos, when you had those chips before we came.

You can't come to Mexican restaurant and not have nachos.

Besides, I'm a grown man; if I want to order the nachos, I'll order the damn nachos.

Guys.

We'll just have the sangria for now, thanks.

And a cerveza.

Molto bene.

She started it.

Fine, but don't ask me again if I think you're getting fat.

Guys, seriously.

Where's Amy?

Fashionably late.

Don't you start.

Start what?

You know exactly what I'm talking about.

Tonight's about Amy and us celebrating as a family.

I'm very happy for her.

She said she tried to ring you several times this week, Pol.

I've just been really busy.

Anyway, she's just calling to gloat.

Don't sulk, Polly.

I'm not sulking.

She really looks up to you, and your support would really mean a lot to her.

Shouldn't we be getting bubbles?

Uh, there's actually Sprite in the sangria.

Does it really matter?

Big occasion?

Yes, our daughter's has been cast in a television program.

Oh, congratulations.

No, our other daughter.

Yeah, not this one.

We're luck enough to have two talented actresses in our family.

Dad, please.

[Waiter] Are you ready to order?

Ah, we'll need a bit more time with the menus, and we're just waiting on one more.

Slow down on the sangria, please?

I had one sip.

So, I have some news too, actually.

I'm going to LA, for pilot season.

Are you sure that's a good idea?

I mean, financially.

You know, we're happy to help you while you're finding your feet here, Pol, but we can't afford to bankroll a trip to LA.

Well, I've got a credit card, and some savings.

And you're just going to blow it all on a trip to LA?

It's not just a trip, it's an investment, for work.

Anyway, it wouldn't even cost that much, I could stay with Zoe.

Zoe?

Zoe Cooper, you know, my actor friend.

She was in that David Lynch film you didn't understand.

Oh yeah, I didn't like that film.

Well, anyway, she lives over there now, so she could help me get some meetings and...

Excuse me, we're gonna need one more setting.

Is she bringing Jared?

Excuse me?

Yes.

Now sweetie.

I'm sorry, Jared Leto?

They've really hit it off.

Hit it off?

As in, hit it off, are you serious?

Actually, really nice guy.

When did you meet him?

Yesterday, they came over for afternoon tea.

He had a play on my guitar, he's an amazing musician.

Amazing.

You never let me play on your guitar.

Polly, it's Jared Leto?

He's like an Oscar winner.

Couldn't really well say no.

Oh, oh Polly.

Don't do this.

You have a chance to the bigger person, here.

You're gonna have to start preparing yourself, 'cause Amy's on the brink of something big, here.

Yeah, she's 30 seconds to who cares.

What?

Forget it, I can't stay anyway, I just remembered I have a date.

No, you don't.

I do actually, with a hot up-and-coming director.

[Oliver Voice Mail] Hey, it's Ollie.

If it's about the Dumbwaiter, shoot me an email.

Otherwise, leave me a message after the .


Holy fuck, it's the albino from Summer Street.

[Guy] Oh my god, she's so white.

Maybe she's a real albino.

What, albino, no, it's albee-no.

[Girl] No, it's albino, it's the same thing anyway.


[Polly] Vanilla, chocolate, honeycomb, blueberry, mint and banana.

[Woman] Sorry, I wasn't listening, what flavors have you got?

Vanilla...

[Man] Actually, I'll just have a bottle of water.

Yeah, me too.

Actually, I'll just have a sip of his.

Four dollars, ninety, thanks.

Four dollars ninety for a bottle of water?

Bargain, isn't it?

Next.

Next, please.

Polly.

Oliver, hello.

Or should I say, hallo.

I forgot you worked here.

Yeah, I'll bet.

What film you seeing?

Just two tickets to Seven Sundays.

How are ya?

Yeah, good, do you have any loyalty or concession cards?

No.

Jeez, I mean this kinda feels like fate.

Is halfway back on the aisle okay?

Yeah, great.

Actually, I prefer something more in the center.

I've got three rows from the front, if you want to sit in the center.

Is that really close?

It's three rows from the front.

Oh, okay.

No, I'll go with the first one you suggested.

It's actually really great to see you.

It's been ages.

Yeah, months.

