The After Party (2018) Script

[whispers] He's taking a shit.

Right now. Not gonna rap for a guy taking a shit.

Rahmel, sir? Shut the fuck up!

I understand this is a bit unorthodox, but my guy OH! here is the hottest rapper in the streets without a record deal.

So, hold on to that seat, 'cause he's about to drop some shit for you.

Really?

[phone rings]

[OH! clears throat]

♪ Hello, it's young OH! How you doing? Hi ♪

♪ I like all real shit in front of me And all bullshit aside ♪

♪ I been sick with it my whole life And I ain't even die ♪ ♪ Nigga, I ain't sleep in three weeks And I ain't even tired ♪

♪ Yo, wrote 100,000 raps And never had to lie ♪

♪ I watched Passion of the Christ twice And I ain't even cry ♪

♪ Okay, well, maybe that one time ♪

♪ But everybody gets to be A little bitch sometimes ♪

♪ I've been wasting dumb time ♪

♪ But I take a breath and remember I need a chill pill ♪

♪ My trying to make it OCD is kicking in for real real ♪

♪ It's like Armageddon in my head The fear of missing out ♪

♪ The way that I be getting, nigga I be stressing sitting down ♪

♪ Yo, so I'll call Father Time, like "Uh, when is it my time? ♪

♪ You think you can shed A tiny little ounce of limelight? ♪

♪ I mean, what, do I fucking suck? Do I not rhyme tight? ♪

♪ Do I need to sell myself with selfies On my timeline? ♪

♪ While I'm worried about this ♪

♪ I done missed about 20,000 calls From my moms ♪

♪ So, I sent her a text Like, "Don't trip, Mama ♪

♪ I'm gonna hit you back once I'm on I'm wrong" ♪

[whispers] Happy?

[toilet flushes]

That the flush of a record deal, Rahmel? Ha!

Rahmel is in LA.

That's his intern, Bernard.

Yo, Bernie, pick that up!

You could have said something, Bernie.

Why would I do that? That was actually hot.

I fucks with OH!

After you wash, my G.

Bernard, please tell Rahmel to come see OH! this Thursday at Charlamagne's Up Next MC Showcase. Sure to be lit as tits.

"Lit as tits."

A basement full of broke-ass SoundCloud rappers and zero bitches is gonna be "lit as tits"?

I mean, no offense, man, you're nice, but that sounds horrible.

Okay. No, that's one way of looking at it.

But another is, what could be more lit than showing your boss you discovered the next 21 Savage and then possibly getting a producer credit on the album?

You gangsta? Mm-hmm.

You in that murder gang shit? Slaughter gang shit?

Not really. You hard?

You shoot somebody's mom before?

Dude, just shoot my mom. She's a total fucking bitch.

I'll tell you this. Why don't y'all change that producer credit to an executive producer credit and I'll make sure Rahmel is front row center on Thursday.

Done.

All right. All right.

I'll see y'all. See ya.

Wait, who let y'all in here?

Shit...

The higher-ups. Security. The higher-ups.

Can I ask you a question?

Bro, I do not know if my sister is dating anybody, okay?

She's post-feminist, which I'm now realizing just means she fucks a lot.

Okay. Not really about your sister.

For once.

Do you think I actually have the talent to do this shit for real?

Seriously?

Okay, I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response.

What's missing then?

'Cause we've been going hard for like three years, shooting music videos, doing every MC battle...

...open mic night, and fucking podcast we can possibly find.

We've dropped not one, not two, not three, but four mixtapes.

Four. Nobody does that, not even Future.

Fifth one's gonna be the one, my guy. I have 7,402 Instagram followers.

I don't even have a fucking K.

You know how embarrassing that is as a rapper to not have a K?

My mom's meatloaf fan page has a K, and that shit's on private.

Owen, the genius thing we did was never give up.

C'mon, who said that?

You really gotta chill with the motivational memes, bro.

Jay-Z said that.

So, if you're not gonna listen to me, listen to the guy that gets to put his D in B on the reg, all because he never gave up.

Even when every record label passed on Hova God.

My pops mentioned enlisting again last night.

[train horn wails]

I still go Kendrick, Cole, Rocky, Chance, Pusha T.

How are you not on your own top five list of lyricists?

Because I have ears.

My top five goes OH! number one always, okay?

Then you have Quavo, Lil Uzi, Lil Wayne, Lil Pump.

Okay, that's a lot of littles.

Kids don't know shit about real hip hop, yo.

What about the god Rakim?

Is he on Spotify? Sir, how do you spell Rakim?

You kidding me? He's an icon.

♪ I came in the door I said it before ♪

♪ I never let the mic Magnetize me no more ♪

♪ But he's biting me, fighting me Inviting me to rhyme ♪

♪ I can't hold it back, I'm lookin' for the line ♪

♪ Taking off my coat, clearing my throat The rhymes will be kicking in ♪

♪ Until I hit my last note ♪ All right, so y'all not total fuck boys after all.

No, sir. No, we're not.

Well, then, why is your man dressed like it?

My outfit is fire.

Your outfit is wow corny, son. Who you trying to be?

Myself.

With a hint of the Migos.

Is it too much, Migos?

Way too much Migos. Listen.

The culture is dying and y'all are the future.

Do me a favor.

Don't fuck up the future.

Oh, we're gonna fuck up the future.

No, but like in a good way.

Like how Future fucks up some commas, you know?

Right?

Damn.

Dude, have I told you how fucking little I'm gonna miss these bitches from high school when you and I are on that main festival stage just crushing the game?

Six-thousand times. Yeah.

We gotta think of some other shit.

This is weird. You don't like it?

We'll scrap it. I'm gonna home, gonna workshop some shit, and then I'm gonna send you some options, okay? Think of something. - I will. I promise.

All right, fam. All right, man.

I love you!

Don't say that out loud.

Don't worry, Owen. You're fine.

Jeffrey, your friend walked in on me again.

His name is Carlos, he's Dominican, and I like it 'cause...

Hey, Alicia.

Hi, Owen.

I'm sorry to interrupt, but I got a show next week in the city and I wanted to see, like, if you weren't doing anything, if you wanted to like, come by, if you're not busy.

Even though you're probably like hella busy.

Owen is a rapper and my little brother is his manager.

Oh, cute.

Yeah. So, it's this Thursday, and, Dad, it's gonna be the biggest show of our career.

Like, it's gonna be lit up in there.

A lot of cool people are gonna be there. Remember that guy, Ski Mask the Slump God?

Yeah? I played you his music and you were like, "Is this really the music you kids listen to nowadays?"

I mean, it would be super tight if you came to support us.

You're not gonna have time to play rap manager at Harvard next year with your pre-law course load, plus your internship at Slowski Scheinbaum Saperstein Selquwitz and Mascarpone.

Fuck my life.

What does this idiot want?

Hey, big guy!

Yeah, I was just thinking about you.

How was Napa?

You ready? Wanna run some lines or something?

No, I'm good. I got my lines already.

You look nervous. Now, remember how we talked about confidence, right?

Confidence. Thanks.

Yo, this place is actually full.

You ready to kill tonight, my guy?

Yeah. Good.

Your sister out there?

Would you stop thinking about my sister for one second?

She's never gonna fuck you. I'm sorry. Hey!

I'm sorry, Sarge, but tonight is not the time to be focusing on trivial things like my sister's punanjo.

Tonight's about fate, it's about destiny.

And, most importantly, it's about murdering that mic out there.

So, she's not here.

No, she's not here. But I'm here.

I'm gonna be on that front row waiting for you.

