The Good Catholic (2017) Script

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Hail Mary, full of grace.

The lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, mother of god, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou amongst women, blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, mother of god, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.




There's a switch right behind your head if you want... Switch?

The switch for the light.

It's right behind your head if you want to...

Oh. I'm good.


Whenever you're ready. Okay.

Aren't you supposed to, like, ask me for a sin list and call me a child or a lamb or some shit?

Thing. Something. Sorry.

It's your first time?

How did you guess?

There aren't any real rules to this.

I'm just here to help.

With what, exactly?

Your relationship with god.




Don't apologize. This is for you.


Well, thing is...

I'm dying.

I'm sorry.

You're probably thinking, this chick's trying to clear the desk at the last minute or whatever, you know, hit the redo button on the way out, but...

I'm not here to judge you.

And that's great, and everything, but I'm really not here to save my own ass.

I'm here for a practical reason as opposed to spiritual.

What would that be?

Funeral arrangements.

This isn't usually how that...

I'm sure you've got a guy I'm supposed to call...

Or maybe a website.

I just... I don't know how much time I have left, and I really don't want to spend it planning an event I'm not even going to be able to attend.

I want a nice casket.

Nothing to over the top, but not boring either.

The kind of casket that makes people think, "wow, it's a shame she died so young."

But I don't want it to elicit tears.

Just enough...

You know...

Whatever you call it...

So they'll miss me in that, um...

That fond memory kind of way.

I really am sorry.

Thank you.

I may have needed this.

Definitely needed something.

This is what I do.

Yeah, well, this seems to be what I do, too.

As far as pallbearers go, are those included or should I make a list of ex-boyfriends with decent upper-body strength?

Um, I...

I think that you should probably... screw it.

I'll do cremation.

Thanks again for listening.

You sound nice.

I keep hearing some sort of reverb.

Reverb's not the problem.

It's like a flange or...

I'm-I'm hearing something. There's no flange.

Do you even know what a flange is?

Maybe the problem is that our equipment happens to amplify your vocal imperfections.

Full disclosure. I haven't had an opportunity to read the manual but I don't think this piece of equipment comes with a setting for drowning out jealousy because I think you're jealous, is what I'm trying to say.

Of... of my singing.

Was I flat again?


Death is everywhere.

We can try to run from it, deny it, hide away in the most articulate, philosophical explanations that man has been coming up with since, well...


The Bible certainly has a lot to say about it.

Trust me, I know. I've skimmed the book more than a few times.

The truth is...

Is that the more that I think about death, the less I seem to really understand it.

And guess what.

That's okay.

Because knowing that our time here is limited, that's what makes it matter so much.

Good, Daniel.

Most inspiring one yet.

You don't think it was a little dark?

Well, Matthew made it dark.

You're just commenting on the writing.

You got a gift.

It reminds me of a younger version of myself.

It doesn't mean they'll laugh at the Bible skimming bit.

Well, I just thought that...

You thought that it was funny enough for a laugh pause.

I mean, maybe a slight smile, a courtesy chuckle, but a laugh pause?

What if I work on the timing...

I've only been with this parish for 30 years, and you, just-just over one.

I'm sure going with your gut is the right call.

Oh, come on, come on.

What, father? Why...

Even the Franciscans have... Have some rules about... this.

Let me check, father.

And cometh game day, 'tis okay to go forth in the colors of thine chosen team unless thine chosen team is the Purdue boilermakers or the Kentucky wildcats.

God is good.

Tip off's in five minutes. I'm making my nachos.

You never told me how the Friday-night confession went.

Oh, it was... fine.

There was uh...

It was nothing.

It was fine.


Oh, the game's about to start.

I should probably...

He would have been proud of who you've become.

Your dad.

Have a good night, father.


Skimmed the book.

Rivers crosses over...

Are you serious? Did you see that?

Come on! Did you see that?

Shoot the... three pointer. For the love of god.

Basket. Dunk.

Father, you're from here, yes?

Yeah. How do you not love basketball?

I think it's definitely a b... A good way of...

Okay, okay, okay, okay, tell me this.

W-what's-what's your thing?

My thing? You know, your thing, like I... I played third string power forward on my junior high basketball team.

I went on to never actually make another squad after that, so that now I live through them.

Delusional hoop dreams and saturated fat...

