The Flintstones S4E8 Script

Big League Freddie (1963)

All right, Dino boy, put it right over the old plate.

That's a boy.

Attababy.

Now, put some mustard on 'em, Dino.

Attaboy. Keep 'em coming.

[caws]

Yabba-dabba-doo!

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern stone age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Let's ride with the family down the street Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones Have a yabba-dabba-doo time ♪

A dabba-doo time

We'll have a gay old time ♪♪

Attaboy. Keep them coming.

Hey, Fred.

What's the big idea throwing rocks, Fred?

Hi, Barn. Who's throwing? This is batting practice.

Okay, Dino boy, take five.

Yes sirree, Barn. Just getting in a little old limbering up.

Sharpening the old eye, tuning up the old muscles.

Well, tune up in the other direction for a change.

Eh, uh, batting practice for what?

The big game tomorrow for the Cave Construction Company Championship.

That's why I...

Hey, Barn, where'd you go?

When you swung I was almost a home run.

[both laughing]

I'm sorry, Barn.

Well, back to the rock pile.

Let's go, Dino boy.

Hey, Dino, come on, now.

Don't you want me to look good in front of Casey Strangle tomorrow?

In front of who?

Casey Strangle.

No. You betcha.

And his number one scout, Leo Ferocious.

What do you know?

So now you know why I'm practicing.

Just one question.

Who is Casey Strangle?

How would you like a quick trip into orbit?

[laughing]

Okay, who's playing?

Our Bedrock Quarry team's playing Petrie's Petrified Lumber yard.

And Casey Strangle, manager of the Boulder City Giants, is gonna be there.

And when they get a load of me, I will be saying, "So long, Barney boy."

And a bon-bon-bon voyage to you, too, Fred.

You going some place?

To the big leagues. Candlestone Park.

If you're ever in the neighborhood, tell the man at the gate you're acquainted with "Babe" Flintstone.

[laughing]

She's such a little darling, Wilma. I can't get over how active she is.

[cooing]

Too much, though, sometimes. Do you like this pattern, Betty?

Beautiful. Another sunsuit for Pebbles? Uh-huh.

She outgrows them almost as fast as I can make them.

Where'd those scissors get to?

Right behind you. Oh, yes.

[Betty] Isn't that a lot of work, though, making all her clothes?

Goodness, no. There's really nothing to it. Hardly any work at all, Betty.

Hit it, Charlie.

It's the easiest thing in the world.

Speak for yourself. I'm exhausted.

Well, how does it look?

Lovely. You're so clever with clothes, Wilma.

[Betty giggles]

Did you hit a dead-end street, you little monkey?

Detour.

[cooing]

Wilma, have you seen Barney or Fred lately?

Uh-huh. They're outside.

Fred's warming up for the big game tomorrow.

He's on the company team, you know.

Okay, Freddie boy, here comes my outdrop, inshoot, knuckler, slider, slowball, dipsy doodle, curve, spitball, upshoot, palmball, fastball, waist pitch, smokey pete, beanball, nickel curve.

Oh, boy.

And up drop.

I can understand why Fred's warming up, but why is Barney?

He's not even in the game.

I'll up drop you when I catch you.

Take it easy, Fred. Don't wear yourself out before the game.

[laughs]

Hold it, Fred. Hold it.

Okay, I'll pitch them to you in just your style.

Come on, Barney.

Get up and pitch them in the right way, will you, Rubble?

I'm not trying to get in shape, you are.

Now, watch it. Here comes a sizzler. [laughs]

Oh, boy.

[Roger] Hi, Mr. Flintstone.

Oh! Hiya, Roger. You're just in time to work out with me.

Barney, I want you to meet my new helper at the quarry, Roger Marble.

My number one fan, Barney Rubble.

Hi, Roger. Hi, Mr. Rubble.

Roger's my substitute, Barney.

[chuckles]

Of course, with me in there, he won't see much action.

Unless we're way ahead late in the game, right, Roger?

Just as long as we win, Mr. Flintstone.

That's the old spirit.

Say, Rog, how would you like a few baseball pointers?

Say, that'd be swell.

My pleasure, kid.

Let's start off with a little batting practice. I'll throw you a couple of fast ones.

Now, nobody expects you to hit too good.

Just meet the ball, you understand?

Sure, Mr. Flintstone. Just meet the ball.