Thanks, Dad. Not really the same thing, but I appreciate it.

I know. I love you, boy.

All right. You have such a supportive father.

Have fun out there. And smile. Smile.

Hey, there you go.

Wow, what a guy.

Yeah, he's cool. Love him. He's great.

Yo, did you eat? Because you look a little green.

I can see it in your face. No, I'm good.

You ever had ikura?

They're like these little salty balls of goodness just exploding with flavor. Oh, my God.

You gotta try it. Back that shit up.

You don't even have to eat it. Just stick your tongue out and lick a little ball.

Yo, pause. What is wrong with you?

It's fine... Back the fuck up...

Am I interrupting something right now?

Shit.

Yo! Nah!

What's up, Bernard? Cool, man.

Cool. Did you bring Rahmel with you?

Nah, I got someone even better. Y'all know Wiz?

Yeah.

That's Wiz Khalifa. Yes.

Wow, huge fan. Tight.

You smoke? Like...

Like, not all the time. A little bit.

If your definition of a little something is all day every day.

We love weed. Shut the fuck up. What are you doing?

One pic of you chiefing a joint with Wiz Khalifa gets us 10,000 fans on Instagram, easy.

Pass that L, Wiz. Shut the fuck up.

There you go. Yeah.

Get in there.

Owen, put up a peace sign. Put up a peace sign now.

Now, blow a cloud. There you go. Nice.

Awesome. Give me some. Good luck out there, man.

Bernard told me you pretty nice, so do your thing.

Thanks, man. All right.

I know this will come as no surprise to anyone, but Wiz Khalifa has some incredibly strong weed.


Thank you, everybody. Have a good night!

Hey, keep that energy going for Ski, y'all!

I don't know what he just said, but I felt it.

I don't know who wants to follow that, but I think I found somebody.

Make some noise for OH!, y'all!

OH!, where you at? Where you at, OH!? Where you at?

Okay.

How you feeling tonight, man? You good? Good. Yeah.

Don't make me look bad for putting you up on the stage, okay?

Okay. Okay? 'Cause you look whack.

You look like Klay Thompson with Down Syndrome.

All right. Okay, for sure. Don't embarrass me.

Thanks. ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Yo, hey ♪

♪ Young OH! is the one they know so well ♪

♪ Real recognize real Yo name ring no bells ♪ ♪ I'm finna be on these rap niggas Coattails, oh well ♪

♪ Niggas going copper, They makin' no sales ♪

♪ I ain't having that Music's going platinum or platinum ♪

♪ These niggas be thinking like Mike Jones ♪

♪ Somebody like me Be thinking like Mike Jackson ♪

♪ Yo, my homie Jeff Has got me dressin' like a model ♪

♪ Going full throttle, eating Chip O'Lees Fuck that, Chipot-le ♪

♪ Having itches Sending naked yitty pictures for a follow ♪

♪ Outrageous, hit the stage They lose their heads like Sleepy Hollow ♪

♪ Beast Coast where it's at Y-O to be exact ♪

♪ I know only this much of me is black ♪

♪ But I know the streets so well I don't need a map ♪

♪ I'm really real, I don't need to act Nigga, I got a job, I don't need to trap ♪

♪ Young OH!'s dope, that's something I know ♪

♪ So the niggas at my show Don't need to clap ♪

Yo, Wiz, this shit is strong, nigga. I'm fuckin' smacked.

Yo, what's...

Yo, I'm fucking sorry. I didn't...

He's having a seizure! Not my Yeezys, bro!

WorldStar!

...best "can't un-see it" clip of all time.

He threw up on Wiz Khalifa at Charlamagne's Up Next music showcase.

I guess after smoking with Wiz, he couldn't handle it.

He tried to be cool, tried to be down...

Get him outta here. This kid's washed.

You can't rhyme and you can't smoke weed.

Motherfucker, don't smoke if you can't hold it, Seezjah Boy.

Everybody is calling him "Seezjah Boy."

You caught a fuckin' seizure, you corny motherfucker!

That name is completely offensive, but I have to admit, the seizure dance they got from it is kinda funny.

Didn't know he was having a seizure.

I thought he was on the floor Harlem Shaking.

Is it over for this guy? Stick a fork in him. He done.

You ever heard of the saying that no press is bad press?

Also, when did you become Creed?

I'm joining the Marines.

You're a funny guy. You know that? You're funny.

I'm dead-ass, bro.

Dude, no. Don't say dead-ass when you're not actually dead-ass.

That's not cool, man. It's toying with my emotions.

I'm dead-ass, bro.

Owen, why would you ever do that?

Because my dad served in the Marines and his life turned out pretty sick compared to my current life.

He owns a fake Chipotle called Chip O'Lees.

My guy, he is one cease and desist letter away from going bust.

Woah! Don't be a dick, okay?

That was his dream and he worked his ass off to make it happen.

Okay.

Sorry, but what about your dream?

Huh?

Come on, making music, touring the world, connecting with your fans, and a little thing called sex with groupies.

I am an Internet laughingstock.

Groupies... out the window. [whoosh]

World tours... out the fucking window. [whoosh]

I mean, come on, man, we don't even need a record label, okay?

We can do this shit independent. We've been doing it independent.

That's what we're doing right now.

That's what this is. Independent as hell.

My dad called in a favor.

I'm driving to Parris Island on Friday.

Remember what I told you in ninth grade after you lost to Young-Suk Kim in the talent show?

I want to thank Ms. Farrow, Mr. Skoggins, my...

I'm really happy for you. I'm gonna let you finish.

But Owen had one of the best talent show performances of all time.

Of all time.

I made you a promise that if you let me be your manager, I would go HAM for you.

And I'm going to keep that promise.

I may look like a Jewy fuck boi on the surface, but underneath these $900 Balmain jeans, which I only bought because A$AP Rocky wears them, which are uncomfortable as fuck, by the way, underneath all that shit, I'm a fucking animal.

[barks]

Yo, bro.

Yeah, bro.

I get you a record deal by this Friday, and you don't join the Marines.

Okay, bro. Yeah?

Whatever. Wait, really?

Yeah, knock yourself out. Yes! Thank you.

Yes, agreement. Yes, dude.

Okay. Yes!

There's gonna motivational memes about this shit.

Coming through! Watch out!


I told her don't worry about where I live right now.

I'm in between places, all right?

You know, my mom's place...

Oh, shit, I gotta get back to work.

I see you avoiding me, Bernard.

You're talking on a calculator.

Yo, the Gucci vocals come in?

Hi. Hello.

Can I help you? Yes!

I'm OH!'s manager. Here to see Rahmel.

Who?

Seezjah Boy's manager.

Oh, that's too bad. I really loved his mixtape.

He would have been great at Atlantic.

He's not dead. He can still be great at Atlantic.

Are you kidding me? He's deader than dubstep.

That's funny.

Let me tell you something else. Opinions are like assholes.

Everyone's got one, but no one thinks theirs stinks.

Who doesn't think their asshole stinks? That's dumb.

Look, can I see Rahmel, please?

He's working from home today. But good luck to you.

Hey, Bernard, how are those Gucci vocals looking?

You sent them? Cool. I'm checking right now.

Tight. Those are fakes Yeezys.

No such thing as bad press, right?

Have you never had a stomach bug? 'Cause they can be devastating.

Why can't this be his Eminem "mom's spaghetti" moment?

Sorry.

Can't touch him.

He's tainted goods. Sorry, kid.

Dude, you want me to sign Seezjah Boy?

Is it "seezjah" or "seizure"?

