The Band Wagon (1953) Script

THE BAND WAGON


Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we are in luck today here in Los Angeles.

Through the years, the Bullwinkle Galleries... have brought up for auction... many collections of the personal effects of your famous movie stars.

AUCTION SALE But today is indeed a red-letter day.

The personal effects of Tony Hunter!

Lot 94.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's start out with Lot 94.

Some of the potpourri of Mr. Hunter's own personal costumes... that he used in his famous dancing-singing pictures.

Remember this? Perhaps the most famous top hat... and stick of our generation.

Yes, the one he used in Swinging Down to Panama... and all his other famous pictures.

Let's start with $5. Do I hear $5?

It's worth a lot more.

All right. Let's start with $2.

Well? 50 cents?

Anything?

Just one more for the road. About 20 minutes to New York.

Bottoms up.

So you're from California? That's right. Sunny Cal.

Sunny Cal? Yeah. Sunny Cal.

Say, you're from Sunny Cal. I bet you know a lot of movie stars out there.

I got to confess. I'm just like you and me.

Only get to see them in the movies.

But I read about them. I know all about them.

Boy, I'd sure like to meet that Ava Gardner.

You're a little late. She's married. Yeah.

You know this one? Who's that?

Tony Hunter. Oh, him. The singing-dancing fella.

My wife used to go see all his pictures. Almost broke up our home.

"Tony Hunter! Tony Hunter!"

He was good 12 or 15 years ago... but the columnists out there say he's through.

Through? He's washed up. Hasn't made a picture in three years.

Did you say something, mister? I said I agreed with you.

That Tony Hunter's a has-been.

Got a match? Yeah.

I wouldn't go to see him if they gave away $5 bills with the ticket.

Yeah.

We should be pulling...

The funny thing about what you're saying, boys, is that it's absolutely true.

Here. Have an exploding cigar.

This the last of the bags, Mr. Hunter? Yeah.

Say, porter, could you see that they get put in a taxi... and taken up to the Plaza Hotel? Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Everybody's getting off, sir.

If you don't mind, I'll just sit for a minute or two.

You couldn't just make up my berth for the night here, could you?

No, sir. I couldn't do that.

There's a mob of reporters and photographers out there.

Yep. There must be some big shot aboard. Maybe the President.

No, too many for that. Probably a movie star.

Hi, fellas. Tony Hunter! Hello, Mr. Hunter!

Thanks for the red-carpet bit. I didn't expect it.

What brings you to New York? Just fooling around and relaxing.

Between pictures, Tony? In a manner of speaking.

Didn't I read something in Variety about you going into a show?

Lily and Les Marton had something planned for me. I haven't decided yet.

I haven't been on the stage in a long time. And you get into a different medium.

What it actually is... Here she is, fellas!

Excuse me, Mr. Hunter. See you later, Tony.

Hi, Miss Gardner.

Miss Gardner, hold it, please? Smile pretty. Thanks.

How long you going to be in town? I have no definite plans. I thought...

Tony! I had no idea you were on the train.

This is a surprise. You going to be here long?

Perhaps a week or two... Excuse me, Miss Gardner.

Could the boys get one more shot of you coming out the door?

Honestly, isn't all this stuff an awful bore?

Good to see you, Tony. It's nice to see you.

By the door, please, Miss Gardner. Once more! Here we go! Thank you.

Miss Gardner, my paper would like to do a Sunday feature on you.

Those poor movie stars. People just won't let them alone, will they?

No. I don't know how they stand it.

I'll go my way by myself like walking under the clouds

I'll go my way by myself all alone in a crowd

I'll try to apply myself and teach my heart how to sing

I'll go my way by myself like a bird on the wing

I'll face the unknown I'll build a world of my own No one knows better than I, myself I'm by myself alone

Tony Hunter! There's Tony Hunter!

HI TONY - WELCOME TONY TONY HUNTER FAN CLUB

Did you kids paint those signs just for me?

That's cute. Piggy.

Let's get rid of this stuff.

This is the biggest surprise I've had.

Mister, can I have your autograph? You certainly can, gal, come here!

That's my wife. Let go.

Don't worry. I'll get around to you in a minute.

Who's he? Never saw him before in my life.

Hello, piggy! Hello, yourself, you two-headed creep!

Why didn't you say when you were coming?

We had to ask your agent.

Why didn't you send us a wire? I wanted to sneak in quietly.

Believe me, I didn't have any trouble. I want to see if you've changed in a year.

No, Les, you haven't changed a bit. You look desperately ill, as usual.

What'd you have to say that for? Just kidding.

I've been feeling terrible all day.

Kind of faint, light-headed, a lot of pressure here, queasy inside... my pulse... You look great.

As for you, that New York pallor is like a breath of fresh air.

You're too pretty to be a successful writer and much too pretty to be married to that.

That's the prettiest compliment I've had all day!

Come on, you two-headed lovebirds, there's work to be done!

Now I have here a script of a show! Les, you didn't bring it.

It's great. It's the best thing we've ever written.

Take it, boy. Smell it! You can tell it's good.

There's a great part in it for you, nice little parts for us.

Wait. This boy must be starving. Let's take him to Sardi's.

Only two blocks more, then Sardi's.

Shall we tell him, Lil, the big surprise? You tell him, Les.

Who do you think is going to do the show?

Only the greatest director /producer in town, Jeffrey Cordova.

Who? Jeff Cordova.

We're meeting him tonight, backstage, right after the show.

What did you say his name was? Jeffrey Cordova!

You're not serious.

I don't think he ever heard of this fella.

What's the matter? Don't you get newspapers back in California?

This genius directed Man in a Mousetrap...

The Lost Nymph, and did them both while starring in Oedipus Rex.

He's got three hits running, and he's starring in one of them.

Only one?

This fella's fabulous, phenomenal, fantastic! He can do anything.

Has he ever directed a musical?

What's the difference? He can do anything.

He's theatre. He's a new kind of theatre man, Tony.

The theatre's changed. Lots of things have changed.

They certainly have.

What's happened to 42nd Street?

I just can't get over it. I just can't understand it.

This used to be the great theatre street of the town. The New Amsterdam.

I had one of my biggest successes there. Ran a year and a half.

Noel Coward and Gertie were here in Private Lives in the Selwyn.

Strictly carriage trade, nothing but the finest.

First show I ever did was at the Eltinge, and I don't believe that's here anymore.

What's the matter?

I think he broke my leg. Can you put your weight on it?

I'll try. I'm sorry, fella! I didn't mean it.

Okay, forget it. Let's get him a cab.

Taxi!

Here, let me carry you.

My dear man, it's entirely my fault and I apologize.

Here's for your trouble.

Lean on me.

I can stand anything but pain. You'll be all right.

It's swelling. I'm getting a haematoma. The blood is spurting out.

I want some cold compresses! Not hot, but cold.

Listen, you go over to Sardi's. I'll see you later.

Driver, take them on over. Order me a steak.

I'll see you in a few minutes.

PENNY ARCADE

Excuse me.

I'm just a little bit fuzzy. Wasn't this formerly the Eltinge theatre?

What are you doing in there?

