The Associate (1996) Script

Very impressive. Nice work, Walter.

It was Frank and Laurel's show. I'm here to make you feel important.

Don't listen to him, Carl. Everything coming from this company has his stamp. We do the grunt work. I didn't grunt once.

It's amazing, I'm making money and I don't even understand what Fusionics does. It changes the way you use energy.

Is that so?

Reader's Digest just ran an article on it.

What a kidder! Science Digest.

Look at the time. We're going to be late for a meeting.

Keep up the good work, you two.

Quite a team.

Reader's Digest, Frank! Without your comment, they wouldn't have noticed.

If you'd read the material I give you, we wouldn't have to worry. Laurel, I have a life.

I know something and I'm not telling. I can make you tell.

You've got to be a whole lot nicer to me. Not really. See, watch.

That was nice. All right, here it is.

CW is being moved up to senior VP.

Meaning the standard for VP has dropped dramatically.

That too. Now there's a VP spot opening. Who's next in line?

Who? - You know. Just say it.

You baby. You've got seniority and, thanks to me, the most kills. If we kill tonight, you're in. Come on, we've got to go in 2 minutes. Don't be late. Sally!

2 minutes. - Alright. Harry, you've got those proposals for me?

Your promotion will get me more respect in Xerox. - 2 minutes.

Oh wow! Tie emergency.

These clouds, this new age thing is going to render people mute.

Why did you pick it? It was a present from Carl Bode.

He wouldn't even notice. Save me.

Harry, those proposals. 30 seconds.

Proposals. Thank you.

And the magazine article? You doubt Harry?

Metals, depletions of resources, soaring costs of mining.

The iron ore made me weep.

Okay, thanks Sweetie.


We're late. You're wearing that? Yes. What are you, Mr. Blackwell?

I can't run home just to change. Never mind. It's dark there.

Dark? In the Huntley Club? We're not going there.

We're going some place much hipper. Fine, as long as it's quiet.

Don't worry, Mom.

You're just satisfying your need for raw material. With ReCon Recycling you'll cut that need 30 percent, saving 13 million annually.

I say, 13 million annually.

How does she do it? I'm in love.

Yeah, I want to have her baby.

What's the payback period?

16 months. Look on page 6. You need numbers?

This deal's approved by Frank Peterson and you need numbers?

Holy shit, look at that! Here you go.

What's this?

I'm giving the clients what they want. You think Sandy wants this?

Trust me, it's nothing new.


Another round here.

Do you like her breasts? What?

I might have mine done.

Why? Why not? It helps.

At an important meeting, show some cleavage and see the difference.

Will you excuse me?

We need to talk. Now? - Now.

How can we do business here with them throwing money at a naked lady?

This is business. We're male-bonding like crazy.

It's time to go. Now.

Come on. You did your job, and very well, I might add.

Go home. It's a done deal. We haven't closed yet.

They're flying to Chicago tomorrow. - We'll do it on the phone. When?

In the morning. Frank, I want to close this tonight.

Okay fine. Go over there and tell them it's time to go back to work.

Fine. No.

Don't do that. Just go home. You killed them. They loved you.

I love you. You're drunk.

Go home. Celebrate with someone.

What's wrong?

Coming through.

Coming through. Coming through.

Morning, Sally. - Morning, Ms. Ayres. Frank in yet? - Since 8 o'clock.

Am I late? I wouldn't say that, Ms. Ayres.

Where is he?

At a staff meeting. A staff meeting?

The one Manchester called for 8:15

Anyway, they kept playing hard to get. Typical dog and pony show.

They're concerned about ReCon's debt and payback period.

Masters of the obvious. I work them, I work them.

I hack away at their concern, then at 3 in the morning, I close it.

Hell of a score, Frank.

Well done. Of course, Laurel made it possible. Atta girl, Laurel.

Way to share the praise, Frank. With a kill like this, all can profit.

You told me to close my deal on the phone. Our deal.

They liked it so much that they wanted to present it to the board right away.

This is a big win for us. For you.

For your promotion. You killed.

Manchester was eating it up.

What are we fighting about? We should celebrate.

What are you doing for lunch? Nothing.


Manchester asked us to buy Anton Schuler's wedding gift.

We'll get it afterward.

Wait. Damn it! I already have a lunch. It's too late to cancel.

What do I know about gifts? Take Sally with you. She has taste.

Just send Sally and I can work.

Sally can't use the company card. If you don't wish me to go...

Nonsense. Women love shopping together.

Sally knows Manchester's tastes. We all want him to be happy.


Thanks, Sweetie.

That's it. You go have lunch, I'll go to the office. I eat at the office.

Do you want to walk together?

We'll grab a cab. My treat.

Sorry, Ms. Ayres, I forgot my place.

Get a cab. I'll walk. What?

I see how you look at me, when you look at me.

Like the ghost of Christmas past. Has Frank finally driven you nuts?

He's a jerk. I can deal with that. But you treat me like a relic.

Me? - Like a secretary. Like a career secretary.

I'm good at what I do.

The women's movement didn't make it down to Wall Street.

Affirmative action didn't help me. It wasn't supposed to.

And so you're clear, I got here by talent and hard work.

Ms. Ayres, would you come with me? I want to show you something.

It won't take long. Just one minute. Let me show you.

So? He's at lunch with Manchester.

I could have had lunch with Manchester.

Why wasn't I invited to that lunch?

So much for "time's changing.",


I trained you and get promoted.

You got screwed. But that shouldn't change things between us. Look, even though I'm your boss, you should think of us as a team.

Should I move my desk? The sun hits me all afternoon here.



I'm in a meeting! How about some privacy?

I went to the mat for you. Manchester had already decided.

So I should scream at Manchester? - He's flying to London. Convenient.

And confidentially, he thinks that women who get passed over exhibit negative attitude.

Then why do the men who get passed over turn up with an Uzi?

I'm your friend. You are not. Friends don't do this to each other.

You're a low-life, brain-sucking pig that would sell his mother up the river to get a deal.

A VP has to be a closer.

How? I work and you take the credit. I hope you've got PMS.

Baby, if I did, you'd be dead.

Can you handle the truth? Can you tell the truth?

You would never make VP.

It sucks, but that's how it is.

