The Apple Dumpling Gang (1975) Script

What do you think, Theodore? He looks like a real live one.

Come on!

All right!

Get him with the rope! Rope him!

Well, throw it!

Maybe we can head him off at the pass. Mm-hmm.

Two of diamonds, jack of diamonds, three of diamonds, queen of diamonds, ace of diamonds, ten of hearts.

Well, how proud are you of that ace, Leonard?

Ace bets a dollar. A dollar!

There was a time when a jack high was worth a poke of gold. I'm in.

Me too. I'm folding.

I'm in. Did the mines dry up? Quake of '65 pinched off the veins.

But the quake two years ago finished us off.

Hasn't been 10 cents of gold in Quake City since.

Still you, Leonard. A dollar.

And the name Quake City?

When you build on the Calaveras Fault, you expect to be shook up.

Ain't that bad, Homer.

We've got saloons, a theater and the only hook and ladder west of Chicago.

Planning on settling here? No, I'm going to New Orleans.

As soon as I get a big enough stake, I'll open my own place.

Red carpets, crystal chandeliers, two roulette tables.

Good evening, gents!

Homer... If you need a haircut, my shop's closed.

If you want to sue, court's open on Tuesdays. The sheriff is playing poker.

Deuces bet a dollar. No. I'm going to San Francisco tonight.

San Francisco's loss is Quake City's gain. Leonard?

The trouble is, I'm expecting valuables on the stage.

I can't pick them up. Me neither.

Oh. Yes.

Mayor Sharpe? I've got a council meeting.

I'm in.

What kind of valuables, John?

Bless my suspender button! Donavan! I haven't seen you since...

Santa Fe, when you sold me the marshal's horse?

Right. I was just funning, Donavan. The marshal wasn't amused.

Well, maybe I can make it up to you.

Two pairs bets $2.

I'm expecting valuables. I'm in. Like what?

Things you don't leave without a responsible person to keep an eye on.

There's a game on, Wintle. There's your two, raise you five.

You can't have an inside straight again. I call.

If you claim them for me, I'll make it worth your while and repay you for the marshal's horse.

The mayor raised $5.

Just till I come back, Donavan. You in or not?

Here's $5 on account, if you want it.

Since you have $5, I'll apply it to your loan at the bank.

It's a deal? It is. I'm in.

Thanks, Donavan. Thanks!

You won't forget? No.

Thanks! Let's see them.

Hit it again! I don't believe that.

Welcome to Quake City, Donavan. Looks like luck's against you.

The good thing about luck is, it changes.

I think mine is just around the corner.



Well, they saddled up in Boston Still wet behind the ears And made their way across the wild frontier As they sought their fame and fortune The legend of them sprang And they soon became the Apple Dumpling Gang And they called them the Apple Dumpling Gang

It wasn't long they'd been gone from the eastern shore And people knew their names both far and near They sure shook up Quake City Some folks was out to hang All the riders of the Apple Dumpling Gang And they called them the Apple Dumpling Gang

It wasn't Jesse James or old Black Bart For whom the posses rode Even though there was a price upon their heads It was Celia, Bobby and Clovis About who folks sang About the threesome called the Apple Dumpling Gang...

And they called them the Apple Dumpling Gang

And they called them the Apple Dumpling Gang

Well, here it is, folks.

Quake City.

Much obliged, Ralph.

You can eat at the hotel across the street or at the Hard Times Café.

Take your stuff. There's a charge for overnight storage.

Any breakage in transit, report it to the ticket office.

Excuse me! Dusty, my weeklies come?

Morning, Sheriff. They're in the mail pouch.

Excuse me, do you have something for John Wintle?

Right in front of you. Thank you.

Not there in front of you. There!

Sign here. For what?

You're claiming them. I am not.

Last night you agreed. Took $5 in advance as I recall.

Yes, but I was to pick up some valuables,

not snot-nosed kids! They're in good shape. Sign here.

Pardon me. May I speak to anyone in authority?

How about the founder and president? Perfect.

Pa! Want to hear him out?

Colonel T.R. Clydesdale at your service, sir.

Well, Colonel Clydesdale, sir...

There appears to be an unfortunate misunderstanding about the children.

Cut through the fat. This tin horn agreed to pick up the kids for Wintle.

Now he's trying to weasel out of it. Magnolia!


Where are the legal guardians of these waifs?

Their folks passed away back East.

They've been shipped here to Wintle, their second uncle.

