The 60 Yard Line (2017) Script

Mitch?

Mitch, run!

It's gonna blow up!

Run!

[Narrator] Meet Ben Zagger Zagowski.

This frightened man-child has become the envy of Green Bay super fans everywhere.

[dramatic music]

Packer fans are Packer fans for life.

My whole life I've been a Packers fan.

My whole life.

[Narrator] Fans of any team in the world have a thirst to wear their colors bigger, better and louder than any other.

This hat has been with me a long time.

Until it completely falls apart, it's gonna be with me at the games.

It's just really fun, and seeing him, like, scream at the TV, it's hilarious.

[Narrator] Expecting those closest to them to join in the journey or suffer the consequences.

I thank God I'm not married to my ex-wife and I'm married to my lovely current wife because of the Packers.

There are game days when I don't even want to be around her, because of how out-of-bounds she gets with her passion for the team.

[woman laughs]

[Narrator] Zagger's desire to be a fan among fans propelled him to implement his parking lot living room.

This proximity allowed him to be as close to the action as possible, proving his commitment.

Zagger would always have his teammates by his side.

In attendance was his only friend, Polano, a rare Bears fan living behind enemy lines, as well as Zagger's sister, Debbie, the smart one in the family.

But most notably was his fiancé, Amy Etzman.

Not her. Ah, there she is.

When Zagger proposed to her eight years ago, he forever brought her into his world of super fan.

[All] Go Pack, Go!

[Narrator] And she brought him into her world of the employed, obtaining him a job in the shipping department at the company where she worked.

Polano, post route.

[Polano] I got it!

[Narrator] The future looked bright for Zagger, but the road for Zagger to become this legendary symbol of fandom was wrought with great sacrifice, struggle, and commitment.

[dramatic music]

Okay, can I look now? It's really hot back here.

I know, the center of my back is always hot.

Yeah. I have hot back.

Yeah, you do. Okay, keep your eyes closed.

Okay. Okay.

All right.

[Amy] Oh, gosh.

Okay, look.

[Amy] Oh, my gosh. We did it?

You're not following the no-sexual-touching-in-the-office policy.

Remember that weird meeting after the Jablonski/Karen incident?

Karen, cut it out. You're gonna send him back to therapy.

Holy balls, I love you. Holy balls, I love you.

Holy balls, I'd rather watch you make out.

Polano, we did it. We finally have enough money to get married.

Aw, you two are getting married and Tracey and I are getting a divorce.

The world is balanced.

My grandma sent us a check for 350 bucks, and that puts us over the mark.

Okay, so is it real this time or do you want me to react the same way I did the past five times you told me?

It's so for real that I'll even let you bang one of my bridesmaids. Oh.

Once your divorce is final.

Oh, thank you, Amy. Thank you.

Oh, time. Time, time, time.

We gotta go. Let's go. Oh, I do have one question.

How is it that the only Bears fan in Green Bay wins tickets to a closed Pack practice?

Karma. Mm-hm.

And phony raffle tickets. There you...

I get it. The voice is because I'm Italian.

I'm only going because you're my best friend, and I'm gonna email everything I see to Lovie Smith.

Ooh! I love you, lover.

I love you.

Oh, babe? What about your work?

[Ben] Go Pack, go! Half day, bitches!

Damn it, Karen!

Two seconds.

I know if it was my team, I'd want to go straight there.

I'm not going to a practice without my stats binder.

Oh, while you're in there, try and find your testicles.

Dad, make sure you don't weld the wrong crack.

What? There's only one crack in this...

Oh, you mean my butt crack. [chuckles]

Funny. Good one. Where's my stats binder?

Hey, uh, so are you two excited?

Oh yeah, of course.

I mean Polano just wants to get out of work.

No, I am talking about you and Amy and the wedding.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're, she's, she's pumped about it.

Have you seen it? Did you agree on the, um, color scheme?

Oh, how about the invites? Did you get those yet?

Or better yet, a save-the-date.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Ma. I know, okay? But where is it?

If I don't have the binder, it will affect the whole season.

You knew where it was the whole time.

Don't forget. You and Amy work well together.

You'll make a great team.

Hey, I got a great idea for your save-the-date card.

Look, even your father's serious about it.

You could put an R after the V, like Favre.

Then people might think that they should savor the date, but I like what you're thinking.

Don't savor the date.

Just save the date like a normal person.

I can't make any promises, Ma, but I'll definitely try.

I gotta go, okay? I love you. Okay.

Please, please. Yeah.

Just take this seriously, Ben, please?

I will. Okay.

[Ben] Go Pack, go! Go Pack, go!

Go Pack, go.

Guess what? [Debbie] What?

We set a date!

Should I react the same way I did the last five times or something different?

No, something different.

Listen girl, I love my brother like he was, well, my brother, but you deserve someone who is considerate and who has their shit together and who showers and puts your needs above theirs.

Hang on, I gotta take this.

Amy, I'm sorry to be the hard-ass new boss, it's just I need you to...

Oh, you're on the phone.

Are you on hold? Yeah.

No, you know what? I'm gonna take care of it.

It's not that big a deal.

You have every right to be on the phone.

You have as much right as a man.

Okay.

[Debbie] To get in my Butkus.

Oh, hey.

What's so funny?

Uh, one of our clients got denied parole.

Oh. Anyway, what were we talking about? Um, oh yeah, what a piece of shit my brother is. He's not.

He even said he had a little surprise for me later.

The only time my brother surprises anyone is when he acts like an adult, and I have yet to be surprised.

[Zagger laughing and screaming]

You realize we're watching practice, right?

Dude, when third string is running Gun Normal-Y-Flex-Tight on first down scenarios, they are confident. The depth chart is solid.

I think they are big game capable this season.

Yeah, well, the conference championship is running right through Chicago, obviously. No. No, no.

I forecasted the Bears to finish sub 500 due to lack of run support.

So, what's the surprise for Amy tonight?

Oh, I'm gonna put a deposit down at that really nice Bayfront resort for the reception.

Nice. [Ben] Right?

Love the cheese curds there.

Whoop, sorry. Whoops, my bad.

Mark Tauscher, right tackle.

The 224th pick of the seventh round of the 2000 draft, born June 17th, 1977 in Auburndale, Wisconsin.

Wears a size 15 shoe, favorite movie is Kindergarten Cop.

Can you, uh, can you sign, can you sign, sign this for me?

75 man roster, hand-written. Uh, yeah, sure.

Can you make it out to Miss Hot Back?

Miss Hot Back. That's my wife.

Fiancé.

I'm sure you'll figure it out. Yeah.

We are figuring it out, and... Yeah, Bears.

Uh, does anyone ever call you The Tausch Mahal?

That's not funny. Uh, no.

Yeah, he does open mics, stand-up, so down, uh...

Yeah. Yeah.

Good. Good.

All right, yes. So, uh, so yeah, keep stepping in the bucket. Pullin', pullin' and crushin', active feet, elbows in.

Sure. Will do. Take care.

He's huge.

I don't know what his problem was.

I thought Tausch Mahal was gold.

[Ben] Could this day get any better?

Are you boys lost?

Dumb? Or both?

This house for sale?

No, the house in China directly under us, through the Earth.

As in somebody could buy it and live in it, right next to...

People don't give up these houses.

I got a few questions for ya.

First, what's your name, old-timer?

Rick Warner. Okay, that was an easy one.

Second question, what is your deal?

I'm too old for this craziness.