And by the way, you know that's politically incorrect.

And really fucking offensive.

Chicken. Rice.

More rice.

More rice.

Six, six, six.

Fuckin' know you, dude.

I knew it.

You're Seezjah Boy.

Nah. No?

Nah, not at all. No.

Fuck am I doing?

Oh, you're fucking Seezjah Boy. We're going live with this shit.

Yo, what the fuck is up, Internet?

It's your boy, YungDouglas.

Who am I with? Fucking Seezjah Boy, live and direct.

Round two. He's about to puke all over my fucking neck.

Do it. C'mon, let's go.

Everybody, a little encouragement.

Barf!

Dude, I'm trying to get laid. Fuckin' puke on me.

Fucking throw chicken at me. Throw a burrito at me.

Mohammad, it's so hot out.

I need a cold iced coffee.

You're not Mohammad. No, I am not.

But, between us, I make a much better iced coffee.

What do you want? A sit-down with Rahmel.

Not gonna happen. You said for yourself you loved OH!'s mixtape, and I am telling you he's a star.

Now trust your gut.

Forget about the Internet for one goddamn second and focus on the music.

I like your passion, but I need my coffee.

I like your face, eyes, hair, and smile.

All right, maybe I can get you in with Rahmel next week.

That's amazing. One thing.

OH!'s joining the Marines tomorrow, so I'm begging you to figure out something for today.

You're being very pushy. Some people find it charming.

I'm not one of them.

Come by the Gramercy tonight.

I could probably get you in at the secret French show.

"French" as in "Montana"?

The one and only.

Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

Look, I promise... we are not gonna let you down.

Hey.

Hey.

You're not gonna need a whole lot of wardrobe options, son.

It's a lot of camo.

I know.

♪ Hey, look here, homie ♪

♪ They call me Sarge 'Cause I'm always in charge ♪

♪ Living large ♪

[Sarge laughs]

Come on, now. Don't fight the feeling.

You got that steel from me. Don't fight it.

Hey, I don't know if I ever told you this, but when I was your age, I had dreams of being an actor.

You did? Yeah.

Yeah, I took classes. I did some plays and I had a fly headshot.

I was gonna be the next Rico Tubbs.

You know, the brother on Miami Vice.

Have you never seen an episode of Miami Vice?

You mean like with Jamie Foxx?

You were trying to be like Jamie Foxx? Okay, I'm old.

The point is...

I get it, son.

Being a Marine might not be as cool as being Kendrick Lamar, but... sometimes we have to accept our fate.

Everybody doesn't get everything.

But what if I'm accepting my fate, like, way too soon?

Boy, you threw up on Wiz Khalifa and it went viral.

Come on, son, you gotta face the facts.

Nobody really makes it as a rapper.

At some point, we all have to grow up.

Alicia.

Hey. Somebody still like Arnie Palmies?

Look, Alicia, please.

I am on my knees. Look at me.

Bet you say that to all the boys.

It's French Montana. You loved him when he dated Khloe.

True. All you gotta do is be nice to Owen and not mention that you have a new boyfriend.

-Very important. Don't do that. -Not possible. Said new boyfriend is having a party tonight and I have to be there.

Alicia, Owen needs your help.

I mean, he's joining the Marines tomorrow. Come on.

Have some sympathy for our troops.

Look, I feel really bad for Owen, I do.

But I just... I can't tonight.

You know what? I'll pay you.

No!

How much? 20,000 United States dollars.

What? Mm-hmm.

You don't have that kind of money. Oh, I swear to God I do.

Yes, I do.

But you have to swear on Dad's life that you're in. Okay?

All I have to do is go to a secret French Montana show and you will pay me 20,000 United States dollars?

Not that "doll hair" shit you pulled? Dollars. Okay?

Think about it.

Fine.

I'm in. Okay. Done deal. Good.

20,000 United States dollars in low-risk government-backed agricultural bonds.

They'll mature in 2050. That's my graduation gift from Uncle Alan, it's yours now. So mazel tov! What? Fuck that, Jeffrey.

Hey, what's good, Lucy?

Keeping that burrito nice and tight like I like it?

Don't make me smack you upside your head with a chimichanga, Cause you know I'll do it. - Caliente.

There he is, the guy who could be the next greatest rapper alive and threw it all away to fight for our freedom like the all-American hero he is.

Wanna turn that shit down? You can't play music in here.

Okay. All good.

'Cause we're going to see the man live, tonight.

Wait, what? It's my send-off to you, front row seats at a top secret French Montana show.

Seriously?

Would I joke about Frenchie?

[honks]

Come on, outside.

Oh, shit, your dad let you take the Rolls?

Well, not exactly, but it's your last night of freedom.

We gotta go big, baby.

Man, I really want to, but my moms is making like a send-off dinner or something. Meatloaf.

You're invited if you want. I'm talking about front row seats to a French Montana show. You're talking about meatloaf?

Can I get a key to the restroom, por favor?

Hmm?

I gotta pee. Need the key.

Oh, yes.

Duh, my bad.

You asked for the key, so...

You're coming with us to see French Montana, I hope.

Is your sister coming?

Dude, is your pop's restaurant a total Chipotle knock-off?

Is she even single though?

Single and ready to mingle.

So, Alicia... how was your summer?

Fine.

You go on any, like, sick trips?

Not really.

Sick.

You watch any movies this summer?

I'm not really into Hollywood movies.

I'm more into like French New Wave, so.

Word. Yo, I fucks with French New Wave.

Oh, you fuck with it?

I mean, obviously, Breathless is my shit.

Okay. All right.

Good on you.

I'm sorry about the Seezjah Boy thing.

It's cool. Yeah?

You know, it's gonna blow over. Now the Marines?

Yep. You know, you gotta keep it moving.

Everybody doesn't get everything, right?

I mean, that's just life, right?

I hope not.

Yeah.

Hey, driver? Could you please turn up the air?

It's really hot in here. Thank you so much.

One of you needs to come up here, okay? This is some bullshit.

Sir! Bullshit!

[horns honking]

Where the hell is this guy?

Should I honk again? No.

Hello!

Hello, anybody here?

Yo! Hey, there.

Are you the gentleman parking my car?

Because I'm sort of particular about the whole thing.

Just leave the keys over on the desk. I'll get to it in a few, man.

Wait, dude, are you watching porn? No, it's an educational video.

That doctor is titty-fucking two nurses at the same time.

Yeah, I'm pre-med, man. Wow.

Okay, I can't even believe that I have to say this right now, but please don't jerk off in my car, all right?

Which one was yours? The white one.

Big Phantom, right there.

I got you.

Semen-free zone. You're good, man. I'll take care of you.

Help you? Gonna drop me a beat?

No. Yeah.

♪ Okay, last name Levine First name Jeffrey ♪

♪ Like a sprained ankle, boy You'd better check me ♪ Sorry. Can you check under Jeffrey Levine for me, please?

- Yeah, I don't have you. What?

No, that can't be. You checked Rahmel's list?

- I did. Can you check under OH!, please?

It's spelled capital O, capital H, exclamation point.

- There's no "OH!" - What about...

Seezjah Boy?

Oh, my God, that is you.

Oh, my God, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm good. Thanks.

I don't have you here either, so I can't let you guys in.

Oh, fuck a duck!

Sorry. - Wait!

If I could just really quickly just get like a... for my son?

You know what I mean? Just my...

But you gotta do the thing!

Just do the thing, you know.

Do the thing.

That's good! That's really good.

Okay. Thanks.

Bye, baby.

