The 100 Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared (2013) Script

[ Man Narrating In English] No one has meant more to me in my life than my dear Molotov.

[ Meows ]

[ Murmurs, Kisses ]

[ Grunts ]

[ In Swedish ] I see. Yes, go outside.

Go ahead and jump out. It gets cold in here if you dawdle.

[ Meows ]

There's food in an hour. Just meow so I can hear you.

Molotov! [ Kisses ] Come to daddy!

Come on now, have a bite to eat.

[ Kisses] Molotov!

No, no...

No, no, no...

No, no, no!

[Whimpering ]

No, no...

Bastard!

[Sniffing ]

Damn it...

Goddamned fox.

You'll soon get your last meal.

I'll show you one hell of a dessert.

[ Man Narrating In English] And then I lost him.

And suddenly I had blasted my way into a retirement home.

Sixty one...

How is it going? Sixty two...

[ Sighs ] I just lost count.

How many are there in each pack?

Ten candles per pack, like it says on them.

You can't be certain. It's usually correct.

You can't be certain. I'll count again.

I-I'll have to start over. One, two, three, four...

[ Muffled Chattering ]

[ Explosion In Distance]

[ Explosion ]

[ Explosion ]


[ Grunts 1

[ Grunts 1

[ Grunts 1

[ Explosion ]

[ Together] ♪ Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! ♪

♪♪ [Singing Continues]

Allan! Allan?

Allan?

Allan? Allan.

Good lord, where is he? Allan?

Where's the old man? Allan?

Where did he go?


Hello, I... Hmm?

[ Muttering ]

Is there... Can you travel somewhere from here?

Where did you say you were going? I didn't say.

I asked if there were any conveyances here. Out of here.

When?

When? Well... whenever.

When is the next...? ls anything leaving?

The bus for Stréngnés leaves in three minutes.

Stréngnés? Number 322.

Is that suitable? Yes...

Uh... Ls...

Is this enough?

No. This will take you to Byringe.

So... what is there in Byringe? Not a damn thing.

I see. A one-way ticket to Byringe, then. Thanks.

[ Change Jingles ]

And you are... over sixty-five?

[ Mutters] Right.

[ Door Opens ] Let's see...

[ Clattering ] [Young Man Grunts]

There you go. Thank you.

[Young Man Grunts] [ Door Opens ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Clattering ] Damn!

Come on! What the hell?

What the fuck were they thinking?

[ Shouts ]

Hold on to this bag and don't let go! But I...

Shut the fuck up! Damn...

He must have gone up in smoke. He's nowhere to be found.

It's pitch black down here and everything is locked.

There's no way he could have gotten in here.

We have to call the police. Will you do it?

It's best if you do.

Allan?

Allan? Allan!

[Allan Narrating ] One or two people have screamed at me through the years, from bus conductors to dictators.

Where the fuck are you, old man?

[All Shouting ]

Allan! [All Shouting ]

Allan... Nein!

The very first person to scream at me was my mother.

I don't remember it, but I'm sure she did.

I'm sure I screamed too.

I guess that is what babies do when they arrive in the world.

I didn't get much time to hear my father scream.

You have blasphemed! Do you mean showing the rubber?

It's the only solution to famine and poverty. Is that blasphemy?

If you're doing it on Children's Day in the middle of town...

[ Muttering ]

You can bet your ass it's blasphemy! There, go!

[Allan Narrating] The last time I saw him, I was only nine.

I can't live in this hypocritical monarchy!

In Russia things get done!

[ Constable ] Shut your mouth!

[Allan Narrating] He had gone to Moscow to declare himself leader of a new independent republic.

Fifteen square meters where he could be himself.

This is the solution to famine and poverty.

With this, the woman doesn't become pregnant.

No kids! Nyet'! This is amazing...

What are you doing? This is my republic!

Until the Russians came, and, uh, took care of him. [ Shouting, indistinct]

The solution to famine and poverty!

Can I say one last thing?

[ Horn Honks ]

[ Children ] Constable, constable, constable!

Mrs. Karlsson.

We were told of Father's death on a sunny April day.

I remember that, because that's the day.

I discovered how good it felt to blow things up.

[ Gasps ]

Everything Father had left behind arrived in a little box.

Mother got a colorful egg, made by some 'Fabbe ” guy and I got an old Russian lady doll, matryoshka.

Yes, and a camera.

Yeah, good presents.

Mother traded the egg for some food from Gustavsson the merchant.

And pork for Mrs. Karlsson.

Well, it turned out to be a good deal... for him.

I guess that's what merchants do.

After Father's death, Mother coughed for two more years before joining him where he might have gone, that heaven they talk about [ Coughing ]

That's when I started worrying about the future.

Yeah. I guess that's what kids do when they become orphans.

How am I going to manage? You sound like your father, Allan.

He was always thinking for no good reason.

And see how he ended up.

Thinking will get you nowhere.

The only sure thing is that it is what it is.

And that it will be what it will be.

Yeah, those were Mother's last words.

And since then, I've been on my own.

Hey! Hey. What?

You forgot your bag. Right, that thing.

[ Doors Close]


No trains run here. It's closed down.

What was that?

No trains run here.

The station is closed.

Yeah, I can see that. I wasn't born yesterday.

[ Chuckles ]

So what are you doing here?

The bus stopped here. [ Laughs]

But where the hell are you going?

Going...? Well, that's...

I don't know. We'll see.

Have you been on the road long? On the road?

That's some serious luggage there.

No, this isn't mine. It just kind of came with me.

So, an old rogue.

[ Chuckles ]

Are you hungry? Well, food... Mostly thirsty.

I think we can fix that. Really? That's nice.

Do you know where we're going? I usually jog around here...

I could not care less. I mean I know this area really well.

What fucking area? Do you know where we're going?

Yes, I know the area. Damned lucky for you.

What the hell...?

What's going on? What's the problem? Out of gas.

Damn!

[ Grunts ]

Do you have a gas can in here?

Well? There's only one house in Byringe.

It's brown, or light brown. What the hell.

And it's a little yellow... or light beige.

Where the hell are you going?

You don't think he's just gotten lost?

No, I don't. His mind is all there.

There is nothing wrong with his mind.

Can you imagine? Running away from his own party!

Yeah.

And I've spent so much time and effort on him, and he just disappears.

We bought a huge marzipan cake, good for 40 people at the very least. Mmm.

We ordered it for him, because he likes marzipan cake.

We usually get cream cakes. Marzipan gets stuck in old folks' teeth.

Mmm. What do I do with that cake now?

The old folks here can't eat marzipan. Yeah.

I could consider a Black Forest cake, but it's not my birthday.

You give me a call when he returns.

Cases like these resolve very quickly.

You don't think he went out the window?

It was open when we came in singing this morning.

Yes, yes. It was actually open.

I don't know. It's entirely possible.

Call me when he comes. It'll be fine. I don't think so.

I hate retirement homes.

They think they'll get me into one this fall.

I've only set foot in one once.

If you've had four drinks, you might as well have another. [Chuckles]

I got some money to entertain the old folks with my accordion.

They sat there, mouths agape.

So you're an accordionist? Sure do.

Poor saps, sitting there. I'd rather be in jail.

Congratulations again. Right, I'd forgotten.

Down the hatch.

Did you have an old lady?

No, it never turned out that way.

[ Chuckling ] How the hell did you avoid that?

Do you pee outside? Yeah.

I have to make room for the next round.

I'm glad you enjoyed the food. There's dessert too.

Yes, I'll be there.

Nice. [ Door Closes ]

Hello, is anyone there? Hello?

Where is the geezer and the suitcase? We're closed.

[Chattering Continues]

[ Murmurs]

[Young Man ] Where's the geezer and my goddamned suitcase?

[ Stationmaster] I live alone here...

[Young Man ] You think I'm an idiot? Who sat here?

[Crash ] [ Stationmaster] No, please. Ow!

Hold on, damn it! [Young Man ] Where's the geezer?

You are fucking lying. [ Grunting ] [Crash ]

Ow! Stop! I'll kill you, do you understand?