You're better off working for me. I can protect you.

Frank, as my new boss, let me tell you first: I quit.

It's cold out there.

Hi gorgeous. Color you Barbara!

It's the new me. Fabulous, hey? Like butter.

My Babes is making twice as many tips as when I did Marilyn or Judy.

May they rest in peace. By the way, your rent check for July and August. I owe you for September and October.

It's November now. - You would have to rain on my parade.

God, how the months mount up. But Barbara never ages.

Well, girlfriend, I'm late for the midnight show. 'Night, Mrs. Cupchick.

Goodnight, Barbara. Just talk amongst yourselves, girls.

You're home late.

I had a great day, so don't ruin it for me. Career women!

When you come home to an empty home, what do you really have?

Independence. It's overrated.

I'm going to make some cocoa and you're not invited.

I'll be up in 5 minutes. Have the little marshmallows I like.

150,000? That's an ambitious start. Here's a prospectus for you with the startup costs, the overheard, projected business profits...

Are you currently employed?

If I was, I wouldn't have the time to start up a business, would I?

Do you have any assets?

I have drive, courage, and ambition. If you look at the prospectus, you'll see a very sound business mind, too.

I'm talking stocks, bonds, property.

We're starting to sound a little like a Men's Bank now.

Oh, as the Women's Bank, we should ignore standard banking practices and give you this unsecured loan because you're the right gender.

Well, it would send a message.

Right, that women can't run a bank.

Touché. We have depositors to protect just like the boy banks. I'm sorry. We must have collateral.

I have a 6-unit apartment building that my father left to me.

Ms. Ayres, I admire you courage, but are you sure?

No, but my father took a chance buying it and I'm sure he'd like me to take a chance on this.

Alright. I'll draw up the papers.

Thank you.

Hi, Lisa. It's Laurel Ayres.

I've got my own firm, Laurel Ayres Investments.

Is Mr. Anderson in?

We were very excited, but the West Coast partners weren't. Sorry.

No, I'm no longer with Manchester. I've got my own place now.

Ayres Investments.

Is Mr. Johnson in?

Hell of a piece of work, Laurel. I was impressed but my partner wasn't.

I didn't know you had a partner. My wife.

No head for business, but she owns it all. And she's wild in the sack.

You just had to read it.

What's in it for you? How about 2 tickets to the Ranger-Detroit game?

The one that's sold out. I happen to have tickets.

Yes, if you let me read you the proposal during the game.

The payments are tax deferred. You'll have a 19.5 percent return.

Sounds good, Laurel. My partners won't leave Manchester.

No, thanks.

I understand.

Did you look at it? I'm sure...

No, but if I could...


I understand.

No, what can you do with a partner like that?


Thank you.

Ms. Ayres.

Come in. What are you doing here?

Frank got your announcement.

What did he say? Oh, he...

Nothing. He just laughed. Oh this is beautiful. My gosh.

Just beautiful. So, did Frank send you to spy on me? No, I wouldn't...

I just came hoping you might... No, I wanted to see how you were doing. Fabulous.

I don't even have time to take my hair down. Great.

It does that all day, all day.

I'll let the machine get it.

I can do this.

No, you don't need to. Don't worry.

Ayres Investment. Mr. Carl Bode? I'm sorry, she's in a meeting.

One moment, she's coming out now.

Ms. Ayres?


You got it? What did you think?

Great. And you loved it? That's why I sent it to you.

I said who can I send this to? Carl Bode!

Is it...

Can I talk to them? I don't mind taking a meeting.

Oh well, I understand. It's fine. Yeah, no.

I understand.

Yeah. Bye-bye.

Isn't it funny that all the businessmen in this city have partners that hate everything that they love? Isn't it amusing?

I'm kidding myself. They don't have partners. They're brushing me off.

Sal, would you mind calling Frank and telling him I'd like my old job back?

Sure, sure. In the meantime you can just set your head on fire.

Who are you calling? Mr. Donald Fallon.

Fallon Industries. He's not going to see me.

Hello, Betty?

Hi, Betty, it's Sally Dugan. I heard you were great on the lanes.

Oh great!

Betty, I need a favor if you could manage.

Could you put Laurel Ayres on Mr. Fallon's calendar?

He's booked for a month? Duh!

If you could do that for me, it would be really great.

Monday night.

We'll take it. Monday's great.

Yeah, I'll see you on the lanes. Owe you a coke. Bye-bye, Betty.

Okay, you're in.

The rest is up to you.

Go get 'em.

I gotta take a leak. Alright boys, 5 minute break.

You just can't lose. You've got a full deck up your sleeve.

Bissel, an orange juice and soda. Yes, Mr. Fallon.

I'm Laurel Ayres. You're Laurel Ayres?

This is Laurel Ayres. I didn't set up the meeting.

He's a control freak. That's why he's so good.

I have a prospectus here for you.

Give it to Bissel. He'll give it to the partners. Nice meeting you.


No? No.

No partners. It's for your eyes only.

All proposals go through the partners. They never read them.

Are you brushing me off?

Yes, and I thought I was nice.

To be honest, I thought Laurel Ayres was a firm.

Two guys. I thought I was meeting Mr. Laurel and Mr. Ayres. Oh, the losers are going in. I have join them.

I'm sorry. You are meeting 2 guys.

Well, I'm not a guy but my partner is and there are two of us.

If it's so important, where's he now?

Away, in Asia at the Asian Economic Summit, where he's a guest speaker.

You trying to impress me? That's good. What's his name?

Yes, his name.

They give them to babies, don't they?

Of course.

To him, too. Come on, Donald.

I'm coming.

By the way, I accept credit cards.


It's his name. First name Robert, middle initial 'S', last name Cutty.

My partner, Robert S. Cutty. Never heard of him.

Well he's heard of you. He's concerned about one of your companies, Banff Refrigeration.

It's doing fine. Until 1998, when the CFC ban goes into effect.

Ban? - You'll have to convert. But he knows a company with a device that makes it unnecessary.

It would save you millions. But you're not interested. Wait!

I am interested. Let me see it. No. - What, no? Let me see it.

No! Yes.

Hand it over. Alright!

I'll read it carefully. If it's any good, you'll hear from me.

Alright. Thanks.