Well, look, I'd love to take you out for a drink sometime, or coffee, whatever.

Yeah, maybe.

Okay.

I'll call you.

Well, what about tonight?

I knock off around about when your film gets out.

Um, yeah, I'm kinda here with someone.

Oh, okay.

I get it.

No, no, my mom.

No, no, my mom. She's over there.

She's over there.

Oh, right.

Look, yeah, why not?

I'll wait for you after the film.

Okay, I'll see you soon.

Hello, can I get a ticket, please?

Sure.

What film are you seeing?

Um, the Ryan Gosling film.

Seven Sundays.

Well, you really love your carbs.

So yeah, anyway, critically-speaking, it was really well-received.

The Dumbwaiter has just opened up so many doors for me.

I mean, I have set designers coming up to me now, I don't have to beg them to work for free.

It's great that you can pay people.

No, they still work for free, I just don't have to feel guilty about it.

Oh, that's great too, I think.

You should have come.

I've actually been going through a bit of a tough time.

But yeah, actors too, I have a stack of head shots actors gave me, on opening night.

People actually do that?

I feel like I have free reign to do whatever I really want now.

I've been reading a lot of old obscure French plays, I'm thinking about translating them into English, but putting them into a modern context.

I really wanna shake things up and do something different.

I forgot how pale you are.

Thanks?

Yeah, like I said in the cinema, it just feels like fate, running into you.

Yeah, you kinda dropped off the face of the planet.

Yeah, I was going through a strange state of flux.

You know, I had just broken up with my ex, and then we ended up getting back together.

Oh, and now?

Nah, we broke up again.

You coulda just let me know.

Yeah, I just didn't wanna get into that ugly question/explanation game.

And to be honest, I mean, if you'd gone quiet on me, I would've got the message.

So you work at the cinema?

Do you get free tickets?

Yep, and half-price popcorn.

Hey, what's your all-time favorite movie?

Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life.

Oh, that's a bit corny.

I thought you said...

So I hear your sister's doing really well.

Yep, that seems to be the general consensus.

I read about Amy being cast in that HBO series, and I thought, what a coincidence, reading about her, and seeing you now.

It's funny because I'm directing this film later in the year, and I have this script that I'd really love her to read.

And I was kinda wondering if maybe I might be able to grab her email address off you.

I mean, I can always go through her agent, I just thought this might be a bit more personal.

Okay?

It must be kinda weird for you, now that she's famous.

Not really, it's fine.

I'm happy for her.

It reminds me of these twins I met in New York, so they were both ballerinas, and like, hot, like hot ballerinas.

Yeah, you told me this story, one ends up a famous ballerina, and the other one ends up a fat nurse.

Oh yeah, it's kind of sad, eh?

That she's fat, or that she's a nurse?

What?

Well, she might be really happy.

You don't know.

It's more than you're doing.

Excuse me?

She's a nurse, she's saving lives.

What are you doing that's so great?

I'm adapting Camus for the arts festival, what the fuck are you doing?

[Patricia] Polly darling, I'm gonna have to let you go.

What?

I'm sorry, dear, you're confusing people.

But I'm the good one.

Oh, there is no good one, but if there was, it would be Amy.

She's the one getting all the work.

Frankly, there's no point having both of you on the books, you can't offer me anything different.

I could dye my hair, I'll do commercials.

I have to look out for Amy's brand now, dear.

That audition was embarrassing for everyone concerned.

They wanted Amy, and instead they got "the other one".

That's what they actually called you in the feedback, "the other one".

But I read really well.

And I thought you said the sibling thing could work to my advantage, like for the Hemsworth brothers.

Not when you're identical, the only angle would be to market you as twins.

Like the Olsens.

I don't wanna be just one-half of something.

Well, I'm sorry, dear, I'm not sure you're even that.

But keep in touch.


Hey Ariel, it's me.

Wanna go to Frankston?


So Patricia dropped me.

I didn't know you were seeing someone.

Dude, she's my agent.

Oh yeah, that's right.

I'm not even gay.

I know, I knew that.

What the fuck does Trish know, anyway?

The most she ever did was model for Target catalogues.

Yeah, fuck Trish.

