The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984) Script


Launch control is having trouble verifying mass acceleration.

Team Banzai rotational supervisor, please confirm.

I want an electromagnetic fuel reading from the launch.

We are T minus seven zero and holding.

Antigravity inertia reversal crosscheck.

Can we have a photographic printout to the bunker?

T minus six zero three and holding. Phaser positive. Latch compressor.

Multistage axial compressor... latched.

Fuel pressure... 1800 torrs.

Commence pullback to the launch sequence. Clear the launch.

Specific density is 2.5. Over.

You're kidding. He's still at the hospital?

Banzai hasn't showed yet, Mr. Secretary.

Looks like he's got cold feet.

Well, better go see what's keeping the boss, Reno.

Why me?

Cos I'm busy.

May I have the curved Yasargil, please?

It's not here, Dr. Banzai.

Ah, let me have the straight one then.

See, this is the part where for me it started looking like a problem.

I mean, I wanted to sacrifice the precentral vein in order to get some exposure.

But because of this guy's normal variation, I got excited and all the sudden I didn't know whether I was looking at the precentral vein or one of the internal cerebro veins or the Vein of Galen or the Basilar vein of Rosenthal, so one my own me at this point I was ready to say "That's it, let's get out".

See, you can check your anatomy all you want, and even though there may be normal variation, if you get right down to it, this far inside the head, it all looks the same.

No, no, no. Don't tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to.

This is control. 02 vents are closed. Looks good.

Dr. Banzai is using the laser to vaporize a pineal tumor without damaging the quadrigeminal plate.

Subcutaneous microphone gonna allow the patient to transmit verbal instructions to his own brain.

Like "Raise my left arm"? Or "Throw the harpoon".

People are gonna come from all over. This boy's an Eskimo.

You ever thought about joining me full time?

What do you mean? You serious? Do you have an opening?

Uh-huh. Can you sing?

A little. Yeah. I can dance.

Hey, it's Buckaroo.

We have Buckaroo descending. We have him on the launch parameter.

Inertial control positive. T minus five four five. Resume counting.

Hey, hey, Rawhide!

All systems righteous. Professor Hikita says we have a go.

I'm teeing off in an hour and a half. What's this jalopy supposed to do anyway?

500 miles an hour, General. Oh, Senator, you're so gullible.

Please clear the launch grid. Please clear the launch grid.

HB 88, this is control. Driver's door check secure.

- ...B, C, D, E... Clear the area!

Control, this is HB 88. Commander's voice check. Over.

Roger, HB 88. Read you. Out.

Control, this is HB 88. Event timer started. Over.

HB 88, this is control. APU start is go.

You are on your on-board computer. Over.

Roger, I copy.

Altimeters? Compasses? Set and crosschecked.

Reserve brake system two? Closed and guarded.

Gear handle? Down and in.

Throttles and start levers? Closed, off.

Number four electric hydraulic pump and press? On and checked.

Parking brake? Set. Press checked.

Radios, radar and transponder? Set and stand by.

HB 88, this is control. IMU alignment in progress.

We show 28 degrees, 36 minutes.

30.32 seconds north... by 80 degrees, 36 minutes.

14.8 seconds west. Synchro is aligned.

HB 88, this is control. Ground crew secure. Over.


INS ram coordinates. Form one, fuel ticket?

On board. Circuit breakers?

Point of no return. Five, four, three...

We have main engine start. ...two, one.

Electronuclear carburation seems fine.

He's fast. I'll give Banzai that. But one heat-seeking missile and he's history.

This is control. APU start is go.

You're on your on-board computer. Over.

They are reading you on the localizer downrange. Looks good. Over.

HB 88, this is control.

Speed steady at 317 nautical. 400 and accelerating!

Horizontal velocity is expanding. Over.

Four... three... Here he comes.

...two... one.

Where's he going? Yeah!

He is off course. This is Chase One. Over.

He has broken trajectory...

50 cylinder. There is an immediate fire hazard. Do you read?

Roger. Do you read?

Advise you abort. Over. Repeat: Advise you cancel phase two!

What the hell's phase two? That's a big no-can-do.

Buckaroo, are you decompressing? Over.

He's broken the sound barrier! Mach 1 .3.

Buckaroo, do you read? Commence braking procedure. Over.

Just be cool. She'll hold.

Axis negative. Pneumatic pressure negative.

We are looking at 500 degrees...

We are in pursuit. He is gaining. Over.

He's headed for the mountains!

Eject, Buckaroo! Eject!

HB 88, do you read? Do you read? Over. This is control. Do you read?

Unsafe levels of...

Standby recirculation has been activated.

HB 88, this is control. Do you...

Hotel Brava 88 do you read? Do you read? Over.

What is going on? It's off my scope.

This is Chase One. We got his tracks. They go right up to a wall of rock.

Holy shit!


This is Chase Two. Chase Two. We see him. We see him.

We have him. Chase Two reports a visual 100 miles off course.

Banzai!

He's gone through it. He's gone through the mountain.

It has deployed there.

There is a minimal disturbance in the electromagnetic field.

Antigravity inertia is normal.

Mass acceleration is diminishing. Over.

He is OK.

The vehicle is hot, but we are showing no radioactivity. Over.

HB 88, this is control. We see you. Welcome home. Over.

We show electrical-field aberrations on the windshield.

We are getting a localized vibration of the drive train and a minor oil leak.

Buckaroo, can you verify operational capability?

HB 88, this is control.

We are reading an electrical field aberration of 993 on your windshield, static and fracture. Can you confirm? Over.

HB 88, this is control. Do you hear me? Over.

We are getting localized vibration on your drive shaft. Can you verify? Over.

HB 88, a retrieval vehicle will rendezvous in ten minutes. Over.