I'm moving to Florida.

You boys interested in the house or what?

Ah, hey. I'll ask the questions here, Rick.

Final question, is it required for all old people to move to Florida?

[men chanting Zagger]

Huddle.

Think about it. No more parking lot living room.

We could have an actual living room.

It would be like the 40, the 50, The Sixty, The Sixty Yard Line, that's what we'll call it.

The Sixty Yard Line.

Aren't your funds a little tied up at the moment?

No. Yes. Maybe.

But this is perfect for Amy and I.

It's perfect for me. I can get divorce-drunk here.

[Ben] I mean Amy likes the Pack.

Yeah.

But she also really wants the wedding really bad.

Yeah. Okay, ready? Break!

Ugh, I'm sorry, but I just, I can't do it...

Hey, Rick! What's up, fellas?

...wait to become a home-owner.

I'll take it. [Boy] Ahman, man!

You haven't said one word about the practice today.

Did our offense look tight? Oh, yeah. It was real tight.

It was like jeans-out-of-the-dryer tight.

They ran a lot of slot plays. Green Right, Strong Slot two.

Go left. Uh, Y Banana.

It's fun to just say slot and Y Banana, in the same sentence and not make it sound dirty?

Right. Right. Go right, go right.

Oh, gosh. Right.

I'm sorry, I got confused with the plays.

And I got you this.

Oh, my gosh!

Wait, who? Tauscher.

I love him, his hair.

And while we were there, Ahman Green rode right by, and guess what he said?

He looked right at us, and he's like, "What's up, fellas?"

Go right. What is this little surprise?

Close your eyes. I'm driving.

Perfect, do it anyways. No.

[Ben] Pull in here.

Right here, this is it.

Come on, come on.

[Amy] What's going on? Just don't speak.

I know just what you're thinking.

[Amy] Don't give me the No Doubt treatment.

What's going on?

Okay. Just wait.

How do you have a key? Shh.

[Ben] No talking.

What?

[upbeat music]

Oh, you're too, oh, sorry.

First back here.

Okay, so there's this, huh?

Okay, now back inside.

So...

Right?

Oh, oh, I can speak now?

Oh, yeah. I mean I just, I was thinking, I love you, and...

So glad that you came to that conclusion.

And holy balls, I want to marry you.

But... But?

Just hold on.

If we get married while we're still in our apartment, are we really taking our relationship to the next level, which is what we both want, right?

But if we buy a house together, that's huge.

Ben.

What did you do?

Did you buy this house?

Surprise!

This is the little surprise that you were talking about?

No.

Yes. Ben!

[Ben] Maybe? What? What?

Listen. What?

I have it all planned out.

This is a place for our family, too.

We can start a family.

Right there is where our son strong safety, Teddy Zagowski, will take his first steps.

And then right there is where our daughter, first female General Manager, Juliette Zagowski, will learn to assess the draft.

And right out back in the yard is where...

Surprise! Oh, my gosh!

My god, dude! Come on!

Congratulations! Geez!

Geez, I almost...

What are you doing here? I woulda blocked it.

Ah, I just wanted to be here for the big moment.

Plus, Tracey keeps going by my apartment asking about her red sweater, which I don't have because I burned it in a fit of rage.

Welp...

I'll leave you two lovebirds to the new nest.

Norwegian corner.

So, what do you think?

Please tell me that you robbed a bank or won the lottery.

Oh, we're still gonna have a wedding.

We're gonna have a wedding.

Don't, don't worry about that.

I'll start saving again, and, and besides, we can use the house for the wedding.

We could put the, the, um, the Tabernacle, chuppah thing on the back deck, and the house is a wedding venue.

It's called an altar. Altar! That's it.

I guess the house is kind of cute.

Yes!

[upbeat music]

[Polano] Don't tell Tracey about the sweater.

[upbeat music]

[Ben] Perfect.

All right.

[Commentator] Brown drops back, gets going down the left side line for eight yards.

Nick Shommer makes the stop for Tennessee, and the Packers are starting to see a little light for this offense in the second half.

This is not where I imagined getting drunk.

Tiny TV, scented candles.

There are birds everywhere in this place.

Amy says it fits our age.

And where's your chair? Around.

This place looks like Pier One Imports took a pure deuce export.

And what does that mean? [Ben] She loves it.

But do you Live, Laugh, Love it?

You know, it's words.

Oh, my God. Dude, this is your house, too.

Where is the pride for those green and gold wimps you call The Pack?

Oh, you mean the 12 time champions?

Yeah. That just scored.

That kid is sick.

I don't know how you see that in that TV.

They're... It's fine, I can see it.

What are you, this is pre-season.

Hey, love. My dad gave us some venison.

You bums want any or no? Yes.

Yes. With a side of Verbena Lemongrass candles, please Amy, thanks.

How'd you know that scent? How did you know that scent?

That is not important right now.

What happened to the idea of The Sixty Yard Line?

You own a house next to Lambeau Field, and there is no football stuff in here.

Where is the football?

I suppose we could get a couple of football things.

Are you serious?

You'd be cool with that?

Sure. Yes, awesome.

Navy blue and orange. Green and gold!

Don't be dumb. Promise me less pillows.

[phone ringing]

I realize I've only been regional manager here for about a week, but, uh, you've already stood out as a valuable asset to this company.

Oh. You're very professional.

You're well-respected.

I guess you haven't seen my arrest record.

I don't...

A sense of humor to boot.

I think many of our employees could learn a lot from you.

[Ben] Polano, hit me! I'm wide!

Oh! Gosh, what an interesting read.

It's an interesting write, actually.

[Amy] No. [Greg] Yeah.

You wrote that? Yeah.

Yeah, I teach a weekend course on women's study at Saint Norbert's.

Oh. It's like a hobby of yours or?

I mean, you know, macramé is a hobby.

Model trains, that's a hobby.

Vegetarianism, hobby. But, recognizing the struggle of your historically oppressed gender, that's a way of life.

I always wanted to scuba dive.

What's stopping you?

Dude, hit the hands.

[Polano] You missed my open mic on Tuesday night.

[Ben] Damn. The other two comics, like, laughed a few times. My bad, I'm sorry.

I'll make it to one eventually, I promise.

And when are we gonna make up The Sixty Yard...

What's up, Amy? Hey, sweetie, okay.

Um, there's something that I need to talk to you about.

Oh, gosh, please tell me that Donald Driver did not get hurt in practice.

No, gosh, no. No, no, no, no, no.

No, Greg wants me to go with him to represent the company at the graphics expo.

That son of a bitch!

It's a good thing, he sees potential in me.

Oh, I like that guy. Here's the thing, though.

It's this weekend in Milwaukee.

Not this weekend.

It's the home opener in our new house.

I know, but here's the thing.

Like, it could be really good for my career.

Yeah, that's true.

You should go to Milwaukee this weekend.

No, it's home opener.

We have to park the cars and we'll be grillin'.

Yes! Oh, gosh.

Go, have fun. Yeah?

Yeah, we'll take care of the house.

Okay. Okay.

Say hello to Milwaukee. [Amy] Okay, bye!

Brew crew!

[energetic music]

Let's have some fun. Uh, yeah.

[Narrator] With Amy on the sidelines, the boys changed the game plan.

When she said, add a few football things, all they heard was, blah, blah, beer, football things.

Look what the golf course was throwing out.

Turf grass! Yes!

[Narrator] Maybe it was the beer, and maybe it was the lack of a responsible adult, or maybe it was the beer. This is nice.