Damn that strange woman. Bissel! Move your ass. Any you boys heard of this guy Cutty?

Who's there? Ashley? This is Laurel. I want to talk to Sally.

Frank's assistant.

What, you are? Where's Sally?

She's Harry's assistant? Harry is an assistant.

Don't take that tone with me. Yes, I do know the extension.


Harry. I don't believe Harry got my old job.

Mrs. Cutty? A note for Mr. Cutty. You've got the wrong address.

From Mr. Fallon.

He's in the bathroom. I'll take that. Thank you.

Hi, I'm here to see Mr. Fallon.

Impossible. No, it's not. My name is Laurel Ayres. I have an appointment.

The only guest Mr. Fallon has listed is Mr. Cutty.

He's my partner. I'll tell him he's not coming. Ms. Ayres.

This is the Peabody Club. I'll see if Mr. Fallon wishes to come out.

Women aren't allowed past the lobby. Just for the last 150 years.

We couldn't get this far until 1989.

Camille Scott, Mr. Fallon's personal broker.

Camille, you look incredible. I knew I would be seeing you.

Nice to see you, but where's Mr. Cutty?

Stuck in a meeting. - More important than this? Call him and tell him he's got 5 minutes. I can't do that.

It's not that he's in a meeting, meeting.


The fact of the matter is... I can't...


I don't jerk people around. I want to do business with Mr. Cutty.

Even though I'm under no obligation, I'm giving him a full commission.

This means you... Bought the entire company.

You tell Mr. Cutty to be at my office at 9 am tomorrow.

I... look...

I don't want to lie to you. He doesn't really...

He's not... Tell him that Donald Fallon doesn't do business with people he's never met.

But, Mr. Fallon, you just did.

Thank you.


Okay, Mr. Cutty, time to bring you to life.


Mr. Cutty.

Date of birth?

October 29, 1929 is perfect. Black Thursday.

A financial world crashes, a new savior is born.

I really like you, Mr. Cutty.

67, so where have you been all this time?

You should have retired. Living in Switzerland.

You made a fortune and then you left. Now you're back.

Where are you?

At the Plaza. Such good taste.

Oh yes, jock, because you play polo.

You're a big game hunter, because you're such a man.

What about your wife? Married? Widower? No.

We'd have to dig up the wife. Never married.

Just 67, so why... He's searching for one true love.

But he hasn't found it yet.

Not the stuff of a business partner but he's a bit different.

That's cool. Net worth?

They want to know everything. What's your net worth, Mr. Cutty?


Cup of coffee, Mr. Cutty? You look a little pale.


I got you a present.

As a thanks for the Fallon meeting. He bought the proposal.

Now I've got offices, a new partner. Stationery. -A partner?

It's no big deal.

You didn't have to do this. Thank you.


If there's ever anything I could do for you, just call.

And thanks again.

I need a job. What? You have one already.

It's a dead-end job. You and your partner need an assistant.

If the company grows, there's room for advancement. You know, my partner does all the hiring.

Set up a meeting for me.

That's kind of difficult.


He's got somebody he wants to work with and I don't want to step on his feet. You, of all people!

What do you mean?

What? I want you, but my partner doesn't.

That's not a brush off.

It's a little one. Why do you want to work for us?

We're a tiny company. Gosh, I've watched you for 5 years.

I know how you work. No one's like you. You're so good.

And you don't know this, but there's nobody better than me.

We don't have much money.

I'll take it.

Okay, you're hired.

Wait until you see Mr. Cutty's office. - My gosh. Put your stuff down.

Not really my taste, but what's a girl to do?

It's so beautiful.

It's so beautiful. I'll tell him.

And the fireplace. My. Did he shoot that rhino?

It's possible. He travels so much and brings lots back.

My gosh, he knows all those famous people?

Enough to open a deli.

I can't wait to see your office.

My office? Well, I don't exactly have one per se. So I'll just be using this one.

There's only one desk.

Is there a problem? No problem. It's just...

It's beautiful.

How did you meet him?


Mr. Cutty.

He read one of my proposals. How did he get it?

I don't know. He got it from somebody.

He made some amazing changes and we worked on it over the weekend.

I like the name Cutty. It's strong.

Yeah, better than Wild Turkey.

I thought I saw somebody. No, it's him. Aesop Franklin.

Seriously, his name is Aesop? What's he do?

Don't you read Omni magazine? He's only the CEO of Syntonex.

Here he comes. What's he doing here?

Don't look.

He's a CEO? He started a software business in his basement.

He should get out more.

Mr. Jacobson, I'm sorry I'm late.

I looked in and didn't think this would be the place...

Get your coat.

The food hasn't come. It doesn't matter.

We haven't eaten yet. Get your coat on. Come on.

Did we...

Put it on!

What do you want? Don't you get it? Aesop Franklin and Randall Jacobson!

The president of Hewlett Packard's PC division. So?

Do you know what it means? Hewlett Packard is taking over Syntonex.

How do you know that? Look where they're meeting.

So? - Someplace where no one is going to see them.

We saw them. Yes, we did.

We saw them. Yes, we saw them.

So who do I tell? Someone who'll blab, someone with a big...

Oh, I know who.

You can trust me, Laurel. Discretion is my creed.

It's written all over you.

Let's face it, men like doing business with men. That's right.

But they want to sleep with us. That's our power.

Why doesn't Cutty buy the stock himself? Personal reasons.

I should meet with him first, and see what he likes.

To be perfectly honest, he really likes Syntonex.

Syntonex? That stock is in free-fall.

Their marketing and distribution are a joke and they're way in debt.

It'd be a miracle if the stock moved up. Mr. Cutty likes miracles.

I trust this will remain between us? Laurel, I'm a professional.

I know.

Syntonex stock is still climbing. I read the papers.

What about Cutty? I had to dig but I did find this file here.

Give it to me inside.

Everything okay out there? Yes, thanks.

Ms. Ayres, when can I meet Mr. Cutty?

Probably never.

Never? Not never ever, just not ever. He's a real globetrotter.

Doesn't he ever trot to New York?

Of course. He just left. But, with faxes and phones, why bother?

Mr. Fallon!

Good morning, Ms. Ayres. Nice to see you again.

Is Cutty in? He's never in. - This early. He's never in this early.