You think I'm talented, don't you?

Um, I don't think I've actually ever seen you in anything.

Yeah you have, surely.

Well what was the last thing you did?

I did The Crucible last year, in that condemned warehouse.

Ah, I was in New Zealand.

I did a couple of student films the year before.

How would I have seen them?

Oh, what about my one-woman show of 12 Angry Men?

It was at Fringe in 2011?

I was nominated for best newcomer.

Dude, we didn't even know each other back then.

Is that all you've done?


Hey.

Next please.

What film are you seeing?

The girl with the tatface, obviously.

There's more than one film screening, sir.

Hey, aren't you that chick from Summer Street who's dating Jared Leto?

Yes, I work casual shifts in a cinema to stay grounded.

[Woman] Really?

No.

There's no sound in cinema three.

Okay, I'll let projection know.

You can go back to the cinema, it'll be fixed in just one moment.

Aspect ratio's wrong too.

Okay.

Um, what the fuck?

Show me that.

No, hey don't fuckin' touch me.

Is everything okay here?

She's trying to steal my phone.

What?

[Rude Woman] She's a total psycho.

Polly, what's going on?

This guy's being a cunt.

There's no sound in cinema three.

[Guy] Aspect ratio.

And the aspect ratio's apparently wrong.

Thanks Pete.

I'll take over.

Thank you.

So, um, two tickets, was it?

Tatface.

Tatface, yes.

I'm sorry, Pol.

You can't speak to customers like that, I've got no choice.

It was an invasion of my privacy.

What am I supposed to do?

You didn't have to give them comps.

Can't you just give me a warning?

Look, there's no way that cunt isn't gonna go and complain to head office.

If I don't fire you now, it's my ass on the line too.

I'm sorry.

Take a Choc-top.

Are you fucking serious?

Like that's gonna make things better.

I don't know, it might.

Alright, take three.

See ya, Pol.

Doesn't it freak you out when you look at the moon?

I mean, to think of it as something spherical, it's there, you know, it's actually there, it's not something that's on a 2-D sky.

Apparently, it's more lemon-shaped.

You know what I mean.

I don't even have a fucking job now.

Better than working at Baker's Delight.

Hey, I live off that free bread.

Yeah, and it does make for good kindling.

I should just go, to LA.

I should just fucking do it.

Totally, I'll come with you.

[Polly] Really?

No, but you should totally go.

Well, maybe I will.

Yeah, fuck it.

Yeah, I'm gonna do it.

Aw, but I'll miss you guys, and I don't wanna leave you in the lurch with the house.

Babe, no, fuck it, you should totally go.

Okay, we can fill your room.

[Ariel] Easy.

Really?

Is anyone else feeling like this is totally the right decision right now?

Oh my god, we should just book your tickets right now, so you can't back out.

Yeah, fuck it.

Let's do it.

I'm going to Hollywood.

[Polly] Where's my credit card?

[Ariel] Yes!

Yeah!

You seriously did that?

You told me to.

Polly, I had taken a lot of MDMA last night.

What?

Thanks for sharing, man.

I was in a really open place.

You should have not have been taking advice from me.

Oh my God, what the fuck have I done?

Calm down.

When do you leave?

Tonight.

Shit.

That's really soon.

You'll have fun.


♪ The sun's in my mind, and I'm falling out of si...

So, you're an actor here on business?

I'm here for pilot season?

This does not look promising.

What?

Oh my God, oh my God, please don't send me home.

Do you have any paid work here in the United States?

No, none.

Any auditions?

No.

Any meetings?

Casting directors, producers, directors?

No.

Do you have representation here in the United States?

No.

Do you have an agent or manager in Australia?

Not at the moment.

Do you have any idea what you're doing?

No, not really.

Pilot season was months ago.

Really?

This is a tough town.

And there are many people out there, looking to take advantage of someone like yourself.

Trust me, I used to be an actor.

Were you in an episode of Sex and the City?

You can stay in the United States up to 90 days.

I can?

Yeah, you're not an actor, you're a tourist.


Hello?

Polly.

Zoe, hey.

[Zoe] Hi.

I'm so sorry I was late, I got held up at customs, for like, an hour.

Oh, what happened?