That's my thing. What's yours?

Uh, I... yeah, I guess, I mean... god.

God what? God's my thing.


No. Why is that... what no?

Look, you gotta... you gotta find something of your own, something selfish and stupid and...


Otherwise you just might wind up like Victor.

What's wrong with that?

He wears his collar to target.

I mean, he literally puts on his collar to buy honey nut cheerios and toilet paper.

Now, that's weird.

That's weird.

Don't... don't be weird.

And don't bring that shit in the Lane!

Oh, do not bring that shit in the Lane!

Do not bring that shit in the Lane.

Yeah! That's what I am talking about. Okay.


Welcome to Hoosier basketball.

All the best, father.

Am I late?

I'm sorry, are you lost or...

This is Saint Martin's, right?


I'm Jane.

No, it's Saint marks. The church.

I'm still Jane. The person.

Daniel. Father Daniel.

Nice to meet you, father Daniel. Nice to meet you...


We're very far apart.

Permission to approach the priest?

Uh, well, you don't really need to ask permission, but...

It's... okay.

So what's the verdict, father?


Is it too late?

For... Confession.

Oh. You guys are open late on Fridays, now, right?

You were the... uh, one from last week.





I recognize your voice.

Distinctive, right? I'm a singer. I sing.

No big deal. I'm good, though.

But let's not make a whole thing out of it...

Confession was supposed to end at 2:00 and...

I can go. No, it's just we're very...

Very big on rules around here. It's cool. Really.

And so I think... I'll just order some absolution with my taco bell. I meant... wait, I... I...

I can... I mean, we can...

Thanks, father.


Can I call you Daniel?

Uh... We'll figure it out in there.

So... maybe we should start talking...

I can't do cremation, Daniel.

I just can't.

I thought about it, and it's like...

What the hell was I thinking?

Maybe we should start with who your... who's gonna dress me?


Now that we're back to the standard funeral, I've got to think about who, you know...

No way I'm letting a creepy funeral-y guy put me in some kind of sad death smock.

And if my mom got involved...

My god.

She drives one of those Mary Kay cars, you know, those pink atrocities they only give their most celebrated salespeople?

She'd have me wearing a floral pants suit, and she'd splash so much paint on my face that I'd look like a transvestite, prostitute version of blanche Dubois...

Why are you here? What?

I'm sorry, but last week, tonight, why?

What do you mean? Is this really about funeral arrangements?

You don't believe I'm dying?

Wha... that's not what I... I mean...

Are you?

This was a stupid idea.

Jane... I should go.

You came here for a reason.



You were open.

And no, I'm not lost, in case you're wondering.

I'm just... I'm done with it.

I'm done.

Everything around me...

I see it.

And it's all the same.


And it's not that I don't give a shit, or that I'm giving up.

It's just...

It's disappointing.



And there aren't enough cat videos or fucking Ted talks on YouTube to make up for that.

So when...

Faced with all the possible things left to contemplate...

Death feels like one of the last remaining ideas we have to... to remind us of...

Of... Life?

That light you have outside...

What? The one over the front door of the church.

It was on when I happened to walk by last week.

That's why I'm here.

What about a photo? What?

For the funeral.

Sort of a template for what it is you kind of want to look like.

Now, that's not a bad idea. Yeah.

You don't think that's too stagey?

Well, the catholic church has never shied away from a little pageantry.


I've seen the crucifix.

That's not really what I was referring... too soon?

That was kind of too soon.

You gotta wait till at least 3,000 years.

But, I mean, come on. They put makeup on Jesus.

No, they don't. Yeah, they do.

When do they put makeup on Jesus?

Have you looked at any of the crucifixes where he's got kind, like, blush on and some eyeliner?

It's hot in the sun. Um, no.

They're making him look pretty.

He looks like a woman in some of those.

Which is not all that weird because, you know, maybe... who knows?

"Hey-Soos" would be glad that you figured it out.

That's how you say his name in Spanish...

"He... he answereth and saith unto them, "'let him that hath two coats impart to him that hath none.

And let him that hath meat...'" baby, do the same.

Luke 3:11.

How do you like me now?

Father. Father.

No run today?

I guess I slept in.

Is everything okay? Y-yeah, yeah.

No, yeah. Just tired.


