The Flintstones S4E7 Script

Glue for Two (1963)

Hiya, Fred, Barney.

We got our hands stuck to this bowling ball.

Can you get us loose?

Well, that's a real sticky problem. But I'll try.

Now, hold still, Fred, while I twist you guys apart.

Now, why didn't I think of that?

Because you ain't a trained mechanic like me.

Hey, wait. Hold it. Hold it just a minute!

What's the matter?

Oh, well. I got another idea.

[caws]

Yabba-dabba-doo!

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern stone age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Let's ride with the family down the street Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones Have a yabba-dabba-doo time ♪

A dabba-doo time

We'll have a gay old time ♪♪

All right, Melvin, fill her up.

That's fine, Melvin.

Dino, go fetch Pebbles. It's time for her bath.

[yapping]

All right, you two, break it up. I haven't got all day.

[barking]

[babbling]

You really love little Pebbles, don't you, Dino?

And Pebbles loves you, too.

Oh, boy. Wait till Fred sees my new bowling ball.

It'll bring my score up to at least 100.

Strike!

[laughing]

They'll call me "Twinkle Toes Rubble, The Terror of the Alleys."

Strike!

Boy, what a ball.

Wee! [laughs]

Be careful, Pebbles. I've already had my bath.

[Barney] Hiya, Wilma. Oh, hello, Barney. Come in.

Where's Fred? I wanna show him my new bowling ball.

He's out in the garage inventing more soft drinks.

[laughs]

Still trying to put the Cactus Coola people out of business?

Fred just won't give up.

This is his 778th experiment. I'll call him for you.

Oh, Fred! Barney's here to see you.

[Fred] Tell him I'm busy.

I got no time for his idle chit-chat.

Well, you heard him. Yeah.

I'll pop in on him for a minute.

Maybe I can talk him into taking a bowling break so I can try out my new ball.

Strike!

Uh-oh! The ball slipped out of my hand!

[Fred yelling]

Hey, Fred, you all right?

You blundering bubble-head! What are you trying to do, murder me?

I just wanted to show you my new ball, Fred.

Gee, don't get sore. That's the trouble with you, Barney.

All you think about is bowling or shooting pool.

It's us guys who think of something constructive that are gonna make it to the top someday.

Is that so? Yeah, that's so.

Now, take me for instance. I'm inventing a new soft drink.

Try some. No, thanks.

Knowing your inventions, I'll stick to grape juice.

[laughing]

[laughing snidely]

Oh, boy.

Now stop being funny and hand me that spoon.

Oh, sure, Fred.

[grunting]

I can't, Fred. It's stuck. What do you mean, stuck?

Can't you even lift a spoon? Oh, never mind, I'll do it myself.

[grunting]

Hm. Maybe I put too much concentrated cactus juice in my new soft drink.

Well, back to the old test tube.

[laughs]

You can always sell that stuff as glue, you know.

"Sell that stuff as glue, you know." You slay me, Barney.

Hey, wait a minute.

Maybe you're right. I'm glad I thought of it.

It could be I just stumbled onto something, you know.

After all, a lot of great discoveries are made accidentally by geniuses like me.

If you ever discover anything, Fred, it would be an accident.

[laughing]

What are you doing now?

I'm going to try to glue this broken handle back on this old coffee pot.

Look, it worked. I'm a genius!

Well, just remember, I thought of it. How do you like that?

As soon as you hit it big, everyone wants to get in the act.

But I did thought of it. Never mind.

We gotta take this stuff out and field-test it.

Yabba-dabba-doo!

I'll be a millionaire.

Oh, boy. I wish I had a dime for every time Fred was gonna be a millionaire.

[laughs] I'd be a millionaire.

All right, Barney. Our first test will be a simple one.

We dab a little glue onto this stick. A little dab will do it.

Then we glue another stick to it.

And we're ready for Operation Stress Test.

You get the picture? Me and Dino will have a tug of war.

All that's holding us together is the glue on the end of the sticks.

Now, when I give the word, Dino will start tugging.

A very ingenious idea, Fred.

Oh, Dino! Chow time! Come and get it!

[barking]

[Fred] Dino, wait!

Fred, it worked. The glue held.

Oh, boy. The things I go through in the name of science.

Now for Stress Test Number Two. You ready, Barney?

I gotta hand it to you.