Nothing, just a mix-up.

Oh, that's not good.

Yeah, come in.

Oh, hey, you must be exhausted.

And that way.

Welcome.

Great place.

Thanks.

Yeah, it's my little haven, away from all the madness.

That you so much for having me stay at such short notice.

Yeah, it's no problem.

It's really good to see you, it's been like, years.

Yeah.

Hey, how's your dad?

He's good.

That's really great, 'cause I remember you missed a few of classes 'cause he was really sick.

No, that was Stephanie, remember the musical theater girl?

Yeah, oh, right.

Yeah, actually, I think he died.

Jesus, that's awful.

Yeah.

Is my bag okay here, or?

Yeah, yeah, make yourself at home.

I thought you could sleep here.

Help yourself to anything in the kitchen, although I think I've run out of a few things.

Maybe you could pick them up for me from the shops, it's just I've got this studio meeting I've gotta go to in a minute.

Yeah, of course.

Thanks, these ones are specialty items, so I'll mark the stores you need to go to.

You might have to catch a cab for this one, or I could drop you there on the way to my meeting.

Actually, you should come.

To your meeting?

Yeah, why not?

It'd be good for you to see you know, like what happens behind the scenes in Hollywood.

Are you interested in that?

Fuck yeah!

I mean, um, fuck, yeah.

Terrific, let's go.

Okay.

You can carry my bag.

Yep, sure.

Let's go.

Stay close, follow my lead.

Hi.

[Receptionist] Hi.

I've got a message to pass on.

[Receptionist] Okay.

What the fuck!

You can tell the studio, if it's guts they want, Zoe Cooper has all the chum you need.

Remember this face.

Come on, Polly.

Okay, listen.

So they're doing an all-female remake of Jaws, right?

So I asked my agent to hook me up with an audition for the part of Brody, but apparently the studio didn't think I was gritty enough.

So, I just gave them a deskful of gritty.

Oh.

People in Hollywood love this shit.

Man, it's a great story.

Like the other day, I was reading about how Sean Young got the role of Catwoman, just by showing up at the studio, dressed as Catwoman.

I don't think Sean Young ever played Catwoman?

No.

What?

Really?

I don't think so.

Well, let's just see how this plays out.

Anyway, I gotta go see my agent.

You should probably go do my shopping, ey?

Yeah, cool.

I'll drop you off.

Great.


Do you want a top up?

No, thanks, I'm still on my first.

So my agent wasn't too happy about the whole fish guts thing.

Really?

She's pretty angry.

I was doing some reading, on the whole Sean Young thing, that did not turn out well for her.

I just want one good role, you know?

I'm sick of playing fucking pretty girl.

But dude, you've made it.

Let me tell you about "making it", Polly, the best role I've been offered in the past year was as a hooker on True Detective, and they gave it to a porn star instead.

Yeah, but like, you were like, dating that guy from OC, and you've been on like, the cover of Cosmo and shit, that's pretty cool.

Really?

That's what you care about?

Well, no.

But like, why do you do it, then?

Because I love acting.

I want good roles.

I wanna work.

Yeah, totally.

Why do you do it?

Well, for me, it's just, it's all I've ever wanted to be, since I was a kid.

Who cares?

Sorry?

That's not a reason, give me a better one.

What?

You're an adult now, Polly, not a fuckin' child.

Every kid wants to be a movie star, because every kid gets told by their parents, they can do whatever they want.

So, why do you now wanna be an actor?

I mean, do you even enjoy acting?

[Polly] I'm so sorry, this is so embarrassing.

Oh no, shh, just get it all out.

[Polly] The customs guy from Sex and the City was right.

What?

I'm a fraud.

No wonder Amy's beating me.

Everybody just loves Amy.

You like me, don't you?

Sure.

Hey look, maybe you just need to go home for a bit, you know, do you your homework, get a bit of a, bit of a profile?

Maybe do Summer Street or something, they love that shit here.


[Mom on Phone] Hello?

Hi.

[Mom on Phone] Polly, oh, it's very late to be calling.

Oh, I forgot about the time.

[Mom on Phone] Is everything okay?

I kind of need some money to get home?

[Mom on Phone] Home?

