The Captain's Paradise (1953) Script

Oh, for the love of might get on with it.


Tell them to carry on with their duties.

Si, mi capitán. That would've been the dearest wish of...

Of Captain St. James. Excuse me.

No, no please, for the passengers, the bridge never.

Yes, but I must speak to... Not now, have you no feelings?

Please, please, please, thank you.

Ship is yours.

I'm not to be disturbed.

If I am wanted, I'm in my cabin.

I'm very sorry to bother you... You're not bothering me.

Ah, please, will you leave me alone?

Captain, I have to speak to you, it's vitally important.

Did I hear right, did you say, Captain St. James?

Yes, you did hear right, now please go.

Well, I'm Lawrence St. James, Captain Henry St. James's uncle.

I don't care if you're...

His uncle? Yes.

And I've come from England to talk to him.

You are too late.

But... do you mean it was for him, the... well, that wreath and uh, the flag?

Yes.

But what did he die of?

Bullets.

He was executed.

Five minutes ago.

Executed, why?

A great soul.

A great mind.

Yes, but... A genius.

One day, the world will know of his great work.

His what?

His search for the secret of happiness.

Oh, don't tell me he was still after that.

Still? Well, he was always after it, ever since he was a student.

The perfect way of life, there was always a flaw.

Oh, he tried Persia, Tibet, even Australia.

Australia?

Spent a whole year among the Aborigines.

I always thought he'd grow out of such nonsense as he got older.

But he found it.

The perfect life, where?

Yes, right here under our very noses.

Is that why he was shot?

Perhaps.

For goodness sake, Captain, what was it?

Perhaps it is fate, you coming here like this today, on the very day that he is gone.

And I can tell of his secret, of his genius.

Yes, yes, yes, but why was he executed?

To a great man, Captain Henry St. James.

And a great seaman.

Hundreds of times I watched him take this ship out of Gibraltar.

Never a scratch.


She's all yours, Ricco, I'll be in my cabin if you want me.

Very good, Captain.

Good morning.

Oh, Captain.

How do you do? How do you do?

Can you tell us what time we get to Kalik?

6:15 tomorrow evening.

Oh, we are so excited.

You see, we've never been to North Africa before.

We loved Spain and Gibraltar, but they say that North Africa... Is a fascinating country.

Well, I trust you enjoy your trip, it won't be rough.

Oh, that won't bother me.

My daddy's a sailor, like you. Really?

for dinner now? Later.

Oh, Captain. I'm Susan Daley.

Oh, and I'm Daphne Bligh.

Susan Daley and Daphne Bligh.

Then I shall see you at dinner.

Evening, Capitán. Evening, Pedro.

Good evening, Senors. Si.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Uh, professor, will you sit here?

Mr. Salmon.

Excuse me one moment.

Good evening. Hello.

Good evening, Captain. I hope you're enjoying your trip. Oh, yes, we certainly are.

I can thoroughly recommend the Brown Windsor soup.

Uh, Professor Ebbart, this is James Salmon, Senor Lopez, Mr. Atier, Dr. Lightly.

Eight o'clock position, Captain.

Thank you, Ricco.

I introduce myself, ladies, Chief Officer Ricco.

I'm Miss Daley and this is Miss Bligh.

To you, Carlos.

And to you, Miss Daley and Miss Bligh.

But surely, Professor, history is a matter of accepted fact, of proven events.

The point the professor is making, I suggest, was...

You read it too, Captain? Oh, certainly, twice.

Was that history is really the synthesis of innumerable points of view.

Doesn't he ever relax? Strange.

Captain likes men at his table.

Good talk, clever talk, men's talk.

But for me, I like... Oh, don't tell me.

I've guessed.

We're so limited in opportunity.

But why? Well, look at me.

Tied to my students and my lectures.

To Dr. Lightly, to his laboratory, and his test tubes.

And to you, Captain, tied to your ship.

Running to and fro, Gibraltar, Kalik, Kalik, Gibraltar.

It depends which is to be the master, you or life.

He that would enter paradise must have a golden key.

You said something about a key, Captain?

I was merely quoting, Ricco, an old proverb.

Well, I think I'll be on my way, good night.

Sorry about you losing your key, Captain.

I haven't lost it, Ricco, I'll be in my cabin, as usual.

Good night, sir.


Buenas noches, mi capitán. Buenas noches.

Buenas noches, buenas noches.

Good evening, Captain. Good evening, Ricco.

And a very good evening too, if I'm not mistaken.

Tonight, it, it must be a good evening, Captain.

Yes, Ricco, it must.

Well, you know where to find me.

Good night, Captain.

Ah, Senor Capitán!

Captain, Captain, can you help me?

One of my cases is missing.

They say they've looked everywhere.

Have you paid the tax? What tax?

It's fifty pesetas. Fifty?

Ah!

It's an old Kalik customs' custom.

Ah, Capitán, I have here something very special for you.

This does the job. Oh, Captain, please.

I'll wrap it up, yeah.