Jessica, this is my fifth voicemail. Do I need to send you a fucking raven?

You're making me look awful in front of my client.

Jeff's head is about to pop off.

His heart is in the right place, but he needs to stop spazzing out.

He's turning into our Dad.

That's like his biggest fear in life.

Mine is drowning, but turning into my mother is a close second.

[car horn honks] I kinda like your mom.

Is everything cool or...?

I am so sorry. I have to go.

But good luck in the Marines. You're gonna be great.

Where you going?

I gotta meet up with some friends.

Hey, stop by later. 245 Bay Avenue.

If you want. It's in Bushwick.

Fuck!

Okay, so, my ticket connect has gone dark, but I was able to track down Bernard the intern.

Alicia fucking left.

Man, fuck that noise. Look... we got more important things to worry about tonight, okay?

I didn't wanna tell you, because I didn't wanna freak you out and I knew you wouldn't come otherwise, but...

Rahmel is backstage and he is ready to sign you.

Shut up. Dude, read the email for yourself.

This is just directions to fucking Will Call.

It literally says, "Might be able to get OH! a minute or two with Rahmel, but no promises." Smiley face?

That smiley face right there is key.

Owen, it's a foot in the door.

Then all you have to do is spit a fire verse for Rahmel, not projectile vomit on anyone, and boom, we got ourselves a record deal.

So, you just lied and Rahmel is not here to sign us.

Rahmel is here.

And he could sign us if you just nut up and stick to my plan.

I love your hustle.

You're one of my best friends, right? "One of"?

But understand something. It's over.

It's over.

Bro, where you going?

To Brooklyn to find Alicia.

Alicia has a new boyfriend.

Lie number two tonight.

I'm sorry! Okay?

But I just don't wanna see you waste your last night.

I would rather waste my last night trying to get with your sister than rapping for some exec who's never gonna give Seezjah Boy a fucking deal.


Owen!

You actually came. I did.

Well, here you go, babe. Small-batch whiskey, artisanal bitters, and I muddled the ginger just for you.

Okay? Yeah.

Owen, this is Brooklyn.

Yeah. No, I know where we're at. [laughs]

No, my name is Brooklyn.

Oh, like you're named after like David Beckham's son?

No, I'm much older than that. Who is this guy?

This is my little brother's best friend and he's actually shipping off to the Marines tomorrow.

Sick! I am so jealous.

My entire festival wardrobe is military inspired.

Babe, what is my favorite textile?

I do not know. It's camo.

Sick.

Here you go, three VIP all-access badges for you.

Bro, thank you so much. I owe you big time for this.

Anything you need, I got you.

Yo. No problem, man. That Seezjah Boy shit ain't right.

Anything I can do to help OH! bounce back, you know I got you.

Awesome. My guy.

Yo. I should probably get off though, I gotta go get him.

Actually, can I ask you something?

Anything. Shoot.

Let me rock your watch.

What? No, really?

You like this watch? It ain't even that dope.

"What? Really? You like this...?" Nigga, it's a gold Rolex.

Everyone likes that watch, okay?

I'm trying to go flex on these groupies in here, man. Please.

Help a guy out. I'm a unpaid intern and that's a French Montana concert.

All right. I was thinking more like a reference for your next job, but here you go. Here's a Rolex.

Shit, you know what time it is?

Time for me to get my dick sucked.

Tight.

Hey, did you leave food in here or something?

What? No. These seats are mad sticky, bro.

Anyway, I'll see you in there, bro.

See ya. Rahmel's about to pull up right now, man.

Just sat in semen.

The nectar of the gods.

Fruit-forward, full-bodied, with a very strong tone.

Probably from the South of France, I was thinking Northern Califor...

God damn it!

Oh, my bad, bro. Are you okay?

No, I'm not okay.

This outfit is Saint Laurent, bro.

It'll come out. No, it won't.

God.

I haven't even had a chance to post my OOTD to my IG yet.

We all know this is a hundred-liker.

Fuck!

So, that's your type, like, metrosexual pressed-juice type of niggas?

Oh, no, he's just really into fashion.

I don't know if he's metrosexual.

At least he doesn't wear those ridiculous billowing scarves.

Right. Right, yeah.

Should we get outta here?

What?

Do you wanna go?

With you? Yes.

What could be more French New Wave than making a frantic exit with a mysterious younger man?

But you're not mysterious. I've known you half your life.

Yes, as your little brother's little friend.

Okay, I get it.

But there's a whole lot about me you don't know, a whole mysterious side just waiting for you.

Drunk Owen is romantic.

Imagine us, okay, sharing an ice cold 40-ounce of premium malt liquor, talking about life as we watch the sunrise from a Williamsburg rooftop?

Right? Come on.

Can we get salt and vinegar chips to go with the 40s?

Yes. Fuck, yes. Yes, we can.

And if you have a valid ID, the chips and the 40s is on me.

Baller alert.

Say goodbye to Brooklyn and let's go.

You're sweet.

Okay, just don't say "but" after that. Okay.

I won't say "but." All right.

However, I should go check on him.

You smell like burritos. Yeah, sorry about that.

Don't be. If I could only have one food for the rest of my life, it would be Chip O'Lee's bean and cheese burritos.

And you're telling me this isn't destiny?

And by the way, as the heir to the Chip O'Lee's empire, fucking with me guarantees you free guacamole for like life.

Hmm.. Wow.

Are you really still using that pathetic "unlimited guacamole" pick-up line?

'Cause I got something way doper. Oh, shit. You actually got 'em.

Claro que si I got them.

I keep it 100. Okay?

The kid always comes through in the clutch.

The kid rarely comes through in the clutch.

She's got a point. The kid basically never comes through in the clutch.

Okay. Well, here I am, coming through in the clutch right now.

Now, are we outtie or do you wanna partake in the vegan orgy, which is about to happen? Babe?

Got the jeans and the shirt soaking in Woolite, but can you please help me get the red wine out of my vintage trainers?

I'm literally freaking out.

Fuck.

So, just to be clear, I'm not spitting for anybody, I'm strictly here to listen to music and try and fuck your sister.

I know. That came out wrong. Okay, I will let that comment slide if you promise to at least talk to Rahmel backstage. Come on!

Hey! Is that Seezjah Boy?

What did you say?

I said, is that Seezjah Boy?

Okay. That name's not nice.

It's actually very offensive. You should apologize to my friend.

Come on, don't be a bitch. It's hilarious.

You wanna see something hilarious?

You're being an asshole and wearing wrinkle-free khakis.

You can't be an asshole and wear wrinkle-free khakis.

Roasted. Savage. Yo, maybe you should join the Marines.

- Let's kill this show. C'mon. Shit, I think this is the last song.

Guys, trust me. View will be way better backstage.

You ready? No, it won't!

You can't see anything backstage. Everybody knows that!

What does your basic ass know about being backstage, Alicia?

I know that if I'm backstage, I can't see what's happening on stage, you dummy.

Oh, shit. That's actually incredibly valid. Fuck.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Excuse me! My bad. I'm sorry.

All the way in the front! Okay.

You got five minutes, then we're going backstage. Cool?

Cool. Good.

Yo! What's up, girl?

You ever fucks with white boys?

Nobody fucks with white boys.

Y'all are culturally washed. But you had a good run. We enjoyed that.

Y'all having a good time tonight?

[crowd cheers]

New York City, a lot of sexy ladies in the building at one time.

Gonna need to borrow one of ya'll tonight. Is that cool?

Hold on. I see somebody I like.

Right there.

Come up here, baby.