The GORILLA'S BRIDE

ELECTRICITY IS LIFE


MADAME OLGA - PREDICTIONS


TEST YOUR LOVE APPEAL

When you feel as low as the bottom of a well and can't get out of the mood Do something to perk yourself up and change your attitude Give a tug to your tie Put a crease in your pants But if you really want to feel fine give your shoes a shine

When there's a shine on your shoes there's a melody in your heart With a singable happy feeling a wonderful way to start to face the world every day with the deedle-dum-Dee-dah-dah A little melody that is making the worrying world go by When you walk down the street with the happy-go-lucky beat You'll find a lot in what I'm repeating When there's a shine on your shoes There's a melody in your heart What a wonderful way to start the day Now there's a shine that you get in the barbershop

There's a shine that you get in the Pullman car

There's a shine that you get in the pool room

There's a shine that you get in the school room

But it doesn't matter where you get it It'll do a lot of good if you let it A little bit of polish will abolish what's bothering you When there's a shine on your shoes Melody in your heart Singable happy feeling Wonderful!


Got a shine on my shoes Got a shine on my shoes Got a shine on my shoes Got a shine on my shoes Got a shine on my shoes Got a shine on my shoes Got a shine on my shoes Got a shine on my shoes Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes!

Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes!

I got a shine shoes Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes! Shiny shoes!

Shine Shine Shine Shine on my shoes I got a shine on my shoes I got a shine on my shoes I got a shine on my shoes I got a shine on my shoes Got a shoeshine Got a shoeshine Got a shoeshine Got a shoeshine Got a shoeshine Got a shoeshine Got a shoeshine Got a shoeshine


Yeah! Hooray!


JEFFREY CORDOVA - OEDIPUS REX Adopted From The Original Greek by JEFFREY CORDOVA STARRING JEFFREY CORDOVA DIRECTED BY JEFFREY CORDOVA THE STRATTON THEATRE In such a time, indeed you must reap doubly with a twofold pain Kind friend, you alone are faithful to me.

Blind though I am...

I know that you are here, and your voice is known to me.

Oh, man of dark deed, how did you find the heart to blind yourself... but deliver to all?

Apollo, friends! Apollo!

Come near me. Lay your hand upon a wretched man.

Do not fear.

My plague can touch no one but me.

Seize me and drive me out!

Send me, for God's sake, to some distant spot!

Conceal me! Kill me!

This guy is going to direct a musical?

This guy can do anything.

Therefore plan, for to death shall watch life's hand and can't all happy till thee pass the earth away

Sweetie, we start on the left foot!

Always the left! The whole exit depends upon...

Lily, darling! How are you?

Lester, how am I doing?

Jeff, this is Tony... Excuse me.

Underneath it all, very simple.

Isn't he wonderful?

Listen. Order me a corned-beef sandwich, will you?

Lean, now, no fat, no gristle. And a cream soda and a pickle.

Mr. Cordova wants a... Stay right here. It's all right.

That maniac. Honestly! Say, Hal?

Yes, Miss Marton. The maestro wants his...

I know. The corned beef. It's in his dressing room already.

Hal, this is Mr. Hunter.

This is Hal Benton, Jeff's manager. Nice to meet you.

I'm a great admirer of yours. Thank you.

When did you get in town? I got off the train a couple of hours ago.

Wasn't that curtain slower tonight? It was my fault. I'm sorry.

No, don't change it. Keep it that way. It's wonderful. Doubles the applause.

Jeff, this is Tony Hunter. How do you do?

Sorry, kids. Be with you soon as I get out of this sackcloth and ashes...

Max, what happened to that amber spot? It was way off.

Must have more light on me there.

Don't let us keep it a secret I'm in the show.

Excuse me. Hello, sweetheart.

You look wonderful. Thank you.

Hal, call a full dialogue rehearsal, will you? Friday, for the full company.

Sloppy diction. The original was in Greek, but this is in English.

Don't let us keep it a secret it's in English. I want to catch the matinee tomorrow...

- of Man in a Mousetrap. Can't do. We got a drama lecture...

Never mind. We'll work it out somehow.

Jeff, this is Tony Hunter.

Yeah, I know. We just met.

Mr. Hunter.

I beg your pardon. I'm glad to know you.

So happy to meet you.

You have no idea how delighted I am to see you.

Delighted and thrilled. Thank you.

We need our theatre greats right here.

So when Lily and Lester said they were doing a show with Tony Hunter... that's all I had to know.

I'm dropping every other project, and there are plenty, believe me.

That's wonderful, Mr. Cordova, but all this... The classics...

Do you really want to do a musical? Musical, musical!

I'm sick of these artificial barriers between the musical and the drama.

In my mind, there is no difference between the magic rhythms... of Bill Shakespeare's immortal verse and the magic rhythms... of Bill Robinson's immortal feet.

Hal, write that down. I'll use it at Princeton.

It's already down. You used it last week.

I tell you, if it moves you, if it stimulates you... if it entertains you, it's theatre.

When the right combination gets together and it spells theatre...

I got to be right in there up to my armpits.

That's higher than usual.

Now, that's what I wanted Tony to hear you say.

I tried to tell him how you feel, but I knew that you could say it so beautifully.

Lily, you splendid animal.

Take your hands off my wife and let's get down to business.

Now I have here a script. It's great. It's ready to roll.

Jeff, I want you to take this home. I want you to read it tonight...

But before I do, give me a rough idea of the plot.

Now? Throw it at me for a quick impression.

I'm dying to hear it. You tell it, Lester.

You do it so much better. Lester, honestly.

Please, Lily, tell them. Lester, honestly.

With Tony in mind, we naturally visualize a light and intimate show.

We want to give him a chance to play a charming guy, with just enough plot... to make him do lots of gay and varied numbers.

He's a writer and illustrator of children's books... but to get in the real dough... on the side, he writes lurid murder mysteries... full of violence and buckets of blood.

The success of these makes him feel he's sort of... sold his soul to the Devil, but he keeps on doing it.

There's lots of comedy implications with his friends, played by us.

And with his girl. I love this. Terrific possibilities.

And some of the best numbers we've ever written!

Children's playground, a reform school, 12 showgirls playing softball!

And a number about a murder mystery! You two are the end.

Tony, I'm so glad! Some of the best lines we've written.

What do you think, Jeff?

Kids, you're geniuses.

The whole thing is a brilliantly imaginative idea.

Why, Jeff!

You've hit on something that's not only great as a musical... but valid in terms of today, of modern life.

Jeff, I'm so glad!

Of course, these modern thrillers, he's got to keep turning them out.

They make him fame, money. He's caught.

It's a funny situation.

Of course! It's brilliant, contemporary, perceptive.

This story's a modern version of Faust.

- Faust? You're kidding, Jeff.

I guess I didn't tell it right. I didn't bring out the point.

But you did bring out the point admirably. You used the phrase:

"He sells his soul to the Devil."

Now, that's the line you have to follow straight through.

Just like Faust, this man is tempted by the Devil... and his compromise, his sell-out, must end in eternal damnation.

That'll leave them laughing.

Kids, you've got a choice here between a nice little musical comedy... and a modern musical morality play... with meaning and stature!

- But we don't want to write Faust. You're taking me too literally.

I want to do your story. I love it!

But I want to angle it to bring out the analogy... between the Faust legend and this man's story.