[Narrator] They ushered out a previous life of a Pier deuce bird emporium and pillow-riddled couches to usher in a new life of fandom and learned priorities, even stumbling upon ghosts of legends past.

Whoa! Polano! Suits!

[Narrator] Crookedly justifying their every intent.

Noice!

[Narrator] Zagger and Polano took it to the house, shattering records of the past and putting up a clearer future, giving the world...

Now this is a house.

And I'm hammered.

[Narrator] The Sixty Yard Line.

Welcome to The Sixty. Dad's sick.

Mom told me to give you this. Thank you.

Here we have the uppermost level of The Sixty Yard Line, the sleeping and bunking quarters.

Moving on to the bathroom section of the Paul Hornung level where we have the common tub, along with sink with hot and cold water.

Uh, question? Uh, yes, Uncle Mark.

Did you get these mattresses out of the dumpster?

No. No, we did not find them in the dumpster.

They were on the dumpster. [Mack] Nice.

[Debbie clears throat] Yeah, uh, question, Debbie?

Um, where's Amy? She's at the work thing.

You know that.

And she helped you with all this?

Great question, Debbie.

All right, that's it for the top level.

Let's go to the main level. Come on in.

Pile in. Try to blend in, Mark.

This is the Brett Favre level, open concept with three flat screens.

Uh, yes. Question, Schneebs.

Yes, uh, with three different screens, does that mean there are gonna be three different games at the same time?

The answer is no.

What we will do is we will have two of the flat screens on the Green Bay game, and one flat screen will have stats and scores so that somebody here knows that their team still sucks.

Go Bears. And, as you can see, my chair is positioned here, aptly named Fart Starr where you can find me every Sunday and sometimes Thanksgiving Thursdays and playoff Saturdays if they do arise, with my stats binder.

Yes, Debbie, you have a question?

Yes, I, I was wondering where, where's Amy?

I told you she's at work. Moving on.

Here we go! Back to the back patio leads us directly out to the parking lot of Lambeau Field.

I state the obvious, because it leads directly to the parking lot of Lambeau!

Even I will enjoy watching games here this season, so hold onto your boners, folks. We're in for a juicy ride.

I thought we took boners out of the tour guide script.

We did what, now? [Ben] We took boners out of the tour guide script.

Sorry for saying boners. Uh, geez.

There I go again. Once boners roll off your tongue, it's really hard to stop saying boners.

All right, moving on.

Now this is the part of the tour where you Packer scum get a mini Lam-boner.

When Coach Lombardi was still here, bless his soul, he would invite people over every Sunday night to his basement for drinks.

I am proud to announce that I will be bringing back the Lombardi cocktail hour.

Stop asking where Amy is.

Oh I know where she is.

She's right here.

Oh, much, much sooner than expected.

Hey.

Welcome home. Awesome.

Check it out. It's The Sixty.

Yeah!

What is all this? A few football things.

And, and I read that green carpet is calming.

Like Verbena Lemongrass.

Okay. Mm-hm.

She has to probably unpack, so...

[all murmuring] [low music]

Uh, sorry. Excuse me.

Excuse me, Zagowskis, uh, and Jablonski.

Uh, first off, thank you everybody for bringing a dish of au gratins to our totally impromptu house tour.

Seriously? It's all au gratin?

No, there's a beef dish.

No, that's just burnt au gratin.

Um, no, we have our first home game tomorrow against Polano's baby Bears.

Suck, suck!

All right, we're getting better.

Take it easy.

Let's forgive Polano for choosing the wrong team because that's what we do.

We forgive our loved ones when they mess up.

To The Sixty Yard Line.

[All] To The Sixty Yard Line!

I was gonna solder that.

And resurrect it from the trash?

Hey, come on, Amy. Hold on. Amy.

Does anybody have a spoon?

Amy. Amy.

Amy. Amy, Amy, hold on! Wait, stop!

Look, apparently I messed up. I'm sorry.

But you said that I could add some football stuff.

It's not football stuff.

It's you. Me, what?

You everything.

Just be honest with me.

Do you even wanna marry me?

Of course I want to marry you. When?

Because we haven't even spoken about it once since we moved in here.

I just thought that we could fix this place up together.

But that in there has nothing to do with the both of us, and you know what I'm realizing, is that it never will.

It's been eight years, Ben.

Eight years of me competing with a football team that I can never beat.

[Debbie] Oh, my gosh.

No, no Amy. No, no, no.

You shouldn't drive.

I feel, feel like I'm having trouble breathing.

[Debbie] I know. Ice cream is gonna help with that.

My mom, she always asked me what I was doing, and I [stammering]

Am I not good enough? Oh, Amy, yes.

You are, you are more than good enough.

My heart is so sore.

I'm gonna talk about my feelings.

Okay? Okay.

[shouting and crying]

She means a lot to me.

Oh, my god, dude, I'm sorry. I can't do this.

I can't do this.

Do you want to drink a keg? Yes!

[Debbie] You can stay here as much as you want, girl.

Okay, that's not healthy.

You can stay here as much as you want, man.

You don't have to tell me that.

I was going to anyway.

I don't, I don't know what that was.

Party. You're my friend.

You're my friend.

You hungry, bro?

You hungry?

Right in the mouth hole.

[Amy mumbling]

Sometimes I sit in the car by myself for like four hours.

[laughing]

He's a shipping boy.

I thought you said a shabing boy.

[laughing]

[Polano] I just got snot in 'em.

Oh, it makes 'em better!

[laughing]

It's just that Polano is...

He didn't do anything wrong. What?

Sitting at home with Tracey like watching rom-coms.

[Ben] Yeah, no.

Is it weird that it's, I'm having fun, but I'm so sad?

Let's call Tracey.

[imitates phone dialing]

It's gonna be okay. It is.

It's gonna be okay.

How do you know that? So call...

Which end is the bottom end? This is the end that you listen to, and this is the end that you talk in.

That's dangerous. I know.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Put there and... Well don't, you don't listen to a phone like this. It's like this.

Okay go, you call, you call.

Shit. I forgot her number.

Good night. [Debbie] Good night.

Let the good times roll. Mm-hmm.

Who sings that song?

The Cars! Yeah, that's the band.

Oh my god, it is! No, outside!

The cars! [Polano] Come on!

[crowd shouting]

[gentle harp music]

[Both] Oh, my gosh.

[rock music]

Hey, excuse me. Hi, hey, uh, you have to pay to park here, please.

You're not Rick. No, I'm the new owner.

Well, hello, Hottie Homeowner.

I'm Vanessa. Hi, Vanessa, yeah.

This is for the money. You have to pay to park here.

Oh, calm down. I usually collect it for Rick.

Here you go.

What, this is it? Mm-hm, $10 a car.

You're super cute.

It's $40 per car.

Ugh, we gotta go get the other 30.

Whose car is this? Where are these people?

Everyone's gone into Lambeau.

Why aren't you there? 'Cause I got kicked out.

Already? They opened the gates 10 minutes ago.

Polano, let's siphon the gas out of some of these cars and sell it.

[Polano] Dude, I'm not going to the hospital again.

[Narrator] On game day at Lambeau Field, lawns become parking lots, and strangers become family.

I've been coming to games for 25 years.

The tailgate is a big part of it.

It's a big party, but it's like being with family.

Everybody's your brother, your cousin, your whatever.

They hand you a beer, a brat, and you start having fun.