Well, there it is, tire tracks right up to a wall of rock.

Perfect Tommy, Rawhide, Reno - cute guys of the Hong Kong Cavaliers, Buckaroo's most trusted inner circle.

Could you elaborate on that device, I believe, dubbed the "oscillator"...

Oscillation overthruster. Hikita!

Thank you, Allison. That dirty little Asian critter!

Tranquillizers are being dispensed to all patients between 10 and 11 am, Tuesday, Friday and Wednesday.

The sound barrier crumbles, and then the dimension barrier.

It was, Buckaroo Banzai said, exactly like Professor Hikita had glimpsed in 1938 through the overthruster he and Dr. Emilio Lizardo put together from spare parts in a laboratory at Princeton.

1938. Can you imagine what it must have been like then?

Molto grazie, Dr. Lizardo.

Almost ready, Dr. Lizardo! Almost.


Electromagnets, they are charging.

Catapult, she's wired!

No. Not yet. No!

Whoo!

No, not yet! Not yet! I'm not ready!


He did not go through the wall.

Holy Toledo!

Facile. Sotto, dottor.

Emilio?

...asked what he saw, asked where he went, Dr. Banzai replied "Vast chasms of hissing swamp, spurts of flame, huge thunderclaps and gurgling rock formations."

Lithium is no longer available on credit.

G-sub-E...

Gesù Cristo, make the ganglia twitch. We're home free.

Home... home is where you wear your hat.

I feel so break up, I want to go home!

Hello, Doc. Who are we today? Albert Einstein?

No. Lord John Whorfin.

If there's one thing I hate, it's to be mistaken for somebody else.

Cheer up, Lizardo. It's Friday. I got a care package from your yo-yo friends.

Hey, Signore... grazie tanto.

Thanks, Doc.

I come for your TV. You've been using too much juice.

Another 10,000 kilowatts again this month.

It beats me how an old homicidal loony can use that much power.

Go on, take it! I don't need it!

Tomorrow I'm goin' home with my overthruster.

That's terrific, Doc.

I'll make sure you get an early wake-up call.

Laugh while you can, monkey boy.

Buckaroo, I've done a spectrographic analysis on the specimen you pulled off the jet car drive shaft.

Rawhide, what do you think?

I don't care if you walked through a mountain in Texas.

This is New Jersey, and when you play my joint, you're just another act.

I want some music out of you. You want it, Artie? You got it.

Let's rock and roll!

Ladies and gentlemen, Artie's Artery is proud to present for a single night only, New Brunswick's own, the one, the only, the amazing...

Buckaroo Banzai and the Hong Kong Cavaliers!


Excuse me.

Excuse me, is someone out there not having a good time?

Is somebody... is somebody crying... out there in the darkness?

Somebody crying?

Over here. I'm sorry.

Um, could we get... could we get her a mike and a spotlight?

Tommy, could we run her a mike?

What, are you serious? Yeah, run her over a mike.

What's your name?

Who cares? Right.

Well, I care. What's your name?

Penny. Did you say Peggy?

No. My name's Penny. Penny Priddy.

That doesn't matter. It's not important.

I just... I just sponged up a little too much Vat 69, that's all.

I'm down to my last nickel in this lousy town, and they wouldn't take my luggage in hock.

I lost my room at the Y this morning.

But it's cool.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, now.

Don't be mean.

We don't have to be mean, cos, remember... no matter where you go... there you are.

I'm gonna sing this song for you, Peggy. No, Penny! Who cares?

I don't have plans and schemes...

And I...

Don't have hopes and dreams...

I don't have anything...

This is weird. Sure is.

Since I don't have you...

Yeah, I... Who's the girl?

Don't have fond desires...

I don't have happy hours...

I don't have anything...

Get her outta here now! Let's go! Let me go! Let me go, you freaks!

Wait. Wait a minute. Wait. Kill that spot. Kill it!

...festive briefing by the Banzai Institute. Tomorrow...

Where you think you're going, Doc? The moon?

No, no. Planet Ten. Planet Ten. Why, pray tell?

Operator? Doc, put down the phone.

Operator? I wanna make a call to a Mr. John Bigbooty at Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems over in Grover's Mill.

And you tell him that it's John Whorfin calling.

That's W-H-O-R-F-I-N. You got that, honey?

John. J-O-H-N. This better be collect, Doc.

Bigbooty? Of course it's me, you fool! Who do you think?

The time has come, Bigbooty.

Prepare for my return.

Well, haven't you heard? Don't you watch TV?

Banzai and Hikita have done it. They have opened the window!

Si. Si. So meet me at the factory.

And get their overthruster.

And Hikita, too.

Sure. Alive.

No, no, don't worry about me. I'll get my own ride.

Evil will not prevail. That was...

Arrivederci, Jersey.

Goodbye, goodbye to her...

It's the spittin' image. Doesn't look anything like her.

Pictures don't lie.

Hell they don't. Met my first wife that way.

It's Peggy to these eyes. It's the same nose. It's the same hair.

Plus, Buckaroo has to think so too or else he wouldn't be ready to make a fool of himself.

Just hot off the World Watch Wire, Buckaroo. Thought you'd wanna be notified.

Remember that old Italian pal of the Professor's?

Emilio Lizardo. Yeah.

Last night he kills a guard, breaks out of Trenton Home for the Criminally Insane.

Ten minutes later, he cops a Maserati Bora. Totaled it a block away.

Holy Moly.

Maserati Bora. Mm-hm. That ain't all.

He's vanished. Thin air.

Dr. Lizardo. Wasn't he on TV once? You're thinking of Mr. Wizard.

This guy is a top scientist, Dummkopf.

So was Mr. Wizard. Dr. Emilio Lizardo is a raving lunatic, Perfect Tommy.