Where is John Wintle? Halfway to San Francisco, I'd say.

The stage made delivery to "the consignee or his agent."

That is you. What you do is your business.

That argument wouldn't hold up in any court.

It would in mine. I'm the law here.

But, Sheriff, look.

Sheriff, I didn't know they were children.

I'm not a family man. Mister, I gotta go.

As soon as we sort this out.

Sheriff, I have no place to keep them. Wintle has a shack outside town.

Mister, I gotta go bad. She can't wait too long.

Take my word for it. It might be prudent to resolve the more imminent problem forthwith.

All right, come on. Let's go.

Where's Wintle's shack?

Go to the edge of town, turn left. Just beyond the pile of timbers...

I'll show you!


I'll be right back. Just hold on!

What? Right here.


Meanwhile, rest assured that the Butterfly Stage and Freight Company will make every endeavor to satisfy the problem to the ultimate satisfaction of all concerned parties.

"Mr. Bradley's lingering illness left him destitute.

"There's no money in the estate.

"However, Mr. Bradley felt that revenues from his share of the Commodore Mine

"would provide for the care of his children."

I guess Wintle got this and didn't want the kids, so he made a change of scenery.

Anything would be an improvement.

The way I see it, until we know one way or the other exactly what Wintle had in mind... the children are wards of this town, right?

Wrong! There is no funds nor facilities for orphans in Quake City.

You don't expect me to...

This is a half portion of a town, but we do have certain rules to live by.

Don't jump a man's claim. Don't steal his wife, woman or whiskey.

Don't strike a bargain, then entertain second thoughts about it.

Any of these offenses can make you the guest of honor at a hemp party.

No, I'd say you had best keep these youngsters or provide for their safekeeping.

Well, it's time I got back to my barber shop.

And, Donavan, I wouldn't go on long rides, if I was you.


When are we going to eat? In a little while.

Clovis don't like to be touched. Don't he?


Now what? Put it back!

Come on, you two! Give it to me.

Don't play around the fire! Give it!

Stop! I don't want any trouble.

Clovis don't like... I know!

Give me it, Clovis.

Stop! Let's see what the fuss is about.

"Commodore Mine, December 3rd, 1871."

Commodore's ours now.

It's a sample. Is it valuable?

No, it's not. Dad said there's gold in the mine.

Everyone says there's gold in their mine.

What's that? Salt pork. I think.

It looks like fat. It's dinner anyway.

That's dinner? That's dinner.

Can't you make apple dumplings?

No. Why not?

Because even if I could, I wouldn't make them for you or anyone.

Bobby! It's raining on Celia again.

Then move her! There's no more dry places.

Bobby! Will you...

Oh, no! The salt pork!

What have I done to deserve this? Who are you talking to?

It doesn't matter. I don't think He's listening to me anyway.

Had some extra son-of-a-gun stew. It was throw it out or bring it up here.

It stopped raining.

You know what's really amazing? What is?

The kids settled down for you.

When you're tired and full, you get sleepy. It's not amazing.

You underestimate yourself. I can say without hesitation that was the best stew I've ever had.

Really? You saw how the kids ate!

You know, I think it's a crime that someone with your culinary talent, I really should call it "magic," hasn't a family to share it with.

Are you trying to dump the kids on me?

I'm merely pointing out that you have a way with children.

You're barking up the wrong tree. Get a job and look after your kids.

They're not my kids! Yes, they are.

Till you find somebody else to take them off your hands.


It's dripping on me again.

I'm very attached to the little fellows, but I'm a bachelor.

I can't care for them.

Not like you and your wife could.

I'm sure there's room here for three small children, just until Wintle gets back.

Get out of the way! Get out of there!


Don't get your feet wet!

I'm attached to the little fellows, but I can't care for them.

Howdy, ma'am. Good morning!

But they're healthy specimens, and they don't eat much.

They'd be a big help... No!

I can explain. He's the only one who does it. He's sensitive!

Really! The little girl could help you in the kitchen and scrub your clothes.

Come on.

Good day, sir.

You're a man of substance. I have a proposition. Ah, the lady of the house!

Kids! Yuck!

The children are marvelous about parties. If you could just...

Who's that, Mr. Donavan? President of the garden club.

All right. Come on.

Mr. Donavan!


Get out of there! Celia!

Being a family man is quite a responsibility.

I'm hungry. Naturally.

Hard Times Café serves a nice lunch. Thanks. Come on, kids.

Pair of tens wins.

That beats ace, queen high. On my last card, too.