Don't even have a clue who they are.

Best place to tailgate right here.

Best place on Earth.

[Narrator] Everyone is welcomed everywhere, including Zagger's bathroom.

It's terrible. Roger's gonna go wherever he wants.

It got weird last night at dinner, fast.

You got weird at dinner last night fast.

I just was trying to handle the situation.

Hey, if it's any consolation, that Vanessa girl wants to squat on your brat.

Yuck. Dude, the quickest way to get over a break-up is with a Gong Show.

What's a Gong Show?

You know, a chick that you bang like a gong, and then you get her the hell off stage.

[laughing]

A Gong Show.

I like that. Right?

I'm not banging the Gong Show. You should.

No, I will not be banging anything.

How'd you get this grass to grow in here?

It's turf grass, it's fake.

Well it doesn't soak up pee very well.

Please tell me you're joking.

Okay, I'm joking.

Sorry about the parking money.

Why are you sorry? It's done.

Hey, will you bang my buddy?

Dude, no. What?

Come on. He's joking. I will.

I'm not joking. No, I'm not single.

She just said she will. I'm not single.

You're going through a divorce.

[Polano] Not fully.

Amy?

Hi, Ma.

Yeah, just give me a second.

Hey, Ma.

Debbie told me about last night.

Yeah, uh, it's not a big deal, Ma.

No big deal? Benjamin Donald Zagowski!

Hey, buddy, I saw that big buck out off County 8!

How do you expect us to come over to the house when you have thrown your wedding out the window to get it! I do not support that kind of behavior, Ben.

Okay, Ma. The game's back on, I gotta go.

No, you hold it. Look, do you think that I like the fact that your father spent so much time welding saw blades and painting deer on them when we first met?

Ma, look, Dad welding and painting saws is a hobby.

The Packers are my life. Make Amy your life.

Look, Ma, I don't even know what that means.

What that means is that it's called compromise, something that... All right.

You're gonna need to... Ma, I love you, bye.

'Cause that is how your father and I deal with the...

[dial tone droning] Hello?

Ben!

You guys got lucky.

It's like Cutler forgot what color jersey to throw to.

[Man] I gotta piss. Bears suck.

I feel like it's gonna be a good season.

I got a good feeling about this season.

I think that this house is the key to just making everything right.

Amy!

Amy. No, you need to fix this.

Well, I'm trying.

I'm gonna save up the wedding fund again.

We're gonna have a house party!

Five dollar cups, wedding fund.

[Woman] Hey, I need to get to my car.

I'm blocked in. [Ben] What? Yeah.

Just, you're gonna have to deal with it.

Okay, huddle. [Ben] Yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna get Amy to come inside, and you guys sit down and talk out whatever it is that you need to apologize for, which is everything.

Yeah, I think that you should stay here and go into the party, and that way Amy will stay, too.

Good. Break.

Oh, come on. Amy!

She left. She was my ride.

Okay, I guess I'm staying here.

Friend of yours? No.

What are you still doing here? Rude.

This party is lame. We need peeps.

I bartend at Stadium View.

Oh, of course you do. I knew it.

I'm gonna bring a whole crowd over.

10 bucks a cup.

[Polano] All right, yeah.

Let's go to Stadium View. Come on.

No, I'm gonna stay. I'll stay here in case the people come over, then I'll be here waiting for 'em.

And I gotta update my game log.

Dude, come on. Okay.

But when Vee-Vee comes back, we're gonna put that ex-fiancé far behind you.

Come on.

I'm gonna go with him, them. Okay.

I paid for easy out!

I don't even know what that means!

[downbeat music]

No, don't go to voicemail.

What do you want? Oh, hi.

Right, um.

Um...

I, uh, I just wanted, uh, I wanted you to know that your clothes are missing, and I put flyers up all over the neighborhood, so hopefully, somebody will return them.

Along with a puppy.

Well, I found my clothes.

Sans puppy.

Good.

How's the house? Good.

Strangers keep coming in and using the bathroom.

Why did you ignore me?

Maybe I overreacted a little.

I just love you so much, Ben.

[Ben] Oh, my god.

Ben?

Hey, aren't you Mr. Hot Back?

And what, what is this, turf on your floor?

Yes. Mark Tauscher, it is.

It's like a real field.

Yes, John Kuhn.

It is.

I told you I'd bring back people.

Not just people, players, playa.

Well, welcome to The Sixty.

[all cheering] Come on.

Uh, I gotta, I have to call, I was talking to...

Zagger? Yes.

You need to party, all right?

You have professional football players downstairs waiting.

Mm-hmm. Now get your Packer ass downstairs.

[phone ringing]

[rock music]

[Man] Hello. $10.

[Man] There you go. Have fun.

Hey, how's it goin'?

[rock music]

Every championship team since the inception of the west coast offense has had less than 10% missed assignments on the O Line, plus seven minutes time of possession.

That shit's crazy. Oh, he's got so much football knowledge, it's borderline weird.

Yeah, he crunches more numbers than a calculator.

The last three seasons, you two have had a combined

86% successful-blocks- to-yards-gained.

That's 12% higher than league average.

You can pass that shit on to the rest of the O Line.

Okay. Hm-hm.

Like I said, crunching numbers like a CNN, like a business insider.

When you match up with Strahan in two weeks, he has a tell of when he's gonna blitz.

When he comes to the line, if he stretches his back, he's comin'.

You being serious? [Ben] That's right.

All right, man, I'll take a look.

Typical Zagger, crunching numbers...

Dude, why are you not a scout?

I tell him that all the time!

You should feel this man's arms.

Deb, I, no.

I can't be a scout. That's not... This is great.

You guys are great. You're welcome here anytime.

I'll be honest, man, I love the Lombardi Cocktail Hour.

Yeah, we will definitely be back.

You guys wanna come to my open mic next week?

I think we're good, man.

Karen!

That actually happens all the time.

[rock music]

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for a special show for the man of the hour.

[energetic music]


You came back.

I'm sorry I was, my phone earlier, but you cut off a basketball jersey.

I'm sorry that I got carried away.

We got hammered and we did the whole place up.

I'm sorry, but I wanna carry you to a priest in the...

Let's get married. Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

[All] Zagger, Zagger, Zagger, Zagger, Zagger, Zagger, Zagger, Zagger Zagger, Zagger, Zagger, Zagger.

Amy? Zagger, Zagger, Zagger!

Amy, did ya you hear me?

Yeah, yeah. Uh, Bill Clinton.

[Greg] Hillary. Hillary.

Yeah, so, um, I'm next in line, and I am totally nervous.

I'm sweating like Ellen Richards on the first day of chemistry class at MIT.

So the book slips right out of my hand, goes right over Hillary's head, and this is how great she is, she says, "Should I make the inscription out to Butterfingers?"

And she did!

Well, she is pretty amazing.

Well, I mean not as amazing as you.

[Ben] Rick! Thanks for coming to the party last night.

I, uh, your fiancé is late again.

He's not my fiancé. Not anymore, anyway.

Interesting.

Hey, Zippy! Oh, I don't...

[Greg] Can I see ya a sec, pal?

No, I... Me?

Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey, there you are.

Where did you go? No.

Hey, guy. Greg. This is Greg.

He's a regional manager. He's my boss.

Your boss, actually.

Right, I knew that.

So, Zippy...

Zagger. Uh-huh.

It seems that the only part of you doing any actual work around here anymore is your liver.

I know, right? Whew.

And you're late always.

So...