A vicious psychopath. Just as soon kill you as go fishin'.

Buckaroo, look at this.

Grossly-abnormal high-altitude electrostatic disturbance moving down over Connecticut. From the jet car, do you think?

No, not from the jet car. Check with NORAD Command.

It could be above-ground atomic testing in China. Maybe sunspot activity.

Man, that's strange.

Scientists at Strategious Space Command have detected a mysterious radioactive cloud-like mass over southern New England.

Sources close to the National Security Consortium have refused to comment.

Let's get on back to three great modern country hits in a row.

Sidney! Buckaroo!

How's the patient? Fine, thanks to you.

But more importantly: Congratulations! Thank you.

You drove right through a mountain the other day.

You did it right after you left me at the operation. You haven't even said anything about it.

Didn't mention it. Sidney, these are my friends.

This is my colleague Dr. Sidney Zwibel, old medical friend from Columbia P and S.

Howdy. How you're doing? Listen, Sidney, I'm glad you could make it.

Cos it looks like we may need an extra hand sooner than I thought.

Aha, I see. That's what I was wondering about.

I got your message about rendezvousing at this address. Barely had time to pack.

Then I came here... I can see that.

I'm gonna snoop around. Make yourself at home.

You know, I thought we were gonna rehearse or something.

I'm a big fan of all you guys. I love the comic books and the records.

I know you. You're Pecos.

Perfect Tommy. Perfect Tommy. I'm sorry.

You're Pecos. Pecos is in Tibet. Name's Reno.

Reno! It's an honor. Where do you hail from, Doc?

Uh, New Jersey. Fort Lee. Where are your spurs at?

Is he making fun of me?

Third cell to the left. Pink dress.

Arigato.

What do you want? Huh? What are you doin' here?

What are you doing here?

Why don't you just go away and let me rot?

Who were you really trying to annihilate last night?

You. Just like the papers all say.

Come over here.

Come on.

Oh, my God! Perfect Tommy!

What do you want from me?

Oh, you remind me of someone I once knew long ago.

Was she very beautiful?

She was... queen of the Netherlands.

That's a long way from where I come from.

Wyoming? Cody, Wyoming?

No, I'm from Laramie.

Except that I was born in Cody, but nobody...

Do you have family? Back in Cody, I mean?

I don't know.

See, I always felt that there was another part of me somewhere.

Another part of you?

Somewhere, yeah.

I'm adopted.

Of course!

If it was a snake, it'd have bit me!

Another you. Anything's possible.

Let her out! Hey, me too.

Let her out? Yeah, let her out. I'll be responsible.

She's a killer! No, she's not. And give her your coat.

Why me?

Because you're perfect.

You have a point there.

I'd like to move this thing along.

Perhaps some of you noticed we have a motorcycle convention rolling in here.

We're a little short of time.

Besides, I don't imagine you came here to listen to me talk.

You're right.

Without further ado, I'd like to introduce a young man who yesterday took our notions of reality and turned them inside out.

Dr. Buckaroo Banzai, perhaps you can explain yourself.

Ooh.

Secretary, Senator Cunningham... members of the world press.

30 years ago, almost to this day, my mother and father, Doctors Sandra and Masado Banzai gave their lives for what was then considered to be a very insane notion... the possibility of contacting alien life.

However, not on another planet. But here.

Maybe right inside this table... living on a simultaneous plane of existence with our own.

Perhaps within a mountain.

See this rock? It's solid matter, right?

But the solid parts of this rock - the neutrons, quarks, protons and electrons - comprise only about one quadrillionth of its total volume.

How many zeros is that? Quite a few.

The rest of this rock is actually empty space.

So, back in 1937, Professor Hikita here and Dr. Emilio Lizardo figured that if solid matter were mostly just empty space, a person should be able to discover a way to travel inside things.

We at the Banzai Institute have at last found that way.

We have created a device called an oscillation overthruster, which systematically reorders matter by annihilating electrons, positrons...

I get it. What you're saying is that oppositely-charged particles collide, and blow each other up in a burst of energy. Like a tiny big bang, like a... baby bang.

I'm probably just stating the very obvious. Shut up, Penny. Shut up.

Oh, no. It's not obvious at all. If it was obvious, everybody would be doing it every day.

See, by all accounts, it appears as though I literally went right through a mountain.

But you could take that mountain and pulverize it... and sift through it like breadcrumbs for the rest of your natural life... and you would never ever find... this.

And yet this living organism came out of that mountain in Texas with me.

Even though I was never inside that mountain.

The president's calling.

The president of what? The president of the United States.

Oh. Here.

Later.

Is he still delirious?

I can't tell. It's real fuzzy. I patched him through to a payphone down the hall.

Do your thing. Buckaroo, you forgot your thruster.

Why don't you hold onto it for a while?

Any time.

Do we have the first slide, please?

What about the Pentagon? The possibility of war in the Eighth Dimension, Mr. Secretary?

What?

It seemed like a strange connection even back at the bus.

Mr. President?

Some kind of interference.

Hello, Mr. President?

Mr. President? Mr. President, hello?

Hello, Mr. President?

What's going on? Maybe it's a prankster, some computer whiz kid.

Not with Elephant Bravo.

Not with an alpha clearance. Alpha clearance? Hello? Mr...

Ed, go back to the bus and reroute this call to the president's suite at Walter Reed Hospital.

Yeah, and make sure this is on the level. We're busy people here.

Does the President call him a lot?

Pencil! Pen! Quick! Anything!

Don't touch him!

What's he writing?

Conference room!

Conference room! Let's go!

Launch thermopod.

There they are. Dr. Banzai.

Don't you see 'em? What do you mean? Who?

Evil! Pure and simple from the Eighth Dimension! Grab 'em!