Oh, we can't understand a word he's saying.

Buenas noches, Capitán.

Uh, he's suggesting that you finish the examination over a drink in the office.

I might have known. Well, he's a cool customer.

It's a warm country. Oh, Captain, wouldn't you like to come along too? Unfortunately, I have nothing to declare.

Ah, Capitán, here it is.

Ah, Capitán, good night. No, Absalom, good evening.

How's smuggling... uh, business? It is fine, Capitán, just fine.

Lots of people, lots of taxi drive, little money saved.

What do you want to save money for, spend it.

But I have plannings, Capitán.

I not always be taxi drive.

You wait, you see.

One day, it be taxi...

Taxi, goodbye, Absalom.

Ah, taxi, goodbye.

Through the Soco Chico, Capitán?

Yes, please, Absalom, stop at the flower store.

Okay, I'll hop out here.

Capitán, buenos dias. Buneos dias.

Gracias, Capitán, gracias.

Vamos, vamos!


Thanks, Absalom, the usual time tomorrow.

The usual, Capitán.

Jimmy.

Jimmy.

Darling. Jimmy, darling.

Oh, oh, stop, Jimmy, stop.


Ah, Jimmy, they beautiful.

Gracias, gracias.

Of course I've missed you. And I miss you.

I have missed. I have missed.

Bien.

Because I like giving you things.

No present for me?

Yo. And a very nice present too.


I'll get you for this.


And now, my favorite.

But first of all, the cake.

Oh, what on Earth's this?

A present for your anniversary, Captain.

Oh, "To the Captain and Madame, from Ricco and the crew."

Oh.

And now you must blow, poof.

Two years, Jimmy.

It seems like two weeks.

May this go on forever.

To my lover.


Following wind, should have a good run.

Yes, Captain. And thank you, Ricco, for the cake. Oh, such a small gift for such a happy couple.

The happiest couple in Kalik. Oh, thank you, Ricco.

The happiest couple in the whole world.

Will you please pass on our thanks to the crew?

Of course, Captain, Christina only hoped that it tasted...

Oh, delicious, your wife's an expert.

You're very lucky, Ricco. She's a very good cook, but...

The ship's all yours, Ricco.

I'll be in my cabin, as usual.


Good evening, Captain. Evening, Ricco.

And a very pleasant evening too.

Soon back in Kalik, Captain, huh?

Soon back, yes.

Well, now to the shipping office.

Plenty of work makes the time fly.

Usual time tomorrow, Ricco.

Ah, evening, St. James. Evening, Major.

Look, uh, apparently last trip, one of your fellas tried to sneak ashore here.

What?

Why wasn't I told? I didn't know, Captain.

Well, fall in the crew at once.

Did you get his name? Well, unfortunately not.

It's rather serious, you know.

Next time, they might manage to get through.

Don't you worry, I'll see to it.

All right, old chap, thanks.

Mr. Ricco, I've given the strictest orders that no member of this ship's company is allowed ashore at Gibraltar. I know, Captain.

I'm the only person with a British passport.

Yes, Captain. Don't they realize that if anyone's found ashore here the authorities will take away my license to operate this service?

Where will they be then?

Out of work, in the gutter. But they all know.

I always tell them. I'll tell them myself, once and for all.


Very well, Ricco, I leave the rest to you.

Very good, Captain. You can get me through the shipping office or the club if you want me.

Very good. Good night.

Good night, Captain. Good night.

Keep an eye on them, they're a wicked lot.

Yes, sir.

Good evening. Evening.


Evening, Mr. Barker. Oh, good evening, sir.

Is it ready? Yes, sir.

Thanks very much.

Thank you, sir. Thank you.


Henry?

Darling. Oh, Henry, darling.

How lovely to see you again.

Dinner won't be...

Henry, what on Earth is that?

Present for you, darling, an anniversary present.

Darling, what is it? Well, open it and see.

It's so big, what on Earth is it?

I know, it's a collapsible garden chair.

Oh, no, it can't be.

Henry, how wonderful.

It's the very latest kind, they said in the shop.

I've been longing for one.

Look, you, um, fit this gadget... into the socket, like this, and you've got a thing for doing the chairs with.

Well, I'm not sure, darling, but I think that's for doing the floor. Oh, is it? Well, let's see.

Yes, quite right, darling, as usual.

Well, that's the chair's thing, I suppose.

And how about this?

That's for doing the top of the curtains.

It's got everything.

When you go off on your old ship tomorrow, I'm going to plug this in and give this house the biggest spring cleaning it's ever had. That's the girl.

A man toils, a woman spins. Oh, it's lovely.

Henry, you shouldn't have. I don't see why I shouldn't give my wife a present when I want to.

I love it, and you.

No present for me on this great occasion?

Oh, I forgot. I say, really?

I was only joking, you know. I hope you like them.

Oh, darling, socks.

Now, how did you know I wanted socks?

Well, I couldn't darn your old ones any longer.

You made these? Yes.