You're terminated.

What, you mean like fired? Is that what you mean?

I'm sorry I'm late.

Um, I always, I, I'll get everything shipped.

I always do. I mean, sometimes barely, but I'll get it done.

Gabrielle Bonheur Chanel, aka Coco Chanel, once said, in order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different.

You make no difference, thus you are completely replaceable.

I'm pretty sure Gabrielle Bernerd did not say that.

She did.

There you go. On the house.

No hard feelings.

[gentle downbeat music]

Oh, you're serious? [Greg] Oh, yeah.

[Ben] Gabriel Barnyard this! [Greg] Nice.

Just so you know, I had nothing to do with what happened back there.

What's going on? You were at the house last night, right?

Yeah. Okay, cool.

Great, 'cause it was awesome. It was hot.

Oh. I'm glad that you thought it was hot.

Yeah.

I thought it was hot, but for some reason you're mad at me.

You know what?

I'm like super glad that he fired you.

Do you know why? No.

'Cause this way...

I don't ever have to see you again.

[Narrator] The wrong plays were getting signaled from both sides of the ball.

Zagger had hung in the pocket too long and was sacked.

Plus, he inadvertently banged the gong.

For the first time in eight years, he'd pushed Amy away for good, leaving him unemployed, broke and confused.

Why am I walking? I drove.

[Narrator] Champions are not made in times of triumph.

They are made in times of adversity, and this time, Zagger was not about to hang it up.

What once was a weekend gig, would become a full-time labor of love.

These captains of car-parking continued to put in the work on off days, which led to success on game days, doing it all in the shadow of Lambeau Field.

This is awesome.

[Narrator] Zagger was a new man, a changed man, and every fan knows that change is part of the game.

Seasons change, concussion protocols change, relatively normal people change, get into weird costumes, and sometimes, players change teams, which may be the hardest change of all to accept.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

[gentle downbeat music]

[Narrator] Despite Zagger's newfound leap into popularity, Green Bay is still a small town.

Whether it was in the playbook or not, Amy and Zagger's paths would cross like strangers in the night.

They were on opposite sidelines, yet acutely aware of each other's every play.

Zagger lined up in Fart Starr for every game, and The Sixty became like Graceland for Cheeseheads.

They came, including former players.

I took about four, five steps, got nailed by the The Fridge, knocked out.

One of my teammates come over and says, "Hey Gary, you gotta get up.

It's Monday night. Your mom is watching."

[laughing]

[Narrator] Current players. Electrolyte forms when soluble sodium or potassium ionizes in a solvent such as water, and for that, my friends, you can thank thermodynamics and solation.

[Narrator] And heads of state.

Mayor Schmitt? Right.

Mayor Schmitt! [Schmitt shushing]

Mayor of Green Bay.

Keep it down, man, all right?

I don't want everyone knowing I'm here.

Keep it low key. Right, right.

I understand.

Speaking of key, you think I can get the old...

Key to the city? Yeah.

No. How 'bout a pen?

Give the guy a pen. Sweet.

[Narrator] Zagger became the man of the hour.

Pen to the city!

[crowd murmuring]

Uh, Kristen. What would you say has been the key to your success? Well, it's been a team effort.

Everyone's really stepping up, and we couldn't have done it without the team.

Zagger, Zagger! Polano!

Yeah, call. Is it true that parties and parking cars is your full-time job now that you've been a victim of layoffs?

Layoffs?

She's talking 'bout layoffs? Burke.

Look, some party guests have accused The Sixty of having skunky beer. Care to comment?

The cases looked fresh.

If you want to down a glass, then down a glass, but the beers are what we thought they were, and we let 'em off the hook!

All right, no more questions.

[people talking at once]

Hey, G, remember in 2003 when you ran that 98 yard touchdown?

Like I'm about to do on you! Oh!

What?

I remember it, I remember when you did that.

It was like immediately afterwards, I turned to my fiancé, and I was like...

I was like that was the longest run from scrimmage in Lambeau history.

Look, Zagger, I know you're a rookie to this popularity thing.

You have a whole bunch of people calling themselves your friend, but when all that fades away, you gonna need someone that knows you.

So do you have, do you have an invoice from January then?

Yeah, I spoke to Troy, and he said that he can change the figures here.

I think, um, you can see here that if we do, I mean, it will be a... What?

You got a little something on your face.

Oh, my god.

Is it gone? No, it's...

No? No, it's right...

Here?

Yeah. Is that okay?

Did you get it?

It's a freckle. Okay.

Oh! Oh.

No, you really do have shit on your face.

Oh, my gosh. Okay.

Vee-Vee, uh, Vanessa, cheese me.

Now, cheese nuts.

Close your eyes. Cover your eyes.

Okay, I'll go first. Yeah, okay.

What college did Reggie White go to?

That one's easy. [Ben imitating clock beeping]

I know this one, I know it. It's, uh...

Tennessee. Yes!

Yeah! Okay, my turn.

How many yards did Tony Canadeo run for in 1949?

What? No sane person knows that off the top of their head.

[Ben imitating clock beeping]

God, Tony Canadeo doesn't even know this!

The clock.

589? So wrong!

[Polano groaning]

[Polano] That was not Gouda.

[laughing] [phone ringing]

Debra.

Amy left her leather jacket at The Sixty.

You need to take it to her at work.

You need to take it to her at the office because all of her stuff is gone.

Benjamin, take her the jacket.

I don't have the jacket. Quit.

Debra, I might have the jacket.

Good! [energetic music]

Field trip. Can I get a ride to work?

♪ Feel like a ton already hit me

♪ Hey, hey

♪ A couple shots and I'm already tipsy

♪ This swerve in my cup

♪ Swerve in my cup

♪ This swerve in my cup

♪ Swerve in my, my, my

♪ Swerve in my, my, my, my, my

[coughs] Zagger?

Oh, my gosh, are you okay?

Your skin tone screams I got a disease in the Oregon Trail.

Yeah, Aimerz is right.

You look like you might have cholera, pal.

Aimerz? You and he are doing the Aimerz thing?

So did you bring my jacket?

Yeah, we have a fundraiser for the women's prison tonight.

What? You two are dating?

Well... Yeah.

Great. Yeah, I mean I'm plowing some, seeing someone, too.

Gong, Vanessa!

What? Where'd she go?

There she is.

Come on.

And there's the jacket. Hello.

Give me the jacket. What are you doing?

We're giving her the jacket.

I'm gonna be cold.

It's gonna be cold for me.

We talked about this.

There, returned.


Okay, okay, yeah, that's it. We gotta go.

You guys got the prison chicks thing, so let's go.

That sounds hot. Can we go?

Do you have butter on your lips?

I ran out of ChapStick.

[Narrator] In the final game of the season, the Packers won, earning them a trip to the...

Play-offs! [cheering]

It's play-off time, boys!

Let's get this pre-party started.

Kick it! [rock music]

[muffled singing]

Did I make the right choice?

Obviously, your team's in the play-offs.

I know what you need. I know it.

You need to Farley a coffee table.

Huh? Right, buddy? Chris Farley?

Farley, you know, something Wisco and Chi-town can agree upon.

All right, that's what I'm talking about.

Go get a coffee table, buddy.

Huh?

[rock music]


[man shouting]

Do not touch my stuff. What are you doing?

I am protecting my valuables. What are you doing?

I live here. So do I.

What? I've been here since '95, ever since Rick took me in. How have we never seen you?