Won't this make it heavy? Is this a box-office idea?

Is Faust box-office?

Listen, Faust by Christopher Marlowe, Faust by Goethe, Faust by Gounod...

Faust by Hector Berlioz.

I tell you, anyone who's touched this legend has turned it into a gold mine.

It's got to be a smash.

It could still have all the fun in it, couldn't it?

Yeah, and some stature thrown in. Now, kids, I'm happy about this.

Really happy. So are we, Jeff.

This publisher you mentioned... obviously, he could be the counterpart of the Devil.

Evil personified!

Leading all mankind into the paths of temptation!

But nobody could play it like you. Nobody's going to.

You mean you're going to play it?

The part of the girl... Somebody fresh.

Somebody with fire, charm, grace, beauty. Gabrielle Gerard.

Gerard? She's a ballet dancer. She doesn't want to do a show.

She turns them all down. Nobody ever turns me down.

Do you really think you could get her? What a cast!

Tony Hunter, Jeff Cordova, Gabrielle Gerard! Tony! Isn't this exciting?

Yeah.

Now, look, this is going to be a sort of modern Faust story.

I play the Faust character. You play the Devil. It'll have stature, importance.

I have to dance with this ballet dancer? She's wonderful.

It'll be great.

It'll be great for somebody. I'll pick up my marbles and go home.

Fellas, bless you and good luck, but this just ain't for me.

I know what I can do, and I'm sticking to it.

That's the trouble. You've stuck to it, and you're stuck with it.

What? Tony, nobody admires you more than I.

I've seen every show and every movie you've ever done... but let's face some brutal facts.

Times have changed, Tony. You haven't changed with them.

You've gone stale. Then you certainly don't need me.

Yes, we do!

Because you can be greater than you ever were!

We are going to make you explode on the theatre scene like a skyrocket!

Not just the old trademark, with the top hat, tie, and tails... but a great artist at the peak of his powers.

The new Tony Hunter. Tony Hunter, 1953!

But can I do it? It's a challenge to all of us... but that's what the theatre's about: a challenge.

Whatever I am, whether it's a new me or an old me... remember, I'm still just an entertainer.

What do you think I am? What do you think they are?

What do you think the theatre is? It's all entertainment!

Believe me, there is no difference between the magic rhythms... of Bill Robinson's immortal feet... You said that before.

All right, what did Bill Robinson do? He danced on the stairs, didn't he?

Now I happen to play Oedipus the king on the same stairs.

What's the difference? We're all theatre.

Show me the greatest tragic actor... or the lowest red-nosed comic in burlesque... and I'll show you an entertainer. We're all...

Jeff, are you all right?

Everything that happens in life can happen in a show You can make 'em laugh You can make 'em cry Anything, anything can go

The clown with his pants falling down Or the dance that's a dream of romance Or the scene where the villain is mean That's Entertainment!

The lights on the lady in tights Or the bride with the guy on the side Or the ball where she gives him her all That's Entertainment!

The plot can be hot simply teeming with sex A gay divorcé who is after her ex It could be Oedipus Rex Where a chap kills his father and causes a lot of bother The clerk who is thrown out of work By the boss who was thrown for a loss By the skirt who is doing him dirt The world is a stage the stage is a world of entertainment

That's Entertainment!

All right!

That's Entertainment!

Look what I can do.

It's still me!

The doubt while the jury is out or the thrill when they're reading the will or the chase for the man with the face That's Entertainment!

The dame who is known as the flame Of the king of an underworld ring He's an ape who won't let her escape That's Entertainment!

It might be a fight like you see on the screen a swain getting slain for the love of a queen some great Shakespearean scene where a ghost and a prince meet and everyone ends in mincemeat the gag may be waving that flag that began with a Mr. Cohan Hip hooray, the American way The world is a stage the stage is a world of entertainment

You gone yet, Hal? I'm in here, Jeff, on the phone.

Drama desk? Hello, Mike. It's Hal.

You know that item Mr. Cordova sent you about signing Gabrielle Gerard... for the Marton show?

There's been a mistake. I wonder if there's still time to kill it.

Yeah. I'd appreciate it. Thanks, kid. Why did you do that?

To save you from making an idiot of yourself in print.

You know you can't get Gerard. Why?

Because Paul Byrd won't let her do a show. He's a tough customer.

He's not only her choreographer, he's also her boyfriend.

She doesn't make a move without him.

That will be Paul Byrd now.

It's 3:00 in the morning. Let him in, Hal, will you?

Hello, Paul. Where are they?

He's in there.

Hello, Paul.

Where is he? Who?

Oscar Hammerstein. Home in bed, I hope, at this hour.

Who is it? Dick Rodgers? What are you talking about?

Didn't you say the greatest producer of musicals today... was here and wanted to see me?

That's me. I'm doing a musical. Did you get me out of bed...

I see what this is all about.

You needn't go any further because the answer is no on Gabrielle Gerard.

Gabrielle... Paul, I don't follow you.

Gabrielle is not going to do a show. She's too important to ballet.

This has nothing to do with Gabrielle.

Paul, I want you to do the choreography for the greatest musical in years.

I'm sorry... That's why I wakened you, Paul.

I'm so keyed up I just can't sleep. You know how brilliant the Martons are.

This time, they've excelled themselves.

This show is a choreographer's dream, and only you can do it.

I wouldn't say that. No time for false modesty.

You're the greatest, and we know it. This is just your meat.

A great classic theme. The story of Faust in a modern setting.

Say, that sounds interesting.

I've never been so excited about a project in my life.

Now, there's Tony Hunter, myself, a great score by the Martons.

Wonderful. My brain's beginning to churn already.

Good. Now we must comb the country for a wonderful singer for the girl.

Singer? Jeff, don't you think we ought to stress the dancing in that role?

No, Paul.

This girl has to be a virtuoso performer, with fire, charm, beauty... a great lady with a gamine quality. You know no dancer can give you that.

Wait. Of course I wouldn't let her do it, but Gabrielle has all that and more.

Gabrielle? Paul, I feel a little embarrassed.

I think she's charming, within her limitations. Charming.

She's a great artist, and you know it.

Sorry. I know how fond of her you are. That has nothing to do with it!

She can be one of the greatest stars in the theatre.

Everybody's been trying to get her.

For the right vehicle, something light and fluffy.

Light and fluffy? Now, see here, Jeff.

I'm not gonna do this show unless Gabrielle Gerard plays that part!

Now, Paul, this throws a little monkey wrench into things, doesn't it?

Never mind. You and I will work together sometime...

Wait. At least do this. You come and see her in the ballet tomorrow.

Bring Hunter, bring the Martons. No. Impossible.

I have a performance. But I'll gladly send the Martons.

We can get together afterwards and talk. Mind you, I'm promising nothing.

Good night, sweetie.

Drama desk?

Mike. Hal again. Better print that item after all.

And, Mike, after this, if Mr. Cordova tells you he's casting Tallulah... for Little Eva, believe him.

COMMODORE THEATER Coutray Ballet Company Gabrielle Gerard Choreography by Paul Byrd IMAGE OF THE NIGHT - ENSEMBLE THE FIELDS - PHANTASY


Well?

She's fabulous, sensational, loveliest thing I've ever seen.