I love them, darling.

You're the most sensible wife a man ever had.

Oh, Henry, now, you make yourself comfortable, and I'll go see about dinner.

You haven't got time for a pipe tonight, Henry.

You're late, you know? Oh, am I?

Oh, yes, I had to read the Riot Act, one of the crew tried to get ashore.

Really? Yes, the authorities took a very dim view.

Might have been a spy.

Might have found out... all sorts of things.

Come along, it's all ready.

What's this delicious smell?

Well, it's not...

It is, my favorite, rissoles!

I thought that's what you'd like.

Hello, hello, hello, what's this?

Well, I thought, as it's an anniversary...

Yes, of course.

What is it?

Algerian, only three and six.

The man in the shop says it's very good.

Yes, I'm sure it is.

Oh, darling, you've had a chef in to do this.

Oh, Henry, don't be so silly.

Maud? Just a second, darling.

Your cocoa is nearly ready. Ten o'clock.

Beddy-byes.

There.

Oh, darling, this is a surprise.

I made it myself from a new recipe.

I hope it's all right.

I'm sure it's wonderful.

Now we must blow them out.

Must we?

It seems a shame, they look so pretty.

Of course we must, together.

Think of it, Henry, three years already.

It seems like three weeks.

May this go on forever.

To the man who makes me very happy.

Captain.

Halfway across, Captain.

Thank you.


More, more!


Good gracious, it's 10 o'clock.

Beddy-byes. Yes, darling.

Are you leaving before the end?

Ah, bedtime, I'm afraid.

Marjorie thought it might be nice if we drove up to the top of the rock after.

It's so lovely on a night like this.

Yes. Oh, sorry.

I must get my eight hours.

Otherwise, I'm no use on the bridge.

Come on, darling, good night, Marjorie, good night.

Good night. Good night.

Happiest couple on the rock, everyone says so.

Oh, second happiest, of course, I mean, darling.

Jimmy, you slow, come on, catch me.

Jimmy, Jimmy!

No, no, stop, stop.

Go on, get wet.

Jimmy, no.

Jimmy, no.

We go and eat now, Jimmy.

Come on, Absalom, wake up.

You're going to starve us, full speed, we're hungry.

You, boil an egg?

Anything you like, to Mustapha's.

And so you see, he was a genius.

A genius.

Yes?

What? The passenger list, Capitán.

I say I'm not to be disturbed, take it away.

Throw it overboard.

Throw yourself overboard, throw the passengers overboard.

Passengers.

At a time like this.

The captain's body is lying in the dust.

Yes, but what I'm trying to get at is why his body is lying in the dust, now, what happened?

Nothing. Oh, really.

No, no, everything absolutely perfect.

Sometimes the captain makes one or two mistakes, but he always puts them right again.

What kind of mistakes?

You want me to tell you the story?

Please. Now, please, do not interrupt.

For years now, the captain lived in his paradise.

And then, everything perfect, everyone happy, he gets, how you say, a little careless.


Oh.

Jimmy.

Welcome home, Jimmy.

Oh, what it is?

Very chic, very saucy.

Oh.

Oh, Jimmy, is wonderful, this.

I'm glad you like it.

How you did know?

Oh, instinct.

That fool, Ali.

I didn't say apron.

Why you'd laugh? I said bikini.

You laugh at me. No, no, darling.

I look funny, si, but I feel good.

Good?

At last my Jimmy understand.

Understand?

You gave me this so I cook for you, si?

Cook?

I show you.


Darling, there's been a mistake.

Mistake? You're beautiful.

Si. You have beautiful arms, beautiful hair, beautiful hands, beautiful feet, beautiful figure, beautiful face, that's why I love you.

I love you too, Jimmy.

Now I cook.

But, darling, if you cook, all that beauty will vanish. Vanish?

Your beautiful fingers will become old and wrinkled.

Wrinkled?

What's Kalikan for "bald as a coot"?

My hair drop out? Si.

Washing and drying.

Oh, no, Jimmy. It happens to all women.

And not only behind.

Basta, basta.

That will happen to me?

Oh.

Well, never mind, let's have some champagne.

Si.

You mean I grow old and ugly.

Only if you cook.


Ali.

Oh, Capitán, I so sorry I make mistake.

You did, indeed, put me in a tricky position, an apron.

It was present for my old mother.

Tomorrow is her birthday, very important.

Here, this is the right one.

You sure it is? Oh, yes, look.

Oh, it's very nice.

Okay, Ali, I'll give it to Madame next time.

You give me back the apron, Capitán.

No, I'll hold onto that. Uh, you keep that?

Yes, a present for someone in Gibraltar.

Okay, Capitán, I give my old mother cigars.

Good morning, Capitán. Good morning, Pedro.

Morning, Ricco. Morning, Captain.

Oh, you bring present?

Uh, yes.

For somebody in Gibraltar?

Mm, uh, a present for my old mother.

It's her birthday tomorrow, it's very important.