Surely you have a verse in there about the evils of hitting the snooze button.

Mm-hm. Are the late Fridays a bit too much?

No, not at all. I'll talk to the bishop.

No, I-i... you were right.

It's been... it's been really...

It's good. It's very good. For me.

Daniel... You know, we get to reach out to different, uh...

So yeah.



My problem is that he'll tell his mother every little detail about our life but with me, it's just I think that he has a problem with communication.

And that is what he really needs to work on.

And he knows that already because I tell him all the time, but he just goes about his day like he doesn't even hear me, which, you can imagine, doesn't feel good when I'm trying to express my feelings, which I believe is at the core of the problem with the marriage, not to say that we don't have a good marriage, because we do.

It's just I thought that if we talked to someone within the church, it might better open up the lines of communication between...

Father! Yes.

Yes what?

Yes, what he said. Yes.

Yes, I apologized.

I listened to her for another hour...

Without interruption...

And of course I assured her that it would never happen again.

This is not like you.

I know.

We've discussed the importance of detail.

It's the reason why I do even this, instead of letting some sacristan housewife...

God bless them...

Improperly dress my alter.

I'm sorry, father.

Do you feel his presence, Daniel?

Yes, of course. Always.

It's okay to say no.

Yeah, I know.

Wait a minute. How is it okay?

This isn't magic. We are not special.

Nor do we have some privileged access to god.

We are men who chose to serve.

Whether or not we see or hear or feel him at any given time is not the point.

Our job is to be ever present for him.

The day to day, the minute to minute.

This moment.


The details?


Do you?

Do I what?

See god?



A-2. Miss.


I don't cheat at battleship, and if I was going to start, it wouldn't be in this building.

Oh, and, um...

C-6, by the way.

You sunk my battleship.

Oh, three losses in a row.


I wasn't really counting.

Not to be, you know, but I'm...

I'm totally dominating this confession.


You haven't really...

I mean, I don't feel like I'm really doing my job here.

I know I'm not, actually.

Do you want me to confess something?


I mean, not unless you want to.

I don't want you to feel like it's required.

There is something.


You can say anything.

I know, but...

I'm just afraid that if I tell you, I don't know, things might change.

What things? Just... things...

Between us.


Promise you won't hate me?

I promise.

Thing is...

I've been trying to find a way to say this all night.

I just... oh, I don't know.



I totally cheated.


The first game was actually close, and I just... I lied a bit.

Didn't even place my ships in the next two.

You hate me?

Why would I hate you?

Just seems like I'm always sitting on my... you know...

Sinner half and...

You have to listen to all of my...

What about you?


You ever get a chance to sit on this side?

You know, get stuff off your chest?

Priests go to confession, too.

But you only confess to other priests, right?

That's sort of how it works.

Well, what if you wanted to confess to someone else?

I don't know what you mean.

To me, for example.

I... don't think that's a very good idea.

It doesn't have to be juicy or anything.

Just something real.

To a normal, non-priesty person.

Might be good for you. I don't think that...

Awesome. Switch me.

Jane? Jane? Jane.

What is this? It's a gift. Me to you.

I don't understand.

You go in there, you know, on the sinner side, and just for a few minutes you get to be a normal person, not somebody who's gotta do everything right.

Not somebody who's supposed to have any sort of profound existential insights, and certainly not someone who's gotta listen to me ramble on about my...

Dying stuff.

Just be you...


With all your Daniel junk.

Come on.

Let's go.


Was kind of hoping that you guys would have the upgraded side.

Maybe a tempur-pedic chair...


Would it kill you to get some reading material in here?

This was a mistake. No, it isn't.



You don't look relaxed. Relax. Breathe.

Good job.



You're gonna make me explain this process to you? No, I just... I don't...

Now, Daniel. Hmm.

My child. Mm-hmm.

My lamb.

My lambchop child.

Unburden yourself.

Get absolved.


Whatever you want to say.

I don't see.

You don't see?


You don't see what?


God... what?

I don't see god.

I don't think I ever have.

My, uh...

My dad died...

Last year, and, uh...

He always liked the idea of having a priest as a son.

I mean, I liked the idea, too. Don't get me wrong.

It wasn't like he forced me into it or anything.

It was just...

Just made sense.

You know?

Some kids want to grow up and...

Pitch game seven at Yankee stadium...

