The AristoCats (1970) Script

♪ Which pet's address is the finest in Paris?

♪ Which pets possess the longest pedigree?

♪ Which pets get to sleep on velvet mats?

♪ Naturellement

♪ The Aristocats

♪ Which pets are blessed with the fairest forms and faces?

♪ Which pets know best all the gentle social graces?

♪ Which pets live on cream and loving pats?

♪ Naturellement

♪ The Aristocats

♪ They show aristocatic bearing

♪ When they're seen upon an airing

♪ And aristocatic flair in what they do

♪ And what they say

♪ Aristocats are never found in alleyways

♪ Or hanging 'round the garbage cans

♪ Where common kitties play

♪ Oh, no Which pets are known

♪ To never show their claws?

♪ Which pets are prone to hardly any flaws?

♪ To which pets do the others tip their hats?

♪ Naturellement

♪ The Aristocats


Oh, ho!

[singing continues in French]


Marie, my little one.

You're going to be as beautiful as your mother.

Isn't she, Duchess?

[meows]

[woman] Careful, Toulouse.

[chuckling] You're making it very difficult for Edgar.

Whoa, Frou-Frou, whoa.

Steady, girl.

Thank you, Edgar. [Frou-Frou nickers]

Oh. Of course, Frou-Frou.

I almost forgot.

Madame... uh, may I take your parcel, Madame?

It really is much too heavy for you, Madame.

Now, tut-tut, Edgar.

Don't fuss over me.

[meowing]

Berlioz, come back here.

Haven't you forgotten something, darling?

Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou, for letting me ride on your back.

[chuckling] You're quite welcome, young man.

How was that, Mama?

Very good, darling. That was very nice.

Come along, Duchess. Kittens.

Come along.

Oh, and Edgar, I'm expecting my attorney, Georges Hautecourt.

You'll remember him, of course.

Of course, Madame.

How could anyone forget him?

[engine sputtering, backfiring]

[engine stops, sputters] ♪ Ta rah rah boom di aye

♪ Ta rah rah boom di aye

♪ Da da da dee dee dee Dee dee dee Oh!

♪ Dee do do do

♪ Ta rah rah boom di aye

♪ Ta rah rah boom di... Whoops!

Oh, oh, oh. Not as spry as I was when I was 80, eh?

♪ Ta rah rah boom di aye

♪ Ta rah rah boom di aye

[continues humming tune]

Ah, good day, sir.

Madame is expecting you, sir.

Evening. Evening, Edgar.

♪ Ta rah rah boom di aye

♪ Ta rah rah boom di aye Another ringer, sir.

You never miss. [Georges chuckling]

Come on, Edgar! The last one up the stairs is a nincompoop!

Could we take the elevator this time, sir?

Oh, that birdcage? Poppycock.

Elevators are for old people. Whoops!

May I give you a hand, sir?

You haven't got an extra foot, have you, Edgar? [chuckles]

That always makes me laugh, sir. [forced chuckle]

Every time.

Whoo! Let go of my cane!

Careful, sir. Please. Frightfully sorry, sir.

[Georges chuckling]

Don't panic, Edgar.

Upward and onward! Whee!

Am I going too fast for you, Edgar?

Please, sir, hold...

[classical music playing]

There now, Duchess. That's better.

We must both look our best for Georges.

He's our oldest and dearest friend, you know.

[meows]

[knocking on door] Come in.

[panting] Announcing...

...Monsieur...

...Georges...

...Hautecourt.

[Madame] Oh, my goodness, Edgar. I know Georges.

Adelaide, my dear.

So good to see you, Georges.

[music playing] [kissing sound] Aaah!

Still the softest hands in all Paris. [Madame giggles]

You're a shameless flatterer, Georges.

Adelaide, that's music.

It's from Carmen, isn't it?

That's right. It was my favorite role.

Yes, yes.

It was the night of your grand premiere that we first met. Remember?

Oh, indeed, I do. And how we celebrated your success.

Champagne, dancing the night away...

[Georges hums along with tune]

[Madame giggling] Oh, Georges.

[record scratches, music slows]

Oh, ho!

[giggling]

Thank goodness.

Just in time.

Ah, Georges.

We're just a pair of sentimental old fools.

[continues humming tune]

[laughing]

Now, Georges, do be serious.

I've asked you to come here on a very important legal matter.

Oh? Oh!

Splendid, splendid.

Who do you want me to sue, eh? [laughing]

[Madame] Come now, Georges. I don't wish you to sue anyone.

I simply want to make my will.

Will, eh? Will, will...

[pen squeaking]

Now, then, who are the beneficiaries?

[Madame] Well, as you know, I have no living relatives.

[voice heard through pipe] Naturally, I want my beloved cats to be always well-cared for.

Certainly, no one can do this better than my faithful servant, Edgar.

[Georges] Edgar?

Adelaide, you mean to say you're leaving your vast fortune to Edgar?

Everything you possess? Stocks and bonds?

This mansion? Your country chateau?

Your treasures, jewels, and...?

[Madame] Oh, no, no, Georges.

To my cats. [Georges] To your cats?

[wheezing] Cats?

[Madame] Yes, Georges.

I simply wish to have the cats inherit first.

Then, at the end of their lifespan, my entire estate will revert to Edgar.

[wheezing] Cats inherit first?

And I come after the cats.

I, me, after...

It's... it's not fair.