Lectroids! Grab 'em! Lectroids? He's got a gun.

OK, wise guy!

Let those gun belts hit the floor! Nobody follows or the Prof is history!

Where's Buckaroo? Get him.

Where's the overthruster? Get an ambulance.

Come on, will you just ignore them? Isn't that...?


Hey, wait a minute! You can't ride that!

It's Buckaroo Banzai!

Hold it! Freeze!


I had my eyes open all day long, Burt. It may not be a total loss.

I'm about ready to go home. We might see something.

I hit it! It is wounded.

What'd it look like to you?

Like a big black flying dinosaur. Dinosaur? It was purple.

That's what it looked like. It was black. It was purple. It'll be dark before we even find it.

We get Professor Hikita to cough up the crucial missing circuit and then we finally get our butts off this rock!

Oh, yeah? Listen to this!

Well, what is it? What is it?

Black thermopod emergency beacon!

Here? On Earth?

Why? John Bigbooté, why? Coordinates established.

Electromagnetic energy back on route three.

The whole top of the tree's squashed! Do you think it up there?

Let's wait for the cops, Burt.

What for? Are you scared?

There's gotta be something there. Come on, Burt. There's nothing up there.

Well, how do you know? Here, hold this. Hold this!

Where you going? Where you going?!

Christmas shopping.

What's that? It's a stick. What's it look like?

Gimme some light, will ya? I got two guns in my hands.

Put one of them down. I ain't putting the guns down!

It's just a tree. Then leave it alone!

Aagh! See, I told you! I told you! Leave it alone!

Run! Run! Run!

Shoot it, Bubba. Shoot it! I can't! It's jammed! It's jammed!

There's something. There's something coming out!

Where? Out of the top.

Oh, my soul!

Throw me my gun, Bubba. Throw it.

Sorry.

Is he dead?

Yeah, I think so. But look at his face. It's changing.

And his hair... his hair is all disappeared.

What's that smell? You smell electricity? He's crackling. We're standing in water.

What is he, Burt? Is he radioactive?

How the hell do I know? Do I look like a nuclear genius?

He's probably from Mars. Or Jupiter.

Jupiter? I hope he's alone.

There's somethin' over there. Where?

Right there.

What is it?

Buckaroo Banzai. It's the latest issue.

Rawhide, come in. Rawhide.

Rawhide.

Buckaroo, what's up? Where in Hades are you? I'm gettin' a lot of static.

Yeah. That's me.

I've been ionized, but I'm OK now.

Listen, I'm switching on the homing beacon.

Mark two minute intervals... now.

Look, we got the overthruster. But someone shanghaied the Professor right from the conference.

Oh, the deuce you say. What do you think?

Dr. Lizardo, maybe? Yeah, I'd put money on it.

That crate. What crate?

The crate they shoved in that van.

You and the guys... go back to the house and dig up everything you can on an outfit called Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems.

You got that? Right. Yoyodyne. We're on it.

Hand me that tarp, will ya? Let's cover this guy up.

Guy? What guy? He's got paws.

Now what? Who are they?

Cover it up.

John Bigbooté, Officer.

Head of Operations, Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems.

There's one of our birds. That fella over there one of your birds, too?

The droid, you mean?

Doesn't look like anything I've seen before. I mean, I've seen droids...

Nice night, huh?

That big thing over there attacked me.

Impossible. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah! It's some kinda creature. There's part of it still stuck in the tree.

No, it's a machine with 30-foot leather wings. I think it's radioactive.

Three minutes since he last moved. This is a fix. Something is happening.

Let's get somebody over there.

AI, you set up the grid and get the last known coordinates.

Tommy, hop on the Marconi and see if we got Blue Blazes in a ten-minute radius. But no strike teams, Tommy, understand?

I'm headed downstairs. Keep everybody calm.

Hikita-san. Buckaroo!

Repeating: Intrastate outward band five.

Coded. Calling all Blue Blaze irregulars in the Garden State.

Buckaroo... in trouble. Will repeat coordinates.

This is Scooter Lindley, Junior Blue Blaze irregular 41 and a half. Hang on.

Dad! Dad! Buckaroo's in trouble! Say what?

Aliens from the Eighth Dimension. I'm seeing them now.

You can see them now? Here?

Yeah, the three jerks driving this van. Look at this. What is this?

It's your hand, Buckaroo.

No, no, no, no, it's a formula. It's an antidote of some kind.

Whatever that was in that phoney call from the president gave me information, some electrochemical message that allows me to see what they really are.

What are they?

Lectroids from Planet Ten by way of the Eighth Dimension.

Mr. Gomez?

I got a truck on the way to help mop things up. Identification?

Or else this place'll become a zoo, not to mention a haven for gawkers.

Wait a minute. Now just a second.

Stay put. All of ya. Sure thing.

We'll go ahead and start breaking it down.

Don't touch it!

I got my own help on the way. Now, that's an order.

Go find something to crack it open.

There's a Harley in those bushes.

I want you to get out and go to the laboratory, start working on this formula.

I want you to synthesize it. Buckaroo! Give me the formula.

Oh, wow!

Peggy!

She's not Peggy, Mrs. Johnson. Sois sage, mon amie.

No. Of course not. How could she be?

Any word from Buckaroo? No, I thought he was with you guys.

No, he's not. Ah, Dr. Zwibel, Penny Priddy... Mrs. Johnson.

Nice to meet you. The fellas call me New Jersey.

Well, where are they all going? Bunk house. Off limits.

Again, John Gomez!

John O'Connor, there's a crowbar in the truck.

I'll get it.

Destroy yourself, John Gant.

Set detonator.

Detonator set.

My most profuse apologies to my homeland and loved ones.

John Valuk is dead. He fell on his head.