You kids find something to do. Stay out of trouble.

Where are you going? To fleece some sheep.

Deuce, jack, a king.

What's a millstone? I don't know. Why?

Mr. Donavan said he doesn't want three millstones hanging around his neck.

I'll show you where to put it so we don't have to move it twice.

It's too delicate.

What is it, Bobby? I don't know.


Get away from there!

This has come a long way. I don't want anything to happen to it. Get!

Let's move it in. Careful.

What did he say? He's afraid we'll get his laundry dirty.

What's that?

It looks like a mine. A mine? Is it ours?

Could be! Let's go see!

Pair of jacks three of hearts five of clubs, ace of hearts, king of spades. Kings bet.

Kings bet $10. I'm in.

I'm in. I'm in.

There's your $10, I'll raise you $20. $20?

You're bluffing. $20 to see.

That kills me. I'm in.

A man from Missouri! I fold.

All right, let's see. Well...

Three jacks. Three jacks?

Another round, please. I believe I've also won the deal.

All right, Donavan. Just deal!

How much money you figure that dude's got?

About five hundred. Five hundred? Wow!

That'd be... That's two hundred apiece!

I told you he was a real live one, didn't I?

As soon as he leaves, we jump him, right?

In broad daylight? We get him when the time is right!

Let's get out of here before he gets suspicious.

$2. Okay, I'm in for $2.

And the pot is right... Pair of sixes, four to the deuce, pair of ladies, jack to the three, ten to the four and a jack to the six...

Look, it's a little train. It's not a train, Celia.

What is it? It's a cart to haul dirt.

This isn't our mine. It's the Moonridge Number 2.

All aboard! Come on, now!

Get out of there! Come on, Clovis!

You and Celia, get out of there!

Put the brake on. It's stuck!



Look out! I can't steer it!


Stop the train, Bobby!

I can't steer it, Celia!

A fence! Get down!

Move it! Move it!

Get the sheriff!

Oh, so much fun, it is no pity Taking suckers in Quake City...

That's him! They're his kids!

Don't bother putting that away, mister. One mirror, $300.

I was in there! One melodeon.

I don't own one. You do now!

Why is bedtime so early?

Because if you're asleep, you might stay out of trouble.

What's that? A cherished token of a lady's affection.

I'm sure you'll understand, Belle.

You're selling it? I might need the investment capital.

If you'd get the gold in the mine, you could keep the token of affection.

There is no gold. If there was, someone would've found it.

I don't have to answer to three whelps who aren't dry behind the ears yet.

Mr. Donavan! What?

I gotta go! You just went.

I gotta go again. That's impossible. Sleep.

I'm gonna have an accident.

All right. Come on.

I like you, Mr. Donavan.


Why would he come this way? He did last time.

That don't mean he'll... Stop trying to think!

Get up on that roof!

Why do I have to drop a bucket on him? Why not just tell him to hand it over?

If he keeps walking, then what? I'll call to him and start throwing lead.

God poured your brains in with a teaspoon and someone joggled his arm.

I keep telling you, we got no lead and no powder to throw it with!

That's right. I keep forgetting!

Come on.

This'll be easier than robbing a bird's nest!

You wait on the roof, I'll hoot when he comes.

That's good! I'll answer with a whippoorwill.

That's good.

Good! I got it!

Here he is. I got it.

Hash Knife Gang rides again!

I should've heard from Gould about my amalgamation proposal.

Look into it in the morning. Yes, Pa.

We'll need new equipment. Yes, Pa.

Don't worry about finances, leave all that to me.

I have to stop in here and see some people, Magnolia.

Goodnight, Pa. Where are you off to?

Back to the barn to fix the brake pedal on the stage.

Then I've got to file Diablo's teeth. He's not getting much out of his food.

When I'm through with Diablo, there's the singletree to fix.

Besides that, I got a free evening. Run along and enjoy yourself, dear.

Remember, these are the best years of your life.

Yeah, coming.


Evening. Evening!

That's what I call Southern comfort. Yes, it's pretty.

Where are the children? Fed and in bed.

I'm not sure, but I think two men tried to waylay me.

What? Yes, back there.

Probably Theodore and Amos. Who are they?

Used to ride with the Stillwell Gang. The Stillwell Gang? Really?

Till Amos shot Stillwell in the leg. They're the Hash Knife Gang now.

They're pretty harmless.


Buy you a drink?

I'm sorry... I wasn't thinking of you as a... I'm sorry.