Do you understand? Yes! Stop.

[ Shouting [ Crash ] ]

Ow! Ow!

Let's toss a goddamned coin to see if you get to live or not!

[ Stationmaster] Please stop. If you just settle down...

Fucking lucky I don't have any coins!

There's a change bowl in the hall.

In what hall? Are you fucking nuts? I'm not...

Christ, what a smash. You don't say?

Hey, that dessert you mentioned? How about that?

We have to get rid of him. What?

Before he wakes up. Okay.

I have to admit that I'm getting curious about what's in the suitcase. [ Lock Clicks ]

There! Let's see. This is the quickest way...

Oh, a little much. ...to open it.

I'll take that one. Even if you know the combination.

Should we drink it straight, or...?

Oh, my sweet lord!

That was quite a bit of cash. No wonder the little boy was whining.

[ Banging ] [Young Man ] Open up, damn it! Hey, geezer!

Come on and let me out of here!

[ Banging ] I just want that damned suitcase.

Calm down. I won't hurt you.

[ Fans Whirring ]

Seriously! Hey!

What was that? I turned the freezer unit on.

[Young Man ] Here's what we'll do:

I'll take the suitcase and leave.

I won't hurt you!

[Allan Narrating ] Making grand plans is easy when you're locked up.

Orin a jam. Cheers.

But it does no good.

Because life is what it is, and it does what it does, as Gustavsson the merchant found out.

Wait here, baby.

Hurry back!

He'd sneaked away on a well-planned day-trip.

He picked a sunny day, a beautiful road and just the right hill for his pee break.

And still, it all went to hell.

I had chosen the same hill for my explosives test.

[Screaming ]

She screamed to high heaven.

I guess that's what mistresses do when merchant heads land on car hoods.

[Screaming Continues]

Even if the test was a success, it did land me in the mental hospital.

[ Muttering ]

There.

This is your room now. No shenanigans here.

♪♪ [ Reed Organ]

♪♪ [ Continues ] [ Shutter Clicks ]

[ Shutter Clicks ]

After a few years behind bars, I ended up with what they cal! A racial biologist.

His name was Professor Lundborg.

Stop it, Allan.

[ Shutter Clicks ]

♪♪ [ Ends ]

Hmm. [Sighs]

[ Phone Rings, Muffled ]

Hmm. Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Do you know if you have any negro blood in the family?

Uh... No, I don't think so.

It just doesn't add up.

You have negroid measurements and are prone to violence... yet quite light-skinned.

If you have a negro somewhere, it would be interesting to meet one.

[ Chuckles ]

Allan's father was a revolutionary. Yes, he was a little special.

And the apple doesn't seem to fall far from the tree.

[ Sighs ] I think we should err on the side of caution.

[Allan Narrating] The professor set up the equipment, making sure my genes wouldn't spread into society.

The patient is ready, Doctor. Right.

Well, I guess that's what racial biologists do.

[ Lundborg ] Patch him up a little extra.

His hands weren't exactly steady, but I understand the operation went well.

Forty nine million, eight hundred thousand...

The last ones.

49 million, nine hundred thousand.

And that one.

Fifty million!

You know how to count. Not bad. [ Laughing ]

That wasn't so bad.

[ Grunts ]

[ Grunts ]

[Line Ringing] Still not reaching him?

I don't know what the hell happened to his phone.

Fucking phone isn't working.

Keep calling. Should I leave a voice mail?

Text him. Go with your first idea for once.

What was he doing?

He was just supposed to pick up something.

Pick up something? A suitcase.

A suitcase? Yes. You know what a suitcase is.

It's a portable space to keep your stuff in. [ Stammering ]

Couldn't you get the suitcase? Does this look like jewelry to you?

Sorry, I forgot the ankle monitor. I haven't forgotten about it!

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

Is that Bulten? I'll take this.

Ouf. Shut up. I'll do the talking.

Is that Bulten? I said shut up. This is Géddan.

[ In English ] Yeah. Hello, mate. [In English] Yeah.

How's it going? Shit good. No prob/em.

What is clock for you? We have, uh, kvéll, evening.

Never mind about the clocks.

Now you were supposed to ring me earlier, weren't you?

Why didn't you ring me earlier?

Oh, yes, I know but, um...

Ja vad fan, I had some mobile battery trouble.

Listen, mate... Yes, but I was trying to-to...

Calm down. Calm, calm down, mate.

Now you're stumbling, you're mumbling. You're talking gibberish.

Maybe you could hand the phone to somebody that I could talk to properly.

Loaders for mobile. Could you do that?

Okay, wait. I give to you phone for-for Caracas.

Yes, give her the phone. Hold on. Wait.

[ In Swedish ] Caracas, bitch! Telephone!

Come here!

Who is it? Shh!

[ In English ] Pim! How are you?

Never mind how I am. Have you got my cash?

We have it. Hello?

[ In Swedish ] What do you mean?

One of my guys has the money, so we have the money.

Say we have it, dammit, it's not a problem.

Caracas, are you there? Hello?

[ In English ] Hello, hello.

Uh, Bulten has it.

Oh, good. So everything's fine, then. You've got it.

He-He's not here yet but he will be here soon. [ Muttering ]

Don't-Don't worry. Just get the bag to my courier by tomorrow.

Otherwise you are dead.

I ask you to do one thing: Say we have the money.

Is that so fucking hard? This is unbelievable.

You go to Malmkoping and pick that moron up! This is serious!

Java? Yes, please.

Aspirin.

Did you sleep well? Yeah.

He hasn't made any noise this morning?

No, not a sound.

Twenty degrees below freezing? Damn it!

[ Fans Whirring ]

God damn it! What have I done?

What? Bloody hell!

How could I leave the cold on? Oh, my.

Yeah, well... it'll work out.

[Allan Narrating] Regret doesn't do you much good, not unless you own a time machine.

You know, regret doesn't undo the thing you regret doing.

And my operation, well, I never regretted that.

On the contrary, it was a real stroke of luck.

[ Explosion ] If my crotch hadn't been so stiff from the professor's shaky hand, I would never have stopped by the cannon foundry.

Nor would I have taken a job there either. Huh.

[Allan ] Where are the cannons? We cast the barrels here.

You'll observe for a week. [ Man Chattering In Spanish ]

- Esteban! Shut up and work! Si, si, si.

[ In Swedish ] We have to work together for a better world.

Esteban, the Spaniard, was as slim as a flagpole, But, then again, he only used his mouth for talking, nothing else.

[ In Spanish ] Come with me and fight Franco!

[ In Swedish ] Allan! Allan! Where are you in this?

That was nice.

What do you want? You need to make a stand!

Explain that to me. I like to shoot. I like the booming.

We have to do something.

When Spain was headed for civil war, he invited me to go with him

- to help him crush somebody called Franco. [ Whistle Blows]

I figured, why not?

After all, in war you must get to blow things up.

[ In Spanish ] Long live the revolution! Long live Durutti!

[ In Swedish ] Where are you going? Come join the international brigades!

[Chattering ]

[ In German ] Hitler is a good man!

[ Chattering ] [ In German ] I need to sleep.

[ In Swedish ] Comrades, don't sleep!

[ In English ] There's no time to sleep.

[ In Spanish ] We have to fight against Franco! We'd rather die than give up!

Long live the revolution!

[ Esteban Chattering, indistinct]

Comrades, raise the flag of the republic!

And open your revolutionary hearts.

When we got there, the first bullet of the war had not yet been fired.

Death to the fascists! Death to Franco!

That is, until Esteban stood up to shout.

My mother's words of wisdom came back to me.

“You shouldn't talk too much" [ Murmuring ]

And he never got to blow up any bridges, poor guy.

But me, I got to blow up quite a few.

[ In Swedish ] Tres, dos and uno.

Here comes the bang!

[ In Spanish ] Get down! Damn!

For many years, I did nothing but eat and sleep and blow things up. [ Explosion ]

[ Chuckles ] It was a wonderful time.

[ Gunshots ]

But it was a little biz' too much of a good thing.

Suddenly, the urge to blows things up was gone.