Sally, you can go. My desk is here. - Of course.

It's where... Come with me into Mr. Cutty's office. Thank you.

Congratulations on Syntonex. You weren't supposed to tell anyone.

You know how this town is. I'm learning.

Why didn't he tell his friends? His friends are also his clients.

And you're still with Manchester.

He knows Barbara Streisand? They dated.

By the way, Mr. Cutty wants you to sell his Syntonex shares at 54.

54? Most analysts predict it will peak in the 60s.

Mr. Cutty isn't like most analysts, is he?

Ms. Ayres. Yes?

I'm ready to throw a lot of money Cutty's way, my money.

He just needs to meet with us.

We spoke about it. It's not possible.

However, I could cancel my 10 am.

I just might fly down to Florida and crash his meeting with Harley Mason.

You know about it? Harley called me to gloat.

Not for long. Mr. Cutty can't make that meeting either.

I'm in charge. Really? What's your handicap?

I don't play golf. Harley goes to Florida to play golf.

He only talks business on the back 9.

Have Cutty call me. Have a nice trip. Come on, Bissel, move your ass.

I'll take this one.

At the back 9, you disappear. I want to speak to Cutty alone.

Mr. Mason.

Laurel Ayres, Mr. Cutty's partner. Unfortunately he's been tied up in Bangkok, but he did send a replacement.


I'm the queen of the windmill hole. I do that well, but... Johnny.

Johnny Miller! Mind if I tag along?

Hell no. And I won't even mention how much I lost when you won at Pebble Beach in 1994. Sorry about that.

Let me win a few holes so I can brag a little later.

You boys have a good time. We'll talk about the proposal later.

Ms. Ayres, consider it sold.

No? - You tell Robert Cutty that he's in a class by himself.

Ain't he though? Get going. Johnny's waiting.

Hit a couple of them for me.

Oops, excuse me.

Donald, you're a friend and I must warn you. Nobody knows who this Cutty is.

He bought Syntonex before it went up and sold it, one point before it went down. Now he has Harley Mason.

Lucky shot. Look who he chose for a partner.

I fired her!

I wouldn't spread it around. Sorry, Walter.

That's how the cookie crumbles.

If Donald Fallon leaves, others will follow.

Get something on Cutty or get us into bed with him.

The buzz from Wall Street: Move over Dean Witter, step aside Walter Manchester. There's a new bull in town and his name is Robert Cutty.

Cindy Mason, the New York Post.

Thank you for your faith. Mr. Cutty won't let you down.

When will he contact us? Probably never.

He only calls when something goes wrong. No one ever hears from him.

I see. Thank you, Laurel. Gentlemen.

So tired...

You can't relax quite yet.

3 more Cindy Mason readers are due in a half hour.

Alright, I'll have to get out the box.

The box?

The one with all my great ideas that Manchester hated.

Oh, that box. I got rid of it.

It was so cluttered in the closet. You what?

I got rid of it. Go get it.

It's in the garbage. You throw away my box with all the great ideas that Cutty and I loved and Manchester hated?

I put it all in here. What?

All your files are in a program that I designed. It's cataloged, categorized, cross-categorized, indexed, and referenced.

The box is in here? Yes.

This is great.

Who knew you had it in you? I did.

You were wasted on Frank. Yes.

Cutty Ayres. One moment, Miss Scott. It's that woman for Mr. Cutty.

Laurel, I wanted to speak with Robert.

You missed him. He was in Washington. Now he's off to the Pope.

The Pope depends on his advice.


I wanted to thank him for the flowers. He sent you flowers?

You didn't know? No.

I can't know everything that goes on here. What, Sally?

Wait. I'm sorry, I've got to go. Robert's on the other other line...

Tell him I'm on the line. Bye-bye.

That woman!

This is fabulous. Incredible.

It's amazing. You're a find!

Would you tell Mr. Cutty? Yes, sure.


Mr. Carter?

Frank Peterson from Manchester Investments.

I understand. I'll get to the point. Robert Cutty.

I was wondering if you've had any contact with him abroad.

His company is small.

I can't find anyone who has met him.

He's very weird.

Eccentric. He won't take meetings.


I think it's spelled like the Scotch.

His phone number?

I understand you have a reservation. It will be at least 20 minutes.

It's just a fad. Cutty'll crash and take his clients with him.

Excuse me.

I'm here with Donald Trump. How long is it going to be?

I have checks on two tables. Ms. Ayres. How nice to see you.

Mr. Cutty's usual table.

Sorry, Frank. I'm going to crash and burn with Cutty. Call me.

Hello, welcome aboard. Please fasten your seatbelt.

Aesop Franklin, right? How was your stockholders' meeting at Hewlett Packard?

Do I know you? No.

Laurel Ayres with Cutty Ayres Investments. We talk about you often.

You need some investment counseling.

I don't understand...

You're selling your company. You can't put all that money in a savings account. There's the misunderstanding.

There's no money. Just a job.

What, no money? You do this for a lousy job?

The job's not lousy, the deal's lousy. Why are you doing it?

I have to. You have to?

Syntonex is... bankrupt.

Bankrupt. The only way to save it is to give it away.

You can't just give away a company.

Imagine that you have a company and you really love it.

It's your whole life. Right? But your company is dying.

There may be another way to save it.

I know someone you should talk to. Robert Cutty. Robert Cutty?

Who are you? - Laurel Ayres. Laurel, I'm Aesop...

Franklin. - Yeah. Page 15. - Robert Cutty.

If anybody can save it, he can.

Sally, I'm back. Welcome, welcome.

Sally, Aesop. Aesop, Sally.


I wanted to go home, but... Cutty's going to save his company.

Did any files arrive for me today? I think so.

On your desk. Very good, thank you.

Come on.

These are your files? It's a mess, huh?

Anything alive in there? Hopeless, I know. I can't run a company.

I can't even run a bath.

What if Hewlett Packard finds out? I'll lose everything.

Aesop, sit down.

Sit down? Sit! Sally, come for a second.

I have a challenge for your program. Will it be a problem?

No problem. - Really? Maybe a little one.

That envelop on top, you have to RSVP by this evening.

Mr. Fallon invites you and Mr. Cutty to his Thanksgiving charity ball.