Give an Oscar speech...

Fight fires or terrorists or...


I wanted to wear the fancy robes on Sundays...

Give homilies to captive audiences every week.

Help people.

He never missed a single mass.

Even when he got sick.

He used to tell people that...

He wasn't afraid of death because...

My Danny's got it in with the big guy.

Truth is he was never worried though.

He saw him every day.

But you don't.


So why do you do this?

Because if god ever does show up, I...

I don't want to miss it.

I was sort of hoping for impure thoughts about the organ lady.



This'll do.

So what now?

Uh, well... I guess you could give me a penance.

Really? Yeah.



Five hail Marys, three our fathers...


Twenty pushups.

And you have to come to my show next weekend.


I'm huge in this town.

I'm surprised you're not already familiar with my music, but I guess this'll give you a chance to get hip to what the kids are into these days.

Um, I don't... Oh, you're totally coming.

I'll save you a seat up front.

I can comp you, but you gotta buy some coffee or something, or the owner's gonna get pissy. Okay? I really don't think this...

Great. I'll give you the details at our next confession slash date.

Jane. Jane. Jane!

Yes, you can buy merch from me directly after the show.

Jane, I... Autographs are fine, but, please, no photos.

Miss your run again?

Want a muffin?

They're minis, so... You can have, like, Thirty of them, and they're still not that bad for you.

Why do you do this?

I'm addicted to refined sugar.

It just tastes so darn good on everything, and if that's a sin, I just figure I'll work it out on the other side, but Adam had his apple, and I...

Truth be told, I'm just looking for one guilt-free sleeve of oreos, and I don't think that's too much to ask.

That's not what I meant. I know.

So what...

What's going on with you?

I don't know.

But you're hoping I can offer you some sort of divine nugget of wisdom that'll make all the pieces add up together for you?

What's the story?

Having a crisis of faith or...

Something else?

I have faith.

Yippee! Good for you, father Jamieson.

I just...

I mean, I'm...

I'm just trying to figure it out, and you...

Forget it.

Did you do the last rights?


When your dad died.

Were you the one who gave him his last rights?


And how did that feel?

He told me it was worth it...


In order for me to be the one to anoint him.

What about you, though?

How did you feel?

Gracious? Did you feel...


Just sad.

Go ahead and have a seat, will ya?

Go ahead and take the whole box.

Yeah, they're gluten free.


Mostly locally sourced.

Not quite farm to table, but... pretty good.

So I've got the second Sunday mass, a baptism on Saturday afternoon, and the Monday-morning confession.

Wednesday choir practice and the Saturday-evening mass.

Oh, and this is pretty fun:

The kids from Sunday school have asked me to...

To come in and teach a lesson.



It's strange.

It turns out that they find some people a little more relatable than others.

Well, they're only eight years old, so...

And I will be spending quite a bit of time over at Ronnie's.

Why not the hospital?

No, that stubborn son of a bitch, he just refuses to...

Let go.

They have moved him home. He is strictly hospice now.

He's really still alive?

Well, I'll tell you what, father.

I will let him know that his selfish need to cling to life is disrupting his schedule. How's that sound?

Hmm. How's your week looking?

It's pretty much the same as the last, except for a few adjustments.

Uh, n-not so fast.

You'll be happy to know that I talked to the bishop, and he agreed to drop the Friday night confessions.

I... it... I just think that maybe we should...

Well, the church is going back to normal hours.

Building will close at night.

End of story.



No, mom, they don't call mourning "morning" because it's supposed to happen every day.

Who told you that?

I know.

I know.

But I don't let it take over.

He wouldn't have wanted us to...

Everything happens for a reason.

I love you too, mom.

God bless.

Problem was I couldn't sing Harmony, and the other problem was I couldn't sing melody.

So... This is me.

Oh... nice.

Place. Weird, right?


I actually live somewhere.

Now I'm real, too.

Thanks for walking me home.

I always wanted a priest as a bodyguard.

You don't really strike me as the type of person that needs protection.

We all need it, Daniel.

The world kinda sucks.

You don't believe that.

No, you don't, which is why I like you, but you're also, you know...


Again, confirming my world view.

What's that supposed to mean? Oh, nothing.

Nothing here. Just a lovely friendship.

What's wrong with that?


You're a priest. I'm dying.