Mr. Donavan! We're going to the mine to get some gold.

You want to come with us? Not so loud and a little slower.

Where are you going? To dig gold.

No more biscuits and greens!

Mr. Purvis in the office says it's on Bald Hill.

Will you come with us, Mr. Donavan?

No. But why?

Because my head hurts. And because there's no gold in that hole!

Our Pa said there was! Then you go get it!

I'm going to go get some sleep.

With your luck, you should play poker for a living and have banking as a hobby.

Thank you very much, friend!

Why has he got your cherished token of a lady's affection?

Because three deuces beats aces over eights, that's why!

Don't get in trouble!

Theodore! Theodore!

Douse that fire! What's the matter with you?

What did you lose? There's a posse after us!

Come on! A posse?

There's no one. They're there, hiding in the bushes.

How many? I don't know. Five, six, maybe twenty!

They're all loaded for bear, too. They had those big buffalo rifles.

Know something, Amos?

We gotta make a decision. Why?

Does the Hash Knife Outfit give up or go out in a blaze of glory?

Just what do you mean, "blaze of glory"?

Fighting till the last man's killed. What's it going to be, partner?

The jail in Santa Fe wasn't so bad.

I say we go out fighting. They can pay for our hides!

What do you say? All right. I'm with you.

Know something? This could be the end of the trail for us.

Looks that way, Amos.

Know something? You and me have been through a lot together.

I climbed your hump once in a while, but I couldn't ask for a better partner.

If we meet again in that big round up in the sky sometime, I'm going to spread my blanket beside yours, same as always.


Where's the Commodore Mine?

It's up the hill. Follow the trail, it'll take you to it.


Bye! Bye.

I've never been more humiliated. I know.

Three kids with shovels walk into our hideout! And you burned my hand!

Sorry. And scorched a hole in my shirt!

I can fix that. Don't!

Why'd you say those kids was a posse? I saw them in the bushes!

You can't see through barbed wire! Your head won't hold straw!

You couldn't sell hacksaws in a jail! What about...

I don't want to talk about it! I said...

Said you'd spread your blanket next to mine.

Why don't we dig here? Because someone already did dig here.

Scared? No more than you are.

I'm not scared. Neither am I.

I am.


Come on, a little mouse can't hurt you.

It's just an owl.

This looks like a good place to dig. You start over there, I'll dig here.

Find any gold yet? No, did you?


What if there ain't any gold? Pa said there was.

Stop shaking it, Celia. I'm not! It won't stand still.

It's an earthquake! Let's get out of here!


I gotta go.

Are we trapped?

There must be another way out. Come on!

Bobby, what's that?

We base our evaluation on the price of gold when we checked last.

The price may have gone up. The gold could be worth more.

The San Francisco mint will give us a receipt.

The cash deposit will be in the children's name.

I just wanted to be sure that their interests are protected.

Don't worry. We'll see that the nugget is well taken care of.

Can we touch it? Sorry, that's as close as you get.

It's a piece of cake.

You mean it's not gold? 'Course it's gold, stupid.

Getting the gold out'll be easier than falling off a log.

Oh, boy! Act natural!

Don't do nothing to attract attention!

Hey, Theodore, how are we gonna... Theodore?

How will we get it out of the bank? First, we need a long ladder.

We'll go in through the skylight. Then we have to get the gold out of town.

I figure that if it's worth $87,000, it'll weigh close to...

Let's see, gold is $15 an ounce. How many ounces in a pound?

Are you listening to me, Amos? Yeah, but...

But what? Your rear's on fire.

Oh, thank you.

Why didn't you tell me?

You told me not to do anything to attract attention.

Got a match?

Excuse me.

Hello! Nice day!

Maple, Stanley, Donavan. Hi, Sheriff.

This is what I call having a party!

Mr. Donavan said that we can have all the apple dumplings we want.

Did he? Did he? That's very generous of Mr. Donavan.

And he bought me a dress. See?

That's the most beautiful dress I ever saw.

Awful nice kids. Yes, they are.

You still bound for New Orleans?

Yes! Nothing's happened to change that.

Of course, I have to clear up a few things here in town.

And make arrangements for the kids.

A lot of people are anxious to take them to their bosoms.

They want me to make them wards of court and give them to a local family.

People of substance. That'd fit right into your plans.

You'd be free to go on your way. Unencumbered, unfettered.


Who wants them? No shortage of applicants.

There's my darling! Let me have her!