It's black tie. Unless you're a pilgrim.

Everybody in the financial world will be there.

Good. Very good. Aesop!

If you come as my date, you can meet the movers and shakers.

Okay, I love black tie parties. Even I look good.

I'm sure you do.

Alrighty then.

Thank you, Sally.

No business like show business. So girlfriend, what look this time?

I don't know, Charlie. All those big wigs from Wall Street are there.

The slut look never failed. I have to look intelligent, too.

I'm representing Robert Cutty.

Slutty, yet intelligent.

News anchor.

Now this is giving thanks.

Don't leave me alone with all them. You're crushing my hand.

Shall we go in?

Are you alright?

Avery profitable merger. Arigato.

Ms. Ayres. Excuse me.

My money was never in prettier hands. And had a better rate of return.

Cutty is amazing. No doubt. The governor knows him from Wharton.

He's never mentioned it.

Where is Robert? He wrote me saying he was coming.

He's stuck in Bangladesh, so he won't be here, but I've got someone equally brilliant. Aesop Franklin, CEO of Syntonex.

Not any more. Congratulations on the sale.

Mr. Cutty may end up disappointing Hewlett Packard.

I'm intrigued. Camille, get Mr. Franklin a drink.

I love your tux. Laurel.

Go ahead.

Tell me more. Robert seems to think that if left independent Syntonex can be a money machine.

He knows about the mess it's in? He's fixed worse ones.

Cutty is going to reorganize it?

Personally? And oversee it's management.

He's that sure?

He's putting his own money in, until he finds a few, select investors.

I'll talk to a few people. I'll be back. I know you will.

Laurel Ayres? Cindy Mason, I write a little column.

I loved what you wrote about Mr. Cutty. Thank you.

Thanks. I'm flattered. I'd love to write your fascinating story.

Really? Now I'm flattered.

A young woman starts at the bottom and stays there only to wind up the partner of the most-talked about man on Wall Street.

Sounds like fiction. The best stories always do.

When I tell them.

Of course, I'd have to talk to Mr. Cutty, in person.

To tell my story?

A perfect arrangement, isn't it? Not so perfect.

Mr. Cutty doesn't speak to the press.

Nice to meet you. Laurel, it doesn't pay not to talk to Cindy.

I like your do. Do you?

I do, too.

I'm a little shy, so don't leave me alone. Wow, Laurel!

You look great. What happened?

It happens to women who leave bad relationships. Come on.

Let's be friends. Dance with me. I've got news for you.

And I'm not saying anything, unless we can dance.

Dance faster, you make my skin crawl. I've missed your sense of humor.

Here it is. Manchester wants you back.

Really? Did they discover that your ideas were actually mine?

He respects you. Always has.

He wants you to be senior VP. VP? Senior?

You'd be one of the highest-ranking women in business.

And your boss, Frank.

I'd move up, too.

Just think, Manchester and Cutty together.

We'd own Wall Street.

Forget it, baby. Manchester doesn't get Cutty or me.

If it's not Manchester, it'll be someone else.

Everyone wants Cutty. And without him, you're nothing.

You know, Frank, I can afford to have you killed.

Is that a no?

Computer links will make the next lead. Here we go!

You can conference with the library in Moscow, and your grandmother in South America.

You! You try it.

Very good.

It's a point-and-click-interface. Anybody can do it!

Not me.

Should we check your portfolio? Don't you dare!

Did you know about this Interlink software?

It's revolutionary. We know.

Check this out.

Laurel, we have to meet Cutty on this. In person.

Robert Cutty, in person. You get it? I'll try.

He's not into personal meetings. I'll do my best.

That's not enough.

All I want is when and where.

I'll call him and see what I can do. Then I'll call you.

Have you seen the paper? This Cindy Mason. This trash.

The cow didn't even mention me. Is it true about the affairs?

I thought Mr. Cutty was searching for true love.

He's a man. That's how they search. - Something happen yesterday? To me?

What could have happened? Nobody wanted me, only Cutty.

The guy is a pain in my behind. I regret the day I ever made him up,

him a part of my life.

As if I had nothing to do with Cutty Ayres. Like I didn't exist.

Okay, let's go back 2 months.

Yes, 2 months B.C.


Before Cutty.

You don't have enough to do, do you?

Before Cutty, you had no job, no prospects, and a big debt.

Minor details. Even you call him a genius.

He's as elusive as Howard Hughes, and you give him all the credit.

So he gets a little respect. You got what you wanted.

Thank you. Now what's this secret Cutty meeting? You don't want to know.

CNN called, The Times called. Cindy Mason offered me $1000 for the location. Cindy Mason offered you $1000 for the location?


Call her and tell her you'll take it.


Take her money and the money from everyone else, too!

What are you planning?

I'm going to prepare a whammy.

What's with Cutty? My feet are killing me.

If that camera touches my hair again, you'Il be sending from your bowels.

Hello darling, how are you? I thought it was secret. So did I.

The door's locked. Robert, please!

Come on. It's him.

They're here for you, Robert. Robert!

Leave him alone! You should know better, Cindy! Oh please!

Who does Cutty think he is, standing us up like this?

Preposterous. I thought we'd see him finally. A waste of time.

Somehow the press found out. He couldn't come through that throng.

How can he run a company?

You wanted Mr. Cutty- He's right here. His ideas are right in front of you.

Thank you.

I'm sure it's fascinating, but Frank's right. Without Cutty I'm going to have to pass. I agree.

Bissel, my coat. I tried.

My conscience is clear.


I told Robert, these are important men.

Some are clients. We made promises.

We have a moral obligation to them.

Wait. You mean that Cutty...

He ran the numbers and wants to keep Syntonex for himself. I'm sorry.

This is bullshit.

Yeah. Tell Mr. Manchester that you told Mr. Fallon not to do this.

Mr. Fallon, I didn't say that. Shut up, Frank. Just calm yourself.

I don't want you to...

Control yourself. Gentlemen, turn to page 1. Let's begin to read.

Donald, I'm so sorry. It's alright.

Syntonex consolidated financial...

Page 2 is better. Page 2.

Come on, Bissel. Move you ass.

Problems, Frank? Trouble in paradise?

What happened?

They went for it.

Come on. I've got a surprise.

We all pitched in and got something to show our gratitude.