But I must tell the captain, otherwise, we cannot leave tomorrow. I tell you the telephone is out of order. I tell you the ship will not be able to sail... What's all the trouble up there? Good evening, Major.

He wants to get in touch with the captain, sir.

An engine is broke, I'm his... the captain orders spare parts from dock or we cannot leave tomorrow.

Well, I shall be passing his way, I'll let him know.

Thank you, will you please tell the captain we want two new piston rings for circulating pump.

Three-sixteenths by, by, by one-five-eighths split manganese bronze.

Three-sixteenths by... By one-five-eighths.

Oh, whoa, whoa, look, I shall never get this.

You better come and tell him yourself.

But he has not a pass, sir. Oh, it's all right.

I'll look after him. Thank you, Major.

Uh, the captain left a parcel behind.

Not much nightlife here, I'm afraid.

Oh, in Kalik, everybody up all night.

Dancing, drinking.

I'd like to go over, but my wife isn't much of a night bird.

Not like Madame St. James, huh?

Huh?

Oh, I don't know about that.

Oh, here we are, I'll just inspect the picket at Europa Point and then I'll come back and collect you.

Thank you, Major.

Excuse me, I, I wish to speak to Captain St. James.

I'm afraid he's asleep.

But I must speak to him. Is it urgent?

He doesn't like being disturbed, you know?

Oh, very, very urgent, unless Captain fixes, Golden Fleece cannot leave tomorrow.

Oh.

Oh, well, in that case, won't you come in?

Thank you.

I won't keep you a second.

This will get spoiled if I'm not careful.

What is it? Porridge.

Captain loves it for breakfast.

You never tried it? No. How could I?

In Kalik, we only have coffee for breakfast, and in Gibraltar, we're not allowed ashore.

Oh, no, of course not.

I'll tell him. You work late here, no?

Sometimes. When does your captain give you holiday, huh? Holiday?

Yes, you come over to Kalik, then cook porridge for me.

Good idea.

Uh, who shall I say? Ricco.

Oh, yes, I've heard of you.

Uh, psst.

Carlos to you.

Hm.

Henry, there's a man to see you.

It's about the Golden Fleece.

He says it's important.

It's Ricco.

Ricco? Where?

Downstairs.

You stay here, Maud. No, I can't, darling, your porridge will be burned.

He's just coming. All right, that's good.

What's the meaning of this, you've no passport...

The major said it's okay, he gave me a lift.

Major, why? Circulating pump broken down, Captain, unless you can call the British Dockyards for, uh, new piston rings, lubricating wicks and... uh, very nice cook you've got here.

Oh, yes, yes, well, I better get a hold of the captain of the dockyards.

You get back to the ship as soon as possible.

Ah, I must not go alone, Major said, he's coming back himself.

Fine, then he can take you down too.

You go and get dressed, Henry, and I'll give Ricco a glass of beer.

No, no, Ricco better come with me if he's not allowed to be left alone and the Major found out...

Oh, I'll look after him. Yes, please.

Go on, Henry.

Besides, I want to hear all about Kalik.

Well, not now, dear... come on, Ricco.

Oh, really, Henry, you're worse than usual.

It's always the same, whenever my husband wakes up out of a deep sleep, it takes him about 10 minutes to come to.

Exactly the same with me.

Every time they call me for the watch, I can't...

Husband?

I'm Mrs. St. James.

What's the matter?

Didn't you know the captain had a wife?

Of course you knew I had a wife, Ricco.

Of course.

I know.

I believe, when I let you in, you thought I was the cook.

Oh, please forgive me. Oh, that's all right.

I do all the captain's cooking.

He likes home cooking, don't you, Henry?

Yes, dear. A nice simple meal and early to bed, that's his idea of bliss.

Uh, bliss.

Now, I want to hear all about Kalik.

I've always wanted to go there.

Kalik?

Well, what about it?

I've only seen the shipping office and the docks.

Uh, very noisy, full of people, you know.

Oh, yes, full of dives and night halls, I suppose? Yes.

The captain wouldn't like that at all.

No. No, he always likes to be in bed by ten.

Ten?

Ten.

Really?

With his cup of hot cocoa.

Cocoa? Cocoa.

I hope you see he has it when he's away.

Well, I don't do it myself.

But I'm sure somebody else does.

Oh, good.

Hurry up, Henry, or the major will be back.

Hello, what's this? Oh, I...

I hope your mother had a happy birthday, Captain.

Mother? Yes, the captain buy a present for his mother and I bring.

Henry, your mother's been dead 12 years.

Um, sort of a joke, dear.

Oh, well, do you mean it's for me?

Oh, how kind of you.

I know, dish cloths?

Not exactly.

Material for the lamp shade.

He always gives me something for the house.

Henry, a bikini!

Oh, wonderful!

It's exactly what I wanted! Everything under control?

What on Earth's that? It's a bathing dress.

Henry's just given it to me. Well, I don't think Government House would quite approve of that.

No, I daresay not.