So I figured... screw this.

I'll do something else.

Having walked through Spain for hundreds of miles, I certainly didn't mind getting a ride.

[ I In Spanish ] Stop!

What's he doing there? Stop the car!

Stop, stop!

As it turned out, it was General Franco cruising the countryside.

He appreciated my waving, and treated me to dancing and paella and lots of rioja. JJ [ Guitar]

That was a perfect ending to my stay in Spain.

My friend Allan. You have saved my life.

I will give you a gift. My favorite pistol.

[Allan, In Swedish ] What a shiny knickknack.

Enjoy it. [ In Spanish ] Thank you.

[Allan ] Hey, mister. Do you think it can be fired?

[ Franco] This is how you dance!

[Women Scream ] Relax, everyone. That's my friend Allan.

Tell me, Allan.

What will you miss most about our beautiful country?

[ Exhales] The wine, and my friend Esteban.

He died.

Long live Esteban!

[ Crowd ] Long live Esteban!

[ Cell Phone Beeping ] [Allan ] What's beeping? Hear that?

A telephone.

What? Yeah, here.

Lots of text messages coming in.

Now? The reception is bad in there.

“From Géddan. From Hinken... Hinken... Hinken...” Hinken? “...Hinken, Mom...”

“...Hinken, Géddan...” He's popular.

Well, maybe not. Hinken writes, “Call or die”.

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

Great timing...

Hello? Hi, Géddan.

I'm at the station now. Yes?

The place is totally empty. Yeah?

There's just some moron in the ticket window.

What do I do? Did you ask him?

What do I ask? If he's seen anything.

Yeah, okay. I'll ask.

Ronny Hult is here, with his wife.

Pick up your own visitors next time.

Yeah, sorry. I didn't even know they'd shown up.

Hello.

Please sit down. Thank you.

So, tell me what happened yesterday.

Well, I work at the travel center.

A few hours had passed. It was around lunch time...

Just tell him what happened!

Well... that's what I'm doing. You're not doing it very well.

Okay. This guy jumped me. He was quite violent.

You forgot to mention the old guy. Do it in the right order.

First, there was this old person, a man I sold a ticket to.

That was the hundred-year-old. He buys a ticket from Ronny.

Then this biker guy shows up, assaults Ronny and makes him drive to Byringe.


Hello?

Anyone home?

Do you know what time it is?

Yeah, it's almost eleven o'clock.

Good. That means it's almost time for their lunch break.

Hey there.

Hi. Bye.

I see...

I see... That could have been painful.

Being dead can have its advantages sometimes.

There. Oh.

[ Crowbar Clangs ]

Do we throw it all out? All of it.

Now what? I see... He goes in there.

[ Both Grunting ]

There.

Djibouti?

Well, he gets to see the world anyway.

The good thing about vests is that sizes aren't that big a deal.

[ Murmuring ]

You throw like a girl.

What? Julius, you'll have to help me pull the suitcase. Now that there's two of us.

Hell, yeah. Yeah.

Well, of course. Yeah, I can... I can take it.

So take it. Thank you.

Hey, you there!

Hey, hello! Hello!

Could you hold on? I'm with the police.

Have you...? I'm looking for a hundred-year-old man who got lost from a retirement home in Malmkoping.

Have you seen some old guy?

Yes, I saw an old guy riding a rail bike with Johnsson.

I see. Julius Johnsson? Yes, exactly.

And a guy in a biker's vest looking all cocky, wearing sunglasses.

They way they do these days. He didn't even say hello.

Where did you see them? By Akers Styckebruk soccer field.

Was it long ago? About half an hour.

Are you certain?

No.

Bye.

[ Muttering ]

[Julius ] Hey there.

You wouldn't have room for two hitchhikers, would you?

Uh...

Hello. Hello.

Sure, I can do that. Great.

There's not a lot of room here...

We'll put the suitcase in the front.

Where are you going? Do you run the store here?

No. God, no.

I just work here. I'm a student.

You're a student? Not in primary school, I guess.

No. I've tried various things.

Studied all sorts of different things. Oh?

I think it's quite a complex issue, with career options and the like.

How do you mean? Well, there are...

There are different, um...

That is to say... The way I see it, it's...

What?

I figure that it's difficult to make decisions about...

That's great. Keep all your options open.

Well, never mind.

Uh, get in.

Thanks! Thank you.

So where are you going?

Well... Where are you going?

I'm going to the warehouse store. That sounds nice.

Are you sure? It's in the middle of nowhere.

Yes. The middle of nowhere is underrated.

Yeah, I guess it is.

♪♪[ Rock]

Hey, can you mention the sponsor?

That would be awesome. What?

The insurance agency Skandia turns 150 and this guy is 100 years old.

That would be great.

As a cop, you could do something crazy on it.

No, I won't do that. But they're both old.

Don't you...? I'm a cop, damn it. But it would be great.

Give up, already. I said no, and I work for the government.

I can't be advertising on this damned channel.

Fresh '70s group The Police, with their song “Message in a Bottle”.

And I have policeman Aronsson here.

Inspector. Welcome. Welcome.

You have a little message for the public, but not in a bottle.

No. No. [Chuckles]

Tell me about that.

It's about a man called Allan Karlsson.

[ Aronsson On Radio] who, on his 100th birthday, left the Malmkoping retirement home.

[ Deejay] Oh, my. A hundred years, huh?

Is he playing hide and seek, or what?

No. He may have been kidnapped by a biker gang at the Malmkoping station.

Kidnapped? Oh, my.

That sounds like some bachelor party What the hell?

Is he going to marry Anna Nicole Smith, or what?

[ Chuckling ]

[Aronsson ] We would be grateful for any tip offs.

[ Deejay] Right. Thanks for being here.

[ Radio Continues, indistinct]

[Line Ringing]

Hello? Hey, I'm sitting in the car.

Some cop on the radio is prattling on about some 100-year-old who was kidnapped by a biker gang.

Did they say kidnapped?

Yes, they just said it on the radio.

That has to be Bulten.

Oh, Bulten. You're a dead man now.

Do you want anything? Uh, no, that's fine.

100-YEAR-OLD KIDNAPPED BY BIKER GANG

[ Muffled ] if you need gas, pull the lever.

You have to pull the lever to get gasoline.

Pull the lever by the pump.

No...

You need to pull the lever by the pump! Push the handle.

Haven't you filled up a car before? You have to pull the lever.

Has he kidnapped you? What? Who?

Julius. What? No.

You have to pull the lever.

The headline says you've been kidnapped by bikers.

Julius was wearing a biker vest. I just saw it.

No, the biker vest isn't his.

He took it from that bald kid.

A little kid? He doesn't need it now. He's dead.

I hit him with a croquet mallet.

Did you kill...? No, no. He froze to death.

Okay...?

The bald kid came to me, sweat pouring off his face.

I guess he had the runs.

He was not doing well, so he handed me the suitcase.

There's 50 million in it.

What? We haven't taken it.

Drive! What is this?

Hit it! He can't pump gas.

Never mind that. Drive! Alright.

[Julius ] Step on it, Benny! Step on it!

The lady at the register saw me.

What did she see?

This little bag happened to drop into my pocket.

You want one? Yes, please.

So you shoplifted, eh?

What the hell?

[Julius ] What?

What the hell has happened?

I apologize.

Of course you, as a store employee, get upset when I just grab a...

[Allan ] He can't break a million-crown stack for some candy.

I don't care about the candy!

What have you done? Well?

[ Benny Mutters ]

I'll never ask for information through the radio again.

No, it didn't turn out too well. Why do we even do that?

Akers Styckebruk called. And?

The dog indicated a corpse on the rail bike.

A corpse? Yes, exactly.

Benny, how about you skip the warehouse store and come with us instead?

Or do you have an exam on Monday?

What will you do with the money?

I expect we'll split it up. Right, Julius?

Yeah...

We'll have to talk about that later, because we're not in a good spot.

Please step on it.

[ Benny] So... who does the money belong to?

You didn't win it in the lottery.

[Allan Narrating] So what? Does anyone really own anything?