I hope Mr. Cutty smokes cigars.

Tell Mr. Cutty thanks, thanks for saving our jobs.

This is my favorite time of the year.

When I was a kid, every Christmas my dad gave me a railroad ticket.

One way?


He'd buy a ticket for him and for me. We'd take the train and go somewhere.

Once we ended up in Cleveland. He managed to make it wonderful.

You don't still do that? No.

He passed away. Every Christmas I light a candle.

That's a great story. Thank you.

Can you handle another story? Sure.

Robert Cutty doesn't exist.

You don't understand. I made him up.

I've known that for weeks.

What? For weeks?

Sure. Every idea Cutty had was already in your files or I saw you come up with it.

Why didn't you say anything?

And stop getting those great gifts. No!

I loved it. If you had to make up a white male so people would recognize your talent, it was my job to keep the illusion going and support you. You knew and didn't say a thing!

Yeah, sure. You're something else.

Oh, thanks.

When I take over Syntonex, I'm going to need somebody to help me organize and run the company. Interested?

Are you kidding? No.

Yes. Yes? Is that a yes?

Nice little yes dance. Okay!

This will flush out Cutty. I know someone who could help out.

I thought so. A friend at the SEC.

I'll have Eddie on Laurel's tail, 24 hours a day. Incognito.


Agent Thompkins, Frank Peterson. I thought you might be interested in Cindy Mason's column before it's published tomorrow.

Morning, Sally.

Be right there, Ms. Ayres. Great.

You made me feel so much better, I had to go shopping.

For you. Merry Christmas.

Agent Thompkins of the SEC is waiting to meet Mr. Cutty.

Agent Thompkins. How are you? I'm Laurel Ayres.

How can I help you?

I'd like to see Mr. Cutty. Who wouldn't. He's not available.

I'll tell him you were here. Wasn't Aesop Franklin your date at Donald Fallon's Thanksgiving party? Yes, is that illegal?

I'm sure Mr. Cutty can explain it.

See that he gets this.

A judicial subpoena?

Because I'm in a picture with Aesop Franklin? Well, Mr. Cutty did profit personally from Syntonex.

But he didn't do anything illegal. He can clear that up when we meet.

If he doesn't cooperate, I'm afraid we'll have to conduct a full-scale investigation.

Happy holidays.

This isn't even close to rational. Charlie is my only shot.

What if you just told the truth? Are you crazy? It's fraud!

They'll throw me in jail. This is insane.

If I had just closed the Syntonex deal, it would have been fine.

Merry Christmas.

Is Santa following us? Don't get paranoid. I've got big fish to fry.

Come on. He's following us.

This is crazy.

This is nuts. Not that door, this one.

Hello, ladies.

What is it now? I need a new look.

That's what I live for. I hope so.

Distinguished, rich, powerful, old, and male. Now it's getting interesting.


White? He's gotta be white. - Oh shit.

This is crazy. You got a better idea?

Charlie can work miracles. I could use one right now.

I'm on.

Slip into Ethel. Let the sand out of the tits. I'll be right back.

May I never get this old.

My name is Robert Cutty. Deeper. A few octaves.

My name is Robert Cutty. Deeper. - My name is...

Deeper! - Any deeper, I'll be talking out of my uterus.

More male attitude.


Bob Cutty, and I'm going to bite your booty in my truck. Male, not moron.


Will this fool the SEC? Wow. It's a miracle.

Before I go on stage, I try out my new look in public.

In public? In public.

Mr. Cutty? Of course!

He can expect the very best. Without notice. Confidentiality?

Madam, this is the Plaza.

And Cutty? Fallon will approach him at the SEC.

So Hewlett Packard is in? They're in, if Fallon is in.

Jacobson will tell him at dinner. At the Plaza.

His favorite place. Nice work, Frank.

Charlotte, Mr. Cutty is on his way. Inspect the royal suite. Simon.

Fresh flowers in the suite. Take them from our other guests, if needed.

José, our best champagne and caviar.

Thomas, out front. You're there for Mr. Cutty alone. Go on!


Our guests' privacy is sacred.

Lily at the business desk.

Good evening, Randall. You remember Walter. Hello.

Fallon's meeting us in the Palm Court.

Camille? It's me, Tommy. Guess who's coming to town?

Ms. Mason, Frederick from the Plaza.

He's coming.

Hello, my name is Robert Cutty.

Is that you, Mr. Cutty?

Hello, I am Robert Cutty.

Can I get your bags, Sir?

I'm not staying long enough to need any. Excuse me.

Got you.

Yes, I did. All the flowers in place?

Champagne, caviar?

Can I get your coat for you, Mr. Cutty? No.

Welcome to the Plaza. Frederick, the manager. We're deeply honored.

If there's anything I can do to make your stay more pleasant, please call me personally. I just want to get to my room.

I have seen to every amenity.

Tony, you heard of that Cutty? Guess what, he's here!

Cutty? Robert Cutty here?

Maybe he'd join us, and we could finish this tonight.

Ms. Ayres... asked that all charges be on her account. Excuse me, I'm looking for Robert Cutty. Well, Cutty.

I'll find my room myself.


Can you help me? I'm looking... Don't hesitate to call me.

It's a private elevator.

If something's not okay, call Thomas the bellhop. Thanks.

I won't say goodnight, because I know it'll be great.


It's me, Camille.


How did you get in here? I just bribed a bellhop.

What do you want?

You said you couldn't wait to meet me? Yes, I did, but...

Disappointed? No, but you must be.

Not at all. You're drop dead gorgeous.

You're a genius. All geniuses are gorgeous.

You think I'm a genius? I knew it when I saw the Banff idea.

But the Syntonex deal knocked me off my feet.

It was luminous, insightful, brilliant!

And those notes! A woman waits a lifetime for them! I know.

Just sit there.

I don't... Robert?

No, Camille.

Not the skirt, Camille.

La Perla.

You're a man of the world. I want you, Robert.

I want your genius. Feel me with your genius.

My hips. I'll help you.

Stop that!

Isn't that what you want? No, and you shouldn't either.

You're intelligent and beautiful. You want to get ahead. Use your brain!

I've never heard that before. I'm not surprised.

I'm shaking. Hold me!