Whoo! I mean, whoo.

Each cat will live about 12 years.

I can't wait... And each cat has nine lives.

That's four times 12...

Multiply by nine times...

No, it's less than that. Anyway, it's much longer than I'd ever live.

I'll be gone.

No.

Oh, no. They'll be gone.

I'll think of a way.

Oh... there are a million reasons why I should.

All of 'em dollars.

Millions.

Those cats have got to go. [ripping]

Wait for me, wait for me!

[Marie] Me first, me first. Whoo.

Why should you be first?

Because I'm a lady, that's why.

Ha-ha. You're not a lady.

You're nothin' but a sister.

Oh!

I'll show you if I'm a lady or not.

[kittens giggling]

You're tickling. Get her, Berlioz, get her.

[giggling continues]

Fight fair, Marie.

Females never fight fair.

Ow! Now, that hurt.

Mama! Mama!

Marie, darling, Marie, you must stop that.

This, this is really not ladylike.

And Berlioz?

Such behavior is most unbecoming to a lovely gentleman.

Well, she started it.

Ladies do not start fights, but they can finish them.

[Duchess] Berlioz.

Now, don't be rude.

We were just practicing biting and clawing.

Aristocrats do not practice biting and clawing and things like that. That's just horrible.

But someday we might meet a tough alley cat.

[meows loudly]

[hissing]

[Duchess chuckles]

That will do.

It's time we concerned ourself with self-improvement.

You want to grow up to be lovely charming ladies and gentlemens.

Now, Toulouse, you go and start on with your painting.

Yes, Mama.

[hissing]

[Marie] Mama, may we watch Toulouse paint before we start our music lesson?

Please?

[Duchess] Well, yes, my love, but...

[Toulouse] Whoops. ...you must be very quiet.

Uh-oh.

Mm-hm. Mm-mm-hm.

Uh-huh.

[sniffles]

Yeah.

[Marie laughs] It's Edgar.

[Berlioz] Yeah, old pickle-puss Edgar.

[giggling] "Old pickle-puss"? Now, now.

Berlioz, that is not kind.

You know Edgar is so fond of all of us and takes very good care of us.

[tune of "Rock-a-Bye Baby"] ♪ Rock-a-bye, kitties

♪ Bye-bye you go

♪ La la la la

♪ And I'm in the dough Oh, Edgar, you sly old fox.

[humming tune of "Rock-a-Bye Baby"]

Oops. Oh, dear.

Slip of the hand and it's off to dreamland.

I say, that's not at all bad.

Slip of the hand... dreamland. [chuckles]

Let's leave Toulouse to his painting.

Now, dear, you go to the piano. Now, run along.

Both of you, go ahead.

Yes, Mama.

Yes, Mama.

[Duchess] It's time to practice your scales and your arpeggios.

Ouch!

[piano keys sound]

[cracking knuckles]

I'm ready, maestro.

[plays discordant scale] Ooh!

Mama, he did it again.

Tattletale. Now, Berlioz.

Now, please, darling, settle down and play me your pretty little song.

Yes, Mama.

♪ Do mi so do Do so mi do

♪ Every truly cultured

♪ Music student knows

♪ You must learn your scales and your arpeggios

♪ Bring the music ringing from your chest

♪ And not your nose

♪ While you sing your scales and your arpeggios

♪ If you're faithful to your daily practicing

♪ You will find your progress is encouraging

♪ Do mi so mi Do mi so mi

♪ Fa la so it goes

♪ When you do your scales and your arpeggios

♪ Do mi so do... [piano plays different tune]

[Duchess and Marie] ♪ Do mi so do Do so mi do

♪ Do mi so do Do so mi do

♪ Though at first it seems as though it doesn't show

♪ Like a tree, ability will bloom and grow

♪ If you're smart you'll learn by heart

♪ What every artist knows

♪ You must sing your scales

♪ And your arpeggios ♪

Oh. Good evening, my little ones.

[humming "Rock-a-Bye Baby"] [meowing]

Your favorite dish, prepared a very special way.

It's crème de la crème à la Edgar.

Sleep well... I mean, eat well, of course.

[sniffing]

[clears throat] Good evening, Duchess.

Hello, kittens. Hello, Roquefort.

Hi, Roquefort. Good evening, Monsieur Roquefort.

[sniffing] Mm. Something smells awfully good.

[giggles] What is that appetizing smell?

It's crème de la crème à la Edgar.

Won't you join us, Monsieur Roquefort?

Well, yes. I mean... I don't mean to interrupt.

But...

But it so happens that I have a cracker with me.

Come on, Roquefort, have some.

Oh, thank you. Don't mind if I do.

Just a few dunks.

Mm. Oooh. Very good.

[mumbling] My compliments to the chef.

Mm. This is yummy.

[slurping] Mm.

Delicious.

Double delicious.

This calls for another cracker.

I'll be right back.

[yawning]

[yawning]

So that's...

...crème de la crème...

...à la...

...Edgar.


[gasping]

[chuckling]

[engine starts]

[backfiring, sputtering]

[sighs]

Ahhh!

[train chugging, whistle blowing]


[engine sputtering]

[engine backfiring]

Lafayette. Hey, Lafayette.

[grunting] Lafayette!

Well, I'm right here. Listen.

Wheels approaching.

Oh, Napoleon, we done bit six tires today.

Chased four motorcars and a bicycle and a scooter.