I mean, everything seems to change hands sooner or later.

[ In English ] Extra, extra!

Like that pistol Franco gave me.

I traded it for... f-for a work permit when I got to America.

[ Man, In English] Hey, Allan!

You know they're looking for people, right?

[ Mutters ] [ In English ] Who? Yeah, for the Manhattan Project.

Manhatt... What Manhattan Project?

Yeah, man. The Manhattan Project, Allan.

You ask me, I think when we get a chance, we gotta try and get us an interview or something.

Hey, you see my fucking hammer up there?

[ In Swedish ] That sounds great to my ears, I can tell you that.

What you saying, man? Me and you could make a change.

[ In English ] ls... That's very good. That's a good project.

It's time that somebody does something about it.

It's bitter.

Bitter? Man, what the fuck you talkin' 'bout?

The... the Manhattan drink. Here.

[ Man Screams] For fuck's sake! Shit.

You know, you drink it. The Manhattan drink.

Man, what the hell you mean, man?

[ In Swedish ] it's like kissing a German Shepherd's ass.

It's a bomb.

It's the biggest bomb on earth.

[ In English ] it's a bomb project?

[Allan Narrating] And just like that, my urge to blow things up was back.

I-I have to say, it was a wonderful feeling.

It's not gonna work. We tried that last week.

Maybe some coffee will help you, sir. Coffee.

Ah, thanks.

And still no-no bomb today, I guess?

Mr. Oppenheimer, I really must say I am quite disappointed.

Nothing happens here. No explosions, nothing. It's...

Your name's Allan, yeah? Allan.

Allan, this is just not any bomb.

We need to figure out some pretty complicated things here.

No, no, but-but you have to k-keep on testing, You have to start testing again.

As my mother used to say, “Don't think so much. Just-Just do it”.

Yeah, but what your mom didn't tell you is that to detonate this bomb we need to solve a minor but crucial fucking problem.

Yeah? What's the problem?

Allan... I'm gonna give you a minute, okay?

Oh, good.

For what we're going for, Mm-hmm.

We need to use twice as much plutonium as we're using now.

So, what are you waiting for?

[ Laughing ]

W-We can't just add twice as much plutonium.

It's unstable. It just falls apart. It's simple physics.

I know, you been talking about this for weeks now, but listen.

Uh, I give you a minute, okay? Okay.

I had a little theory on this.

What if you take half-half here, and half there and put it together...

[ In Swedish ] Just a few seconds...

[ In English ] Just before the explosion.

Yeah. Now, that's the problem.

How are we gonna do that, with a falling bomb encased in metal, up in the air?

[ Mumbles ] Do you have some dynamite?

[ Explosion ]

[ Allan Narrating ] It was that easy to get the bomb going.

[ Cheering ] Everyone was terribly excited.

Not least Harry. The vice president, Harry S. Truman.

I'm gonna buy you the biggest drink you have ever drunk.

Thank you.

[Sighs] [ In Swedish ] Damn, a pee stain.

You know, you've done mankind a great service, my friend.

Yeah. You listen to me?

Whatever you do... You have done...

You have changed the world.

You push and you pull...

You have changed the world for the better.

But the last drop still ends up in your pants.

Listen to me. [ In English ] Yeah, I'm listening.

There will be no more wars after this invention of yours.

Thanks to you, my friend.

[ Imitates Explosion, Laughs]

America, and the world, will never have to fight again because people will know the power, the awesome power... [ Man Clears Throat]

Gentlemen, I'm sorry to interrupt you. [Truman ] Imagine that.

Mr. Truman.

What is it? There's a phone call.

It's a phone call you'll have to take.

I gotta take this. Never go into politics.

Yello? [Man] Sir, um...

[ Allan Narrating ]A boozed-up American can talk anyone's head off.

It takes a lot to shut them up.

Something like a president dying.

Oh. Jesus Christ.

Alright, be right there. [Man] Thank you, sir.

[Allan Narrating ] Which is exactly what President Roosevelt went and did that day.

[ In Swedish ] Now, here...

[ In English ] Hey! H-Harry. Harry. Harry!

You forgot your... - it's a vice-presidential lighter. You keep it.

Harry didn't mind things changing hands either.

Mr. Karlsson? Well, Allan.

Welcome back to Sweden. Thank you.

Uh, Prime Minister Erlander invites you to a welcome dinner.

I had barely set foot in Sweden before I was shanghaied to a dinner at the Grand.

Good timing. The food on the airplane was terrible.

I am pretty hungry. Then get in.

And one soldier got up and said, “Duck, everyone! He's reloading!”

[ Laughing ]

[ Clears Throat]

Harry S. Truman himself said Allan was a very nice man who has also done much for the US.

I don't know about that, but we had some party.

Tell me. I am terribly curious.

We were drinking tequila.

Loads of tequila. I meant what happened before that.

Before that? No, we only had tequila throughout.

Harry wanted bourbon, but that's kid's stuff.

Mr. Karlsson, I refer to the work.

When I worked on Manhattan? Yes.

You couldn't have tequila then.

That would be lethal. It goes to your head.

Excuse me, I have to leave. The government is calling.

That is to say, my wife. [ Laughing ]

[ Shutter Clicks ]

Enough of that. The meal's on me.

Tell Engineer Eklund the rest. Good night.

Okay-

Bye.

The Prime Minister asked me to...

Do you think he'll be back? No.

Then I'll take his steak.

It would be a shame for it to go to waste.

The Prime Minister has asked me to inquire if we might have room for Mr. Karlsson at the Atomic Energy Commission.

How nice. So, how about your studies?

Not much to get excited about. Just three years.

Only three years of academic studies?

Yes, I quit when I was nine.

Nine? Yes, nine. Or ten.

I was ten! No, hold on.

I turned ten that year.

So I was nine when I quit school.

Here's a little fella that wants to jump down my gullet.

You can have his.

[Allan Narrating] That guy was gone faster than shit through a goose.

But he wasn't the only one at the Grand fishing for my attention.

[ In English ] Good evening, Mr. Karlsson.

I am Popov, Julij Popov.

I am a physicist. We are colleagues.

Maybe we should take walk.

Um, together. It seems like we need some fresh air.

[ In Swedish ] What the hell...?

Hey, Popov! Popov.

Stop there, my dear. You have some nice things.

I'll have an akvavit.

[ In English ] Y-You pay for this, huh?

[ In Swedish ] Give her a fifty. How much?

[ In English ] Fifty. Fifty.

[ In Swedish ] Yes, that's fine.

This one was mischievous. I'm starting to feel it now.

I feel great now!

[Popov] No. No, no, Allan.

We'd just like you to share some of your experience and knowledge with us.

[Allan ] I see. You don't say?

[ Popov] It could be very lucrative for you. Hmm?

[ In English ] But-But why?

Well, how shall I say... Comrade Stalin is a very nice man.

I see. I just like to blow up things.

Yes! I like this too.

What? Y-You do? Yes.

You know, I...

Just give me some dynamite, and I-l blow up anything.

Fucking shit. [Submarine Surfacing ]

[ In Swedish] Damn...

[Allan ] What the hell is that doing here, inside the archipelago?

We're running out of fuel.

Turn in up here.

Yeah, go ahead. Here?

[Julius ] Sjotorp? A sea hut sounds nice.

Hello!

Hi. [Julius] Hi.

We're wondering if we could rent a room for the night.

This isn't a goddamned hotel. I live here.

But we'll pay you well.

We have money. That's not an issue.

I see. Are you on the run, or what?

It's fine. I get that it seems odd...

Hello. Us just showing up like this.

Here's another geezer. [ Benny] The thing is...

Hi. ...we got a little lost.

We would be very grateful if... Allan.

Hello, you. I'm Gunilla. Nice to meet you.

We'll see about that.

I guess I'll have to squeeze you guys in somehow.

But no one pisses himself. You sleep in the barn if you do.

Thanks. [ Elephant Trumpets]

What's that? Sonja.

[ Elephant Trumpets, Growls]

Look at that.

I see. Well, hello there.

Not bad.