I think the better question is why have you never looked in your garage before?

Look, I just keep quiet.

I watch the games on my TV by myself.

I am very superstitious. So please leave.

Um, hold it. This is my house.

I don't know who you are, so just put down the sword.

You pronounce the W in sword, too?

Have a seat.

Sit down. No.

Sit down, come on.

My name's Dusty Watkins.

I'm adopted. Oh.

But my friends call me Trapper on the account of my hunting skills.

I, uh, catch small upland game for meat.

I'm Ben Zagowski. Adopted?

No, I don't think so.

Zagger, people call me Zagger. I know.

You've become quite the legend this season, congrats.

Thanks. Welcome to the club.

Dusty Watkins.

I remember you.

You're that kid from De Pere that went missing for a little while.

You squatted in Lambeau for the entire '95 season.

And I remained unseen till the conference championship.

What? We lost to Dallas that game.

Yeah, because they caught me and they kicked me out.

That was a big mistake.

They screwed that team over when they did that.

Oh, my god. You, man.

That's when it all, like, fell apart for you.

Fell apart for me? What are you talking about?

I'm living the dream. I got no ties, I got so significant other holding me back. I got no responsibilities, other than my daughter.

She's a stick-figure. Yeah.

I drew it. Shut up!

I mean, I am leading my life in the one direction that truly matters in this world, following the Green Bay, whoa!

Hot squirrel. Wanna go halfsies on this?

Yes.

I'll cut it with my sword.

And not your ka-knife. What's that mean?

Ka-knife, like the, 'cause we were doing the sword thing, so why not ka-knife? Knife.

Yep.

I'm living the dream. Living the dream, living the dream.

I got no significant other holding me back.

No significant other, no significant other.

Whoa, hot squirrel. Hot squirrel, hot squirrel.

[gentle downbeat music]

Yeah!

No!

Hey, buddy! Ben!

Did you... [clears throat]

Did you find a coffee table to Farley?

We were gonna tell you.

We were just waiting for the right moment.

Yes.

Which is now. Which is now. It's now.

Bud, she was helping me through the divorce.

And by that, I mean she caused it.

That is not true.

Yeah, that's a little true.

[Ben groans]

Look, I know little sisters are off-limits to best friends...

Ben, deal with it.

Love is chemical.

You can't control it, and we're in love.

We're in love? We're in love.

[Both] We're in love. [groaning]

We're gonna give you a minute.

[gentle music]


[Amy] Booyah!

Boo what?

Booyah, Stuart Scott.

Super.

Bowl?

No, not yet. It's just the play-offs.

No, I mean, do you want to use the bowl?

'Cause putting your hands in the bag like that, it's a little unsanitary. No, I'm good.

You know you really have a lot of women studies stuff.

Uh, yeah. I wouldn't really call it stuff, you know?

It's more like pieces of history.

Yeah, I guess I'm into women's studies like some people are into ironic belt buckles or Lego movies.

Blitz him, you idiots!

You sound a lot like my auto mechanic, Gary DeSenzo.

Hey, you remember how we talked about maybe you posing today for me so that I can finish that Jackie O painting?

Right, that was before we made the play-offs.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna get set-up, and then you can just come in and join me whenever you're...

Oh! Done with this stuff.

Oh, my gosh.

Okay. Oh, god.

All right.

Oh, oh!

[knocking at door]

[Ben] What?

Game's on.

What, are you gonna listen to it on the radio, FDR?

Well, don't forget to bring your horse to the blacksmith's to get it re-shoed.

[Narrator] This was the first time Zagger didn't watch the game from Fart Starr with his stats binder or with any of his teammates.

[gentle downbeat music]

[dramatic music]

Like a roaring river after a hard rain, Zagger passionately rushed through the neighborhoods.

He ran for 2.5 miles that day, something he hadn't done in over 10 seasons.

But that was the only stat he would get to record, for the game came to a conclusion upon arriving at his destination.

[Amy] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Woo-hoo! Oh, my gosh. Yes, yes.

[Announcer] Here comes the blitz.

Rogers is hit, the ball is out.

Dansby's got it. The 10, the five.

Touchdown.

The Arizona Cardinals win in the OT.

What a heartbreaking loss for Green Bay as their season comes to an end.

[gentle downbeat music]

That's it. Look at that.

Oh, my god, that's amazing.

Good job. Good job.

That's it. Keep it steady.

Yeah, so, um, when you didn't come in, I kinda had to improvise.

Okay. [Greg] Yeah.

I guess now would be a good time to tell you that I applied for the director of operations in San Fran.

There's good scuba in San Fran.

Well I must say, as a man, I am disappointed, but I must respect your decision as a woman.

I mean not as a woman. I am not a woman.

I mean your decision as the woman that you are.

[Narrator] Once again, Amy found herself in free agency.

She went into the off season picking up the pieces of her past life with hopes of moving on.

You okay?

I can't believe it. It's over.

It's really over.

Tough loss, man.

If you need someone to talk to about it, or...

[Ben] What are you talking about?

Well, that sucked.

The game. The Pack lost.

What are you talking about?

You okay, lover? I'm not your lover, okay?

You took it upon yourself to become a latch-key kid and hang out here all the time, and why I let you, I don't know why, because you're The Gong Show.

The Gong Show? Yeah, you're The Gong Show.

We call you The Gong Show because everybody just wants to bang you and then kick you out.

Well, isn't that typical?

Boys get to have as much fun as they want, but as soon as a girl joins in, she's The Gong Show.

I never heard you complain.

Maybe that's because I brought the party here.

I made this place.

We made this place. I made this place.

Me. I did. You're the kid with the pool.

This place is the pool, but people don't actually like you.

And you know what else?

I don't actually like you either.

You made this place? Don't start with me, all right? This whole time you've been pushing me to do all this and lead the single life along with you, and the whole time you were banging my little sister.

That's fantastic.

You know, I'm tired of your little ironic handlebar mustache and your little oh, I'm always on face, I'm so funny face.

Well, you know what? You're not funny.

Even Tauscher says that your jokes, they suck.

Taush Mahal wouldn't say that. That's a terrible nickname.

Just why don't you get out, okay?

And just take your stupid Bears stuff and get out of here.

You live in Green Bay, dumbass.

How many championships have the Bears won again?

Huh? Take it easy, Zagger.

No, I'm not taking it easy Zagger.

That's what, take it easy, Zagger.

Get out. Go on, go.

Come on, get out of my house.

Get out of my house. I'm not...

What, you wanna go? You wanna go?

Huh? I don't want to go.

You wanna go? No.

You wanna go? I don't.

[Ben] Then let's go. I don't want to g...

I don't want to go. You wanna go?

You toothed my nipple! [pained groaning]

[dramatic music]

You wanted me to leave! Let me go!

Get off me!

Zagger, stop.

Hold on, hold on.

[dramatic music]

Stop!

Don't!

Don't!

Stop!

[Narrator] When a team is winning, everyone shares in the glory.

It's during failure that teammates start to assign blame.

Zagger and Polano found themselves in the bitter cold of defeat, and refused to forfeit their pride.

Clearly, neither one was particularly good at fighting, nor in good physical condition, and for the first time in their friendship, these teammates found themselves demanding a trade.

And for the record, I don't bang your sister.

I passionately bang your sister.

Have fun being all alone at your house.

I don't need you.

I don't need anybody.

All I need is The Sixty, and The Pack, and beer!

I'm a legend!

I don't need anybody!