Hush your mouth.

[engine sputtering] It's a motorcycle.

Two-cylinder, chain drive, one squeaky wheel on the front, it sounds like.

You go for the tires, and I'll go right for the seat of the problem.

How come you always grab the tender part for yourself?

'Cause I outrank you, that's why.

[Napoleon] Now, stop beating your gums and sound the attack.

[barking]

No, that's mess call.

Yeah, made a mess of it, huh?

You can be replaced, you know.

OK, let's charge. Oooh.

Wait a minute. I'm the leader.

I'm the one that says when we go.

[engine sputtering] Here we go.

Charge!

[barking and howling]

[barking]

Whew.

Ahh! Oww!

Nice doggy, nice doggy. Heel, roll over, play dead!

Yow!

[laughs] This sure beats running, Napoleon.

[laughing]


Step on the gas, Napoleon.

I got 'er wide open.

Oww!

[laughing]

[thunderclap]

[thunderclap]

Oh!

Oh, where am I?

I'm not at home at all.

Children, where are you? Answer me.

Berlioz?

Toulouse, Marie, where are you?

Here I am, Mama.

Marie, darling. Well, are you all right?

Uh, I guess I had a nightmare and fell out of bed.

Now, Marie, darling, don't be frightened.

[Berlioz] Mama! Mama!

That's Berlioz.

Over here, darling. Berlioz, here we are.

And don't worry. Everything's going to be all right.

I'm coming, Mama.

[shivering] Gee, I'm cold and I'm wet.

[croaking] Mama?

[croaking] Mama?

[loud croaking] Mama!

[chuckling] Darling.

That's only a little frog, my love.

He had a mouth like a hippo-lotamus.

[Marie imitates frog]

[giggling]

Oh, what's so funny?

Not now, darling. Darlings, you just stay here.

I go and I look for Toulouse. Toulouse?

Toulouse, where are you?

Toulouse! [both] Toulouse!

[Marie] Toulouse!

Hey! What's all the yelling about, huh?

Why didn't you answer?

Mama, he's been here all the time.

Oh, thank goodness.

Are you all right?

I was having a funny dream.

Edgar was in it.

And we were all riding and bouncing along...

[frog croaking]

Frogs? Uh-oh. It wasn't a dream.

Edgar did this to us. Edgar?

Oh, darling, why, that's...

Why, that's ridiculous.

Yeah, maybe you fell on your head, Toulouse.

[thunderclap]

Mama, I'm afraid. I wanna go home.

Now, my darling, don't be frightened. You'll see...

[thunderclap] [Marie screams]

[Duchess] Oh, dear. Let's get into the basket, all of us.

What's gonna happen to us?

Well, darlings, I just don't know.

It does look hopeless, doesn't it?

[Toulouse] I wish we were home with Madame right now.

[sighing] Oh, poor Madame.

She will be so worried when she finds us gone.

[thunderclap]

Duchess? Kittens?

Oh, my gracious.

I had the most horrible dream about them.

Thank goodness it was only a dream.

Oh, dear, what a terrible night.

Now, now, my darlings.

Don't be frightened. The storm will soon pass.

[thunderclap] [gasps]

Oh, no! They're gone.

Duchess! Kittens!

Duchess! Where are you?

They're gone. They're gone!

Duchess? Kittens? Gone?

Why, that's terrible.

But where? Why?

Good heavens. Anything could happen to them on a night like this.

Get washed down a storm drain, struck by lightning...

Oh, they'll need help.

I've just got to find them.

Duchess! Kittens?

[thunderclap]

Duchess!

Kittens!

Kittens!

[rooster crowing]

[male voice] ♪ I like a chee-chee- chee-rony like they make at home

♪ Or a healthy fish with a big backbone

♪ I'm Abraham de Lacy

♪ Giuseppe Casey

♪ Thomas O'Malley

♪ O'Malley the alley cat

♪ I've got that wanderlust

♪ Gotta walk the scene

♪ Gotta kick up highway dust

♪ Feel the grass that's green

♪ Gotta strut them city streets

♪ Showin' off my éclat, yeah

♪ Tellin' my friends of the social elite

♪ Or some cute cat I happen to meet

♪ That I'm

♪ Abraham de Lacy

♪ Giuseppe Casey

♪ Thomas O'Malley

♪ O'Malley the alley cat

[giggling] Oh, my. Monsieur, your name seems to cover all of Europe.

Of course. I'm the only cat of my kind.

♪ I'm king of the highway

♪ Prince of the boulevard

♪ Duke of the avant-garde

♪ The world is my backyard

♪ So if you're goin' my way

♪ That's the road you wanna seek

♪ Calcutta to Rome

♪ Or home sweet home in Paris

♪ Magnifique, you all Oh, boy, an alley cat.

Shh, shh. Listen.

♪ I only got myself

♪ And this big old world

♪ But I sip that cup of life

♪ With my fingers curled

♪ I don't worry what road to take

♪ I don't have to think of that

♪ Whatever I take is the road I make

♪ It's the road of life Make no mistake

♪ For me

♪ Yeah, Abraham de Lacy

♪ Giuseppe Casey

♪ Thomas O'Malley

♪ O'Malley the alley cat ♪

That's right. And I'm very proud of that.

Yeah.

[giggles]

Bravo.

Very good. You are a great talent.

Oh, thank you.

And what might your name be?

My name is Duchess.

Duchess.