[ Chattering, indistinct ]

[ Water Shoots ]

Is she about 40?

Sonja? I don't have a clue.

Why do you think that?

I'm almost a zoologist, so I think that's right.

Almost? How can you be “almost”?

Well, I'm almost done.

I almost finished my studies.

Where did you find her? At a circus.

I see. Does she know any tricks? [ Sonja Trumpets ]

I honestly don't have a clue.

Circuses are just perpetual animal cruelty.

Sure, absolutely. What?

I hate circuses too.

That was the only good thing my ex did.

He saw that I felt for her and he took care of it.

[Shouting ]

[All Shouting, indistinct]

[ Laughing ]

So he just took her?

Took? An elephant owns itself.

Yeah...

[ Benny] Allan! What?

Hey, you can't do that.

Hold on there! The flame was too weak.

It should taste grilled.

[ Gunilla ] What the hell is that? [ Benny] French potato salad.

[Gunilla] I can see that. I mean that green mess.

Looks tasty. It's guacamole.

[Chuckles] Are you almost a chef too?

No, almost a dietician.

No, you're joking. Cut it out.

Sadly, no. I'm almost a lot of things.

Almost a veterinarian, almost an economist.

Almost a pharmacologist, almost a human resources specialist.

[ Gunilla ] What the hell? [ Benny] Yeah.

You must be almost single as well. No way have you had time for a woman.

No. I mean yes, I am...

I am single. I'm available.

Maybe you were kidding? No, but I hope you are.

No, I'm not.

In the last 18 years, I've amassed 920 college credits.

Good lord... I have a strong thirst for knowledge.

You have to stop lying to yourself, or everything could go to hell.

You could end up with nothing.

That's one possible analysis, but there are several aspects...

[Gunilla] What the hell are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Uh... I wanted to pick some stuff up.

There's nothing to pick up.

Yes, there is. I just wanted to get my bowls.

What fucking bowls? The blue fucking bowls with flowers.

You gave them to me for my birthday! And now you want them?

I changed my mind and want my bowls.

Go fuck yourself, Ricky. Get out of here. You don't belong here.

Is he a nice fuck? Yes, he's nice.

He's the best. So damned good. Sure.

Good fingers. We call it “making love”.

Ricky, good to meet you. Congratulations.

Thanks.

Take care.

No, turn around. There you go.

Well, no.

Oh, that's no problem. A bit more.

[ Engine Stalls, Starts]

There you go. [Julius ] Back up that way.

That's good.

Just back up a bit more. A little more. Yeah, I know.

There you go!

[Allan ] Oh, my. He really slipped the clutch.

Gunilla! Gunilla!

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I always end up with idiots like that. I attract them.

Maybe you know. I bet you're almost a psychologist.

No, not really.

But I don't have too far to go, I've read the basics.

I have neuropsychology left, but that's a minor course.

It's hard to say what the root of your problem is.

But you can change your behavior.

If you want to. Come on, Benny.

You can't pick who you fall in love with.

Sadly, no.

Gunilla!

[ Sobbing ] It was you and me! You and me!

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

[ Ricky Sobbing ]

Hello? Bro!

Hello, Ricky? It's over.

She's met someone else.

Ricky, listen.

Fuck that damned chick.

She's no damned chick.

She's Gunilla! Listen to me.

Stop taking pills and stop drinking too.

We'll deal with this tomorrow.

I can 'z' take any more, ifs over. Get it?

She fucked that 100-year-old. I know she did.

[ Sobbing] What did you say? Hold on, Ricky. What 100-year-old?

Did you see the 100-year-old? That fucking geezer!

That guy who was on TV who is a hundred years old!

Ricky, damn it! [ Screams ]

Well... yesterday I was turning over a box of matches, alone in my kitchen.

Then suddenly, this old guy pops up, and now I'm here!

That's just wonderful!

[Allan Narrating ] Well, one thing certainly leads to another.

But if that other thing is better than the first, you could never know in advance.

But I do know that propeller planes, submarines and vodka do not mix.

[Vomiting ]

At all.

[Allan ] Oh, my lord. Hey...

[ In English ] Oh, dear. I'm sorry. What did you say?

First, we wanted Albert Einstein to help us.

You okay? Yes, yes.

Well, we found Mr. Einstein. KGB picked him up in Geneva.

[ In German ] Is that my bachelor party? How exciting!

But I'm not getting married.

I don't even have a girlfriend!

[ Popov] We found later out he was Herbert Einstein, Albert's idiot brother.

[ In English ] A bomb?

[ Popov] Herbert Einstein didn't share much more than the looks with his brother.

Comrade Stalin was very, kind of, disappointed.

[ In Swedish ] I can well imagine.

So, we put our trust in you, Allan.

[ Man Speaking Russian ] Why is the new plant in Siberia not operational yet?

Who is responsible for this? I'm asking you!

You morons! Idiots!

[ In English ] it's not so good with marble when you have a headache.

Sorry? Marble. Headache. He's screaming.

Yes, marble.

[Speaking Russian ]

[ In English ] Comrade Stalin wants you to tell him everything you know about the nuclear bomb.

[ In Swedish] Ah, I see.

[ In English ] Uh, yeah, sure, sure.

[ In Swedish ] Why not?

[ In English ] Uh, but maybe... a drink first.

[ In Russian ] “Yes, why not? But could I possibly have a drink first?”

[Speaking Russian ]

[ In Swedish ] What's he saying? Kalashnikov?

[ In English ] “One drink, and then you tell me everything”.

I like the sound of that. Good.

♪♪ [ Horns ]

[ In Russian ] Allan, come dance with me! Allan, dance!

Stop nagging me. You're nuts.

[ In English ] You sound like... just like Franco.

General Franco, the Fascist? [ In Swedish ] He just keeps nagging. It's boring.

♪♪ [ Stops ] What else is he saying?

[ Popov ] Y-You know Franco? [ In English ] Yes, yes.

I... I saved his... Uh, I saved his life.

[Speaking Russian ]

Shh, Shh.

No, no, wait... Your dance. Beautiful.

Very good. More masculine.

Franco, he was dancing, you know... like-like a woman.

[Speaking Russian ]

[ In English ] You may say your last words.

[ In Swedish ] Exactly. Listen here...

[ In English] I... I don't think that men, uh, should dance at all.

J-Just women.

[Allan Narrating] Well, you can't agree on everything.

But most people agree that a gulag is a real shithole.

But it did lead to me meeting many new people.

Well, some only superficially.

But that's where I met Herbert, Herbert Einstein.

Like I said, one thing always leads to another.

[ In Russian ] Hey, idiot!

Put the stone back. [ In German ] Yeah, yeah.

[ In English] Hello. [ In English] Hello.

And the food there...

Well, the feed, it was terrible.

I didn't see any vodka either.

In fact, no booze at all.

So one day, I decided to get out of there and I had a good plan.

Herbert was the only one who could move around the camp without getting shot.

The guards were used to him just getting lost all the time, over and over again.

You pretend that you are going to the canteen, but you end up in the laundry.

And there you steal two uniforms.

Go to the canteen?

No, no. No.

You pretend to go to the canteen.

Yeah? But you end up in the laundry.

The guards, they think that you are going to the canteen.

So, I go to the canteen?

You go... to the laundry.

To the laundry? Yes.

Why I go to the laundry for the feeding? Because...

The food is in the canteen.

[ In Swedish ] This is just too much.

[ In English ] Listen, you-you go to the laundry by mistake.

To get a steak? [ Sighs ]

So, we eat before we escape?

What? No.

But we go to the canteen.

[ In Swedish ] Herbert, pay attention.

[ In English ] We go the canteen everyday, to eat.

But you're not going to the canteen.

You're going to the laundry to steal two uniforms.

I see. That's the plan!

Yes, it is.

Allan, we are in the canteen. It's the canteen.

We made it! We made it, Allan.

[ Allan Narrating ] After a year, I gave up.

My plan was obviously too complex for Herbert.

[ In Swedish ] Herbert, let's just drop it. [ In English ] Forget it.