I get it, but in different circumstances, we're totally dating right now. No. No, I...

No. Wow, father, you really know how to make a girl feel special.

No, I mean...

This isn't...

I-I... we're...

I... I wouldn't say that...

That... I mean, we're not.

I-I'm not. You know?

No, I don't, but I'd be happy to give feedback if you feel compelled to articulate an entire thought.

I am committed to god.

That means that any...

Emotional connection, that is...

Other than friendship, which... which is what I think that we have...


You know? A really strong...

But anything more than that is obviously not allowed.

I mean, it goes against everything...

Uh... everything...

That I am, so...

How do you expect to get laid if you keep saying that kind of stuff?

That was a joke. Relax.

Well, you're probably going to hell because of it, so I really hope it was worth it.

I really can't tell jokes, can I?

Come on!

No, man, sorry.

But you did really sell the whole humorless, stodgy priest thing there. Yeah.

We work on it in seminary, for years.

Yeah, that and thurible swinging.

Thurible swinging? Yeah.

Sounds dirty.

Uh, well...

Sorry. It's late.

You're cute.

I'm human.

Can I... ask you a question?


The whole dying thing.

No. What?

Let's not. Come on.

You've got off-limits, you know, stuff. So do I.

Well, we both know that you're not... Daniel.

I mean, you don't even look sick.

Like at all.

It's late. I should go inside.


Thanks for walking me home.

I didn't mean to...

It's just...

I don't know why we have to keep up with the, you know, charade.


No, that's not what I...

I-I just mean...

You don't...

I mean, you look... How?


How do I look?

Well, no, I just...

I don't look frail...


I seem a bit too healthy?

Well, I guess that's a testament to my formidable spirit.

Good night, friend.

There's a decent case for blasphemy here...

You see? Keep missing your morning jogs, breaking your routine, that's your future.



Daniel, say it.

He's happy. What?

I know that you take some issue with father Ollie's eccentricities, but...

He treats this like a joke.

But look at him.

That's what I'm talking about.

Good, good, good, good, good.

Lost your snare at the bridge, keyshawn...

He's wearing basketball shoes.

Under his habit.

You know what I mean.

I'm not so sure... actually.

Never mind.


Were you lip syncing?

No. Doug.

No. Doug.

And I broke Doug.

That's on me.

That's my bad.

Daniel... I should probably go get some work done.

Doug, come. Sit.

Come here. Come here. Come here.

C'mere, c'mere, c'mere...

Doug, sing these...

Bring your air down lower.

And you're back. I'm so proud of you.

That's the way to... What's going on here?

What is it?

I met someone.

You met someone?


What does that mean?

A person. I met a person.

There was a person, and I met her.




I see.

No big deal.

And that's what happens when you apply a little bit of enthusiasm...


Now you're embarrassing yourself in a place of worship.

Take a knee.

You will not be in this rehearsal until I tell you.

So it wasn't just someone you met.

You... you met her.

A... female someone.

I didn't do anything, father.

No one says you did.

Because I didn't. Okay.

So it doesn't matter if it was a female someone or a her if I didn't do anything, which I didn't, so it doesn't... matter.

Great. Terrific.

Glory be.

I didn't do anything, father.

Well, that's between you and god, now, isn't it?

Let's go one more time. Let's feel it.

Practice makes perfect.


Bingo Thursdays with Edith and Ruth.

And Jane.


Oh! G-51.

When you're blessed, you're blessed. Am I right?





Nope. No I-17.


I-18 would've done it. But no.

This is fun. Let me know when you really wanna talk.



I got you something.

What is it? Open it.

I wasn't expecting you'd...

You've been holding out on me.

I don't know what to say.

I'm pleasantly... surprised.

Is this a joke?

What do you mean? I don't understand.


Don't do this Daniel. Please.

You of all people. I'm not letting you turn out to be a disappointment too.


Please, just... take that.

For your sake.

For my sake?

See you around.



Where are we?

Why are we here?

No, no no, don't. Don't try to answer.

Just maybe give that some thought for a second or two.

Why are we here?

I mean, I can tell you for a fact I'm only here for the free communion wafers.

'Course that's just me. But the rest of you.


And I, I don't mean philosophically.

I mean right now. In this exact moment.

What brought you into this building?


Fear? Obligation?