What do you know about kids? And you?

Let go, you'll hurt her! Ladies! This is a private party.

He said I could have her.

You'll all be in trouble if you don't leave.

It'll be decided later at the hearing.

Out! Out!

See what I mean?

They ripped my beautiful dress. I know, but we'll fix it. We'll fix it.

There's got to be better people in this town!

There's always Miss Clydesdale. Who's Miss Clydesdale? Dusty?


But she's not married. That's easy to fix.

Well, who can you get?

You're not suggesting... Only for the kids!

I know, but Dusty? She's a fine specimen of womanhood.

I saw her get caught in a cloudburst once, and I can tell you...

Mr. Donavan, please marry Dusty!

No two people ever got married for a more honorable or worthy cause.

Think that over.

Hearing's not until the day after tomorrow.

Marry Dusty?

If we go to Mrs. Stockley, will she hit us?

Why would she hit you?

She hits Mr. Stockley.

She might get mad if we track mud in the house.

Or forget to comb our hair. I'm sure she wouldn't do that.

When Mr. Stockley gets mad, he uses words I never heard before.

Mr. Leach is meaner.

He'd put you in a sack and throw you in the river for talking.

You won't be thrown in the river!

If Rowdy Joe got us, we'd sleep in his shed.

Don't worry. If Celia gets pneumonia, I'll take care of her.

We picked these for you. So you won't forget us in New Orleans.

If you press them, they'll keep forever.

Every time you see one, you'll remember us little kids.

That you gave away.

Come on, Clovis. Let's do the dishes and not bother him anymore.

All right!

I'll ask her.

Three little kids? Three little swindlers, you mean!

Bobby? What?

What's "swindlers"? I don't know.

Okay, come on. Come on!

We'll get the ladder and go straight to the bank.

Amos? Amos! Yeah?

This one's too small. Get the one on the other side.

I'll go open the door.

It's too long to get out this way. Push them together.

You idiot!

You get one end, I'll get the other. We'll push it together.

On the count of three.

Get in there and get it out!

It went through the window. I'll pull it through.

Someone's coming!



Don't worry. Soon as we get across, it'll be all downhill.

Get back! You're going to bust it!


It's a long way down. Don't look down, and stop shaking!

Don't do that!

Move it! My spur's caught!

Get up there! I am.

Get off! Get off!

If I didn't think you'd freeze this winter...

I'd rob this bank myself and leave you here.

Coming through!

Watch it!

Maybe you should see if the front door's open.

Shut up!

Perfect. Great scheme.

But when it's over, I'm the wife left with the kids, while I watch you disappear.

You'll be paid for any inconvenience.

I don't want money. It's theirs, they found it.

Agreed. The only reason I suggested it is because you'll provide a good home.

What do you get out of this arrangement?

A chance to get to New Orleans before winter sets in.

That all? I'd appreciate it if you'd square up a few of my debts here, but I'll repay you.

And that's all? Yes!

Now, wait a minute!

Do you mean... Might I exercise my husbandly prerogatives?

Exactly. Nothing's further from my mind!

This marriage would ensure a good home for those children. Nothing more.

I give my word as a gentleman.

It's not the best of guarantees.

Well, maybe not. But it's the best I can do.

What's it going to be? Are you calling or folding?

All right, I'll go along with it. But not for you, for the kids.

The sooner you leave this town, the better.

It's going to be daylight before we get in.

Once we get that gold, we'll be living like kings! We'll be shooing women off!

Forget about that. Just make sure your mule don't get frisky!

Don't worry, she'll get you up.

Wait for my signal! Will you hoot again?

I'll do the whippoorwill. Don't you remember nothing?

I tug the rope, you haul me up!

That's a new one! Tug and haul. Right! Okay!

This time it's just tug and haul.

That's it, Clarice!

Come on!

Hold it! Stay right there!

You're going to wake somebody up! Come over here!

I'll help you! Stay right there!

You all right? I told you to wait for my signal!

Go ahead!

Come on, Clarice. Come on!

Come on! Get up, Clarice!

Get up, Clarice! You can rest when we get to Mexico!

Come on! Come on!

Mr. Donavan said we shouldn't...

Someone's coming!

We're not wandering. We should go home.

He should've been back by now, unless he forgot.


Who are you talking to?

You told us how to get to the mine!

Yes. Run along now.

We're looking for Mr. Donavan. He went that way.

Why are you on your tiptoes?

Because I want to. Now go away.

Go now, kids. I'm busy.