A little tall, isn't she?

Stage illusion.


So you didn't care for it much?

The girl's fantastic, beautiful... but I can't dance with her.

Stop worrying!

It isn't that I don't appreciate what she does.

I tell you, I know she's magnificent. That's what scares me.

But I haven't done ballet since I was a kid. I'd look silly.

Hello, Lil. You look wonderful. Put your things over there.

Hello, Mr. Hunter. How are you?

Hello, Les. Glad to see you. How are you?

What is this? The annual fur trappers' convention?

The boss is inside with big money. His backers?

They're raising money for the show. What show, ours?

Sure. He hasn't read the script yet.

I better go back... Sorry, Mr. Marton.

You disturb the water, you scare the fish. They're biting tonight.

What's he telling them? Whatever it is, it's going over big.

Come on, Lil. Please don't go in yet.

Wait here in the study. He's saving you for the big finale.

Excuse me.

Lester, isn't this wonderful? Yeah.

This is going to be great, Tony. Why?

Cordova. The dough for the show. No problems.

How many times did we have to audition the last time?

Fifty. A hundred, maybe more.

Jeff might raise the backing tonight. We'll be ready to rehearse in three weeks.

Hello, Hal. Hello, Paul. How are you?

How nice to see you. Come right in.

Hal, this is Miss Gerard. Mr. Benton.

How do you do? Jeff's inside with the backers.

Why don't you wait in the library?

Excuse me. Thanks.

Let's wait in here a minute, huh?

Now, wait a second. I'm not ready yet.

There's a lot to be cleared up first.

This girl Gerard, it's not just her dancing.

On top of everything, she's too tall for me. This girl is a giantess.

She's not too tall for you. I know this girl.

She comes up to here, maybe 2 inches shorter.

You know I'm the perfect height for you. Now look... turn around. Measure. Look. You see? Isn't that fine?

Listen. Gabrielle Gerard in her stocking feet is at the most 3-feet tall.

Now relax. I'm going to find you a drink, and you can stop worrying about her.

Jeff only wants her in the show because she's the best.

We all gotta go along with him, too, Tony.

In the show, one guy's got to be at the helm... and in Jeff, we got someone we can trust to...

...it is the Devil, come to claim the soul of the modern Faust man.

With flapping wings and grinning evil eyes... he points the way to the yawning pits of Hades.

Hallelujah.

I'm embarrassed. Don't be childish.

I'm sure Tony Hunter doesn't want me in this show.

What makes you say that? Did he come backstage to see me... after the performance?

He knew he was going to meet you here.

I'm just a ballet dancer... You're a famous leading ballerina.

What does he want with me? He's a famous movie and stage actor.

He's practically a historical character by now.

Dancing with him is like dancing with a statue of General Grant.

Now look, Gaby.

You know, this is a Cordova show. It's an important step for you.

I'm going to do the choreography, so there's nothing for you to worry about.

But I still think he doesn't want me in the show.

Your nose is shiny.

Where's the... Maybe this is it.

He passes by all the writhing souls in torment paying for their deadly sins.

Gluttony, avarice...

It must be upstairs.

Lester, what have we got ourselves into?

The story he's telling them has nothing to do with the story we wrote.

This will mean months of rewriting.

He expects us to go into rehearsal in three weeks?

Brimstone and flames. Save me.

Corrupter of children. Purveyor of evil. Dungeon...

...bubbling cauldrons. Fiery furnaces of doom.

You're... And you're... How do you do?

How do you do? It's certainly a...

We've been waiting for you in there. We just got here.

We just got here ourselves, about five minutes ago.

A little early, I guess. Mr. Cordova's busy.

Yes, I know, and I rushed so to get here.

I'm a mess. No. You look wonderful.

Will you have a cigarette? No, thanks. I don't smoke.

Never? I don't think a dancer should smoke.

I see.

Is anything wrong? No.

Pretty shoes. Thank you.

You always wear high heels?

No. Not always. Sometimes toeshoes.

Toeshoes.

I'm afraid I've been awfully rude.

I haven't told you how wonderful you were tonight.

Thank you. I'm a great admirer of yours, too.

I didn't think you'd ever even heard of me. Heard of you?

I used to see all your pictures when I was a little girl.

I'm still a fan. I recently went to see a revival of them at the museum.

Museum?

"Step right this way, ladies and gentlemen.

"Egyptian mummies, extinct reptiles...

"and Tony Hunter, the grand old man of the dance."

I didn't mean...

I want you to know that I can still thread a needle without my eyeglasses... and still occasionally do a soft-shoe shuffle.

Nothing balletic, of course.

You're not a ballet devotee, are you?

Yes. I was going to the ballet before you were born.

I saw Pavlova, Karsavina, all the real ballet greats.

You don't see dancing like that nowadays. I'm sorry.

That's okay. I don't expect you to class me with Pavlova.

In fact, if she were around...

I doubt if she'd be good enough to dance with you.

You'd probably insist on an audition first.

I sure would. I'd audition my own grandmother.

Then why don't you audition mine? She'd be just about right for you.

I'm terribly sorry. No, you're not.

No, I'm not. Neither am I.

Good.

Paul, I'm leaving. What's the matter, darling?

I can't work with that man. He's impossible.

We just got here. It'll look funny...

The whole thing is off. This girl is a monster.

I have definitely had it.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the brains, the talent, the artists.

Wonderful. Aren't they wonderful?

You have no idea how well things are going.

It's really wonderful.

Ladies and gentlemen.

I want you all to meet the happy little group... that's responsible for the show... that everyone will be clamouring to get seats for next season.

The celebrated choreographer Paul Byrd.

The authors you know: Lily and Lester Marton.

Take a bow, Lily.

And, ladies and gentlemen... my star, Tony Hunter.

A name, a talent. Mr. Show Business himself.

And, ladies and gentlemen, his new leading lady.

That glamorous, delightful dancer from the magical world of ballet.

Mr. Hunter's own personal choice, Gabrielle Gerard.

I think, gentlemen, you will agree your investment is safe, yes?

Now let's relax and have a drink, shall we?

My dear, how do you authors ever think of these brilliant ideas?

That damnation scene. Did you ever in your life hear...

My boy. I had the pleasure of backing your last show, too.

Jeffrey. How about...

There it is, folks. The work light.

Only an electric bulb, perhaps, but for the next four weeks... that will be our sun, our moon, our stars.

These four walls will be our universe, our private world.

We enter with nothing but a dream, but when we leave... we'll have a show.

In between, there will be enthusiasms, frustrations, hot tempers... cold coffee.

Some of us will fight, some fall in love... but all of us will work and adore it... because all of us are inspired by the same thing.

The night that curtain goes up, it will go up on a smash hit.

And believe me, kids... there's nothing in the world as soothing... as a smash hit.


What do you think this is, summer stock or something?

POSITIVELY NO SMOKING

Go!

That's it. That's wonderful. Why didn't you do it before?

Good, men.

Honey, would you try that cross, please, again for me?

"The same kind of opportunistic snake that he is."

"You got me wrong. I'm a self-made snake.

"Listen, baby, we all live by the jungle: Eat or be eaten.

"I just realized that I like to eat, and to eat caviar whenever possible.

"Anything wrong with that?"