Perhaps John Parker will get through with our message to Buckaroo Banzai.

I said back off! Now, dammit, I mean it!

Hey! Hey, leave him alone! Ugh!

Easy, friend. Ha, Buckaroo Banzai!

Hey!

It's Buckaroo Banzai! Get him!

Hustle up!


Scooter Lindley, Blue Blaze Irregular.

It is! It is Professor Hikita. We're closing the gate. Please, step back!

Where's Buckaroo?

We gotta have something for him. Try a new cipher.

Try a G-cipher. G-cipher.

There...

That's more like it.

Looks like we've accessed their restricted data file. Could be highly revealing.

No sign of Buckaroo. The Professor just rode up saying something about space monsters and where's the overthruster. Went straight to the lab.

Space monsters, my ass.

Hey, man, nice jacket.

What's in the big pink box?

Hey, buddy. May I help you?

Hello! Buckaroo Banzai!?

You a messenger? What you got here?

No, no, wait a minute. I need see Buckaroo Banzai in person.

My name is John Parker.

Identify yourself, no?

Blue Blaze irregular Pinky Carruthers.

Sorry, John, everybody needs see Buckaroo. Later.

Gino, run this down to the Professor for me.

Sounds like he's getting a little nervous.

This is queer. Look. What's up? What you got?

All these people applied for social security cards in the same town in New Jersey on exact same date.

New Jersey?

46 Yoyodyne employees, Grover's Mill, New Jersey, 11 -1 -38.

I got some pictures, boys.

It looks like a practical joke. Check out these names:

John Yaya? John Parrot? John Bigbooty?

Maybe not. John Nolan? John O'Connor?

No way, José.

John Small Berries? It's a joke. Maybe that's what Buckaroo was talking about.

No, Reno, there are no ages and no places of birth.

Uh, Grover's Mill. Grover's Mill, 1938. Why's that so familiar?

They all have the same first name. John, John, John, John, John.

Somebody's playing games. This is statistically impossible.

No, no, no. Wait a minute, wait a minute, um...

November one. October.

30 days have September, April, June, November. Short February.

And all the rest have 31 . October 31st.

Halloween.

Oh, um...

Don't you get it? Orson Welles.

You mean the guy from the old wine commercials?

Halloween, 1938. War of the Worlds, that fake radio news broadcast that got everybody scared, thinking real, live Martians... were landing in Grover's Mill...

New Jersey.

Then it all just turned out to be a hoax.

So?

So... maybe it wasn't a hoax. Or, I mean, maybe it isn't a hoax.

If we don't find the overthruster, Whorfin'll have us for supper.

Who says the damn thing's even here?

Come on! Come on!

Who is he? I don't know.


All right, who's the wise guy?

I said, who's the wise guy?

It's locked.

John O'Connor, smash the window.

Why me, John Bigbooté?

It might be booby-trapped.

Oh.

Buckaroo! Mrs. Johnson, this is Casper and Scooter Lindley.

Is Hikita-san here yet? Where's the overthruster? Where's Penny?

Prof is in the lab with the overthruster. Penny's in the right wing guest room. Everybody's safe and sound.

They're lectroids, Buckaroo. From Planet Ten.

Planet Ten? How do you guys know? It's all on the yellow record. Come on.

Casper Lindley. Reno.

Yellow record? However, they didn't come here on a nonstop flight.

They blasted through the Eighth Dimension in 1938 over in Grover's Mill.

Where there was a huge electrical dimensional accident.

Some giant explosion. And they hypnotized Orson Welles into covering it up.

So, first he says there's an invasion from Mars, but then he says, no, no, no, it's just a radio-show hoax.

Get it? No.

Let's go. Orson Welles?

What about Yoyodyne? What about Dr. Lizardo?

That's what we're trying to tell you. There's someone living inside him.

Buckaroo. Pinky.

Put this on. Here, y'all put these on. There's more in the box and there's one over there.

What's this? It came with the record. It's like a 3-D type thing.

How am I supposed to know he's from outer space?

This Rasta guy pedals up to the front gate and delivers it all in a pink cake box.

What? What for? We don't know. It wouldn't tell us.

It wants to talk to the head honcho. Lights.

Salutations, great Buckaroo Banzai.

I am John Emdall from Planet Ten.

A common, grave danger confronts both our worlds.

After a bloody reign of terror... Hey, what is that?

...the hated leader of a military caste... the self-proclaimed "Lord" John Whorfin, a bloodthirsty butcher as evil as your Hitler...

Oh, wow!

...was overthrown by freedom-loving forces... tried and condemned, along with several hundred of his followers, to spend eternity in the formless void of the Eighth Dimension.

Did you tell Penny that Buckaroo's looking for her?

I looked in her room. She wasn't there.

Who's Penny? Where is she?

Will everybody shut up so I can hear the rest of this thing?

And now you, Buckaroo Banzai, have unintentionally helped John Whorfin with the success of your oscillation overthruster.

For our intelligence warns us that he intends to steal your overthruster.

If he should attempt this, we will have no choice but to disrupt worldwide electronic communications and fire a particle-beam weapon from your airspace to Smolensk in the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.

That an action that the Kremlin will most certainly misinterpret as an American first strike.

They're already a little trigger-happy. Stop John Whorfin before sunset.

If you fail, we will be forced to help you destroy yourselves.

If it ain't one thing, it's another. Lighten up.

End of discussion.

Discussion? What discussion?

She gotta be kidding, right? Vaporize the whole damn planet?

You wanna roll those dice, Casper? No, no, no, not me, man. No way.

Gents... we're going to Yoyodyne.

Rawhide, see how Hikita-san is with that formula.

Billy, tell Sam to prep the jet car for city driving.

What about a Blue Blaze strike team?

We keep it intimate. Call the Kolodny Brothers. Call the Rug Suckers.