Perhaps you aren't even into the big radio hits.

And you're more of a deep track, b-side kind of guy.

So, are you looking for a sense of community?

A moment of reflection?

An escape?

You can do a lot worse.

This really is a beautiful building.

Oh my goodness.



If what brought you here doesn't at least have something to do with compassion.

Well then, that's all there really is.


A building.


Oh, what a concept.

I mean, we all like to think that we are...


Help you feel better.

Thoughts and prayers. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

But it's a funny thing though.

Because when you find out where the word compassion comes from, it's real...


It turns out the word actually means

to suffer with.

Not to pity.

Not to feel sorry for, not to send hugs to somebody's Facebook wall.

But to suffer with.

And are you capable of suffering with someone else?


Take on their pain.

And carry it around with you for a while.




Completely lost.


With less than you.

Less money.

Less stuff. Yeah, whatever. But what about less freedom?

Less choice.



Less basic human rights.

Are you truly able to suffer with...



will you?

How much I owe you?

Good run? Good, good, yeah. Very good.

Very focused.


It was great, actually.

It was, it was great. Great.

I would definitely classify that run as great.

If I were to classify it. Which apparently I am. So...

Yep. I would file it under g for great.

How's scripture?


It is.

Always wonderful. Scripture.

I'm just going to go ahead and opt out of this conversation.

How's it going?

'Kay, I'm on my way.

Everything okay?

It's Ronnie. He's on his way out.

Well, perhaps you should allow the family to...

He asked for me.

Oh. You've spent so much time...

He asked for me, Victor.

Of course.

If one of you could cover my 10:00am confession, that'd be Ter...

Can I go with you? No.

What if, uh... We'll finish in the car.

So, dying sucks.

You okay?

Yeah. I didn't really know him, so...

Well, that's not what I asked.

I'm fine.

It's awfully easy to forget, but,

we're pretty damn lucky to be able to do what we do.



What'd you say?

Wanna crush a little Arby's on the way home?

Thank you.

You know, it's fans like you that really make it all worth-while.

You see, that was actually funny because you guys aren't being supportive at all.

Is why it's funny.

What I just said.


I cheered.

Probably couldn't hear me because I was standing outside the door.

What do you want?

I'm sorry. For what?

For the other day and the Bible.

Just say being a dick.

What? I'm sorry for being a dick.

That should cover everything.

I'm sorry for... yes, Daniel, you can take me home.

But please no funny business.

I'm saving myself for the right clergyman.

You want something to drink?

Uh, yeah.

I have...

Water. And... water.


Well, water.

Water would be great.


Make yourself at home.

It's amazing. Isn't it?


No. What?

You said Jane like, Jane.

What does that mean?

That tone. I had a tone?

Um, yeah. That, you know...

Eat your vegetables tone. Jane.

Don't do it.

I, can we just... Don't.

I just wanna ask... We had a good thing.

Why would you wanna mess that...

Do you even know what it is that I'm gonna ask?

Yeah. Really?

Yeah. So?

So, what? Eh-tell me.

Why would I say something out loud that I'm practically begging you not to ask?

Because you realize that I'm asking you a real question.

You miss, uh, I-sing.


And-i-do-really- weird-things-to-my-hair.

To-try-and-make-it-less-attractive-but-it-always- makes-it-more-attractive.

You're afraid to let somebody know who you are.

You think this makes me more attractive? Okay.

You were going to ask me about the whole death thing. Again.

I told you I knew.

Do you get that a lot?


Right before I never see someone again.

I'm not going anywhere.

Yeah well...

You're not the one I'm worried about.

I'm not crazy.

In case you were wondering.

I mean, yeah. But no.

Not really.

It started off as a joke.

But just, saying it, I'm dying.


It gave things a sense of urgency.

And sometimes it doesn't work.

Well, most of the time.

But there are days, if I really let myself buy into it, where I can actually see the beauty of how little time we actually have.

And lately, that only seems to be happening when I'm with you.

What the hell are we?

I don't know.

I think that's okay.

Me too.

But we should make some rules.

Rules? Yeah.

If we're gonna proceed with this whole, star-crossed, platonic, g-rated, tragicomedy of ours, we should be very clear on what we can and can't do.

That's actually not a bad idea. Which makes sense, 'cause I only have good ones. So... what?