Who else would think of testing glue by lifting an elephant?

[Fred] Can I help it if I got a scientific mind?

All right, Barney. Pull!

Pull! Pull!

Pull!

We did it! The glue is holding!

Congratulations, Fred. Let me be the first to shake your hand.

Barney, don't let go of the rope!

Will you get off my back?

All set for Stress Test Number Three, Fred.

The stick is glued to the side of the house. Are you ready?

Ready. Just give me the word and I'll take off.

Assistant Scientist Rubble to Head Scientist Flintstone. Take off.

[laughs] With Barney as an assistant, science is likely to be set back to the Stone Age.

Boy, if the glue passes this test, I've got it made.

Uh-oh! Stop signal and I can't stop.

Barney, how does it feel to be the best friend of a millionaire?

[laughing] I don't know.

You still owe me five bucks from the last time you was gonna be a millionaire.

Go ahead, laugh.

They laughed at Thomas Edistone when he invented the candle.

But he didn't care. He... Whoops!

Watch it, Fred! Watch it! You're gonna fall.

What's the big idea of leaving your bowling ball in the middle of the floor?

Gee, Fred, I tried to warn you. Out, Rubble! Out!

I'm out, Fred, I'm out.

Ugh. My aching head.

Look at this mess. My formula's all over the floor.

Uh, excuse me, Fred. I told you to get out of here, Rubble.

I know, but can I take my bowling ball with me?

Yeah, take the darn thing, and if I never see you or this ball again, it'll be too soon.

Now, get out! Thanks, Fred.

I'll be seeing you around.

You can let go now, Fred. I've got the ball.

I'm trying to.

Oh, great, you got glue all over the ball.

Come on, let go!

Well, Fred, it looks like we're stuck with each other. [laughs]

Go ahead, laugh it up, pal. You ain't got many laughs left.

Yoo-hoo, Barney! Dinner's ready. Come on home.

Oh, boy! Tonight's my favorite dish. Broiled pterodactyl ribs.

See you later, Fred.

Coming, Betty. Start serving the soup.

[giggling]

Barney sure comes running when food is mentioned.

He comes charging over the wall like a wild buffalo.

Yahoo!

Gee, Fred, I'm sorry.

[muttering]

I forgot we were joined together.

How about joining me for dinner?

[roars]

Honestly, you two amaze me.

Who else could get themselves glued to a bowling ball?

I always knew our husbands were close, but this is too much.

[giggles]

[Barney] Yeah, we're like two peas in a pod.

There's an inseparable bond that binds us together. [laughs]

Fred Flintstone, how dare you? [Fred] Well, he keeps asking for it.

Care for a walnut, Fred?

No, thanks. There's one too many nuts around here already.

Well, then I'll eat it.

Yow! My aching hand!

Uh-oh! He sounds mad.

All right, come out of the closet, Barney. I know you're in there.

I surrender, Fred. I'm sorry.

Oh, put your hands down. Yeah sure.

Yow!

That does it!

Wilma, let's go home. Oh, quit acting like children, you two.

There's nothing you can do about it till morning.

Yeah, you might as well get along because you're going to have to sleep together.

Sleep together? [Wilma] You've got a better idea?

Wilma and Pebbles will spend the night with me, and you'll stay with Fred, Barney.

Looks like we're gonna be bunkmates.

Oh, boy. I got a feeling it's gonna be a long night.

196, 197, 198, 199, 200.

Now for a couple of hundred deep knee bends.

And a one, and two, three, four...

All right, knock it off.

You're going to have a deep bent nose if you don't get into bed.

Okay, Fred, but don't blame me if I get fat and pudgy like you.

[snoring]

Hey, Fred. What is it? What?

Can I have a drink of water? Water? Oh, yeah, water.

Gee, thanks, Fred. You're a pal.

Hey, just a minute. What do you mean, a drink of water?

What do you think this is, a hotel? Gee, I was just thirsty, that's all.

Thirsty? Well, allow me.

Gee, Fred, how could you do that to your closest friend?

Are you awake, Fred? What is it now?

I can't sleep, Fred.

Betty always sings me a lullaby when I can't sleep.

Well, if you think I'm going to sing you a lullaby, you are out of your rock-picking head! Now go to sleep.

Okay, I'll try.