"Anything wrong with that?" A bad line.

What we need is some quick image, like "spreading ideals on a cracker."

You all like that? "Ever try spreading ideals on a cracker?"

Let me hear it, Tony.

Did you ever try spreading ideals on a cracker?

Jeff. I don't... Honey, just try that cross again for me.

"The same kind of opportunistic snake that he is."

"You got me wrong. I'm a self-made snake.

"Listen, baby. We all live by the law of the jungle..."

Excuse me, Tony. "...eat or be eaten."

Pardon me, folks.

You know about icebergs, don't you?

One-eighth above the surface, seven-eighths below. That's you.

You're giving me only that one-eighth. I'm greedy. I want more.

All eight-eighths. Now let it rip, Tony.

Give it too much. Go way over. Come along. The whole eight-eighths!

Okay, Gaby. Same place.

"The same kind of opportunistic snake that he is."

You got me wrong. I'm a self-made snake!

Listen, baby. We all live by the law of the jungle: Eat or be eaten!

And I realized that I like to eat, and eat caviar whenever possible.

Did you ever try spreading ideals on a cracker?

Good boy, Tony. That's it. Eight-eighths.

Sorry. Butterfingers. No. It's not your fault, Tony.

It's an awkward pattern. I have a better idea.

You hold your position right here, and Jimmy... suppose you pick up Gaby like that, and put her down... right here next to Tony? Now you see, Tony...

I'd like to practice it with her two or three times.

I think I could handle it.

Do you mind if he tries it with Barbara?

These are new toeshoes. They're killing me.

Sure. You go ahead and rest. Barbara, come here. Try it.

I think this is what's throwing you off.

If you hold your balance so, like this, then grab her here by the...

Paul, I think we're making a mistake here.

I think we're wasting Tony in this scene.

He's got the first-act finale right after this. The damnation scene.

I don't want to dissipate his impact in that.

Now, why not let him exit into the house and watch it from his balcony?

How'd that be? Wonderful idea.

See what that would do? Save your sock for the finale.

Much better that way.

Let's go back to the beginning positions. Gaby.

Boys, get around up here, and the girls, yes.

You were down here in the line like that. Not too close.

This group's down here, you're up there.

Let's try it this way. No!

Let's not try it this way or any other way.

I have had enough. I've had three weeks of these lovely rehearsals... three weeks of Chinese torture. I don't know what you're trying to do... except make me look like a complete fool. A clumsy idiot.

I've tried. For three weeks, I've tried. I've taken everything.

I've watched my part being changed, my numbers being cut out day after day... and I haven't said a word.

Got to be cooperative, think of the good of the show.

Let's get this straight:

I am not Nijinsky. I am not Marlon Brando.

I am Mrs. Hunter's little boy, Tony, song-and-dance man.

I'm supposed to have entertained millions of people in my time.

And I am not entertained by this little ballerina's snide insinuations... that I am a no-talent hoofer.

I am sick of her superior smirk. I'm sick of her.

I'm sick of Faust. I am sick of this show. Never mind saying it!

Tony Hunter, 1953.

I hereby declare my independence.

Tony Hunter, 1776.

Bless you.

STAGE DOOR

Lester, where are you going? I don't know. I was...

What's happening to us? Let's try to keep our heads. It's only a show.

I know. I'm sorry, baby.

So am I. Let's try to be sensible about it.

Do you think we should try to find Tony? I don't know. What do you think?

Maybe we should. But Jeff said not to.

And, of course, you mustn't disobey teacher.

Right or wrong, someone has got to be at the helm.

But to you, he's 100% right every time.

If you say one more word to me about Jeff's hypnotic influence on me...

I'll scream. He's got you so bulldozed...

Someone's liable to think we're quarrelling.

We're not quarrelling. We're in complete agreement.

We hate each other.

WE NEVER CLOSE - Cocktails

Joe, tell Mrs. Marton I've gone to Tahiti... to paint.


UNBREAKABLE

Hello, Mr. Hunter. You must have the wrong apartment.

No. I came to see you. May I come in a minute?

Please.

I was just about to slip into my bed of nails.

I'm terribly sorry.

That's all right. You couldn't have done it if I hadn't softened it up for you.

What? Nothing.

Cigarette? No, thanks.

That's right. Dancers shouldn't smoke.

You mind if I do? Yes. I mean, it's all right.

Thanks.

How lovely.

I've never seen such wonderful prints in a hotel.

They don't belong to the hotel yet. They're mine, and they're originals.

Don't let that throw you.

I don't know any more about art than I do about dancing. I'm just a Hollywood actor.

I call my agent and say, "I've got a wall to cover.

"Send me over 20 feet's worth of paintings in assorted colours."

That's a very early Degas, isn't it?

"1877."

Yeah. I swiped it from his desk in school. Was he sore.

What can I do for you?

I know. You demand an apology. Okay, let's cut it short. I apologize.

No, don't do that. I'm supposed to apologize to you.

I mean...

I see, the fellows got together, stuck a gun in your back...

No, it was all my idea. I just wanted to tell you that...

All right. It was Paul's idea.

Why do I let him push me around?

What do I want to apologize to you for anyway?

You've been mean to me.

You didn't want me in the show in the first place.

What?

And you think I'm a dime-a-dozen ballet dancer.

No.

And this whole thing's making me a nervous wreck and no show is worth it.

I wouldn't apologize to you in a million years.

Now, don't do that. Please, just calm down. Now take it easy. Look.

I thought I was the only nervous wreck around here... and all this time you've been behaving...

I've behaved horribly to you, and I know it.

I'm not used to behaving horribly. It's a big strain.

You just misunderstood me, that's all. I think you're terrific.

I think everything in the show is probably terrific, except me.

I've been scared to death of you... and scared to death of every last kid in the chorus.

Don't be nice to me.

It just makes me seem twice as ugly.

I'd say you were more plain than ugly... but at least you've got talent. Thanks.

Now look, Gaby. It's just plain silly... that we have never sat down and talked this out.

We are the only animals given the greatest means of communication... human speech.

And all we do is snarl at each other. I know.

We're from two different worlds, two eras... but yet we're supposed to dance together, work together.

No one consulted us... but we're the only things that matter in this whole thing.

Not those geniuses out there, telling us what to do.

You're right. We have to do the performing.

We're the ones that have to get up on that stage... and make idiots out of ourselves. Tony, is that what's going to happen?

No. Of course not. Things are going to be fine.

I have a feeling that everything is going to be much better from now on.

Yes, I know, but...

Can you and I really dance together?

I don't know.

Let's find out.

Taxi, sir? Yes, please.

El Morocco, please. No.

Stork? Waldorf?

No. I'm not dressed. I just came from rehearsal.

I can't go to any of those places. You look fine to me.

Never mind. Thanks. Thank you.

Where to, sir? Leave it to the horse.

Look, trees.

Yes, I remember now, dimly. Trees.

And isn't that called grass?

And, look, there's the sky.

This has all been here... the whole time we have been shut up in our little sweatbox of the arts.

Really? Amazing.

Do you know what those are on those benches? People.

Happy people.

Would you believe it? They don't even care... whether we have a damnation scene in our show or not.

Neither do I.


New Haven THEATRICAL TRANSPORT CO. New Haven, Conn.