Beautiful. Love it.

And those eyes.

Oooh.

Why, your eyes are like sapphires sparkling so bright.

They make the morning radiant and light.

How romantic. Sissy stuff.

[speaks French]

Very poetic.

But it is not quite Shakespeare.

Of course not. That's pure O'Malley, baby.

Right off the cuff.

I got a million of them.

Oh, no more, please.

I am really in a great deal of trouble.

Trouble?

Helping beautiful dames...

...uh, uh, damsels in distress is my specialty.

Now, what's the hang-up, your ladyship?

Well, it is most important that I get back to Paris.

So if you would be just so kind and show me the way...

Show you the way? Perish the thought.

We shall fly to Paris on a magic carpet, side by side, with the stars as our guide.

Just we two.

Oh, that would be wonderful.

Three?

Four?

Five?

Oh, yes, Monsieur O'Malley.

These are my children. Oh, how sweet.

Do you really have a magic carpet?

Are we really gonna ride on it? Now, now, Marie.

Mama, do I have sparkling sapphire eyes that dazzle, too? Did I say that?

[Duchess] Yes, right off your cuff.

And you said we're gonna ride on your magic carpet.

Well, now, uh... What I meant... You see, I...

No poetry to cover the situation, Monsieur O'Malley?

What I had in mind was kind of a sports model, baby.

You know, one of those... Perhaps a magic carpet?

Built for two?

I wouldn't take up much room.

[sighs] I understand perfectly, Monsieur O'Malley.

Well, come along, darlings.

[sighs]

I'm a tough alley cat, too.

[hissing] Hey, there.

You're coming on. I bet you're a real tiger in your neighborhood.

Yeah. That's 'cause I practice all the time.

Now, now, Toulouse. Toulouse, come along, dear.

Yes, Mama.

[O'Malley] See you around, tiger.

[chuckles] Now, that's quite a family.

Come to think of it, O'Malley, you're not a cat. You're a rat.

Right? Right.

Hey, hey, hold up there. Yes, Monsieur O'Malley?

Now look, kids, if I said magic carpet, magic carpet it's gonna be.

And it's gonna stop for passengers...

...right...

...here.

Oh, boy, we're gonna fly after all.

Another flight into the fantasy, Monsieur O'Malley?

No, no, no, baby.

You just hide over there, and you leave the rest to J. Thomas O'Malley.

Quick, Mom, get in here.

But, children... [Marie] Hurry up, Mama, hurry.

[engine approaching]

One magic carpet, coming up.

That's a magic carpet?

[loud meowing] Sacré bleu!

[meowing]

Sapristi! Stupid cat. Brainless lunatic.

All right, step lively. All aboard for Paris.

Why, Mr. O'Malley, you could have lost your life.

So I got a few to spare. Nothin'.

How can we ever thank you? My pleasure entirely.

Aloha. Auf weidersehen.

Bonsoir. Sayonara.

And all those goodbye things, baby.

Sayonara, mister...

Mama!

Marie! Marie!

Oh, Marie, are you all right?

Yes, Mama. Haven't we met before?

And I'm so very glad we did.

Thank you, Mr. O'Malley, for saving my life.

No trouble at all, little princess.

And when we get to Paris, I'll show you the time of your life.

Oh, I'm so sorry, but...

...we just couldn't.

You see, my mistress will be so worried about us.

Well, humans don't really worry too much about their pets.

Oh, no. You just don't understand.

She loves us very much.

Poor Madame, in that big mansion, all alone.

In all our days, in tender ways, her love for us was shown.

And so you see, we can't leave her alone.

She'd always say that we're the greatest treasure she could own.

Because with us she never felt alone.

Oh, Roquefort, I've been so worried about you.

Did you have any luck at all?

Not a sign of them, Frou-Frou.

And I've searched all night.

I know. And poor Madame didn't sleep a wink, either.

Oh, it's a sad day for all of us.

[Edgar humming]

Morning, Frou-Frou, my pretty steed.

Can you keep a secret, hmm?

Of course you can.

[chuckling]

I have some news straight from the horse's mouth, if you'll pardon the expression, of course.

Look, Frou-Frou. I've made the headlines.

"Mysterious Catnapper Abducts Family of Cats."

[chuckling] Aren't you proud of me?

So he's the catnapper.

The police said it was a professional, masterful job.

The work of a genius.

Not bad, eh, Frou-Frou old girl?

[whinnying]

[laughing]

Oh, they won't find a clue to implicate me.

Not one single clue.

Why, I'll eat my hat if they...

My hat!

My umbrella!

Oh, oh, gracious.

I've got to get those things back tonight.

[sputtering] But... oh, you...

Why, that...

...sneaky, crooked, no-good butler!

Anyone for breakfast? What breakfast?

Where is it? Right under that magic carpet.

But now we have to cook up a little spell.

You know. Ready?

All right. First, to make the magic begin, you wiggle your nose.

And tickle your chin.

Now you close your eyes.

And cross your heart.

Then presto, breakfast à la carte.

Hooray!

We did it. [Toulouse] Look, Mama, look!

Why, Mr. O'Malley, you are amazing.

True.

True.

Sapristi!

[brakes screeching]

[loud meowing] Sacré bleu!

[meowing] Thieves! Robbers!

Mangy tramps!

Take that and that!

Oh. Oh, what a horrible, horrible human.