Kuhn, I have to apologize. That loss was my fault.

I didn't write down any of your stats, I didn't sit in Fart Starr, I didn't even watch the game, so it's my fault, give me a call.

Come over, you know, let's drink, let's chat chemistry, solvents, whatever.

Polano, my bad, dog.

I, uh, I'm sorry I toothed your nipple.

That's my bad, but just call me, come over, let's drink.

Debbie, pick up your phone. Call me, come over, let's drink.

Gong... Vanessa.

Hey, Mr. Severson, uh, how are you?

This is, uh, Ben Zagowski from your senior year, from senior AP English.

Yeah, I was... You wanna come up...

May I please have you come over and drink?

[gentle downbeat music]

We'll bounce back. We always do.

Titletown, baby.

I know what you need, my friend.

I made it myself. This right here I call Lambrew Field.

Try it.

I'm gonna bottle and distribute this stuff right here.

You want in early? You wanna invest?

I'll think about it. Think about it, all right.

Well, think about it.

Not really my, I don't have any money at all.

[gentle chiming]

Whoa.

What's happening?

Oh, yeah. [Dusty laughing]

What's going on here?

[Dusty] I double brewed this batch.

See, the best way to deal with a loss is to ignore reality.

Whoa. Yeah. I got a question.

Have you seen a cow named Mitch?

I see spider webs, like, everywhere.

Why is your daughter staring at me?

[Child] Where are all your friends, Zagger?

Oh, hm, what? I don't like this.

Oh, make it stop.

Come on, make this stop.

Hot water'll make it stop.

Make hot water. Make it stop.

Oh, the noise will make it stop.

Is that mine? Is that my hand?

The noise will make it stop.

This suit'll make it stop.

This isn't me, man. This isn't... [Dusty] Well, you know what?

Take a couple more sips and it'll stop.

[Ben] Oh, my stat's will make it stop.

I was joking. It's not gonna stop.

It prolongs it.

I'm hungry.

[cow lowing]

You must be Mitch.

Classic cow-man story.

You don't win once in a while, you win all of the time.

You don't do things right once in a while, you do things right all the time.

Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.

[Child] It's so nice that daddy finally has a friend to watch the games with us.

Forever and ever and ever.

[groaning]

Is that gas?

[gas line hissing]

Gas!

That's gas! Everybody out!

[dramatic music]

[cow lowing]

Mitch?

Mitch, run! It's gonna blow up!

Run! Run! Go!

Go! Yes, good.

Faster!

[gas exploding]

[cow lowing]

Oh!

Trapper!

[dramatic music]


[downbeat music]

[Narrator] Left alone with the charred stench of reckless decisions, Zagger couldn't help but long for Verbena Lemongrass.

Upon evaluating his own situation, Zagger realized he was in need of essential changes to ensure success for the future.

Amy, too, decided it was time for a change with a new city, a new stadium, and good scuba.

♪ All the nights start folding over

♪ Soon you'll come back to me

♪ Wear my embrace over your shoulder

♪ Soon you'll come back to me

♪ Count the days left without the other

♪ Soon you'll come back to me

♪ In this glimmer of stars and glitter

♪ Soon you'll come back to me

♪ I carry your heart

♪ Carry your heart

♪ Carry your heart in me

♪ I carry your heart

♪ Carry your heart

♪ Carry your heart in me

♪ Come back

♪ Come back

♪ Come back to me

♪ Come back

♪ Come back

♪ Come back to me

♪ I am never truly without you

♪ Wherever we are, we meet

[Narrator] As the old proverb goes, blood is thicker than water, meaning relationships and loyalties within a family are the strongest.

I grew up back east, but my father and my grandfather grew up in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, so before I could walk, I was in green and gold.

I would listen to the games with my dad on the radio, so I'm a die-hard Packer fan no matter what.

[Narrator] When you're knocked down, you can always count on family to pick you up.

You know, for The Packers, for me, it reminds me a lot of what I had with my dad and grandpa before they passed away.

We always got to watch games at my grandpa's house.

My dad and I would drive down there.

It was truthfully like, the best part for me and why I like The Packers so much.

[Narrator] And that is exactly what John and Linda Zagowski did for their son.

Ben, I need you to get me that estimate on the boom lift for SPS Roofing in Appleton.

Already done.

And also, I took a look at thermite welds versus apparatus.

We might be able to save a little by switching over.

And also, I think a lot of jobs might benefit from flux core versus MIG.

I think we're looking at about 2% savings with about 9/10 relief on labor costs.

Makes perfect sense to me.

Okay, well, uh, we'll, we'll look into it.

Oh, uh, honey, there's some cheese curds in the refrigerator for ya.

I'll grab 'em later, Ma.

Zagowski's Welding.

[doorbell ringing]

Hey, bro.

Mind if I come in?

Mind if you take off your shoes?


You look good. Did you get a haircut?

No. I washed it.

Oh.

I've missed you.

Polano's missed you. Yeah.

You two, you're still dating?

We're engaged.

Hey, congrats. That's awesome.

He better shape up and treat you right or I will take a wedge of Gouda and hit him right in the junk.

No. We want kids.

Oh, you should come to his show this weekend.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I don't know, I got work.

How is it working for the folks?

You know, I don't know. Weird.

You know, kinda like I'm still in high school, except minus all the acne.

[Debbie] Oh wait, you still got acne.

[Ben] Yeah, I know. Whatever.

Well, it looks like you have everything under control.

Yep.

[Debbie] Don't be a stranger.

I'm really happy for you, little sis.

I'm happy for you both.

Thank you.

You should call her.

What's the point? She's in San Fran.

It's gone, she's gone.

I mean, it wouldn't be so bad routing for the 49s, now would it?

I heard it. Did you?

I threw up a little bit.

Yeah, I'm holding mine down.

Don't tell anyone I said that.

[Ben] I won't.

[Debbie] Bye.

So I wish I was a student in 1776.

You know, your father will let you take the new horse to school.

You're in your log cabin school and you're sitting down for the big final exam.

First question, what major American event happened this past summer?

[laughing]

End of test. That's it.

That's the test. On to farming class, kids.

All right, that's my time. I'm Polano.

[cheering and applauding] [upbeat music]

Dude, hey! That was hilarious!

Dude, thanks for coming out, man.

Man, you're good!

I'm getting better, you know, I'm just doin' what I love.

Awesome, man! Yeah, congrats!

Good for you! Thanks, thank you.

So... Yeah.

Uh...

Dude, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Let me do the feelings stuff.

You were there for me at the house all the time.

You were on my side and I was like [mumbling] and I got selfish.

I'm sorry. It's cool.

How's it going, guys? Whoop, hey, look at that.

Gay marriage just got legalized in Wisconsin over here.

If anyone wants, they're registered over at, uh, Bed, Bath and Beyonce.

[laughing]

[Both] He's good.

It's good to be here.

Creepy. What are you doing?

Ben, you're fired.

Is this because of the incident in the bathroom?

Because if you don't want that to happen, then don't put those magazines in there.

I clicked on some stuff on that internet, and there is a shipment manager position at The Packers' office available, and you have an interview in 20 minutes.

No, Ma. Not another stupid shipping position.

I called an audible. We love you, Benny.

Go get 'em.

I'll see what happens. [Linda] You'll be fine.

Smile.

What magazines?

[Narrator] With every ounce of his being, Zagger did not want to be a shipping boy again, but the possibility of being inside these hallowed halls intrigued him.