NEW HAVEN THEATRE - STAGE ENTRANCE You can't get it into the elevators.

And you take this one here, and it won't fit the finale.

How are we doing? It's a disaster.

We're in terrible trouble. We just can't open in three days.

I told you from the beginning, you are overloading the show.

You can't get all this scenery in the theatre.

Why isn't this hung? We've been hanging all night.

You've got more scenery in this show... than there is in Yellowstone National Park.

Never mind. Get your blueprints. We'll go have a conference.

Everything will work out all right.

Hold it. I scored for brass, and all I hear is flute.

I don't want so many long bows.

Lester, I gotta cut 16 bars out of that dance.

Sixteen bars! Hey, Lil.

All right, I'll make the cut. Page to page.

Would you ask Lily if she approves the cut?

Lil, how about this cut? It's fine.

Okay, Lester. Let's give it to her.

This'll sound like hash. I better put some chords in for transition.

Wait, just a minute. Sublime, time, dime, slime...

You can't hear Tony in Lovelier Than You.

I'm already holding down the orchestra. Maybe the key's too low.

Ask Lester if Tony can take it a key higher.

About Lovelier Than You, Les, a key higher?

Don't you see I'm trying to make a cut? The key's perfect.

But Lily said you'd make the change. The key is...

Everyone on their toes for the transformation scene.

- We're not ready. Perfectly all right. Next.

Watch it. I'll cue you for the transition music.

Isn't it great? Herman.

Everybody ready back there?

We got to have more time to make the change.

I've got to have 16 more men. I got elevators...

Do the best you can.

All right, everybody. This is it.

Men in the elevators, watch the signal lights for your cues.

Switchboards. Stand by to come down your number one batten on cue.

Girls on stairs, take your positions, but don't be frightened.

Men in Armour, light your chandeliers.

All right, make this great, everybody. Don't forget, it's the first-act finale.

Are you guys all right in there? Now, watch your cue.

Light change.

Revolve.

This is going to be beautiful.

It will be a memorable moment.

Memorable.

This is real theatre.

Everything's smooth as silk.

No, Herman, that doesn't go up, it goes down. Take it down.

What is this? Herman!

I don't think you've got your cues right!

No, stop!

That one doesn't go down, it goes up. Take it up.

For heaven's sake, look at your cue sheet.

Take it up. No, not me.

Herman, this cable has fouled.

Calm down. Don't let us lose our heads.

This is a setback, but that's what we come out of town for.

We'll never make it work.

Of course it will. You boys get together, think of something brilliant.

You can't put Gaby on that thing. It's dangerous. I won't allow it.

It's all right. After all, we expected to strike a snag or two.

Get the full company in the lounge for dialogue rehearsal... while they're clearing the stage. We can't afford to waste a moment.

Here. I'm sorry. I forgot.

That help?

All right?

If you've quite finished, let's try this.

We're going to get the stage soon. You don't know it yet.

Paul, I'm afraid Gaby's kind of beat. Nobody's had any sleep for two nights.

Can't you let her rest a while?

If you don't mind, Tony, I've worked with her for many years.

I happen to know her a good deal better than you do.

All right, Gaby. Come on.

Madame, may I have this dance?

Cut the clowning. It's not going to seem so funny tomorrow night.

All right, Adam.

Okay, Paul, they're ready for you on-stage. Come on.

This is the big moment. Hal, come on. Take it over there.

Tony, Gaby, this is it. I want it to be outstanding.

It must be beautiful, fabulous, warm, and fiery.

Your cue is, "Dance, fools, dance!"


Hal, it seems to be a little too much, doesn't it?

Yes.

Are we really supposed to open tomorrow night?

"Dance, fools, dance!"

The New Haven Theatre PRESENTS THE JEFFREY CORDOVA PRODUCTION OF The Band Wagon OPENING TONIGHT NEW GREAT MUSICAL ALL OF THE NATION'S GREATEST HITS Hello, there! It's a big night.

Everybody is here from New York. Simply everybody.

Do you hear that, my dear? Everybody from New York is here.

Come on. Don't want you to miss the overture.

Think we should get ready, boys?

No, we can finish this hand. Nobody's made a pep talk yet.

Pep talk?

Yeah. I never seen an opening night yet without some guy... gets all the poor actors together and makes them a long speech:

"They should be brilliant."

On-stage, please. Everybody on-stage.

Mr. Cordova wants to say a few words.

Come on, girls. Hurry up. Let's go. Step right along.

Company, a final word. You've all been just wonderful.

Thanks for your cooperation.

Tonight, we're about to perform before an audience in a theatre.

It's not only a temple of the arts, but a place of business.

And I feel we have here a venture that is successful on both counts.

Nothing to be nervous about. We've got to keep our wits and do a show.

There will be rough spots, but we'll smooth them out.

Remember, that's what we came out of town for.

Up to now, I've been giving you orders as director... but when next you see me, I shall be just as one of you... an eager ham, anxious to make good.

Actors, let's go.

All right, people. Get ready for the tableau, girls.

Finish your make-up. Come on, girls. Let's go.

I'm so glad you folks could come.

And don't forget the big party at the hotel after the show.

The whole cast will be there. You'll meet them all.

Of course, I have to go backstage to congratulate them afterwards.

I'll see you all at the party.

All New York is here.

Big party at the hotel after the show.

I'll look for you. Big party, big show. Come on, now.

We don't want to miss a thing. Now, don't forget the party.

Evelyn, big party at the hotel after the show.

I'll look for you.

Champagne's on me.

The Band Wagon WILL BE THE Great Hit OF THE YEAR


Shall I drive you to the hotel, sir, to the party?

No. Drive me to the station.

Maybe I can still make the 11:40 back to New York.

Yes, sir.


- Good evening. I was looking for The Band Wagon party.

This is it, sir.

Let's go. Hurry up. Champagne.

This way, please.


Are you leaving, sir? Yes. Good night.

We must do this more often.

Oh, give me something to remember you by

When you are far away from me

Some little something It's all Annie's fault.

I should have listened to my mother. She told me only to be in hit shows.

Hi, I don't want to barge in.

I just want to tell you all how great I think you are.

I didn't get a chance to know you very well.

I'm sorry I messed up the show for you. Wait a minute, come on in, have a drink.

I don't want to crash the party. Give Mr. Hunter a drink.

What do you say, Scotch, rye, or beer? Beer's fine.

One beer, coming up. Want some pizza pie?

How about a sandwich? We've got ham and devilled egg.

I've had enough of both for one night.

Far away Me, oh, my Only yesterday

There we were, the whole act, the 10 Tapping Troubadours.

The 10 Tapping Troubadours?

Yeah, believe it or not... we were stranded in Pittsburgh with $3 between us... crammed into one room the size of that closet.

Gaby, come on in. We're having a good old-fashioned wake.

I've been looking all over for you.

Where is Paul?

He's at a very exclusive wake with Jeff and the Martons.

Can I get you a drink, Gaby? How about a beer?

How about some popcorn?

Lily, Lester, come on in.

Are you sure? Don't you remember? We wrote that thing.

This is a wonderful party. Come on in.

Who's going to go out and get the beer? Okay, Sis, you're elected.

Tony, watch this!