[ In German ] Damn. What did I do with it?

[ In Swedish ] Herbert. Lord. You have to stop.

[ In English ] Please. Try to get some sleep.

[ In English ] I cannot find the pin. [ In Swedish ] What damned pin?

[ In English ] For what? The pin for this.

[ In Swedish ] That's a hand grenade.

Huh? [ In English ] When did you find this?

Maybe a year ago. Come on.

Where did you find it? I found it in the laundry.

You've been to the laundry? Yeah.

I went there by mistake.

You have to understand. We must throw it away.

[ In Russian ] Who goes there?

Stop right now! What are you doing here?

[ In Russian ] Excuse me. We have a problem. A grenade without the pin.

[ Soldier] Throw it! Grenade! Grenade!

Now it's gone.

Louder! [All Shouting ] Break it up!

[Allan Narrating] I can tell you that loose rockets behave like rabbit dicks in springtime.

They go every which way.

[All Shouting ]

I think we... we should go now. To the laundry?

Now, look here. We can take this... Just take this, ja, we go.

[ Rockets Exploding ]

[ Siren Wailing ]

[ In Russian ] The fire is spreading to the military base!

[ Man On Radio, indistinct]

[Allan Narrating] The news that the gulag and the entire Pacific fleet had been wiped out hit Stalin hard.

He kicked the bucket.

Shove him in the bathtub, flush the fucker, make him talk.

[ In Swedish ] Get him out of the bedroom, into the bathroom and wash him down.

Shape the fuck up! Come on, damn it!

[Screams] Stop it! What's the address?

- [ Hinken ] Get it together! Where does she live? I Slap 1

- [ Ricky] Ow! [ Hinken] Where does the bitch live?

Sjotorp-

[Sobbing ] it's called that because it's got a lovely lake view.

Did you hear that? Step on it, Hinken! Let's go!

The amplifier isn't working, and it's still under warranty.

Of course I'll bring it in. Thank you.

I was thinking about cadaver dogs.

Do they always indicate correctly?

Meaning what? They're cadaver dogs.

Right, but... [Sighs] I don't know.

After all, Allan is 100 years old.

What do you mean?

Older people don't smell like we do.

A sweeter smell, sort of...

A bit cadaver-like.

Drop it. I should think so.

Check these guys, Pér-Gunnar “Géddan” Gordin and Hans “Hinken” Claesson.

I'm busy with the 100-year-old.

Same biker gang, Never Again.

Didn't you read the report? Of course I did.


[ Chattering, indistinct ]

[ Hammer Cocks ]

[ Sonja Trumpets ] [Allan ] Did you swallow wrong?

There you go. What the hell?

Have some grass, and have some vegetables.

I found this cell phone on the kitchen floor.

Is it yours? Nope, it's not mine.

It wasn't Gunilla's either. But it's shut off, so...

[Julius ] Well, turn it on, see who called and figure out whose it is.

Yes, but... is that okay?

[Julius] There you go. [ Benny] Thank you.

[ Sonja Trumpeting ]

[ Benny] Someone called “Aleg” has called. “Aleg” again.

Oleg? It's pronounced Oleg, it's Russian. Young Popov called.

Is this your cell phone? Well, I'm afraid it is.

[ Géddan ] Yes. I found the damned geezer.

Great! And the suitcase too? I haven't seen it.

There are people everywhere. Just find the bag fast!

Yeah, okay.

What do you mean? Is there a problem?

No, I'm just thinking about this old guy.

What do I do about him?

Do what you always do: Threaten.

Alright, I'll just threaten.

This is a threat!

Do anything and I'll blow your head off!

The suitcase! Get it!

It's in the room by the kitchen.

Get the suitcase, faggot! Make it fast!

You mean me? I said “faggot”. Move!

I'll shoot the geezer!

And you stay real calm!

Hurry UP!

Stop right there.

Back up from the suitcase. Back up!

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

[ Phone Beeps] [ Hinken ] Hello?

[ Géddan ] Hello? Hello?

You're taking your sweet time.

Did you get the suitcase? I'm holding it.

Do you have the money?

I'll check right now.

You stay calm. I am calm.

Nice and calm. Good, faggot.

Keep calm. Nice and calm, nice and calm.

[ Growls ]

It's a crappy suitcase. All plastic.

Shut up, you wrinkled fuck!

Shit, what a lot of money! [ Géddan j Great', Hinken!

Take the bag and everything, and get here quick.

Scram, you bastard.

Stop or I'll shoot, bitch!

I'll do the shooting, I live here! I said stop!

Hinken! What are you doing?

Get out, or I'll shoot your head off! You hear me?

[Sonja Growls]

[ Gunshots ] [ Trumpeting ]

H-Hinken?

[Screaming ] [ Growling ]

[ Line Clicks]

[ Dial Tone ]

[ Growling ] [Whimpering ]

Damn it... No!

Caracas, get the hell up! Everything has...

[ Door Opens ]

Hey, you're shouting.

[ Door Closes ] Where the hell were you?

Buying melons. We were out.

Hinken just got popped by the 100-year-old and you just leave?

Are you kidding? You think I'm kidding?

Do I look like I'm kidding?

Half the team and 50 million gone!

And you go buy fruit! Melons are a vegetable.

I don't give a fuck if it's a fruit or vegetable!

That's not the point!

Never question me like you're doing now. Got it?

I won't.

Where are you going? Stay! You're not going anywhere.

Stop right there, damn it!

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

Shit.

[ Muttering ]

[Alarm Blaring ]

[Gunilla] Did you get all the bullets out?

[ Benny] One went straight through.

Sorry, I should have done something.

[Gunilla] Like told me about the stolen money!

Now I'm involved in all this.

I haven't decided if I'm part of it.

Yes, you are, Benny. Help me. So he's part of it?

You'll get some cash too, Gunilla. Some cash?

I'm as involved as any one of you. I get a quarter.

The sun is beating down. Want to go swimming?

No. No.

Julius? No goddamned way.

Maybe Sonja wants a swim. [Gunilla] No, she's not going swimming.

What do we do with this guy?

Maybe set fire to the car?

Just leave him.

Someone has to do something with him and I seem to be the only one taking responsibility!

[Sonja Growling ]

So your sense of responsibility is why this place feels so very safe?

I didn't wave a shotgun around.

What else was I supposed to do when he was trying to blow our heads off?

Let's hurry up, so that we can get out of here.

I'll go swimming. Call me if you need me.

Where do we pick you up if you're torching the car?

I have no clue yet. Okay.

Driving around with a stiff... I don't even know who he is.

Neither do I.

[Allan Narrating] Well, you never really know.

People can act one way and then turn out to be somebody else entirely.

[ Shouting In French ]

In the spring of 1968, I wen't to a party in Paris with Herbert and his cute little wife.

It was held at the home of that-that French foreign minister.

[ In French ] Ah! Your majesty! Good evening and welcome.

My husband, Herbert. Yes, good to meet you.

And his friend Allan Karlsson.

Welcome to my place.

Jean-Claude, this isn't the right time.

[ In Swedish ] Look at that! It's you! Are you trying to hide?

[ In Russian ] What are you doing here?

[ In Russian ] I'm sorry. Have we met?

[ In English ] Uh, you know each other? How funny!

[ In English] No, no, no. He's confusing me with someone else.

Jean-Claude Pistou, my interpreter at the embassy.

[ In English ] No, no, no. This is Vladimir Karpov.

Um, you better watch out for this guy.

He's-He's a real party animal. We had a big party with Stalin.

And lots of vodka. [ In Swedish ] Man, did we drink. That was fun.

[ In French ] Who are you? [ In French ] You know me, Minister.

Who are you? I'm...

[Allan Narrating ] Vladimir was not just dressed up for the evening.

He'd been in disguise for years with the minister.

And that made the French quite curious.

[ In French ] Just give us a name!

And Ryan Hutton, from the CIA office in France...

[ In English ] After you, Allan.

He got curious too.

George, keep 4:00 open.

[Siren Wailing In Distance]

So, uh, how do you know this, uh, Vladimir?