Zagger swallowed his pride and grappled with his self-doubt.

Hi.

I'm here for a job interview.

I must be in the wrong place.

No, I'm here for one too.

I hate interviews.

They make me nervous.

What job are you here for?

Uh, shipping buh...

Shipping manager.

That's the same job I'm here for.

I'm just messing with you man. I'm Chuck.

Oh, I know who you are. Yeah.

Yeah, oh my god. You got me.

Put a little dime spot in my pants there.

So, are you here to...

I'm here to talk about training some of the players.

Strength and conditioning, killer instinct mindset sort of thing.

I got paid a lot of money to do what I love, legally almost killing people, and now I'm retired, and I wanna be involved with something else I love, The Pack.

I'll do anything to be part of this organization.

Right.

Ben Zagowski, we're ready for you now, and then Charles Little, you'll be after him.

Charles Liddell. Chuck Liddell?

Chuck Liddell. Oh. Okay.

Ben, do you want a water? So...

Basically you'll be shipping packages.

I just had to make sure that you weren't a complete moron, but you're not, so you got the job. Yay.

Great, thank you. Can I get you some tea?

No, I'm good on tea, thank you.

Hey! Hey.

Nice! Lucky buckey badger went over to you.

Damn straight! Yeah, champs bowl champs.

Pop, are you a pop guy?

I mean I am, but I'm good on pop. Thank you.

Hey, Zagger, what's up, buddy? What's up, Mike?

Wow. Is he, uh, working with us now?

Yeah. He's the new shipping manager.

Yeah, shipping manager's got knowledge.

Anyway, congratulations on your all's sorry-ass badgers.

Yeah, well, you owe me a steak dinner.

Bowl went over to you, that's huge.

I mean, it's gonna be tough to replace Schofield, though.

Milk? Can I get you some milk?

I ran some numbers on him.

His snap to sack speed is 2/10 of a second quicker than anybody else in the conference.

No kidding? Told you. Mad knowledge.

Who would you pick in the draft?

Tight end.

Receiving core here is solid, but it would be really nice to have someone op check down in the flat or over the middle.

I would also go with a running back.

There's a kid out of Buffalo that's had back to back 1,000 yard seasons, 40 touchdowns.

Plus kids out of Buffalo in the draft always fly under the radar.

You can pick him up late, you can pick him up cheap.

We were 14th in the lead last year in rushing.

That's ridiculous.

My forecast, bare minimum, we should be 5th or 4th.

So you pair this kid out of Buffalo with Brandon Jackson in the backfield.

You have Kuhn hitting his assignments in the A gap, possibly running him out into the B gap.

We would have a sick backfield.

It's just some thoughts.

Jody, you know that assistant scout who ends half his sentences in just sayin'?

Ugh. Gets all handsy at the Christmas parties?

Curtiss. Curtiss, yeah.

Curtiss. Two S's.

Curtiss.

Oh, I'm gonna fire him.

Just sayin'.

I got a great candidate to replace him.

Steak? That's it. You're a food guy, not a beverage guy. You want a steak?

Yeah, you want a steak.

You want a steak, right? Yeah?

Sure. I knew it.

[laughing] Finally.

But no, though, we don't have any here.

We don't have steak here. We're a football team.

Yeah, not a commercial kitchen.

So to be clear, I'm an assistant scout, not shipping manager? Yeah.

[Narrator] Zagger's passion had now become his profession.

He was no longer a shipping boy, but an assistant scout man.

If only Zagger's 10-year-old self could see him now, he'd probably say, hm, I thought I'd be taller, but that's a pretty kick-ass job.

Way to go, future self.

Whether he knew it or not, Zagger had prepared for this job his entire life, and everything was perfect.

Almost everything.

[gentle music]

Hey. Hey.

Big day. Yeah.

Looks great. They're so cute together.

Yeah.

Have you tried this? It's really good.

Yeah, I know. I should have invested.

So assistant scout position, that's amazing.

Yeah, yeah. It's unreal. It is amazing.

I'm really happy for you.

You deserve it.

All your dreams came true. I guess.

If the two of you are done yapping, we'd like to get this rehearsal started. 'Kay?

Let's go.

[laughing]

Excuse me, everybody.

Excuse me.

Before we start, I'd just like to take this time to thank someone special to me, to us.

Growing up a Bears' fan in Green Bay wasn't easy.

Boo.

It was kinda like being Andy Dufresne in Shawshank, but a lot less murder. [laughing]

But I found my Morgan Freeman.

My Red. Someone who had my back and who would smuggle in all those chess pieces I wanted.

How come he's the only one who gets this reference?

Come on. Come on. Shawshank.

[Polano] Shawshank Redemption? Tim Robbins.

Best Picture, '95? Yeah, I get it.

[Ben] Anybody? All right. All right.

Anyway.

Thank you, Zagger.

You've been a brother my whole life, but tomorrow you're officially family.

Salud. Salud.

[All] Salud, cheers.

Okay, listen up!

Polano, go up front.

The two of you, hey, hey, hey. Yes?

Will you guys get together already?

Yes. Here?

Here, here, here, here?

Oh, hot back, hot back, hot back.

I know, I've been meaning to have a doctor take a look at that, but... Guys!

Quit fartin' around, I'm getting married.

Get together, okay?

Lookin' good.

[laughing]

So how's San Fran? Great. Yeah.

I'm really gonna miss it. Miss it?

They offered me the VP of Operations for North America.

And that means?

I'll be moving back.

Welcome home.

[Narrator] Super fans have come and gone, but as long as these titans battle on the gridiron, there will be fans dedicating their lives to these gods of sport, blindly putting relationships at risk.

But in the end, one must reflect and think, how did Zagger not notice a fully grown cow living in his house?

I mean, what the fuck?

[gentle upbeat music]


There's no other fan base like The Packers' fan base.

The fans, too. The fans are the greatest of any team.

You feel like you're among friends whenever you're at the game. We've started a family.

I have people here today from probably 10 different states.

I'm originally from Southern Wisconsin.

I now live in Kentucky.

I'm from Seattle, Washington, born and raised there.

We live in Oklahoma City area.

I am not from Green Bay.

I am from Kingston, Jamaica.

And I'm at home here.

Everyone's very nice, accommodating, give me beer.

We heard that the Packer fans are the best fans.

They're really nice and accommodating.

But we'll see.

Yeah, fans are great. So far.

We'll see how much alcohol they have.

Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts.

Once the beer kicks in.

Whoa! Where did you get such a cannon for an arm?

Guess it runs in the family.

I think it's time we had the talk.

Dad, I'm about to graduate college.

It's a little late for that.

No, the other talk.

[downbeat music]

Son, you're adopted.

[Announcer] For those difficult moments in life, reach for a cool refreshing beer that helps smooth over life's rough edges.

Time out, boys.

[upbeat music]

♪ Cold beer

♪ Cold beer

♪ La la la la la la la la Lambrew

♪ When life gets you down

♪ Grab the best beer in town

♪ La la la la la la la la Lambrew

♪ That feel-good beer

♪ You'll be neither there nor here

♪ La la la la la la la la Lambrew

[Father] Fuck.

♪ Cold beer

♪ Cold beer Why did you guys wait so long to tell me?

Oh, sounds like someone needs another Lambrew.

Hey, make that two!

[laughs]

♪ Cold beer

♪ Cold beer

♪ La la la la la la la

[Announcer] Lambrew Field, take a break from reality.

[gentle upbeat music]