Come up here and let's have an unforgettable night.

I need you to help me sing this last song tonight.

I'll be right back!

Holy shit. - Get up here.

Can I get her a hand?

What's up, baby?

♪ It's not good enough for me Since I been with you ♪

♪ Hey! You are ♪

♪ Unforgettable ♪

♪ I need to get you alone ♪

♪ Why not? ♪

♪ Feelin' like I'm fresh out, Boosie ♪

♪ If they want the drama, got the Uzi ♪

♪ Ship the whole crew to the cruise ship ♪

♪ Doin' things you don't even see in movies ♪

♪ Ride with me Ride with me, boss ♪

- ♪I got a hard head but Her ass soft! ♪

♪ She want the last name with the ring on it ♪

♪ 'Cause I pulled out a million cash Told her plank on it ♪ ♪ Yeah, you are - Unforgettable ♪

♪ I need to get you alone ♪

Yo, is that your girlfriend?

No.

Thank God, 'cause he gonna be fucking her tonight.

Nah. I think this is an act.

I think it's just an act. Man, this is the mating dance.

Your girl's definitely getting pregnant tonight.

Thanks! I got you!

♪ I want your mind and your body ♪

♪ Don't mind nobody ♪

♪ Don't never hurt nobody ♪

♪ Work your body ♪

♪ Yeah, you are ♪

♪ Unforgettable ♪ New York City, I love you! Montana! Hey!

Is this a fucking joke?

Come on, let's go. So, now you wanna go backstage.

Yeah.

Excuse me. Pardon me, please.

Shit. Where is she? Bro, I'm gonna level here.

Probably giving French's penis a deep tissue massage in the back of a Maybach.

That's how I know you're a fucking virgin, because that... that just sounds painful.

Good God.

How insane was that?

I just got objectified by a rapper and I loved it.

Hello, moodles. How we doing this evening?

Great. Allow me to introduce you to the soon-to-be world famous rapper OH!

We're here tonight to sign a major record deal.

Honey, if you play your cards right, maybe you'll be in our next music video in the role of bikini-clad thot number one.

You like getting showered in Moët?

You haven't changed a bit.

Do I know you or something?

It's Amanda Paulson from Camp Shalom, Israel.

Oh, my God.

She just did a photo shoot with French for Vogue.

Amanda Paulson aka "Pizza Face" Paulson?

Wait, Pizza Face, is that you?

Wow.

I'm sorry for making everyone at that camp call you that insidious nickname.

I apologize. It's my bad.

Keep it. I've moved on.

I think I'm gonna go find Rahmel. Yeah.

Get in there.

So, okay, everybody's leaving.

Babe, are you coming? Yes.

Where you guys going?

We're just going to to the after party at the Dream Hotel.

Do you wanna come?

Oh, shit.

Actually, it's probably better if I sit on your lap, Owen.

All right.

Okay.

What is that on your lap?

It's me.

[cheering]

Let's go!

Wait, stop the car, please.

I can't leave Jeff.

Seriously? Everyone else does. I know.

Are you serious? Look at that.

Really?

We'll meet you there.

You better.

Jessica. Oh, my God, hi. It is so good to hear your voice.

I am so sorry about the delay, but my phone is literally on three percent and it's about to die.

I am here backstage, but I cannot see Rahmel anywhere.

He's not here. Do you have any idea?

Probably because Rahmel's gone. He went to the after party.

Fuck!

So, sorry about that.

Like I said, my phone is about to die and where is said after party?

We can go. Excuse me. Excuse me, please.

Nobody's ever flaked on me before when I was getting them in front of Rahmel.

Jessica, for the love of God! I am begging you!

Just tell me where the after party is, okay?

Jessica? Hello?

Fuck!

Can somebody please tell me where the motherfucking after party is?

At the Dream Hotel. Why?

Okay, I'm gonna disregard that the only reason you know that is because you're trying to bang my sister and just say... let's go.

What you mean "trying to"? Nigga, you know I'm gonna bang that.

Room for two more?

So... how you guys doing?

Where you from?

The Ukraine?

Poland?

Finland?

Caucasia? Estonia?

The North Pole. Latvia.

The Republic of Tall White People?

Jersey.

Oh, really? Jersey?

All right, come on. Out of the way, uglies.

We got supermodels coming through.

All right, there we go. Good stuff. Get out the way.

Nice, ladies. Nice.

Beautiful.

Where the hell y'all going?

What do you mean?

I mean, clearly, we're with them. You're not with them.

Fine.

Yours truly Jeff Levine here with my artist OH!, the lyrical god.

Nah, don't see it.

What do you mean "Nah, don't see it"?

We're personal friends of Rahmel Lloyd. Check his list.

I don't know no Rahmel Lalloy and he ain't got no list.

His name is Rahmel Lloyd, and he certainly does have a list.

Come on, don't be an...

Don't get your ass slapped, Peter Pan.

I'm sorry about my friend, okay?

It's just there's a girl in there I've been trying talk to my whole life, and tonight, for the first time, it feels like I might actually have a shot.

Now, can you just like have a heart and let us in?

You want me to have a heart for a motherfucker who been chasing the same bitch his whole life, throughout his whole existence?

Let me tell you and Peter Pan something both.

If y'all wanna get in here, how about you come back rich, you come back famous, or y'all come back with a whole lot of bitches.

Or don't come back at all.

Oh, hell no! What?

You said bitches. We got bitches.

Yeah. But I didn't say go get the bitches off Sesame Street.

Look at these bitches. These bitches look young as hell.

And look at the bitch in the back, she got braces.

Where the hell you get these bitches from?

Bat mitzvah, third floor.

Can you guys get us coke or not?

The one god damn night I don't bring my Supreme Money Gun.

Jesus. Do you smell that?

Bro, this is what I imagine heaven's like.

Except maybe minus all the scary dudes with boners.

This ain't heaven, little nigga. It's hell.

You ain't built for this shit.

You are absolutely right, sir.

The bitches will burn you.

Like literally or figuratively?

You'll find out when you take a piss.

Appreciate that, thank you.

Hand me half a stack. Just follow my lead.

Want a dance in the VIP, pappy?

Nah, I'm okay. I wanna get you outta here.

Okay. That'll be 5,000 for the night.

But, listen, I don't do anal.

I'm trying to take you to a party in Soho.

You know, no anal, you can just come.

Oh, so like a date? Yeah, like a date.

I can't go on a date with you. My boyfriend is too jealous for that.

I promise you, it's the after party to end all after parties.

Now grab some friends and let's roll.

Sounds too late for me.

I got the bus leaving for my church picnic early in the morning.

Can't hit snooze on Jesus.

Yo, DJ Jus Ske in the mix-up this bitch.

Put your motherfucking hands together for the hottest chick in the game, Ms. Bl'Asia!


Allow me to assist! Get your fucking hands off my money.

Sorry. My name's Jeff Levine of the Jeff Levine Company.

We're a boutique artist management firm, currently operating out of my parents' McMansion in Westchester.

I already have representation.

That's not what I'm asking.

Wait, hold up.

You have a manager?

I make ten Gs in cash, on a slow night.

You better believe I got a Jew up in Midtown handling my shit.

Will you marry me? No.

Shit. Help me down.

Of course.

Listen, do you and your friends maybe wanna come with me and my friend to the French Montana after party?

That'll be $3,000 an hour.

And that don't entitle you to shit, but my company, so don't get it twisted.

Yeah. I was thinking you guys would maybe come more as our friends?

Friends don't pay for my three condos.