Where are you?

At Zoe's?

[Mom On Phone] Where's that?

We can come and pick you up.

In Los Angeles?

[Mom On Phone] Los Angeles, what are you doing there?

I thought we discussed this.

I don't know.

[Mom on Phone] Well, I think you should come home.

Yeah, me too.

[Mom on Phone] Alright, well stay there, I'll call you back, oh dear, I have to wake your father, he's not going to be happy about that.

But I think we should be able to transfer some money, alright?

Thanks Mom.

[Mom on Phone] Bye darl'.

♪ No sweeter word's been sung, and I'll see you there

♪ At one by the river, at the bend

♪ Something sparkles in your eye, ♪ There's something in your smile, when yousay

♪ We're just friends

♪ And I know I'm here too early, ♪ I know there are all those girly things we've got to do

♪ The sky's bright and clear, the bank is getting busy

♪ I'll wait here for you

♪ Someone else's friends are on the bank

♪ Someone else's friends have met in the right spot

♪ Maybe the right spot was somewhere else, but So, how was LA?

Um, productive.

I had a really interesting meeting at a big studio, yeah.

It's just good to get seen by the right people, I suppose.

Wow, you weren't even gone for that long.

Yeah, well my agent, ah, potential agent over there, thinks that I need to be coming off the back of something, she said it'd be easier if I had more of a profile.

So, I'm just back for a bit to land a couple of a gigs, and then I'll go back.

[Ariel] Wow, that's so good, Polly.

Yeah, but I'm wrecked, can we go home?

Oh, we, we filled your room.

Sorry, we just thought?

I was gone for less than a week?

All my stuff is still there.

Well, it's in the garage, now.

Actually, I need to talk to you about that.

You need to come and get your stuff, because I think the roof is leaking, so you know, the sooner the better.

Can't you just crash with your parents?

Yeah, totally.

I mean, I won't even be back for that long, I guess.

[Ariel] Yeah.

Excuse me?

Can I grab the bill?

Do you have any money?

I only have American money.

[Cafe Manager] It's on the house.

Okay?

For you Amy, anything.

Now look, what would be really good, if you don't mind, could you maybe like, check-in here, or maybe tweet something about the place, if that's okay?

I'm not actually...

Oh, she will, absolutely.

Oh, thank you so much.

I don't really tweet.

Can I grab an eclair as well?

I don't even have an account.

Stop being so goddamn funny, Amy.

She has tens of thousands of followers.

So cool, Amy, sure you don't want anything?

Another flat white, I guess, to go?

[Cafe Manager] Yep.

And a lamington.

Absolutely, it's my pleasure, big fan.

Oh, me too.

I think it's perfect, it's definitely formal enough for an awards ceremony.

Not many women could pull this off, but with your complexion, Amy, you just look stunning.

Suppose I could see Cate Blanchett wearing something like this.

What do you think, Amy?

Amy?

This was how much?

Oh no, Amy, just make sure you credit us on the red carpet.

Tonight, we go out, we get a shit-ton of free drinks.

'Scuse me, can I have your autograph?

Oh, I'm actually not...

Um, of course you can.

Do you want a photo too?

Come on, you want a photo, don't ya?

Let's go for it.

Say cheese!

She's gonna be a famous actor, just like you, Amy.

You've really made her day.

♪ Ooh, dancin', dancin'

♪ Ooh, dancin', dancin'

[Mom] Oh, you're all fancy.

Big night planned?

Yep.

What time'll you be home?

I don't know.

Just a rough time?

You don't have to wait up, dad.

I know, I know, but it's good to have an estimate and then we won't worry.

Not a hotel, you know.

I'm not a child.

Do you need money for a taxi?

Yes please.

[Bartender] Fries.

Brilliant, thank you.

[Bartender] With the wine, that comes to $21.50.

Right, I can just check-in, if you like?

[Bartender] Sorry?

You know, I can tweet to my tens of thousands of followers that I'm here?

I'm from Summer Street, on TV.

I don't care if you're Angelina fucking Jolie.

You need to pay for your chips and wine.

Of course, of course, I know.

I wasn't, I was just, you can't blame me for trying, right?

[Ariel on Phone] Yeah.