No. I don't want to hold you. Look, Camille, it's not what's down here that's important, it's what's up here.

Think about it. And get yourself together.

I'm pleased that you wanted to be with me. Good evening.

What a man!

I really want to do business with you, but I need the room number.

Is he with anyone else? I'm not at liberty to say.

Mr. Frederick, what room is he in?

That's confidential.

Oh my God.

If you know what I'm...


Excuse me, Mr. Cutty, Sorry to bother you. Frank Peterson from Manchester Investments.

Walter Manchester and I are having dinner with Donald Fallon to discuss you.

Shit! Mr. Cutty,

I don't know what Laurel Ayres said about me...

My car. You're going so soon?

Frank, you stupid jerk. Cutty's getting away.

Mr. Cutty needs his car right away.

Do you see him?

Mr. Cutty? Donald Fallon. Get in!

From the frying pan into the fryer.

The press treats you like a rock star.

How about a good cigar?

Thanks. I was going to a dinner. You were to be the main topic of conversation.

I know. I ran into Frank Peterson.

Can we talk man to man?

Man to man? Fine. I like that.

Hewlett Packard wants to stay with Syntonex and with you at the wheel, they'd be fools not to.

Syntonex is Laurel's baby.

If she wants a baby, she should find a man and have one.

Are you alright?

I suddenly have a bad taste in my mouth. Is this a Cuban?

No. Dominican. I don't smoke crap.

I'm so sorry. It won't happen again. Amazing that you'd offer it to me.

Frank has made a deal. You get Laurel to cooperate, they'll accept a plea bargain. She'll get probation and lose her license. And you, old friend, you'll be totally in the clear.

That's a hell of a deal.

She'll be well compensated and we'll end up big winners.

Pull over.

If you don't like the deal, just make the SEC problem go away, and we'll forget it all. Goodbye.

Syntonex needs you. And you need us. Think about it.

Next time they'll be Cubans.


Looked like Brando.

Alright Mr. Cutty, what are you up to?

Follow him.

Pull over.

Hold it.

Park it, cabby. We'll hang out here.

Alright Cutty, you're going to die.

You're going to die.

That doesn't make sense. Laurel went in and never came out?

Cutty took Laurel's car to the Plaza and went to her place and never came out. After Laurel left this morning, I knocked, and nothing! She went in but he came out...



They knew they were being followed and gave you the slip.

You know what?

I say live and let live.

Merry Christmas.

You too, you son of a bitch.

Even when I create the perfect man, he stabs me in the back.

Do you want to talk? No, I'm going to kill him.

Good idea, but there's one small problem.

What? How do you kill someone who doesn't exist.

I don't know. But if he's dead, he can't go to the SEC. That's good.

It's the nicest thing you've ever given me. I'm large like that.

Wreckage of the craft was found this morning off the Albanian coast.

With no signs of life... Oh my God.


Mr. Cutty was on that ship. - He was not. Stop it. He was!


He was on the ship.

Of course.

Sure, Cutty and Calamaris are best friends. And now he's dead.

Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh. It's perfect.

Do you have a black dress? Yes. - Wear it, girl.

I will.

...the most generous man I ever knew. Excuse me, Miss Dugan.

It's the worst thing that ever happened to me. I'm crushed thinking that he's fish food now.

And his body will never be recovered...

They've rescued everyone on the yacht and Mr. Cutty wasn't even on board.

He's not dead?

It's a miracle!

You had the watch inscribed? Dear Robert, keep searching.

Who's J.? One of those women on his eternal search.

Oh, got power. Mr. Cutty's missing a foot.

He had two when I dressed him. Forget it.

They'll think it came off in the explosion. Really realistic.

Speaking of which, shouldn't we remove the hook from his head?

Take it out!


He moved.

Are we doing the right thing? With the hook?

No, getting rid of Mr. Cutty. It seems sort of drastic.

No more drastic than creating him.

I found it.


Just throw it in.

Release the brake?

Pull the brake.

Goodbye, Mr. Cutty.

I'm going to miss him.

It didn't blow up.

What are we going to do? I don't know.

Well, maybe we should leave it be.

How are we supposed to explain it?

We can't go down there. It's just resting.

Explosions don't rest. Either they explode or they don't.


You alright? I'm great now.

Good, we don't do this for a living. Yeah, ain't it though? Alright, let's get in the car and go home. We came in that car.

I thought you were so efficient. Didn't you figure everything out?

We blew up the damn car! You're telling me I have to walk?

We just blew up the damn car!

Listen, it's Christmas eve.

The market is closing soon. There's nothing I can do. You have to wait.

Laurel Ayres? - Yeah, who are you? Police. - Is something wrong?

You could say that. You're under arrest for murdering Robert Cutty.

What do you mean? Are you kidding?

What are you doing? Watch my hair! I just had it done!

Let's settle this quickly. I need to light a candle for my dad.

That's nice. Starting with the truth saves time. Do you mind?

No, please. You'll laugh when I tell you this story.

You ready? Go.

I couldn't have killed him, because he doesn't exist. I made him up.

If he doesn't exist, then who's this at the Plaza?

Oh, me.

Dressed up like Robert Cutty. A great picture, huh?

Help me out here. First you pretend there was a Cutty.

Then you pretend to be a Cutty. And then you pretended to kill him?

He took all the credit for everything. I saved an entire company.

And they gave him a box of cigars. - You resented that. Absolutely!

You felt like you didn't exist. You know it!

If Cutty was alive, it wasn't going to change. So you killed him. Right!

Blew him up in the car.

Dead as a doornail. Poof, he was gone.

And how did you feel? Good. Like I knew that it would.

Thank you. Yes! Ms. Ayres.

Wait! I've seen Kojak. I know what you just did.

I didn't kill the guy.

Just call my secretary, Sally Dugan. She'll explain it all.

She was my accomplice.

Not my accomplice, she's accomplished, I meant to say.

She was my helper...

She can tell you everything you need to know.

Sally Dugan? We'll do that.

What happened?

They arrested me in front of my family at Christmas Eve dinner.

They didn't believe you either. No, I'm an accomplice.

I'm really sorry. It's not your fault.

No, it's Cutty again.

You okay?

Yeah. I have to go to the bathroom. Isn't there one here?