Where's your friend? He'd better be in another county.

How'd you get up there? Never mind.

You kids should be in bed. Go away.

Bite me, you flea bag!

How'd you do that?

I got here early to draw the certification papers for the nugget for the mint.

And when I opened up the place, I got the shock of my life!

Morning! Morning!

You couldn't take candy from a baby without coming out on the short end.

It's not going to go easy on you this time.

Get out of that silly rope and stand up!

This court is now in session, Homer McCoy presiding.

Theodore Ogelvie, Amos Tucker, you're charged with attempted bank robbery.

How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty?

Not guilty?

Guilty! Wrong one!

This court sentences you to be hung. And I'm fining you 10 bucks for perjury.

Let them out, Leonard.

Nice going!

Get to the oak tree near Boot Hill at 12:00 sharp.

Thank you, your Honor. Don't thank him for hanging you!

And bring your own rope. I'll get it.

That's the only rope we've got. Get out of here!

The hardware's closed. Dummy.

How can you be hung without a rope?

Those dummies are liable to show up. Then they'll deserve it.

I want to get them out of town for good.

The sooner the gold's out of here and in the mint, the better.

A lot of people want that nugget.

Stillwell, we've been sitting here for two days.

Staring at a bank through a spyglass won't make us richer.

Worried about the sheriff? With a down-home sheriff, you get a town full of vigilantes. We could be walking into a hornets' nest.

We got to get the gold some time. We'll get it.

I didn't ride 200 miles just to look at the scenery.

Dang! Is your leg hurting again?

Always acts up on me, every time the weather changes.

I'll tell you one thing. If I ever get in shooting distance of Amos Tucker he'll have windows where his ears was!

Homer, can we talk with you? As barber, sheriff or judge?


Two bits. I only got half a shave!

A shave's four bits. Now get, before I fine you for loitering.

Get! See you next Tuesday. All right.

Dusty? You a willing party to this union?

They'll get a square deal and a good home.

I never teamed prospects like you. You're like ice cream and whiskey.

You'd be man and wife, like any couple, and nobody could say different.

You kids make yourselves comfortable.

You want the trimmings? Love, honor, cherish?

I'd kind of like to hear it. Fine.

Well, let's just get it over with.

You got a ring? No.

We'll need a ring.

You hold this till I tell you.

Was you going to keep your hats on?

You take her, Donavan?


You take him, Dusty? I do.

The ring. Give it to Mr. Donavan.

By the powers invested in me, the State of California, I pronounce you hitched.

You don't have to kiss, but you ought to at least shake on it.

That's it. I generally get $2 about this point.

I'll pay you back.

Since you two don't seem to have immediate plans, I'm buying.

Oh, good! Dusty, would you mind keeping an eye on the kids for a while?

Might as well get used to it.

We'll celebrate, too. How come he's going that way and we're going this way? It's hard to explain.

Is that all, Miss Cole? $4.62. I'll put it on your bill.

You can each have a licorice whip and a jelly bean. But just one.

If you're here for the grain bags, they're not here yet.

I need boots and jackets for the kids.

We'll look in the catalog.

I see somebody bought the bed. Yep.

Sure is pretty. Yes, sure is.

Who'd you sell it to? Donavan.

Who? Mr. Donavan.

He picked it out this morning. Did he really?

Did he really!


You snake-oil salesman! Are you coming out or not?

Is there some trouble? Yes, and you're in it!

"I want a chance to leave! Unencumbered, unfettered!"

That's all I wanted. Don't slick-talk me!

Wait a minute, Dusty! Hold on!

Wait a minute!

Wait! Dusty, will you just let me say one word?

One! Dusty.

That's it! No!

"Nothing's further from my mind. You have my word as a gentleman."

I meant...

Gentleman? Yeah!


Get out from there, you coward!


No, Dusty. Back! Back!

Don't! Stand still!

Wait a minute, Dusty!

No! Wait!

This is ridiculous. When you get rational, we'll discuss this!

We'll discuss it right now!

Sorry, Ralph!

You're hysterical. We can't talk this way!

What happened? They got married.

Be reasonable! Shut up, liar!

Whatever's happened, I can explain!

You're not getting out of it that easy!

Pay you back, Homer.

What's bothering you? That bed!

That great big brass bed!

If you don't intend exercising your prerogatives, why'd you buy that bed?

That's it? The bed? Yes!

The bed happens to be for the kids, Dusty.

With the nights getting colder, they need a warmer place to sleep.