♪ [Fred] Rock-a-bye, Barney In the treetop ♪♪ What do you suppose that horrible noise is?

I think I know.

Whenever Barney has insomnia, I sing him to sleep.

I guess he talked Fred into it this time.

And down will come rock-a-bye Barney Beautiful, Fred, beautiful. Shut up and go to sleep.

♪ When the bough breaks The cradle will fall ♪

And down will come rock-a-bye Barney

And all ♪♪ Oh, brother. And they throw shoes at me.

Good. He's finally fallen asleep. Now maybe I can get some rest.


Hey, where am I?

Oh, no. Barney's walking in his sleep.

Betty, look. Oh, no.

Wilma, you better do something or I'm gonna put this guy to sleep for a week!

I hope Fred doesn't do anything.

It's supposed to be dangerous to waken a sleepwalker.

Come on, we better tell him.

All right, pal, you're asking for it.

Fred, don't you dare! It's dangerous to wake up a sleepwalker.

Huh? Be patient, Fred.

Barney just wants a little midnight snack in the refrigerator.

[grumbling]

[humming]

Will you hurry up, Barney? Be right with you, Freddie-boy.

Huh? What do you mean you'll be right with me? You're supposed to be asleep!

[gulps then snores]

Open your eyes, wise guy, because I'm gonna close both of them.

Oh, sorry, Fred. I was just pretending.

I figured you'd get sore if I told you I was hungry.

Out, out! I'm outing, Fred, I'm outing.

Uh-oh. Here comes the midnight flyer.

Good night, girls. Good night, Barney.

Good night, Fred. Sleep tight.

Isn't it wonderful how they stick together?

[laughing]

[ringing]

Eight bells and all's well, except my poor beak, that is.

Up and at them. It's morning.

Already? Oh, boy. What a night.

Yeah. [laughing] We had a real ball.

A bowling ball, that is.

Come on, Freddie-boy. The girls are coming over any minute and we wanna look our best.

I wonder if Fred and Barney are up yet.

I hope Fred's in a better mood this morning.

[Fred yowling]

Oh, no! They're at it again. Come on.

[Fred] Help! Help!

That's the last straw, Barney. I'm gonna tear you limb from limb!

Try to keep calm, Fred.

Fred, stop it. Don't you dare hit my Barney.

What's going on?

He just tried to freeze me to death in a cold shower.

But I always take a cold shower in the morning.

[Betty] That's right, he does. Yeah, but I don't!

Control yourself, Fred.

We've got to figure out what you and Barney are going to do.

Hey, maybe we can go on tour as Siamese twins?

Oh, boy.

Maybe Mr. Quartz at the gas station can help you, Fred.

That's not a bad idea. Quartz is pretty handy with the tools.

Let's go, Barney. Right you are.

What a life, huh, Jane? Yes, Ethyl. It's a real gas.

Hey, Irving, here comes another car.

Another one? How did I ever get hooked into this job anyway?

[yells]

[rings]

Hello. Anybody here?

How about some service? Yeah, yeah, be right with you.

I just got to tighten this nut.

Come on, Quartz. We're in a hurry.

Hiya, Fred, Barney.

The bowling alley is down the street, fellas.

Look, if I want laughs I'll call Yogi Bear.

We got our hands stuck to this bowling ball.

Can you get us loose?

Well, that's a real sticky problem. But I'll try.

Now, hold still, Fred, while I twist you guys apart.

Now, why didn't I think of that?

Because you ain't a trained mechanic like me.

Wait. Hold it. Hold it just a minute!

What's the matter?

Oh, well. I got another idea.

I hope it's better than this one.

What's he going to do now?

He's gonna separate us from the bowling ball with tow trucks.

Okay, you guys, here goes! Giddyap, Ethyl!

Come on, girls! Pull, pull!

Boy, I'm really stuck with this one.

But maybe I can come up with some more ideas.

Never mind.

Any more of your bright ideas, we'll wind up in a hospital.

Hey, that's it. See a doctor.

Yeah, might as well. I got nothing to lose.

Except me. [laughs]

Dr. Bonestitch. Let's go in, Fred.

The bowling alley is down the street, gentlemen.

This is a doctor's office.

Very funny. You ought to be on TV.

Look, can the doctor remove a bowling ball?

Well, he's really more of a golfer.

"More of a golfer." [laughs] That's a riot.