Rule number one:

Nothing sexual and... Yep. Agreed.

I wasn't finished. I am sorry.

Nothing sexual in nature.

Although, I mean.

I can't just turn off my natural appeal.

I mean... There's a lot going on here.

And you're just gonna have to learn to view it as a work of art in a museum that you can view and appreciate but you know never...

And you, quite frankly... I'm sorry.

Are gonna have to stop dressing so suggestively.

I know.

Rule number two... Uh-uh my turn.

But I... I get to make some rules.

Okay, but mine was gonna be good.

Rule number two:

We let ourselves be friends.

Without shame.

Could be a bit tight.

But for having three baptisms in a week, I think we found a really nice job.

What about Friday?

Friday? Yeah. Night.

If I have this correct I think we should all be free at that time.

For what? Dinner.

No offense, but we already eat together like 15 times a week.

I also have a reservation for the golden corral, which I'm not gonna miss.

They take reservations?

No. No Daniel, they don't.

What's going on Friday?

I just thought that we could all have dinner.

Together. At the rectory.

Oh yeah, no problem. With a friend of mine.

A friend?

If this friend is as fun as you two, well, count me in.

She is fun. Great.

Fun and great.


She. Yes.

She's a she. Jane is her name. It's a female name.

Which she has because she's a girl. Woman.

Well, to be clear,

I'm definitely available for this dinner now.

I like the bread.

Thanks. Yes, Daniel.

Bread is quite good.

It's brioche.

I didn't realize you baked.

Oh no. I bought it.

Well, it's really good.


For store bought it's really good.

Pasta's good too.

You bought the pasta as well?

Nope. Nope. I made that. Myself.

Old family recipe. Oh.


You being a connoisseur of all things, remotely edible, I'd love to have your expert opinion on the meal.

It's hilarious. I'm sorry?

Very good. It's delicious.

Excellent effort. I'm proud of you.

Thank you. I always felt like I should cook more, you know?

I agree. And the best part of cooking more...

Is more dinner guests.

Umm... thanks.

No. Thank you.

And thank you for introducing us to Jenny.


What did I say?

Not Jane.

Strawberry shortcake for dessert.

So, you know, gotta save room.

And ice cream. Sponge or pound?


Sponge cake or pound cake as the base?

You know, it's called strawberry shortcake, but I never really considered strawberry shortcake unless it has a pound cake or a sponge cake as the base.

Not that biscuit thing that my grandmother used to always try to pass off as dessert.

Well, traditionally speaking, shortcake is really supposed to be more savory, less sweet.

A fun fact.

Especially if you decide you want to do your own baking.

I definitely prefer sponge cake.

Oh. That's your god given right.

And there is um...

Certainly others who feel that it's less, uh, substantive. Empty.


But it tastes better.

Amen sister.

And sure it might be wrapped in cheap cellophane, shelf stable for like, a hundred years.

Sadly placed somewhere between little Debbie's and generic Twinkies rip-offs on the shelf but at the end of the day, if it tastes better than your other options, what can you do?

Have better taste.

Oh man. I forgot.

There is no cake.

There's no sponge cake. There's no pound cake.

There's no shortcake. There's no cake.

Got caught up in the strawberries I guess.

But yeah. Anyway. There is ice cream.

Which everyone seems to enjoy so... Vanilla or chocolate?

Can we just talk about dinner?

The flavor... Just for right now?

Please. Thank you.

That'd be great.

So, Jane. Did I say it right this time?


Hmm. What do you do, Jane?

Like, for a living?


I'm a musician.

Mostly at a coffee shop.

Where I also sometimes work.

Because I'm a musician.

Mostly at a coffee shop. Well would you say that, music is your passion?

Um, well I mean, yeah. It's a passion.

Yeah. She's really good.

Pretty great.

We should go check her out sometime.

What does that mean?

What does what mean?

A passion.

I mean, a person can have more than one passion.

Right? You tell me.

I think I just did.

Daniel. Uh, yeah. I think um...

I think passion, you know, has several different, uh...

Like father Ollie.

He likes, uh, carbohydrates.

Uh, basketball.

Iu basketball, specifically.

Thank you very much. You can forget about the rest of division I.

See? And I really enjoy running, and... so, the...

Passion of Christ or a...

Passion of Christ.