So the brass bed is for the boys and the smaller bed is for Celia!

Why didn't you say so?

We could have avoided this little misunderstanding!

Pardon me. Excuse me, please.

Come along, Celia. This is no place for a lady.

Order, order! Quiet now!

Everybody sit down and shut up. Edgar, you get back in your seat!

I think we've heard all the testimony this building can take!

I'm going to decide who gets the children.

That decision will be final.

This court appreciates the generosity and the kindness of all you good people who have offered to provide homes for these kids, and to safeguard their assets.

It shows this town has got a heart.

But after deliberation, considering all the facts and the merits of the applicants, this court awards Bobby, Clovis and Celia Bradley to Mr. and Mrs. Russel Donavan.

It's an order of the court, I won't discuss it.

I don't want people coming up here...

Hold up. I heard you were about to gavel off my kin.

That's not necessary. I'm here to claim them.

Donavan, thank you for taking care of them.

My lawyer will explain all the whereases and wherefores.

Tell them why the kids are mine, and no maybes.

May it please the court...

It would please this court to see both of you run out of town!

A checkered-pants lawyer doesn't tell me the law! Give me that!

They're yours, Wintle.

You and that jackleg get out of here before the court gets contemptuous.

Guess so, Reverend.

That gold's the most valuable shipment ever entrusted to the Butterfly Line.

My goodness gracious! The most valuable shipment!

My word! Exactly how much does this nugget weigh?

356 pounds, without the crate.

That's not as large as the one they found in Breckenridge.

Still, that's a whole lot of gold all in one piece.

I assume you have a lot of men protecting it.

There'll be extra guards from Marysville tomorrow.

I see. Then you'll be making your regular passenger run?

Fear not, dear brother. I'm a servant of the Lord.

Being a man of the cloth, it can do no harm.

We're taking it out when the bank closes at 4:00 tomorrow.

They won't be going by the regular route but over China Grade.

Splendid! Splendid idea!

I imagine that they'll not encounter so much as a horn frog on that road.

I think it precisely.

Reverend, could I buy you a drink? Thank you, no, sir. I never imbibe.

However, I would be happy to accept this as a contribution for the poor.

Bless you, brother. Bless you.

Charley? I seem to have left my purse at the office. I was...

Set them up for Charley and me.

Hi, Dusty! Howdy.

Annulment papers. Bring them to the Marysville courthouse.

It'll take about three days.

We must have set a record. Yes.

You're rid of them. What now?

I'll work my way east. Change of scenery and luck.


Thanks for what you did. We tried something that didn't work.

Well, goodbye. Bye.


You were a good father to the kids. They couldn't have asked for better.

We got along!

And Donavan? Yeah?

I'm sorry I hit you with a spittoon.

A logical misunderstanding!

Sorry that I offered you a drink in the saloon, too.

A perfectly logical misunderstanding!

I wouldn't make that mistake again. You wouldn't?

Good luck, Dusty.

How can you get warm sitting by a fire that's been out for two days?

I don't know. I always used to sit here for breakfast.

Couldn't we build a little fire? It don't seem like home!

No! Amos, I tell you, we got big trouble.

We go get food, we'll be hung. We stay here, we'll starve.

If we don't freeze to death first!

So, what's it going to be? Well...

What if we went and told Sheriff McCoy that we're sorry?

We're not going to rob banks anymore. Ever.

Right. And we'll cross our hearts! That's worth thinking about.

We won't take any rope, right?

Hey, mister!

What do you kids want now? You tell them, Bobby.

We want you to have our nugget.

What nugget? You tried to steal it!

Oh, that one. All you have to do is take it.

You came over here to tell us to rob the bank again?

We're sentenced to be hung for the first time.

Maybe it's a trick to smoke us out!

It's not. Judge McCoy said Mr. Wintle doesn't want us, he wants the gold.

If you take the gold, Mr. Wintle will go away.

Mr. Donavan will be stuck with us.

Mr. Donavan bought us lots of apple dumplings.

It's not stealing. It's our gold, we're giving it to you.

You just have to pick it up. We'll help you.

Pardon me a minute, ma'am.

What do you think?

I don't know. The Hash Knife going in with kids? How will it look?

We can call them the Apple Dumpling Gang.

What's the difference? It's like he says, it's not stealing.

And hurry. We're leaving at four when the bank closes.

Theodore? All right!

Come on. Now, here's the bank. We need dynamite to blow the safe.