Will you shut up?

Go inside and ask the doctor yourself. [Fred] Thanks.

Now, let me do the talking, Barney. I'm with you.

Boy, the trouble men get into.

Well, well, well. Fine day, isn't it? Now, don't be afraid.

Just tell me which one is sick.

Well, uh, [chuckles] it's kind of silly.

You see, me and my pal here are stuck together, you see?

Very interesting.

Hmm, no pulse at all. Are you sure you're alive?

[Fred] That ain't me, that's the bowling ball you're listening to.

Bowling ball? Oh, the bowling alley is down the street.

We know that! We wanna get rid of the bowling ball.

Sorry, I already have a bowling ball.

Now, shall we get on with the checkup?

Now, this won't hurt a bit. I'm just going to test your reflexes.

Boy, you really put your foot in your mouth that time, Fred.

[mumbling]

Let's step into the next room now and check your weight.

There's your trouble. You're overweight.

350 pounds. 350 pounds?

Your scale must be wrong.

Hey, wait a minute. Get off the scales, will you, Barney?

We'll just have to divide by two, Fred.

Shall we go to the x-ray room?

Aha!

The x-ray machine has given me the answer to your trouble, gentlemen.

You two are stuck to a bowling ball.

[Fred] What are you, a comedian?

We know we're stuck to a bowling ball!

Well, now you have medical evidence to back it up.

That'll be $25, please.

Gee, we could be stuck with each other forever.

Something like this could break up my family life.

I'm gonna break up your head in a minute if...

Hey, that's it!

Come on, Barney. I got a mallet and a chisel in the garage.

We're gonna break this ball apart.

Oh, no, Fred. Not my new bowling ball. Keep quiet.

Okay, Barney. One good whack should do it.

When I nod my head, hit it.

If you say so, Fred.

Not my head, you dope! The ball!

Here, give me that mallet.

Now, this time, you hold the chisel.

Now hold still.

What are you doing? Gee, Fred, it's a brand new ball.

Put that chisel back.

I can't do it, Fred. I love that ball. Put it back!

Will you quit pulling that chisel away?

I did it, I did it! We're free!

Yabba-dabba-doo!

[Barney crying]

Now, what's troubling you?

Oh, it's like saying goodbye to a close friend.

Oh, knock it off, will you? We're free, and that's more important.

Fred, how did it go? Did you two finally get loose?

Yeah. Fred got us out of one mess and now he's getting into another.

Go ahead, laugh. But this is a million-dollar idea.

And I'm gonna whip up another batch of this stuff before I forget the formula.

Fred, will you ever learn? Boy, some inspiration you are.

Remember, Wilma, behind every great man there's a woman.

Yeah, telling him what he's doing wrong. [laughs]

Instead of nag, nag, nag, why don't you help out?

Sorry, Fred. What can I do to help?

You can hand me that bottle of seaweed extract over there.

Seaweed extract, coming up. Here you are, Fred.

Now the cactus juice. Cactus juice.

Stone dust. Stone dust.

Carbon pterodactylhide. Carbon whatever you said.

H2O. Water.

Don't be funny. Sorry, dear.

This is gonna be it, Wilma.

A new era in science. Who knows? I could be another Einstone.

Let me see. Oh, yeah, one more ingredient.

Wilma, hand me the can on the top shelf. Okay, dear.

Oh, Fred, is that what you used before?

"Rockbaum's Steel-Grip Glue"?

Of course. What do you think gives my secret formula holding power?

We're going to be rich, Wilma!

Filthy rich and...

[babbling]

"Rockbaum's Steel-Grip Glue"?

Oh, no. Yes, Fred.

You just invented a glue that's been on the market for 20 years.

Come on, let's forget the whole thing.

That's right. Walk out on me. Give up when the going gets tough.

I ain't giving up. I'll invent something else.

Come on, Barney. I'll invent your dinner.

Yeah, see you later, Fred. Maybe we can go bowling.

[laughs]

And if you need any more inspiration, I'll be in the kitchen.

[laughing]

Just remember one thing.

Thomas Edistone wasn't built in a day, you know.

Or something like that.

And don't you forget it!

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern stone age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight Then that cat will stay out for the night ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones Have a yabba-dabba-doo time ♪

A dabba-doo time

We'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time ♪♪ Wilma!