On top of my motherfucking Facebook stock going down by 30% this week.

Please, I'm begging you. My friend there, see him by the bar?

He ships out to the Marines tomorrow.

His last dying wish is to go to this party, but he needs you to get in. Please.

It sucks to be your friend.

[smack]

Gonna pour some hot Hennessy down your ass crack.

Didn't I say to respect my motherfucking workspace after we broke up?

You gonna respect this dick, 'cause I'm paying full freight for that shit tonight.

Boy, you ain't paying a motherfucking thing with that $100 bill and them five motherfucking singles.

Move your broke ass outta my way.

Boy, get your... What?

You fucking with this string bean ass nigga?

This string bean is taking me to French Montana after party.

And that nigga packing.

Let's go, Chad.

Let's go!

My name's actually Jeff, by the way, not Chad.

But that's cool, you can call me Chad. I actually feel like more of a Chad.

We're actually parked this way.

Oh, good for you. But we're not coming to your party.

What? No, Bl'Asia, come on. Please.

Yo, one drink and I will personally drive y'all home.

Have you noticed Chad's car? It's actually...

Bl'Asia!

Yo! Got the gaup. Which way y'all parked?

Get back in the club! There.

Good, 'cause this nigga's crazy. He's been stalking me. Run!

Fucking with this Eddie Munster-looking ass nigga?

Come on, let's go!

Run! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Come on! What the fuck?!

Bl'Asia!

Shit!

Yo, put it the fuck in gear!

You gonna let these goofy motherfuckers rob the pussy?

Go!

Fuck!

Hey, yo!

God damn!

That was pretty terrifying.

Fuck's wrong with that guy? I already told you, that nigga's crazy.

Y'all hear something?

Okay, what the fuck is going on?

Oh, God, this nigga Leon.

Yo, go! Fuck!

Yo, make this light. I cannot fuck up this car, okay?

My Dad loves it more than me.

Fuck the car, just make the light! Shit!

Holy fuck.

This nigga looks crazy. You broke my heart, Bl'Asia.

Well, you got a funny way of showing it. Cheating on me with your cousin?

What? So, what? You fucking Chad now?

Fucking Chad from fucking Connecticut, just to prove a fucking point?

Nobody fucking Chad.

Actually, I'm from Westchester, not Connecticut.

So, you know, I'm technically a New Yorker too.

'Cause it's like a ten-minute Uber from my house with traffic.

Get out the fucking car right now. Lemme see how much New York you are, nigga.

As tempting as that sounds, I think I'm gonna pass.

Oh, shit!

Hey! Yo! Yo, that's the Seezjah Boy, right?

Yo! What up... Seezjah?!

Run this nigga over right now.

Yo, what the fuck, man?!

Get out the fucking car, white boy. I'm gonna fuck up your fancy car.

No! Oh, shit!

Give me your phone right now.

Hello, officer. We're at 47th Avenue... Don't call the police!

What the fuck?!

Snitches get stitches out here. Are you insane? Give me the phone!

No, I have priors and a warrant.

So, I suggest you go out there, man up, and go fight Leon.

What?! So we can go to this party.

You know, Leon, he talk a good game, but can't fight worth shit.

So fight him so we can get to this party. No!

When they go low, we go high. Okay?

I'm not fighting Leon.

Oh, shit! Fuck, man!

Damn!

Yo, shit!

What the fuck?! I'm sorry!

I've only had my license for five months and I failed my first road test. Reverse is a bitch.

This guy got a fucking basketball game tomorrow, man.

Sorry?

We was playing with you before, bro.

Now I'm really gonna have to fuck you up! Fuck me!

You dead, kids!

Hold up. You with the burrito boys?

No, they're with me.

Dude, when I find Rahmel, you're gonna spit for him, right?

No! I'm gonna go find Alicia.

Bro. Don't fuck this up for me.

Fuck!

I might.

My guy!

Yes.

Still whack. Still bad.

We're back.

[club music playing]

Look, can I ask a favor, please?

What do you want, Chad?

I'm still looking for Rahmel.

I mean, it's ridiculous. I can't find his ass anywhere.

Well, have you tried looking for his ass in VIP?

There's an after-after party?

Listen, no matter how exclusive the party is, it's always gonna be another place more exclusive.

Shit!

I mean, Jesus, can't people just relax and have fun in one fucking place?

This looks nice.

God.

Suite 734. I would personally go myself, but I heard Desiigner's there, and I owe him some money.

Fuck, man, I gotta get down there, don't I? Shit.

Why are you drinking Henny when we both know your little Jewish ass really wants some vodka and cranberry?

What? Don't be trippin', I love Henny.

It's the nectar of the gods, you know that.

Delicious.

You know what your problem is, Chad?

You try way too hard to be something that you're not, and it really comes across as you being a dick.

But if you actually tried being yourself... you might even get a girl to fuck you.

Ha.

You don't mean like tonight, right?

See? You're learning.

And look at that smile, that's a good smile.

What, this? Yes. I think if you smile more, people may actually treat you differently.

Are you reacting to me differently right now?

Maybe. I love you.

I know, boo.

You're the most amazing woman I have ever met.

Well, if I'm so amazing, come see me at the club tomorrow.

And bring your daddy's ATM card.

And his Amex.

And his Black Card. And everything else.

I'm gonna Venmo the shit out of you, girl.

Damn.

Good to see you, sir.

Don't say shit.

Okay, yeah.

Rahmel is definitely here, I can feel it in my dick.

DJ Khaled! Bro, you gotta chill, man, chill. I'm on the low, man.

Bless up! Bless up.

Wise up!

Totally.

Hey, Amanda.

Where's Alicia?

She was looking for your ass all night.

Tee Grizzley?

Grizz Nasty and I were just exchanging stories about our troubled childhoods.

He was arrested at 19 for selling drugs, and I had cystic acne.

Amanda know about that struggle.

So, where's Alicia?

She was looking for you all night, man, but now you may be too late.

What do you mean too late? I just got here.

She had a lot to drink, like a lot.

Ain't gonna lie, home-girl fucked up.

Fuck. Okay, where'd you guys see her at last?

Heading to the bar with some big bald guy.

Shit! Fuck. Good luck with that.

Can I tell you a secret?

No one's ever made me feel like so small, but still really strong.

Bye.

Jessica! Hi. I've been looking all over for you.

She's spoken for, man. Come on.

This is my favorite video.

Sorry, Mr. Desiigner, but this is very important.

Jessica, where's Rahmel? I have Owen.

Did you just take my phone? I should get up and run at your mouth.

I'm so sorry. Here.

But dude, are you watching otter videos?

Yeah, I love otter videos. They're nature's little magicians.

You got a problem with me watching otter videos?

No, not at all. I like otters.

You're too late, Jeff. Rahmel's gone.

What do you mean, he's gone? Where is he?

He went home.

You blew it.

Let it go.

Hey, it's the one where they eat lettuce.

Oh, he's gonna do it. Do it!

[otter squeaks]

Is he gonna blink?

He ain't moved yet.

We outta here. He's trippin', man.

Rahmel's gone, man. We were too late.

This night's a fucking disaster.

Let's go.

You know, you were so obsessed with following my sister around tonight, that you blew our last chance of achieving our dream.

Am I fucking hearing things?

You blew our last chance when you made me smoke Khalifa kush, so we could get some stoner Instagram followers.

We're not stoners, Jeff.

But that's your fucking problem, you're always trying to be something you're not.

So, it's my fault that you let one little setback turn you into a pussy who's so afraid to spit that you're enlisting in the fucking Marines tomorrow.