More beer!

I'll never forget. You blew a gasket.

You were really gone. Come on.

Come on, Tony. Come on, get with it.

- How I love the glass of beer More beer

- Beer goes very good with beer More beer When I'm drinking beer I'm thinking '"Ach, life is dear'"

But there's someone I love even more than beer I love Louisa Louisa loves me When we rode on the merry-go-round I kissed Louisa And then Louisa Louisa kissed me We were so happy So happy and free Ach! Ach! But she's a beautiful Louisa Ach! When I choose 'em I never want to lose 'em Someday Louisa Louisa will be More als just a Fräulein to me

- Frenchmen love a glass of wine More beer

- The English think the whiskey's fine More beer But when I comb off all the foam off I drink a toast To the Germans and the Mädchen I love most Ich liebe Louisa Louisa liebt Mich Wenn wir auf das Ringelspiel gehen Ich küsse Louisa Und dann Louisa Louisa küsst Mich Wir sind so glücklich So glücklich sind wir Ach! Ach! But she's a beautiful Louisa Ach! When I choose 'em I never want to lose 'em

Ach! Ach! But she's a beautiful Louisa Ach! When I choose 'em I never want to lose 'em Someday Louisa Louisa will be More than just a Fräulein to me More beer! More beer!

More beer!

Gosh, with all this raw talent around, why can't us kids get together... and put on ourselves a show?

Maybe we can find ourselves a barn or something, and maybe...

I could stand anything but failure.

Where's the telephone? In there.

Give me Jeff Cordova's room, please.

Hello, Jeff. This is Tony. Now, don't say anything. Just listen.

I'm here with all the kids, and we've come to a decision.

We're not closing this show, if you can call it a show. We're going on.

We're going to keep it on the road and redo it from top to bottom.

It won't be a modern version of Faust...

Pilgrim's Progress, or the Book of Job in swing time.

It'll be our show, the show we started out to do... the book the Martons wrote, with the songs you threw out.

It'll have laughs and entertainment. You remember entertainment?

Look, we'd love to have you with us, Jeff.

But if you're not, it won't make any difference.

We're going ahead just the same.

We're going to put this thing across, aren't we, kids?

- All right. What do you say? Hello? There's nobody here.

This is the chambermaid, but if you want...

- I'll leave a message for Mr. Cordova. Thank you, madam.

He isn't in.

Jeff, did you hear what I said?

Tony, I've learned one thing in the theatre, and it's this: one man has to be at the helm, the rest take orders.

I believe in what you said. I got carried away in the wrong direction.

You've got to be the boss, Tony. I think you can pull this off brilliantly... and I'd like to be a part of it.

Jeff, you're all right.

I must tell you one thing. There isn't any money.

Colonel Todd and the backers have stolen away into the night.

We've got backers. Who?

A bunch of painters. A fellow named Degas from...

You wouldn't sell your paintings. Sure, they love the theatre.

I figure we need five or six weeks on tour to do what we have to do with this show.

Jeff, would you help us with bookings? Of course.

Hal, have you got paper and pencil? We can send a telegram.

Washington? Washington's open. And Boston.

Boston's very good.

Can we go to Philadelphia, Detroit, then come on back to New York?

Paul, aren't you excited? Yeah. It's wonderful.

I wish them a lot of luck.

This kind of leaves us out. Why?

With Tony doing the dances, it's not going to be my kind of show.

Yours, either. I don't want you to do it.

I wouldn't think of leaving the show, Paul.

I've worked too hard on your career to... It's my career, and I want to stay.

I'm taking the 9:00 train tomorrow morning for New York.

I expect you to be there.

Have a nice trip, Paul.

Dancers, singers, the sketches.

Listen, kids, it's going to mean rehearsing every day... all day, right up to curtain time.

We're going to put in new numbers, and learn them as fast as we can... and we're going to yank out all that junk.

We've got our schedule all worked out, and it looks pretty good now.

Philadelphia, Boston, Pittsburgh...

Washington, Baltimore...

PHILADELPHIA

I see a new sun up in a new sky And my whole horizon has reached a new high Yesterday my heart sang a blue song But today hear it hum a cheery new song I dreamed a new dream I saw a new face And I'm spreading sunshine all over the place With a new point of view here's what greets my eye New love New luck

- New sun And there's a new sun In the sky

BOSTON

I guess I'll have to change my plan I should've realized there'd be another man I overlooked that point completely Until the big affair began Before I knew where I was at I found myself up on the shelf And that was that I tried to reach the moon But when I got there All that I could get was the air My feet are back upon the ground I've lost the one girl I found


WASHINGTON

Get goin', Louisiana hayride Get goin', we all is ready Start somethin', Louisiana hayride No use for callin' the roll Oh, I like that sport sittin' in the hay Lovin' it away, oh, oh For the time is short Crack your little whip Get your little ship to go Start somethin', Louisiana hayride No foolin', we all is happy Get goin', Louisiana hayride No use for callin' the roll

- Jasmine Washington I is here

- Sweet Pea Oglethorpe I is here

- Jonquil Jezebel Here

- Lemon Verbena I is here Mo and Freddy Lily and Lettie We is here We all here

- Zeke and Lemuel, Hiram and Samuel We is here, we all here

- Primrose Paradise I am here

- Daisy Dandelion I is here We all here We all here Can't you see?

If you is really ready And you're goin' steady Get goin', Louisiana hay Louisiana hayride Start something, Louisiana hay And no use to call, no use to call

- It's no use No use to bother to call the roll Get goin', get goin'

I like that sport, sittin' in the hay Lovin' it away, ow, ow The time is short, crack your little whip Get your little ship

- Get your little ship Get your little ship to go Get goin' Louisiana hayride Clear the way Watch out, kindly step aside Get goin'

Louisiana hayride

The scene's only about two minutes. You won't have time to make the change.

I know it's a rough deal, but we won't make New York if we don't.

As much rehearsal time as possible. Better call them at 10:00.

Don't forget, everybody. Rehearsal, 10:00 on the dot, Baltimore.

That case is important. Tell you what we'll do, when we start.

Say, who's the pretty girl?

Why, this couldn't be the mousy little Miss Gerard.

You've been with the firm for years. I've never seen you with glasses on.

Say, you are beautiful. How are you, Gaby?

I'm all right. Thanks. Good.

Mr. Paul Byrd - 8485th Avenue New York, N.Y.

I'm sorry.

You must be tired. Yes, I am, a little.

Bet you are, too. A little.

Lester, look, I've got a problem with these two numbers.

The murder mystery has a jazz beat and I don't want it to...

Anyone heard from Paul Byrd? No, I haven't heard.

As a matter of fact, nobody has. At least they haven't mentioned it.

Wasn't he going to... What a rat.

Rat? Lester, wait a second.

He's a wonderful guy, wonderful and talented.

He's written... Listen, don't sell him short. That boy has got a lot...

He may be a little young, yes. He needs a little more experience.

Just give him a few more years. Yeah.

Probably when he settles down and gets married.

You think he'll make a good husband? And how. Great.

He'll make a great husband. Sure.

Listen, this kid is solid.

He knows all... It isn't gonna be easy. No.

Marriage and the theatre and two careers. Problems. It isn't all skittles.