[ In English ] Well, Mr. Popov, he put us together.

Popov? Julij Popov? The physicist?

Yeah, we had this party, w-with Stalin and Kirov and this KGB guy, Alexander.

They danced like... you know, the Cossack dance.

I don't think men should dance, actually.

But maybe, if I get real drunk, I prefer a snoa.

Or a polska.

[ In Swedish ] Polska is a good dance, but I prefer the snoa.

[ In English ] Snoa is good dance. It's quite quick.

I get the picture, Allan.

So, um, you know a lot of people, and you're very sociable.

No, yeah. So, you willing to help us?

Uh, yeah, sure. Are... Are you in trouble?

[ Chuckling ]

[ In Russian ] Thank you.

I am looking for Popov. Over there.

Thank you.

The “old man grip”.

Did you switch to the old man grip?

Oh, look at this. Why are you here?

My dear, how many years. May I?

[ In English ] American cowboy boots.

This is my son, Oleg. Your youngest.

[ Oleg, In Russian ] American cowboy boots.

[ Popov ] Oleg, stop it.

[Allan, In Swedish ] Yes, they're nice. Can I have them. Please?

Oleg, please stop. I'll give him mine.

What did I tell you?

[ In Russian ] Take this. It's also American.

[ Lighter Closes ]

There's no need... No.

Oleg, what do you say? Thank you.

[ In Swedish ] No problem. Enjoy.

So, my friend, what are you doing in Moscow?

[ In Russian ] The CIA have a problem so they asked me to help.

I thought perhaps you could...

[ In Swedish ] What the hell is this? Wash your hands.

I just did. Do it again!

[Allan Stammering ]

[ In English ] My friend, I really would like to help you but I cannot do that.

I've got a family now.

[ In English ] W-W-Why not?

If I steal some secret information, they kill me and my family.

[ Murmuring ] J-Just talk to the people in Kremlin.

Uh, the KGB must have found out something lying there that they wanna, you know, get rid of.

I apologize, my friend.

[ In Russian ] Ryan Hutton, you say?

So you met at the CIA's Paris office? [Allan, In Russian ] Yes, yes.

Can you get any interesting information from them?

Not entirely unlikely.

[Allan Narrating ] Hutton loved all that crap from the Russians.

Now, how much money does this guy want?

[ In English ] N-No... No money just, uh... just give him some of your information.

Counterintel.

That'll work really well, Allan.

Suddenly I was a double agent, a spy.

Uh, code name “Number”.

Well, maybe not a spy. There was never anything classified in that bag.

Both the Russians and the Americans emptied their trash cans straight into it.

It still caused a bit of a ruckus... and a few deaths.

Well, shit happens.

[ In Swedish ] I see.

[ In Russian ] Thank you.

[ Chattering, indistinct ]

[ Indistinct ]

[ In Italian ] Good day.

[ In Swedish ] Hey, can't you just...?

[ In English ] I am the peacock.

What? Oh, really?

[ Gunshot]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Gunshot]

[Woman Screaming ]

[ In English ] Gimme the suitcase. Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.

Go on. Go on.

[Allan Narrating] There you go. Sometimes people act one way, then turn out to be somebody else entirely.

Take America's new president, Ronald Reagan.

He looked like a real rascal, which he was.

So maybe the rule doesn't apply to everyone.

It's the same button for the start and stop of the recording of the sound.

You toggle it. [ In Swedish] Damn it...

[ In English ] Toggle? English, please. You tell him, Allan.

I can't stand all this technological doohickey stuff either.

Why can't he use a normal tape recorder like anybody else?

Mr. President, sir? Yes.

Sir... A moment of your time.

Start... So, um, Mr. President... - [ Beeps]

And stop. If we get rid of the wall, the roses...

[ Reagan ] No! You're always bugging me about that wall!

The wall stays. Do you understand me? Yes, sir.

And again. Motherfucker.

[ Reagan's Voice] You're always bugging me about that wall!

The wall stays. [ Gardener] Yes, sir.

[ Reagan ] Do you understand me, motherfucker?

I don't want any nasty critters invading my garden.

I'm the fucking president!

For the last time, don't tear down that wall!

[ In Russian ] This recording only reaffirms my suspicions.

He's terrified we'll tear the wall down.

He knows that if we do then the Russian people will bring down the world and take it without any weapons.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Reporter, In Swedish] A whole world waits...

[Allan Narrating ] When my old friend Popov kicked the bucket, I hung up my briefcase for good.

[ TV Continues, indistinct]

[Allan Narrating] But his son kept in touch.

[ In Russian ] Such a shame, breaking down a big wall with hoes and bare hands when there's dynamite.

A toast to Father. Cheers.

[ In Swedish ] Ridiculous.

The East has all those cannons, but they hack away at it.

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

[ In Swedish ] What's that? He...

[ Beeps] Hello?

Do you stop picking up the phone once you turn one hundred?

Is this Oleg?

I gave you the phone to keep with you.

[ Allan, In Russian] Yes, you did. Okay. Happy birthday.

What are you doing? Going for an afternoon swim.

A swim? You're such a character.

Did you party hard?

And what are you doing tonight?

Evidently we're fleeing. So they say.

Fleeing? Yes.

Some people died, now we're fleeing.

Hurry the fuck up, Benny. We have to get out of here.

We need to pack food and clothing...

Did Julius call yet? No.

[ Hair Snaps ] [ Grunts ]

Did you find anything? What?

About the 100-year-old. Oh! No, no, no...

We found that Hinken Claesson has a brother in the area.

Really? His name's Ricky.

He's evidently seen the 100-year-old at a place called Sjotorp.

I see. Check that out.

Sure.

I want my bag here, in Bali, by tomorrow.

[ Gaddan, In English] Yeah, yeah, yeah. But first I'm going to Sjotorp.

I'm going there myself, understand?

No, uh, assistance.

I-I-I clipped the fotboja. It's gone.

Stop. Shut up. Yeah.

- Now just get Bali into your thick head. Mmm.

You understand? Bali.

Otherwise you're gonna be food. Yeah.

I will serve you up as confit at your own fucking funeral dinner. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. What, uh, food... l-l don't understand. What... Why food?

No, no, no, no, no. You will be the fucking food.

- I-I am food'? You will be the food.

Because we will have killed you, cooked you and fucking will serve you up!

[Tires Screech ]

[ In Swedish ] God fucking damn it!

[ In English] No, no, no, not you. I was almost hitting car in bus.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Can 'z' you even drive a fucking car?

Hey, wait. I'll be back.

[Tires Squealing ]

So he's Russian, this “Aleg”?

Oleg. Yes, he is. He travels all over the world.

Does he have any references?

What? References?

It's Popov's son. I've known him for a long time.

Isn't it enough that he wants to help?

Do you have some post-graduate you'd rather call?

Someone who wrote a paper on this:

“Chased by Dangerous Bikers 101”?

What an idiot driver.

What a narrow fucking road.

Damn it. Now I'll fucking show them.

[ Engine Revs] [ In English ] Fuck you!

[Allan Chuckling ]

Oh, my. He's really going fast.

[Tires Screech ]

What the hell is he doing? Stop! Stop!

[Gunilla Screams]

Come on, stop! No!

[ Horn Honking ]

[ Honking In Distance] [ Birds Chirping ]

Hmm.

That's what I call a roundabout. Boy, did he fly.

Will that be all? Uh... a gas can.

With gas. Do you have your own can?

No. No?

And a lighter. Right. One of these?

Yes. We're having a barbecue. Some meat.

I'm mad about barbecuing. It's the season for it.

Yeah. That's true.

[Julius ] What is... What...?

[ Engine Starts] Fuck!

[Tires Squealing ]

Well, god damn it!

[Allan ] He doesn't seem very talkative.

Too bad, he seemed very eager.

Damn! Is he alive?

Barely. His head is gushing blood.

Hello?

[ Groans ] What the hell is this?

Get in quick, damn it.

What is wrong with people? [Gunilla Muttering ]

Stealing a car in broad daylight. They should be locked up.

He'll get a big surprise when he checks the trunk.