Are interchangeable.

I think it's different than what we're talking about.

Simple question.


Obviously not.

So Daniel.

So your new friend could, understand where you're really coming from.

What is your passion?

Do you have many passions?

Spread out.


As Jane seems to.

What would you say you have a...

Overriding passion in your life...

That you have made a serious...

All-encompassing commitment to.

I mean, you speak of Ollie's quirks as if, uh...

Have you, ever, at your worst, even considered making god second?

Have you ever considered not being such an assface?

Yes or no? Father.

I think this is something we can more appropriately address once our guest has... Yes or no?



So Daniel. We're not quivering over semantics, or are we trying to compare out hobbies with our purpose.





I'm gonna go. Afraid of the answer?

Not half as much as you are.

It was nice to meet you.

Jane you don't have to... Let her go.

Was that supposed to, like, have some sort of deeper meaning?

In our work. Everything has some sort of deeper meaning.


See you around.

God bless, Jessica.

Eat a dick, father.

Is there really no cake?


What do you want me to say?

Can we please talk about this anywhere else?

Talk about what? Please?

Talk about what Daniel?

It's just... she's. Us.


I think she means them.

Is there something you want to say to me?

No. Bullshit.

Nothing happened. Bullshit.

Daniel. Nothing.


This is not a game.

You're not trying this out to see if maybe you're able to make a commitment to god.

This is how you breathe.

Eat. Live. Love. Everything.

This is you.

Father Daniel Jameson.

I don't know what's going on between you two.

And it sounds like you don't either. Nothing.

It was nothing.


You're human.

We all are.

This is...

These things happen.

I'm not asking questions.

I'm not...

Whatever happened. Whatever it was, all that matters is this:

What do you believe what do you want Daniel?

I want to be a man of god.

That's all I ever wanted.

And that's enough Daniel. That's enough.

It'll be okay.

You haven't lost faith, have you?


I never had it.

Until I met her.

Everything will be okay.

It's just, we have to...

It has to be. It has to be.

Because that's what people say.

We say that because

we think that it will be.




Because nobody knows, mom.

Nobody knows.

That's why it's called faith.

I don't. I don't know what you want me to...

It's... it's not magic.

It's not magic.

We're just people. We just...

We try to be you know, we make choices that, uh...

We just try to help people.

I miss him too.

I know.

Yeah. Yeah.



I love you, too.

God is in the details.

I've hear the same about the devil.

I suppose it depends on what details you're focusing on.


We all said things last night that...

No. For everything.

It's been a rough year.

And, uh...

I just thought that I could...

That I could... You know, I just...

I don't know. I don't know.

Oh, bullshit. Daniel.

No. I know exactly what I've been... I've been.

You get... lost.

Just. Everything is about...

You get caught up in yourself, and uh...

And I just... somewhere along the way it just all became about me.


I felt...



And. I just... I tried.

But she...

Made me forget about all that.

You know, she...

Made sense when nothing really did.

But see that's just me thinking about me about what I want, and about...

What makes me feel like I, what makes me...


I... i... I don't mean that... It's not that...

I made a promise a commitment to something that is bigger than myself and, I can't break that to just...

Ease my mind. Or my fears. My... love.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

And I'm back.

God bless.

God bless.

Before you go,

think I could run part of my homily by you?

You want my feedback?


Have you been reading much, John lately?

Yeah. Well, I'm a little bit more of a Ringo man myself. But...

Sorry. Laugh pause.

That actually was pretty funny.

Trust yourself.

No one has ever seen god.

But, if we love each other, god lives in us.

John, 4-12.

I probably read that over.

One hundred times in my life.

I thought I knew what it meant but it turns out I never really understood mush about it at all.

Seeing god.

It's not that I don't see him.

I do.

It's just that I've always assumed that it could be done only one way.

Through prayer.

Through faith.

Through the perfect ritual of mass.

If it worked for me.

Why not everyone else?

If we love each other, god lives in us.

What does that really mean?

Love itself cannot be defined or...

Understood, or...



If god is a mystery, love probably is as well.

Because, at the end of the day, after a lifetime of theological study, my knowledge of love and god amounts to little more than these two truths:


They both exist.

And two:

When it comes to the matters of god or the matters of love,

I can no longer tell the difference.

And for this, I feel blessed.