It's no bed of... Is that why you never got married?

Who, me? You know, I'm the kind of fella...

You got the right slant. You're pretty happy as you are.

I like to kick around and have a lot of laughs.

Lester, I'm very much in love with this girl.

It's ridiculous, I know, things being as they are, but there it is.

Look, Tony, I don't know what the chances are... but wait till we get to New York, and see how you stand.

Personally, I think the girl's crazy about you... but what you can see in a beautiful, young and talented girl is beyond me.

BALTIMORE SCENE 4 - "TRIPLETS" - (SUNG BY)

TONY HUNTER - LILY MARTON JEFF CORDOVA

Three little unexpected children Simultaneously the doctor brought us And you can see that we'll be three forever and A E, I, O, You wouldn't know how agonizing being triple can be Each one is individually the victim of the clinical day E, I, O, Every summer we go away to Baden-Baden-Baden Every winter we come back home to Walla Walla Walla

We do everything alike We look alike We dress alike We walk alike We talk alike And what is more We hate each other very much We hate our folks We're sick of jokes on what an art it is to tell us apart

- If one of us gets the measles Another one gets the measles Then all of us gets the measles and mumps and croup How I wish I had a gun A little gun It would be fun to shoot the other two and be only one!

Mrs. Wifflepoofer loves to talk to Mrs. Hildendorfer of the fatal natal day she had her silly Willy Mrs. Hassencooper loves to talk to Mrs. Goldenwasser of her major operation when she had her twins But when Mother comes along she silences the others She accomplished something that is very rare in mothers MGM has got a Leo but Mama has got a trio She is proud but says three is a crowd We do everything alike We look alike, we dress alike We walk alike, we talk alike And what is more We hate each other very much We hate our folks We're sick of jokes On what an art it is to tell us apart We eat the same kind of vittles We drink the same kind of bottles We sit in the same kind of highchair Highchair, highchair

Oh, I wish I had a gun, a little gun It would be fun to shoot the other two and be only one

NEW YORK - OPENING TONIGHT THE BANDWAGON TONY HUNTER - GABRIELLE GIRARD JEFFREY CORDOVA LESTER & LILY MARTON

It's raining cats and dogs. A rainy opening is good luck...

...when it rains on opening night.

Good luck, Tony.

Sweetie, I just want to say that no matter what happens tonight, it's been...

I know. It's been that for me, too.

If this turns out to be a hit, you'll get sick of the sight of me... six nights a week, two matinees. No escape.

Course, if it isn't, you won't have to see me at all.

Gaby, I've been wanting to ask you something.

It's been... I felt there's been an obstacle between us.

I wanted to... Is Paul coming tonight?

Why, I think so. I see.

What I wanted to ask...

Perhaps, I better not.

I wish you wouldn't, Tony.

Tony, good luck tonight. Good luck, Gaby.

THE BAND WAGON - Stratton Theatre SCENE 1 - "NEW SUN IN THE SKY"

I see a new sun up in a new sky TRIPLETS

- If one of us gets the measles Another one gets the measles Then all of us gets the measles

"LOUISIANA HAYRIDE"

Get goin', Louisiana hayride Get goin', we all is ready

"GIRL HUNT" - A Murder Mystery In Jazz

SHE HAD TO DIE! - GIRL HUNT

The city was asleep. The joints were closed.

The rats, the hoods, and the killers were in their holes.

I hate killers.

My name is Rod Riley. I'm a detective.

Somewhere in a furnished room... some guy was practicing on a horn.

It was a lonesome sound.

It crawled on my spine.

I had just finished a tough case. I was ready to hit the sack.

I can smell trouble a mile off, and this poor kid was in trouble.

Big trouble.

She's scared, scared as a turkey in November.


There was nothing left of the guy, nothing at all, except... a rag, a bone, and a hank of hair.

The guy had been trying to tell me something, but what?

So that's the way they wanted to play. All right.

Somewhere in the city there was a killer and that was bad.

Bad for the killer, because I shoot hard.

And I hate hard.

I was playing a hunch.


She came at me in sections.

More curves than a scenic railway.

She was bad, she was dangerous.

I wouldn't trust her any farther than I could throw her.

She was selling hard, but I wasn't buying.


This had to be Mr. Big. Get him and you get them all.


There was something about this kid that made you want to protect her for life.


That bullet was meant for me.

Maybe this was a long shot, but I've seen some funny ones pay off.


I was beginning to see daylight.

These mugs were smart, but they made one mistake.

They got me mad.

DEM BONES CAFE


Suddenly, all the pieces fitted together. I knew how the crime had been done.

The high note on the trumpet had shattered the glass.

The glass with the nitro-glycerine.

Now I knew who the killer was, but it didn't matter anymore.

Killers have to die.


Another page in the casebook of Rod Riley was finished.

The city was asleep. The joints were closed.

The rats, the hoods, and the killers were in their holes.

I felt good, but something was missing.

She was bad, she was dangerous.

I wouldn't trust her any farther than I could throw her.

But she was my kind of woman.


Who's that? Somebody come in? No one, Mr. Hunter.

You sure? Did you look out in the hall? Not a soul, Mr. Hunter.

I can't understand it. Are you sure this show's a hit?

A very big hit, Mr. Hunter. Congratulations.

It certainly doesn't feel like one.

I didn't expect them to pull my carriage through the streets or hurl flowers at me...

Hal, come on, boy. Have a drink. No, thanks.

Got any notes for the cast for tomorrow? No.

Good night. Say, look.

Doesn't anybody come backstage anymore on opening nights?

No. It's considered old-fashioned. Have a good night's rest, Tony.

Did Gaby go out with Paul?

Gaby? I don't know. I guess so. Good night, Tony.

Bobby, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going out to the biggest nightclub I can find.

I'm going to get a glass of champagne and celebrate.

Fine idea, sir.

I'll go my way by myself All alone in a crowd I'll try to apply myself And teach my heart how to sing I'll go my way by myself Like a bird on the wing I'll face the unknown I'll build a world of my own

He's a jolly good fellow He's a jolly good fellow He's a jolly good fellow That nobody can deny That nobody can deny That nobody can deny For he's a jolly good fellow That nobody can deny

Tony, the whole company got together.

We all chipped in, and we bought you... nothing.

So we have nothing to give you... but our gratitude, our admiration... and our love.

The show's a hit, but we all feel... no matter what might've happened to it, it was wonderful knowing you... working with you.

Maybe some of us didn't see eye to eye with you at the beginning.

Maybe we thought we wouldn't work out together... but we have.

Yes, there were obstacles between us... but we've kissed them good-bye.

We've come to love you, Tony. We belong together.

The show's going to run a long time.

As far as I'm concerned, it's going to run forever.

Tony. May we say something?

A show that is really a show Sends you out with a kind of a glow And you say as you go on your way

'"That's Entertainment! '"

A song that is winging along or a dance with a touch of romance is the art that appeals to the heart That's Entertainment!

Admit we're a hit and we'll go on from there We played a charade that was lighter than air A good old-fashioned affair As we sing this finale we hope it was up your alley No death like you get in Macbeth No ordeal like the end of Camille This good-bye brings a tear to the eye The world is a stage The stage is a world of entertainment

THE END THE BAND WAGON