Looks more suitable for Kalik.

When I arrived at this unanswerable conclusion, I knew I was in sight of my goal.

Two women, each with half the qualities necessary for a man and therefore, quite easy to find.

And once found, never to meet.

One day, after years of thought and search, I found myself in Gibraltar, on the top of the rock.

I looked across the straits to North Africa.

I looked down again at the docks of Gibraltar.

The Golden Fleece for sale.

I can still capture the sudden exhilaration that swept through me.

I felt my heart beating wildly.

I literally cried with joy and relief.

My last problem was solved.

Captain, you're a genius.

I was at the gates of paradise.

I went through, and now it is mine.

In Gibraltar, Mrs. St. James.

A woman of rare qualities.

A mate to satisfy all the home-loving elements in me.

Industrious, domesticated.

Busy with the hundred and one activities of the daily round.

A woman whose thoughts are centered on the joys of hearth and home.

In the words of the poet...

"Sober, steadfast and demure."

But it is absurd to imagine that the same woman who comes home with the groceries can also come home with the milk.

So in Kalik, Madame St. James.

A child of nature, the epitome of the jungle, the mate that the tiger in me, in every man, is seeking.

Pleasure-loving, carefree.

Delighting in the adornment of her body, occupied in making her attractions even more attractive.

Graceful as a panther, light of foot as a gazelle.

A happy woman, and why?

Because all her thoughts are, as the poet says, "A wonder and a wild desire, The devoted priestess of love, life, and laughter."

That, Ricco, is my solution for man's happiness on Earth.

Two happy women, each in their way perfect, and in-between, the company of men.

The clash of intellects to stimulate the mind.

Captain, a genius.

Thank you, Ricco.

I'll tell everybody. You'll do no such thing.

But all men should know of this wonderful discovery. Sooner or later.

But until you have my permission, or until I'm no longer with you, you'll tell no one.

But... That's an order, Ricco.

Yes, Captain... Captain, please.

You get me a passport for, for Gibraltar?

We'll see, Ricco, we'll see.

Thank you, Captain.


Good morning, Carlos!

Mm.

Aren't you surprised to see me?

I flew over, some friends gave me a lift.

Flew? Yes, I couldn't resist it.

I was at the aerodrome seeing them off and they kept saying come on, so here I am.

Isn't it exciting?

Where's the captain, in his cabin?

Shipping office. Oh, I'll go and find him.

No, he won't be long, you better come aboard and wait for him, I'll show you around.

Show you the engine room and the bilge, very interesting.

Oh, yes, I'm sure it is, but I'm not allowed on board, am I?

No. I'll go and find him.

I'll come with you. Oh, no, that's all right, I'll get a taxi if you'll just tell me where the shipping office is. Difficult to find.

It's, it's, very... no, no, I'll take you somewhere.

Mm, beautiful shop, beautiful Eastern silk.

Oh, yes, I'd like that. I'll take you there.

You wait for the captain and I bring him to you.

Oh, all right, only let's hurry, I don't want to waste a minute.

Yes, this way.

Jimmy, I buy red dress or black?

Better see what they have in the shop.

You come with me, si?

You won't need me, buy what you like.

Okay, you going get big surprise.

What an exciting place, I must come here often.

What's it called? Uh, Soco Chico.

Here, here is the shop.

Oh, how lovely. Yes.

Now, you stay here while I bring the captain up?

All right. Now, you don't move from here...

No, I'll stay here, will you be long?

No, no, I won't be long, I...

Buenos dias!

I'm sorry, I can't speak Kalikan.


Que pasa?

Oh, Jimmy, I love shopping.

I know you do. I wonder what I going find.

So do I, I shall have to pay for it.

You get what you like, darling.

I'll have my shave and meet you for coffee.

Okay, Jimmy.

Buenos dias. Buenos dias, Capitán.

Buenos dias. Buenos dias.

Gracias.

Oh, buenos dias, Capitán.

So sorry, I'm afraid I don't understand.

Uh, still can't follow.

I help you.

Oh, thank you so much, do you speak English?

Yes, I speak. Oh, what a relief.

I was trying to find out the price of this.

I don't think I could quite carry it off.

Please? Well, I don't think it's quite the right color for me.

Oh, yes, good color for you.

Do you think so? Yes.

Well, perhaps.

Oh say, I do hope I'm not keeping you, I'm waiting for my husband here.

Oh, you have husband here?

Yes, he ought to be along in a minute.

I'd like you to meet him.

Oh, I like very much.

I like you meet my Jimmy, too.

I know... I go find him, I come back.

Yes... yes, do, good.

Jimmy, come with me to the shop.

But darling, we've ordered coffee.

No, please, I want you to meet friend.

Who? Very nice, very pretty.

Very well, but don't blame me if I make you jealous.

It's very nice, very chic.

Yes, it's very pretty, but I don't like the color.

It's the color, I don't like it.

What you have?

Jimmy coming.

He forget cigarette case, silly boy.