Where are you going? Get my guns.

His guns?

Okay, okay, I'm a girl. I don't deny it. I sneaked into your bedroom.

I invaded your privacy. I went through your personal belongings.

Mrs. Johnson! I can never find anything around here... I took a bath!

Penny, what's your problem? Me! You! That picture!

I'm going crazy. Who's that girl, Buckaroo? What's going on around here?

You drag me out of jail. You're like Jerry Lewis.

You give me hope to carry on, but then you leave me in the lurch while you strap on your six-guns. What do you want from me?

Who am I? As near as I can figure... you had an identical twin sister and...

I married her.

But that's over now.

And she's gone and that's about all there is, really, to say about that.

We don't know what to expect here. It disagrees with all the standard pictures.

It's producing a magnetic force.

No, no. I'm wrong!

Hey!

Oh, tell me I'm dreaming.

Ow! Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's...

Buckaroo! Sorry. Sam's dead. Sam?

Someone broke into the jet-car. Things are going haywire over at the lab.

Wait here. I'll be right back.

Oh, boy.

He's dead. Spread out. They can't be very far off.

Okay. Tommy, check the biomedical labs. Reno, take physics. Jersey, go with Reno.

Where you going? Engineering.

Cowboy! Hold your gun in front of you, man.

Oh, I see. I got that. OK. It's cool.

Buckaroo, behind you!

You... you OK? Yeah. Just let me catch my breath.

Professor went down into the purification vent. He's got the overthruster.

All right.

Why is there a watermelon there?

I'll tell you later.


Buckaroo?

Rawhide?

Anybody?


Here, young lady. The overthruster.

Here, put this in your purse.

Get out of here!

Where's your overthruster?

Hikita-san!

Nice morning, huh?

It's just making my legs asleep.

What the hell is wrong with him? I don't know. I don't know. Are you cold?

It's my spine.

What're you still doing on this floor? I think it's cos I can't move my legs.

Ooh, damn!

What is it? Apache? Arachtoid.

Oh, spiders. So I was right, huh?

We got the guy, Rawhide. Sucker only tried...

Any antidote for these things? No. Not at all.

Come over here. Does that mean you're on our side?

That's right.

Man! Those things pack a mean wallop, huh?

What are y'all looking at?

You're on the clock. Let's saddle up, huh?

Hey, man, they're stealing my helicopter!

They've got Penny!

She has the overthruster.

We'll get it back. We'll get it back.

It's... it's not Buckaroo Banzai per se, Mr. President. It's his men.

Foreigners, some of 'em. Or their names have been changed.

Their true backgrounds are shrouded in secrecy!

Now, all I'm saying is that this jet car belongs in the hands of Defense.

I mean, if the Banzai Institute doesn't want to sell it to us, then we're gonna have to take it from them!

In national interest, of course.

Come in.

Excuse me, Mr. President, World Watch One. Direct-incoming transmission.

Yeah.

Hello, Mr. President, I know your back is killing you, but I have a developing situation here and I must speak frankly.

Buckaroo... Secretary of Defense McKinley and my National Security Advisor Smirnoff, are visiting me, but I have no secrets from them.

Well, something has reared its ugly head in outer space, Mr. President, and it looks like the Earth is caught in a crossfire.

We have reason to believe that there are vicious red aliens walking freely among us, posing as the owners and operators of Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems.

Yoyodyne Propulsion... the people working on our Truncheon Bomber?

In the hands of foreign nationals? Excuse me, Mr. President. Time is short.

In order to prevent John Whorfin's escape, my comrades are at this very moment taking up a geostationary position over New Jersey. This situation is explosive.

Who the hell is that? Explosive, what are you saying man?

Some kind of race war in New Jersey?

No, Mr. President, no.

This man as you call him is not a human being at all, but is, in fact, a black lectroid named John Parker from the very same Planet Ten.

And his spaceship is, at this moment, anchored above Yoyodyne.

Yoyodyne.

Buckaroo, my good friend... That's it!

These red creatures, they must somehow give off the bacteria.

We breathe it. It swims up our nose into our cerebral cortex where it talks to our brain cells.

Tells us to see exactly what they want us to see.

Electric brainwashing.

Diabolical. They got us so confused...

Buckaroo, I don't know what to say.

Lectroids from Planet Ten?

Nuclear extortion?

A girl named John?

Buckaroo, Lectroid Wing Commander.

Excuse me, Mr. President, I have to go talk to the hornet's nest.

Good God.

Well, if it wasn't Buckaroo Banzai, I'd say commit the man.

Get me SAC Headquarters, Omaha, NORAD and the Strategic Space Command. I want some hard data on that cloud.

John, get out in the field. Stick your beak into this one.

What is this thing made of? Cobalt and electricity.

They're armed for bear, Buckaroo.

World Watch One.

Buckaroo.

It's Whorfin.

Dr. Banzai?

Yes, this is Emilio Lizardo.

Maybe you don't remember me.

Ah. I'm flattered. We know the same people.

Yeah. In fact, one of them is with me right now.

Your associate...

Dr. Penny Priddy.

Doctor?

May I pass along my congratulations for your great interdimensional breakthrough.

I'm sure in the miserable annals of the Earth, you will be duly enshrined.

However... Miss Priddy claims to be unable to solve my problem and provide me with the crucial missing circuit for my overthruster!

He hasn't found it. He hasn't found it.

Maybe you can convince her to try.

John O'Connor!

I'm not worth it, Buckaroo! Forget about me!

They'll never break me. Never! Penny, get off the phone.

Dr. Lizardo, really what does she know about an overthruster? She's not a scientist.

Shall we play... a Penny for your thoughts?

Maybe you can come in her place, huh?

Yoyodyne, Banzai. You know the address.