Dude, where the fuck are you?

[Ariel on Phone] What?

I'm at the bar, where are you?

[Ariel on Phone] Uh, I'm at a staff meeting.

I play to win.

No you're not, you're at home, playing video games.

[Simon on Phone] Oh, is that Polly?

Ask her what she's wearing.

Simon says, what are you wearing?

I'm wearing the free dress, you fuckhead.

I thought that was the whole plan.

I get free clothes, and we dress up and go out drinking.

[Ariel on Phone] Oh yeah, I forgot, I'm sorry.

[Simon on Phone] Tell her that she's gotta come get the rest of her stuff.

Um yeah, you gotta come pick up the rest of your shit.

There's like this huge poster of cutouts from TV Week or something.

Fuck, my vision board.

Your what?

Nothing, it's private.

Did you just say vision board?

Vision board.

Tell her I'm gonna burn it.

Simon says, Simon says, Simon says, burn your vision board.

[Simon on Phone] Simon says, pull your pants down.

[Ariel on Phone] Simon...

Hey.

Look, Amy, I don't wanna be a fuckin' stalker, but would it kill you to answer one of my phone calls?

I'm not actually...

Save it...

Hey, can we get a photo with you?

Yeah, of course.

Hey, how are ya?

Thanks so much, Jack.

That schoolies movie is like my favorite, ever.

That scene where you take your shirt off?

Oh, well it's always nice to meet fans, cheers, thanks, thank you, cheers.

I don't get you, I mean one minute we're hanging out, we're going to the movies, we're playing Scrabble until three in the morning, the next thing I know, you're fucking Jared Leto.

I mean, come on.

I'm not actually...

Bullshit, it's fuckin' everywhere.

I just can't stop thinking about you.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't .

Wait.

Oh, Amy, oh, Amy.

Oh wow, Amy.

Amy.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

Thanks.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

It's gonna sound weird, but why do you wanna be an actor?

It's easy, it's all I ever wanted to do, since I was a little boy.

Who cares?

Excuse me?

I mean, really?

Well no, actually.

I wanted to work in Milk Bar.

What.

Yeah, I wanted to live where I worked, I put it on a school project, but Mom made me change it to actor, because I'd just been a tree in a school play.

Me too, except I wanted to be a checkout chick.

I thought you got to keep the money in the till.

Man, our parents have a lot to answer for.

What do you mean?

Follow your dreams, you can be anything you want.

Oh yeah, what a bunch of dicks.

Hey, I'm just not so sure it's such a good thing.

Well, they only wanted us to be happy, dude.

Yeah, but it only sets us up for disappointment.

I mean, not everyone can be a Oscar-winner.

Well, maybe not but...

I mean, if you even think about like, changing directions, or trying something else, it's like you failed.

I don't know, I guess that's why we have to be so thankful for getting to do what it is that we do.

What, unemployment?

It's okay to be proud of your success, Amy.

Yeah, I was um, I was thinking about my older sister.

She just had to move home with my parents, she lost her job.

That's no good. I didn't know you had a sister.

Really?

Yeah, you never really talked about your family.

I didn't?

It's a difficult relationship.

I forgot how pretty you are.

I've really missed you.

I missed you too.

So what about Jared Leto?

Fuck Jared Leto.

You okay?

Yeah.

This place is really cool, I never get hassled.

But I suppose you're in a different league, now.

Not really.

[Oliver] Jack!

Ollie, hey, how are you?

Yeah, good.

Oliver, this is...

Polly...

No, Amy.

Amy?

Yes, Amy.

Nice to meet you.

Amy, this is Oliver Brook, he's an actor too.

More of a director now, really.

Oh, yeah, right, sorry.

Oliver's getting a lot of theater work as a director.

Film, I'm transitioning to film now.

Right, cool.

Have you guys met before?

No, absolutely not.

No, I haven't met Amy, but I did meet your sister, Polly.

Maybe she mentioned me.

We were seeing each other there, for a while.

No, didn't mention it.

I wanted to cast you in something, did she mention that?

No.

Is this your older sister?

Twin sister, actually.

Her and I once had a long conversation about twins.

I think Polly's a little bit jealous of you.