Yeah, but did you see it? No. - I couldn't.

This could be a long wait. Oh my gosh.

Frank, the tree is almost done.

Just a second! I'm in the holiday spirits.

A couple of more minutes.

I've unwrapped your present.

And I'm getting cold!

Keep your chestnuts roasting.

Santa's making sure it's going to be a very merry Christmas.

And an amazing New Year.

Mr. Manchester...

Frank Peterson will answer everything. Alright. Here it is.

Robert called me after the Plaza incident to set up a new meeting.

On his way, he was car-jacked.

He was robbed. Wallet, watch, jewelry, everything.

I don't know about witnesses. The carjacker obviously had enemies.

How is he now? He was understandably shaken.

He had to leave New York, so he called me and we left for Europe at once.

...CNN, Robert Cutty is alive.

He was the victim of a carjacking.

Call me. Okay I'll call you.

Your charges have been dropped, too. You finally believed us?

The guy you said doesn't exist?

Son of a bitch! We have a sworn affidavit from Frank Peterson, saying that Cutty is alive and on vacation in France.

I don't know. I thought she'd be happier.

Please Laurel. Don't do this to me. 3 days! This is not healthy.

I'm going to have a heart attack.

Our top stories in business:

The SEC has cleared Robert Cutty on all charges.

Walter Manchester announced the merger of his and Cutty's companies.

As expected, Frank Peterson was named president.

Laurel, it's Sally. This is the 12th time I've called.

Pick up the phone and talk to me.

We're all worried sick about you. Just stop this.

Get up and pick up the phone!

The SEC has suspended the license of Laurel Ayres, Cutty's former associate.

We are talking to woman, expecting but abandoned, by wealthy, but elusive fathers.

When's the baby due? Late July. - Does Mr. Cutty know?

He won't return my calls.

I love Robert Cutty.

All I want is to meet him to talk about our son's future.

Talk about your immaculate conception. Excuse me.

He doesn't return your calls? So what if he's rich, sue his ass!

Am I right?

Answer the door. Alright, Laurel. I'm sorry, but we're coming in.

I hate to do this, but here it comes.

Thank you so much. Thanks. Laurel?

I'll take it from here. Thanks. Thanks, honey.

Oh, what a mess.

Are you crazy?

Go away.

My gosh!

Look at this. Your door is broken.

My, haven't you been busy.

For goodness sake.

You're driving us all crazy. People are worried sick about you.

Now you can go and tell them I'm fine. I'm stuck in my own world.

My couch, my TV, and lots of delivery people. Go away.

A shame to let them take away the house your dad worked so hard for.

Leave him out of this. You didn't bother to light a candle.

Where were we this year? In jail, were we not?

Now you're not. Get up and go do it now! No!

Get dressed and go!

Don't fight.

We're going to light a candle... Go home!

Oh my gosh. First thing, brush your teeth!

Thank you, Sally.

What are we going to do? Go home and go to bed.

I mean about the future. Yours, mine.

Don't tie yours up with mine. I'm done. Frank's got Cutty.

Snap out of it. Frank's got Cutty. So what? Good riddance.

He's a bunch of trouble. You're right. - Right.

By the way, you'll love this.

The Peabody Club is making Cutty a member. Really?

They're voting him Business Man of the Year. As they should!

Nobody had a year like Cutty.

It was my year. Nobody had a year like me. I know.

Your name should be on that plaque. Yeah, it should.

There's going to be a big dinner with chicken and fruit cocktail.

And Frank.

He's accepting the award for Cutty.

How is it possible? I mean he got my promotion. He gets Cutty, he... - You know as long as Frank's got Cutty, he's got you, too.

Yeah, because I'm Cutty.

You know what?


Call me! I'm going to.

Thank you very much.

Gentlemen, good evening. Tonight we welcome our newest member and winner of the Peabody Business Man of the Year award.

Pardon me, ladies.

Pardon me, ladies. Up the stairs, gentlemen.

I have some very bad news.

I've just heard that Robert Cutty will not be here this evening.

There's a typhoon in Hong Kong, so his plane is grounded.

I spoke with Bob, and he was very disappointed.

He asked me to convey his deepest regret and sincere gratitude for being welcomed into this illustrious club.

And for this prestigious award.

On behalf of my close friend and colleague, Robert Cutty, I'd like to...

Mr. Cutty is here. No, he's not.

He's here. I'd like to...

Cutty made it. He's here.

I don't believe it.

You won't get away with it. Watch me.

Donald, still smoking those cheap cigars?

Nice to see you, Robert.

Walter, my new partner. Frank, no! I like it when you're close.

Without you, I wouldn't be here.

Gentlemen, I took the Concorde and beat out that damned typhoon.

It's wonderful to be accepted into an exclusive club.

It makes a man feel, well, damned good.

You knew nothing about me, yet you accepted me as one of your own. I find it amazing.

My work spoke for itself and now I'm Business Man of the Year.

But in the words of Groucho Marx, I don't want to be part of a club that would have me as a member.

We need to encourage our young people. I mean to share this award with the young person at my left.

For his hard work. He's been my inspiration.

I really owe it all to him.

Take a bow.

Holy shit! Figures.

You know, gentlemen, there's something about exclusivity.

The word means to exclude.

As I thought it would in my case.

I played by the rules, I worked really hard, and was very honest.

I know that I didn't have the right image for this club and would never have it. Image is a funny thing.

Under the right image might be the wrong one. Under the wrong one

might be the real Robert Cutty.

Far out.

Possibly the man serving you coffee or offering you a cigar.

It could be your busboy or your waiter. You never know.

I want to congratulate you for inducting into the Peabody Club your first woman member.

Thank you.

Alright, Laurel!

Next week we'll do lunch, okay?

It's about time!

You were fabulous. We did it.

I used to think that doing business meant being insensitive and cruel.

Why is it that men always hurt the ones they love most?

I've done a lot of soul-searching and I feel reborn, liberated.

I've really gotten in touch with my feminine side.

I feel ready to change into the kind of caring, feeling executive you want for this company.

I only ask for the chance to prove that to you.

It's really wonderful.

It's remarkable how people can change.

However, knowing my associate as I do, I'm afraid it would really piss her off.

I'm going to perpetrate a whammy!