Oh, that's lovely, and so cheap.

It'd be twice the price in Gibraltar, I think it's beautiful.

You think for me beautiful?

Oh, yes, it's a lovely color.

Now that's more like it.

No, no.

Not enough, uh, exciting.

Oh, but I'm not glamorous like you.

No? I think you have plenty boyfriends, huh?

No, you see, Gibraltar's very small, very what we call conventional.

Conventional? Captain!

Oh, I understand. Mrs. Gibraltar St. James is in there. I know.

But Madame Kalik St. James is also in there.

I'm quite aware of the fact.

Then what do we do?

In the words of a famous English statesman, "We cultivate the faculty of patient expectancy."

We wait and see.

Now I think this one's nice.

Your husband buy for you?

Well, he might.

He's just given me a bikini.

Oh, nice.

You have holiday in Kalik with him?

Oh, no, no, he's a sailor.

Oh, my Jimmy, sailor too.

No... He captain.

Really, so is mine.

But only of a tiny ship.

Oh, my Jimmy captain great big ship.

Hm, ours is quite a small ship, but it keeps him very busy.

Oh, what is called? The ship?

The... No, your husband.

Oh, Henry... he works very hard, sometimes I wish he would have a holiday, he gets very tired.

He not gay, not drink all night, dance?

No.

My Jimmy very gay.

Oh, and very, um...

What's that?

Oh, you know, very loving.

I think all English sailors like that, huh?

Well, not all.

Oh, he's English, is he? Yes.

Does he ever go to Gibraltar?

Oh, yes. What's his name?

Jimmy.

But his surname? What that is?

Well, his second name, he's Captain what?

Oh, I understand, si, he's Captain...

What, what did they say?

They want you to go with them.

Me, why? Si.


You'll find her at the police station.

Bring her to The Golden Fleece in, say, um...

Three-quarters of an hour.

Ricco, that was an order.

Captain.

You're a genius.

Now, darling, which is your friend?

You should never speak to strangers, however pretty.

Coffee?


Come in.

Henry.

Maud, what on Earth... well, this is a surprise.

Oh, Henry, I'm so glad to find you.

Thank you, Ricco.

That's all, Ricco.

Well, what are you doing here?

Oh, I've had such a terrible time, you've no idea what's happened to me.

Uh, Pedro. Si?

Give it to me.

And then, Henry, they searched me.

They actually searched me.

It was quite nicely done, of course, but think of it.

I didn't know what they were looking for, it seemed they didn't either.

Good gracious.

What is it? The passenger list, Captain.

Oh, not now, Ricco, not now.

A very important passenger.

Oh, thank you, Ricco.

Muchas gracias.

What a place, Henry.

Apparently you can't even go shopping without getting arrested out of the blue for no reason at all.

It's absolutely disgraceful, I only wish I'd been there.

Well, anything might have happened.

It might indeed.

I don't think you should risk it again, the whole place is too picturesque by half.

It certainly is.

Everything okay, Captain?

Everything, Ricco, is very gratifyingly okay.

You're not altogether happy these days, Maud, are you?

Oh, yes, I am, Henry, it's only that...

I know, you're restless.

I'm away so much and when I'm away, that means you're alone, and when you're alone, you feel, naturally, a little lonely.

And that makes you a little dissatisfied.

Isn't it something like that?

Well, yes, Henry, I think it is.

Time hangs heavy for you.

You haven't enough to occupy yourself.

It's quite natural, a lot of women get like it.

Do they, Henry? Mm.

But trips to Kalik and things like that aren't really the answer, you know.

We must strike at the root of the matter.

How do you mean?

I mean, darling, just this...

I want you to be happy.

You're a woman, a natural woman, with a woman's instinct.

Now is it all clear?

Well, no, Henry.

Well, my dear, it will be, it will be.


Happy, darling?

Oh, yes, Henry, very happy.

So long, chaps. Oh!

There's never a dull moment now.

What, with these two?

Bye.

Bye, darling.

He seems to have had an answer to everything.

A genius. Yes, but, dash it all, he didn't do anything criminal.

Unethical, perhaps, but not a thing people are shot for.

A criminal?

He was a saint.

He make everybody happy.

Mrs. St. James, happy in Gibraltar with the happy children.

Madame St. James, in Kalik, Happy with the dancing and making the good time.

Total paradise, in fact. Paradise.

Then what went wrong? Please don't ask.

It's too painful.

But I've got to know!

Children grow up, and they go back to England to school.

So long, chaps.

Oh, don't worry, my dear.

Uncle Lawrence and Aunt Ethel will take good care of them.

I've thought about this moment a lot, darling, and I've realized how you would feel empty and a little sad.

Well, not really...

So I had an idea.

What?

Close your eyes.

What for? No, go on, close them.

Oh, Henry, how exciting!

So, it's the very latest model.

Quite different from that old one you've got.

It's all electric.

You will just... plug it in, and this pedal controls the power.

You've got both hands free.

And this gadget here...