No she's not.

I had no idea you had a twin.

We don't really talk much.

We kind of fell out.

I heard.

Actually, I have a very funny story about your sister.

It must be quite difficult for her, being your twin.

It is, I think...

So this story, right...

That's alright, I don't really wanna hear it.

Nah, I think you do, it's a good one.

Bit PG-rated.

No really, it's fine.

No, go on. Okay, so get this, your sister actually gave me her first blow job.

What?

[Jack] Whoa.

No she didn't.

Dude, come on.

She totally did, is that bad?

Yes, it's disgusting you would talk about someone like that.

Hey, I just thought you'd find it funny.

Yeah, well, I lied.

She did mention you.

She said you're a narcissistic cunt who saves his own press clippings.

Hey, my mom does that, not me.

So does mine, actually.

You don't like, show them to your dates, though.

Well, that is a little bit weird.

Yeah, well, she was frigid.

She said your dick stinks.

Whoa.

Your sister's a bitch.

And so are you.

I think you should go now, Ollie.

[Oliver] What?

Seriously, fuck off.

Alright.

This is bullshit!

Your sister's right, Amy.

The dude is a fuckwit, everybody knows it.

I've never liked him.

I wouldn't worry about it.

I'm so sorry, I just feel awful.

I mean, you're such a nice guy.

Hey, hey, it's okay, it's all good.

So, a twin sister, huh?

She sounds pretty funny.

I'd really love to meet her, sometime.

I don't think she wants to talk to me.

Well, maybe you should reach out, be the bigger person.

It's just.

Are you calling me?

Um.

Hello?

Hello, Amy.

Can I call you back?

Jack, I can explain.

Morning, Polly.

Why did you buy this?

Oh, we save all of your clippings.

What?

Your father has a little scrapbook he keeps for each of you.

Really?

Yes, he's been doing it since you were kids.

Polly, what did you think would happen?

I thought we'd get married and have babies.

Really?

What do you reckon, Mom?

Well, I think you probably weren't thinking at all.

So, who's scrapbook does this go into?

Well, ooh, well that's a good point.

I don't know.

I might have to get your father a second copy.


[Dad] Hey Polly.

Hey Dad.

It's okay, Dad.

I don't need to play your guitar.

Huh, oh no, Amy and Jared are coming over.

That's them now.

Fuck.

Language. Come on, you've got to apologize to your sister.

Like this?

She won't care what you're wearing.

What about Jared Leto?

Well, you can apologize to him too.

Come on, chop chop.

Shame Jared couldn't make it.

Looking forward to another jam.

You think he'll be back in Australia anytime soon?

I think I've finally worked out how to play Layla.

He's gone, Dad.

Can I please be excused?

No, we haven't finished yet, Pol.

[Amy] Can I talk to you?

I guess.

Look, Amy, I know what you're gonna say, and I'm sorry.

I really didn't mean to...

Polly, it's not about Jack.

I actually really need your help.

Okay.

I know this is gonna sound crazy, but I don't wanna do this anymore.

I don't wanna be an actor.

What?

I'm just kind of over it, I mean, this thing with Jared was kind of the final straw.

I'm really not dealing with all of this attention.

Oh my God, Amy, I'm so sorry, I really am, but please don't give up just because of me.

I mean, you're Amy Cuthbert, you're a huge star now.

Well,

what if you were Amy Cuthbert instead?

Amy.

No, listen.

I've just been cast in this huge Sofia Coppola film shooting in LA, and I'm absolutely terrified.

I'm in way out of my depth.

But you could do it, you love Sofia Coppola.

I know you could do it, you've always been the talented one.

Amy, this is nuts.

Just think about it.

But if we did do it, I think we'd have to do it soon, before anyone finds out.

I mean, we could swap clothes, right now.

Seriously, we could leave this room, and be completely different people.

You could do the acting thing, and I could just have some time out.

Even Mom and Dad wouldn't have to know.

Think about it.

This time next week, you'd be on set, with Sofia Coppola.

Oh, I just can't do it, please Polly, please help me.

I don't know, I don't know, alright.

Just let me think.

Maybe we could just try it?

Just for a bit.

Oh, yes, you're the best.