Well, some humans are like that, Duchess. I've learned to live with it.

I'll show him. [meowing and hissing]

[O'Malley] Hey, cool it, you little tiger.

That guy's dynamite. But he called us tramps.

Oh, I'll be so glad when we get back home.

That's a long way off, so we better get moving.

Gee whiz.

Look at that bridge.

Come on, let's play train.

[Duchess] Now, be careful, children.

Marie's the caboose. All aboard!

Choo choo choo, choo choo choo.

[imitates train whistle]

Choo choo choo choo...

[imitates train whistle]

Clickedy, clickedy, clickedy, clickedy.

[imitates train whistle] [real train whistle]

Oh, no. [O'Malley] Don't panic.

Down underneath here.

Mama! Marie!

Oh, Marie!

[O'Malley] Keep your head up, Marie! Here I come!

Thomas! Thomas, up here.

Gee, Marie, why did you have to fall off the bridge?

Thomas! Oh, Thomas! Take care!

I'm all right, honey, don't worry.

I'll see you downstream.

What beautiful countryside, Abigail.

So much like our own dear England. Indeed, yes.

Amelia, if I walk much farther I'll get flat feet.

Abigail, we were born with flat feet.

[both giggling]

I say. Look over there.

[Amelia] Oh. Oh, how unusual.

[Abigail] Fancy that. A cat learning how to swim.

He's going about it all the wrong way.

Quite. We must correct him.

Sir. Sir?

You are most fortunate we happened along.

Yes. We're here to help you.

No, no. Back off, girls. I'm doing fine.

First, you must gain self-confidence by striking out on your own.

Go away. I'm trying to get to shore.

You will never learn to swim properly with that willow branch in your mouth.

Indeed, not. Snip, snip. Here we go.

Don't do that!

You're doing splendidly.

And don't worry about form. It will come later.

Oh, he takes to water like a fish, doesn't he?

A very enthusiastic pupil! [both screeching]

No, no. This is no time for fun and games.

[giggling]

Gracious, Amelia.

You don't suppose... Oh, yes. Yes, I do.

Bottoms up.

[both] Deeper!

Look, Ma, there he is.

You really did quite well for a beginner.

Oh, Thomas. Thank goodness you're safe.

Keep practicing. And toodley-pip.

Can I help you, Mr. O'Malley, huh?

[gasping] Help? I've had all the help I can take.

Oh, mademoiselles, thank you so much for helping Mr. O'Malley.

Of course, my dear. But first, introductions.

Yes, we British like to keep things proper.

[geese giggle]

Now, I am Amelia Gabble and this is my sister...

Miss Abigail Gabble. We're twin sisters.

You might say we're related. [giggling]

How nice. I never would have guessed.

[all giggling]

Look, they got rubber feet.

Yeah.

We're on holiday. For a walking tour of France.

[Abigail] Swimming some of the way. [Amelia] On water, of course.

Thomas, this is Amelia and Abigail Gabble.

Yeah, honey, get those two web-footed lifeguards out of here.

Now, now, Thomas.

OK, OK, baby.

Hiya, chicks. [giggling]

How awful.

[giggling continues]

We're not chickens. We're geese.

Nooo. I thought you were swans.

Oh! Oh, flatterer.

Your husband is very charming and very handsome.

Well...

Uh, you see, I'm not exactly her husband.

Exactly? You either are or you're not.

All right. I'm not.

[both] Oh?

Hm.

It's scandalous. He's nothing but a cad.

Absolutely. Possibly a reprobate.

A roué. His eyes are too close together.

[Amelia] Shifty, too. [Abigail] Look at his crooked smile.

His chin is very weak, too.

Obviously, a philanderer who trifles with unsuspecting women's hearts.

How romantic.

Please, please, let me explain.

Thomas is a dear friend of ours.

He's just helping us to get to... Come on, Duchess.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Well, girls, see you around.

We're on our way to Paris. Oh, how nice.

We're going to Paris ourselves. Why don't you join us?

I think that's a splendid idea.

Oh, no.

Now, uh, you stand here, dear.

And, uh, let's see. You take this position.

Duchess, you'll do nicely here. Very good.

And, you dear, you take this place.

Now, that leaves Mr. O'Malley.

We can't leave him, can we? [giggling]

Mr. O'Malley, I think you should be the rear end.

Ready, everyone? Now, think goose.

Forward march.

Mama? Do we have to waddle like they do?

Yes, dear. Think goose.

When we get to Paris, you must meet Uncle Waldo.

Waldo?

Yes, he's our uncle.

We are to meet Uncle Waldo at Le Petit Café.

[Duchess] Le Petit Café? Oh, that's that famous restaurant.

C'est magnifique.

[bird screaming] [man] Sacré bleu!

Oh, he bit my finger!

Get out. Go! Go, get out. Scram!

Good riddance!

[drunken mumbling]

[hiccups]

Why! Why, it's Uncle Waldo.

[Abigail] Uncle Waldo! [screams]

Abigail! Amelia!

My two favorite nooses. [hiccups]

Uncle Waldo, I do believe you've been drinking.

Oh, dear. What happened to your lovely tail feathers?

[Waldo] Girls, it's outrageous.

Why, you won't believe what they tried to do to your poor old Uncle Waldo.

[sobbing] Look. Look at this.

"Prime country goose à la Provençale.

Stuffed with chestnuts"?

And "basted in... white wine."