And a wagon to haul the gold. Got that, gang?

We'll go in the side door. Remember?

We were hanging in there, so it'd be just off to the right.

You wanted a wagon! Not that one!

What's wrong with it? These are the fastest horses in town.

We'll be gone by then!

It's too late. Let's get it headed the other way.

You kids keep a lookout for the sheriff!

I'm sorry, we're closed.

I said, we're...

I'm sorry, Reverend. We're closed.

Open that safe!


Someone's robbing the bank!

Come on!

Oh, no! Get in there!

Hurry up! Where'd they come from? They were looking in.

Get them out of the way. You keep quiet!

Keep an eye on them! Get out of the road.

Ain't that the most beautiful sight?

Boy, oh, boy! A Conway, eh? It's heavy!

Where's the wagon? Right outside.

Easy, boys! This blasted thing weighs a ton!

Work through good at this turn. Now we got her.

Nobody move! This is a hold-up!

We mean business! You're a day late and a dollar short.

It's like he said right here. Did you say that?

Who in blazes are you? Well?

Mr. Stillwell asked you a question, Theodore.

Theodore! Hi, Frank!


You're not still mad because I shot you in the leg?

You are. Please, no shooting.

That dynamite is old. If he drops it, the bank will explode.

That makes sense.

All right, you two. Get out of the way.

All right. Move!

I want you to watch the kids. All right, you! Come on!

You're going to walk ahead of us, straight to the wagon.

One peep, I'll blow a hole in you bigger than a mule.

Understand? Start walking and keep smiling! Hurry up!

Hooks, get a hold of this! Easy does it!

That's our gold. We gave it to them!

Out of my way! We're gonna walk...


It's the law! We're going to have to blast our way out!

What's this firing? They want the gold!

Get this thing off me!

They got me! I'll go get old Betsy.

Somebody, get him a drink!

Take more than that to get the sting out!

Get down!

My knees! Get down!

Don't do that anymore!

Get down!

I'm sitting on my foot.


You want to die? I want to stop a robbery!

Find a safe place, not the street!

Inside! Come on!

Anyone know where Albert keeps his corkscrew?

Grab the kids and let's go!

What about the gold? Forget about it.

We'll be lucky to escape with our hides!

Frank! Sure you don't want your gold?

It's all yours, partner. Don't spend it all in one place!

I'm going to buy some new toes!

You can't take those children!

Let's go. The horses are out front.

So is half the town! Come on!

I'm never going to rob banks again!

That's it! I can walk! I can't move! My back!

Let's go! My back! I can't move!

We got to get out of here! I can't move! My back!

The dynamite!

Just cover me, Mildred.

Mr. Donavan! They've got Celia!


Shh! Listen! They've stopped firing!

There's two more in there!

Get this thing to move over!


Celia! Dusty!


Do you always kiss like that?

I've been saving up. Oh, yeah?

Get Stillwell, wring him out and lock him up.

Donavan! Dusty! You're going to drown in there.

I guess they don't mind!

We better get back to town and see what's happened to the gold.

Gold! It's a gold nugget, Lily!

Gold! Gold! Gold!

Gold! Gold!

My bank. My beautiful bank!

A man that can fill an inside straight like you can don't need a bank.

Leonard, you can work out of my barber shop till you rebuild. No charge.

I hold your bank and this town responsible for the loss of my gold.

You! You can be jolly well responsible for those three brats, too!

Mr. Donavan!

Theodore and Amos were in the bank!

There you are, Donavan. $5,000 for the capture of Frank Stillwell.

It's no more than you deserve. And the deed of the Benson place.

There it is. The roulette tables, the crystal chandeliers. Everything!

You don't have to go through with it.

Someone else will buy the Benson place. It's in fine shape.

It won't be so bad. I'll go play poker in town one or two nights a week.

Want to bet?

Look, it's a hold-up!



Didn't you promise you'd stop?

We are stopping, Mr. Donavan.

We've decided that we've been the scourge of the West long enough.

We're hanging our firearms up for good.

We were just wondering if...

Climb on!

Will I be living with these two lawless profligates?

Just till you hear from Mr. Gould, Pa.

That horse got a name? Lucy.

Lucy, Clarice. Clarice, Lucy.

So they settled down together Their troubles all behind Now that Donavan and Dusty tied the knot Their friends wished them happiness as the church bells rang For that family called the Apple Dumpling Gang...

Mr. Donavan? I gotta go!

And they called them the Apple Dumpling Gang