Right.

I guess you'd say he met the ball, huh, Fred?

That was some introduction.

Uh, let's try some easy pop flies now, Rog.

They hit a lot of them down the third-base line, you know.

If I do say so myself, I am death on pop flies.

Now, watch me close.

Yes, sir, Mr. Flintstone.

Wowee! Now that's what I call a high-fly pop fly.

I got it. I got it.

Hey, you all right, Fred?

Hey, Fred!

Don't just stand there.

Get me out of here!

Okay, kid, now how about practicing your slide?

Anything you say, Mr. Flintstone.

Now, you wait here till I get on home plate.

Anything you say, Mr. Flintstone.

[laughing]

Rog sure has got the right attitude, huh, Barney?

[as Roger] Anything you say, Mr. Flintstone.

[laughing]

All right, kid, this is home plate and I'm the catcher.

Now, you're on third and coming in. You got it?

Yes, sir.

[Fred] Now come in fast and hard.

You're safe!

Great play, Rog.

Thank you, Mr. Rubble.

Uh, hey, where's Fred?

[Fred] That's enough practice for today.

Now, would somebody get me out of here?

I guess the boys are through playing. Here comes your daddy, Pebbles.

[Fred] Hello, my little Pebble y-poo. How's my little darling?

Excited about Daddy being a major league baseball star?

[cooing]

Translated, that means, "You gotta be kidding." [laughing]

What's this about being a major league star?

Oh, nothing, Betty.

Just that some big league scouts will be watching me tomorrow.

So don't be surprised if we have to put this house on the market quick.

Oh, Fred. [chuckles] Yeah, go ahead and laugh.

But back in Bedrock High who was the number one baseball player?

Now, let's see, that was pretty long ago.

Was it Windy MacShail or Stan Gravel or...

Now, listen, you.

Come on, Barney, let's go home to supper.

Okay, Betty.

Say, Fred, long as you're practicing, you better tone up your vocal cords, too.

All the big stars do commercials, you know.

Razor blades, hair tonic, stuff like that.

Commercials, huh?

Come to Mommy. Beddy-bye now.

Razor blades? Hair tonic?

Uh, hold Pebbles for me, honey.

Hi there, baseball fans.

You know, playing out in the hot sun can really...

I should practice in front of the mirror. Oh, brother, what next?

Hi there, baseball fans.

Playing under the hot sun can sure dry out a fellow's hair.

That's why I always use...

Uh, always use this slicker y-slick stuff.

It's great for your hair.

And it don't...

Mm. Doesn't leave any aftertaste.

[laughing]

Yes, sir, that little old 60-minute workout works wonders for...

[yells]

I'm stuck! What was in that bottle?

Oh, no.

"Sure-Grip Household Cement."

Oh, my gosh.

Wilma. Oh, Wilma.

Wilma! Shh!

I just got Pebbles to sleep.

Why are you holding your head? Are you sick?

No, I'm stuck.

My head's full of Sure-Grip Cement.

Uh, how?

Well, I was practicing my hair tonic commercial and...

Fred, will you stop playing games? Nobody's hired you to do commercials.

Not yet, but after tomorrow it'll be a different story.

Oh, sure.

With your hands fastened to your hair, you'll have to catch the ball in your mouth.

[laughing]

Here we are. Stick your head in the sink.

Make it hot, Henry.

Oh, boy, the hot water again.

And some women complain about dishpan hands.

[Fred babbling]

Stop yelling.

You brought this on yourself. [continues babbling]

Now rub hard.

Yes, dear.

Hey, I just got a great idea for a commercial.

Wilma, hand me that box of soap.

How's this, Wilma?

Yes, sir, boys and girls, us baseball stars don't always have time for a fancy shampoo, so any time I have a couple of minutes, you'll find me in the kitchen giving myself a 60-second shampoo.

Your commercial sounds better underwater. [laughing]

[announcer] It's another big day at Candlestone Park, friends.

It's the big game for the Cave Construction Company Championship.

Neither team is on the field yet.

I imagine their managers are giving them their last-minute pep talk.

All right, boys, now this is the big one.

Old blabbermouth Petrie has been screaming about how his team's gonna wipe up the ground with my team.

And it's up to you to show him how wrong he is.

Now, I don't want you boys thinking of me as your boss, Mr. Slate.