[hiccups]

Basted? He's been marinated in it.

Dreadful.

Being British, I would have preferred sherry.

[all laughing]

Sherry! Sherry.

Oh! Oh, Uncle Waldo.

You're just too much. [Abigail] You mean he's had too much.

Abigail, Abigail. Yes, dear?

We'd best get Uncle Waldo to bed.

I say, there...

...what's all the whispering about, huh?

Shh! Oh! Whoo-hoo!

Now, now, now, girls.

Girls, don't shush your old Uncle Waldo.

Why, you'll wake up the whole neighborhood.

[whoops loudly]

[Abigail] Sh. No! Neighborhood!

Come along, Uncle Waldo.

Oh, jeez, I think we'd better be going.

Oh. Right-o, girls.

Birds of a feather must... [hiccups]

...together.

That's "stick together." [giggling]

[Waldo] Oh, stick. [giggling]

[Waldo singing] Shush.

[Waldo singing] [girls laughing]

You know something?

I like Uncle Waldo.

Especially when he's marinated.

Frou-Frou, here comes Edgar.

Hurry, Roquefort, hop aboard the motorcycle.

And for goodness sakes, do be careful.

Frou-Frou, tonight Operation Catnapper will be completed.

Wish me luck. Fisherman's luck.

[engine starts]

Bye, Frou-Frou. Oooh!

[coughing and choking]

I... Whoa!


[snoring]

[shoes squeaking]

[shoes squeaking] Lafayette. Lafayette.

Listen. [squeaking]

Oh, shucks, Napoleon, that ain't nothin' but a little old cricket bug.

It's squeaky shoes approaching.

Oh, cricket bugs don't wear shoes.

Hush your mouth.

[squeaking] Let's see.

They're Oxford shoes.

Size nine and a half.

Hole in the left sole, it sounds like.

What color are they? They're black...

Now, how would I know that?

Hey! Now the squeaking has stopped.

I still say it was a little old cricket bug.

I'm the leader. I'll decide what it was.

It was a little old cricket bug.

I'll see ya in the morning, Napoleon.

[sighing]

[steady breathing]

[snoring]

That's my hat. I'm the leader.

Well, shoot fire. Don't get sore at me.

I ain't done nothin'.


[mumbling]

[groaning]

Ooh. Oh.

Ooh.

[laughing]

Mm, mm. That feels good, Lafayette.

That's all right.

Mm. Mm.

Mm-mmm.

Oooh.

[groaning] A little lower and faster there.

I'm scratching as fast as I can.

Oooh. Right there. That's good.

Oooh.

Oooh.

[kissing]

[snoring]

It's so warm... and cosy.

[horn sounding]

[horn sounds loudly]

[Lafayette] Oooh. [Napoleon] Aaah!

Oooh.

What's going on? Lafayette, what in tarnation you trying to do?

Aw, I get blamed for everything.

Wait a minute. Where's my hat?

What? And somebody stole my bumbershoot.

Where's my beddy-bye basket?

Whoever it is, is gonna get it and get it good.

[Lafayette] This time I get the tender part.

[Napoleon] Hush your mouth. Now, come on.

[shoes squeaking]

Hey, Napoleon, it's them shoes again.

Yeah, yeah, I hear 'em.

Napoleon, I'm plumb goose-pimply scared.

Now, this is no time to turn chicken.

[grunting]

I got a feelin' this case is gonna bust wide open.

[straining] Whoo-hoo!

[both scream]

[stuttering] Did you see him?

No, no, he sneaked up behind me and tailgated me.

Well, he didn't hurt me. He hit me on the head.

Shh. Listen. [squeaking]

Sounds like a one-wheel...

A one-wheel what? You're not gonna believe this.

But it's a one-wheeled haystack.

Hey, there it go. Come on.

After it! [barking]

[struggling]

[Lafayette] I got him, I got him, I got him!

Ow! That's me.

Whoa, whoa. Oh!

[Napoleon] Get him, get him.

[brake squealing]

Ooh. Ow.

[engine sputtering]

Well, c'est la guerre, Napoleon. I guess you can't win 'em all.

Ow. Oooh, oooh.

Criminently!

But, Thomas, Madame will be so worried.

Are you sure we can't get home tonight?

Mama, I'm tired.

Me, too, and my feet hurt.

Look, baby, it's late and the kids are bushed.

I'll bet we walked a hundred miles.

I'll bet it's more than a thousand.

Now, now, darlings, cheer up.

Mr. O'Malley knows a place where we can stay tonight.

How much farther is it, Mr. O'Malley?

[chuckles] Keep your whiskers up, tiger.

It's just beyond that next chimney pot.

Well, there it is. My own penthouse pad.

It's not exactly the Ritz, but it's peaceful and quiet.

[loud jazz music]

Oh! Oh, no.

Sounds like Scat Cat and his gang have dropped by.

Oh, friends of yours? Yeah, they're old buddies, and they're real swingers.

"Schwingers"? What is a "schwinger"?

You know, not exactly your type, Duchess.

Maybe we'd better find another place, huh?

Oh, no, no, no. I would like to see your pad and meet your Scat Cat.

Well, OK.

[jazz music]

Hey, Scat Cat, blow some of that sweet stuff my way.

[plays trumpet]

[laughing] Well, lookie here.

Big man O'Malley's back in his alley.

Swing on down here, daddy.

Lay some skin on me, Scat Cat.