Okay, it was, you know, more than one little setback.

And, nigga, nobody's afraid to do anything.

Yeah, you are, Owen.

You're afraid, man, face it.

God, I can't believe I thought you were the real deal.

Turns out, you're just a scared little bitch.

I'm a bitch?

You fucking heard me.

[clears throat]

Okay. Bet.

♪ Hey, everybody, this is Jeff ♪

♪ Probably the dumbest dumb fuck I've ever met ♪

♪ He's a white boy from the East Coast Who thinks he's one of the Migos ♪

♪ I'm surprised that you're not rocking Fucking dreads ♪

♪ 'Cause you are the definition of cringe ♪

♪ Are we even fucking friends? ♪

♪ 'Cause I ain't fucked with you Since I was ten ♪

♪ But I've been trying to fuck your sister So every day I just get up and pretend ♪

♪ But, yes Jeff, you have been lied to ♪

♪ And everyone from high school Hates your white ass more than I do ♪

♪ And your own dad feels the same way Times two ♪

♪ Running around Trying to give a blow job to Rahmel ♪

♪ When he doesn't wanna sign us If you couldn't fucking tell ♪

♪ But my man's thirsty Someone get him some water ♪

♪ His daddy issues are showing Someone get him a father ♪

♪ You like to talk shit about everyone And their daughter ♪

♪ But forget you used to look like A fat Harry Potter ♪

[crowd laughs]

♪ I'm done flaming this nigga Why do I even bother? ♪

♪ Honestly, bro, your whole shit is pathetic ♪

♪ Why you still sitting here? You don't fucking get it? ♪

♪ It's over for us, dawg It's time to roll the fucking credits ♪

♪ It's time for you to move on Go to your fancy school ♪

♪ Them fancy ass kids Who are gonna hate you too ♪

♪ It doesn't matter If you're living in a Gucci castle ♪

♪ I may never be a rapper But you'll always be an asshole ♪

[crowd] Ohh....

Damn!

Owen, I was just trying to help you.

But you know what? Fuck off and go be a Marine.

I'll find another rapper to make famous in like two seconds.

Sure, you do that.

Fuck this.

Hey, man, thanks for letting me rock your Rolly, but it's kinda useless on me.

Oh, really? What happened?

Bombed out miserably.

Rough night all around, huh?

I'm starting to think these chicks aren't as materialistic as they make 'em seem. Like, maybe instead flexing on 'em with jewelry and, you know, clothes, I could actually just walk up to one and have a actual conversation and just be like, "Hey, I'm Bernard.

I'm an unpaid intern who currently lives in Bed-Stuy with his mom, but I got a Costco membership, so that fridge stays popping.

And so, if you wanna come over and drink coconut water and fuck, I'm the guy to do it..." Oh, shit!

That's my timepiece now, cracker.

Yo. C'mon, man, give that back.

Where Bl'Asia?

She went home.

Fucking bitch.

Look, I'm sorry, but can you please give that back to me, I really need it.

It's my motherfucking clock now.

Look, Leon, you know what?

Honestly, I've had a real shitty night. Okay?

So if you could do me a favor and fuck off for a second, that'd be much appreciated.

You know who had a fucking shitty night? My man Stanley.

Because you almost got a fucking vehicular manslaughter.

So, nah, I can't fuck off.

[crowd] Oww.

Look, Leon, come on, man, everyone here knows you can kick my ass.

We really have to waste time proving that?

You talk too fucking much. Shut the fuck up!

My dad will pay for your boy's medical bill. We have great insurance.

But nobody here wants to see me fight you.

Fight! Fight!

I'm gonna let you hit me first. What?

Fucking Opie motherfucker.

Right here. I've been chewing on the box.

Yeah, you're gonna have to knock this dude out.

I can't do that!

Yes, you can! Gonna count to motherfuckin' three!

One!

Leon a big pussy. Talking all that shit, can't take a punch by a white boy.

Shit, man. You okay?

I've been taking boxing lessons with my mother's trainer.

He's been working my right hook hella.

Oh, shit.

Fuck you, fat-ass nigga.

Official Harlem, nigga.

Real-ass nigga!

I can't breathe! Motherfucker!

Owen! Seezjah Boy knocked that nigga out!

You are my best friend. I love you!

A Seezjah Boy bonus! Oh, and he can spit!

Owen! No, Owen!

Jesus!

'Sup, 'sup?

Owen, no!

Bl'Asia.

Bl'Asia?

Owen?

[crowd screams]

Where the fuck are you, dude?

You hear a shot... Excuse me, officer.

You see a young African-American teen?

About yay high, wearing black jeans and Jordan 1 Shattered Backboards?

Yeah, about 30 of them.

Fuck the police. What was that?

What? Nothing!

Owen!

Yo, Jeff.

Yo. I'm taking off, man.

I'm fucked up. I think somebody stepped on my Yeezys in there.

Shit, is that a Mophie? Yeah.

My phone's been dead since midnight. Here man, take it.

Thank you so much.

You're my savior, bro.

All right. Cool, man. All right, man.

Tell OH! I said goodnight, bro. I will. Thank you. Owen!

[sirens blare]

Fuck. Yo, you guys seen Seezjah Boy, by any chance?


Oh, my God.

You're alive.

Ow. Sorry.

Dude, how did you know to come back for me in there?

I had to piss.

I feel like in the future, when we like re-tell this story, you say you felt some ninja sixth sense type of shit, and just knew your best friend was in danger.

I'm sorry about that verse.

You know, that's the first time I've spit since the whole Seezjah Boy thing.

Man, that was fucking incredible, dude, even though it literally took a steaming shit on my entire existence.

You know, what if I made a mistake, bro?

What if I'm not ready to be a fucking Marine?

Are you asking me or are you telling me?

How do we get a record deal before the sun rises?

My fucking guy. That's the smile. Get in the fucking car.

Let's go. You got a plan though, or...

'Course I have a fucking plan. I have a plan and a half. I'm a manager.

Got plans up my ass.

Bernard, I owe you big time.

I owe you like 9,000 blow jobs for giving us his address.

No, Bernard, clearly not 9,000 blow jobs from me, I'm gonna get you 9,000 blow jobs. Dude, I gotta go. Okay, bye.

Just three stories up sleeps a guy dreaming about finding the next superstar for his record label.

Tonight we make his dream come true.

Fuck him. Tonight we make my dream come true.

I got a boner.

Step lightly... okay. No, it's fine.

♪ One day when being real is cool I'm gonna be the only reason ♪

♪ Reason being they ain't believe me I had to make believe it ♪

♪ I know myself like a episode of a show And you've already seen it ♪

♪ I already know what happens I'm on a different season ♪

♪ I really, really mean it These niggas is stuck on easy ♪

♪ Play this game so well ♪

♪ They run and tell their mama "Owen's cheating" ♪

♪ Instead of just passing the sticks, dude ♪

♪ Take Uber home If you're scared to take a risk, dude ♪

♪ And big news, I'm a couple hours away From making a big move ♪

♪ Shooting at people like all these rappers Pretend to ♪

♪ I'm okay with not rapping about shit I've never been through ♪

♪ 'Cause anything is better Than being like one of them dudes ♪

♪ Young OH! Flow is so immaculate ♪

♪ I'm just being me, my nigga I don't have to practice it ♪

♪ I've been raw so fucking long That I forgot what practice is ♪

♪ Me doing some plastic shit's a picture I wouldn't know what the caption is ♪

♪ I'm just a half-white rapping Real problem having ♪

♪ Power packing, confidence lacking Compliment addict ♪

♪ Who can get up on these tracks And start wreaking fucking havoc ♪

♪ Who would sink a shot from half court If he ever had it ♪

Dude, don't stop. Keep going.