Thank you.

Let's just do it now.

Let's just swap clothes now.

Okay.

Yeah.

I can't fucking believe it.

Really, Polly?

What?

Ah, dude.

I just wanted to make you suffer for a bit for fucking things up with Jared.

Did you seriously think this would work?

That Mom and Dad can't tell us apart?

I don't know, I thought we could just try it out, just for a bit, see if it worked.

I was worried I was maybe taking things too far, but the fact that you were willing to go there, that is really fucked up.

It was coming from a place of love, I was trying to help you.

Bullshit.

You're horrible.

So are you.

Right, so all of this was bullshit?

[Amy] Yep.

Wow, you're a really good actor.

Thanks.

Well, except the stuff about the Sofia Coppola film, that's true.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

[Amy] What?

I'm the Sofia Coppola fan, I showed you Lost in Translation.

Thanks for your support.

No, I just meant that like...

Look, Polly, you can take this, or leave it, but you haven't been there for me for a long time.

My whole world has changed this year, and you missed all of it.

And it's not like you're not kicking goals, Mom and Dad told me you're moving to LA.

When were you gonna shove that in my face?

I'm not moving to LA.

They said you were.

I'm not.

I spent like, two days there, and I made a huge dick of myself.

I had no idea what I was doing.

I almost got deported, and then I threw up all over Zoe Cooper's floor.

And now everywhere I go, people think I'm you.

I don't have an agent, or a job.

I'm the nurse.

[Amy] What?

I'm the fat nurse.

Look, I don't know what that means, but don't be so hard on yourself.

I mean, you're really talented.

And anyway, what would you do instead?

I don't know.

Dude.

Well, if you ever do wanna pretend to be me in future, just ask me first, okay?

There are tons of events and things I hate going to.

You're welcome to them, and the free shit that comes with it.

It's fine, it wasn't that much fun anyway.

Okay.

So, how are you?

It's been a really hard year.

Yeah, I'll bet.

Dad, can I have this photo?

Haven't seen that for a while.

You'd have to take extra-special care of it.

I will, God.

[Dad] What do you want it for?

I don't know, I just like it.

I mean, it's nice.

People had such different priorities back then.

Look, our house and our car, and Pop thought he'd "made it".

Well, he had made it, that's what it was all about back then.

You know, he died probably about five years after that was taken.

That's sad.

[Dad] It was.

Hope I can make it before I die.

Well, keep at it, maybe one day you'll be a famous movie star.

No, I mean I hope I can make it like Pop.

With family, a house and a car.

You know, and just be happy with that.

Hmm, well the real-estate market's pretty tough nowadays, Polly, so just be realistic.

Especially with your financial situation.

So you're fine with me wanting to be famous, but heaven forbid I think about buying property?

No, I just don't want you to be disappointed.

Thanks Dad.

That's okay, kiddo.


Hey Ariel, it's me.

♪ You know we're coming for the kingdom

♪ Walkin' on a razor's edge

♪ Buyin' up all promises, cause the fires are comin'

♪ And there's a light in the distance baby

♪ There are the winds of change

♪ There are a billion voices burning up on broken wings

♪ I play to win, I wanna have it all, ♪ I play to win, I wanna reach the stars

♪ I play to win, I play to win

♪ I play to win, oh, oh,


♪ Can't be caught in the kingdom

♪ We are not meant for this, they say

♪ We reach up and we stare at the sky

♪ And think, one day it's all gonna be mine

♪ Are we all, all forgotten, are we all, somebody else's

♪ Are we all, all embers, unto the world's longing fire

♪ I play to win, I wanna have it all

♪ I play to win, I wanna reach the stars

♪ I play to win, I play to win, I play to win, ♪ Oh, oh, oh


♪ So we're caught in the kingdom, ♪ Running on the razor's edge

♪ Burnin' up these promises

♪ 'Cause the fires are comin'

♪ I play to win, I wanna have it all, ♪ I play to win, I wanna reach the stars, ♪ I play to win, I play to win, I play to win, oh, oh, oh,

♪ I play to win, I wanna have it all, ♪ I play to win, I wanna reach the stars, ♪ I play to win, I play to win, I play to win, oh, oh, oh