Let me see, he did tell me what it was for.

Thank you, Henry.

Thank you very, very much.

The, um, the trouble with the human race is that it's entirely subhuman.

There, Professor, I must raise a small cry of protest.

I ignore it.

Mankind has consistently misused science... ever since Prometheus brought down fire from heaven.

Pedro, some fire from heaven for the professor's cigar!

In my opinion, he... It is true that...

I beg your pardon... I beg your pardon, after you.

I was just going to say that the only hope for civilization is...

There isn't any! Is that every device of science... radio, television, all of them... shall be used to show one half of the world how the other lives.

Well put, Captain.

Uh, within reason, of course.

Uh...

Some port, Professor?

Evening, Absalom.

Oh, Capitán, forgive, I dream.

Of what? My little house.

She nearly all mine.

How about the little wife?

She nearly all mine, also. Fine.

And I not want her all until I have all of little house.

No, I quite see that. Perhaps I sell taxi, then little house be all mine.

The usual, Capitán? The usual.

Very good, Capitán.


Not yet!

Come in, Jimmy!

Big surprise, Jimmy, yes?

Nita, what have you been doing?

The grand occasion.

Our anniversary.

Look!

And, I cook dinner for you.

Cook?

But I thought we... I thought you were never, ever, ever, going... Oh, Jimmy.

That was long time ago.

Come now and sit down.

Put on dressing gown.

There is a good boy.

Dinner, darling.

Coming, Maud.

Maud?

What is "Maud"? What?

You say, "Maud."

No, darling, I didn't, I... I said, "Maw-maw-maw-m-m-m-mama," you know, Ma, I was dreaming of my old mother.

She liked to cook too.

Oh, your mother.

Come!

No champagne? No.

We drink too much.

Tonight, tea... and later, cake.

Sit down, Jimmy.

What's this?

Rissole!

No!


Nita.

I'm sorry, Nita.

It's okay, Jimmy.

It isn't that you don't cook beautifully.

Sure you do, even rissoles, it isn't that.

Let me try to explain you see...

You don't have to explain.

You don't like, so.

Darling, you're terribly understanding.

Yes.

Let's always eat out.

Yes, Jimmy.

Promise?

I promise.

I promise I'll never cook for you again.

Thank you.

How wonderful!

I think that's the funniest story I've ever heard!

Well, it wasn't so funny at the time, believe me.

Good evening, darling.

Oh, hello, Henry, I didn't hear you.

You remember cousin Bob, don't you?

Oh, no, you didn't meet. I don't think so.

I flew Maud over to Kalik some years ago.

Remember? Oh, yes.

Sorry I couldn't stop to say hello, but I had to dash on to India. India, hm, it's a long way to dash... are you here for long?

Well, that depends, I'm waiting for instructions from head office. Bob's asked us to go out to dinner with him tonight, he wants to go But... Yes, isn't it, um...

I'll get you a glass.

We are not night birds, you know?

Oh, we shan't be late. Oh.

It would be so nice if you could come.

I don't know a soul here.

Oh, well, in that case, uh, thank you, have a drink.

Oh, you've got one. Can I give you one?

No, thank you very much.

Uh, would you excuse me a moment?

Yes, of course... I say, I'm not butting in on anything, am I?

Not at all, make yourself at home.

Where did that come from? What, darling, Bob?

No, no, no, no, that bottle of gin.

I bought it. But we always have sherry.

I wasn't sure Bob would like sherry.

Hm.

Maud, have you been drinking gin?

Yes, darling, I like gin.

Oh.

Maud, tonight, of all nights!

You've made the cake and everything. That'll keep.

But Maud, it's our anniversary. Well, I know, darling, that's why we're going out to celebrate!

It's almost midnight.

Is that all?

We must go, my dear.

Poor old Cinderella.

Hello, Bob. Hello.

We've got to go. Oh, nonsense.

Come on, let's dance this one.

Help yourself.

Ah. Good heavens, St. James.

You up at this time of night? An anniversary celebration.

Oh. Where's Maud?

Dancing.

Well, upon my Sam!


You'll find it rather hot in there.

Excuse me.


Maud?

Maud!

I was asleep.

Yes, dear, I expect you're tired.

Oh, Henry, the cake!

Oh, Maud!

And you've made the cocoa, too.

It's no trouble.

I've behaved rather badly, haven't I?

No, dear.

It's just that I didn't realize you could dance like that.

You never asked me.

If you could have seen the faces of the onlookers.

The Major's and Marjorie's!

Well, I like you to enjoy yourself, of course, but don' you think that, for you, that sort of thing is just a little undignified?

Sorry, Henry.

Maud, I want you to promise me something.

What, Henry?

That you'll never dance like that again.

I'll do more.

I promise I'll never ask you to come dancing again.

Thank you.

May this go on forever.

To the man who makes me very happy.

May this go on forever.

To my lover.

Lovely night, Ricco.

Captain.

Christina, my wife...

What about her? She's a very good wife.