Come alone and bring your overthruster!

He'll come. I know his type.

Take her to the pit!

Go, Bigbooty!

Use more honey! Find out what she knows.

These breathing devices Hikita-san has cooked up will enable you to see them as they really are, as I've been seeing them since yesterday - as Lectroids.

In our eyes, they're not very pretty.

Nothing personal, John Parker.

If we blow this today... there ain't no tomorrow.

We have only 240 minutes remaining.

Right. I'm working under the assumption that Penny still has the overthruster, but this psycho Whorfin doesn't know that. So that'll be my job.

To get her and it back in one piece.

Your objective is to 86 Whorfin. You know your two strike groups.

Apache group, that's you, Reno.

Chaparral group, that's you, Perfect Tommy. Parker'll ride with Chaparral.

It's my guess that no human being has ever been inside the place.

So who knows what we're gonna find there. Top priority is the overthruster.

Without it, Whorfin can't get off this planet.

This homing device will probably make it very easy to find.

And maybe a lot harder to get back.

Strategic Space Command now reports all the surveillance satellite communication jammed.

Jammed? By who? Who by?

Possible atmospheric conditions, sir.

Solar. Solar?

Intelligence confirms that Soviets are having the same problem.

Should we be on Code Red?

We go to Code Red, the Russians go to Code Red.

No sense going off half-cocked, Mr. President.

I don't know, but Buckaroo Banzai has never been wrong before.

The man's been through solid matter, for crying out loud.

Who knows what happened to his brain.

Maybe it scrambled his molecules.

All I'm saying is, Mr. President, let's not panic.

What's happening?

Electromagnetic pulsar.

Russians just gone to Defense Condition Two, sir.

We've no choice, then.

Mr. President, I am a soldier, and I'm a damn good one.

I've got enough decorations to snap a Christmas tree.

All I'm trying to say is - and I hope I speak for everyone in this room - is that I am scared.

I'm barely holding my fudge right now.

Stop acting like a goddamn schoolgirl, General, and pull yourself together.

I'm glad someone has the balls to face facts.

Don't embarrass us. Have I ever?

Give me 30 minutes, then come in and mop up.

Shut up!

I've had enough of you, Penny Priddy!

Well... Mrs. Johnson, thank you.

It's certainly food for thought.

No answer at the Kremlin, sir. Just dead silence.

Then I guess the moment is upon us.

Here you go, Mr. President.

The Presidential Emergency Action Document.

For your eyes only.

John Hancock these, and Hail Mary.

You know, on second thought, maybe we should think this through a bit more so that future generations of Americans will...

Oh, wow.

"Declaration of War: The Short Form."

Bring that thing right through the gate. Straight ahead, straight ahead, come on.

Blacks... are on this planet!

Here, in New Jersey!

Coming to destroy us!

We must act!

Escape or die!

We must work faster to finish the great vehicle itself, so we can enter the Eighth Dimension and free our trapped comrades!

So we can return home and seize power once again!

What is the greatest joy? The joy of duty!

Louder! The joy of duty!

History is made at night.

Character is what you are in the dark!

We must work while the clock, she's ticking.

We hide, they seek! Death to the Black Lectroids!

Where are we going? Planet Ten!

When? Real soon!

Come on over here. Bring it this way!

This way!

Now park it.

There's no overthruster!

Get him here! Get him outta there! I wanna see his face!

It's not here!

Take him to the shock tower.

The equations. Solve them.

Enter your data on this keypad. And you better be right.

The shock tower is a lie detector.

Any falsehood triggers a brutal charge to your auditory meatus.

Open circuit. So?

You're not getting jack from me until you let Penny out of this junkyard.

Curse you, Banzai! Don't you realize what are you saying?

Your whole planet is gonna be destroyed and you sit here wasting time?

Time? I got nothing but time.

Sealed with a curse as sharp as a knife.

Doomed is your soul and damned is your life.

Buzz off.

Bigbooty... more power to him.

Bigbooté.

I want my missing circuit, now!


Is there something I can help you with? Is Buckaroo upstairs?

Hello, Mr. Secretary.

Where is he?

That won't work either. Porco Giuda!

Hey, Banzai.

Take a look at your girlfriend.

Devo lavorare con persone idiota!

She'll live... but only for a while.

And she won't enjoy it.

Only you can save her from a fate even worse than that of your friend, Mr. Rawhide.

Missing circuit's in your head, Whorfin.

Bigbooty... activate your probes.

Slow this sucker down. I'll handle these birds.

You young gentlemen have a telephone in here?

You wanna jump on the horn and get me Mr. John Bigboot.

It's Bigbooté.

Oh, hell, if you wanna do anything nowadays, you gotta do it yourself.

What is your name? John Yaya.

John Yaya, huh? And you are?

"John Small Berries."


He's down there. I feel it. We're not...

It's a nest. Birds nest. People don't nest.

Red Lectroid.


Don't touch it. It might be a bomb.

Nah, it's a toy.

Sit down! Sir? Hey, that area's restricted.

Yeah? Not to me!

This I know. This I know. And I love Whorfin too.

What is this place? It's a bivouac. They sleep here.

Can they all shoot stingers? You better believe it.

Lizardo. Which way? Over there.

You sure? Believe it.

Just once.


Where...? Shh.

What's going on? Where are we?

It's a bivouac, man. They sleep here.

What's happening?

John Isaac, get the boy! Andiamo!

Bigbooty! Go down to the pit. Kill the girl!

Scooter! Where are you?

Hey, somebody turn off that gosh dang klaxon!

Work. Work. Work.

There are monkey boys in the facility.

You are secure.

Do not panic.

John Emdall must die.

Lord Whorfin must live.

Work.

Work.

Work.


Sorry. I'm sorry.