Yeah.

Buona sera, paesano.

Welcome home, O'Malley.

Duchess, this is the greatest cat of them all.

Oh, I'm delighted to meet you, Monsieur Scat Cat.

Likewise, Duchess.

[kissing] You're too much.

[laughing] You are charming.

And your music is so...

So different, so exciting.

It isn't Beethoven, Mama, but it sure bounces.

[chuckling]

Say, this kitten-cat knows where it's at.

Knows where what's at?

Why, little lady, let me elucidate here.

♪ Everybody wants to be a cat

♪ Because a cat's the only cat

♪ Who knows where it's at

♪ Tell me, everybody's pickin' up on that feline beat

♪ 'Cause everything else is obsolete

♪ Strictly high-button shoes

♪ A square with a horn makes you wish you weren't born

♪ Every time he plays

♪ But with a square in the act

♪ You can set music back

♪ To the caveman days Ch-ch-ch-chum

[O'Malley] ♪ I've heard some corny birds who tried to sing

♪ But, stilll, a cat's the only cat who knows how to swing

♪ Who wants to dig a long-haired gig or stuff like that

♪ When everybody wants to be a cat

♪ A square with a horn makes you wish you weren't born

♪ Every time he plays ♪ Oh, a rinky tinky tinky

♪ With a square in the act you can set music back

♪ To the caveman days

♪ Oh, a rinky tinky tinky

♪ Yes, everybody wants to be a cat

♪ Because a cat's the only cat who knows where it's at

♪ When playin' jazz you always has a welcome mat

♪ 'Cause everybody digs a swingin' cat Oh, boy, fellas, let's rock the joint.

Ha-ha, groove it, cats.

[laughing]

[music becomes more up-tempo]

♪ Shanghai, Hong Kong, egg foo yung

♪ Fortune cookie always wrong That's a hot one.

How about you and me, Duchess?

Yes, let's swing it, Thomas.

Groovy, Mama, groovy.

Blow it, small fry.

Blow it.

[blows horn very loudly]

Boy, he blew it.

But he was close.

[sighing] Beautiful.

♪ If you want to turn me on

♪ Play your horn Don't spare the tone

♪ And blow a little soul into the tune

♪ Let's take it to another key

♪ Modulate and wait for me

♪ I'll take a few ad-libs and pretty soon

♪ The other cats will all commence

♪ Congregatin' on the fence

♪ Beneath the alley's only light

♪ Where every note is

♪ Out of sight

[plays up-tempo music]

♪ Everybody, everybody

♪ Everybody wants to be a cat

♪ Hallelujah

♪ Everybody, everybody

♪ Everybody wants to be a cat

♪ I'm tellin' you, everybody

♪ Everybody

♪ Everybody wants to be a cat

♪ Yeah, everybody

♪ Everybody

♪ Everybody wants to be a cat

♪ Everybody, everybody

♪ Everybody wants to be a cat

♪ Hallelujah ♪ Everybody

♪ Everybody Everybody wants to be a cat... ♪


♪ Everybody wants to be a cat

♪ Because a cat's the only cat

♪ Who knows where it's at

♪ Oh, yeah ♪ Happy dreams, my loves.

I'll bet they're on that magic carpet right now.

[chuckles] They could hardly keep their eyes open.

[Duchess sighs] Such an exciting day.

[O'Malley] It sure was, and what a finale.

Thomas, your friends are really delightful.

I just love them.

Well, they're kinda rough, you know, around the edges, but if you're ever in a jam, wham, they're right there.

And wham, when we needed you, you were right there.

That was just a lucky break for me, baby.

Oh, and thank you so much for offering us your home.

Oh. I mean, your pad.

It's very nice.

Well, now, wait a minute.

This is the low-rent district, remember?

No, no, no, I like it.

Well, all it needs is a little tidying up, and maybe a little feminine touch.

Well, if you're applying for the job, well...

Goody. Mother's going to work for Mr. O'Malley.

Boy. Your eyes are like sapphires.

Gee.

That's pretty corny though, huh?

Oh, no. Not at all.

Any woman would like it.

[chuckles] I-I mean...

...even little Marie.

[O'Malley] Yeah.

All those little kittens, Duchess.

I love 'em.

[Duchess] And they are very fond of you.

Yeah. Shh.

[O'Malley] You know, they need... Well, you know, a sort...

Well, a sort of a... Well, a father around.

Oh, Thomas, Thomas, that would be wonderful.

Darling, if only I could.

[O'Malley] But why can't you?

Because of Madame.

I could never leave her.

But... But Madame's...

Well, she's just another human.

You're just her house pets.

Oh, no, no.

We mean far more to her than that.

Oh, I'm sorry, my dear.

We just have to go home tomorrow.

[O'Malley] Yeah.

Well, I guess you know best.

But I'm gonna miss you, baby.

[chuckles] And those kids...

[sighing] Gee, I'm gonna miss them too.

Well, we almost had a father.

Yeah. [yawning]

Let's go back to bed.

Good night, Duchess.

Good night, Thomas.


Hey.

Meow!

What a classy neighborhood.

Dig these fancy wigwams.

Wigwams?

Are you sure we're on the right street?

Yes. Yes, let's hurry. We're almost home.

Duchess! Kittens! Hallelujah, they're back!

Oh, no. Edgar!

I've got to do something, quick.

Oh, ha.

Edgar, old chap, get used to the finer things in life.