And if you lose the game, your being out of work will have nothing to do with that.

It's your manager talking to you now.

I want you to get out there and fight, fight, fight!

Don't let anything stand in your way!

Now go, go, go!

That's the old fight, men.

Here comes the teams.

My, don't they look professional?

Pitching for Petrie's Lumber yard, Warren Spindle.

The first batter for Bedrock Quarry, number seven, Fred Flintstone.

[crowd cheering]

This is an easy one, Warren, baby.

All right, fatso, you think you can swing three more times without falling down?

[laughs]

When I hit the ball, the breeze will be enough to knock you down.

Make a touchdown, Fred. [giggles]

No, Wilma, touchdown is football. You mean a home run.

What's the difference so long as it's good?

Throw the bum out.

[announcer] Warren checks his signal.

Here's the windup.

The pitch.

[umpire] Strike!

That's burning them in, Warren, old boy.

[announcer] Warren gets his signal.

Looks like it'll be his old sneak ball.

[laughing]

Come on, come on. Put it over. That's it.

[umpire] Strike!

Strike! You're out!

Oh, dear, he didn't hit a home run, did he?

But he stirred up a breeze, lady.

He ought to rent himself out for an air conditioner. [laughs]

[grumbles]

Bottom of the second now, with Sandy Stoneax back on the mound for Bedrock Quarry.

The first batter for Petrie is number three, the second baseman, Peewee Rocks.

Stoneax stretches, the windup, the pitch.

It's a screamer down the third-base line. An easy out.

I got it!

Oh, Fred. I hope he's not hurt.

That bum plays heads-up ball, don't he? [laughing]

Try this on your head for size.

How's Flintstone?

He'll be okay, Mr. Slate.

Yes, sir, boys and girls, us big league ball players don't always have time to shampoo with regular blades, so...

[babbling]

Oh, boy.

Roger Marble.

Yes, sir, Mr. Slate, sir?

Get in there and take Flintstone's place.

But I haven't got a uniform.

Wear Flintstone's.

And hurry it up.

Here's a couple of seats, Case.

Can you see what inning it is?

It's just changing, Leo.

Top of the fourth.

Just hope we're not wasting our time.

We'll soon find out, Leo.

Remember how we discovered Mickey Mountain?

Throwing rocks at dinosaurs. [laughs]

Yeah, never can tell when you'll stumble across a natural.

Right.

[announcer] All right, folks, it's the top of the fourth.

And the first batter for Bedrock is number seven.

Spindle gets his sign.

Winds up.

And here it comes.

And there it goes. A line drive heading for the scoreboard.

It's going, going, gone!

Kid's got a nice swing.

Look on your scorecard for his name, Case.

Oh, uh... Number seven, Flintstone.

Flintstone? We'll have to keep an eye on him.

Bottom of the fifth now, friends. Mickey Rockrin at bat for Petrie.

Here it comes.

It's a real belt down the third-base line.

Looks like it'll get through for a...

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

The third baseman picked it off. A beautiful play.

Number seven again, Case.

Yeah, the kid can field, too. Let's keep an eye on him.

Hear the cheers, folks? Those are for old sparkplug number seven as he steps up to bat in the top of the seventh.

He's been a one-man team today.

What a smack!

[announcer] That ball is long gone.

What a smash.

The kid can't miss, Leo.

He's a natural. Come on.

[cooing]

Come on, you little wiggle worm, time for your nap.

Feeling better, Fred?

I'm okay, Wilma. Just a little disappointed.

Never you mind.

You'll be the star of the next game.

They say Roger Marble was very good in your place.

Swell. Swell.

Cheer up, Fred. It's only a game.

"Flintstone." This is the place.

I hope no one else has signed him up.

Yeah, with him playing for us in Candlestone Park, why, he'll hit 90 home runs easy.

And to think I took music lessons for this.

Yes? Evening, ma'am. Your son at home?

My what?

Your son. Flintstone, the ball player.

That is my husband.

Oh, uh... Sorry. Can we speak to him?

Yes, come in.

Thank you kindly.

Hi. You're...

Leo Ferocious, son. And this is...

I know, Casey Strangle.

I've seen you on television.

He looked younger on the field.

Yeah. Taller, too.

And thinner-looking.

Oh, well. Looks never won a pennant.

Son, that was quite a game today.

Well, I can explain that. You see, there's...