Sidney. Buckaroo!

It's good to see you, pal. You got a pistol?

Yeah.

What are you gonna use?

Where are we? I hate to tell you.

Where are we going?

This way.

Get over here.

Keep your noses to the grindstone.

The greatest joy is the joy of duty.

Work. Work. Work.

Monkey boys are feeble. Lord Whorfin is supreme!

Bigboot! Bigboot! Hold on a minute, I wanna talk to you.

What the hell's the matter with you? You deaf? I said I wanna talk to you!


Jesus!

What the hell is going on here, Bigboot? Where's my bomber?

Bigbooté. John O'Connor, put the slug on the track.

I don't give a flying handshake what your name is!

I'm here to see a bomber! This sure ain't it.

Let's just go back upstairs to my office.

Talk about this like two reasonable beings.

You listen to me. Your private life, that's your own concern.

But I'm here to see a bomber and I'm damn sure gonna see it now!

Look at this place. Don't you have any pride? It looks like a damn pigsty!

It's not my goddamn planet. Understand, monkey boy?

Let's get outta here, John O'Connor. But John, Whorfin said we could kill her.


You owe me one, Buck.

It's not over yet.

I may be down but I'm not out.

What is that? Don't pick it up. No.

Penny.

How's she doing?

I don't know. There's no overthruster.

Buckaroo Banzai! What?

There is little time!

You better come quickly if your planet is still important to you.

Leave her to me. You take care of business.

Thanks.

Go. Go. Right.

Where's Buckaroo Banzai? He's flown the coop.

Is the girl dead? Yes!

Then sound the call to board the ship.

Without the crucial missing circuit, we'll never make it!

They're only monkey boys! We can still crush them here on Earth, Lord Whorfin!

No. It's time to go home.

Bigbooty, you carry my overthruster.

John O'Connor... you stick by my side.

The great vehicle itself is now in final boarding state.

What is that?

It's a troop ship. Lord Whorfin.

Massacre them without quarter!

Tell the flight attendants to close the doors and prepare for a crosscheck.

If you are not inside the great vehicle itself, you have missed the boat.

We are go for launch. Do not obstruct the great vehicle.

Do not take to the floor.

Lord Whorfin will return for all those left behind.

Clear the great vehicle. Voltage is rising. Electromagnetic field is rising.

John O'Connor! Install my overthruster!

...all carry-on baggage overhead and secure.

Electromagnetic field...

What is this? It looks like one of our thermopods.

But it's a very bad design.

Your tray tables are secure, and your seat backs in the full upright position.

Your overthruster is in place, Lord Whorfin.

It won't work! It won't work!

Shut up, John Bigbooty, you coward!

You're the weakest individual I ever know!

We are cooking. Over.

Get away from that, boy, or I'll drink your blood!

What you got there, son? That's not real, is it?

Get 'em up.

H2 tank pressurization, OK. We're go for launch.

John Many Jars, establish overthruster beam red. Over. Activate oscillator.

Pace accelerator's shorting out!

John O'Connor! My overthruster!

Wait! Don't leave! Don't leave!

This is vacuum cylinder three.

If he can't connect the dots, they never gonna penetrate.

Cabin fluid valves were closed. Problem is corrected. Over.

What is that?

Is OK. No worry. Is an insulating liquid.

Full speed ahead!

May I remind you to fasten your seat belts and extinguish all smoking material.

We haven't a chance! Your overthruster's for shit!

One more word out of you, Bigbooty...

Bigbooté! Té! Té!

Welcome aboard, Banzai. You're next.

Let's go home.

The wall is softening.

Inertial overtones obtaining command. Oh, no.

Danger! Danger! We do not have crossover. Negative mass is spreading.

We're not in the Eighth Dimension. We are over New Jersey.

All is not lost...

Stand by to incinerate Smolensk.

Jettison!

So sorry, gentlemen, but I must dump the excess baggage.

Arrivederci, Banzai!

Where's the power? I'm a diplomat! I failed flight school.

What do we do, jump-start it?


Rocket stabilizer.

What this?

Looks like a gun.

John Parker, take this wheel.

Right, just... just hold onto that. It flies like a truck.

Good. What is a truck?

Electric beam is fine, Lord Whorfin.


Thermopod on our tail. Over.

Banzai! Oh, so you wanna play games?

Let's just stabilize her? Wanna play hide-and-seek? Huh?

OK. OK. Start left. Go left. More, more, more, more. Left, left. Left! I said left!

This is left! I mean my left. Go your right.

Go.

Faster! He's gaining.

Feet, do your stuff!

More, more, more. Lock in, lock in, lock in. Now dive, dive, dive, dive, dive.

Whorfin... sayonara.

Banzai! I'll see you in hell!

We've got him!

Pull up! It's stuck!

John Whorfin... destroyed.

Deactivate particle beam.

Tracking 0-0-0.


I thought you bought it.

Yeah, me too. Where's Penny? At the bus.

New Jersey helped me bring her back.

How is she? He said he'd pull her through.

Quite a guy, if you want my opinion.

You give me that gizmo and I'll give you a brand new crisp $20 bill. Huh?

All right, I'll tell you what... Hey, Scooter! Fall in.

This what you're looking for, Buckaroo?

Scooter... you got his job. All right!

Wanna ride with me in the jet car? Wow! You know.

But I have to ask my dad first.

OK, you ask your dad, I'll wash up.

Aw.

I did all I could.

Buckaroo, President's on line one. Calling about is everything OK with the alien space cloud, or should he go ahead and destroy Russia?

Tell him yes on one and no on two.

Which was "yes"? To destroy Russia or number two?


Penny.

Careful.

You're all right.

You look awful.

You don't exactly light up a party yourself... Penny Priddy.

So what? Big deal!