Don't we have any compresses? I must use something...

What's happened? [Gunilla] Use the curtains or something.

I can't use anything that's dirty. Who is that? Who is that?

He was in a collision...

But who is it? ...laying there bleeding.

Hello? Can someone tell me who he is? Top drawer, Benny!

He tried to shoot us. Shoot at you?

Yes, and when he wakes up, he's getting his suitcase back.

[Julius ] Give away 50 million?

Are you insane?

[ Gunilla ] This thing never ends. It's not your money.

[Gunilla] He tried to shoot us. It's not worth it!

[ Julius ] They want to give away our money.

It's not our money, damn it.

[ Scoffs ]

[ Gunilla ] Which way are we going?

[Allan ] I'm hungry. [ Benny] I don't know.

[Gunilla] Can you call Oleg now, Allan?

There's blood... [ Police Chief] Blood?

And I am holding a shell casing.

A shell casing. Yes, yes.

[ Indistinct ] What?

Yes, of course you have to send forensics here.

He's waking up now. He's waking up.

Here's your goddamned suitcase, and now leave us the hell alone.

What?

The suitcase you've been looking for.

There. We won't call the cops. Just go and leave us alone.

My suitcase?

You were chasing us down.

I think the three of us should have a talk right now.

One moment.

It's memoria damnum, memory loss.

Lots of people had that at the home. It's awful. And bed sores.

How long can you have pro memoria? Memoria damnum.

A few hours or days, or the rest of your life if you're unlucky.

Just drop him here and the suitcase next to him.

Hey, I'm not giving 50 million to someone who doesn't even know it's his.

That's where I draw the line!

[Line Ringing]

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

Hello?

Listen, never mind about the fucking “hello”.?

What exactly are you up to there, Géddan?

[ In English ] Do you know who I am?

If I know who you are?

Yes, I do. Do you know who I am?

No. Who are you?

Don't you fucking screw with me!

You try and screw with me, boy, you can for one second, and then I will fucking screw with you.

Upside, downside, sideways. Up your fucking asshole.

Every fucking orifice. You think you're safe 'cause I can't go back to Europe?

[ In Swedish ] Hello, Allan here. Who?

[ In English ] Uh... this is Allan Karlsson.

Allan Karlsson?

Allan Karlsson from Malmkoping.

I'll tell you something, mate. You and your fucking pals, you are fucking dead.

[ In Swedish] I see... Do you understand?

If you want to kill me, you'd better hurry because I-I'm 100 years old.

You, my son, are dead fucking meat! Prick!

Mmm.

[ In Swedish ] He told me I was meat.

Who was that?

He never said.

He made sure to say that he was going to do all sorts of killing.

Kill us?

"♪♪ [ Stereo." Rap ] I'm gonna fucking kill 'em, that's what I'm gonna do.

Patsy, get out of the fucking water.

Joe get up. Joe!

Get on your fucking feet!

There's some “jack my lad” called Allan Karlsson.

I'm gonna find out who he is. Get me online.

Yes. Good lord.

I know that orienteers are trustworthy... but you must know it leads nowhere.

It's such an obvious crank call.

An old guy and an elephant in the woods?

We're throwing out that guy and his suitcase!

Pack that crap, because we're... [ Murmuring ]

I'm getting out of here!

Stop, Gunilla. I'll pack it up...

[Julius ] First you were all about an even share for everyone.

Solidarity with other people's money.

Now no one gets a vote anymore.

So what do you want, Benny? What do you think?

You want to die here? Because that's what's going to happen.

No, I don't. I want to live.

[ Laughing ] What kind of question is that?

[ Chattering Continues, indistinct] [ Cell Phone Ringing ]

Hello? [ In Russian j Hello, Allan, It's Oleg!

Oleg! Listen.

We'll be landing soon. We've already started our descent.

Can you tell me where we'll be flying?

We need to get landing permits. [ Muttering ]

[ In Russian ] One minute, Oleg.

Géddan. Yes?

[ In Swedish ] Where do you think we should go? We can go wherever we want.

I don't know. Well, just say the first thing that comes to mind.

B-Bali. Bali. That's good.

Is that a place? It's a damned island.

Uh, hello! Bali!

Behind the cinder storage unit? What?

[ Man On Phone, indistinct]

Excuse me, but that sounds a little odd to me.

Yes, but...

Well, I have the right to express an opinion.

Yes, I'll take it. Yes, yes. I'll go there.


[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

Hello? You were right all along.

These sidetracks had nothing to do with the 100-year-old.

What? Andrén did an international search and Bulten and Hinken were both found.

Bulten is in Djibouti. What is that?

A small East African state, evidently.

Africa? What is he...?

How did he end up there? [ Chuck/ing ] No idea.

Ouf!

[ No Audible Dialogue ] [Screaming ]

Do they have DNA proof that it's him? Not yet'.

That suicide bomber turned the entire square to hash.

I see. And what about Hinken? Yeah.

Found in Riga, dead inside a car crusher.


Didn't you say he was shot in Sjotorp?

There was blood there. That was elephant blood.

Elephant blood? Well...

Hinken had no bullet wounds, only trauma from the car crusher.

Forensics say there was only elephant blood at Sjotorp.

And this guy Géddan, where did he go?

Nothing connects him to the 100-year-old.

He's wanted, but that has nothing to do with us. Let's drop it.

So we have nothing on them?

Nope. Nothing criminal anyway.

This is just incredible.

I have the 100-year-old in front of me right now, with an elephant.

Oh, you don't say?

Ask him if he wants a ride back to the retirement home.

[Chuckling ] Forget it. No way. No.

Just drop all this now.

Okay, I will. M drop it.

Go ahead, but I still have to say that you've done a great job. A really great job.

So, see you Monday.

See you Monday, okay.

Bye. Bye.

[ No Audible Dialogue ]


Ow! What?

You've bandaged it too tight.

It needs to be tight.

[ Chuckling ] You're cutting off my circulation.

Then do it yourself. No, no, no. I want you to do it.

Even if you suck at it. [ Chuckles ]

100-YEAR-OLD STILL MISSING


[ No Audible Dialogue ]

[ Video Game Beeps]

[ Groans ]

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

[ Electronic Voice, In English] Game over. Why don't you try again?

[ In Swedish ] Hello?

Oh, you're still alive, are ya?

Well, where the fuck are ya?

Uh, Bali.

Bali? You really are taking a fucking piss out at me now, aren't ya?

- Eh'? What do you mean, piss? Hello?

It's Allan Karlsson! Who are you talking to?

It's All... He's in the next car. Patsy, have a look at the left!

Look! It's Allan Karlsson... [ Patsy] Allan who?

With my bag, in the car on the left.

I wonder why we humans are drawn to the sea.

I think it's the feeling of freedom. [ Pim Shouting, indistinct]

Do something. Ram the car. Do something! [ Horn Honking ]

[ Shudders ] What a crash!

Lovely island, Bali.

[ In English ] Hello? Game over.

Are you left on the phone? Try again.

[Julius ] Well, god damn...

Yeah.

Did you get malaria already? What?

You're as white as a sheet.

[Stammering ]

Things are kind of a mess right now. But I don't know.

Come on. She wants you.

I know. And that's the thing.

It's getting serious and I have to make up my mind.

I'll get one more for each of us.

Not everyone gets that. What do you mean?

I mean, to have what you two have.

Few are that lucky.

Just go and tell her.

That not everyone is that lucky?

Why do you have to make everything so difficult?

Go down there.

Well, I...

I was thinking more about what...

No...

Hello. Hello.

[ Chattering, indistinct ]

[Allan Narrating] Hmm. Well, not everyone is that lucky.

You never know.

There's always tomorrow.

[ Gunilla ] What the hell did you tell him, Allan?

Why is she screaming at you?

Well, many people have screamed at me through the years, from conductors, to-to dictators.

The very first person to scream at me was my mother.

I don't remember it, but I'm sure she did.

- I'm sure I screamed too. I Sonya Trumpets I.

I guess that is what babies do when they arrive in the world.

I didn't get much time to hear my father scream.