Someday they're all going to be yours, you sly old fox.

Oh!

Oh, he got me.

Hooray! We're home.

Wait for me, wait for me!

[Marie] Me first, me first! [grunting]

It's locked. Come on.

Let's all start meowing.

[meowing]

It can't be them. The kittens.

Uh, why?

Don't come in!

Go away!

Away! Look, there's Roquefort.

Hi, Roquefort!

[Berlioz] He's glad to see us.

[sighing] I don't know what to say.

I only wish that I...

Maybe just a short, sweet goodbye would be easiest.

I'll never forget you, Thomas O'Malley.

Bye.

So long, baby.

Don't come in. Look out for Edgar!

Duchess, wherever have you been?

Look out for the...

[meowing] ...sack.

Well... guess they won't need me anymore.

You came back?

It just isn't fair.

[Madame] Edgar? Edgar, come quickly.

Coming, Madame, coming.

I'll take care of you later.

Oh, Edgar, they're back.

I heard them. Hurry, hurry, let them in.

Duchess? Kittens?

Come here, my darlings.

Where are you?

Come on. Uh, allow me, Madame.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

His name is O... what?

[Duchess] His name is O'Malley. O'Malley.

[Marie] Abraham de Lacy, Giuseppe Casey...

[Duchess] Oh, never mind. Just run, move, go get him!

Yes, yes, I'm on my way.

[Toulouse] I told you it was Edgar.

[Berlioz] Aw, shut up, Toulouse.

Oh, it's no use, Edgar.

I'm afraid it was just the imagination of an old lady.

But I was so sure that I heard them.

I'm so sorry, Madame.

Mr. O'Malley!

Hey, stop!

[panting] Duchess. Kittens. In trouble.

Butler did it.

Duchess and kittens in trouble?

Look, you go get Scat Cat and his gang of alley cats.

Alley cats?

But I'm a mouse.

Look, I'm gonna need help.

You mean, you want me...? Move!

Just tell 'em O'Malley sent you, and you won't have a bit of trouble.

No trouble, he said.

Well, that's easy for... for what's-his-name to say.

He's got nine lives. I've only got one.

What's a little swinger like you doing on our side of town?

Oh, please, I was sent here for help by a cat.

This is outrageous. It's crazy.

[laughter]

But honest! He told me just to mention his name.

So start mentioning name, rodent.

Oh, now, wait a minute, fellas.

[stuttering] Don't rush me.

His name is O'Toole.

I don't dig him. Strike one.

Oh, oh... O'Brien.

Strike two.

Oh, boy.

You believe me... don't you?

Keep talkin', mousey.

How about O...

...Grady?

Huh?

Mousey, you just struck out.

Any last words?

Why did I listen to that O'Malley cat?

O'Malley? O'Malley?

O'Malley? Hold it, cats.

This little guy's on the level.

You're darn tootin' I'm on the level.

We didn't mean to ruffle you, squeaky.

Don't worry about me. O'Malley needs help.

Duchess and kittens are in trouble.

Come on, cats, we gotta split.

Hey, wait for me! You don't know the way!


[Edgar] Now, my little pesky pets, you're going to travel first class.

In your own private compartment.

All the way to Timbuktu.

And this time... you'll never come back.

Oh, no, we've got to hurry.

The baggage truck will be here any moment now.

[meowing]

Ooh!

Whoo-hoo. Oww! [crashing]

[whinnying]

[gasping]

[loud meowing]

Over there. They're in the trunk.

[meowing]

Quiet!

[noise stops]

[meowing continues]

Everybody out of here, fast.

You are going to Timbuktu, if it's the last thing I do.


[man 1] Well, Mac, this must be the trunk, eh?

[man 2] Yup. And she goes all the way to Timbuktu.

Heave-ho.

[meowing and hissing]

[laughter]

Now, my pets, a little closer together.

Good. Good.

Look, Georges. What do you think?

Very good, very good.

But I think we should get on with the will.

Yes, yes, of course, but you know what to do.

Very well. Scratch one butler.

You know, Georges, if Edgar had only known about the will, I'm sure he never would have left.

Duchess, it's wonderful to have you all back.

And I think this young man is very handsome.

Shall we keep him in the family?

[meowing] [Madame laughs]

Of course we will.

We need a man around the house.

And, Georges, we must be sure to provide for their future little ones.

[Georges] Of course. The more the merrier.

Now, don't move.

Smile.

Say "cheese."

Did somebody say "cheese"?

Thank you.

Now, run along downstairs.

There's a surprise for you.

[jazz music]

Adelaide, what's that music?

Sounds like a gang of swinging hepcats.

[Madame] That's exactly what they are, Georges.

They're the start of my new foundation.

What foundation?

My home for all the alley cats of Paris.

♪ Everybody, everybody

♪ Everybody wants to be a cat

♪ Everybody, everybody

♪ Everybody wants to be a cat

♪ Everybody, everybody

♪ Everybody wants to be a cat

[giggles]

♪ Everybody Whoopee! Ah-ha.

♪ Everybody wants to be a cat

♪ Everybody, everybody

♪ Everybody wants to be

♪ A cat ♪ [howling]

Hey, Napoleon, that sounds like the end.

Wait a minute. I'm the leader.

I'll say when it's the end.

[grunts]

It's the end.

[jazz music continues]

[Toulouse] ♪ Oh, yeah