What's to explain? Three home runs in three times up.

And all those great plays you made on the field. Wow!

Who, me?

Oh, those plays.

[laughing]

Yes, sir, every time a great play was made, you could be sure old number seven was there.

Yeah, number seven.

Fred, aren't you gonna tell them?

Tell us what? Uh... Uh, nothing.

But that was Roger.

Oh... Oh, yeah.

My wife means this wasn't one of my better days.

Ha, ha. Is that so?

Well, it can turn out to be the best day of your life, son.

You sign this contract and report tomorrow morning for practice with the Boulder City Giants.

How about that? The Boulder City Giants!

And get this, it's a rock-clad agreement.

They gotta pay me whether I play or not.

Yabba-dabba-doo!

What's wrong?

Aren't you glad for your old pal and neighbor?

Well, uh, sure, Fred. Only they were watching Roger, not you.

Did you tell them? You think I got rocks in my head?

Of course I didn't tell them. How often does a chance like this come along?

I don't like it, Fred.

Neither do I. It's dishonest.

It's business.

And when you play in Candlestone Park, what then?

You're not a big leaguer, Fred.

What difference does that make? Ha, ha.

They gotta pay me anyway.

Come on, Barney, it's getting stuffy out here.

Right.

Now, just a minute.

Barney was certainly right.

You aren't a big leaguer, Fred Flintstone.

Ah, they're just jealous.

Wilma. Let me in.

What do you want?

Is that any way to talk to your own husband?

My husband was an honest man.

As far as I'm concerned, you're just a phony old number seven.

But where am I supposed to stay tonight?

How about Candlestone Park?

Or with Dino, if he'll have you.

What's the matter with her? I'm doing this for her and Pebbles.

Besides, is it my fault if they got a little mixed up?

Hi, Dino, old pal!

Would you move over? You got company.

Gosh. Him, too.

Okay, I don't need any of them.

When I'm a big leaguer they'll change their minds.

Pebbles, do you have to start so early?

What? What? Who?

Oh, boy, morning at last.

I didn't sleep a wink last night.

Hey, I better hustle.

I gotta report for practice this morning.

I'll pack our bags and...

There's my little Pebble y-poo!

Papa bad.

Dadda bad.

Papa bad.

Pebbles, baby, how can you say that to your daddy?

Hi, Fred!

Pebbles, I...

About last night, Fred, I'm...

Pebbles said I was bad.

Fred, she doesn't mean it.

Well, whether she means it or not, she's right.

Hi, Fred.

Say, Fred, about last night, I...

Gee, Wilma, all I wanted to say was I was sorry.

Me, too.

Poor Fred.

[Leo] Let me get this straight, Flintstone.

You made a special trip here to the Boulder City Giants office to tell us that wasn't you we were watching the other day?

That's right. I was out of the game before you even got there.

The one you want to sign up is Roger Marble.

He's the one who was the star player.

You're giving up a lot to tell us this.

That's mighty big of you, Flintstone. Mighty big.

Well, I was feeling mighty small until I did.

So if it's all right with you, I'd like to break our contract.

[crowd cheering]

[announcer] Those cheers should let you know who's coming to bat now, folks.

It's that new sensation, Roger Marble.

Hi, Rog! Hit one for us, boy!

Anything you say, Mr. Flintstone!

[announcer] The pitcher goes into his windup.

The pitch.

Wow! It's another home run for Roger Marble!

Yabba-dabba-doo!

He's a real big leaguer!

You want to know something, Fred?

To me you're still the biggest big leaguer of them all.

Oh, Wilma.

Wilma, get a load of this.

"The Rock Bay Pachyderms are holding their pro football tryouts next week."

So?

Fred, what are you doing with my sugar bowl?

That's a football, Wilma.

You remember who was the greatest half back of Bedrock High?

Fred, you're getting sugar all over my floor!

Well, who's to say I can't be a pro football star?

I used to fade back to throw those 50-yard passes.

Back, back, back.

Back, back.

Hey, let me out of here!

You'll stay right in that closet, Fred Flintstone, until you come to your senses or grow up.

Which will be a long time. [laughing]

Wilma! Let me out of here! Wilma!

Wilma!

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern stone age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight Then that cat will stay out for the night ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones Have a yabba-dabba-doo time ♪

A dabba-doo time

We'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time ♪♪ Wilma!