A very good cook.

Please, Captain.

A visa for Gibraltar.

Before it is too late.

You think you could manage it?

I have learned, Captain.

I've learned from you.

You see, Ricco, you have to be clever about these things.

Really rather clever.

It isn't always plain sailing.

Sometimes, unexpected storms blow up and take you by surprise.

The ship becomes hard to handle.

Then you have to be clever.

Make a mistake, act irresolutely, and you flounder.

But handle her gently, firmly, use your brains, make her take the course you want... navigate, in fact, Ricco... and soon, you are once again in calm waters.

Proceeding smoothly on your course...

...under a cloudless sky.

Captain.

Halfway across, Captain.

Thank you.


What's happened? Burst steam pipe, Captain.

Engine's no more good... chief says there's no danger, but he must repair in harbor.

I'll calm the passengers.

Make a signal for a tug to take us back to port.

Which port, Captain? We're halfway across.

The wind's with us.

Kalik.

Radio, radio!


Nita!

Jimmy.

Why you not on Golden Fleece? We broke down.

What are you doing? I...

Why have you packed?

Are you going away?

Yes. Oh.

Where?

Why didn't you you tell me...

Do you mean, going away... leaving me?

Yes.

Oh, don't be so silly!

Why do you laugh, you don't believe?

Of course not, it's ridiculous, why?

Because I cannot stay with you more.

Nonsense, have some champagne, I'm hot.

I mean it, Jimmy.

But why?

I tell you, and tell you, and tell you.

But nothing I want do you let me do.

I want live like other peoples, I want cook.

But you no like my rissoles.

I want stay home night time sometimes.

Give you slippers.

But you, you silly man, all you want do is go drinking, dancing, swimming, making love.

You make yourself absolutely ridiculous.

Did you say I made myself ridiculous?

Yes.

Oh, you nice, but you no good for me no more.

And you getting older too, you ought want settle down.

It may interest you to know that I am not yet 53.

What in England is called "the prime."

Well, I nearly 30.

And I want marry and have home before it's too late.

And I going to. Did you say you're going to get married?

Yes.

May I ask, to whom?

Old friend.

Indeed... who?

Taxi! Ah!

Little wife.

Capitán, witness double crossings.


Henry? Hello, darling.

Did you get my signal about the breakdown?

Yes, everything all right now?

Yes, everything's all right.

Good.

Down in a minute.

Henry, Henry, this is Mrs. Reid, Mrs. Reid, this is Captain St. James.

Good evening, sir. Good evening.

All right, Mrs. Reid, thank you, the Captain will have dinner as soon as it's ready. Yes, Madame.

Well, who's she, what's she for?

Goodbye, Henry. What?

I said, goodbye.

I'm leaving you now... you'll be well looked after, Mrs. Reid is your new housekeeper, and she has the highest references.

What on Earth? Now, don't fuss, Henry.

You won't miss me in the least.

Mrs. Reid knows all your little fads.

I've written them down for her. Are you telling me you're going away somewhere? Yes, Henry.

For good. For good?

Maud, have you been drinking gin again?

No, Henry, I'm quite sober.

But this is absolutely outrageous!

Oh, Henry, do keep calm. You expect me to keep calm?

Well, you've always expected me to.

But why? I'm 37, Henry, and I think it's time I started to live.

I've realize that I've missed a great many things and I want to get them before it's too late.

I want to stay up late before it's too late for me to stay up late, if that's clear.

Clear... you're raving! You're very sweet, Henry, and I'm very fond of you in a way, but there is something else I realized.

What? That you are the most tremendous, stupendous, colossal bore.

Flying conditions perfect, da... hello, Henry.

Nice to see you back safe.

We were a bit worried about you, you know?

Maud told you? Yes.

How did you get in here?

Oh, I have a key... here, you better have it back.

I shan't need it anymore.

Are you two... Yes, we're going to England now, I'll explain to the boys... we're going to be married as soon as possible.

But you're cousins!

Oh, Henry, be your age.

Now, look here... Now, you're not going to make a fuss, are you, old man?

I always thought you were the brainy type.

Oh, shut up... Maud, stop behaving like a mad woman, and come down to Earth. Goodbye, Henry.

Goodbye, old man.

Dinner is ready, Captain.

Dinner, Captain.

Your favorite, Captain.

Rissoles.

All very sad.

But what happened to Henry then, and why was he executed?

On the... on the evening he found Absalom with Nita...

Excuse me.

Captain.

Halfway across, Captain. Thank you.

Really, Captain, all these interruptions.

But I still don't understand what happened.

What did he do?

He gave the world away.

To me, he gave his ship and the passport to Gibraltar.

To Maud, his money and possessions.

And for Nita... For Nita?

For Nita, he gave his life. But he was innocent!

Of the Absalom shootings, of course.

But his heart was great, so he took all the blame for her.

Nothing, nothing could stop him.

"Ricco," he said to me, "Is a far, far better thing I do now, than I ever did before."

Fuego.