♪ C'mon, you gotta believe me ♪

♪ Tonight I had to make Mission: Impossible Look easy ♪

♪ I threw up on Wiz Khalifa I was feeling queasy ♪ ♪ Overnight success Except these niggas tried to meme me ♪

♪ I just want the world to see me They just wanna over-seize me ♪

♪ But I can't leave rap alone The game needs me ♪

♪ Want me or not, I look life in the face And tell it what you've got ♪

♪ Gonna take a lotta more mean tweets For me to stop ♪

♪ I know I'm a genius, even if I never pop ♪

♪ 'Cause my DNA consists of everything These niggas not ♪

Fuck.

Dude, that went so differently in my head.

Fuck that.

Bro, where you going? To climb the fire escape.

You said the third floor, right?

Okay, I can't tell if you're kidding or not.

I'm a fucking Marine tomorrow, okay? It's now or never.

Yo. Remember when you asked me if something was missing?

Yeah. Well, it wasn't your talent, bro.

It was your confidence.

But it is here now, my friend, in the most undeniable way.

Thanks.

Okay, dude.

Listen to me, all that stands between you and a record deal is literally...


Why are we at Juice Press?

Remember what it was before a Juice Press?

Fat Beats record store.

Damn, dude, we thought we were so gangster coming into the city just to go to this place.

You used to come in here really rocking your mom's gold chains and your sister's leather fucking pants.

Yep. [laughs]

My... My Kanye 2011 phase.

I actually got a lot of compliments on that look.

I should bring it back.

Yo, if I haven't told you this, you have been an awesome fucking manager.

Why "been"?

Because, bro, this is where the dream started.

It's where we gotta say goodbye to it.

Please don't cry on me, bro.

It's pepper spray.

No, it's not, there's moisture.

And you're crying.

[sobs]

What if everyone at Harvard just fucking hates me like they did in high school?

No, everyone in high school didn't hate you.

Okay, a lot of people... the vast majority of people in high school hated you.

Everyone hated me.

But look, underneath this dickish exterior and fucking Gucci everything, you honestly have a heart of gold.

Shit.

It's my sister.

I see what you did there.

Hey, boys. Oh, my God, what happened to you two?

Just a little scrap, it's nothing serious.

This is Carlos, Max's boyfriend.

Boyfriend is a strong word. I would say we're hanging out.

Actually... he's obsessed with me. Okay, let's just eat.

Awkward.

That's fucking awesome.

Hey. Hey.

You sell me on this magical rooftop sunrise and then you disappear on me?

Is that your game? Wait, what? No.

Besides, the night's not even over. We could still go for it.

Night's over.

When will I see you again? Honestly, I don't even know.

Let's make a pact then.

The next time we see each other, we're gonna get those ice cold 40s, salt and vinegar chips, and watch the sunrise.

Yes.

And then fuck like animals.

No, I'm just kidding.

I can't have 40s, can you sub rosé?

Good.

Both getting in the back again. Nice.


I'm so sorry I didn't call last night.

The night just sort of like...

[whoosh] ran away from me.

The hell happened to your daddy's car, Jeffrey?

Just one in a sea of disappointments my father's had to endure having me as a son.

I fucked up my dad's Impala when I was your age.

Didn't make me a disappointment, just made me a pain in the ass.

Like all children, including my own son.

Speaking of, we ship out in 15 minutes.

Okay, thanks, Dad.

Don't thank me. I should make you drive first shift.

I was up late last night binge-watching my boy Rico Tubbs on Miami Vice.

One more time, where's Pedroza?

That was a cool brother right there.

Fifteen.

I almost forgot. What?

I got this off of Leon. Dude. Holy shit.

Yeah. I really knocked that nigga out.

Yeah. And you did it for me.

Yeah.

Yeah. Kind of.

That's what the guy said?

Okay. No, to be honest, this sounds like total dog shit to me.

Look, I'll just deal with it when I land. Yeah.

Morning, Father.

Hey. Can we talk?

Sorry, late for a flight. I'll call you when I land.

Alicia made me borrow the Phantom to drive her into the city last night.

What?

For the record, it wasn't my fault.

You have no respect for how hard I work to provide nice things for this family.

Yes, I do!

But honestly I'd rather just have you around once in a while.

Or what? Are you too embarrassed of me?

Don't be dramatic, Jeffrey. I'm dead-ass, Dad.

What does "dead-ass" mean again?

You treat me being Owen's manager as some big joke, but I have been putting in work and busting my ass just like you.

I wish you could acknowledge that.

Can we talk about this next week when I'm back?

I'll be up at school next week.

[sighs]

Shit. That's right.

[phone rings]

Hey.

Yeah.

[door shuts]

Text me when you get there.

I'm very proud of this decision.

Thanks, Mom. I packed some meatloaf for the road.

Added a new secret ingredient.

Thought you had a flight to catch.

I do, but we didn't get to finish our conversation.

I felt bad about what you said, son.

Sorry, can I take this?

Yeah.

Hello? - Yo. Where my guy Jeffrey Levine at, man?

Who's this?

Yo, it's French Montana, man.

I wanna talk to you about your man Seezjah Boy.

Yeah, so he vomited on Wiz Khalifa and had a seizure. So what?

I don't know what pleasure you get out of making prank calls pretending to be Karim Kharbouch, but do me a favor and eat a dick-full, Montana.

Damn!

Prank call. Sorry, Dad.

You were saying?

Well, I haven't been around at all this summer, and I...

My God.

It's okay, go ahead.

What? Yo, what you mean "what"?

And don't hang up 'cause I ain't calling you back.

Let me tell you something, this is your once in a lifetime, lightning-in-a-bottle moment.

I'm trying to sign your man OH! to the Coke Boys.

Oh, my God! - I'm trying to bring you in, man.

- I wanna bring you in the family. What is going on?

'Cause I'm watching y'all on WorldStar, and this video is incredible.

♪ But my man's thirsty Someone get him some water ♪

♪ His daddy issues are showing Someone get him a father ♪

♪ He like to talk shit about everyone And their daughter ♪

♪ Don't forget you used to look like A fat Harry Potter ♪ Is that OH!? Yep.

Is that you? It is.

Whatever Coke Boys are offering, I'll double it.

This is Rahmel from Atlantic, by the way.

Yo, this is Pusha T.

Jeff, it's Larry Jackson from Apple Music.

Before I sign OH! to G.O.O.D. Music, let me ask you something.

Did he ever fuck your sister?

I love OH!'s stuff, man. How can I be down?

Really sorry about... the pepper spray.

I didn't realize it was y'all niggas.

Yo.

The Internet giveth and the Internet taketh away. but sometimes when you try really goddamn hard, the Internet giveth a second chance.

Okay.

Dead-ass!

Is that your dad?

Yo, Alicia.

Yo, Alicia, you up?

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doing in here?

Remember that pact we made, that unbreakable pact about the next time we see each other?

Well... here we are... seeing each other for the next time.

[Jeff] OH! succeeded because he never gave up.

And I was right by his side every step of the way, cheering him on, because I never for one second doubted his talent.

[woman] That was so much better. [Jeff] Actually? Really?

Thank you. I've been working on, you know, trying to come across as a little less dickish and insecure.

I think I'm doing awesome at it so far though, right?

I'm killing it. Yeah, keep working on it.

Cool.

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